Speaker 1: Okay, Hi Catherine, Oh, hello Chelsea, Hello our listeners. I
Speaker 1: am currently in Maths Vinyad with my family Vaca, and
Speaker 1: we have cousins coming. We have I just got here,
Speaker 1: so I'm solo and my family arrives and starts to
Speaker 1: ruin everything probably in four to six days. And I
Speaker 1: have my show coming up at the East Hampton club
Speaker 1: House August twenty six, so that's right around the corner.
Speaker 1: If you haven't got tickets and you're in East Tampton,
Speaker 1: get them. It's an intimate show and there are still
Speaker 1: tickets left, so I'm not really sure what that's about.
Speaker 1: But anyway, my family is coming and we added some people.
Speaker 1: I always like to add randoms into the mix on
Speaker 1: family vacations because my family's always like that's kimming. It's
Speaker 1: like none of your fucking business. So yeah, so we
Speaker 1: but my cousins are coming this year. And my aunt Gabby,
Speaker 1: who's my queen bitch in our family. She's the one
Speaker 1: who created the bitches in our family.
Speaker 2: We blame her her. Yeah, she's very antisocial.
Speaker 3: And yet she wants to be with everybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she likes to be there, but she doesn't want
Speaker 1: to be in the mix. She wants everybody around her,
Speaker 1: just like my mom did. My mom would go upstairs
Speaker 1: and bring a liverwort sandwich.
Speaker 2: It's like so gross.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even go into her bedroom when she had
Speaker 1: one of those until it was consumed, and she would
Speaker 1: just keep her door open, and my mom would just
Speaker 1: sit there and listen to us. She's like, the best
Speaker 1: joy in my life is to listen to my family.
Speaker 1: I'm like, but not be interacting with any of us.
Speaker 4: My dad is a little bit like your aunt where
Speaker 4: he at family gatherings, like he loves to be there,
Speaker 4: but he wants to like sit quietly in the corner
Speaker 4: by himself and to sort of like watch everybody.
Speaker 3: Which is you know, just sort of weird dad move.
Speaker 4: But now my sister's husband, who is friends with my dad,
Speaker 4: he's kind of the same way, so they just like
Speaker 4: sit quietly in the corner, and like, sometimes I'm.
Speaker 1: Not interested in being quiet, like you know, if you're
Speaker 1: I am, like, I like to be quiet, but in solitude.
Speaker 1: But like when you're in a family gathering, we have
Speaker 1: too many people in our family that don't fucking talk
Speaker 1: and they're not really yeah, yeah, my sister's husband barely talks.
Speaker 2: Ever.
Speaker 1: My sister's son is very shy, but he's warming up
Speaker 1: at the tender age of ten or twelve or thirteen.
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure how old he is. I have
Speaker 1: too many nieces and nephews to keep track, but he's
Speaker 1: not ten. But yeah, we have there's a lot of quiet,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, we need action, you know, we need
Speaker 1: action within the family, Chelsea.
Speaker 4: I stumbled upon an architectural Digestive video of one of
Speaker 4: your home tours, like your old house, and you're like,
Speaker 4: really into design an architecture.
Speaker 2: I'm into it. I like what I like?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I like, yes, I'm into it, but
Speaker 1: I'm not like somebody you know, who's going.
Speaker 2: To be designing their own furniture.
Speaker 1: Although I did design my new house in a way, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm into design. I like very specific vibe when I
Speaker 1: go somewhere and when I live somewhere. So yes, I'm
Speaker 1: into soft contemporary, like I like modern.
Speaker 2: I do not like traditional. That's not my vibe.
Speaker 1: Although my new house is kind of traditional. It is traditional,
Speaker 1: but we modernized it. So it's like it was white
Speaker 1: and we painted it all black. My designer kept trying
Speaker 1: to take me back down traditional fixtures, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's just not the way that I like things I
Speaker 1: don't like.
Speaker 2: How do I say, like, how can I describe boring?
Speaker 1: No, it's not boring because it's really nicely done in
Speaker 1: certain people's homes.
Speaker 2: It's just not my style. Like, I don't want it
Speaker 2: to feel family.
Speaker 1: I want it to feel a bachelorette pad, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean.
Speaker 2: Like, I don't want it to feel like.
Speaker 1: Okay, everybody gather around the dinner table. It's like, I
Speaker 1: don't sit at the fucking dinner table, you know. So
Speaker 1: that's not in the main feature in my house, the
Speaker 1: dining room. And I like it casual, but you know,
Speaker 1: nice stuff.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it seems like you like communal in a
Speaker 4: way of you like to entertain and I like openness.
Speaker 2: I like everything to be open. I like lots of glass.
Speaker 1: I like a lot of black borders, you know, like
Speaker 1: the stain the chrome, the stainless steel glass borders, glass
Speaker 1: windows that have the black trim.
Speaker 2: I love that, yes, but I need it to be sexy. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Do you think it's going to be done by the
Speaker 4: time you come back when I'm homeless now?
Speaker 1: So I mean I'm just basically, I'm like on the lamb.
Speaker 1: I haven't had a home yet. It's supposed to be
Speaker 1: done in September. I'll be in my Raca for the
Speaker 1: month of September. After this, I go to Myorca after
Speaker 1: my show in the Hamptons, and then I come back
Speaker 1: and I do on my fall dates. So if you
Speaker 1: haven't gotten tickets to shows in Columbus or Cincinnati or
Speaker 1: New York or d C or any of these fun
Speaker 1: places that I'm going get them.
Speaker 2: And I'm really looking forward to getting back on tour.
Speaker 1: It's so nice to do my stand up for three
Speaker 1: months and then take a three month break and go
Speaker 1: back to it. It's the best way to do stand
Speaker 1: up so that you never for me, so I don't
Speaker 1: get sick.
Speaker 2: Of my own material.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I can imagine you could burn out
Speaker 4: because you're so busy and it's like so draining to
Speaker 4: be traveling all the time at least.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but now I'm on vacation. I've been on vacation
Speaker 1: for so long. My life has been so luscious. I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful.
Speaker 3: Awesome.
Speaker 2: Okay, So our guest today is a personal friend of mine.
Speaker 2: I love and adore this girl. I shouldn't say girl.
Speaker 1: She's a woman, but to me, she's a girl because
Speaker 1: I'm so much older than her. She's a Grammy nominee
Speaker 1: and as CMA Award winning Pop Country Artist, and an
Speaker 1: extended version of her new album Rolling Up the Welcome
Speaker 1: Matt came out this week. Please welcome Kelsey Ballerini. Oh
Speaker 1: oh oh, there's my chequita banana, chaquita banana. Hi friend,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, welcome home from that vacation.
Speaker 5: Thank you, it was a nice little break.
Speaker 2: Tell us about your vacation with Kenny Chesney.
Speaker 1: If you didn't have your new boyfriend there, I would
Speaker 1: have thought you and Kenny had become a couple.
Speaker 3: FYI, that was a hot take.
Speaker 6: For a minute. That was not true.
Speaker 5: Kenny's He's become my brother, which sounds insane, but I'm
Speaker 5: from Knoxville. He's from Knoxville, and I grew up listening
Speaker 5: to him. So I had a song about my hometown
Speaker 5: a couple of years ago, called half of My Hometown,
Speaker 5: and I just like out of the blue Caldon.
Speaker 6: I was like, will you be on the song?
Speaker 5: He said yes, And just through that we became really
Speaker 5: good friends and then I toured with him this last
Speaker 5: summer and we just became family. And so he took
Speaker 5: me to his house, which house.
Speaker 6: Isn't even the right word.
Speaker 5: It's just like he owns like a full mountain range.
Speaker 2: Mountain is wild. This is Captain.
Speaker 1: By the way, my co host, so Kelsey and I
Speaker 1: became friends because our name's Rhyme, and that was what
Speaker 1: brought us together. Off the topic, I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: you something about the country music industry because every time
Speaker 1: I go to Nashville, I actually performed in your hometown
Speaker 1: recently Knoxville, and it was the most fun ever.
Speaker 2: I mean, all the cities in Tennessee, I had the
Speaker 2: best time. I went to Dollywood, I performed at Graceland.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I was getting the
Speaker 1: full Tennessee treatment. I was like, oh my god, if
Speaker 1: I go to Tennessee and come out of this alive,
Speaker 1: it'll be a miracle.
