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Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, Catherine. How are you, Hi, Chelsea. We're in

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Speaker 1: a different studio today, we are, it's all a little

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Speaker 1: bit different. We have a tiny dog friend visiting us today.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, but it's all in the same color

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Speaker 1: scheme as our studio. Was that intentional, you know what?

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Speaker 1: Really prepared for us? Yes, but this is a good

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Speaker 1: backdrop for us. Maybe we should move our studio over

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Speaker 1: to here. I'd love that we're recording right now from

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Speaker 1: Jim Henson's studios, which is very exciting. There's lots of

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Speaker 1: Kermit the Frogs everywhere. I also didn't connect the dots

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Speaker 1: when you kept mentioning Kermit via text the relationship to

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Speaker 1: Henson's studios. It never once occurred to me that it

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Speaker 1: would be Jim Henson studios. And I thought it was

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Speaker 1: being all cute too, because I was like, Chelsea, just

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Speaker 1: meet me by Kermi. I know. I'm like, what what

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Speaker 1: the fund is? Kermi? I'm like, is that a street?

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Speaker 1: How are you, Katherine? I'm doing great. I just got

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Speaker 1: back from Mexico, went on a little girl's trip to

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Speaker 1: play a Harris and it was delightful. Oh oh you

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Speaker 1: know what, Mr Koy and I went on a Little

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Speaker 1: John to Mexico. Yeah, we did. We just got back

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Speaker 1: from Mexico. We went for a few days and we

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Speaker 1: went to Cabo because we didn't have we hadn't had

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Speaker 1: any time in the sun, and after he devoted so

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Speaker 1: much time to in the snow, to me, I have

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Speaker 1: to just give into his every whim, which means I

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Speaker 1: have to go to Cabo, like, you know, every two

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Speaker 1: every two and a half months, which is no problem. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: is that one of his favorite places to be? It

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Speaker 1: is now? It is now after this trip, he's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is awesome. We did a couple's massage. He loves

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Speaker 1: that ship. That's really He isn't a fan of a massage.

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Speaker 1: He likes a fan of anything we can do together.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's one activity after another together juntos as

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Speaker 1: they say in Spanish, do you get to a point

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Speaker 1: where you want to be separatos? Well, I don't. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be separated, But when we are separated,

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Speaker 1: I don't hate it. I'm not upset that we're separated.

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Speaker 1: We're separated a lot when we're on the roads. When

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Speaker 1: we come back together, that's a nice you know, it

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Speaker 1: keeps the honeymoon phase going for a while, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: he definitely. But Joe is a person that also likes

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Speaker 1: to be he wants to be around his son or

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Speaker 1: he wants to be around friends. Like he's not gonna

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Speaker 1: sit in his hotel room alone for three hours, right,

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Speaker 1: I am eight hours, Give me eight hours, and I'll

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Speaker 1: still need more time alone, like I'm down, and you

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Speaker 1: love him even more when you come back. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: So I definitely have I have an active alone relationship.

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Speaker 1: That's a good way to say it. Well, there is

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Speaker 1: something nice about that. I know. My husband Brad went

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Speaker 1: on tour a few years ago and he was gone

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Speaker 1: for like four months, and I thought I would just

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Speaker 1: be kind of devastated because we're a little let's say interdependent,

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Speaker 1: maybe that codependent put it, yes, But I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: it's really nice to have the house to myself. It's

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Speaker 1: really nice to just do whatever I want all day,

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Speaker 1: Like it was great. And then I was happy when

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Speaker 1: he came home too. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

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Speaker 1: It's it's very interesting to see people who enjoy alone

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Speaker 1: time versus people because I used to never be alone

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Speaker 1: and then I got a taste of it during the

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Speaker 1: pandemic and I was like, oh, I like me, I

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Speaker 1: like alone. Yeah, I was into it. I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is a good time. I'm having a good time

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Speaker 1: with myself. Like we were both on the same page. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can do your secret single behavior, just like maybe

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Speaker 1: be a little messier than you would normally be, like

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Speaker 1: a little lazier than you'd normally be. And that is

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Speaker 1: the one good thing about Joe is that he's so

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Speaker 1: fucking messy that no mess I could make is worse

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Speaker 1: than his. You know, we're both kind of a hot mess.

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Speaker 1: But I always felt before I had a serious boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: I just always felt like it would be nice to

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Speaker 1: have a boyfriend that wanted to spend all of his

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Speaker 1: time with me. So I remember that anytime I think, wow,

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Speaker 1: this is a lot, I just remember you thought that

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Speaker 1: would be nice, because it's better than the opposite. You know,

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Speaker 1: a person who wants to avoid you, and it's like

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Speaker 1: constantly making plans. Oh my god, it's way about it

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Speaker 1: than the opposite. Yeah, Like, anytime I'm available for anything,

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Speaker 1: Joe's right there. He's like, let's go, and he's like

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Speaker 1: game to party, to have a good time. Yeah, he

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Speaker 1: follows my lead. Yeah, and that's that's a good setup

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Speaker 1: for me. Do you find when he's not there that

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Speaker 1: you're sort of missing the rapport that he rings to

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Speaker 1: the table, like if you're out with friends or are

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Speaker 1: you feeling like it's great? Yeah? No, he definitely adds

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Speaker 1: a nice little slice when he shows up at things,

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Speaker 1: like with my girlfriends. We went to a party the

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Speaker 1: other night, and it was so funny because I said, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, my friend was saying, oh. I said, don't

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Speaker 1: tell all of our drug stories to Joe. Do me

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Speaker 1: a favor when you meet him. He was coming to

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Speaker 1: meet us at a party and and they go drug stories.

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Speaker 1: I go, he's coming tonight. There were four girls with

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Speaker 1: my friends of mine. We all worked on Chelsea, the

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Speaker 1: show on Netflix together, so we traveled all around the

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Speaker 1: world together. So there was a lot of ship that

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Speaker 1: went down. And my friend goes drug stories. This is

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Speaker 1: a mushroom party that we're going to. It said mushrooms

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Speaker 1: on the invitation and it was my invitation. But I

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Speaker 1: looped to my girlfriends in because we were supposed to

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Speaker 1: go out. I go, why don't we all just go

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Speaker 1: to this party together? And I go, really did it

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Speaker 1: say mushrooms? I was like, I didn't even see that.

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Speaker 1: And they're like, that's classic, Chelsea, Like you don't even

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Speaker 1: know that you're bringing us to a drug party and

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Speaker 1: that you just invited your boyfriend, who you don't want

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Speaker 1: to talk to drugs about about, you know, to a

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Speaker 1: mushroom party. So he gets my girlfriend proceeded to tell

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Speaker 1: one drug story after another about me. She's like. And

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Speaker 1: then we were in Colombia and Chelsea I was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, shut and we're all looking around. I go,

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Speaker 1: are you what's wrong with you? I just told you

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Speaker 1: to do the opposite of what you're doing. And it

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Speaker 1: was so funny. And I looked at Joe and I go,

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Speaker 1: just so you know, honey, like I told them not

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Speaker 1: to tell you all these things. It's like, why why

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Speaker 1: you think I'm so judgy? I go, you are judging, Like,

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Speaker 1: I know you don't think you're judging, but you're judge

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Speaker 1: about drugs. He doesn't like when people like, you know,

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Speaker 1: at his birthday party, we had people there and like

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Speaker 1: people were really partying, and he he was like, it's

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Speaker 1: too much. I don't I'm like, people are in Vegas

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Speaker 1: for three days. They're allowed to do whatever they want

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Speaker 1: to do, and if somebody got a little sloppy or

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Speaker 1: got a little messy, and then that's their release, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, stop judging that. And it's happening

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Speaker 1: in Vegas, so it's staying exactly I know. So he's

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Speaker 1: not I don't want to pay the picture that he's

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Speaker 1: super judging and that, you know. Anyway, after that night,

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Speaker 1: I was like, all right, so I guess it's all out,

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Speaker 1: you know, you know everything, And he's like, I just

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Speaker 1: worry about you when you're not safe, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I know, honey, but I'm here, I'm alive, everything worked out.

