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Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. I refer to

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Speaker 1: myself as a hoarder all the time. I would love

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Speaker 1: to redefine that word. I'm going into my next chapter

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Speaker 1: redefining a lot of words that people have a specific

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Speaker 1: connotation with or a definition. And even though I call

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Speaker 1: myself a hoarder, I don't know if I'm technically a hoarder.

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Speaker 1: But what is a better way of describing that word

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Speaker 1: than most people might think?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? And you know, it's interesting because immediately when you

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Speaker 2: said that, it made me think of my book when

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Speaker 2: we were coming up with titles and they wanted that

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Speaker 2: word hoarder in the title, and I'm like, I don't know, Oh,

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Speaker 2: I'm not totally comfortable with that, because the book is

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Speaker 2: not about people who are in extreme situations. My book

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Speaker 2: was about how being people who are struggling with clutter

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Speaker 2: at all different degrees, right, And so so many people

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Speaker 2: will say, yes, I'm a hoarder and they're really comfortable

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Speaker 2: with that, and other people will say, like, I feel

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Speaker 2: like that's a term that's defining who I am as

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Speaker 2: a person. And so I believe, like anything that whether

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Speaker 2: you have a cold to the flu, to pneumonia. Right,

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Speaker 2: there are things that are on a continuum, and so

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Speaker 2: there's people that struggle with clutter. There's people that struggle

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Speaker 2: with clutter and it's starting to kind of go into

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Speaker 2: their house. You know, they can't sit on the couch,

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Speaker 2: the laundry's there, you know, maybe there's dishes in the sink.

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Speaker 2: It's hard to kind of make meals. And then it

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Speaker 2: kind of increases to the point where you've probably seen

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Speaker 2: extreme situations on Hoarders where we have teeny tiny pass

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Speaker 2: and we're going, you know, crawling up, walking through that

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Speaker 2: kind of thing. So it's on a continuum, right, So

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Speaker 2: there's people that can say I struggle with clutter, and

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Speaker 2: you know, I feel like I'm getting into some hoarding behaviors,

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Speaker 2: meaning that I'm starting to acquire more that I'm comfortable

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Speaker 2: with and I'm struggling letting go or toy I kind

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Speaker 2: of call it from the beginning on the front end

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Speaker 2: of the back end. So maybe someone isn't actually like

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Speaker 2: going out and purchasing, but whatever's coming in they're having

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Speaker 2: a hard time letting go of. So maybe they're ordering

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Speaker 2: the ghost stuff, right, maybe they're ordering to go stuff

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Speaker 2: and they think oh my gosh, I can use this tray,

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Speaker 2: this container for something else. I can put stuff in it,

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Speaker 2: I can reuse it, that kind of thing. But also

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Speaker 2: letting go of stuff from the past. So how often

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Speaker 2: do we have clothing from genes from ten years ago,

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Speaker 2: twenty years ago, and we think, oh, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to lose weight, or I'm going to fit

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Speaker 2: into these, I'm going to work out, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: do this. But you can't let go, and so the

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Speaker 2: closet starts filling up. So, Tori, when it becomes a

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Speaker 2: problem without giving it a label as saying I'm a hoarder, right,

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Speaker 2: you know, it's when those items that clutter is interfearing

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Speaker 2: with one's life and the life of the around them. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so no one is saying that. You know, at the

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Speaker 2: end of the meal, you need to do the dishes.

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Speaker 2: You know every day you need to do your laundry,

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Speaker 2: every day, you need to make your bet. The key

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Speaker 2: that we're looking at is is the stuff interfering with

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Speaker 2: your personal wellbeing and the personal wellbeing of those around you,

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Speaker 2: those that live with you, And are you also inhibiting

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Speaker 2: people from coming over to your home or your work

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Speaker 2: or your transportation or whatever. That is where you are

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Speaker 2: not feeling comfortable because either you're worried about judgment, you're

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Speaker 2: worried about what they're going to say, you're tired of

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Speaker 2: the conversations and the arguments, or like they can't come

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Speaker 2: over because there's no place for them to have a

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Speaker 2: meal or to sit. And I would also say something

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Speaker 2: important to consider is are those around you expressing concern

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Speaker 2: about the amount of stuff with any condition that someone's

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Speaker 2: struggling with. You have to kind of pull in the

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Speaker 2: information and to say, let me look at all these

