WEBVTT - I See Dead People

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and

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<v Speaker 1>the Black Effects. Oh shit, we're back on the air.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to you got another carefully reckless episode. It's

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<v Speaker 1>your girl, Jess. Hilarious and I'm here to fix some mess.

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<v Speaker 1>We're gonna jump straight in, y'all. Y'all see how I

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<v Speaker 1>just started talking like I wasn't about to tell y'all

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<v Speaker 1>how I took two weeks off. I had to do

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<v Speaker 1>some shit. Man, I had to do some shit. But

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<v Speaker 1>now I'm back, all right. So we got a couple

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<v Speaker 1>voice notes, but this story seems a little juicy. She

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<v Speaker 1>wrote this in so I'm just gonna read it. Hey, Jess,

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<v Speaker 1>my name is Kimberly. This is my first time doing

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<v Speaker 1>this because I'm not one to speak on what's bothering me.

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<v Speaker 1>But I really need your advice at this point, so

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<v Speaker 1>I hope you get to read this. So here it is.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been in a long distance relationship with this guy

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<v Speaker 1>since October of last year. He lives in California, where

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<v Speaker 1>I'm from, and I live in Texas. Now, I've been

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<v Speaker 1>knowing him since I was fourteen and he was twelve,

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<v Speaker 1>So yes, he's younger. Than me. But that's besides the

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<v Speaker 1>point right now. So he was in jail for thirteen

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<v Speaker 1>years and got out and I was in a half

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<v Speaker 1>way house. Oh wait, not you Okay. He got out

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<v Speaker 1>and was in a half way house for a year,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's when me and him started talking again. He

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<v Speaker 1>was supposed to come move to Texas with me, but

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<v Speaker 1>when he got out of the halfway house, due to

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<v Speaker 1>him being a Level four in jail, they said he

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<v Speaker 1>was high risk and have to be on probation for

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<v Speaker 1>a year before he could move here with me. And

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<v Speaker 1>I was cool with that because we got along so well.

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<v Speaker 1>We had a lot in common and things were great.

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<v Speaker 1>We were just getting to know each other again. So

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<v Speaker 1>of course me trying to be a good girlfriend and

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<v Speaker 1>making sure he was okay mentally and physically. I made

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<v Speaker 1>sure I bought him whatever he needed and gave him

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<v Speaker 1>money to make sure he had money in his pocket

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<v Speaker 1>and so that he could eat, because the halfway house

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<v Speaker 1>would take his work check and hold it until he

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<v Speaker 1>was released. Goddamn Now. On February tecond of this year,

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<v Speaker 1>which was his birthday, he got mad at me for

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<v Speaker 1>telling him people are not obligated to give him a

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<v Speaker 1>birthday party. He has grown now and people do it

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<v Speaker 1>because they want to, not because they have to. And

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<v Speaker 1>he disrespected me in so many ways for saying that

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<v Speaker 1>I cussed his ass out on his birthday, and ever

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<v Speaker 1>since then we've been up and down. I tried to

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<v Speaker 1>apologize and let him know why I reacted that way,

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<v Speaker 1>but he's not a forgiving person, so it was like

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<v Speaker 1>a lost cause. But he said he still wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>be with me and marry me. Oh yeah, I left

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<v Speaker 1>that part out. We got engaged. What cold up? How

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<v Speaker 1>the fuck? Oh yeah, I left that part out because

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<v Speaker 1>we had got engaged, all right, so obviously I'll move forward,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, continuing. We were still fine after that, but

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<v Speaker 1>then March came around and he started changing. He was

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<v Speaker 1>rarely calling and texting like he used to be, but

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<v Speaker 1>we still talked every day. Now, April comes around and

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<v Speaker 1>he was getting out the halfway house that month and

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<v Speaker 1>he just started to disappear, like he stopped calling, only

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<v Speaker 1>texting when he needed something. I will go to Kelly

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<v Speaker 1>and visit him and everything is great, but as soon

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<v Speaker 1>as I come back to Texas, he's right back on

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<v Speaker 1>his disappearing act again. I've voiced my opinion about how

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<v Speaker 1>I felt about the situation on so many occasions, but

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<v Speaker 1>he always tried to guilt me, saying things like I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not being understanding or I need to realize he's out

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<v Speaker 1>there alone and have nobody and he's trying to adjust

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<v Speaker 1>being out in the world again and he has to

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<v Speaker 1>do it alone. And I get that, But my whole

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<v Speaker 1>thing is, what is a phone call or text? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>It ain't like his ask ain't been doing it before.

