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Speaker 1: This is John, This is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts. We have some spectacular stories coming up, but

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Speaker 1: real quick, we got a two minute break from our

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Speaker 1: lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing.

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Speaker 2: I just had a surgery and my husband is the

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Speaker 2: worst nurse ever.

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Speaker 3: Uh fired.

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Speaker 2: Lately, we've been a little rocky as I feel like

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Speaker 2: we're not a team. We took a road trip with

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Speaker 2: his friend and his friend chewed me out over something

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Speaker 2: really petty on the drive home. I feel like we're

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Speaker 2: in the middle of the story right now. Didn't stand

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Speaker 2: up for me, didn't tell his friend to shut the

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Speaker 2: f up, and was and I was really heartbroken because

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Speaker 2: his friend is like a decade younger than us, and

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Speaker 2: I saw him as something like your cousin.

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Speaker 3: That's icky.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this.

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Speaker 2: Comes from Throwaway oh one oh one one, and if

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Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 2: r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 4: So we invited him into our home.

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Speaker 2: All the time, we hung out regularly, he spent Thanksgiving

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Speaker 2: with us, and on this road trip, him and my

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Speaker 2: husband had things to do during the day. So I

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Speaker 2: ove this friend around San Diego for eight hours, showing

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Speaker 2: him the sights. My husband and his friend are in

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Speaker 2: the military. This friend had never been to California, which

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Speaker 2: is where we were from. I was really upset by

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Speaker 2: the way I was treated by this now former friend,

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Speaker 2: but I was more upset that my husband dragged me

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Speaker 2: into what seemed like a pre started argument and then

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Speaker 2: sat in silence while I got yelled at.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, uh, totally inappropriate, totally inappropriate. It seems like we

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Speaker 3: really were just kind of put into the middle of

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Speaker 3: the action.

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Speaker 4: Yeah for a nurse.

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Speaker 3: No, well, the nurse comes later, but I guess, yeah,

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Speaker 3: but we are we are straight in the middle of

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Speaker 3: the action. Op is on a road trip and her

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Speaker 3: husband's friend sucks.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 2: This incident was quickly followed up with a visit from

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Speaker 2: my husband's father, who treats me terribly, constant comments about

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Speaker 2: what a bad housekeeper I am.

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Speaker 3: I'm not.

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Speaker 2: He, on the other hand, is a hoarder and the

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Speaker 2: messiest person I've met in my life, constantly underminding my

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Speaker 2: parenting decisions in general, constantly trying to pick fights with me.

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Speaker 2: I brought this up with my husband, and he never

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Speaker 2: stood up for me, never told his dad to knock

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Speaker 2: it off again, just didn't really have my back.

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Speaker 4: That brings us to this week.

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Speaker 2: I had surgery on Monday in the sacricoci ageal area.

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Speaker 2: This is my fifth surgery and I keep having complications.

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Speaker 2: I healed from my last surgery very quickly. This time

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Speaker 2: did not go smoothly. So Monday, I'm still messed up

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Speaker 2: from anesthesia, unable to go up and down the stairs.

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Speaker 3: With no help.

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Speaker 2: I was pretty much left on the couch with our

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Speaker 2: two year old.

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Speaker 3: You guys have a two year old and he's not outit.

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Speaker 2: Uh, And he left to go to the game store.

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Speaker 2: He plays Warhammer forty K. I was pretty upset, but

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Speaker 2: our house was a mess and my mom was coming

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Speaker 2: to visit to help take care of me, and I

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Speaker 2: was so embarrassed she'd see the house like this. So

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Speaker 2: I had him promise to clean the house if I

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Speaker 2: let him go play games. And he promised. He WHOA,

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Speaker 2: you're not his mother, Why are we making promises with

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Speaker 2: this man?

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Speaker 3: Promised that you'll clean the house and I'll let you play.

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Speaker 5: Your video games.

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Speaker 3: You should because.

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Speaker 4: Your allowance you shouldn't have.

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Speaker 3: You shouldn't have to like, couldn't like bribe him with

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Speaker 3: video games to get him to clean the house.

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Speaker 4: After your fifth surgery.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, after three hours.

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Speaker 2: I begged him to come home because I needed help,

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Speaker 2: and at that time he'd been gone three hours. He

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Speaker 2: came home over an hour after my pleading phone calls,

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Speaker 2: where at four hours. Now, oh my gosh, surprise, surprise.

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Speaker 2: He didn't clean the house. But then he started saying

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Speaker 2: he was going to go back to California this Saturday

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Speaker 2: to play in some tournament for forty k I told

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Speaker 2: him that would be incredibly left up, seeing as I

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Speaker 2: can hardly move. I told him I was in a

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Speaker 2: lot of pain, and he got kind of an and

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Speaker 2: asked if I was just saying that because I didn't

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Speaker 2: want him to leave. This hurt my feelings for a

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Speaker 2: lot of reasons reasonably so. Firstly, I'm not a manipulative

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Speaker 2: person like that. Secondly, I'm not codependent. He's in the military.

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Speaker 2: We spend long stretches of time apart. A weekend doesn't

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Speaker 2: really concern me. He begrudgingly agrees to stay. Later, we

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Speaker 2: get news that his one hundred and four year old

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Speaker 2: great grandmother is about to pass away. I asked him

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Speaker 2: if it's important to go home to California to say

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Speaker 2: his goodbyes.

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Speaker 4: He keeps talking about how he can go to this tournament.

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Speaker 3: Now that's crazy, that's great. You're like, oh, I'm so sorry,

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Speaker 3: Like whatever you need, you's ay, I need a new

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Speaker 3: gaming console.

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Speaker 1: I can go play video games.

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Speaker 5: Now.

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Speaker 2: I was furious and told him I didn't want him going.

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Speaker 2: If he left me in this state, it should only

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Speaker 2: be to say goodbye to his great great grandma, who,

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Speaker 2: by the way, he didn't seem to care, was a

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Speaker 2: about to pass away. Now my mom's here and I'm

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Speaker 2: so embarrassed by the state of our house. I'm trying

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Speaker 2: to clean up, and I'm really effing up my healing.

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Speaker 2: I do feel like a mother would not care, though,

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Speaker 2: but and yeah, it would help out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean maybe he's like, I'm embarrassed that she

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Speaker 3: sees that my husband is doing literally nothing.

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Speaker 4: And I get that part because it's sad.

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Speaker 3: It's sad. You have a two year old and he's

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Speaker 3: saying that he's gotta go leave to go play in

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Speaker 3: a tournament.

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Speaker 4: And not say goodbye to his grandmother.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, not to say goodbye to his grandmother great what

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Speaker 3: a great grandmother? And also, you had surgery, so you

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Speaker 3: can't even take care of your child on your.

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Speaker 2: Own right now, and you know that you're messing up

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Speaker 2: your healing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I have a wound back on which is attached to

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Speaker 2: my incision, and when I move around, the vacuum just

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Speaker 2: fills up with blood and jump because I'm supposed to

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Speaker 2: be taking it easy and despite this, he still won't help.

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Speaker 3: I'm divorced.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he's lazy.

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Speaker 3: You see the blood coming from your body and he's like, Mama,

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Speaker 3: gonna help you.

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Speaker 2: By the way, I only want the kitchen cleaned. I

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Speaker 2: haven't even been eating. It's all his mess.

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Speaker 3: This sounds like a child.

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Speaker 4: This is a child.

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Speaker 2: I already cleaned the house right before my mom arrived,

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Speaker 2: put myself in a world of pain, and it's a

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Speaker 2: disaster again, and he refuses to help.

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Speaker 3: He took a.

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Speaker 2: Week of leave and is just sitting around the house

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Speaker 2: driving me up the effing wall.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: He took off war took on.

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Speaker 3: Is it helping you?

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Speaker 2: He took off work to help heal?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know what to do anymore.

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Speaker 2: I'm about to graduate from college and I have so

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Speaker 2: much on my plate right now.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, girl, you're doing catch.

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Speaker 2: A little help from him would be nice, but I

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Speaker 2: feel like he's not helping me with anything. And we

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Speaker 2: do have some comments. Comment one, do.

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Speaker 4: Not clean the house.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that wound needs to heal, hire in a cleaner,

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Speaker 2: and have meals delivered. When he says he's going to

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Speaker 2: Californiamy tell him that you have spent the money on

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Speaker 2: being taken care of and that he can walk if

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Speaker 2: he wants to go that badly. The single most important

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Speaker 2: thing right now is that you look after yourself and

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Speaker 2: heal up that wound. I'm guessing a pillin idl sinus.

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Speaker 2: My husband had one of those vacuum wound thingies. Lie down,

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Speaker 2: get your Netflix on, get the phone, and hire in

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Speaker 2: a cleaner and a food delivery service. One effing peep

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Speaker 2: out of him and let him have it with both

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Speaker 2: barrels about how if he had done what he was

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Speaker 2: supposed to have done, you wouldn't have had to take

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Speaker 2: these measures.

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Speaker 4: Also, stop worrying about your mom.

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Speaker 2: Stick her on your husband if you think it will help,

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Speaker 2: but accept her help gracefully.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I agree with that one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: And the food delivery slash cleaning is a terrible fix

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Speaker 2: because your husband should do it.

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Speaker 3: But genius but yeah, like if the answer right now,

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Speaker 3: is you doing it? No, don't mess up your healing.

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Speaker 2: Oh and ope, he responds, Yeah, it was a pilon

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Speaker 2: needle sinus five surgeries ago. Uh for the life last year,

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Speaker 2: it's just been a huge open wound.

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Speaker 4: Thanks for your response.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it's hard to back away from the cleaning supplies,

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Speaker 2: but you're right, and we have an update.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you need to do everything that that common said,

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Speaker 3: and also have a huge conversation with your husband saying

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Speaker 3: I feel like you do not support me. We need

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Speaker 3: counseling because this isn't working. Update.

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Speaker 2: I want to thank everyone for the responses. Some made

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Speaker 2: me laugh, some made me think. What's important is I

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Speaker 2: got some perspective on the situation, which I needed.

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Speaker 3: Well.

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Speaker 2: I took the overwhelming advice and decided to lawyer up

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Speaker 2: and leave his butt because he was obviously cheating on me.

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Speaker 4: Okay, wait nah, just kidding.

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Speaker 3: Oh ah whoo whoa. I was like, okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: Girl, you got us Nah, just kidding. Actually I ended

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Speaker 2: up in the er with some complications. No, no, they

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Speaker 2: were not caused by me stubbornly cleaning the house. And

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Speaker 2: I'm a little disappointed because I don't think the procedure

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Speaker 2: was a success.

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Speaker 5: Yess.

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Speaker 2: I'll know more about that in a few days. My

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Speaker 2: update isn't too exciting, but I talked to him and

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Speaker 2: I basically told him what I said in my post.

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Speaker 2: I felt like we weren't a team. I felt like

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Speaker 2: he wasn't taking care of me, et cetera. He said,

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Speaker 2: didn't I just sit with you for four hours in

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Speaker 2: the er? Then I felt like a butt and said, yes,

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Speaker 2: but you're letting the house get out of hand. You

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Speaker 2: left me right after my surgery to play games, and

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Speaker 2: you kept trying to leave this weekend to play games

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Speaker 2: in California. So he apologized and said he didn't realize

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Speaker 2: I was so messed up on Monday my last surgery

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Speaker 2: bounced back up so quickly he assumed it would be

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Speaker 2: the same this time. He apologized and admitted his behavior

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Speaker 2: was pretty effed up.

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Speaker 3: Oh okay, okay, all right, Ben?

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Speaker 4: Did he clean the house up?

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Speaker 3: Did he?

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Speaker 2: Did he?

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Speaker 3: You know? Follow through?

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Speaker 1: Now?

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Speaker 2: I honestly think Reddit sometimes goes overboard with therapy recommendations.

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Speaker 3: I think therapy is ever a bad idea, always a

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Speaker 3: good resort.

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Speaker 5: Uh.

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Speaker 2: But someone who responded to my last post asked about

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Speaker 2: how how his behavior was after I gave birth, and

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Speaker 2: the truth is I had a C section and had

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Speaker 2: a really hard recovery, and he was kind of the same.

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Speaker 2: I guess for a while, I felt like he hasn't

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Speaker 2: had my back. I just haven't been able to really

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Speaker 2: articulate it. So I told him I thought we should

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Speaker 2: talk to a therapist about it, because I think we

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Speaker 2: have some things we need to work out.

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Speaker 3: This is what I said.

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Speaker 2: Also, I didn't mention this in my last post, but

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Speaker 2: we recently PCs to a new base and it's kind

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Speaker 2: of messed up my education plans because there are no

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Speaker 2: grad school options for me here and my bachelor's is

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Speaker 2: sort of useless on its own. Then I started talking

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Speaker 2: about moving back in with my folks so I could

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Speaker 2: finish school and get some space. That really upset him,

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Speaker 2: and he said, let's do therapy. Let's work out whatever

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Speaker 2: we need to work out. I don't want you to leave.

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Speaker 2: I want you to stay here as a family. I

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Speaker 2: want you here with me.

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Speaker 3: By the way, you.

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Speaker 4: Can be here with us.

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Speaker 2: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast

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Speaker 2: app and search. Okay, storytime, we have another update, But

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Speaker 2: what are we thinking.

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Speaker 3: Uh, the thing is, I think that was a good talk.

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Speaker 3: We still don't know if he cleaned anything. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: need to see.

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Speaker 4: The behavior change before I'm like, we're good.

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Speaker 3: I don't even think that'll be was necessarily saying I

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Speaker 3: want to separate. I think she was just saying I

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Speaker 3: want to finish school.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded just like because they relocated. She was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna finish my masters.

