Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. I refer to
Speaker 1: myself as a hoarder all the time. I would love
Speaker 1: to redefine that word. I'm going into my next chapter
Speaker 1: redefining a lot of words that people have a specific
Speaker 1: connotation with or a definition. And even though I call
Speaker 1: myself a hoarder, I don't know if I'm technically a hoarder.
Speaker 1: But what is a better way of describing that word
Speaker 1: than most people might think?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And you know, it's interesting because immediately when you
Speaker 2: said that, it made me think of my book when
Speaker 2: we were coming up with titles and they wanted that
Speaker 2: word hoarder in the title, and I'm like, I don't know, Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm not totally comfortable with that, because the book is
Speaker 2: not about people who are in extreme situations. My book
Speaker 2: was about how being people who are struggling with clutter
Speaker 2: at all different degrees, right, And so so many people
Speaker 2: will say, yes, I'm a hoarder and they're really comfortable
Speaker 2: with that, and other people will say, like, I feel
Speaker 2: like that's a term that's defining who I am as
Speaker 2: a person. And so I believe, like anything that whether
Speaker 2: you have a cold to the flu, to pneumonia. Right,
Speaker 2: there are things that are on a continuum, and so
Speaker 2: there's people that struggle with clutter. There's people that struggle
Speaker 2: with clutter and it's starting to kind of go into
Speaker 2: their house. You know, they can't sit on the couch,
Speaker 2: the laundry's there, you know, maybe there's dishes in the sink.
Speaker 2: It's hard to kind of make meals. And then it
Speaker 2: kind of increases to the point where you've probably seen
Speaker 2: extreme situations on Hoarders where we have teeny tiny pass
Speaker 2: and we're going, you know, crawling up, walking through that
Speaker 2: kind of thing. So it's on a continuum, right, So
Speaker 2: there's people that can say I struggle with clutter, and
Speaker 2: you know, I feel like I'm getting into some hoarding behaviors,
Speaker 2: meaning that I'm starting to acquire more that I'm comfortable
Speaker 2: with and I'm struggling letting go or toy I kind
Speaker 2: of call it from the beginning on the front end
Speaker 2: of the back end. So maybe someone isn't actually like
Speaker 2: going out and purchasing, but whatever's coming in they're having
Speaker 2: a hard time letting go of. So maybe they're ordering
Speaker 2: the ghost stuff, right, maybe they're ordering to go stuff
Speaker 2: and they think oh my gosh, I can use this tray,
Speaker 2: this container for something else. I can put stuff in it,
Speaker 2: I can reuse it, that kind of thing. But also
Speaker 2: letting go of stuff from the past. So how often
Speaker 2: do we have clothing from genes from ten years ago,
Speaker 2: twenty years ago, and we think, oh, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I'm going to lose weight, or I'm going to fit
Speaker 2: into these, I'm going to work out, I'm going to
Speaker 2: do this. But you can't let go, and so the
Speaker 2: closet starts filling up. So, Tori, when it becomes a
Speaker 2: problem without giving it a label as saying I'm a hoarder, right,
Speaker 2: you know, it's when those items that clutter is interfearing
Speaker 2: with one's life and the life of the around them. Okay,
Speaker 2: so no one is saying that. You know, at the
Speaker 2: end of the meal, you need to do the dishes.
Speaker 2: You know every day you need to do your laundry,
Speaker 2: every day, you need to make your bet. The key
Speaker 2: that we're looking at is is the stuff interfering with
Speaker 2: your personal wellbeing and the personal wellbeing of those around you,
Speaker 2: those that live with you, And are you also inhibiting
Speaker 2: people from coming over to your home or your work
Speaker 2: or your transportation or whatever. That is where you are
Speaker 2: not feeling comfortable because either you're worried about judgment, you're
Speaker 2: worried about what they're going to say, you're tired of
Speaker 2: the conversations and the arguments, or like they can't come
Speaker 2: over because there's no place for them to have a
Speaker 2: meal or to sit. And I would also say something
Speaker 2: important to consider is are those around you expressing concern
Speaker 2: about the amount of stuff with any condition that someone's
Speaker 2: struggling with. You have to kind of pull in the
Speaker 2: information and to say, let me look at all these
Speaker 2: different factors and then let me let me see where
Speaker 2: this is at. But at the end of the day, Toy,
Speaker 2: you know, at fifty nine, I can't believe I say that,
Speaker 2: Like that's so hard for me. But at fifty nine, right,
Speaker 2: I want to live the best value driven life that
Speaker 2: I can. And you know that's Tessa that we started
Speaker 2: with and taking care of her and loving her and
Speaker 2: giving her a good home and having the time to
Speaker 2: provide for her, you know, being able to celebrate the holidays,
Speaker 2: have family over, or you know, just be comfortable in
Speaker 2: my environment. But when that stuff begins to kind of
Speaker 2: bleed in that for me is when there is something
Speaker 2: for someone to look at.
