WEBVTT - Sod God 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:05.480 Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a 0:00:05.480 --> 0:00:09.200 week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.480 treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:19.600 rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.439 hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:27.240 with Ben Maller starts right now. We put the pedal 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:30.360 to the metal. It's time now for another edition of 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:36.800 The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller in the air everywhere, 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:41.560 because four hours a night are not enough. Eight days 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:46.320 a week from the Mallard podcast studio at a secret 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:52.280 location deep in the north Woods, no disengagement. You get 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:55.640 the radio show five nights a week, and on the 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:58.120 weekend you get this. I hope you enjoyed our trip 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:01.880 down memory lane. As my old mentor hacks I would say, 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:06.520 we caught up with the great Danny G. Radio. He 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:10.240 was on the Friday edition of the Fifth Hour with 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:14.120 Ben Mallory and my add passed with Flying Colors, Passed 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.040 with Flying Colors was great to catch up in here 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:20.800 some old radio war stories from Danny G. But on 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:24.479 this edition of the Fifth Hour, a brief look at 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:28.920 the menu we are serving up in Benny's Bistro. We've 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:36.039 got the glass Man, sod God, and Magical Date, and 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:38.160 some other things that will pop up as well on 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:40.480 this the Saturday edition of the Fifth Hour, so we 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:46.760 begin with the glass Man. So the Saturday podcast, it 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:50.280 has been determined, is about the life of Mallard, which 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:53.680 is not that interesting. Might add not that interesting the 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:57.520 life of Mallard, but I have some random things that happened. 0:01:57.560 --> 0:01:59.120 So I don't usually talk about this stuff on the 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:01.400 radio show, and people seem to want to know about it, 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:04.880 so I'll share some stories here. And this past weekend, 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.760 I am still working on the renovation of the new 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:12.120 Mallard mansion I've moved in a couple of months ago, 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:17.720 Mallard Mansion two point oh, the salvage and recovery portion 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:24.520 of the story. So this past weekend was Operation Backyard Now, 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:28.440 cleaning up the mess left by our contractors, and the 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:31.920 contractors did a very good job. They're not done, but 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:34.760 they're done with the big heavy stuff. There's only some 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:39.639 minor cosmetic things that need to work on and so behind. 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:45.359 In their wake, they left a bunch of random crap, 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.040 most of it in the backyard, most of it in 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:53.560 the backyard, And so I've been cleaning up the mess. 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:56.680 Just started cleaning up the mess left by the contractors. 0:02:57.320 --> 0:03:03.000 What a pain in the tookis in the tushi, uh, 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:06.800 cleaning up random things. Now, they had been mixing in 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:11.440 the backyard grout and cement. There was like a grout 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:16.760 cement thing that was going on, and somehow a lot 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:19.600 of it ended up on what was supposed to be 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:24.600 in a normal backyard, the lawn, the grass. All right, 0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:31.440 So the lawn has this layer of this white cement 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:35.520 grout kind of grayish. I don't even know really what 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.680 it is. It's some combination of those two things. So 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:42.760 they were mixing the stuff together in the backyard, just 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:45.080 gonna paint the picture a bird's eye view. So they're 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:47.480 mixing this stuff in the backyard doing the renovation on 0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:51.520 the back of the house, and they, in their haste 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:53.600 to get stuff done, they just poured a lot of 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:57.280 it out on what was the grass, and they ended 0:03:57.360 --> 0:04:01.160 up covering a lot of the lawn with this layer 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:05.760 that hardened over time. And so yeah, I had to 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:10.600 take a shovel, bang, bang and start breaking this crap up, 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:13.960 and so so I went to, as I said, a 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:17.039 salvage and recovery mission, trying to recover the backyard and 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:21.039 salvage what I could of the backyard. But that was 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:24.200 the least of my problems, right, that was the least 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:26.919 of my problems. So there's there was a concrete area. 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:30.760 There is patio area in the backyard at the Mallard mansion. 