WEBVTT - If You've Been Feeling Drained... Listen To This (9 Steps To Recover And Avoid Burnout) 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:00.800 I'm drained. 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:03.680 As a signal from your body to the mind, from 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.360 your mind to your heart, your body and mind are 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:10.000 trying to tell you something. Pain makes you pay attention, 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:13.880 but that attention needs to be followed by action. 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:17.200 The number one health and wellness podcast. 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:24.360 Jay set Jay Sety Yet Hey, everyone, welcome back to 0:00:24.560 --> 0:00:27.440 On Purpose, the number one health podcast. 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:27.680 In the world. 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:30.080 Thanks to each and every one of you that come 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:33.840 back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I want 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:36.239 to take a moment to thank you all, whether you 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:40.080 joined the on Purpose community yesterday or whether you joined 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:42.920 us five years ago when we first started. I want 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:46.239 to say a big thank you to you for your support. 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:49.559 I love the fact that you're making Instagram reels. I 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:52.320 love seeing the tiktoks you all share, I love seeing 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:56.040 your stories. Thank you for making this such a highly 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:59.760 recommended podcast to your friends, your family. It means the 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:02.480 world to me, and I can't wait to keep bringing 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:08.520 you incredible conversations and content. Now this episode feels like 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:12.160 a really, really important one because I can't believe that 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:15.520 we're already this far into the year and it's natural 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:17.880 that a lot of people are starting to feel drained. 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:19.880 Maybe you have some time off. 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:22.720 Maybe you haven't had the chance to have some time off, 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:25.759 but maybe you've been working really hard this year. Maybe 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:29.160 you've been pursuing your goals health and wellness related and 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:33.959 also professional. How many of you, honestly are feeling drained, 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:40.039 how many of you are feeling exhausted, and how many 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:43.640 of you are feeling like you need some practical tips 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:47.960 and practical methods to actually find a way through this 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:52.320 busy time. Nearly half forty eight percent of eighteen to 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:55.640 twenty nine year olds said they feel drained, compared with 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:59.640 forty percent of their peers, AIDS thirteen up, while women 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:03.400 for six percent reported higher levels of burnout than men 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:08.320 at thirty seven percent. So this is a problem that 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:10.480 a lot of us are dealing with. We're not alone, 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:15.320 and we're highly challenged by it. And look, the podcast 0:02:15.360 --> 0:02:18.160 is full of great advice from experts on how much 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:21.360 water intake, you need, sleep, and exercise. You can find 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:23.400 that here. But what I wanted to share with you 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.240 in this episode is what do you do when you 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.600 can't do all of those things right now? When you 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:31.680 feel like you've tried but you're failing, and now you're 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:35.799 starting to do nothing What are these small incremental shifts. 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:38.799 What are the little steps that you can take right 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:44.200 now to transform how you feel to stop feeling drained. So, 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.320 if you've been feeling drained lately, this episode is for you. 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:51.240 If you've been feeling exhausted, this episode is for you. 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:54.480 And if you're on the verge of burnout, please please 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:56.720 please listen to this. And if you have someone in 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.840 your life that you know is headed down that road, 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:03.280 send them there so they can actually keep it together, 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:07.680 keep the energy enough to get to their next break 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:10.280 and their next pit stop. I want to start off 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:14.720 with a really important principle. I've said this statistic before. 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:19.200 Study show we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts per day, 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:23.640 and eighty percent of those are negative and eighty percent 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:27.680 of those are repetitive. Let me give you an example. 