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<v Speaker 1>But I know this story all too well because I

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<v Speaker 1>had one of these back in my day, So I'm

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<v Speaker 1>about to continue. I don't ask him for nothing besides

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<v Speaker 1>his attention, and he can't even give me that, like

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<v Speaker 1>we are not long distance already. I've given up, or

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<v Speaker 1>at least said I give up on multiple occasions. But

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<v Speaker 1>as soon as he hit me up needing something, I

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<v Speaker 1>jump and do it because I'm that type of person.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't see someone struggling and don't think about it

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<v Speaker 1>when I have it to help. I told him many

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<v Speaker 1>times how I feel when nothing has changed. I know

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<v Speaker 1>what I need to do, trust me, I do, but

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<v Speaker 1>I really need your on this situation. Well, if you

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<v Speaker 1>know what to do, why the hell you need my

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<v Speaker 1>out continuing. It's getting to me in more ways than

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<v Speaker 1>I feel it should. Yes, I do love that man,

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<v Speaker 1>but all he is doing is hurting me. So I

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<v Speaker 1>need you right now. I know you will keep it

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<v Speaker 1>real with me. How do you feel about this situation?

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<v Speaker 1>And what advice can you give me? I'm torn right

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<v Speaker 1>now because I know what I should do, but my

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<v Speaker 1>heart won't let me. Please, baby girl, help me fix

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<v Speaker 1>this mess. Lol. Then she said something else. Sorry, I

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<v Speaker 1>know my message as long as fuck, but you did

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<v Speaker 1>say you need all the meat on the bones, so

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<v Speaker 1>I try not to leave nothing out. We'll laughing my

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<v Speaker 1>ass off. Well, it definitely was a juicy damn story,

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<v Speaker 1>and I can relate to it. That's how juicy it

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<v Speaker 1>was that I can relate. I actually had I've dealt

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<v Speaker 1>with I could say about two or three jailbirds in

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<v Speaker 1>my day. And yes, that's how it happens. I actually

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<v Speaker 1>happened to deal with someone years back who came home

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<v Speaker 1>who I thought was coming home, and then he had

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<v Speaker 1>gotten he got released, but he had to go and

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<v Speaker 1>spend a year and a half way house. And then

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<v Speaker 1>as the time narrowed down to the time that he

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<v Speaker 1>was supposed to come home. The phone calls lessened, the

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<v Speaker 1>amount of time we were on the phone lesson. The

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<v Speaker 1>text messages got shorter and shorter, the letters just stopped,

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<v Speaker 1>and he had somebody else, you know what I'm saying.

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<v Speaker 1>Come to find out, he had had somebody that he

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<v Speaker 1>was going to come home. And Marry was telling me

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<v Speaker 1>all the same things, and then was telling somebody else

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<v Speaker 1>all the same things. Just so happened that he could

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<v Speaker 1>actually do it with her because she was a lot

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<v Speaker 1>older and a lot more stable. I was younger and

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<v Speaker 1>he was older, and that's how that goes. But that

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<v Speaker 1>was just to touch the service, to let you know

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<v Speaker 1>that I've been through this before, so you don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to feel like you're the only girl, you're the only

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<v Speaker 1>person that then you feel stupid and all this type

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<v Speaker 1>of shit. I was there before. And it's not about

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<v Speaker 1>you feeling stupid, is it? Because like you said, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what you have to do, but your heart won't

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<v Speaker 1>let you. No, you won't let you. It ain't your

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<v Speaker 1>damn heart. You control every part of your body, every

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<v Speaker 1>part of it, whether you know it or not. You do,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying. You just need to find

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<v Speaker 1>that strength and you need to know your value. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't feel like you know your value because this person

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<v Speaker 1>is not even home yet, you know what I'm saying,

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<v Speaker 1>Like you're really giving your life, like draining yourself trying

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<v Speaker 1>to keep up with somebody that ain't even on the

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<v Speaker 1>outside yet. How you trying to keep up with a

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<v Speaker 1>nigga that ain't even out, you know what I'm saying.

