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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and'm welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 2: I never told you a production of iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 3: And we are moving into February of the new year,

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Speaker 3: which means we're going to have some fun contents around

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Speaker 3: romance or the lack of romance. We've already got some

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Speaker 3: plans some plans around it and classic Annie fashion. I

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Speaker 3: won't put this on usmanth although I think you do

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Speaker 3: the same.

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Speaker 2: Probably.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to bring back an episode we did about

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Speaker 3: heartbreak and the science of heartbreak and like why you

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Speaker 3: like love you can relate to those breakup songs and

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Speaker 3: all of that stuff, you know, just because a lot

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Speaker 3: of us are probably thinking about that stuff right now.

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Speaker 3: We have some I'm really excited we're going to come

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Speaker 3: back and revisit online dating because there's a lot going

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Speaker 3: on with that right now. And we also are going

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Speaker 3: to come back and do your not two part episode.

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Speaker 1: Other episode, just another episode.

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Speaker 3: Just a related episode on magazines and particularly I think

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Speaker 3: a magazine. Magazines have a lot to say about romance. Yes,

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Speaker 3: I think it's gonna be fun, but in the meantime,

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Speaker 3: please enjoy this classic episode.

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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 3: I never told your protection of iHeartRadio's how stuff works.

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Speaker 2: We're moving into the holidays.

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Speaker 1: We are, you know what.

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Speaker 4: Though, after the intro, for some reason, the Mario theme

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Speaker 4: do Do Do Do Do Do just came into my head.

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Speaker 4: That's gonna be my new like themed background every time

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Speaker 4: we start our introduction.

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Speaker 2: In your head?

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Speaker 1: In my head?

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Speaker 4: Okay, oh no, not, I'm not gonna help you would

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Speaker 4: be just in my head.

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Speaker 1: Just I just want you to know that's where I'm going.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, if you want to give my head to

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Speaker 3: a copyright battle and Nintendo, I will follow you the dark.

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Speaker 5: We will lose.

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Speaker 2: I do not.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, fine, but yes, holiday is coming.

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Speaker 2: It is, which are the most wonderful time of the year.

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Speaker 1: My least favorite time of the year for breakups.

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Speaker 2: It's the wonderful breakup there you go.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, in the US, more people break up this time

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Speaker 3: of year than any other time of year.

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Speaker 4: Which is really odd because I've heard this as the

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Speaker 4: cuffing season.

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Speaker 1: You know that's this time.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 4: So Urban Dictionary has defined it as during the fall

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Speaker 4: and winter months, people who would normally rather be single

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Speaker 4: or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the

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Speaker 4: world desiring to be cuffed or tied down by theories relationship.

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Speaker 4: The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to

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Speaker 4: become lonely and desperate to be cuffed individuals.

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Speaker 1: So this is called the cuffing season.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I can't wait to see if this happens to me.

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Speaker 3: Now I get it. With me, I get it because

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Speaker 3: you know, I don't have to have to. I don't

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Speaker 3: deal with a lot of what is that called it's

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Speaker 3: not external relatives. So I have my immediate family that's

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Speaker 3: where the holidays and outside of that, I don't really

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Speaker 3: have much interaction at the holidays anymore.

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Speaker 2: But you know, there's always the question of like, are

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Speaker 2: you still single?

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Speaker 3: Right going on there? So I get that kind of

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Speaker 3: anxiety around it.

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Speaker 1: Oh, me too.

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Speaker 4: My family has a tradition in which they like to

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Speaker 4: take couples pictures or family's pictures, oh wow, throughout.

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't matter if.

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Speaker 4: It's just my immediate family, which involves me and three

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Speaker 4: of us siblings and then their family, or if it's

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Speaker 4: with my as you said, external I don't I'm not.

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Speaker 1: Really sure how to go about that.

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Speaker 4: But like my cousins and all of that. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 4: y'all were doing this earlier.

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Speaker 2: Earlier, a little slur and normal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that was already bad. Now it's even worse.

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Speaker 4: But they also do it too where they have family

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Speaker 4: pictures and they do it in front of everyone, in

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Speaker 4: front of the fireplace. And I remember one year and

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Speaker 4: by the way, I've never taken anyone home for a holiday,

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Speaker 4: except for friends who may need to stay, you know,

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Speaker 4: may not have their family nearby and can't go home.

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Speaker 4: I've never brought anybody. That's just not something I do.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 4: My siblings have just started taking people home at thirteen.

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Speaker 4: Who Yeah, and then there was my nieces and nephew,

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Speaker 4: not most, not all of them, but a few of

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Speaker 4: them started, like.

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Speaker 1: At fifteen sixteen started bringing others with it. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this is so weird.

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Speaker 4: To be fair, again, I think a lot of them

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Speaker 4: would rather be with my family than their own family

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Speaker 4: or whatever the crisis was time. But yeah, they have

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Speaker 4: this habit of bringing people from a young age, and

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Speaker 4: so I've never done that.

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Speaker 1: It's never been an interest to me. I don't care enough.

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Speaker 4: Maybe, but because of that, they would have a couple

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Speaker 4: of pictures a couple of pictures, a couple of pictures,

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Speaker 4: and then I would be alone and my grant, my

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Speaker 4: poor sweet grandmother, and I loved her dearly would be like.

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Speaker 1: You need to get up there too, and I was like.

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Speaker 4: That's okay, I'm okay, I don't need to be by

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Speaker 4: myself in front of the damn fireplace. But she would

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Speaker 4: me so hard. My mom would get angry with me

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Speaker 4: for not doing it.

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Speaker 2: And then as I.

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Speaker 4: Got older, I'm like, Mom, please, please, this makes me miserable.

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Speaker 1: And she was like, you're right, you're right, and so

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Speaker 1: one year she's like, oh, I'll get up there with you.

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Speaker 1: So it was me and my mom. If it was

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Speaker 1: me and my dad, it was me.

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Speaker 4: And someone else that was of significance but not a

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Speaker 4: significant other. Yeah, so that was always fun for the holidays.

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Speaker 4: There's so many reasons I don't like it, but that

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Speaker 4: was one of the other reasons.

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Speaker 3: But man, if you had done that, you could make

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Speaker 3: a calendar of just me.

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Speaker 1: I should have leaned into it.

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Speaker 4: I think it was partially like the shame of not bringing,

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Speaker 4: you know, as usual, because my younger cousins would bring people.

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Speaker 1: And I mean when I say younger, I mean like

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Speaker 1: ten years younger. Right, would bring people and I'd be like, hey, y'all,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna sit in the corner. All good, don't look

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Speaker 1: at me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm fine. I'm fine over here.

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Speaker 3: I can understand why the holidays they're stressful. And then

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Speaker 3: you're adding stuff like photos and meeting the family, and

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Speaker 3: I feel like I'm the type of person who would

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Speaker 3: wait and break up on the other.

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Speaker 2: Side of the holidays.