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Speaker 2: different factors and then let me let me see where

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Speaker 2: this is at. But at the end of the day, Toy,

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Speaker 2: you know, at fifty nine, I can't believe I say that,

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Speaker 2: Like that's so hard for me. But at fifty nine, right,

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Speaker 2: I want to live the best value driven life that

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Speaker 2: I can. And you know that's Tessa that we started

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Speaker 2: with and taking care of her and loving her and

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Speaker 2: giving her a good home and having the time to

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Speaker 2: provide for her, you know, being able to celebrate the holidays,

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Speaker 2: have family over, or you know, just be comfortable in

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Speaker 2: my environment. But when that stuff begins to kind of

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Speaker 2: bleed in that for me is when there is something

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Speaker 2: for someone to look at.

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Speaker 1: Got it. Oh my gosh, I have so much to

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Speaker 1: say to you right now, I don't know where to start.

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Speaker 2: We got time.

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Speaker 1: So for me personally, I feel like it's twofold here

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Speaker 1: because for a long time I accumulate a lot of

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Speaker 1: stuff and this is my whole life. It's been a big, full,

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Speaker 1: amazing life so far. And I used to have a

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Speaker 1: really hard time letting go of things that I placed

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Speaker 1: emotional value on. And I grew up in a house

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Speaker 1: everything very organized, tidy, a lot of stuff. But I

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Speaker 1: also grew up in a house that my family, you know,

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Speaker 1: we had a huge, wealthy upbringing, and there was room

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Speaker 1: for stuff accumulated. And I grew up seeing my parents

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Speaker 1: would have, you know, huge storage units and they were

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Speaker 1: always cataloged, and but I was kind of like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's okay to have a lot of stuff come in

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Speaker 1: as long as you have a place to put it.

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Speaker 1: So I think when I moved out on my own

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Speaker 1: at almost nineteen, I it's kind of what you know,

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Speaker 1: So I immediately was like, oh, I need to get

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Speaker 1: a storage unit. And all of the Christmas decorations go

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Speaker 1: there and it's okay that you know, all the clothes

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Speaker 1: I wear on nine o two and oho, I'm not

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Speaker 1: getting rid of them. They're going into a storage unit, which,

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Speaker 1: you know, just kept going and going, and then I

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Speaker 1: got married, they had five kids. It just kept going

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Speaker 1: to the point where I had vast amounts of storage

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Speaker 1: units that then didn't really work with my lifestyle anymore,

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Speaker 1: and upkeeping that and financially maintaining that. But I didn't

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Speaker 1: let go of it because I was just going and going.

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Speaker 1: So eventually I got to the place where I remember

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Speaker 1: having a conversation with my ex saying to him he

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Speaker 1: would always say, we should get rid of stuff. You should,

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Speaker 1: you know, clean out stuff. In fact, when we first met,

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Speaker 1: I had a home that I was renting and before

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Speaker 1: we had kids, obviously, and I had one room that

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Speaker 1: I had turned into just a closet because I had

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Speaker 1: so much suck. And I remember him saying like, you know,

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Speaker 1: the thing is like, if you haven't worn in a year,

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Speaker 1: you should get rid of it. And I was just like, okay,

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Speaker 1: this is I drew a hard line there. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: when it comes to fashion, I'm not just a believer.

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Speaker 1: I know everything comes back and I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not willing to negotiate on that. So we did have

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Speaker 1: this like massive estate sale. When we first got married,

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Speaker 1: I was pregnant with my first baby, and we let

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Speaker 1: a lot of stuff go. The clothing, though, I'm really

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Speaker 1: glad I hung onto it. And I remember him saying like,

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Speaker 1: I've never even seen you in a blazer. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: that's Chanel and I'm like it's vintage, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: but those are things you hold on too, I would say,

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Speaker 1: But I do have to say that my sixteen year

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Speaker 1: old is really happy that I kept a lot of

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Speaker 1: that clothing because it all came back in, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: ed hardy and juicy cature. And she's like, you have

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Speaker 1: the og like sweatsuits and the og jeans And I

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Speaker 1: was like, yes, because I knew they would eventually come

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Speaker 1: back in. But I'm not saying there's not a part

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Speaker 1: of me that just wasn't willing to let that go.

