WEBVTT - Interview Only w/ Leland Vitter - Diagnosis Doesn’t Define You: Growing Up With Autism 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:07.520 Well, joining me now is a familiar face to many 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:10.760 of you. It's Leland Vitter. He is a anchor at 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:14.480 News Nation, long time before that, longtime correspondent and journalist 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:18.880 for Fox News, and he's out with a new personal 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:23.639 memoir of sorts. It's called Born Lucky, A dedicated Father, 0:00:23.720 --> 0:00:28.000 A grateful son, in my Journey with Autism. It's a 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:31.240 very moving book. And if you're somebody, if you're a parent, 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:39.560 if you have a child struggling with some of these issues, 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:41.519 I think you're going to find this story in this 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:44.960 book quite inspiring. And with this issue in the news, 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:49.760 it is worth looking at how families deal with this, 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:51.560 not how governed. We're going to look at this from 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:57.960 a family perspective, not necessarily a government perspective. Leland, Welcome 0:00:57.960 --> 0:00:59.160 to the podcast. Nice to see you. 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:00.760 Great to be with you. 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:04.120 I think we would say, is I've watched you for many, 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:06.800 many years on radio. They would say, right, you know, 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.120 longtime listener, first time call. So it's great, great to 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:10.520 be with you. 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:15.720 So you know, I had I found your book very 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:18.840 compelling and it reminded me of my friend. And I'm 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:22.360 sure you know this story because you're probably familiar with 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:26.600 them with my friend Ron Fournier, longtime political journalists that 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:29.840 the Associated Press, who wrote wrote a book about his 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:33.720 journey with his son and the battle that they had 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:37.479 and how and just your stories about how Principles were 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:41.760 treating you and your parents and there, and it's just 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:45.200 it's just such a reminder how little the public does 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:51.760 understand autism, understand childhood development issues, and how little we 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:55.520 understand is how you can overcome them, right, And I think, yeah, 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:58.320 and I think that to me feels like the purpose 0:01:58.360 --> 0:01:58.920 of this book. 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:01.840 Yes, yeah, yeah, Look you said it right, and I 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:04.040 think you've picked up on it. Chuck when you said, 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:10.040 for any parent, grandparent, aunt uncle, who has a kid 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:15.440 who is struggling, because it goes way beyond autism to ADHD, anxiety, 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:19.880 physical disabilities, just the general bullying that goes on now 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:22.000 and is so aggressive and there's so many kids who 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:23.920 are struggling having such a hard time. And when I 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:27.160 was diagnosed, you know, when my parents and I write 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.560 this in the book, right, they know there's something wrong 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.359 with me. If a kid would touch me, I'd turn 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.360 around and slug them. I was really repellent to kids. 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:38.640 And they go into one of those little psychology testing centers, 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:43.040 you know, linoleum floors, crummy chairs, We've all been there, 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.320 stale coffee, old magazines. And they bring me back and 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:49.480 take one to take me over to, you know, play 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:50.360 with blocks or whatever. 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:52.760 They talk to my parents and they look at my parents. 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:56.480 They said, we really can't imagine what's going on inside 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:56.880 his head. 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:00.480 And my dad goes, is there anything we can do? Anything? 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.680 You know, he's desperate, And she goes, generally, not, what 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:06.160 year is this? This is the mid eighties, right, not 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:07.680 just it wasn't understood. 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:09.600 What it was. I was just gonna say, like, you know, 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:12.760 it's I was my under I felt like this is 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:16.280 a classic story of the eighties. I don't think that's 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:19.120 the response the school gives you. If this is two 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:23.200 thousand and seven or two thousand and eight, what do you. 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:25.920 Think, Yeah, I think that's I think that's fair. 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:29.040 I think those still to this point, there are so 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:34.440 many parents who feel helpless because there is this idea, 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:36.560 right in my dance, is there anything we can do? 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:39.000 And she said generally not, but you know, if the 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:41.920 kids smart me wants it, there are a few things, 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.840 but there is now even more in our society, this 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:49.320 desire to put kids who have any type of special 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:53.640 need in bubble wrap, right, to give them medicine, and 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:55.680 to say meet them where they're at, and you have 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.040 to accept them is who you are, they are, and 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.960 you have to tell them that this is the superpower 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:03.720 and all of these things that if my dad had 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:07.080 done to me, I would have had no chance to 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.840 operate in the world that I operate in now, because 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.560 his method was not about adapting the world to me. 