Speaker 2: And then I did and they were the best audiences.
Speaker 1: Like I just every time I go to a community
Speaker 1: or a part of the country that I think is
Speaker 1: going to be like, you know, resistant I end up
Speaker 1: having the best shows.
Speaker 6: That makes me so happy.
Speaker 1: Yes, Well, so I guess my question is, so every
Speaker 1: time I go to Nashville, which is you know, usually
Speaker 1: I warm up my tour there.
Speaker 2: I always go to Zanies Nashville.
Speaker 1: And the music community just shows up and droves to
Speaker 1: my shows. And it's so sweet because I don't know
Speaker 1: all of these people, but I know some of them,
Speaker 1: and I want to know, Like, I know you have
Speaker 1: a lot of friendships within the music community, but if
Speaker 1: it feels like a much more supportive community, then, say,
Speaker 1: Hollywood and actors and actresses, what do you think about
Speaker 1: the support that you get from other country stars? Would
Speaker 1: you say that that's kind of the attitude across the
Speaker 1: board or what.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a lot of camaraderie.
Speaker 5: I mean, I feel like the last few years, just
Speaker 5: like every other part of pop culture, there's definitely been
Speaker 5: more division. People kind of pick teams and sides on things,
Speaker 5: and you've seen that in.
Speaker 6: Country for sure.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I mean, like I look back, I've put
Speaker 5: out my first thing, Old Radio nine years ago, and
Speaker 5: kind of the biggest turning points of my career have
Speaker 5: been mostly the women, some men, mostly the women that
Speaker 5: I grew up on turning around and either reaching out
Speaker 5: their hand and being like, hey, come share my stage
Speaker 5: with me, or calling me out of the blue and
Speaker 5: being like, what do you need, how are you steeling?
Speaker 5: Let me give you advice, And that to me is
Speaker 5: the most telling part of the country music that I
Speaker 5: grew up on. That I was like, I stars in
Speaker 5: my eyes. I want to be part of that. It
Speaker 5: was the warmth in the community that I felt when
Speaker 5: I was listening on the radio, and that has translated
Speaker 5: to me. I mean there's still like competitive energy.
Speaker 2: I think there has to be listen to be successful,
Speaker 2: you have to be competitive.
Speaker 1: That's just the way it is. And it's really nothing
Speaker 1: actually to be ashamed about. It's actually part of the motivation.
Speaker 1: It's when you're jealous or envious and you let that
Speaker 1: come out more so than being just healthy competition.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had to learn that too, just
Speaker 5: especially as a woman in entertainment, especially country music. There's
Speaker 5: such a deficit of space, I guess for us historically,
Speaker 5: and so yeah, I've really had to retrain my brain
Speaker 5: to go, am I feeling competitive with myself or in
Speaker 5: a healthy manner with kind of where I'm matt in
Speaker 5: my career and in the game, Or am I feeling
Speaker 5: jealous because you know, historically there's only been three spots,
Speaker 5: and there's thirty of us and we all deserve it.
Speaker 5: So like I'm having to like undo a lot of
Speaker 5: the things that I've sent in the last ten years
Speaker 5: feeling really.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's also something to remember that it is
Speaker 1: like a human It's a totally natural human emotion.
Speaker 2: It's what you do with it.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: You can use it as a motivator, or you can
Speaker 1: use it as a divider. And it's like, oh, the
Speaker 1: people that learn that quick more quickly, you're better off
Speaker 1: because you can get consumed by another person's success if
Speaker 1: you're not where you want to be.
Speaker 5: For sure, I had seasons of that too, but I
Speaker 5: don't know, I feel like I've just recalibrated in my
Speaker 5: life the last three years really, and I feel like
Speaker 5: I got to kind of shed that skin because I
Speaker 5: still I've pent a lot of that on my youth,
Speaker 5: and I feel like the last few years I shed
Speaker 5: that skin.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The last time we saw each other in person, you
Speaker 1: and I were both broken up with our significant others,
Speaker 1: but we didn't tell each other because coming on we
Speaker 1: were both You're like, how's Joe, And I was like great,
Speaker 1: Meanwhile we were broken up because I was hosting guests,
Speaker 1: hosting Jimmy kimble This was almost a year ago, and
Speaker 1: Kelsey was on and I was like, how's yours and
Speaker 1: she was like great, and we both were just like
Speaker 1: we just couldn't even tell each other because it wasn't
Speaker 1: public on my end and it wasn't public.
Speaker 2: On her end.
Speaker 1: And now we're a year out and you're in a
Speaker 1: new relationship with your adorable boyfriend Chase, and you seem
Speaker 1: happy as a pig and shit, So I want to
Speaker 1: say I'm happy for you, and I want to ask you,
Speaker 1: what is it about this relationship that is making you
Speaker 1: so abuliant?
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, Well, I was wondering if you were
Speaker 5: going to bring that up, because we haven't talked about it,
Speaker 5: but I think about that often because like I would
Speaker 5: consider as friends, like we've offline, we've hung out, you
Speaker 5: and I, And it was so funny to me that
Speaker 5: we both went into our public personas.
Speaker 2: To give it context. We weren't hanging out alone.
Speaker 1: I had Kelsey on as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel,
Speaker 1: and yes, Joe and I literally had broken up like
Speaker 1: the night before I started guest. So I wasn't telling
Speaker 1: anyone really except because I was like, I was just
Speaker 1: still just trying to focus on the job at hand,
Speaker 1: and you and we were backstage, and it was a moment.
Speaker 1: If you and I had been to dinner or something,
Speaker 1: we I'm sure we would have been a little bit
Speaker 1: more honest, but yeah, we went into pure Hollywood bode.
Speaker 1: I don't want my thing that week was I didn't
Speaker 1: want anyone at on staff to know that I had
Speaker 1: broken up with Joe because I didn't want them to
Speaker 1: feel like I needed special It's.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I didn't want I just I work best when I'm
Speaker 1: under pressure and I have to hide something.
Speaker 3: Both.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I you know, to be honest with you, I
Speaker 5: don't even think I think I was still kind of
Speaker 5: in my turmoil, like I hadn't even gotten to the
Speaker 5: place of like hitting the breaking point yet, but I'd say, yeah,
Speaker 5: my life's a lot different than last.
Speaker 6: Time we hung and thank god. I just feel.
Speaker 5: Like making that decision for my life was really daunting
Speaker 5: and scared for a lot of reasons. My parents got
Speaker 5: divorced when I was twelve, and I'm an only child,
Speaker 5: and navigating that was traumatic, and then also like growing
Speaker 5: up in the South, growing up super religious, all these things,
Speaker 5: being in a relationship with another public person in my industry,
Speaker 5: like all these things were telling me like just figure
Speaker 5: it out, stay.
Speaker 6: Where you're at.
Speaker 5: But everything in my heart and soul and body was
Speaker 5: like this isn't it.
Speaker 2: You know, Yeah, good for you for following through on
Speaker 2: what you need.
Speaker 1: I mean, and you're very young to be able to
Speaker 1: even make that, especially being in the spotlight, Like it
Speaker 1: adds a whole dimension of pressure.
Speaker 2: I mean, you and I have spoken about it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, just you know, I'm always telling her
Speaker 1: now that I'm older, like be yourself, Like you're only
Speaker 1: going to get rewarded for being yourself. I was saying
Speaker 1: this to Drew Barry more recently because I don't know
Speaker 1: if you saw her New York magazine cover, but like she's,
Speaker 1: you know, the talk show. She's finally being rewarded after
Speaker 1: probably so many notes and so many people telling her
Speaker 1: how to do it, how to behave, how to be
Speaker 1: less of herself on TV, and guess what, the only
Speaker 1: thing that works is to be yourself.
Speaker 2: Drew does want to sit on your lap and touch
Speaker 2: your eyeballs. That's who she is.
Speaker 1: And so now the fact that the whole world gets
Speaker 1: to see her shine because of her effervescence and because
Speaker 1: of truly like her personality is so much more meaningful
Speaker 1: than succeeding in somebody else's shoes that you're pretending are
Speaker 1: your own.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's the I kept going back to the
Speaker 5: quote the right thing and the hard thing, or usually
Speaker 5: the same thing. And so when you honor yourself and
Speaker 5: you do the hard thing, that is the right thing.
Speaker 6: I mean, my God, I.
