1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: Would I be the a hole if I told my 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: husband his siblings are. 3 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 2: His uncles, uncle, siblings. 4 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:10,879 Speaker 1: Uncle siblings, cousin brother, cousin brother. This is to answer 5 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: the question of when does biological relation to a kid 6 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:19,480 Speaker 1: really matter? So difficult? Solution thirty eight says I, twenty 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: five female accidentally found out my husband's twenty five male 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: two sisters, eighteen and twenty six, are both secretly fathered 9 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: by his uncle, and none of them know. My husband 10 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: and I have been together nine years, married for six 11 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: It started with my husband getting a vasectomy after our 12 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,879 Speaker 1: second child was born a few months ago. Nice we 13 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: were all sitting around drinking one weekend while my husband 14 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: and his dad talked about what it was like and 15 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: procedure and recovery and such. At some point later in 16 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 1: the night, my father in law and I ended up 17 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: alone outside to smoke, and we drunkenly continued talking and 18 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: joking about my husband's upcoming appointment. He said something along 19 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 1: the lines of, well, when I got mine done, Granted 20 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,480 Speaker 1: it was almost twenty five years ago. He kept talking, 21 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,760 Speaker 1: but for some reason it stuck out in my head. 22 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: He had always said it was a few years after 23 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: his youngest was born, so I said, you mean fifteen 24 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: years ago? 25 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 2: Oh no, oh, no. 26 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: I don't know how to describe it, but I saw 27 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 1: a flash of change in his face, like he said 28 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: something he wasn't supposed to. Maybe just got feeling. I 29 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 1: don't know, but something about the situation I could tell 30 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: wasn't right. He tried to fix it and change it 31 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: back to fifteen, but he could tell I knew something 32 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 1: was off. He told me we need to go inside. 33 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: People are waiting, but I was hesitant, so he told 34 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: me he would leave work early the next day so 35 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 1: we could talk in private. Mmmmmm, put an ICEU in 36 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: the chat. My heart dropped and I knew what that meant. 37 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: All night I stayed up trying to convince myself that's 38 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: not possible or true. Maybe I misread the situation. Since 39 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: we didn't really say much, it was mostly in unspoken looks. 40 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 1: His youngest daughter looked so much like him, almost as 41 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: if they were niece and uncle. All three of the 42 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: siblings look alike and look like their dads, so there's 43 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 1: no way she's not his. Right. He came over the 44 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: next day, like he said, and we sat in his 45 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: car and talked for a long time. Here's what he 46 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:39,079 Speaker 1: told me. Before they started dating. His wife was really 47 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 1: good friends with his brother. They were all good friends 48 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,519 Speaker 1: and all stayed friends. After father in law and mother 49 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 1: in law started dating. Turns out she was secretly sleeping 50 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: with both of them and ended up pregnant at eighteen 51 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 1: years old. She told my father in law that she 52 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: believed his brother was the father of her baby later 53 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: confirms DNA. But he loved her, and because they were 54 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 1: young and religious, they got married anyways. The family all 55 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: knew and supported them, and she cut things off with 56 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: his brother. Everyone knew that they were Oh my god, 57 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 1: this is me. 58 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:16,679 Speaker 2: This is wild. 59 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: They decided to have a baby together. A year later, 60 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: my husband who was biologically biologically my father in law's, 61 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 1: and he had a vasectomy immediately after. Life was great 62 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,680 Speaker 1: for six more years until his brother called him and 63 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: told him things were really bad with him and he 64 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: desperately needed help getting a job and back on his feet. 65 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: Don't let him in. 66 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 2: Don't let him in it. 67 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: Don't do it. It's a trap. 68 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 2: It's a trap. 69 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: Not having any animosity towards him, really, you don't have 70 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 1: any animosity. 71 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 2: Towards him whatsoever. 