WEBVTT - Paris Jackson x Willow Smith One-on-One 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.720 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:06.600 Red Tabletop Podcast, all your favorite episodes from the Facebook 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:10.440 Watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and I 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:13.760 Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review on 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:19.239 Apple Podcasts. Paris Jackson, it's coming too, the Red cat 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:22.120 Rat and it's your Red cot Oh. I'm so excited. 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:24.360 You're gonna have to give me someone on one classes. 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:28.920 This is how No, you got it. You talk to 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:32.239 the camera, but you got this. It'll be good. Oh 0:00:32.280 --> 0:00:37.279 she's coming down, coming down, bandit are You're gonna come 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:48.760 and greet Paris with us? Thank you so much? Great, 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:55.280 thank you. So I haven't seen you in like ten years, 0:00:55.280 --> 0:01:00.360 ten years? Yeah, yeah, Si. I was like, yeah, it's 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:04.640 been that was on the Hawthorne sete. Grandmother brought her 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:07.440 through the abandon was like, I want to meet ten 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:10.920 years ten years? Whoa shall we go inside? Let's do 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:14.000 it all right, you guys have a good one. Nice 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:17.000 to see you. Come on, man, come with me, Come on. 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:20.440 I met Paris Jackson when I was ten years old. 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:24.160 Her grandmother, Catherine brought Paris and her brother's prince and 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:26.280 blanket to meet Jaden and me. On the set of 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:30.360 my mom's TV show Hawthorne. In the decade that followed, 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:33.360 Paris and I built a strong bond growing up with 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.200 parents in the spotlight. We have a lot in common, 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:39.600 the only girl in a family of boys, a passion 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:45.000 for music, careers and modeling, shared spirituality, struggles with body image, 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:51.520 mental health, sexuality. Since losing her legendary father, the King 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:54.560 of Pop, Michael Jackson, when she was just eleven years old, 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:58.480 Paris has been to hell and back. Now she's joining me. 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:02.680 From my very first conversation on the red couch, this 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:05.760 is my first time doing this one on one. Sweet Yeah, 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:10.840 when you were like, yeah, it's casual, Yeah, casual, But 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:14.600 I don't know how to do this. You got to 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:17.920 you gotta walk me through that. I got you. I 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:20.720 got you. You're right here. I got you. I've always 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:24.880 just described you as being such a beautiful soul, and 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:28.120 even since the first time that we met, since that moment, 0:02:28.280 --> 0:02:32.000 I just felt such a purity and a beauty within you, 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:36.480 and just seeing how you have really blossomed that means 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:38.480 a lot to me. First of all, I feel the 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:41.239 same way about you. Um, even when we don't talk 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:43.680 for a little while, even if it's just through texting 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:45.520 or whatever, it's always nice to know that like you 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:47.960 and I are always on the same vibe. There were 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:53.400 a lot of dark times that we can get into whatever. Whatever. Yeah, 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:57.040 how was your social anxiety been after this pandemic? Because 0:02:57.040 --> 0:03:00.520 I know for me, my nervous system has been on 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:04.240 an all time clause out. It's always been pretty gnarly 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:07.120 my social anxiety. I don't know if you get this too. 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:11.640 I experienced audio hallucinations sometimes with camera clicks and severe 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.680 paranoia and have been going to therapy for a lot 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.560 of things, but that included and I've started you hear, 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:19.960 I'll hear like a trash bag rustling, and I like 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:22.920 flinch and panic. Is that from the paparazzi? Yeah? I 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:27.119 think it's just like just standard PTSD. Since the day 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:31.919 she was born, Paris has been hunted by paparazzi. As 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:34.240 a little girl, she remembers being stepped on as they 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:38.920 chased down her father. Not long ago, Paris was harassed 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:43.920 and traumatized while simply walking through the airport. So you 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:46.640 think somebody murdered your father for like blinding me? I'm 0:03:46.640 --> 0:04:07.400 really sorry, up, Paris, What are your thought stopped. That's abusive. 