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<v Speaker 1>That's not what you're supposed to be doing. Now. I

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<v Speaker 1>appreciate you being understanding, because yes, we know how it

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<v Speaker 1>goes when these men are in jail, just like when

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<v Speaker 1>women are in jail, but we're speaking on men. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it is lonely. It's definitely lonely in those halfway homes

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, only being able to talk to people

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<v Speaker 1>certain hours out the day, and you know, you really

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<v Speaker 1>get to see who's for you when you're in a

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<v Speaker 1>situation like that, You know, you get to see who's

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<v Speaker 1>for you, you get to see who's not. But on the

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<v Speaker 1>flip side of that, you really get to see how

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<v Speaker 1>a person can manipulate you too, you know what I'm saying,

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<v Speaker 1>How they can be selfish in a way. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>and then it's very cliche, but hurt people hurt people.

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<v Speaker 1>It's as hurt in jail for nineteen years. I think

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<v Speaker 1>you said, the hell he hurt. He's probably had people

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<v Speaker 1>leave him in there promise some shit, don't you know.

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<v Speaker 1>And then it's not a lot to hold on to

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<v Speaker 1>you when you lock the way that long. And then yes,

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<v Speaker 1>he has to adjust being out in the world, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>So maybe that's not really where you need to be

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<v Speaker 1>right now. Yes, I know you love him and things

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<v Speaker 1>like this happen. You need this to grow, You need

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<v Speaker 1>this to grow. This is just you growing. Seriously, a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of times, we as women also could feel like

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<v Speaker 1>if there's history there and there's time between you two

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<v Speaker 1>and then you come back, then it must be meant.

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<v Speaker 1>That doesn't Hell no, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's

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<v Speaker 1>meant because this is a person from your past. Don't

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<v Speaker 1>ever think that. Don't ever think that that's always the case,

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<v Speaker 1>because it very well cannot be as well as it

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<v Speaker 1>very well could be. You know. So you have to

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<v Speaker 1>be careful with that type of situation. But I want

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<v Speaker 1>you to keep in contact and definitely update me because

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<v Speaker 1>I need to know you know what you need to do.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think you're resting on the fact that he

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<v Speaker 1>may change his mind when he get out and just

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<v Speaker 1>come to you, and you're thinking that all of this

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<v Speaker 1>would have been for nothing if you don't nah, that's

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<v Speaker 1>how you learn yourself. You know you're dating and it happens.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm letting you know right now hitting this nice

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<v Speaker 1>old beasy. My sister just rolled up. I think my

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<v Speaker 1>boyfriend rolled this blunt. Yeah, whoever wrote it, it's hitting good,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm letting you know that, ain't it, Champ that

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<v Speaker 1>ain't it? Hold up? Hold up? I know this shit

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<v Speaker 1>getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds of

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<v Speaker 1>a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. All right,

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<v Speaker 1>So we're moving on, Okay, y'all. So this is an update.

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<v Speaker 1>This is from because I do remember reading this story Jazz.

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<v Speaker 1>This is a really mess, but more of a young

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<v Speaker 1>and asking for some advice. Okay. So this is twenty

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<v Speaker 1>three year old who kept saying, heyone to run away,

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<v Speaker 1>and that he's trying to figure out how not to

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<v Speaker 1>be alone or how to get used to being alone

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<v Speaker 1>because he's been out of in and out of relationship

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<v Speaker 1>since he was thirteen. And my mom already told me

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<v Speaker 1>I'm too young to be thinking like this, and this

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<v Speaker 1>is the reason why I'm trying to run away. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, well this is the response. Oh shit, the

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<v Speaker 1>response say, damn, I look like a boy. How embarrassing.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much for the advice, Jess. I guess my

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<v Speaker 1>real question was how do I start the process of

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<v Speaker 1>self love. You're absolutely right. Lack of self love is

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<v Speaker 1>very apparent, and it's starting to show in everyday situations.

