Speaker 1: Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no
Speaker 1: question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
Speaker 1: shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower.
Speaker 1: From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times
Speaker 1: don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.
Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? I hope all is cute? Ishagara Ebinez
Speaker 2: here and welcome back to Pretty Private Now. This week
Speaker 2: on the show, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting
Speaker 2: down with DL Whisper, someone who's shed in light on
Speaker 2: conversations most people are too afraid to have. Now, in
Speaker 2: part one of our conversations, we dive into his personal
Speaker 2: journey with DL men and how those experiences led him
Speaker 2: to create a platform that not only informs, but also
Speaker 2: challenges the way we think about DL culture, black relationships,
Speaker 2: and taboo topics within our community. So get ready, because
Speaker 2: my conversation with d L Whisper starts now. All right,
Speaker 2: to my guests, thank you so much for being a guest.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty Private. How are you doing. How you feeling?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm feeling great. It's Sunday, it's early, this is
Speaker 3: my rome time, early in the morning. So I feel great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, shah, he got me recording on a Sunday on
Speaker 2: the Lord's Day. I said, I know that's right. Well,
Speaker 2: for those who may not know, I love your work.
Speaker 2: I discover you on one of my favorite YouTubers, Storm
Speaker 2: and Row shout out to him, and I was just
Speaker 2: so intrigued with what you're doing because I feel like
Speaker 2: you're literally doing God's work and being very informative, very helpful,
Speaker 2: very insightful, and I can only imagine the flag that
Speaker 2: you do receive from certain people. But before we start,
Speaker 2: can you please let people know what is a download men?
Speaker 3: So a download man is the man that either has
Speaker 3: been with men, has desires to be women or I
Speaker 3: mean essentially, either he wants to be with men or
Speaker 3: he has been with men and he's secretly doing it,
Speaker 3: but he's keeping this heterosexual identity. So essentially dating women,
Speaker 3: marrying women, but sleeping with men secretly. That's the cutting
Speaker 3: draw difference.
Speaker 2: Right, So would you say there's a difference between a
Speaker 2: download man and a closet man because I feel like
Speaker 2: it's a very thin line.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: I just made a video about that because I feel
Speaker 3: like it's semantics technically, and I hate semantics. So I
Speaker 3: know people are like, oh, I respect the closeted man,
Speaker 3: but I'm like, it's technically the same thing. Like the
Speaker 3: only difference is we assume a closetive man isn't pursuing
Speaker 3: women and that they're just only pursuing men. But people
Speaker 3: just don't know about their sexuality. But I don't know
Speaker 3: many closetive men, because that's the street is gay people
Speaker 3: with paul it.
Speaker 2: But exactly That's how I was like, let me ask
Speaker 2: this question because I feel like the line is very
Speaker 2: thin between the two.
Speaker 3: To me, it's the same, but people are Samani, so
Speaker 3: I just let them they want to use it. Because
Speaker 3: even the whole gay and by like men are either
Speaker 3: gay or they're straight. I don't do by like. It's
Speaker 3: just keep it cut and dry, like I don't like
Speaker 3: the semantics of it all.
Speaker 2: We both on all fours.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So, because a lot of people have been asking, like,
Speaker 3: what's the difference, So I'm just like, I don't really
Speaker 3: talk about it because there's really no difference because regardless,
Speaker 3: you're not going to know if a man is if
Speaker 3: he's sleeping with women, or if you think that he's straight,
Speaker 3: you're not going to know he's secretly with men, regardless
Speaker 3: of if he's closeted ordel. So they both do the
Speaker 3: same thing. It's just one where so mean is not
Speaker 3: is not affecting women.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so what inspire you to start helping women detect
Speaker 2: men who identify as or who are downlaw Because I
Speaker 2: was reading listen to your videos and stuff, and I'm like, wow,
Speaker 2: like you've been doing this for a very long time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So what originally inspired me, I guess you could
Speaker 3: say is because Okay, when I like, I always tell
Speaker 3: people I was never with download men as like you
Speaker 3: see some people do it for like competition. I guess
Speaker 3: you could say, I don't approach men, So if a
Speaker 3: man approached me, I was never going to assume he
Speaker 3: was download This is where that closeted comes into waiting.
Speaker 3: I'm assume you're closeted, but then I find out you're
Speaker 3: into women, and all it is. Now I know that
Speaker 3: you're download so it makes it a lot different. And
Speaker 3: I wasn't too privy about the dating, so I didn't
Speaker 3: look at it as a bad thing. When men told
Speaker 3: me that they were down load, It's like, okay, that's
Speaker 3: your sexuality that has nothing to do with me. So
Speaker 3: by me not really knowing what download was, throughout dating,
Speaker 3: I you know, I learned what it was, and I
Speaker 3: learned the way that they moved and like I always
Speaker 3: tell people, like, there was instances where my life was
Speaker 3: almost taken, so where my life was almost.
Speaker 2: Pack yeah, oh wow, So I was listening to that video.
Speaker 2: We don't have to say the name. But did you
Speaker 2: try to like confront him or.
Speaker 3: I tried to leave him actually because I had essentially,
Speaker 3: you know, after a couple of years, I'm okay, are
Speaker 3: we getting married? At this point, It's like it's been
Speaker 3: five years, Like what are we doing yet? What we're doing?
Speaker 3: So he was like, we're never gonna get married, like
Speaker 3: his parents were going through a divorce. It was a
Speaker 3: lot of stuff. So for me, I'm done. But then,
Speaker 3: you know how it was a month later, it was
Speaker 3: late at night, we was texting. I let him come over.
Speaker 3: Shit didn't go how I needed to go, and he
Speaker 3: couldn't get hard. Like so when he couldn't get hard,
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, this is a sign from God that
Speaker 3: we're not even supposed to be right here, right now,
Speaker 3: right not get hard?
Speaker 2: Aside from god cha.
Speaker 3: So I was trying to. I was just telling him like, well,
Speaker 3: this is a sign, and he just couldn't you know.
Speaker 3: And then I was growing on social media. So he
Speaker 3: had built this paranoia in his head that somehow when
Speaker 3: we are completely done, since I was leaving him, that
Speaker 3: I was going to go do story times and you know,
Speaker 3: exposed him, right, I told him after five years, don't
Speaker 3: you think after so many things that had happened, if
Speaker 3: I was going to expose you, I would have done that.
Speaker 3: But see that's when I realized like their paranoia had
Speaker 3: it had nothing to do what they had with him
Speaker 3: thinking that his secret could even be exposed because I
Speaker 3: knew his secret, and not with you because usually you
Speaker 3: don't see gay me and leaving the DL man. So
Speaker 3: even me doing that was like a big like oh wow,
Speaker 3: like you're leaving me, Like yo, like I'm done I started.
Speaker 2: So how did it end.
Speaker 3: With all of that? Like he tried to you know,
Speaker 3: kill me. He ended up going to jail. I ended
Speaker 3: up exposing him against the police wishes, and then I
Speaker 3: got dogs. Then that that was the end. I never
Speaker 3: saw him again. We had one conversation since besides him
Speaker 3: boxing me. But that was it because once we get
Speaker 3: physical and then, like I know people when they hear like, oh,
Speaker 3: he tried to save my life, like I'm not playing
Speaker 3: like when I take knives, candles biting, like just none
Speaker 3: stopped fighting for like thirty minutes. And if you're from
Speaker 3: Atlanta or you living, it's taking Atlanta police forever to
Speaker 3: get somewhere, like if I want to if I like
Speaker 3: I always tell people, if I couldn't have defended myself,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even be And when the police got there,
Speaker 3: they're like, don't expose him, like you don't know what
Speaker 3: that's gonna do to his mental life.
