Speaker 1: The Nicky Gliser podcastser here's Nikki.
Speaker 2: Hello here, I am welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: It's Nicky Glazer Podcast. Same crew as yesterday on the show,
Speaker 1: Taylor McGrath, Brian Franngie, Noah. I still get nervous when
Speaker 1: I pronounce her last name avir a vi or avir god.
Speaker 3: I thought it was av I can't.
Speaker 1: It should because it's it's almost like the French verb avoir.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but almost liked and I is separate? Wait avi
Speaker 4: or as I o r avire?
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll never I don't know, so it's true. What
Speaker 2: is obvious last name? Cal Away? Okay, that is no,
Speaker 2: I don't even know that.
Speaker 5: I knew that.
Speaker 6: There's no call away.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 1: Wait, so Noah is getting she's pregnant.
Speaker 2: It's pregnant.
Speaker 1: No one's getting married.
Speaker 2: Are you getting married? Shotgun?
Speaker 1: And you're doing in Florida's Yeah, in Florida.
Speaker 2: When is the date?
Speaker 1: And why aren't we invited? Uh?
Speaker 7: Well, you are going to be away Nikki and it's
Speaker 7: a small wedding anyway, So I was just like, should
Speaker 7: I invite Nikki to this? She's gonna be hanging out
Speaker 7: with like family, and stuff. It might be weird.
Speaker 1: Wait where am where am I during this? Australia the
Speaker 1: road somewhere?
Speaker 2: Oh what's the date?
Speaker 5: The eighteenth of February.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I am going to be in Australia, Australia this year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like a month I'll be in Australia. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm going Chris. Chris's friend has a wedding and yeah
Speaker 1: we're going.
Speaker 5: For to go to his wedding, not mine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a Shelida Female Friends so much to my chagrin.
Speaker 2: Just yeah, it's pretty it's a pretty long and I'm also.
Speaker 1: Going to see Taylor Swift there so oh yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm going to see Eras possibly in Melbourne, Melbourne and Sydney.
Speaker 3: How long as Era?
Speaker 2: How long is the show? I'm so glad?
Speaker 3: How long is shit?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 3: How long is she going on?
Speaker 2: Till next November?
Speaker 3: So it's like a two year or tour called Eras.
Speaker 1: A year and a year and maybe some more.
Speaker 7: You see the big Easter egg in her Golden Globes outfit?
Speaker 5: Do you know what it was?
Speaker 2: Like a snake ring or something?
Speaker 5: It was her nails?
Speaker 6: What?
Speaker 1: Oh her nails never gets on her nails? Done it
Speaker 1: means that she's taking long nails. Oh does that what
Speaker 1: it means?
Speaker 7: Yeah, because she can't play guitar with long nails on
Speaker 7: both hands and she had both her tails.
Speaker 1: But you can just have your fake nails for a
Speaker 1: little bit. They're probably not even fake.
Speaker 6: She's just so extraordine golden globes.
Speaker 1: She was wearing them last night at the studio at
Speaker 1: Electric Lady Studio where she goes to records, so we
Speaker 1: just think she was doing vocals last night. But yeah,
Speaker 1: she does have long nails in every swift is freaking
Speaker 1: out like we've never seen our with long nails before.
Speaker 1: But they're beautiful.
Speaker 2: They're like you're as tailor.
Speaker 4: I noticed she was going like this a lot, like
Speaker 4: you do when you get a haircut, Like when you
Speaker 4: get your nails done, you cut, you tap on.
Speaker 2: Stop, You're just like such a way.
Speaker 3: Remember Anya's wedding.
Speaker 4: She kept like she's like tap on your face and
Speaker 4: she's talking to you and she's like, oh, staring at her.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is, it does become.
Speaker 1: It's so nice when you have long nails, But how
Speaker 1: do you keep them nice? Are you not rummaging in
Speaker 1: things or do you probably just have strong nails.
Speaker 4: My own minor so thin, but I put dip gel on.
Speaker 6: Oh so the strengthened the Yeah, tobacco.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Brian's like, take a note.
Speaker 1: I know what.
Speaker 7: You're a nail girl too, right, you like having nice nails.
Speaker 7: I love having nice nails, but I don't, uh. I
Speaker 7: don't keep up with them because I don't like the
Speaker 7: way they feel after I peel the gel off.
Speaker 2: Very it's horrible.
Speaker 3: They're so naked and like vulnerable ice creative.
Speaker 1: It takes layers and peel off.
Speaker 6: Yeah, nails weeks, right, I don't.
Speaker 2: Like it all. I haven't done gel for years.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but what do you do?
Speaker 1: I don't like going to the nail salon. It is
Speaker 1: why does any you do that?
Speaker 5: Wait?
Speaker 1: So you don't get nails it's pretty No, I don't
Speaker 1: do Jill, I just do regular. You let it dry.
Speaker 1: You have the patience to let it dry.
Speaker 2: It's so hard.
Speaker 1: But I just set like ten, ten to fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: scroll on my phone, and then I go home and
Speaker 1: I get this just happened for the Emmys. Got my
Speaker 1: nails done, went home, got in the shower, it heated
Speaker 1: it back up, and they I was you know how
Speaker 1: sometimes you get a little like a little ripple in it,
Speaker 1: and you can just smooth it up by like touching
Speaker 1: it with your finger. It scooped off the entire nail color,
Speaker 1: the entire thing, because whatever they put on as a
Speaker 1: top coat or a bottom coat made.
Speaker 2: It just slick.
Speaker 1: So it was like the pizza Yes, yes, Saint Louis reference. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And so I was just cursing it out because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just paid forty dollars for my nail and they're
Speaker 1: already fucked.
Speaker 2: And I had to have Carlisle.
Speaker 1: I had to ask her if she could go to
Speaker 1: CVS and match my nail color. So this is the
Speaker 1: nail that came off, and it doesn't match the others, and.
Speaker 2: They're all rippley. They all look like.
Speaker 4: An earthquake on the means with that one, Yeah, I
Speaker 4: does look like this is what I do.
Speaker 1: I kept on the red carpet. I was like, gonna
Speaker 1: just put my finger in my mouth like a sexy baby.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I only just got a new nail polish.
Speaker 8: And she was saying how great it was because it's
Speaker 8: like a special new nail polish that lasts a week.
Speaker 8: It's like impervious to ripples.
Speaker 2: I think I know what this is.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's I don't believe in it.
Speaker 1: No, it's so good. I got my nails done with
Speaker 1: it one time, and I was obsessed with it. But
Speaker 1: they're like twenty five dollars apiece, maybe even more. I
Speaker 1: think they're thirty dollars per Nailah. Yeah, nail polish that lass.
Speaker 2: It'll come up right away.
Speaker 1: I bet you really.
Speaker 6: Everyone's talking about it. Then it's the nail technology.
Speaker 2: But you will you if I say the name, will
Speaker 2: you know it?
Speaker 1: Will it?
Speaker 6: No? I didn't. I stopped.
Speaker 2: You're surprised you know this much?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, there's some really good nail stuff. I'll find
Speaker 1: out what it is, Brian, do some research, even though
Speaker 1: you have no question. Nail to the bathroom, see what
Speaker 1: a pretty nail? Or snoop in your lady's stuff. Go
Speaker 1: to her separate bathroom. Does she have a separate bathroom
Speaker 1: or is it just bedrooms?
Speaker 8: Yeah, there's two bathrooms. Uh so I guess technically it's separate.
Speaker 8: I'll go snoop right now. We'll see what I can
Speaker 8: dig up.
Speaker 6: Are you really going to I'll go snoop. Let's see
Speaker 6: what see if we can get sewister.
Speaker 1: And see what that name of that thing is, because
Speaker 1: I think I know what it is and it's I
Speaker 1: can't think of the name.
Speaker 6: It's not googling.
Speaker 3: Can you bring the camera and show us.
Speaker 2: Who's not on their phone at work?
Speaker 1: Okay, he's going to, he's going to.
Speaker 3: I wanted him to bring the camera and show us.
Speaker 1: So Brian does separate bedrooms? Oh, I want doing separate bathrooms.
Speaker 1: I always some other. Yes. Anya was going to do
Speaker 1: separate bedrooms because she got sick and then was sleeping
Speaker 1: in the guest room and she was on the girls
Speaker 1: chats sharing about how it was so nice having her
Speaker 1: own space and just having a separate bedroom, and she
Speaker 1: was like, I'm thinking about talking bad about doing separate bedrooms.
Speaker 1: I was inspired by that because.
Speaker 3: Oh I thought they did do it.
Speaker 2: No, she's sick.
Speaker 1: So she got in my head about like this is
Speaker 1: what this is a good plan. So I said something
Speaker 1: to Chris about it because I just want Chris to
Speaker 1: be able to have his own room and his own space.
Speaker 1: And like he wakes up really early right for radio,
Speaker 1: and he does he wakes up so early and he
Speaker 1: feels guilty. I don't really care that he gets up early,
Speaker 1: I can wake up and just be like, ha, you
Speaker 1: have to go to work Like it's I'm kind of
Speaker 1: like when he wakes up early and I there's nothing
Speaker 1: better than waking up and knowing that you get four
Speaker 1: more hours.
Speaker 2: I don't like that he has to go. I'm not like, Yeah,
Speaker 2: what'd you learn?
Speaker 6: Well? I went in the bathroom from his adventure. I
Speaker 6: went in the bathroom and.
Speaker 4: I was very sweaty, and he's covered in like, uh, fine.
Speaker 3: Miss some pineys?
Speaker 5: Is there a wintry mix?
Speaker 8: I looked through some drawers and I realized I was
Speaker 8: in way over my head. I know, but I was like,
Speaker 8: I don't know what any of this stuff is. It's
Speaker 8: really truly a mystery to me. There's all these creams,
Speaker 8: all these bottles, there's lots of medications that I had
Speaker 8: no idea what I was looking at. And I was like,
Speaker 8: there's just no way I'm going to find it in
Speaker 8: a reasonable amount of time.
Speaker 4: Okay, reporting from a woman's dazzle dry.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you want to know what just happened?
Speaker 1: So I googled nail polished that lasts and dazzledry was
Speaker 1: nowhere on the Google list. I wrote in nail polish
Speaker 1: that Last Long Dazzled Dry right away?