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<v Speaker 1>I know I'm young, but my biggest fear is failure

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<v Speaker 1>and rejection. If I don't put myself out there, I

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<v Speaker 1>can't get let down. I'm trying to get over that.

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<v Speaker 1>I am not looking for love es I promise and

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<v Speaker 1>running away to find me. I just don't know where

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<v Speaker 1>to look. Also, it's crazy that you said I should

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<v Speaker 1>be a therapist. That's almost exactly what I want to

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<v Speaker 1>go to college for. I'm starting this fall for psychology

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<v Speaker 1>minoring and social work. Thank you again, gorgeous. Oh, thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>And no, I'm so sorry I did not know that

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<v Speaker 1>you wasn't a boy. I'm sorry. No, you don't look okay,

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<v Speaker 1>See I didn't go to your damn page. I just

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<v Speaker 1>looked at your little thumbnail and yeah, you look My gosh,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, No you don't. Sorry, I love you. You're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna make me say that, you girl my bed. I

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<v Speaker 1>ain't know. But listen, I wasn't knocking you running away.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought you literally meant running away like you're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>pack a bag and throw a damn fit. Now if

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<v Speaker 1>you were. If you're moving away, you know, to find you,

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<v Speaker 1>that's fine. Don't don't change the narrative of it. Don't

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<v Speaker 1>say running. Don't call it running because running mix is

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<v Speaker 1>something else. You know what I'm saying, that's something else.

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<v Speaker 1>You're running to run away from thing is to avoid it.

0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.520
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying, to be running away from it.

0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.560
<v Speaker 1>You know it's exactly what it is. So don't say

0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.320
<v Speaker 1>it like that. Paraphrase it, and just say you're going

0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:15.120
<v Speaker 1>on a journey to find yourself. You know what I mean.

0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:17.720
<v Speaker 1>I mean, then you're twenty three, you ain't. You don't

0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:20.320
<v Speaker 1>have to run away, right, you know you're not being

0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:22.320
<v Speaker 1>held captive. You know you're just going to go look

0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:25.240
<v Speaker 1>for you. That's different. You said it like you was

0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.680
<v Speaker 1>running away, so that's how I addressed it. But I

0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:30.160
<v Speaker 1>want you to do whatever you have to do for

0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:32.480
<v Speaker 1>you though, you know, and since you promised me you

0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:34.720
<v Speaker 1>wasn't fine in love, then that's not a problem, right,

0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:37.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, Then you ain't gonna need nobody to do it. Now.

0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying you don't need people, but you don't

0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:43.760
<v Speaker 1>need a companion right now. If you don't even know

0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:46.120
<v Speaker 1>who you are, you get what I'm saying. So think

0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:48.960
<v Speaker 1>about that last, you know, if you can help it,

0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.880
<v Speaker 1>because sometimes these hopeless romantics just can't help it, you know.

0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:56.040
<v Speaker 1>And I can relate to that as well. But you

0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:58.079
<v Speaker 1>seem to ever figured out a little bit little bit,

0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:02.040
<v Speaker 1>So hit me back a little bit. If you love me,

0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:04.400
<v Speaker 1>you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right

0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:09.520
<v Speaker 1>back moving on. And this is the last wine you

0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:11.760
<v Speaker 1>up before I get up out of here. So this

0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:15.800
<v Speaker 1>one is written as well. Hey Jazz, I love your podcast.

0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:18.960
<v Speaker 1>I need you to fix my mess. So I started

0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:22.280
<v Speaker 1>dating this guy and he was literally perfect everything I wanted.

0:12:22.640 --> 0:12:25.000
<v Speaker 1>When I would see him, all I would do was melt.

0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:27.120
<v Speaker 1>One day, I wanted to take it a step further,

0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:29.880
<v Speaker 1>so I invited him over for Father's Day to meet

0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.800
<v Speaker 1>my dad and the rest of my family. Everything was

0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:35.160
<v Speaker 1>great and we had a good time. I invited him

0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:37.719
<v Speaker 1>over a second time for an event, and that's when

0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:41.160
<v Speaker 1>it went downhill. Oh shit, girl, my life was in shambles.

0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:44.679
<v Speaker 1>But let me tell you, me and my family we

0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:48.559
<v Speaker 1>big shroom, okay, and we decided to do it that day.

