Speaker 1: I got. Hello, Welcome to We Knows Parenting. I'm bet
Speaker 1: Newell and with me is my little husband Rick Nney.
Speaker 1: That was not cute. I'm Peter McNerney. God forbid you'd
Speaker 1: be cute. I'm never cute. I'm a man spectacled voice.
Speaker 1: Back on. We are your host to talk about kids
Speaker 1: and a pretty busy week here, I'd say, so number
Speaker 1: one numerous. You know Halloween. Oh, you think that's the
Speaker 1: biggest thing that happened this week. I don't know. There's
Speaker 1: so much. Um, I think of thing that's bigger than Halloween. What. Oh,
Speaker 1: we have a new nephewinginging guests of the pod, my
Speaker 1: little brother Sam sister from Law Race to the Life
Speaker 1: Creator herself burned a baby early, beautiful boy. Let's not
Speaker 1: give all of his details. Social Security a way. I
Speaker 1: know you are so tempted to Social Security may or
Speaker 1: may not be number number number. I know you are
Speaker 1: on your way to listening his full name and street address,
Speaker 1: and um, we face time with him tonight. You did
Speaker 1: are you jealous? What did he say? He said? He said,
Speaker 1: I'm a baby that was born early and I'm so
Speaker 1: tiny and I'm swimming in my one You know, I'm
Speaker 1: in my car seat and I'm dead asleep, but I
Speaker 1: still look exactly like your little brother, Sam. Man. That
Speaker 1: baby has no idea how hard I'm going to sniff
Speaker 1: his head. God, they're so tiny. It's such a little baby.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Um, I don't yeah, I can't even
Speaker 1: process that right now. The baby is home. Everyone's healthy,
Speaker 1: racist family, a lot of family. Her mom's got in
Speaker 1: town from Bosnia. Um, we're staying away because there's a
Speaker 1: lot of people around the recovery. We're not We're not
Speaker 1: into girl to the recovery. We would definitely just be
Speaker 1: a distraction from taking care of the baby. There's plenty.
Speaker 1: But boy, I want to go. I know I want
Speaker 1: to see the baby, but I also just want I
Speaker 1: want race to sleep, to sleep, a real sleep, the
Speaker 1: sleep of human beings where multiple hours passed um like
Speaker 1: I just accidentally did before this recording. I fell asleep,
Speaker 1: you did, and you woke up like it was as
Speaker 1: you had a real moment, like a spiritual experience when
Speaker 1: you fell asleep in the bed, and then I left
Speaker 1: you to relax for a second, and then I walked
Speaker 1: back in and you you woke up like a toddler
Speaker 1: wakes up from a nap. You were like, you were
Speaker 1: like arching your bag and like getting into You're like
Speaker 1: standing on your feet practically. You're like, what is sleep? Like?
Speaker 1: You're so you're drooling. I was drooling a lot. You
Speaker 1: had a really abrupt I was panic because I didn't
Speaker 1: plan to fall asleep. Yeah, it was scary. You never
Speaker 1: ceased to milk one of those moments for its full
Speaker 1: dramatic potential. See, you've always accused me of being overly dramatic.
Speaker 1: And when I like, but You're like, it's just you've
Speaker 1: you've been around Brent our kids, right, Yeah, who learned
Speaker 1: it from you? That's just how his face works, how
Speaker 1: what he thinks and fields. Just he's mimicking his examples,
Speaker 1: which includes on a genetic level, he is. This is
Speaker 1: how we are, baby. We're expressive. It's nurture. Baby. Hey,
Speaker 1: this expressiveness is pays pays our bills. We we I'm
Speaker 1: making faces. Can you see it? They go showing up
Speaker 1: money making sounds like this mug um. But in the
Speaker 1: the spirit of mimicry, Our kids have rewatched the Charlie
Speaker 1: Brown Halloween movie called Something About the Great Pumpkin, Great
Speaker 1: Pumpkin Charlie Brown. Yeah, they've rewatched it a couple of
Speaker 1: times now, and they've picked up some bizarre slang from
Speaker 1: the nineteen fifties or sixties, and so last night there's
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of like fighting and bickering between
Speaker 1: them lately for any and all reasons. Yeah, And so
Speaker 1: they kept I would overhear them talking and they'd be like,
Speaker 1: if you don't do this, I'm going to pound you.
Speaker 1: And they kept they kept threatening to pound each other,
Speaker 1: like maybe they both do it seriously, and Brenn will
Speaker 1: be like, well, if you do that, I'm gonna pound you.
Speaker 1: And then and they clearly don't know what pound me.
Speaker 1: They were like sucking it out and they were like
Speaker 1: they clearly are, like they know it's like a threat.
Speaker 1: But then and you were like, it's hashtag idiots. They like,
Speaker 1: they really a lot of the slang from this movie
Speaker 1: has resonated with them. They've been saying rats a lot.
Speaker 1: They're like rats and then encourage rats. Yeah, rats is fine.
Speaker 1: And then they're saying, um, sorry, I'm just leaking at
Speaker 1: my notes which are not opening there. Okay, they're saying, oh,
Speaker 1: so Brin was Keet saying he's like, you've got to
Speaker 1: stop that, you blockhead, and like every sentence he said
Speaker 1: would be punctuated by blockhead. But he clearly thought it
Speaker 1: was like a funny thing to say, so you kind
Speaker 1: of laugh, and honestly, it would kind of lighten the
Speaker 1: mood of all of his confrontations, because he's been very
Speaker 1: dramatically confrontational lately. And he'll be like, you're a bad mommy.
Speaker 1: If you don't do this, you're not going to be
Speaker 1: watched TV this weekend. And he's like he's turning, he's
Speaker 1: using our language on us. Um, I can't tell you
Speaker 1: the argument that we had in the car today. He
Speaker 1: was something about butts and farts. He's like, daddy teachers.
Speaker 1: Some of the teachers said, I thought it was really
Speaker 1: funny my thought about farts, and I wasn't fully listening,
Speaker 1: and then I tuned in and I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: you're dear. So you think your your teachers like it
Speaker 1: when you talk about butts and farts And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: most of them. I'm like, I find that hard to believe.