Speaker 1: Got it. Oh my gosh, I have so much to
Speaker 1: say to you right now, I don't know where to start.
Speaker 2: We got time.
Speaker 1: So for me personally, I feel like it's twofold here
Speaker 1: because for a long time I accumulate a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff and this is my whole life. It's been a big, full,
Speaker 1: amazing life so far. And I used to have a
Speaker 1: really hard time letting go of things that I placed
Speaker 1: emotional value on. And I grew up in a house
Speaker 1: everything very organized, tidy, a lot of stuff. But I
Speaker 1: also grew up in a house that my family, you know,
Speaker 1: we had a huge, wealthy upbringing, and there was room
Speaker 1: for stuff accumulated. And I grew up seeing my parents
Speaker 1: would have, you know, huge storage units and they were
Speaker 1: always cataloged, and but I was kind of like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: it's okay to have a lot of stuff come in
Speaker 1: as long as you have a place to put it.
Speaker 1: So I think when I moved out on my own
Speaker 1: at almost nineteen, I it's kind of what you know,
Speaker 1: So I immediately was like, oh, I need to get
Speaker 1: a storage unit. And all of the Christmas decorations go
Speaker 1: there and it's okay that you know, all the clothes
Speaker 1: I wear on nine o two and oho, I'm not
Speaker 1: getting rid of them. They're going into a storage unit, which,
Speaker 1: you know, just kept going and going, and then I
Speaker 1: got married, they had five kids. It just kept going
Speaker 1: to the point where I had vast amounts of storage
Speaker 1: units that then didn't really work with my lifestyle anymore,
Speaker 1: and upkeeping that and financially maintaining that. But I didn't
Speaker 1: let go of it because I was just going and going.
Speaker 1: So eventually I got to the place where I remember
Speaker 1: having a conversation with my ex saying to him he
Speaker 1: would always say, we should get rid of stuff. You should,
Speaker 1: you know, clean out stuff. In fact, when we first met,
Speaker 1: I had a home that I was renting and before
Speaker 1: we had kids, obviously, and I had one room that
Speaker 1: I had turned into just a closet because I had
Speaker 1: so much suck. And I remember him saying like, you know,
Speaker 1: the thing is like, if you haven't worn in a year,
Speaker 1: you should get rid of it. And I was just like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is I drew a hard line there. I'm like,
Speaker 1: when it comes to fashion, I'm not just a believer.
Speaker 1: I know everything comes back and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not willing to negotiate on that. So we did have
Speaker 1: this like massive estate sale. When we first got married,
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with my first baby, and we let
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff go. The clothing, though, I'm really
Speaker 1: glad I hung onto it. And I remember him saying like,
Speaker 1: I've never even seen you in a blazer. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's Chanel and I'm like it's vintage, and I was like,
Speaker 1: but those are things you hold on too, I would say,
Speaker 1: But I do have to say that my sixteen year
Speaker 1: old is really happy that I kept a lot of
Speaker 1: that clothing because it all came back in, like, you know,
Speaker 1: ed hardy and juicy cature. And she's like, you have
Speaker 1: the og like sweatsuits and the og jeans And I
Speaker 1: was like, yes, because I knew they would eventually come
Speaker 1: back in. But I'm not saying there's not a part
Speaker 1: of me that just wasn't willing to let that go.