Speaker 5: Could tell you a million stories just in the last
Speaker 5: eight nine months of just life, God, in the universe,
Speaker 5: whatever you believe in rewarding me and making it very obvious,
Speaker 5: and it's just been great and I'm super happy.
Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. Can you share one
Speaker 2: of those stories with us? Oh?
Speaker 5: God, yeah, this is my favorite. So I lived a
Speaker 5: couple of years ago in Covidhead. I was downtown in
Speaker 5: this area of Nashville called the Gulch.
Speaker 6: It's like right between Music Grow and Broadway.
Speaker 5: And it was nice because I was throwing all the time,
Speaker 5: My ex was throwing all the time, and.
Speaker 6: It was easy to just shut the door and leave it.
Speaker 6: But then COVID happened and it.
Speaker 5: Was like a ghost town and felt apocalyptic and I
Speaker 5: have a dog. I was like, it's time for some
Speaker 5: green a need dr so started looking for a house.
Speaker 5: And I'm such a gut girl. I will follow my
Speaker 5: gut into the depths of the universe. I don't care
Speaker 5: if I'm wrong. I just I believe in trusting it.
Speaker 5: And I found this house and before I walked from
Speaker 5: the door, I was like, this is the house. This
Speaker 5: is the house, and long story very short, didn't get
Speaker 5: the house, bought a house point nine miles down the road,
Speaker 5: and another artist who was going through a big life
Speaker 5: change bought the house.
Speaker 6: So in fast forward two years.
Speaker 5: I been having you know, I'm going through divorce and
Speaker 5: I just could texted this artist and I was like,
Speaker 5: I don't know if you ever knew it was me
Speaker 5: bitting against you, but it was. And I've always loved
Speaker 5: this place. If you ever thought about selling it, would
Speaker 5: you let me? Now? Two weeks later, I found my
Speaker 5: dream home. Are you serious about the house? And long
Speaker 5: story short, it's my house now?
Speaker 2: Oh oh ah? I love that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was just like it wasn't meant to be mine.
Speaker 5: Then it was meant to be mine now in like
Speaker 5: this new chapter. So just like stuff like that over
Speaker 5: and over again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's always interesting when you like look at timing
Speaker 1: of things, right it doesn't work out the way you
Speaker 1: want it to, or what's that saying? Like God doesn't
Speaker 1: come when you want him to, but he comes just
Speaker 1: in time. I mean, I don't really subscribe to the God,
Speaker 1: but I understand that. It's like the universes does have
Speaker 1: your back, Like things are working in your favor the
Speaker 1: way in ways that are unseen and that will never understand.
Speaker 1: You just have to trust it, like you have to
Speaker 1: trust in it right, which is a big leap sometimes.
Speaker 1: And I know that this, your most recent album, is
Speaker 1: a testament to that because I know you've had like
Speaker 1: experiences where you've been kind of directed about what kind
Speaker 1: of music you should be putting out versus exactly authentically
Speaker 1: what you want to say, and your breakup and everything
Speaker 1: that's happened in your life led you to want to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is what I want to put out, And now
Speaker 1: you're being celebrated for your music for that very reason
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's the same thing you were just talking about
Speaker 5: with Drew. You know, I've always tried to be a
Speaker 5: commercial country artist, but I also like, I grew up
Speaker 5: on a farm in East Tennessee, but my first concert
Speaker 5: was Britney Spears, and so I'm like, well, how do
Speaker 5: I do this? Because I want to write music that
Speaker 5: feels good to me and I think it's country, some
Speaker 5: people don't, whatever, But I always wanted to fit in
Speaker 5: a lane which is a country artist.
Speaker 2: And I do.
Speaker 5: I always will ding my heels in here, but I
Speaker 5: would write with people that would kind of keep me
Speaker 5: in the lines, you know, and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 6: And then this last project rolling up.
Speaker 5: To welcome Matt, it had nothing to do. It doesn't
Speaker 5: even count on my record deal, it doesn't count towards
Speaker 5: my label. It was truly just a me project for therapy,
Speaker 5: and it's been the most successful thing I've ever put out,
Speaker 5: and so it's caused me to recalibrate in such a
Speaker 5: major way of like my artistry, the way I share
Speaker 5: what I want to share with the world, all of it.
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, man, I need to care less about
Speaker 5: what it sounds like, if it rhymes correctly, all the
Speaker 5: things that I've told myself that make the craft good
Speaker 5: and just write the truth more.
Speaker 2: What do you mean it doesn't count towards your record deal?
Speaker 2: Like is it?
Speaker 1: I mean it's under the same label, right, but it
Speaker 1: doesn't count about what in terms of what you owe them?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like it's an extra that you just did ex Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: cofy of that just in case I want to get
Speaker 1: into the music industry. Everybody, I know everybody's waiting for
Speaker 1: me to come out without a country rap album because
Speaker 1: I can just see it now. So can you tell
Speaker 1: me about some of the things about Chase that make
Speaker 1: you so happy to be in this relationship or the
Speaker 1: things that he brings out in you?
Speaker 5: Mmm, I feel silly again, And that probably sounds stupid,
Speaker 5: but it's like not hard to find the heaviness in life.
Speaker 5: It's really hard to find the play. It's really hard
Speaker 5: to find like the things that bring you back to
Speaker 5: like your childlike self, that make you google and like
Speaker 5: feels silly and I feel like I get to be silly.
Speaker 5: And I've had that in my friendships and my female
Speaker 5: friendships for years and they've always kind of been my
Speaker 5: refuge when I don't feel that in my whole life.
Speaker 5: But I have that very much. So with him, and
Speaker 5: that's been really, really beautiful to reconnect to that part
Speaker 5: of my relationship. I mean, I could tell you in
Speaker 5: Milia's stories he's the best. We we talked for a
Speaker 5: month and then we met and as soon as we met,
Speaker 5: it was like we were in it. And the second
Speaker 5: time we ever hung out, he asked me to be
Speaker 5: his date to a wedding in Charleston, and I was like,
Speaker 5: fair enough, I guess we'll figure out really quick if
Speaker 5: we travel well together, if I like your friends, like
Speaker 5: all these things.
Speaker 2: I was in.
Speaker 5: Nashville, he was in LA and I had sent him
Speaker 5: rolling at the walcome out before it came out, because
Speaker 5: I'm like, you're gonna ask about this, so here you go.
Speaker 5: And he messaged me and he was like, hey, I
Speaker 5: was thinking maybe I could I could fly to Nashville
Speaker 5: before Charleston. That way you don't to fly by yourself.
Speaker 5: And I know, like your dog means a lot to you,
Speaker 5: and I know you just gott in your new house
Speaker 5: that you really love. I'd love to meet your dog
Speaker 5: and whoever else you want me to and then we
Speaker 5: can find together that way, like you don't have to
Speaker 5: plan it, you don't have to think about it from
Speaker 5: context clues.
Speaker 2: I'm attracted to him now I know.
Speaker 5: And he's hot and he's nice and he loves his mom.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's very cute. That's cute, you know, That's
Speaker 1: what I mean. It's nice to be pursued in that way.
Speaker 1: Also as a woman, you know, like everyone knows people
Speaker 1: constantly are now like I'm hearing these arguments from my friends,
Speaker 1: but going on dates about like chivalry and men are like, well,
Speaker 1: we'll just split the check, you know, now that women
Speaker 1: want equal rights, It's like wait, wait what what Like
Speaker 1: there's still dating and courting, and like, come on, you
Speaker 1: would do that in a same sex relationship, somebody would
Speaker 1: take the lead, Like it doesn't have anything.
Speaker 2: To do with that. Don't take that shit away.
Speaker 1: Like how hot is it to be on a date
Speaker 1: and somebody say let's split the check? It's like, no,
Speaker 1: fuck you asshole, Like I mean, yeah, if I'm on
Speaker 1: a date with somebody who actually that's not true because
Speaker 1: I sometimes pick up the check before the man could
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 2: But no, I wouldn't do it all date situation.
Speaker 5: Not usually when you just want to get out of there, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: When they're like, oh, where's the chuck im, I got it,
Speaker 1: let's go. Yeah, I made up. I did that in
Speaker 1: New York recently, I was on a date and I
Speaker 1: was like, no, this is no longer a date.