Speaker 1: He's probably right, and then he and then he goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: my teacher said to not ask her about it. I go, well,
Speaker 1: you know a parent teacher conferences are coming up. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna ask her about it. And he goes, no, they
Speaker 1: said the rules are you're not allowed to ask. If
Speaker 1: you ask, the police will come get you and put
Speaker 1: you in jail. And so then I just was go
Speaker 1: to him on and I was like, it's not against
Speaker 1: the law, it's against the rules. There's a difference because
Speaker 1: he goes school has laws. Daddy's school has laws. You
Speaker 1: can't ask. I'm like, well, I'm gonna ask. You go
Speaker 1: to jail. Like, well, then I'll go to jail, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask. He started getting so upset, and then
Speaker 1: finally he goes, um, I don't ask. Um, Okay, they
Speaker 1: don't like farts and butts. I lied, I said, I know,
Speaker 1: they don't like tell the truth. He goes, okay, oh,
Speaker 1: there's a whole there's another shure. It's going to tell you,
Speaker 1: but first I'll tell you that he threatened to call
Speaker 1: the police on me this weekend. And I said, well,
Speaker 1: what if I call the police on you? And he
Speaker 1: said kids can't go to jail. And I did tell
Speaker 1: him that, and then he repeated this outside because our
Speaker 1: neighbor who is almost exactly Brind's age, was walking up
Speaker 1: the stairs with him coming in from outside, and he
Speaker 1: was like, they were like just talking about some fantasy,
Speaker 1: nonsense five year old stuff and they're like, and then
Speaker 1: he'll go to jail and die. And then and they're
Speaker 1: like just like trying to say like the craziest things
Speaker 1: they can think of, and then they'll put his butt
Speaker 1: in jail. And brand was like, kids can't go to jail.
Speaker 1: Like this is this his new this is his theme song.
Speaker 1: Kids can't go to down, Kids can't go to jail.
Speaker 1: I tried it hard, but they wouldn't let me in.
Speaker 1: Now kids can't go to jail. According according to his
Speaker 1: version of events, he has tried. He pulled the fire
Speaker 1: alarm and they threatened to put him in jail at school.
Speaker 1: That is when I told him because he said that
Speaker 1: he lied to the police. I don't even know if
Speaker 1: he talked to the police, but I told him he
Speaker 1: should not lie to the police, and that he goes
Speaker 1: that anyone of the jail and I said, they won't
Speaker 1: put you in jail. They're not going to put the
Speaker 1: little kid in jail. So now he's bragging about how
Speaker 1: kids going to jail. Here's one of the major stories
Speaker 1: over weekend, which I haven't told you, is that they
Speaker 1: I got home so Sunday morning, I realized that Brenna
Speaker 1: didn't have skating, and I had a very scant couple
Speaker 1: of hours to escape and try to do the mountains
Speaker 1: of work I have to do. And I came home
Speaker 1: a little frazzled, and my children were very stir crazy
Speaker 1: from being inside all day, and the house was a disaster,
Speaker 1: and they both were too edgy to get dressed in
Speaker 1: any sort of logical, rational way. They were both the
Speaker 1: most difficult people ever um and when I would step
Speaker 1: away from them a second to like clear my head
Speaker 1: and like put things away, they would like come immediately
Speaker 1: trying to undo what I'm doing, or start fights with
Speaker 1: each other, or just like be horrible. So I kept
Speaker 1: having to pull them apart and like try to calm
Speaker 1: one down while the other one was like creating pure chaos.
Speaker 1: And then I was with Maven and Brinda was in
Speaker 1: the kitchen and I was trying to get her dressed,
Speaker 1: and she was like continually naked, but like putting on
Speaker 1: mittens because I was trying to put the mittens away,
Speaker 1: you know, like just like annoying and she so then
Speaker 1: I calm her down. I get her to like finally
Speaker 1: start picking out real clothes, like I have to get
Speaker 1: you guys out of this apartment or you're gonna murder
Speaker 1: me in my sleep. And then Brent, I go walk
Speaker 1: into the kitchen. Brent's standing on the counter trying to
Speaker 1: do something he's not supposed to do, and he spots
Speaker 1: me startles and not fully standing on the counter, falls
Speaker 1: off the counter onto the ground, rolls on his side,
Speaker 1: slams his head into the ground, has like a big bruise,
Speaker 1: and then he starts pulling a you, which is like
Speaker 1: wandering around the apartment crying to himself, like recovering, and
Speaker 1: then just like doing gentle sobs like circles around there. Wow.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes people will actually feel what they feel
Speaker 1: and their faces showing what they actually feel. I did
Speaker 1: think that's what he felt, but he was like I
Speaker 1: would I would be comforting him, and then he'd wander
Speaker 1: away and then he would just like there. It was
Speaker 1: just he told me this story lightly he and he
Speaker 1: told me this bump, it's not better tonight, he goes,
Speaker 1: it's not better it won't be better for fifty days.
Speaker 1: That's how long the of this bump takes to get better. Well,
Speaker 1: it just it happened on the tail of just like
Speaker 1: so many many examples of me telling them to not
Speaker 1: do things that we're gonna hurt them or bother them,
Speaker 1: and just them both ignoring me. And so I was
Speaker 1: at that point and as a parent where you're kind
Speaker 1: of like, you see, go bump your head, idiot, but
Speaker 1: like I was kind of like I don't want to
Speaker 1: like rub it in while he's crying. But there's points
Speaker 1: where he was recovered as like do you understand why
Speaker 1: you should listen to me when I am telling you
Speaker 1: not to do dangerous things? And like it's just really
Speaker 1: you trying to find those moments because you you, you
Speaker 1: it's not good to do that, like when he's still
Speaker 1: emotional in Europe set and it's the like you see,
Speaker 1: he's not gonna absorb anything too, but to calm him
Speaker 1: down and be on his side and then find those
Speaker 1: little moments to go, do you see where this started
Speaker 1: so you can recognize it next time, so he can
Speaker 1: brag about it to Daddy later, brag about what bumping
Speaker 1: his head he's real proud. It was really such a
Speaker 1: dramatic fall. We didn't even talk about Halloween. I was
Speaker 1: working that night. Was the first Halloween I ever missed.
Speaker 1: I took the kids around the co op buildings. It
Speaker 1: was good because we were not especially now that brand
Speaker 1: is in kindergarten. He has like three friends who live
Speaker 1: in our co op building community. So you're actually now
Speaker 1: friends for the first time for real. Yeah, they're like
Speaker 1: really just being kids. That are they've seen before. I
Speaker 1: was actually when I was walking in yesterday and we
Speaker 1: happened to run into our neighbor across the hall. Her
Speaker 1: son that I was just talking about the Brin was like, hey, um,
Speaker 1: I'm really excited to go back to school tomorrow, like
Speaker 1: he was. He's just talking about like Monday at school
Speaker 1: when he was like, it's gonna be so cool. We're
Speaker 1: going to get to see each other. And this other
Speaker 1: mom was like, I'm so glad that they like school.
