WEBVTT - Mid-Week Mom Chat: Sleep Deprivation. 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:04.120 Hey, friends, So I am actually coming to you from 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:07.720 my bathtub. YEP, that is right. I'm not telling you. 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:11.920 Why do you hear water splashing around? It is because 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:14.040 I'm in the bathtub. It is Saturday night, it is 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:18.360 eight pm, and I am sleep depride. That is what 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:23.080 this episode, this mom chat is on sleep depth deprivation. 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:25.919 I hope there's on an echo um, but if there is, 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:29.200 I'm sorry because I can't do this podcast anywhere else 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:31.200 right now. I have to be in the bathtub because 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:36.560 my body aches, my brain aches, everything aches. And I 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:39.840 want to start this podcast off by saying, I really 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:44.360 truly pray that you guys do not take this as 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:48.479 me complaining, because I am not trying to complain. I 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:52.640 am grateful for every new experience that I get to 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:58.240 have with Sunny, including sleep deprivation. I am just really 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:01.640 kind of using this podcast as an audio journal to 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:05.480 journal what's happening in my life, the changes that are happening. 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:09.479 Like I'm just sort of recording what I'm going through 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:14.960 as an observation more and not as complaining, because I 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:19.120 am very aware at all times, truly, even when I 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:23.000 am sleep deprived and exhausted and my body is aching 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:25.520 because Honey weighs over twelve pounds, and lifting her all 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:28.800 the time it is like lifting just the sacritatoes and 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:31.160 I'm not probably using the correct warm So I got 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:33.280 a major crick in my back to the point where 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:35.200 I couldn't walk. So that's why I'm in the bathtub 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.560 trying to soak it up after I went to the 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.520 chiropractor day and then now I feel like I flu 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:42.440 like symptoms because my whole body cracked. And now I'm 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:46.080 just like in so much pain because my body readjusted 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:48.640 into a new position after the chiropractor, which I am 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:51.280 so grateful for, but it's not going to be settled 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.360 down until tomorrow because sometimes when you're so tight, it 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:56.280 hurts to crack it all and get it all back 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.360 in the right position. Anyway, I digress. I love my chiropractor. 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:03.840 He's amazing. His name is Dr Grande and he um 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:06.680 runs the Spine Shop in East Nashville, and I truly 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:11.640 cannot recommend him enough. He keeps me in line physically, 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:15.040 and I am very grateful that he is my chiropractor. 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:16.880 To go to him in Nashville if you need a 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:24.160 good one. Anyway, I digress, So I um, last night, 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:26.960 I told you all, if you'll listened to my mom 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:29.919 chats the other I don't know which one I'm talking 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:32.400 about because I literally have no brain. I can't remember 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.399 anything I say. I have record stuff and I put 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:35.880 it out there and I don't know what I said 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:39.440 because my brain is broken right now just by not 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:48.240 remembering anything. But if you guys remember a past podcast, I, um, 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:50.760 what was I even just talking about? What the hell 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:55.240 was I just freaking talking about? Oh my god, I 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:59.800 cannot remember what I was trying to to say. Oh, 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:02.600 I guess it wasn't that important. Okay. What I'm trying 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:03.880 to get at though, the point that I'm trying to 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:07.839 make from this podcast is I'm so tired. Oh oh, 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:11.680 my pediatrician. Yes, my pediatrician told me Caroline. He came 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:14.320 because I came in to his office the other day 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:18.320 and Michael was in Europe and I was by myself. 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:20.240 I had been by with the Sunny for a week 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:23.080 by myself. And it's great. I love it, every second 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:25.600 of it. I love but like I was freaking exhausted 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:27.680 and potentially losing my mind a little bit. Like you 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.400 get into this weird crazy vortex when you're just alone 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.920 with a newborn all the time, by yourself, not sleeping 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.960 like you really life, really it's amazing, but it's like 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:38.160 it gets you get crazy in your head, like it 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.200 gets weird, like all of a sudden, I don't know 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:42.560 how to leave my house. I'm tired all the time. 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:44.600 I literally were the same thing, like three days in 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:46.880 a row. I will go to sleep in an outfit 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:48.960 with tons of spit up all over it, don't care, 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:51.520 wake up the next day where it all day. I'll 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:53.720 do that like three days until finally this is disgusting. 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:55.800 I like can smell my body odor and I'm like, 0:03:55.880 --> 0:04:01.360 get in the freaking shower, girl, you're disgusting. Anyway, So 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:06.160 my pediatriction was like you need to go out and 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:08.840 be with your friends, or get out of the house, 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:11.800 or go for a walk, or do an exercise class 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:15.000 or something an hour day, or at least an hour 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:17.080 every other day, because it's not good for you just 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.119 to be keeped up here and turned into this crazy person. 