Speaker 2: And the check was taking the card down, yeah right away. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like one of the most important milestones was
Speaker 1: literally having like my mom and my father tell me seriously,
Speaker 1: like how impressed they were with my drive and my success.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that is one of those seminal
Speaker 1: moments when you do make it and you start to
Speaker 1: really feel the success, to hear it from the people
Speaker 1: that raised you.
Speaker 2: What do your parents have to say about your success.
Speaker 5: It's interesting because my parents are really different. My mom
Speaker 5: moved me to Nashville when I was fifteen to pursue music,
Speaker 5: which was like her uprooting her life, her friends, all
Speaker 5: that to get me here. My dad's still in Knoxville,
Speaker 5: so my mom was she's walked much closer with me,
Speaker 5: you know, this whole journey. She used to like drop
Speaker 5: me off at meetings or co writes or whatever. So
Speaker 5: my dad's farther removed from like the intricacies of this
Speaker 5: whole thing, but he sees the big moments where my
Speaker 5: Mom's kind of seen the whole thing, and I invite
Speaker 5: them to different things, mainly for my own mental health.
Speaker 5: I can't handle them in the same room. And so
Speaker 5: I think because we're both I would say workhorses. Like
Speaker 5: I like to be head down and go all the time.
Speaker 5: There are not many moments that made me slow down
Speaker 5: and look up, but a lot of the ones that
Speaker 5: have are because my mom or my dad are in
Speaker 5: Rome and I know that they're watching it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: One was when I got inducted into the Grand Ole Opry.
Speaker 5: I was like the newest member, the youngest member, and
Speaker 5: my mom was there and I just knew. She bought
Speaker 5: me tickets for Christmas one year when we still lived
Speaker 5: in Knoxville to go to the Grand Ole Opry one year,
Speaker 5: you know, like that full Ceverle moment I was like.
Speaker 5: To be able to share that with her made me
Speaker 5: look up. Being able to go back to my hometown
Speaker 5: where my sweet dad was like, yeah, go you're fifteen,
Speaker 5: but I get it. Go and play a hometown show
Speaker 5: and like have him be there and like walk around
Speaker 5: like the mayor because he was so proud.
Speaker 6: Like that was the moment and then.
Speaker 5: Me look up. So I definitely feel like the big
Speaker 5: pillar moments so far have had him in the room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's much more meaningful when you have somebody in
Speaker 1: the audience. I know you don't have siblings. I have
Speaker 1: so many, So those moments happen a lot. But it's
Speaker 1: nice to know, like when you have someone special at
Speaker 1: the show, like that you're performing for them, you know,
Speaker 1: like you're like, look, look I peek.
Speaker 5: Mok so big, especially when my friends are there, Like
Speaker 5: I have like just a group of girlfriends that I'm
Speaker 5: so right or die for, and when one of them
Speaker 5: come out to a show, I mean I strut a
Speaker 5: little stronger.
Speaker 2: Totally. That's so true.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be
Speaker 1: right back and we're gonna take some callers. Okay, I'm ready,
Speaker 1: So put your.
Speaker 2: Therapy hat on. Girl, it's coming and we're back. We're
Speaker 2: back so quick.
Speaker 5: Lucky us.
Speaker 4: Well, our first question comes from Harriet. She's not on
Speaker 4: the phone, this is just an email. Harriet says, Dear Chelsea, Basically,
Speaker 4: my father's dating a woman who's married and has a
Speaker 4: whole other life in another province.
Speaker 2: Province that means Canada.
Speaker 4: My father is aware and they've been together for about
Speaker 4: six years.
Speaker 2: Obviously the father's aware if she has a family.
Speaker 4: If you're aware, the father's aware, I don't respect it.
Speaker 4: But I am a person who works very hard to
Speaker 4: keep the peace. I recently got engaged to my partner
Speaker 4: of ten years, and his family is very religious. My
Speaker 4: family is the opposite. I do not want my dad
Speaker 4: bringing his quote unquote girlfriend to my wedding. My partner's
Speaker 4: family is very interested in others' lives and ask a
Speaker 4: lot of questions to people they meet, so I know
Speaker 4: they'll ask about her life. My mom is remarried and
Speaker 4: obviously will be bringing her new husband. My dad is
Speaker 4: very sensitive, so I know he won't want to be alone.
Speaker 4: But he's also very social and has many friends who
Speaker 4: could attend with him. Basically, how can I keep the peace,
Speaker 4: get my dad's girlfriend not to attend and not make
Speaker 4: anyone feel bad?
Speaker 3: Please help Harriet.
Speaker 2: First of all, your dad's girlfriend should not attend.
Speaker 1: No, Matt, She's married with a family, and that's all
Speaker 1: you have to say to him. That is not acceptable
Speaker 1: to be flaunting in front of a whole group of people.
Speaker 5: I think if just one person that's acceptable to offend
Speaker 5: it would be your dad on this one. You got
Speaker 5: to throw a boundary down. It's your day. Don't avenge
Speaker 5: yourself and don't avend your partner.
Speaker 6: It's your moment.
Speaker 5: You're going into a new chapter of real life. You
Speaker 5: can't you can't bring that in. That's fine.
Speaker 1: And also I know it seems like there's billions of
Speaker 1: people in the world, which they are, but like when
Speaker 1: you're dealing with communities like that, him bringing his girlfriend,
Speaker 1: everyone is gonna find out at some point that she's
Speaker 1: married to someone else. There could be a chance that
Speaker 1: somebody at the wedding knows her.
Speaker 2: And that what the fuck are you gonna do?
Speaker 1: You don't even know every single person who's probably coming
Speaker 1: to the wedding, who's bringing a place You don't know
Speaker 1: one person, You don't know if every person doesn't know
Speaker 1: this woman or won't connect the dots or won't figure
Speaker 1: it out, like it's too dangerous of a situation and
Speaker 1: all you have to do is position it to your
Speaker 1: father as first of all, this is something that I
Speaker 1: don't want overshadowing my special day.
Speaker 2: I don't want your affair that is illicit, she's married
Speaker 2: to another person.
Speaker 1: I don't support that Obviously I want to keep the peace,
Speaker 1: but this is my day and I need you to
Speaker 1: respect it.
Speaker 2: And that's it. Like he can't argue with you about
Speaker 2: your wedding day.
Speaker 5: And if he doesn't really respond to that, this might
Speaker 5: be going for the jugular, but also saying you clearly
Speaker 5: don't respect the boundaries of a marriage. You clearly don't
Speaker 5: respect what that means. So why would I want that
Speaker 5: energy in that room when I'm trying to.
Speaker 1: Start that great, great point exactly boom yeah.
Speaker 4: And I think even be specific about which one of
Speaker 4: your dad's friends you would want to attend with him,
Speaker 4: Like I love you know, quote unquote uncle Larry whatever.
Speaker 4: Why don't you bring him? That would be you know,
Speaker 4: he'd be great to have at the wedding. He's not
Speaker 4: already invited whatever, and he'll.
Speaker 2: Have plenty to do.
Speaker 1: He's the father of the bride, Like, he's gonna have
Speaker 1: plenty of people to interact with. And you know it's
Speaker 1: not your this is your day. Do not forget that
Speaker 1: this is the only day you get. Don't let it
Speaker 1: be besmirched by something like Tawdrey like that. You know,
Speaker 1: if he wants to have an affair with a married woman. Fine, great,
Speaker 1: but not at your wedding, agreed.
Speaker 4: Our next question comes from Jessica. Jessica says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 4: I'm not sure if I need your advice or if
Speaker 4: I just need to be talked off the ledge. I
Speaker 4: just ended my six year relationship. It was one of
Speaker 4: the healthiest breakups I've ever had. We entered the relationship
Speaker 4: knowing that I don't want to have kids, and he
Speaker 4: is the fifth generation in his family, so he has
Speaker 4: decided that he needs to have a son at some
Speaker 4: point in his life. Since ending the relationship, I've found
Speaker 4: the perfect place to live, started a new job I love,
Speaker 4: and I've grown closer to my friends and family. I
Speaker 4: feel so free, and I know us breaking up was
Speaker 4: the right decision. Now here's the problem. We haven't even
Speaker 4: been broken up for two months, and he's apparently dating
Speaker 4: someone new and someone I know. I found out because
Speaker 4: the girl he's dating posted a piece of furniture from
Speaker 4: his house on Facebook marketplace for sale. Eventually, one of
Speaker 4: our mutual friends admitted that they are in fact dating
Speaker 4: and it seems like they'll be moving in together very soon.