Speaker 2: What the fuck is that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Just know that, I mean Last Long paid for the.
Speaker 3: Word long maybe to go on Google.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that, but yeah,
Speaker 1: Dazzled Dry was the is the brand that girls, if
Speaker 1: you're listening, I can't say enough, like, pay the extra
Speaker 1: five dollars when you go to get a manicure and
Speaker 1: you they have Dazzle Dry and it's like a more
Speaker 1: expensive pay that extra because they last so much longer.
Speaker 1: They don't chip as much. I am someone who my
Speaker 1: nail polished chips immediately. I dig in purses too harshly.
Speaker 1: I just I pick at things like I am like,
Speaker 1: I'll pick a sticker off something and even though I
Speaker 1: know that this is gonna hurt my nail, I can't
Speaker 1: stop and I'll do it. And so yeah, Dazzle Dry
Speaker 1: is really was really impressive to me. And I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get back on that bandwagon order some Yeah, I've nails.
Speaker 1: I think they always feel good, but they are pointless
Speaker 1: to get. I'm getting a facial today. I'm so excited about.
Speaker 1: It's one of those hydro facials that just like have
Speaker 1: you ever had one? It's like a oh, you wouldn't
Speaker 1: like it. It kind of is like the straw oh at
Speaker 1: the dentist. It literally is that straw. It like sucks
Speaker 1: the things out of your skin, but then it puts
Speaker 1: in water too, so it's circulating constantly.
Speaker 2: It's have you ever had one? Noah hydrofacial?
Speaker 5: Yes, I've had it once.
Speaker 2: Ooh they good.
Speaker 1: I thought they were kind of bullshit because they were
Speaker 1: so in for a while, like ten years ago, and
Speaker 1: then I didn't hear anyone recommend them. And then I
Speaker 1: went to my to get botox last week and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm just like dry and feeling like coming
Speaker 1: out of Colorado. I don't know how anyone has any
Speaker 1: moisture in their skin in that state. And and she
Speaker 1: was like, you should do a hydrofacial, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I should do one. And so I'm getting that today
Speaker 1: and it's just gentle and makes you feel so good.
Speaker 4: What about if you did it with oil? I rubbed
Speaker 4: my face with oil night and day.
Speaker 1: I rubbed my face with this stuff that I use,
Speaker 1: and it makes me feel so plant squatting. I wonder
Speaker 1: if she would love it, but she already has such
Speaker 1: smooth skin, like I have to ask you, guys, Noah Taylor,
Speaker 1: what keeps your skin from feeling dry on your face? Like?
Speaker 1: I don't Before this plant squain stuff, I could find nothing.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's oil castor oil, but that is so sticky. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I put it on it at night and in the
Speaker 4: morning assessed me out. But my skin looks like an
Speaker 4: old mummy.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't really want to hear what you
Speaker 1: have to say. No, it doesn't look like an old mummy.
Speaker 1: Will you try some plants squalling and tell me what
Speaker 1: you feel squalling?
Speaker 2: Will you go get it? Have you tried it recently?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: Right now?
Speaker 2: Yeah, go get it?
Speaker 1: Do you know what it is?
Speaker 3: We're all going on a mission, little bottle.
Speaker 5: That squalling girl.
Speaker 2: I'm so obsessed with it.
Speaker 1: I know that I talk about it all the time,
Speaker 1: but I'm you know, I'm open for cancer.
Speaker 8: It's like the cure for cancer is actually only three dollars,
Speaker 8: and that's why the pharmaceutical companies don't let you have it,
Speaker 8: because it's because the treatment is worth more than the cure.
Speaker 5: Get cut, be careful.
Speaker 2: Yeah you were about to get muted.
Speaker 8: By Yeah, I mean the real person behind all of
Speaker 8: this pharmaceutical.
Speaker 2: Oh it makes sense though, Oh no.
Speaker 6: To learn that was like a little dad bit.
Speaker 1: I really did think you got cut off, like I
Speaker 1: forgot the joke and it worked. I was like, oh god,
Speaker 1: we're having issues. That's how quick my brain resets. We
Speaker 1: were just getting ready for the show, Taylor and I.
Speaker 1: I was just doing my makeup and she got here
Speaker 1: early before yesterdays show actually, and I was putting on
Speaker 1: makeup and she she's like my housekeeper too. I don't
Speaker 1: like that word, but she comes in unpacks me. Anytime
Speaker 1: she's here to do the podcast, she unpacks me. She
Speaker 1: straightens up my house. She like does things around the house.
Speaker 1: She knows where everything in my house is.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 1: That's why I was like, you know where the plant
Speaker 1: Squaleen is, even though she doesn't. She's been gone a while,
Speaker 1: she's on a she's on an adventure. And yes, oh
Speaker 1: she's back from.
Speaker 3: Squaleen.
Speaker 1: Yeah you got it? Okay, So I want you to like, wait,
Speaker 1: did you already get something? Doesn't it feel so slick?
Speaker 1: And so you put it everywhere? Dude, It's so amazing.
Speaker 1: I love it so much. But we were just getting
Speaker 1: ready and you. Uh. I love Taylor because she's a
Speaker 1: really she's she's always been cleaning my room since we
Speaker 1: were in high school, and it's been like a thing.
Speaker 1: She now she gets paid to do it.
Speaker 2: But he was straightened. Yeah, not clean, but you are clean.
Speaker 3: I know I clean cleaning.
Speaker 1: I know where straightening is cleaning. To me, those are
Speaker 1: like it's like supper and dinner. They're the same thing
Speaker 1: to me. But yeah, I have a housekeeper come once
Speaker 1: every two weeks to like clean clean, and the tailor
Speaker 1: comes and unpacks me and like makes my stuff organize.
Speaker 1: But it was really funny this morning. She was like
Speaker 1: walking into my breadroom, which is a mess, not like
Speaker 1: a total mess, but just messy enough, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I love how you leave a little trail, like there's
Speaker 1: a sock here, and then you can just.
Speaker 3: See and see the body. It's like a forendic.
Speaker 2: It is a crime scene.
Speaker 1: You can see exactly the moves I made because I'll
Speaker 1: take off a sock and I won't take off both
Speaker 1: socks and then put them somewhere together.
Speaker 2: I just throw them where they were.
Speaker 1: When I took them off. And then I take off
Speaker 1: the pants and I just dropped I kick them off
Speaker 1: where they land, and we were in my bathroom and
Speaker 1: she says it looks exactly the same as your high
Speaker 1: school bathroom. People ask me if you've changed, and you
Speaker 1: haven't at all. It's still not that that's the way
Speaker 1: I would change if I became a celebrity.
Speaker 4: But but it's it's evident that, like, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 4: you have changed a lot.
Speaker 6: It would be funny, did change.
Speaker 2: I was an idiot back then.
Speaker 3: Everyone's smarter than when they were fourteen.
Speaker 2: That's so true.
Speaker 1: Oh, I just saw a tweet yesterday that's from Joel
Speaker 1: Kimbooster that was like, stop saying you were cool in
Speaker 1: high school. No one was cool when you were sixteen.
Speaker 1: You were from the sixteen you were a fuck.
Speaker 2: You were a total fuck.
Speaker 6: No one was.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine the coolest sixteen year old right now
Speaker 1: as an adult?
Speaker 3: They are not cool?
Speaker 2: No, what's cool at sixteen?
Speaker 1: No one. It really made me laugh and it made
Speaker 1: me realize, who.
Speaker 3: Says that anyway? I was cool? Man, you don't know.
Speaker 4: Parents, they're like, you should listen to my advice because
Speaker 4: I was cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no one likes to say they were cool in
Speaker 1: high school. Being cool in high school is only cool
Speaker 1: when you are in high school. If you say that
Speaker 1: as an adult that you were cool in high school.
Speaker 1: I don't even know any people were cool in high school,
Speaker 1: but they will never admit it. They just say, ye,
Speaker 1: I was friends with everyone.
Speaker 8: Parent as an argument to their child, who's like not
Speaker 8: listening to them to be like, you know, in high school,
Speaker 8: I was actually cool.
Speaker 6: I can see that working.
Speaker 2: What does that mean?
Speaker 3: Like I to make it like it's working.
Speaker 2: Like, take my advice. I was cool in high school.
Speaker 1: One.
Speaker 8: Yeah, like their parents like the kid is at that
Speaker 8: age where they're rebelling and they're saying like, I'm not
Speaker 8: gonna listen to your you're so lame, mom, And then
Speaker 8: she's like, actually I was pretty cool in high school.
Speaker 8: I was you know, I had sex with everybody.
Speaker 3: My mom was like, I hung out with Scott Bacula.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because he was in her grade.
Speaker 3: What Dracula.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we didn't care about Scott Vacula.
Speaker 1: That meant nothing to it. Even his nephew is my
Speaker 1: dentist now because doctor Bacula Macula, you know that joke.
Speaker 6: Yeah, to say it's joke.
Speaker 1: Doctor Acula is my doctor.
Speaker 8: I went to the doctor all he did was suck
Speaker 8: my blood. Don't go see doctor Acula.
Speaker 1: There was a guy on the plane two days ago
Speaker 1: who looked exactly like Mitch Hedberg, sitting next to me.
Speaker 2: As I do on a plane. I didn't talk to
Speaker 2: the person.
Speaker 1: The whole time, not because I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: talking to you, like we just talk the entire ride.
Speaker 1: I was sleeping and he was kind of like trying
Speaker 1: to make conversation early on, like I was talking about
Speaker 1: tarmac lax when we were about to take off, like oh,
Speaker 1: I haven't eaten anything all day, like kind of saying
Speaker 1: things to himself but like to me, and I wasn't
Speaker 1: taking the bait. I was like, I don't want this
Speaker 1: because I know this person has a story yeah, and
Speaker 1: I don't and it's just going through something.
Speaker 6: Oh my god. It was incredible.
Speaker 3: I ordered cheese.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just there was this guy had stuff
Speaker 1: going on in his head and he wanted to talk
Speaker 1: to someone about it, and I just didn't feel like
Speaker 1: doing that. But when we landed, he so I slept
Speaker 1: the whole time. He did not bother me. Again. I
Speaker 1: love this guy. We landed and he said something like
Speaker 1: uh oh oh. I lifted up the window shade and
Speaker 1: he goes, man, bad weather here, and I go, cause
Speaker 1: it's like totally white right as I opened the window.