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:16.640 It was about adapting me to the world. And he 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:19.719 was brutally honest about it, right, Chuck, And that's not 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:21.719 something parents are told to do. You know, when I 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:24.200 was in seventh grade, I wanted to play tennis. My 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.800 dad was a phenomenally gifted athlete, still is, and I 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:30.520 writing born lucky. How he took me to a couple 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.680 of tennis lessons and after the third or fourth one, 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:35.000 he looked at me and he said, I'm your father. 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:35.640 I love you. 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:37.919 I will come to every tennis lesson. I will drive you, 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.160 I will cheer you on. You will never be able 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:42.000 to play tennis. 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:43.080 You just can't do it. 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:44.800 You don't have the coordination, you don't have the hand, 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:47.080 eye coordination, you don't have the depth perception, you don't 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:50.880 have the motor skills, it's never going to work, which 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:53.559 considering I really hope that tennis was my way into 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:57.679 asking this girl out. I was heartbroken, but I knew 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:00.520 then my dad would always tell me the truth. And 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:04.120 then when he said you can do something, boy, that 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:05.440 meant something all of a sudden. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.960 It's interesting what you just said about you felt. You 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:14.040 said your dad wanted you to adapt to the world 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:17.599 that you live in, not make the world adapt to you. Right, boy, 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:20.359 if this is not sort of what I would argue. 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:24.080 You know, we sit here and we have these these fights, 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:27.000 sometimes through left right prisms, but I don't think we're 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:31.440 having left These are because that's how in many ways, 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:34.080 that's how I was raised where and now you know, 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:36.880 especially if you're from a if you're if you're seen 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.440 as from a group that isn't part of the majority, 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:44.279 whether it's a religious minority, whether it's a gender minority, 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:49.840 whether it's you know, something else. Those that succeed are 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:52.159 the ones that learn how to adapt to the world 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:55.080 as it is and then slowly but surely fight for 0:05:55.200 --> 0:06:01.719 acceptance versus h trying to turn you know, three hundred 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:04.520 and forty nine million people to your way right, right, 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:07.719 which is which is something that you know, if everybody 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.960 behaved that way, we'd never get anything done as a country. 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:13.480 Yeah. I think that's a perfect point. 0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:15.120 And I think it's one of those things, right, You've 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:17.479 got to meet people where they're at, and the world 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:20.400 is where it's at. Especially you know, when I was 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:22.960 a little kid, and I think about this story for 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.880 fifth grade about my dad really realizing there's a problem 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:30.120 fifth grade going to a small private school. He comes 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.240 over to check on me. I'm getting bullied every day. 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:34.680 I'm coming home crying every day my sister. 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:37.200 And this is that private school. Yeah, your parents are 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:43.840 paying yea in theory extra right, well, you know, you know, 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:47.200 or at least more personalized more. I mean, why did 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:49.360 we move from public to private? It was for that 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:49.880 right too. 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:53.680 To be fair, though, you know, my parents didn't tell anybody. 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.839 They didn't tell anybody that I was diagnosed with anything 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.080 because my dad said, I didn't want you to be 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:01.320 defined by it, and I didn't want you to all 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.800 you have that. And I think people can say, you know, 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:07.599 good things are bad things about that, but it certainly 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:10.480 was a different way, and it now forced me to 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:15.400 know that I could work through anything but fifth grade 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.400 private school. He comes in to see the pe teacher. 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:22.960 I'm in pe and my dad goes, hey, how's he 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.560 doing in This guy who he knew, big big former 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:29.440 football player knew my dad from football, said I think 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:31.080 he's doing better today, you know better this week. 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.280 He goes, great, let's go see him in pee. 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:34.880 And the guy goes, I don't think that's a good idea, 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:37.800 and they're looking down on all the fields and dad 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:39.880 goes wise as well. He says, I've had to put 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:43.000 him with the girls because I had to protect him 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:45.040 from all the boys. So you think about that from 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.480 a father's perspective, a fifth grade father hearing that the 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:49.720 only way for the pe teacher to protect his kid 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:51.119 is to put him with the girls. 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.880 My dad said okay, thanks and walked off. 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:57.600 But I think that sort of shows you where I 0:07:57.680 --> 0:08:02.040 was at in my social ability to interact with Some 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:05.200 people are sort of magnetic in their attraction of friends 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:05.720 and kids. 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:06.920 I was repellent. 