Speaker 1: Welcome to jay dot im a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome, Welcome,
Speaker 1: Welcome back, Hi everybody, welcome to j dot ilga podcast.
Speaker 1: You've been asking for some more episodes, and here is one. Okay,
Speaker 1: here is one. I am here with my sister friends
Speaker 1: l yah st Clair, Hello everybody, and my other sister
Speaker 1: friend Aga grading Dans. So here's here's the scenario. I
Speaker 1: have a I can't say names at all, have a
Speaker 1: friend who has had a tough go in relationships definitely
Speaker 1: has almost decided to give up on love, like almost.
Speaker 1: There's been some physical abuse, there's been some verbal abuse,
Speaker 1: um and and this is watching the whole thing, like
Speaker 1: over the course of of the last um twenty years
Speaker 1: or so. That's a long time to experience any level
Speaker 1: of abuse at all. But she's finally found someone. Her
Speaker 1: process was to stop looking and to kind of let
Speaker 1: go and let God, if you will, to allow divine
Speaker 1: intervention to to take its place. And it did. Divine
Speaker 1: intervention absolutely did came and showed her something completely uh surprising, loving, gentle, patient, present, fun, passionate, romantic,
Speaker 1: uh joyful, Like these are these are really big words.
Speaker 1: I'm not just throwing them out there. These are big words,
Speaker 1: especially for someone who has experienced a lot of pain
Speaker 1: in the past, and completely it's it's honestly, when I
Speaker 1: when I when I see her, the glow in her eyes,
Speaker 1: I've never seen her look like this, She's never been
Speaker 1: more beautiful. Like honestly, it's like, wow, look at look
Speaker 1: at this love just radiating all over you, which is
Speaker 1: what everybody wants, right, you want the kind of love
Speaker 1: that just beams off of you, you know. And and
Speaker 1: it's it's been about uh for them maybe five and
Speaker 1: a half years or so. However, you know there's always something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm waiting on the gag. Yeah, the sex ain't sex
Speaker 1: and ah, okay, let's that's that's get into happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: everything he's everything, but yes, everything but that this is
Speaker 1: a lot of guy will say, Yeah, a lot of
Speaker 1: the relationships in the past have been primarily based on
Speaker 1: the whole sexual aspect. So you know, put it plain.
Speaker 1: If the dick is good, you know, then we'll work
Speaker 1: everything out, you know what I mean. I definitely have
Speaker 1: said that once or twice in my life, and I'm
Speaker 1: sure that mistake has been made many times. Listen, um
Speaker 1: that if the Dick is good, then we could we
Speaker 1: rock this thing. We could stay here and make it work,
Speaker 1: or I'll forgive some things or ignore some things, because
Speaker 1: that that work is that you know powerful, Yes, it
Speaker 1: really legitimately hitting for that is not the state. What
Speaker 1: she has here is everything else. So I got questions
Speaker 1: because when you say I'm all for this topic, because
Speaker 1: I know this well, I've been through this to myself.
Speaker 1: My question is is the partner? Is it the motion
Speaker 1: and the ocean or is it the tool that he
Speaker 1: is using? Because we can work with motion. Tool is hard,
Speaker 1: but is it the motionlogy is difficult to overcome, but
Speaker 1: skill level can be adjusted exactly do you know the
Speaker 1: answer to that? Jill, Like we talked about this quite
Speaker 1: a bit. It's it's the skill level. It's it's that
Speaker 1: skill level is fixed up a whole Netflix. They got
Speaker 1: a whole They got a whole thing. They got two
Speaker 1: different ones. They got one called the Pleasure Principles, and
Speaker 1: then they got another one that when if Paltrow did,
Speaker 1: called Love, Sex and Goop. I literally just watch these
Speaker 1: recently just out of curiosity, and I'm like, you does
Speaker 1: and let me tell you I got some information that
Speaker 1: I did not have before. And so I think what
Speaker 1: happens is that we think, like many things, we and
Speaker 1: you become an adult, you're just supposed to know a thing.
Speaker 1: Where were we supposed to learn this stuff from? And
Speaker 1: most of us and when I say us, I mean
Speaker 1: people who are like Gen X or old millennials or whatever,
Speaker 1: most of us and even some young boomers, because some
Speaker 1: of us know some young boomers who were cool with
Speaker 1: So it's like, at the end of the day, this
Speaker 1: whole group, we weren't taught about sexuality. We weren't taught
Speaker 1: about sensuality, we weren't taught about how to make love
Speaker 1: to someone. These are things that we learned by trial
Speaker 1: and error, and like people just don't learn. And then
Speaker 1: and then also to there's a biological party. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a biological aspect of it that we don't know either.
Speaker 1: Most of us don't know our bodies, and most of
Speaker 1: us don't know women's bodies in particular, or people with
Speaker 1: parts that are associated with being a woman. People do
Speaker 1: not get these things. Like there's so many things about
Speaker 1: our bodies that we never see that we don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just throw this out here. I literally just
Speaker 1: found out a week ago how large the clarterers really is.
Speaker 1: You would tell us Angel he was telling us about
Speaker 1: this the other day. We all been thinking, like we knew, look,
Speaker 1: and we've been so so focused on on the man
Speaker 1: and his size of penis when we really want this, this,
Speaker 1: this that's balling out here, because really, when you talk
Speaker 1: about all of the cells and everything, the cells are
Speaker 1: all the same. They just configure slightly differently for a
Speaker 1: body that goes on to be called a boy and
Speaker 1: a body that goes on to be called a girl.
Speaker 1: But it's all the same. So all of the same
Speaker 1: tissue that is used to make a penis, that same
Speaker 1: tissue is used to make the glitterings. We we knew
Speaker 1: that because that's why sensitives to make the city. It's sensitive,
Speaker 1: so we're it's sensitive and large covers a lot of
Speaker 1: real estate. And really, I guess you're right to the
Speaker 1: actuality when we ask the question of movement versus tools,
Speaker 1: I was actually thinking, I've been on the other side
Speaker 1: of that, and I've been with mine that I loved
Speaker 1: and they had everything and blah blah, bah blah. We
Speaker 1: was great friends. But the tool was just so minute
Speaker 1: that it was, you know, but even with that, I
Speaker 1: hadn't had to know my body and go be still,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this after you. I'm gonna just let
Speaker 1: me just do this because I know where it is
Speaker 1: in you know. No, actually it didn't. It just it worked.
Speaker 1: It worked, It just it wasn't It wasn't enough. So
Speaker 1: I guess it was it was a tool thing, because yeah,
Speaker 1: it's still I still had to figure out so bad
Speaker 1: about the tool situation because I'm like, how can I
Speaker 1: may I mean, what can you do? Well, you're I mean,
Speaker 1: well that's not true. I mean for sure, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know you can get someone to climax. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: like that particular kind of thing you can't change now.
