1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,199 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,239 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we, of 8 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: course break down the psychology. 9 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 2: Of our twenties. 10 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: It has been a beautiful week for me. I am 11 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:48,159 Speaker 1: back from my mother daughter trip to Fiji. I feel refreshed, 12 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,600 Speaker 1: I feel really motivated. 13 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 2: I feel good. 14 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: I literally had the best time with my mom. She 15 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 1: is so much fun. So I feel like I'm back 16 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: right in time to dive into wor like I had 17 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: enough time or way to feel excited about coming back. 18 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 1: And you know, speaking of work, work is actually the 19 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 1: subject of today's episode, specifically, the signs that you may 20 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: not be aware of, or may be ignoring that your 21 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 1: career is not right for you. Not just not right 22 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 1: for you, but deeply dissatisfying, deeply unfulfilling, deeply unrewarding, and 23 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,039 Speaker 1: perhaps you just haven't even realized it yet. These are 24 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: specifically signs that I wish someone had told me when 25 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: I was feeling pretty low about my previous job and 26 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: I was trying so hard to make it work. And 27 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: now I can acknowledge that all those things I was 28 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: feeling were actually indicative that this career was just not 29 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: right for me. When I look back, you know, I 30 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: wish I had made a change earlier. I wish that 31 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: my decision paralys and fear of the unknown hadn't kept 32 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 1: me in unhappy places for longer than I needed to 33 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: be in them. And so I'm taking some of that wisdom, 34 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,679 Speaker 1: some of the things that I learned, as well as 35 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: some of the tips and some of the psychology to 36 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: really help you guys figure out whether what you're experiencing 37 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: right now is just a bad week or a deeper 38 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 1: dissatisfaction with what you are doing, but more importantly, the 39 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: kind of warning signs that you are becoming stagnant or 40 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 1: stuck when you know that you are not happy. Basically, 41 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 1: how do we make a change in our career and 42 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: in our lives and have the bravery and the courage 43 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,240 Speaker 1: to try something new before we feel further way down 44 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,959 Speaker 1: by time and money and the education and the years 45 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 1: that we've invested into a job or a profession that 46 00:02:56,919 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 1: you know simply isn't right for us. Work is really important. 47 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 1: Doing something you care about doesn't have to be aspirational, 48 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 1: even in this current job market, and I want to 49 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: really share how you can choose something that feels more 50 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: aligned without feeling boxed in by this very notorious and 51 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 1: incorrect idea of a dream job. I also want to 52 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 1: talk about when you know it's really time to quit, 53 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 1: even if maybe you don't have anything else lined up, 54 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,359 Speaker 1: and also some of the surprising ways that hating your 55 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: job shows up in all other dimensions of your life 56 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 1: that you may or may not be ignoring. So if 57 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: you have doubts lingering as to whether what you're doing 58 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 1: now is really what you want to do for the 59 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: rest of your life or something that you actually care about, 60 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 1: these five signs will definitely give you some clarity and 61 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: give you some of the answers that you are probably 62 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: looking for. So, without further ado, whether you're in your 63 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 1: twenties or maybe even beyond, let's get into the signs 64 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: that the career you're in right now is maybe not 65 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: the one for you. 66 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 2: Stay with us. 67 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: If you have listened to the podcast for a while, 68 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 1: you will probably know this, but it is my deep 69 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 1: belief that when it comes to finding the right career, 70 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,599 Speaker 1: the right pathway, the right job for you, there isn't one. 71 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 2: There is not a perfect job. 72 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 1: There is no such thing as a dream job that 73 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: comes with no flaws, no downsides, no bad days, no 74 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: occasional sense of emptiness. And that's coming from someone who, 75 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: for all intents and purposes, has the best job that 76 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,280 Speaker 1: they could ask for in their life. Right now, there 77 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: are still things that I would change, and I know 78 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,719 Speaker 1: that in ten twenty years I probably won't think the 79 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,159 Speaker 1: same about my job that I do now. Because dream 80 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 1: jobs evolve, our purpose evolves, our idea of work life 81 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: balance is constantly being changed and being challenged. That doesn't 82 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: necessarily mean, though, that there isn't some careers out there 83 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 1: that simply fit better. But I do want to give 84 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: that caveat at the beginning that if you are here 85 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: to figure out what your dream job is, I'm sorry, 86 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 1: I don't even believe in that concept, but hopefully I 87 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 1: can bring you closer to finding a job that is 88 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,520 Speaker 1: maybe almost there for you. Another thing I believe is 89 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 1: that it's never too late to change, to shift gears, 90 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 1: to essentially decide that you want something different, and at 91 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:43,839 Speaker 1: the point that you realize that your major, your job, 92 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,599 Speaker 1: your career isn't for you, no matter how far you 93 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:52,359 Speaker 1: have gone down the wrong road, turn back. That is 94 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: a very famous Turkish proverb that I think more of 95 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: us ought to live by, not just in our professional lives, 96 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 1: but in relationships, in love, in anything, careers in particular. 