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Speaker 1: She doesn't feel happy, but she loves me and she

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Speaker 1: just needs space. Is a lie? What's up everybody? Welcome

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Speaker 1: to the Grangersmith Podcast, Episode one fifty eight. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: being here, thanks for joining, thanks for listening or watching

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Speaker 1: wherever you're coming from, I appreciate you. On this podcast.

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Speaker 1: We answered your questions. You email me Grangersmith podcast at

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Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Ask me anything, could be about any subject.

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Speaker 1: And if you've watched this before, listen to this before

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Speaker 1: you know. We go all over the board. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: start with this one here. Subject line says mistakes and

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Speaker 1: the question says, I've cheated on my girlfriend of two years.

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Speaker 1: I went away for the summer so I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to deal with it. Then I got back and just

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Speaker 1: felt off and just broke up with her with no explanation.

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Speaker 1: I dove back into my Bible and God to continue

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Speaker 1: to grow and heal from that mistake. Two months of

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Speaker 1: doing me and growing, my girlfriend reaches back out to

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Speaker 1: me and we have coffee together and talk about rekindling

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Speaker 1: us and it was a great and productive conversation. The

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Speaker 1: next day we go for a picnic dinner and I

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Speaker 1: finally worked up the courage to tell her what happened

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Speaker 1: before I left for the summer. She had no words then,

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Speaker 1: and the next day she texts me saying, I forgive you.

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Speaker 1: It won't be forgotten. This is the last you will

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Speaker 1: ever hear from me. I never stopped loving her through

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Speaker 1: it all. I still love her, and I still have

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Speaker 1: so much regret and disappointment in myself and sorrow for

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Speaker 1: how badly I've heard her. My question is how do

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Speaker 1: I go to forgive myself and let her go as

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Speaker 1: it is me who completely broke her and myself, and

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Speaker 1: I feel I've ripped away what could have been a

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Speaker 1: beautiful future. Question comes from Joey. Thanks for the email, buddy,

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Speaker 1: and thanks for your vulnerability and sending to the world

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Speaker 1: this message. Yeah, let's let's dive into it. I want

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Speaker 1: to start with uh. I want to start with the Bible,

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Speaker 1: because that's where that's where you went. You said I

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Speaker 1: dove back into the Bible and God to continue to

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Speaker 1: grow and heal from that mistake. So let's let's take

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Speaker 1: that line, and then let's harmonize that with the bottom,

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Speaker 1: where you say I have so much regret and disappointment

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Speaker 1: in myself and sorrow for how badly. I've heard her.

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Speaker 1: How do I forgive myself and let her go? Okay,

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Speaker 1: So let's harmonize those two things together, because if you

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Speaker 1: read your Bible, you can understand that we are broken creatures.

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Speaker 1: We do make mistakes, and and as believers, those that

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Speaker 1: love Christ, we are forgiven. And so when we are forgiven,

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Speaker 1: we then can have the ability to forgive others, or

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Speaker 1: the other way around, if you want to look at

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Speaker 1: it that way. We forget because we are forgiven. So

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Speaker 1: you made a really bad mistake, you lost this girl.

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Speaker 1: You love her, but I have to say, what did

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Speaker 1: you say here? How do I let her go? So

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have to move on because you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to own up to what you did. And you can't

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Speaker 1: blame her for what she did because she said technically

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Speaker 1: the right thing. She said, I forgive you, but it

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Speaker 1: won't be forgotten. So we know that when we forgive,

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Speaker 1: forgiveness doesn't equal trust. So you can forgive someone and

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Speaker 1: still not trust them, so we can't blame her. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, I feel like there's an unnecessary

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Speaker 1: amount of anguish that you're having for yourself because of

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Speaker 1: the breakup and not because of the problem that started

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Speaker 1: the breakup. You got your hopes up thinking that maybe

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Speaker 1: you're gonna get her back and then you could be

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Speaker 1: honest with her and that surely she would forgive you,

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Speaker 1: And it's just not the case. And so the best

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Speaker 1: thing to do is learn from this. And when we

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Speaker 1: sin like this, there's consequences to our sin. So there's

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Speaker 1: consequences to bad mistakes that we make. And when the

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Speaker 1: consequences happen as a form of discipline, really we don't

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Speaker 1: look at the discipline and go but why did I

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Speaker 1: get disciplined? I've already justified my situation. So all I'm saying, buddy,

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Speaker 1: is you got to move on, and you got to

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Speaker 1: learn that you were a broken person and now you're

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Speaker 1: on a road of righteousness of getting better. And you're

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Speaker 1: going to do that by going back to your Bible

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Speaker 1: and continuing to trust and continuing to heal from that.