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:20.919 He didn't say like that, but anyway, he was just 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.280 being nice and saying get out, like don't forget who 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.640 you are, Like remember who you are, because that's really important, 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:28.120 and that's beneficial for Sonny to have a mom who 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:30.440 doesn't lose herself. And I don't feel like I'm losing myself. 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:33.680 I really don't. I feel better than ever as far 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:35.440 as where I am in my life, Like I feel 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:38.200 like I have more purpose with my podcast now because 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:41.360 I actually I'm talking about episodes that means something to me, 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:44.080 and I love getting to share what I'm going do 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:45.839 with you guys, and I love how you guys share 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:48.240 with me, and I love how we're exchanging all this information, 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:51.359 Like being a mom has really to me given me 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:53.520 more purpose and more passion in my career and my 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:56.960 podcast that ever. So I don't feel like I'm losing myself, 0:04:57.000 --> 0:05:00.320 but I do feel like I am losing so much 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:03.360 sleep that I'm exhausted. Just when you think like your 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:06.200 child is sleeping through the night and everything is great, 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:08.280 and you maybe get a little cocky about it, they 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:10.039 don't sleep through the night. So last night I was 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:12.320 trying to chake my pediatricians advice. And I'm in a 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:15.440 book club with amazing women and we have a group 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:19.040 meeting like every four times a year or something. I 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:21.120 don't know how many times. Four times a year, and 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:23.839 we've been doing it for like five or six years, 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:26.280 and it's one of those things that I remember when 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:27.840 we started it like five or six years ago, I 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:29.400 kind of thought it was just sort of like, oh, 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:31.520 this school whatever, I'm in a book club. But now 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:34.520 that we've been doing it for five or six years, 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:37.080 four times a year, like we're on a tech chain together, 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:38.599 we keep up with each other. We all make it 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:41.799 a priority to go to these events. We've gotten married, 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:44.280 we've had children, like we've all been there for each other. 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:46.760 We throw each other baby showers, wedding showers, like we're 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:49.280 always there for each other. Like if we're breaking down 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:52.000 and exhausted from our kids and all that, we like 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:55.520 lift each other up. Like we've become true friends. And 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:57.760 it is the most beautiful thing. So I value this 0:05:57.800 --> 0:05:59.520 book club so much. And it's one of those things 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:01.200 I just had no idea was going to turn into 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:03.440 something I love so much, but it did, and I'm 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:05.360 so grateful for it. So I had a book club 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:06.920 last night and it was so fun. We did a 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.960 murder mystery. Andrea Deloche, who is married to grand Fellow. 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:13.000 She's in a thousand horses. She's like one of my 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.960 she's my band sister. So basically we're like family, because 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:18.320 when you're in a band family, you basically our family 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:20.960 because you live every second of your life together because 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:24.760 your husband's careers are always the same, and like your 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:27.480 lives are just interacting constantly. And Andrea is one of 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:29.919 the greatest humans ever, and she can do anything, and 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:32.479 she's so crafty, and she's a d I wire and 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:38.599 she can make anything food wise, clothes wise, table scape wise. 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:41.440 So she put together this murder mystery and all of 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:43.080 us went over to her house and we all got 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:45.760 characters and we all had to be in character and 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:49.839 play this murder mystery and act out how this woman died, 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:52.200 and then we had to figure out who was the 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:54.760 woman who died. And it was so much fun. And 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:57.520 we all had a cookie exchange, and my friend Jesse 0:06:57.720 --> 0:06:59.760 let me share her cookies because I didn't have time 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:02.080 to make guinny and so we all like brought cookies 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.240 and boxed them up and it was just so much fun. 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:06.320 I recommend if you are looking for a fun thing 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:08.000 to do with your friend, do a murder mystery like 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:12.040 it's awesome. So I ended up having a great time 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:15.200 Sunny went down at seven thirty to sleep. Michael had 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.200 the husband's over of the wives who wrote book Club, 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:20.400 and they grilled out and we're by the bonfire, and 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:22.840 he did a great job and they were quiet and 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:24.560 they didn't wake up Sunny, and I was so proud 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:27.040 of him. And he really rocked it babysitting the baby 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:30.080 by himself, and I was like, you know what, I'm 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:33.120 here with my friends. I had a glass two glasses 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:35.160 of champagne right when I got there, because I was like, 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:39.040 I cannot drink too much because I just cannot pump 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:41.200 and dump. I have pumped and dumped a few times 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:43.760 in the past few weeks because I have decided to 