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Speaker 1: Don't worry about me. Like, I know how to do

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Speaker 1: drugs and I know how to survive. So when you

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Speaker 1: say people, quote unquote we're doing drugs, there's maybe one

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Speaker 1: person that he was concerned about more than others. No,

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Speaker 1: actually no, it was a friend of mine who was

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Speaker 1: a bit of a hot mess. She's probably listening to

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Speaker 1: this podcast right now, so no, it actually wasn't me,

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Speaker 1: and so I got in trouble for my friend's behavior,

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Speaker 1: and then eventually, you know, we had to sort that out.

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Speaker 1: I was like, you can't be mad at me for

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Speaker 1: something that someone else did. Sorry, anyway, you know the

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Speaker 1: trials and tribulations of a new coupling, right exactly. You know.

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Speaker 1: I read something recently and they said all they had

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Speaker 1: asked the universe for was a super hot guy who

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Speaker 1: partied at the same speed as they did. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, that is perfect. That's what we're always looking for,

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Speaker 1: a super parties. That's good. I should have put that

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Speaker 1: in my list. Yeah. Like and at the same speed.

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Speaker 1: It's like, not too much, not too little. Just y.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like you guys have that going on for

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Speaker 1: the most part. We do. Yeah, that's great. I'm also

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Speaker 1: cracking up, Chelsea because you have not looked at the

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Speaker 1: script yet today, and you have covered several things that

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about today with question of me. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it's pretty amazing and exciting. Oh wait, I have set

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Speaker 1: updates that I want to promote you guys. Today's May twelve.

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Speaker 1: So tonight I'm in New Orleans. Tomorrow I'm in Birmingham, Alabama,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm in San Antonio, Texas on Saturday night.

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Speaker 1: Then I'm coming to Montclair and Huntington's and I'm shooting

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Speaker 1: my stand up special, my next stand up special in Nashville,

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Speaker 1: at the Rhyme in so please, there's an early show

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Speaker 1: and there's a late show. Please get your tickets. And

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Speaker 1: this is our first episode back three. It is can

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Speaker 1: you believe it? How fun is that? It's really excite.

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Speaker 1: Since it's season three, we decided to bring on a

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Speaker 1: very special guest who is currently judging her fifth season

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Speaker 1: on American Idol. She has a Vegas residency called Play

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Speaker 1: at the Resorts World Theater, and she also has a

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Speaker 1: new song out with a Lesso called when I'm Gone

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Speaker 1: and has the title track on Thomas Rhet's new record,

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Speaker 1: Where We Started. She recently bought out her joint venture

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Speaker 1: with her shoe line, Katie Perry Collections and now totally

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Speaker 1: owns the line, which just debuted their Spring collection at

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Speaker 1: the end of March. And she is a co founder

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Speaker 1: of a new line of non alcoholic Appertifs Para Tiefs

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Speaker 1: of Appertifs apparent Tiefs. Right. I actually don't know that.

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Speaker 1: I actually don't call this way. Please welcome Katie Perry. Hey, Hi, Kai,

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Speaker 1: Katie brought her doll. Hello. Hello, I can't hear myself.

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Speaker 1: I love to hear myself. Last time I talked to you.

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Speaker 1: You were about you we were talking about ayahuasca. Oh yeah, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I never unwrapped my core. But you sure you didn't know.

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Speaker 1: But I know, I know you guys were doing that.

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Speaker 1: Orlando did he went deep? Yeah, he gets deep. He's

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Speaker 1: a deep person. Well he's a seeker. Yeah, so what

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Speaker 1: are you. I'm a seeker as well. But I'm just also,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've got like that artist's brain that is

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Speaker 1: just a little bit more temperamental sometimes, So you think

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Speaker 1: you have sometimes bad reactions to things or sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't smoke. I can't smoke weed. Oh I'm one

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Speaker 1: of those catch me in a corner. Yeah, I got that.

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Speaker 1: Weed isn't for everybody, and that's something I had to

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Speaker 1: learn the hard way by giving it out to people

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Speaker 1: who couldn't handle it. And I saw that. Yeah, I've

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Speaker 1: done that a lot. I'm like an enabler. Did you

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Speaker 1: ever have a bad reaction on your show when you

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Speaker 1: would like have your round table with the weed and

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Speaker 1: the food. No, one, No, that was on the best behavior. Actually,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe I take that back. Maybe somebody had

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Speaker 1: a slightly bad reaction. But when you're on camera, you know,

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Speaker 1: you kind of have to temper that reaction and just

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Speaker 1: try to keep it together. But the one we want

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Speaker 1: ate a cannabis dinner on one of my episodes of

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Speaker 1: my show, and I was high for three days, playing

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Speaker 1: a lot for you because your tolerance must be. My

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Speaker 1: eye was shut for three days. I couldn't open it.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Ah, Okay, we have Katie Perry here, finally.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited to have you. It's our premier episode

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Speaker 1: of season three, and I'm excited to talk to you

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Speaker 1: about all things. And I can't wait to hear all

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Speaker 1: the advice you give to our callers that call in

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Speaker 1: and write in. Advice, yes, coming from both of us,

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Speaker 1: because well, I think you have a lot of wisdom

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Speaker 1: to impart. Well. Thanks. I mean I've got to see

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Speaker 1: a lot of the world, so that's a little perspective maybe. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And you've had a lot of experiences, different experiences, and

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Speaker 1: I was just telling you I'm living like in Kentucky

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Speaker 1: and I have for almost a month now, and that's

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Speaker 1: quite a um amazing experience because it reminds you that

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Speaker 1: Hollywood is not America, uh huh, And you need to

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Speaker 1: remember that because I think you can understand people better. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: It's nice to get outside of what you know to

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Speaker 1: be normal and your reality. Yeah, I mean they're living

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Speaker 1: in a bubble of sorts. Were living in a bubble.

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Speaker 1: Our bubbles are completely opposite, but there. Yeah, it's interesting.

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Speaker 1: But you've been in different bubbles because you grew up

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Speaker 1: in a bubble. You grew up super religious. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: that's one bubble. Then you came into this industry. That's

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Speaker 1: another bubble, right there. Bubble's apology study of human Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that sapiens three. So talk to me about motherhood. Motherhood

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Speaker 1: best decision I have remained in my entire life. Really. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't very maternal, and I think that probably stems

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Speaker 1: from some childhood stuff. And we talked about, you know,

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Speaker 1: going on certain journeys, whether that's plant base or psychological

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Speaker 1: or drug based or drug base. Yeah, well plant and

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Speaker 1: drug I mean that's the same thing, right, some of it.

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Speaker 1: And I did a lot of work behind that stuck

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Speaker 1: feeling of not being maternal, although I was very maternal

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Speaker 1: with all of my friends, I mean my fans and

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Speaker 1: and my friends, they all called me mom because I

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Speaker 1: love to take care of people. I like I find

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Speaker 1: joy through other people's joy. Like if they're having a

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Speaker 1: great time, I'm having a great time. But still there

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Speaker 1: was a little bit of a disconnect, and so I

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Speaker 1: did go on that journey and found the little um

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Speaker 1: spots that needed some tuning up. And Orlando I got

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Speaker 1: to see what a great dad he was with his

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Speaker 1: first child, Flynn, who's now eleven, And so that definitely

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Speaker 1: primarily influenced me, Like something inside of me said, you,

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Speaker 1: mid thirties, this man is nice must read. He's you know,

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Speaker 1: he's a kind man. He's a love machine. I mean

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Speaker 1: that in a sexual way. I mean that in a

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Speaker 1: personal way, like when you meet Orlando and you have

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Speaker 1: a conversation with Orlando, he is filled with love and

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Speaker 1: spreading love. He's like a machine. I always say when

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Speaker 1: he walks into the room, he has this Jouis d

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Speaker 1: vive about him, and he really does. And you know,

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Speaker 1: some people are like, is that guy on? But he

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Speaker 1: has just really got this kind of like happy, possy vibes,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I'm a little bit more like heavy

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Speaker 1: and prone to depression in some ways, and so it's

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Speaker 1: good for me to be around him because he gets

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Speaker 1: me out of my head a little bit. Yeah, that's funny.

