1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's the Velvet's 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. 3 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,239 Speaker 2: Doctor Harry Cohen is here and before I give you 4 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:16,279 Speaker 2: guys all his credentials, he and I were just having 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,960 Speaker 2: a wonderful chat that I thought I need to bring 6 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,440 Speaker 2: the listeners in on this because I was just having 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 2: this conversation with a friend recently and it was interesting 8 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 2: because we started talking about all of the constructs that 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 2: we found ourselves in and just how limited our thought 10 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,880 Speaker 2: process was about I can do this, but I don't 11 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 2: can't do that. I'm stuck here. I'm stuck in this 12 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 2: city because of X, Y and Z. And my friend 13 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: literally said to me, but why why do we live 14 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 2: that way? And you were just telling me something very similar, 15 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 2: So can you kind of repeat what you just told 16 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 2: me in an overall sense for the listeners because you're 17 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,880 Speaker 2: down in South Beach, live in a lovely life right now. 18 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 2: You're typically from Michigan, so we know it's called and 19 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 2: you were just telling me and describing how great it is, 20 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 2: So let's talk about that. 21 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 3: Yes, So how great it is wherever you are and 22 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 3: what I was saying to you, and you said, Wow, 23 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 3: you seem to have life figured out. I said, yes, 24 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 3: I do. It took me this long. I'm seventy I 25 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 3: and I I'm actually not seventy until March eighteenth, but 26 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 3: I'm spending but I'm spending the month here, you know, 27 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 3: with friends and family coming to visit, because I know 28 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 3: how nutritious and delicious environment is. And I was saying 29 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 3: to you, curate your life, create your life to fill 30 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:41,119 Speaker 3: it with nutritious and delicious nutrients like sunlight, like friendship, 31 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 3: like purpose, like exercise, like eating good food, like environments 32 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 3: that are healthy and good for you, like warm, beautiful settings. 33 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 3: And if you think you can't do it, it's your mindset. 34 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 3: Well there's nothing on this menu to eat. Yes there is. 35 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 3: You just have to look harder to find the really healthy, 36 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 3: really good for you stuff when it's not as a parent, 37 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 3: and so structure your life and mostly structure your minds, 38 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 3: like wait, what is getting in the way of living 39 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 3: a perfectly wonderful life. Whatever that is, well, then figure 40 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 3: it out. I was down on the beach just now 41 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 3: with a woman who she's in her forties. She's got 42 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 3: a nine year old and a five year old, and 43 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 3: her boyfriend was somewhere else. So she was doing kid 44 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,119 Speaker 3: duty the whole time, and she said, you know, sometimes 45 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 3: I feel like I should have my head examined, you know, 46 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 3: being a single parent for these two kids Jesus so difficult. 47 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 3: And other times I just count my blessings and I 48 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 3: feel so lucky. I said to her. For the times 49 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 3: that you feel crappy, remember why you have those blessing 50 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 3: counting days, because that's that's what it's about, those two 51 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 3: beautiful kids. They're healthy and good, and she's doing a 52 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 3: great job being a mom to them. You know, NonStop 53 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 3: sells and you know stuff. But this work, this effort 54 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,839 Speaker 3: of ours to live great lives, takes a little bit 55 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 3: of work, not a lot, a bit of work, a 56 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 3: little bit of work. If you're not having a great day, 57 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,080 Speaker 3: well why not. You're in charge of your day? 58 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, right right? Why do our minds immediately go to 59 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 2: the limiting belief? I know your background is in psychology, 60 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 2: So is there something to that that we just pick 61 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 2: up on? The limiting belief? 62 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, it's our minds are wired 63 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 3: to see the glass half empty, okay, and it's designed 64 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 3: from an evolutionary point of view to keep you safe 65 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 3: when you hear When you hear something in the forest, 66 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 3: it immediately construe it is something negative to protect you 67 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 3: a saber tooth tiger. It's nothing. But that's just how 68 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 3: our minds are wired. Therefore, if you know that, you 69 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 3: know you have to do a little extra work to 70 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 3: see glass half full. Oh right, I was noticing my obstacles, 71 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 3: not my goal. Good, that's okay. Now move towards your goal. 72 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 3: In other words, if you have a goal with obstacles 73 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 3: in the way of it, you have to folks, you know, like, 74 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 3: oh damn it, the obstacles. That's okay, So go around them, 75 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 3: go through them, go over them, go under them, go 76 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 3: on a different road. But that's how our minds are wired. 77 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 3: Don't don't beat yourself up, don't think twice. Just know like, 78 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 3: oh right, I gotta work a little extra harden to 79 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:36,280 Speaker 3: see the beauty in this magnificent life of ours. 80 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 2: It's almost like anything else, it seems, where once you 81 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 2: have the awareness and you can recognize it, you just 82 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 2: try to switch the narrative in your brain. Yeah, that 83 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:49,839 Speaker 2: actually sounds as simple it is. 84 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 3: Well, by the way you can switch the narrative, there's 85 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,080 Speaker 3: a lot of different things that you can do, and 86 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 3: you should do them all, but do whatever works for you. 87 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 3: Switch the narrative in your brain. Good, talk to a 88 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 3: different person who can help you good. Get into a 89 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 3: different environment physically. Nature is almost always resetting and healing 90 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 3: for most people. Go take a walk, you know, readjust 91 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 3: your perspective. Pick up Via the Sun and open up 92 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:25,839 Speaker 3: to any page. They're all interchangeably good. Pick up any 93 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 3: book that you love and that you've underlined and highlighted, 94 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 3: and read something that uplifts you. Listen to music that 95 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 3: gets you out of your frame of mind, your negative 96 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 3: frame of mind. Do whatever you gotta do to get 97 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,719 Speaker 3: you in the right frame of mind. And then take 98 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 3: an action. You know, this is really important to do something, 99 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 3: not just think differently. Act, Go say a kind word 100 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 3: to somebody, somebody a sweet text. Now I just rattled 101 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 3: off ten different things. 