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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's trying to find his niche

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Speaker 1: market for his new business called BCBBBB blood Curdling Baby Bellies,

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Speaker 1: where he'll paint the faces of famous horror film villains

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Speaker 1: onto your pregnant tunnel. I like it right now he

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Speaker 1: can only do Freddy Krueger Jigsaw on Jason from Friday

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Speaker 1: to the thirteenth.

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Speaker 2: Can I get an alien baby coming out? You know,

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Speaker 2: like give me he's walking on it.

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Speaker 1: That's sun. So stay tuned for Laser Stories, the segment

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Speaker 1: where we read weird news stories around the globe, just

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Speaker 1: like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. There's

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Speaker 1: other scream queens. Just don't this first Laser Stories. Out

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Speaker 1: of East Texas, a guy named Roderick Jackson is suing

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Speaker 1: Walmart and demanding one hundred million dollars.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that seems reasonable.

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Speaker 1: Someone someone for like a ten thousand dollars settlement. Well,

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Speaker 1: Roderick claims Walmart violated his civil rights after he was

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Speaker 1: accused of shoplifting back in twenty twenty one.

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Speaker 2: Well it shouldn't have that steak up shirt then, Roger.

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Speaker 1: Well, he claims he was racially profiled, and even though

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Speaker 1: they have video evidence of the incident. Oh, he says,

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Speaker 1: it's not right that.

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Speaker 2: It happened and he actually shoplifted.

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Speaker 1: He did, Oh, but he was racially profiled when he

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Speaker 1: was caught, so in fact, he's still dealing with the

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Speaker 1: emotional stress from when they sent him to jail for it.

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Speaker 1: What way, it's Walmart's fault for catching.

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Speaker 2: Him, oh said try.

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Speaker 1: Roger currently does not have an attorney.

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Speaker 2: So he does he's doing it on his own.

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Speaker 1: This is himself.

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Speaker 3: An attorney would say he's got too much time in jail.

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Speaker 1: But under the lawyer esque letter that he sent to Walmart,

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Speaker 1: he added a note in pencil scribbled below that said,

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Speaker 1: if you don't give me the hundred million dollars, I

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Speaker 1: want the ability to walk into any Walmart for the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life and take whatever I want. This out, guys,

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Speaker 1: imagine being able to run up and steal anything. Everyone's

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Speaker 1: looking at you like you're crazy, and you're like, don't worry,

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Speaker 1: I have a lifetime member, and then you run out.

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Speaker 1: It feels like it's totally fair.

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Speaker 2: I don't think you'd have to run if I'm to

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Speaker 2: do it everyone.

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Speaker 1: Unfortunately, he might not have much of a case. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because he filed a similar lawsuit a few years back

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Speaker 1: that got dismissed, and Walmart put out a statement saying, yes,

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Speaker 1: we know about Roderick's latest attempt to sue us him

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Speaker 1: and we will be asking the courts to dismiss any

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Speaker 1: claims that are without merit. Again the Rodericks response. He

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Speaker 1: also wants Walmart to pay all of his court fees. Man,

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Speaker 1: what's it like to be a Walmart lawyer in all

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Speaker 1: the cramp that you have to deal with every single year?

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Speaker 2: That it's pretty easy.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, yeah, dismiss dismiss, dismissed.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of you too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. True.

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Speaker 1: This next lazer story is out of Bellevue, Nebraska. Yesterday,

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Speaker 1: the local police department had to make a rather announcement online.

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Speaker 1: It read, if you live in old town Bellevue and

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Speaker 1: are currently pouring gas onto the snow and trying to

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Speaker 1: light it on fire as a form of snow removal,

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Speaker 1: you cannot do that. Started that, they added, our officers

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Speaker 1: are on the way to talk to you now, and that.

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Speaker 2: Is like the most expensive form of snow.

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Speaker 1: There aren't any further details, but it doesn't sound like

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Speaker 1: anybody was hurt, but it also didn't say if the

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Speaker 1: person would get in trouble for doing it, but many

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Speaker 1: other people commented saying a lot of their neighbors were

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Speaker 1: actually gonna try it now because of the post, Like

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Speaker 1: someone like, Hey, I'm gonna go get the ice goes

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Speaker 1: off the room. Hey ma, get the fly thrower. I

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Speaker 1: never thought of doing that before.