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Speaker 1: I have a similar dynamic with my boyfriend Joe, because

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Speaker 1: he is all positive vibes, all happiness up up yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I could be much more cynical than that, where

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, no, that guy's a fucking asshole. Why

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Speaker 1: are we hugging him? Yeah? I used to think people

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Speaker 1: like that were like losers, like they didn't understand the

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Speaker 1: fullness of life, because I don't know, how could someone

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Speaker 1: be that happy all the time. But maybe they just haven't,

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Speaker 1: you know, had as much trauma as us, or maybe

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Speaker 1: they have and they are just willing to turn it

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Speaker 1: into positive vibes whatever I'm going to tell you. But

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Speaker 1: I feel that way too, because Joe hugs everyone everyone

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Speaker 1: we meet, like, and so all of a sudden, he's

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Speaker 1: living in my house, hugging my cleaning lady. Every morning

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Speaker 1: before he leaves, he hugs the landscaper, And now I'm

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Speaker 1: hugging everybody because otherwise I look like a total bit

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Speaker 1: well I know, I know, I know how that feels.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't really a hugger for a while, and you know,

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Speaker 1: had to kind of work through that, and then when

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Speaker 1: COVID came, I was like, hmm, I'm kind of okay

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Speaker 1: with this like no touching, fine, me too. I felt

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Speaker 1: the same way totally. But but I am there's two

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Speaker 1: parts of me. When I am on stage and doing

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Speaker 1: my professional life, I'm really a hugger. But at home

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Speaker 1: and like in domestic life and personal life, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm on the matriarch of the family and just like you,

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Speaker 1: just like keeping everything in order, dotting the eyes and

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Speaker 1: crossing the d's and you know, Katie. I mentioned Katie

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Speaker 1: show in Vegas, which I was trying to come see

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Speaker 1: when we were in Vegas two weeks ago, but you

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Speaker 1: weren't performing. That wasn't it was going to be a

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Speaker 1: one night only for you though, But I'm gonna come

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Speaker 1: and see you anyway. We're gonna come back and seeone

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Speaker 1: who's listening. It's a really fun, fun time. So tell

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Speaker 1: me about how what are you noticing about yourself becoming

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Speaker 1: a mother, Like, what are you surprised about that you're

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Speaker 1: able to tolerate, or your pay hints or whatever area

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Speaker 1: of your personality that you've discovered. Well, I think that

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Speaker 1: your definition of success changes in life as you get older,

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Speaker 1: and you know, as Coachella has just passed, we observe

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Speaker 1: the definition of success for gen Z's and Easter Easter

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Speaker 1: Passover and Coachella. Yes, And you know, I think your

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Speaker 1: definition of success coming up and your twenties is very

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Speaker 1: outward and material and ego driven and all that jazz.

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Speaker 1: And then thirties hits and you care less, and there's

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Speaker 1: a kind of an inner confidence and respect for yourself

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Speaker 1: that starts to grow. Maybe. And then with the motherhood,

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Speaker 1: you know, your definition of well, my definition of success

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Speaker 1: is just her happiness. And again, her happiness really gives

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Speaker 1: me that joy. But a lot of like bs just

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Speaker 1: falls away. Stuff that you thought was important really was

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Speaker 1: never important, and you just don't you know, you don't

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Speaker 1: have time for any sort of energy drama that's not

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Speaker 1: important in your family. And you know, your family really

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Speaker 1: starts to become first because you know, like when you're

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Speaker 1: dating someone, you don't how many kids you've got, like

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Speaker 1: your posse and this posse and like a couple of

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Speaker 1: few different posses for different things, and like you meet

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Speaker 1: all the time, blah blah blah. And although I still

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Speaker 1: have a lot of those friends, if something, for some

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Speaker 1: reason becomes a little too complicated, I'm like, I'm out.

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Speaker 1: I gotta leave this chat. This chat, I'm out because

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Speaker 1: I got to make sure my the health and wellness

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Speaker 1: of my child is always in the a world. But

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Speaker 1: I think that you just feel a lot more grounded

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Speaker 1: and you focus better. You kind of there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of lollygagging before kids, and you know that your time

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Speaker 1: is limited outside of being with them, or or that

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Speaker 1: if you spend two hours doing something, that better be

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Speaker 1: of real value, because that's two hours you could like

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Speaker 1: engage with the person that you love the most, that

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Speaker 1: loves you the most. So there's a lot of a

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Speaker 1: element and truly, and I'm in a really privileged place,

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Speaker 1: I get you know, I have a wonderful nanny and

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Speaker 1: all that stuff. So it may be an easier time

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Speaker 1: for someone like myself than anyone else out there. But

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Speaker 1: I've seen I've got to see a lot of views

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Speaker 1: of many different mountains, and professionally, I started to see

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Speaker 1: some of the same views. You know. I've been on tour,

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Speaker 1: travel the world three times. I got the opportunity to

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Speaker 1: play Super Bowl. All these things that I'm so so

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Speaker 1: grateful I got to check off my list before I

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Speaker 1: had a child. But then you start doing them over again.

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Speaker 1: You don't get the same high. Yeah, and so you're like, well,

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Speaker 1: what's the next level to life? And then you start

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Speaker 1: doing like a lot of plant based medicine because you're like,

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Speaker 1: there's gotta be a better grid out there. We need

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Speaker 1: to see the next dimension or whatever. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: just and and and children for me definitely are that.

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Speaker 1: I mean my daughter is is that for me? And

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Speaker 1: has it had it impact your relationship with your mom

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Speaker 1: or your dad being becoming a parent? Yes? For sure,

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Speaker 1: for sure there's there is profound respect and also profound anger,

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Speaker 1: not anger, but just like what's and also just like

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Speaker 1: amazement that how did we just how did three of

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Speaker 1: us survive? Because like you turn the corner for two

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Speaker 1: seconds and you're just like how did you get there?

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Speaker 1: What is in your mouth? And I give you all

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Speaker 1: the toys you ever could want, but you still want

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Speaker 1: to an electrical socket, like you know the dog chew

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Speaker 1: toys that are like the Rolex or the Starbucks cup

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that. They need to make like a

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Speaker 1: an electrical outlet toy for kids that they're really attracted

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Speaker 1: to that's maybe like bedazzled or something, so that they

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Speaker 1: go to that one first rather than like the real ones. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's probably a good idea, along with a bunch of

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Speaker 1: other sharp objects like steak knives or things like that.

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Speaker 1: I think I have seen a children's steak knife collection

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Speaker 1: because I think I tried to use one accidentally, because

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Speaker 1: that's how domesticated I am that I don't know you

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Speaker 1: can't cut with a rubber knife. But I love all

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Speaker 1: that you're saying. I have to say from a personal perspective,

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Speaker 1: like for me watching your Instagram and watching everything. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: I see you all the time hosting Idol, and I

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Speaker 1: know you post about Idol a lot, and that's fun.

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Speaker 1: But you seem like your abulliate, like you have a

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Speaker 1: what is that word mean, like a big light around you,

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Speaker 1: like everything is. You seem like you're in a great place. Well,

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Speaker 1: don't thank me, thank the well Bucher. And quite honestly,

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Speaker 1: what is well is well preucheron over the counter or

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Speaker 1: is that a prescription prescription? Oh and it's an antidepressant.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, because I thought that, well, I must be

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Speaker 1: confusing it with some other medication that you can buy

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Speaker 1: over the counter. Well whatever, Wellness something No, But truly,

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Speaker 1: I think my daughter has reshaped my life, my perspective,

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Speaker 1: and given me a love I've never had before. It's

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Speaker 1: a love and kind of a not a validation, but

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Speaker 1: I guess validation in its purest form is love. I've

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Speaker 1: always been wanting that love. That's always been my number

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Speaker 1: one currency. And then when she came, it was just like,

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Speaker 1: I love you for for no reason, just because you

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Speaker 1: are And I'm like, what, you don't need anything from me?