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:45.520 have a few glasses of wine. And even though it 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:49.760 probably was fine, I just some freaking o c D 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.480 and worried about everything. So I dumped like fourteen ounces 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:55.760 because my night pump is my best one, and so 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:57.640 I was like, I cannot pump and dump, like I 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.400 all my milk a sacred to me. I need every 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:02.320 ounce of it. Sonny is now eating six ounces at 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.520 a time, like I have none to spare. So I 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:06.440 had two glass of champagne when I first got there, 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:08.640 and then I didn't drink anything else. But I was 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:11.880 having so much fun with my friends and the conversation 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:14.240 was so great. And after we did the murder mysture, 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:15.880 we all like hung out on the couch and we 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:19.840 talked and we my friend Bryladan gave me a back 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:22.120 massage and it was the greatest thing I've ever experienced 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:25.080 in my entire life. I was like, oh my god, 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:28.480 this is the greatest thing ever. Like, nothing was better 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:31.320 than the back massage she was giving me. And because 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:32.840 I had already pulled my back, I had this crook 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:34.959 in my back and I couldn't walk, And I mean 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:36.600 I could, but I just was like hobbling. And she 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:38.640 gave me a massage. And she's also a new mom. 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:41.600 She's a little girl who's eight months old, and she's 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:43.440 like someone I leaned to and she gives me so 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:46.640 much great mom advice. Anyway, so we were having a 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:47.920 great time and all of a sudden, I look at 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:50.400 the clock and it was eleven thirty and I'm like, Okay, 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:53.800 that's still civilized. Sonny's been sleeping through the night. She's 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:55.880 probably gonna wake up at seven, which is what she 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.920 normally does. Although the past unite. She's been waking up 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.160 at five five even, and I've just been kind of 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:04.600 letting her run like squeak around in her crib until 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:07.679 like six fifteen, six thirty, if she can make it 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:09.880 without fully crying, because she kind of just wakes up 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:16.439 and she goes like ah ah ah ah, it's just 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:18.839 like this little tiny squeal, and it's not a cry. 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:21.600 It's almost like a bird, like a little baby bird, 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:24.840 and she's not upset. She's just kind of like rummaging around. 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:26.720 So as long as she's just kind of doing that 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:28.719 little squeak, I just sort of let her chill. I'll 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:30.360 go in there and I'll take her swaddle off and 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.040 i will let her just kind of squeak around until 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:35.199 she starts crying, and then I'm like, okay, time to 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:39.719 get up. We're gonna feed you. Um. So, anyway, I've 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:41.720 been counting on the fact that she wakes up six 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:44.040 o'clock earliest, or I can lay in bed until six 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.640 o'clock and I pump when I get home at eleven 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.800 thirty at night, and I pumped like midnight, And so 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:50.400 if she wakes up at six and I go to 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:53.640 bed at midnight after I pumped. I'm getting twelve to one, two, three, 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:55.680 four or five six hours of sleep, okay, and that 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:57.920 is like really great when you're a new mom. If 0:09:57.920 --> 0:09:59.960 you can get six hours of sleep, you're really doing well. 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:03.040 So I was counting on that. But guess what I 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.080 ended up going about it? One because I come home 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:07.760 or two because I come home the guys are still 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.040 over here. They had grilled out there, hanging by the bonfire. 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:12.360 We ended up chatting a little bit. Michael ends up 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:14.840 coming to bed like at one thirty. I start pumping 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:17.360 late because I've been hanging out with them, and I 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:19.079 end up having a ton of milk. So I pumped 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:21.280 forever and I didn't end up closing my eyes until 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.640 two o'clock. I guess who decides to wake at before? Yep, 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:30.360 Sunny Sunny did she unswadowed herself. She busted out of 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:33.760 her swaddle, probably because I didn't do a good enough 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:35.760 job because I was already tired and I came home 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:38.319 and I didn't put the swaddle up high enough. Maybe 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:40.280 I didn't took her arms and tight enough. I don't know. 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:42.760 I'm sure it was my fault because I looked at 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.599 the monitor at one thirty while I was pumping, or 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.720 like one o'clock before I went to sleep, and I said, shoot, 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:52.240 that swaddle has drifted down, like her whole shoulders were 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:54.679 kind of creeping out. And anybody he's got a new 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:57.559 baby who sees their baby shoulders out of their swaddle, 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.800 it's like, oh no, there's a very good chance they're 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:03.360 going to escape. But then you walk this fine line 0:11:03.400 --> 0:11:05.120 of do I go in there and reswaddle her and 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:07.360 wake her up and then deal with that whole process, 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:08.800 because then what if she didn't go back to sleep? 