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Speaker 3: Which I think that you should, you know, put some

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Speaker 3: priority on that. Because he's got his own thing, he's

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Speaker 3: doing his military stuff. I think that you should be

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Speaker 3: able to you should tell him like, I've had to

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Speaker 3: go through a lot trying to, you know, get all

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Speaker 3: these surgeries and stuff, and then feeling like I've not

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Speaker 3: been supported. I am not leaving you, but I do

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Speaker 3: want to finish this thing for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, or at the very least online school if you can.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's finish it. Yes, So my education is sort

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Speaker 4: of up in the air. But maybe I'll do online.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: But we did have a good talk, and my husband

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Speaker 2: is a good guy. I think he was just making

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Speaker 2: some stud good choices and didn't realize how upset it

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Speaker 2: was making me. Someone commented that I was a pushover,

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Speaker 2: and that's not true.

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Speaker 4: But instead of having.

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Speaker 2: A big talk about things, I tend to make a

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Speaker 2: lot of comments, which comes across as nagging, I think,

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Speaker 2: and he tends to tune the nagging out. Probably something

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Speaker 2: we can work on in therapy, definitely something. As for

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Speaker 2: his failure to clean, he acknowledged that his standard of

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Speaker 2: clean was probably nowhere near mine, but he'd make an effort. Okay,

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Speaker 2: but if you've been with someone that long, you know

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Speaker 2: their standard of clean and you can match that for them,

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Speaker 2: especially after surgery.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, come on.

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Speaker 2: He was a lot more helpful today and he even

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Speaker 2: cleaned the kitchen, which was really nice, which was the

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Speaker 2: bare minimum. And that's the end of that story. Wow,

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Speaker 2: so he did clean the kitchen.

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Speaker 3: That's all we wanted. I mean, you want more, but

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Speaker 3: that's all that wanted. At least.

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Speaker 2: It's a it's a start. Yeah, therapy will be good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely. But yeah, don't don't drop your dreams.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, never drop your dreams for a man, no or

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Speaker 2: a partner.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to postpone my stepdaughter's visit. Her mother got furious.

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Speaker 2: Postpone it forever, basically for context. My husband has a daughter,

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Speaker 2: fourteen female from a previous relationship. She has many disabilities

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Speaker 2: that require my extensive care and monitoring. When me and

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Speaker 2: my husband got together, his daughter brought up wanting to

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Speaker 2: stay over summers, and we said, sure, if it's okay

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Speaker 2: with bio mom. By the way, this comes from Worried

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Speaker 2: Coconut twenty six eighty two, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 2: storytime supreddit. So bio mom agreed and it's been happening

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Speaker 2: ever since. Usually I love the arrangement. She's a great

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Speaker 2: kid and I love her to pieces, and her mom

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Speaker 2: sends money for us to support her through the summer.

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Speaker 2: My husband pays her through the year and sends his

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Speaker 2: daughter an allowance too. The thing is, this summer, I'll

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Speaker 2: be expecting a baby boy after a long and difficult pregnancy,

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Speaker 2: and I know I'll be pretty tired. This may sound selfish,

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Speaker 2: but I'd prefer to limit the house to only having

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Speaker 2: to take care of my bio kids because my sister

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Speaker 2: will be helping, since I'll most likely be in the

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Speaker 2: nick you for a quick minute.

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Speaker 4: As my baby is very high risk.

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Speaker 2: I had pre acclamsia scare, and they're still running tests.

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Speaker 2: In the past, all my kids were winter or spring babies,

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Speaker 2: and I was at least six weeks postpartum by the

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Speaker 2: time she came to visit. So in January, two months

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Speaker 2: after we learned I was high risk, I brought it

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Speaker 2: up to my husband that I wanted to postpone her

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Speaker 2: summer visit. This made him pretty upset at first. I

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Speaker 2: told him I'm not stopping him from taking weekends or

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Speaker 2: even a week or so to go spend time with her.

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Speaker 2: I just couldn't handle her in the house the full

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Speaker 2: summer because it would stir up lots of energy with

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Speaker 2: her step siblings, and this pregnancy was so draining. I

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Speaker 2: needed to relax and and not worry over another kid

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Speaker 2: with my newborn. Also, if there's a nick you stay,

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Speaker 2: my sister will be staying at our house and it's

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Speaker 2: not fair for her to have to watch an extra kid.

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Speaker 2: Stepdaughter also has extensive disabilities that my sister would need

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Speaker 2: to learn to care for. I also told him that

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Speaker 2: I'd be open to having her come stay the month

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Speaker 2: of August because I'll have recovered mostly by then four

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Speaker 2: weeks postpartum. He wasn't exactly thrilled, but he ended up

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Speaker 2: seeing my side and giving in, saying August was fine

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Speaker 2: and he'd take her on a trip for April break

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Speaker 2: to make it up to her. I took the initiative

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Speaker 2: to call his ex, the daughter's mom, to tell her

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Speaker 2: we wanted to postpone until August because I was high

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Speaker 2: risk and needed time to myself.

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Speaker 4: She went off.

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Speaker 2: She said she already planned an anniversary trip with her

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Speaker 2: husband in July and she didn't want to bring daughter.

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Speaker 2: She told me I should suck it up, and I'm

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Speaker 2: ruining their relationship by doing this.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, I understand that you'd probably be a little

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Speaker 3: bit bothered to have plans chained. But she's having a baby.

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Speaker 3: She's high risk, a high risk baby, Like, you know,

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Speaker 3: maybe we could cut some slack here.

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Speaker 2: I wonder when they told her yes us though, because

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Speaker 2: if it is super last minute, you've had a book trip,

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00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:14,640
Speaker 2: like yeah, I would.

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00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,440
Speaker 3: That would you're a high risk? But yeah, I get

365
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,160
Speaker 3: that's yeah. I guess it's when when did you find out?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,120
Speaker 3: Or when did she find out? When did you? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: But if you've given her an ample time, I'm fully

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Speaker 4: with you on because.

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Speaker 3: You probably would have known.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're doing July, and I would say, haven't

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00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:37,400
Speaker 2: told her by like February March?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, probably March March.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's definitely probably around then. If you're planning to

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Speaker 2: take stepdaughter on an April trip.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, so I think that would be fine if

377
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,240
Speaker 3: you gave her that much time. Yeah.

378
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,800
Speaker 2: She told me I should suck it up, and I'm

379
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:58,080
Speaker 2: ruining their relationship by doing this. I tried explaining the situation,

380
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:02,960
Speaker 2: how I'd just been scared with popsible pre clamsia GD

381
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,119
Speaker 2: and my husband would be working and I would be

382
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,600
Speaker 2: sick and tired. She didn't care and refuse to find

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00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,639
Speaker 2: somewhere else for her daughter to go for the beginning

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00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,840
Speaker 2: of the summer, or to just keep her at home.

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Speaker 2: I also told her, if she gave us the money

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Speaker 2: she would have given us, we could use it to

387
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,400
Speaker 2: give to her grandparents and fly her out to them,

388
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 2: or she could do so herself with all that money,

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Speaker 2: all of which she refused. I also said she could

390
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Speaker 2: give us the money to hire a nanny or caretaker,

391
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 2: which she also refused.

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00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,360
Speaker 4: That was the option that.

393
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,920
Speaker 3: I was Yeah, that's a great option.

394
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,520
Speaker 4: Have her still come when you have the baby.

395
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, but like hire someone specifically.

396
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,080
Speaker 4: Hire someone to take care of all the kids, because.

397
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:45,760
Speaker 2: Absolutely she said she's paying us to take the kid,

398
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 2: not someone else, and that she's going to be staying

399
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,320
Speaker 2: with us. Okay, uh, but I can't help but feel

400
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,000
Speaker 2: bad about causing this rift and keeping them apart for

401
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 2: longer when it's a tradition that's been happening for ten

402
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,080
Speaker 2: years since me and my husband got together. It wasn't

403
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,680
Speaker 2: a thing before. Then should I just let her come?

404
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 2: And I forgot a major detail. Stepdaughter has ADHD, type

405
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,399
Speaker 2: one diabetes and autism. She would not be able to

406
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,399
Speaker 2: help with the baby much, and her care is on

407
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,440
Speaker 2: my shoulders since my husband isn't great at handling her

408
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 2: insulin schedule.

409
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 3: He needs to learn how to handle her insulin schedule.

410
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 3: This is his daughter, This is that's ridiculous. This is

411
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 3: his daughter. He needs to know. That's like dangerous.

412
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,480
Speaker 4: That's an insane reasoning to throw in here.

413
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,960
Speaker 3: I have to handle it because he doesn't know that's

414
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,360
Speaker 3: his daughter. This is your stepdaughter who you clearly love

415
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,639
Speaker 3: and care deeply for. Yeah, that is his daughter. He

416
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,160
Speaker 3: needs to learn how to manage or medical needs. Yeah,

417
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 3: totally irresponsible.

418
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,000
Speaker 2: Okay, and here's some more information on that.

419
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 3: Though.

420
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,560
Speaker 2: He can when need be, but the insulin pump really

421
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,439
Speaker 2: scares him.

422
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 3: Okay, get over it.

423
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 4: He has a phobia of needles.

424
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,760
Speaker 2: Also, he inserted it wrong once and is worried about

425
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:55,919
Speaker 2: it whenever he tries.

426
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, go freaking to a class.

427
00:18:59,040 --> 00:18:59,959
Speaker 4: I'm scared of needles.

428
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 3: But if it's someone's life saving thing, it's someone your

429
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 3: daughter's life saving thing.

430
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 1: Get over I don't care door.

431
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 2: Yourself, dude, but he does step up to do it

432
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,400
Speaker 2: when they're alone, so we can do it. Do it.

433
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 2: I grew up with a sister with type one diabetes

434
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,280
Speaker 2: and know how to handle it, so it's usually my task.

435
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 2: If she comes, it will be my job to wake

436
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 2: up throughout the night, early mornings and monitor throughout the

437
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,400
Speaker 2: day because even if I have outside support, I can't

438
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,520
Speaker 2: trust them to know what to do for her insulin.

439
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 2: I feel like you could trust a hired professional for that.

440
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why they're professional.

441
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:37,879
Speaker 4: I get the like.

442
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 2: But my husband and I also have four kids, oh

443
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 2: my goodness, three of which are young and get rowdy

444
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 2: and act out sometimes when they see her. My husband

445
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,719
Speaker 2: only has four weeks off maybe stretched into five, so

446
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 2: that means bonus daughter and bio kids and high risk

447
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,199
Speaker 2: baby will be mine to take care of.

448
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 4: And I'm not sure how I can handle that. So

449
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,080
Speaker 4: if she comes for.

450
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:06,000
Speaker 2: The July though just July July is not longer than

451
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 2: for maybe five.

452
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 3: Weeks, That's what I'm wondering.

453
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,719
Speaker 4: If she comes in August, predicament.

454
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,280
Speaker 3: You know what it might be that they're saying when

455
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 3: the baby comes. The husband only is four to five

456
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,359
Speaker 3: weeks off for like when the baby comes, so she

457
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,880
Speaker 3: might be coming after.

458
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,520
Speaker 4: Me because it was going to be a couple of weeks,

459
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 4: so there'd be there'd.

460
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 5: Be overlap of all.

461
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have the luxury to hire someone and

462
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 2: my family lives across the country. Am I the a hole?

463
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 2: If I postpone her visit until August?

464
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,840
Speaker 3: I think you have to post brought her visit to August.

465
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 2: If you can't do any of those other options, Yeah,

466
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 2: you have to.

467
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 3: You have to. And you could say, like, I'm so sorry,

468
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:46,119
Speaker 3: I understand that this is like you know, uh, like

469
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:51,920
Speaker 3: it messes with your plans inconvenient, but uh.

470
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 4: Your health, it's health.

471
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 3: I Like you could just say, like I really just

472
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 3: don't think I'd be able to give her the focus

473
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 3: that I need to give her that she deserves.

474
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 2: And if like bio mom, in my opinion, should be like,

475
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,399
Speaker 2: oh my god, if she's not getting that supporter, she

476
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 2: shouldn't go.

477
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 4: It's not safe.

478
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:07,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

479
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 3: And also you need to talk to your partner and

480
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 3: say like, hey, I am not feeling supported right now.

481
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,159
Speaker 4: And you need to figure out this whole insulin thing.

482
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 3: I need to figure that out, bud.

483
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 2: But we do have an update, all right, Hi everyone,

484
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 2: I thought i'd give a little update. We have decided

485
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,360
Speaker 2: to go ahead and postpone her summer visit until August.

486
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not her fault.

487
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 2: I decided to have another kid, but I'm not in

488
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 2: control of my health during pregnancy. I always knew I

489
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 2: wanted four to five bio kids. I grew up most

490
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 2: of my life as an only child than a sibling

491
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 2: with a major age gap, and I wanted my kids

492
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,919
Speaker 2: to have each other. I also knew when I married

493
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 2: my husband that the number of kids would increase in

494
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,199
Speaker 2: some form because she's part of our family. I am

495
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,360
Speaker 2: also confident that I will be able to take care

496
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,440
Speaker 2: of all of them once this high risk and uncomfortable

497
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 2: period of time is over, especially because my husband will

498
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 2: be taking up a more sustainable job where he has

499
00:21:58,200 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 2: more time with us to spend.

500
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 4: He's been good at taking.

501
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 2: Care of our four even at this last job, so

502
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 2: now that he has a job with less hours, he'll

503
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 2: be able to help out a lot more. We decided

504
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 2: to choose what would be best for all of us,

505
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 2: and the compromise worked out for everyone. We will be

506
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 2: paying for her to go attend the sleep away camp

507
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,479
Speaker 2: she's been wanting to go to for the past two years.

508
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,640
Speaker 2: For the whole month of July, her biomm always said

509
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 2: no because she has to go to Dad's. Meaning bio

510
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 2: Mom goes on a trip as scheduled and we pick

511
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 2: her up at the start of August.

512
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 3: Perfect, perfect sounds Christian love it.

513
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 2: We will make up for lost time by taking her

514
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 2: for vocations all throughout the school year. Dad called biomm

515
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 2: and she agreed, then apologized for yelling at me during

516
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 2: the initial phone call in January. So that initial phone

517
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 2: call was January two. We got that Infoh is January?