Speaker 1: They do like school except every day when I picked
Speaker 1: them up again, they're so tired and then they just
Speaker 1: lie to your face and everything was bad today. I
Speaker 1: hate everyone. I'm never doing anything ever again. Did brind
Speaker 1: go to nature class this week? Because he supposed I
Speaker 1: didn't ask him about it, but theoretic he did not
Speaker 1: go to cooking glass um. But he was very weirdly,
Speaker 1: so daylight savings has happened, as you may recall, and
Speaker 1: the means uh, in the morning, when I take them
Speaker 1: super early to the car, the sun was up, whereas
Speaker 1: it was not up the week before. Brendan may Haven noticed,
Speaker 1: that's interesting. When I picked him up it was dark
Speaker 1: where it was not last week. And Brenn thought that
Speaker 1: was incredible. It's dark and it was super dark when
Speaker 1: you pick him up at five. And he said, goes, Daddy,
Speaker 1: do me a favor and tell Maven when we go
Speaker 1: pick her up that you love picking me up when
Speaker 1: the sun is down. And I go, okay, sounds great.
Speaker 1: Then we picked up Maven, and of course I forgot
Speaker 1: about it because it was a very weird request request.
Speaker 1: And then then really got upset because you didn't tell her.
Speaker 1: I go, what you didn't tell her about the secret?
Speaker 1: I had no idea what he's talking about. And then
Speaker 1: finally he had to like whisper to me. He goes,
Speaker 1: do you love picking me up in the dark? And
Speaker 1: he was like on the verge of tears and then
Speaker 1: I told you, hey, Maven, you know I love picking
Speaker 1: up breaking bread in the dark, and the Brin just
Speaker 1: started laughing hysterically. Mission accomplished. They both keep getting caught
Speaker 1: up in some incredibly dumb logic where they'll start arguing
Speaker 1: with each other and then they both lost the thread
Speaker 1: that but they just keep responding to each other and
Speaker 1: they're like trying to win. They're like, no, octopuses don't
Speaker 1: do that, and like maybe it's like in tears and
Speaker 1: then they're just like, I don't dream of octopus. I don't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just it's fun. It's fun, fun arguments we're having.
Speaker 1: I've I'm learning the to just not engage. Britton goes,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make up new rules. Okay, whoever, I eni
Speaker 1: MENI mini mo, they're gonna be the winner. Well, brand
Speaker 1: is classic you. He's like, oh, yeah, we can do
Speaker 1: this as long as I'm in charge. And I tell
Speaker 1: you that I get to have all the best stuff. Yep. Um.
Speaker 1: Last thing. I'll talk about it tomorrow. Slash Today, when
Speaker 1: this episode comes out, is election day. And I explained
Speaker 1: to Bryan what an election is and he understood it.
Speaker 1: I used to for example, our town because I found
Speaker 1: there was a flyer for UM candidate running for mayor.
Speaker 1: So I kept talking about, you know, as an example,
Speaker 1: running for mayor, and he goes, are people going to
Speaker 1: vote for you? Daddy? I'm like, Wow, probably not. He's like,
Speaker 1: why you should be? I want you to be mayor.
Speaker 1: I will vote for you. And I explain I was like, well,
Speaker 1: brand if I if I am the mayor, I can't
Speaker 1: be a story part anymore, so I'd have to quit
Speaker 1: that job and I have to run the town. And
Speaker 1: he goes, Daddy, I still want you to be mayor,
Speaker 1: so please, if you please vote for Peter tomorrow right,
Speaker 1: and Peter McNerney in whatever local election. Yeah, he'll take
Speaker 1: any city or town. Yeah, I'll run it if I'm
Speaker 1: eligible and I have the majority of the votes. Another
Speaker 1: weird thing our kids have gleaned from this Charlie Brown
Speaker 1: movie is that they go off in corners and they're
Speaker 1: talking to themselves sometimes in and maybe it'll be like
Speaker 1: you sign the contract, and then they'll they'll just parrot
Speaker 1: things that they've heard on TV, where you're like, you
Speaker 1: don't know what that means? What do you? Yeah? It
Speaker 1: just makes me realize how many things you know but
Speaker 1: you you you don't know when you actually actually understood
Speaker 1: what it was, but you've known it, you know, when
Speaker 1: you oh something one of those things where you've never
Speaker 1: stopped and actually thought about what the words themselves mean
Speaker 1: because it's just a phrase or something you've known your
Speaker 1: whole life. Are you going somewhere with no end of segment?
Speaker 1: And now it's time for my headphone cable to get tangled.
Speaker 1: And now it's time for a segment called did you notice?
Speaker 1: This is where we share something we learned that's parenting related. Beth,
Speaker 1: my love? What do you got? Thank you? My love? Um? Okay,
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to share this blog post that
Speaker 1: um some moms I know we're sharing around this week.
Speaker 1: And I'll be honest, I did not research the heavily,
Speaker 1: so I don't have a lot of context thing of it.
Speaker 1: But it's from a website called Graham Seabrook dot com
Speaker 1: and it's a blog post from this woman who is
Speaker 1: a mom coach, and it says an open letter to
Speaker 1: straight married dad's from a mom coach. And she started
Speaker 1: it by asking why are you here? Are you here
Speaker 1: to raise your family? And partnership with someone you love.
Speaker 1: And then she goes on and sort of asks these
Speaker 1: dads a series of questions like who is your child's pediatrician, dentist, optometrists,
Speaker 1: what are the names of your kids two best friends?
Speaker 1: And sort of like how many times a week does
Speaker 1: laundry need to be done in your house? Etcetera, and
Speaker 1: just sort of she sort of questions the usefulness of
Speaker 1: heterosexual male partners in a way that, um, I don't
Speaker 1: necessarily think applies to you, but I think very relevant.
Speaker 1: I think was resonating very hard with women in different
Speaker 1: mom groups. I'm in um um. But let me get
Speaker 1: to the end here. She says, Uh, parenting is not
Speaker 1: a spectator sport, and far too many of the mothers
Speaker 1: that coach tell me how much easier it is when
Speaker 1: their partners aren't home, because at least then there's no
Speaker 1: expectation that this time he'll do something to lift the load.