97 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,359 Speaker 1: Though you know a lot feels at stake for a 98 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 1: couple of reasons. There's a couple of reasons why we 99 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: know we're on the wrong path and we don't turn around. 100 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 1: The first one being that you know, our jobs they 101 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,920 Speaker 1: allow us to live, and they allow us to exist 102 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,720 Speaker 1: in a world that is ruled by currency and money. 103 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: Jobs pay out bills, So simply leaving without having anything 104 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 1: else lined up, I don't know about you. I've never 105 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: had that luxury. Secondly, you may have a lot of time, energy, 106 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: resources tied up in your career. Say you're becoming a 107 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: doctor or a psychologist or a trades person. That typically 108 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: means a lot of study, a lot of ours, learning 109 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 1: a skill, sometimes a lot of student loans, a lot 110 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:57,279 Speaker 1: of money invested. You can really feel like you're not 111 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,039 Speaker 1: going to get that time back, you're not going to 112 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: get that money back. You're letting yourself down, you're letting 113 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: your family down. And that's what causes us to stay 114 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: in places that we don't belong simply because of basically 115 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: the sunk cost effect. We also, of course, it's not 116 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: just an investment of time, energy, money, it's an investment 117 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 1: of our identity. What we choose to do for a living, 118 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: what we hope to do for a living, forms a 119 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: large and significant part of who we see ourselves as 120 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: you know, what's one of the first things that people 121 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 1: ask you, What do you do for work? What are 122 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: you studying? It just goes to show how much occupational 123 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 1: identity is one of the ways that we are really pigeonholed, 124 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: and that we pigeonhole ourselves. And you know, pigeonholes may 125 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: feel very small and restrictive, they can also feel very 126 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 1: safe and very comfortable. So deciding to walk away from 127 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 1: whatever you're studying, whatever you're doing, and explore other things, 128 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: especially if you do, I don't know what else you 129 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 1: want to try, it can feel like voluntarily choosing to 130 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 1: step off a ledge into a large bottomless pit. But 131 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: being in the wrong place, it doesn't get easier. Your 132 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: tolerance for it just improves, until you know, one day 133 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: you're in your sixties and you're looking back at your 134 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: life and you're realizing how truly young you were, how 135 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 1: much time you actually really did have ahead of you 136 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: if you'd just taken the risk and walked away a 137 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: little bit sooner from the thing that you knew deep 138 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 1: down you didn't love. So to avoid that regret, to 139 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: give ourselves that opportunity, let's discuss these five signs that 140 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 1: you are probably in the wrong career. Sign one, you 141 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: feel emotionally numb. You dread what you're doing, and it's 142 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: a feeling that goes way beyond boredom. If you dread 143 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: every Monday, you feel your mood completely shift. The moment 144 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 1: you walk into work. You completely detached. You don't care 145 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,960 Speaker 1: if you're fired, you don't care if your work is good, 146 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,440 Speaker 1: you don't care if the assignment is late. You just 147 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: have no desire to commit or succeed in what you're doing. 148 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: This is probably the wrong career for you. Yes, a 149 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,600 Speaker 1: job isn't always going to put a fire in your 150 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,719 Speaker 1: belly every single day, but if this is what you're 151 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: going to spend the large majority of your life doing 152 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:26,440 Speaker 1: almost ninety thousand hours of your life according to some estimates. 153 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 1: You want to feel something, pride, accomplishment, that you're helping people, 154 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: whatever it is, even on hard days. You want to 155 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: feel something. You don't want to feel nothing, and you 156 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: most certainly don't want to feel just plain anxiety. The 157 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: Sunday scaries are another indicator of this. Sunday scaries it's 158 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,680 Speaker 1: a common term. You've most likely heard of it, but 159 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 1: if not, it essentially refers to the anxiety or dread 160 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: that many people experience on a Sunday evening as the 161 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: weekend ends and the work week begins, and it has 162 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: a scientific explanation, Sunday scaries. It's essentially emotional forecasting or 163 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: anticipatory dread. You're looking at the weak ahead and almost 164 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 1: feeling empathy for your future self and what you'll know 165 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,839 Speaker 1: they have to endure, and kind of almost borrowing their 166 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: unhappiness so that you feel terrible right now. And the 167 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,120 Speaker 1: more you experience this and endure this, the more you 168 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 1: start to become quite numb. Once you get into work 169 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: or back to school or to your internship or whatever. 170 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 1: Instead of feeling all that anxiety you were feeling on Sunday, 171 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: you actually end up shutting off. You go through the motions. 