102 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 2: Well I'm sure one of them spoke to each listener 103 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 2: in a different way. So, like you're saying, pick what 104 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 2: works for you and find find your own methods. As 105 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,479 Speaker 2: I mentioned, you do have a background in psychology and 106 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 2: executive coaching, and you just mentioned your book Be the 107 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 2: Sun Not the Salt, which is rooted in the Is 108 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,919 Speaker 2: it heliotropic, yes, oh, I say. 109 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 3: That baleotropic effect, the heliotropic effect, the ileeotropic effects. Okay, 110 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 3: it is what happens to all living creatures when we're 111 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 3: drawn to positive energy, which is why a plant tilts 112 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 3: towards the sun. And the metaphor is be the sun 113 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 3: like the leaves on the plant, and not salt on 114 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 3: its roots, not salt of the earth. That's another way 115 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 3: of talking about good human beings. But the metaphors. Don't 116 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 3: salt someone's roots. Don't be a negative energy, critical, cynical, nasty, unconscious, disrespectful, 117 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 3: and on and on. Rather do the kind, nice, compassionate, grateful, 118 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 3: sweet thing for yourself and someone else. That's the filter 119 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 3: through which I look at the world. I wrote this 120 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 3: book so that it would be a timeless, timeless tool, 121 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 3: and thank god, it's turned out to be that way. 122 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 3: So I wrote it years ago and it's still in 123 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 3: the sales continue to increase as people discover it, which 124 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 3: is great. It hasn't changed. It's not like, oh, you 125 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 3: need a new message, No I don't. I just need 126 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 3: to practice this one more better, right, every you know, 127 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 3: just this past year, not this, not this not twenty five, 128 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 3: twenty four. I started every single day day of the month. 129 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 3: What day is it, Oh, it's the twelfth today? What chapter? Oh, 130 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 3: chapter twelve? What's that chapter? I wrote the book? I 131 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 3: couldn't tell you. The only reason I know today is 132 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 3: because I read it and I do this morning practice. 133 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 3: Takes me a minute to read the chapter, and I 134 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 3: think about how am I going to apply that for 135 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 3: myself today? To sit. Today's chapter is hold the salt. 136 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 3: That means don't say the narky thing that you think. 137 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 3: And so I think about, well, how can I apply 138 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 3: that today? Well, today I wrote this morning to one 139 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 3: hundred people while I'm on this podcast the velvet edge, 140 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,840 Speaker 3: and I guess we're going to be talking about the 141 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:32,280 Speaker 3: edge part of the velvet edge, because that smells like 142 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 3: salty behavior to me. I don't know what your podcast 143 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,199 Speaker 3: is about, but when you said that everyone has a 144 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 3: velvet side and an edge side. 145 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, well I'm here to tell you that edge can cut, yes, 146 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 4: and we humans need to be extremely mindful to not inadvertently, 147 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:59,439 Speaker 4: unintentionally and unconsciously cut someone else with that edge. 148 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 3: Jut, so we have to practice this. It's not like 149 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:08,200 Speaker 3: I yet practice but I think snarky, sarcastic, nasty things 150 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 3: I just don't need to say right. 151 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,079 Speaker 2: The interesting thing I was going to say about this 152 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 2: book that I love is, first of all, I love 153 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 2: a tangible tool. That's my favorite thing to give listeners. Yes, 154 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 2: and so when I'm doing this podcast and any guest 155 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 2: that I have has a tangible tool that it's my 156 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 2: favorite thing, which this book is. I mean, I got 157 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 2: the book last night. I think your publisher shifted to me, 158 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,079 Speaker 2: and I read it in an hour today. It's an 159 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 2: easy read. It's not anything that's going to take you 160 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 2: months and months and months. But I thought to myself, 161 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 2: I know all these principles, yep. But I love the 162 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 2: idea of reading one with the chapter of the month 163 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 2: or whatever it is, because the putting them into practice 164 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,680 Speaker 2: is what I need. The reminders on. 165 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 3: Kelly me too, and I wrote the book. 166 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 2: Yeah it's Kelly. 167 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 3: It's no different. My hope and wish is that every 168 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,959 Speaker 3: one of your listeners goes and gets it and then 169 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 3: gives it to somebody else, gives it to somebody else. Yeah, 170 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 3: get another one. I've been and I'd love for you 171 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,160 Speaker 3: to share with your listeners, or you can text me 172 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,680 Speaker 3: or call me, and he's like, ooh, I got a 173 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 3: great story to tell you. What great? Because let's spread 174 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 3: this to the world. It has helped me, it has 175 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 3: helped one thousand, thousands of people. That's helped some more 176 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:23,440 Speaker 3: because it's easy, it's accessible. You don't have to do 177 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 3: anything other than oh right, ah right, I could do that. 178 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:35,560 Speaker 3: And I am discovering new stuff. And I wrote the 179 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:40,440 Speaker 3: book and still am discovering new stuff that I can 180 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:46,199 Speaker 3: apply every single frickin' day. And I love that, Kelly. 