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Speaker 1: I mean, obviously some food, just a little, a little, okay.

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Speaker 1: I actually breastfed Katie's baby. I produce almond milk in

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Speaker 1: my breasts and she's lactose intolerant, so it worked out perfectly. Also,

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Speaker 1: don't you think that thank you first of all? Must

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Speaker 1: don't you think that, like the longer that you can

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Speaker 1: live and observe and survive in this world of spotlight

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Speaker 1: and you know, I guess we will say industry and

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Speaker 1: fame and celebrity and navigate it, the more you just

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Speaker 1: kind of you get better tools and you learn how

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Speaker 1: to play it better. Yeah, play it better. And I

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Speaker 1: think you also become less ambitious. Once you've kind of

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Speaker 1: solidified a place for yourself, It's like there's definitely not

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Speaker 1: another Chelsea. Ever, that's sweet. I mean, I think you

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Speaker 1: really start to become right like you, you're not as driven.

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Speaker 1: I mean, some people seem to have that drive inveterately.

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Speaker 1: They just go on and on and on and on.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, but I think, you know, the more confident

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Speaker 1: you become, the less you need from the general public,

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Speaker 1: and the more you think, the more introspective your work becomes,

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Speaker 1: and the higher integrity that your work kind of gives off.

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Speaker 1: You know, you're like, it's a better quality of work.

422
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,880
Speaker 1: I agree, because in the beginning, I think of all

423
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 1: of our careers in the spotlight, you're making art for

424
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 1: yourself to kind of prove, and then somewhere along the way,

425
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 1: you're kind of listening to the stuff and I can't

426
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 1: I can't affect it, and so sometimes the art gets

427
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 1: painted by the noise, and then, like you say, at

428
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 1: a certain point, you like go of the noise again,

429
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: and then you go back to just like creating that

430
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: art out of feeling, which I think is what usually

431
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: gets you on the map in the first place. Yeah. Yeah,

432
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 1: I have a question for both of you about that.

433
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 1: Does it feel harder to be vulnerable the longer you're

434
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 1: doing it? And the more you listen to that noise,

435
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 1: I think it becomes easier to be vulnerable. What do

436
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 1: you think, Well, I think you can be vulnerable, but

437
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,920
Speaker 1: I think the higher you get, the harder you can fall.

438
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 1: There's a lot more to lose, I guess, And in

439
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 1: a world where you can go down pretty easily by anything,

440
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,400
Speaker 1: I think you have to be you know, just more aware.

441
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: There's gotta be a lot more awareness, which is yeah.

442
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,160
Speaker 1: I think I was thinking of it in the sense

443
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 1: like being vulnerable, like allowing people to see who you are,

444
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 1: becomes easier, I think for me, especially because I didn't

445
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 1: realize for a long time that people didn't understand that

446
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: we're all multifaceted, we all have different parts of our

447
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 1: personality and just because you're not demonstrating at all doesn't

448
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: mean it's not there. And when I was like opening

449
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 1: up about my brother dying or like serious things, people

450
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: were always like, oh my god, We've never seen this

451
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 1: side of you. It's like, what do you think I'm

452
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: just a fucking bitch all the time, Like obviously, I'm

453
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 1: obviously I'm a human girl, Like obviously there's more depth.

454
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,120
Speaker 1: I mean, if you believe in like the idea of

455
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: like masculine energy. I think we just operate with a

456
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:14,000
Speaker 1: lot more of that, and it can be less soft

457
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 1: soft as feminine. But you know, all those things are smoothing.

458
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 1: Right now, those sayings are being kind of investigated again

459
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: because what is masculine energy and why does it belong

460
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: to only mail or whatever? You know, you don't want

461
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 1: to put a gender on that type of energy, but

462
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: that energy is just strong. It's like dominate and black

463
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: and white. You don't seem like a person that like

464
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 1: minces their words. No, And that also can come across

465
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 1: as harsh, like I mean, I just had a conversation.

466
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: They were like, can you be nicer to so so

467
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,400
Speaker 1: and so? And I go, are you serious? I sent

468
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: an email asking just for a bunch of questions. I go,

469
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 1: what do you want me to do? Fucking blow them

470
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 1: on the in the email? Like what? And they're like, oh, no,

471
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 1: you just have to be a little bit softer and

472
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 1: how you ask? That's exactly what they said, softer, And

473
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I mean all right, but I

474
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 1: don't know if like people would expect that, quite honestly

475
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: from the opposite sex. No one, I've never heard any

476
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 1: of that said, hey, can you be softer in your email? Totally,

477
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,719
Speaker 1: but anyway, especially not to Orlando. They wouldn't because he's

478
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 1: already already. He's a soft plody and we're prickly Okay,

479
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 1: So we're gonna take callers. We have a caller calling

480
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 1: it for advice. You have to put on your advice cap.

481
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 1: And I've done a lot of therapy for this moment.

482
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 1: I know, we've all all of our therapy comes together

483
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: on this podcast, and then we give it out and

484
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: we give back exactly. Well, we'll take a quick break

485
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 1: for some ads, and we'll be back with Katie and

486
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 1: Chelsea and we're back where back. We have our first caller,

487
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 1: who is Stephanie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I recently got

488
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 1: into a serious relationship, my first since college. For years

489
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: before meeting my new boyfriend, I was in a big

490
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 1: partying phase with plan deal flings and hookups, I mean plenty.

491
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,400
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy over the years and have been

492
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 1: cognizant of why I was drinking or hooking up with guys. Really,

493
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 1: it was just a fun time in my life and

494
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 1: I was just figuring it out. I was always known

495
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 1: as the quote a fun girl of the group with

496
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 1: plenty of stories about my drunken escapades, terrible dates, and

497
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 1: minor fuck ups that are more cute slash hilarious than damaging.

498
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 1: Right now, where I'm at is actually Chelsea told a

499
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 1: story very similar to this before you arrive. Yes, I

500
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: call into my own podcast and she gives great at

501
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: Where I'm at right now is I'm introducing my friends

502
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 1: to my boyfriend and feel uncomfortable with my friends sharing

503
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,959
Speaker 1: stories are bringing up pastimes in front of him. I

504
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: don't want to lie to him or pretend that I

505
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 1: wasn't like that, But I also don't want him to

506
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: think less of me or judge me. He's an incredible

507
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 1: person and I don't think he ever would. But how

508
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 1: do I accept that for myself? Have you owned yourself

509
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: and your past relationships though I'm not going out as

510
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: my If you're drinking at the level I was before,

511
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 1: how do I still share that part of my life

512
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 1: without scaring him? Stephanie and she's going to be joining us, Oh,

513
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 1: oh great, this is perfect. Yeah, I just told that story.

514
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 1: Too bad I didn't save it for when Katie was here. Well,

515
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 1: I want to hear it. Well, Hi, Hi, Hi girl.

516
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: Hi Stephanie H. This is Katie. Hi. How are you good?

517
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,159
Speaker 1: How are you all doing good? We're good. You've spoken

518
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 1: to Catherine before this, so that's this is very perfect

519
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 1: timing because I was just discussing this. I have a

520
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: very sorted past with all sorts of drug use, and

521
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,239
Speaker 1: I love to talk about it, and my friends love

522
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: to tell stories about me and blah blah blah. And

523
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: I'm with a person who doesn't have a big history

524
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 1: with drugs. He has no history with drugs, he doesn't

525
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: do drugs. And I think it's a very valid question,

526
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 1: and I think you should not be lying. I don't

527
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 1: think you should ever lie about who you are. I

528
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: think you know you're gonna be with somebody who's gonna

529
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: love you because of who you are, and in spite

530
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: of who you are. If you take your drug experience

531
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: as a negative thing, when it doesn't have to be

532
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: that way. It could be a period of your life

533
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 1: where you learned a lot about yourself. You know that

534
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 1: was positive and that you explored that. It's a matter

535
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,359
Speaker 1: of moving forward. Do you still want to do drugs

536
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,719
Speaker 1: like that with your partner or are you over that

537
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: phase of your life. I mean, I'm always open and

538
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,240
Speaker 1: willing to anything, So I don't think it's a phase.