Speaker 1: But for fashion's sake, I'm going to say that I
Speaker 1: knew it would come back in. But then after we
Speaker 1: started having more kids, we obviously it's like you're saying,
Speaker 1: accumulated more stuff. It wasn't always buying stuff. It was
Speaker 1: just things coming in and I remember, sorry, going back
Speaker 1: to the conversation that I said to him at one
Speaker 1: point after we had had our fourth baby and kind
Speaker 1: of our lives were at an impasse. Our personal life
Speaker 1: was kind of falling apart, which we then went on
Speaker 1: to rebuild. At the time, I think this was in
Speaker 1: twenty fifteen, I said to him, I don't want to
Speaker 1: get rid of all the storage units and everything I
Speaker 1: have because it feels like everything I have worked so
Speaker 1: hard for in my career, in my life is there,
Speaker 1: and it's almost like letting go and discrediting everything I've
Speaker 1: worked hard for.
Speaker 2: So, Tori, I think there's a couple of things. One is,
Speaker 2: when you talk talk about nine O two one oh,
Speaker 2: the clothing that you hold on to, and I'll get
Speaker 2: to that, But the clothing is in the show. Let
Speaker 2: me see if I can explain this. So, if you're
Speaker 2: holding onto clothing from the period of nine O two
Speaker 2: one oh, is that clothing in the show? Therefore, are
Speaker 2: you holding on to it because you feel like you
Speaker 2: have to have that piece of clothing to remember or
Speaker 2: to connect you to that versus the show is actually
Speaker 2: in media land? Right? Does that make sense.
Speaker 1: It does make sense for me personally. It wasn't anything
Speaker 1: that was like wardrobe from the show or anything. I'm
Speaker 1: time stamping, you know, periods of my life. Yeah, people
Speaker 1: would get the reference. And that's what nine O two
Speaker 1: one O was.
Speaker 2: Sure. So I think part of what it goes back
Speaker 2: to is how is the stuff interfering with your life? Right?
Speaker 2: So your sixteen year old says, oh my gosh, mom,
Speaker 2: oh this is great, this is wonderful, that sort of thing,
Speaker 2: and that's just one, two, three, four, maybe even ten items, right,
Speaker 2: But if we're talking about storage units of stuff, right,
Speaker 2: is it better for you to look at selling that,
Speaker 2: doing something with those proceeds, right, and taking that to
Speaker 2: purchase those that clothing for your child? I mean, I
Speaker 2: mean I get like in today's day, some of the
Speaker 2: name brands you're talking about have have like grown exponentially financially, right,
Speaker 2: But I think Tory, what we're really getting at is
Speaker 2: is it cause you more disruption in your life to
Speaker 2: hold on to these storage units financially? Like when you
Speaker 2: look at a storage unit, right, Like if you look
Speaker 2: at all the way back to my back wall, and
Speaker 2: if this was full, right, if I'm like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I want to go get that Chanelle jacket. Am I
Speaker 2: going to open up my storage unit and start purging
Speaker 2: through all the way to that back wall? Not likely?
Speaker 2: And you'll probably take your your daughter down and buyer something,
Speaker 2: right because it's a lot less time.
Speaker 1: Right. Well, the good news is the storage units are
Speaker 1: gone down, all of them are? All of them are?
Speaker 2: And how did you do that?
Speaker 1: Well, my garage you can't walk into.
Speaker 2: So the storage units are in your garage all right.