181 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 3: It doesn't get old. And I can't tell you what 182 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 3: tomorrow's chapter is. I just know that it's thirteen, and 183 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 3: I'll look at it and go, oh nice, yeah, and 184 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 3: then let's see if I can practice it, because no, 185 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 3: I mean there's chapter and they're knowing, isn't doing Just 186 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,440 Speaker 3: because we know this stuff doesn't mean we do it. 187 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 3: I'm married forty five years in August this year, and 188 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 3: I just figured out this sentence to say. Now, I 189 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,320 Speaker 3: haven't been saying it because I'm not home and my 190 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 3: wife's back in Michigan, but I say, every morning, is 191 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 3: there anything you need for me to do for you today? 192 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 2: What a simple sentence that could make such a big 193 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 2: change for. 194 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 3: Everybody for me. I mean, you know, she'll think about 195 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 3: it and say, well, actually, if you could, okay, I 196 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 3: had no problem, or no, I don't think so, but 197 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 3: if I do, you know, great okay, or yeah, you 198 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 3: know what if you could clean up that pilot debris 199 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:49,320 Speaker 3: that's been sitting Yeah, okay, it's just great. And I 200 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 3: say that to say, how come I didn't know that before? Well, whatever, 201 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,080 Speaker 3: I didn't, I'm open to learning more. I can't wait 202 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 3: to learn more new stuff like these are tools that 203 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,559 Speaker 3: I use that we can help the world use that 204 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 3: makes everyone's life just this much better. And I can't 205 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 3: wait for people before I die if I can see it, like, 206 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,199 Speaker 3: holy crap, Kelly, we did it. You helped me do it. 207 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 3: This is part of the zeitgeist of the culture where 208 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 3: people say I'm sorry I was a bit salty, and 209 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 3: then they do the next right thing, right, Okay, you 210 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 3: know there was no excuse for me doing that, and 211 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 3: I apologize for doing it. Awesome, How great would that be? 212 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 2: I totally agree, Kelly. 213 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,760 Speaker 3: Let me just stop and appreciate you and say thank 214 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 3: you for reading the book. And I do these podcasts 215 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 3: because my publicists like you say, books me on them. 216 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 3: And I got to say, sometimes people don't take the 217 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 3: time to read the book, which takes less than an hour, 218 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 3: or even open it up and look at it. And 219 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,320 Speaker 3: I so you for doing that. Thank you. 220 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 2: Of course it actually helped me so much today. And 221 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 2: I wanted to comment on a couple things that you 222 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,959 Speaker 2: just said because and I think we're doing it right 223 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,319 Speaker 2: now as well with what you just said. But all 224 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 2: of the little statements that you mentioned as examples that 225 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 2: you could say to your wife, and you know they 226 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 2: sound so simple, right, but often we just don't do them. 227 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 2: And how connecting are those statements even just the question 228 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 2: asking the question? Like you said, there may not be 229 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 2: anything she needs, but immediately that's a connecting sequence between 230 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 2: you guys. And I'm wondering because I know we've talked 231 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 2: a little bit about I mean, the book is called 232 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 2: Be the Sun Not the Salt. You and I mentioned 233 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,679 Speaker 2: you're down in South Beach, you're enjoying the sun, and 234 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 2: you encouraged me to do all the things that nourish me. 235 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 2: And all of that is about, you know, positive uplifting 236 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 2: behavior that we can incorporate into our lives. Becoming these 237 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 2: positive effective people. What I've learned about our society, though, 238 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 2: is people seem to operate best with a solution that 239 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 2: they think they need to a problem that they have. 240 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:10,080 Speaker 2: So my question for you is, why do we need 241 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 2: to care about being a positive impact kind of person? 242 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 2: Why does our society need that? What are the benefits 243 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 2: that you think things like you wrote about in your 244 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 2: book could bring to our world right now? 245 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 3: So, when human beings are their best selves, when we 246 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 3: are virtuous, kind, compassionate, good listeners, dependable, truthful, and on 247 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 3: and on. When we are like that, when we are 248 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 3: our best selves by being genuinely virtuous, authentic, and vulnerable 249 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 3: and all the rest. I say all the rest presuming 250 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 3: that people know what I mean, but we'll go into them. 251 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 3: If you want everybody benefits. First of all, you benefit. 252 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 3: You can show it in your blood pressure and in 253 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:11,080 Speaker 3: your blood Other people just being around you, being in 254 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 3: your presence, feel the positive energy of your good living. 255 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,520 Speaker 3: Why do I like that guy? Well, the answer is 256 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 3: because he listened to you, He cared about you, he 257 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 3: went out of his way for you. He showed you 258 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 3: that he was willing to do the extra work for 259 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 3: the desired result, all of those are kind of like yeah, 260 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 3: motherhood and apple pie. It's how all mothers and fathers 261 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 3: want to raise their children to be good human beings. 262 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 3: So an answer, well, what's the payoff? What's in it 263 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 3: for us? We feel better and people around us feel better? Period. 264 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 3: Now I can go on and say you're more effective 265 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 3: also as a leader, as a parent, as a friend. 