518
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:49,120
Speaker 3: Come on?

519
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 2: I also had an honest convo with my husband about

520
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 2: his role in her life. Yes, he obviously needs to

521
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 2: step up and learn her insulin management.

522
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 3: Yup, yup.

523
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 2: We booked him some classes on managing type one diabetes

524
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 2: and talked to bio mom about getting stepdaughter a dexicon,

525
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:12,159
Speaker 2: which is the little like auto insulin. Someone in the

526
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 2: comments mentioned this, and it looks pretty good. My sister

527
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 2: uses one. I also made it clear to him that

528
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 2: her care when she's here is something that he needs

529
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 2: to step up in. Bio Mom will keep us posted

530
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 2: around the year on any updates on her type one

531
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 2: diabetes and how she manages it at home.

532
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,360
Speaker 4: Stepdaughter is also enrolled.

533
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 2: In courses to learn how to begin to manage her

534
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 2: diabetes herself. Since she's taking the classes to learn her

535
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 2: own insulin management and so is her dad. She will

536
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 2: be coming the weekend after the baby comes to meet him,

537
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,840
Speaker 2: and then dad will drop her off at camp. Okay,

538
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 2: by the way, you can come.

539
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 3: To meet us.

540
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 2: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast

541
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,439
Speaker 2: app and search. Okay, story time, we have another update,

542
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 2: but positive. I know you guys really sorted everything out.

543
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 3: I love it. I wonder where this camp option was, Janu,

544
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 3: no one thought about this.

545
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe the kid overheard them.

546
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 4: Complaining. I was like, kid, yeah, yeah, I would love

547
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 4: to go to camp.

548
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 2: Actually, you know the thing I've always wanted to do

549
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 2: in July this is permit.

550
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Good on you for talking to your husband

551
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:17,880
Speaker 3: saying like I need you to step up.

552
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 4: All the classes sound great.

553
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 3: Sounds like yeah, it sounds like you, your husband and

554
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 3: his daughter are going to you know, learn what they

555
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,399
Speaker 3: need to learn. Positive.

556
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 4: Good to you for all of it.

557
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too.

558
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 4: I hope it stays this good.

559
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 3: I also hope that let's get into it.

560
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 2: Also, to clear things up, my husband does pay child

561
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 2: of support. The agreement was that mom had full custody

562
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 2: and he could visit whenever. When me and him got married,

563
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 2: his daughter asked if she could stay in the summers.

564
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 3: Bio.

565
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 2: Mom called us up and said she would pay us

566
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: for the summers, and we agreed. It's not even like

567
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 2: she's paying us. We don't keep any of it. It

568
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,640
Speaker 2: all goes towards stepdaughter's expenses. Also, we have a great

569
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 2: relationship with her. I take her on solo trips all

570
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 2: the time, and we fly to all her events. I

571
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 2: FaceTime her all the time, and we even flew out

572
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 2: when she was sad over her first friendship breakup.

573
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:06,880
Speaker 3: Oh.

574
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 2: We even asked her multiple times if she wanted to

575
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,919
Speaker 2: come here or go to camp, and she was really

576
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 2: excited for camp instead and said no.

577
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 5: And that's the end.

578
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:20,160
Speaker 2: You look at this, So'm unhappy.

579
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,200
Speaker 3: This is great. I love stuff, good stuff.

580
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 2: I hope all the classes go well. I hope camp

581
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 2: goes well.

582
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 3: It's lovely. Yeah, but that's the end of that story.

583
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 3: I told my husband I already feel like a single mother.

584
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 3: He went off leave him trigger warning mentions of physical altercations.

585
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,479
Speaker 3: So my husband forty two male and me thirty one female,

586
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 3: have been married for twelve years. We have two kids,

587
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 3: eight male and four female. Our marriage is not great. Oh,

588
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 3: his mother and sister often give unsolicited advice on my parenting,

589
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 3: our marriage and life in general. It is better in

590
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,080
Speaker 3: the last few months since I've sat down with my

591
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 3: has been multiple times and we've talked, and this time

592
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 3: he finally listened. So they backed off, not completely, but

593
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,400
Speaker 3: it is better. By the way, this comes from Icy

594
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 3: Memory twelve forty seven. And if you want to spend

595
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime

596
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,959
Speaker 3: separate it. So in the last few weeks, my husband

597
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 3: started mentioning having a third child, which fills me with dread.

598
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 3: Should with dread. I love children, always wanted a big family,

599
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 3: but it would be too much. I cook, clean, take

600
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 3: care of kids, work part time from home, and he

601
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 3: doesn't really help with the house, which I'm fine with.

602
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 3: And he doesn't help with the kids, which is a problem.

603
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 3: I changed all of the diapers, woke up at night.

604
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 3: I take care of fevers, doctor's appointments, schools, playdate, everything

605
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 3: that's not okay. The mere thought of now going through

606
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 3: another pregnancy then taking care of a baby makes me

607
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: want to cry. I know I would have to do

608
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 3: it all practically alone, because my husband provides and women

609
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 3: have been doing it for centuries. I should pull my weight,

610
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 3: not be spoiled. It all culminated last night after another

611
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 3: of his r take great care of you at kids

612
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,919
Speaker 3: and we should have a third monologues, I snapped. I

613
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 3: told him that he really doesn't. The kids barely know

614
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 3: him when he comes home from work. He doesn't pay

615
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:17,920
Speaker 3: attention to them except to snap at our daughter when

616
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 3: she's too loud. He doesn't know anything about our days

617
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 3: because he doesn't ask. And I stopped telling him because

618
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 3: he wasn't listening anyway. He's not a great father nor husband,

619
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 3: as he likes to preach, And I have no desire

620
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 3: to be a single mother of a third child. Two

621
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 3: are quite enough, thank you. He stared at me, dumbfounded,

622
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 3: then called me a C word, delusional and ungrateful, then

623
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 3: stormed out to his mother's house. So am I the

624
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 3: al there's n ough date? But what do you think?

625
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 4: No, you're not, and like pop off for that.

626
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks you for saying that. Good.

627
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 2: I like, do not have a third child with this now?

628
00:27:59,080 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 1: No?

629
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 3: No, no, no, we don't even take your two child

630
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 3: children that you have right now away, Like if you

631
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,919
Speaker 3: have any sort of support system of family members that

632
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 3: are not him. The fact that he called you a

633
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 3: C word has never once to help. I don't see

634
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 3: this marriage working.

635
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 2: I yeah, no, I agree, Yeah, take them to someone else.

636
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 4: Or if you've already been doing the single mom thing, yeah.

637
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,879
Speaker 3: Go do the single mom thing. It does seem like

638
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 3: English is the second language, so there's a chance that

639
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 3: there is some sort of cultural thing okay, where like

640
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 3: oh he may not you know, be able to or

641
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 3: it might be the culturally look down on to divorce.

642
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 3: But if you can divorce. Please do because I don't.

643
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 3: Unless he has like a giant change of heart. You

644
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 3: could try having another conversation where you address all of

645
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 3: these things in a more calm manner, where you're not

646
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 3: just angry. Yeah, but if you've had this conversation and

647
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 3: he doesn't listen.

648
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 4: I do not see things changing. I hope I'm wrong.

649
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 3: I hope I'm wrong. There is an update though. Morning

650
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,719
Speaker 3: after I made this post, my mother in law and

651
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 3: sister in law showed up at my house. At this point,

652
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 3: there was still no word from my husband let's call

653
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 3: him Ray. It was obvious that they expected me to

654
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 3: be alone. My kids were with brother in law at

655
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 3: my sister EM's house let's call her Mary. She was

656
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 3: with me, so we all sat down to have a conversation.

657
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 3: I know I was being annoying, but I kept repeating

658
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 3: that I don't see the point in that conversations should

659
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 3: happen between Ray and me. We are grown ups and married.

660
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 3: I didn't see a reason for them to meddle. They

661
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 3: took great offense to that. My mother in law at

662
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,959
Speaker 3: one point said that she doesn't understand, but it happened

663
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 3: to me. I'm not the girl hers ton married anymore,

664
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 3: I said, of course I'm not. I'm a grown woman.

665
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 3: She turned to beat red and started screaming at me,

666
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 3: to which Mary said she's gonna call the police if

667
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 3: she doesn't calm down. Good that your sister's there. After

668
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 3: a few insults, mostly how I'm abusing her son and

669
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 3: how bad of a mother I am.

670
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 5: They left.

671
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: Ray showed up a few hours later, not to ask

672
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 3: about our children or to see how I am, but

673
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 3: to brate me on how I treated his mother.

674
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 1: Again.

675
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 3: I think Mary being there changed his plan, since he

676
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 3: toned it down. When she came downstairs, he demanded her

677
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 3: to leave. She refused and and said that she's going

678
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 3: to go upstairs so we can have a conversation, but

679
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 3: she's not going anywhere until I asked her, which I

680
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 3: didn't really really love that Opie had a third party there.

681
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 3: You know someone's safe. Would she trusts and make sure

682
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 3: that nothing bad is going to happen?

683
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 4: You know that kids being out of the house.

684
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, very smart. He started basically saying that I'm a

685
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 3: bad wife, that I love him since I don't want

686
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 3: more kids and I'm blaming them for it, I shouldn't

687
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 3: be speaking with him like that he's a great father

688
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 3: to our kids. You could just say that self proclaimed,

689
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 3: she says, which is just me that I'm a great father.

690
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 3: I asked which kids kids he hasn't seen in three

691
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 3: days and didn't ask how or where they are. He

692
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 3: then freaked out when I told him they are at

693
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: brother in law and Mary's house, calling them both vile

694
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 3: names that I don't want to repeat. Our conversation lasted

695
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 3: an hour and nothing productive came of it. We were

696
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: going in circles. I was scared because he multiple times

697
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 3: started grinding his teeth and putting his hands in fists,

698
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 3: but he would calm down after a few seconds.

699
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: Yi.

700
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 3: I said, if he's not willing to work on our

701
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 3: marriage and thinks that he is completely in the right,

702
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 3: we should get a divorce. He at first said, fine,

703
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 3: if that's what you want, you should pack up and leave.

704
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 3: I started packing, and he ranted how I can't live

705
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 3: without him, how he can't wait for me to explain

706
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 3: to the kids why they're moving and similar I said

707
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 3: that the kids are not moving anywhere. They are staying

708
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 3: in the house and whichever parents stays here is taking

709
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 3: care of them. He really couldn't comprehend what I was saying.

710
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 3: I'm not turning our kids' lives upside down. Divorces enough change,

711
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 3: They're not going anywhere. Then his tune changed. He was

712
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 3: willing to hear me out. I swear I thought I

713
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 3: was going to pop a blood vessel from rage. I said,

714
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 3: I don't care anymore. We are getting a divorce. The

715
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 3: only questions are about logistics and our kids. To not

716
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 3: make this post even longer. This also went in circles

717
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 3: and it got physical. Mary got involved. They started pushing

718
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 3: each other. I called the police. We managed to push

719
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 3: him through the door and locked it. He left before

720
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 3: the police came. We gave statements and I stayed at

721
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 3: the house. Currently, I'm being bombarded with texts from his family. Again,

722
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 3: not a peep from him. I'm filing for divorce. I

723
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 3: don't know why I thought that this can end any differently.

724
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 3: But I'm also glad that I tried for people who

725
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 3: found my previous posts. I'm ashamed of how I was

726
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 3: speaking about Mary, but I was envious until I realized

727
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 3: that I was projecting my unhappiness with life onto her.

728
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 3: She didn't deserve it. She was and still is an

729
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 3: amazing sister and an even better person. Thank you all.

730
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 3: I got amazing advice and words of encouragement. The internet

731
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 3: can also be full of wonderful people, and I'm grateful

732
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 3: for each in every one of you. And there is

733
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 3: a second update. But do you have any thoughts?

734
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 2: I like, so commend her for how well she came

735
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 2: in with her points in the moment like that, that's

736
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,479
Speaker 2: hard when you're being yelled at and stuff. Absolutely, and

737
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 2: then the whole like him outing himself about fully not

738
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 2: wanting to take care of your kids.

739
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh yeah.

740
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 2: I mean I it was a great decision. The divorce

741
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 2: was going to happen.

742
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,239
Speaker 3: It's good that you happen now before any you know,

743
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 3: bad things happened, Thank goodness. They didn't they before I married, Yeah,

744
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 3: or before third kid? Thank goodness she had marry there. Yeah,

745
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 3: it seems like she really cares about you, which is good.

746
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 3: You have that, Like, don't forget that you have that

747
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 3: support system. It just wasn't who you thought it was. Yeah,

748
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 3: there is a second update. Hi everyone, it's been a while.

749
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 3: I am officially divorced as of this morning. We signed

750
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 3: the papers a few days ago, but today I got

751
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 3: the divorce certificate. So much has happened. I don't think

752
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 3: people would believe me if I tried to type it all,

753
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 3: so I'm going to do just the most important stuff.

754
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 3: In the weeks after I made my post, my ex

755
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 3: ray decided that he wanted to work on her marriage.

756
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 3: It's a little too late, Bud. It's a little too

757
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 3: late that he'll try to be a better husband and

758
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 3: win me back. That mostly consisted of him pestering me,

759
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 3: calling me constantly for multiple numbers, sending me flowers, chocolates,

760
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 3: and candy I don't even eat sweets, and showing up

761
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 3: randomly at places where I regularly go. He doesn't know

762
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 3: anything about you.

763
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 4: I just love that too.

764
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:27,919
Speaker 2: It's like he really wanted to get me back.

765
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,240
Speaker 4: He was so annoying.

766
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 3: He's so annoyed. I kept bothering me and getting me

767
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 3: gifts that he I don't even like. Yeah, which proves

768
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 3: that he doesn't know who you are. He doesn't care.