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Speaker 1: But for fashion's sake, I'm going to say that I

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Speaker 1: knew it would come back in. But then after we

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Speaker 1: started having more kids, we obviously it's like you're saying,

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Speaker 1: accumulated more stuff. It wasn't always buying stuff. It was

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Speaker 1: just things coming in and I remember, sorry, going back

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Speaker 1: to the conversation that I said to him at one

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Speaker 1: point after we had had our fourth baby and kind

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Speaker 1: of our lives were at an impasse. Our personal life

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Speaker 1: was kind of falling apart, which we then went on

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Speaker 1: to rebuild. At the time, I think this was in

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Speaker 1: twenty fifteen, I said to him, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: get rid of all the storage units and everything I

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Speaker 1: have because it feels like everything I have worked so

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Speaker 1: hard for in my career, in my life is there,

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Speaker 1: and it's almost like letting go and discrediting everything I've

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Speaker 1: worked hard for.

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Speaker 2: So, Tori, I think there's a couple of things. One is,

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Speaker 2: when you talk talk about nine O two one oh,

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Speaker 2: the clothing that you hold on to, and I'll get

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Speaker 2: to that, But the clothing is in the show. Let

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Speaker 2: me see if I can explain this. So, if you're

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Speaker 2: holding onto clothing from the period of nine O two

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Speaker 2: one oh, is that clothing in the show? Therefore, are

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Speaker 2: you holding on to it because you feel like you

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Speaker 2: have to have that piece of clothing to remember or

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Speaker 2: to connect you to that versus the show is actually

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Speaker 2: in media land? Right? Does that make sense.

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Speaker 1: It does make sense for me personally. It wasn't anything

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Speaker 1: that was like wardrobe from the show or anything. I'm

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Speaker 1: time stamping, you know, periods of my life. Yeah, people

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Speaker 1: would get the reference. And that's what nine O two

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Speaker 1: one O was.

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Speaker 2: Sure. So I think part of what it goes back

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Speaker 2: to is how is the stuff interfering with your life? Right?

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Speaker 2: So your sixteen year old says, oh my gosh, mom,

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Speaker 2: oh this is great, this is wonderful, that sort of thing,

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Speaker 2: and that's just one, two, three, four, maybe even ten items, right,

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Speaker 2: But if we're talking about storage units of stuff, right,

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Speaker 2: is it better for you to look at selling that,

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Speaker 2: doing something with those proceeds, right, and taking that to

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Speaker 2: purchase those that clothing for your child? I mean, I

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Speaker 2: mean I get like in today's day, some of the

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Speaker 2: name brands you're talking about have have like grown exponentially financially, right,

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Speaker 2: But I think Tory, what we're really getting at is

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Speaker 2: is it cause you more disruption in your life to

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Speaker 2: hold on to these storage units financially? Like when you

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Speaker 2: look at a storage unit, right, Like if you look

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Speaker 2: at all the way back to my back wall, and

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Speaker 2: if this was full, right, if I'm like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: I want to go get that Chanelle jacket. Am I

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Speaker 2: going to open up my storage unit and start purging

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Speaker 2: through all the way to that back wall? Not likely?

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Speaker 2: And you'll probably take your your daughter down and buyer something,

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Speaker 2: right because it's a lot less time.

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Speaker 1: Right. Well, the good news is the storage units are

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Speaker 1: gone down, all of them are? All of them are?

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Speaker 2: And how did you do that?

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Speaker 1: Well, my garage you can't walk into.

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Speaker 2: So the storage units are in your garage all right.

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Speaker 1: Filled with boxes. So something that you were saying, and

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Speaker 1: I shut down when you said this, and I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you why. As you were like, could you work on

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Speaker 1: you know, selling the stuff? Yes, I would love to

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Speaker 1: do that. I don't physically have the time. And I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of my what I call hoarding comes

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Speaker 1: from my lack of time. And when I do have time,

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Speaker 1: it's a vicious circle because with five kids now and

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Speaker 1: being a single parent now, it's hard and my priority

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Speaker 1: list that's not up there, but it should be because

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Speaker 1: it would free up space and it's just sitting in

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Speaker 1: the boxes. I don't know if I used to think

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Speaker 1: that my letter came from me, you know, just holding

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Speaker 1: on to stuff and it was an emotional thing. But

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Speaker 1: I got to tell you, whenever I and I you know,

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Speaker 1: go away to do a movie or the kids and