172 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,720 Speaker 1: All of this is a way to kind of mentally 173 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 1: compartmentalize rather than really acknowledging like, wow, I really hate this, 174 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,560 Speaker 1: because realizing that you really hate this means that you 175 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,199 Speaker 1: probably have to do something about it, and you just 176 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 1: might not feel ready for that. So this can also 177 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: be highly indicative of something else called emotional blunting, where 178 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 1: you basically become numb to what is going on around you. 179 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: It's typically associated with certain medications, such as antidepressants, but 180 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: it can also have an environmental origin, like a workplace 181 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: or a job that you really hate or you feel 182 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: absolutely nothing positive towards. Now. 183 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 2: If this gets. 184 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 1: Worse, this can also develop into something that psychologists call 185 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 1: and herdonia, so a lack of interest, a lack of enjoyment, 186 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: a lack of pleasure in what you're experiencing, almost like 187 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 1: people describe it, like looking at your life and feeling 188 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:41,840 Speaker 1: like there is a tinge of gray over everything, and 189 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 1: in this context the context of our jobs and our careers. 190 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: It often stems from being in an environment where your 191 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 1: core values and your interests are being forced to be 192 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 1: put away, and you may not even realize how emotionally 193 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: flat you've become until the weekend, or until you're on holiday, 194 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,760 Speaker 1: or until you're working on a side project, and suddenly 195 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 1: you come alive again. It's like this is where you 196 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 1: really feel like yourself. This kind of chronic disconnection throughout 197 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 1: the work week, or whenever you're studying, or whenever you're 198 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: engaged in the thing that isn't right for you. This 199 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 1: is your mind and your body communicating and essentially saying, 200 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,200 Speaker 1: this is not fitting the bill for what makes us happy, 201 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,680 Speaker 1: and because we can't acknowledge how unhappy we are, we're 202 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 1: not going to feel anything. This is intrinsically linked to 203 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:35,679 Speaker 1: the second sign that you are in the wrong career, 204 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 1: which is that your identity and what you are doing 205 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: for work feel entirely out of sync. A twenty sixteen 206 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 1: study from the Journal of Vocational Behavior, it essentially found 207 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:54,839 Speaker 1: that career satisfaction is incredibly linked to something called identity alignment. 208 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:59,360 Speaker 1: How much your job reflects who you are. The more 209 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: identity alignment you have, the happier you are going to 210 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: be doing what you're doing. There was a poll a 211 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,960 Speaker 1: couple of years ago, maybe even like a decade ago, 212 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: that found almost fifty five percent of Americans derive a 213 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,880 Speaker 1: really large part of their. 214 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 2: Identity from their job. 215 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 1: And I think as our time spent in the office 216 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: and working increases significantly year by year, I can only 217 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,200 Speaker 1: imagine that that identity investment. 218 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:29,839 Speaker 2: Has really increased. 219 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: If you value helping others and your job is denying 220 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: insurance claims, you will experience deep cognitive dissonance because you 221 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:44,360 Speaker 1: don't have identity alignment. If you love nature and you 222 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: love being outdoors and you work a desk job with 223 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:52,960 Speaker 1: no windows, same issue. If you really value intellectualism and 224 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,199 Speaker 1: being cognitively stimulated, but you work a job that is 225 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,439 Speaker 1: very routine and process based with not much room for 226 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:04,640 Speaker 1: create activity, again, you have a disalignment. A disalignment in 227 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 1: your identity is the same as a disalignment in your body. 228 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,840 Speaker 1: It feels pretty terrible and you can tell that something 229 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: is wrong. This is very similar to a concept called 230 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: self concept clarity. So self concept clarity is basically our 231 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: ability to tell what's going to make us happy and 232 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 1: our ability to know what would make us satisfied. So 233 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: if you find yourself saying things like this just really 234 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 1: doesn't feel like me, Like I hate who this makes me. 235 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 1: I don't recognize who I am at work, I feel 236 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: like someone else. That's not trivial. That is indicative that 237 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: your self concept clarity is coming into play and is 238 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: communicating with you and telling you like, this isn't who 239 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 1: we are, This isn't who we want to be. If 240 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,480 Speaker 1: you're not living your life in line with who you 241 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 1: think you are, you know who are you? 242 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 2: Then? 243 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: Like, if our life and the kind of person we 244 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 1: are is defined by our actions, and our actions and 245 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: our time and where we work and all these other things, 246 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,240 Speaker 1: is saying the opposite and representing the opposite of who 247 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: we are, we are going to be very unhappy, and 248 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,640 Speaker 1: your body and the rest of your sense of self 249 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: will respond to that. We know through research that this 250 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: dissatisfaction becomes very tangible, It becomes very felt in your body, 251 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 1: in your mind, in your bones and your muscles. 252 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 2: In order to. 253 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: Discover what the alternative would be, you know, what would 254 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: actually make us happier, What would my so called dream 255 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 1: job be? 256 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 2: That isn't this? 257 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 1: We really need to then focus on values, because if 258 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: we're living or having your career that is creating disalignment. 