1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:00,800 Speaker 1: I'm drained. 2 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:03,680 Speaker 2: As a signal from your body to the mind, from 3 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 2: your mind to your heart, your body and mind are 4 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 2: trying to tell you something. Pain makes you pay attention, 5 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,880 Speaker 2: but that attention needs to be followed by action. 6 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast. 7 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 2: Jay set Jay Sety Yet Hey, everyone, welcome back to 8 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,440 Speaker 2: On Purpose, the number one health podcast. 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: In the world. 10 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 2: Thanks to each and every one of you that come 11 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,840 Speaker 2: back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I want 12 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,239 Speaker 2: to take a moment to thank you all, whether you 13 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 2: joined the on Purpose community yesterday or whether you joined 14 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 2: us five years ago when we first started. I want 15 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,239 Speaker 2: to say a big thank you to you for your support. 16 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,559 Speaker 2: I love the fact that you're making Instagram reels. I 17 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 2: love seeing the tiktoks you all share, I love seeing 18 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 2: your stories. Thank you for making this such a highly 19 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 2: recommended podcast to your friends, your family. It means the 20 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 2: world to me, and I can't wait to keep bringing 21 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 2: you incredible conversations and content. Now this episode feels like 22 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 2: a really, really important one because I can't believe that 23 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 2: we're already this far into the year and it's natural 24 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 2: that a lot of people are starting to feel drained. 25 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 1: Maybe you have some time off. 26 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 2: Maybe you haven't had the chance to have some time off, 27 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,759 Speaker 2: but maybe you've been working really hard this year. Maybe 28 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 2: you've been pursuing your goals health and wellness related and 29 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 2: also professional. How many of you, honestly are feeling drained, 30 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:40,039 Speaker 2: how many of you are feeling exhausted, and how many 31 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 2: of you are feeling like you need some practical tips 32 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 2: and practical methods to actually find a way through this 33 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 2: busy time. Nearly half forty eight percent of eighteen to 34 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 2: twenty nine year olds said they feel drained, compared with 35 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 2: forty percent of their peers, AIDS thirteen up, while women 36 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 2: for six percent reported higher levels of burnout than men 37 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 2: at thirty seven percent. So this is a problem that 38 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 2: a lot of us are dealing with. We're not alone, 39 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 2: and we're highly challenged by it. And look, the podcast 40 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 2: is full of great advice from experts on how much 41 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 2: water intake, you need, sleep, and exercise. You can find 42 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 2: that here. But what I wanted to share with you 43 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 2: in this episode is what do you do when you 44 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 2: can't do all of those things right now? When you 45 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 2: feel like you've tried but you're failing, and now you're 46 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,799 Speaker 2: starting to do nothing What are these small incremental shifts. 47 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,799 Speaker 2: What are the little steps that you can take right 48 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 2: now to transform how you feel to stop feeling drained. So, 49 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 2: if you've been feeling drained lately, this episode is for you. 50 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 2: If you've been feeling exhausted, this episode is for you. 51 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 2: And if you're on the verge of burnout, please please 52 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 2: please listen to this. And if you have someone in 53 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 2: your life that you know is headed down that road, 54 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 2: send them there so they can actually keep it together, 55 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,680 Speaker 2: keep the energy enough to get to their next break 56 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 2: and their next pit stop. I want to start off 57 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 2: with a really important principle. I've said this statistic before. 58 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 2: Study show we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts per day, 59 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 2: and eighty percent of those are negative and eighty percent 60 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 2: of those are repetitive. Let me give you an example. 61 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 2: How many of you have ever started your day with 62 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 2: the words I'm feeling really drained. Now, think about how 63 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 2: many times you've said that in one day, in every conversation, 64 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 2: every meeting, talking to a friend or a family member. Now, 65 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 2: think about how many times you've said that over a week. Now, 66 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 2: how many times have you said that over a month, 67 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 2: And how many times have you said that. Over a year, 68 00:03:55,480 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 2: we keep repeating the same thought, the same feeling, oh 69 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 2: and over and over again. And it's so important that 70 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 2: we learn to break repetitive thoughts, that we learn to 71 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 2: disrupt that pattern, that we learn to intervene. We have 72 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 2: to have our own intervention in our mind. I'm going 73 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 2: to give you the triple A formula. Write this down, 74 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 2: Triple A accept and action. Usually we don't accept how 75 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 2: we feel. We're told to be toxically positive. Instead of 76 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 2: saying I'm tired, we say I'm energized, I'm feeling good. 77 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 2: Affirmations like that don't work. That isn't even an affirmation. 