769
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,919
Speaker 3: He's probably never listened to you. He doesn't care about

770
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 3: you guys as kids. We live in a small town

771
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 3: around fifteen k people, so it became town gossip. It

772
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 3: felt like everyone was talking about me. My ex mother

773
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,319
Speaker 3: in law tried really hard to paint me as some

774
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 3: mentally unstable, nasty person who just one day decided to

775
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 3: destroy a family. She attacked me at a child's birthday

776
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 3: when I was dropping off my son. Oh my goodness,

777
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 3: sister in law's child's birthday. Then she tried to say

778
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 3: bad things about me to my kids. Luckily Ray put

779
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 3: a stop to that. AlSi did something nice. It's good

780
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 3: for one thing, literally one thing. She did everything and

781
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 3: anything to make me feel like crap, whilst saying that

782
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 3: she would like nothing more than for Ray and me

783
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 3: to be back together. I didn't want to keep her

784
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 3: from my kids, so I let them spend time with

785
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 3: her father in law and sister in law and your kids.

786
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 3: She took my kids to the bark that she knows

787
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 3: I think is unsafe. It is unsafe, old and rusty.

788
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 3: She also took them to buy shoes. I know this

789
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 3: is a weird thing to be angry about, but I

790
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 3: have some childhood trauma and I need to know that

791
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 3: their shoes fit right and they are not too small.

792
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 3: It's not a big thing overall, but she did it

793
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 3: intentionally to hurt me. I lost it when I came

794
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 3: to pick them up and was told they bought new shoes.

795
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 3: Everyone was there, mother in law, father in law, sister

796
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 3: in law, brother in law, Rey, So I just screamed

797
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,360
Speaker 3: at everyone. I called mother in law names that I

798
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 3: didn't even know. Oh, I knew, told Ray that he's spineless,

799
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 3: worthless excuse for a man. Called father in law a

800
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 3: house plant, it makes more sense in my language. Basically,

801
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 3: I called him useless and told sister in law that

802
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 3: she's very brave when she gossips, but is a doormat

803
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 3: to her husband and mother. Luckily, the kids were outside

804
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 3: so they know we were fighting, but didn't hear what

805
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,320
Speaker 3: was said. Nobody said anything to me. They were shocked.

806
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,280
Speaker 3: I had to call my sister on my way home

807
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 3: because I didn't think I could drive, so I parked

808
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,439
Speaker 3: and waited. She picked me up. We put the kids

809
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 3: to bed, and I just cried. I think I cried

810
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 3: for five hours straight. I hated who I'd become. I

811
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 3: was sad and angry all the time. Everyone annoyed me.

812
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 3: It was just awful. It did get better. The next

813
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 3: time Ray cornered me in a grocery store, I threatened

814
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,359
Speaker 3: to call the police. It's better, and when he kept

815
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 3: calling I actually did. Police told me that they will

816
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 3: give him a warning. They told him that next time

817
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 3: he tries to speak to me and it's not directly

818
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 3: about children, he will spend the night in jail and

819
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 3: he will get a passing charge. Police officer also gave

820
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 3: me his personal number if I want clarification on what

821
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 3: can be reported. Again, small place we went to the

822
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,360
Speaker 3: same school. I joined a group that my sister started

823
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 3: where we do things in a community like we would

824
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 3: get together and pick trash from parks, paint fences or benches,

825
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 3: get older people to appointments or get them groceries, things

826
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 3: like that. I started cleaning a house of an older

827
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 3: lady with cancer who lives alone. She insisted that she

828
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 3: start paying me and combined with my part time job,

829
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 3: an rent. Me and my sister inherited a house from

830
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,720
Speaker 3: our mother that we rent out and split the money.

831
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 3: Now I have a decent income. Look at you, O.

832
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 4: Pie papuf party, she's doing the thing.

833
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 3: Yeah. After many many awful, exhausting weeks, Ray agreed to

834
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 3: divorce me. Finally, I agreed not to get alimony if

835
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 3: I get to stay in the house with kids, only

836
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 3: child support. I don't want my kids to suffer, but

837
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 3: it did make me sad that they didn't seem to

838
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 3: miss their father. Well, I mean, well, it's but he's

839
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 3: never been around.

840
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 2: You said that he hadn't seen them in three days

841
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 2: at one point, Like this is not a guy who

842
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,879
Speaker 2: their kids know. Yeah, the school therapist talked with them

843
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 2: and they're fine. They accept the divorce as much as

844
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 2: they understand due to the rage. And no matter what

845
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 2: age you are, you can listen to full episodes with

846
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

847
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 2: or iHeartRadio in search of Okay story time.

848
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,320
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe if you're very young, you should avoid

849
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 3: certain episodes. But him, for the most part, there is

850
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 3: a little bit left to the story. Do you have

851
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:32,800
Speaker 3: any final thoughts?

852
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 2: I think she's doing everything right now at this point.

853
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 2: I mean, hopefully he stays away from her. She doesn't

854
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 2: have to call the cops. But yeah, no, I think

855
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 2: that you're you're putting up your boundaries. You're not lett

856
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:46,320
Speaker 2: him walk all over you. She's a great oputting of

857
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 2: those boundaries from like the start of being like don't

858
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 2: talk to me like.

859
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 3: I love it. Yeah, there's a little bit left though.

860
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,280
Speaker 3: We add a lot of conversations about what this means

861
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 3: for them, Me and Ray. They are good, well adjusted children.

862
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 3: But it made me feel stupid and incompetent. What was

863
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 3: I doing all these years doing everything for a man

864
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 3: that was such a bad parents that his kids don't

865
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:13,399
Speaker 3: even miss him. How dumb am I? I started going

866
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:16,400
Speaker 3: outside mores, spent more time with people, and it's great.

867
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 3: Turns out that no matter how much mother in law tried,

868
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 3: it's hard to convince people that I'm a bad person

869
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 3: since a lot of them know me since I was

870
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,240
Speaker 3: a child, and they also have known my ex husband's family.

871
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,280
Speaker 3: So there's that. Thank you all. I was very confused

872
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 3: and very scared when I posted, but I am so

873
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 3: so glad that I did a lot of You helped

874
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 3: me and made me see things clearly, and I am

875
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 3: forever grateful. And that is the end of that story.

876
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 3: But you're doing great, op doing great. Just know that

877
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 3: you're on the right path.

878
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to the stories.

879
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors. My

880
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: girlfriend wants to go on a trip with another man

881
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 1: alone for a week.

882
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 5: Pack your bags. We're going on a guilt trip.

883
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 1: So I love my girlfriend and I do trust her,

884
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: but every girlfriend I've ever had has cheated on me,

885
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 1: and I'm terribly insecure about her spending alone time with

886
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 1: someone in a situation like this. By the way, this

887
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 1: comes from user Worried Boyfriend and if you want to

888
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the arms slash. Okay, storytime, subreude.

889
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,479
Speaker 1: What are you doing? So? We have been together for

890
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 1: two years now. I met her my senior year of

891
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 1: college because my college town was her hometown. I moved

892
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 1: up to her college town to live with her after

893
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 1: I graduated, and I found a great job there. For months,

894
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 1: she's been talking about us going to Maine to camp

895
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: for a week for vacation with one of her best friends,

896
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,359
Speaker 1: let's call him Kyle and his girlfriend. I've never met

897
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 1: Kyle because she lives two hours from him now, but

898
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: she was very open with me when I asked her

899
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: about him. He's been one of her closest friends since

900
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:50,839
Speaker 1: middle school and they liked each other for a bit

901
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 1: throughout the years, and the summer after she graduated high school,

902
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 1: she had this spass to sleep with him, but it

903
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 1: never went anywhere because she was going to school, and

904
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: he ended up meeting this other girl who's his current

905
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 1: girlfriend let's call her Anna, soon after and they have

906
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: been together since. So I was all down for a

907
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 1: couple's trip. Well recently I found out the week they

908
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 1: had planned, I'm being sent out of state for business

909
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: and I can't take off, and now Kyle's girlfriend can't

910
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 1: go either, So it will be just my girlfriend and

911
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 1: Kyle on the coast of Maine camping and spending alone

912
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,799
Speaker 1: time together for a week. I asked my girlfriend what

913
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: Anna thinks of this, and she said she's only met

914
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,759
Speaker 1: Anna a few times and that she knows my girlfriend

915
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:33,719
Speaker 1: and her boyfriend had a spicy past, but that it's

916
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 1: okay because she trusts him and knows how excited my

917
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: girlfriend and him are to catch up and see a

918
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 1: new state. I want to tell her no, but I

919
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,839
Speaker 1: can't be that boyfriend. It's the only week she has

920
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,479
Speaker 1: off between the summer and fall semester, and she said

921
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 1: her friend Kyle is moving to North Carolina for a

922
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,239
Speaker 1: new job in September, so she'll probably not see him

923
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 1: for a long long time. It wouldn't be fair to

924
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 1: expect her to stay home her only week off from

925
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,959
Speaker 1: school because I have to go on a business trip either.

926
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: But I can't help but feel it's unfair to me

927
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 1: to run off with an old flame who's also a

928
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,439
Speaker 1: current friend. Just seems really off to me. I've never

929
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 1: met this guy, I don't know his motives, and he's

930
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 1: going to be sleeping with my girlfriend and our dog

931
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 1: in a tent for a week. How do I tell

932
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: her I don't want her to go alone together without

933
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:20,800
Speaker 1: being a controlling d bag. Thanks Reddit, and there's an update. Dang,

934
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,800
Speaker 1: I gotta say I wouldn't go if I was Anna, Yeah,

935
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: I'd feel like, well, this feels wrong. Now? Does Anna

936
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,320
Speaker 1: not know that you've been cheated on into every relationship

937
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: you've ever been in? You should let her know that

938
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,879
Speaker 1: she needs to know, or I'm not Anna your that's

939
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: not your boyfriend or your girlfriend. Your girlfriend needs to

940
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 1: know if she doesn't that you've been cheated on in

941
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 1: every relationship.

942
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 6: Yeah, and like, ope, you're right, Like you can't tell her, No,

943
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 6: that's not anything that you can say to your girlfriend,

944
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 6: like no, you're not allowed to go, but you can

945
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 6: like express how weird it feels.

946
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 5: And I mean he did say that this.

947
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 6: Is like her only weekend or week off from school,

948
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:57,720
Speaker 6: So maybe that's why they don't want to reschedule.

949
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it's the full week is or plan. It'd

950
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 1: be hard to change it. There's not really time to

951
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 1: do it again. It's an old friend, he's gonna move away,

952
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 1: so this probably won't happen again for a long time.

953
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 1: And it's like all those combined do make it like ah, yeah,

954
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 1: but the way you feel, OHP is still like relevant.

955
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can at least talk about it and express

956
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 5: how you feel about it.

957
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: But there's the update. Let's go ahead and get into it.

958
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 1: So I was overwhelmed with responses. Thanks to everyone for

959
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 1: the help. I decided to talk to her about my

960
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 1: feelings and see how she dealt with them, telling her

961
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: she needed to re expand it into a group trip

962
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: and not share a tent alone with him. And here's

963
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 1: how it went. So she comes home and she's so

964
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 1: excited to show me the new climbing gears she bought

965
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 1: for the trip. I tell her we need to talk

966
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: about the trip and Kyle, and she looks a little worried.

967
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,360
Speaker 1: I prefaced the conversation asking more about her and Kyle's

968
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,320
Speaker 1: relationship from what I gathered they're closer than I thought.

969
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 1: Yet this actually reassures me. She was his rock when

970
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 1: his dad had passed away, and he was hers when

971
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 1: her best friend had also so passed away. He has

972
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,040
Speaker 1: a place in her heart as a lifelong friend that

973
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 1: no one else can fill, and I have one in

974
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: hers as a lifelong partner that no one else can either.

975
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 1: I have to suck it up and live with that.

976
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,280
Speaker 1: She seems to really like Anna, and Kyle apparently really

977
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,919
Speaker 1: likes me from their talks. They're happy the other found

978
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: a great person and realized they weren't compatible anyways, and

979
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,919
Speaker 1: only tried it out of a loneliness thing after both

980
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 1: losing important people. I can live with that. So I

981
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 1: tell her, I know it's impractical, but I don't want

982
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 1: her sharing a tent with him. That's not impractical. Two

983
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 1: tents instead.

984
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 3: Of one very easy to do.

985
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,720
Speaker 1: She says that's fine, completely reasonable of me to ask,

986
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: and just wants to make me comfortable. She says she

987
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: can try and pack lighter in other aspects. Cool. So

988
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 1: then I tell her the trip itself makes me uncomfortable,

989
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: and why doesn't she invite someone else? She mentions that's okay.

990
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: She can invite her friend Ali, who just got back

991
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 1: from Colorado. They can bring the four person tent again

992
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: for them, three and the dog if Ali wants to go.

993
00:44:56,239 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 1: Oh but Alli's a very hot, very promiscuous sapphage and

994
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 1: was my girlfriend's first spicule related encounter. Hmm, nope, anyone else.

995
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 6: Okay, this is so funny because like, I'm sure this

996
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 6: girl is like fine, I'm sure these people are just friends,

997
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 6: but it is hilarious that like, oh, like, yeah, I

998
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:18,959
Speaker 6: can bring someone again.

999
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 5: By the way, I've hooked up with all my friends,

1000
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 5: so like, those are the only people that I can

1001
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,359
Speaker 5: bring are just like people that I'm hooked up with.

1002
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 1: She's literally just like every that you gotta be cool

1003
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 1: with it.

1004
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:31,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like it just puts Op in a difficult position,

1005
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 6: and I see how it can be, you know, seen

1006
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 6: in a.

1007
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 5: Not very trustworthy way.

1008
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, but OPI I feel like still hasn't opened up

1009
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:44,240
Speaker 1: about having been cheated on like that, because if they had,

1010
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,399
Speaker 1: I can't imagine that their partner would be like, yeah,

1011
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:51,760
Speaker 1: I'm also going to suggest another person that I've slept with. Yeah,

1012
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: that's because they don't know. I would bet that they

1013
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:55,439
Speaker 1: don't know right now.