72 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: Wild? He agreed, and got him a job working with 73 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: him and let him move in with them while he 74 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 1: got back on his feet. He started noticing his brother 75 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: calling out of work a lot and taking long lunches 76 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: or leaving early, to the point his job told my 77 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: father in law he's about to be fired. My father 78 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: in law knew he was at home on lunch, so 79 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: he drove home to confront him and tell him to 80 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: get back to work before he loses his job. But 81 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,480 Speaker 1: when he walked in, he caught his wife and brother 82 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 1: in the act. Not again, dude, Not cool, Not cool, dude. 83 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: He's like, I have no animosity towards you, but come on. 84 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: He said, he completely lost it. He was doing something 85 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:45,679 Speaker 1: to help him, and he repays him by not showing 86 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: up to work because he's sleeping with his wife while 87 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: the kids were in the other room. No, not what 88 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: the kids were in the other room. In the other room. 89 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: That's so messed up. He kicked his brother out, obviously 90 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 1: him why I've had a huge blow a big blow 91 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: up fight about it, because all trust was broken. But 92 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 1: ultimately he said it was yet again something he just 93 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: wanted to get through. This guy's two forgiving. I think 94 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,280 Speaker 1: it's I think it's the element of like the religious situation. 95 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, the right to divorce over unfaithfulness. 96 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but it seems as if that's why they 97 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 1: got married because of their religious situation. It seems like 98 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: he doesn't want to divorce because of that. Maybe mmm, 99 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean in some more religious communities 100 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 1: they're pretty anti divorce. So yeah, that was until a 101 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: couple weeks when she calls him at work something she 102 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: would never normally do, and says he needs to get 103 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: home right now because she just found out she was pregnant. 104 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: Oh oh, so freaking complicated. Oh this is wild because 105 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 1: we already know what happened, but we're just getting details 106 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 1: and the details are so crazy. He raced Homed and 107 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: they confirmed it was true. She cried to him and 108 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: told them she was in love with his brother. They 109 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: need to break up. They need to break up, and 110 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: he needs to she needs to, I don't know, get 111 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: with the brother in law because the brother because this 112 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: is not. 113 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 3: A makes no sense though, because this guy's like caring 114 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,919 Speaker 3: for him and the kids. 115 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,279 Speaker 1: But yeah, no, she sucks. The brother and the wife 116 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: suck and Opie's just Opie's father in law is just 117 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,359 Speaker 1: trying to freaking make it work. He said, the only 118 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: thing he could do was grab the kids and leave 119 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 1: to not physically do anything to either of them. His 120 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 1: brother ran to their dad's house and she went to 121 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: her sister's, where they stayed separate for a couple of months. 122 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: She eventually told him she loves them both, but wants 123 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,600 Speaker 1: the life and family they have to stay and for 124 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,119 Speaker 1: them to work through it like they had last time. 125 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: You can't. You can't just work through it. When you've 126 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: done that, you've made the same steak. 127 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 3: Oh okay, we built this house, but I just burnt 128 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 3: it down twice. Well, let's go back and live in it. 129 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: Let's rebuild it. And then she burnt it down again. 130 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 1: She's using protection. She sleeps with this man, and she 131 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: gets pregnant with him twice. 132 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 2: Probably because it's hotter. 133 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,080 Speaker 3: Disgusting, disgusting, disgusted. 134 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 1: I hate you, wife and brother. She sucks. He thought 135 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: on it and decided he couldn't leave the kids he 136 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: had raised for six to seven years in the house 137 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: he had bought, and he knew his brother would never 138 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: step up for this baby, as he hadn't stepped up 139 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: for the other three he had already had with his 140 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: ex wife. 141 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 2: Ooh damn. 142 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: They cut off everyone on that side of the family 143 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:47,239 Speaker 1: still to this day don't talk, and decided to raise 144 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: this baby as theirs. M Two years later, the brother 145 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,960 Speaker 1: had become an addict and alcoholic and then was arrested 146 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 1: for CSA. Oh after he was found Oh my god, 147 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: oh boy doing bad stuff with one of his daughter's friends. Wow, 148 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: the wife has horrible taste because this guy's literally a criminal. Damn. 149 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: There were multiple occasions and multiple charts, so sad. At 150 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: that point, they decided together they would never let any 151 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: of the kids know their biological dad was actually who 152 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: they thought was their uncle, and they've kept that secret 153 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 1: for twenty six years at least until me. Wow, keep 154 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 1: this man away from like, put him in jail, please, horrible, 155 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: horrible person. 