539
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 1: I think it's more of like, you know, a lifestyle.

540
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 1: But I think just just be clear, was it more

541
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,119
Speaker 1: just like a partying just like having fun hook ups

542
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 1: in drinking and stuff like that. The drugs thing was

543
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 1: yours and hers is more the the the alcohol. Blame

544
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: it on the alcohol and the fun whole bit sets right, Yes, Yeah,

545
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: more going out and you know, partying and you know

546
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 1: all those fun things that come out along with it. Yeah,

547
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 1: and your twenties. Yeah, listen. I wrote my first book

548
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 1: was called My Horizontal Life, a collection of one night stands,

549
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: So I've not only done it, I've documented it, which

550
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: was not a smart move if I was thinking about

551
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: potential suitors, Like, no man reads that book and it's

552
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 1: like I want to date this girl, or great, I'll

553
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: date this girl so she can write a fucking short

554
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 1: story or essay about me, you know what I mean.

555
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 1: But I'm assuming you're not going to do that. Do

556
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 1: you know what your boyfriend's like drug history or partying

557
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: history is? Um? I mean, he likes to go out,

558
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: but I would say he's much more tame and laid

559
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: back and you know, not out until four in the

560
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: morning ever, But like, and how long have you guys

561
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: been dating? A little over a year? Okay, so he

562
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: must have some sense of your past, right, Yeah, but

563
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 1: it was also COVID and so weird. You know, shut

564
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 1: indoors a lot, and then now that things are opening up,

565
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: it's proving to kind of open a like a different door.

566
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: Almost did something make you feel like, oh wait, maybe

567
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 1: he's not loving this information or something? Did something happen? No,

568
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say exactly something happened, but you know, whenever

569
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 1: telling a story and like everyone kind of is quiet afterwards,

570
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: and you're like, ok, maybe like should have released that information,

571
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: or like a friend is telling a story and I'm like,

572
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: maybe I don't want my boyfriend to know that happened.

573
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's more more just like me feeling not

574
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 1: almost feeling bad. I think it's my own personal struggle

575
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: rather than like an external one. Yeah. I mean, I

576
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 1: don't think anyone loves to hear voluminous stories about someone's

577
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: ex like how many people you've slept with? Like that's

578
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: not really something that anyone wants to hear. So there's

579
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 1: no reason to really even get into that detailed, just

580
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: almost out of respect for the relationship. You don't want to, like,

581
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: I mean, nobody wants to hear that. If and I

582
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: asked my boyfriend about anything in his past which I

583
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: am curious about, he refuses to tell me. He's like,

584
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: I'm never wasting energy talking about any of those people. Yeah,

585
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: because it doesn't even exist anymore. Yeah, it's so in

586
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 1: the past. But I mean, you going out and parting

587
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 1: and having a good time. I think it's fine. I

588
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: don't think it always has to lead to You don't

589
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: have to divulge that information to him. It doesn't necessarily

590
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: empower anybody to know that their person beforehand was out

591
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: and about and sleeping around. You're totally you know, everyone's

592
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: allowed to do that, of course, but it's definitely not

593
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 1: a necessary thing you want to do. I would definitely

594
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: I would parse those stories too, because you're not lying.

595
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: It's almost kind of you're lying for their benefit, and

596
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 1: you're not lying, you're withholding really well, I've been told

597
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: a mission is also lying. Yeah, I agree with you.

598
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: I mean, you don't need to share all this stuff.

599
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: It was it's a journey it's a journey and he

600
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: wasn't there for it, so he doesn't need to, you know,

601
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: he doesn't need to be a part of it. It

602
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: sounds also like you are kind of starting a new

603
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: phase in your life, not a new phase, and not

604
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: like you're gonna not do stuff that you like or

605
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: have fun or get wild or be loose over again.

606
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: But maybe it's a little bit more balanced with him,

607
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: and maybe those stories are just like their stories from

608
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: the past, from when you weren't really that person, or

609
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 1: you were just young, younger and you're wiser and you know,

610
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 1: older a little bit more, and it's just a journey

611
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 1: that you've been on. And also he's probably gonna see

612
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: this podcast, so he's gonna know, hey, what's up. Yeah,

613
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: we have a ton of straight guys listening to this podcast. Exactly.

614
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 1: I would just say to your friends, like they're telling

615
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: these stories because they're kind of trying to brag on you, right,

616
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 1: They're trying to say, like, look, how fun she is,

617
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 1: she's the best. These are these crazy stories. Maybe just

618
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: tell them like, hey, let's keep the hookups to a minimum,

619
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: but like tell other fun stories about me. Yeah, and

620
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: hopefully you won't be like my friend who did exactly

621
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: the opposite. When I told her not to, she was also, yeah,

622
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: that was she was having a hard night that night.

623
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: So I don't blame her because I couldn't otherwise it

624
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: would be too ridiculous. I told my girlfriend basically to

625
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: recap when I said earlier, I was like, Hey, my

626
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: boyfriend doesn't do drugs, don't tell too many drugs stories

627
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: about me. And then she proceeded to go from country

628
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: to country to country about different drugs we did in

629
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: countries where they're those drugs aren't legal anyway. So she's

630
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: hurting me on two levels. But yeah, I think what

631
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: Katie said is is right. You're in a different part

632
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 1: of your life too, and that's also worth mentioning, you know,

633
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: at certain points in your relationship, like I'm so glad

634
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 1: I met you at this time in my life, Like

635
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 1: I'm finally mature enough to appreciate this relationship, to reinforce

636
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 1: that that behavior is kind of not necessarily a thing

637
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 1: of the past, but more of like part of who

638
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: you were before you met him. And now you're going

639
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 1: into this phase. Obviously you're not going to go around

640
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: hooking up like that when you're in a new relationship

641
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: or a newer relationship, I should say, but there's no

642
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 1: reason to go into detail about any of that stuff.

643
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 1: Just one little thing to add. I mean, how young

644
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: are you, Stephanie. I'm seven, Okay, Okay, you're getting to

645
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: that you're getting to that age where like you're starting

646
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 1: to have real serious commitment relationships or half or every

647
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 1: relationship starts to feel like more serious. But I would

648
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: just say, in the relationship I'm in now, I've never

649
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: been more myself than I have, and that feels so good.

650
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 1: And I've been in other relationships where I've had to

651
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: hide parts of myself and play second fiddle or just

652
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: be smaller or like hiding right, and it all, it

653
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 1: all starts to like erupt. It becomes a volcano and

654
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: it comes out, and it becomes hysterical. And because you've

655
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:16,719
Speaker 1: suppressed it for so long. So if there's a way,

656
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: especially since you're in the new party relationship, where you

657
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: can kind of like drip feed him some of the

658
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:25,719
Speaker 1: truth so that it doesn't all explode at once, because

659
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 1: you've been like trying to play a different part just

660
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: so you can keep the relationship together. You know, I

661
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 1: think there'll probably be a lot more acceptance, um, and

662
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 1: it may not scare him as much. The truth really

663
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: is a cliche in that if he doesn't love you

664
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: for who you are, he's really not for you. Yeah,

665
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: which doesn't mean you have to frontload it. I think

666
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: what she's saying is right. Drip feeding is the best

667
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: way to be like accountable. So you're not a liar,

668
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But you're also not over divulging.