1014
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 5: Oh that's crazy.

1015
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: So maybe her friend Taylor, but she's kind of a

1016
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,360
Speaker 1: dry Oh that's okay, you used to hook up with

1017
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 1: Taylor too. At this point, I realize it boils down

1018
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:07,359
Speaker 1: to the fact that I'm jealous and I don't want

1019
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,799
Speaker 1: my girlfriend a loan with anyone who is attracted to her.

1020
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 1: Not because I don't trust her, but because I have

1021
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 1: this fed up mentality that I have to prove myself

1022
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,839
Speaker 1: and be there to claim her or something. If I

1023
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 1: want this relationship to work, I have to force myself

1024
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 1: to get over that this trip will help. So I

1025
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: tell her that and she insists she doesn't have to go.

1026
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 1: If I'm really that insecure, we can take baby steps

1027
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,319
Speaker 1: and work on it together. No, I say, I want

1028
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 1: you to go. Enjoy your only week off. You've earned it.

1029
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: So we decided we are going to drive down there

1030
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: next weekend to Kyle's. We're going to all hang out

1031
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,720
Speaker 1: and properly meet, eat some dinner, drink some Bruskis, play

1032
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:44,400
Speaker 1: cards against Humanity, and then Kyle and I will go

1033
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: out to the bars and get to know each other

1034
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 1: and to ear an animal do whatever they want to do,

1035
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 1: and if I don't like them, I tell her and

1036
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 1: we call it off. I think this will really help

1037
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: and make me comfortable in the end. My girlfriend's spsually

1038
00:46:56,239 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 1: related past makes me uncomfortable, but I'm sure mine from

1039
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,399
Speaker 1: my fraternity days scares the crap out of her too.

1040
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 1: But just like I only have eyes for her now,

1041
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 1: I know it's the same. She's still not going to

1042
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: sleep in the same tent as him and said she

1043
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 1: can probably rent some single tents from the University outdoors club.

1044
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: Way cool.

1045
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,320
Speaker 5: That sounds good, wicked, awesome, wicked.

1046
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 1: You guys were all divided on whether to ask her

1047
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 1: to stay or let her go, but I think we

1048
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,240
Speaker 1: found a good compromise to make us all feel better

1049
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: and still let her go. We have a second up

1050
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:34,320
Speaker 1: day boy. After the trip to Kyle's and Anna's.

1051
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 5: Uh oh, dude, how do we think it's gonna go?

1052
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,399
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's gonna go good, and then

1053
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 1: Opie's still gonna be insecure. Yeah, And I just really

1054
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: wish we had the clarity on if if you know

1055
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 1: your partner's been cheated on in every relationship they've been in, Like,

1056
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 1: it's a pretty a whole move to be Like, Yeah,

1057
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go alone with a previous partner.

1058
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, just because it's.

1059
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: Like, you know that the person you've chosen to be

1060
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 1: with now, it's really not gonna be able to take

1061
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: that very well.

1062
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, like at least without any further reassurance. I mean

1063
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 5: they did a lot of discussion.

1064
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got a real talk it out.

1065
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1066
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well let's get into second update. See what happens.

1067
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 5: Let's do it.

1068
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 1: So we drove the two hours to Kyle's place so

1069
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,160
Speaker 1: I could meet him and Anna. I was pretty nervous

1070
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,720
Speaker 1: to meet this guy, but he was actually really nice.

1071
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:26,240
Speaker 1: We all hung out for a bit, pounded back some drinks, talked,

1072
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 1: and played a card game. I paid a lot of

1073
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: attention to the dynamic between the three of them. My

1074
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 1: girl had said she didn't know Anna too well, but

1075
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,359
Speaker 1: when she got there, she ran up and gave them

1076
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 1: both a hug, and you could swear her and Anna

1077
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 1: had been friends forever. Her and Kyle reminisced a lot

1078
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: about high school and caught up, and Anna didn't look

1079
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,839
Speaker 1: uncomfortable at all about their friendship. So we're just hanging

1080
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,000
Speaker 1: out for a while while all getting to know each other,

1081
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: and I had a good time we get some pizza

1082
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 1: and our girls are getting pretty sch wasted. Kyle and

1083
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 1: I decide to head out to a bar, and our

1084
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:59,360
Speaker 1: girls are going to go to some party since Anna

1085
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 1: had no clue where her id was, so we go

1086
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: and this kid is buying me drinks the whole night.

1087
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 1: Turns out we have a lot in comment and he

1088
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,920
Speaker 1: felt like quite a kindred spirit. We talked about music

1089
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 1: and skating and had a pretty good talk. And he

1090
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: told me he's proposing to Anna once him and my

1091
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 1: girlfriend get back from Maine, and how excited he is

1092
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 1: to start a new life with her in another state

1093
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 1: in the YadA, YadA, YadA.

1094
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:19,800
Speaker 5: That's exciting.

1095
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm afraid anymore.

1096
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm just me.

1097
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:24,919
Speaker 1: I'm not afraid anymore. Bro, we're brother.

1098
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 3: I think it's fine.

1099
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 5: It's fine, it's exciting.

1100
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 1: That's usually what all it takes for guys. Yeah, I

1101
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like he's chill. I got the

1102
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: sixth sense to do with it. When I've been in situations,

1103
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:40,960
Speaker 1: i'd be like, Oh, that guy's definitely like insteal your

1104
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 1: girl mentality, Like I can tell, I can tell guy's not.

1105
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:47,719
Speaker 1: That guy's not that guy would push me in front

1106
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 1: of a train. That guy's not. That guy's not. You

1107
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 1: can always not always. Some people can intuitively sense when

1108
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 1: someone's like up to no good. Yeah, So the more

1109
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: drinky poos he had, the more he went on about

1110
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 1: how wonderful she was, which was pretty nice, I guess.

1111
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,439
Speaker 1: She also talked a lot about how he's so sad

1112
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 1: we couldn't go anymore because he was looking forward to

1113
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 1: backpacking with us all and it just won't be the

1114
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:14,800
Speaker 1: same without Anna there, and how my girlfriend says it

1115
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 1: won't be the same without me there. One point, there

1116
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,799
Speaker 1: was a group of these reallych wasted girls trying to

1117
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 1: talk to us and invite them to their place to

1118
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 1: hang out, and he pretty much told them to f off.

1119
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: When they left, he went on about how he hates

1120
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:29,399
Speaker 1: girls at the bar scene and how on earth could

1121
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: people possibly find a connection with someone in one night.

1122
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: He tried to reassure me him and my girlfriend had

1123
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:36,800
Speaker 1: no feelings for each other, and them hooking up was

1124
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 1: a really fed up point in their life, and he's upset.

1125
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 1: He even jeopardized a childhood friendship to mix something like

1126
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 1: that in the picture at the time that his dad

1127
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: had just passed away and she had just lost her

1128
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 1: best friend, and that they were just fed up, lost, lonely,

1129
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:52,320
Speaker 1: and desperately trying to fill a void that really couldn't

1130
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 1: be filled. At that point, he also told me he's

1131
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 1: really glad she found me, and that I make her

1132
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 1: so happy, and that he hasn't seen her so happy

1133
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,760
Speaker 1: in all his life, and that he really cares about

1134
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 1: her my wife. So he's glad she's got someone who

1135
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 1: makes her light up the way I do. So we

1136
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 1: go to another bar, both run into some friends and

1137
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:12,280
Speaker 1: play some pool. This kid just kept buying shots against

1138
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:14,920
Speaker 1: my requests. And I don't really remember too much after this.

1139
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 1: I just remember waking up in the middle of the

1140
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: night on Kyle's futon alone, rolling in the deep. It's

1141
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,280
Speaker 1: like four am. I get up to use the bathroom

1142
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 1: to see where my EF and girlfriend and Kyle and

1143
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 1: Anna are. His bedroom lights on, and I hear these

1144
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 1: really weird noises, like gasping noises. What no, I'm starting

1145
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:35,280
Speaker 1: to worry. Get off the futon, almost trip over Kyle,

1146
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 1: who's passed out on the floor. Okay, go into his

1147
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 1: bedroom and there's my girl and his girl in his bed.

1148
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,320
Speaker 1: You know where this is going right. They were watching

1149
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: a walk to effing Remember and crying and holding each

1150
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 1: other and wiping tears from each other's faces.

1151
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 5: Stop it, oh Pe, stop it.

1152
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 7: Oh P.

1153
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:54,960
Speaker 5: I know, can't believe you set us up like that.

1154
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh. He knew exactly what he was doing.

1155
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 5: He was really painting a picture, put us in his shoes.

1156
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 5: That was really good.

1157
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 3: Riding over you know what you're doing.

1158
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 5: But oh my goodness, I was dressed there.

1159
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 1: I can't make this crap up. Apparently we ended up

1160
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 1: going to this party after and meeting up with the

1161
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 1: girls and all doing a bunch of stuff together. I

1162
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,319
Speaker 1: think everything went better than expected. When we got back

1163
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 1: home and my girl were texting constantly about how they

1164
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:26,640
Speaker 1: wished they live closer and it's so rare to find

1165
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 1: girls they get along with and all that jazz. So

1166
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 1: I decided, yeah, I'm definitely going to let her go

1167
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 1: on this trip. And I did good.

1168
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,880
Speaker 5: Not that it's something that you like have authority over anyway,

1169
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 5: but yeah, that you were comfortable with her going on

1170
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 5: the trip. Better way to say it, Just gonna put

1171
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 5: that out there.

1172
00:52:43,239 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. She ended up borrowing to single person backpacker tents

1173
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: from people in her university camping club she's friends with,

1174
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 1: and off she went, I had a great time on

1175
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 1: my work trip. They stopped at an e cafe once

1176
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 1: they got out of the woods to send us a

1177
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:57,719
Speaker 1: big album of pictures, and they looked like they had

1178
00:52:57,760 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 1: a lot of fun. They found this place on the

1179
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,800
Speaker 1: coast where the sand was all black, and my girlfriend

1180
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 1: brought some home for me, as well as a really

1181
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 1: nice handmade hunting knife she bought from some old biker

1182
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 1: dude they met. They even took the time to draw

1183
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 1: this big picture in the sand that said we miss

1184
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 1: you Op and Anna, which I thought was sweet. I

1185
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: can say I truly, honestly believe no form of betrayal

1186
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 1: happened from either party on that trip. This guy seemed

1187
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 1: like a really genuine guy when I visited. He posted

1188
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 1: pictures a few days ago of him proposing to his

1189
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:27,880
Speaker 1: girlfriend and even texted me that he can't wait to

1190
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: see me and my girl at the wedding next summer.

1191
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,319
Speaker 1: Anna and my girl still text all the time, and

1192
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 1: I really just find it hard to believe that a

1193
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:36,360
Speaker 1: my girl would do that to Anna and still be

1194
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: her friend, and be Kyle would cheat on someone he

1195
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:40,919
Speaker 1: wants to marry and see that my girlfriend and Kyle

1196
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,400
Speaker 1: did actually have Felix for each other and d that

1197
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 1: Kyle was nine to me and e. By the way,

1198
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 1: you can listen to full episodes of stories just like

1199
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:53,880
Speaker 1: this on Spotify. iHeartRadio, Apple podcasts literally any place you

1200
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 1: can listen to podcasts. Just search Okay, story time, and

1201
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,480
Speaker 1: you've got the whole world in your hands.

1202
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you do.

1203
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:03,839
Speaker 1: We have a little bit more story here.

1204
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 5: I like where this is like finishing up. This is great.

1205
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: I think they did kind of everything right about this.

1206
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, meeting up ahead of time to have them all

1207
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 6: meet is the best way that it could have gone,

1208
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:16,560
Speaker 6: and it worked out perfectly.

1209
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:20,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's true. I think Cassanda in the chat

1210
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,440
Speaker 1: said something like, I still wouldn't be okay if I

1211
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:24,800
Speaker 1: didn't know these people. I think that's a really good point.

1212
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 1: It's like, you can't really get a vibe on someone

1213
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:32,880
Speaker 1: until you're like face to face with them, like real time. Yeah,

1214
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,399
Speaker 1: you know, that's where you pick up the vibe. Yeah,

1215
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:37,840
Speaker 1: you pick up the vibe. Everyone has a vibe, Yep,

1216
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 1: everyone has energy. Yep, you can kind of you know,

1217
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 1: some people feel it easier than others. But everyone's got it.

1218
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 1: Let's finish the energy of this story. So I know

1219
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,720
Speaker 1: for certain that she would have told me if anything happened,

1220
00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 1: and I really just didn't get that vibe from these people.

1221
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: I could see why he was her best guy friend.

1222
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 1: He was a really genuine giving I'm really happy that

1223
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 1: I got over my insecurities and trusted her. I think

1224
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:07,360
Speaker 1: this has made me a lot more secure in our relationship,

1225
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 1: and I don't think this was an emotional betrayal at all.

1226
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,360
Speaker 1: I've learned to let her have her own life a

1227
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:14,960
Speaker 1: bit more, and letting go has lifted a big weight

1228
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 1: off my shoulders. We're currently planning for a short winter

1229
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: trip to the Schmokey Mountains over her Christmas break, just

1230
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 1: the two of us. And I got my promotion in

1231
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 1: I'm taking over the office in October. Life is good

1232
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 1: and that is the end of that story.

1233
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 6: My fiance refuses to get a job. It makes me

1234
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:37,799
Speaker 6: want to leave her no way. Some brief background, I

1235
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:40,279
Speaker 6: divorced my first wife a few years ago and met

1236
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 6: my current fiance shortly before the divorce was final. We

1237
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 6: dated for a few months before she moved to New

1238
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:46,480
Speaker 6: York City for work.

1239
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:47,920
Speaker 5: We did the long distance thing.

1240
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 6: I visited often and eventually moved to New York City myself.