259 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: The only way to bring back alignment is to really 260 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 1: really reaffirm what we care about and then find ways 261 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: to seek that out through work. This question that someone 262 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 1: asked me once, I think is a really great way 263 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: to do that. If you're struggling with what you really 264 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 1: want to do in your life, you know, oh it's 265 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 1: not this. I think this question will help. Basically, if 266 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 1: your whole identity, all your memories, everything about your life 267 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: had been erased, about who you were as a person 268 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,400 Speaker 1: had been erased, what are the five values that you 269 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: have right now that you would choose to come back first. 270 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: It's basically a different way of asking who do you 271 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: see yourself as like at your core? What are the 272 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: five things that you think represent you the most? And 273 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 1: is it that far fetch that you can't ask for 274 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 1: your work to reflect that. If that feels like a 275 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: stretch from where you are now, If those five things 276 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: are not reflected in your work at all, imagine then 277 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 1: going forward and living another thirty forty years where your 278 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 1: values un aligned. The reason I think this exercise works 279 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 1: so well for people who are like unsure of what 280 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: they want to do is. It's not asking you to 281 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: identify your dream job as an alternative. Like I was 282 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: having this discussion with my friend on a walk this morning, 283 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: and she was like, I don't know what my dream 284 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 1: job is, and I was like, well, you probably don't 285 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 1: have one. You probably will never figure out what it is. 286 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 1: If you search for that your entire life, you'll probably 287 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: be unhappy. But what you can do is figure out 288 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 1: a kind of broad range of things that you would 289 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: feel really fulfilled doing, you know, And that's what this 290 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 1: allows you to do. It's asking you to identify your values, 291 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:27,120 Speaker 1: which can then be expressed in different ways through different careers, 292 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: not just one thing. For example, if one of the 293 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 1: values that you would want back is let's say vulnerability, 294 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: vulnerability is a core value, could mean that you could 295 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:39,560 Speaker 1: be a counselor you could also be a matchmaker. You 296 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 1: could be a hospice nurse, you could be a rehab director. 297 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,679 Speaker 1: Many options, not one dream job, but all rooted in 298 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 1: what you value. It's really really important you have that 299 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:55,359 Speaker 1: in your work. It's worth mentioning as well what happens 300 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: when we derive too much identity from work, because that 301 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 1: can really result in in something equally kind of scary. 302 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 1: It's called enmeshment, where you and your job are just 303 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,920 Speaker 1: never separate. Your success at work determines your worth everywhere else, 304 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: your interests or work. You can hear people getting sick 305 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: of you're talking about work, everything you think about work. 306 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,399 Speaker 1: I will admit I fell into this trap when I 307 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,679 Speaker 1: first started doing my podcast full time and then Mantra 308 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 1: as well. You know, I love both of those podcasts 309 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: so much, and it was they asked such a reflection 310 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 1: of who I am, and so much time goes into 311 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,479 Speaker 1: making them good and successful. And when I first started, 312 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: there was so much at stake, like I'd quit my 313 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,720 Speaker 1: full time job, Like there wasn't much room for me 314 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: to think about anything else. And also because this podcast, 315 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: the one you're listening to, Like this used to be 316 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: a hobby, right, and then this was the place I 317 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: went to kind of not think about work. And then 318 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 1: suddenly it was my job and nothing filled its place, 319 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 1: Like I didn't have any sense of balance in my life. 320 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,160 Speaker 2: My entire identity was this. 321 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, was I completely uninteresting especially to myself, 322 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,640 Speaker 1: Like I was bored of myself. 323 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 2: I was exhausted. 324 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 1: All the small setbacks felt enormous because there was so 325 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,959 Speaker 1: much being balanced on the back of my career. So 326 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: you can take it too far. I think it's our 327 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,800 Speaker 1: reminder as well too. It's okay to want to be 328 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: your values to be reflected in work, but you also 329 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 1: have to be bigger than work. Me and my boyfriend 330 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,159 Speaker 1: have this rule before we talk about work when we 331 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,679 Speaker 1: get home, we have to talk about something else. A podcast, 332 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,199 Speaker 1: the gym, a story we heard, something like, we're excited 333 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,359 Speaker 1: about something in the news. It's really important for us 334 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,119 Speaker 1: because both of us are deeply invested in what we 335 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,440 Speaker 1: do for a living. I like to visualize it as 336 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,880 Speaker 1: a five finger test for whether you have balance. If 337 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,359 Speaker 1: you hold up five fingers, if work is one of 338 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,359 Speaker 1: your fingers, you have to have four things to fill 339 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,159 Speaker 1: the other fingers. You have to have a hobby, you 340 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,440 Speaker 1: have to have an interest, you have to have friends. 341 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,479 Speaker 1: We have to have four other things that you really 342 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:06,199 Speaker 1: care about. And if you cannot assign each of your 343 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,680 Speaker 1: fingers something else in your life that feels as important 344 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: as work, like that is a warning, and that is 345 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: a sign to rethink where your energy is being directed to. 346 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: Like your identity is a series of buckets. Work is 347 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 1: just one bucket. We want to have other things that 348 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,199 Speaker 1: we value and other things that we care about, Like, literally, 349 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,000 Speaker 1: do it right now, hold up five fingers. If work 350 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 1: is one, what are the others? What else might you 351 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: need in your life to feel like your identity is 352 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:34,159 Speaker 1: reflected in what you do? 353 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,159 Speaker 2: But it's not everything. 