Speaker 2: Well, the police was encouraging not to expose him.
Speaker 3: Yo, They was encouraging me to essentially allow him to
Speaker 3: do all of which he did to me because they
Speaker 3: only took him to jail because I pressed the issue,
Speaker 3: Like they weren't even gonna take him to jail. He
Speaker 3: was driving with no license, DUIs all of this. Then
Speaker 3: they didn't give a vote. He had stole my wallet,
Speaker 3: my iPad, all of this, Like they're arresting him and
Speaker 3: they're taking out all of my shit and they're like, oh,
Speaker 3: because they thought I was lying, they didn't believe. From
Speaker 3: that point, I was like, okay, because I had never
Speaker 3: been in a situation with the police and a deal man.
Speaker 3: And then I realized like this wasn't what I thought. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then that's when I'm like, okay. Even as far
Speaker 3: as the women, like, you know, I had a dal
Speaker 3: gut that I was talking to me and his baby
Speaker 3: mamas kept getting in to it and stuff. So I
Speaker 3: was like, you know, for me, I wanted to help
Speaker 3: women because I was, like I said, I was a
Speaker 3: little bit younger, so I was more so deefing with them,
Speaker 3: like we're going back and forth. Whereas like I always
Speaker 3: tell the DL dudes now because I still talk to
Speaker 3: some of them just you know, because meh, but I'll
Speaker 3: be letting them know I should have went against you,
Speaker 3: not have been beefing with women. Even though women were
Speaker 3: beefing with me, like they were approaching me, but I
Speaker 3: still should have thought, like, maybe I should team up
Speaker 3: with them because the man.
Speaker 2: Is been their own because essentially he's playing us.
Speaker 3: Both, thank you, And it wasn't that's always I didn't
Speaker 3: be with so many women about men that well they
Speaker 3: beef with me. But it's the fact that people be
Speaker 3: surprised because they'll think that when women hear that their
Speaker 3: man is ll that that's it. And it's like, you know,
Speaker 3: a lot of them don't leave. They'll just just like
Speaker 3: they'll be for the women they're gonna be with that
Speaker 3: gay boy.
Speaker 2: Which I am so surprised that in twenty twenty five
Speaker 2: we are still going through this. I know, like, it's
Speaker 2: very shocking to me.
Speaker 3: I'll see why though, why they want somebody people don't
Speaker 3: know how to go. And I was like that too,
Speaker 3: So I was willing to accept literally anything, because like
Speaker 3: I always tell my family, like it played into how
Speaker 3: I was raised. Let's always tell people how people are
Speaker 3: raised playing such a big part in who they become.
Speaker 3: So once I started going to therapy and realizing a
Speaker 3: lot of my toxic traits, that that made me not
Speaker 3: even going to be with del man because it made
Speaker 3: me realize, like their whole existence is a lot, it's
Speaker 3: a lot like there there, everything is victimalized. And then
Speaker 3: once I saw when I came to everybody with what
Speaker 3: happened to me, and I saw everybody's reaction, I was
Speaker 3: just like a little shocked because people didn't have sympathy,
Speaker 3: not that I wanted it, but it was like he
Speaker 3: became the victim. Mm. They become the victims. And I'm
Speaker 3: just like, are people like I understand it's not okay
Speaker 3: to expose somebody's sexuality, but the things that.
Speaker 2: They do but also don't force my hand.
Speaker 3: That's why I say, like, if you would have never
Speaker 3: attacked me, you would have never got exposed. And then
Speaker 3: from there when somebody tried to save your life, and
Speaker 3: that's the serious matter. So like I always tell people,
Speaker 3: I should have got off social media, but I had
Speaker 3: my mental breakdown that I was gonna have regardless, I
Speaker 3: had it on social media, which is how all of
Speaker 3: these other men got exposed because I was pierced, like
Speaker 3: you know, because some of them were reaching out blaming
Speaker 3: me too. So I'm just like everybody blaming me for
Speaker 3: actions that somebody else done. Like at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, I can't make somebody attack me and try
Speaker 3: to kill me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And how were you raised? Cause I think you
Speaker 2: make that's a really good point. I always say that
Speaker 2: childhood makes a break your adulthood.
Speaker 3: So I was raised like split like when I was
Speaker 3: with my mother, very toxic, but when I was with
Speaker 3: my great grandmother, very Christian, very like I feel like
Speaker 3: I contribute most of my personality and the good part
Speaker 3: sent me to my great grandmother.
Speaker 2: But my mom always have an old soul.
Speaker 3: They're like, I'm always toxic. So that's always tell people
Speaker 3: like that toxicness is in there because me, my mom
Speaker 3: was very, very toxic. And like I always tell people,
Speaker 3: it was this one do dude, and he the one
Speaker 3: who made me even realize to start self reflecting it
Speaker 3: because he wasn't a bad person, and I guess you
Speaker 3: don't say he was posted, but you know, I kind
Speaker 3: of treated him terribly and that was the first time
Speaker 3: I ever got cut off by anybody. So it made
Speaker 3: me start reflecting that. I realized, like, the way that
Speaker 3: you're treating people, this is not love. But I thought
Speaker 3: it was love because like like I said, oh, people
Speaker 3: on from you'll get cussed out, be everything, and then
Speaker 3: you're okay. Yeah, you'll fight because scream, say some of
Speaker 3: the most hateful ship and then you're okay.
Speaker 2: But that's how that's how I grew up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's toxic, right some people. I was with
Speaker 3: a man that had never got cussed out, his mama,
Speaker 3: had never coasted to him, so when I'm cussing him out,
Speaker 3: calling him all types of bitches and he couldn't take it, and.
Speaker 2: I'm just like, who are you talking to to me?
Speaker 3: This just to love? Like I mean, when you get mad,
Speaker 3: you say ship sometimes that I had to realize that's
Speaker 3: that's not love, you know, so that's always say like
Speaker 3: it was a combination. That's why I never I'm not
Speaker 3: mad at THEO man because they helped me likelearn a
Speaker 3: lot about myself in the world in general. Because I
Speaker 3: know we can't say no names, but maybe when we're
Speaker 3: not recording, I'll tell you some stories. But the amount
Speaker 3: of men that are DL is crazy celebrity wise. Yeah,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, And people always think I'm like, I like Atlanta.
Speaker 3: Now that's how I said, I'll tell you so we'll
Speaker 3: talk about that after. But yo, that's why I'm like,
Speaker 3: I had TV shows in college all of this, so
Speaker 3: the DM thing has always been something that you know,
Speaker 3: I've been you know, kind of trying to help people
Speaker 3: with because with the TV shows that was going to
Speaker 3: help people, but a DL man stopped. So, you know,
Speaker 3: so when I realized, like, Okay, I don't really need
Speaker 3: a TV show or I don't need other platforms or
Speaker 3: other people to help me spread this information. I can
Speaker 3: just literally record a video. So once I really got
Speaker 3: into that and I finally decided like I didn't care
Speaker 3: what my job thought because I've always worked in public education,
Speaker 3: so you know, working at it.
Speaker 2: You definitely give me educated like you pull out them
Speaker 2: notes and you get to teach it. I just know
Speaker 2: that's right.
Speaker 3: But you know this one because this is part of
Speaker 3: why I off my job because this is too controversial.