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:14.040 So I remember my friend Ron describing the issue with 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:17.480 his son, which was you know that you had to 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:20.400 learn social cues right it sounds like that's what you, 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.840 that's what you your father really helped you with, which 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.840 is sure to how to read other In some ways 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:30.600 we don't realize that we're We quickly learned how to 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.360 read people, but not everybody can. And sometimes you, just 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:35.720 like you might need extra help to learn nectually read words, 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:38.800 some people need extra help to read social cues. Right, 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:40.800 is that a fair description? 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:41.680 Very fair? 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:45.920 And I needed both, you know, two halves to an 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:51.080 IQ test, twenty points spread between the two halves represents 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:53.920 a learning disability. 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.080 I was between genius and. 0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:58.920 Mentally retarded, so half the test I was genius, half 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.160 the test test I was mentally target so seventy plus 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:03.440 points spread. So I needed a lot of help learning 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:07.079 how to read words and forcing through that. And then 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:09.120 also you pointed out social skills. So one of the 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:12.640 things my dad did was he would take me to 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:14.760 lunch with mister Todd. 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:18.000 Right. And it was easy because I didn't have any friends. 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:19.320 I didn't have anything else to do with my life. 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:20.600 My dad was my only friend. 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.000 And I loved interacting with adults because I could talk 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:24.880 to them about things that I talked to my dad about, 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:28.840 about politics, about sports, about not so much sports, but politics, business, 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:30.240 all that kind of stuff. 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:31.800 And we'd go to much with mister Todd. 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:33.680 And this is a perfect example because I would just 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.920 be badgering the hell out of you with questions, how 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:38.640 do you book your guests, how do you decide what 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:39.800 politicians telling the truth? 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:41.040 How do you come up with your questions? 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:44.240 On and on and on, and my dad, rather than 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.679 sort of saying you know, okay, lucky, stop or enough, 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:52.559 he would tap his watch, and that was my moment. 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:56.680 To be that was a social cue. He was teaching you. 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:58.000 That was a social queue. 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:01.960 So to tap his watch, that's my method message to 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:05.319 stop talking, but also to bookmarkt right, because then we 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:08.200 would go back and he'd say, okay, mister Todd was 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:11.720 talking about going on vacation with his kids or taking 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.560 his wife out to dinner on Saturday night. Why did 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:16.280 you think that was the right time to ask him 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:22.920 about his show or politics or whatever it was. And 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:26.120 it was teaching me how to understand and see the 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:30.400 world through as you point out, the natural social skills 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:33.480 that so many other people have. It's a small example, 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.360 but it was a way to actually teach me in 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.640 real time. What was happening rather than just say, look, 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:43.079 you know he can't he can't come out with anybody, 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:44.760 which at the time I really couldn't. But at the 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:49.320 same time, if you say to a kid okay, stop, okay, 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:51.360 not now, okay, whatever, it embarrasses the kid. 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:54.199 And so that was the line he had to toe. 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:57.880 Was there a moment for you where it was like 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:03.600 you right, got it? Yeah? Or is this a gradual 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:07.160 thing where all of a sudden your dad said, do 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:10.760 you realize that you know, you're no different than anybody 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:11.800 else out there in the world. 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:13.880 Ook. 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:16.760 He always made it clear to me that I was different, 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:20.559 and what he would tell me, you know, through the 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:22.720 bullying and isolation of high school. 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:25.839 I have had a teacher in eighth grade. 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:28.120 Who said to me in an art class, you know, 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.679 tables and art around, you know, in front of the 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:32.640 whole class. He said, you know, if my dog was 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:34.440 as ugly as you, I'd shave its ass and make 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:39.200 it walk backwards. And I came home that night he just, yeah, yeah, 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:40.400 try that one on for size. 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:44.160 Gosh, that's something you don't forget. 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:47.240 I guess, no, no, you don't, And I don't forget 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:48.840 his name either, But we didn't put it in the book. 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:53.640 I walked across the street back home that afternoon. My 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:57.559 dad was waiting for me, as he was every every 0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:00.439 time that I came home from school, every day twenty 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:02.040 and I was just crying. I said, I was just 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:05.520 humiliated today and told them what had happened. And he 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:07.160 talked me through it and worked through it. 