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:30.760 How many of you have ever started your day with 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:35.880 the words I'm feeling really drained. Now, think about how 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:41.400 many times you've said that in one day, in every conversation, 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:46.160 every meeting, talking to a friend or a family member. Now, 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:50.040 think about how many times you've said that over a week. Now, 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:51.880 how many times have you said that over a month, 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:55.040 And how many times have you said that. Over a year, 0:03:55.480 --> 0:04:00.000 we keep repeating the same thought, the same feeling, oh 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:05.040 and over and over again. And it's so important that 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:09.920 we learn to break repetitive thoughts, that we learn to 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:13.520 disrupt that pattern, that we learn to intervene. We have 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:18.080 to have our own intervention in our mind. I'm going 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:21.560 to give you the triple A formula. Write this down, 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:27.240 Triple A accept and action. Usually we don't accept how 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:31.120 we feel. We're told to be toxically positive. Instead of 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.400 saying I'm tired, we say I'm energized, I'm feeling good. 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:37.160 Affirmations like that don't work. That isn't even an affirmation. 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:41.800 That's just telling yourself a lie and hoping you'll believe it. Now, 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:45.159 biology will reject that. You won't believe it. You won't 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:47.520 just believe it because you keep saying it to yourself 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:52.960 if you're not feeling any different. So accept and action. 0:04:54.040 --> 0:04:56.960 The acceptance has to be followed up by an action. 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:01.440 So for example, I'm really drained and so I'll go 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:05.880 to sleep early tonight. I'm really drained, and so I 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:10.760 will cancel my plans this weekend. The and so changes 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:14.920 that thought. See, that thought is a signal I'm drained. 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:18.200 As a signal from your body to the mind, from 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:20.880 your mind to your heart, your body and mind are 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:24.560 trying to tell you something. Pain makes you pay attention, 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:29.160 but that attention needs to be followed by action, and 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:32.279 that's often what we don't find we see the signal. 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:34.760 It's almost like you're driving your car. You see one 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:37.479 of the lights pop up, and you keep ignoring or 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.960 avoiding it. You go, I don't really know what it is. 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:42.680 I'll figure it out. I'll take a look right. How 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:44.560 many times have you done that? Mentally? 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:47.279 How many times have you ever done that? Physically? 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:51.040 You're feeling a real niggling pain in your knee or 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:56.080 in your back, you keep ignoring it. Stop ignoring your 0:05:56.080 --> 0:06:03.640 repetitive thoughts, stop ignoring your petitive feelings, stop ignoring your 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:09.560 repetitive emotions. They're repeating for a reason. They want you 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:14.880 to pay attention. Pain makes you focus and pay attention 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:19.520 so that then you can take action, break your repetitive 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:23.719 thought cycle, break that spiral so that you can actually 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:28.560 shift into taking action. Principle number two. One of the 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:30.839 things I find that has really helped me, and I 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:35.599 practice this often, is recognizing that I don't always have 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:39.920 to be at one hundred percent energy. How many times 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:43.360 have you ever gone to an event, you've gone to work, 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:46.560 you're with your family, and you constantly think that you 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:50.480 have to be at one hundred percent all the time. 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:53.280 I'll give an example. I was at a dinner recently 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:55.680 and I had to give a speech the next day. 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:58.920 I just got off a flight. So I just got 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:01.640 off a flight. I'd been trying for around twenty hours. 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:05.800 I had gone to the opening night dinner, and the 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:08.120 next morning I had to wake up and give a 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:11.000 keynote presentation. I wouldn't say I was drained, but I 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:14.320 was exhausted. The interesting thing to me was that dinner, 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:17.480 everyone was chatting, it was opening ni, everyone was, you know, 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:22.160 being their best self. And I very quickly realized that 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:25.440 if I wanted to give a great presentation the next day, 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:28.160 which is why I'd been brought in, that I wouldn't 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:30.760 be able to be one hundred percent energy the whole night. 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.920 So I was probably at about fifty percent energy. And 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.400 I could tell that people could sense that even if 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:40.400 they didn't know me, and I shared with them. I said, hey, 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.800 I'm really tired. I got off a plane. Today after 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.400 twenty hours of travel, I have a presentation tomorrow. I 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:47.920 really wanted to sharpen meet everyone, but I'm going to 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:49.200 be a bit more reserved tonight. 