156 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 2: Oh. 157 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: I asked a bunch of questions, and he was very 158 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: open with me on everything. He asked me if my 159 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: husband has said anything that might suggest he knows, and 160 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,480 Speaker 1: I told him he hasn't, and he said he's had 161 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 1: small slips before and just no one caught it. His 162 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: brother has not tried reaching out the entire eighteen years 163 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 1: since then, and has no interest in every meeting them. 164 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 1: I would never allow my children around this man. Never. Yeah, 165 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: I don't care that he's their biological father. I would 166 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: do whatever was in my power to keep him away 167 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: from them forever, literally forever. Ugh. I tried some slight 168 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 1: probing with my husband to see if he knows anything 169 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: at all, such as asking about his uncle and why 170 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: they don't talk anymore, and if he's if he has 171 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 1: any memories of him, and he doesn't. In his mind, 172 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: he's never met his uncle because he is a felon. 173 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:36,719 Speaker 2: He has no. 174 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: Memory of him even living with them for a few months, 175 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:44,560 Speaker 1: even though he was six years old. Wow. I've held 176 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 1: onto the secret for close to six months now, but 177 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 1: it eats me alive all the time and feels dirty 178 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,680 Speaker 1: to hold onto the secret from my husband like a lie. 179 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,719 Speaker 1: But I'm torn because my husband has never really been 180 00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:00,680 Speaker 1: through anything traumatic, so I don't know how he'll handle 181 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: this information. His childhood, from his perspective, was the most normal, 182 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: healthy child that you could have, and he really looks 183 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 1: up to his family him they are the ideal. What 184 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: if I ruined that view for him? It feels like 185 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: it's not my secret to tell, and I don't want 186 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: to ruin his perception of his life. It feels like 187 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: if I told him it would only be to get 188 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: it off my chest. What good could come from him 189 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,840 Speaker 1: knowing it wouldn't change anything for him? And he is 190 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: his dad's biological child. It feels like telling him would 191 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 1: be a selfish act. But at the same time, it 192 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: feels horribly wrong to know something so big and keep. 193 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,360 Speaker 2: It from him. 194 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 1: And I'm supposed to keep that secret forever. I don't 195 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: know how I could do that if six months of 196 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,080 Speaker 1: keeping it is this heart. Please help me or give 197 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,679 Speaker 1: me advice if you've been in a similar situation or 198 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: on the other side of it. I feel very alone. 199 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 1: Also to note, I'm very close with both sister in laws, 200 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: and while it's hard with them too, it's just simply 201 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 1: not my place to tell them. I know it's wrong 202 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: for them to not truly know who they are, and 203 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: I fully see the problems with it, But I know 204 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: how both of them are mentally and know them finding 205 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 1: out would do significantly more damage than help. So while 206 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 1: I understand any comment to tell them or that they 207 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 1: deserve to know, that's the only thing I'm said on 208 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 1: not doing this was a sad story. This was depressing. 209 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: I think my thought is tell the tell your husband 210 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: the truth, right what. 211 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 2: You would tell absolutely. 212 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: I think as a partner, there are there are there's 213 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: very little that you should be keeping from your partner, 214 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 1: especially something this big, especially when it has to do 215 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 1: with them. If he found out later in life that 216 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 1: you know that this that his dad or his sisters 217 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: weren't his biological sisters and they were just his cousins 218 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: and found out, but then that his wife knew that 219 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: is I think that is a betrayal of trust. But I, however, 220 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: I do think that there is a way that she 221 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 1: could tell him. I think that she could talk to 222 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 1: the father in laws and say, hey, I think you 223 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: should tell him because this is a really big secret 224 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,839 Speaker 1: and I don't feel comfortable holding onto it. 225 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 3: Oh dude, No, I don't think I would. 226 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,440 Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think I would. One. I 227 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: don't think it is fair to ask Apee to keep 228 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: that secret. And I don't think it is fair on 229 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: the husband's husband's end to be like to have his 230 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: partner keep something like that that big from him. 231 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 2: It is a huge secret, but I don't think it 232 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 2: should come from I. 233 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 1: Don't think it should. I don't think it should come 234 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: from an OP either. 235 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 4: I think. 236 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: I think she should pressure father along. I don't think 237 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 1: I wouldn't hide it up to the Okay, Riley and 238 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 1: our split, we have more telling though a. 239 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,719 Speaker 2: It seems like a great childhood. 240 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 3: Oh my dad isn't Actually my dad is my uncle 241 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 3: that's in jail and is a PDF file. 242 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 2: Come on to the grave. 243 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 3: I don't know you're worried about whenever the truth comes 244 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 3: out that you know about the truth. 