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:11.480 I have like nightmares, but it's primarily like if I'm 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:13.080 out in public during the day. I don't really go 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.360 out during the day. I do catch it affecting my 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:19.359 personal relationships, especially romantic relationships, and PTSD can affect pretty 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.520 much every aspect of your life. I've just like started 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:23.120 the healing process. I don't know if you know e 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.000 m d R. I love. Md R is very intense 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:29.119 that it puts you in a very fragile and vulnerable state, 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:32.200 but it is a very effective kind of therapy. I 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:36.360 definitely feel like in a lot of my personal relationships, 0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:41.840 like mostly friendships that I'm very paranoid about, like information right, 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:45.040 if everyone that walks into my health signs and a 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:49.200 vio like, it's gnarly. It's gnarly, like even being like, oh, 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:51.479 like delete that text because I don't want people to like, 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:53.960 oh yeah. It does a lot to your nervous system 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:57.720 because you're constantly in fight or flight, flight freeze collapse. 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.720 You're constantly like walking on eggshells. Can suddenly looking over 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:02.520 your shoulder, like you have to sit up straight and 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:04.560 act right because if you don't, it not only reflects 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:09.000 on your reputation, your family's reputation. Like it's very like 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:14.240 be careful, sit, smile, like, do the right thing, presentable. 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:16.800 It does some serious shock, you know. I feel like 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:18.520 there's got to be some kind of permanent damage. Just 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:20.160 why I love camping so much, because we're in the 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:22.919 middle of nowhere. We need to do it again. I 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:24.680 think they opened up that spot that we want to 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:28.960 we have to go back we have. Do you feel 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:31.400 like there's anyone in your life right now that you 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:35.120 can trust completely? Have a couple of people, which is 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:37.760 priceless and I hold onto that and I don't take 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:41.040 care for granted. Suicide rates have been higher than they 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:46.160 have ever been since and I know that we both 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.240 have been there. I was talking to my friend about this, 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:52.080 uh the other night. A lot of people do feel 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:55.840 regret when they try and attempt suicide, um, like a 0:05:55.920 --> 0:05:58.520 last minute regret. There have been times where I did 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:00.560 and times when I didn't, where I was upset that 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:03.599 it didn't work. But I can't say, like several years 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:07.000 later that like I'm really grateful that it didn't. Things 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.800 have gotten better. Yeah, what what do you think started 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:17.480 that for you? Like that emotional spiral for you. Um Like, 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:19.800 what caused me to get to that dark place? I 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:21.760 think it's everything, man. I think a lot of it 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:24.920 was just not knowing who I was, being a young 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:29.400 girl going through puberty, and probably a lot of just 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:32.720 my situation and a lot of pressure. It was really 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:34.440 hard and like people would tell me to kime myself 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:40.080 every day, and I was depressed for years. Paris has 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:46.040 been the target of vicious cyber bullying, just really really tired. 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:50.000 At one point it got so bad she posted this 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:56.039 heartbreaking video. I've tried sticking up for myself. I've tried 0:06:56.080 --> 0:07:00.440 the whole blocking mater's thing, not reading the comments, and 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:03.240 I don't get what I'm such an easy target. When 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:07.080 I was fourteen, I got so much hatred that, um 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:10.880 I tried to kill myself. But I'm just tired of it. 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:18.000 I'm just really really tired. Mm hmm. How did you 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:23.880 start to bring yourself back to a better mental space? Initially? 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:27.320 I think it was it's kind of morbid, the radical 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:30.320 acceptance that it just wasn't meant to be, Just like, Okay, 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:32.000 I've tried and try and try, and it's really not working. 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.760 Maybe it's just not my time, and that sucks, and 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:36.160 for a while it was like I'll just weed it 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:38.840 out kind of thing, which is so dark. But I've 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:40.640 heard these gnarly stories of people that have like tried 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:42.360 to hung themselves and they ended up paralyzed, but they 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:44.880 still lived. And knowing my luck as like as many 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:47.680 times as I tried, like I'd probably end up in 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:49.560 that kind of a situation. So it's just a radical 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:51.720 acceptance of one, it's my time, It'll be my time, 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:53.840 and I'll wait it out till then. And during that 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.920 waiting time, I've just found more and more joys in 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.040 life and more ways to cope and more ways to 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:03.080 like really live instead of just exist. Well, I've told 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:06.360 a few friends about this experience that I had last autumn. 