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Speaker 3: Right, I've only taken a significant other home once for

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Speaker 3: the holidays. No, Actually, what happened was he wanted he

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Speaker 3: was a big cruise person, and he wanted to do

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Speaker 3: a long cruise over Christmas in New Year's and so

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Speaker 3: I was going to miss Christmas, and we invited my

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Speaker 3: mom and my little brother to his place to have

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Speaker 3: like a Christmas dinner. And that's when I discovered, because

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Speaker 3: we spent most of the time at my place, he

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Speaker 3: had no nothing to cook with, like, so we had

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Speaker 3: to go buy like pots and and stuff, and it

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Speaker 3: was kind of a disaster.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that would be when I'm doing a catered mill.

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Speaker 3: Somehow I should have that was well, I was trying

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Speaker 3: to like replicate what I.

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Speaker 2: Would have my mom.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and then we went on a cruise, and we

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Speaker 3: have all of these pictures of us, like Christmas trees

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Speaker 3: and New Year's.

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Speaker 2: And Hawaiian shirts. Uh.

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Speaker 3: Usually for me, I'm just an athletic gear all the time.

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Speaker 3: That was when I was training for a marathon. Actually

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Speaker 3: training for a marathon on a brow ship.

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Speaker 2: Is hard as hell.

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Speaker 1: I'm on a boat running.

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Speaker 2: Right, That's right.

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Speaker 3: And you know we broke up not a couple of

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Speaker 3: months after that, and then the next year, my mom,

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I've told this story on the

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Speaker 3: show before.

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Speaker 2: I think I had, but Bradley Cooper came to our

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Speaker 2: office once and right, that's right. Yeah, she loved the story.

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Speaker 3: My mom became obsessed with the idea that I could

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Speaker 3: marry Bradley Cooper because I he was in the office

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Speaker 3: and I did not even know he was in the office.

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Speaker 3: I saw him, and honestly, I thought it was another

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Speaker 3: corporate guy I was trying to avoid him.

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Speaker 2: Turns out as a Bradley Cooper.

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Speaker 3: And my mom was I think shallow had just come out,

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Speaker 3: so she was in prime like Bradley Cooper mine. So

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Speaker 3: It'd be like nine pm on a Tuesday and I'd

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Speaker 3: get a text from my mom.

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Speaker 2: You know he speaks French.

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Speaker 4: Like random bags about why you should be in love

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Speaker 4: with this person and then pursue him.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I love it. I did too. I thought it

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Speaker 2: was hilarious. So I for a sponse.

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Speaker 3: We had a sponsor that was like a gift card

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Speaker 3: holiday card company, and I had no significant other. I

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Speaker 3: don't have dogs or I don't have basically, it would

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Speaker 3: be just me, like you were saying, right, So I

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Speaker 3: got the idea to photo me and Bradley Cooper together

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Speaker 3: in this Christmas.

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Speaker 4: Cart, got that wonderful Christmas call It's so good, It's

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Speaker 4: so good.

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Speaker 3: And then on the back I wrote, you know you're

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Speaker 3: right mom, Brad and I.

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Speaker 2: And she thought it was true. For like two seconds

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Speaker 2: she believed stopped with joy. It finally happened.

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Speaker 3: But now my idea is every year I'm gonna like

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Speaker 3: up the ante and make more and more ridiculous photos,

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Speaker 3: which is awesome.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 4: I wish I could have stuff like that up until

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Speaker 4: about and we will stop with the personal stories. I know,

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Speaker 4: but up until about four or five years ago, when

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Speaker 4: a majority of my siblings which is all of my

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Speaker 4: siblings went through sad divorces my mom at Christmas holiday

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Speaker 4: traditions would be hard yelling at me about.

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Speaker 1: How I'm going to die alone.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh.

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Speaker 4: Yes. So this is also another reason that I'm like,

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Speaker 4: this is the worst season of the So I should

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Speaker 4: start doing that. I should do some photo shopping and

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Speaker 4: be like, look, look what's happening.

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Speaker 1: I'm dating dude. I need to find a good picture

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Speaker 1: of Chris Evans.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I need to like photoshop myself being hugged by him.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I can help you with this.

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Speaker 1: I really wanted to hold me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, maybe one day.

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Speaker 3: You know, we're actually not talking about specifically this, We're

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Speaker 3: talking about heartbreak.

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Speaker 1: So my mother was heartbroken because there are a lot.

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Speaker 2: Of different types of heartbreak.

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Speaker 3: I feel like the one that most people think of

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Speaker 3: is when your significant other you break up or something.

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Speaker 2: But there's a bunch of different types.

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Speaker 3: And we are going to be talking a lot about

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Speaker 3: clearly about that specific type of heartbreak, but we're going

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Speaker 3: to talk about others. And it is it does seem

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Speaker 3: to be a cultural obsession of ours.

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Speaker 2: It's hard to avoid. I mean, on a daily basis.

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Speaker 3: As I was walking here, I had Google Play on shuffle,

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Speaker 3: and I think every song was about heartbreak, and I

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Speaker 3: don't know if that's because I've been researching it and

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Speaker 3: Google knows everything you do, but I was kind of like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and I broke up with aforementioned boyfriend. I remember all

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Speaker 3: of a sudden these songs that I had been making

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Speaker 3: fun of.

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Speaker 2: I was like, yes, right, I feel it too.

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Speaker 4: I absolutely understand that because they're still in the back

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Speaker 4: of my head and still on my playlist too. So

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Speaker 4: when I randomly shovel something, I was like, oh, that

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Speaker 4: emotion comes up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh there's that feeling.

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Speaker 1: I can't listen to this right now. Right.

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Speaker 3: It is funny how there's a part of at least

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Speaker 3: for me, there's a part of me that's sometimes I'm.

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Speaker 2: Like I want to live in this emotion, and then

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Speaker 2: other times I'm like, oh God.

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Speaker 4: No, please, I gotta avoid it with all costs. So

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Speaker 4: I'm like, no, Taylor saw Swiss.

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Speaker 3: So one of the things we're going to talk about

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Speaker 3: as well is something I know some of us have

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Speaker 3: heard about.

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Speaker 2: Can you die from heartbreak?

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Speaker 3: And in my family, my grandfather died a month after

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Speaker 3: my grandmother, and we often say it was heartbreak. I

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Speaker 3: don't know that that I probably wasn't that, but he

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Speaker 3: was devastated when she died, and I think he just

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Speaker 3: kind of, I don't know if lost the will to live,

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Speaker 3: but it became much harder for him.

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Speaker 4: Right, it seems that's a swift decline. Mm hmmm when

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Speaker 4: it's like that with my grandparents or the same thing. I

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Speaker 4: don't think it was. But maybe it's more so in

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Speaker 4: our head. But it feels like it's a heartbreak about

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Speaker 4: whatever situation has happened.

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Speaker 3: In our past episode on emotional labor, we talked a

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Speaker 3: bit about the stats around male widowers who have a

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Speaker 3: higher mortality rate than female widowers. We've also done episodes

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Speaker 3: on how to deal with heartbreak. Here's some bad examples

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Speaker 3: are revenge body not so bad example, I guess is

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Speaker 3: post breakup haircut.