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:50.120 Now. 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:53.400 Being able to vocalize that, being able to communicate that 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.840 helped me feel better about it. I want to be 0:07:56.880 --> 0:07:58.520 at one hundred percent. I want to be able to 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:01.880 give my best, but after my travel schedule, the demands 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:04.240 don't allow me to be that way. And I'm guessing 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.280 it's the same for you as well. And I realize 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:10.040 that being able to say to myself and communicate to 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:13.400 others why I'm out a seventy five percent, why I'm 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:16.160 out of fifty percent, people are going to be able 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:18.840 to sense it. Often we want to act our way 0:08:18.880 --> 0:08:22.680 through these things. We want to hope that no one realizes, 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:26.840 people recognize, people feel it. But actually, when we can 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:30.800 communicate our limits, when we can communicate our challenges, when 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:34.000 we can communicate why we're feeling the way we are, 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:37.560 why we're acting the way we are, what is happening 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:41.160 behind the scenes. Right, No one there had a badge 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:43.120 that said the travel time it took them to get in. 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.880 Some people had come from thirty minutes away, and like me, 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:49.959 some from twenty hours away. And so the idea that 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:52.360 we should just assume that everyone should be one hundred 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:56.800 percent all the time doesn't actually make sense. And I'm 0:08:56.840 --> 0:09:00.400 hoping that this actually gives you the capacity to be 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:03.199 compassionate to others. I think often we're so quick to 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:05.480 judge as with others, well like, oh they didn't show 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:07.840 up with their best energy. Oh they seemed off tonight. 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:12.040 I'm going to recognize what people are carrying, what people 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.400 are dealing with. So I want you to take that 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:16.920 on board. When can you be at fifty percent energy? 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:22.480 And what does that look like in communicating that? Now, 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:25.960 there are times when I have to be at one 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:29.679 hundred percent energy and I know I've got a sharp 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:31.840 off as in my best self, I don't have the 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:35.200 excuse to say, Okay, our sharp is fifty percent. I 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:38.720 don't feel comfortable to communicate that. I find that might 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:42.200 be difficult. So one of the things I've realized in 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:46.200 this is to cap the time in order to preserve 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:49.280 my energy at one hundred percent. The time I can 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:51.760 be one hundred percent is different. I may show up 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.160 to a dinner for thirty minutes. I may make the 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:58.040 meeting ten minutes. I may make the presentation fifteen minutes. 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:01.319 What can I do to do what I want to do? 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:03.480 To do what I need to do? But how do 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:05.960 I time box it in a way that I can 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:08.880 give my best self? Often what we try and do 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.200 is say, Okay, if the meeting's an hour, I'm going 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:13.040 to be there in shop for an hour. Actually can 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:17.320 I solve that in thirty minutes with my best energy? 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:21.560 Is that actually more plausible than possible? Step number three, 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.120 This one is important if you are on the verge 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:30.800 of exhaustion. We have to learn to say no, it's 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:34.439 okay to cancel social events. And ideally what a lot 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.080 of us do is we try and cancel it last minute. 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:40.120 It's actually so much better if you cancel it in advance, 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:43.760 if you give someone notice, if you let someone know, hey, 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:46.600 I'm feeling really rough this week, I'm kind of under 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.840 the weather. I'm worried that I'm going to get sick, 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:50.520 and I don't want to come ruin the party. I 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:52.640 don't want to come ruin the event. What we often 0:10:52.679 --> 0:10:54.240 do is we wait till the last minute, We're going 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.280 to force ourselves to go, and then we realize we 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:59.280 really can't go, or we force ourselves to go and 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:02.480 then we're bitter it or we're upset about it. It's 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:07.240 so important to just get that RSVP out the way, 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.680 let the person know, let the event know it's okay. 