245 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: They and your partner finds out that you knew and 246 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: you didn't tell them for maybe you know, let's say 247 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 1: you're taking for the grave. Maybe years have passed, they 248 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: find out, maybe they take a DNA test. You know, 249 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 1: everyone's doing DNA test these days, and they take a 250 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: DNA test, or the father in law slips up because 251 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: he's drinking, which already happened. Somehow, he finds out. He 252 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 1: comes to his partner and you're gonna tell me that 253 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: he comes to you and says, or like, your partner 254 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: comes to you and says, I just found out that 255 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: my dad's not my dad, And you're gonna lie and say, oh, yeah, 256 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: I didn't know. So now you have to keep up 257 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: two lies if they come to you, I'd keep up one, 258 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 1: but no, but then you would have to tell them 259 00:13:58,960 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 1: that you knew. 260 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, that I'd be okay with that. I would be 261 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 2: okay with I think. 262 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,839 Speaker 1: I think if that on my end, if my partner okay, okay, 263 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: switching it. If you if your partner like your father 264 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: wasn't your father, and you found out down the line, 265 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: and then you found out that your partner knew the 266 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 1: whole time and didn't tell you, how would you feel? 267 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 3: I would understand. I would be like, I understand why 268 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 3: you didn't want to tell me this. I forgive you 269 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 3: should have been come from my parents. 270 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,160 Speaker 1: No, I don't know. It's it's I think it's a 271 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 1: tricky situation. Is it tricky? All right? Yeah? And I 272 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: think I think it's fair. I think both situations are fair. 273 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: I just don't think I could bear that burden. I 274 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: would probably talk to the fallow. 275 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 3: Well, I'd probably I'd probably go to my friend and 276 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 3: tell my friend what happened. 277 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: But I would be like, you come to me and 278 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, I just found out that 279 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: my partner like her dad's not her dad. 280 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm like damn it. 281 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 4: Now. 282 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 3: Honestly, I probably wouldn'tven come to you. We go to 283 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 3: my buddy Rex back home in Tennessee because he knows 284 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 3: no one here. He tells me stuff that happens. I 285 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 3: tell him stuff that happens that no one would know. 286 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, well that is the end of that story. Oh, 287 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: and when does biological relation to a kid matter? I 288 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: don't know if that's honestly, I'm I don't think. Yeah, 289 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: I feel like it doesn't. It doesn't at all matter 290 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: in this situation. These are his kids regardless. Yeah, am 291 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: I the able for telling my kids they aren't my 292 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 1: problem anymore? 293 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 2: By kids, I'm not. 294 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 1: I'm not your parent anymore, not my kids. 295 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 2: There's the door. There's the door, Tayana. 296 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 1: And this stands the question of when does biological relation 297 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: to a kid matter? 298 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 2: Ooh, biological relation? 299 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: Biological relation? Okay, yeah, biologically maybe these are his kids, 300 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: but maybe it doesn't matter. 301 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 2: Anymore in here the DNA. 302 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, but in the heart do matter? So able AB's 303 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: thirty six to seventy five says my ex wife and 304 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: I got sick of each other after ten years into 305 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,520 Speaker 1: our marriage. We had three kids by then, and we 306 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,120 Speaker 1: try to make it work for their sake. It didn't work, 307 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 1: and we divorced. 308 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 2: YEP. 309 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 1: I let her keep the house because it was the 310 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: kids home and I wanted them to have some stability. 311 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 1: I paid child support and I paid for extracurriculars. On 312 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: top of that, I had to work a lot of 313 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 1: hours to afford everything I was paying for, but I 314 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: thought it was worth it. My mental health improved being 315 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: away from my ex and the kids were taken care of. 316 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: I tried to stay involved in their lives, but I 317 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: couldn't support them financially as well as as well as 318 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: be there for every event. I made an effort to 319 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: be there for all of the important things birthdays, Christmas, holidays. 320 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: I also made sure that my custody time was secorsanct. 