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Speaker 1: I go somewhere, say, you know, rent an airbnb for

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Speaker 1: a week or something, I notice that I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: because it's clean, there's no clutter, and I'm actually it's

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Speaker 1: like starting over and I'm able to you know. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: we'll go to like Big Bear Lake, Arrowhead, and once

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Speaker 1: we get into that clean, perfect house, I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: feel great and I'm really good actually at delegating and

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Speaker 1: making the kids be accountable. But when it's in our

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Speaker 1: own home, I feel like, Okay, I'm in work mode, going, going, going,

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Speaker 1: you know, besides working you know, full time as a

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Speaker 1: single mom and not on a schedule like it's very

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Speaker 1: you know, up and down, up and down, and being

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Speaker 1: a full time uber driver, you know, with four schools,

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Speaker 1: have four different pickups for five kids. It's a lot.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that this is giving me. I'm

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Speaker 1: not meaning to sound defensive because I'm not. I want

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Speaker 1: a solution, but it just you know, we moved into

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Speaker 1: a new house last year and it started clean, and

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Speaker 1: then once all of our stuff came in and then

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Speaker 1: I'm really grateful. I'm I'm in a world in a

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Speaker 1: business where you know, people send us stuff a lot,

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Speaker 1: and I'm always so grateful, but it just adds adds

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Speaker 1: to and we don't have a super large house, so

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Speaker 1: it's like there is no room for it. And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: someone just sent me that. I'm feel bad giving it away.

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Speaker 2: They took that time, they were thinking all tory, it

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Speaker 2: was important to them, and so then to say, well

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Speaker 2: I don't have room for it and to discard it

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Speaker 2: or whatever it is feels ungrateful in some way definitely.

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Speaker 1: And you know, we people send us, even brands, you know,

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Speaker 1: send us, you know, their newest bars to try and

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Speaker 1: drinks and you know, things like that that I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: this is great, you know, financially as a single moll

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Speaker 1: of five, I'm like cool, you know you get stuff.

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Speaker 1: You're like, we can use this, but then we just

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Speaker 1: don't have room for it, so it just piles. I'm

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Speaker 1: not good at organizing. My brain doesn't think that way.

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Speaker 1: So whereas like if my friends were to come in

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Speaker 1: that have like a very organizational type brain, they could

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Speaker 1: be like here, put this here. I don't think like that.

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Speaker 1: So it's like I'll get to that when I can

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Speaker 1: get to it, and then all of a sudden, it

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Speaker 1: just keeps adding.

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to ask you what might be a

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Speaker 2: difficult question. It's okay, And you know something that you

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Speaker 2: said Tory earlier is like, I don't perceive you as

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Speaker 2: being defensive at all. You're just being honest about what's

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Speaker 2: going on. Right, So the question I have for you is,

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Speaker 2: how is your home environment, not the garage, how is

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Speaker 2: your home environment impacting your kids?

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Speaker 1: It's clutter. Yeah, It's the thing is I can't do

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Speaker 1: it alone. I have five children, ages seventeen to seven.

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Speaker 1: I give the seven year old a wide birth, but

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Speaker 1: the other four I'm constantly saying, please help me out

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Speaker 1: because if they don't help and don't do it, I

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Speaker 1: will just do it. And I'll do it when I

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Speaker 1: have an hour here or day off and I can

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Speaker 1: get it done real fast. But it's like, I need

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Speaker 1: you guys to help me maintain this, you know, seven

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Speaker 1: days a week. It's all it's six of us living

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Speaker 1: in this house and I'm not getting the support. And

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Speaker 1: granted I take responsibility. I'm sure I showed them that

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Speaker 1: I wasn't that type, you know, because growing up I

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Speaker 1: didn't have to clean up after myself and my parents

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Speaker 1: and had people around that would help us. And when

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Speaker 1: a lot of my kids were young, you know, we

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Speaker 1: were in a very stable financial realm. I was working

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Speaker 1: constantly on shows and doing and we did have people

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Speaker 1: helping us, and I feel like they didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: they really had to do anything. And now it's us,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, well, you know, I didn't learn until

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Speaker 1: I was older and moved out, you know, And I

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Speaker 1: know it's probably hard. You weren't used to having to

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Speaker 1: make your bed, but now you have to make your bed,

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Speaker 1: and but yeah, they're all very much like me, so

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Speaker 1: it's not a good thing.