Speaker 2: We're like upon approach, totally white.
Speaker 1: When I opened the window, and he goes, oh, bad weather,
Speaker 1: and I go, we're in the clouds. I was such
Speaker 1: a bitch. I like I already had this guy pinpointed
Speaker 1: as someone who just wanted to strike up conversation about.
Speaker 3: Anything and like do anything to get com.
Speaker 1: And I just I didn't want to. I wasn't being
Speaker 1: a bitch. I was just like, no, I think it's
Speaker 1: the clouds. Like I didn't say it in a mean way,
Speaker 1: but I just told the story in a mean way.
Speaker 1: But he goes, no, I know, but it seems like
Speaker 1: there's like big clouds that are like this is this
Speaker 1: is definitely rain clouds. And he had a good point.
Speaker 1: He actually was right. He wasn't an idiot. He knew
Speaker 1: we were in the clouds, but he was like, these
Speaker 1: are significant clouds. And he was right. It was shitty
Speaker 1: weather in Saint Louis. And he's like, are you from
Speaker 1: Saint Louis? And I go, yeah, I got That's when
Speaker 1: I start talking, because you know it's on the descent
Speaker 1: getting off the plane soon, I'm actually kind of feeling chatty.
Speaker 2: I just woke up.
Speaker 1: I like, had I finished my diet coke. I'm having
Speaker 1: a surge of caffeine. I'm kind of feeling like I'm
Speaker 1: ready to make a friend. So he looks identical to
Speaker 1: Mitch Hedburg, and this is also intriguing to me. Was
Speaker 1: the first time I'd like looked at him and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's Mitch Hedburg, but with like kind
Speaker 1: of more gray in his hair. He's probably like mid
Speaker 1: to late forties, and he looks he's interesting looking. He's nice, nice,
Speaker 1: nice looking gentleman Mitch Hedberg hair like, but like hippie style.
Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, I haven't been back to Saint
Speaker 1: Louis and forever. I grew up here. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: there's a story going on here. Something's happening. He's coming
Speaker 1: back for the first time in like twenty five years.
Speaker 1: What's happening, right? And then he goes, what do you do?
Speaker 1: I go, I live here, and he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: so you were at LA for work and I was
Speaker 1: like yeah, And he goes, what do you do? And
Speaker 1: I was like I'm a comedian. He goes, what's your name?
Speaker 1: And I said Nikki Glazer. He goes, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what I know you? Holy shit?
Speaker 2: Whoa and he had that moment.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe what I'm
Speaker 1: sitting next to you.
Speaker 2: You're so great, you know, he's really nice.
Speaker 1: Was like, yeah, yeah, there are people always shocked when
Speaker 1: I'm on the Southwest flight. But it's like there's not
Speaker 1: a lot of options and Southwest rules. I will always.
Speaker 3: A mess Southwest.
Speaker 1: And so but I'm boarding Group A. Don't you forget it.
Speaker 1: I will pay the extra to get boarding Group A
Speaker 1: one through fifteen.
Speaker 3: It just it's saved me a seat, bitch, I.
Speaker 1: Will save you a seat. What you do is if
Speaker 1: you want to save someone a seat, and this is
Speaker 1: cheap and it's lying, and I don't condone it because
Speaker 1: I would never do it. But if you want to
Speaker 1: on a flight, you know a lot of times people
Speaker 1: are flying together and they want to sit next to
Speaker 1: each other. But sometimes I guess middle seats would probably
Speaker 1: be opened a lot. But if you want to save
Speaker 1: a middle seat for your partner or a seat for
Speaker 1: your partner, put their bag if they're loading later, put
Speaker 1: their bag or something in their seat and say they're
Speaker 1: in the bathroom. That tells people they're already on the plane.
Speaker 1: Now it's a lie, and I don't like lying, so
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it, but it would work because I
Speaker 1: do often throw myself in the chair and go.
Speaker 2: I always go to the bathroom right when I get
Speaker 2: on a plane.
Speaker 1: For some reason, I just never remember to before I board,
Speaker 1: and people are always annoyed by because you have to
Speaker 1: like swim back upstream like a desperate salmon.
Speaker 2: And so anyway, this.
Speaker 1: Guy, no, I feel desperate. I feel like there's like
Speaker 1: it's like because look desperate unless they're like out of water,
Speaker 1: and then they're just like, oh, but their eyes are
Speaker 1: just like kind of stagnant. If animals could express pain
Speaker 1: in their eyes more, we would have more empathy. But
Speaker 1: they just are like I don't feel sorry for he
Speaker 1: should because they feel pain.
Speaker 2: But anyway, I'll tell you what I have.
Speaker 1: One guy when we get back from break up to Okay,
Speaker 1: I found the Jolk and Booster tweet and said, no
Speaker 1: one was cool in high school.
Speaker 2: You were sixteen. You sucked ass. Made me laugh.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this guy on the plane he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: he's very sweet about me, and he's not overdoing it
Speaker 1: or anything.
Speaker 2: And we're talking about comedians we like, and.
Speaker 1: He's he tells me. I asked him.
Speaker 2: I'm like, what do you do? And he's like, well,
Speaker 2: I what did he say?
Speaker 3: I used to be a comedian, but I died, No, he.
Speaker 1: Used to be a musician. He's something else now I
Speaker 1: kind of got it out, yeaes Mitch. He uh yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe Tyler Henry. Maybe he had a Tyler Henry experience.
Speaker 1: Maybe see it next to me.
Speaker 4: And then later someone was like, that's so nice. You
Speaker 4: didn't have an anybody next to you in your seat.
Speaker 1: Well, his name was Ben and he used to be
Speaker 1: in a band called like Vacation Time that they had
Speaker 1: like a deal back in the mid ats and they
Speaker 1: were like a punk California rock band. And then he
Speaker 1: hasn't played music in forever, and I said why not?
Speaker 1: It just makes me so sad when I hear about
Speaker 1: people that are like virtuosos in music and then they
Speaker 1: go like, I don't know, I haven't played in like
Speaker 1: thirteen years. She's like, what that's like on you have
Speaker 1: that in your fingers right now? And you don't do
Speaker 1: anything with it.
Speaker 3: Maybe they play the drums, they don't.
Speaker 1: They like I said, do you like, Well that's a
Speaker 1: good point. But just if you have musical talent, please
Speaker 1: go do use it. For those of us out there
Speaker 1: who don't have musical talent, and like that's natural, don't
Speaker 1: don't keep that shit in a drawer, go use it
Speaker 1: you have it, Like that is such an extraordinary talent.
Speaker 1: If you speak another language, show that shit off more.
Speaker 1: That's like really extraordinary. I just like never talks Russian,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, Russian, that's the last language
Speaker 1: to learn next to Mandarin. Yeah, you know, like it
Speaker 1: really is. I saw a chart of like the hardest
Speaker 1: languages learn. It's right up there with like Chinese. To
Speaker 1: know an extraordinarily difficult language like that is so cool.
Speaker 1: I'd be doing it. I'd be dying. What would she
Speaker 1: talk to I mean, she can't talk to me. I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1: I would just be like, guys, I'm gonna just talk
Speaker 1: Russian for a bit and like impress you. I just
Speaker 1: think it would be impressive to all of us, Like
Speaker 1: I would love to hear I love hearing her speak Russian.
Speaker 1: I forget she speaks Russian. Sometimes it's just like have
Speaker 1: I just want her to do it at parties like
Speaker 1: a guitar player, you know, ruin a party with your
Speaker 1: Russian in the corner.
Speaker 8: Speaking a different language is so cool, especially if it's
Speaker 8: like unexpected.
Speaker 2: It's awesome.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 8: I had a friend in New York speak language is Mexican,
Speaker 8: but she looks like a white person. And I went
Speaker 8: to a deli one time with her, and everyone working
Speaker 8: there was Latino of some kind, and they asked her
Speaker 8: what she wanted, and she started speaking to them in Spanish,
Speaker 8: and you could see for like the first uh couple
Speaker 8: of phrases, they were like, come on, don't talk to
Speaker 8: me in fucking Spanish, fucking white lady. But then she
Speaker 8: just kept going and it was so fluent that they
Speaker 8: were like oh, And then they got so excited and
Speaker 8: they were started speaking back to her in Spanish, and
Speaker 8: was like, the coolest people.
Speaker 2: Will be impressed by.
Speaker 6: So cool.
Speaker 2: It's so My sister speaks.
Speaker 1: Fluent Spanish because she's a language teacher and she's incredible
Speaker 1: at it. I'm like, break that out all the time. No,
Speaker 1: do you ever get to break out your for your Yeah,
Speaker 1: your Hebrew skills.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I do sometimes, and people are very impressed by
Speaker 7: it because I don't have any semblance of an Israeli.
Speaker 8: What Hebrew sounds like? Can you say a phrase? Can
Speaker 8: you say like, this is the Nicky Glazer podcast. Let's
Speaker 8: get started with the show and.
Speaker 1: Here brewm guessing podcast is podcast with an accent?
Speaker 5: Okay, I'll say something else an.
Speaker 2: I don't know what to say, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5: I don't know what to tell you. Brian, that's.
Speaker 6: Brian.
Speaker 5: I didn't say Brian, but I ended Brian.
Speaker 2: Last night.
Speaker 1: Tyler Henry, by the way, was like, it's Brian. And
Speaker 1: someone goes, I have a brother. Name is a brother
Speaker 1: named Brian. And someone was like, I'm Brian. He goes
Speaker 1: is it with a why? And he goes no, and
Speaker 1: he goes this one's with a hy sorry, sit down.
Speaker 3: Like it was someone else.
Speaker 4: I stood up, walked to the mic and then didn't
Speaker 4: ever make it to the mic.
Speaker 3: And then the producer whoever said, oh, she thought it
Speaker 3: was Ryan, like just listen to.
Speaker 1: Us, Saint Louis. I can't tell you enough how disappointed
Speaker 1: I was, I said. I asked Larry, the guy that
Speaker 1: got us backstage. I said, Larry is Saint Louis slower
Speaker 1: than other towns, and he was like, well, the MIC's
Speaker 1: were kind of in weird places.
Speaker 2: I was like, just.