Speaker 3: Yeah I knew that's why I wasn't associating my name
Speaker 3: with it, but once I got thoughts again and people
Speaker 3: associated it to my name, I didn't really have a choice,
Speaker 3: so yeah, I go with it. And that's why I
Speaker 3: was like, for me, it just made me realize, like,
Speaker 3: this is what I'm supposed to be doing because this
Speaker 3: had nothing. I was the best at my job. Nobody
Speaker 3: else could do financial head and still can't do it
Speaker 3: how I do it. But it's the fact that this
Speaker 3: right here me helping women. And think about it, I
Speaker 3: worked with all black women managed by black women, and
Speaker 3: they were the ones who got rid of me because
Speaker 3: of this type of content. And I'm just like you
Speaker 3: would have thought they would have been more appreciative because
Speaker 3: I'm literally just trying to help women in.
Speaker 2: General, and what does this have to do with mine?
Speaker 2: Nine to five?
Speaker 3: Right? Well, they said they didn't want this to reflect
Speaker 3: on them, because again it makes sense like people coming
Speaker 3: up at the school, like, you know, they I got it.
Speaker 3: That's why I was like for a long time, I
Speaker 3: didn't really help women publicly, like I've always helped my friends.
Speaker 3: Like if they send me a dude, do you think
Speaker 3: he gave, I'm gonna let them know, Like you baby
Speaker 3: daddy doing some questionable stuff, I'm gonna let you know
Speaker 3: like I've always That's why I say, like, essentially now
Speaker 3: I'm just giving women on the internet the same advice
Speaker 3: that I give women in my everyday life, like my
Speaker 3: best friends, than my acquaintances and just women because I mean,
Speaker 3: like I always say, I've never been the type of
Speaker 3: gay guy that felt like in competition with women, hated
Speaker 3: women because for me, you know, I was about to say,
Speaker 3: because it's a lot of women that feel like they
Speaker 3: go through that, but I'm like, I know that only
Speaker 3: man and I know that you're a woman. If a
Speaker 3: man he doesn't want me for the reasons that he
Speaker 3: wants you, so there's no competition. Ever, you're complete different things.
Speaker 3: So I feel like with knowing that it was never
Speaker 3: because a lot of gay men have women mentalities where
Speaker 3: everybody is all competition, Like he didn't weigh everybody in
Speaker 3: this fight. It's just the one started because I mean,
Speaker 3: they could never compete with women. But you can't feel
Speaker 3: with some of them that.
Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? It's Chagara Embna here and be sure
Speaker 2: to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private
Speaker 2: podcasts and don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel
Speaker 2: at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show.
Speaker 2: Listen quick story time. So I was in Paris, right,
Speaker 2: I want to go see Beyonce perform, and I met
Speaker 2: this guy through a friend that was with me, and
Speaker 2: come to find out he was gay. I feel like
Speaker 2: this was the Nigga version of me, like for real,
Speaker 2: like we had such a good time. So it was
Speaker 2: another guy that we noticed this in the same rooms
Speaker 2: with us whatever, and I feel like he was like
Speaker 2: maybe not on the DL but probably just not fully out.
Speaker 2: And the only reason why I said this is because
Speaker 2: when he saw me. When I tell you he was
Speaker 2: staring at me, and I ain't gonna lie. The nigga
Speaker 2: was fine, So I'm like, is he gay or does
Speaker 2: he like me? Or you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 2: eventually we went to some other spots or whatever, and
Speaker 2: it was predominantly where you know the girls was at.
Speaker 2: And I see him with a nigga, so I'm like,
Speaker 2: and he saw me, so I can tell he got
Speaker 2: a little uncomfortable. But I was like, no, I'd be
Speaker 2: cool to snap because I'm like, shit, everybody want this
Speaker 2: nigga because he was fine. And so I was telling
Speaker 2: my homeboy and he was like, because the guy ended
Speaker 2: up following me on Instagram, so I follow him back whatever,
Speaker 2: and I was telling my homeboy. He was like, well
Speaker 2: send me his page, and he's like I made the
Speaker 2: best bitch win. And I was like, child, But it's
Speaker 2: so true what you're saying that, like a lot of
Speaker 2: these men, like I could just tell how tense he got,
Speaker 2: like every time he would see me with our mutual friends,
Speaker 2: like he would not be comfortable. But when I walk
Speaker 2: away and I watch him from like, you know, him
Speaker 2: not knowing, I'm like, look at this nigga. I'm like boy,
Speaker 2: just be cray. It's twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: Five and it's all in there here for the most part.
Speaker 3: That's what they don't get. They think everybody is just
Speaker 3: judging them, which a lot of them know that. Now
Speaker 3: a lot of them also know a woman isn't going
Speaker 3: to want them if she knows that he's in man,
Speaker 3: So a lot of them have an attraction for women.
Speaker 3: Like I mean, listen, I like, I always tell people
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be with a woman, but I can look
Speaker 3: at a woman and find a woman attractor. So they
Speaker 3: are going to be men that are going to go
Speaker 3: further than that, and they still might not want to
Speaker 3: be with a woman. And some dl men actually wants
Speaker 3: to be with women, but they just have these secret
Speaker 3: little kinks for men. So that's always kind of got
Speaker 3: to know where you're at with a man, because I mean,
Speaker 3: is any man in straights? I think that's kind of
Speaker 3: like a defect at this point. If a man is straight,
Speaker 3: it's defective because we're are the straight men well maybe
Speaker 3: not online. Let me be clear, there are straight men
Speaker 3: very small it's the very small percentage.
Speaker 2: Because I can find no man child or no man
Speaker 2: ain't found me. Would you make a good point because
Speaker 2: I had a conversation with this with one of my
Speaker 2: other guests and her stories with finding out that her
Speaker 2: husband was on the d L and I think he
Speaker 2: had as and she lived in Atlanta, right, and she
Speaker 2: was saying how she don't believe that no man is straight.
Speaker 3: Well in Atlanta, Now that's one of the capitals. If
Speaker 3: you're in Houston, Atlanta, New York, Miami, New York.
Speaker 2: I'm in New York.
Speaker 3: Okay, I hope you're not in like none of the Burroughs.
Speaker 3: They're none of the Burrows.
Speaker 2: No, you think all of them.
Speaker 3: Gay, don't and don't let them be Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2: Come on, I know about the poppies now.
Speaker 3: But listen, who do you think like the poppies? The niggas?
Speaker 3: The niggas? I know, that's all. I'm like. If it's
Speaker 3: a bunch of them, and it's a bunch of niggas somewhere,
Speaker 3: you gotta start watching. That's why I told women about
Speaker 3: the app store going because I mean, at this point,
Speaker 3: these DM men are so lazy that of course they're
Speaker 3: going to go to an app and just get on
Speaker 3: here person two hundred feet away, Bratlorer, It's easy so.
Speaker 2: You didn't think that the white man's where is that
Speaker 2: I really want to be with a nigga.
Speaker 3: But I think you'll have more transparency with a white man.
Speaker 3: But I think I always tell women like I wouldn't
Speaker 3: at this point in time, I would not put all
Speaker 3: of my eggs and especially one basket. But especially not
Speaker 3: just black men, you know, because I think that the
Speaker 3: amount of Black men that have not been conquered by
Speaker 3: white supremacy and all of the other bullshit that has
Speaker 3: been thrown at our community, I think that they're already
Speaker 3: taken for starters, and it's such a small number that
Speaker 3: you're gonna be picking for needles in a haystack. So
Speaker 3: it's like open it up because a lot of other
Speaker 3: men will appreciate. I mean, I think in general, a
Speaker 3: straight man isn't gonna be so concerned about race. But
Speaker 3: they're also not gonna be self hating. So let's make
Speaker 3: that clear. Because it's like always look people about intiracial dating.