Speaker 1: If what you bring to your household is a paycheck,
Speaker 1: then why are you there. You don't have to live
Speaker 1: there to support them financially. Are you coming home dumping
Speaker 1: your feelings about your day on your partner, sitting down
Speaker 1: to a table to eat and then moving on with
Speaker 1: your night. You just missed about a million steps, my dude,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I'm done. I'm over it, and I've had
Speaker 1: it up to hear with meeting brilliant, caring, thoughtful mothers
Speaker 1: who are working to heal their traumas to give their
Speaker 1: children happy and healthy childhoods, and who keep running into
Speaker 1: a brick wall of husbands or partners who think that's
Speaker 1: simply because they're doing more than their dads did, their
Speaker 1: heroes more than five percent is only. Parenting is complicated, exhausting, labor, intensive, logical, emotional,
Speaker 1: mental work. Holding onto your personhood as a mother in
Speaker 1: today's world is all of that and more so. Dad's
Speaker 1: my question is why are you here? And she goes
Speaker 1: on anyway, Um, I just started reading this article as
Speaker 1: you were sharing it, and you should. Obviously everyone's situation
Speaker 1: is different, but just starting to read these questions, uh um,
Speaker 1: really makes its point quite clearly. Can I read some
Speaker 1: of these questions? Go for it? Um? Okay, So yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a good thing to ask yourself. What are
Speaker 1: the names of the people who care for and or
Speaker 1: teach your children? What are their school policies? How long
Speaker 1: does your kid need to be fever free before they
Speaker 1: can go back to school. Who is your child's pediatrician?
Speaker 1: Where they located? What is there, what are their hours?
Speaker 1: What is their phone number? Does your child like them? Dentist? Optometrist?
Speaker 1: What are the names of your two kids two best friends?
Speaker 1: What are their parents names? What size of clothes and
Speaker 1: shoes to your kids wear? Where where do you usually
Speaker 1: buy them? Where are your kids were? What are your
Speaker 1: kids worried about right now? What are they excited about,
Speaker 1: what are they scared of? What do they want most?
Speaker 1: Who do they love? Um? How many times a week
Speaker 1: does laundry need to be done? It's you know, the
Speaker 1: child care is not always uh shared equally amongst parents,
Speaker 1: and that's part of the deal that different couples make
Speaker 1: in terms of who's working and who's not. But by
Speaker 1: reading this list of questions, I thought was a really
Speaker 1: uh simple, brilliant way of painting a picture of what
Speaker 1: um a person is doing all day to take care
Speaker 1: of children, you know what I mean? And also I
Speaker 1: wanted to take that quiz because I could answer every
Speaker 1: single one of those questions, every single one of them. Well,
Speaker 1: they don't have optometrists, but every single one I don't
Speaker 1: know if you like, I don't know if you would
Speaker 1: get on this quiz, ask me, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you get a percent on this quiz. That's true, but
Speaker 1: I like you. Okay, how many loads of laundry need
Speaker 1: to be done per week? Need to? I mean, if
Speaker 1: we're doing it right, we do. This is the thing
Speaker 1: whenever like a mental load thing comes up that you're
Speaker 1: unaware of, you like hetero specual men trying to paint
Speaker 1: a picture of women as being like obsessive about it
Speaker 1: for knowing what needs to get that like if you're
Speaker 1: accumulating a certain amount of laundry pool needs to get
Speaker 1: done at some point, Like sure, sure, but I mean
Speaker 1: if if if we're doing it as much as like
Speaker 1: a part of a nice red of the routine, it's
Speaker 1: like four times a week, but you could wait a
Speaker 1: little longer and do two overly big loads. Okay, But
Speaker 1: like this is how you are with like baths and
Speaker 1: a lot of things where it's like fine, I'll let
Speaker 1: it slide because you're more on top of other day
Speaker 1: to day things. But like the thing is, it's like
Speaker 1: the weeks where I'm not on top of it. It's
Speaker 1: like I go to me and our kid at his
Speaker 1: school on Halloween, and he's in a costume getting sweaty,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this kid smells. This is a stinky kid.
Speaker 1: Because you know, I'm the only parent who is paying
Speaker 1: attention to how much this kid smells. I'm paying attention.
Speaker 1: I don't. I hate I hate baths and I hate laundry.
Speaker 1: I hate I hate that time. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I gave them a bath tonight, because boy, they were stinky.
Speaker 1: I did it, but you're right I do. But also,
Speaker 1: like you know, I think we we have we have
Speaker 1: those things. For you, it's trash and dishes. I do
Speaker 1: more of those, and your's is laundry and baths, and
Speaker 1: we both make an effort on the opposite ones that
Speaker 1: we don't do as much. But you put dishes in
Speaker 1: the dishwasher. I heard them into the kitchen from your desk,
Speaker 1: and like living room, in the bedroom and the table.
Speaker 1: I think we're definitely, we're definitely equal. But you have
Speaker 1: pointed out the things that I'm weak as that. But
Speaker 1: I don't take out the trash. That's one thing I
Speaker 1: don't do. You literally never do. But that's fine. I
Speaker 1: know that, and I take pride. I'm I'm the trash guy.
Speaker 1: I'm really good at it. I'm great. It's separating recycling. Wow, congratulations,
Speaker 1: Um yeah um, but yeah. I think the difference is
Speaker 1: when as a woman, I think I'm much more likely
Speaker 1: to know the areas where I'm weaker in, whereas I
Speaker 1: think you, yes, I believe that the areas that you're
Speaker 1: not doing are either not important or not happening. It's
Speaker 1: you're just completely like associated from Because I have learned
Speaker 1: so many things, I've become aware of so many things
Speaker 1: that I was blind to before. I one, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I see so much more than I ever did before.
Speaker 1: So I accept the idea that there will always be
Speaker 1: something else that I just can't see right now. That's
Speaker 1: why everyone should always if you feel like you're doing
Speaker 1: seven percent, you're hope you're maybe doing fifty. Um. I
Speaker 1: subscribe to that more than I ever have before. But
Speaker 1: I think the thing that's great about this blog post
Speaker 1: is exactly that is, you read all those questions and
Speaker 1: you're suddenly shedding light on things that you just might
Speaker 1: not be thinking about. You look at all the work
Speaker 1: that's going on. That's that's you're aware of. And you go, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm crushing it. I'm doing all this stuff, but read
Speaker 1: this super long list of all these little details, and
Speaker 1: then it's it's like it just shines lights in these
Speaker 1: areas you didn't even know where there. Maybe, And even
Speaker 1: if your duties within a couple are distributed differently and
Speaker 1: it's not doing the exact same things, being aware of
Speaker 1: what your partner is doing is the is incredibly healthy.