Speaker 1: But but we talked about that when you're looking for
Speaker 1: someone to reach a place. That is the challenging part
Speaker 1: about having been with other partners because you've been somewhere
Speaker 1: else and you know that there's a spot that that
Speaker 1: can be touched and reached, but it can't be touched
Speaker 1: and reached by this person. But that's but that's not
Speaker 1: your friend, but your girlfriend, that's not I feel like
Speaker 1: she still has hope. There are so many like with
Speaker 1: Asia said, it's like so many movies, books and things
Speaker 1: in that nature of the karmacet. You'll be trying all
Speaker 1: that ship. That's the part, right, just try all that ship.
Speaker 1: That's what I say. It's the exploration of it all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And they have a high trust level, so that right there, right,
Speaker 1: And so I'm very hot, be inspired because there's so
Speaker 1: much to do. There's so much fun to be had.
Speaker 1: It's just because it's not like that, you know, doesn't
Speaker 1: mean it can't be like yes, that part and are
Speaker 1: they talking about this open communication about the fact that
Speaker 1: we need work on this, like like one are the
Speaker 1: conversations that people really having about sex? Because honestly, I
Speaker 1: don't think the couples talk about it as much as
Speaker 1: they should impartially because I said, this isn't the not
Speaker 1: knowing of the self. A lot of people generation they're
Speaker 1: not having conversations about sex. Actually, I think it would
Speaker 1: be really hard to come to your partner and say
Speaker 1: I'm not satisfied sexually. I would not want to have
Speaker 1: that conversation. That's a mandatory thing. You have to say it,
Speaker 1: and you have to say it before you do something
Speaker 1: else about it. Like I'm kind of glad someone came
Speaker 1: to me at some point in my life and was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need it a little more. And I was
Speaker 1: thinking my me and myself, I was thinking, I'm killing
Speaker 1: the game. What what you doing there? Amos la la?
Speaker 1: And also you know you well that too. And I'm
Speaker 1: just also saying being open to when he say, I'm
Speaker 1: I mean, you have to communicate what you want, because
Speaker 1: I also had somebody be like I need that thing.
Speaker 1: It's like a little bit more too, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, are we had that conversation before though,
Speaker 1: But yeah, but then the women don't say it too.
Speaker 1: But I think that while men feel comfortable saying it,
Speaker 1: I don't think that women always feel comfortable saying like
Speaker 1: I know I've had issues even when I've been approached
Speaker 1: to be like, tell me what you want, and it's
Speaker 1: like because in the back of your mind you just
Speaker 1: want him to find it, and it just be like that,
Speaker 1: like we just clink up. But it's that's not reality,
Speaker 1: and so it is reality. It is. It's you can
Speaker 1: ultimately meet someone and and be like rockham sock' robot okay,
Speaker 1: and then how you're going to get everything else? On
Speaker 1: the list too. That's the thing. But you're not gonna
Speaker 1: get everything else on the list. You're gonna have, You're
Speaker 1: gonna have a great sexual chemistry. Like for instance, there
Speaker 1: was a someone that I dated for a while and
Speaker 1: I he had a cent. It was a scent, and
Speaker 1: at first it didn't like it. Whatever the scent was,
Speaker 1: I didn't like what that was. And then somehow another
Speaker 1: I realized that that was his what do you call
Speaker 1: it pharomone? Yeah it was It was for me was
Speaker 1: a pheromone, but it was a stinky scent or it
Speaker 1: just bothered. It just wasn't something that I wanted to smell.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It just put me off a little.
Speaker 1: And then but we kept spending time together, hanging out
Speaker 1: talking blah blah blah, and and all of a sudden
Speaker 1: that smell became like a pheromone to me, and my
Speaker 1: body would respond in ways that would shock me, like
Speaker 1: it was shut down, like buddles, Oh it's good thing, buds,
Speaker 1: Yeah for team smells like yeah, after he has a haircut,
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is. Might I love that
Speaker 1: area anyhow? Um right, more real talk after the break,
Speaker 1: Like I'm in Atlanta right now as well, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, it's like eighteen or twenty two to one.
Speaker 1: I've been I've been watching, I've been going out and
Speaker 1: I've been watching people on dates, you know, because it's
Speaker 1: that's one of my favorite things on the planet to do,
Speaker 1: is people watch. People are so interesting. And I've been
Speaker 1: looking at these bomb ass looking I don't know what
Speaker 1: they're like internally, obviously, but I'm looking at these beautiful women,
Speaker 1: beautiful women out with with dudes that literally looked like
Speaker 1: for Ranky's. Okay, so you're in Atlanta, So you're in Atlanta.
Speaker 1: You understand that it is real, Like you just said,
Speaker 1: you just get the numbers at Jill and you educ
Speaker 1: ay women too, because it's like so many universities and
Speaker 1: colleges in Atlanta. But I always, you know, for the lawyers,
Speaker 1: they married them, d C. That's just where the boys
Speaker 1: meet and they get married, and it's just odd. I'm
Speaker 1: just watching it and I'm looking at all of these
Speaker 1: I'm talking. There was one girl at a restaurant. Woman
Speaker 1: she was, you know, just like my favorite curR of people.
Speaker 1: She was. If I will say that, like I have
Speaker 1: a like a preference. I really really love reddish colored
Speaker 1: people with freckles, black and red hair and black but black.
Speaker 1: That thing, I just I'm fascinated. I'm not a friend
Speaker 1: like that. It's gorgeous. It is gorgeous. It's a beautiful look.
Speaker 1: I think it's such a beautiful children, men, women, old, young.
Speaker 1: I just think that's so pretty to me. But anyway,
Speaker 1: this is what this young woman looked like. She looked
Speaker 1: like a beautiful model. And I'm looking at her and
Speaker 1: she this little guy with his clothes were so tight,
Speaker 1: and it just wasn't it wasn't It wasn't nice. He
Speaker 1: wasn't hurt, she wasn't his first choice. She wasn't his
Speaker 1: first choice. I mean, well, how do y'all know, y'all
Speaker 1: know what doing? You don't know what that thing is? Thinging.
Speaker 1: First of he could have all the personality in the world,
Speaker 1: but he stayed on his phone while she laughed hard
Speaker 1: at everything. He said, that's why, And I was like,
Speaker 1: just terrible, terrible, Well, I don't know. I mean, the
Speaker 1: dating situation is crazy. I'm you know, I've heard I
Speaker 1: have a lot of single girlfriends, and then of course
Speaker 1: you know, now I have adult kids, so I hear
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of things about the dating
Speaker 1: kind of scene. That's while one of the things is
Speaker 1: that certain kind of expectations around finances I think are
Speaker 1: actually good and toxic at the same time. Like we're
Speaker 1: people were talking about sex because I really think that
Speaker 1: that was more of a concern, kind of a generational concern.