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Speaker 2: So, you know, Tori, I, first of all, I can't

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Speaker 2: imagine five kids as a single parent. I just want

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Speaker 2: to acknowledge that from the beginning. And then I don't

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Speaker 2: know if you're the soul breadwinner. I don't know anything

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Speaker 2: about that, right, But it's a lot of responsibility to

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Speaker 2: just independently take care of five kids with any other issues,

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Speaker 2: the shopping, the attending to all the societal stuff that

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Speaker 2: goes on with kids today. Keeping up with the shopping,

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Speaker 2: keeping up with the clothes, keeping up four different kids

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Speaker 2: at different schools. You're the driver, Like that alone is

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Speaker 2: a lot, right, So now we add on some struggles

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Speaker 2: with being able to manage the household environment, and that

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Speaker 2: that is just when you struggle with that, then you

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Speaker 2: add that on to all the other responsibilities, and then

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Speaker 2: it's just it just blows up, right, so it doesn't

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Speaker 2: get done. And the thing that I want to tell

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Speaker 2: you is that I hope that you have some self

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Speaker 2: compassion for yourself, because if you were not raised in

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Speaker 2: an environment you don't. If you were not raised in

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Speaker 2: an environment where you had to do those things, I

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Speaker 2: think there is an assumption that then you should suddenly

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Speaker 2: be able to do those things right. And one might say, well,

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Speaker 2: what's the big idea about making a bed? Well, if

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Speaker 2: a child has been raised where they haven't had to

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Speaker 2: do that, and then other demands come on, and now

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Speaker 2: you know, there can be other stuff, maybe attention you've got,

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Speaker 2: you know, thinking about your career and all the other

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Speaker 2: stuff that's coming on. Like I do know I have

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Speaker 2: been called many times at the last moment saying can

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Speaker 2: you fly out tomorrow? I'm like, okay, all right, let

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Speaker 2: me just like sit and figure this out, right, But

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Speaker 2: my life is very different. I don't have five children.

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Speaker 2: So how does somebody in your situation where the demands

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Speaker 2: and people are calling, with your career and the other things,

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Speaker 2: then taking care of your children and managing all that,

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Speaker 2: and then on top of that, trying to manage a

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Speaker 2: home in and of itself. Because this is why people

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Speaker 2: have full time housekeepers. They don't do anything else, they

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Speaker 2: just manage the home, right, and you're trying to do

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Speaker 2: it all. And that's where the piece that I would say,

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Speaker 2: with the self compassion, I hope you can start to

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Speaker 2: give yourself that or think about that because you're taking

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Speaker 2: on a lot that seems like too much to bear.

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Speaker 2: And so you then are raised in an environment where

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Speaker 2: you didn't have these challenges, and now you have these challenges.

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Speaker 2: Things have changed. You were in a big home. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we had all the room. Now we don't have the room.

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Speaker 2: The good news is you're not paying for the storage units.

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Speaker 2: Now it's in the garage. Now what do I do?

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Speaker 2: But the problem is is you have all of these

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Speaker 2: people that are sending you things generously, which is great,

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Speaker 2: the thoughtfulness all of that, but there has to be

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Speaker 2: where we started with, when things come in have to

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Speaker 2: go out right, So you say as a mom, like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: we can use this soap, we can use this that

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Speaker 2: or whatever. But then when it gets to a level,

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Speaker 2: then you have to get to a point to say, okay,

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Speaker 2: you know what, we're going to go down to the

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Speaker 2: local shelter and donate this. We're gonna you know, and

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Speaker 2: that that probably is like a real challenge because when

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Speaker 2: you're saying, well, what if no more supplies come, or

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Speaker 2: you know, what if I don't have work for a while,

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Speaker 2: or you know, what if? What if? And that's a

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Speaker 2: lot of what happens in terms of why people have

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Speaker 2: struggles letting go is because they live a lot in

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Speaker 2: the what if and so if I give this up,

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Speaker 2: what if I regret it? The thing that we want

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Speaker 2: to really get back to is what do you want

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Speaker 2: your life to look like? And what do you want

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Speaker 2: your environment for yourself and your children to look like?

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Speaker 2: Because when you talk about going to Big Bear or

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Speaker 2: Arrowhead and all these places and you walk in and

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Speaker 2: you're just like, oh my gosh, this is so freeing, relieving.