Speaker 1: Incredibly healthy. Um yeah, I just think I know that
Speaker 1: you're doing a lot of day to day stuff. I
Speaker 1: just still think there's like big picture stuff that I
Speaker 1: feel like I feel obligated to be tuned into that
Speaker 1: I don't think you always are. And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I'm shouldering all of that, but like, like, for example,
Speaker 1: this weekend, like when I left the kids with you
Speaker 1: to do work and stuff, I feel like you were
Speaker 1: at your computer most of the time while they were
Speaker 1: just getting more and more stir crazy. And then when
Speaker 1: I get home, I have to like clean and deal
Speaker 1: with them and make sure they get outside and make
Speaker 1: sure laundry is done for the weekend, and then like
Speaker 1: realize that Brian's shoes are falling apart and he needs
Speaker 1: new sneakers, and like there's just like all those little
Speaker 1: things that you're like, Okay, it's a weeknda have to
Speaker 1: make the most of it and like make sure these
Speaker 1: things are running smoothly going into the week. Like I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm not like, you do do a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1: So I'm not saying you do nothing, obviously, but there
Speaker 1: as is stuff like that where I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: don't always know how bad these things would get without
Speaker 1: you realizing. Well, those are great examples of where you know,
Speaker 1: the shoe falls apart, and then I'm like, well, time
Speaker 1: to get new shoes, and you're looking ahead on those
Speaker 1: things I know that I am better at. But there's
Speaker 1: also a little like quality of light things where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I'm a hero, but like every day
Speaker 1: I make sure that like the blinds and like curtains
Speaker 1: are opened in our homes so we get natural light
Speaker 1: coming in the way human beings are meant to live.
Speaker 1: And I you know, the only the only reason I
Speaker 1: opened the curtains is because I'm like, oh, Beth will
Speaker 1: come in here and not want to see this. I
Speaker 1: do it for you if I do it at all.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but where I am stronger where I am better?
Speaker 1: Is that like I'm going to pay all of our bills,
Speaker 1: I'm going to take the car, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: make sure the doctor appointments made. Your way of interacting
Speaker 1: with it is so funny to me because like you
Speaker 1: like you know the doctor's name, you know where he is,
Speaker 1: you know when the doctor year, the appointment needs to happen.
Speaker 1: If our kids were getting sick, I don't know that
Speaker 1: you would be like, oh, maybe they should stay home,
Speaker 1: or maybe I should call the doctor and ask about this,
Speaker 1: or you like, what are you talking about? That's what
Speaker 1: I do. That's my job when they're sick. Yeah, who
Speaker 1: takes into urgent care every time? It takes the daughter
Speaker 1: I've got. I'm the one who saved an old doctor's
Speaker 1: note on my computer. Is like I'm not talking about
Speaker 1: when you try to drop them off a daycare and
Speaker 1: then daycare rejects them and says, these kids are too sick.
Speaker 1: You need to go get it. I know this is
Speaker 1: you're talking about me. That doesn't exist anymore because you
Speaker 1: under the school sick policies, Beth, what are the schools sick? Yes?
Speaker 1: When can you take your kids back to school. I
Speaker 1: know how it is for daycare. It's usually twenty four
Speaker 1: hours without a fever. That's not what it is at daycare. Okay,
Speaker 1: what is it. It's much stricter than that. That is
Speaker 1: what it is for school. You can't take them back
Speaker 1: and if it's been twenty since they've thrown up or
Speaker 1: had a fever, and in daycare it's you could never
Speaker 1: take them back ever until they've had twelve doctors appointments,
Speaker 1: and twelve doctors until they had a second opinion. And okay,
Speaker 1: so you are reinforcing. My appointment is that you know
Speaker 1: when people are forcing you to take your kids to
Speaker 1: the doctor. I know what the policy I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: You know the policy, you know the names I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: I agree, And I am the one who will wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning, look at my kids and say,
Speaker 1: this is a kid who cannot go to school today.
Speaker 1: You are right, you know what I I will find.
Speaker 1: I'm like, how do I just how do you just
Speaker 1: get through this moment? It's fine, it's fine to a fault,
Speaker 1: but boy, I know all the details. I know all
Speaker 1: the factors, I know all the rules, I know where
Speaker 1: we're going. I just I'm not not so worried. I'm
Speaker 1: not as worried as maybe I should be. Okay, well, um,
Speaker 1: I think we complement each other. Well, yeah, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying those things are not valuable. I'm just saying I
Speaker 1: just it's not the whole picture of what needs to
Speaker 1: get done. Someone needs to sniff the air and be like,
Speaker 1: this apartment is rancid, These children are rancid. Someone needs
Speaker 1: to sniff a butt and realize that button needs a tub.
Speaker 1: You know what you were at a very smart idea,
Speaker 1: and this illustrates your point. I think, Well, is that
Speaker 1: you texted me or something about them needing to take
Speaker 1: a bath, and you said, we also need to clean
Speaker 1: out those cupboards. So when do you take one of
Speaker 1: those bath bombs to get them to get into the tub.
Speaker 1: You know what, Brenda wouldn't get in the tub, and
Speaker 1: I threw a bath bomb in there and he then
Speaker 1: he wanted to get in the tub. Yeah, that's because
Speaker 1: big picture. I'm like, Okay, dear Lord, I have to
Speaker 1: renovate this bathroom. I'm gonna have to take that cabinet
Speaker 1: of the bathroom. I had to do X, Y Z
Speaker 1: ten million other things. That cabinet needs to be cleaned out.
Speaker 1: There's a bunch of bath bombs in there for some reason.
Speaker 1: I all, my kid needs to bathe. My my brain
Speaker 1: is like a serial killer's wall map of like trying
Speaker 1: to keep my children alive, and my brain is I'm
Speaker 1: I'm just looking at the current pin on the wall map,
Speaker 1: and then I go, oh, there's a red string, and
Speaker 1: I just started following the red string. I go, there's
Speaker 1: another pushpin. I'm gonna follow this red string. You're You're
Speaker 1: like a boomer who just figured out how to drop
Speaker 1: a pan on Google map. Oh take that, boomers. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I need I do. I definitely need to step back
Speaker 1: um away from my corkboard in my dimly lit garage
Speaker 1: to take a look at the big map and not
Speaker 1: just look at the pushpins. It's a shockingly good metaphor.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, this has been Did you notice now it's
Speaker 1: time for listeners want to knows? So last week um,
Speaker 1: a listener wrote in asking for recommendations of books where
Speaker 1: sort of gender roles were reversed. Specifically, she mentioned wanting
Speaker 1: stories about basically girls who misbehave um and boys who
Speaker 1: carry the emotional labor, and we were unrecommended, not very
Speaker 1: good recommendations. But luckily you guys wrote in with some
Speaker 1: more delivered. Um. So one message I got from an
Speaker 1: Instagram message says, um, they recommended the book called Marlene Marline,
Speaker 1: the Queen of Mean. She says, it's a library book
Speaker 1: my daughter brought home about a girl who is the bully.