0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:51.760
<v Speaker 1>As I started feeling them, he started saying things kind

0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:54.200
<v Speaker 1>of fucking my head up, which made me distant from him.

0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.320
<v Speaker 1>Shortly after that, he came into my room talking to

0:12:57.360 --> 0:12:59.880
<v Speaker 1>me and I saw a demon pop up behind him,

0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.280
<v Speaker 1>and bitch, when I say I was petrified, I was petrified.

0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:06.720
<v Speaker 1>I ended up kicking him out, which I felt bad about,

0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.319
<v Speaker 1>and I talked to him about it later that night.

0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:11.920
<v Speaker 1>We had a good conversation. But things are really weird

0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:13.600
<v Speaker 1>now and it's just causing me to be a little

0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:17.280
<v Speaker 1>mean to him and push him away. Just what the

0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:22.160
<v Speaker 1>fuck should I do? Because that's some crazy shit. Oh wow, honey,

0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:26.480
<v Speaker 1>that that that is some crazy powerful shit. And sometimes

0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:30.440
<v Speaker 1>some things aren't to be fucked with. I'm just gonna say,

0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, some energies are not to be tampered with,

0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:40.920
<v Speaker 1>and just you just damn that's so. I Yo, you

0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:44.360
<v Speaker 1>got me at a loss. I would know. Does he

0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:47.439
<v Speaker 1>astra project? I mean, I don't know, because that's given

0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:50.160
<v Speaker 1>me astral projection. I mean, are you into astral projection?

0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:52.320
<v Speaker 1>If you're not into it, you should definitely look it

0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:55.040
<v Speaker 1>up for sure. I would definitely take a look at

0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:57.160
<v Speaker 1>in cities if you haven't watched that shit. I mean,

0:13:57.200 --> 0:13:58.600
<v Speaker 1>not to scare the life out of you, but just

0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:00.880
<v Speaker 1>to let you know shit like that. It's totally normal

0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:04.240
<v Speaker 1>in other parts of the world and it happens. But

0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:07.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if because I've shrewmed, but I've never

0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:14.480
<v Speaker 1>seen a demon before. Uh, that's crazy. I think, what

0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:15.959
<v Speaker 1>did he say when you told him about it? You

0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:19.080
<v Speaker 1>gotta update me because I need to know what he said.

0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:20.840
<v Speaker 1>What you mean, all talked about it. You ain't need

0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:23.480
<v Speaker 1>to tell me shit you talk about what shoes you do.

0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 1>You should tell me the rest of what happens so

0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:28.880
<v Speaker 1>I can tell you what else to do. This shit

0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:32.360
<v Speaker 1>is good. This is crazy. I mean, I know you

0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:36.000
<v Speaker 1>were scared, and I'm sorry, but this is this is

0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:40.680
<v Speaker 1>my first case. I feel this is great. This is

0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:43.840
<v Speaker 1>not you know. I hope you're okay. Just update me.

0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:47.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna get out of here. On that note, got

0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:54.360
<v Speaker 1>my first paranormal activity story. I feel like a damn detective.

0:14:54.760 --> 0:15:00.560
<v Speaker 1>I feel I feel good about it. Oh, because I'm

0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:02.200
<v Speaker 1>feeling my blunt now and I really feel like I

0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.320
<v Speaker 1>can solve this. I just I want this person to

0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.680
<v Speaker 1>keep up with me. I want them to keep up

0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:08.760
<v Speaker 1>with me. All all right, So we come to the

0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.320
<v Speaker 1>end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl

0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.920
<v Speaker 1>Jess hilarious. I'll just be fixing mess up and down,

0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:17.240
<v Speaker 1>inside out and all of that. Y'all can catch me now,

0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:21.800
<v Speaker 1>y'all can catch me. So this way, when you hit

0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:23.800
<v Speaker 1>the black in the middle of a podcast of a

0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:30.160
<v Speaker 1>little pod Kissel, all right, I see all answers the

0:15:30.200 --> 0:16:44.720
<v Speaker 1>next Wednesday, and in my deepest pain voice can't. Fully

0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:48.080
<v Speaker 1>Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.

0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:51.880
<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:55.280
<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.