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:37.640 And in the renovation of the house, the fellas had 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:43.080 tossed the glass window you know, big giant windows on 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:46.560 the side of the house. They had tossed those down 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:50.240 from the very top of the house down on the 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:54.680 floor of the house on the backyard. Uh. They claimed 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:57.720 that the windows were so old. How old were they? 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.520 They were so old at the house that they had 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:03.159 to be popped out. That was the claim that was made. 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:07.200 Well in doing that, what do you think happen? You 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:12.479 knock a window out and glass goes shattering into thousands 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:16.120 of pieces, thousands and thousands of pieces. Now, I just 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:19.159 spend much time back there, didn't realize the amount of glass. 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.880 I had heard stories from the wife that there was 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:25.479 a lot of glass. So my job, in addition to 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:30.920 trying to break up the hardened layer of crowd slash cement. 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:35.800 My other job was to dig around and try to 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:38.800 find all the glass that was also mixed in with this. 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:41.240 So it was a complete pain in the ass. So 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:43.560 I went in. I pulled out the shot back I 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.320 had that, I had the broom, and then I just 0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:48.080 had my eyes and I rolled up my sleeves and 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:49.440 I was like, all right, I'm gonna get dirty. It's 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:53.520 the weekend. I don't have to talk talk talk talk 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.920 talk talk. I can just go about my life and 0:05:56.920 --> 0:05:58.440 do the things that I need to do here and 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:02.040 fix fix backyard. And this is a job that needs 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:04.960 to be done and I need to do it. So 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.640 I I had the shop. Fact as I mentioned, I 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:11.120 had the broom, rolled up my sleeves, got my finger 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:15.279 nails dirty, and as I was cleaning up the glass, 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:18.600 I was becoming the glass man. Some of the pieces 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:25.200 had fused to the concrete, the layer of concrete that 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:29.160 was already there the actual backyard patio area, not the 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:33.400 grass area, which was also covered with the groutcome concrete mix. 0:06:33.680 --> 0:06:36.360 There will be a quiz on this later. So again, 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:40.520 so there's glass everywhere. It's a complete shit show. There's 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:44.320 pieces of glass that had fused the concrete. Because during 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:46.640 the summertime, when it was hot and the glass had 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:48.440 been thrown down, we just left it there. We didn't 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:51.240 worry about it because they were still doing construction. The 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:57.640 heat baked the glass and the glass then stuck to 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:02.279 the concrete. So in an effort to pull the glass off, 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:07.159 I'm down there on my hands and knees and I'm 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:10.400 whistling away and I'm trying to pull the glass off 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:14.000 the concrete, which is now stuck to the concrete. So 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:17.080 my wife walks over. She sees what I'm doing, and 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:19.640 she's thinking in her head, I'm imagining, what a loser 0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:22.480 this guy is. There's a better way to do this. 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.239 Why is he down there on his hands and knees 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:27.040 trying to pull the glass up. So I point out 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:29.600 to my wife. I said, listen, I don't know how 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.280 long this stuff has been down here, but this stuff 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.600 has been baked. And it's not the kind of bake 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:38.680 where you got to Mary Jane. It's baked and it's 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.720 stuck to the concrete. We gotta get it off sharp 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:46.360 shards of glass. So she says, she sees me doing this, 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:48.480 and she says you gotta be careful, don't get cut. 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:50.640 You're gonna cut yourself the way you're doing it in 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:54.560 hand to God. Within less than thirty seconds, probably less 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:57.920 than ten seconds, I go down to pull up another 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:02.360 shot of glass that is stuck like it's vel crowd 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:06.440 to the concrete. And sure enough I slice my right 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:11.000 index finger. And when I say slice, it is a 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:15.880 clear slice. We've got blood squirting out of the finger 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:21.920 like a prop at Halloween. Good times, good times. And 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:25.360 so I I skidaddle into the house. I run to 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:30.200 the bathroom, warm water, scrub a dub dub. I cover 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:34.559 my finger with a piece of cloth and then squeeze, 0:08:34.760 --> 0:08:37.319 put pressure on the finger. See, I learned first date 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:39.360 when I was a cub scout and a boy scout. 