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Speaker 2: It can be bad, it could be good.

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Speaker 1: The bangs, Yeah, wouldn't get id.

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Speaker 3: Get even after I'd done that episode, I knew the

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Speaker 3: traps and the pitfalls, and I did it.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, have you.

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Speaker 4: Done something like that, not necessarily haircuts? I think I've

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Speaker 4: definitely done, like I need to get in shape.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all those things.

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Speaker 4: I do the crying a little bit, but I'm also

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Speaker 4: a little more motivated, and I'm like, I gotta do

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Speaker 4: anything but sit here.

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Speaker 1: And think about it. Right, that's kind of that. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna volunteer for this. I gotta do that.

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Speaker 1: I gotta do this.

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Speaker 4: And then at night, I'm just like, I gotta find

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Speaker 4: a way to sleep. Where's my melotonin? I gotta hug

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Speaker 4: my dog. I gotta watch the same reruns, which is

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Speaker 4: not unusual for men.

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Speaker 2: The other day, I guess.

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Speaker 3: I have my infamous story around the office of accidentally

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Speaker 3: ordering seventy five cookies in my like.

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Speaker 2: Throes of the post breakup. The worst that got it

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Speaker 2: was three am. The cookie lady showed up at the

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Speaker 2: door and was like, oh, honey, I know you didn't

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Speaker 2: mean to do this.

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Speaker 3: I was crying when I answered the door, and then

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Speaker 3: I took it was it was storming, and I took

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Speaker 3: the box of cookies and destroyed them with the.

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Speaker 2: Baseball bat outside.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's dramatic.

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Speaker 3: It was a Shawshank redemption, but much less like meaningful moment.

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Speaker 1: That's dramatic. Were you screaming at the cookie?

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Speaker 2: I was like, like scream crying.

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Speaker 1: In my head.

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Speaker 4: I want to know that you threw a cookie up

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Speaker 4: and like it would yell throw a curse at him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then the next day I had like the

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Speaker 2: grossest fleeting. I didn't do it. I was like, I

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Speaker 2: wonder if any of those cookies are salvagable.

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Speaker 1: About. I'm not mad at I'm not mad at that.

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Speaker 3: And then I have felt a new type of heartbreak

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Speaker 3: since my dad died, which is a more kind of

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Speaker 3: deep incurable sadness as opposed to for me that that

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Speaker 3: post breakup, which is really I think I've been through

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Speaker 3: two that were really serious post breakup, like grief, and

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Speaker 3: those are more I go through destructive rage and like

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Speaker 3: angry crying.

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Speaker 2: I guess a lot of that.

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Speaker 3: And then I after I loved China, that was a

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Speaker 3: really a moment in my life that I would describe

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Speaker 3: as heartbreak. And when I walk to work every day,

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Speaker 3: there's just smell like a it's like an oil, just

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Speaker 3: cooking oil, and it reminds me of China. And every

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Speaker 3: day I feel like a pang. And that's been I mean,

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Speaker 3: I think twenty ten, twenty eleven years, so what if Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's true, that's true. And I do think a lot

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Speaker 3: of people, including myself, we we have kind of these

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Speaker 3: markers of post breakup or post pet dying or post

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Speaker 3: whatever traumatic thing because there are life changing events, they're

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Speaker 3: transformative and you kind of write they're milestones.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like I said, I definitely feel what I do

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Speaker 4: is kind of I slip into the motivation mode and

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Speaker 4: that might go into you know, post breakup body type

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Speaker 4: of situation. I also do lots of different other activities,

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Speaker 4: including like I thought myself to sleepless nights, so I

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Speaker 4: just sit there and talk about think about, you know,

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Speaker 4: what is wrong with me essentially, and then I dig

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Speaker 4: deep social background, y'all about analyzing my actual diagnosis, why

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Speaker 4: are these blah blah blah blah blah going back to

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Speaker 4: my childhood? And then also grief is definitely something that

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Speaker 4: brings a whole new heartbreak, a loss or death of

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Speaker 4: things that can't be healed without time and support oftentimes,

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Speaker 4: and of course it's always going to be there because

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Speaker 4: it's a part of losses permanent. So because death is permanent,

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Speaker 4: you know, and it sounds really obvious, but because of that,

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Speaker 4: there's no backing into everything's going to be fine.

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Speaker 1: We could redo this, we could redo that.

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Speaker 4: You know, you and I talked about this and our

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Speaker 4: death and loss in the Dutiful Daughter episode where there's

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Speaker 4: always going to.

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Speaker 1: Be a little bit of regret.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't matter what it is, it doesn't matter how

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Speaker 4: perfect you think your relationship is, and it just is.

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Speaker 4: And then Dona is significant. I actually a greeve over

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Speaker 4: my dog still Benny, whom I called Bennington Zigler because

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Speaker 4: I just have to get a full name. And I

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Speaker 4: couldn't sleep in the bed without him, And it took

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Speaker 4: me years to even get a new dog, which we

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Speaker 4: talked about Peaches, and I'm already like I'm still kind

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Speaker 4: of like shaken by the idea. But it was weird

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Speaker 4: for me, and I think this has a whole lot

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Speaker 4: of different things. But my grandfather died within the same

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Speaker 4: year as my dog died, and I think my grandfather

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Speaker 4: had to pass away, and then my dog died, and

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Speaker 4: I grieved harder about my dog, but I think it

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Speaker 4: was just a culmination of all the things that had happened,

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Speaker 4: and it just felt even bigger lost on loss, you know.

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Speaker 4: And then I felt that way in my career, my job,

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Speaker 4: I've worn and lost as in what I believe is failures,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean. I think I sometimes confuse

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Speaker 4: my failure and anxiety as lost, which is a thing

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Speaker 4: to stop. It's really hard to stop grieving over what

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Speaker 4: could have been what ifs, But the recovery is faster, hopefully,

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Speaker 4: hopefully if you can actually get on right track whatever

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Speaker 4: mental health situation you have. But yeah, I think that

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Speaker 4: was part of the bigger grieving process that I had

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Speaker 4: to go through. It was being heartbroken because I felt

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Speaker 4: like I couldn't do or say someone or you know,

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Speaker 4: even still like actually just recently happened, because obviously I'm

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Speaker 4: in the middle of doing two very different things as

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Speaker 4: my job and career, and I reflect on what I

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Speaker 4: was doing and I feel like, partially I'm like, did

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Speaker 4: I fail if I leave or if I try something new,

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Speaker 4: or what is this failure? So it's a weird like

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Speaker 4: grieving process for sure, and heartbreaking moments for me to

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Speaker 4: think on those things.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and we've both talked about how I went through

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Speaker 3: a sense of heartbreak for like my younger self and

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Speaker 3: feeling like she was a little sister that died, and

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Speaker 3: that was kind of a pretty big grieving process.

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Speaker 2: And through this show we've had to deal with that.

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Speaker 3: I think for me that was one of the first

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Speaker 3: times I've like directly acknowledged it and dealt with it.