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:10.760 Do I play Russian Roulette and just pray that she 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:12.880 makes it until six or seven in the morning and 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.679 doesn't unswadow herself. So anyway, I go with Russian Roulette. 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.680 Let's see if she doesn't unswadow herself. Well, she made 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.920 it till four four or four thirty, and then she 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:25.440 started crying and she was flailing and she would not 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:28.960 stop crying. It wasn't that it was the full blown 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:31.800 like yep, we're up and we were on our way 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:35.040 to screaming. So Mom, get your booty out of bed 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:37.880 and come in here and see me and feed me 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:39.640 and make me feel better, because I don't know what's 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:42.240 happening with my arms because they're flailing. That's basically what 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:45.640 she was saying in my mind. So I mind you, 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.000 I have not gotten two and a half hours of sleep, 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:51.160 maybe two hours and forty five minutes of sleep. And 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:55.000 I go and I put her bottle on, I feed her. 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.679 I've put six ounces on, and then I breastfeedter. I 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.160 always bread her breastfeeder first, saying in the morning, I 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.760 want her just to start with that comfort, and I 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:04.559 want to make sure that we get a great breastfeeding 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:06.760 because I love that moment. But I don't want to 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:09.199 breastfeater all the time because I want to make sure 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:11.240 she's getting all of her ounces so she'll sleep to 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:14.640 the night like she didn't do uh this night. But 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:17.679 so I breast better, and she probably breasted for ten 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:21.520 minutes and then she took like five ounces, so she 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:23.679 probably ended up taking like seven ounces. So she was 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:27.520 a hungry girl seven eight ounces this morning. So then 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:29.199 you gotta that takes a while to get the bottle 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.439 down and the breastfeeding down. So I let her. So 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:33.480 I let her cry in her crib until like she 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.960 woke up at four thirty or so I let her 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:39.440 kind of like squeak around until five, but I was 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:41.360 like up and getting the bottle ready and just kind 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:43.839 of like laying on the couch praying that she's gonna 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:45.360 go back to sleep and I could just like cat 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.560 nap for another forty five minutes. So I did that 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.960 until probably like five thirty, five thirty. I don't know. 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:53.960 I mean, I'm guessing I didn't wasn't looking at the clock. 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:57.160 And then and then it was time. She woke up 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:58.960 by five thirty, and so I was like, okay, here 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.400 we go to the bottle. And then I probably took 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.600 until about like six fifteen, and I wanted to try 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:07.640 to keep her up till eight because we used to 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:10.160 do five four naps, but now we've moved them down 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:12.439 to three naps a day, but we've made them longer, 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:15.280 which is so great because you can actually do more stuff. 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:19.360 So she wakes up when it's the best world between 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:22.280 six and seven, ideally seven, and then she'll stay up 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:27.360 until eight, and then she'll go down from ten until twelve, 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:30.000 and then she's up from twelve until two and then 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.040 she goes down. Sometimes she'll sleep like two and a 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:33.800 half hours, so she might wake up at ten thirty, 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:36.120 but then she'll sleep till about noon. I mean that 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:37.640 she'll be up till about noon. Then I put her 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.400 down and then she goes down from like noon to 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:41.840 about two or to thirty, and then she's up, and 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:43.640 then we're up until seven when I feed her, except 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:45.559 for a little forty five minute nap that she takes 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:47.960 after she eats her bottle, So she's pretty much up. 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:49.400 And so you can do stuff, which is great. You 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.280 can go with places and she can just get a 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:53.600 little cat nap and you can actually be gone for 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:56.160 like four hours, which is amazing. It's like freeing on 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:59.120 a different level. So anyway, I'm sorry, I'm ramway, I'm 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:01.280 just trying to tell you all this or full story. 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:04.080 I end up getting like two and a half hours 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:06.199 of sleep, we feed her, she and so now she's 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:07.840 been up since four or forty five, even though I 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:11.160 let her stay in her crib until like five thirty. Um, 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:13.800 but I've when we finally got to the play mat 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:15.959 at like six fifteen, I was like, how in the 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:17.560 world am I going to keep her up till eight? 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:19.800 Like that is like almost two and a half three 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:22.040 hours of keeping her up, and she normally wants to 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.440 go to bed like an hour after she wakes up. 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:26.680 The first day in the morning, they're just so tired 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:28.640 in the morning, and I was like, they're in no way, 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.840 and so she started really crying at seven, so she'd 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:33.840 been up like two and a half hours, and I 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.760 was like, Okay, I'm just gonna put you down and 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:39.840 just let's see what happens. And so she went down 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:43.040 at seven and she ended up sleeping until ten thirty. 