266 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 3: Mainly people like to be around you and feel better 267 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 3: in your presence. Now, what the hell is there is 268 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 3: the downside of that? Right? There isn't any you know, 269 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 3: and so that's like, well, why should people care? Well, 270 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 3: they'll be happier, more fulfilled, and people around them will 271 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 3: want to be around them more. How's that like? If 272 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 3: that isn't enough you know some people, how's that going 273 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 3: to make me more money? Well, if you're in sales, 274 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 3: people are going to want to buy from you. Well 275 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 3: what if you're not in sales? Okay? I mean, you know, 276 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 3: if people want to know, what's the with them? What's 277 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 3: in it for me to practice being more heliotropic? We 278 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 3: can walk you through it, but it should be pretty 279 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 3: obvious in that when you are your best self, you 280 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 3: dig it and everybody around you anybody around you digs it. 281 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,399 Speaker 3: So our job is to be our best self, not 282 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,639 Speaker 3: somebody else more often, more frequently. 283 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so easy and so obvious and so good. 284 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 3: I don't want it to be more complicated. Like, well, 285 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 3: certain people aren't interested, Okay, I'm not just talking to them, 286 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 3: so be it. Whatever they got, I mean, their heads up, 287 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 3: their ass. I don't know, I can't imagine. I think 288 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 3: it's because people are, you know, in the Moslows hierarchy 289 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 3: of needs. They're just trying to survive and get by. 290 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,200 Speaker 3: They're just trying to put food on the table. They're 291 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,400 Speaker 3: just trying to get through the day. They can't think 292 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,199 Speaker 3: of anything else other than getting through the day. And 293 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 3: for those people, it's still good. 294 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:51,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean. 295 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 3: It's still good if they can refrain from snapping, if 296 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 3: when they get triggered they don't say the snarky, nasty thing. 297 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,880 Speaker 2: And yeah, that only patuates the problem, right. 298 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 3: It only makes things worse. Like, so, what's the downside 299 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,440 Speaker 3: of salty behavior? There's a million downsides, and they're all bad, 300 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 3: you know, like, well how bad, okay, from minor bad 301 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 3: to really major bad. You know, calling someone a nasty 302 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:22,439 Speaker 3: name is bad. What do you mean by that? Okay, 303 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 3: I'm not going to explain it to you, but you know, 304 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,160 Speaker 3: like you really need me to explain to you why 305 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,680 Speaker 3: it's bad to call somebody a nasty name. I can 306 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 3: do that, but work with me here. Yeah, it's not good. 307 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,679 Speaker 3: You want to be effective in life, you can't be 308 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 3: doing that. Yeah, And so we can be better human beings, period, 309 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 3: full stop. You just pick where you want to be 310 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 3: better and be better, period. And what I know, I'm 311 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 3: a good human being. Let's say ninety out of one 312 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 3: hundred times I do the right thing. Great, my job 313 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 3: is to go for ninety one out of one hundred. 314 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 3: And you say, well, what for nineties? Pretty damn good? 315 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:08,479 Speaker 3: You're right me personally, I like the joy of working 316 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 3: it getting better. So ninety one is a goal for 317 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 3: someone else. Ninety is plenty good. They're fine being a 318 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,919 Speaker 3: dick ten times out of one hundred, and I'm not 319 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,160 Speaker 3: going to convince the otherwise. 320 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. Well, And like you say in the book, 321 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 2: I mean you've kind of mentioned this chapter as well, 322 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 2: but there's a whole chapter on apology that I thought 323 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 2: was so good because you talk about the different ways 324 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 2: that we just don't really seem to know how to apologize. 325 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 2: So for the ninety percent that you're good, that's great, 326 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,920 Speaker 2: But then there is always going to be the ten 327 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 2: percent or whatever the percentage would be, because we are human, right, Yes, 328 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:51,440 Speaker 2: these things will happen, and there's still a positive thing 329 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 2: you can take from that and go into repair if 330 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 2: you know how to apologize. 331 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:00,240 Speaker 3: Exactly, and the repair can be better than the boogoo 332 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:04,480 Speaker 3: even afterwards, which is for those people who aren't going 333 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,120 Speaker 3: to get the book, you can get it an audible 334 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 3: for four bucks. But the apology is less words. Mean 335 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:17,360 Speaker 3: what you say and express genuine regret and take responsibility. 336 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,919 Speaker 3: I'm done, I'm sorry for being late to the meeting. 337 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 3: There's no excuse. It won't happen again. 338 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 2: I couldn't even really have anything to say back to that. 339 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 3: Other than good, I accept your apology. Right. I had 340 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 3: a zoom earlier today and the guy was five minutes late, 341 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,160 Speaker 3: and I wanted to make a point of saying, hey, 342 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,560 Speaker 3: what happened, because it's not cool to be late to 343 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 3: a meeting for the first time with someone you don't know. 344 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 3: And we talked about it. It's some technical difficulties, I said, dude, 345 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:55,880 Speaker 3: I completely understand. Thank you. Apology accepted. You apologize, I said, 346 00:20:55,880 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 3: apology accepted, I will. It is less than a molecule 347 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,720 Speaker 3: or an atom. In my mind, it doesn't even exist. 348 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 3: But if it did, if you told me, oh, yeah, 349 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,719 Speaker 3: I was rushing. I forgot I had this meeting, I 350 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 3: would have said to you, dude, don't do that again, 351 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,919 Speaker 3: because people aren't going to experience it as okay. My 352 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,680 Speaker 3: tip to you is, don't forget the meeting now. I 353 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 3: also have a pet peeve of being on time, and 354 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,719 Speaker 3: when people are late, it bothers me, and I know 355 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 3: that I have to let that go because I just 356 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:36,639 Speaker 3: cop an irritated attitude in a self justified, righteous bullshit way. 357 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,399 Speaker 3: So I know that it's okay for people to be 358 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,199 Speaker 3: late and me to get over it. Both can be 359 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,920 Speaker 3: simultaneously true. It's not okay to be late. People should 360 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 3: apologize if they are, and if they are late, it's 361 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 3: no big deal, Harry, get over it. 362 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I love that you mentioned why people can 363 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 2: benefit even in the workplace, and I think that's obviously 364 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 2: a lot of your background as well as an executive coach. 