Speaker 4: Am I crazy to feel like I'm boiling over with
Speaker 4: rage about this. I don't really feel like I'm jealous,
Speaker 4: just pissed off. We've known this girl for a long time,
Speaker 4: and it feels like she was waiting for the second
Speaker 4: we broke up to pounce on him and move into
Speaker 4: the house we lived in together. Do I even have
Speaker 4: a right to be mad about this? I want to
Speaker 4: act like I don't care so badly, but it's hard.
Speaker 4: We have a lot of mutual friends, and I know
Speaker 4: i'll see him soon, and I do have a temper
Speaker 4: and honestly don't really like holding my feelings back. I'm
Speaker 4: concerned that when I see him, I might freak out
Speaker 4: or at least throw around a snide remark or two.
Speaker 4: Even though it didn't work out between us, I really
Speaker 4: did love him, and with him moving on so fast,
Speaker 4: it makes me feel insecure about how he felt about me.
Speaker 4: How should I control myself when I inevitably run into him.
Speaker 4: I'm ready for any stage wisdom you're willing to give.
Speaker 4: Thanks Jessica.
Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, Well, luckily I've been through this exact same situation.
Speaker 2: Hi Jessica, Hi, how's it going?
Speaker 5: Hi?
Speaker 2: Keatie.
Speaker 1: This is Kelsey Vallerini, our special guest today, amazing him.
Speaker 5: Great to be eat both of you all.
Speaker 2: Hi, that's so annoying.
Speaker 1: First of all, it's so fucking annoying to spend six
Speaker 1: years with somebody and then find out that two weeks
Speaker 1: later that they're.
Speaker 2: Dating somebody else. Was it two weeks or two months?
Speaker 7: It was two months, but they basically started dating right after.
Speaker 7: I just found out two months later, so like it
Speaker 7: pretty much was I media. I just found out a
Speaker 7: little bit later. So it's lovely.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, this exact situation happened to me, not exactly,
Speaker 1: but very similar. I dated somebody for four years. I
Speaker 1: broke up with them, and two weeks later they were
Speaker 1: moving in with someone else. So I understand exactly how
Speaker 1: you feel. And good fucking riddance, because that is not
Speaker 1: the person for you. That says everything you need to
Speaker 1: know about that person, everything you need to know. And
Speaker 1: as you said in your letter, you knew you made
Speaker 1: the right decision.
Speaker 2: You're in a new place. Don't let his weakness throw
Speaker 2: you off kilter.
Speaker 1: Now you have the full picture of the fact that
Speaker 1: the decision you made was absolutely the right decision. Just
Speaker 1: him being with someone, and of course there are feelings
Speaker 1: and if you want to make a snide remark, fucking
Speaker 1: go ahead.
Speaker 2: Who gets a shit about that? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It is silly, but he would take a lot of
Speaker 1: pleasure in you being jealous about it.
Speaker 2: So remember that.
Speaker 1: You know, if you let him, if you let him
Speaker 1: see your jealousy, then he'll be like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 1: got her.
Speaker 2: So it's up to you. But I mean, you absolutely
Speaker 2: made the.
Speaker 1: Right decision in every way, right Kelsey, don't you agree?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: The whole there was so much positive affirmation in the
Speaker 5: beginning of that letter. I was like, there's no advice here,
Speaker 5: and then I was like, Oh, my question is.
Speaker 6: Are you close with the girl still?
Speaker 5: So I was never really good friends with her.
Speaker 7: They actually I know her through mutual friends, and then
Speaker 7: he started hanging out with like another friend group towards
Speaker 7: the end of our relationship, and she's in that friend
Speaker 7: group right. So honestly, when we first started dating six
Speaker 7: years ago, they were kind of hanging out, and I
Speaker 7: think he kind of stopped talking to her then was
Speaker 7: dating me.
Speaker 5: So he's always been a little questionionable.
Speaker 7: It just is unfortunate that we spent that much time
Speaker 7: together and now he's dating the same girl.
Speaker 5: Or like she was hanging out. I just feel really
Speaker 5: weird about it all, so I don't know, well.
Speaker 6: Her feelings are valid.
Speaker 5: I would just say, like find a safe friend and
Speaker 5: or scream into a pillow, because that is annoying. That's
Speaker 5: super annoying and like low key a little bit shady.
Speaker 5: But yeah, what Chel said, like, it's you're exactly where
Speaker 5: you need to be, thank God, like to be with
Speaker 5: someone for six years and.
Speaker 6: Move on in two weeks. There was a disconnect. There
Speaker 6: was a bigger disconnect that happened.
Speaker 5: And the first page and a half of your letter
Speaker 5: said that you are happier where you are now. So
Speaker 5: just screaming to a pellow, talk to a friend, and
Speaker 5: then stand in the place that you're at right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you see them, you know what would
Speaker 1: really even drive him more mad is to be happy
Speaker 1: for them to go. I'm so happy that you guys
Speaker 1: found each other. I'm glad to hear that you're together,
Speaker 1: even though it's a lie and you don't feel that way.
Speaker 1: That takes all of the emotion out of it, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna walk away feeling so fucking good about yourself,
Speaker 1: better than if you make a snide remark. You're gonna
Speaker 1: feel empowered. You know, you're going to tell your friends
Speaker 1: the truth, but he wants you to be upset. You
Speaker 1: you know, you left him because you didn't want to
Speaker 1: have a child, so obviously he can't be alone. This
Speaker 1: is so many men cannot fucking be alone and they
Speaker 1: can't even be a part, whereas women, we're alone and
Speaker 1: we're so happy, we're like, oh, thank god, we have
Speaker 1: this minute to breathe, and men are just kind of
Speaker 1: weak like that, and like, if anything, it's like, I
Speaker 1: know it hurts your feelings, but it won't for very long.
Speaker 1: I promise you're already like past the bad part of
Speaker 1: your breakup and all of that. You're not gonna be
Speaker 1: upset for a while, and it will be empowering for
Speaker 1: you to just when you're able to see.
Speaker 2: Them, kind of give them your blessing.
Speaker 7: I'm glad you said that, because I've been battling, like
Speaker 7: I have a feeling I'm going to see them. Florida
Speaker 7: is weird and small, so it's like I know I'm
Speaker 7: going to bump into them at some point, and I
Speaker 7: go back and forth like I want to have a
Speaker 7: confrontational moment just to be like, this is really disrespectful
Speaker 7: to me as a person, right, But I do want
Speaker 7: to kind of just continue on because I'm not upset,
Speaker 7: like you said, I'm not like sad the relationships over.
Speaker 7: I know, we ended it because I didn't want a
Speaker 7: family and that's apparently the only thing he needs in life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he doesn't want to be alone, so he
Speaker 1: needs a family.
Speaker 5: Yeah. So I think you're right, I just need to
Speaker 5: kind of like move on.
Speaker 7: It's so hard to hold that reaction in and that's
Speaker 7: actually why I reached out, because I'm like, I know
Speaker 7: you've been dealing with the reactivity, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 7: just take a breath. Don't acknowledge. It's probably the best
Speaker 7: way to handle it. But it's hard sometimes it's.
Speaker 2: Of course it's hard.
Speaker 1: And thank you for not saying reactionary, because people keep
Speaker 1: saying that, and that's a civil or reenactor. It's reactivity,
Speaker 1: not reactionary like that. People don't understand what that board means.
Speaker 1: First of all, you should get out of Florida as
Speaker 1: soon as possible. But in the meantime, like I think, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at your face and I'm looking at your vibe.
Speaker 1: And your energy and your positive and your upbeat, like,
Speaker 1: don't belittle yourself by even saying anything negative to them. Obviously,
Speaker 1: talk to your friends and just deal with it on
Speaker 1: your own. And when you have these feelings, one of
Speaker 1: the most powerful things you can do is to sit
Speaker 1: with negative feelings and let them work through your body
Speaker 1: instead of trying to stuff them away or distract or deflect.
Speaker 1: If you literally sit and think about how ikey this is,
Speaker 1: you will be amazed at how quickly that feeling goes
Speaker 1: away ton and yeah, and then you know, I had
Speaker 1: my friends say to me once like, do you want
Speaker 1: to be on your highest like soul path or do
Speaker 1: you want to be down? Like you can let people
Speaker 1: take you down by reacting to their negative behavior, or you.