321 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 1: I would turn off my work phone and be present 322 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 1: when we were together. But no matter how I tried, 323 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: they got resentful that I wasn't always there. It didn't 324 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 1: matter to them that they only got to participate in 325 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 1: these activities because I was sacrificing for them. They wanted 326 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 1: me to pay for the extras, but somehow not work 327 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 1: to pay for the extras. That's tricky because I understand 328 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 1: what he's saying of oh, why I wanted to, you know, 329 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,880 Speaker 1: pay for the things that to give them a good life, 330 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: but also quality time is very important to your kids. 331 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 4: We've seen this happen a few times where the person's like, oh, 332 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 4: I like wanted to work to give them this life. Ever, 333 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 4: it's like, honestly, the best thing you can do is like, 334 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,200 Speaker 4: go to a park. 335 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 2: It's free. 336 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you don't necessarily need to buy their love. 337 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:46,919 Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it's working. Yeah, I think I 338 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 1: think kids want kids want parents who are there for them, 339 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: and understandably, I think what he is saying to a 340 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 1: starting extent is, you know, they wanted piano classes, and 341 00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 1: so I was trying to pay for those, yeah, to 342 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 1: go to the school, and I was trying to pay 343 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 1: for that And totally get that. But I think he 344 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 1: I don't think you can give up on your kid's relationship, Like, 345 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: you know, a relationship with your kids. 346 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 2: Is that what dope? He's saying. 347 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 1: It sounds like he's like, you know, I tried my balance. 348 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 1: They you know, yeah, they were always upset they didn't 349 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: see me. 350 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 2: What the hell? 351 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 4: Because the thing is too like I think it's a 352 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 4: very different expectation with an adult versus like a kid. 353 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 4: Like a child does, it doesn't have the like can't 354 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 4: conceptional faculties. Yeah, so it's like maybe maybe the mom 355 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 4: can be like, Okay, you know what he's he's he's 356 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 4: working extra. I can like logically wrap their head around that. 357 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 4: But the kids like, and I don't know if you 358 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,640 Speaker 4: can really blame them. 359 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: No, no, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, I understand what 360 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 1: he's saying. Saying that damn. 361 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, well. 362 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,200 Speaker 1: No, I understand because I know I understand that he's saying, 363 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,679 Speaker 1: I'm working to support them. Yeah, but they don't get that. 364 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 1: They don't get that. They just want to see their dad. 365 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 4: And maybe like just listen to what they want. Maybe 366 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,160 Speaker 4: that's that's take some extra shifts off. It's just going 367 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:05,640 Speaker 4: to the park. 368 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, And he's like, oh, well I was there for 369 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: birthdays and Christmas that is. 370 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,400 Speaker 2: At least twice a year. 371 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 4: Also, also we learned like the minimum child support payment 372 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 4: in California is like one hundred fifty bucks a month 373 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 4: like something. Remember when we looked that up Riley. It 374 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,600 Speaker 4: was a while ago, but it was like we were 375 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 4: all shocked how low it was. So like granted as 376 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 4: three kids, but Riley's looking it up. 377 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 3: Protein the average amount of child support is four hundred 378 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 3: and thirty bucks a month. 379 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 4: Okay, that's better than one hundred and fifty and for 380 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 4: three kids, that's there's probably but I digress. 381 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 1: But yeah, when they got to be older teens, I 382 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: tried reasoning with them, but their argument was that their 383 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 1: mom worked and still managed to attend. 384 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, get a better job, bro, Yeah you. 385 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: Doing Honestly, if your job doesn't allow you to spend 386 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: time with your kids, then that is an issue. 387 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 4: I mean, that is massively easier Oh yeah said than done. 388 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I totally understand. But like, obviously he's trying 389 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,640 Speaker 1: to Again, I get that he's trying to support them. Yeah, 390 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 1: but your kids want to spend time. 391 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,240 Speaker 2: With you, I would start, I would. 392 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:27,679 Speaker 4: It seems like he hasn't really explored any options like that. 393 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 4: He's just like, I just work extra, I just work 394 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 4: a lot and pay for their stuff. And they're mad. 395 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:33,320 Speaker 4: And it's the thing. 396 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 1: He's like, he's only prizing the monetary value of what 397 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,919 Speaker 1: he's doing, and they want time with him. And I 398 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 1: think that's my point, is like, if this job is. 399 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 4: Not working, yeah, explore, explore something else, like, yeah, just 400 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 4: start the process of like seeing what could be what 401 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 4: could be done. But it seems like he's he's not 402 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 4: letting go of it. He's just like kids, just appreciate it. 403 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 4: He's not just appreciated trying to change anything. 