1241
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 6: We've been living together for the last two years, and

1242
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,120
Speaker 6: I've been very much in love. It's by no means perfect,

1243
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 6: but it's better than my first marriage. By the way,

1244
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:00,360
Speaker 6: this comes from out of ideas. If you want to

1245
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:02,560
Speaker 6: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Ugay Stories.

1246
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 6: I'm separate it so now. She's accustomed to high stress

1247
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 6: work environments and would be considered a workaholic by many.

1248
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 6: She also has been dealing with a sleep disorder for

1249
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 6: the better part of her life, but had managed to

1250
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 6: keep it under control. However, a number of years ago,

1251
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:17,919
Speaker 6: she suffered a traumatic brain injury while on the job,

1252
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,640
Speaker 6: and she's not felt the same since. That injury has

1253
00:56:20,719 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 6: caused her significant psychological pain, and she firmly believes that

1254
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 6: it cost her the professional edge as she used to have.

1255
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 6: It may have also been partially to blame for what

1256
00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 6: happened in her last position. Her most recent employer more

1257
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:33,719
Speaker 6: or less let her go, but I think it's more

1258
00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:35,800
Speaker 6: accurate to say that she was backed into a corner

1259
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:36,719
Speaker 6: and then booted out.

1260
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:40,239
Speaker 5: But I'm biased any rate. She took that I'm dismissal

1261
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 5: pretty hard.

1262
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,279
Speaker 6: Since then, she's not been able to find work, but

1263
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,960
Speaker 6: it's really only been in the last six months she's

1264
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 6: put forth any effort now, to be fair, until the

1265
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,560
Speaker 6: last week or so, she'd been interviewing, or at least

1266
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,920
Speaker 6: had been applying for a handful of jobs. In fact,

1267
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 6: she's currently in a painfully drawn out interview process that's

1268
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:58,919
Speaker 6: been going on since mid May.

1269
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:01,839
Speaker 5: Of course, she received her share of rejections and.

1270
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 6: Gone through the anguish of having a great interview and

1271
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 6: not getting a callback. At this point, I have to

1272
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 6: confess that for some time late last year and into

1273
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 6: early twenty fifteen, I was a serious a hole about

1274
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:15,800
Speaker 6: her lack of initiative. At the time, I was working

1275
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 6: for a horrible startup that left me overworked and stressed out.

1276
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 6: This was compounded by the fact that I had decided

1277
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 6: to complete my degree and had enrolled in classes for

1278
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 6: the first time in almost seven years. I was a basketcase,

1279
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 6: nagged her about finding a job, any job, and got upset.

1280
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:31,960
Speaker 5: With her failure on a routine basis.

1281
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 6: Eventually, in fact, just before I was let go from

1282
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,800
Speaker 6: that horrible startup, I realized what a butt I was

1283
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 6: being and made a promise to her that I'd be

1284
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 6: more patient and supportive. So for the last few months,

1285
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:45,440
Speaker 6: I've done my best to console her, refrain from nagging,

1286
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,680
Speaker 6: and booster her confidence without being too self congratulatory. I

1287
00:57:48,680 --> 00:57:50,320
Speaker 6: think I've done a pretty good job in turning my

1288
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 6: attitude and behavior around. We had several conversations in which

1289
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 6: we agreed that she'd simply tried to find a job

1290
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,960
Speaker 6: that paid a reasonable salary to help support our modest lifestyle.

1291
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 6: We don't go out much and everything in New York

1292
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 6: is expensive. Anyway, she promised me that she wouldn't hold

1293
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 6: out any longer for a perfect job and would reach

1294
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 6: out to her numerous connections. Despite our agreement, she turns

1295
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 6: down one offer that would have paid at least fifty

1296
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 6: to sixty thousand dollars. I think pride and her being

1297
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 6: accustomed to a six figure salary and killed those opportunities. Thankfully,

1298
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 6: I was fortunate enough to land a gig as a

1299
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 6: consultant making good money a few weeks after being let

1300
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 6: go from my last job, so we've managed to stay afloat.

1301
00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:30,680
Speaker 6: I'm still enrolled in classes, and I'm still absolutely exhausted.

1302
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:31,360
Speaker 5: Every day.

1303
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 6: I'm not as stressed out, but I do find myself

1304
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 6: once again concerned when I come home to find that

1305
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 6: she's either still in bed or has been watching TV

1306
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 6: and weanering around on the internet all day. I'm worried

1307
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 6: that she's falling back into her habits from last year.

1308
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 6: So I'm in a situation where she expects me to

1309
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:49,640
Speaker 6: pay her bills on top of my own work full time,

1310
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:52,000
Speaker 6: try to handle a couple of classes, keep our home

1311
00:58:52,040 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 6: from being declared uninhabitable.

1312
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:54,120
Speaker 3: Well.

1313
00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 6: She casually trolls the intertron and maybe looks for work.

1314
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 6: She's been dis lately and hasn't been forthcoming with news good, bad,

1315
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:05,439
Speaker 6: or otherwise. Last night I had the nerve to ask

1316
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 6: if she had reached out to a former colleague about

1317
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 6: a job posting, and she exploded.

1318
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:11,400
Speaker 5: We slept separately.

1319
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 6: I didn't say goodbye to her before leaving for work

1320
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 6: this morning, and when I tried to talk to her

1321
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,280
Speaker 6: this evening, it triggered another fight. She doesn't want to

1322
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 6: talk and has gone back to bed. I know that

1323
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 6: she's depressed and has gone through this cycle of guilt, helplessness,

1324
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 6: and anger several times in the last year, but I

1325
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 6: don't know how much longer I could put up with it.

1326
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 6: Before I came home tonight, I talked to her mother

1327
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 6: and she offered some sage advice. We either need to

1328
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 6: consider moving back home or I consider the hard truth

1329
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:37,080
Speaker 6: that being with her daughter isn't worth being this worried

1330
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 6: and miserable dang from her own mom.

1331
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 1: That's probably she refuses any level of like trying to

1332
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 1: find counseling or therapy or support. I mean, there's got

1333
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 1: to be like, even if you can't afford that, like

1334
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: you know what happened, you have a TBI, like is

1335
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 1: there a support group? Is there anything you're on the

1336
00:59:57,080 --> 00:59:59,200
Speaker 1: internet or their online forums.

1337
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 5: You could be look, but like I haven't mentioned it.

1338
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 1: Maybe instead of being like have you done anything to

1339
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:07,200
Speaker 1: fix that? Being like what can I do to help? Yeah,

1340
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 1: that's all the phrasing is, Yeah, I don't know. I agree.

1341
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 5: I think I think that could definitely help.

1342
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 6: Up till now, she's had no consequences to force her

1343
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 6: into trying harder. Either I've paid her bills or her

1344
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 6: mother has. I'm starting to worry that, just like my

1345
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 6: first wife, I've fallen for someone that I can't depend

1346
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:24,560
Speaker 6: on what do I do?

1347
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 3: And we do have some.

1348
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 5: Comments, but I want to hear your quick comments, Dakota.

1349
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 1: Remember she's got a traumatic brain injury. You're acting like,

1350
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 1: you know, like if she had a broken arm, you

1351
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:38,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't be like, Hey, why haven't you like built that

1352
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:41,800
Speaker 1: brick wall in the backyard yet? Because your arm's broken.

1353
01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 1: I can see that's kind of absurd of me to

1354
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 1: ask you to build a brick wall when your arm

1355
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 1: is broken.

1356
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:49,600
Speaker 5: We do have some comments. Comment number one says is

1357
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 5: she receiving any psychiatric care? Similar question.

1358
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,360
Speaker 6: It sounds like she is profoundly depressed and possibly suffering

1359
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:57,920
Speaker 6: from anxiety due to the trauma going through what she

1360
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 6: went through in her former career and for being sacked

1361
01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:02,560
Speaker 6: from her last job. That's not an excuse, but it

1362
01:01:02,560 --> 01:01:05,120
Speaker 6: may be the underlying reason behind her reticence to seek

1363
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 6: WIRK and her defensiveness about not seeking work. If she

1364
01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 6: is in fact suffering from mental illness right now, though

1365
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 6: it is up to her to seek treatment for it,

1366
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,439
Speaker 6: it's up to her to make sure that she's being

1367
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,560
Speaker 6: a responsible adult and a good partner. So something needs

1368
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 6: to give, and I feel that you two may be

1369
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 6: able to work this out if you're both willing to

1370
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:22,919
Speaker 6: stick it out for a little while longer and also

1371
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:25,840
Speaker 6: compromise and give a little I understand how stressed out

1372
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:27,800
Speaker 6: you are and how exhausting it is to come home

1373
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 6: to someone you're basically towing.

1374
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 5: As it passed away weight.

1375
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:33,000
Speaker 6: If you choose to be patient and see if she

1376
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 6: can figure herself out, then she must also choose to

1377
01:01:35,560 --> 01:01:38,320
Speaker 6: lower her job expectations and pull her weight around the house.

1378
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,840
Speaker 6: She needs individual counseling and probably an antidepressant at the

1379
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 6: very least, and you two would also benefit from couples counseling.

1380
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 6: She also may need to do vocational rehab in order

1381
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:50,760
Speaker 6: to get back into the swing of things seeking work. Oh,

1382
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:54,240
Speaker 6: we do have an update? Shall we just jump right in?

1383
01:01:54,480 --> 01:01:58,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? I just think it's like, there's both sides have

1384
01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:02,960
Speaker 1: room for improvement. However, only one side has like a

1385
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:06,840
Speaker 1: literal diagnosis as to why all of this stuff could

1386
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:11,400
Speaker 1: probably be happening. Right, they had a traumatic brain injury.

1387
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think like if she was putting an effort,

1388
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 6: I don't think he could be like, well, it has

1389
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 6: to be like the exact same amount of effort I'm

1390
01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 6: putting in, because you know, she's got reasons, but she

1391
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 6: does need to put in like some effort, and maybe

1392
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 6: he needs to put it in a little effort as

1393
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:30,200
Speaker 6: like an investment and like like help her get help

1394
01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:32,439
Speaker 6: so then she can start getting into a place where

1395
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 6: she can help out, Opie. But we do have an update.

1396
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 6: So oh, thank you so much for your feedback. I

1397
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 6: honestly didn't expect such an outpouring of constructive, compassionate feedback.

1398
01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 6: I tried to talk to her last night, told her

1399
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,240
Speaker 6: that I wouldn't be cashing out my only other retirement

1400
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:48,720
Speaker 6: to float us. She made a slew of snide remarks,

1401
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:50,920
Speaker 6: lashing out at me, telling me what a prick I

1402
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,960
Speaker 6: was to her the night before, and she didn't want

1403
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 6: to talk and told me to stay in the living room.

1404
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:56,880
Speaker 6: I complied and refused to talk to her the rest

1405
01:02:56,920 --> 01:02:59,200
Speaker 6: of the night. I didn't say goodbye to her this morning.

1406
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 6: I know this is and stupid. I want to address

1407
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:04,680
Speaker 6: some of the more common questions regarding her injury without

1408
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:05,640
Speaker 6: revealing too much.

1409
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:09,960
Speaker 5: She was a victim of a car what what oh

1410
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:13,280
Speaker 5: my gosh. Physically, she and her colleagues were relatively unharmed

1411
01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:16,160
Speaker 5: with the explosion. Unlived nearly everyone else in the vicinity.

1412
01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 3: What.

1413
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:20,800
Speaker 8: That's not at all what I would have guessed.

1414
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 5: That's insane.

1415
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:27,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's pretty damn reasonable that your partner

1416
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:30,400
Speaker 1: is deeply impacted by all of this.

1417
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's gone a therapy in the past, and before

1418
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 6: she lost her job, was reluctantly attending some kind of

1419
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:39,680
Speaker 6: exposure therapy sessions here in New York City. She's been

1420
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 6: big on therapy in the past, but to date has

1421
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,439
Speaker 6: not gotten back our living situation. We were fortunate enough

1422
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:48,080
Speaker 6: to find, actually she found it, a sublet in a

1423
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:50,880
Speaker 6: rent controlled building in Brooklyn. It's not terribly cheap, but

1424
01:03:50,920 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 6: I can afford to make rent and our other financial obligations,

1425
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:56,960
Speaker 6: provided that we keep other expenses to a minimum. If

1426
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:58,959
Speaker 6: she had taken the fifty to sixty K.

1427
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:01,439
Speaker 5: Job, we actually be able to pay down some debt

1428
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:03,440
Speaker 5: and be able to live a little more. The more

1429
01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:05,440
Speaker 5: I think about it, the more I resent her decision.

1430
01:04:05,560 --> 01:04:08,200
Speaker 5: Another confession. I've had to lie to her about my

1431
01:04:08,240 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 5: credit card balances for the last few months so that

1432
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 5: she won't use them and I can pay down balances.

1433
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 5: Between her and not having any income. My previous DBAG

1434
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:19,160
Speaker 5: employer missing slash delaying several pay days at the start

1435
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:21,360
Speaker 5: of the year. I've racked up a few grand and

1436
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 5: maxed most of them out.

1437
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:23,000
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

1438
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:25,520
Speaker 5: I tend to worry about money more than I probably should,

1439
01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 5: and she tends to get short and frustrated when we

1440
01:04:28,040 --> 01:04:30,520
Speaker 5: discuss bills. I know part of it is guilt.

1441
01:04:30,640 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 1: Oh buddy, Yeah, you shouldn't load up the credit cards.

1442
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 1: That's a lot thousands on multiple cards maxed out.

1443
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1444
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 1: I'd be worried about money too.

1445
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:38,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1446
01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:40,040
Speaker 6: Well, but I mean it seems like you kind of

1447
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 6: didn't have much of a choice though, too. But I

1448
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 6: don't really blame me for that. We gotta stop spending.

1449
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:48,960
Speaker 6: Unemployment slash disability. I tried talking her into both unemployment

1450
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:51,440
Speaker 6: and disability last year. Believe it or not, I did

1451
01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 6: finally get through to her and she confirmed what I

1452
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 6: had been telling her all along about her eligibility for unemployment.