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:42.000 I learned basic first date. So I've got I'm not 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:46.160 sliced up my index finger, luckily. If there is a 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:51.280 good part to this story. As the glass man, I 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.040 cut it on a piece of glass that'd been down 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:54.800 there for a while. I had my tetness shots and all. 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:57.480 I don't think you can get tetnics from glass. But 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:00.760 it was a solid slice that allowed need to avoid 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:04.200 It didn't hit any major major stuff. I didn't chop 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:06.160 my finger off or anything like that. It was not 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:08.160 big enough where I needed stitches. It was like in 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:11.079 that gray area where you know, you go either way. 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.920 Maybe a few stitches, maybe not. And so I hope 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:16.760 it's like Spider Man. I hope it's like Spider Man. 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:18.720 You know, Spider Man bitten by a spider and had 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:22.040 these amazing powers. So what would glass Man have. What 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:25.000 kind of power would glass Man have? Would there be 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:29.880 some kind of magical superpower, some mystical power. I'm not 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.440 sure about that, but I did feel like a blithering 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.560 idiot when my wife says, hey, watch out for that. 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:37.839 It reminded me of one of my favorite stories. He's 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.040 even watch out for that. Don't cut yourself and then boom, 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:42.800 I cut myself. One of my favorite stories of all 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:44.360 time though. And I don't know if I've told this 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:46.280 before in the podcast or not, but when I was 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:50.480 early on in my career as a radio reporter, so 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:53.000 long ago, there was a team called the Montreal Expos 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:56.600 and they were in l A playing the Dodgers. The 0:09:56.640 --> 0:10:01.079 Dodgers had this star pitcher from Japan named today O Nomo, 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:04.679 who was a big deal they called it normal Mania, 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:09.400 big rock Star and huge crowds when this guy pitched. 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.160 So I'm in the press box, I'm covering the game, 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:15.439 and the game had so much media attention it was 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:19.520 like a Saturday night game that they had to move 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:23.400 some of the broadcast crews into the main press box 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:26.840 where normally you have radio row in the back. You've 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:29.240 got some TV guys on one side, and a lot 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:33.080 of writers, a lot of scribes. And so this night, 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:36.680 as I remember it, the Dodgers are playing. The Expo 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:42.440 said Normo's pitching. It's on network television local TV. And 0:10:42.679 --> 0:10:45.439 the old Montreal Expos had a French broadcast, they had 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:49.439 the English broadcast, the Dodgers had Spanish, they had English, 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:52.160 the whole thing. So there's a lot of interest in this. 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:55.440 There was an Asian you know, feedback to Japan with 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:58.720 the broadcast, so it was a big deal. But network 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:04.240 radio calling the game. Network radio calling the game, and 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:11.000 so they moved the network radio broadcasters into the main 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:14.360 press part because there was no other room. And I 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:16.080 remember who was doing the game because it was one 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:20.880 of the funniest things that that happened. Jerry Coleman may 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:25.040 he rest in Peace, the old voice of the San 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:30.040 Diego Padres and a former Yankee Jerry Coleman, Oh doctor, 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.520 and I'm back in back in those days. So he's 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:36.200 doing the game Gary Cohen, who is a New York 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:40.000 Mets broadcaster played by play Guy on TV. He's there 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:43.520 also doing the network broadcast and uh and very popular 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:45.760 New York. He's a native New Yorker. They love him 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:47.679 there and he's very good at his job. But this 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:49.880 is he's doing network radio. It's a Saturday night as 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:54.360 years ago, and it's a cool night. It's kind of 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:59.120 a cool night and Jerry, in between innings, Jerry Coleman 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:04.640 goes over to get a cup of coffee and he's 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.120 