Speaker 1: Tell me yes, because I was ashamed at how slow
Speaker 1: my said he was. But I will this gets back
Speaker 1: to us in the bathroom and you saying I haven't changed.
Speaker 1: I was like putting on my makeup and you were like,
Speaker 1: you maybe were. You're faster now than you were in
Speaker 1: high school. I was like, I think I'm still I
Speaker 1: was fast in high school too, because I got told
Speaker 1: a lot like slow down or whatever, like you're too
Speaker 1: rough with things and you plump down too hard, You're
Speaker 1: gonna break that couch, Nikki and all these things. But
Speaker 1: I was saying, I can't imagine someone doing like, give
Speaker 1: me that squalen. I can't imagine someone putting this on wha.
Speaker 2: Disaster second, and I have so many that's cheap, I know.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is how someone puts on Squally and
Speaker 1: they go like this and they go, oh, it's in
Speaker 1: the dropper.
Speaker 6: Okay, a little bit in the dropper.
Speaker 3: So you're doing shirst.
Speaker 1: Like, okay, it's a dropper, and then I'm gonna drop
Speaker 1: like one, two, three. I just go, you know, and
Speaker 1: then you go like this, and then they put it
Speaker 1: on like this will like rub it in like and
Speaker 1: then they'll like rub it like gently, like blot like cool.
Speaker 2: I don't even it would be.
Speaker 3: Painter on your own face.
Speaker 1: And these people have kids and jobs, and I just go,
Speaker 1: how do you get anywhere in life?
Speaker 4: Because people like I think it's their form of like
Speaker 4: meditation or like they're just.
Speaker 3: Being in the moment.
Speaker 1: Really, you have to really try hard to be that slow,
Speaker 1: at least for me, I don't think you do.
Speaker 6: You do?
Speaker 1: They must not?
Speaker 5: Ye.
Speaker 1: Well, It's interesting because I was watching this Instagram video
Speaker 1: last night of this trans man who I've never seen
Speaker 1: someone look so much like a man like. I've never
Speaker 1: seen someone pass this hard. I mean, I most trans
Speaker 1: people I know are pretty passing, and I don't I
Speaker 1: don't even think trans people are required to pass. I
Speaker 1: don't give a shit what you do, but this person
Speaker 1: is I can't even believe hormones made this person into
Speaker 1: a man this much. And he showed a picture of
Speaker 1: himself when he was still you know, a girl or whatever,
Speaker 1: and it I was like, this person must have started
Speaker 1: transitioning as a baby.
Speaker 2: Or something, because they are such a masculine man there.
Speaker 1: He looked like, you know, like the guy on the
Speaker 1: paper towse Bronnie.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he looked like the man ever beard, huge thick eyebrows,
Speaker 1: sideburns down the side, like just broad shoulders like. It
Speaker 1: was so impressive towels in its own way. Again, I
Speaker 1: don't think trans men need to be presenting his men.
Speaker 1: But I just couldn't believe it was that I was
Speaker 1: using paperhouse to sop up my fucking pussy because I
Speaker 1: was like, this is the most masculine man I've ever
Speaker 1: seen in my life. No, it wasn't Buck Angel, but
Speaker 1: he's this guy. I sent it to Anya because I
Speaker 1: could not It was really fascinating because he was talking
Speaker 1: look at this guy, Taylor, I'm about to say, tell me,
Speaker 1: you will not believe that this used to be a woman.
Speaker 2: You won't believe it. Look at it.
Speaker 1: Whoa and listeners, boys.
Speaker 6: I went to work at a steel mill, and everybody wants
Speaker 6: to know. So I essentially was Jane good the.
Speaker 1: Steel mail Like, Okay, so he talks about being a
Speaker 1: man at the steel mill as a trans man, and
Speaker 1: he's totally passing.
Speaker 2: So no, one's even gonna question it. But he's talking about.
Speaker 1: How men move and behave, and how he studied these
Speaker 1: men at the steel mill like a you know, in
Speaker 1: a really male dominant like kind of collar environment, and
Speaker 1: how men behave, and he's I don't know what his
Speaker 1: purpose of this TikTok was. It kind of showed up
Speaker 1: on my Reddit. I think he kind of gives tips
Speaker 1: about two trans men about how to act more masculine,
Speaker 1: or I don't really know. It was like an anthropopological study.
Speaker 1: People in the comments are like, I can't even believe
Speaker 1: how well he's defined, like what it is to be
Speaker 1: a man. He said, to be the perfect man around
Speaker 1: other men and to assert dominance, you spread out as
Speaker 1: much as you can. So whatever chair you're next to,
Speaker 1: unless there's a woman nearby, and which case you you
Speaker 1: keep it more. But if you're around other men, you
Speaker 1: take a chair next to you, you pull it towards you,
Speaker 1: and you drape your hand on that chair, so you
Speaker 1: take up as much sitting places as you can.
Speaker 2: And whenever you look at.
Speaker 3: Brian, Brian's learning, he's taking notes, he's trying to.
Speaker 6: Tie his hand. I'm looking at this on the I
Speaker 6: was just trying to look at his face.
Speaker 2: Wait, I gotta show you this, Brian.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna send it to you.
Speaker 6: I see him, I have a TikTok of him. I
Speaker 6: know who he is.
Speaker 2: How do you know?
Speaker 6: I just found him steel milk? How did trans man
Speaker 6: steel mill?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You got it?
Speaker 1: Okay, isn't this guy amazing? He's in his car.
Speaker 8: Right, Yeah, he's in his car. He's got the beard,
Speaker 8: he's got a really long mustache.
Speaker 2: What's his what's his TikTok?
Speaker 6: So people can find him? The gravel bro?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's.
Speaker 3: He loves gravel.
Speaker 1: Then he also says this was interesting instead of when
Speaker 1: men look at each other like to be intimidating to
Speaker 1: other men, because he's talking about being in these circumstances
Speaker 1: where men are trying to sert dominance. So when you
Speaker 1: look at a man instead, when a man makes a joke,
Speaker 1: don't laugh unless it's funny. Men manly men do not
Speaker 1: laugh at other men's jokes. It's a sign of insecurity
Speaker 1: if you're giving someone a laugh when they don't deserve it.
Speaker 1: So you just stare them down if they make a
Speaker 1: joke that you don't like or that doesn't make sense,
Speaker 1: and you will be the alpha male within minutes.
Speaker 6: Okay.
Speaker 1: Also, don't look at a man straight like this with
Speaker 1: your head tilt like this. Oh when they're talking, if
Speaker 1: you till your so look at this, look like.
Speaker 3: This nice nice girl.
Speaker 1: Mean, I haven't changed my facial stress and I just
Speaker 1: changed my tilt of my head to an upwards motion
Speaker 1: of like you kind of are like almost assessing them.
Speaker 3: And then the one that I like, Yeah, it's like
Speaker 3: a shrug.
Speaker 1: No, this guy looked hot when he was doing it.
Speaker 1: And then but he's just saying about other men. And
Speaker 1: then there was one more that was really good. I
Speaker 1: can't remember. Oh, this was the one that made me
Speaker 1: think of all this move slowly masculine men do not
Speaker 1: like if they drop something.
Speaker 3: It's like a sissy move to rush.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So if he's in line at the grocery store
Speaker 1: and he has a coke in his hand and the
Speaker 1: bottle falls on the ground, if you go fifth trying
Speaker 1: to get it, you look like a place. But if
Speaker 1: you drop it and you just go ooh, you look
Speaker 1: so cool.
Speaker 4: Everything you're doing is looking like snoop for some reason,
Speaker 4: or very slow.
Speaker 3: Now I'm just I'm picturing like ers.
Speaker 4: They're very they're very slow, and they're very spready, and
Speaker 4: they're very look.
Speaker 6: Downy's facing and he's gonna lose. That's that's a good point.
Speaker 3: And then you just yeah, he's this guy's.
Speaker 1: Just really he's not an asshole. By the way, this
Speaker 1: guy is just saying like men are pathetic. He's almost
Speaker 1: like calling out men, like this is so dumb that
Speaker 1: we all have to do this stuff, or like this
Speaker 1: stuff works. But I really like to think of like
Speaker 1: it made me want to be a little bit more
Speaker 1: masculine in some ways, of like I don't need to
Speaker 1: move fast. Every when I'm moving fast, it makes me
Speaker 1: look like I can be.
Speaker 2: Preyed upon very quickly. Yeah, I don't look confident.
Speaker 4: Silly is how I think, because I'm really fast, and
Speaker 4: I think I look like a silly goose.
Speaker 1: But even when I was like, yes, when I was
Speaker 1: walking out on the Emmys and there was that long
Speaker 1: way for me to walk, I started like kind of
Speaker 1: running because I'm like, because my insecurity is that no
Speaker 1: one wants to watch me walk. I'm so boring. These
Speaker 1: poor people have to look at me so embarrassing. I'm
Speaker 1: not to be just a hot person that like walks,
Speaker 1: I need to speed this up because.
Speaker 2: I'm being inconvenient. Do you do this seats confident?
Speaker 7: If someone stops for you, like at a like it's
Speaker 7: not really a crosswalk, but they just stop for you
Speaker 7: to cross the street, do you just take your time crossing?
Speaker 5: Or do you like I sprint?
Speaker 2: I sprint because that is the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: You're a fucking asshole if you slow to If you're
Speaker 1: someone who someone is waiting for you to pull out
Speaker 1: of a parking space and you know they start, you
Speaker 1: get in your car and start texting, or you even
Speaker 1: if you sit up partner of your seatbelt pull out before.
Speaker 2: You put it. You get the fuck out of that space.
Speaker 1: Then you put on your street I'm obviously joking, put
Speaker 1: on your set. But if you take your time and
Speaker 1: fix the rear view mirror and you make sure your
Speaker 1: seats adjusted, you're an asshole and you're desperate for attention
Speaker 1: and you need to get in other ways to talk
Speaker 1: to a therapist. You're a loser because you are purposely
Speaker 1: mating making other people wait, mom, yes, and it's not
Speaker 1: worth it. In this parking lot and target where this
Speaker 1: woman is just trying to get in and out, like
Speaker 1: you're not proving anything to her. You're not better than her,
Speaker 1: You're an asshole. And I will say, yeah, no.
Speaker 8: I hate when someone takes a long time to cross
Speaker 8: the shield here.