Speaker 1: Filled with boxes. So something that you were saying, and
Speaker 1: I shut down when you said this, and I'll tell
Speaker 1: you why. As you were like, could you work on
Speaker 1: you know, selling the stuff? Yes, I would love to
Speaker 1: do that. I don't physically have the time. And I
Speaker 1: think a lot of my what I call hoarding comes
Speaker 1: from my lack of time. And when I do have time,
Speaker 1: it's a vicious circle because with five kids now and
Speaker 1: being a single parent now, it's hard and my priority
Speaker 1: list that's not up there, but it should be because
Speaker 1: it would free up space and it's just sitting in
Speaker 1: the boxes. I don't know if I used to think
Speaker 1: that my letter came from me, you know, just holding
Speaker 1: on to stuff and it was an emotional thing. But
Speaker 1: I got to tell you, whenever I and I you know,
Speaker 1: go away to do a movie or the kids and
Speaker 1: I go somewhere, say, you know, rent an airbnb for
Speaker 1: a week or something, I notice that I'm so happy
Speaker 1: because it's clean, there's no clutter, and I'm actually it's
Speaker 1: like starting over and I'm able to you know. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we'll go to like Big Bear Lake, Arrowhead, and once
Speaker 1: we get into that clean, perfect house, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: feel great and I'm really good actually at delegating and
Speaker 1: making the kids be accountable. But when it's in our
Speaker 1: own home, I feel like, Okay, I'm in work mode, going, going, going,
Speaker 1: you know, besides working you know, full time as a
Speaker 1: single mom and not on a schedule like it's very
Speaker 1: you know, up and down, up and down, and being
Speaker 1: a full time uber driver, you know, with four schools,
Speaker 1: have four different pickups for five kids. It's a lot.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that this is giving me. I'm
Speaker 1: not meaning to sound defensive because I'm not. I want
Speaker 1: a solution, but it just you know, we moved into
Speaker 1: a new house last year and it started clean, and
Speaker 1: then once all of our stuff came in and then
Speaker 1: I'm really grateful. I'm I'm in a world in a
Speaker 1: business where you know, people send us stuff a lot,
Speaker 1: and I'm always so grateful, but it just adds adds
Speaker 1: to and we don't have a super large house, so
Speaker 1: it's like there is no room for it. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: someone just sent me that. I'm feel bad giving it away.
Speaker 2: They took that time, they were thinking all tory, it
Speaker 2: was important to them, and so then to say, well
Speaker 2: I don't have room for it and to discard it
Speaker 2: or whatever it is feels ungrateful in some way definitely.
Speaker 1: And you know, we people send us, even brands, you know,
Speaker 1: send us, you know, their newest bars to try and
Speaker 1: drinks and you know, things like that that I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is great, you know, financially as a single moll
Speaker 1: of five, I'm like cool, you know you get stuff.
Speaker 1: You're like, we can use this, but then we just
Speaker 1: don't have room for it, so it just piles. I'm
Speaker 1: not good at organizing. My brain doesn't think that way.
Speaker 1: So whereas like if my friends were to come in
Speaker 1: that have like a very organizational type brain, they could
Speaker 1: be like here, put this here. I don't think like that.
Speaker 1: So it's like I'll get to that when I can
Speaker 1: get to it, and then all of a sudden, it
Speaker 1: just keeps adding.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to ask you what might be a
Speaker 2: difficult question. It's okay, And you know something that you
Speaker 2: said Tory earlier is like, I don't perceive you as
Speaker 2: being defensive at all. You're just being honest about what's
Speaker 2: going on. Right, So the question I have for you is,
Speaker 2: how is your home environment, not the garage, how is
Speaker 2: your home environment impacting your kids?
Speaker 1: It's clutter. Yeah, It's the thing is I can't do
Speaker 1: it alone. I have five children, ages seventeen to seven.
Speaker 1: I give the seven year old a wide birth, but
Speaker 1: the other four I'm constantly saying, please help me out
Speaker 1: because if they don't help and don't do it, I
Speaker 1: will just do it. And I'll do it when I
Speaker 1: have an hour here or day off and I can
Speaker 1: get it done real fast. But it's like, I need
Speaker 1: you guys to help me maintain this, you know, seven
Speaker 1: days a week. It's all it's six of us living
Speaker 1: in this house and I'm not getting the support. And
Speaker 1: granted I take responsibility. I'm sure I showed them that
Speaker 1: I wasn't that type, you know, because growing up I
Speaker 1: didn't have to clean up after myself and my parents
Speaker 1: and had people around that would help us. And when
Speaker 1: a lot of my kids were young, you know, we
Speaker 1: were in a very stable financial realm. I was working
Speaker 1: constantly on shows and doing and we did have people
Speaker 1: helping us, and I feel like they didn't feel like
Speaker 1: they really had to do anything. And now it's us,
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, you know, I didn't learn until
Speaker 1: I was older and moved out, you know, And I
Speaker 1: know it's probably hard. You weren't used to having to
Speaker 1: make your bed, but now you have to make your bed,
Speaker 1: and but yeah, they're all very much like me, so
Speaker 1: it's not a good thing.