78 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 2: That's just telling yourself a lie and hoping you'll believe it. Now, 79 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,159 Speaker 2: biology will reject that. You won't believe it. You won't 80 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 2: just believe it because you keep saying it to yourself 81 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 2: if you're not feeling any different. So accept and action. 82 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 2: The acceptance has to be followed up by an action. 83 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 2: So for example, I'm really drained and so I'll go 84 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 2: to sleep early tonight. I'm really drained, and so I 85 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 2: will cancel my plans this weekend. The and so changes 86 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 2: that thought. See, that thought is a signal I'm drained. 87 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 2: As a signal from your body to the mind, from 88 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 2: your mind to your heart, your body and mind are 89 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 2: trying to tell you something. Pain makes you pay attention, 90 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 2: but that attention needs to be followed by action, and 91 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,279 Speaker 2: that's often what we don't find we see the signal. 92 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 2: It's almost like you're driving your car. You see one 93 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,479 Speaker 2: of the lights pop up, and you keep ignoring or 94 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 2: avoiding it. You go, I don't really know what it is. 95 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 2: I'll figure it out. I'll take a look right. How 96 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 2: many times have you done that? Mentally? 97 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: How many times have you ever done that? Physically? 98 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 2: You're feeling a real niggling pain in your knee or 99 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 2: in your back, you keep ignoring it. Stop ignoring your 100 00:05:56,080 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 2: repetitive thoughts, stop ignoring your petitive feelings, stop ignoring your 101 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 2: repetitive emotions. They're repeating for a reason. They want you 102 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 2: to pay attention. Pain makes you focus and pay attention 103 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 2: so that then you can take action, break your repetitive 104 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 2: thought cycle, break that spiral so that you can actually 105 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 2: shift into taking action. Principle number two. One of the 106 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,839 Speaker 2: things I find that has really helped me, and I 107 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 2: practice this often, is recognizing that I don't always have 108 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 2: to be at one hundred percent energy. How many times 109 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 2: have you ever gone to an event, you've gone to work, 110 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 2: you're with your family, and you constantly think that you 111 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 2: have to be at one hundred percent all the time. 112 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,280 Speaker 2: I'll give an example. I was at a dinner recently 113 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 2: and I had to give a speech the next day. 114 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,920 Speaker 2: I just got off a flight. So I just got 115 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 2: off a flight. I'd been trying for around twenty hours. 116 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 2: I had gone to the opening night dinner, and the 117 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 2: next morning I had to wake up and give a 118 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 2: keynote presentation. I wouldn't say I was drained, but I 119 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 2: was exhausted. The interesting thing to me was that dinner, 120 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 2: everyone was chatting, it was opening ni, everyone was, you know, 121 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 2: being their best self. And I very quickly realized that 122 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 2: if I wanted to give a great presentation the next day, 123 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 2: which is why I'd been brought in, that I wouldn't 124 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 2: be able to be one hundred percent energy the whole night. 125 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 2: So I was probably at about fifty percent energy. And 126 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: I could tell that people could sense that even if 127 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 2: they didn't know me, and I shared with them. I said, hey, 128 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 2: I'm really tired. I got off a plane. Today after 129 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 2: twenty hours of travel, I have a presentation tomorrow. I 130 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 2: really wanted to sharpen meet everyone, but I'm going to 131 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 2: be a bit more reserved tonight. 132 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: Now. 133 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 2: Being able to vocalize that, being able to communicate that 134 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 2: helped me feel better about it. I want to be 135 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 2: at one hundred percent. I want to be able to 136 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 2: give my best, but after my travel schedule, the demands 137 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 2: don't allow me to be that way. And I'm guessing 138 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 2: it's the same for you as well. And I realize 139 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 2: that being able to say to myself and communicate to 140 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 2: others why I'm out a seventy five percent, why I'm 141 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 2: out of fifty percent, people are going to be able 142 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 2: to sense it. Often we want to act our way 143 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 2: through these things. We want to hope that no one realizes, 144 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 2: people recognize, people feel it. But actually, when we can 145 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 2: communicate our limits, when we can communicate our challenges, when 146 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 2: we can communicate why we're feeling the way we are, 147 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,560 