Speaker 3: You just top to weed out those people, Like if
Speaker 3: you meet a black man that doesn't tate black women,
Speaker 3: big red flag. If you meet a white yeah, black
Speaker 3: think you you came from somebody. But how can you
Speaker 3: not like self hating people. That's the prerecordit for a
Speaker 3: man to be deals. So as long as you're those men,
Speaker 3: a white man that oh I don't date white women,
Speaker 3: I only want black women. Okay, so you have a fetish, Okay, cool,
Speaker 3: if you're cool with being a fetish. Let's always tell
Speaker 3: people just know what you're getting yourself into when you're
Speaker 3: dating certain ethnic groups, because you have to know.
Speaker 2: How that's a fact. Do you think that some of
Speaker 2: these men are addicted to living a double life?
Speaker 3: Are they addicted or can they just get away with
Speaker 3: it easily? I'm not even gonna. I do think some
Speaker 3: of them are, but I think it's more so I
Speaker 3: ain't and I don't give them no excuses. But it's
Speaker 3: like a society thing because even though, like I tell people,
Speaker 3: I know plenty of people like sports players, let's let's
Speaker 3: do sports specifically that if the world was to find
Speaker 3: out there dyl they're off of the team, like they
Speaker 3: will never play again if it's confirmed. Now, if it's
Speaker 3: just a rumor and it's no proof or nothing there,
Speaker 3: but I feel like society just do it does demonize
Speaker 3: people that are not straight in certain positions. So let's
Speaker 3: always stay like, you have to know what type of
Speaker 3: man you're dating. If you're dating a man that like,
Speaker 3: if you're dating a coach, I coaches need a wife
Speaker 3: and kids to make that whole esthetic work, like you know,
Speaker 3: the image work. So you have to know which type
Speaker 3: of man. Like when you're in these music industries, podcast,
Speaker 3: anything with fine arts or the media, you need a
Speaker 3: lot of men that are gonna need beards. They're gonna know.
Speaker 2: That's so crazy that you said that. Because one of
Speaker 2: my homeboys, he works in the industry, and he was like, girl,
Speaker 2: he said, you ain't gonna get no man in this industry.
Speaker 2: He was like, in you and media, he said, either
Speaker 2: they gay or horse. He was like, you're not gonna
Speaker 2: find anybody. And I was like, for real, he was like,
Speaker 2: and that's who was telling me, Like, you might as
Speaker 2: well just get your white man I see you, or
Speaker 2: get a other Indian man. He was like, because you
Speaker 2: ain't gonna get no nigga. All these niggas are either
Speaker 2: gay or they nasty.
Speaker 3: Because, especially for black men, because we are the apendey
Speaker 3: of masculinity, a lot of them when they're getting to
Speaker 3: these heights they have they're having and I hate to
Speaker 3: bring race into it, but I have to. They're having
Speaker 3: to go through these white men that are going to
Speaker 3: make them do things that are humiliating, the meaning that
Speaker 3: makes them hate themselves because the whole, the whole objective
Speaker 3: is for black men, especially to not feel good about themselves,
Speaker 3: like all of this. Look what that repression is like.
Speaker 3: Look how you always see where the athlete gets with
Speaker 3: that white woman and then look what always end up happening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but back to slavery. That's how they used to
Speaker 2: break the household down. They break the man down. Right,
Speaker 2: Come on, now, one thing about professional homegirls. We know something.
Speaker 2: Now you break the man down, and once he break
Speaker 2: the man down, then everybody else in the household follows
Speaker 2: because the man is ahead of the household. And once
Speaker 2: you take that from a man, his dignity, that's it.
Speaker 3: And see this is and this is the good part
Speaker 3: black women. It didn't work on black women because I
Speaker 3: feel like they what happened. It worked on black men,
Speaker 3: But it made black women stronger. Let's always tell black women, like,
Speaker 3: when you're here some why they call it you stronger,
Speaker 3: that those are used to make you think that you
Speaker 3: being stronger, independent is bad, but you had to be
Speaker 3: because you couldn't depend on your men facts. They didn't
Speaker 3: want you to. They didn't want you all to be
Speaker 3: stronger independent. But I'm like, that's what's holding the black community. Oh,
Speaker 3: it's black women. Like if black women had been conquered
Speaker 3: by men, or they let black men conquer them, the
Speaker 3: whole Black community is going to be done. It's not
Speaker 3: standing on black men. Like, think about any time there's
Speaker 3: a political movement, who's at the forefront black men or
Speaker 3: black women. Anytime there's any anything, anything is women because
Speaker 3: black men are cowards. Yeah, child, when you go back
Speaker 3: to the racism and all of that, that's always tell
Speaker 3: people like the dh thing is so much deeper than
Speaker 3: just that, because I was like, even like when we
Speaker 3: get into the STDs that they put in this community,
Speaker 3: I was like, everything that they've done to break the
Speaker 3: black community, it's somewhat work, But what they didn't account
Speaker 3: for is that it affected their communities too.
Speaker 2: It is exactly, and that's when it becomes a problem.
Speaker 3: That's when it becomes a problem. And that's why now
Speaker 3: it's more so about just elitists, like they don't care
Speaker 3: now they always knew that all white people would not
Speaker 3: have the same white supremacy like the elite people of
Speaker 3: the society.
Speaker 2: End of time. But then when those white kids start
Speaker 2: doing drugs and getting high and over those opios. Oh,
Speaker 2: it was an epidemic. It was a problem.
Speaker 3: And that's why I say, I hate to make it
Speaker 3: so black and white, but don't get integrated for seventy
Speaker 3: five years, so we have to go back to Like
Speaker 3: if you go back, so now you're like, I mean,
Speaker 3: it started black and white. You were either white or
Speaker 3: you were colored or move lot of them. So that's
Speaker 3: always so I'm not making it black and white, but
Speaker 3: that's where it started because like even with the LGBT,
Speaker 3: I don't ever consider myself a part of LGBC because
Speaker 3: if you look at how the LGBT community was formed,
Speaker 3: it was stormed for white people, so they didn't hate themselves.
Speaker 3: Because if you go back, so before we were colonized
Speaker 3: African people. Because the men love to bring up Africans
Speaker 3: when they want to talk about piercings and other girly
Speaker 3: things that they're doing to beautify they stuff. But if
Speaker 3: you go back and really study, all African cultures had
Speaker 3: to or they felt like their people were too spirited
Speaker 3: where they had a male spirit, woman's spirit, Like sexuality
Speaker 3: wasn't a thing. I was like white people started putting
Speaker 3: everything into categories and everything, like think about it, like
Speaker 3: if we would have never been colonized, it would be
Speaker 3: no straight, gay or whatever. People just were people. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you also mentioned in one of your
Speaker 2: videos that you felt like the community wasn't really fucking
Speaker 2: with you.
Speaker 3: They don't.
Speaker 2: Oh they still don't.
Speaker 3: Why is that using about the gay community, right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Or the LB because they don't like to hear the truth.
Speaker 3: Like as you can see, like I'm not I'm not
Speaker 3: gonna say get things about people. I'm gonna just speak
Speaker 3: the truth. And they try to disconnect the DL men
Speaker 3: from the community, and like I always tell them, like
Speaker 3: DL men are literally just gay men. So I know
Speaker 3: people love to say, well they're making gay men look bad.
Speaker 3: Well this is where gay men need to say accountablit. See.
Speaker 3: That's why I honestly thought when I started this whole process,
Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, there's gonna be so many other people
Speaker 3: that are gonna come in and add their information.