Speaker 2: Can just be on a higher path and rise above it.
Speaker 1: And actually, when you do interact with them, be you know,
Speaker 1: be as nice and fake or whatever it takes to
Speaker 1: make sure that they know that they didn't get you
Speaker 1: or that he didn't hurt you in that way. And
Speaker 1: I promise you when you because that's really the right
Speaker 1: thing to do. Anyway, it doesn't matter, it's not your
Speaker 1: business anymore. He's not your boyfriend. He doesn't have to
Speaker 1: protect you in the breakup, so you wish you would.
Speaker 1: But anybody who gets together with somebody that quickly isn't
Speaker 1: worried about protecting you. They're worried about themselves. So I
Speaker 1: think you're going to be pleased with yourself if you
Speaker 1: just get to your higher soul path, so to speak,
Speaker 1: and just do the right thing, you know, and not
Speaker 1: be a cunt and just be cool.
Speaker 3: I have to say, the petty part of me wants
Speaker 3: to do both.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: It's so hard, but you have to understand it's an impulse.
Speaker 1: That's an impulse when you want to say something to somebody.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean it's right. It's just an impulse and
Speaker 1: it feels good. But it doesn't feel as good as
Speaker 1: taking the higher road.
Speaker 2: And that's true. It doesn't last as long that feeling.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can walk away and then say the petty
Speaker 4: part to your friends afterwards.
Speaker 7: It's really easy to be petty with him because I
Speaker 7: don't know what's going on. But he like turn thirty
Speaker 7: and then bought a mullet and dyed the tips of
Speaker 7: the mullet blonde, and I just really truly don't know,
Speaker 7: like what in the world is happening. So I'm happy
Speaker 7: that's not the section of him I got, but it
Speaker 7: does make it a little bit easier.
Speaker 5: It's bizarre. Onward and awards, baby, not the mullet with
Speaker 5: blonde tips.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, not anymore, no more. No.
Speaker 5: I know that's some real Florida shit, But it is happening.
Speaker 2: How long?
Speaker 1: But within what time frames did he'd get that mullet
Speaker 1: and frosted tips after you broke up with him?
Speaker 7: It was it was transitioning into a mullet towards the end,
Speaker 7: and then we frosted the tips, like right when they
Speaker 7: started dating.
Speaker 2: I think. Okay, so I really just to be happy
Speaker 2: that this is over, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you judged so many bullets.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you doudged a lot of bullets.
Speaker 1: And just be happy that you're free, Be happy that
Speaker 1: that's not you with him.
Speaker 2: Be happy.
Speaker 5: I appreciate it. Yeah, that's great advice.
Speaker 7: I definitely think, keep it inside, Let live their lives
Speaker 7: and kind of move onward and upward, like you said,
Speaker 7: so I appreciate it.
Speaker 3: Okay, Thanks Jessica, thanks for calling.
Speaker 5: Thanks so much. It's great to meet both of you. Hi,
Speaker 5: Da isn't.
Speaker 2: It funny to see how happy people are when they
Speaker 2: break up? She was just so happy.
Speaker 1: And she's not even she's upset about this, but she's
Speaker 1: not really.
Speaker 2: She was all.
Speaker 4: She got the post break up glow. Well, our next
Speaker 4: caller is Gina. She is calling in from Wisconsin, she
Speaker 4: says to you, Chelsea. Two months ago, I quit my
Speaker 4: soul sucking job at a big four public accounting firm.
Speaker 4: I felt so empowered by leaving, and I thought it
Speaker 4: was a perfect time to do something. I truly love
Speaker 4: architecture and design and exterior design. Not sure about you,
Speaker 4: but I just about orgasm every time I skim my
Speaker 4: architectural digest mags or scroll through the hundreds of design
Speaker 4: accounts I follow on Instagram. I didn't pursue it in
Speaker 4: college because I was afraid of risk of job and security,
Speaker 4: sucking at it and ultimately not making any money. My
Speaker 4: question lies between two different life paths. One getting a remote,
Speaker 4: lonely accounting job that I may not see much growth
Speaker 4: in as I don't plan to pursue the CPA like
Speaker 4: my dad wants me to, but gives me flexibility to
Speaker 4: travel or potentially buy an old home. I can fix
Speaker 4: up myself, or staying in my hometown, getting a lower
Speaker 4: paying accounting job and attending community college to get an
Speaker 4: associate's degree in interior design. Although I've been looking at
Speaker 4: programs to pursue elsewhere, I'm horrible at making decisions and
Speaker 4: take everything into account to the point where I stay stagnant.
Speaker 4: But I need to get a move on because I'm
Speaker 4: twenty six and already started late. Recently, I've been living
Speaker 4: by the lines of everything happens for a reason, and
Speaker 4: you are where you're supposed to be. Yet here I
Speaker 4: remain unemployed, living in the room I grow up in.
Speaker 4: Would love your suggestions. Sincerely, Gina, Hi, Gena Dane, How
Speaker 4: are you good?
Speaker 2: This is Kelsey Ballerini. She's our guest today.
Speaker 8: Hi. I know a song or two.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 6: I bet you do your country Brett.
Speaker 8: I Ah, I'm going line dancing tonight. So if you're
Speaker 8: Nana sing what's your bro not?
Speaker 5: I love that big Ye.
Speaker 2: What's the name of that single? The most recent single Kelsey.
Speaker 5: If you go down on going down to Yeah?
Speaker 2: Because I was hearing it on the radio and I
Speaker 2: hadn't heard it before.
Speaker 1: This was a few months ago and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it was so fucking good.
Speaker 2: I'm like that sounds like Kelsey.
Speaker 6: Oh maybe I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's hard to keep track anyway.
Speaker 1: Okay, So to your problem excuse on set, I feel
Speaker 1: very passionately about following your passion and whatever it is
Speaker 1: that you are most passionate about. Twenty six years old
Speaker 1: is nothing you have time to explore. And I don't
Speaker 1: think staying in an accounting job that just gives you
Speaker 1: the freedom to get a house you're gonna like and
Speaker 1: fix that up.
Speaker 2: That sounds like like a B plan, not an A plan. Right.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I've kind of just gone with when my parents
Speaker 8: kind of expected of me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but don't do that.
Speaker 3: That's not important.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna make excuses, but I'm I don't want to
Speaker 8: say I'm the pride enjoy a family, but it's like
Speaker 8: I have to. I'm at this pedestal. It's like I
Speaker 8: have to have that stable, steady job that you know,
Speaker 8: is the nine to five sort of thing that's gonna
Speaker 8: have the four on one k all this bullshit stuff.
Speaker 8: It's not bullshit, but it's like it's what's expected. So
Speaker 8: I have to be that person. I feel so my
Speaker 8: mom said.
Speaker 4: Just to clarify, is that more of an expectations thing
Speaker 4: or is it like you're actually providing for your folks
Speaker 4: and your other siblings.
Speaker 8: I guess it's the expectation. I don't know if it's
Speaker 8: my purpose to be like their role model. I have
Speaker 8: a twin sister, so like she's kind of doing whatever
Speaker 8: she wants. I love how she's living, but.
Speaker 1: I think you do love how she's living because you're
Speaker 1: taking on the responsibility that she's not taking on as
Speaker 1: the oldest she's polt it in me bye a minute. Three, Okay,
Speaker 1: well listen, it is not your responsibility to fulfill your parents' dreams.
Speaker 1: That's not why people have children. Even though people get
Speaker 1: confused and it becomes very obfuscated, it is not your
Speaker 1: reason for living to make your parents happy. They that's
Speaker 1: what their life is for. You know, you have to
Speaker 1: search for your happiness because I have to tell you,
Speaker 1: when you really are true to who you are, the rewards,
Speaker 1: it's abundance, like rewards come your way when you follow
Speaker 1: your true dreams. I mean, look, Kelsey and I were
Speaker 1: just talking about this. You know, she's doing everything she
Speaker 1: wants to be doing, and you're probably happier than you've
Speaker 1: ever been Kelsey, Right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I did have to make the decision to
Speaker 5: not do what was expected of me. And I think
Speaker 5: two things. I think I really would love to believe
Speaker 5: in my heart arts that your parents just actually want
Speaker 5: you to be happy.
Speaker 6: And I think they've probably.