Speaker 1: I think also because number one, younger folks are asserting
Speaker 1: themselves sexually in a different kind of way. They don't
Speaker 1: feel like obligated to express themselves in a box. So
Speaker 1: by the time they get into dating or maybe even
Speaker 1: coupling off permanently, some of that stuff has already been
Speaker 1: worked out, you know what I'm saying, or you know,
Speaker 1: or maybe they have other options, you know, and polyamorous people.
Speaker 1: We talked about that on the show before, all kinds
Speaker 1: of different stuff. But I feel like one of the
Speaker 1: new things that's popped up is the whole finances thing. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, we're dietching some of these patriarchal things, but
Speaker 1: at the same time too, we're adapting a more capitalistic view.
Speaker 1: Everybody wants to be being j and everybody wants to
Speaker 1: get the bag, and if that because they don't know
Speaker 1: the song no romance without finance. Yeah, but I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about that. That's talking about a man kind of
Speaker 1: helping a woman and being like the head of the household.
Speaker 1: This is how we were raised. Right now we're talking
Speaker 1: about Yeah, that's cute, I got money, but do honey, Uh,
Speaker 1: it's your finance. What do you bring in to the table?
Speaker 1: And how can we build an empire? It's all about
Speaker 1: empire's child. If I hear about anything more about a
Speaker 1: dag on empire and this my king and my queen,
Speaker 1: and I still don't think that started with them. I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's spelling and morehouse blooming like that four minutes, but
Speaker 1: I hear it. I'm here for things before now. But
Speaker 1: the data scene changes is ever changing. And and what
Speaker 1: I've what I've been seeing out there is that people's
Speaker 1: values around everything from finances to sex to whatever, to
Speaker 1: friendship to how do things what does love look even
Speaker 1: look like anymore? What? How do you even express that
Speaker 1: in a relationship? I think it's just really it's really different.
Speaker 1: But also to there's so many um what do you
Speaker 1: call them? Tools and things out there to help people
Speaker 1: to get through it. Like I feel like we didn't
Speaker 1: really have anything. People say, Oh, go to premarital counseling
Speaker 1: like that was what people said. You know, I don't. Now,
Speaker 1: you've got a million different things that can help you
Speaker 1: to navigate all these different you know, aspects of relationship. Now. Now,
Speaker 1: my advice has been to ride it out, to just
Speaker 1: explore as much as possible, and to have fun with
Speaker 1: the exploration. That is. That has been my advice. You know,
Speaker 1: continuously searched to date pantric sex is. Yes, yes, she
Speaker 1: trying my advice. All the things there your girlfriend as
Speaker 1: a matter of fact, so she did try to tan
Speaker 1: trick and she's trying all the things. You know, she's
Speaker 1: with it because he's awesome. It's going very well. They're
Speaker 1: still riding, she's still glowing. It's a good thing. Also. Yes,
Speaker 1: now here's the and I'm very happy to report that.
Speaker 1: My question to you ladies is is that settling? Is
Speaker 1: that settling? Is it? No? I don't think that's settling.
Speaker 1: And I said it quickly because I feel like you're
Speaker 1: not settling unless it's something that doesn't have any hope
Speaker 1: of changing. You know what I'm saying, Like, if it's
Speaker 1: something that you can work on, then I feel like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's not that's not a settle. That's more like a
Speaker 1: um being flexible to me. I mean, you know, so
Speaker 1: like I hear what I asked, was is that settling?
Speaker 1: Because because she's work, that's what I'm saying that right,
Speaker 1: I mean, it was so already so close. I'm like now,
Speaker 1: I mean when you said that it wasn't the tool,
Speaker 1: That's how I was like, yeah, she good, Like they're
Speaker 1: gonna have fun figuring this out. And once you figure
Speaker 1: that out, and once you on that journey too, and
Speaker 1: it gives you a whole another level to your relationship
Speaker 1: because y'all have to work that ship out and that
Speaker 1: that's when that sex is going to be phenomenal mentally too,
Speaker 1: because y'all put the work in the sense of accomplishment
Speaker 1: that you got through it together. Because even though it's
Speaker 1: not a sex thing. I always this, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: always weird about giving merried advice, But the one merried
Speaker 1: advice I will give is this, you get you get
Speaker 1: us a major hump. Every relationship, every marriage has one
Speaker 1: major hump. If you get over that hump, can't nobody
Speaker 1: really funk with y'all after that? Like y'all strong. That
Speaker 1: is a really strong place to be in once you're
Speaker 1: able to get over like a major hump, and not
Speaker 1: that you may not get another one, but I'm saying
Speaker 1: there's always just that one that kind of defines like
Speaker 1: this is like we were in it, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I really believe that. I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of times people don't last because they really
Speaker 1: are not able to get over that that first or
Speaker 1: that only kind of real major hump. But people who
Speaker 1: really get past that, they're they're in a different level
Speaker 1: of the game. And that's why you find out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why you find out some people who are at
Speaker 1: that level of the game, they don't really want to
Speaker 1: hear anything from people unless they really know that. Those
Speaker 1: are those married people you cannot talk to unless you
Speaker 1: talk to other married people who've been through the same thing.
Speaker 1: That's that club is exclusive. I'm sorry, I hate to
Speaker 1: say it. I know that sounds whack, but it's true.
Speaker 1: It should be the work. Yeah, it's serious, but but
Speaker 1: to take it back to the actual point at hand,
Speaker 1: if they're able to get through that with all that
Speaker 1: they already have, and it seems like she has other
Speaker 1: relationships and mistakes that she can reflect on that she's
Speaker 1: learned from. Girl. She all right, yeah, and he's willing, girl, right,
Speaker 1: did you hear that? Ladies? Willing? Willing, willing? That that
Speaker 1: counts so much if you have a partner that you're not,
Speaker 1: you know, experiencing the best sex with, if they're not
Speaker 1: willing to hear you, if they're going to internalize it
Speaker 1: and and uh, you know, become depressed about it or anything,
Speaker 1: or not want to be with you anymore. I can't
Speaker 1: satisfy you, so I might as well, you know, you
Speaker 1: could we be in our feelings. I was at my
Speaker 1: feelings when you said, I thought I was doing my
Speaker 1: thing what you mean. And honestly, like when I'm on
Speaker 1: when I'm on the people social media and the men
Speaker 1: are going off, you know a lot the ones, the
Speaker 1: ones that seem to be the most bitter, are the
Speaker 1: ones that seemed to be able to have experiences with
Speaker 1: women where they can't tell them like yo, that wasn't
Speaker 1: so you know, and then that and it leads them
Speaker 1: down to kind of a toxic path. So I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: sometimes you come in contact with a guy who got
Speaker 1: everything to say out of his mouth a lot of times.