walking back through the press box to go down. They 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:10.240 were in the front row the Network radio broadcast. So 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:14.320 Jerry's walking back with a cup of coffee. He's got 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:18.240 a couple of papers like game notes that that he 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:22.880 had and he's now doing a balancing act. He's now 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:24.680 like he's in the in the circus. He's doing a 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:27.040 balancing act. So instead of just holding the cup of 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:31.199 coffee in one hand, the papers and the other my man, Jerry, 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:33.160 he says, you know, I'm gonna what I'm gonna do here, 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.160 I'm gonna hold the pieces of paper and I'm gonna 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:38.080 put the coffee on top like it's a dish, but 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:42.520 it's just pieces of paper. And so as Jerry turns 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:46.079 the corner to make it down to the broadcast position 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.720 in the press box, the main press box, Steve Cohen 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:52.160 sitting uh, Gary Cohen rather Gary Cohen is sitting down there, 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:57.600 and Paul Bear, who also passed away, the longtime radio engineer. 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:04.160 Paul Bear says, watch, Jerry's gonna spill the coffee, and 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:11.160 within seconds, much like my incident in the backyard, Jerry 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:14.320 that he only has one step to walk down, He 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:20.280 stumbles and the papers go flying one direction. But more importantly, 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:25.679 the boiling hot McDonald's style coffee goes all over the 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:29.280 back of Gary Cohen, who's the other play by play guy. 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:31.280 Now keep away. They're in a commercial break. They're about 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:34.719 to come back to do the game. Gary is in agony. 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:38.560 He's screaming, he's oh my god, this is horrible paint. 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:42.480 He's at boiling coffee. He did not expect a surprise shot. 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:49.280 He's ambushed by the coffee. This is horrible and it 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:51.800 was just me and I remember I was laughing. I 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:53.920 was trying not to laugh. We were all trying not 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:56.120 to laugh. All the radio row was trying not to 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:59.000 laugh because it was the funniest thing, just the way 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:01.400 that Paul the engineer it said watch out, Jerry's gonna 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:04.760 spill the coffee. And then it got even more crazy. Alright, 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:08.280 so they come back from commercial and they just pretend 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.880 like nothing happened. It was. It was a CBS radio 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:14.360 sports broadcast that they called it. So he Jerry comes back, 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:16.640 they do the play, but he's doing the play by play, 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:21.000 Gary is withering in agony from just being burned from 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:26.720 the coffee. And so then some paramedics show up because 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:28.520 the guy's got burns, and they're like, we're gonna check 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:32.040 him out. Well. Gary Cohen, the Met's broadcaster, then takes 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:34.520 off his shirt because they had to examine the burns. 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:38.680 So he's sitting in the press box. His back looked 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:43.520 like the map of Africa with all the different outlines 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:45.880 of the countries and all that all bubbling up. His 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:50.480 skin was bubbling up bright red, just horrible. And he 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:55.320 put the headset back on and Jerry Coleman starts talking 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:59.560 to him. It was. It was craziness as I remember it, 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.360 and so I just I can only imagine if you 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:05.920 were sitting in the crowd that night and you're like, 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:08.120 you're just doing your own thing, and you know, la 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:10.480 la la la la la la la la la la 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:13.720 la la, and you get coffee port on you, and 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:15.840 then you're in the crowd and you look up to 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:19.640 the press box and you see a broadcaster calling a 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:21.600 game on radio, and then right next to him another 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:26.200 broadcaster who's got a headset on but no shirt, and uh, 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:30.800 it was it was quite quite the tail that's randomly 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:32.880 popped in my all. Right. Now, as far as the 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:37.720 sod god in the story, I just related to you 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.720 a few minutes ago in a sorry about the glass, 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:45.120 and I mentioned that the backyard covered in a layer 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:49.280 of grout, a layer of concrete. So my plan for 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:54.640 the new Mallard mansion is to make it an outdoor oasis, 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:59.320 a casablanca. In order to do that, there's a lot 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:00.680 of work that needs to be done. Now, you have 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:04.520 helped me, maybe not you, but the fellow listeners have 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:07.400 helped me with home remedies. Some I have to buy 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.400 for the mosquitoes to get rid of the mosquitoes. Now, 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:12.200 a lot of the mosquitos have already left because the 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:15.640 weather got cooler in the north Woods, and I'm sure 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:17.400 they'll be back as soon as it heats up again. 