Speaker 6: It's such a power. The other day, what's happened?
Speaker 8: And I was like, can you move your wheelchair any faster?
Speaker 4: What about these people when you're like when you're going
Speaker 4: towards the door and you know you're going to be faster, but.
Speaker 3: Then they like speed up a little and then they go.
Speaker 4: Like, exuse you, what about what are we going to
Speaker 4: do here?
Speaker 3: Excuse me?
Speaker 4: This woman did that at the y m c A
Speaker 4: and like and I was like, I know I'm faster
Speaker 4: than you, you're going so but she sped up because
Speaker 4: she wanted like some attention.
Speaker 3: She wanted to like.
Speaker 1: Get into dying for a fight. These people are dying
Speaker 1: for people want you a honk, they want You're welcome.
Speaker 2: I've been a ship the other day.
Speaker 6: I did it.
Speaker 1: I said what I pulled a I pulled a real
Speaker 1: asshole the other day. Chris like he didn't thank me
Speaker 1: for something I thought I deserve to be thanked for.
Speaker 1: And because he just forgot, he was like feeling sick.
Speaker 1: He just like he's not an ungrateful person. He thanks
Speaker 1: me literally and he's totally a thanker.
Speaker 2: But I just had it in.
Speaker 1: My mind like he didn't thank me for this thing,
Speaker 1: and he did, and it was already on my mind,
Speaker 1: and I wasn't talking about it because I just didn't
Speaker 1: want to confront it or whatever. But it's in my
Speaker 1: head and it's just brewing and it's like I'm heated
Speaker 1: to a boil. And then he did something else that
Speaker 1: annoyed me, and so instead of addressing that thing, I go,
Speaker 1: it's like a chess gimmick, like he didn't ask me
Speaker 1: about everything else that I thought he should ask me
Speaker 1: about it. Yes, like someone was. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: they're sick. And he didn't ask a follow up because
Speaker 1: he was busy on something. He would have, but he
Speaker 1: was it was like circumstantial, and I go and she's fine,
Speaker 1: by the way, and by the way, you're I go,
Speaker 1: by the way, you're welcome for earlier today and he
Speaker 1: was like what. He goes, I'm not your dad, i'm
Speaker 1: not your mom, and you're not seventeen. You can't talk
Speaker 1: to me like this. And I was like, that's a
Speaker 1: good point, like, but I did say to him, I
Speaker 1: was like, he goes, that's a shitty way to call
Speaker 1: someone out. He didn't say shitty. He goes, that's like
Speaker 1: an immature. That's a childish way to call someone out.
Speaker 1: And I go, I think it actually, I know that
Speaker 1: it is.
Speaker 6: But it's fun.
Speaker 1: It's more fun than being like, by the way, it hurt.
Speaker 2: My feelings that you didn't think, I want to talk
Speaker 2: to you funny.
Speaker 1: It's a funny to do it to he sarcastic, So
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 6: I don't.
Speaker 2: It's indefensible. I should not talk to him like that.
Speaker 1: I don't like being a little like brat like sarcastic.
Speaker 1: But I will say I am a funny person. I
Speaker 1: like to present things in a funny manner. So in
Speaker 1: a creative manner, I do think I can be a super.
Speaker 3: Big creative apology I am.
Speaker 1: I am, but no, I I did apologize and I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I was shitty and that was a
Speaker 1: childish thing. But I was in line to get on
Speaker 1: a plane the other day. Oh my god, I almost
Speaker 1: had a Tom sigurl where I like you, you know
Speaker 1: what Tom Sigar got in trouble for by like people
Speaker 1: just got upset with him because he had a gay
Speaker 1: agent tell him talked about yeah, okay, so just to
Speaker 1: refresher room one's mind. And he tweeted about it and
Speaker 1: he was like, you know, pissed about the skate agent,
Speaker 1: which I get. I get his ire because first of all,
Speaker 1: I know, I thought about Tom when this happened to me,
Speaker 1: because I was like, Tom was just in a little
Speaker 1: worse mood than I was in this moment. If this
Speaker 1: would if I would have just been in a worse
Speaker 1: mood and my day would have just got a little
Speaker 1: bit shittier up into this moment, I would have had
Speaker 1: the same reaction of like I'm taking this to the
Speaker 1: to Twitter, you know I was, you know, or like
Speaker 1: they would have just yeah, well, so I was boarding
Speaker 1: this plane, and you know, famously on planes you can
Speaker 1: have two things. You have one that goes in the
Speaker 1: overhead and one carrying crowd. It's so dumb, Okay. I
Speaker 1: do understand when someone has three bags that are just
Speaker 1: crazy bags. But if I'm wearing a fanny pack that
Speaker 1: is clearly able to fit in my backpack, and you know,
Speaker 1: for a fact, as soon as I get on the plane,
Speaker 1: I'm taking it out of my backpack anyway.
Speaker 2: Who gives a truly, who gives a fuck?
Speaker 1: Because my backpack you can tell it's not packed to
Speaker 1: the brim. That fanny pack could fit in there. Why
Speaker 1: do you need me to put it on there? When
Speaker 1: the second I get on board.
Speaker 6: The second you get on the skybridge, you're gonna take.
Speaker 1: It out exactly exactly. So I am walking on and
Speaker 1: she goes, uh, beige bag, beige bag. And I have
Speaker 1: my headphones on and I go, beige bag.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like your like, your body is a beige sack of.
Speaker 1: I was like, my bags under my skin eyes are purple,
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. Yeah, I didn't feel like a
Speaker 1: beige bag that day.
Speaker 2: My face was a beige bag.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So beige bag.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's pink. No, it was, it's beige.
Speaker 1: Sometimes Anya calls my bag pink and I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is beige. But anyway, so she nailed that. She goes
Speaker 1: beige bag, and I was like what She was like,
Speaker 1: you need to consolidate your items. And by the way,
Speaker 1: I'm in the first boarding class. This is not Southwest,
Speaker 1: this is like I'm in first class, right, so I've
Speaker 1: paid for this priority I and I always I never
Speaker 1: want to have this moment.
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to bait them into it.
Speaker 1: I always remember to put my fanny pack in my
Speaker 1: bag before because I know this bullshit thing and I
Speaker 1: don't want to get called that I had just forgotten, right, And.
Speaker 2: So I go, oh, so sorry, So I undo my
Speaker 2: fan back.
Speaker 1: She goes step aside, ma'am to load it, and I go,
Speaker 1: but there's still two people in front of me that
Speaker 1: have to scan. And I go, I can do this
Speaker 1: right now. And while I'm so on that, she goes
Speaker 1: step aside, ma'am, don't hold on the line, and I go,
Speaker 1: I'm not slowing down the line. Look what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I go, look, oh my god, it's sitting in right now.
Speaker 2: It's so easy.
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to be like funny about it and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, it's like I got it. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I do want to episode. She was like, ma'am, step aside,
Speaker 1: you're slowing down the line. I'm like, I literally am
Speaker 1: not slowing down the line. I just did it and
Speaker 1: then I got it done before they scanned my pass
Speaker 1: and I was.
Speaker 6: Like, yees. But it was so it was going on
Speaker 6: there so.
Speaker 1: Dumb, and there was a pilot in front of the
Speaker 1: control necessary who was like just you know, doing a
Speaker 1: you know when pilots just like fly in the sad
Speaker 1: it is called.
Speaker 2: Dead dead dead dead heading, dead head.
Speaker 3: Yes, good job is that it?
Speaker 6: Yes it is.
Speaker 1: He's dead heading and so I or I think it's
Speaker 1: something with dead in it. So he was a dead
Speaker 1: head and so he he had a grateful dead shirty.
Speaker 4: He had really long, weird hair for a pilot and fine,
Speaker 4: he just rid flying the freak flag.
Speaker 1: He he was like, my shoe was a lot. And
Speaker 1: I immediately saw he was a pilot and I was
Speaker 1: like no. At first, I shit talked to her. I was like,
Speaker 1: they are so fucking stupid about this ship. Like he
Speaker 1: saw that I was about to lose my cool and
Speaker 1: I go, I go, it's I go, I'm taking out
Speaker 1: on my bag right now. She's such an idiot. And
Speaker 1: I said something like that and he was like, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: And then I saw he was a pilot and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh no, I'm shit like sit talking his team.
Speaker 2: He's gonna tell me, but he didn't.
Speaker 1: He was like that was insane, and I was like,
Speaker 1: thank you, pilot, It made me feel so good, but
Speaker 1: I want to get back to the guy that would.
Speaker 1: I landed in Saint Louis. He told me he's in
Speaker 1: Saint Louis and he's like, I and this. I love
Speaker 1: when people tell me this because we were talking about addiction.
Speaker 1: I think we were talking about I forget how we
Speaker 1: we Within a minute. I told him like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I get depressed to and like I could just tell
Speaker 1: he was someone that has he struggled with.
Speaker 3: Talked to him the whole flight, only a couple of minutes.
Speaker 2: We really we really cracked through some stuff.
Speaker 1: It was like, and he goes, And I love when
Speaker 1: people say this to me because this happens a lot
Speaker 1: that he goes. I don't even know why I'm telling
Speaker 1: you this, but I was like, yes, I get that
Speaker 1: all the time. I love it. I made him comfortable.
Speaker 1: He's ready to share something really intimate that.
Speaker 4: I'm going to talk about on my podcast and say
Speaker 4: his full name and exactly what he looks like.
Speaker 6: We can figure it out. We know it's banned.
Speaker 2: I think I think Ben would be okay with this.
Speaker 1: He was like, I'm going to meet my dad for
Speaker 1: the first He's never met his biological father and he
Speaker 1: was going to meet him the next day, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, he's a twin and his
Speaker 1: twin wasn't there, but he was going to meet his
Speaker 1: dad and he was like nervous and it was so cute.
Speaker 1: I was so glad I got that story. Even though
Speaker 1: I didn't talk to him the whole time, I would
Speaker 1: have talked to him longer.
Speaker 5: It was.
Speaker 1: It was a shame I didn't spark up that conversation before,
Speaker 1: but it was so interesting. It's crazy that everyone's got
Speaker 1: their own little story of where they're going, and when
Speaker 1: people don't, Oh god, some people have no story.
Speaker 2: As we found out it's Tyler Halley last night. Some
Speaker 2: people just.