365 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,880 Speaker 2: You would go to these big corporations help them learn 366 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,919 Speaker 2: how to communicate with each other and really kind of 367 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 2: incorporate a lot of the principles in the book into 368 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,400 Speaker 2: just their daily lives. Once people would start incorporating these 369 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 2: kind of principles and the jobs that you were doing 370 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 2: with them, would you notice why people would start to 371 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 2: gravitate towards other people? And what's the energy behind that? 372 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 2: What's the purpose? Why does that happen? 373 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 3: So people love being around positive energizers. That's the research 374 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 3: that I discovered, fell upon and said, oh my god, 375 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,600 Speaker 3: So all the stuff that I teach and preach and 376 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 3: believe in and have read about for them. You mean 377 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 3: this is scientifically proven. Yes, it is. So people perform 378 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 3: better like to be around positive energizers in corporate America. 379 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 3: Holy alito. 380 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,960 Speaker 2: Okay, so you can cuss on here. It's fine, My 381 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 2: listeners are used to it. 382 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:56,399 Speaker 3: O good. Holy shit. Then right, that means if people 383 00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,440 Speaker 3: perform better around positive leaders and positive energizers, let's help 384 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 3: more leaders be in positions of power and express all 385 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 3: these positive qualities and lo and behold, people do love 386 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:13,720 Speaker 3: to work with and for and around them. The challenge 387 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:18,119 Speaker 3: is that, because like you said, we are human, the 388 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,200 Speaker 3: greatest leaders in the world are human too, and they 389 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 3: too can lose their cool, lose their temper, lose their shit, 390 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 3: and it's way worse than the average bear because they're 391 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,880 Speaker 3: in the position, Oh my god, the chief cheese, you know, 392 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:37,879 Speaker 3: was really disappointed with me. And you know, those those 393 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 3: salty expressions are more cutting and they last longer and 394 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 3: therefore more damaging and dangerous. So it's even more important 395 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:51,880 Speaker 3: for leaders to be very mindful that they don't salt 396 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,680 Speaker 3: other people's roots when they get triggered, when they get frustrated, 397 00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 3: when they get disappointed, or whatever reasons they didn't have 398 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,679 Speaker 3: a good night's sleep or whatever happened in the morning, 399 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,679 Speaker 3: all those reasons are not okay for them to not 400 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,879 Speaker 3: have a good day. Leaders need to always have a 401 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 3: good day. They can't be quote having a bad day. 402 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,199 Speaker 3: What's up with that. You're responsible for all these people's lives. 403 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 3: You having a bad day is going to make them 404 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,959 Speaker 3: have a bad day. So, in the answer to your question, 405 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:30,919 Speaker 3: everybody wins when people deliberately try their best to be 406 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,959 Speaker 3: their best selves or what we would call be the 407 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 3: sun and not the salt. And there will always be 408 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 3: times for them to lose it and then they can 409 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 3: do the next right thing, say they're human sa, I'm sorry. 410 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,119 Speaker 2: There is so much more pressure on leaders. I've not 411 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 2: thought about it through that lens, but to not be 412 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,399 Speaker 2: able to have a bad day feels almost inhumane, you know, 413 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 2: like it's just you're bad. 414 00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 3: That's get paid for. 415 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 2: But that is what they get paid for. And I 416 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 2: love that you're bringing up the danger in not doing 417 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 2: that as a leader, because the power structure being off 418 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 2: goes back to us talking about like people's threat to security. Right, 419 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 2: So if the leader is coming down on you, it 420 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 2: threatens your security in a way that would be startling. 421 00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 2: So then their behavior threatens your security, probably makes you 422 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 2: go off in all of these different tangents of negativity 423 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:31,000 Speaker 2: and salt, which then spreads that out more because you're threatened, right, 424 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,440 Speaker 2: and we as humans, when we're threatened, seem to act out. 425 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,720 Speaker 3: That's exactly right. And these are things that are unconscious 426 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 3: human nature habits. Right, That no big deal, Ferris Wheel. 427 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,359 Speaker 3: You just go oh, yeah, yeah, I got yeah, I 428 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 3: have a tendency to do that. I gotta knock that off. Good, 429 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,600 Speaker 3: that's it. Don't overthink this. Just make it really simple 430 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 3: for your listeners. Don't overthink it. Smile at a stranger 431 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,880 Speaker 3: deliberately and watch what happens. 432 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 2: Oh that's so true. I totally believe yea. 433 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 3: Literally, the easiest thing to do is is smile and 434 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 3: know that you're going to uplift them with your with 435 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:12,240 Speaker 3: your smile, or hold the door for someone deliberately that's 436 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 3: a little bit further down the street and they go, 437 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,400 Speaker 3: oh my god, you're so kind that thank you so much. 438 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 3: You don't need to do that, I know it's okay. 439 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 3: Just do it deliberately, knowing that you're literally pouring some 440 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 3: on their leaves, and watch what happens. Your life will 441 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,440 Speaker 3: be better and then you can look for more cool things. 442 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,120 Speaker 3: The guy behind you in the Starbucks line, buy him coffee. 443 00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 3: Let the guy merge wave. You know you're listening to 444 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 3: somebody bitch about somebody else, and you instead of saying, yeah, 445 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 3: you know what else I can't stand? Don't say anything 446 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 3: or walk away or say you know what, I it's 447 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 3: true about him, but you know what I do love 448 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:53,919 Speaker 3: about him. Blah blah blah. Just be changing air to 449 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 3: be the force of goodness and love and light. Be that. 450 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 3: Remember remember that you have the power. We have the 451 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 3: power to make people. This is the Maya Angel quote. 