Speaker 1: If a female instead of a male bully doesn't break
Speaker 1: gender stereotype, maybe I don't understand the concept. That's what
Speaker 1: I think she understood the conpt. I think she understood
Speaker 1: the concept. That's great, I got. I got a bunch
Speaker 1: right here. Um. Someone wrote in. This is from Della.
Speaker 1: She said, listen to your podcasts where a listener asked
Speaker 1: about some good books for challenging traditional gender roles, and
Speaker 1: she cited a list that she found from the New
Speaker 1: York Times. My kiddos only only twenty months old, so
Speaker 1: I can't speak for everything on the list, but I
Speaker 1: checked out a bunch and my little one, uh and
Speaker 1: myself really enjoyed them. My faiths were Frannie's father is
Speaker 1: a feminist. Shows a little girl who likes to be
Speaker 1: a messy and dirty sometimes and her dad who takes
Speaker 1: on some of the traditional women's roles and Teddy's favorite
Speaker 1: toy about a little boy who loves a doll and
Speaker 1: is pretty superhero esque. Mom My kiddo's faiths were Shark Lady.
Speaker 1: Maybe he just liked the sharks. And Julian is a Mermaid. Oh,
Speaker 1: we just got Julian Is a Mermaid, which I read
Speaker 1: this last night. I have to say, the illustrations in
Speaker 1: this book, as someone who is an illustration major who
Speaker 1: for two semesters took children's book illustration classes, the illustrations
Speaker 1: in Julian Is ammer made are incredible. Um. And they
Speaker 1: also sort of they reference like the Brooklyn Mermaid Parade,
Speaker 1: So it felt I don't know, it feels very reminiscent
Speaker 1: of my college experience in a way that warmed my heart. Um.
Speaker 1: But it's it's really beautiful, I will say. In terms
Speaker 1: of reading it, there's pages without words, so you do
Speaker 1: have to kind of like explain what's happening on the page. Well,
Speaker 1: you know what I did, is um Normally I do that.
Speaker 1: I explain everything. I over explain. Yeah, you love to
Speaker 1: never stop talking. I love to explain, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: I just turn the page and I sat there quietly
Speaker 1: and I let them absorb each page, and I saw
Speaker 1: them really looking and listening and thinking until they started
Speaker 1: chiming up about things. Well, I will say, what's cool
Speaker 1: about this book is, like we've talked in the podcast
Speaker 1: sort of about like books that deal with sex and
Speaker 1: gender and different issues. And one of my peppies about
Speaker 1: this type of progressive books is sometimes you get ones
Speaker 1: that are too didactic or like like trying to force
Speaker 1: lessons down your throat too literally, and that the beautiful
Speaker 1: thing about Jillian is a mermaid, which has no words
Speaker 1: on some pages, as like you're watching this young boy
Speaker 1: sort of like fall in love with these mermaids and
Speaker 1: then sort of put on this costume. And it's very
Speaker 1: ambiguous as to this kid's gender representation or sexuality or whatever,
Speaker 1: but it's just this kid. It's this kid's joy for
Speaker 1: those mermaids. Like it's great in his dreaming of himself.
Speaker 1: There's those pages where he's on the train or whatever
Speaker 1: and he sees these women dresses mermaids. Then you see
Speaker 1: him thinking, and then there's illustration of him step by
Speaker 1: step morphing into a mermaid, and then they see and
Speaker 1: he's underwater as this beautiful mermaid with long hair and
Speaker 1: and they don't spell it out like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: a boy who wants to be a girl. No, it's
Speaker 1: not that specific. Uh, it's exactly that. It's just this
Speaker 1: kid exploring his love of being. There's no there's no
Speaker 1: lecture to the book. It's beautiful and you know what's cool,
Speaker 1: It's like, um, Britain has been asked mentioned for a
Speaker 1: couple of months now the idea that he for some
Speaker 1: reason he wants purple sneakers, and only in the context
Speaker 1: of the sneaker discussion does he claim that his favorite
Speaker 1: color is purple in my experienced before. No, but so
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't really know if that's true or
Speaker 1: he's just saying that. But then I talked about getting
Speaker 1: him any per sneakers because his they're falling apart. And
Speaker 1: then he said again, then he wanted purple sneakers. So
Speaker 1: we went to the toyster in town that sells sneakers,
Speaker 1: which was closed, and then we went across the street
Speaker 1: to this other store and they measured his feet, which
Speaker 1: is cool. And then we looked at the sneakers on
Speaker 1: the wall and there was some bully sneakers, but they
Speaker 1: were clearly girls. Where they were like pinky purple whatever,
Speaker 1: and I was like, it was one of those weird
Speaker 1: things where you're like, well, I want to get him
Speaker 1: what he wants, but I want to make sure he
Speaker 1: really wants it and he's going to be comfortable wearing it.
Speaker 1: And so he pointed at one that was like it
Speaker 1: was just a really pale purple, whereas like, I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is really what you want.
Speaker 1: But I was like, I'm going to support this. So
Speaker 1: I asked them to look for the size, and then
Speaker 1: I took I took him down. I was like, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to be real because I don't want to
Speaker 1: pay for a pair of sneakers he's not gonna wear.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, Bryn, if you like these sneakers,
Speaker 1: I will get them for you, but I just want
Speaker 1: you to know if you could wear these schools, some
Speaker 1: kids might call them girly, and I just want to
Speaker 1: make sure you're still gonna want to wear them even
Speaker 1: if people say that. And he said yeah, and then
Speaker 1: they went to gether sneakers, and then they didn't have
Speaker 1: his size and that pair of sneakers, and then he
Speaker 1: got really bored of being in the sneaker store and
Speaker 1: we left and I was like, well, now I know
Speaker 1: his sneakers, isn't gonna order him other purple sneakers, So
Speaker 1: I got him some purple high tops that feel fairly
Speaker 1: gender ambiguous to me. But I was like, not that
Speaker 1: it really matters what he wanted. But I don't actually
Speaker 1: don't think from past experience that he's like super comfortable
Speaker 1: with other kids commenting on his appearance. What are yeah?
Speaker 1: And well, it's just I don't know. It's more I
Speaker 1: think what I am sensitive to for some weird reason
Speaker 1: is like I it's it's like an aesthetic thing. And
Speaker 1: again I went to art school. I love all the colors.