404 00:20:57,119 --> 00:21:00,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, indeed, if he, if he has as the ability 405 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,480 Speaker 1: to do that, because sometimes family, you know, parents aren't able, 406 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 1: which I think was what you're saying. Parents aren't you know, 407 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 1: they're trying to support their kids and they literally aren't 408 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 1: able to spend the amount of time that other you know, 409 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 1: parents are. But in this case, it doesn't I don't 410 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 1: know if those you know, how much of. 411 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,919 Speaker 2: A possibility that is. Yeah, but he hasn't said that. 412 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, he hasn't said that. We grew apart and they 413 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 1: cut me out of their lives. I hated it. I 414 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,600 Speaker 1: still made sure they all graduated from college without debt. 415 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 1: One of them got a scholarship, so I actually had 416 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 1: a little extra money to give them. I rarely saw 417 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 1: them after they left high school. I have not seen 418 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,679 Speaker 1: them in years now. My ex passed away and I 419 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 1: sold the house. It was mine as per our agreement, 420 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: she could live there for free until she got remarried. 421 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 1: She never did. The kids were expecting to get money 422 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 1: from her estate, and they did. After everything was said 423 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 1: and done, they each got about thirty one thousand dollars. 424 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 2: Okay, hey, I mean the kids are up. 425 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:06,639 Speaker 5: Actually no college debt that is each That is like 426 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,600 Speaker 5: usually it's like people graduate with at least like thirty 427 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:10,760 Speaker 5: one grand in student debt. 428 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 2: So they're getting like the inverse. 429 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, they're getting great stuff. What they didn't get 430 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: was a share of the profit from the house that 431 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 1: will fund my retirement. I disliked my ax, but she 432 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 1: was a good mom. I never wanted to get this 433 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: money this way. I would have been fine letting her 434 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:30,199 Speaker 1: live there another thirty years. The kids came to my 435 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: house to talk to me. They said they were all 436 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: counting on that money. I asked why, What made them 437 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:37,919 Speaker 1: think their mom was going to die on vacation at 438 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,400 Speaker 1: fifty three. Wait, oh my god, that's so sad. 439 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 2: That is really sad. Boy. 440 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,679 Speaker 1: They said that it wasn't fair that I got the house. 441 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 1: I said I owned the house and that their mom 442 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,560 Speaker 1: didn't leave it to me as part of our divorce. 443 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,919 Speaker 1: I owned the house and even paid the taxes and 444 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: for maintenance. They said that they could really use some help. 445 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,880 Speaker 1: I said that none of them were really my problem anymore. 446 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 1: I hadn't been invited to their homes and that I 447 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: hadn't been asked to participate in their weddings. I attended 448 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 1: as a guest. They all think I'm being an a 449 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,479 Speaker 1: hole and stingy. I think they would not have bothered 450 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: talking to me except for the money. 451 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:11,760 Speaker 2: Hmm. 452 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, well okay, now it seems like the kids are 453 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 1: being a little stinky. 454 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:21,120 Speaker 2: I'm kind of getting Yeah, some everyone's the a hole. 455 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: I'm getting some everyone's the a hole. But I think 456 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 1: he was the first day hole. 457 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think he was the first. And and you 458 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,240 Speaker 2: know what, this might be a little. 459 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 4: Bit above my pay grade or whatever, but well, this 460 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,359 Speaker 4: is our show, so we're gonna we're gonna so it's 461 00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 4: we're gonna explore. Imagine a world where instead of doing 462 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 4: the extra shifts again, if this was a possibility, he 463 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 4: uh took that extra time and just like went to 464 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,640 Speaker 4: the park, maybe like ye get an ice cream. 465 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 2: I don't know, like there are a free museum, there's threed. 466 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 1: I just feel like there can't. You have to be 467 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 1: able to spend a little bit more time than birthdays 468 00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:58,440 Speaker 1: and Christmas. 469 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 4: There, Yes, there's there is absolutely at a bare minimum 470 00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 4: something probably a lot. Yeah, probably like movie night said 471 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,119 Speaker 4: his house on Friday, like, hey, come over, we'll just 472 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 4: watch nothing. 473 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,399 Speaker 1: You want to do a sleep. I just don't understand 474 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,400 Speaker 1: why what It doesn't seem like he has eddy custody 475 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,639 Speaker 1: of the kids. 476 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,159 Speaker 4: It does seem that way, and maybe maybe that was 477 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 4: what was talked about in the divorce, and I think 478 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,680 Speaker 4: what ended up happening was that it like double backfired 479 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 4: on him where he's like, oh, let me like try 480 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 4: to buy my. 481 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 1: Kids yeah, and now they're yeah, and now they're entitled, yeah, 482 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,960 Speaker 1: and they're like, well, okay, by the by our love. 483 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,240 Speaker 4: Whereas if he had initially just spent the time with him, yeah, 484 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,640 Speaker 4: maybe they would have just like been close with him 485 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,359 Speaker 4: and not had this sense of entitlement. 