354 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 1: So those are our first two signs. We're going to 355 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,399 Speaker 1: take a short break here, but when we in return, 356 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 1: I have three final indicators that maybe what you're doing 357 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,880 Speaker 1: right now is not exactly right for you. So stay 358 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 1: with us. Okay, are you ready for the third sign 359 00:20:58,119 --> 00:20:58,920 Speaker 1: that your career is. 360 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 2: Not right for you? Here? 361 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,400 Speaker 1: It is you think more about your quitting story than 362 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: your five year plan in this career, in this company, 363 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 1: in this industry. Everyone loves a good quitting story. I 364 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: remember when I worked at a stake restaurant back in Uni. 365 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,400 Speaker 1: It was so horrific. Every single day I would walk 366 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: in to the start of my shift and I think, 367 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 1: this is this is the day I'm gonna do it, 368 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 1: Like I just need one reason to push me over 369 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 1: the edge and I will quit. I will do it 370 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,480 Speaker 1: knowing that I wouldn't because I needed the job. And 371 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 1: then you know, COVID came along and stole my epic 372 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: quitting story for me. But the fact that I was 373 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 1: thinking about quitting constantly at work indicated a much deeper 374 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: unhappiness quitting. For you, it may be becoming a fixation, 375 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:51,439 Speaker 1: an obsessive interest that you cannot stop circling and that 376 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,240 Speaker 1: won't stop dominating the news cycle of your brain. You 377 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 1: fantasize about burning your life to the ground, crashing out, disappearing, 378 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,880 Speaker 1: just not coming in one day, moving to Costa Rica, 379 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,200 Speaker 1: whatever it is that is all you can think about. 380 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 1: It brings you joy to think about it. Being invested 381 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 1: in the fantasy more than reality is indicative that this 382 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:16,560 Speaker 1: isn't right for you. You know, daydreaming it isn't always bad. 383 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,480 Speaker 1: It can actually be a really creative coping mechanism. But 384 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,920 Speaker 1: if you're constantly escaping into the idea of doing something else, 385 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,760 Speaker 1: being someone else professionally, that's not just your imagination. That 386 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:32,679 Speaker 1: is cognitive separation. That is escapism at work. It has 387 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,960 Speaker 1: another name as well, maladaptive daydreaming. If you've listened to 388 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: the whole episode that we did on this you will 389 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. But maladaptive daydreaming is essentially 390 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 1: where you feel detached from reality because you're spending too 391 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,640 Speaker 1: much time in the fantasy of what could be, And 392 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: it does mean that you end up neglecting real life responsibilities, 393 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:58,160 Speaker 1: real life relationships, work relationships, deadlines, all those kinds of things. 394 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,639 Speaker 1: In those instances where you're obsessing over the idea of quitting, 395 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be completely honest with you, It's probably not 396 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,200 Speaker 1: going to get better. It's probably time to start searching 397 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,000 Speaker 1: for a better job. It's like what they say about 398 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,439 Speaker 1: a relationship, right like once you get once you have 399 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 1: seriously considered breaking up, or once you have gotten the 400 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:22,600 Speaker 1: ick over somebody, like you're not there's you're not going 401 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 1: back from that. Like no matter how long you hold 402 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: on for afterwards, once you have seriously quit a relationship 403 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 1: or quit a job, in your mind, it's never going 404 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,439 Speaker 1: to be the same. It might not be quitting your 405 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 1: imagining as well, like it might be something else like 406 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 1: fantasizing about a different job, fantasizing about your next holiday 407 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 1: the next time you switch off. That's going to become 408 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 1: unhealthy and it can actually end up you know, you 409 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,440 Speaker 1: can end up sabotaging your current career and sabotaging where 410 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 1: you're currently at. The thing is, as much as you 411 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 1: hate your job right now, you do want to get 412 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: another one, and that means having good references and having 413 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,159 Speaker 1: positive working relationships. It is something I wish I had 414 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,399 Speaker 1: learned earlier in my twenties. Don't burn bridges based on 415 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 1: momentary feelings. You never know when you'll need that bridge 416 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,399 Speaker 1: later on, So instead, try and keep at least one 417 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:27,920 Speaker 1: foot in your day to day and maybe participate in 418 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,159 Speaker 1: a little bit of quiet quitting. But think about the 419 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: future here. Don't just completely like neglect your job. Think 420 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 1: about it smart, and don't please don't just let yourself 421 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: think that this is how everyone feels about work. 422 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:44,199 Speaker 2: It's not. 423 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 1: You don't have to feel this way. You know, the 424 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 1: best part of your day should not be the thirty 425 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: minutes at lunch where you fantasize about how nice it 426 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 1: would be to never go back in. You're allowed to 427 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 1: want more, you are allowed to seek more for yourself, 428 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,920 Speaker 1: So use this fantasy as motivation so that you don't 429 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,159 Speaker 1: find yourself stagnant. You don't find yourself thinking, well, everyone 430 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 1: feels this way, like I'll just put. 431 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:07,359 Speaker 2: Up with it. 432 