Speaker 1: It's because he wasn't able, not a lot of now
Speaker 1: all the time sometimes because he wasn't able to express
Speaker 1: that to a woman who was being able to receive
Speaker 1: it and taking that moment Asia to be that woman
Speaker 1: to be like, hold up, okay, dad about me? Oh
Speaker 1: this is okay, Well that that it about me moment.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, that's that's a whole like maturation evolved. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I really feel like that's true because, especially if you're
Speaker 1: a woman who's sexually self aware, you worked hard to
Speaker 1: get to that place, okay, because there wasn't nobody trying
Speaker 1: to tell you nothing but keep your legs closed. So
Speaker 1: you know, by the time you figure it out what
Speaker 1: you see these medals in my you're like, sir, what
Speaker 1: are you saying? Well, shoutouts to Joyce Alice that's my mother,
Speaker 1: and Annie Lauren that's my auntie, and I Shirley, because
Speaker 1: they clued me in on a lot of things that
Speaker 1: I was supposed to get in this sexual existence. So
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that's a blessing if you have elder
Speaker 1: women talking to you about sex. Because listen, Black, because
Speaker 1: Blue wasn't having those conversations with her daughter. God was
Speaker 1: not talking about sex and sexuality with her daughters, so
Speaker 1: her daughter made sure to tell her daughter. And I
Speaker 1: happen to be that daughter. So I mean the conversation
Speaker 1: with my mother about sex, But I'm just talking about
Speaker 1: like some of the finer points, Like my mom was
Speaker 1: real easy to talk to about the beginnings, when we
Speaker 1: started talking about pleasure, you start talking about that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. Those are just not conversations that I had
Speaker 1: with my mother till I was already married, you know.
Speaker 1: And my my nana said certain things to me that
Speaker 1: I'm grateful to this day that she felt open enough
Speaker 1: to say to me. But y'all, I'm just talking about
Speaker 1: some of the most intense and informative conversations I've had
Speaker 1: about sex, where things I was exchanging with my girlfriends
Speaker 1: about their experiences versus mine, or what is this cool
Speaker 1: to do? Or is that cool to do? Or how
Speaker 1: did you do this? Or did you ever do so
Speaker 1: and so or blah blah blah blah. Those are all
Speaker 1: things that happened with my girlfriends. And I feel like
Speaker 1: it was just a late conversation, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And I'm and and that's me being a woman who
Speaker 1: I feel like we're more likely to talk about that stuff,
Speaker 1: whereas men ain't gonna talk about that, and definitely when
Speaker 1: it comes to actually women, and I really feel bad
Speaker 1: for folks who are l G B t Q and
Speaker 1: don't have friends or family members who are also, so
Speaker 1: when they start talking about sex, they ain't talking to
Speaker 1: nobody in their families unless they're just lucky like that,
Speaker 1: and they need to because depending on what we're talking about,
Speaker 1: sex is different. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Different,
Speaker 1: it's different. It's different. You got you have to have
Speaker 1: a mentor somewhere. You got to have somebody to talk
Speaker 1: to you about the things and that, and I mean
Speaker 1: most things. If you're learning how to cook, you need
Speaker 1: an auntie or a cousin or uncle or grandpa, somebody
Speaker 1: to say, hey, baby, don't put the flower in there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you need somebody to tell you how to do the things.
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be
Speaker 1: right back. When should somebody get that conversation, the pleasure
Speaker 1: of conversation, I think as soon as they hit puberty,
Speaker 1: because it's a puberty, not eighteen that's left puberty because
Speaker 1: it's coming, because do you really think it's interesting? I'm like, so,
Speaker 1: how how young should we started enjoying sex? Right? Like? So,
Speaker 1: I mean not for nothing. I found my orgasm by
Speaker 1: myself before I even started having sex. That's just a
Speaker 1: whole masturbation thing that I learned. But my question is, like,
Speaker 1: shouldn't there be like an evolution to it. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that it shouldn't be enjoyable, but like, you gotta
Speaker 1: find your orgasm the second time that you had sex
Speaker 1: used as a team, Like that's what we're doing, Like
Speaker 1: you just deserve the funds the orgasm the second time
Speaker 1: we have sex as a teenager. I don't know the answer.
Speaker 1: That's why I was asking y'all holes, because I know joking, no,
Speaker 1: But my thing is this. I know it shouldn't be
Speaker 1: thirty because I knew some chicks at thirty that had
Speaker 1: the video. I saw a video of an auntie showing
Speaker 1: her nieces who looked to be anywhere between sixteen and
Speaker 1: eighteen or nineteen, how to ride, and it was on Instagram,
Speaker 1: like she was they looked between sixteen and eighteen, maybe
Speaker 1: maybe nineteen, just showing me how to ride it's still
Speaker 1: not your No, no, that's wrong, no, because you're still
Speaker 1: not learning how to enjoy yourself. You just learning how
Speaker 1: to ride. Because some some sex, particularly today's, is very performative.
Speaker 1: It's for the show. It's not for the feeling, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: So just so you know that kid, kids even and
Speaker 1: a lot of tricks that actually don't provide pleasure at all,
Speaker 1: just for the show. Was before you go to college,
Speaker 1: I say, as soon as you had see those pimples
Speaker 1: coming and about enjoying sex, Jill or just having sex
Speaker 1: could be about masturbation, though it could be about masturbation,
Speaker 1: because conversation with my kids about masturbation fairly early. I
Speaker 1: think it's all the things that comes with with sex
Speaker 1: and sexuality like a normal it's a normal conversation, you know.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's hard. The more you know, the
Speaker 1: better prepared you all. Yeah you know, um, And the
Speaker 1: more you understand what you want and don't want, the
Speaker 1: better off you are, don't you think? Also too, it's
Speaker 1: a mental kind of conversation about how to because I
Speaker 1: think sometimes it's not even just about the physicality. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I think it's like people are One of the things
Speaker 1: I noticed in one of the docks I was watching,
Speaker 1: is that one of the couples, the one of the
Speaker 1: people that were involved in relationship was like that they
Speaker 1: were like a heavy people pleaser, so they couldn't even
Speaker 1: really ask for what they wanted to because they just
Speaker 1: were so used to like being a tool for the
Speaker 1: other person's like pleasure and happiness. And so I think
Speaker 1: sometimes it's also about mentally, like how you're talking to
Speaker 1: your young people or even your friends about how they
Speaker 1: just view their interactions with people they love period, because
Speaker 1: they're taking all that into the bed room with them.
Speaker 1: I need to somebody is at the door, you hear me. Well,
Speaker 1: we're talking about having intimacy for the sake of the
Speaker 1: other person's pleasure or be because you want to keep
Speaker 1: the other person around, or because you want the other
Speaker 1: person to think that you're, you know, some kind of
Speaker 1: sexual goddess or god or whatever the case makes. But
Speaker 1: you're not enjoying yourself, You're not being pleased at all.