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Speaker 1: But it was It's pretty serious.

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Speaker 3: And I mean a lot of the things we're talking

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Speaker 3: about clearly heartbreak has major impact.

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Speaker 4: Is so powerful, dictakes a lot of our decisions, it does.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean, like fear, fear of heartbreak is

397
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Speaker 3: such a motivator for so many people.

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Speaker 4: If you have rejection, that definitely that kept me so

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Speaker 4: I I'm going to talk about a little later, but

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Speaker 4: that kept me from even trying to get into a

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Speaker 4: relationship right still still, yeah, it's it's scary.

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Speaker 3: So one of the things we like to do, of course,

403
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Speaker 3: is our definitions. And as we said, we are going

404
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Speaker 3: to be talking a lot about breakup heartbreak. But you know,

405
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Speaker 3: there are all kinds of heartbreak. I remember having a

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Speaker 3: like round table with the women. This was before you

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00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,359
Speaker 3: worked here, Smitha, but after Donald Trump was elected and

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00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 3: the women in this office, and like experiencing joint heartbreak.

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00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 3: Because we can experience like political heartbreak, loss of a

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Speaker 3: loved one, loss of pet, loss of agency, traumatic injury.

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Speaker 2: There are a lot of.

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Speaker 3: Things that will give you this kind of like heart

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Speaker 3: pain that we're talking about, that steep de Yeah. According

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Speaker 3: to behavioral psychologist Joe Hemmings, heartbreak is a quote stage

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Speaker 3: of devastating emotional loss. While different for all of us,

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00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,399
Speaker 3: the intense feelings of sadness, grief, and the overwhelming sense

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Speaker 3: of never being able to get past the pain are common.

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Speaker 3: And if we look at the brain, breakups trigger the

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00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 3: same area as physical pain, and they induce the same

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Speaker 3: symptoms as drug withdraw and not like drug withdraw light,

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Speaker 3: I think like medium drug withdraw. This is part of

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Speaker 3: the reason we fill the need to send ill advised

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Speaker 3: like night text to our scroll through our ex's Instagram.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I do that? Oh I no way, Mmm, I'm

425
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: a little weird with that. So we all go through heartbreak.

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Speaker 4: Yet's just say that heartbreak is universal and on average,

427
00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 4: by the age of thirty, most of us will have

428
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,359
Speaker 4: experienced three breakups, with one of them significantly impacting our

429
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,679
Speaker 4: quality of life for a period of time, and the

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Speaker 4: number one reason report for breakups lack of communication.

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Speaker 3: No surprise to me, and Some symptoms of heartbreak include isolation,

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Speaker 3: isolating yourself, numbness, volatile emotions, unhealthy eating, working all the

433
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:27,440
Speaker 3: time or inability to work, substance abuse, lack of sleep,

434
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Speaker 3: just these feelings of being unlovable, damaged, deeply unworthy, like

435
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 3: you'll never find happiness again. A study conducted by Christine

436
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,959
Speaker 3: Tompkins out of University of Rochester put forth that broken

437
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 3: heart syndrome aka stress induced heart failure is a real thing.

438
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Speaker 3: This is also called stress induced cardiomyopathy or Takosubo cardiomyopathy.

439
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 3: Takasubo is a name for octovius traps that look like

440
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 3: broken hearts. Women are more likely to experience sharp heart

441
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Speaker 3: pains in response to emotional pain.

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00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 4: Further science has found links between mental health, depression, and

443
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Speaker 4: heart disease. Broken heart syndrome presents very similar to a

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Speaker 4: heart attack, shortness of breath, chest pains minus the blocked arteries.

445
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 4: What's happening is a part of your heart enlarges and

446
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 4: kind of falls down on the job when it comes

447
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 4: to pumping. But it usually only lasts a couple of weeks,

448
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:18,480
Speaker 4: and it is treatable.

449
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,159
Speaker 3: Yes, and I did want to put in here just

450
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 3: as a kind of joking, kind of serious aside, there

451
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 3: are some benefits start break. I mean the main one

452
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 3: is you learn a lesson, right, hopefully you learn something.

453
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 3: Are you appreciate somebody, you know. But for me, I

454
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:38,639
Speaker 3: never put on real clothes, you know, eat cookies or

455
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:42,440
Speaker 3: cheese or my case apparently fun shashetos all day, every day,

456
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:45,439
Speaker 3: watching the same movies over and over again with no

457
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 3: judgment my friends. As I said, watch How to Train

458
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 3: Your Dragon with me probably three times in a row recently.

459
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,200
Speaker 3: And obviously these aren't healthy in the long run. These

460
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 3: aren't healthy habits to build.

461
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 2: But while you're in the throes of grief, I would

462
00:22:59,160 --> 00:22:59,959
Speaker 2: say acceptable.

463
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. I usually give people a time frame.

464
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 2: Yeah you do.

465
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 1: I do. If you're going through a recent divorce, I'll

466
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 1: give you a year.

467
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 4: Okay, I'll give you a year because it's a lot

468
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 4: of like up and down.

469
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

470
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 4: Well, honestly, it's just like trying to figure who you

471
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 4: are again without that person, longtime relationship, probably the same thing.

472
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you a very long time. But then

473
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 1: at one point I'm.

474
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 4: Gonna be like, all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna I

475
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 4: do this for myself. I think I do a shorter

476
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 4: time frame for myself because I'm like, this is ridiculous,

477
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 4: get over it. But I'm like, okay, we gotta do

478
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,360
Speaker 4: at least these things. But for now, we can dictate

479
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,399
Speaker 4: exactly what you need, like you can tell me exactly

480
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 4: what you need, whether it's me coming in there and

481
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,439
Speaker 4: just sitting with you in the dark, me leaving you

482
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,360
Speaker 4: alone for a small amount of time. I'm not gonna

483
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 4: leave you alone too often because I have to check

484
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 4: and make sure you're okay. And then when it comes

485
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 4: to all right, maybe it's time for therapy, you know,

486
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 4: like rich, we all should do anyway, But it's definitely

487
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 4: some of those I'm like, all right, yes, you need time,

488
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 4: you need mourning for sure, but I'm gonna be the

489
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 4: friend that's gonna be there for you.

490
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 1: And if that means tough love, I got it.

491
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 2: Yes you do.

492
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 3: And again we've talked about this a lot of times,

493
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 3: but people experience grief in different ways, and it's like

494
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 3: not linear.

495
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 2: So one day you'll be oh, I'm fine, it's finally over,

496
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 2: and then the next day, oh my god, it's never

497
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 2: gonna end. Lots of ups and downs, and people do

498
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 2: experience it in a lot of different ways and a

499
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 2: lot of different timeframes. So you you have the best.

500
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 3: Knowledge of what you need, and you know, grief is

501
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 3: a it's a mysterious thing. So it's hard to it's

502
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 3: hard to look at yourself and say, I think I'll

503
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 3: be fine.

504
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 2: Give him this it is it is. Put that on

505
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 2: a pillow and melt it was.