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.160 It was the night of the Harvest moon, dude, and 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.880 I experienced self love for the first time in my 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.600 entire life. That I was having a really rough night 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:17.080 because some old memories came up, I was like, okay, 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:19.760 like I'm gonna like sit and be with myself and 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:21.640 like do a little prayer, and then I just like 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.120 felt the need to get up and go into the 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:26.520 mirror and start doing these affirmations. And once I finished, 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:31.600 I like I saw myself, which is wild, and recognized 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:33.360 myself for the first time in like ten years, and 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:36.320 I was like, what's what paled? Friend? But like it 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:38.720 was this really corny moment between me myself, like in 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:41.080 the mirror, and it was just like, I don't have 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:43.600 words to describe. It is so intense. It just a 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:45.880 lot of gratitude. It's like a really long time to 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:48.240 get to that point, so now you're able to see 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:53.439 how beautiful you are. Sometimes, yeah, sometimes it's nice. Affirmations 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:56.280 helped a lot. I always try and recommend them to friends, 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:58.280 even though it's super uncomfortable and awkward at first. I 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:02.560 don't know why it's so awkward and embarrassing to be 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:04.560 by yourself in the mirror and be like you're worthy. 0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:08.320 It's like it feels uncomfortable at first when you first 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:10.480 start getting into the hang of it. It just makes 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:13.679 me so happy to feel like you see that. I 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:17.440 appreciate that. Thank you. There are so many people who 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:24.599 have suffered from losing loved ones, specifically during the COVID pandemic. 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:28.520 How did you find the strength to keep going after 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:30.800 losing your dad? I don't know. It kind of just 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:33.560 happened I was so young that I wasn't like a 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:37.520 conscious of I'm going to keep going, and like, you know, yeah, 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.199 I was just going through the motions and like didn't 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.400 really understand what was happening. And so I just went 0:09:42.440 --> 0:09:44.199 with what I was told to do. And Okay, I'm 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.360 living here now, and okay, I'm going to school now, 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:49.120 and I'm not homeschooled anymore, and I'll just do what 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:53.400 I'm told because I didn't really have much guidance. After 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:55.960 her dad died, Paris and her brothers moved in with 0:09:55.960 --> 0:10:01.800 her grandmother, Catherine, the Jackson family matriar was named permanent guardian. 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.480 The children went from home schooling and traveling the world 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:10.040 with their father to attending traditional school and living under 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:15.800 Catherine's strict Jehovah's witness beliefs. WHOA are you still close 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:18.360 to your dad's side of the family. I'm still very 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:20.680 close with my brothers, and I see my family during 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:22.920 family reunions, and I tell him all the time, if 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:24.600 you want to call me, call me. I got love 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.160 and respect for all of you guys. Try and see 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:31.280 my cousins. I just saw my cousins for Thanksgiving and Christmas. 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:32.800 Even though we don't call it that because a lot 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:34.880 of time with witness, So we're just like February Union 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:39.840 kind of thing. So your mom came into your life 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:45.360 at age fifteen in Michael Jackson married Debbie Rowe, and 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:49.600 assistant at a dermatology office. They had two children, Prince 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:53.560 and Paris. When they divorced, Debbie gave up custody and 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:57.000 the kids lived with their father full time. Paris grew 0:10:57.080 --> 0:11:01.400 up without her mother. Meeting your mom, how has that 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:04.000 journey been for you? It's cool, I mean like getting 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:07.880 to know her, saying how similar we are getting into 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:10.240 what kind of music she likes, and she really likes 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:12.280 country and folk by Center. Some of the stuff that 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.600 I'm working on I have like banjo's in them. That 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:19.880 was like a few months ago, My God, for her birthday. 