669
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 1: But you know, just be sensitive. It's like, think about

670
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: how you would feel if you heard about all the

671
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: girls he hooked up with. It's not necessary, yeah yeah, yeah,

672
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: definitely not giving him a laundry list, yeah yeah, But

673
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: but you know, continue to be who you are and

674
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: make sure you're not apologizing for anything you did in

675
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 1: the past, because that's you don't know anybody in apology

676
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 1: for anything. You don't owe people first and last names either,

677
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: because sometimes we don't remember those last names. You know,

678
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: you don't owe anybody that either. You're like you when

679
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,839
Speaker 1: you make the list in your twenties, are like, how

680
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 1: about when you make the list in your twenties and

681
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 1: you make it with it like you're with a girlfriends,

682
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: you're a grip of girlfriends. And then the next morning

683
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: you're like, wait, I forgot three people that came to me.

684
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: And then the next day I'm like, fuck, I forgot

685
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: three more people. Now, whenever I make any lists, I'm like,

686
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 1: I said to my assist. We were I'm hosting Jimmy

687
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 1: Kill for the week. She goes put together a list

688
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: of who you'd like to interview on the guest And

689
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: I made a list and then I was like, don't

690
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: send that yet. I'm like, I'll come up with like

691
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: any more names as I think about it. You know,

692
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:56,920
Speaker 1: like you have to keep your list going. So when

693
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: you make a list, give yourself three days for that list.

694
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 1: All right, well, thank you so much, thanks for calling in.

695
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: Good luck by. She made it sound like she just

696
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: like lived at Marty Gras for the first twenty years

697
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: of her life, and wouldn't that be fun? Yeah? Penetration

698
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 1: pussy land, Yeah, the p p P. Isn't that what

699
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 1: they were called? The no PPE your paychecks for COVID

700
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 1: Was that PPE or that the Protective gear Payment Protection Plan?

701
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 1: That was not to be confused with penetration? What was

702
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: the word land? That's your land? My land in Las

703
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 1: Vegas is Peri Playland. Please come visit? Yes, Hers, Yes,

704
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 1: please come visit. Well. Our next question comes from Paige.

705
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 1: Paige says, Dear Chelsea, in a recent episode with Bobby Burke,

706
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: you mentioned that you used to resort to yelling in arguments,

707
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: but have since turned the corner. I try sometimes. I

708
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 1: feel I'm in a relationship over a year with a

709
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,400
Speaker 1: man I completely adore, but I'm a hothead and I

710
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 1: often yell, like really yell. It's causing a huge rift

711
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,240
Speaker 1: in our progress, and I'm looking for practical ways to stop.

712
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy on and off for years, and

713
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,160
Speaker 1: I'm frustrated that I keep getting the same old, just

714
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 1: be mindful answer. I definitely try every day and have

715
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: for decades. Do you have any other practical advice books

716
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 1: or workshops you'd recommend? Thank you from your fellow blonde haired,

717
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 1: big breasted woman page. She's in good company today. We

718
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 1: all have on that first here, Katie. Do you want

719
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: to go first or shall I? It sounds like you've

720
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 1: got some rolling. Well, I just talked to my therapist

721
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,279
Speaker 1: about this very issue. My boyfriend and I went to

722
00:36:56,440 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 1: our first therapy session together because I would like to you,

723
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 1: you lifted up your arm because you're about to divulge

724
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 1: your boyfriend. That's a big one with my regular therapist though,

725
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:08,879
Speaker 1: like if this is the guy I used to see

726
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 1: all the time and I haven't seen him in a while,

727
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 1: but we wanted to I wanted to learn about communications. No,

728
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: everything we talked about starts with a P on this

729
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: part page. But he explained something that was very foundational

730
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,359
Speaker 1: and like good for everyone to remember. When you are

731
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 1: in a reaction mode, which is when you're yelling, you

732
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 1: are not You're not getting anywhere. It is pointless to yell.

733
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: I mean, think about being yelled at, and think about

734
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: yelling at a child, like you are never going to

735
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: get what you want out of somebody by yelling at them.

736
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 1: That doesn't work. So you have to calm down, You

737
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: have to take your time out, whatever you want to

738
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: call that. I say, I need a coconut, which means

739
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: I need a time out so I can calm down

740
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: and get into reception which means yes, I put out

741
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: some reggae and you get into receiving mode instead of

742
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: reactive mode. And when you're when you are reactive, nothing

743
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 1: can be solved in that moment of anger when you

744
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: are anger and you're yelling. Also, something to remember about

745
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:11,320
Speaker 1: yelling is it's a complete loss of control. Like anytime

746
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: you yell, you have lost control, and so do you

747
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: really want to be perceived as losing control all the time.

748
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: It's better to like think about it, internalize it. Go

749
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 1: sit by yourself, whether it's two minutes or twenty minutes

750
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: or a day, whatever you need until you can get

751
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 1: back to a place of reception and receiving and just go, okay,

752
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,879
Speaker 1: I'm ready to hear what you're saying. And if there's

753
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: just no reason to let it escalate like that, because

754
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 1: nobody likes to get yelled at, and you're gonna push

755
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: somebody away by doing that, I agree. That's a lot

756
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: of self control. God bless you. And you've been in

757
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 1: this relationship for how long? Shut up? Well, everything is

758
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 1: in the honeymoon phase. We're just we're actually just phasing

759
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 1: out of honeymoon phase. I have found that she's like

760
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:02,399
Speaker 1: I found yelling to be very effective. I found that,

761
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 1: you know, I know it sounds also like a cliche,

762
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 1: but like three deep breaths in through the nose and

763
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 1: out through the mouth, just like expands your options in

764
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: your brain to think differently than just like red red,

765
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 1: red red. And yeah, I think you were correct about

766
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 1: the whole, Like I know what it feels like to

767
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:21,799
Speaker 1: have been yelled at as like a child, so like

768
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,800
Speaker 1: remembering that and kind of going, oh, that never worked

769
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 1: with me, and knowing it's not going to work with

770
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 1: the other person. Although your partners usually see your best

771
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 1: and a lot of your worst sides because they're there

772
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 1: to be your mirrors. Orlando and I do couples therapy

773
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: and we love it because it just keeps us like

774
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 1: in tune, and the resentment can get really strong when

775
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: you're both working hard and God bless successful people in

776
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: the in the spotlight. And so when you want to

777
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:55,399
Speaker 1: come back to being normal in a domesticated world where

778
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 1: you have a child and stuff like that, you have

779
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 1: to like really learn how to be kind of different

780
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 1: out there in the big and in the small and

781
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,839
Speaker 1: so um, we've had a lot of success with that

782
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,280
Speaker 1: couples therapy. But she asked if there's like a treatment

783
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 1: or something like that. I went to this place. I'm

784
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: sure you've heard of it called the Hoffman Process. Yeah,

785
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: and I went there. Orlando went before me, was this

786
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: when you guys were buried? He went no when we

787
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 1: were dating, so he came back after going and wasn't

788
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: leaning into all of my bullshit, and so it was boring.

789
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:31,439
Speaker 1: It became boring, and I was like, we're breaking up then,

790
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 1: And then I had the worst year of my life,

791
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: not just because the relationship, just a lot of different

792
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,799
Speaker 1: things were changing and shifting from me, which I really

793
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,399
Speaker 1: truly believe was an opportunity for me to evolve and grow.

794
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: It's gonna be like, here we are at the fork

795
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: in the road. You're gonna take an hour? Are you're

796
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:47,359
Speaker 1: gonna take an r you know? And so a year

797
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 1: later I went to the Hoffman Process, and it is

798
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: amazing because it's a week long process, which they do

799
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 1: give scholarships out. It's it's kind of expensive, but I

800
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: would say it's the best value. You have no cell

801
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: phone and you just go kind of deep through different

802
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 1: exercises with other people actually, which is great because they

803
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 1: trigger you the whole time and then you work on

804
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 1: those triggers. But basically, it's a place you get to

805
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 1: go to where you rewire the neuropathways in your mind

806
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: and you get to the you basically get to discover

807
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: there's so much awareness. You get to discover why you

808
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 1: have these patterns and habits and where they're coming from.