Speaker 1: That's toxic, friends, It's only toxic. That's not even good sex.
Speaker 1: You're you're you're you're providing a service. But there is
Speaker 1: somebody now where you can be that and still you know,
Speaker 1: know how what it takes because it means something different
Speaker 1: for everybody. So maybe somebody gets off on pleasure and
Speaker 1: another person for someone else. I need mine, and then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get mine. Period. There's that next level. Because
Speaker 1: I was thinking about agents saying you start with masturbation, Yes, too,
Speaker 1: but it's the end of this lesson to kind of
Speaker 1: like I don't know about job, but there's this moment
Speaker 1: of orgasm that if you're with somebody too that you're
Speaker 1: like really into and you love them on some levels
Speaker 1: that you can't even explain, that orgasm just can turn
Speaker 1: into what is going on? And I'm crying why And
Speaker 1: now I'm like that of your house. Well no, I
Speaker 1: mean that too. But just those those crying orgasms, like
Speaker 1: those to me, those are like the super Bowl orgasms,
Speaker 1: Like people don't even tell you about those. That's it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: those are like me, it's not even it's not even
Speaker 1: just it's not the act of the crying orgasm for me,
Speaker 1: it's the crazy that follows. I have just and I
Speaker 1: just don't want anyone busting the windows out of nobody's
Speaker 1: car out of what nobody acted crazy trying to But
Speaker 1: that's not the crying orgasm then because both people wasn't
Speaker 1: in it. You wasn't feeling like that person was into
Speaker 1: you as you are. You know, I'm okay you you didn't,
Speaker 1: but see you didn't say you're talking about love making? Yeah, different,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm I was also talking We were talking
Speaker 1: about being turned out. Yes, I'm talking about that next
Speaker 1: level orgasm that physically makes you cry because not only
Speaker 1: does it feel so good in your COUCHI and it's
Speaker 1: just like a combination of the great sex and the
Speaker 1: love and there come to tears. Thank you Lord. That's
Speaker 1: the stuff that I'm like, when you teach a kid,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm talking about. Like, it's so many levels.
Speaker 1: You can't teach somebody to feel what they feel. They're
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to wait where you can tell them
Speaker 1: that it exists. Oh yeah, Joyce. Alice was like, listen,
Speaker 1: there is screwing, which is great when you got somebody
Speaker 1: that know how to screw good and you can screw
Speaker 1: back and y'all just screwing and that thing feel wonderful.
Speaker 1: That's fantastic. But there is something called making love and
Speaker 1: that's completely different. It's spiritual, it's it's connected, it's powerful,
Speaker 1: it's beyond space and time, you know, And it's not
Speaker 1: a myth. And it's not a mything. No, you know
Speaker 1: that those lines when when Beyonce she said something by
Speaker 1: waking up on the floor, how did we get here?
Speaker 1: Something like that, like that kind of you know, it's
Speaker 1: just it's not a myth at all. So I just
Speaker 1: want to keep saying that over and over again. Making
Speaker 1: love is not amazing, it's not. But also for those
Speaker 1: people out there, the exact same thing. And I'm not
Speaker 1: even romanticizing, I'm just telling you, but I think that honestly,
Speaker 1: they're gonna be some people out there who like your friends,
Speaker 1: who may be in love with someone and maybe they've
Speaker 1: not reached that space yet and that and maybe it's
Speaker 1: something different for them too, so maybe, you know, I
Speaker 1: just I don't know. I just feel like sometimes when
Speaker 1: we describe our personal experiences, I think it's just always
Speaker 1: good to remember that that's just this is not the
Speaker 1: same for everybody everywhere. And I don't want to say
Speaker 1: out or precedent. I mean, I'm just saying they can
Speaker 1: get there, but they may not get there that same way.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying like we're talking about a
Speaker 1: moment that we can all kind of relate to when
Speaker 1: we talked about this in another show that when we
Speaker 1: think about our our where different women, we all have
Speaker 1: different perspectives, we have a lot of the similar kind
Speaker 1: of tastes and similar things that we like and ways
Speaker 1: that we operate in the world. So when we talk,
Speaker 1: we are still talking from a very familiar place, and
Speaker 1: I think there are people have to work a little
Speaker 1: harder to maintain and to get to that place within
Speaker 1: their relationship if that's the relationship they want to stay.
Speaker 1: Ain't easy. I'm not even saying that I want to
Speaker 1: reiterate again to that it ain't easy. It wasn't again.
Speaker 1: It wasn't something that I found in the twin US,
Speaker 1: you know, and mid thirties. I mean, that's that's my
Speaker 1: point of That was my point about sex too, and
Speaker 1: the evolution of it and the evolution of knowing your
Speaker 1: body as well. Like and it's not just it's also
Speaker 1: not just a hetero thing. I think that's like universal
Speaker 1: in a way, that feeling that the time is time thing.
Speaker 1: It's also a time thing. If a tea not kind
Speaker 1: of benefited from having a lot of time together and
Speaker 1: time to travel together and be alone. And you know,
Speaker 1: yet we worked together and everything, but that time alone
Speaker 1: is really like essential when I look back on it,
Speaker 1: I don't know if we would have been able to
Speaker 1: maintain a healthy sex life, particularly with all those children,
Speaker 1: and we weren't traveling, and we wouldn't didn't have specific
Speaker 1: types of alone time. And the factor we're singing songs
Speaker 1: and making records that that part two having a creative outlet,
Speaker 1: and you're talking about something and that's hot, then maybe
Speaker 1: you go do that. It's like there's a lot of
Speaker 1: elements to to that being sustainable for a long time,
Speaker 1: whereas that may not be the case for somebody else.
Speaker 1: And particularly talking about people married twenty years, thirty years,
Speaker 1: like yeah, like you're gonna have some loans in that,
Speaker 1: particularly if you don't have anything in there to keep
Speaker 1: that fresh or to keep that moving forward, you know.