506
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 3: Please just saying, you know, Samantha and I are very motivated,

507
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 3: and I'm sure a lot of you listeners are, but

508
00:24:54,880 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 3: sometimes time is the only thing right, right. But we

509
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 3: do have some other things we would like to talk about,

510
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 3: but first we have a quick break forward from our sponsor,

511
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 3: and we're back, Thank you sponsor. So we did want

512
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 3: to talk about gender differences, because there are some gender

513
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: differences when it comes to heartbreak. I bet a lot

514
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 3: of you would guess that women have it worse, or

515
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 3: at least they're more open with it.

516
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 1: I guess open. Maybe they have all the fields more fields.

517
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we all know the stereotype of women. I've

518
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 2: already said that this is a benefit of the breakup

519
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 2: in your pjs, down in jugs of ice cream, through

520
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 2: the tears. And there is actually science about this, and

521
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,679
Speaker 2: a science is a little mixed. Yeah, people are complicated.

522
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 4: People are complicated, and I wonder how much of it's

523
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 4: too because if you look at religious aspects a lot

524
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:10,680
Speaker 4: of the blame goes on women about something like relationships,

525
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 4: marriage is falling, and the responsibilities they have within a

526
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 4: marriage and keeping a marriage happy.

527
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:22,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I know that, that whole thing of like

528
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 3: blaming women for men cheating because you clearly weren't keeping

529
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 3: him satisfied.

530
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: Keep it together.

531
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 4: You have to be fed, like actual books about from

532
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 4: written by women in order to get husbands.

533
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 2: What is that called operation hot?

534
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 1: Oh?

535
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 2: I not good? Yeah.

536
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 4: Actually, the book Passion and Purity, written by Elizabeth Elliott

537
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 4: a long long time ago, was a big, huge thing.

538
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 4: I actually read it, really dug into it, really just

539
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 4: put myself all up in there. And it's not awful.

540
00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:01,479
Speaker 4: There's not like it's not awful awful sentiments. Well, actually

541
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 4: yeah there is if we have. It's been a while

542
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 4: since I've read it. I guess the whole idea of

543
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 4: black purity in itself, which if we talked about as

544
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 4: of recent ti, the purity tests and the purity rings

545
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 4: are kind of gross in itself. I'm kind of actually

546
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 4: gross in itself. Two, if you want to be a virgin,

547
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 4: if you want to save yourself, however you want to

548
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 4: claim it, that's wonderful.

549
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful.

550
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 4: You do you, But to have this whole stipulation and

551
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 4: this title is absurd in itself, but and especially placing

552
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 4: it on young girls as their responsibility. But the same

553
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 4: author would go around and talk about how if you're

554
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 4: not keeping your body fit, you're dishonoring your husband.

555
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: It was this whole thing, and I was like, what the.

556
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 2: Hell, Yeah, what the hell?

557
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 1: Indeed, right, and it's similar like that.

558
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 4: I think that has a lot to do with And

559
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 4: I know, again I'm getting off track because we're talking

560
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 4: about heartbreak. But that level of responsibility being placed on

561
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 4: women and females in general to say this may have

562
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 4: been your fault as to why he cheated, or may

563
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 4: have been your fault as so why you manage it

564
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 4: and last, it's just really absurd.

565
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we're so ready to take it on anyway.

566
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 3: It's like we're probably.

567
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 2: Gonna take that.

568
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 3: A twenty fourteen study from a UK dating site found

569
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 3: that men actually reported higher rates of love sickness and

570
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,119
Speaker 3: sadness after a breakup, even given that it wasn't quote

571
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 3: true love that was the main difference. Men felt heartbreak

572
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 3: in more situations as compared to women.

573
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 2: The severity was kind of the same.

574
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 3: When interviewed about this finding, a psychologist suggested it may

575
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 3: be because men overestimate women's interests and it therefore hurts

576
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 3: more when women don't reciprocate their affections. And yeah, that's

577
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 3: very heterosexual, although I guess bisexual it could be.

578
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

579
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 3: The study also found that men are more likely to

580
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: engage in casual sex post breakup, while women are more

581
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 3: likely to dive into work party too hard comfort eat

582
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 3: That sounds familiar.

583
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 1: A different study found the exact opposite.

584
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 4: It concluded that women feel the pain of breakups longer

585
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 4: and that new relationships don't necessarily help. The study also

586
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 4: found as the number of breakups went up, women's overall

587
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 4: mental health went down in a way that men's didn't. However,

588
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 4: it did find that single women's mental health was higher

589
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 4: than men's mental health.

590
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: Oh, I like that.

591
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 3: Women also reported feeling more physical pain. The study authors

592
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 3: who came to that conclusion thought that this had to

593
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 3: do with the fact that women do to the general

594
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 3: fact that we could get pregnant invest more in relationships.

595
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 3: This potential biological investment has made women choosier over time,

596
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,120
Speaker 3: which means the loss of a quote high quality mate

597
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 3: hurts more. The same study found that women come out

598
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 3: on the other side as emotionally stronger and recover better

599
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 3: compared to men. Multiple studies have found that both men

600
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 3: and women find self esteem within relationships, so it makes

601
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 3: sense that after relationships end, it's a hit to our

602
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 3: self esteem. We feel a loss of identity. However, this

603
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 3: self esteem has arrived at differently. Women get it through connection,

604
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 3: while men get it through social status. Generally, in general terms,

605
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 3: because of these basic differences, men and women do typically

606
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 3: experience heartbreak differently. Men are more likely to get active

607
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 3: in some way, while women are more likely to reach

608
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 3: out to their support group. Because in a lot of societies,

609
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 3: women are allowed to be more open when it comes

610
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 3: to emotions, women may actually move on from breakups more

611
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 3: quickly than men, and this is one of the many

612
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 3: ways society influences how we grieve. Right, But this made

613
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 3: me think about what happens when you don't want to

614
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 3: be in relationship, and this comes up in my therapy

615
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 3: not infrequently, right, because it does make me feel sometimes

616
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 3: like I have no self worth since people are always

617
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 3: sort of like where you're incomplete, you're missing something. I

618
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 3: feel like society sees me generally as a waste. It's

619
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 3: made me do things I haven't wanted to do and

620
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 3: try to fit in I don't want to fit into.

621
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I was the same way. I felt

622
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 4: abnormal because I didn't get into too many relationships either,

623
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 4: as in, do I have a mental block as to

624
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 4: why I'm not looking as hard as others or why

625
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 4: I don't feel like I need to.

626
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 1: I never actually dated in high school, and I actually

627
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 1: didn't date in college either.

628
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 4: I think I went on the total of three dates,

629
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 4: and I didn't have any relationships within I think we

630
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 4: had like bitterly kiddish relationships, you know, he's my boyfriend.

631
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: We oriens, you know, in high school or whatever, but

632
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: never actually dated.