809
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: And all of it's either coming from mom or it's

810
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: coming from that. So like if you're yelling, who yelled

811
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 1: at you? And it's it's a learned thing. Everything that

812
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 1: all the kids, like your your babies, they're really just

813
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 1: regurgitating everything they see and from you. So it's really

814
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 1: about the patterns um of our parents that you adopted,

815
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 1: and so you rewire those patterns to have to have

816
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 1: better success at life. And it profoundly changed my life.

817
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 1: It's like the number one thing I always recommend when

818
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 1: somebody is ready for that next level in life, for

819
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:08,280
Speaker 1: that shift if they're just over just like feeling stock

820
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 1: or depressed or traumatized or just like, uh, you know,

821
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 1: they're like, there's gotta be more to to life. This

822
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: is like this, I feel like it's where you find consciousness.

823
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:22,719
Speaker 1: It's where you find so much profound awareness and it's great.

824
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:24,839
Speaker 1: You couldn't recommend it more. Yeah, I've heard a lot

825
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: of great things about the Hoffman Institute. Is a Hoffman

826
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 1: Institute has process. Another thing to remember is when you

827
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,240
Speaker 1: are in that state of yelling, when you're in flight,

828
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 1: fight or freeze, which are those like things where you're

829
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,359
Speaker 1: being attacked or attacking, you're not in a place. If

830
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: you're in any of those moments, you're not in a

831
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: place to discuss the matter. That's when you need a

832
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 1: time out. If you feel like fighting, if you feel

833
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 1: like retreating and running away, or if you feel like

834
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 1: you're frozen. Those are three things to remember that you

835
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 1: need to take a time out. And so I would

836
00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: just really really recommend that you work hard on your yelling.

837
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: And if your therapist doesn't think that that's a problem,

838
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: you might need to find a new therapist that pushes

839
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 1: you a little bit more, yeah, or digs a little

840
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 1: bit deeper. Yeah, because that's basic, Like yeah, mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness,

841
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: I mean there's I love mindfulness, but like let's get

842
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: into the nitty gritty, Yeah, get under the hood. You know.

843
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,759
Speaker 1: Have you been in any really big arguments with your partner? Yeah? Yeah,

844
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,399
Speaker 1: we had one big one, which is why we ended

845
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: up going to therapy because I was like, well, let's

846
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,720
Speaker 1: nip this in the bud right away. I want to always,

847
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 1: you know, improve on my communication, and I'm an over

848
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 1: communicator where he's an under communicator. But he's never had

849
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:38,760
Speaker 1: you know, he's somebody who's mad and doesn't say anything

850
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: for three weeks and then it blows up and you're like,

851
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 1: what was this about. He's like when we were in Whistler.

852
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, Whistler, that was like a fucking months ago,

853
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 1: months ago, Like wait what So immediately not because he

854
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 1: keeps therapy. He loves the less exactly. It's because we

855
00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 1: need it, you know, as a couple and as my

856
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 1: therapy be said. You know, you're a Orlando's B together,

857
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 1: you're a B. That's a different language than what you

858
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 1: do by yourself and what Orlando does for himself. So

859
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 1: like you and your partner are two separate entities, but

860
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 1: when you come together, you have to be mindful of

861
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 1: the fact that he's not you. He's a completely separate

862
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: person that needs to be treated with like kindness and respect.

863
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 1: One other book actually that I would recommend to her

864
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 1: is The Dance of Anger. That's one to read a

865
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 1: sad because it helps with dealing with anger all that

866
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 1: stuff that comes up. But also like one of the

867
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: pieces of advice I always give to people who are

868
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 1: getting married, is do go to bed angry. I find

869
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 1: that for us, like my husband and I are both yellers,

870
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: and I find that like we can get in these

871
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 1: circular things when we're tired or yes, tired, hungry or

872
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 1: maybe a little tipsy or whatever, and if you just

873
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 1: go to sleep, you wake up and you're like, what

874
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 1: were we fighting about? And you're just like well rested

875
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:59,400
Speaker 1: and its better, Like I'm always like so much nicer

876
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:02,800
Speaker 1: in the morning if I've gotten you know, seven is

877
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: showers of sleep. You wake up and you're like, how

878
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: can I like look at you and still be pissed.

879
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like give me, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna

880
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,840
Speaker 1: try for the first five minutes. But if you're still cold,

881
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 1: then we're gonna go back. Yeah. Right, But if you

882
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: decide to meet me on that soft suite halfway, then

883
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:24,280
Speaker 1: we're going to be like Because some people, like my boyfriend,

884
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 1: can't go to bed angry. They need to talk it out.

885
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 1: They want to talk it out talk talk talk, talk talk,

886
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 1: And it's like that that is a personality trait too,

887
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 1: So you have to be respectful when people do want

888
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 1: to do that, like I do want to go to

889
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 1: bed also and be like I'll see you tomorrow. But

890
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 1: you know, with him, he's so sensitive that like I

891
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: have to sit there with him and like, you know,

892
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: figure it out together, which you know is good. I'm

893
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: glad I have to be outside of my comfort zone

894
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 1: and and compromise. Yeah, that's growth, Yeah, evolution, evolution, It's

895
00:45:56,200 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 1: a life worth living. So there you go. Problem solved. YEA.

896
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: Well we'll take a quick break for some ads and

897
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:15,760
Speaker 1: be back with Chelsea and Katie and where Katie fantastic? Well, Katie,

898
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: was there any advice that you wanted to ask for

899
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: from Chelsea? Oh? That's good, yes, thank you. Do you

900
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: find it's different for you compared to your male counterparts.

901
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 1: Do you find that there's a certain line not to cross,

902
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 1: or that some people can be spicier comedians. Do you

903
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: find if you started out really spicy, you can stay

904
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: spicy your whole life or do you kind of have

905
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 1: to be a little bit more aware or what I mean?

906
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 1: I think that you know the boundaries that have been

907
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: put in or the parameters that have been placed, you know,

908
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 1: on performers and especially comedians, Like I don't have a

909
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:56,760
Speaker 1: problem with that. I like that that that forces you

910
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 1: to be more clever in my opinion, you know, it

911
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 1: forces you to think outside of your own experience and

912
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 1: to focus on the real issue at hand. Like for

913
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:06,520
Speaker 1: me right now, what I'm doing in my set, it's like,

914
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: you know, I'm talking not only but this is a

915
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 1: big issue, is talking to white men about their resistance

916
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: to accepting all different walks of life, like they are

917
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,720
Speaker 1: the only people kind of prolonging this, this this cancel culture,

918
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 1: you know, the resistance to the cancel culture and arguing

919
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 1: with it, like you know, we're not being sexist or

920
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: we're not being racist. It's like, hey, you're not the

921
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: judge of who's being treated in a racist or sexist way.

922
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: As an individual white male, your opinion is relevant because

923
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: you're not the victim of it. You're the perpetrator. And

924
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:40,879
Speaker 1: that's not to say every man is a perpetrator, because

925
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,359
Speaker 1: certainly that isn't the case. Not all men are bad.

926
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 1: But I think it's important to bring attention to the

927
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:49,280
Speaker 1: subjects that we're all kind of tiptoeing around because people

928
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 1: don't want to say the wrong thing. It's like, it's

929
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 1: about I think it's a responsibility for every comedian to

930
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 1: lift up all the people that aren't getting that kind

931
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,919
Speaker 1: of respect, that aren't being treated like a white male

932
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,959
Speaker 1: that you know, like the entire trans community, the entire

933
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 1: LGBTQ community. It's like it is you know some people.

934
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 1: I have just had this conversation with this weekend with

935
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 1: the comic and he's like, it's not my responsibility. He goes,

936
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 1: I accept them. I don't have to sing their praises.

937
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: I go, acceptance isn't enough. You have a platform that

938
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: a lot of people are listening to and they're taking

939
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 1: your lead on things, and by not going abad for

940
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: those people, you're missing a huge opportunity for accepted. Like

941
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: if you accept them, then how many other thousands, millions

942
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:33,399
Speaker 1: of people are going to accept them? Right? So, and

943
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,359
Speaker 1: he was like, well, I didn't think about it that way.