Speaker 1: There's something about when things get like glitter e and
Speaker 1: girly where I it doesn't appeal to me personally. And
Speaker 1: then if I don't know, I just my own hang up. Um,
Speaker 1: I have that too, But I figured it was it
Speaker 1: was some sort of gendered thing in my brain. But
Speaker 1: until Maven, who's like, I love glittery pink. I love
Speaker 1: her love of it because it is so deep and true,
Speaker 1: whereas brand one day saying I love purple, I'm like,
Speaker 1: since when I like her love of it? But I
Speaker 1: just think there's something in my brain that loves like
Speaker 1: saturated colors, which is kind of like not I don't
Speaker 1: like like pale pastel, like I want like a bold
Speaker 1: version of the color. Every apartment we've lived in, the
Speaker 1: colors on the walls have gotten more pastel because we've
Speaker 1: you've we've started bold, and they've just come down a bit.
Speaker 1: But we still have bold colors. And I love it
Speaker 1: and I love you. This email goes on. You guys
Speaker 1: discussed gender a lot, which I really appreciate. The book
Speaker 1: I read a while back was quite interesting parenting beyond
Speaker 1: pink and blue. Wow, just like what we're talking about.
Speaker 1: Have you read it? Nope? I thought it was fascinating.
Speaker 1: Some take ways for me were one, how often we
Speaker 1: say things that subconsciously enforced gender grouping. The book quotes
Speaker 1: studies that talk about how kids will strongly identify with
Speaker 1: any group they are put in, and we as adults
Speaker 1: constantly categorized boys and girls in our language. I'm a teacher,
Speaker 1: so this was very applicable to me. Things like girls
Speaker 1: came here, etcetera. Also language like wow, you're getting to
Speaker 1: be such a big boy. Why not insert kid instead?
Speaker 1: To the automatic default to he when describing unknown gendered animals.
Speaker 1: I think about this stuff a lot and have done
Speaker 1: a lot of things to avoid gender stereotypes from my kiddos.
Speaker 1: For example, um era as i e. We found out
Speaker 1: the gender before birth, but didn't tell anyone so that
Speaker 1: any gift we received wouldn't be gendered. Try that everyone
Speaker 1: hates you for it. I was shocked when I realized
Speaker 1: how often I defaulted to the pronoun he when describing things.
Speaker 1: Oh look at that bear? What color is he? What's
Speaker 1: your stuff? What's your stuffed horse? Can you bring him here?
Speaker 1: I've tried to be better, but it has been hard. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the book explains a lot more eloquently than I just did,
Speaker 1: and back stuff up with research. One last question, quite aware.
Speaker 1: Quite a while back you had a list on the
Speaker 1: podcasts of books for young kids that deal with sexuality
Speaker 1: changing bodies. I can't remember which it was. Do you
Speaker 1: have a written list somewhere or maybe you can remember
Speaker 1: which podcast was? Thanks? I flipp and love your podcast, Adela.
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about all of those things, Della. In
Speaker 1: terms of the default pronoun of he, specifically for animals,
Speaker 1: I've noticed hard to break out of that. We're all
Speaker 1: programmed to do it. I mean, we're all programmed to
Speaker 1: do a lot of things. One thing I think me
Speaker 1: and a lot of people I know lately have been
Speaker 1: trying to do stop calling things crazy or insane. Like
Speaker 1: it's just really hard to get work. Like you stop
Speaker 1: using certain words in your vocabulary that you're used to using.
Speaker 1: You know, um, it's working in story part says um.
Speaker 1: But has forced me to word like that crazy and insane.
Speaker 1: I've noticed when I'm telling them bedtime stories at night,
Speaker 1: because we always kind of come up with an animal
Speaker 1: or creature or something and then we'll say, you know,
Speaker 1: we'll start telling a story with that, and like, my
Speaker 1: impulse to label it as a male is really strong. Yes,
Speaker 1: I've I've first story times, we make up stories. I've
Speaker 1: been trying to default to she. Of course it doesn't
Speaker 1: have that much so at best time, I'm going fifty
Speaker 1: um at best at best but yeah, but we're going
Speaker 1: to get our numbers up though. It's so hard not
Speaker 1: to be like those here's my big girl, who is
Speaker 1: my little girl? My girl? Why can't you say a girl?
Speaker 1: I mean, just the these weird there are I do
Speaker 1: have the thought I think it's fine to be like,
Speaker 1: you're such a big boy, but there is something you
Speaker 1: are separating our I feel like i'm word, I'm separating
Speaker 1: our two kids by continuing to define them by their gender.
Speaker 1: I definitely worry about that, and I do think it
Speaker 1: is like it's worth watching out for, like where that
Speaker 1: creeps into our expectation of their behavior. But I also
Speaker 1: think there's a lot of moments lately where like, especially
Speaker 1: with Mayven, she she's really loving being a girl right now,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to take that away from her.
Speaker 1: I want her to if like if that's if she
Speaker 1: continues to identify as a girl, like she should love
Speaker 1: being a girl, Like why you know what I mean, Like, um, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's it's really easy to fall into these the sort
Speaker 1: of absolute isms, Um, when you're trying to do the
Speaker 1: right thing. Um well, I think also, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, there's nature and nurture, and you're
Speaker 1: never going to create the best conditions for anything, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: because we're all unique individuals who are made up of
Speaker 1: a combination of nature and nurture. And what's sort of
Speaker 1: beautiful about it is, you know, these varying environments we've
Speaker 1: all lived in our own weird crock pot of identities.
Speaker 1: So like when Mayven goes to daycare and she's around
Speaker 1: a lot of little girls, and the women who are
Speaker 1: in the daycare are Spanish speaking women who mostly don't
Speaker 1: speak much English. I do think there is a tendency
Speaker 1: of them in general to like glorify kind of like
Speaker 1: girly things, and I wouldn't be surprised if that's rubbed
Speaker 1: off on Maven a little bit. But I also think
Speaker 1: Maven just has a tendency to like those things. So
Speaker 1: I think she's just you know, yes, it's reinforcing it
Speaker 1: a little bit more than maybe necessary, but like it's
Speaker 1: I think she's enjoying it. She's feeling like she's loving herself,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like it's not well, there's
Speaker 1: this thing. This actually is applicable to a text exchange
Speaker 1: ahead with my little brother today where I don't know
Speaker 1: why I was thinking of this, but he he's the
Speaker 1: behavioral science science writer and neuroscience and and so knows
Speaker 1: a lot about this stuff. I texted him, I said,
Speaker 1: is there a word for when people react? To learning
Speaker 1: that something they thought was a hard and fast rule
Speaker 1: isn't entirely true. For example, some facts have unintended side
Speaker 1: effects by completely turning on the entire concept, for example,
Speaker 1: anti vaxers, and then I said, also, how's your baby?