Speaker 5: Projected what they've known to be sustainable to them in
Speaker 5: their life onto you. That doesn't have to be what
Speaker 5: you choose. And at the end of the day, you.
Speaker 6: Have to tay the fear of failure out back.
Speaker 5: Failure sometimes is like the best thing, but you have
Speaker 5: to jump to know you know, and like twenty six,
Speaker 5: I'm twenty nine and my life is unrecognizable in three
Speaker 5: years from where I was at twenty six because I
Speaker 5: decided to change it. And you just have to open
Speaker 5: up to what you know is.
Speaker 6: Right for you.
Speaker 5: Because I listen to this podcast all the time, I'm
Speaker 5: such a giant fan. And one thing both Catherine and
Speaker 5: Chelsea talk about all the time is like we know
Speaker 5: what's right if we're in tune with ourselves, we know
Speaker 5: what we're meant to do, we know like the next step,
Speaker 5: we know, Like there's this little gut feeling that I
Speaker 5: have that I need to shift here, like and it
Speaker 5: sounds like you know, so just trust yourself, trust yourself,
Speaker 5: don't be scared to veil, and don't be scared to
Speaker 5: disappoint your parents, because at the end of the.
Speaker 6: Day, you're not honoring your knowing.
Speaker 5: This right now and your happiness is pursuing what's going
Speaker 5: to make you feel fulfilled.
Speaker 6: And at the end of the day, I really want
Speaker 6: to believe your parents.
Speaker 8: Want you to be happy. I think now kind of
Speaker 8: the goal is to not the goals to disappoint them,
Speaker 8: but the goals to like do the opposite, do what
Speaker 8: I want to do, and not fare so much about
Speaker 8: what they or their friends think because it doesn't matter
Speaker 8: and it's just going to keep me more unhappy than
Speaker 8: where I am. So luckily, like I've really come to
Speaker 8: know myself and like become the person that I want
Speaker 8: to be. It's just finding where I belong and what's
Speaker 8: really going to push sheet out of that box even farther.
Speaker 1: But I think you describe like what your passion is,
Speaker 1: you know, which is design, architecture. You're interested in all
Speaker 1: of those things, and it's a good example to set
Speaker 1: for your younger siblings and your family anyway. Sounds like
Speaker 1: you're going to have a conversation with your parents about
Speaker 1: it anyway because of your a close relationship with them.
Speaker 1: But you know, in speaking with your parents, it's like,
Speaker 1: I have to go after my dreams, like I have to.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna support myself while I pursue my dreams. This
Speaker 1: isn't a reflection on or this isn't an indicator that
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to start supporting me or I need
Speaker 1: your financial help. Right, You can do all of this
Speaker 1: on your own, correct, Yes? Yeah, So there's really not
Speaker 1: any input from them that has any merit in my opinion,
Speaker 1: because you're not living your life for them, and there's
Speaker 1: so many regrets that come with that, and so many
Speaker 1: people who are older that didn't go pursue their passion
Speaker 1: and now they're forty five and forty six and looking
Speaker 1: at what you're looking at. So you have to take
Speaker 1: your age into consideration. There is no bad decision. You're
Speaker 1: going to succeed, you know what I mean. You just
Speaker 1: have to make a decision.
Speaker 2: When you say you're bad at.
Speaker 1: Decision making, the key ingredient to making a decision is
Speaker 1: making one and going for it. You know what, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's not one is going to be the best or
Speaker 1: the other. It's like, what do you feel is your purpose?
Speaker 1: And it's very clear that you know and I have
Speaker 1: identified what that is. And by the way, that's a
Speaker 1: huge advantage too. So many people don't even know at
Speaker 1: your age what they want to do or where they
Speaker 1: want to be. So I think you should look at
Speaker 1: it in terms of setting an example for your younger
Speaker 1: siblings and for your sister or your twin, and even
Speaker 1: for your parents, like I'm doing this my way. I'm
Speaker 1: going to do it, go after my dreams and support
Speaker 1: yourself by going to community college and studying design. I
Speaker 1: think that's a great idea and I think you're going
Speaker 1: to be much more fulfilled.
Speaker 4: There's often a stepping stone, like Chelsea said, like making
Speaker 4: a decision, taking a step. Maybe it's not interior or
Speaker 4: exterior design that you're going to be and maybe it's
Speaker 4: something beyond that. For me, I was like throwing shit
Speaker 4: at the wall seeing what would stick. I thought voiceover
Speaker 4: was the next thing for me, and then I was like, wait,
Speaker 4: if I can edit my own voiceovers, I can start
Speaker 4: a podcast. Started podcasting, and here I am.
Speaker 3: Here's another thing too.
Speaker 5: Parents.
Speaker 4: Sometimes the things you think that they expect of you
Speaker 4: are all in your head. One of the best days
Speaker 4: of my life. My dad's a lawyer, my aunt's a lawyer,
Speaker 4: my sister's a lawyer, my sister's graduation from law school.
Speaker 4: I had all these expectations about what my parents wanted
Speaker 4: for me, and my dad said to me, you know,
Speaker 4: I actually don't think that you would like fit really
Speaker 4: well as a traditional lawyer of any kind.
Speaker 3: And I was like, thank god.
Speaker 4: I I thought he had this expectation of me that
Speaker 4: I was gonna, you know, go to law school whatever,
Speaker 4: or that I was a failure if I didn't, and
Speaker 4: he was like, no, no, that's not for you. So
Speaker 4: sometimes it really is like coming from us, even though
Speaker 4: we think it's our parents' expectation.
Speaker 1: And it's also very typical for the oldest sibling, even
Speaker 1: though you're your twin is three minutes older than you,
Speaker 1: like you're considered one of the oldest. It's very typical
Speaker 1: for you to feel this kind of sense of responsibility
Speaker 1: to your parents. And that's just the architecture of a family.
Speaker 1: You know, the oldest is supposed to be the most responsible,
Speaker 1: and then it falls apart as you go down. Like
Speaker 1: for me, I never once thought about what my parents
Speaker 1: wanted for me. I'm like, I have my plan. I
Speaker 1: knew what was happening from a very young age. I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna do. And their opinion had
Speaker 1: no impact on me whatsoever. In fact, when I said,
Speaker 1: I went to community college for like half a semester
Speaker 1: and I was like, I think I'm going to move
Speaker 1: to Los Angeles, like I feel like I should just
Speaker 1: be famous or something. I was nineteen years old, and
Speaker 1: my parents.
Speaker 2: Were like, go, please go.
Speaker 1: That's exactly where you belong with those lunatics in California,
Speaker 1: you know, Los Angeles. So you're just letting all this pressure,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's the pressure of being
Speaker 1: the oldest, it's the pressure of being like modeling the behavior.
Speaker 1: But I would say that you have an opportunity to
Speaker 1: really model true happiness and go after what you want.
Speaker 1: So the decision has been made and that's what you're
Speaker 1: gonna do.
Speaker 5: Do it.
Speaker 6: Okay, Okay, thanks, and.
Speaker 2: Your parents have a problem, tell them to call into
Speaker 2: the podcast.
Speaker 5: Oh I will, I'll send them your way have fun
Speaker 5: line dancing.
Speaker 6: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 8: I'm going by myself. But that's fine. Shouldn't have disclosed that.
Speaker 2: I like that too. Good for you. You're a ballsy
Speaker 2: I like that.
Speaker 8: Thank you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, doing new things this year, so I like it
Speaker 5: fun to have fun.
Speaker 6: Thanks for taking my calls. So great to meet you all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, Artina fight well.
Speaker 4: Our last question comes from Kate. She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 4: I'm a huge new fan of the show, and something
Speaker 4: I've noticed both of you mentioned during the advice segment
Speaker 4: is how I and it is to trust your gut
Speaker 4: and follow your instincts. Here we are again. This is
Speaker 4: an idea I've heard time and again from people I admire,
Speaker 4: but I've literally never been able to understand it on
Speaker 4: a personal level. As someone who lives with chronic anxiety,
Speaker 4: it seems like those times I think I have a
Speaker 4: gut feeling, it's proven wrong and is actually just my
Speaker 4: anxiety talking. So my question is how do I differentiate
Speaker 4: between my gut instincts and anxious thoughts. My doctor has
Speaker 4: diagnosed me with anxiety and I'm on medication. While this
Speaker 4: certainly makes my anxiety manageable, I still deal with it
Speaker 4: internally on a daily basis because I know you'll ask.