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:15.000 Things will go on. Yes you'll experience fomo, Yes you 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:18.800 might miss out on something cool, but guess what. Burnout 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:24.920 is not worth it. Exhaustion is not worth it, Feeling 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:28.880 drained is not worth it. Let me say that again. 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:35.200 Feeling drained is not worth anything, Feeling exhausted is not 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:42.240 worth anything, and experiencing burnout is not worth it. Now again, 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.200 there have been times when I have to turn up, 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.680 I have to be there, and what I've found is 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:51.040 that usually in social settings it's overwhelming thinking you've got 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:54.679 to talk to twenty thirty, forty fifty people. I did 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:57.640 this again the other night, and I love it when 0:11:57.640 --> 0:11:59.600 you find someone who's trying to do the same thing. 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.160 So I ended up talking to someone who is also 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:04.800 feeling the same way as me. They were tired, they 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.360 were feeling slightly drained, and they said, I just want 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.600 to find one person to connect to meaningfully. So instead 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.520 of trying to feel like you've got to work the room. 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:14.840 You've got to introduce yourself to everyone. You're going to 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:18.960 miss out. Literally find the other person, have a beautiful 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:23.439 meaning interaction or exchange, and just feel connected and experience 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:26.160 what it feels like to actually just allow yourself to 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:30.559 be I think that a lot of this draining feeling 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:33.680 actually comes from stress, and the stress is where we're 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.760 demanding too much of our body and mind. That's how 0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:39.760 I look at stress. Stress is when I'm demanding too 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:43.440 much of my body and mind. My body and mind 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:45.960 is trying to tell me it's limit, and I'm pushing 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:49.840 it further. Sometimes that can be brilliant. Kelly McGonagall, in 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.800 her book called The Upside of Stress, talks about how 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.400 we can deal with more stress when we experience purpose. 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.160 We can deal with more stress when we have a 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:01.600 clear intention. There's one thing to think about when you 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:05.240 are experiencing stress, ask yourself, if you need to push through, 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.720 what's my intention? What am I really trying to achieve? 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:12.040 Let me focus on why it's so important for me 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.760 to experience this, and actually we become better at dealing 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:17.960 with it. We deal with it more gracefully. It doesn't 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:22.080 have that negative impact that stress often does on our lives, 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:25.520 So find a way to think about that. Take a 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:28.880 moment to say, what is my intention here? Why is 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:31.880 it necessary for me to tackle this stress and take 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:35.800 it on right now? Going back to the social event point, 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:38.800 I have a friend who's amazing at this. She'll always 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:40.760 message me and she'll say to me, Jay, are you 0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:42.680 going to this? And I'll say yes, and she'll be like, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:44.680 can I just let you know that I'm really tired 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:46.160 today and I'd love for it if we could just 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:46.840 hang out and talk. 0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:49.000 But I don't think I can do big groups. I go, 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:49.600 I'm all. 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:52.040 In write that kind of strategy and approach. When you 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:55.960 know someone coming, it's a safe space. They trust you, 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:58.400 you trust them, You can give them a heads up 0:13:58.440 --> 0:14:01.360 they can do the same, and now you're supporting each 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:08.880 other in that environment. Sometimes I actually think that stress 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:12.680 or feeling drained makes us more strategic. Yep, I said 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:16.360 that right, Stress can actually make you more strategic. Feeling 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:20.280 drained can make you more dynamic. Here's a really interesting 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:24.440 thing to think about. Which one of your meetings could 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:25.960 actually be emails? 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:27.320 Think about that right now. 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:30.360 Look through your schedule and ask yourself which of those 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:34.360 can be solved with an email. Which of those could 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.520 actually be solved in an email exchange? We don't need 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.680 to do a call. The call will actually tell into 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.560 an hour. It will be far more draining, I'll exert 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:46.200 way more energy, and actually I can solve it in 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:49.480 far less time. I can actually get to where I 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:52.640 need to get to. So sometimes what you find is 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:57.840 stress releases your strategy, and I want you to think 0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:01.000 about that. When else have you been stress recently? And 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:04.800 how could you have used that stress to become more strategic? 