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:09.000 And what was interesting at the end. 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:11.720 Of the conversation every night he'd say to me, Look, 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:15.520 the qualities that make you unpopular now and that you 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:19.800 are picked on now and that make you humiliated now, 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:22.400 is what's going to be your strength later on. And 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:24.960 it wasn't ever about academics. It wasn't ever about being 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.360 smart or successful. It was about character and hard work 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:30.959 and self esteem was earned, not given right. 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:33.400 You know. I started as a kid doing two hundred push. 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:36.640 Ups a day at six or seven years old, because 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:39.240 Dad was like, I can teach you that hard work 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:45.319 is rewarded and that goals matter. So that that was 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.640 where he would He was very clear to me that 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:50.280 I was different. I think you'll appreciate this, Chuck. Living 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:52.520 where you and I both live now, I used to 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:55.320 say I never liked anyone who liked high school, because 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:57.480 the values of high school are so screwed up that 0:12:57.520 --> 0:12:59.200 if you like high school, there's something wrong with you. 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.200 And there's a little bit to be said about that 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.920 about Washington too, if you really like. 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:06.560 One student council. I know, I have a friend of 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:09.520 mine who grew up in Arlington, Leland. You'll appreciate this. 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:11.720 I don't mean to interrupt your train of thought there, 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:15.440 but she loves to remind like she's a native Arlingtonian, 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:18.520 which means she's grown up in Washington, much different than 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:20.760 ninety percent of the people that live in this community 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:24.840 of the DMB. And she said, just remember, everybody who 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:28.680 comes to Washington wanted to be student council president. Doesn't 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:31.760 mean they ever became student council president, but they all 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:32.199 want it. 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:32.640 So you have. 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:36.080 The point is it's a town of busybodies, right like 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:38.960 it is. It is, it is, it is, It is 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:41.440 that part of high school on steroids. 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:45.040 Yeah, look, you know, the best training for a Washington 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:46.360 newsroom may have been middle school. 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.840 I think some people in Congress would say that as well. 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:56.160 I think Congress is the only one who has a 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:57.880 lower approval rating than the media right now. 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:01.920 But it's interesting you say this about high school and 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:06.480 about Let me ask this though, why'd you go public 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:09.719 with the story? You know, I didn't I didn't know this, 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.160 and I wouldn't have I would have never picked up 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:16.240 You know, sometimes I'd like to think, oh, so and 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:18.720 so you know, you hear this phrase on the spectrum? Yeah, 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.600 and at this point I don't love the phrase because 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:24.480 aren't we all on the spectrum? It just depends, right, 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.240 I mean, yeah, we're all on the spectrum. So it's 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:31.320 this weird shorthand that we've given to Hey, they're a 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:35.680 little bit off center from whatever spectrum is and all 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:40.520 this stuff. But why'd you choose to share your story? 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:43.920 Because in some ways it sounds like your dad's goal 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.720 was to help you adapt so that you didn't have 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:50.560 to constantly say I'm different, treat me different. 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:52.800 Yeah, no, look, I mean you think about where my 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:53.160 dad was. 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:55.840 I think you have to sort of baseline this seventh 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:58.680 grade start a new school. My parents are hoping for 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:01.920 this change, sitting in they get called in two or 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:04.320 three weeks into school, thinking like, hey, this is just 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:05.920 a normal check in, right, you have kids, and you 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:07.960 know what you know this is like and everybody sat 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:10.880 in the principal's office, and the principal looks, starts the 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:14.760 meeting off cold of my parents, you know, most. 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:15.480 Of the school here. 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:19.720 In fact, everybody here really thinks Lucky is quite weird. 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:21.760 That's a seventh grade principaletize. 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:23.800 You know. I saw that line, you know, and you're 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:27.120 just sitting there going, yeah, how do you become a 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.560 principal writing about a kid that way? Yeah? Like it 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:32.000 really well, I'm not trying to like, you know, sound 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:35.920 like you fire all these people, but my god, right. 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:38.120 And then right, and then you know, so arrow number 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:41.600 one through my parents' heart, and and look they know 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:45.080 that in some ways it's true that I was really 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.320 different and really odd. And then she follows up with 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:51.200 and I think he and frankly, I think he's pretty 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:51.760 weird too. 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:54.680 So what told you is that people who were supposed. 