Speaker 1: This was not that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was so much negative from and from like
Speaker 3: the trans community, the gay community, the bay community, or
Speaker 3: the buy community really don't count because they're so small.
Speaker 3: I don't even think it's no openly by men. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: but yeah. So they were just upset because they felt
Speaker 3: like a lot of them did tell me like they
Speaker 3: felt like I was holding up a mirror and they
Speaker 3: didn't like seeing essentially themselves and some people it was
Speaker 3: just traumatic, and I get it. It's a traumatic experience,
Speaker 3: like for women, it's a traumatic experience for some gay men.
Speaker 3: Like it's tru that's always say like DM, men don't
Speaker 3: help anybody but themselves. So that's why I was confused
Speaker 3: on like everybody teamed up against me because they don't
Speaker 3: help nobody. Like I've never heard somebody say a do
Speaker 3: man came into their life and brought them so much joy?
Speaker 3: Have you? I like that?
Speaker 2: That's so funny.
Speaker 1: Yo.
Speaker 2: One thing about this podcast, I didn't have so many
Speaker 2: different conversations because another woman who I was talking to,
Speaker 2: we were talking about her journey with her being promiscuous,
Speaker 2: and she were talking about the down low men and
Speaker 2: she was saying how she was at a party with
Speaker 2: her homeboy and her homeboy saw her friend with a
Speaker 2: nigga at Homebo was like, I know that nigga from somewhere,
Speaker 2: I don't know where. You already smil him. So she
Speaker 2: was like, well, how you know him? Because he had
Speaker 2: just got out of jail. Come to find out, the
Speaker 2: nigga was fucking with his jail bunkie and he was like.
Speaker 2: She was like, well, we need to go tell my homegirl.
Speaker 2: So he went to go tell her. Homegirl was like, hey, like,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm not trying to be mess or anything.
Speaker 2: I'm just looking out for you. I just want you
Speaker 2: to know what your man been doing when he was
Speaker 2: in jail. And the nigga denied it, and she believed
Speaker 2: her man obviously, but then until the jail monkey had
Speaker 2: called him and stepped to her like a woman, and
Speaker 2: she still didn't believe it. And I'm like, girl, you
Speaker 2: cannot want a man some people.
Speaker 3: I'm telling you some people like literally, because you know,
Speaker 3: I helped women too, so I talked to so many women.
Speaker 3: I'm telling you, some women want a man that bad,
Speaker 3: like to the point that I mean it ain't even
Speaker 3: have to getting to know too much. But like I
Speaker 3: always say, these dal men are perverted, they're dding. So
Speaker 3: some women will let's just say put others at risk
Speaker 3: to keep these men, like maybe their kids. And so
Speaker 3: because you know, like I said, I don't want to
Speaker 3: trigger nobody, but so let's always say like some women
Speaker 3: will do a lot to keep a man.
Speaker 2: Is that particular story you're thinking about.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But because this this one girl I was talking
Speaker 3: to essentially her man, who already she was calling me
Speaker 3: to ask, you know, is he deal, et cetera. But
Speaker 3: when we started getting into it, and she was just
Speaker 3: telling me some instances where you know, he's naked and
Speaker 3: hard in front of her daughters and he's picking the
Speaker 3: kids up hard and they're naked and just a whole
Speaker 3: whole lot of nickedness and weird, you know. But she
Speaker 3: was saying that he was telling her, well, me and
Speaker 3: my dad done this pretty much my whole life. And
Speaker 3: I was just I was just like, you see him
Speaker 3: and his dad done it their whole life. He doesn't,
Speaker 3: he doesn't see it's something wrong here. And that's all
Speaker 3: I was Like a lot of men that urdl have
Speaker 3: been touched and they haven't talked about it. I mean
Speaker 3: not to say that that's gonna make somebody be d ill,
Speaker 3: but I think a lot of men have went through
Speaker 3: some type of assault that they just don't talk about
Speaker 3: because they don't think that even if it's a woman
Speaker 3: that has done it, they don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 3: Let's always say like when she was telling me that,
Speaker 3: and I hear a lot of perverted stories that involve
Speaker 3: kids or animals, and like that for me be red
Speaker 3: flags like animal. Yeah, like this girl, her Man she
Speaker 3: was doing something with horses, like she was a horse
Speaker 3: rider or you know whatever they do, whatever you call it.
Speaker 3: Dis her Man made her stop working with the horses
Speaker 3: because he thought she would fuck a horse. And I
Speaker 3: was just like, girl the beast reality, the fact that
Speaker 3: he even got that thought in his mind, the fact
Speaker 3: that he really pushed the issue, that's serious to make
Speaker 3: you start working horses. I was like, something's off there
Speaker 3: with him. She still wants him, he doesn't really.
Speaker 2: Want her horse.
Speaker 3: The thing is, she flew all the way from Norway
Speaker 3: to America. He showed me some pictures. I was like,
Speaker 3: you could do so much better than him. I was like, listen,
Speaker 3: you don't know how white supremacy and how white man.
Speaker 3: I was like, you over here worried about this white man.
Speaker 3: That's the red neck and a trailer park that's doing
Speaker 3: melting fettermines with his dad, thinking you're gonna fuck a
Speaker 3: horse like I was just like, girl, you should have
Speaker 3: stayed in Norway. I'm like, you could have had any
Speaker 3: white man. And this is what you think is like
Speaker 3: you know, I'm like, yo, you don't know the culture.
Speaker 3: And that's always telling people know the culture. She was like,
Speaker 3: I don't like Norwegian guys. Like okay, I'm like, I still.
Speaker 2: You stillhead, thank you?
Speaker 3: She was like, well his body like who can but.
Speaker 2: See, this is why we gotta hold our sisters accountable,
Speaker 2: because it's like, come on, girl, you you can't be
Speaker 2: this fucking slow. Like I'm not I don't never judge anybody,
Speaker 2: but sometimes i'd be like, girl, yeah.
Speaker 3: It's right now. I hear a lot of women that
Speaker 3: be thinking just because the man got a big dick
Speaker 3: that somehow that's supposed to mean something. It's like, it's
Speaker 3: dick paying your bills. Is dick making you feel good? Right?
Speaker 3: That come with all of these other problems, and you
Speaker 3: might endow with some fevers, some apes, and some chills,
Speaker 3: so it's likely worth it. And I'm not saying that
Speaker 3: no it's true because I ain't he making me so
Speaker 3: mad or he's so cute, Like okay, you're gonna he's
Speaker 3: so cute into an incurable STD Like numbers, women are
Speaker 3: five times more likely to catch HIV if they're dealing
Speaker 3: with men that are sleeping with men. There's seventy eight
Speaker 3: percent more likely to have catch sti's if they do
Speaker 3: with a man that'll sleep on men. So it's like
Speaker 3: it's your number, your chances are gonna increase significantly hot.
Speaker 3: So that's always felt them like this is not something
Speaker 3: you kind of want to play with because see me
Speaker 3: as a gay man, I know that these men don't
Speaker 3: get tested because a lot of women will be a
Speaker 3: man and they're never going to get tested together. Their
Speaker 3: man is never getting tested. He's relying on her to
Speaker 3: get tested to tell him if he got something. I
Speaker 3: would a man like that. So that's why I be saying,
Speaker 3: like I think a lot of women be oblivious because
Speaker 3: they're like, it can never be my man. And it's
Speaker 3: like a lot of these men are like that, and
Speaker 3: they think I just be being dramatic. It's like no,
Speaker 3: because even people always say I done had so many
Speaker 3: male friends that were straight. I show me a straight
Speaker 3: man at this point, and I try not to say
Speaker 3: that out loud because I still have some male friends
Speaker 3: that I am presuming or straight that haven't tried to
Speaker 3: house it with me yet. But again, show me a
Speaker 3: straight man, because I don't know man that are one
Speaker 3: hundred percent straight. That's all. When people ask me like,
Speaker 3: what you what is a straight man?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: Tell us who you think is straight? I have to
Speaker 3: think really hard. The only person that almost that has
Speaker 3: me somewhere convinced this Terrence Howard. And I mean because
Speaker 3: of what, you know, what happened recently when they were
Speaker 3: trying to get him to play Marvin Gaye.