452 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,119 Speaker 3: We have the power to make people feel all kinds 453 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 3: of things. So knowing that we have that power. 454 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 2: Make them feel great, Yeah, deliberately like. 455 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:18,880 Speaker 3: It's your job, Like, well, what's my job? My job 456 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 3: is to make people feel great. If you're out to dinner, 457 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,600 Speaker 3: server comes up to you, rather than just start in 458 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 3: just saying how's your day, nobody asks servers that. 459 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,919 Speaker 2: Right, It's more about what can you do for me? 460 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 2: One of the overall messages I believe about when we're 461 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 2: operating from our best place is that is truly probably 462 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:54,399 Speaker 2: our most authentic place. So I want to know why 463 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 2: is that so attractive? Why do you think authenticity is 464 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,040 Speaker 2: such a big attractor? Because I'm seeing it on a 465 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 2: cultural level. We're so oversaturated and the things that seem 466 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,520 Speaker 2: to be shining out differently are the things that are 467 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:07,640 Speaker 2: the most authentic. 468 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 3: Authenticity is an attractor like many other virtuous qualities, and 469 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:19,359 Speaker 3: the questions why are they all attractors? They stimulate different 470 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:23,760 Speaker 3: parts of our being, probably from an evolutionary point of view, 471 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,960 Speaker 3: to say that's good for you. Those berries will kill you, 472 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 3: Those berries are good for you. Okay, So vulnerability is 473 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,600 Speaker 3: an attractor. Compassion is an attractor, Gratitude is an attractor. 474 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 3: Authenticity is an attractor. Love is an attractor. When you 475 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 3: feel genuine love from another human being, It's like, I 476 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 3: don't know why I feel that way. Well, that's why. 477 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 3: I don't know why specifically authenticity is, or specifically why 478 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,920 Speaker 3: vulnerability or compassion or gratitude or generosity. But I know 479 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 3: these virtues are heliotrope. We like people who are this way. 480 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 3: All humans like people who are generous and authentic and 481 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 3: vulnerable and grateful. So huh what is that? It's like, well, 482 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 3: why does a flower, the fragrance of a flower generally 483 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:22,120 Speaker 3: smell delightful to us humans? I don't know, but you 484 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:26,720 Speaker 3: know they do, but it just does. Why does garbage 485 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 3: or putrid, putrid smells, rotting flesh smell, Well, it's from 486 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:37,880 Speaker 3: an evolutionary perspective. Stay away from that, right, probably designed 487 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 3: to keep us alive. Don't go near putrid smell bad idea, 488 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 3: Go to fragrance, Go where the love is, right, go 489 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:54,800 Speaker 3: where the juice is. And I think these qualities are 490 00:29:54,800 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 3: where the love is, where the juices, vulnerability, authenticity, gratitude, compassion, curiosity, 491 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 3: those are all qualities. They're like, ooh, I love that. Yeah, 492 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 3: so does everybody. So cultivate that. What we mean by 493 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 3: cultivate generosity, be generous. Hold the door is generous. Give 494 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 3: someone a blessing or a smile, that's generous. Buy somebody 495 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,040 Speaker 3: a cup of coffee. Well, now you're talking money, Okay, okay, 496 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,440 Speaker 3: don't so don't buy them a coffee, you know, yeah, 497 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 3: how do you? You know? Gratitude is such a lovely quality. 498 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:37,200 Speaker 3: When someone says I really appreciate you, it's both nice, 499 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:41,480 Speaker 3: thank you, but it also is it's nice that you 500 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 3: can appreciate Yeah, I know, and express it. So I 501 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:51,520 Speaker 3: like universal truths and and I want to draft on 502 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 3: the back wheel of universal truths. What is it about enlightened, wonderful, 503 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 3: magnificent people that we are all attract to. Oh I 504 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 3: want to be like that? 505 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 2: Yeah right, good? 506 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 3: Do that good. 507 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,280 Speaker 2: It's just a positive effect again, all over again. 508 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 3: All over again, uplifting goodness and the edge thing again, 509 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,720 Speaker 3: I don't know what your your podcast is genuine. I 510 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 3: mean the velvet edge. I like the velvet. I'd put 511 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 3: the velvet over the edge just because I don't want 512 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,720 Speaker 3: that edge part, which you're correct, about I heard this 513 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 3: great quote. We all everyone has a scar in the 514 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:35,600 Speaker 3: exact shape of someone's words. You know that edge that 515 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 3: you speak of on your podcast. It can be nasty. 516 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 3: I want people to be very mindful of our edges 517 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:49,960 Speaker 3: up plural, so that I don't cut you, I don't 518 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 3: make you bleed, I don't hurt you, even if it's inadvertently. Now, 519 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,680 Speaker 3: the question often comes out, well, how do you hold 520 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 3: people accountable and how do you get your kids to 521 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 3: do X, Y and Z and idio. Well, you can 522 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 3: just you know, loving and demanding and straightforward and respectful 523 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 3: and direct. 524 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 2: I was just going to use that word. I have 525 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:15,840 Speaker 2: actually found that the more direct and honest I am 526 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 2: in a kind way, the more people trust me. It's 527 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,840 Speaker 2: so interesting how it all seems to work together, because 528 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,360 Speaker 2: I think we walk on eggshells so many times, so 529 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 2: afraid to say our truth to people. But it's because 530 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 2: we only put the truth in this category of harshness, 531 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,040 Speaker 2: and there are always ways to deliver it kindly. 