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:22.440 Regardless of that. Uh, since I am focused on making 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:28.640 this my little garden of Eden, I've decided the back 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:32.400 in front of the Mallard mansion looked like shantytown right now. 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.000 It does not look good. So I have decided on 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:39.400 the fifty fifty split. Now what is the fifty fifty 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:41.840 split on this? I'll tell you what the split is. 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:46.080 I'm glad you asked. So the front is going to 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:53.600 have professional side put down, very expensive side, and gardener 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:57.160 will be brought in with his team and will put 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.320 the side down, and then we will stay off the 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.240 side for several weeks, will water the side religiously, and 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:07.000 then we will be good to go. But the back 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:10.560 of the north Woods Mallard Mansion will be a d 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:17.400 i y situation. Do it yourself. And in preparation for this, 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:23.439 I have been watching several YouTube videos on how to 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:30.199 become the sod god, the god of sad, and so 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:34.439 I've determined through my copious amounts of research, I have 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:38.800 determined that it is a ten step process or process. 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.640 So some of you, and maybe it's you are very 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:45.240 handy and you're useful and you're not useless like I am. 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.720 Where I do is talk and you do this kind 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:49.160 of stuff all the time. But this is a new 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:51.960 area for me. At the old Malor mansion, we didn't 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:54.719 have to worry about this. It was all set up 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:56.320 nice and pretty and we didn't have any worry it. 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:59.159 So the ten steps are and you can email me 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:03.000 at Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com, Real fifth 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.800 Hour at gmail dot com or Ben Maller Show at 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:08.480 gmail dot com and tell me if I'm right on this. 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:11.400 So this is I just jotted down some notes here, 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:15.439 just a few notes in my chicken scratch from the 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:18.040 different YouTube videos that I've watched on how to become 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:21.920 the sod God. So, according to the videos, step number 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:25.480 one they say you're supposed to start in the fall. 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:28.679 Now I don't know about that. I thought you're supposed 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:31.000 starting to spring, but several the videos said starting to fall. 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:32.560 But I live in a place where they don't really 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:34.399 have fall, so I don't think that makes much sense. 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.040 The first thing you have to do is kill the weeds. 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:41.680 Kill the weeds. Now, I'm not sure how this works 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:44.480 because the lawn right now is covered in that grout 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.040 concrete mix. I picked a lot of it up. There's 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:50.639 still a lot there. There are a few weeds, so 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:52.040 I guess I gotta take care of that, but I 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:54.879 have to get the concrete out also, So that's step 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:57.240 number two. Kill the weeds and in my case, take 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.840 care of the grout and the concrete. Step number three 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:05.680 aerate the lawn. That's a fancy word for dig holes. 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:10.320 A lot of holes. Okay, So that's that's aerating the lawn. 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:12.679 So I gotta buy something from home deep or whatever 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:15.439 to do that. I think you can just buy a 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:19.720 metal contraption or you can rent it. And I that 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:23.000 that's when I'm leaning towards at this point, so that 0:19:23.040 --> 0:19:25.800 when we step number three, so you've made holes all 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:29.440 over the lawn, you've taken the weeds away. The next 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:32.560 step is to buy grass seed. Now that's important. You 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:35.040 gotta buy a fifty fifty I'm told you gotta buy 0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:39.439 grass seed that is good in the sun and good 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.080 and obviously the shade. So you've got to get that 0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:45.840 you then drop the grass seed into all the holes 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:48.560 that you've made on the lawn, very aerating the lawn. 