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Speaker 2: And granted those areas, right, hotels are going to be

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Speaker 2: much more sterile and this is not going to have

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Speaker 2: as much stuff, but getting to a place where you

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Speaker 2: can laugh and giggle and jump on the couch and

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Speaker 2: the animals can run around and everybody's happy, and you know,

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Speaker 2: people aren't feeling tax because of the stuff. And like

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Speaker 2: a movie, right, you can have a scene and suddenly

375
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Speaker 2: they can remove that tree, they can move that, or

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00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 2: they can move that, and then you look and you

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00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 2: see the difference and even though like, yeah, that was

378
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 2: a beautiful tree, or that was a great thing, like

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00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 2: the relief toy that you're going to have by letting

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Speaker 2: go is going to be far greater because the distress

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Speaker 2: this is creating for you is very powerful for you.

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Speaker 2: And you know, the truth is I followed you long ago,

383
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 2: long ago, and the reason was, interestingly enough, is because

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Speaker 2: you'd pop up on Facebook and the things that I

385
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 2: saw was you and your kids, You and your kids,

386
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Speaker 2: you and your kids, and I just thought, Wow, this

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00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 2: is a mom whose focus is on her kids. And

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Speaker 2: so I followed you and it was so fun to

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Speaker 2: see and watch and I feel like that's what's drawing

390
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 2: us together now, and that is that you're looking for help,

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Speaker 2: You're looking for answers but how how do I find

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Speaker 2: the time to do what I need to do in

393
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 2: this particular area. Right, You're doing what you need for

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00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 2: your kids, making sure they have an education, their clothes,

395
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 2: they're fed, they're socialized. You're doing all that, and how

396
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Speaker 2: do I, in the midst of all of this other

397
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 2: stuff find time to do this? And I have to

398
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 2: tell you, I admitted three patients today into our program

399
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 2: and we had a discussion about you know, there's never

400
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,360
Speaker 2: a good time to go into treatment, especially the holidays, right,

401
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 2: But like so January comes, well, it's a new year,

402
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:12,200
Speaker 2: New Year's resolution. Right, there's never there's never a good

403
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 2: time because there's always things to do. Yeah, no bucket list,

404
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 2: tory bucket list. Right. So I don't have kids, but

405
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 2: I have a horse, I have a donkey, and I

406
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 2: got testa you saw earlier. I do have my husband

407
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 2: as well. And bucket list. And as I get older,

408
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 2: I'm thinking I'm not hitting my bucket list. I come

409
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 2: to work six days a week, I'm here ten hours

410
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 2: a day. I'm fifty nine, I'm not hitting my bucket list.

411
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Speaker 2: And I finally just booked a non refundable trip to Africa.

412
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Speaker 2: They say the Africa, for God's sakes, right, So from

413
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,439
Speaker 2: November through the first two weeks of November, I was

414
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Speaker 2: in Africa. Amazing, right, Tory, did everything fall apart? No,

415
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Speaker 2: My horses were fed, my dog was taken care of,

416
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 2: didn't fall apart. Magically, everything came together. And I'm so

417
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 2: glad I did that. But my fear is always if

418
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: I don't. If I don't, this is going to fall apart,

419
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 2: and I have to micromanage. I have to control things, right,

420
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 2: But there's things that we can put into place to say,

421
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,880
Speaker 2: I have to put this aside so I can work

422
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,439
Speaker 2: on this. Because if you're willing, find a place and

423
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,439
Speaker 2: I can help you with that to start putting some

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00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 2: time aside to work on this area that's clearly causing

425
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 2: you distress. The payoff is so great, and the payoff

426
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 2: is not just for you, but it's for your kids.

427
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: Thank you. But my bigger question is what happens then

428
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 1: when we start over, we clear everything out, and if

429
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: no one changes, then it's just going to turn back

430
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 1: into the same situation.

431
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 2: It's a great question. You can't can't manage this family alone, Toy.

432
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 2: What am I?

433
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: I have no other option?

434
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 2: Your youngest to seven. Yes, your seven year old can

435
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 2: make their bet, Your seven year old can brush their teeth,

436
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 2: Your seven year old can get themselves dressed.

437
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: Right.

438
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 2: So it's not just about okay, let's help Tory, it's

439
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 2: about let's help the family.

440
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 1: Can you tell them this, Where are they