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:22.360 That is so sweet. We look a lot alike. All 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:24.840 send you a picture that she sent me when she 0:11:24.920 --> 0:11:28.079 was my age in the seventies. Look exactly alike. It's 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:30.199 just cool having her as a friend. It's very chill, 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:32.640 which I which I love. That's a perfect word to 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:35.240 describe it. How did you get your name? Paris seven 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:38.320 told that Cathy Hilton and my dad were really close 0:11:38.360 --> 0:11:40.880 growing up. They're like best friends, and I think they 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:42.680 made some kind of a pact that they were going 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:46.160 to name their first daughter Paris. I think that's how 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:48.679 me and uh Pete we call her pe one I 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:51.319 p two Paris Hilton got her name as well. Then 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.440 there's also like another story which just like my dad 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:57.840 really really loved that city so much. When I got 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:01.400 to truly explore Paris, I really connected to him. I 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:03.480 was like, Okay, I get it, because I just didn't 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:05.319 understand my name for a long time and I went 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:07.520 there and I'm like, I get it. This is awesome, 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.720 that's so beautiful. I want to ask you, I know 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:13.200 it took a lot of courage to like step out 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:15.360 and do this debut album. I don't know what gave 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.400 me the courage to do it. It's just like I 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:24.079 just couldn't ah suppress it anymore. What do you think 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:28.640 was the starting point of you feeling like, Okay, like 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:31.680 I really I feel like I want to make this project. 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.599 I really want to put my all into this heartbreak 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.720 it was the main thing, and it was the deepest 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:41.120 heartbreak I'd ever experienced, but also one of the most 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.839 powerful rebirths that I've ever had, and finding my voice 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.480 and finding my sound and embracing being a musician. I 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:50.440 was scared to do that for a long time. You know, 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:53.040 It's been like a lobby of mine for a long time. Finally, 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:54.640 I'm just like, no, Like, this is who I am. 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:58.760 I'm a musician. What about that heartbreak put you on 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:01.480 that specific path? Because I know that, specifically for me 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:05.120 and so many people, experiencing heartbreak can either close you 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.800 off and you could be like, oh no, I'm just 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.680 gonna be in my cocoon. It did do that. It 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:14.320 was the deepest I've ever loved someone. It was the 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:17.160 most intense that I've felt so far, and the most 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:20.080 intense betrayal that I had felt so far and experienced. 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:24.479 And it's definitely closed me off to that. Like, I'm 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:26.880 very careful with who I spend time with now, and 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:30.120 I'm very guarded and just trying to protect myself. But 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.480 music has always been there for me. You had said 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:36.160 that music saved your life. Oh for sure. It makes 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:38.560 me feel less alone and it makes me feel heard. 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:42.880 There were some dark, dark times where I did feel 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:44.920 like music was all I had. I just feel like 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:49.199 you've done such a beautiful and graceful job of doing 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:52.760 your own thing. Because kids like us do we feel 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.199 like we have to live up to this certain standard. 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:57.760 I feel like it's still probably there somewhere in the 0:13:57.800 --> 0:14:01.160 back of my head. But the louder thing that competes 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:03.160 is that I feel like my dad would be proud. 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:11.520 I hear that there's a song that you have written. Yes, Recles, 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:13.400 I wrote last week. It's actually one of my only 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:16.559 happy songs. I heard you brought your guitar, such a 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:25.800 beautiful guitar. Thank you. She's my travel friend. Nervous, yeah, 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:27.840 a little bit. I love you. Don't be nervous. Can 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:44.000 I do anything? Why to Dawn? And does left same 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:57.400 PECULI quite obscene. I'll take oh Angel insteadch them in between. 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:05.480 There's says the sun can't be Maybe one day they'll 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:10.880 all love mdal will sweet girl at their feet and 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:28.360 we'll wrap decate the book about but an adventitious love affair. 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:37.280 Not really something to predict, oh likely flawed contrasted pair. 