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: Speaking of everyone, here is the fourth sign, and I 433 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,879 Speaker 1: rarely hear people talk about this when it comes to 434 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,680 Speaker 1: knowing a career isn't right for you. Quite simply, if 435 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: there is no one that you admire in your industry, 436 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,919 Speaker 1: this industry is not right for you. No role model, 437 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: no colleagues you want to be, no person you know 438 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 1: ten years down the line whose life you think looks 439 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 1: really great, no vision of a life you want that 440 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:40,480 Speaker 1: contains your job, no examples of it. It's not right 441 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 1: for you. Not having this admiration is often indicative of 442 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: not having aspiration or inspiration for what you're doing, essentially 443 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: meaning that your heart isn't in it. It also means 444 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 1: you probably don't see yourself here long term enough to 445 00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,879 Speaker 1: think aspirationally about what your life could become and to 446 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:05,119 Speaker 1: seek out those examples as blueprints and motivators. Because you 447 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,640 Speaker 1: are motivated when you think about a good life, when 448 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,679 Speaker 1: you think about a life that you want for yourself, 449 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 1: those dreams might not contain this career. 450 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:15,679 Speaker 2: What is that saying to you? 451 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:21,720 Speaker 1: Our brains are naturally drawn to admiration and sometimes jealousy 452 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 1: for those doing better than us in an area where 453 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,120 Speaker 1: we ourselves want to thrive. Because a we are naturally 454 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:35,200 Speaker 1: comparative creatures, and b comparison basically indicates desire, passion, and. 455 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 2: What we want. 456 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: It's why if you want to figure out what kind 457 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,440 Speaker 1: of life you want to have, you have to ask 458 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,919 Speaker 1: yourself who am I jealous of? It's very revealing and 459 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,440 Speaker 1: if the answer is well, no one in the space 460 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,520 Speaker 1: that I'm in, you should probably be in a different space. 461 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 1: And obviously I'm not condoning jealousy as a motivator. I'm 462 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 1: just saying that jealousy is a really because it is 463 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: such a deeply fel motion. It's quite revealing of what 464 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:06,440 Speaker 1: you really want. Also, you know, we so often learn 465 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:11,920 Speaker 1: and stay motivated through observation and modeling, but also through 466 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: vicarious victory and celebration, you know, seeing what others achieve 467 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,679 Speaker 1: and feeling like we could do that ourselves. That's a 468 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:26,160 Speaker 1: huge part of aspirational psychology, having role models, having someone 469 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 1: that you look up to, and if you don't have that, 470 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,920 Speaker 1: like you're missing out on a big part of how 471 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,400 Speaker 1: you stay motivated in a career, how you advance, how 472 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 1: you seek more for yourself. In this industry, Let's talk 473 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:44,400 Speaker 1: about this dimension though, which is having someone you admire 474 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 1: in a space that you would never want to make 475 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:51,439 Speaker 1: money from doing. So what if your heroes are I 476 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,280 Speaker 1: don't know, like Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders and you know you're 477 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: never going to be a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. Like what 478 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:01,120 Speaker 1: if your heroes are classically trained musicians and you've never 479 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 1: picked up an instrument in your life? What happens when 480 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 1: you admire someone as a hobbyist of the thing that 481 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,200 Speaker 1: they have made a career as Does that make sense? 482 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 1: Like you view it as a hobby, they view it 483 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 1: as a career. What happens then? Well, that's complicated, But 484 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,920 Speaker 1: I think I'm personally a firm believer that your job 485 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,760 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be the thing that you love most 486 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,160 Speaker 1: in the world. So just because you have a hero 487 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,879 Speaker 1: in a certain field like a musician or an actor 488 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,800 Speaker 1: or I don't know, a tech guru like that doesn't 489 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,320 Speaker 1: mean that you need to suddenly quit your job and 490 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 1: pursue what they're doing, as long as you know that 491 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: you're going to be okay in the future with not 492 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,600 Speaker 1: giving it a shot. If you are viewing this person 493 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: as a personal hero and as someone that you aspire 494 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:50,120 Speaker 1: to be, are you going to regret not trying to 495 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,240 Speaker 1: do something similar like that's a question you have to 496 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 1: answer for yourself. It is also completely okay to just 497 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: admire them and feel motivated by their character from afart, 498 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 1: as long as you are okay with that fact, and 499 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:11,160 Speaker 1: you will be okay in the future with not giving 500 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 1: your passion a shot professionally, that's totally your prerogative. But again, 501 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:18,760 Speaker 1: if you genuinely cannot think of one person in your 502 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 1: industry or in your profession that you think is cool, 503 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,920 Speaker 1: there is probably something better out there. Maybe your hero 504 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 1: may not be an accountant, maybe they will not be 505 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 1: a professional pharmacist, but there should be at least one person, 506 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 1: a colleague, a professor, someone else. You're in college with, 507 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,120 Speaker 1: someone you think has a cool life, a life that 508 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:43,280 Speaker 1: you can see yourself emulating. So we are down to 509 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 1: our final sign a final one, and it's one you 510 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 1: may have already guessed. It's burnout. It's sickness, it's feeling 511 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 1: physically and mentally unwell. If your body is giving you 512 00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: the signals. If your body is getting sicker, easier, burnt out, easier, 513 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 1: irritated more, this career is probably not in alignment with 514 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,760 Speaker 1: who you are We often think that career decisions are 515 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: purely intellectual and rational. But your body keeps the score. 