Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
Speaker 1: the Black Effects. Oh shit, we're back on the air.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to you got another carefully reckless episode. It's
Speaker 1: your girl, Jess. Hilarious and I'm here to fix some mess.
Speaker 1: We're gonna jump straight in, y'all. Y'all see how I
Speaker 1: just started talking like I wasn't about to tell y'all
Speaker 1: how I took two weeks off. I had to do
Speaker 1: some shit. Man, I had to do some shit. But
Speaker 1: now I'm back, all right. So we got a couple
Speaker 1: voice notes, but this story seems a little juicy. She
Speaker 1: wrote this in so I'm just gonna read it. Hey, Jess,
Speaker 1: my name is Kimberly. This is my first time doing
Speaker 1: this because I'm not one to speak on what's bothering me.
Speaker 1: But I really need your advice at this point, so
Speaker 1: I hope you get to read this. So here it is.
Speaker 1: I've been in a long distance relationship with this guy
Speaker 1: since October of last year. He lives in California, where
Speaker 1: I'm from, and I live in Texas. Now, I've been
Speaker 1: knowing him since I was fourteen and he was twelve,
Speaker 1: So yes, he's younger. Than me. But that's besides the
Speaker 1: point right now. So he was in jail for thirteen
Speaker 1: years and got out and I was in a half
Speaker 1: way house. Oh wait, not you Okay. He got out
Speaker 1: and was in a half way house for a year,
Speaker 1: and that's when me and him started talking again. He
Speaker 1: was supposed to come move to Texas with me, but
Speaker 1: when he got out of the halfway house, due to
Speaker 1: him being a Level four in jail, they said he
Speaker 1: was high risk and have to be on probation for
Speaker 1: a year before he could move here with me. And
Speaker 1: I was cool with that because we got along so well.
Speaker 1: We had a lot in common and things were great.
Speaker 1: We were just getting to know each other again. So
Speaker 1: of course me trying to be a good girlfriend and
Speaker 1: making sure he was okay mentally and physically. I made
Speaker 1: sure I bought him whatever he needed and gave him
Speaker 1: money to make sure he had money in his pocket
Speaker 1: and so that he could eat, because the halfway house
Speaker 1: would take his work check and hold it until he
Speaker 1: was released. Goddamn Now. On February tecond of this year,
Speaker 1: which was his birthday, he got mad at me for
Speaker 1: telling him people are not obligated to give him a
Speaker 1: birthday party. He has grown now and people do it
Speaker 1: because they want to, not because they have to. And
Speaker 1: he disrespected me in so many ways for saying that
Speaker 1: I cussed his ass out on his birthday, and ever
Speaker 1: since then we've been up and down. I tried to
Speaker 1: apologize and let him know why I reacted that way,
Speaker 1: but he's not a forgiving person, so it was like
Speaker 1: a lost cause. But he said he still wanted to
Speaker 1: be with me and marry me. Oh yeah, I left
Speaker 1: that part out. We got engaged. What cold up? How
Speaker 1: the fuck? Oh yeah, I left that part out because
Speaker 1: we had got engaged, all right, so obviously I'll move forward,
Speaker 1: all right, continuing. We were still fine after that, but
Speaker 1: then March came around and he started changing. He was
Speaker 1: rarely calling and texting like he used to be, but
Speaker 1: we still talked every day. Now, April comes around and
Speaker 1: he was getting out the halfway house that month and
Speaker 1: he just started to disappear, like he stopped calling, only
Speaker 1: texting when he needed something. I will go to Kelly
Speaker 1: and visit him and everything is great, but as soon
Speaker 1: as I come back to Texas, he's right back on
Speaker 1: his disappearing act again. I've voiced my opinion about how
Speaker 1: I felt about the situation on so many occasions, but
Speaker 1: he always tried to guilt me, saying things like I'm
Speaker 1: not being understanding or I need to realize he's out
Speaker 1: there alone and have nobody and he's trying to adjust
Speaker 1: being out in the world again and he has to
Speaker 1: do it alone. And I get that, But my whole
Speaker 1: thing is, what is a phone call or text? Right?
Speaker 1: It ain't like his ask ain't been doing it before.
Speaker 1: But I know this story all too well because I
Speaker 1: had one of these back in my day, So I'm
Speaker 1: about to continue. I don't ask him for nothing besides
Speaker 1: his attention, and he can't even give me that, like
Speaker 1: we are not long distance already. I've given up, or
Speaker 1: at least said I give up on multiple occasions. But
Speaker 1: as soon as he hit me up needing something, I
Speaker 1: jump and do it because I'm that type of person.