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Speaker 3: It always works out well when people use flamethrowers to

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Speaker 3: kill spiders.

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Speaker 2: So I don't understand would be an issue impossible.

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Speaker 1: When contacted, the police just reiterated that setting snow on

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Speaker 1: fire is a bad idea.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yes, although a few years ago someone did post the

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Speaker 1: video of themselves using a flamethrower to clear out their

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Speaker 1: driveway dressed as Eddie from Christmas vacation, and because of

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Speaker 1: the costume that was pretty dope.

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Speaker 2: Police department actually liked that. Yeah, okay.

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Speaker 1: This next lazer stories out of life on the Open Road.

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Speaker 1: The federal government's ordering states to stop putting funny messages

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Speaker 1: on highway sides. I'm like, I'm so happy this Kate does.

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Speaker 2: That's federal government such a buzz kick.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes for wondering. We're talking about the light up ones

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Speaker 1: that normally say things like buckle up or don't drink

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Speaker 1: and drive. Well. A lot of places have tried to

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Speaker 1: get more creative with other versions that say visiting in laws,

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Speaker 1: slow down, get there late.

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Speaker 2: Yes, but that would actually be effective.

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Speaker 1: It's a little bit of a catch twenty two because

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Speaker 1: studies have shown that messages which include humor pop culture

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Speaker 1: references can be good because you're more likely to remember them,

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Speaker 1: but they can also be more dangerous because they take

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Speaker 1: longer to read, and they cause more crashes because of

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Speaker 1: distracted driving.

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Speaker 3: Because people try and take pictures post on social media

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Speaker 3: and go viral.

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Speaker 1: Or like when you listen to our show, you laugh

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Speaker 1: so hard you close your eyes. The next thing you know,

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Speaker 1: big accident.

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Speaker 3: I don't know that I've ever laughed so hard at

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Speaker 3: a roadside wellor.

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Speaker 1: I just don't get it and I'm thinking for so

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Speaker 1: long because of all the problems we just mentioned, they're

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Speaker 1: going away on.

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Speaker 2: Somebody hacked the system. Let's get some messages.

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Speaker 1: Not until we go over the top funniest highway messages

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Speaker 1: that we've ever seen?

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Speaker 2: All right, mom, live highway messages number seven.

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Speaker 1: What's worse than pineapple on pizza, a car wreck, that

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Speaker 1: cable roadside?

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Speaker 3: Somebody space do these road signs have I mean, I

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Speaker 3: know they're reader boards, but at some point don't they

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Speaker 3: run out of letters?

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Speaker 1: You scroll up Number six, a texting and driving one

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Speaker 1: simply said get your head out of your apps. I

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Speaker 1: like that one. Horsbrook like said. Number five. One sign

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Speaker 1: read there's four eyes in Mississippi two eyes on the road?

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Speaker 3: Is the federal government actually shutting this down because the

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Speaker 3: humor is that bad?

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Speaker 1: Bad joke? I think Kevin Hart made them shut it

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Speaker 1: down because he's worried they're coming after his job.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what do we got next?

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Speaker 1: These are the funniest highway signs that are now banned

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Speaker 1: from being on the roads. Number four Baby Yoda uses

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Speaker 1: the force, but yours still needs a car seat. I'll

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Speaker 1: go Number three on the fourth of July. One red,

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Speaker 1: don't drive, Stars spangled, hammered because hammered, and banner almost Ryan.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Number two there was a few that embraced the new

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Speaker 1: England accent. Let's say use ya blinka and go the

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Speaker 1: extra yad this weekend drive so by spelling it with age.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, go pack your cash.

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Speaker 1: And one of the funniest highway messages from last year

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Speaker 1: used a Ghostbusters reference that said, who are you gonna

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Speaker 1: call nobody you're driving?

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Speaker 2: Oh, actually that was holly good.

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Speaker 1: I know this guy appreciates it when you slow down.

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Speaker 1: Oh go too fast, he keeps getting rugburns foot off

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Speaker 1: the accelerator. That now means Laser Stories has come to

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Speaker 1: an end for the day. We're gonna do it again,

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Speaker 1: same time to run

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Speaker 3: It Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.