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:57.200 To protect me we're gonna weren't going to and thought 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.840 it was my fault. Again, great training for a news 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:04.000 but uh, the reason I went public with it is 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:09.040 because I think we are in a reckoning about parenting 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:12.880 in America, and I think parents need to know there 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:16.560 is real hope. George Will wrote the forward to this 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:18.760 and he said, this is the proof of the mountain 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.680 moving power of printal love. And I think parents have 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:24.600 been told for so long, you know, let the village 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:28.640 raise your kid, you know, let let let your kid 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:31.480 be them and and sort of the experts know better, 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:33.720 and there's this new methodology and on and on and 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.440 on and told parents basically not to take control. 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:37.040 And mine did. 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:39.920 And I thought it was a really important story for 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:40.680 people to hear. 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:44.800 I well, that is a that is a great way 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:49.960 to frame it, because you know, the fact is this 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:55.040 is true not just when it comes to parenting, which 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:58.920 is the parents need to take more control, right, And 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.880 there's there is this like perception that somehow you don't 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:04.119 have the ability to change things. It's also true with 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:07.800 the healthcare system, right if you don't take control of 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:11.879 your own medical care. And by the way, remember that 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:14.840 the doctors work for you. You don't work for the doctors. 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:17.359 These people work for you. You don't work for that 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:20.280 type of mindset. But you, the parent, have a lot 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:23.000 more station here and that you also have a lot 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:26.040 more responsibility when it comes to your kids. I mean, 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:30.239 I look at when you when you it feels like 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:33.960 we have a a lot of broken young men out 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:39.919 there right who are susceptible to all sorts of violent 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:47.560 ideologies or violent actions. Perhaps some of this is social 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:53.080 media or you know, whatever we're doing here, but you know, 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.679 there is a through line that I notice in some 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:57.560 of these people, whether it's a school shoot and all 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:01.720 that is, there is some sort of lack of parenting 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:05.800 or a parent not in the picture, or a parent 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:09.879 sort of not seeing things. What I find your story 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:15.399 to be inspiring. It's a reminder that the parent needs 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:19.159 to take control here, because nobody else is going to 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:22.520 love this kid enough to do the kid right. Only 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:23.680 the parent. 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.600 One thousand percent. I mean, there's so many different ways 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:27.040 to go with that. 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:29.399 Right when I was diagnosed with autism, I said this, 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:31.639 you know, in the book, they didn't really know what 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:31.959 it was. 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:32.800 It wasn't a spectrum. 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:37.320 Was either you're profoundly autistic or you're nothing and a 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:38.639 pervasive elemental dislay. 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:38.960 Whatever. 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.240 Now it's one in thirty one kids boys, one in twelve. 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:44.719 Do you think, by the way. 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:46.600 What is what is your understanding of it? Are we 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:49.320 learning to diagnose it better or is it increasing in 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:50.080 the society. 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.680 I think the answer to that is both. And what 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:55.640 I find interesting is is that. 0:18:57.240 --> 0:19:02.480 There's lots of theories about what autism, what it's not. 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:04.840 You know, Oh no, it's not rising, it's just we're 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:06.680 diagnosing more. Oh no, it can't be vaccines. 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:07.040 Don't know this. 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:09.639 There's nobody who will tell you definitively this is what 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:11.280 it is. This is why we're seeing this. And by 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:15.919 the way, you Leland, who clearly was diagnosed with what 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:17.840 we now know to be autism, just got married to 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:20.120 this wonderful woman who you want to have kids with. 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:24.359 Here's we know that it's a higher chance that I 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:27.120 will have an autistic child, but we don't know why, 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:30.240 and we don't know if there's anything that can be 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:31.439 done either during pregnancy or. 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:33.440 That means that implies it's genetic. 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:36.640 There's some genetic component, right, But at. 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:38.920 The same time we are having this debate about is 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:41.159 it outside chemicals or something like that. 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:44.520 No, I mean, I think the answer is we don't know, 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:49.959 and I think, you know, I think that intel science 0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:52.639 can tell us the answer to that. We need to 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:54.840 keep looking. It should be you know, we've cured a 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:57.480 not cured. You can live now with AIDS. Is no 0:19:57.520 --> 0:19:59.919 longer a dessence, dozens of cancers you can live with 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:02.159