Speaker 2: why we're acting the way we are, what is happening 148 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 2: behind the scenes. Right, No one there had a badge 149 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 2: that said the travel time it took them to get in. 150 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 2: Some people had come from thirty minutes away, and like me, 151 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:49,959 Speaker 2: some from twenty hours away. And so the idea that 152 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,360 Speaker 2: we should just assume that everyone should be one hundred 153 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 2: percent all the time doesn't actually make sense. And I'm 154 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 2: hoping that this actually gives you the capacity to be 155 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,199 Speaker 2: compassionate to others. I think often we're so quick to 156 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 2: judge as with others, well like, oh they didn't show 157 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 2: up with their best energy. Oh they seemed off tonight. 158 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 2: I'm going to recognize what people are carrying, what people 159 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 2: are dealing with. So I want you to take that 160 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 2: on board. When can you be at fifty percent energy? 161 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 2: And what does that look like in communicating that? Now, 162 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 2: there are times when I have to be at one 163 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 2: hundred percent energy and I know I've got a sharp 164 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 2: off as in my best self, I don't have the 165 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,200 Speaker 2: excuse to say, Okay, our sharp is fifty percent. I 166 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 2: don't feel comfortable to communicate that. I find that might 167 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 2: be difficult. So one of the things I've realized in 168 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,200 Speaker 2: this is to cap the time in order to preserve 169 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 2: my energy at one hundred percent. The time I can 170 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 2: be one hundred percent is different. I may show up 171 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 2: to a dinner for thirty minutes. I may make the 172 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 2: meeting ten minutes. I may make the presentation fifteen minutes. 173 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 2: What can I do to do what I want to do? 174 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 2: To do what I need to do? But how do 175 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 2: I time box it in a way that I can 176 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 2: give my best self? Often what we try and do 177 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 2: is say, Okay, if the meeting's an hour, I'm going 178 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 2: to be there in shop for an hour. Actually can 179 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 2: I solve that in thirty minutes with my best energy? 180 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 2: Is that actually more plausible than possible? Step number three, 181 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 2: This one is important if you are on the verge 182 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 2: of exhaustion. We have to learn to say no, it's 183 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,439 Speaker 2: okay to cancel social events. And ideally what a lot 184 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 2: of us do is we try and cancel it last minute. 185 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 2: It's actually so much better if you cancel it in advance, 186 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 2: if you give someone notice, if you let someone know, hey, 187 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 2: I'm feeling really rough this week, I'm kind of under 188 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 2: the weather. I'm worried that I'm going to get sick, 189 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 2: and I don't want to come ruin the party. I 190 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 2: don't want to come ruin the event. What we often 191 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 2: do is we wait till the last minute, We're going 192 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 2: to force ourselves to go, and then we realize we 193 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 2: really can't go, or we force ourselves to go and 194 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 2: then we're bitter it or we're upset about it. It's 195 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 2: so important to just get that RSVP out the way, 196 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,680 Speaker 2: let the person know, let the event know it's okay. 197 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 2: Things will go on. Yes you'll experience fomo, Yes you 198 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 2: might miss out on something cool, but guess what. Burnout 199 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:24,920 Speaker 2: is not worth it. Exhaustion is not worth it, Feeling 200 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 2: drained is not worth it. Let me say that again. 201 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 2: Feeling drained is not worth anything, Feeling exhausted is not 202 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 2: worth anything, and experiencing burnout is not worth it. Now again, 203 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 2: there have been times when I have to turn up, 204 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 2: I have to be there, and what I've found is 205 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 2: that usually in social settings it's overwhelming thinking you've got 206 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,679 Speaker 2: to talk to twenty thirty, forty fifty people. I did 207 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 2: this again the other night, and I love it when 208 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 2: you find someone who's trying to do the same thing. 209 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 2: So I ended up talking to someone who is also 210 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 2: feeling the same way as me. They were tired, they 211 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 2: were feeling slightly drained, and they said, I just want 212 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 2: to find one person to connect to meaningfully. So instead 213 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 2: of trying to feel like you've got to work the room. 214 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 2: You've got to introduce yourself to everyone. You're going to 215 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 2: miss out. Literally find the other person, have a beautiful 216 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:23,439 Speaker 2: meaning interaction or exchange, and just feel connected and experience 217 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 2: what it feels like to actually just allow yourself to 218 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:30,559 Speaker 2: be I think that a lot of this draining feeling 219 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,680 Speaker 2: actually comes from stress, and the stress is where we're 220 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 2: demanding too much of our body and mind. That's how 221 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 2: I look at stress. Stress is when I'm demanding too 222 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 2: much of my body and mind. My body and mind 223 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 2: is trying to tell me it's limit, and I'm pushing 224 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 2: it further. Sometimes that can be brilliant. Kelly McGonagall, in 225 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 2: her book called The Upside of Stress, talks about how 226 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 2: we can deal with more stress when we experience purpose. 