Speaker 2: And how do you feel about that?
Speaker 3: I saw, okay, boom, this goes back into the white people.
Speaker 3: Instead of getting a gay man to play Marvin Gaye,
Speaker 3: since you know there's gonna be gay scenes, you want
Speaker 3: to see the fantasy of a straight man, and they
Speaker 3: want to break that straight man down because imagine if
Speaker 3: he kissing a man at doing all of this on screen,
Speaker 3: what is that gonna do to his masculinity or even
Speaker 3: though it's already probably fragile, it's gonna break you're And
Speaker 3: they were just trying to do that because he they
Speaker 3: know that he's straight. Like he said about his empire
Speaker 3: Rold that was really hit like how he felt. And
Speaker 3: I'm not mad at him be homophobic. I mean, I
Speaker 3: don't know, like me, be what you want to be.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think those straight men are going to
Speaker 3: be a little bit homophobic because I mean, I'm sure
Speaker 3: they can't file them the gay shit. I wouldn't expect
Speaker 3: them who they're not gay, So what it is like
Speaker 3: it's ignorance. Ultimately, homophobia is just again some man, like
Speaker 3: it's just ignorance, like they just don't understand that they
Speaker 3: don't and they shouldn't they're not gay. But I feel like,
Speaker 3: again it's always gonna be that those type of things
Speaker 3: that happen, Like think about it every black man, especially
Speaker 3: that we hear about getting into the industry. Oh, I
Speaker 3: had to put on the drift or I had to
Speaker 3: do this, so I had to do that something that
Speaker 3: would compromise their masculinity and that they didn't want to do.
Speaker 3: Like even with will Smill Seven Degrees of Power, he
Speaker 3: was gay at telling that that movie though, because a
Speaker 3: lot of people don't know that movie, so they don't
Speaker 3: know when they when they be forced to do this
Speaker 3: type of stuff and it really beat them though, because
Speaker 3: we don't have to talk on bline because.
Speaker 2: This too is too I'm just saying, but do you
Speaker 2: think he's gay?
Speaker 3: Yes? Are you you? You are you? Are you?
Speaker 2: Have you?
Speaker 3: Okay, it's no ask asked me. I'm saying, like you
Speaker 3: don't have you?
Speaker 1: I mean, do you.
Speaker 3: I don't keep up with him all the way, but
Speaker 3: even from the like the stuff, because when I was
Speaker 3: doing research on him, because you know, people asked me
Speaker 3: to look into people, all of them videos he got
Speaker 3: kissing his son in the mouth done. I was done
Speaker 3: with it, Like all is too much, that movie, all
Speaker 3: in the videos kissing his son in the mouth, all
Speaker 3: of that stuff with August Austina became a little blurry on.
Speaker 3: If August I've seen it was.
Speaker 2: There, I wouldn't know you could. That's not because I
Speaker 2: wasn't expecting August to be gay. That took me. That
Speaker 2: was a wild card. Yeah, I mean I see now
Speaker 2: looking back, but when we first was introduced to him,
Speaker 2: like I don't know, it's just I didn't.
Speaker 3: See it that he's in the industry. Think of like really.
Speaker 2: Everybody in the industry is gay.
Speaker 3: Okay, I want you to tell me somebody in the
Speaker 3: industry that you think is straight, and then we're gonna
Speaker 3: see just just throw out a name that you think
Speaker 3: of a straight man that you think is in the industry.
Speaker 3: Have you I've done a video on him. If you're
Speaker 3: going my YouTube that that's the last person I'm going
Speaker 3: to think it straight. When you look into all of
Speaker 3: this stuff, to all of these other men that that
Speaker 3: football player man that he was living with his perversion,
Speaker 3: he literally feels all of the boxes out to be
Speaker 3: a deal man. And like I said, when you do
Speaker 3: all of your research, I don't think he's straight at all.
Speaker 3: Like I honestly think these type of men that have
Speaker 3: a lot of status of power, he could have never
Speaker 3: kept it without having the woman that everybody essentially wants.
Speaker 3: Let's always say you're gonna have those women that are
Speaker 3: gonna be great beards like and I'm sorry I keep
Speaker 3: saying they like you couldn't have those people. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I think he essentially became a beard because if you
Speaker 3: really pay attention, it was before they were the same
Speaker 3: age almost like underage. Like it's a lot of stuff
Speaker 3: that get kind of Murky there he been around too
Speaker 3: many people, him and Diddy. It's too many connections for me,
Speaker 3: as a person that has too much logic to think
Speaker 3: that all of these things alies. Even if you look
Speaker 3: at some of the old interviews Wendy Williams and all
Speaker 3: of these other people from back in the day, they've
Speaker 3: been saying some of this stuff. It's just nobody was
Speaker 3: really listening. So when I started putting new facts and
Speaker 3: old facts together, it all made sense.
Speaker 2: So who do you think is straight in the industry?
Speaker 3: Who do I think is straight in the industry? I
Speaker 3: don't think nobody's straight because even I'm telling you they're
Speaker 3: not going to Let's just talk about this every man
Speaker 3: that you see in the industry, what is their ultimate
Speaker 3: They're all chasing money, right mm hmm, Okay, who has
Speaker 3: money and power? Who has the money in power? Though?
Speaker 3: Who are they gonna have to go through? Because even
Speaker 3: jay Z, we see that he's over the NFL. He's
Speaker 3: pretty powerful. He can get people out of jail and everything.
Speaker 3: But what just happened to him, he got a little
Speaker 3: bit humbled for a second. To let him know, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: you're not above the program m. That's what I say, like,
Speaker 3: it's always gonna still be a white man at the top.
Speaker 3: No black man is gonna bang the Vanguard family. If
Speaker 3: you look into it's five families that essentially operate all
Speaker 3: of the wealth in the America, and if you look
Speaker 3: at how the thirteen colonies perform from the Europeans and
Speaker 3: all of that, those families then connect back to that,
Speaker 3: like it's country is the shit that will be able
Speaker 3: to get through. Let's always say like they're gonna have
Speaker 3: to go through, and it's never gonna work because those
Speaker 3: white men always they're going to make them do things
Speaker 3: that they might not want to do.
Speaker 2: That's fucking crazy. That's what I believe it though, I
Speaker 2: really do believe. I do believe because even when you
Speaker 2: think of all these people who just can't pop out
Speaker 2: of nowhere and they just like they it and I'm
Speaker 2: just like wow, Like I'm like, Ebane, you can't be
Speaker 2: so hard on yourself because the game is rigged.
Speaker 3: It's rick, thank you, It's rig because you're unless you're
Speaker 3: willing to essentially at this point in the game, unless
Speaker 3: you're willing to be like because I can just tell
Speaker 3: like you're a classy woman, you carry yourself, intelligence and grace.
Speaker 3: They don't like that. They want you to be showing
Speaker 3: these other black women that you need to be shaking
Speaker 3: your eyes and doing that bad so and tell you like,
Speaker 3: and I hate to say, but that's what they want
Speaker 3: the black community. They want women to feel like this.