Speaker 1: I can't see someone struggling and don't think about it
Speaker 1: when I have it to help. I told him many
Speaker 1: times how I feel when nothing has changed. I know
Speaker 1: what I need to do, trust me, I do, but
Speaker 1: I really need your on this situation. Well, if you
Speaker 1: know what to do, why the hell you need my
Speaker 1: out continuing. It's getting to me in more ways than
Speaker 1: I feel it should. Yes, I do love that man,
Speaker 1: but all he is doing is hurting me. So I
Speaker 1: need you right now. I know you will keep it
Speaker 1: real with me. How do you feel about this situation?
Speaker 1: And what advice can you give me? I'm torn right
Speaker 1: now because I know what I should do, but my
Speaker 1: heart won't let me. Please, baby girl, help me fix
Speaker 1: this mess. Lol. Then she said something else. Sorry, I
Speaker 1: know my message as long as fuck, but you did
Speaker 1: say you need all the meat on the bones, so
Speaker 1: I try not to leave nothing out. We'll laughing my
Speaker 1: ass off. Well, it definitely was a juicy damn story,
Speaker 1: and I can relate to it. That's how juicy it
Speaker 1: was that I can relate. I actually had I've dealt
Speaker 1: with I could say about two or three jailbirds in
Speaker 1: my day. And yes, that's how it happens. I actually
Speaker 1: happened to deal with someone years back who came home
Speaker 1: who I thought was coming home, and then he had
Speaker 1: gotten he got released, but he had to go and
Speaker 1: spend a year and a half way house. And then
Speaker 1: as the time narrowed down to the time that he
Speaker 1: was supposed to come home. The phone calls lessened, the
Speaker 1: amount of time we were on the phone lesson. The
Speaker 1: text messages got shorter and shorter, the letters just stopped,
Speaker 1: and he had somebody else, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Come to find out, he had had somebody that he
Speaker 1: was going to come home. And Marry was telling me
Speaker 1: all the same things, and then was telling somebody else
Speaker 1: all the same things. Just so happened that he could
Speaker 1: actually do it with her because she was a lot
Speaker 1: older and a lot more stable. I was younger and
Speaker 1: he was older, and that's how that goes. But that
Speaker 1: was just to touch the service, to let you know
Speaker 1: that I've been through this before, so you don't have
Speaker 1: to feel like you're the only girl, you're the only
Speaker 1: person that then you feel stupid and all this type
Speaker 1: of shit. I was there before. And it's not about
Speaker 1: you feeling stupid, is it? Because like you said, you
Speaker 1: know what you have to do, but your heart won't
Speaker 1: let you. No, you won't let you. It ain't your
Speaker 1: damn heart. You control every part of your body, every
Speaker 1: part of it, whether you know it or not. You do,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You just need to find
Speaker 1: that strength and you need to know your value. I
Speaker 1: don't feel like you know your value because this person
Speaker 1: is not even home yet, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like you're really giving your life, like draining yourself trying
Speaker 1: to keep up with somebody that ain't even on the
Speaker 1: outside yet. How you trying to keep up with a
Speaker 1: nigga that ain't even out, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's not what you're supposed to be doing. Now. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you being understanding, because yes, we know how it
Speaker 1: goes when these men are in jail, just like when
Speaker 1: women are in jail, but we're speaking on men. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is lonely. It's definitely lonely in those halfway homes
Speaker 1: and you know, only being able to talk to people
Speaker 1: certain hours out the day, and you know, you really
Speaker 1: get to see who's for you when you're in a
Speaker 1: situation like that, You know, you get to see who's
Speaker 1: for you, you get to see who's not. But on the
Speaker 1: flip side of that, you really get to see how
Speaker 1: a person can manipulate you too, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: How they can be selfish in a way. You know,
Speaker 1: and then it's very cliche, but hurt people hurt people.
Speaker 1: It's as hurt in jail for nineteen years. I think
Speaker 1: you said, the hell he hurt. He's probably had people
Speaker 1: leave him in there promise some shit, don't you know.