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.360 How could that stress create a better idea, a better option, 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.320 a better solution, Because now you're actually thinking, well, how 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.760 do I do that with less energy and less time? 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:17.320 And if we looked at life like that, we may 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:20.000 be able to solve some of those things that create 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:24.120 more stress, create more pressure in our lives. And I'd 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:28.160 really consider where and when in your life being more 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:32.920 strategic will save you from that added stress. Definitely something 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:35.720 to look at, something to consider, and something to think about. 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:43.160 Now that also applies to phone calls over zooms. I 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:45.600 find that when we're listening sometimes I find that when 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:47.520 I'm on a phone call, I'm actually more present than 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:49.520 when I'm on a zoom meeting. On a zoom meeting, 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:52.080 you're on your screen, which means most people have emailed up, 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.040 emails popping up. You're now looking at yourself, and I 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:57.360 think you have to turn yourself off. I mean, I'd 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:02.080 actually argue that the amount of time and energy and 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:05.520 presence that's drained in looking at your own appearance on 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.800 a meeting is so high, and most of us have 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.760 been doing it since the pandemic. Turn your screen off. 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:14.480 Just look at the other person, even pin the person 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:17.680 that's speaking, because when you're looking at nine boxes, when 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.400 in a meeting room, would you be looking at nine 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:24.240 people at the same time, all at the same time, 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.160 It would never happen. You look at the person who's talking. 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.160 Maybe you flip over to one or two, but generally 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:32.440 you're not looking at nine people all at the same time. 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:34.560 And sometimes you're on a zoom call with twenty people 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:37.080 and you're now looking at everyone. Someone's scratching their head, 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:41.600 someone's looking at their phone, someone's taking notes, someone's talking. 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:46.080 It can be overwhelming and it can be draining, which 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:50.640 zoom calls can turn into phone calls. Really important question 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:54.120 to ask, important to think about all the meetings you have, 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:56.600 the events you have, the things that you're going to, 0:16:56.720 --> 0:17:00.800 the things you're traveling to. How can you streamline? How 0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:03.680 can you make it simpler. One of my favorite ones, 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:06.119 which requires a bit more planning, but it's been a 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:10.280 huge asset in my life, is called a reset day, 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:15.639 a reset half day, or a reset hour. Based on 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:18.960 how busy my schedule is, I'll make sure that during 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:22.359 the weekend I get to have a reset hour, a 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:26.600 reset half day, or a reset day. What this is 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:30.760 that it's almost a rehearsal of my most perfect day. 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:33.679 It's a day where I get to live how I 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:37.080 wish I could live every day, how I want to 0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:39.560 live every day, how I aspire to live every day. 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:43.359 But the realist in me that I've worked on being 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.479 when I used to be a perfectionist is saying, let 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.680 me at least have one hour, let me have half 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:50.240 a day of that, let me have a day of that, 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.800 Let me invest in that. And how incredible would that be? 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:56.399 How powerful would that be in my life if I 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:59.040 allowed myself to do that. I love the perfect amount 0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:03.360 of meditation, the perfect workout. I'll eat really well, even 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.840 if it's for an hour. That reset hour or reset 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:10.040 day is like what we do when our phone's starting 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:11.840 to jam up and we just switch it off and 0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.720 we've reset it. We can't do it with an on 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:18.159 and off button with ourselves, but we can if we 0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:20.879 take some time out to reset. And I think we 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:23.000 often think, Okay, no, tomorrow morning's my reset, It's going 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:25.320 to be a perfect day. Tomorrow morning's my reset. And 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:28.200 it's almost like we have to carve out time that's 0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:32.359 fully under our control in order to do that effectively. 