WEBVTT - Don't ask ‘what do you do?’

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to avoid starting conversations with that seemingly

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<v Speaker 1>innocuous phrase, what do you do? There are plenty of

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<v Speaker 1>reasons this phrase is problematic for starters. Not everyone works

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<v Speaker 1>in a traditional job. Even people who normally do might

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<v Speaker 1>not be doing so now. Someone might be newly unemployed,

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<v Speaker 1>or might be disillusioned with their current job and just

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<v Speaker 1>not want to talk about it. People who are full

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<v Speaker 1>time caregivers report the glaze that comes over some people's

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<v Speaker 1>eyes when they mentioned staying home with kids or looking

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<v Speaker 1>after an elderly relative. Of course, plenty of people know.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you do? Might be perceived as a rude

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<v Speaker 1>question outside of professional networking events, but a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>the substitute questions aren't better. Where do you live? Won't

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<v Speaker 1>lead to a fruitful con versation unless the event you're

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<v Speaker 1>attending draws people from very far afield. And then there's

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<v Speaker 1>this gem, what's keeping you busy these days? I understand

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<v Speaker 1>and appreciate the implication that passions extend beyond paid work,

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<v Speaker 1>but oh, that word busy. It leads us to talk

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<v Speaker 1>about how much we have going on, and if we

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<v Speaker 1>have so much going on, we don't have space for

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<v Speaker 1>the new relationship that could result from this conversation, do we. Fortunately,

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<v Speaker 1>there are lots of better ways to start conversations. You

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<v Speaker 1>and the person you're speaking with are both at the

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<v Speaker 1>event for a reason, so setting out that connection will

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<v Speaker 1>create automatic common ground. If you're at Dave's birthday party,

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<v Speaker 1>how do you know Dave? Clearly the person does, or

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<v Speaker 1>at least know someone who knows Dave, so this can

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<v Speaker 1>lead the conversation to Dave related places. At a regular

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<v Speaker 1>social or community gathering, have you been to one of

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<v Speaker 1>these before? If not, you can welcome the person and

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<v Speaker 1>make sure they feel at home by explaining any nuances.

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<v Speaker 1>If yes, you can talk about past events you both attended.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're new, you can ask questions about anything your

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<v Speaker 1>conversation partner thinks you should know. The weather is not

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<v Speaker 1>so exciting unless it really is. If you all just

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<v Speaker 1>live through a hurricane, feel free to discuss. But one

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<v Speaker 1>fruitful avenue is to ask the other person for advice

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<v Speaker 1>and recommendations, as long as you're pretty sure there will

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<v Speaker 1>be forthcoming advice in that category. I don't watch much

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<v Speaker 1>TV or mini movies, so I'm pretty much useless there,

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<v Speaker 1>though at least I know what movies are in theaters

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<v Speaker 1>thanks to my twelve year old box office prediction obsession.

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<v Speaker 1>I love to ask about books I should read, but

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<v Speaker 1>this requires an assumption that everyone at the party makes

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<v Speaker 1>a habit of reading books, which may not be all

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<v Speaker 1>the case. But most people eat out on occasion or

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<v Speaker 1>have in the past, so if you're all from the

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<v Speaker 1>same area, you could say you're looking to celebrate a

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<v Speaker 1>special occasion and would love a restaurant recommendation, or here's

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<v Speaker 1>another good one. You're hoping to do a short weekend getaway.

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<v Speaker 1>What would your conversation partner recommend within a three hour radius.

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<v Speaker 1>That last question allows your conversation partner to tell stories

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<v Speaker 1>about his or her weekend adventures. From this, you'll pick

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<v Speaker 1>up on all sorts of potential commonalities, an interest in

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<v Speaker 1>adventure or food or outdoor activities, or that you both

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<v Speaker 1>have kids, or often traveling groups with extended family. Most likely,

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<v Speaker 1>the person will mention what he or she does professionally

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<v Speaker 1>at some point in there, but it's part of a

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<v Speaker 1>richer conversation, which means it feels less like a job interview,

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<v Speaker 1>and job interviews are never fun when you're supposed to

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<v Speaker 1>be at a party, How do you start conversations? Please

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<v Speaker 1>let me know at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeart media

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<v Speaker 1>dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for

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<v Speaker 1>listening and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod

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<v Speaker 1>that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

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<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>podcast at i heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,

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<v Speaker 1>I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is

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<v Speaker 1>a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from

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<v Speaker 1>my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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<v Speaker 1>or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.