0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:46.160 That's three hours. And in the meantime, I ended up 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:47.960 taking a two hour nap. Of her three and a 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:49.680 half hour nap, I took like two hours of it. 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:51.880 So now I've got like four hours of sleep, but 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.160 it's like broken up sleep, and it's never the best sleep. 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:56.400 So now that my days started, I now know why 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:58.480 moms have to have coffee. I used to like have 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:00.960 coffee in the morning kind him just to get the 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:03.720 body rolling and the bowels going. But now I'm like, 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:05.240 I have to have three cups of coffee, and I 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.080 do it after a breastfeed. Um, when i know I'm 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:09.400 gonna stay up if I'm not going to try to 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:11.560 take a nap. That first time when she wakes up, 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:14.320 I won't. I'll pump at seven. I always pump at 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.120 seven when she wakes up. After I feed her, and 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:18.760 I usually try to take a nap if I haven't 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:21.840 gotten any sleep that one. But then the ten o'clock one, 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:24.920 when she wakes up, I always feed her pump. I 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:26.880 always feed her, and I've already pumped, so I don't 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:28.760 have to pump again. And then I will like down 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:31.040 three cups of coffee because then I'm up for the 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:34.560 rest of the day anyway, So I was just my 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:39.000 coffee trick didn't work. My head was just throbbing in 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:42.560 so much pain, and my body was hurting because I 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:46.400 went't don adjustment, so everything was rearranged, and I just 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.640 was I couldn't get on top of my exhaustion, and 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:53.160 normally I can just power through and be like this 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:56.120 is amazing, Like how fun that I'm getting to have 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:59.160 this life was sunny, and like how great that like 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:02.640 I get to work from home and do my podcasts 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:05.120 and host, Like I get to freelance host and pick 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.400 when I get to hosts, and um, I get to 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.920 do brand deals and like I get to be my 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:12.560 own boss. And I'm so thankful for that, and I'm 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.920 always aware that that is such a blessing, but when 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.920 you were tired, it is a true form of torture. 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:23.240 I couldn't eat all day. I felt like I had 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:26.160 the flu. I was always present when I saw Sonny, 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:28.880 because I really try to be so present all the 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:30.680 time when I'm with her, because that's important to me. 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:33.560 But I just wanted to cry. So we ended up 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.480 going to our friends for a barbecue um that we 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.040 had already planned. All of our book club was going, 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.880 all Michael's friends were going. So I was just gonna 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.320 take Sunny for like three hours because now that she's 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:45.920 doing these two hour naps, we have like a four 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:49.080 hour window in the afternoon. And I got there and 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:51.440 my friend Audrey just held me and hugged me, and 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:53.040 I just cried in her arms, and I was like, 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:58.920 I'm so fired, Like I'm so tired, and I'm not upset, 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:02.360 I'm not I'm not grateful, I'm just so tired. I 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:05.240 have to cry, Like I literally have to cry because 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:08.080 I feel so tired that my brain is just exploding 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:09.639 and I almost feel like these tears just have to 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.680 come out so I can, like I don't know, get word, 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:16.840 some sort of release or something, because I'm so freaking tired. 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:23.480 And of course all my new all my mom friends 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:25.760 were like, yep, yep, yep. Oh, welcome, welcome to never 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.199 sleeping again. And that's why it's just so great to 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:29.720 have friends to be able to talk to about this. 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:31.200 And that's why I want to talk to you guys 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.600 about this on my podcast, because these are things that like, 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:37.159 I always am grateful that I have Sonny. I am 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:40.040 always fine if not to sleep, if she wakes up, 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:43.240 But yes, am I human? And yes, does it break 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:48.840 me physically down? Yes, Like I am so broken down 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:53.080 right now physically and mentally. My love pile is full. 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:57.600 But like, I just have nothing left to give anyone, 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:03.280 anyone right now but Sonny, and then Michael, like, and 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:06.320 then my commitments with my podcast, like and whatever other 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:10.240 work commitments that I passionately have to do, Like I 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:14.800 just don't have the energy or the mental space to 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:16.399 do it right now. And it's like you get to 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:17.280 the end of the day and you're like, what have 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:19.800 I even freaking done? Like I haven't even done anything. 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:21.960 But all my friends, you are moms, are reading this 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:27.040 book called fair Play, and it talks about invisible work 0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:30.760 that women do, because women, especially when you're a mom, 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:33.280 but women in general are always doing all these invisible things. 0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:36.719