227 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 2: We can deal with more stress when we have a 228 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 2: clear intention. There's one thing to think about when you 229 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,240 Speaker 2: are experiencing stress, ask yourself, if you need to push through, 230 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 2: what's my intention? What am I really trying to achieve? 231 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 2: Let me focus on why it's so important for me 232 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 2: to experience this, and actually we become better at dealing 233 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 2: with it. We deal with it more gracefully. It doesn't 234 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 2: have that negative impact that stress often does on our lives, 235 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 2: So find a way to think about that. Take a 236 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 2: moment to say, what is my intention here? Why is 237 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 2: it necessary for me to tackle this stress and take 238 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 2: it on right now? Going back to the social event point, 239 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 2: I have a friend who's amazing at this. She'll always 240 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 2: message me and she'll say to me, Jay, are you 241 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 2: going to this? And I'll say yes, and she'll be like, 242 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,680 Speaker 2: can I just let you know that I'm really tired 243 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 2: today and I'd love for it if we could just 244 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 2: hang out and talk. 245 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: But I don't think I can do big groups. I go, 246 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: I'm all. 247 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 2: In write that kind of strategy and approach. When you 248 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,960 Speaker 2: know someone coming, it's a safe space. They trust you, 249 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: you trust them, You can give them a heads up 250 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,360 Speaker 2: they can do the same, and now you're supporting each 251 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 2: other in that environment. Sometimes I actually think that stress 252 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,680 Speaker 2: or feeling drained makes us more strategic. Yep, I said 253 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 2: that right, Stress can actually make you more strategic. Feeling 254 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 2: drained can make you more dynamic. Here's a really interesting 255 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 2: thing to think about. Which one of your meetings could 256 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 2: actually be emails? 257 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: Think about that right now. 258 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 2: Look through your schedule and ask yourself which of those 259 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 2: can be solved with an email. Which of those could 260 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 2: actually be solved in an email exchange? We don't need 261 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 2: to do a call. The call will actually tell into 262 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 2: an hour. It will be far more draining, I'll exert 263 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 2: way more energy, and actually I can solve it in 264 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 2: far less time. I can actually get to where I 265 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 2: need to get to. So sometimes what you find is 266 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 2: stress releases your strategy, and I want you to think 267 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 2: about that. When else have you been stress recently? And 268 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 2: how could you have used that stress to become more strategic? 269 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 2: How could that stress create a better idea, a better option, 270 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 2: a better solution, Because now you're actually thinking, well, how 271 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 2: do I do that with less energy and less time? 272 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 2: And if we looked at life like that, we may 273 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 2: be able to solve some of those things that create 274 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 2: more stress, create more pressure in our lives. And I'd 275 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 2: really consider where and when in your life being more 276 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 2: strategic will save you from that added stress. Definitely something 277 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 2: to look at, something to consider, and something to think about. 278 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 2: Now that also applies to phone calls over zooms. I 279 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 2: find that when we're listening sometimes I find that when 280 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 2: I'm on a phone call, I'm actually more present than 281 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 2: when I'm on a zoom meeting. On a zoom meeting, 282 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 2: you're on your screen, which means most people have emailed up, 283 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 2: emails popping up. You're now looking at yourself, and I 284 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 2: think you have to turn yourself off. I mean, I'd 285 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:02,080 Speaker 2: actually argue that the amount of time and energy and 286 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 2: presence that's drained in looking at your own appearance on 287 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 2: a meeting is so high, and most of us have 288 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 2: been doing it since the pandemic. Turn your screen off. 289 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 2: Just look at the other person, even pin the person 290 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 2: that's speaking, because when you're looking at nine boxes, when 291 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 2: in a meeting room, would you be looking at nine 292 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 2: people at the same time, all at the same time, 293 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 2: It would never happen. You look at the person who's talking. 