Speaker 4: I'm not in therapy, and I hope and plan to
Speaker 4: regularly see a therapist someday, but it isn't financially viable
Speaker 4: for me at this point in my life. Thank you
Speaker 4: so much for all the entertainment and inspiration you've given me.
Speaker 4: Your podcast is such a light in my life, and
Speaker 4: I cherish hearing your insights each week.
Speaker 3: Much love, Kate.
Speaker 2: Okay, Kelsey, what do you think about that?
Speaker 5: Ooh? I would say having people that know you well
Speaker 5: they can hold you accountable and help you decipher between
Speaker 5: the two until you kind of get into a rhythm
Speaker 5: where you learn to trust yourself and decipher for yourself,
Speaker 5: whether it's a dear friend or a family member or
Speaker 5: a therapist, which I think is a great idea to
Speaker 5: bring those gut feelings or thoughts to and say, you know.
Speaker 6: Me, what do you think this is?
Speaker 5: Can you help me kind of relearn to trust myself
Speaker 5: and decipher between the two. I feel really strongly about
Speaker 5: reaching out to the people that know you deeply and
Speaker 5: giving them that responsibility like they've given you in their
Speaker 5: life too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a nice idea too.
Speaker 1: I think also with anxiety, you know there's impulse and
Speaker 1: there's instinct, and those are two different things, and anxiety
Speaker 1: can make you feel very impulsive.
Speaker 2: So like, if you're deciding.
Speaker 1: Between two things and you have to figure it out right,
Speaker 1: it's good to say, Okay, I'm going to sit with
Speaker 1: myself and here are my two options, right, and then
Speaker 1: do it not once, but you have to repeat this
Speaker 1: exercise over and over, Like you give yourself ten minutes
Speaker 1: just to think with a thought, like to try and
Speaker 1: understand what your actual gut is telling you. Because anxiety
Speaker 1: is repetitive and it will keep telling you the same thing.
Speaker 1: But eventually, if you give it time instead of just
Speaker 1: giving it one opportunity, I feel like the growth that you'll.
Speaker 2: Have in the answer will come.
Speaker 1: So I would say to sit down with this idea,
Speaker 1: say like five days in a row, and just go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna sit with this and try to recognize
Speaker 1: where your anxious thoughts are coming. And you might be
Speaker 1: surprised at the way that they abate. Once you give
Speaker 1: yourself enough time with the subject matter and the decision
Speaker 1: you're making, your anxiety will quiet. From what I've learned
Speaker 1: about anxiety, the more time you give it with the
Speaker 1: same question. So instead of answering something as a one
Speaker 1: off or like oh I gotta do this, revisit it,
Speaker 1: keep asking yourself what do I do, and not throughout
Speaker 1: the day like that's your anxiety. You have to set
Speaker 1: aside a time and be like, Okay, I'm going to
Speaker 1: think about this.
Speaker 2: If you like to write it out, that's great.
Speaker 1: If you just want to sit with yourself kind of
Speaker 1: like a meditation, but you're not meditating, You're just thinking
Speaker 1: about what the decision is and trying to hear your
Speaker 1: anxious thoughts versus your gut and I think the anxiety
Speaker 1: will quiet if you just keep revisiting it.
Speaker 6: That's great advice For me.
Speaker 4: Something that helps is asking myself literally to the feeling
Speaker 4: that's coming up.
Speaker 3: You ask yourself, what are you trying to tell me?
Speaker 4: And when you ask it that somehow the anxiety kind
Speaker 4: of falls away or you realize, oh, I'm this is
Speaker 4: a gut feeling I'm having, but I'm anxious about the
Speaker 4: gut feeling of like Okay, I need to go do
Speaker 4: this new, fun, exciting thing that's a little bit scary.
Speaker 4: You might be having anxiety about that, but underneath, you
Speaker 4: know what your gut is telling you. So I think, yeah,
Speaker 4: getting still checking in with a friend like seeing is
Speaker 4: this anxiety or is this the path forward?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: And I think recognizing Something that really helped me is impulse.
Speaker 1: Understanding what impulse is is an immediate reaction. You kind
Speaker 1: of want to like, oh, there's a situation and you have.
Speaker 2: To act now. No, no, no, you don't. Most of
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 1: You don't unless there's a fucking fire, you know, like,
Speaker 1: you actually don't have to act now. And the longer
Speaker 1: the amount of time, the longer duration of time you
Speaker 1: give yourself, the better you get at coming to it, like,
Speaker 1: you know, a sound conclusion. So I think time and yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess that's it. That does make sense.
Speaker 4: Yeah, awesome, Well, thank you for writing in, k thank
Speaker 4: you for writing in.
Speaker 3: Do we want to take a quick break and we'll
Speaker 3: wrap up?
Speaker 1: Yes, and we're back. We're wrapping up with Kelsey Ballerini.
Speaker 3: Kelsey, So wait and.
Speaker 1: Kelsey and Chelsea Ballerini, tell me about some of the
Speaker 1: places that you're excited to go that you've never been.
Speaker 2: Are there any places that you haven't been yet?
Speaker 5: Well, I'm doing headlining again, which is nice, so I'm
Speaker 5: kind of in like the in between venues. So I'm
Speaker 5: doing like the Santa Barbara Bowl, like all these beautiful
Speaker 5: like that is the best venue.
Speaker 2: The Santa Barbara Bowl is the best venue.
Speaker 6: I can't wait. I can't wait.
Speaker 5: It's all less post the letter is gonna be great,
Speaker 5: So I start there. And then also I'm dropping an
Speaker 5: extended version of the EP that we were talking about earlier,
Speaker 5: the Rolling Up the Welcome Matt with some of the
Speaker 5: stuff that's just become a fun thing during the shows
Speaker 5: or like my SNL performance, some live versions of stuff.
Speaker 5: I'm really excited about that too.
Speaker 2: Where did you come up with the title rolling Up
Speaker 2: the Welcome at.
Speaker 5: It's in one of the songs called Penthouse and kind
Speaker 5: of the this is an awful word to use, and
Speaker 5: I don't know why I'm picking this word, but the climax,
Speaker 5: what of the Holy key is?
Speaker 6: I hope is that line?
Speaker 5: It says and it stings rolling up the Welcome Matt
Speaker 5: and knowing you got half. So that's kind of like
Speaker 5: the big bomb of the whole thing. So I wanted
Speaker 5: to kind of just make that the centerpiece.
Speaker 2: And do you write all your music, Elsie?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I write everything, and I've I've kind of gotten
Speaker 5: into the game of co writing a lot because Nashville's
Speaker 5: built around that. Yeah, I love that, I did too,
Speaker 5: but I will I will stay the EP. I wrote
Speaker 5: the whole thing, either by myself or with one other person.
Speaker 5: I've made a whole thing was one other woman, from
Speaker 5: production to instrumentation to songwriting. So it was like the
Speaker 5: most close to the chest thing I've gotten to do.
Speaker 5: And it brought me back to trusting myself as a
Speaker 5: songwriter too, which is nice.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love it.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for all your success. You can go
Speaker 1: see Kelsey on tour.
Speaker 6: Please do.
Speaker 2: She's delightful. I love you, honey, Thank you so much.
Speaker 5: You're just being my friends.
Speaker 6: Nice to meet Yocath.
Speaker 2: Likewise, bye, thanks so much, by y'all.
Speaker 3: Bye y'all.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, we have added more shows to my Little
Speaker 1: Big Bitch tour because I'm coming all over. We add
Speaker 1: a second show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so
Speaker 1: that's October twelfth and Friday at thirteenth. We added a
Speaker 1: second show in Boston at the Waging Center. September twenty
Speaker 1: ninth and thirtieth is two shows in New York. I
Speaker 1: also have a show in Eastthampton, New York, August twenty six.
Speaker 2: We added a.
Speaker 1: Second show in Portland, So Thursday November tewod Friday November third,
Speaker 1: and Portland November fourth and fifth.
Speaker 2: In San Francisco two shows there. We added a second show.
Speaker 1: Seattle November tenth and eleventh. Two shows Boston are November
Speaker 1: sixteenth and seventeenth at the Boch Center Wang Theater. And
Speaker 1: I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and
Speaker 1: so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville.
Speaker 2: So I will see everybody at all of these shows.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 4: com