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:45.640 Unconventionally perfect you are. I'll carve your skin with flice 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:54.280 back heart and match your freckles to the stars. Unconventionally 0:15:54.440 --> 0:16:02.360 perfect you are to me. That was beautiful. Thank you. 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:05.760 I thought it was adorable and adventitious love affair, not 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:10.480 really something to predict. That was beautiful. I love those 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:14.120 lyrics thank you, match your freckles to the stars, like 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:17.760 come on now, come on now, lyric thank you, and 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.200 it kind of sounds like you're talking about a lady. 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:24.360 It's got a few inspirations off of that note. We 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.040 both like girls and boys, And I just want to ask, 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:32.960 how was that journey for you alongside being in the 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:35.320 limelight and being famous and having all of these people 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:39.160 looking at you and figuring out your sexuality, like figuring 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.880 out what you were attracted to, what kind of relationship 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.080 you wanted to have. I mean, I'm still kind of 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:50.160 figuring it out. Um. My family is very religious, and 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.880 a lot of homosexuality is just very taboous, so they 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:55.720 don't like to talk about it. It's not really accepted. 0:16:55.880 --> 0:17:00.920 But um, I've gotten to a point where I respect 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:03.600 them and I have loved for them. I respect their beliefs, 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:06.480 I respect their religion. Do you think that that kind 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:10.960 of affected you in your growing stages, that feeling that 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:14.560 maybe that wouldn't be accepted. Yeah, But right now I'm 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:16.679 at a point where it's like to expect them to 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:20.040 put aside their culture and their religion, Like expectations to 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.880 me lead to resentments, and like what people think about 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:26.080 me is in my business, you know. Yeah, but there 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:28.800 were moments where it was really hard and like you 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.159 feel alone, you feel kind of excluded. Were there are 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:35.400 people in your family who supported you. My brothers, Yeah, 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:37.680 they didn't understand it at first. My older brother who's 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:39.920 about fourteen months old, you met Prince. Yeah, we both 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:43.040 have two older brothers, which is crazy. Blanket is younger 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.119 than you. He's younger. I have two older brothers and 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:49.480 then B g B now he's uh four years younger. 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:52.639 But they they've always been super supportive. Prince joined a 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.680 G S A club in high school. All learned about 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:57.560 it because he wanted to support me, Like not a 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:00.520 lot of people can say they have siblings sets support 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:06.560 them like that. Yeah. I find that growing up with 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:09.360 my brothers and and spending so much time with them 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.359 and being the only girl, I got to see the 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:18.120 differences and how society and even my parents would treat us. 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.600 They would get certain freedoms or certain things or whatever 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.280 wasn't fair. Yeah, it just wasn't fair. Did you feel 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:27.240 any of that totally? I mean, yeah, my brother's got 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:29.359 to go have sleepovers whenever they wanted, and they can 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:31.000 go do whatever. They can go to parties and stuff 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:33.760 to way more strict for me. And but also at 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:36.000 the same time, like I was daddy's little girl, was 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:39.399 the only girl, so I was definitely excluded at some 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.320 points because I wasn't cool enough to kick it with 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:44.320 the boys, and then got some special treatment for being 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:46.320 a girl. So it's like you and some of you 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:48.640 lose something. It's true. What was it like for you 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:55.480 discovering your sexuality moving through that? Who It was very 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:59.240 weird for me because people were telling me online before 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:02.879 I even knew like what that was, that that I 0:19:02.960 --> 0:19:05.520 was a lesbian, that I dressed like a lesbian, that 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:07.879 I talked like a lesbian, and all of these different things, 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.160 and so just kind of seeing that at a very 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:13.080 young age was like is this a bad thing? Like 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:15.440 I kind of didn't know how to react to it 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:17.800 because I was like, is there something wrong with me? 