294 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 2: Maybe you flip over to one or two, but generally 295 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 2: you're not looking at nine people all at the same time. 296 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 2: And sometimes you're on a zoom call with twenty people 297 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 2: and you're now looking at everyone. Someone's scratching their head, 298 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 2: someone's looking at their phone, someone's taking notes, someone's talking. 299 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 2: It can be overwhelming and it can be draining, which 300 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 2: zoom calls can turn into phone calls. Really important question 301 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 2: to ask, important to think about all the meetings you have, 302 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 2: the events you have, the things that you're going to, 303 00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 2: the things you're traveling to. How can you streamline? How 304 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 2: can you make it simpler. One of my favorite ones, 305 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,119 Speaker 2: which requires a bit more planning, but it's been a 306 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 2: huge asset in my life, is called a reset day, 307 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 2: a reset half day, or a reset hour. Based on 308 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 2: how busy my schedule is, I'll make sure that during 309 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,359 Speaker 2: the weekend I get to have a reset hour, a 310 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 2: reset half day, or a reset day. What this is 311 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 2: that it's almost a rehearsal of my most perfect day. 312 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,679 Speaker 2: It's a day where I get to live how I 313 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 2: wish I could live every day, how I want to 314 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,560 Speaker 2: live every day, how I aspire to live every day. 315 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 2: But the realist in me that I've worked on being 316 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,479 Speaker 2: when I used to be a perfectionist is saying, let 317 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,680 Speaker 2: me at least have one hour, let me have half 318 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 2: a day of that, let me have a day of that, 319 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 2: Let me invest in that. And how incredible would that be? 320 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,399 Speaker 2: How powerful would that be in my life if I 321 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 2: allowed myself to do that. I love the perfect amount 322 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:03,360 Speaker 2: of meditation, the perfect workout. I'll eat really well, even 323 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,840 Speaker 2: if it's for an hour. That reset hour or reset 324 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 2: day is like what we do when our phone's starting 325 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 2: to jam up and we just switch it off and 326 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 2: we've reset it. We can't do it with an on 327 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 2: and off button with ourselves, but we can if we 328 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 2: take some time out to reset. And I think we 329 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 2: often think, Okay, no, tomorrow morning's my reset, It's going 330 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 2: to be a perfect day. Tomorrow morning's my reset. And 331 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:28,200 Speaker 2: it's almost like we have to carve out time that's 332 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 2: fully under our control in order to do that effectively. 333 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 2: Think about that. One thing that we really need to 334 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,720 Speaker 2: start learning to ask ourselves when we are failing drained 335 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 2: is how can I be kinder to myself? A lot 336 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 2: of what's draining us is happening within our mind. You're 337 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 2: not good enough, you're not fast enough. Did you see 338 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 2: what they did? Look how behind you are? The way 339 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 2: we talk to ourselves when we look in the mirror, 340 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 2: you look in overweight, you don't look great today, you 341 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 2: look tired, you look drained. Can't you do better than that? 342 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 2: The voice in our head constantly pushing us to be better, 343 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,879 Speaker 2: do better, but not in an encouraging way, not as 344 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,680 Speaker 2: a cheerleader, but as a critic and what's really interesting 345 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,679 Speaker 2: about that is if we're encouraging and empowering ourselves, we 346 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:21,400 Speaker 2: can achieve great things. But if we're stressing ourselves, we're 347 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 2: draining ourselves from within. How can you be kinder to 348 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 2: yourself when you know you need to push yourself more. 349 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 2: You didn't get to do everything today on your to 350 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,680 Speaker 2: do list, That's okay, you got seven out of ten 351 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 2: things done. You didn't perform exceptionally well this week at work, 352 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:39,440 Speaker 2: It's okay, we start. 353 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:39,959 Speaker 1: Again on Monday. 354 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,920 Speaker 2: Maybe you didn't feel like you were the best around 355 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,680 Speaker 2: your kids this week or the best around your partner. 356 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 2: It's okay. You can improve and take accountability and let 357 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 2: them know what's going on. How can you be kinder 358 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 2: to yourself? If you were kinder to yourself, what do 359 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 2: you believe you would achieve? 