633
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 4: And it wasn't until my mid twenties that I actually

634
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 4: started to look. And a lot of that had to

635
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 4: do it being open and feeling like I could be vulnerable,

636
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,959
Speaker 4: and because of some of the trauma that I had experienced,

637
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 4: it was not possible for me. Of course, I think

638
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 4: I yearned to be wanted. That is something that's always

639
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 4: been at the forefront of my thoughts. But that's generally

640
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 4: in everything, whether it's my job, whether it's friendships that

641
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 4: someone wants me there essentially and my desirability and my

642
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 4: fear of rejection stop me.

643
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: Now.

644
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 4: I'm very comfortable and being single. I think I said

645
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 4: that recently, Like that is something that I know, and

646
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 4: it is easy and I'm cool with it. So to

647
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 4: get into a relationship is like, do I really want

648
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 4: to compromise here? This is really worth my time. A

649
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 4: study from twenty eighteen out of the Journal of Experimental

650
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 4: Psychology examine the effectiveness of three coping strategies, thinking bad

651
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 4: thoughts about your ex, accepting your love for your ex,

652
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 4: or distracting yourself with things that have nothing to do

653
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 4: with your ex, which I like that option.

654
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 1: They found that.

655
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 4: All three help in some way, but a mix of

656
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 4: these methods provided the most relief. So maybe listening one

657
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 4: thing you don't like about person, one thing you love,

658
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 4: and then one thing that has nothing to do with them.

659
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 4: I think we should practice that more often. The study

660
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 4: authors propose that removing feelings of love attached with an

661
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 4: ex is the primary way to move on.

662
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: They call this.

663
00:32:55,800 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 5: Love regulation, which I love, I love regulation the term,

664
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 5: and they also, as always, recommend not making life changing

665
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 5: decisions during a life changing time.

666
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, don't. It's so tempting because you're like,

667
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 2: this will takes everything.

668
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, there are moments where I'm like, okay, I'm moving

669
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 4: out of the country.

670
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 2: It's time to go to Antarctica. Finally for me. Another

671
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 2: study found that it takes about three months to get

672
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 2: it over a break up. Oh, I have taken so

673
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 2: much longer.

674
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: I can do a year.

675
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the year. I mean, it.

676
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 3: Depends on how long you've been with someone. Obviously, I'm

677
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 3: sure that's like an average.

678
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 4: Like you'll always remember that, but still I give you

679
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 4: a full year before I'm like, okay, because that year

680
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 4: includes you and you shouldn't. But you probably dating around,

681
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 4: maybe miscommunicating with people, breaking a few people's hearts, not

682
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 4: necessarily in that way, like doing noncommittal things with the

683
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 4: hook ups as such.

684
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,280
Speaker 1: But I'm like, i'll give you that. I'll give you that.

685
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 4: I'll let you know you're being a dumbass, but i'll

686
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 4: give you that. I'm not gonna be mad at you

687
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 4: for it.

688
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 1: Ah. Yes.

689
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 4: Then, of course, there are the comparisons between men and

690
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 4: women in our media when it comes to breakups, how

691
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 4: women are so sad without a man in their life

692
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 4: and how men can finally live it up, be free,

693
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 4: have hookups.

694
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I always thinking of them.

695
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 3: And I know we did an episode on this forever ago,

696
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 3: but the coverage of Jennifer Aniston like she's the saddest

697
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,320
Speaker 3: person that's ever existed.

698
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're right, And it was always like, well, it

699
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 4: kind of did start off with a bread put thing. Yeah,

700
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 4: that whole he left you for Angelina Jolee, who was

701
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,879
Speaker 4: the ultimate sex symbol because you're the girl next door.

702
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, and just like you know, she would date

703
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 3: somebody and then it would end and she's broken hearted

704
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 3: by the person she was dating. It's like finally able

705
00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 3: to date all over again. And like, Okay, whatever I

706
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 3: think jenniferanis, it's just okay.

707
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,399
Speaker 4: But I mean, if you really think on it too,

708
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,240
Speaker 4: in that level, Brad Pitt to me, was even sadder

709
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 4: because he would have you ever seen the pictures of

710
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:13,280
Speaker 4: him in different relationships with different couples, how he mimicked

711
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 4: that style of.

712
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 2: The girl.

713
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 1: One of one of those so you're like, and so

714
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 1: to me, he.

715
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 4: Was always sadder because he's like he has to have

716
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 4: a relationship in order to find his identity. So yeah,

717
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 4: you need to go love that. It's hilarious. So you

718
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 4: see him with Quinn Talt and you're like what. And

719
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 4: then you see him with Angela and Joey and Brad

720
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 4: Pitt and you're like a Brad Pitt Angeline Joey and

721
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 4: then Jennifer anis or vices Edston.

722
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 1: But he looks very different and very much like that person.

723
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 2: Who interested in these pictures. There is a Parks and

724
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 2: Rec episode about that.

725
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 3: Yes, I know you've never seen Star Wars and this

726
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,879
Speaker 3: is not the one I would recommend. But in episode two,

727
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 3: Attack of the Clones, uh padme a ka, Nalie Portman

728
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 3: has the infamous line.

729
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 2: Anakin, you're breaking by heart. That's the first thing I

730
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 2: thought of.

731
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: I love the enthusiasm in that line.

732
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 2: Oh you gotta do it.

733
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: Delivered it amazing.

734
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 3: And I mean, if you pick just randomly three pieces

735
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 3: of media, I bet one of them has to do

736
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 3: with a broken heart.

737
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 2: And I in a way, I believe we romanticize heartbreak

738
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 2: in a lot of ways in our in our media.

739
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 2: When I was.

740
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 3: Younger, I wanted to have a love that was so

741
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 3: powerful that the heartbreak would hurt as much as I

742
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:37,239
Speaker 3: was seeing on TV or in movies, so I like,

743
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 3: I had on my binder a poem that the w

744
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,800
Speaker 3: H autumn poem Funeral Blues.

745
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 2: I was really into the beauty in Greece.

746
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 3: It's also very emao what we all, well, you and

747
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,279
Speaker 3: I were, And then I kind of I was thinking

748
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 3: about a bit more and I maybe we what we

749
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 3: romanticize is self destruction, or maybe it's a nation of

750
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 3: two things. Of this love that we always see and

751
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 3: then the self destructive.

752
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 1: We love broken things though.

753
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 4: That's kind of why we like shows that have broken

754
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 4: people in it. So you think of my so called life,

755
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 4: it's all about broken people like you just love that

756
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:16,720
Speaker 4: and you want to fix.

757
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: Jared leto real hard, real hard, and.

758
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 4: The people who seem to get it together, keep it

759
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:25,919
Speaker 4: together and be happy were the antagonists or the bad

760
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 4: guys and the suture essentially, so the nerd it was

761
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 4: kind of like solid, like he was too smart and

762
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 4: got it together. And then the girl who had the

763
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 4: family and was a cheerleader was also not the great one.

764
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 4: When you had all these other things that were happening

765
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 4: that are more interesting, whether it was a drug overdo

766
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 4: so or whether it's you know, and it's definitely and

767
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 4: I say broken people, but.

768
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 1: It's outcasts as well.