944
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I know you didn't think about it

945
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: that way, and you're not a bad guy, But being

946
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,879
Speaker 1: accepting of a certain lifestyle in this climate, I don't

947
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,840
Speaker 1: think it's enough. I think you actively have to speak

948
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:48,720
Speaker 1: out about it, and you actively have to let about

949
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 1: the injustice, about the injustice about being welcoming to people

950
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 1: so that they feel included, that they don't feel like

951
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: you know you, how would you feel if that was

952
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,240
Speaker 1: your child that had to come out to her parents

953
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:01,720
Speaker 1: because you wanted to transition to become a man, because

954
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 1: she feels like she was born in the wrong body, Like,

955
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 1: how would you do? How would you do that? How

956
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: would you deal with that if you were your child?

957
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 1: You have to think about that on a global level, right,

958
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:14,800
Speaker 1: Like you want to be compassionate and empathetic to everybody,

959
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 1: and especially the people that have the biggest targets on

960
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 1: their back and are the most discriminated against. And then

961
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 1: he was like, well, you're giving white guys such a

962
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 1: hard time. I'm like, because you guys are the last

963
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 1: line of defense. You're in charge of everything. So if

964
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 1: we don't move you, we're doing it all by ourselves.

965
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 1: All like marginalized groups have to help each other, right,

966
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 1: So what if we just got enough of you guys

967
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: to get on board, and you should be you should

968
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 1: be fighting for our rights. It's you know, economically, all

969
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 1: this data backs up. You know everybody does better when

970
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 1: everybody does better, not when there's divisiveness. So I don't

971
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:51,880
Speaker 1: know if that answers your question. Really, I mean, I

972
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,879
Speaker 1: think it like kind of circles your question because that's

973
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: my focus has I think what I've learned from this

974
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 1: whole movement in the last four to five years, between

975
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:03,359
Speaker 1: times up between me too, between what we've learned about

976
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 1: men and everything, the advantages that they've gotten just by

977
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 1: being white males. I think it is I have a

978
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:13,240
Speaker 1: sense of responsibility to buck against you know, and say, hey,

979
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 1: this isn't enough. You know, you got to do better. Yeah.

980
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 1: And I think your messaging, well, your comedy is funny messaging,

981
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 1: but it's layered. I think we all get into this

982
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 1: may because we want to tell a story, we want

983
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 1: to represent someone or or what I see from you

984
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 1: is you've gone from like okay, how do I get

985
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 1: that laugh too? How do I like leave my mark,

986
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: or how do I help a situation or influence some change? Yeah,

987
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 1: in folk thought right, in your in your way, in

988
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: your funny kind of like pokey way. It's fun. It's

989
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: a it's a fun way to poke the bear. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.

990
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 1: I wish I didn't have I mean, you know, we

991
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:52,440
Speaker 1: all wish we didn't have to. I wish there were

992
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 1: no rules that everyone can do whatever they want. But

993
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,359
Speaker 1: we've learned that look where we are today, that doesn't work.

994
00:50:57,520 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 1: We have to be sensitive. You know. My my trainer

995
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 1: this morning goes, I just heard a story about this

996
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 1: kid at school. They don't even they don't even you know,

997
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 1: use points at sports in school anymore. They don't. There's

998
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 1: no scoring. Everybody's getting so soft. I go, maybe because

999
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:13,919
Speaker 1: we're too hard. You know. I don't have kids, so

1000
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 1: I don't know that. But like where whatever we've done

1001
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 1: is it got us to this place, which isn't the

1002
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: best view of America. A lot of a lot of

1003
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 1: that is content and comments. A lot of that's like

1004
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 1: never ever, you know, in the history of civilization where

1005
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:35,719
Speaker 1: we ever supposed to, you know, digest and consume everyone's

1006
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:39,240
Speaker 1: opinion all at once. Yes, So I mean that's really

1007
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 1: how to profound change on our our minds and our wellness,

1008
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 1: our mental wellness. How do you handle that aspect of

1009
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:50,480
Speaker 1: everything like social media? Reading things about yourself articles, What

1010
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: is your philosophy on that? Well? I used to get

1011
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 1: to me, but I don't read it really, And I

1012
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: like to say, I post and ghost these days, so

1013
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 1: I'm not really scrolling anymore. And every once in a

1014
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,200
Speaker 1: while I'll engage, But it's it's so you know, I

1015
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: personally think WWWE stands for wild Wild West. It's wild

1016
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: out there on the internet. You can, you know, you

1017
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:15,280
Speaker 1: can have your confidence taken away from you in a second.

1018
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 1: You can have your career taken away for you. It's

1019
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:20,240
Speaker 1: wild out there, so you really have to navigate well.

1020
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 1: But you know, I just have a lot of compassion

1021
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: for these young kids that are going through it, that

1022
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: have thirteen to twenty followers that are all in their classroom,

1023
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 1: and it's like they go through so much emotion if

1024
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:38,240
Speaker 1: someone doesn't like, or someone doesn't comment, or someone does comment,

1025
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:41,880
Speaker 1: or someone blocks. I mean, it's the end of their world,

1026
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: you know. And I and not to compare, but just

1027
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: to say, like, I mean, you should see the the

1028
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:49,839
Speaker 1: crazy shit I've had to block, you know, or like

1029
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 1: that I've seen, or because come at me, or the

1030
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: photoshop of some dark ass ship. Right, But it's really

1031
00:52:57,040 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 1: shaping these young kids minds and and they or how

1032
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 1: they are in life, whether that is I think they're

1033
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 1: hit over the head a lot on social media every

1034
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:08,400
Speaker 1: single day, and so when they go into the real

1035
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 1: world then they feel fragile already because of you know,

1036
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:14,480
Speaker 1: there are a few hours every day that they are

1037
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:17,720
Speaker 1: on social media. It's not building a confidence, it's breaking

1038
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 1: down their confidence. So when they get into the real world,

1039
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 1: they really don't have any confidence. Man, gen Z has

1040
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 1: it rough. I don't know. I'm so confused by every generation.

1041
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 1: I'm like jen Is jen X after gen Z. Well,

1042
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:34,759
Speaker 1: my daughter's alphaeration new generation. Yeah, I just got her

1043
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,359
Speaker 1: work cut out for her. Yeah, she does, she does,

1044
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 1: but hopefully she's got some some good representation that you

1045
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 1: know that goes to therapy and gets advice from Chelsea

1046
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,040
Speaker 1: Jays is going to be calling in the podcast in

1047
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:50,880
Speaker 1: no time. I've already spoken to her a couple of times.

1048
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:57,240
Speaker 1: She'll be like, excuse me, what do you think of Elmo? Katie?

1049
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here, Thanks for letting us use

1050
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 1: your studio and it matches our podcast colors serendipitous. Yeah,

1051
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 1: and I love that this is your studio. It's so cool.

1052
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:09,439
Speaker 1: But thank you so much for giving me your time.

1053
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:10,880
Speaker 1: I know how busy you are and I love you

1054
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 1: so much. Thank you. This was fun giving advice together. Yeah,

1055
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 1: you're really good at it. It It sounds like you know

1056
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 1: you said, you said you like an over communicator. You

1057
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 1: definitely like let people know what what, what to do,

1058
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,719
Speaker 1: when to do it, and how to how to do it.

1059
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:29,759
Speaker 1: I love that because I'm a super direct person and

1060
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want any gray area. I

1061
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 1: want to just know, you know. Yeah, I like we

1062
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 1: should hang out, although we probably would like tell each

1063
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 1: other too much of the truth. Who cares? Great, I

1064
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: mean there's a lack of truth. Don't tell Joe. Yeah, great?

1065
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:48,360
Speaker 1: Over a G and T. Well, I'll see you at Kentucky.

1066
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:51,240
Speaker 1: So okay, I see you and come back. Thank you, Katie,

1067
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,239
Speaker 1: love you guys. Thanks. So. If you'd like to ask

1068
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:57,920
Speaker 1: Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project at

1069
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:01,319
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.