Speaker 3: I was like the amount of women that be at
Speaker 3: baddies auditions and fighting and ship Now, I was like,
Speaker 3: they want that they got sixty grade and all of
Speaker 3: these other people going to school. They want women to
Speaker 3: think that, especially Black women. That's how y'all are. It
Speaker 3: used to be a time where we would be arguing
Speaker 3: about education. I still argue about stuff like that because
Speaker 3: I'm hardly educated. People are not caring about.
Speaker 2: That now at all.
Speaker 3: You get used to facts the same people for doing
Speaker 3: certain shit, for not being women.
Speaker 2: Yes. So I had a moment and I share this
Speaker 2: with my audience before where I had like experienced extreme
Speaker 2: burned out. And I've been doing this for seven years
Speaker 2: and I'm just like, yo, Like, I feel like like
Speaker 2: my show was fucking good. Like even you were telling
Speaker 2: me like your show comes from a different perspective, You're
Speaker 2: not afraid to talk about things like I feel like
Speaker 2: like we I talk about a lot of different things
Speaker 2: within our community. But you know, obviously I make it fun,
Speaker 2: put the medicine and candy. But I'm like, damn, like
Speaker 2: I feel like I should be further ahead. But I'm like,
Speaker 2: it just feels like I need to be on a
Speaker 2: handstand popping my fucking pussy and shaking my ass because
Speaker 2: I see other people and I know comparisons a thief
Speaker 2: for joy and I'm not comparing myself to anybody, because
Speaker 2: you know, I work really hard, but I'm just like, damn,
Speaker 2: like what do I gotta do to get to the
Speaker 2: next level? Like I feel like I should be having
Speaker 2: all these opportunities, and I just like sometimes I get
Speaker 2: break crumbs and I'm like, yo, it's not fair.
Speaker 3: And that's and that's why I always tell people like
Speaker 3: I try to fight for women because patriarchy, whit like,
Speaker 3: it's so many things that especially Black women are Here's
Speaker 3: so many layers that you have to go through, and
Speaker 3: like you said, you should be further and you've been
Speaker 3: doing this so like I when I was watching your videos,
Speaker 3: I was asking myself why you weren't further either, But
Speaker 3: I already do the answer, because if you just even
Speaker 3: compared to the white woman that came out of nowhere
Speaker 3: that I don't have to stay her name, what the
Speaker 3: fuck is she doing? But guess what, she's more palasable
Speaker 3: for media because, like I always tell people, if you
Speaker 3: look at media, media controls culture and society, so they
Speaker 3: want certain things. So by you being so classy and
Speaker 3: essentially they only want one Tamern Hall. Mm, they want
Speaker 3: one Tameron Hall. Like you see, Jennifer Hudson couldn't be tammering.
Speaker 3: She had to be Jenniferson act so Dixie on her
Speaker 3: show that I don't like it because I mean, I
Speaker 3: always be laughing, but I'm like, this is not Jennifer
Speaker 3: huss Like they donned her down so much for that show.
Speaker 2: That's why I said, as well, because I'm like Jennifer,
Speaker 2: she got to be a little bit more quicker than
Speaker 2: this like he is.
Speaker 3: We've heard her interviews. That's not Jenniferston, that's all. It's
Speaker 3: like literally, but she's working for a company, so you
Speaker 3: know she gotta do what she gotta do right, right child.
Speaker 2: How you ever met a download man who regret the
Speaker 2: way he was living his life?
Speaker 3: A lot of them always say they regretted, Like I
Speaker 3: think a lot of them feel shame at some point
Speaker 3: or another. Why they disassociate from the actions because they
Speaker 3: know that they know that's just wrong. They know. That's
Speaker 3: why even all of the men that I've ever exposed, like,
Speaker 3: they never be mad at me. They always say like,
Speaker 3: I understand because they know, like, did you put me
Speaker 3: through a fucking lot? Yeah, not like that's not an
Speaker 3: easy life. Just always say like, and for me to
Speaker 3: will willingly being it's crazy. That's why I say, like,
Speaker 3: women unwillingly being it and it take you to such
Speaker 3: a low place in life. So that's always I thought, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I can help people avoid this because by me being
Speaker 3: from a small town and dating after I turned eighteen,
Speaker 3: cause it's always tell people they always like, well, I
Speaker 3: was messing with dollo men in high school, you were fast,
Speaker 3: you were grown. I didn't start dating until I got
Speaker 3: to college. I need to, so it's like I started,
Speaker 3: and that's why people be like, you're too grown for this,
Speaker 3: and it's like, well, bitch, I've only been dating for
Speaker 3: a few years technically, right right, So it's like I'm
Speaker 3: still new to dating. So I had to figure shit
Speaker 3: out and I saw somebody that was probably telling me
Speaker 3: what I'm telling people in a real way and showing
Speaker 3: I probably would have just never even had to figure
Speaker 3: out all of those things from DL man or you know,
Speaker 3: learn that. But I am glad that I had some
Speaker 3: of those experiences because DO men are everywhere. Like when
Speaker 3: I was in college, the dean of students, I'm at
Speaker 3: the dean of students getting told with a girl about
Speaker 3: a DO man, and the deena students is a DL man,
Speaker 3: which worked in my favorite because he understood what was
Speaker 3: going on because I was going against some sexual harassment.
Speaker 3: I was up against some charges, like criminal charges because
Speaker 3: this girl had thought I was sucking her man, but
Speaker 3: really she was sucking my man, so then she it
Speaker 3: was snowball effect. But luckily and I didn't want to
Speaker 3: expose the dude. But of course once police get involved,
Speaker 3: that you're coming out of the ploset.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm not going down for you niggas.
Speaker 3: That's what we're gonna draw the line. So that's when
Speaker 3: I started telling the truth and I'm like, do I
Speaker 3: need to get the receipts? But he was the ill
Speaker 3: so he understood why I hadn't, you know, told the
Speaker 3: girl the truth and how this situation got where it
Speaker 3: got because I would never tell the girl the truths,
Speaker 3: like we had had to sit down. I essentially just
Speaker 3: told her I didn't know her man. He wasn't her man,
Speaker 3: like he was her old man man. So it's like
Speaker 3: he technically was your man, but he's not your man
Speaker 3: of war. So I didn't think I really owe her that,
Speaker 3: even though in reality, I'm like, had I just went
Speaker 3: ahead and told her the truth, it probably would have
Speaker 3: made the situation better. But then even when she found
Speaker 3: out the truth, she told all of these other people.
Speaker 2: So that's not cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So I was like, sometimes anytime I've ever been
Speaker 3: with a d O man and I found out he
Speaker 3: had a woman, I always go to the woman. But
Speaker 3: there has yet to be a woman that was resceptive
Speaker 3: and that didn't turn it into drama trying to fight
Speaker 3: or you know, trying to beef about a man that,
Speaker 3: like I always tell women, if he wants me you,
Speaker 3: there's no competition, just like if you want you, I
Speaker 3: don't see no competition. Like they can't be a woman
Speaker 3: who's like ping us against each other, because they'll do
Speaker 3: that with two women too. They don't care. They just
Speaker 3: don't want them to be in the wrong. They want
Speaker 3: to take all of the attention off them. And how
Speaker 3: people arguing and beefing because that makes them feel good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how many men would you said that you've been
Speaker 2: with have been a download?