Speaker 1: And so I don't know, I'm just you know, I'm
Speaker 1: always just trying to think of everybody, because lord, are
Speaker 1: you right. I got a big fear about that. I
Speaker 1: gotta fear keeping it fresh after having sex with somebody
Speaker 1: for twenty years, I really do I have because I
Speaker 1: want to still enjoy sex. I want to enjoy sex
Speaker 1: until I'm probably not working walking this earth in my
Speaker 1: mind because my mom gonna like the word fresh. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I don't like the word keeping it fresh, So you
Speaker 1: don't keeping good keeping good keeping it good keeping it
Speaker 1: because sometimes I don't like the word fresh because it
Speaker 1: gives us feeling like you're supposed to reinvent the sex
Speaker 1: or something, or like I think keeping keeping it alive, yes,
Speaker 1: like alive is better, you know, like a living thing
Speaker 1: recalculates and recalculates and continues because it has to reset
Speaker 1: on its own sometimes too. Anyway, because you're different, your
Speaker 1: body is different, I'm learning. I'm learning from you. You're
Speaker 1: the only person don't here may have a sex qu
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you. No, I'm gonna give you an
Speaker 1: example for an example, you know, not to tell all
Speaker 1: my business. Lord, have mercy my husband. Okay, So there's
Speaker 1: when I got married, I was like a size twelve
Speaker 1: or something like that, maybe ten and twelve. Perhaps I'm
Speaker 1: like roughly about a size sixteen now and I had
Speaker 1: a cesarean. So my body like physically will never look
Speaker 1: the same in certain places. Well, I don't know, as
Speaker 1: time has gotten knowing he's deeply like affectionate towards parts
Speaker 1: of my body that didn't exist before. And so to me,
Speaker 1: it's like that has turned into a real part of
Speaker 1: for play, like that part of it, like without I'm
Speaker 1: trying real hard, and if you're listening, I'm trying hard
Speaker 1: not to be like totally t am I with these people.
Speaker 1: But the point is like that part of embracing the body,
Speaker 1: and it's not just about oh, your body is different
Speaker 1: than I still love you, I hate that, I still
Speaker 1: love you. Get out of here. It's it's a it's
Speaker 1: an embracing of the body that has been that's a
Speaker 1: part of the love making that didn't exist before. So
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like the reinvention is not always this
Speaker 1: this retooling of things. Sometimes it's just a natural way
Speaker 1: that your life changes over time, and the love and
Speaker 1: affection just kind of changes with that, and then sometimes
Speaker 1: you just oh, well this feels good and blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. It's the open, the fluidity of it all.
Speaker 1: I don't think we've ever had a conversation where we
Speaker 1: sat down and was just like, so, what new things
Speaker 1: are we going to do sexually, like and I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that that wasn't something that wouldn't be cool, but
Speaker 1: you know, I gotta vouch for the sex. The sex
Speaker 1: has been good and consistent, and it's like, okay, we
Speaker 1: didn't have to go, you know, find a book of
Speaker 1: positions and say, you know, pick one. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, I don't know he knows my body. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's past it's past your body. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: your body, absolutely, but it's beyond that, you know, it's
Speaker 1: not just it's the all. We'll be back after the break.
Speaker 1: My love language is fixing ship around the house like
Speaker 1: that's that's that's that you're talking to good talk to me.
Speaker 1: And I didn't have to ask you to do nothing.
Speaker 1: And you went and you you organized or you you
Speaker 1: went to the home depot talking talking, you talk, get
Speaker 1: my talking. You're talking my talking. You mean you're going
Speaker 1: to be a benefit wherever you can benefit my life.
Speaker 1: Keep on adding. You're just gonna add to my life.
Speaker 1: That's what you're just going to add and add and add.
Speaker 1: That is something to do that. Thank you kindly. I
Speaker 1: love that. That is that's how you talk to me.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't need a bunch of jewelry. I
Speaker 1: don't need a new bag. I don't need that. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's nice at all, but that's not what I need.
Speaker 1: What I need is for you to care about the
Speaker 1: home that we're in. I need you to to to
Speaker 1: participate in the life that we're creating, you know, outside
Speaker 1: of business or and outside of you know, um my
Speaker 1: station or whatever. I need you to participate. That thing
Speaker 1: is sex. Caring for you is a term of that,
Speaker 1: and that can change a situation where and I've actually
Speaker 1: seen this in marriage, is where the sex is actually
Speaker 1: really good, but they turned off from each other because
Speaker 1: of the way Mugs is making you feel. Like So
Speaker 1: it's like again, being care for is a is an
Speaker 1: ultimate turn on. Being cared for is the ultimate turn on.
Speaker 1: But I think again, like when you're talking about relationships
Speaker 1: that have existed for a long time, sometimes the freshness
Speaker 1: is just about basics. It's things like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like looking at each other, like just looking at somebody
Speaker 1: for a minute before you kissed them, before you take
Speaker 1: your clothes off. Some kinds of intimacy are just extremely simple,
Speaker 1: and they just are things we forget to do or
Speaker 1: don't do? That to me, is is staying in touch
Speaker 1: with some of the things that just keep you connected
Speaker 1: and feeling cared for and seen is the sexiest stuff ever. Like,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, He did that the other day.
Speaker 1: When you stare and you you tell me why and yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm still learned at you because you're beautiful. Huh Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I thought you were staring at me because something was
Speaker 1: out of particularly like him that I'm beautiful when you're
Speaker 1: not looking in my face, you little freak. See the
Speaker 1: freak just it's random and it happened. It'll hit you.
Speaker 1: You all are missing the dance. There's a dance involved
Speaker 1: with this one. You like He told you beautiful from
Speaker 1: the back of it, said that I did. I like it.
Speaker 1: I like it someone we're not shy. Listen. What I
Speaker 1: was getting to any way, um when I when I
Speaker 1: mentioned my friend in this situation, is that, you know,
Speaker 1: it's a lot of people I'm watching TV shows. They've
Speaker 1: got like ninety day fiance, you know, bachelor, wette, Bachelor.
Speaker 1: It seems to me like a lot of people are
Speaker 1: looking for you know, quote unquote marriage. They're looking for
Speaker 1: a partnership, a relationship partner where they can I hate
Speaker 1: to build their empire, you know, but but build from
Speaker 1: you know there, that's what they're looking for. And you know,
Speaker 1: having listening to this situation, UM, and I really feel like,
Speaker 1: please don't, please don't blow this, Please don't. Yeah, You've
Speaker 1: got a wonderful human being that truly enjoys and your
Speaker 1: affection and and um is helpful. Like the coolest ship.
Speaker 1: It's like a second, don't get out a way, don't
Speaker 1: blow this because the next she don't know what she got. Maybe,
Speaker 1: just maybe not. He could be one of those brothers
Speaker 1: that's just out here in the world, just with all
Speaker 1: that to give and nobody to you know, have pain
Speaker 1: here work like that. Just I'm not saying I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about like, oh, we gotta do for you,
Speaker 1: say you the black man, I'm not saying that. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying that. I wasn't even being specific about a
Speaker 1: black man either. So just because it's just that, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is across the board for everybody that if you're
Speaker 1: if you hate ah Man twenty ship, I mean, but
Speaker 1: are now that's not no, we're not doing that. That's
Speaker 1: not a good. You know, I think I think it is.