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:51.920 If I'm boring you, just fast forward through the podcast. 0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:54.359 So that's step number four. Step number five, you gotta 0:19:54.359 --> 0:20:00.280 apply starter fertilizer, not savvy veteran fertilizer, a new Ubi 0:20:00.600 --> 0:20:06.080 newby newby, Neuby fertilizer. Check. Then you have to water 0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:09.080 two or three times a day. Check check check. Stay 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:11.520 off the lawn. Kind of obvious that step number seven 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:13.879 you have to mow. I have to wait a month 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:17.320 to mow, give it the Uncle Moe treatment, and then 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:21.119 after two months you can mow every week if you 0:20:21.200 --> 0:20:24.840 so desire, and they tell you the exact member measurement, 0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:27.520 according to YouTube is two and a half to three 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:30.760 and a half inches high. And then after every six 0:20:30.880 --> 0:20:34.000 weeks you're supposed to put more fertilizer down. Now, the 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:38.200 odds that I follow all ten of these steps slim 0:20:38.240 --> 0:20:42.760 to none, and Slim has left the building. I'm pretty 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:47.080 sure I will do the first five, actually the first six, 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:52.239 and for seven, for seven, and maybe even number eight, 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:56.159 number nine and number ten. I'm not sure that I 0:20:56.200 --> 0:20:58.400 will still do that, but my goal is to become 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:00.480 the side gun, and I will take photo graphs and 0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:01.960 I will put some of this stuff. I'm not gonna 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:03.480 put a living on because I don't want you to 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:07.160 know where I live, but I'll take some strategic photos 0:21:07.160 --> 0:21:12.520 and I will show you the before and after, before 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:17.200 and after of the backyard of the Mallard match. So 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:19.920 as soon as I get this thing going, I will 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:22.680 make sure to do it and I will let you know. 0:21:22.720 --> 0:21:27.720 All right. Moving on from that, we have the magical date. Now, 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:30.080 what is the magical date? Is it? My birthday? Is 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:34.520 the wedding date? Is it? What is it? No? Uh, 0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:38.240 the magical date? Now, everyone has important dates in their lives, 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:45.119 certain events. Human beings are fascinated by patterns, patternicity and 0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:49.720 also dates, right, random dates, They're important life events. For me, 0:21:50.119 --> 0:21:52.639 I had one of those magical dates passed by on 0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:58.560 the calendar. Uh. This is back on Wednesday, so hump day. 0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:01.639 And it was November third, big day for me. And 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:05.080 why is November three a big day? That is always 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:08.000 for the rest of my life as long as I'm around, 0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:11.040 going to be a special day because that was my 0:22:11.119 --> 0:22:13.840 dear old mother's birthday. May she rest in peace. She 0:22:13.880 --> 0:22:18.439 would have turned seventy five years old my mom, and 0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:20.840 I wonder what she would have been like if she 0:22:20.920 --> 0:22:24.480 had made it and been seventy five and with all 0:22:24.520 --> 0:22:28.200 the stuff that's happened in the world, and just chatting 0:22:28.200 --> 0:22:31.440 with mom and wondering what that's like and so would 0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:33.520 have had a big birthday party, I'm sure, and it 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:37.119 would have been great and just cake and balloons and 0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:40.480 birthday cards and presents and all that. Unfortunately, my mom 0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:44.320 passed away a number of years ago, but I always 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:47.280 make sure to honor my mom on her birthday. That's 0:22:47.280 --> 0:22:50.280 an important day, and so you know, even though she's 0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:53.680 been gone for a while, it's important. And there's also 0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:57.600 an odd bit of serendipity in my life that November 0:22:57.720 --> 0:23:00.919 three not only a big day because my Mom's birth day, 0:23:00.960 --> 0:23:06.119 but also the anniversary of the big operation. What is 0:23:06.160 --> 0:23:10.159 the big operation? That would be my big operation? A 0:23:10.240 --> 0:23:14.280 couple of years back, twenty nineteen before the world shut 0:23:14.280 --> 0:23:20.679 down with COVID, I had a gall stone attack and 0:23:20.840 --> 0:23:25.080 I got taken to the hospital gall bladder surgery. I 0:23:25.119 --> 0:23:29.960 spent a week in the hospital and I still feel 0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:32.800 the after effects of that. Not having a gall bladder, 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:38.520 but my operation was on November three, was an NFL Sunday. 0:23:39.240 --> 0:23:43.359 I remember going under as it was this it was 0:23:43.560 --> 0:23:46.600 late afternoon and it was an NFL Sunday, and I 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:48.800 missed the entire day in the NFL. I remember being 0:23:48.800 --> 0:23:52.960 bummed out about that. I then woke up groggy, and 0:23:53.000 --> 0:23:57.200 it was the Patriots were playing the Ravens, Tom Brady's 0:23:57.200 --> 0:24:02.600 Patriots versus the Ravens and Lamar Jackson, and they got charred, roiled, 0:24:03.240 --> 0:24:08.520