360 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 1: This next one? 361 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 2: Slightly harder? When something stressing us out, There's two things 362 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,920 Speaker 2: we can do. One is we can either talk about 363 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 2: the stress the whole time, and if you talk about 364 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 2: it with the right people, it actually gets lighter. When 365 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 2: you talk about your stress with the right people, it 366 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 2: becomes more light. People who help you carry it, people 367 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 2: who help you make sense of it, people who help 368 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 2: you think about it. People who just agree with you 369 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,520 Speaker 2: and let you vent are useful too. There's a need 370 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 2: for you to let that stress out. Being able to 371 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,680 Speaker 2: talk about it to a friend, a therapist, a colleague, 372 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 2: a person who understands you can be huge. Now. The 373 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:48,440 Speaker 2: opposite also works distance from the stressor. So you may 374 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 2: not have distance from the stressor verbally, but you want 375 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,360 Speaker 2: to have distance from the stress so physically, if you can, 376 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 2: don't be around them, don't be around people who are 377 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 2: around them, don't be around people who know them. It 378 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 2: solves your issue when you can distance yourself from having 379 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 2: to deal with that stressor up close and personal, face 380 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:13,400 Speaker 2: to face. You don't have to put yourself in that position. 381 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 2: So ask yourself, can you do that? And if you 382 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:21,160 Speaker 2: can't do that, then allow yourself to vent, allow yourself 383 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,919 Speaker 2: to have space and time to let it out. 384 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: Now. 385 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 2: I'm bringing this up because I found in my life 386 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,720 Speaker 2: I was sleeping right, I was drinking the right water, 387 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 2: I was eating right, and I still felt drained. And 388 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 2: I realized a lot of it was because of a 389 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 2: lack of vitamins and supplements. 390 00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 1: I wasn't getting enough vitamin D. 391 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,919 Speaker 2: I had others that were low, and as soon as 392 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 2: I got checked out, it changed my life. 393 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,400 Speaker 1: I highly recommend that you go and. 394 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,879 Speaker 2: Get checked out, because so often we're trying to solve 395 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,440 Speaker 2: something in our mind when actually we need to solve 396 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,200 Speaker 2: it in our body. Right. 397 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,960 Speaker 1: I always say to people like, if you're struggling with your. 398 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 2: Mind, figure out what you could change about your body, 399 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,159 Speaker 2: and if you're struggling with your body, figure out what 400 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 2: you could change in your mind. So many of us 401 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 2: are only looking at one aspect when we need to 402 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 2: focus on both. This also applies, as I said earlier, 403 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 2: to the quality of your sleep. Obviously, feeling drained a 404 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:15,159 Speaker 2: big part of his sleep, diet exercise. Are you drinking 405 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 2: over three liters of water a day? Are you eating 406 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,479 Speaker 2: healthy proteins, healthy fats in good proportions, getting your carbohydrates right. 407 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 2: We've got some brilliant episodes on that. Make sure you 408 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,919 Speaker 2: check out our Gut health episodes. And of course, so 409 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 2: you're getting good deep sleep. We've had sleep experts on 410 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 2: the show before and study show you need seven to 411 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 2: nine hours of sleep, ideally starting before midnight. 412 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 1: So if you're. 413 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 2: Sleeping seven hours from midnight to seven am, it's different 414 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 2: from sleeping from ten pm to five am. Those hours 415 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 2: before midnight are with the human growth hormone HGH is 416 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 2: most activated. Our ability to have deeper, more quality sleep 417 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:00,159 Speaker 2: is better when we're doing it before midnight. Now, I 418 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 2: want to leave you with one last thing, and I 419 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 2: want to leave you with this idea. If you wake 420 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,399 Speaker 2: up in the morning and the dishes aren't done, how 421 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 2: does it feel waking up to dirty dishes? That's what 422 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,640 Speaker 2: it feels like, waking up when you didn't clean your 423 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,880 Speaker 2: mind before. Ask yourself at the end of every night, 424 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,639 Speaker 2: when you're drained, what do I want to leave behind today? 425 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:24,719 Speaker 2: What am I going to consciously intentionally leave behind today? 426 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,920 Speaker 2: What am I going to wash away today? What am 427 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:32,880 Speaker 2: I going to allow to just be today? Wash your 428 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 2: mind the night before and leave the draining behind. Thank 429 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,040 Speaker 2: you so much for listening today. I truly hope this 430 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,800 Speaker 2: helps you, and remember I'm always rooting for you and 431 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 2: I'm forever in your corner. If you love this episode, 432 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,399 Speaker 2: you will also love my interview with Charles Douhig on 433 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:54,399 Speaker 2: how to hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and 434 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,919 Speaker 2: the secret to making better decisions. 435 00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,679 Speaker 1: Look, am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of 436 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: making the choice because I'm scared of doing the work, 437 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: Or am I sitting with this because it just doesn't 438 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 1: feel right yet