Speaker 1: I think it's really somebody can absolutely give up. Um,
Speaker 1: I think that's probably the best thing that I've heard
Speaker 1: out of you know, the particular you know film. I
Speaker 1: love that line, you know where yeah, you've really giving
Speaker 1: up or something awesome for something that cannot sustain you can't,
Speaker 1: you know. And I'm I'm like, if you're looking for partnership,
Speaker 1: then you have to be willing in my opinion, you know,
Speaker 1: as a two time before say what do I know?
Speaker 1: I'm just looking at the stats of the whole thing,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you have to be willing to work
Speaker 1: with someone. Huh. You have to be able to work
Speaker 1: with someone if they've got all of these awesome qualities
Speaker 1: that you really enjoy, you know, whether it's a biting
Speaker 1: sense of humor or you know, the capacity to organize
Speaker 1: a closet or whatever they can do. I don't know
Speaker 1: what they can do. But it's the thing that is
Speaker 1: your love language and it works for you. It lights
Speaker 1: up your life, It makes you feel validated. Scene seen.
Speaker 1: How about seeing And there's a thing that's not you know,
Speaker 1: exactly joking and that personal people who think a lot
Speaker 1: of people don't funk this up, homie, don't do I
Speaker 1: think more people are more likely to stay than they
Speaker 1: are to leave. I think you definitely have folks that
Speaker 1: are like, yeah, I can't if it's not this, this,
Speaker 1: and this, I don't want it. But I actually think
Speaker 1: many people That's why I feel like, at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, it's really more so about knowing yourself,
Speaker 1: being really honest with yourself, because yeah, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to work with whomever, because somebody's working with you. Everybody's
Speaker 1: just about to say, what makes you think I was
Speaker 1: just I was, what make you think you're not getting
Speaker 1: getting worked with? Somebody's got to be exactly Probably all
Speaker 1: of the pain that she went through before she probably reship.
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying, So what I'm saying, you know,
Speaker 1: the thing is to know yourself because like, if you're
Speaker 1: clear on what your boundaries are, then it's not necessarily
Speaker 1: a that you need to work with that person. Is
Speaker 1: that are you capable of working on that thing that
Speaker 1: they need you to work on, or is that something
Speaker 1: that's a deal breaker for you. You got to be
Speaker 1: clear on what your deal breakers are. If you're not,
Speaker 1: then you'll find yourself settling in a situation that is settling.
Speaker 1: You'll be settling in a situation that you really can't
Speaker 1: deal with. All in the name of Oh, everyone's not perfect,
Speaker 1: Like you know, nobody's perfect. But is that thing that
Speaker 1: they have going on? Is that mention with what you
Speaker 1: want for yourself and your life? Somebody roll that back.
Speaker 1: I need, I need claps and I need some kind
Speaker 1: of cheers because that there, it is there, It is there,
Speaker 1: It is My girlfriend, Kim Mitchell said, I have the
Speaker 1: right to choose the issues I can deal because everybody's
Speaker 1: got issues, don't don't We all have don't we all
Speaker 1: have issues. Whether it's that day that your dad didn't
Speaker 1: come pick you a girl, you know, for the school
Speaker 1: and he promised, you know what, It's that time that
Speaker 1: you know, um, your your girl down the street was
Speaker 1: holding hands with you who you thought was your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like whatever, remind me quick,
Speaker 1: he only got like two, but he'll bring them same
Speaker 1: to up every time. Don't get it twisted. This you
Speaker 1: got trauma to go right, I'll be like, but that's
Speaker 1: the same one from before. I don't care. That's it.
Speaker 1: It's it's real. Somebody tolerating you. In the world, someone
Speaker 1: is tolerating your cry and dealing with your jump you here,
Speaker 1: so important is important that part right there, that somebody
Speaker 1: is tolerating you. But for some of us who are
Speaker 1: in our heads about the toleration that our partners are
Speaker 1: going through, we should also acknowledge that like they tolerate
Speaker 1: in you because because you dope and they love you too,
Speaker 1: it ain't you ain't just in there to be to
Speaker 1: and you ain't nothing to be tolerated. Because I have
Speaker 1: to remind myself of that. Yeah, you ain't nothing to
Speaker 1: just be tolerated. Amen, you're pretty, you knowalthy sense of
Speaker 1: start right, you got a good job, You've got some money,
Speaker 1: but it could be some things. You got some ship
Speaker 1: with you too. We got some ship with us, feel me,
Speaker 1: I know. And that's the thing is that the relationship,
Speaker 1: that's why I was centering the relationship instead of center
Speaker 1: in the self is where most people just go wrong
Speaker 1: because and I mean this for men and women, because
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you have to have
Speaker 1: a real good sense of your own like awareness of yourself,
Speaker 1: and awareness doesn't mean only positive awareness is also clear
Speaker 1: on the things you need to work on and the
Speaker 1: things that are difficult for other people to interact with sometimes.
Speaker 1: So those that's just you know, I even give it
Speaker 1: to myself, like that whole not being able to say no,
Speaker 1: not being able to create boundaries, like all those kinds
Speaker 1: of things. You think you're only hurting yourself by making
Speaker 1: a decision like that. Oh no, no no no no
Speaker 1: no no no no no no. Those are things that
Speaker 1: trip that that trickle out to your mate, to your family.
Speaker 1: So even something as simple as an issue that you
Speaker 1: think you have that only affects you, No, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: It affects everybody around you, and particularly a person who
Speaker 1: you love who's watching you do it. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: word of up. It's a thing growing up some bullshit.
Speaker 1: I think we spend a lot of time looking at
Speaker 1: the list, you know, all the qualities that we want,
Speaker 1: all the things I'm going with, things that we want
Speaker 1: somebody to possess. And I think it's really time, this
Speaker 1: is all. I think it's really time to start looking
Speaker 1: at instead of the things that you want someone to possess,
Speaker 1: to really look at the kind of character traits you
Speaker 1: want them to have. Because I'm listening to my my
Speaker 1: nieces and they're like, oh, you know, I want him
Speaker 1: to have this kind of money, this kind of card,
Speaker 1: this kind of dick, this kind of you know, lifestyle,
Speaker 1: this kind of you know, all the things. And I
Speaker 1: really truly believe that it's it's more about the kind
Speaker 1: of character of the character of the person that you
Speaker 1: want to be with. You know, is this somebody that's loyal.
Speaker 1: Hopefully you grow into that because you're that's a big
Speaker 1: one learner and a person who was no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I mean my nieces my worldwide. Yes. Then when I
Speaker 1: say I don't even have personally any nieces, you have
Speaker 1: to say, you have to say, you have to put
Speaker 1: you have to put a says nieces for all the needs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we'll also allow you a little grace as yeah,
Speaker 1: because when maybe that's what you think, is how anyway,
Speaker 1: because that's all you know, But okay, we're gonna give
Speaker 1: you that. But that's gonna have to change the same thing.