769
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 4: And that's that level of we're very interested and we

770
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 4: feel that and we feel oh good, we're not alone hurting.

771
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 2: That's true.

772
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 3: Oh and speaking of do you have a favorite heartbreak

773
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 3: breakups song, Samantha.

774
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 1: So, I have a few.

775
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 4: So I had several Elliott Smith songs. Of course, yeah,

776
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 4: I wanted to go down that road death Cab. I

777
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 4: definitely had a few of those songs up to me.

778
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,319
Speaker 4: I think they had one of the best I Hate

779
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 4: my Father songs. Oh and it's somewhat upbeat and you're like, oh,

780
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 4: like one of the and then one of the lyrics

781
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 4: talking about how his mot father died and the priest

782
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 4: is talking all these great things about him. He's like,

783
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 4: you're a bastard in life, you saw You're a bastard,

784
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 4: and death like it's a great line. And then I'll

785
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 4: like them trying to send his ashes out and it

786
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 4: falls back into his eyes.

787
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,760
Speaker 1: He's like, yep, that's right. Thinks that like that level.

788
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 4: Okay, of course I'm at living things, but even some

789
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 4: old school drake okay got into my playlist at one point,

790
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 4: and of course the Jimmy world. There are several several

791
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 4: songs that I would just angrily sing and then then

792
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 4: a few like that I would try too, had several

793
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 4: That was one of my first concerts.

794
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 1: What about you?

795
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:04,280
Speaker 3: I think I I have a ton of sad, sad songs,

796
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 3: but I don't really have too many that I would

797
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 3: go to after a breakup. But I have songs that

798
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 3: if I listen to them, I will cry because the

799
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,919
Speaker 3: music is really moving in that way.

800
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

801
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, music is powerful and I think that's why people

802
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 4: connect so hard with sad songs.

803
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:25,800
Speaker 2: Yeah.

804
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, if anyone wants my playlist, I have a playlist

805
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 3: called Grief and I will share it if anyone wants it.

806
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:33,800
Speaker 2: But they'll make you cry.

807
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know what, if you don't want that,

808
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,800
Speaker 3: we have some advice on how to like not cry,

809
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 3: not necessarily.

810
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 2: Maybe that's not true. We have some advice for you.

811
00:39:46,719 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 2: But first we have a quick break sponsors and we're back,

812
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 2: thank you sponsoring. So we do have some advice.

813
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 3: Even though a lot of you have probably heard this,

814
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 3: We've all probably heard a lot of the basic ones.

815
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 2: Right and find a hobby is a big one.

816
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 3: You've sort of talked about that, exercising, eating well, sleeping

817
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 3: as best you can, talking out with friends, reading a book, volunteering,

818
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 3: taking tiny steps to make yourself feel normal again.

819
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 1: And this is a big one.

820
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, A lot of experts recommend on following your ex

821
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 4: on social media and removing reminders of them from your life.

822
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 4: Stop all contact if possible.

823
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:39,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna.

824
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 4: I actually just looked up my excess stuff the other

825
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,240
Speaker 4: day because I was in the conversation and we're talking

826
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:46,720
Speaker 4: about past whatever.

827
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, I wonder what he's doing.

828
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 4: Not a good idea, No, no, Actually I was kind

829
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 4: of like, huh, surprise, interesting, interesting, And I think I'm

830
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 4: in a especially if you're in a really bad place

831
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,320
Speaker 4: and then you talk paying your life to theirs.

832
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 2: Oh no, don't do that, don't do it. Yeah, I

833
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 2: still meet up with my ex regularly.

834
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: Thought to me.

835
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, to me, like my exes or my pasts, they

836
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 4: go into the land of nowhere, right, and to me,

837
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 4: I just disappear. They disappear. I never hear like, of course,

838
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 4: I'll just talk about stalking. But I would never ever

839
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 4: ever want to run into them. I never want to

840
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 4: see them. I'm like, they shouldn't exist. Okay, so coming

841
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 4: back to me, like you're friends with them. Yeah, it's

842
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 4: just the opposite, which is healthy, right. I'm yeah, I

843
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 4: never look at the Well, no, it's not that I

844
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,839
Speaker 4: never do. I'm just not on social media that much

845
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 4: much anyway, so I just don't.

846
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 3: Run into that problem that often. But I do see

847
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:42,320
Speaker 3: him in real life.

848
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 4: I r L.

849
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 3: And sometimes it does make me sad, like, you know,

850
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 3: we used to be so close, and yeah, it feels

851
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 3: sort of awkward.

852
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 1: But you think about like you kind of lose friendships too.

853
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, you know you got yours, they are gone,

854
00:41:59,040 --> 00:41:59,919
Speaker 3: you got to divide them.

855
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just just how life is.

856
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 3: One big one is doing some introspection. Ask yourself what

857
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 3: it was that you liked about that person, and if

858
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 3: you can find those qualities and someone else. This is

859
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:18,240
Speaker 3: easier to do a bit later in the grieving process.

860
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 3: But you know, you have those moments of hate that person.

861
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 3: I hate everything about them, But there was something, hopefully

862
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 3: that you were attracted to, and maybe that's an unhealthy thing, right,

863
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 3: Maybe it's a healthy thing, but maybe it's unhealthy. But

864
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 3: finding out what it was is always, you know, is

865
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 3: always a learning experience, right, right, you can, you can

866
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:44,400
Speaker 3: move on and two bigger and better things, okay, and

867
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,879
Speaker 3: then writing about it, making right about it, using it

868
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:48,760
Speaker 3: to create.

869
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I write a lot more when I'm sad. I

870
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 1: will say that me too. Allow yourself to feel, be

871
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: honest with yourself.

872
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 4: And if that's you need to cry a little bit,

873
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 4: or you have to sit and watch the same movies repeatedly,

874
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 4: that's fine. If you just want to sit in the

875
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 4: dart for a couple of days, that's okay too. But eventually, yes,

876
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 4: you do need to shake it off.

877
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 2: That's when the Taylor swift comes out.

878
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 3: Yes, and always good to communicate with the support group

879
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 3: in your life, right what's going on, so that they

880
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 3: can help you and provide that support. And of course,

881
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 3: the unpopular but true time time heals most woods. It

882
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 3: makes things easier, hopefully hopefully eventually. On that positive note,

883
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 3: that's what we have to say about heartbreak today. But

884
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:40,880
Speaker 3: I am really excited to share some listener mail that

885
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:46,399
Speaker 3: we receive. Yes, Kate wrote, although the most wonderful time

886
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 3: of the year is over Halloween, as a fellow horror fan,

887
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 3: I thought I would send you some recommendations just in

888
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 3: case you need more. Always send recommendations. Yes, one cut

889
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 3: of the Dead. It is on shutter UK, not sure

890
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 3: if it is on the US version. It is a

891
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 3: zombie comedy.

892
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 2: The first half hour maybe a little confusing, but stick

893
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 2: with it. It is great to watch with a crowd.

894
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,799
Speaker 3: Also, if you like zombie movies and haven't already seen it,

895
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 3: Trained Busan is great.