486 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,119 Speaker 1: I don't know, I just literally like it seems I 487 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,800 Speaker 1: don't know, it's I just don't think he spent he 488 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,679 Speaker 1: I think he could have spent that time with him. 489 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:53,160 Speaker 4: And I agree, I think there's probably again we don't 490 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 4: have all the contact, but I think there's probably way 491 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 4: more time, at least like once a week like bring 492 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:00,720 Speaker 4: him over, got to. 493 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,879 Speaker 1: Be once a week. Yeah, if he is able to 494 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 1: afford to pay for all of their schools, like debt free, 495 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 1: you don't have like's yeah, yeah, like I took on debt. 496 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: I took on debt, and my parents have like you know, 497 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 1: their their jobs are better than you know, some jobs. 498 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:25,040 Speaker 4: And it's like if, uh, you're not you're not working 499 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 4: in the you're not working in a factory, paying all 500 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 4: three of your kids college exactly. 501 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 2: It's not like that. 502 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 1: There are types of jobs where you literally cannot see 503 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: your family because you're trying to support them like meal, 504 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: you're writting paycheck by paycheck, and and in those cases, 505 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,399 Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, of course, I totally understand, like you 506 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 1: want to be for the you're there for your kids, 507 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: but you literally can't because you're trying to put food 508 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,919 Speaker 1: on the table. In this case, it doesn't seem like that. 509 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:52,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. 510 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,520 Speaker 4: I think he's using it as an excuse and trying 511 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 4: to you know, I think he just doesn't want the 512 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 4: kids to be He wants to like hunch in in 513 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,120 Speaker 4: the easy way, which for him is just to pay 514 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 4: for things and then just like not be mad at 515 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:06,920 Speaker 4: him and include him. 516 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,440 Speaker 2: But it probably made them entitled. 517 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, and now it's nufing. 518 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:12,720 Speaker 2: We we just figured that out. 519 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 1: We freaking figured that out so hard. 520 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,200 Speaker 2: You know what I said. I said, all this maybe 521 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 2: above my pay grade. It wasn't. 522 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,720 Speaker 1: No, it was exactly our pay grade. 523 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 2: We did that, a pay grade the same as Opie's job. Oh, 524 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 2: that's what I mean. 525 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,399 Speaker 1: But there are some relevant comments. 526 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,159 Speaker 2: Let's talk about it. 527 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,480 Speaker 1: No Cause says, they said that it wasn't fair that 528 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 1: I got the house. You didn't get the house. You've 529 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,159 Speaker 1: been having the house the entire time. Not the ale, okay, 530 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,040 Speaker 1: Bunny says, says, definitely not the a hole over the house. 531 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: You were not only having the house, you were maintaining 532 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 1: the house and keeping it at a loss so they 533 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,680 Speaker 1: didn't have to move and they had a more comfortable life. 534 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,400 Speaker 1: You paid for their college education, which isn't a small 535 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: feat in itself. And while you weren't there, you made 536 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 1: it possible for their mom to be there for them. 537 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,480 Speaker 1: They have the right to feel a strange from you, 538 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 1: but they have no cause to be angry at you 539 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,879 Speaker 1: over the house. I expect a lot of that is 540 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,000 Speaker 1: misplaced rage at losing their mom so early, and it's 541 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,920 Speaker 1: easier to blame someone you don't know well. But as 542 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: expectations that weren't fulfilled. 543 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,440 Speaker 2: Mmmm, I think there are some made I think I. 544 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,959 Speaker 1: Think the points about the house are true. I just 545 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,359 Speaker 1: think that, like, I think he's not the ale for 546 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,120 Speaker 1: the house, but I think he caused the problem. 547 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, I will say, Uh, I do want to give 548 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,639 Speaker 4: him some credit in terms of while he maybe just 549 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,119 Speaker 4: like you know, schlepping it off and you know, just 550 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,679 Speaker 4: kind of trying to again buy by the love, he 551 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:40,600 Speaker 4: did pay for their colleges, huge, he did provide a 552 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,360 Speaker 4: house for them to live in, the mom to live 553 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 4: rent free, huge and pai childs. But like, like all 554 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 4: of these things combined together are actually very bigbendous uh 555 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,679 Speaker 4: contributions Yeah, to towards the children's lives, and their lives 556 00:27:55,680 --> 00:28:00,280 Speaker 4: are in a completely different space had they not been 557 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:04,760 Speaker 4: given that. I think we can give him credit where 558 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 4: it's due there and still holds him accountable in this 559 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 4: area where it's like if you had just spent time 560 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,960 Speaker 4: sometime with him, maybe they would not have these feelings. 561 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:14,639 Speaker 1: Yeah. 562 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,359 Speaker 4: And also the misplaced rage taking it on and someone 563 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 4: they barely know that that I thought that was also 564 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 4: very astute observation as well, because they're probably they're probably just. 565 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 1: Like, yeah, we don't know this guy, and he's trying 566 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 1: to take our house. 