Speaker 4: Have nothing time to take a risk and they I'm like, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: she really wants to talk.
Speaker 3: She might be interesting, and then she just goes, what
Speaker 3: are they? What are they trying to do? Kill us?
Speaker 3: On this point every five minutes like headphones off? What?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: That was?
Speaker 3: That was a weird bump in the ride.
Speaker 1: People are so lonely. Yeah, I think that's the problem.
Speaker 4: They're gonna want to hold hands if we're crashing. Why
Speaker 4: with a random person who says that there's bumps on
Speaker 4: the ride.
Speaker 1: I would love to hold someone's hands when they're stressed out, like.
Speaker 6: You're helping, because I would call.
Speaker 8: Me if I'm also dying in this situation because the
Speaker 8: plan's crashing. I don't want my last moments to be
Speaker 8: touching a stranger's hand.
Speaker 2: I disagree.
Speaker 1: I think that we need community and other people when
Speaker 1: we're scared.
Speaker 3: Different some people. I would be some people's hands.
Speaker 1: I'll hold some people's I think that in that moment,
Speaker 1: you would want other things. Actually that you don't know
Speaker 1: what you would do.
Speaker 6: You don't know what you would do. You think you're
Speaker 6: gonna die. If I'm in that moment, I might actually
Speaker 6: want to hold someone's hand.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't.
Speaker 3: You didn't touch I know I won't.
Speaker 1: I was reading about the Alaska flight where the hole
Speaker 1: blew through the plane.
Speaker 2: Did you hear about that?
Speaker 3: It's just insane, insane, shut up.
Speaker 1: They said that it was eerily quiet on the plane
Speaker 1: because everyone had an oxygen mask on, so there was
Speaker 1: no one talking. So it was like everyone thought they
Speaker 1: were going to die, and everyone holy lie through because
Speaker 1: they didn't fasten the bolts. So they've I think they've
Speaker 1: you know, not they've taken like twelve or fourteen something
Speaker 1: planes of that model off the market because they all
Speaker 1: were made here in Saint Louis.
Speaker 8: Was going the Supermaxes and they said that the uh,
Speaker 8: there are people's like phones like flew out the holes.
Speaker 2: Yes, and then and they found a phone that survived.
Speaker 6: Yeah, those commercials are true.
Speaker 1: Because it was a black pressure makes it only fall
Speaker 1: at fifty miles per hour. So it because if it
Speaker 1: falls like obviously, like straight down, it'll get the velocity
Speaker 1: to like kill someone even fifty miles an hour. But
Speaker 1: if it falls like this, the wind pressure will make
Speaker 1: it like gentle. And it fell in some If it
Speaker 1: would have fallen on concrete, it would have breaken. But
Speaker 1: the person got their phone back and it works.
Speaker 3: Someone called it. I was like, are you missing a phone? Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: it flew out of a plane.
Speaker 1: So in the door from the plane that flew open
Speaker 1: landed in someone's backyard and power, Oh.
Speaker 6: My god, can you imagine? Yeah, I can't believe.
Speaker 8: And there was also the miracle, the Jesus miracle of
Speaker 8: this whole thing was that the bolts that fell out
Speaker 8: were next to two seats that just happened to be empty.
Speaker 2: I know people would have been sucked out.
Speaker 3: Maybe why were there two seats empty? Why wasn't someone
Speaker 3: trying to.
Speaker 1: Go if they had Because apparently my apparently my voice
Speaker 1: teacher had read up on this, he's flown planes before,
Speaker 1: and he said that the seats that were empty were
Speaker 1: like twisted metal and they were being like almost being
Speaker 1: sucked out. So if people would have been in them,
Speaker 1: it probably would have added to the weight of the
Speaker 1: suckage and they would have been sucked out.
Speaker 2: I'm always I'm sorry to say I shouldn't say this.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say it.
Speaker 1: No while saying when we get back from break, after
Speaker 1: I talk to you guys about whether or not I should.
Speaker 3: Say who's suckable out of ble is when he's.
Speaker 1: Gonna, oh you want me to You think that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say, I wish so and so and so would
Speaker 1: have been saying there, I'm not even know that is nicer.
Speaker 2: Than what I was gonna say.
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, Okay, we'll.
Speaker 2: Find out when we get back. Okay.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm alone here, But when there is
Speaker 1: a crazy thing that happens I kind of wanted to happen, duh,
Speaker 1: Like I am glad no one was hurt in that.
Speaker 1: I don't wish people to be hurt, but I think
Speaker 1: it would be a cooler story had some people been
Speaker 1: sucked out.
Speaker 4: We've talked about this when we when we were kids.
Speaker 4: I remember you agreeing with me. I confessed this to you.
Speaker 4: I was like when I we heard there was something
Speaker 4: on the radio about like a bus and there was
Speaker 4: like five people died, And I said to you, do
Speaker 4: you ever wish that it was like twenty And You're
Speaker 4: like yes, And you and I like grabbed each other's
Speaker 4: legs and we're like, thank god.
Speaker 2: I don't think we're alone.
Speaker 1: I've heard echoes of this in Reddit, and I can't
Speaker 1: even imagine being someone who's like I can't relate to
Speaker 1: that at all. Yeah, it's not you, it's no one
Speaker 1: you love. Luisy Kay has a joke about this of
Speaker 1: like if it's you read about like an earthquake in
Speaker 1: China and like six thousand people die and you just
Speaker 1: can't carry can't get yourself.
Speaker 6: Oh oh, maybe they both have the joke.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, maybe it is Patrice. But I feel like
Speaker 1: I've heard Louis say something like this, like you can't
Speaker 1: get yourself. Oh, yet it is Patrice. You can't get
Speaker 1: yourself to care. You try and you go, oh, those
Speaker 1: those people, But it's like if not because they're Chinese,
Speaker 1: I just set them somewhere far away, so far. Yes,
Speaker 1: because they're in the far East. Uh No, because they're
Speaker 1: they're you just it. I obviously have empathy, extraordinary empathy
Speaker 1: for humans and creatures and all the thing. But there
Speaker 1: is a part of me that when there's a catastrophe,
Speaker 1: I want big numbers.
Speaker 8: Yeah, you have empathy for an individual, but when the
Speaker 8: numbers get so big, it's abstract and you can't even
Speaker 8: really fathom the.
Speaker 1: Horror the But why would I want more numbers? Because
Speaker 1: I well, it's the same reason that people like watching
Speaker 1: horror films, Like I'm always like, why would you want
Speaker 1: to see that? I think it's because you want. I
Speaker 1: want things to be morbid. I have morbid curiosity, and
Speaker 1: I want the more morbid they are, the more interested
Speaker 1: I am. And this is not These are full adults
Speaker 1: that I want dead.
Speaker 3: I don't want to children.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like children.
Speaker 1: I'm always like, no, let's get casualties down to nothing, animals, nothing,
Speaker 1: But for adult.
Speaker 3: School shootings, how many do you want in there.
Speaker 1: Zero shootings, zero zero school shootings.
Speaker 2: Let's talk off air.
Speaker 3: But it's not that you want them.
Speaker 2: It's already done. It's already done.
Speaker 4: I think it's that you This is how I feel
Speaker 4: that I'm just I'm just thinking of now. Is that
Speaker 4: I want to be like, oh, I lived through this
Speaker 4: thing where there was something incredible that happened that we're
Speaker 4: going to be talking about for a long time, whether
Speaker 4: it's something good or it's something bad. I want it
Speaker 4: to be like an extreme so that it's interesting. Yes,
Speaker 4: because no one's going to remember school shooting with five people.
Speaker 3: They're going to remember, you know.
Speaker 8: Unfortunately, maybe in America. I think on the plane, I
Speaker 8: wonder if there's anybody on the plane who had their
Speaker 8: phone not in airplane mode and was like, oh no.
Speaker 3: That's mine's never on an airplane.
Speaker 2: You should never put it on airplane mode.
Speaker 4: Everyone, No, don't, don't even do anything.
Speaker 2: They're not going to get in trouble.
Speaker 4: Can excuse me someone's phone on airplanes?
Speaker 2: Just give a little let me.
Speaker 1: People who don't fly often, and maybe you have a
Speaker 1: flight coming up, as someone who travels often, I just
Speaker 1: want to just talk to you really quickly about your
Speaker 1: dumb fears and your anxieties that I'm calling dumb because
Speaker 1: they aren't real, and you can you can just calm down, okay,
Speaker 1: because I used to be this way too. You do
Speaker 1: not need to be at the airport over two hours
Speaker 1: early at a normal regional airport.
Speaker 6: Not right. If it's an international flat I might.
Speaker 1: International, yes, like get there the day before. This is international.
Speaker 1: I don't travel. This is not talking about that. I
Speaker 1: am way overly anxious for those. Someone needs to talk
Speaker 1: down to me for that. But for domestic travel, if
Speaker 1: you're traveling somewhere, you don't need your shit in plastic bags.
Speaker 1: You don't need to put your liquids in plastic bags.
Speaker 1: You don't need to put your You do need your
Speaker 1: liquids under three like four ounces. They say three ounces,
Speaker 1: but like you'll get away with four. Sometimes I have
Speaker 1: a full lotion and no one will catch it. They
Speaker 1: will catch water. It's not a big deal if they do.
Speaker 1: I forget water in my bag all the time. You
Speaker 1: don't need to be like so insane about it, like
Speaker 1: make sure I need to double check. It's not embarrassing.
Speaker 1: It happens all the time of plastic bags.
Speaker 8: Three point four ounces people get the travel toothpaste, the
Speaker 8: little tiny ones. Yeah, a normal tube is under four ounces,
Speaker 8: so you can bring your normal toothpaste if you want.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's also not liquid.
Speaker 4: It's like I think made me thrown out about what
Speaker 4: they mean about liquid.
Speaker 3: I don't know different was it over three point four rounds?
Speaker 7: I used Tom's toothpaste and I had a full tube
Speaker 7: once and the guy made me take it out of
Speaker 7: my bag and throw it out.
Speaker 1: They might, I would say with the toothpastes, I don't
Speaker 1: do that. I don't bring on full tube, so I'll
Speaker 1: risk it because a lot of times they won't catch it,
Speaker 1: but if they do, they could grow three point four.