Speaker 2: So, you know, Tori, I, first of all, I can't
Speaker 2: imagine five kids as a single parent. I just want
Speaker 2: to acknowledge that from the beginning. And then I don't
Speaker 2: know if you're the soul breadwinner. I don't know anything
Speaker 2: about that, right, But it's a lot of responsibility to
Speaker 2: just independently take care of five kids with any other issues,
Speaker 2: the shopping, the attending to all the societal stuff that
Speaker 2: goes on with kids today. Keeping up with the shopping,
Speaker 2: keeping up with the clothes, keeping up four different kids
Speaker 2: at different schools. You're the driver, Like that alone is
Speaker 2: a lot, right, So now we add on some struggles
Speaker 2: with being able to manage the household environment, and that
Speaker 2: that is just when you struggle with that, then you
Speaker 2: add that on to all the other responsibilities, and then
Speaker 2: it's just it just blows up, right, so it doesn't
Speaker 2: get done. And the thing that I want to tell
Speaker 2: you is that I hope that you have some self
Speaker 2: compassion for yourself, because if you were not raised in
Speaker 2: an environment you don't. If you were not raised in
Speaker 2: an environment where you had to do those things, I
Speaker 2: think there is an assumption that then you should suddenly
Speaker 2: be able to do those things right. And one might say, well,
Speaker 2: what's the big idea about making a bed? Well, if
Speaker 2: a child has been raised where they haven't had to
Speaker 2: do that, and then other demands come on, and now
Speaker 2: you know, there can be other stuff, maybe attention you've got,
Speaker 2: you know, thinking about your career and all the other
Speaker 2: stuff that's coming on. Like I do know I have
Speaker 2: been called many times at the last moment saying can
Speaker 2: you fly out tomorrow? I'm like, okay, all right, let
Speaker 2: me just like sit and figure this out, right, But
Speaker 2: my life is very different. I don't have five children.
Speaker 2: So how does somebody in your situation where the demands
Speaker 2: and people are calling, with your career and the other things,
Speaker 2: then taking care of your children and managing all that,
Speaker 2: and then on top of that, trying to manage a
Speaker 2: home in and of itself. Because this is why people
Speaker 2: have full time housekeepers. They don't do anything else, they
Speaker 2: just manage the home, right, and you're trying to do
Speaker 2: it all. And that's where the piece that I would say,
Speaker 2: with the self compassion, I hope you can start to
Speaker 2: give yourself that or think about that because you're taking
Speaker 2: on a lot that seems like too much to bear.
Speaker 2: And so you then are raised in an environment where
Speaker 2: you didn't have these challenges, and now you have these challenges.
Speaker 2: Things have changed. You were in a big home. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we had all the room. Now we don't have the room.
Speaker 2: The good news is you're not paying for the storage units.
Speaker 2: Now it's in the garage. Now what do I do?
Speaker 2: But the problem is is you have all of these
Speaker 2: people that are sending you things generously, which is great,
Speaker 2: the thoughtfulness all of that, but there has to be
Speaker 2: where we started with, when things come in have to
Speaker 2: go out right, So you say as a mom, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we can use this soap, we can use this that
Speaker 2: or whatever. But then when it gets to a level,
Speaker 2: then you have to get to a point to say, okay,
Speaker 2: you know what, we're going to go down to the
Speaker 2: local shelter and donate this. We're gonna you know, and
Speaker 2: that that probably is like a real challenge because when
Speaker 2: you're saying, well, what if no more supplies come, or
Speaker 2: you know, what if I don't have work for a while,
Speaker 2: or you know, what if? What if? And that's a
Speaker 2: lot of what happens in terms of why people have
Speaker 2: struggles letting go is because they live a lot in
Speaker 2: the what if and so if I give this up,
Speaker 2: what if I regret it? The thing that we want
Speaker 2: to really get back to is what do you want
Speaker 2: your life to look like? And what do you want
Speaker 2: your environment for yourself and your children to look like?
Speaker 2: Because when you talk about going to Big Bear or
Speaker 2: Arrowhead and all these places and you walk in and
Speaker 2: you're just like, oh my gosh, this is so freeing, relieving.