567 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, and obviously legally it. 568 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: Is his house. Totally understandable why he wants to. 569 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 2: But yeah, they're grief or whatever. That's just how they 570 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 2: feel I think in this. 571 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there are two parts to the story. Yes, 572 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: I think he made a lot of mistakes in how 573 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 1: he handled their parenting as kids. Yes, but I think 574 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 1: that he is not the a hole in taking the 575 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 1: house now. 576 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, it is a intricate, yeah thing here. You 577 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,400 Speaker 4: can you can be angel over here and a hill 578 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 4: over here at the same time. Agree, that is totally 579 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 4: something that can happen. 580 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,080 Speaker 2: Yeah. 581 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know if you mentioned this and correct 582 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,920 Speaker 4: me if he did, But if he had, I feel 583 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:16,720 Speaker 4: like you could kind of sit the kids down and 584 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:21,320 Speaker 4: at least make an attempt to explain an each appropriate way. 585 00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 1: He did say that he tried to explain it, Okay, 586 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 1: we're a little bit older, saying like, hey, I can't 587 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: be there for you because I'm supporting you. 588 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,240 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, which kind of a cop out too. 589 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 1: Just like I totally understand him wanting to support his kids, 590 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 1: and which is, as you said, yeah, commendable, but. 591 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,040 Speaker 2: There comes a point. 592 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm wondering what his you know, his relationship to 593 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 1: them was before the divorce. You know, was he there 594 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 1: for them and why did that relationship? If so, why 595 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 1: did the relationship change because he kind of put it 596 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: on the mom to raise them. 597 00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, I wish we got more context into the divorce 598 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,560 Speaker 4: like process was like and the legal custody percentages. 599 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 2: Oh. 600 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 1: Josephinemcdliber Cui says, was he a good father? 601 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:09,560 Speaker 5: No? 602 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 1: Was he a good provider? 603 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 4: That's yeah, maybe like he was a good father, but 604 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 4: he wasn't a good dad. 605 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,959 Speaker 1: I think, yeah, same, same, same thing. 606 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I agree. 607 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,760 Speaker 4: People might be mad at me for saying this, but 608 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 4: I think, uh, in this scenario, don't take the extra job. 609 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 4: They have to pay their way through college, but you 610 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 4: spend all that time with them, better outcome. 611 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:40,080 Speaker 1: I agree, No, I honestly I think if my parents 612 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 1: had been like, we're going in you know, they did 613 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:44,560 Speaker 1: help me through college, but I did have to take 614 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: out loans. And if they said, you know what, we're 615 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,960 Speaker 1: not gonna have to take out any loans. We're gonna 616 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: pay for literally everything but we're not going to see you. 617 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 1: I would absolutely choose the loans. Yes, I would absolutely 618 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 1: choose that over not seeing my parents and not spending 619 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 1: time with them. It's just got really sore. Hold on, 620 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,240 Speaker 1: I'm not crying. I just got something. 621 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:06,240 Speaker 2: While you're doing that. 622 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:11,560 Speaker 1: Absolutely choose to spend time with my parents. 623 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 2: But no, I totally hear you. 624 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:18,160 Speaker 4: Like, I think it's funny how like parenting with like 625 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,680 Speaker 4: school and everything, maybe this is our Western capitalistic society 626 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 4: on the surface, seems like it's kind of gearing you 627 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:30,440 Speaker 4: towards becoming a productive adult, when in actuality, it should 628 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 4: be building up a loving, good, empathetic adults. 629 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, that is. 630 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,280 Speaker 4: Like the true goal of parenting, I feel, but it 631 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,360 Speaker 4: can kind of feel with like you know, like high 632 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:45,800 Speaker 4: school all were helping with figuring out college and like, yeah, 633 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:49,040 Speaker 4: like all of those things, especially in like later adolescents, 634 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 4: it feels like it's geared towards being a productive adult 635 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 4: when really the most important thing. 636 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 2: If you're not a loving, good, empathetic human, then what's 637 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:56,640 Speaker 2: the point. 638 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, And also this is not talking about scenarios where 639 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:00,880 Speaker 1: like a parent. 640 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,080 Speaker 2: Literally can't afford can't afford to do that. 641 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,600 Speaker 1: This is yeah, this is it seems like he can afford. 642 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:07,560 Speaker 2: We did get the context, yeah, yeah. 643 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, because there are situations where it's completely different and 644 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 1: they literally like our living pay paycheck to paycheck and 645 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 1: have to make the sacrifices. 646 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 2: This is facts. Yeah, you know what else is a fact, Sophia, 647 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 2: This next story? Yes, let me. Let me give you 648 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 2: a break in reading. You can rest your eyes