1453
01:04:56,960 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 6: Since that breakthrough, she has denied she's ever admitted that

1454
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,640
Speaker 6: and refuses to file. She's never filed for disability, though

1455
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:06,360
Speaker 6: she's admitted that she needs to and intends to at

1456
01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 6: some point.

1457
01:05:06,880 --> 01:05:09,280
Speaker 7: And what you need to do is go to iHeartRadio

1458
01:05:09,320 --> 01:05:11,920
Speaker 7: Apple Podcast, one of your favorite podcast app is concluding

1459
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:14,520
Speaker 7: Spotify and just search okay story time, because you're gonna

1460
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 7: find full episodes with stories just like this one.

1461
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:21,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have a little bit more to the story.

1462
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:24,560
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, just roll right into it. Oh it's a

1463
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:28,160
Speaker 1: file thought. I mean, yeah, treat your wife like your wife,

1464
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:30,760
Speaker 1: not like your friend who's mooching off of you or something.

1465
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:33,080
Speaker 1: At least that's the way it was written, you know, Like,

1466
01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:38,760
Speaker 1: I get it, girl, it's like a stress error, but like, ah,

1467
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 1: it's also like your wife, Like I can't. Yeah, I

1468
01:05:41,920 --> 01:05:45,320
Speaker 1: just can't put myself in that position. We're missing info

1469
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:47,520
Speaker 1: really to know, like who was like an a hole?

1470
01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:49,160
Speaker 1: Like who's right or wrong in this situation.

1471
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:51,760
Speaker 6: I agree with many of you that some rules must

1472
01:05:51,800 --> 01:05:54,040
Speaker 6: be established. I know I need to tell her that

1473
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:56,200
Speaker 6: I'm hurting just as much as she is. A part

1474
01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:57,920
Speaker 6: of me just wants to tell her that I love

1475
01:05:57,920 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 6: her dearly, but I can't put up with much more

1476
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 6: of it. However, I know how she'll react to an ultimatum,

1477
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:05,160
Speaker 6: and I know how I'll react to her well reaction,

1478
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:07,760
Speaker 6: and neither will be good. Yeah, don't do an ultimatum.

1479
01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:09,040
Speaker 6: Oh and that's the end of that story.

1480
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam we'll get back to the stories, but

1481
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:15,720
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I accidentally

1482
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:19,720
Speaker 1: donated my boyfriend's collector's items and he was furious.

1483
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:22,240
Speaker 5: That's the worst thing you could have done.

1484
01:06:22,640 --> 01:06:25,800
Speaker 1: You didn't ask. Why are we asking? I thirty two

1485
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 1: females still on lockdown here in my home, and since

1486
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:32,640
Speaker 1: I had nothing better to do, I've been decluttering like crazy.

1487
01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:35,800
Speaker 1: I live with my boyfriend of eight years, Robert, thirty

1488
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:38,680
Speaker 1: two male, who is also on lockdown. Clearly this is

1489
01:06:38,720 --> 01:06:41,200
Speaker 1: taking place during the vid. By the way, this comes

1490
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:44,080
Speaker 1: from user Tarfeller, and if you want to submit your

1491
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:46,960
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subbreddit.

1492
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 1: So he has gone through many phases and I have

1493
01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:53,479
Speaker 1: supported everyone. However, he never sticks with them and often

1494
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:56,040
Speaker 1: gets rid of whatever stuff he's collected a few years later.

1495
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:58,680
Speaker 1: Neither of us are very sentimental. For the past month,

1496
01:06:58,760 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 1: I've encouraged, although I never nagged him, only reminded him

1497
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 1: like once a week to clean out his gaming room

1498
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:09,560
Speaker 1: slash office area into two boxes, stuff to sell online

1499
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:12,040
Speaker 1: and stuff to give away. I knew some of his

1500
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:14,440
Speaker 1: stuff was valuable, but I have no clue what is

1501
01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:16,680
Speaker 1: and what isn't. One time he gave away a collectible

1502
01:07:16,680 --> 01:07:19,160
Speaker 1: sword from another phase that I could have sworn he

1503
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:20,720
Speaker 1: paid a ton of money for, but then he told

1504
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:22,600
Speaker 1: me he got it on eBay for ten dollars. Like

1505
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:24,880
Speaker 1: I really have no clue, and we keep our money

1506
01:07:24,920 --> 01:07:27,560
Speaker 1: separate so I never know and don't ask. He set

1507
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 1: two huge garbage bags on the floor of his stuff

1508
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:33,560
Speaker 1: in front of the bins Friday night. I asked him

1509
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:35,800
Speaker 1: when he was going to sort them. He told me

1510
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:38,320
Speaker 1: he was tired of thinking about it and sent me

1511
01:07:38,360 --> 01:07:40,360
Speaker 1: a list of everything he remembered to putting in there

1512
01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 1: and where to put what. All right, now, this is

1513
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:45,280
Speaker 1: all his fault. I was a little frustrated. I won't lie,

1514
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:47,640
Speaker 1: but I did it anyways without complaint. At the end

1515
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:49,760
Speaker 1: of sorting, I texted him a picture as well as

1516
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:51,840
Speaker 1: a list of the stuff that he didn't tell me about,

1517
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:53,960
Speaker 1: and then he texted back telling me where to put them.

1518
01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:57,000
Speaker 1: It's important to note two things. One, he was very

1519
01:07:57,080 --> 01:07:59,640
Speaker 1: vague when it came to the items like figurines give

1520
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 1: away the Xbox games sell kind of deal too. The

1521
01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:04,200
Speaker 1: reason he didn't want to sort them is that he

1522
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:07,200
Speaker 1: had a video game tournament or something similar. Saturday morning,

1523
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:08,880
Speaker 1: I told him that he could do it after and

1524
01:08:08,920 --> 01:08:10,640
Speaker 1: I don't mind, but he said he would probably be

1525
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:13,600
Speaker 1: too exhausted after and probably wouldn't do it until next week.

1526
01:08:13,760 --> 01:08:16,679
Speaker 1: I just wanted these bins gone, so I stopped fighting it. Anyways,

1527
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:20,040
Speaker 1: Yesterday I took the specialized bins to donation. Today he

1528
01:08:20,120 --> 01:08:22,439
Speaker 1: comes in and I'm pricing items to sell. He starts

1529
01:08:22,439 --> 01:08:24,400
Speaker 1: telling me how much money we can make on the

1530
01:08:24,439 --> 01:08:27,240
Speaker 1: Lord of the Rings bundle, and I was confused because

1531
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:29,600
Speaker 1: his tech said nothing about Lord of the Rings. I

1532
01:08:29,640 --> 01:08:31,600
Speaker 1: tell him I'm not sure what he's talking about, and

1533
01:08:31,640 --> 01:08:33,759
Speaker 1: he looks through the bin and realizes I gave away

1534
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:36,639
Speaker 1: all these custom Lord of the Rings figurines in almost

1535
01:08:36,640 --> 01:08:40,479
Speaker 1: every character. I felt awful and apologized, but he just

1536
01:08:40,600 --> 01:08:42,200
Speaker 1: yelled at me and told me I just ruined his

1537
01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:45,320
Speaker 1: trust in me. This man is a complete brainless and

1538
01:08:45,320 --> 01:08:46,479
Speaker 1: you should just leave him.

1539
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:50,200
Speaker 5: Ruined your trust. Dude, you didn't want to take the.

1540
01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:52,519
Speaker 6: Time to go through these boxes yourself, yet you wanted

1541
01:08:52,560 --> 01:08:54,439
Speaker 6: to take the time to write out a list of

1542
01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:57,639
Speaker 6: how your girlfriend could go through the boxes, and then

1543
01:08:57,640 --> 01:09:00,720
Speaker 6: now you're getting mad that your list didn't include these

1544
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:04,360
Speaker 6: custom figurines, and now you can't trust her even if.

1545
01:09:04,439 --> 01:09:06,800
Speaker 5: You didn't do that, and she just like donated them.

1546
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:09,439
Speaker 6: This has nothing to do with trust, nothing to do

1547
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:11,080
Speaker 6: with trust at this moment.

1548
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:13,240
Speaker 1: I would be that guy in that meme who just

1549
01:09:13,280 --> 01:09:15,760
Speaker 1: like throws up a pair of deuces and then just

1550
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:18,920
Speaker 1: like fades into nothingness. Yeah, I vy mean, I'd be like, oh,

1551
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:22,400
Speaker 1: you can't trust me anymore, goodbye, cool bye, don't have

1552
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:24,840
Speaker 1: to trust me ever again. What I showed him the

1553
01:09:24,880 --> 01:09:28,320
Speaker 1: texts that said that all the figurines needed to go,

1554
01:09:28,479 --> 01:09:30,519
Speaker 1: and he told me I should have known they were

1555
01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:32,880
Speaker 1: special and probably collector's items. Well, then you should have

1556
01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:37,280
Speaker 1: done it yourself, you complete buffoon. We never mentioned finances

1557
01:09:37,360 --> 01:09:39,759
Speaker 1: other than the combined ones, and he has never mentioned

1558
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:42,400
Speaker 1: anything about those figurines. And he literally got them twenty

1559
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:44,840
Speaker 1: fourteen and we weren't even living together then. I called

1560
01:09:44,840 --> 01:09:46,519
Speaker 1: the donation place to try to get them back, but

1561
01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:49,160
Speaker 1: I haven't heard anything. I feel bad, but really feel

1562
01:09:49,200 --> 01:09:51,559
Speaker 1: like this is really his fault. He's currently not speaking

1563
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:52,759
Speaker 1: to me. Am I the aole?

1564
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:53,240
Speaker 5: Nope?

1565
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:55,120
Speaker 1: Nope, And you should break up with this guy, Nope.

1566
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,599
Speaker 1: I know you've been together for eight years, but you're

1567
01:09:57,640 --> 01:10:00,880
Speaker 1: probably living in a sunk caused fallacies hype situation, because

1568
01:10:00,920 --> 01:10:05,360
Speaker 1: that's insane. We've got some comments, Catalyst eight says, not

1569
01:10:05,479 --> 01:10:08,280
Speaker 1: the ale. I can sympathize with you both. I would

1570
01:10:08,280 --> 01:10:11,080
Speaker 1: be devastated if someone throughout any of my collectibles. But

1571
01:10:11,120 --> 01:10:12,960
Speaker 1: based on the text he sent you, I can see

1572
01:10:12,960 --> 01:10:14,800
Speaker 1: why you did. It was an honest mistake. Due to

1573
01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:17,439
Speaker 1: his vagueness, I can understand him being upset, but he

1574
01:10:17,479 --> 01:10:20,120
Speaker 1: needs to apologize for lashing out at you. Op says.

1575
01:10:20,240 --> 01:10:22,719
Speaker 1: The thing is is that he didn't want them anymore.

1576
01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:25,160
Speaker 1: He just wanted to profit off of them. Again, I

1577
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:28,559
Speaker 1: understand that might even be more in some cases, but

1578
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:31,280
Speaker 1: he kept saying I gave away a piece of him,

1579
01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:34,559
Speaker 1: which his morning is really unjustified in my eyes. I

1580
01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:36,800
Speaker 1: can understand him being mad at me for making him

1581
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,360
Speaker 1: lose money, but the second he realized I wouldn't beat

1582
01:10:39,439 --> 01:10:42,880
Speaker 1: myself up for his mistake, he started pulling the sentimental card,

1583
01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:47,000
Speaker 1: which he is openly not sentimental. He literally said it

1584
01:10:47,080 --> 01:10:49,960
Speaker 1: was the only thing I was sentimental about and wanted

1585
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:52,360
Speaker 1: it to go to a good home, and I clocked

1586
01:10:52,360 --> 01:10:54,679
Speaker 1: out of the convo. Anyways, I'm sorry for the rant

1587
01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:56,920
Speaker 1: I had to let it out. Squirrel Girl twenty five says,

1588
01:10:57,000 --> 01:11:00,439
Speaker 1: he's gaslighting you. Also, he's a grown man and sort

1589
01:11:00,439 --> 01:11:03,040
Speaker 1: his own stuff out. He told you all that crap

1590
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:06,120
Speaker 1: about being too tired after a video game tournament and

1591
01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:08,600
Speaker 1: not getting to it till next week because he was

1592
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:10,800
Speaker 1: trying to manipulate you into doing it. He even had

1593
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:13,719
Speaker 1: a list ready. No video game tournament is so intense

1594
01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:17,280
Speaker 1: you need a week to recoup, My guy, you're crazy

1595
01:11:17,320 --> 01:11:17,559
Speaker 1: for that.

1596
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:20,320
Speaker 5: It's like saying I need a vacation from my vacation.

1597
01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:23,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. A thirty two year old man who is more

1598
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:26,600
Speaker 1: concerned about video games and collectible toys than he is

1599
01:11:26,640 --> 01:11:29,320
Speaker 1: about his significant other is not a grown up. Not

1600
01:11:29,400 --> 01:11:32,800
Speaker 1: the ahole. Okay, the catalyst responds, I think either one.

1601
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:35,559
Speaker 1: He didn't properly express that maybe these were the exception

1602
01:11:35,640 --> 01:11:37,240
Speaker 1: to the rule and now it's coming out, or more

1603
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,519
Speaker 1: likely too, he's just upset that he lost out on

1604
01:11:39,560 --> 01:11:42,439
Speaker 1: a project and is lashing out. While yes, his only

1605
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:44,439
Speaker 1: goal seemed to be money. Emotions have a funny way

1606
01:11:44,439 --> 01:11:46,280
Speaker 1: of attaching to things, even if we don't see it

1607
01:11:46,360 --> 01:11:49,080
Speaker 1: either way, You're still not the ahole. Hope, he said,

1608
01:11:49,160 --> 01:11:51,880
Speaker 1: I've tried to be apologetic and understanding. But when we

1609
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:54,760
Speaker 1: moved in, he literally threw away a signed shirt of

1610
01:11:54,800 --> 01:11:58,320
Speaker 1: my favorite band because it looked dirty. I never wore it,

1611
01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:00,120
Speaker 1: but I haven't washed it because I didn't want the

1612
01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:02,920
Speaker 1: signatures to fade. And I mourned for a week. But

1613
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:05,599
Speaker 1: I never yelled at him because it was an honest mistake.