Speaker 1: And then it's not a lot to hold on to
Speaker 1: you when you lock the way that long. And then yes,
Speaker 1: he has to adjust being out in the world, you know,
Speaker 1: So maybe that's not really where you need to be
Speaker 1: right now. Yes, I know you love him and things
Speaker 1: like this happen. You need this to grow, You need
Speaker 1: this to grow. This is just you growing. Seriously, a
Speaker 1: lot of times, we as women also could feel like
Speaker 1: if there's history there and there's time between you two
Speaker 1: and then you come back, then it must be meant.
Speaker 1: That doesn't Hell no, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's
Speaker 1: meant because this is a person from your past. Don't
Speaker 1: ever think that. Don't ever think that that's always the case,
Speaker 1: because it very well cannot be as well as it
Speaker 1: very well could be. You know. So you have to
Speaker 1: be careful with that type of situation. But I want
Speaker 1: you to keep in contact and definitely update me because
Speaker 1: I need to know you know what you need to do.
Speaker 1: But I think you're resting on the fact that he
Speaker 1: may change his mind when he get out and just
Speaker 1: come to you, and you're thinking that all of this
Speaker 1: would have been for nothing if you don't nah, that's
Speaker 1: how you learn yourself. You know you're dating and it happens.
Speaker 1: But I'm letting you know right now hitting this nice
Speaker 1: old beasy. My sister just rolled up. I think my
Speaker 1: boyfriend rolled this blunt. Yeah, whoever wrote it, it's hitting good,
Speaker 1: and I'm letting you know that, ain't it, Champ that
Speaker 1: ain't it? Hold up? Hold up? I know this shit
Speaker 1: getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds of
Speaker 1: a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. All right,
Speaker 1: So we're moving on, Okay, y'all. So this is an update.
Speaker 1: This is from because I do remember reading this story Jazz.
Speaker 1: This is a really mess, but more of a young
Speaker 1: and asking for some advice. Okay. So this is twenty
Speaker 1: three year old who kept saying, heyone to run away,
Speaker 1: and that he's trying to figure out how not to
Speaker 1: be alone or how to get used to being alone
Speaker 1: because he's been out of in and out of relationship
Speaker 1: since he was thirteen. And my mom already told me
Speaker 1: I'm too young to be thinking like this, and this
Speaker 1: is the reason why I'm trying to run away. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, well this is the response. Oh shit, the
Speaker 1: response say, damn, I look like a boy. How embarrassing.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for the advice, Jess. I guess my
Speaker 1: real question was how do I start the process of
Speaker 1: self love. You're absolutely right. Lack of self love is
Speaker 1: very apparent, and it's starting to show in everyday situations.
Speaker 1: I know I'm young, but my biggest fear is failure
Speaker 1: and rejection. If I don't put myself out there, I
Speaker 1: can't get let down. I'm trying to get over that.
Speaker 1: I am not looking for love es I promise and
Speaker 1: running away to find me. I just don't know where
Speaker 1: to look. Also, it's crazy that you said I should
Speaker 1: be a therapist. That's almost exactly what I want to
Speaker 1: go to college for. I'm starting this fall for psychology
Speaker 1: minoring and social work. Thank you again, gorgeous. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1: And no, I'm so sorry I did not know that
Speaker 1: you wasn't a boy. I'm sorry. No, you don't look okay,
Speaker 1: See I didn't go to your damn page. I just
Speaker 1: looked at your little thumbnail and yeah, you look My gosh,
Speaker 1: all right, No you don't. Sorry, I love you. You're
Speaker 1: gonna make me say that, you girl my bed. I
Speaker 1: ain't know. But listen, I wasn't knocking you running away.
Speaker 1: I thought you literally meant running away like you're gonna
Speaker 1: pack a bag and throw a damn fit. Now if
Speaker 1: you were. If you're moving away, you know, to find you,
Speaker 1: that's fine. Don't don't change the narrative of it. Don't
Speaker 1: say running. Don't call it running because running mix is
Speaker 1: something else. You know what I'm saying, that's something else.
Speaker 1: You're running to run away from thing is to avoid it.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, to be running away from it.
Speaker 1: You know it's exactly what it is. So don't say
Speaker 1: it like that. Paraphrase it, and just say you're going
Speaker 1: on a journey to find yourself. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I mean, then you're twenty three, you ain't. You don't
Speaker 1: have to run away, right, you know you're not being
Speaker 1: held captive. You know you're just going to go look
Speaker 1: for you. That's different. You said it like you was
Speaker 1: running away, so that's how I addressed it. But I
Speaker 1: want you to do whatever you have to do for
Speaker 1: you though, you know, and since you promised me you
Speaker 1: wasn't fine in love, then that's not a problem, right,
Speaker 1: you know, Then you ain't gonna need nobody to do it. Now.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you don't need people, but you don't
Speaker 1: need a companion right now. If you don't even know
Speaker 1: who you are, you get what I'm saying. So think
Speaker 1: about that last, you know, if you can help it,
Speaker 1: because sometimes these hopeless romantics just can't help it, you know.