Speaker 1: He said, good. Question sounds like the version of the
Speaker 1: base rate fallacy. So the fallacy is that people ignore
Speaker 1: the fact that the vast majorities of vaccines do not
Speaker 1: have unintended side effects, that's the base rate, and instead
Speaker 1: focused on a specific piece of information. My point being
Speaker 1: a lot of times when people realize, you know, things
Speaker 1: like oh, gender norms are create to this negative side effect,
Speaker 1: and you realize that, oh, there's there's these negative things
Speaker 1: to go let's reject all of it a thousand percent um.
Speaker 1: I've I've realized that a lot of those things I've
Speaker 1: gone too far in some respects where I realized, like, oh, there,
Speaker 1: for some kids like Maven, this is naturally what they
Speaker 1: are drawn to, and there's there is a truth, and
Speaker 1: there is a nuance two gender norms that they're attached
Speaker 1: to some real things many times, and it's it's it's
Speaker 1: of course always far more complicated nuance than these sort
Speaker 1: of like absolute stances. Well, I think this kind of
Speaker 1: creeps into like our discussions of privilege sometimes, where like you,
Speaker 1: you know, we'll have different people who are privileged for
Speaker 1: various reasons race, gender, economics, and like you sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: like people just to get a really funny example, so like,
Speaker 1: sometimes people have a privilege that we all deserve to have,
Speaker 1: but we don't feel like we deserve to have it
Speaker 1: because we're so used to not having it. And sometimes
Speaker 1: people have a privilege that no one should have, but
Speaker 1: because we're so caught up in this rat race of
Speaker 1: trying to have what other people are having, we instead
Speaker 1: of realizing that no one should be able allowed to
Speaker 1: do that, we are mad that we don't have that.
Speaker 1: So like I was, like, these are kind of weird
Speaker 1: just conversations I have with like cab drivers and lift
Speaker 1: drivers where I'll feel like we're on the same page
Speaker 1: of like wanting things to be better for the world
Speaker 1: at large. And like I had a lift driver the
Speaker 1: other day who like this, this car drove by us,
Speaker 1: like really erratically and fast on the west side Highway
Speaker 1: and cut us off and whatever, and we both were
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, like that's crazy, and I
Speaker 1: assumed we're both mad because this car could hurt someone
Speaker 1: and you know, kill someone. And my lift driver was like,
Speaker 1: if I drive like that, I would get pulled over.
Speaker 1: Like like he was like, I can't get away with
Speaker 1: driving like that, Like he was mad that he can't
Speaker 1: do that. And this is like I think, where sometimes
Speaker 1: we make the conversation much cloudier than it needs to
Speaker 1: be because when you when we lose our focus on
Speaker 1: what's important, which is like in my mind, like you know,
Speaker 1: basic things like everyone should have housing, healthcare, um, a
Speaker 1: living wage, Like you know, we get we get thrown
Speaker 1: off because we're we get caught up in these like
Speaker 1: side discussions of like well, who's allowed to sleep with
Speaker 1: their staff? And like you know, like it's just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it just gets off track, That's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I see what you're saying. I was like
Speaker 1: during that, I was like, oh, oh are we going
Speaker 1: this way with it? Like oh, okay, all right, I
Speaker 1: got it, But I like, I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: we make we we find this like one fault in
Speaker 1: the system, and then we try to we try to
Speaker 1: make it broad sweeping statements about it that should not apply. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just very attracted these days to nuance, you know,
Speaker 1: not the Internet and the way it's set up a
Speaker 1: lot of the time where you know, especially if you're
Speaker 1: in your your Twitter bubble or whatever in Facebook and
Speaker 1: you're like, look at this thing, this thing is false.
Speaker 1: Let's reject the entire system instead of going, oh, that
Speaker 1: is an interesting example, Let's get into the bigger picture,
Speaker 1: you know, get out of your bubble, read some dry research,
Speaker 1: learn about it, and go to the boring stuff, because
Speaker 1: that's where things, the practical world stuff read the read
Speaker 1: the raw transcript. Well, there was a really good quote
Speaker 1: um from Barack Obama this week where he was sort
Speaker 1: of talking about like this sort of like woke culture,
Speaker 1: which I don't even really think he's not really talking
Speaker 1: about being woke so much as like people who are
Speaker 1: really reactionary about it. But like he's talking about how
Speaker 1: like everyone's like looking to call each other out these days,
Speaker 1: you're slipping up or whatever, and he's sort of like,
Speaker 1: if all you're doing out there is casting stones, then
Speaker 1: you're not helping, Like you're not. There's so many other
Speaker 1: things you could do to actually right these wrongs or
Speaker 1: like try to fight inequality or what other rather like
Speaker 1: And I don't think he is saying like you can
Speaker 1: never comment on things blah, you know, Like but if
Speaker 1: that's your only focus, like is to try to make
Speaker 1: yourself feel important by trying to call other people out,
Speaker 1: then like that's probably not really helping. It's like having
Speaker 1: a again. It's like having a fight on Twitter. We're like, hey,
Speaker 1: here's a here's a real thought, and someone like, you know,
Speaker 1: in a hundred characters, fuck this, Oh great? Are we
Speaker 1: having a conversation just absolutely bad or absolutely yeah? And
Speaker 1: it's kind of like when there's important stuff happening, like
Speaker 1: you know, the presidential election and stuff, which I think
Speaker 1: in we should know more than ever is like kind
Speaker 1: of an important thing um that affects people's lives. If
Speaker 1: people are going into that discussion and their only perspective
Speaker 1: is to try to like criticize candidates and never put
Speaker 1: themselves out there and support anyone or any idea or anything,
Speaker 1: then you're not helping anyone, you know. Do you do you? All? Right?
Speaker 1: What are you going to say? Do you want to
Speaker 1: endorse the candidate? Say do your homework, getting into the
Speaker 1: boring stuff, reading the boring articles, alright, we're past timing.
Speaker 1: We have so many more recommendations. We're gonna have to
Speaker 1: do it next week. We're going to make a list
Speaker 1: of all the recommendations for books that you send in
Speaker 1: to prepare the next time. If you've got more, send
Speaker 1: him in. You guys are great. This has been another
Speaker 1: episode we know as parenting. If you'd like to write in,
Speaker 1: send us another recommendation, ask us question, tell us something
Speaker 1: we don't know, Send us a would who knows hypothetical
Speaker 1: parenting scenario. You can do so at we knows pot
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com, or you can call us on
Speaker 1: our phone number that I'm very quickly looking up. It's
Speaker 1: three four seven three eight four seven three six. Find
Speaker 1: us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, at we knows pod and
Speaker 1: please rate reviews, subscribe. We'll see you next time, y'all,