Speaker 1: Someone it's willing to learn, right, because maybe you might
Speaker 1: have found Mr. Or Mrs Perfect at twenty five years old,
Speaker 1: but is that the same person I mean that you
Speaker 1: want to be with, you know, when you're forty five
Speaker 1: years old, If they haven't grown, if they haven't changed,
Speaker 1: if they haven't you know, shape shift in a way.
Speaker 1: You know that that stuff is important. You know, when
Speaker 1: you're writing this list of what you want out of
Speaker 1: your life or what you want out of your relationships,
Speaker 1: do that, do that too, you know, make sure you
Speaker 1: add those character traits you know that that you really
Speaker 1: want um and make a list for yourself too. Well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's called what is it called manifesting, like manifestations.
Speaker 1: That's a new girl word. How y'all know? I told
Speaker 1: you all before I wrote and put it on my
Speaker 1: pillow like this last the break up, before this relationship
Speaker 1: right here, I was like, I'm gonna learn and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna really figure out, and I'm gonna say some things
Speaker 1: out loud, like you got to you really got to
Speaker 1: do that ship, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: that later on a day. I can't say clearly that
Speaker 1: everything that I asked for. I took a long time
Speaker 1: trying not to cry. I took a long time writing this,
Speaker 1: Uh this, I guess a list of what I wanted
Speaker 1: and what I hoped for myself with all the love
Speaker 1: that I could possibly have for myself what I wanted,
Speaker 1: and not only did my partner show up, but far
Speaker 1: seeds any expectation that I could have. Like I think
Speaker 1: I mentioned to you before that my dream growing up
Speaker 1: in North Philly that to have a brown stone, you know,
Speaker 1: on Spring Guarden. That's all I wanted. That's the biggest
Speaker 1: dream I had was to have a brown stone on
Speaker 1: Spring Garden Street in Philadelphia. Sure, and I think I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get at what is for you is more
Speaker 1: than likely bigger than the dreams that you have for yourself,
Speaker 1: because you don't know. You have no capacity how broad
Speaker 1: the strokes are and how rich the colors are, You
Speaker 1: have no capacity. What you have to do is be
Speaker 1: genuine to yourself, be honest with yourself m hm, walk
Speaker 1: away from things that don't benefit you. Things and people
Speaker 1: and amazing things show up in your life. Amazing people
Speaker 1: show up in your life. And I just my goal
Speaker 1: is to be more loving to this wonderful person that
Speaker 1: is that has come into my life. I'm very very happy,
Speaker 1: very satisfied, very pleased, and I'm enjoying the work. The
Speaker 1: work is fun. The work is so fun. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: just when it's like a fun work, we like a
Speaker 1: fun word. I'll take the fun word. It's a first
Speaker 1: DV that the toiling and it's not wend put that
Speaker 1: down on your list, that the work be fun. I
Speaker 1: like it work be enjoyable. I actually have a actually
Speaker 1: have a friend who's been married I want to say,
Speaker 1: like seven or eight years, something like that, and he
Speaker 1: every year on the anniversary, he writes this, and I
Speaker 1: think it's beautiful. He writes, he said, everyone told us
Speaker 1: all relationships are work, their work, their work, and he
Speaker 1: was like, talk to his wife. He said, honestly, it's
Speaker 1: really not that hard loving you. Is that what work
Speaker 1: were people talking about? And I love that he said this,
Speaker 1: because I do want us to to contextualized work in
Speaker 1: a way that feels like it serves you and that
Speaker 1: it doesn't drain you. It's the work is a thing
Speaker 1: that should feel like an accomplishment. It should feel like
Speaker 1: something that's fulfiling and purposeful. Even if it's challenging to you,
Speaker 1: it's still should have a sense that this is for
Speaker 1: a greater creation of a thing and that you feel
Speaker 1: invested in that creation. So I think that's important. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about it like it's freaking hall and bricks.
Speaker 1: It's not that they won't have a hall break day.
Speaker 1: You might have a hall break day. All. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying for the person who's been married one thousand years
Speaker 1: on this podcast, some days it's all and break. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I hate to break it. But yes, sometimes it's all
Speaker 1: in a break or two. But the overall this shouldn't
Speaker 1: be that way. Amen. Amen, Wow, it don't stop, friends,
Speaker 1: It don't stop. Yeah, feel me, it don't stop. Just uh.
Speaker 1: As a poet I know once wrote, um, if you
Speaker 1: loved and lost, do you stop loving? If you have
Speaker 1: a nightmare, do you stop dreaming? Huh? Yeah? Yeah, love
Speaker 1: is Love is the gift friends, Maybe not the only mission,
Speaker 1: but damn sure high up there, sure make the orgasm better.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying m. On that note, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to Jay dot Il the podcast. You
Speaker 1: are loved over here. We want you to win. How
Speaker 1: do you Eat an Elephant? One by it time high listeners.
Speaker 1: In today's episode, the ladies get into how to talk
Speaker 1: to your romantic partner about sex and pleasure. This can
Speaker 1: be a pretty big elephant to eat for so many
Speaker 1: of us having the language to talk through our desires
Speaker 1: is a great place to start. So how well do
Speaker 1: you know your own body? Asia brought up the size
Speaker 1: of a woman's clitteress and just how expansive it is now.
Speaker 1: She learned this from a Netflix documentary called Principles of Pleasure,
Speaker 1: so we definitely recommend that you give that documentary a watch.
Speaker 1: I also want to share an article with you from
Speaker 1: The Guardian that breaks down seven tips such as timing,
Speaker 1: tone and how to explain what you like and don't like.
Speaker 1: I'll draw out the link to both of these resources
Speaker 1: in the show notes. Hi, if you have comments on
Speaker 1: something we said in this episode called eight six six,
Speaker 1: Hey Jill, if you want to add to this conversation,
Speaker 1: that's eight six six four three nine five four five five.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode
Speaker 1: you're referring to. You might just hear your message on
Speaker 1: a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott
Speaker 1: Presents Jay dot Ill the podcast. Hi, this is Amber,
Speaker 1: the producer of j dot Ill, and I just thought
Speaker 1: that I had while um listening to the conversation. Is
Speaker 1: I wonder how tied up chills friends enjoyment of sex
Speaker 1: is to toxicity Since this person has such a lack
Speaker 1: of toxicity and she's used to like toxic personalities and
Speaker 1: good sex going hand in hand. How her body is
Speaker 1: responding to somebody who doesn't have as much toxicity as
Speaker 1: if that's not something she's used to in romantic relationships,
Speaker 1: if that's affecting how good the sex is, Like is
Speaker 1: he really not good? Or is her body not able
Speaker 1: to respond because it's not getting in the same triggers
Speaker 1: that I used to before rocking back? And so little
Speaker 1: food for thought, thought, a lot of thought. Oh the release.
Speaker 1: J dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.