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:21.600 Like why why is everyone saying I thought a really 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:24.240 long time that the only way to express my sexuality 0:19:24.320 --> 0:19:26.600 as being a female, that like other females was to 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:30.000 be like super masculine. I had a short hair, and 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:32.120 I had all the things. I just didn't know any better. 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:34.160 I was just like learning as I was going along, 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:36.000 and was very sheltered from all of that at a 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:38.680 young age. So I went all in immediately. And now 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:41.640 I'm just I can do whatever, and do whatever feels good, 0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:45.639 and dress however and act however, and it doesn't change 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:47.440 how I feel on the inside. It's just as long 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:49.240 as me I can be feminine, I can be to 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.439 him what I can do whatever, as long as it 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:54.679 feels like me. Yeah, as long as it's authentic. I know, 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:57.560 for myself, I don't really see myself getting married or 0:19:57.600 --> 0:20:01.600 having children or doing that traditional thing. But how do 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:07.680 you feel about that? Wow? To quote Journey loving the music, man, 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:09.720 I know it's what it's supposed to be. I don't 0:20:09.720 --> 0:20:12.480 know right now. I'm married to music and I have 0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:15.960 been whatever happen, whatever happened. I'm like, I'm not against 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:19.440 married if I'm happy and I love someone, sure, But 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:22.800 right now my main thing is my spirituality, my music, 0:20:23.000 --> 0:20:26.680 and like doing what is right for me right now, 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:30.080 I'm too young to think about that about kids. Yeah, 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:33.280 no kids. Maybe, yeah, I can tell you. I'm many kids. 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:35.200 You're gonna have to give me your palm. Are you 0:20:35.320 --> 0:20:43.600 right handed? Yeah? I'm right handed. Two that's what it says. 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:52.840 Maybe for no, definitely at least two. Oh god on kids, man, 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:55.479 I think global warming needs to get figured out first, 0:20:56.720 --> 0:21:00.040 fair enough. I think we need to figure that. You 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:02.959 could build an army. We couldn't build an army of 0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:06.600 like woke as kids to be the free thinkers and 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:10.360 warriors of the next world. I'd be down for that. Yeah. 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:13.320 The Red Table producers thought this would be fun, a 0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:17.520 little trip down memory lane. They a few photos of 0:21:17.520 --> 0:21:20.040 each of us from various stages in our lives. Let's 0:21:20.040 --> 0:21:26.600 go through that. Oh man, okay, wow, this was the 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:29.879 mohawk days. I think I had some cuts on my 0:21:29.880 --> 0:21:32.880 wrist during that time. Actually I did the same thing 0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:35.760 to cover it up and be like, yeah that's fashion 0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:39.240 like and like I'm not bleeding into my wristband. I 0:21:39.280 --> 0:21:42.280 did the same thing. That was tough. Times these are bad. 0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:51.200 So no, I love your hair. I love your hair. 0:21:52.160 --> 0:21:55.440 I feel like the amount of die and perms from 0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:59.680 between both of us. It took so long to grow 0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:03.679 my hair, like keep it healthy exactly exactly move on 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:08.080 from that and on this stage. You know, this stage 0:22:08.119 --> 0:22:11.320 was too much. I was like, eleven was so cool 0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:12.840 when you were eleven, But that was the one I 0:22:12.840 --> 0:22:15.119 looked like a nerd dude. It was had like a 0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:18.280 Harry Potter cloak that I wore to the airports, like 0:22:18.320 --> 0:22:20.880 I was so weird at leven. No, my mom did 0:22:20.920 --> 0:22:24.000 not want me wearing these shirts because you remember when 0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:27.640 Odd Future was like new and upcoming and they had 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:30.360 six six six and the upside down crosses and everything 0:22:30.400 --> 0:22:32.639 on their stuff. So she was like, you can't wear this, 0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:36.080 and I was like yes, Like yeah, mom, nice good 0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:41.480 old rebellion. Yes for years ago. What was your emotional 0:22:41.520 --> 0:22:45.399 state in this time? I was not very happy and 0:22:45.520 --> 0:22:49.120 this was taken as you can see. I was going 0:22:49.320 --> 0:22:53.280 through it and finding them just not the best coping skills. 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:55.840 And this was when I was very disconnected from my 0:22:55.880 --> 0:22:59.960 spirituality and my music. I feel like we connected during 0:23:00.160 --> 0:23:02.720 this time. We didn't. Yeah, we did connect during this time. 0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:04.800 I feel like we've come into each other's lives at 0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:09.199 such formative times. I love this. This whole outfit was 0:23:09.240 --> 0:23:12.320 not the vibe. No, I didn't feel very cute, and 0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:14.080 I just wanted to do something different. That's why I 0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:16.840 got this, this weave, and I was like, I don't 0:23:16.840 --> 0:23:19.359 think it worked out great. I don't get a lot though, 0:23:19.359 --> 0:23:23.280 thank you. Oh my god, look just oh my goodness. 0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:29.879 I just like Goddess much. Goddess addressed address was like 0:23:29.880 --> 0:23:32.040 fifty pounds. I feel like you were doing good, very 0:23:32.080 --> 0:23:34.159 it was very fright. Yeah, I was chilling, then I 0:23:34.240 --> 0:23:36.400