Speaker 1: But again, if it is over, you're not a criminal.
Speaker 1: You're not going to be taken back into a room
Speaker 1: and like they'll just have you throw it away.
Speaker 2: It's not a big deal. You don't need to be hyper.
Speaker 1: Vigilant of like and then my shoes need to if
Speaker 1: you have If you don't have tsa pree, which travelers
Speaker 1: who are anxius about traveling definitely don't. You don't need
Speaker 1: to get there any earlier than two hours before. You
Speaker 1: don't need to put your things in plastic bags. They
Speaker 1: will tell you what to do with your shoes, they
Speaker 1: will tell you what to do with your belt, they
Speaker 1: will tell you what to do with your coat. You
Speaker 1: don't need to freak out if you get anything wrong.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. You're not gonna be taken aside. You're
Speaker 1: not gonna be wanded. It's you don't You don't need
Speaker 1: to be this nervous about because there's some people I've
Speaker 1: heard that are like traveling and they're like, well, I
Speaker 1: have to get all these different containers for my for
Speaker 1: my things, and it's like, just check your biking bag,
Speaker 1: don't get little things, and your bag will not get lost.
Speaker 1: I've traveled a million times. My bag has only gotten
Speaker 1: lost two times, and all the time I've checked bags
Speaker 1: and it was found instantly. It was just put on
Speaker 1: a later flight and it gets to me later on.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna runnigh through your bags and steal things. Yes,
Speaker 1: don't travel with your jewelry in a bag, but generally
Speaker 1: no one's stealing things out of bags. What else?
Speaker 3: Airplane mode.
Speaker 1: Don't get up as soon as the plane lands and
Speaker 1: just stand there like an idiot.
Speaker 2: Everyone hates you for it.
Speaker 1: It's annoying. Why are you in such a rush. Just
Speaker 1: sit down until it's time to get up. As soon
Speaker 1: as the bell dings, you don't need to get up,
Speaker 1: especially if cornet window seat. Very if you have a
Speaker 1: connecting fly people. Here's another tip.
Speaker 8: Why Because I want to get my bag and be
Speaker 8: forward in line, and I also expect Also, I'm trying
Speaker 8: to respect the people behind me. You want me to
Speaker 8: move fast, and I don't want to be rushed in
Speaker 8: the moment, so I try to get up as soon
Speaker 8: as possible.
Speaker 1: You're a window seat, take as long as you want.
Speaker 8: If you're in a window, but people will the The
Speaker 8: ethics of exiting the airplane is that you let the
Speaker 8: row in front of you entirely exit before you move forward.
Speaker 1: No, don't do that, just go if you haven't. It's
Speaker 1: like traffic. If this person's taking too long, you just
Speaker 1: sip ahead.
Speaker 6: The door on the in the mid air well, they
Speaker 6: should have bring.
Speaker 3: The back door.
Speaker 4: While we're talking about what the.
Speaker 1: Final thought, airplane mode is an illusion. You don't need it. Yes,
Speaker 1: you do need to buckle your seatbelt at all times.
Speaker 1: That is something they will check. You don't need to
Speaker 1: worry about having your headphones not on air. Canada is
Speaker 1: weird about headphones, but you're not flying to Canada. We're
Speaker 1: talking about domestic flights.
Speaker 6: Up right. Why do they make you do that trade
Speaker 6: table up.
Speaker 1: Because people to be able to block the exit if
Speaker 1: there's an emergency landing. They want to be able to
Speaker 1: not obstruct it. Put your bag all the way in
Speaker 1: front of the seat in front of you. That is
Speaker 1: something they will be weird about. You cannot have your
Speaker 1: purse on your lap. You can put your backpack next
Speaker 1: to you as a lean to against the window, which
Speaker 1: is a great device, or on your lap, or on
Speaker 1: your trade table. Put your backpack and lean forward on it.
Speaker 1: That is a much better thing than just putting a
Speaker 1: pillow on your trade table. But you can conceal it
Speaker 1: with a blanket on the side and they won't catch
Speaker 1: you for that. You cannot vape in a bathroom. The
Speaker 1: vape will set up the smoke arm. You will be
Speaker 1: fined five thousand dollars. This happened to people I.
Speaker 2: Know five thous Yet something like that that worth it.
Speaker 3: Why can't you just do it in this s under
Speaker 3: your jacket?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't, because it's it's no one wants anyone vaping.
Speaker 3: On a plane, right, but they can't.
Speaker 6: Vapor come and taking off. You need the window to
Speaker 6: be open.
Speaker 1: Don't know that one's arbitrary. But again, you won't get
Speaker 1: in trouble. They'll just be like, put up your window shade.
Speaker 1: Like I think everyone's so scared of getting an FAA
Speaker 1: like suspension or something like if you fuck up on
Speaker 1: a plane. And by the way, you are allowed to
Speaker 1: lean back your chair no matter what it is, not
Speaker 1: it is. I don't lean back my chair because I
Speaker 1: just feel bad for the person behind me.
Speaker 2: But it's not.
Speaker 1: That's just that's a thing I used to not do.
Speaker 1: I used to be like, no, I'm going to lean
Speaker 1: it back no matter what. If someone leans back their
Speaker 1: chair when I'm behind them, I don't care.
Speaker 2: You have that right.
Speaker 1: The chair wouldn't lean back unless you were able to
Speaker 1: use it, So do that whatever you want. Get up
Speaker 1: to the bathroom as much as you want a flight.
Speaker 2: Don't worry you have to go.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Please, I'm litter the world with sor but hey, here's
Speaker 1: my If someone says sorry to you, say it's fine.
Speaker 2: I don't like when you say sorry and they say nothing.
Speaker 2: That is so rude.
Speaker 4: You should be suspectful, actually pissed that they which is insane.
Speaker 1: One. Yeah, they are actually pissed and they are that's
Speaker 1: so lame. You should You should pee a lot of times.
Speaker 6: One bathroom break every three hours.
Speaker 8: If you need to go more than that, you should
Speaker 8: get an aisle seat two hours.
Speaker 1: Agreed, that's a good that's a good system. Let's talk
Speaker 1: about gate behavior. You don't need to line up before
Speaker 1: your roe is called. Let me even talk about Southwest
Speaker 1: while you wind up going one through thirty, B one
Speaker 1: through thirty whatever, A one through thirty through sixty. I'm
Speaker 1: always like a twenty two or something. I would never
Speaker 1: in my life go find my place in line wait
Speaker 1: for the road to.
Speaker 2: Just hang back.
Speaker 1: I don't understand all these people lining up, like just
Speaker 1: wait until you see about twenty two people come in,
Speaker 1: kind of look at their boarding passes, see what number
Speaker 1: they are, and.
Speaker 2: Then just jump in line.
Speaker 1: No one can get mad at you because you are
Speaker 1: you are in the number you should be. Even if
Speaker 1: they do seem like you're cutting in front of me,
Speaker 1: you can just be like, yeah, I'm a sixteen, you're
Speaker 1: a twenty four, you should be behind me and they
Speaker 1: can't get mad at you. And that's victorious and be
Speaker 1: quicker when you're like putting your luggage up.
Speaker 4: Also put it sideways, for the love of God. Everyone
Speaker 4: they say that a million times. Then everybody puts it flat,
Speaker 4: you know, because you guys all have the box ones.
Speaker 4: Oh right, and they always put it flat, and then
Speaker 4: the light has to go. Yes, they're like like they say,
Speaker 4: like books on a shelf, and people are like.
Speaker 3: My book go flat on shelves.
Speaker 1: These people don't read books. They don't know they so.
Speaker 2: And also, yeah, airplane modes an illusion.
Speaker 8: Stop having a giant, hard rolling suitcase that you bring
Speaker 8: on the plane. I think that those those rolling suitcases
Speaker 8: that you bring on the plane should be banned because
Speaker 8: I think if you need that much stuff, then you
Speaker 8: probably need a check bag that goes underneath the plane.
Speaker 4: If I disagree, because they but it should be free
Speaker 4: to check a back and that's why Southwest is good.
Speaker 2: No duffle bags are hell.
Speaker 7: Actually I have a Duffle bag wheel stuff and they
Speaker 7: try to get me to check that and they're like, oh,
Speaker 7: that's not going to fit, and I'm like, this is
Speaker 7: this could fit.
Speaker 5: Under my seat?
Speaker 3: What are you talking smaller than a roll a seat.
Speaker 8: I think those rolling suitcases, I remember when they started
Speaker 8: to happen. I mean they weren't always a thing. It
Speaker 8: was like twenty years ago when they all of a
Speaker 8: sudden had the perfect size, square rolling suitcases that you
Speaker 8: can store.
Speaker 1: Can you believe there weren't wheels on luggage until recently,
Speaker 1: Like that seems like the wheel would be invented and
Speaker 1: then put it on.
Speaker 3: I just still carry a box one.
Speaker 6: You have a brief.
Speaker 2: Why don't you want wheels on your look?
Speaker 4: Because they're so ugly and you guys, look, everyone looks
Speaker 4: so stupid dragging them around.
Speaker 3: And I don't even.
Speaker 1: Drag it because I have four and so I just
Speaker 1: lightly touch it. I would put a finger on it
Speaker 1: and it just travels with me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're just so ugly.
Speaker 4: My beige beige bag A moment that your bags aren't beige.
Speaker 3: That's pink?
Speaker 1: Really you think it's pink?
Speaker 2: It's well, look at the website.
Speaker 6: That the name of special. A moment that.
Speaker 8: Is bad I can't get over on planes is when
Speaker 8: the pert when the flight attendant comes by with snacks
Speaker 8: or drinks and they ask you if you want snacks
Speaker 8: I feel so infantilized. Whenever I request something, they go,
Speaker 8: do you want a snack? And then you have to go,
Speaker 8: I'll take the cookies. It feels so like a little baby.
Speaker 8: I'll take we have chips and cookies, Like you know
Speaker 8: how you give a baby three choices so they don't
Speaker 8: have unlimited choices. That's what they do to you on
Speaker 8: the plane. They go, we have we have chips, we
Speaker 8: have cookies, and we have crackers, and you go, oh,
Speaker 8: take the crackers, and then they give you the crackers
Speaker 8: like the.