516 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,040 Speaker 1: I feel like everyone's heard that phrase. Your body keeps 517 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 1: the score, and not just when it comes to trauma. 518 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:26,400 Speaker 1: Chronic stomach aches, fatigue, headaches, Sunday scaries, you know, a 519 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:30,840 Speaker 1: real use of your anxiety. These are not normal, These 520 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: should not be dismissed. These are not just parts of 521 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: being an adult. You also cannot just outthink them or 522 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,360 Speaker 1: outwork them, or continue with this idea that it will 523 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: get better, it will get better, it will get better. 524 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:50,480 Speaker 1: These symptoms are often rooted in very deep psychological occupational stress. 525 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: Your nervous system is probably in a prolonged state of 526 00:30:55,120 --> 00:31:00,640 Speaker 1: low level discomfort and distress, and this is ricochet into 527 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 1: all these other areas of your body, into hension, into 528 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:10,240 Speaker 1: a suppressed immune system. Even if you're still, you know, 529 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,480 Speaker 1: clocking in every morning, even if you feel like you 530 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,440 Speaker 1: can get through it, if your body is telling you know, 531 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: listen to it. And also another reminder, you're not being dramatic. 532 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:28,200 Speaker 1: Even if people have it tougher, even if people work 533 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,960 Speaker 1: harder than you, even if you feel like you don't 534 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: deserve to be stressed, I'm gonna tell you that's actually 535 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 1: not your choice. I'm sorry, it's not your choice. Like 536 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 1: you can't think, you can't think in a way of 537 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 1: like I can escape this by telling myself that I 538 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 1: don't deserve to feel this way. Like your body is 539 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,560 Speaker 1: not something that you can control with your mind, Like 540 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,959 Speaker 1: you can't just tell it to be well if it's 541 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,360 Speaker 1: in an environment that is making it sick. So it's 542 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 1: something you really need to pay attention to. Scientific studies 543 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 1: have shown us that occupational dissatisfaction takes a toll on 544 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 1: your body. For starters, one study found that you sleep less, 545 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 1: you get sick more often, you're more likely to report 546 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 1: chronic stress. One of the most shocking studies on this 547 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 1: was actually recent, and it analyzed data from over six 548 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,719 Speaker 1: thousand participants in the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth and 549 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 1: found that job related dissatisfaction experienced in your twenties and 550 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,080 Speaker 1: thirties can lead to overall health issues just ten to 551 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:37,800 Speaker 1: twenty years down the line, with the real cumulative effect 552 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: of unhappiness in your job really starting to shop in 553 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 1: our health around forty The researchers they examined the participants' 554 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: job satisfaction from twenty five to thirty nine, and then 555 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: compared that with data around their health after they turned forty, 556 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,760 Speaker 1: and what they discovered was that people who were unhappier 557 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,440 Speaker 1: in their jobs early in their careers, we're more prone 558 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: to illnesses, particularly mental health problems, but also sleep problems 559 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 1: and excessive worry and excessive stress. And this was when 560 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:17,920 Speaker 1: they were controlling for all these other variables, including income, 561 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:23,760 Speaker 1: including education levels, including where someone lived. This isn't just 562 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,360 Speaker 1: about your happiness. This is about your health. And that's 563 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 1: something that we don't value enough until we don't have it. 564 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 1: Trust me, like, then your entire perspective changes. This is 565 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:40,720 Speaker 1: also about having a life and having experiences that don't 566 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 1: feel burdened by a job that you feel trapped by. 567 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 2: I want to. 568 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 1: Quickly play you guys this clip from my other podcast Mantra, 569 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 1: because I think I put it so well there, Like 570 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,120 Speaker 1: I'm not even going to bother repeating myself. I think 571 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 1: I put it perfectly. This is from my episode on 572 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,840 Speaker 1: I Make Rest a Priority in my life. I think 573 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 1: it really applies to this episode. I'm gonna play the 574 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 1: clip right now. There is nothing more valuable than just 575 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 1: getting to sit with your experiences sometimes and just allowing 576 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:15,520 Speaker 1: yourself to have a freaking nap, like to have a nap, 577 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,600 Speaker 1: to have some downtime, to take a day off, you know, 578 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,000 Speaker 1: at the end of your life. I know it sounds 579 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,000 Speaker 1: so cliche. Everyone says, you're gonna look back at your 580 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 1: life and what are you gonna remember. You're gonna remember 581 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,879 Speaker 1: the times when you didn't take a day off, when 582 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 1: you work too hard, when you missed it important milestones, 583 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 1: important events. Or are you're gonna remember the day that 584 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,799 Speaker 1: you played hooky and you know you want to got 585 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,520 Speaker 1: ice cream with your parents, Or you're gonna remember the 586 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: days when you said, I'm not gonna let this stress 587 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:45,920 Speaker 1: me out anymore and went to dinner with your friends 588 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 1: even though you know you didn't meet your deadline, or 589 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,240 Speaker 1: even though you felt this like urge to keep working. 590 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 2: That's a clip. 591 00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,280 Speaker 1: From my full episode which is available on my other podcast, Mantra, 592 00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,319 Speaker 1: titled I Make rest a Priority in My lif life, 593 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,520 Speaker 1: and on that we really talk about why worker is 594 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: more than just pushing yourself and it's more than just productivity. 