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:36.919 Think about that. One thing that we really need to 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:40.720 start learning to ask ourselves when we are failing drained 0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:44.240 is how can I be kinder to myself? A lot 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:47.440 of what's draining us is happening within our mind. You're 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:49.920 not good enough, you're not fast enough. Did you see 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:52.760 what they did? Look how behind you are? The way 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:54.800 we talk to ourselves when we look in the mirror, 0:18:55.560 --> 0:18:58.520 you look in overweight, you don't look great today, you 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:02.240 look tired, you look drained. Can't you do better than that? 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:07.000 The voice in our head constantly pushing us to be better, 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:09.879 do better, but not in an encouraging way, not as 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:13.680 a cheerleader, but as a critic and what's really interesting 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:17.679 about that is if we're encouraging and empowering ourselves, we 0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:21.400 can achieve great things. But if we're stressing ourselves, we're 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:25.159 draining ourselves from within. How can you be kinder to 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:28.120 yourself when you know you need to push yourself more. 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:30.560 You didn't get to do everything today on your to 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.680 do list, That's okay, you got seven out of ten 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:37.720 things done. You didn't perform exceptionally well this week at work, 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:39.440 It's okay, we start. 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:39.959 Again on Monday. 0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:42.920 Maybe you didn't feel like you were the best around 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:45.680 your kids this week or the best around your partner. 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:48.879 It's okay. You can improve and take accountability and let 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:53.040 them know what's going on. How can you be kinder 0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:56.840 to yourself? If you were kinder to yourself, what do 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.040 you believe you would achieve? 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:00.560 This next one? 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:04.960 Slightly harder? When something stressing us out, There's two things 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:06.920 we can do. One is we can either talk about 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:09.280 the stress the whole time, and if you talk about 0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:13.080 it with the right people, it actually gets lighter. When 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:16.359 you talk about your stress with the right people, it 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:20.760 becomes more light. People who help you carry it, people 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:23.720 who help you make sense of it, people who help 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:27.560 you think about it. People who just agree with you 0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:32.520 and let you vent are useful too. There's a need 0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:36.000 for you to let that stress out. Being able to 0:20:36.040 --> 0:20:39.680 talk about it to a friend, a therapist, a colleague, 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:43.520 a person who understands you can be huge. Now. The 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:48.440 opposite also works distance from the stressor. So you may 0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:51.520 not have distance from the stressor verbally, but you want 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.360 to have distance from the stress so physically, if you can, 0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:57.720 don't be around them, don't be around people who are 0:20:57.800 --> 0:21:01.359 around them, don't be around people who know them. It 0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:05.440 solves your issue when you can distance yourself from having 0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:09.400 to deal with that stressor up close and personal, face 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:13.400 to face. You don't have to put yourself in that position. 0:21:14.000 --> 0:21:16.520 So ask yourself, can you do that? And if you 0:21:16.560 --> 0:21:21.160 can't do that, then allow yourself to vent, allow yourself 0:21:21.160 --> 0:21:23.919 to have space and time to let it out. 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:24.520 Now. 0:21:24.560 --> 0:21:26.760 I'm bringing this up because I found in my life 0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:28.720 I was sleeping right, I was drinking the right water, 0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:32.000 I was eating right, and I still felt drained. And 0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:33.840 I realized a lot of it was because of a 0:21:33.960 --> 0:21:36.080 lack of vitamins and supplements. 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:37.760 I wasn't getting enough vitamin D. 0:21:38.440 --> 0:21:40.919 I had others that were low, and as soon as 0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:42.800 I got checked out, it changed my life. 0:21:42.840 --> 0:21:44.400 I highly recommend that you go and. 0:21:44.320 --> 0:21:46.879 Get checked out, because so often we're trying to solve 0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:49.440 something in our mind when actually we need to solve 0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:51.200 it in our body. Right. 0:21:51.320 --> 0:21:53.960 I always say to people like, if you're struggling with your. 0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:55.520 Mind, figure out what you could change about your body, 0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:57.159 and if you're struggling with your body, figure out what 0:21:57.160 --> 0:21:59.560 you could change in your mind. So many of us 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:02.520