Speaker 1: And I can relate to that as well. But you
Speaker 1: seem to ever figured out a little bit little bit,
Speaker 1: So hit me back a little bit. If you love me,
Speaker 1: you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right
Speaker 1: back moving on. And this is the last wine you
Speaker 1: up before I get up out of here. So this
Speaker 1: one is written as well. Hey Jazz, I love your podcast.
Speaker 1: I need you to fix my mess. So I started
Speaker 1: dating this guy and he was literally perfect everything I wanted.
Speaker 1: When I would see him, all I would do was melt.
Speaker 1: One day, I wanted to take it a step further,
Speaker 1: so I invited him over for Father's Day to meet
Speaker 1: my dad and the rest of my family. Everything was
Speaker 1: great and we had a good time. I invited him
Speaker 1: over a second time for an event, and that's when
Speaker 1: it went downhill. Oh shit, girl, my life was in shambles.
Speaker 1: But let me tell you, me and my family we
Speaker 1: big shroom, okay, and we decided to do it that day.
Speaker 1: As I started feeling them, he started saying things kind
Speaker 1: of fucking my head up, which made me distant from him.
Speaker 1: Shortly after that, he came into my room talking to
Speaker 1: me and I saw a demon pop up behind him,
Speaker 1: and bitch, when I say I was petrified, I was petrified.
Speaker 1: I ended up kicking him out, which I felt bad about,
Speaker 1: and I talked to him about it later that night.
Speaker 1: We had a good conversation. But things are really weird
Speaker 1: now and it's just causing me to be a little
Speaker 1: mean to him and push him away. Just what the
Speaker 1: fuck should I do? Because that's some crazy shit. Oh wow, honey,
Speaker 1: that that that is some crazy powerful shit. And sometimes
Speaker 1: some things aren't to be fucked with. I'm just gonna say,
Speaker 1: you know, some energies are not to be tampered with,
Speaker 1: and just you just damn that's so. I Yo, you
Speaker 1: got me at a loss. I would know. Does he
Speaker 1: astra project? I mean, I don't know, because that's given
Speaker 1: me astral projection. I mean, are you into astral projection?
Speaker 1: If you're not into it, you should definitely look it
Speaker 1: up for sure. I would definitely take a look at
Speaker 1: in cities if you haven't watched that shit. I mean,
Speaker 1: not to scare the life out of you, but just
Speaker 1: to let you know shit like that. It's totally normal
Speaker 1: in other parts of the world and it happens. But
Speaker 1: I don't know if because I've shrewmed, but I've never
Speaker 1: seen a demon before. Uh, that's crazy. I think, what
Speaker 1: did he say when you told him about it? You
Speaker 1: gotta update me because I need to know what he said.
Speaker 1: What you mean, all talked about it. You ain't need
Speaker 1: to tell me shit you talk about what shoes you do.
Speaker 1: You should tell me the rest of what happens so
Speaker 1: I can tell you what else to do. This shit
Speaker 1: is good. This is crazy. I mean, I know you
Speaker 1: were scared, and I'm sorry, but this is this is
Speaker 1: my first case. I feel this is great. This is
Speaker 1: not you know. I hope you're okay. Just update me.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get out of here. On that note, got
Speaker 1: my first paranormal activity story. I feel like a damn detective.
Speaker 1: I feel I feel good about it. Oh, because I'm
Speaker 1: feeling my blunt now and I really feel like I
Speaker 1: can solve this. I just I want this person to
Speaker 1: keep up with me. I want them to keep up
Speaker 1: with me. All all right, So we come to the
Speaker 1: end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl
Speaker 1: Jess hilarious. I'll just be fixing mess up and down,
Speaker 1: inside out and all of that. Y'all can catch me now,
Speaker 1: y'all can catch me. So this way, when you hit
Speaker 1: the black in the middle of a podcast of a
Speaker 1: little pod Kissel, all right, I see all answers the
Speaker 1: next Wednesday, and in my deepest pain voice can't. Fully
Speaker 1: Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
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