595 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,000 Speaker 1: In fact, life is more than just productivity. And I 596 00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,360 Speaker 1: think that's a real great place to finish, and a 597 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 1: real final reminder. If your entire life is dictated by 598 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,160 Speaker 1: a job you hate and by a career you don't 599 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,480 Speaker 1: see a future in such that it drowns out all 600 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 1: the other parts of your life, and it has you 601 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,880 Speaker 1: ignoring small joys, and it has you just like sick 602 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,520 Speaker 1: with worry and unable to do the fun things. That's 603 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,719 Speaker 1: that's going to have an impact. And the sooner that 604 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:42,960 Speaker 1: you can start searching for an alternative, start just questioning 605 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,319 Speaker 1: if there is something else out there you would enjoy more, 606 00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 1: the better like, the more your future self is going 607 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:52,279 Speaker 1: to start thinking you sooner like, the better off you 608 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:56,680 Speaker 1: will be. The time to change is now, and that's 609 00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 1: at any age, by the way, whatever age you are, 610 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 1: it's still now. But speaking to all my twenty somethings, 611 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,759 Speaker 1: you know, starting again, going back, saying this degree isn't 612 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,800 Speaker 1: right for me, I don't want to do this anymore. 613 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,799 Speaker 1: I'm going to choose to be a beginner that is 614 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:14,200 Speaker 1: not shameful, that does not make me a failure. I 615 00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,680 Speaker 1: think that that is an incredible act of bravery, choosing 616 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:21,440 Speaker 1: to start again, choosing to acknowledge that this wasn't right. 617 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,839 Speaker 1: You didn't make a mistake. You just didn't have all 618 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:27,200 Speaker 1: the information yet is so courageous, Like that makes you 619 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,120 Speaker 1: a major success in my eyes. Like those are the 620 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,680 Speaker 1: kinds of people I really admire and the stories I 621 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,200 Speaker 1: really seek out, like those of people who are not 622 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,880 Speaker 1: afraid to start over and who are not afraid of 623 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,680 Speaker 1: being a beginner and saying I was wrong about what 624 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,080 Speaker 1: I wanted and now I'm just going to see and 625 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,600 Speaker 1: I'm going to explore. You have so much time, and 626 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,960 Speaker 1: that time will be more valuable when you spend it 627 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:57,200 Speaker 1: doing something aligned with what you care about, and when 628 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,840 Speaker 1: you spend it doing something that really puts a fire 629 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,840 Speaker 1: your belly, or that gives you a sense of being 630 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:07,120 Speaker 1: or a mission or just a sense of accomplishment, whatever 631 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,239 Speaker 1: name you want to give it. Having a job and 632 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,920 Speaker 1: having a career that you feel proud to have is 633 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,160 Speaker 1: really great for your mental health firstly. It's also really 634 00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 1: great for your physical health, and it's really great for 635 00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:20,960 Speaker 1: the enjoyment that you want to get out of life. 636 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,080 Speaker 1: So I hope that this episode has provided you with 637 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:28,720 Speaker 1: some clarity and with some answers. If you have made 638 00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:30,279 Speaker 1: it this far, you guys, know that if you make 639 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:31,840 Speaker 1: it to the end of the episode, you get a 640 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,680 Speaker 1: secret message from me that I invite you to leave 641 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,799 Speaker 1: a comment on. If you've made it this far, leave 642 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:41,920 Speaker 1: a comment down below. What was your first job? My 643 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,400 Speaker 1: first job was making smoothies at a place called boost Juice. 644 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,759 Speaker 1: If you are Australian you will know the boost Juice law. 645 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:51,600 Speaker 1: But speaking of careers, speaking of careers that maybe weren't 646 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,400 Speaker 1: right for us, what was your first job? But anyways, 647 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: I hope that this has yeah again caused you to 648 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,080 Speaker 1: a question, cause you to reflect, cause you just to 649 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,120 Speaker 1: think about it. You don't have to make any choices now. 650 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 1: You don't have to go out and quit your job tomorrow. 651 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:06,760 Speaker 1: This is just a nice way for you to consider 652 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 1: what else is out there for you and maybe confirm 653 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 1: some things you already know about a deeper dissatisfaction with 654 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,400 Speaker 1: the career you've chosen. That doesn't make you a failure, 655 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,759 Speaker 1: doesn't mean you've made a mistake, just means that now 656 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: you have more information to make a better choice for yourself. 657 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,440 Speaker 1: So as we wrap up this episode, make sure that 658 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,200 Speaker 1: you give that full episode on Mantra a listen. I'll 659 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,840 Speaker 1: leave a link in the description. Make sure that you 660 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:32,319 Speaker 1: are following me on Instagram at that Psychology podcast if 661 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:36,680 Speaker 1: you want to share feedback, questions, episode suggestions. We're always 662 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,759 Speaker 1: on the hunt, We're always on the lookout. Send me 663 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,120 Speaker 1: a dam over there. Make sure you're following along so 664 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,040 Speaker 1: that you always know when new episodes are coming out, 665 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 1: and leave us a five star review if you feel 666 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,839 Speaker 1: called to do so. It doesn't really help the show grow. 667 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:52,680 Speaker 1: And yeah, reach cool new people like yourselves, But until 668 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,120 Speaker 1: next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself, 669 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,239 Speaker 1: especially if you are dealing with some careers dissatisfaction. 670 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,399 Speaker 2: A lot of people, you. 671 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 1: Are not alone and we will talk very very soon. 672 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:09,480 Speaker 2: Mhm