Speaker 2: And granted those areas, right, hotels are going to be
Speaker 2: much more sterile and this is not going to have
Speaker 2: as much stuff, but getting to a place where you
Speaker 2: can laugh and giggle and jump on the couch and
Speaker 2: the animals can run around and everybody's happy, and you know,
Speaker 2: people aren't feeling tax because of the stuff. And like
Speaker 2: a movie, right, you can have a scene and suddenly
Speaker 2: they can remove that tree, they can move that, or
Speaker 2: they can move that, and then you look and you
Speaker 2: see the difference and even though like, yeah, that was
Speaker 2: a beautiful tree, or that was a great thing, like
Speaker 2: the relief toy that you're going to have by letting
Speaker 2: go is going to be far greater because the distress
Speaker 2: this is creating for you is very powerful for you.
Speaker 2: And you know, the truth is I followed you long ago,
Speaker 2: long ago, and the reason was, interestingly enough, is because
Speaker 2: you'd pop up on Facebook and the things that I
Speaker 2: saw was you and your kids, You and your kids,
Speaker 2: you and your kids, and I just thought, Wow, this
Speaker 2: is a mom whose focus is on her kids. And
Speaker 2: so I followed you and it was so fun to
Speaker 2: see and watch and I feel like that's what's drawing
Speaker 2: us together now, and that is that you're looking for help,
Speaker 2: You're looking for answers but how how do I find
Speaker 2: the time to do what I need to do in
Speaker 2: this particular area. Right, You're doing what you need for
Speaker 2: your kids, making sure they have an education, their clothes,
Speaker 2: they're fed, they're socialized. You're doing all that, and how
Speaker 2: do I, in the midst of all of this other
Speaker 2: stuff find time to do this? And I have to
Speaker 2: tell you, I admitted three patients today into our program
Speaker 2: and we had a discussion about you know, there's never
Speaker 2: a good time to go into treatment, especially the holidays, right,
Speaker 2: But like so January comes, well, it's a new year,
Speaker 2: New Year's resolution. Right, there's never there's never a good
Speaker 2: time because there's always things to do. Yeah, no bucket list,
Speaker 2: tory bucket list. Right. So I don't have kids, but
Speaker 2: I have a horse, I have a donkey, and I
Speaker 2: got testa you saw earlier. I do have my husband
Speaker 2: as well. And bucket list. And as I get older,
Speaker 2: I'm thinking I'm not hitting my bucket list. I come
Speaker 2: to work six days a week, I'm here ten hours
Speaker 2: a day. I'm fifty nine, I'm not hitting my bucket list.
Speaker 2: And I finally just booked a non refundable trip to Africa.
Speaker 2: They say the Africa, for God's sakes, right, So from
Speaker 2: November through the first two weeks of November, I was
Speaker 2: in Africa. Amazing, right, Tory, did everything fall apart? No,
Speaker 2: My horses were fed, my dog was taken care of,
Speaker 2: didn't fall apart. Magically, everything came together. And I'm so
Speaker 2: glad I did that. But my fear is always if
Speaker 2: I don't. If I don't, this is going to fall apart,
Speaker 2: and I have to micromanage. I have to control things, right,
Speaker 2: But there's things that we can put into place to say,
Speaker 2: I have to put this aside so I can work
Speaker 2: on this. Because if you're willing, find a place and
Speaker 2: I can help you with that to start putting some
Speaker 2: time aside to work on this area that's clearly causing
Speaker 2: you distress. The payoff is so great, and the payoff
Speaker 2: is not just for you, but it's for your kids.
Speaker 1: Thank you. But my bigger question is what happens then
Speaker 1: when we start over, we clear everything out, and if
Speaker 1: no one changes, then it's just going to turn back
Speaker 1: into the same situation.
Speaker 2: It's a great question. You can't can't manage this family alone, Toy.
Speaker 2: What am I?
Speaker 1: I have no other option?
Speaker 2: Your youngest to seven. Yes, your seven year old can
Speaker 2: make their bet, Your seven year old can brush their teeth,
Speaker 2: Your seven year old can get themselves dressed.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So it's not just about okay, let's help Tory, it's
Speaker 2: about let's help the family.
Speaker 1: Can you tell them this, Where are they