532 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 3: Thank you the last sentence underline and hope your listeners 533 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 3: get which is well she said to be direct. She said, 534 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 3: there's ways to deliver a direct message kindly. Well, how 535 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,120 Speaker 3: do you know whether you do that in the person 536 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 3: you're speaking to, they receive it and go all right, Okay, 537 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,440 Speaker 3: I hear you. That's fair, Okay, I got it. Not 538 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,760 Speaker 3: I love we told me. Someone might say thank you 539 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 3: for being that direct, good, You're welcome, and some might 540 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,560 Speaker 3: just say got it. We're in the business of helping 541 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,400 Speaker 3: people be better people, right, and I'm a people. I 542 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,080 Speaker 3: want to be better people. It's not like I've got 543 00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,440 Speaker 3: it together. I'm I'm good. I want to be good. 544 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:16,479 Speaker 3: I want to be gooder. 545 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,240 Speaker 2: Right, It's a constant evolution. Okay, Well, so we're attracting 546 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,680 Speaker 2: all these people because we're so positive and we're using 547 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 2: all these tools. Obviously, you are in relationship at that 548 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 2: point because you've got people around you everywhere, So whether 549 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 2: that's work, romantic friendship, all of that. I know that 550 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,000 Speaker 2: you have three tips for keeping relationships cool, which we 551 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,720 Speaker 2: kind of touched on. It's just some of them now. 552 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 2: But I need to know these tips because I think 553 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 2: my listeners are always wanting to learn how to be 554 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 2: better in relationship, and I just figure you might have 555 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:47,120 Speaker 2: some really good ones. 556 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,360 Speaker 3: Well, first of all, I don't know that I have 557 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 3: three Oh, I mean I. 558 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 2: Mean how many, however many. 559 00:33:55,320 --> 00:34:01,720 Speaker 3: Infinite infinite Okay. The way to think about all your relationships, 560 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 3: depending on who they are, there's so many ways to 561 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 3: pour into them goodness and not not pour into them 562 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 3: badness as salt, obnoxious comments or behaviors that make their 563 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:26,120 Speaker 3: life worse. So anything that we can do that uplifts 564 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:30,640 Speaker 3: and helps the other is fantastic. Do more of it. 565 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 3: So when you notice what you do with your relationships 566 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,720 Speaker 3: that work out well that the other goes, wow, thank you, sweete. 567 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:42,000 Speaker 3: I appreciate that. Kelly, you make a mental note ooh, 568 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,960 Speaker 3: do more of that. I know what to do now, 569 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,200 Speaker 3: and then just make a mental note of anything that 570 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:53,600 Speaker 3: we do that makes the other person feel good or 571 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:57,720 Speaker 3: say thank you. Go ooh. There's another one in the list, 572 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 3: and they're pretty basic. Do what you mean, what you say, 573 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 3: say what you mean, don't say it mean, don't say 574 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:11,400 Speaker 3: anything cutting. Always look to be helpful. When something irritates you, 575 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 3: decide is this worth bringing up and talking about or 576 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,480 Speaker 3: should I let it go? I don't know. You can 577 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,840 Speaker 3: think about it and if it's worth bringing up, do 578 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,839 Speaker 3: what you just did in a kind and direct way, 579 00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 3: Say that doesn't work for me, and so the infinite ways, 580 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:33,240 Speaker 3: and all you're interested in is getting that relationship more better, 581 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,360 Speaker 3: improving it. You know, there's you know the you know 582 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 3: the love languages. Those are just five categories, right, gifts, 583 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:46,120 Speaker 3: words of praise, acts of service, quality time. 584 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 2: And physical touch. 585 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,840 Speaker 3: With physical touch, thank you so well, what kind of 586 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:53,560 Speaker 3: physical you can do? 587 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:53,919 Speaker 1: A million? 588 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:55,799 Speaker 3: Physically? Can I give you a background? Can I give 589 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 3: you a foot? Rub, holding hand? Just just well, the 590 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,880 Speaker 3: those are five different physical touches. What do you what 591 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,719 Speaker 3: kind of acts of service? Let me? Let me? 592 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,960 Speaker 2: Let me do the dishes, right, take the out, make 593 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,120 Speaker 2: the budget whatever. 594 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:16,279 Speaker 3: They're infinite. Well, what kind of gifts they're infinite? Yeah, 595 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,040 Speaker 3: and the words of praise, Oh my god, well, which 596 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:25,400 Speaker 3: ones the ones that will make him or her say, oh, 597 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 3: thank you, that was so sweet? Oh that's really oh 598 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,239 Speaker 3: you you don't need to say that. You don't need 599 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 3: to do that, you know, Yeah, of course you don't 600 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,360 Speaker 3: need to. That's why you're doing it, not because you 601 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,399 Speaker 3: need to. It's like looking at a plant and you go, 602 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,880 Speaker 3: what does that plant need? It needs water, needs sunlight, 603 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 3: it needs fertilizer, It needs a steak so that it 604 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,719 Speaker 3: doesn't fall over. It needs a bigger pot. Now, all 605 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,840 Speaker 3: of those different things are because you look at the 606 00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,839 Speaker 3: plant and you go, what does it need? I think 607 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:59,080 Speaker 3: it's pretty healthy, good water, regularly, give it a little fertilizer, 608 00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 3: make sure you put it in the sun. Temperature okay, 609 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:08,680 Speaker 3: how's the humidity whatever. No different for human beings, and 610 00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 3: the tinier the better. Don't overthink. Just do the tiniest 611 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:18,400 Speaker 3: sweet thing, like tell a loved one how much you 612 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,040 Speaker 3: appreciate them and why. I mean, as long as you're 613 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 3: direct and kind and don't say you know you're a 614 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,200 Speaker 3: lot better than you used to be. 615 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 2: Right, don't use it as a time to be passive 616 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:32,360 Speaker 2: aggressed exactly. 617 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,239 Speaker 3: I mean we say that like it's like everyone should 618 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 3: already know that, but some people. I once did an 619 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:42,040 Speaker 3: exercise where you had to ask someone who knew you, well, 620 00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:46,040 Speaker 3: what are your unique wonderful qualities? Not as an ego boost, 621 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:50,439 Speaker 3: but as a as a way of having someone else 622 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:55,960 Speaker 3: articulate in absolute, specific terms the things that make you great. 