Speaker 3: Oh and let me clarify something. When I say date,
Speaker 3: that does not mean fuck. People can't And I gotta
Speaker 3: say that because a lot of people want to hear
Speaker 3: that you dated a lot of men. They think so
Speaker 3: because I did used to be a sugar baby, So
Speaker 3: I am gonna includ sugar add at least like two
Speaker 3: hundred like on dates personal still have phone numbers. Some
Speaker 3: some of them are in the industry. That's why I say,
Speaker 3: like in Atlanta, I wasn't playing because if some things
Speaker 3: people don't catch on my page. But I had this
Speaker 3: video a woman got on crip like her ex husband
Speaker 3: was like first sugar added when I got there and
Speaker 3: I was, you know, getting into college and shit. So
Speaker 3: that's always say like there's so many people that you
Speaker 3: just would never expect.
Speaker 2: Wow, you about to have me Like these cookies are
Speaker 2: for good baby.
Speaker 3: I mean, but Atlanta is a hot spot for guess
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, but I do agree like women because
Speaker 3: a lot of these men, especially now that there's trans
Speaker 3: women too, they're gonna play semantics with that. Now, you
Speaker 3: ax man, you ever been with men? No, because he's
Speaker 3: he technically is gonna say no because he's only into
Speaker 3: transforming or he's only dealing with trans women.
Speaker 2: So yeah, are you ever afraid? Like because of the
Speaker 2: work that you're doing, I mean, cause you're popping, you
Speaker 2: got a large following, you know that people feel comfortable
Speaker 2: they don't like Yeah, so like you know, and then
Speaker 2: you're you're cute, you're young, you know, you're building a
Speaker 2: life for yourself. So are you ever afraid for your safety?
Speaker 3: Well, I guess because I mean somebody already tried to
Speaker 3: take my life. But and in general, I will say this,
Speaker 3: any nigga that's ever tried me that got his ass
Speaker 3: to be the only the only way. And niggas notice,
Speaker 3: because I'm not no little nigga. I'm six four, very like,
Speaker 3: I'll beat the fuck out of you. So the only
Speaker 3: way they're gonna if a nigga shoot me. But even
Speaker 3: when they come to shooting, and they can't even shoot,
Speaker 3: like I didn't have to pull out a gun. So
Speaker 3: like that's always feel like people don't realize that if
Speaker 3: you think I'm gonna lay down and let you do
Speaker 3: something to me, you're crazy. And I typically live in
Speaker 3: gated communities like my my home, they can't, so you know,
Speaker 3: I like, I always tell people you're gonna do something
Speaker 3: at the effort, and you're gonna do something. You won't
Speaker 3: catch me in the club. You're not gonna catch me
Speaker 3: at too many spaces that you know. I just you know.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, I really don't be worried. And if
Speaker 3: somebody does something to me behind this information, then that
Speaker 3: might have just been my destiny. That's talking about it.
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like if because I'm spiritual, so
Speaker 3: I feel like if I've been protected all of this time,
Speaker 3: all of this while throughout my whole life, because a
Speaker 3: lot of shit has happened to me in my life,
Speaker 3: like the d L shit go all the way back
Speaker 3: to childhood. So I feel like if I've been protected
Speaker 3: this long, it's for reason.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, listen, I told you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's why I And that's how I be
Speaker 3: feeling like I'm doing because I'm happy about it too.
Speaker 3: Like I like helping people. I like educating people, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, tell, this topic is so important because a
Speaker 3: lot of people either a don't know much and women
Speaker 3: don't be suspecting it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: People always like, well, you think every man is del
Speaker 3: or not. I'm sorry to cut you off, but I
Speaker 3: just want I don't think every man is the ill.
Speaker 3: But when people have to realize a lot of these
Speaker 3: men are terrible people. That's why I was like, my process,
Speaker 3: even if your man is not DL by everything that
Speaker 3: I tell you, if he does all of the shit
Speaker 3: that I say, he's the horrible person. So he's at
Speaker 3: quite easily old man. So you shouldn't be with him
Speaker 3: regardless because if he's acting like them, you probably don't. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, that's a fact. That's a fact. So let's talk
Speaker 2: about some behavioral patterns and personality traits. What are some
Speaker 2: personality traits that you observe and download men?
Speaker 3: Okay, so first narcissism, which again let me let me clarify,
Speaker 3: because I mean a lot of men are narcissistic. So,
Speaker 3: like I always tell women, every DL man is a narcissist,
Speaker 3: but not all narcissists men are deal because to me,
Speaker 3: I mean there's a lot of men that are narcissistic.
Speaker 3: But right after that they have to be misogynistic. And
Speaker 3: like I always tell, women gave me misogyny. Even some
Speaker 3: women have internalizes, so you know misogyny. You know when
Speaker 3: you can tell when a man hates women, he's gonna
Speaker 3: always put them down. He's never gonna have anything good
Speaker 3: to say, he's gonna make hate these generalizations women don't
Speaker 3: want nothing but money from men, or all women ain't shit,
Speaker 3: or you know those type of men. And then impulsivity.
Speaker 3: Those are the top three because the impulses, that's what
Speaker 3: getting them in trouble. A lot of d O men
Speaker 3: they'll not act on their impulses for time periods, but
Speaker 3: they always have that time where they slip and I
Speaker 3: got to go either sleep with a man or a
Speaker 3: trans woman, or you're at a bowpouse, or you're doing
Speaker 3: something solatious and it might be eight months before you
Speaker 3: do something else. But those imposts always come back, and
Speaker 3: they can't control, like control his imposts because being impostive,
Speaker 3: that gets literally that the word in itself, like the
Speaker 3: definition of impostive. So you know that's the big problem
Speaker 3: because they're so indecisive. And again when they want something
Speaker 3: and men usually are just sexual preachers. So I always
Speaker 3: say men pick all of their friends everything. Most men
Speaker 3: do everything based off of attraction. So you got to
Speaker 3: put them in the right circumstances and they'll go yeah.
Speaker 2: And when it comes to the behavioral patterns, I thought
Speaker 2: you you was on point with us, because I agree
Speaker 2: anger is a reflection of self hate. If a nigga's
Speaker 2: always fucking angry something they right, right, or he want.
Speaker 3: That princess treatment, or he's angry because you're not treating
Speaker 3: him like or you know, because I always say, like,
Speaker 3: no straight man is going to sit around and want
Speaker 3: a woman to take care of him. No, No, he's
Speaker 3: not going to be mad that you won't send him
Speaker 3: money for lunch and surprised. Right, So let's always say
Speaker 3: like some of these personalities like that should be obvious.
Speaker 3: But the narcissists, the impulsivity, and the misogyny, because when
Speaker 3: you put all of those things together again, and that
Speaker 3: helps make a dyl man. Because if you hate women,
Speaker 3: you can't control your imposts and you think that the
Speaker 3: world falls around you and that you're invincible. What is
Speaker 3: gonna hold you back from doing whatever you want?
Speaker 2: Well? Child, This concludes part one of this week's episode,
Speaker 2: and y'all, Part two is really where we get into
Speaker 2: some things, so please make sure you subscribe to the
Speaker 2: show so you don't miss it. And also, if you
Speaker 2: think this episode will resonate with someone, please send it
Speaker 2: their way. Okay, spread love, it's the Brooklyn way. And
Speaker 2: if you have any comments, questions, or concerns or you
Speaker 2: want to say hey, gir hey, shoot me an email
Speaker 2: at Hello at the psgpodcast dot com. Y'all, I really
Speaker 2: really hope you enjoyed this week's episode and I cannot
Speaker 2: wait for you all to hear part two. So until
Speaker 2: next time, everyone later. Pretty Private is a production of
Speaker 2: the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcast from iHeartRadio,
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