Speaker 3: Show you one end of my hand.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, when you're flying business, they give you a basket
Speaker 1: of all these snacks and they just like put it
Speaker 1: in front of your face and everyone just has to
Speaker 1: like read each thing and touch each thing. It's like
Speaker 1: just pick it like you don't need to be you're
Speaker 1: making everyone else wait.
Speaker 4: It's so things just people that go a little touch everything.
Speaker 8: Yeah, the next time you're in this class, just listen
Speaker 8: to all the people when the flight attendant is coming
Speaker 8: by with snacks and how childish they sound when they go,
Speaker 8: I'll take the cookies and I'll take the Everyone has
Speaker 8: a little technique for how they don't want to sound
Speaker 8: like a little baby. Sometimes they go like, I'll take
Speaker 8: the cookies please, and you can tell that they're over compensating.
Speaker 8: I just say I don't want anything because I'm afraid.
Speaker 8: I don't want to sound like a baby.
Speaker 1: No nothing, don't miss out on a piscattie or like
Speaker 1: a nice brownie.
Speaker 6: Brill for me?
Speaker 3: What about the people that are ordering apple?
Speaker 6: You're not going to eat.
Speaker 8: I want to be like these losers and me are like,
Speaker 8: can I get the muncho's.
Speaker 1: It's like you, that's so funny that you won't do that.
Speaker 2: You're missing out.
Speaker 3: So old.
Speaker 2: I think you sound like a baby.
Speaker 6: I don't, and I go, I don't want any thing,
Speaker 6: and then they think.
Speaker 1: My biggest plane hack is what I said before. It
Speaker 1: is if you're in a middle seat, you can be
Speaker 1: comfortable when you sleep. You put your trade table down,
Speaker 1: you put your backpack on top of it, and you
Speaker 1: put a sweatshirt on top of that. You make it
Speaker 1: as tall as possible, and then you lean on it.
Speaker 1: Do not lean directly on the tree table. That's too low.
Speaker 1: It will hurt your back. Don't put just your sweatshirt
Speaker 1: on the tree table. You need the backpack on top
Speaker 1: of it, create a giant mount as high as it
Speaker 1: can go, and then lean on it. It is seriously
Speaker 1: better than being a window seat. Like you can do
Speaker 1: that on a window seat too, but it's like you
Speaker 1: can make a window seat doable. And please, for the
Speaker 1: love of God, if you decide to sleep in a
Speaker 1: middle seat, don't make everyone next to you tortured with
Speaker 1: your bobbing head up and down. Just please lean forward
Speaker 1: and go to sleep. It's so hard to just race,
Speaker 1: like catching themselves apnea snyle style every three seconds.
Speaker 3: It's like nodding off one.
Speaker 1: You're lean your chair back, so there some way for
Speaker 1: your head to not keep going like bouncing forward. It is.
Speaker 1: It's hell, or get a turtle neck brace thing.
Speaker 2: There's a there's a plan.
Speaker 1: There's a neck fellow called the turtle t U R
Speaker 1: t L and it wraps around your neck and it
Speaker 1: keeps you from doing you a turtle I can't stay.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, I'm I'm so obnoxious on planes
Speaker 1: and I'm sure there's and don't fart on planes.
Speaker 2: It's really rude.
Speaker 1: I I think people feel like they can get away
Speaker 1: with it because it's muffled by the sound.
Speaker 2: It's really disgusting. No one means that.
Speaker 6: Just don't go on a plane at all. Stay home. Yeah,
Speaker 6: that's really what it is. Just stay where are you going?
Speaker 6: Stay there?
Speaker 1: Oh here's another one where to go? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is ninety percent of people. I think I am
Speaker 1: going to trigger someone. When you check your bags and
Speaker 1: you're at the you know, the talking to the person,
Speaker 1: and you get your boarding pass, and they give your
Speaker 1: vading pass, they give your bag tags, and it's time
Speaker 1: to go to your gate. Go to your fucking gate.
Speaker 2: Leave the area.
Speaker 1: There are people in line behind you who are late
Speaker 1: for their flight, and I'm time to talking about me.
Speaker 1: I'm worried about people that because I've been late before.
Speaker 1: Guaranteed there's someone behind you that needs that gate agent
Speaker 1: so they can check their.
Speaker 2: Bag and make it onto the plane.
Speaker 1: By the way, you can check your bag up to
Speaker 1: forty five minutes before your plane takes off, So if
Speaker 1: your plane is scheduled for six forty five, you can
Speaker 1: check your bag up until six o'clock. After that you
Speaker 1: have to get on the next flight because your bag
Speaker 1: will not make it. So that is a rule that
Speaker 1: people don't know about. But people just doddle. They will
Speaker 1: just get their tags and they'll go, and so I
Speaker 1: go down here. It's like, just follow the fucking sign
Speaker 1: clear the way, because people always people that are that
Speaker 1: line is always urgent, so move your ass. There's no
Speaker 1: one that's not urgent in that line. And these people
Speaker 1: after now they're safe, so now they can start taking
Speaker 1: their time. They used to be an urgent person, but
Speaker 1: they have no recollection of what that used to feel like.
Speaker 1: How do we I all just have a little respect
Speaker 1: and empathy for other people's struggles. Well I got to
Speaker 1: the airport earlier than them. Well fuck you. You had
Speaker 1: better parents that taught you how to be responsible. This
Speaker 1: person isn't late because they're a bad person. You're gonna
Speaker 1: be late someday in your life. Be nice to them.
Speaker 1: Oh this is my biggest tip if you and I've
Speaker 1: said this before on podcasts, maybe not this one specifically,
Speaker 1: but if you are running late for your flight and
Speaker 1: your bag's already checked and you just have to get
Speaker 1: through TSA and the line is fucking long, be a
Speaker 1: hero for yourself and asked to cut in line. No
Speaker 1: one's gonna begrudge you that say how late you are
Speaker 1: for your flight, Apologize profusely and cut in line. Do
Speaker 1: not miss your flight because you're scared to be annoying.
Speaker 1: Those people will forget about you as soon as you
Speaker 1: go through. It's not annoying. You can be very grateful.
Speaker 1: You can make them feel like a little hero because
Speaker 1: they let you through. Fight for yourself. Don't just take
Speaker 1: it up the ass and stay in the back of
Speaker 1: the line and be like, well I can't cut. Just
Speaker 1: have the balls, swallow your pride.
Speaker 3: But where do you go?
Speaker 2: You go in, You go in where you're going to
Speaker 2: have a chance.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, don't do don't talk to the person right
Speaker 1: in front of you, and then like slowly make your way, yeah,
Speaker 1: right to the room, right and and and don't implore.
Speaker 2: The don't talk to the TSA agent. They don't give
Speaker 2: a fuck about you.
Speaker 3: To the back of the cat.
Speaker 2: They won't help you, and they know not. They won't
Speaker 2: do that if they catch you.
Speaker 3: They've caught. They've told me to go to the back.
Speaker 4: If you're asking people, I was, I was going under
Speaker 4: the rope to cut, and they're like, no, going past
Speaker 4: the rope.
Speaker 3: You need to go all the way around like a snake.
Speaker 2: You know what I would do in that scenario, I
Speaker 2: would say.
Speaker 1: I said, ma'am, I'm just going to ask someone if
Speaker 1: I can cut. I'm so sorry, I'm late for my flight.
Speaker 1: We've all been there. I'm embarrassed, so embarrassing, just a threat, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And I think people feel so scared going
Speaker 1: to airports because they feel like they're going to be
Speaker 1: arrested for the slightest thing. And everyone's a people pleaser,
Speaker 1: and everyone's has alcoholic parents, so everyone's tiptoeing around everyone's feelings,
Speaker 1: and everyone's scared of getting in trouble. I promise you
Speaker 1: you can leave your bag and go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: No one's gonna confiscate it, even though they keep saying
Speaker 1: things of like, don't leave your luggage, it will be confiscated.
Speaker 2: It won't be I love doing it.
Speaker 1: Just relax with air travel, and if you have any questions,
Speaker 1: dm me because I will love to dispel your fears.
Speaker 1: And also if you if you feel you have turbulence
Speaker 1: on a plane, it isn't gonna turbulence. Planes can handle
Speaker 1: it so much. Someone once said to me a pilot
Speaker 1: one said to me that turbulence is the same as
Speaker 1: driving over a styrofoam cup on the highway. Would you
Speaker 1: freak out about that? If you were a driver, No,
Speaker 1: it would be literally nothing, but it feels like so
Speaker 1: much to someone else. But it's that is what pilots
Speaker 1: look at turbulence as it literally is not any detriment.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna die, and don't hold my hand. No,
Speaker 1: I actually do hold my hand. I would like it.
Speaker 2: Is this the end of the show. Did we already
Speaker 2: do final thought?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, well we covered it all. This is a very
Speaker 1: uh air travel heavy show. But I think we I
Speaker 1: just am tired of people nervous about something that I'm
Speaker 1: just like, this isn't a big deal. But I get
Speaker 1: that because I used to be that way too, But
Speaker 1: as someone who does it a lot, it's not that
Speaker 1: much to worry about. You're gonna make your flight. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be okay. Yeah, And come see us in Florida
Speaker 1: this weekend nineteenth and twentieth fort Pierce Daytona Beach, and
Speaker 1: then I'm going to be in Atlanta soon and many
Speaker 1: other cities. Nickok Glazer dot com, including the Hollywood Bowl
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles, California, May ninth, with Taylor Tomlinson Shell
Speaker 1: Buteu and Sarah Silverman. If you want to plan a
Speaker 1: trip around that to La and that is going to
Speaker 1: be a fun one. Can't wait. I'm so nervous. Who
Speaker 1: knows what it's going to be like? Uh but it's.
Speaker 2: Hollywood ballby.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I told my voice teacher yesterday.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and I'm performing with the Hollywood
Speaker 1: bol name there. He was like what what? He goes,
Speaker 1: what is your life? But I was like, I know,
Speaker 1: it's crazy. I've been Balwin for this little voice lesson
Speaker 1: and I'm performing.
Speaker 2: The Hollywood Bowl in May. Hey, Ballwin ain't nothing, Balwin
Speaker 2: ain't nothing.
Speaker 1: Thinking bones all right, guys, thank you guys for listening.
Speaker 1: Don't be care And did the line the line tell
Speaker 1: me Jack Flash.
Speaker 8: I