623 00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,480 Speaker 3: And it's a wonderful exercise because you can then go, yeah, good, 624 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,880 Speaker 3: I can I do that. One woman I asked my 625 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:08,280 Speaker 3: podcast producer and she said, well, you invest in people's 626 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 3: vision in a really authentic way that makes them believe 627 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,480 Speaker 3: that they can do it. I thought, that's a beautiful 628 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,400 Speaker 3: thing to say, thank you. I do do that and 629 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:18,840 Speaker 3: I appreciate she said that, but it made me realize 630 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,920 Speaker 3: I could do that more. I could way do that more, 631 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,440 Speaker 3: and it's great. So I asked once. This is many 632 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 3: years ago, I asked a person of one of my 633 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 3: great qualities, you know, what makes me great or something, 634 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,479 Speaker 3: and this person took it as an opportunity to rip 635 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:40,239 Speaker 3: me a new one. And it was like, holy what. 636 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,560 Speaker 3: I realized in that moment that he had a lot 637 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,880 Speaker 3: of baggage that he wanted to unload on me, right, 638 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,439 Speaker 3: and this was a moment where he did. I only 639 00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:53,600 Speaker 3: bring this up because sometimes people are unaware of it 640 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:59,000 Speaker 3: and like you say, we can be passive aggressive and 641 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:02,320 Speaker 3: it's wrong on it every level. And if it happens, 642 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:07,319 Speaker 3: you got to call it out, like like, hey, it 643 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,240 Speaker 3: seems like you've got a lot of stuff there, buddy, 644 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:09,800 Speaker 3: what's going on? 645 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:17,640 Speaker 2: Like right direct behind see you just you did it exactly. Yeah. 646 00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:20,320 Speaker 2: I love that idea of do more. So you notice 647 00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,759 Speaker 2: the thing, you get the feedback that it's positive for 648 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:26,240 Speaker 2: someone else, do it more. Just more. It's that simple. 649 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,640 Speaker 3: It's that simple. Yeah, that hard. I thought about writing 650 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:32,719 Speaker 3: a thirty first chapter, which is this stuff is so easy, 651 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,839 Speaker 3: it's easy to not do. 652 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:39,440 Speaker 2: I agree with that. That'll be our thirty first chapter. 653 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,279 Speaker 3: It's going to be our thirty first chapter. You're going 654 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,040 Speaker 3: to talk about this so that we can help more 655 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:47,040 Speaker 3: people get it. Yeah, it is easy, and therefore it's 656 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:50,560 Speaker 3: easy to not do. Yeah, and therefore you know people 657 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,800 Speaker 3: can live great lives. This will make your life greater, 658 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 3: Like I live a great life. I like that this 659 00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,479 Speaker 3: has made my life greater. Yeah, I don't complain as much. 660 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 3: I am not as sarcastic and cutting. I don't gossip 661 00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:08,160 Speaker 3: about other people as much. I refrain, I refrain from 662 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:13,399 Speaker 3: joining negative fray. I'm way better as a husband. I'm 663 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,040 Speaker 3: a better friend. And I'm not saying that the brag. 664 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,840 Speaker 3: I just know that I am just from I'm behaving 665 00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:19,360 Speaker 3: more better. 666 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:22,799 Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm sure you're getting the feedback that it's more 667 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:23,760 Speaker 2: better as well. 668 00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:24,759 Speaker 3: I think so. Yeah. 669 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, the book is be the Sun not the Salt. 670 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,640 Speaker 2: And I know you just mentioned your podcast producer. You 671 00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,680 Speaker 2: also have started a podcast under the same name. Can 672 00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,400 Speaker 2: you tell us a little bit about the podcast. 673 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,239 Speaker 3: Yes, the podcast Be the Sun Not the Salt. We 674 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:45,399 Speaker 3: have guests on who are exemplars who embody these principles 675 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,800 Speaker 3: and have interesting stories and hopefully we'll inspire and equip 676 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,800 Speaker 3: and remind the listeners to be their best selves more often. 677 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 3: We also do five and ten minute little gentle nudges 678 00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,960 Speaker 3: sort of based on that, sort of based on the chapter, 679 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:03,600 Speaker 3: like okay, let's do today's chapter hold the Salt. Here's 680 00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:05,960 Speaker 3: our take on what this means. I hope you find 681 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:09,839 Speaker 3: this helpful, so short versions of the whole book so 682 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:13,359 Speaker 3: that we can get more people, and maybe you can 683 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,040 Speaker 3: be on our podcast. 684 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,680 Speaker 2: Kellen, I would love that. Well, just to wrap it 685 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,840 Speaker 2: up for the listeners, I am going to put the 686 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,440 Speaker 2: link to the book, and I'm assuming the podcast can 687 00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,480 Speaker 2: be found wherever you listen to podcasts. Yes where else 688 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,840 Speaker 2: could people keep up with you if they're interesting and 689 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:29,919 Speaker 2: following you this son? 690 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,600 Speaker 3: I love that you asked Be the Sun Notothsalt dot com. 691 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:38,560 Speaker 3: We've put lots of free videos and every podcast like 692 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:44,520 Speaker 3: this on our website. There's lots of resources. We try 693 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:50,640 Speaker 3: and create more ways to nudge and remind people. Merchandise, 694 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,719 Speaker 3: little books and t shirts and coffee months and notebooks 695 00:41:54,760 --> 00:42:00,080 Speaker 3: to help people, and podcasts and videos and free tips 696 00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:05,040 Speaker 3: and newsletters, all to help us be our best selves 697 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:05,680 Speaker 3: more often. 698 00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:07,680 Speaker 2: I love it. I'm going to keep it by my 699 00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,680 Speaker 2: bed and read in the mornings. It's so yeah, it's 700 00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:13,239 Speaker 2: just tangible tips, like you guys know I always talk about. 701 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,640 Speaker 2: So thank you so much for being here. It was 702 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:17,800 Speaker 2: so lovely to meet you, and I'm very glad I 703 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:18,479 Speaker 2: found your book. 704 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:19,760 Speaker 3: Thank you, Kelly. 705 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,640 Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much for listening. 706 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,240 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, 707 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,920 Speaker 1: where we believe everyone has a little velvet in a 708 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:32,120 Speaker 1: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty, 709 00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,879 Speaker 1: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.