896
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 1: One of my favorites.

897
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good one. I sobbed at the end.

898
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 3: Terrified again and on shutter UK. A Spanish language movie

899
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 3: that I found unsettling, to say the least.

900
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 2: Knives and Skin.

901
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 3: I saw this at FrightFest this year, UK horror film festival.

902
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 3: Isn't strictly horror, but has twin peak vibes and has

903
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 3: been described as a feminist noir. Ooh yeah, I really

904
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 3: loved it. Looks like it's not available until December. I

905
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 3: know you like the superhero genre. In case you also

906
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 3: like manga, I highly recommend the TV series Attack on Titan,

907
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 3: a horror fantasy show. I often think about whether the

908
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:48,720
Speaker 3: horror genre is a feminist genre. Women are always telling

909
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 3: men there's something out there, there's something wrong, and the

910
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 3: men are consistently gaslighting them, ignoring their concerns before too long,

911
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 3: everyone's dead apart from one final girl.

912
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 2: Maybe the true horror is the patriarchy.

913
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 3: Horror movies would be over five minutes if people listen

914
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:04,720
Speaker 3: to Women.

915
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 4: I love Yeah, you start thinking about all of the

916
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 4: things that could have been solved, you know why, and

917
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 4: then you have to be oh, because the movie would

918
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 4: not be a movie, right.

919
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 2: We would have no horror movies. What I find interesting

920
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 2: is that it is mostly men making horror movies, but

921
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 2: yet they don't seem to learn from what I think

922
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 2: is the key message of the movie. Listen to Women.

923
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 3: There are some good podcasts on horror if you are interested.

924
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:30,719
Speaker 3: Just suggesting a couple She Kills, which explores horror through

925
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 3: a female lens, and the Evolution of Horror, which explores

926
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,359
Speaker 3: all the different horror genres and how they developed as

927
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 3: you grew up with the screen franchise. You might be

928
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 3: interested in this eight minute documentary called Copycat, which suggests

929
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 3: it may not be as original as everyone thinks.

930
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 2: Oh, I love all of this. I love the suggestions.

931
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:48,760
Speaker 2: Please keep those coming.

932
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:52,760
Speaker 3: And another listener wrote in with some different suggestions. Kim

933
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 3: wrote after listening to feminist movie Friday, Alien Edition I

934
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,439
Speaker 3: am mailing in. I'm a thirty four year old woman

935
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 3: who enjoys lots and lots of horrory feminist horror movie plotlines.

936
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 3: To think about Last House on the Left. This is

937
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:09,760
Speaker 3: so graphic, trigger warning for rape, etc. Parents Getting Revenge, Texas,

938
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:13,480
Speaker 3: Chainsaw Massacre, Final Girl survives because she doesn't do stupid stuff.

939
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 3: Midsummer Hereditary, The Descent, Everything, The Witch, Female Liberation lived deliciously.

940
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:26,720
Speaker 3: I spin on your Grave, Revenge graphic, questionable, Halloween. Sorry,

941
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 3: Laurie does everything to survive and kill her nutty brother,

942
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 3: which makes her badass.

943
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 2: Who cares if she's a virgin.

944
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 3: Jennifer's body for that matter, anything Diabo Cody Ever wrote

945
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 3: for Film Night of the comment Zombie fighting Valley Girls,

946
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 3: It's can't be but great The Craft Marianne, which is

947
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:45,760
Speaker 3: new on Netflix. Also, you mentioned Ripley being the start

948
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 3: of strong female characters like Buffy, but I couldn't help

949
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 3: but think of Linda Hamilton as Sarah Conner. She was

950
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:54,240
Speaker 3: one of the baddest of the badasses post Alien. Thanks

951
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 3: for covering anything horror. I feel like we ladies don't

952
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,799
Speaker 3: get fair representation. Will weigh in on reviews or being

953
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 3: part of this community. You're welcome and I will happily

954
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 3: do so always. Kim later followed up with more suggestions

955
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:11,280
Speaker 3: after Our Monster, our Female Monster episode Misery Gaffy Baits

956
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 3: obviously the audition certainly Harbor. Perhaps also just considered Asian

957
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 3: extreme high tension, which is French hand that rocks the cradle,

958
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 3: single white female swim fan, the crush, that's big genre,

959
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 3: evil dead. All the women are possessed by demons and

960
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 3: made to do evil, gross things. This was a choice

961
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 3: by Rami sam Ramie Sharp Objects. Also the short from

962
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,720
Speaker 3: Tales from the Dark Side movie. Also this movie sucked,

963
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:44,720
Speaker 3: but it's worth mentioning Knock Knock the neon demon Starry Eyes,

964
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:46,880
Speaker 3: a woman moves to La trying to get her big break.

965
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 2: She was willing to do anything.

966
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 3: She spirals and kills all of her terrible roommates and

967
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 3: then turns into an alien after totally rotting.

968
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 2: And falling apart.

969
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 3: I can't remember this title helped me, lol, I have

970
00:47:58,480 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 3: seen that movie.

971
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 2: I'll get back to you about that.

972
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:03,720
Speaker 3: What I remember what it is Eyes Without a Face,

973
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 3: which is a black and white French monster movie. I

974
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:09,879
Speaker 3: can see this influenced later in other horror movies. So

975
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 3: if you wanted some suggestions for horror, these listeners got

976
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 3: you got right.

977
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.

978
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: Ill I've only seen like two of those the bottom list.

979
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:21,839
Speaker 2: I've seen those. I've seen a lot of them.

980
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know.

981
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 2: Well you've got some fun homework today.

982
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 4: And you and I because she mentioned and they both

983
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,839
Speaker 4: mentioned a lot about like mothers, you know, and I

984
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 4: talked about that previously. We did some shout outs to

985
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 4: different podcasts that we want.

986
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 1: To highlight because they're amazing and led by women or females.

987
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 4: The Scam Wow, which is super fun Sue and Sue

988
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 4: and Katie talk about different scams, including and I didn't

989
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 4: listen to the one the wedding industry and poop Tea,

990
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:54,399
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh, I like that. And then

991
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 4: there's also to go with our heartbreak. This is why

992
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 4: I'm single with Amy and Amy and sometimes Chuck. They

993
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 4: talk about the good, the bad, and the worst relationships

994
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 4: all the way from divorces even to boobs.

995
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: You know, I love anything that talks about any of

996
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 1: those things.

997
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 3: Well, there you go, listeners, and if you have any

998
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 3: suggestions for things we should shout out horror movies we

999
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 3: should be watching our next feminist movie Friday. I know

1000
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:23,920
Speaker 3: there's been some talk of the craft. Please right in.

1001
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 3: You can do so at our email address, which is

1002
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 3: Stuff Media, Momstuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can also

1003
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 3: find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or on

1004
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 3: Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks, as always

1005
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 3: to a super producer, Andrew Howard, you and thanks to

1006
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 3: you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You the protection

1007
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 3: of iHeartRadio's house Stuff works. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

1008
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 3: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

1009
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 3: to your favorite shows