1614
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:08,120
Speaker 1: It still hurts my heart thinking about it sometimes. Yeah,

1615
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:09,120
Speaker 1: this guy sucks.

1616
01:12:09,479 --> 01:12:11,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's time for me to do crime.

1617
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:13,720
Speaker 5: I think it's time for violence.

1618
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:15,280
Speaker 1: Bye, guys, bite him.

1619
01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:16,599
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go do violence.

1620
01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:18,080
Speaker 1: Bite now, bite him.

1621
01:12:18,280 --> 01:12:21,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, bite Because even if it was a mistaken even

1622
01:12:21,320 --> 01:12:23,840
Speaker 6: if he didn't want to get rid of these and

1623
01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:25,920
Speaker 6: and she just genuinely like made.

1624
01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:27,760
Speaker 5: A mistake, he cannot yell at her.

1625
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:30,080
Speaker 1: Of course not. So it's just that's why he's a

1626
01:12:30,080 --> 01:12:31,120
Speaker 1: big baby wrong.

1627
01:12:31,320 --> 01:12:34,439
Speaker 6: Everything in this situation is wrong, and she needs to

1628
01:12:34,439 --> 01:12:35,280
Speaker 6: get out of there.

1629
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:40,000
Speaker 1: Big baby boy. You should yell at yourself, baby boy,

1630
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:44,599
Speaker 1: because it's your fault. It's all your fault, baby boy. Yes,

1631
01:12:44,880 --> 01:12:47,360
Speaker 1: while I still feel awful and have done everything I

1632
01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:50,240
Speaker 1: can to try to retrieve them, he continues to yell

1633
01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:52,960
Speaker 1: at me and act like a petulant child. I understand emotion,

1634
01:12:53,040 --> 01:12:57,080
Speaker 1: but he's thirty two, not five. Okay, So Catalisto eight says,

1635
01:12:57,120 --> 01:12:59,439
Speaker 1: excuse me. I know it's not my place and I

1636
01:12:59,439 --> 01:13:01,800
Speaker 1: don't know that epivy relationship like you two do. But

1637
01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:04,040
Speaker 1: based on what you've showed us here, I suggest you

1638
01:13:04,160 --> 01:13:07,280
Speaker 1: drop him. He destroyed and devalued something he knew you

1639
01:13:07,360 --> 01:13:10,520
Speaker 1: loved for his own reasons and is acting beyond unreasonable

1640
01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:14,759
Speaker 1: when you followed his instructions. It looks like he wants

1641
01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:17,799
Speaker 1: to have as much control as possible over you and himself,

1642
01:13:18,080 --> 01:13:20,439
Speaker 1: and changes his story or stance to get his way.

1643
01:13:20,760 --> 01:13:23,519
Speaker 1: This is called gaslighting and is a common tactic of

1644
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:26,720
Speaker 1: I'm not saying he is one, but I am saying that,

1645
01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:29,280
Speaker 1: since this is not the first time he's been this outrageous,

1646
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:31,880
Speaker 1: you need to evaluate if this is worth it. You

1647
01:13:31,920 --> 01:13:34,160
Speaker 1: are strong and you will survive this. It was a

1648
01:13:34,160 --> 01:13:37,600
Speaker 1: great comment. Op says, I will honestly say that I

1649
01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:40,519
Speaker 1: believe the shirt was a mistake. It's folded and does

1650
01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:42,240
Speaker 1: look dirty, and I had it in a box of

1651
01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:44,880
Speaker 1: collectibles instead of my own clothes because I was worried

1652
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:47,000
Speaker 1: it would get lost in the move. Nope, you don't

1653
01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:51,160
Speaker 1: throw dirty shirts away, you wash them. Yeah, stop letting.

1654
01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:53,120
Speaker 5: This guy off like literal poop on it.

1655
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:57,000
Speaker 8: Yeah, and let's say maybe maybe there are cases when

1656
01:13:57,040 --> 01:14:00,920
Speaker 8: things past the point of no return exactly, like if

1657
01:14:00,960 --> 01:14:05,400
Speaker 8: it's crusty and if anything has caused it to crust, yeah,

1658
01:14:05,479 --> 01:14:05,960
Speaker 8: it's over.

1659
01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:06,920
Speaker 3: But just dirty.

1660
01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:09,600
Speaker 5: That's why we have washing machines exactly.

1661
01:14:09,800 --> 01:14:11,800
Speaker 1: Come on, So it was in a box of collectibles.

1662
01:14:12,120 --> 01:14:13,880
Speaker 1: He thought it was just a ripped up shirt and

1663
01:14:13,920 --> 01:14:15,599
Speaker 1: it got that way from being in the pit at

1664
01:14:15,600 --> 01:14:18,400
Speaker 1: the concert, and that it accidentally got in there. So

1665
01:14:18,720 --> 01:14:21,200
Speaker 1: if he was honest, I do forgive him there. We

1666
01:14:21,280 --> 01:14:24,480
Speaker 1: have gone most of our relationship without incident. During quarantine,

1667
01:14:24,520 --> 01:14:26,920
Speaker 1: he's told me he's felt depressed, which is why I've

1668
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:29,080
Speaker 1: been trying to just relax and not get too mad.

1669
01:14:29,520 --> 01:14:32,200
Speaker 1: He's never had any mental health issues, but personally having

1670
01:14:32,280 --> 01:14:35,360
Speaker 1: depression myself, I know I cannot judge someone's coping process.

1671
01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:37,400
Speaker 1: I think he was just having time with the adjustment

1672
01:14:37,439 --> 01:14:40,080
Speaker 1: curve and his sleep schedule has been whacked out, which

1673
01:14:40,080 --> 01:14:43,000
Speaker 1: has not helped him. But regardless of depression or not,

1674
01:14:43,120 --> 01:14:45,400
Speaker 1: he doesn't get a free pass to act this way.

1675
01:14:45,600 --> 01:14:49,040
Speaker 1: Neo nephelim says it was in a box of collectibles, Like,

1676
01:14:49,400 --> 01:14:52,080
Speaker 1: that's a pretty clear indication that it's special. He should

1677
01:14:52,080 --> 01:14:54,920
Speaker 1: have asked before he threw it away. To me, that's

1678
01:14:54,960 --> 01:14:56,920
Speaker 1: a red flag he doesn't care about what might be

1679
01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:00,200
Speaker 1: valuable to you. Sarah fim Crashing says, info. If he

1680
01:15:00,280 --> 01:15:02,920
Speaker 1: has his own gaming office slash room, why do you

1681
01:15:03,040 --> 01:15:05,559
Speaker 1: need him to clean it up or declutter it. Why

1682
01:15:05,560 --> 01:15:08,120
Speaker 1: can't he just manage his own room? Opie says he

1683
01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:11,280
Speaker 1: kept saying he needed to declutter it. He literally buys

1684
01:15:11,320 --> 01:15:14,280
Speaker 1: something every week and the room was getting into hoarding territory,

1685
01:15:14,320 --> 01:15:15,800
Speaker 1: and he said that he needed to clean it to

1686
01:15:15,840 --> 01:15:18,280
Speaker 1: make room for the new things. For literal months, he

1687
01:15:18,360 --> 01:15:20,960
Speaker 1: brought stuff out of his room constantly and left stuff

1688
01:15:20,960 --> 01:15:23,280
Speaker 1: outside and then complained when I asked him to take

1689
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:26,040
Speaker 1: it back because he didn't have enough room on his shelf.

1690
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:28,720
Speaker 1: He would leave figurines on the kitchen counter and then

1691
01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:30,639
Speaker 1: get mad if it got food on it.

1692
01:15:30,720 --> 01:15:33,480
Speaker 3: What This guy is just.

1693
01:15:33,240 --> 01:15:36,840
Speaker 1: A poopy baby. Yeah, he poops his diaper and he goes,

1694
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:40,479
Speaker 1: who poop my diaper? Who did who did that?

1695
01:15:41,560 --> 01:15:43,960
Speaker 6: Why did my diaper get poop on it? It was only

1696
01:15:44,320 --> 01:15:46,840
Speaker 6: around my booty? How did it get poop on it

1697
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:48,320
Speaker 6: when it was around my booty.

1698
01:15:48,439 --> 01:15:51,120
Speaker 1: I'm a poopy baby. I demand to know who pooped

1699
01:15:51,120 --> 01:15:56,280
Speaker 1: in my diaper. That's Opie's boyfriend, absolutely is. I would

1700
01:15:56,280 --> 01:15:58,400
Speaker 1: take a box of his stuff back to his room

1701
01:15:58,439 --> 01:16:00,760
Speaker 1: on a weekly basis, and he used to make me

1702
01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:03,800
Speaker 1: clean his gaming room because it started developing mold because

1703
01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:06,759
Speaker 1: he would not clean it. I stopped cleaning it about

1704
01:16:06,800 --> 01:16:09,040
Speaker 1: a year ago, but I still have to bring stuff

1705
01:16:09,080 --> 01:16:11,599
Speaker 1: back into the room every week. He could have literally

1706
01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:13,559
Speaker 1: just told me he didn't want to give anything away,

1707
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:15,559
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have cared. But he told me for

1708
01:16:15,640 --> 01:16:17,640
Speaker 1: months he needed to give stuff away. And there is

1709
01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:18,200
Speaker 1: an update.

1710
01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:19,120
Speaker 5: There's an update.

1711
01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:24,400
Speaker 1: Please tell me. The update is that you're leaving this guy. Please,

1712
01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:27,519
Speaker 1: there's an update. We're gonna finish this off here. Last night,

1713
01:16:27,880 --> 01:16:30,760
Speaker 1: he literally contacted our friend who was a paralegal, and

1714
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:33,600
Speaker 1: asked if he had a case to sue me for damages.

1715
01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,519
Speaker 1: The paralegal heard his story and read the text between

1716
01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:39,639
Speaker 1: us and said he felt like he did not. That

1717
01:16:39,720 --> 01:16:41,920
Speaker 1: friend reached out to me and asked me what was

1718
01:16:41,920 --> 01:16:45,360
Speaker 1: happening because I was friends with that guy first. He

1719
01:16:45,360 --> 01:16:47,720
Speaker 1: then sent screenshots if my boyfriend called me a bunch

1720
01:16:47,720 --> 01:16:50,679
Speaker 1: of names and other awful things. He has not talked

1721
01:16:50,680 --> 01:16:52,360
Speaker 1: to me at all or even asked me to pay

1722
01:16:52,439 --> 01:16:55,280
Speaker 1: him back. He immediately went to sue me. And by

1723
01:16:55,320 --> 01:16:58,800
Speaker 1: the way, I'm gonna sue you unless you listen to

1724
01:16:58,840 --> 01:17:01,599
Speaker 1: the full episodes with or He's just like this on

1725
01:17:01,680 --> 01:17:04,840
Speaker 1: Spotify or iHeartRadio or Apple podcasts, really wherever you listen

1726
01:17:04,840 --> 01:17:06,760
Speaker 1: to podcasts, don't worry. I'm not everything going to sue you.

1727
01:17:06,800 --> 01:17:07,360
Speaker 3: No, he is.

1728
01:17:07,479 --> 01:17:09,000
Speaker 5: It's not a threat, it's a promise.

1729
01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:10,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, am I just trying to get you to relax.

1730
01:17:11,080 --> 01:17:13,920
Speaker 1: I don't know. You should search Okay story Time on

1731
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:17,880
Speaker 1: your preferred podcast platform, and then you can listen to

1732
01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:20,320
Speaker 1: all the episodes we've ever made, and then maybe you

1733
01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:22,040
Speaker 1: can determine whether or not I'm being serious.

1734
01:17:22,160 --> 01:17:23,680
Speaker 5: Let's just jump right into it, so.

1735
01:17:23,640 --> 01:17:26,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna finish this. When I confronted him about it,

1736
01:17:26,040 --> 01:17:29,240
Speaker 1: he said he was acting in depression and didn't actually

1737
01:17:29,240 --> 01:17:31,719
Speaker 1: mean anything by it, but was just trying to control

1738
01:17:31,800 --> 01:17:34,240
Speaker 1: his anger. When I asked if he would like me

1739
01:17:34,320 --> 01:17:36,600
Speaker 1: to pay him, and that I would pay him a

1740
01:17:36,680 --> 01:17:39,320
Speaker 1: half since we are both at fault in some ways,

1741
01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:41,360
Speaker 1: he just kept screaming at me and call me a

1742
01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:43,639
Speaker 1: bunch of names and said I would not only pay

1743
01:17:43,720 --> 01:17:45,519
Speaker 1: for all of it, but I would pay extra for

1744
01:17:45,600 --> 01:17:49,040
Speaker 1: his emotional distress. Anyways, long story short, I broke up

1745
01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:50,040
Speaker 1: with them.

1746
01:17:50,560 --> 01:17:55,559
Speaker 5: Great, that's great, that's great. Good job, o P you

1747
01:17:55,640 --> 01:17:56,000
Speaker 5: did it.

1748
01:17:56,120 --> 01:17:57,800
Speaker 1: Yes, we got there.

1749
01:17:57,880 --> 01:17:58,320
Speaker 3: Great job.

1750
01:17:58,400 --> 01:18:01,040
Speaker 1: He's currently having an even big rage fit and sent

1751
01:18:01,080 --> 01:18:03,640
Speaker 1: me a picture of him breaking some of his collectibles,

1752
01:18:03,640 --> 01:18:05,920
Speaker 1: saying if it makes you that happy, and I know

1753
01:18:06,040 --> 01:18:09,400
Speaker 1: he is gaslighting me, thank you for everyone's support. Then

1754
01:18:09,400 --> 01:18:10,759
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story.