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Speaker 1: But the consequences from it don't just disappear because all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden you're a good person. Now does that

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Speaker 1: make sense? Next question, says baby Mama Drama. How many

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Speaker 1: times have I read something like this? Hey, Grangdrid wanted

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Speaker 1: to get your advice on a sit situation that's been

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Speaker 1: going on for four years after a toxic nine year

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Speaker 1: relationship with my daughter's mom. We went our separate ways

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Speaker 1: and went to court and all that stuff. I have

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Speaker 1: fifty to fifty custody of my daughter. No matter what

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Speaker 1: I do, I can never seem to do things right

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Speaker 1: by my ex. I pay my child support. I'm actively

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Speaker 1: in my daughter's life, take her on daddy daughter dates

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Speaker 1: and of course to your shows. But anytime our daughter

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Speaker 1: acts up or needs discipline, I'm the one that has

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Speaker 1: to do it, even though the behaviors don't always happen

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Speaker 1: at my house. Please give me some advice on how

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Speaker 1: to go on co parenting as I've tried everything I

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Speaker 1: could think of. Dave. Dave, thanks for the email, buddy,

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Speaker 1: appreciate you opening up as well. And yeah, we see

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Speaker 1: baby Mama drama a lot on this podcast. We go

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Speaker 1: through it a lot. And part of this podcast, I

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Speaker 1: know there's a lot of people that listen that don't

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Speaker 1: ask questions, but they listen just to know that they're

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Speaker 1: not alone out there, that other people have similar problems,

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Speaker 1: if not the exact same problem as they do. Minus

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Speaker 1: the Dells. So what we know from your email is

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Speaker 1: we cannot control baby Mama, but we can control how

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Speaker 1: we react to her. So you can't help the fact

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Speaker 1: that she doesn't think you do anything right, or that

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Speaker 1: she doesn't discipline your daughter and you do. So what

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Speaker 1: do you do? Well? You can only control how you

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Speaker 1: react to that, which is you discipline where you see

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Speaker 1: it's necessary. You don't hold a grudge, You forgive baby Mama.

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Speaker 1: You see the situation for what it is. It was

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Speaker 1: a toxic relationship. You've now moved on. You're in a

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Speaker 1: better place now, and the only thing left over, the

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Speaker 1: remnants from that toxic relationship is you have to deal

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Speaker 1: with her. And so whatever you do, don't argue with her.

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Speaker 1: Don't accuse her of not doing her part in the

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Speaker 1: fifty to fifty, don't accuse her of not disciplining. Just

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Speaker 1: do it. You only have a few years left. I

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Speaker 1: don't know how old your daughter is now, but regardless,

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Speaker 1: you only have a handful of you is left with

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Speaker 1: her as a co parent, and after that she gets

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Speaker 1: to decide who she's going to live with or who

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Speaker 1: she's gonna spend most of her time with. So love her,

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Speaker 1: Love baby Mama, don't talk bad about baby Mama in

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Speaker 1: front of your daughter. That would be a terrible thing

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Speaker 1: because regardless, that's her biological mother and she loves her

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Speaker 1: for that reason. So don't talk bad about her in

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Speaker 1: front of her, because that's the kind of thing she's

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Speaker 1: gonna remember forever. What she needs to remember is mom

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Speaker 1: and Dad. They didn't work out together, but Dad still

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Speaker 1: loves her, and Mom still loves dad, and we're in

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Speaker 1: a better place now. That's the best thing you could

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Speaker 1: do to reconcile a really bad situation. So don't blame her,

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Speaker 1: don't accuse her, don't talk bad about her in front

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Speaker 1: of your daughter, and forgive her. Next question, subjectline says

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Speaker 1: help I feel alone? Another common question on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: Hey Grandrew, please keep this anonymous. I just turned seventeen

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Speaker 1: yearsyears old and started my senior year in high school,

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Speaker 1: and I feel lost in life. I know I have

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Speaker 1: friends and family who really care about me, but it

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Speaker 1: seems like I always feel alone in life and no

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Speaker 1: one is there for me. I know this is all

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Speaker 1: part of God's plan and he has a purpose. I

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Speaker 1: have no clue what this purpose is, and it's hard

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Speaker 1: to continue. Every day I feel worse about myself. It

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Speaker 1: seems like I'm always a second option to everyone in

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Speaker 1: my life. I'm scared to tell people how I've been

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Speaker 1: feeling for a long time now, and I have no

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Speaker 1: clue how to say something without feeling like I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be judged. I have no clue what to do

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Speaker 1: in my life. I just feel so lost. It feels

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Speaker 1: like every step I take, I try to get help

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Speaker 1: and help myself, and I just end up feeling the same.

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Speaker 1: Can you please give me some advice, Granger? I need help?

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Speaker 1: All right, buddy, thanks for the email, and let's start

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Speaker 1: like we did the first podcast. Let's start. So let's

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Speaker 1: start with your sentence about God. Here's what you said.

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Speaker 1: I know this is all part of God's plan and

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Speaker 1: he has a purpose. We'll stop right there and just

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Speaker 1: let that sink in. Let's harmonize that with the end

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Speaker 1: of your question. I feel so lost. It seems like

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Speaker 1: every step I take and try to help me, I

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Speaker 1: just end up feeling the same. So those two things

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Speaker 1: don't harmonize at all. And I'm a singer. You do

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Speaker 1: not trust God. You do not think he has a plan,

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Speaker 1: and you do not trust his purpose. You don't and

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Speaker 1: this is tough love. I'm not judging or criticizing you,

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Speaker 1: because I think you're the same as a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: and I understand this mentality. I've once was in the

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Speaker 1: same kind of mentality. But you can't say both things, buddy.

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Speaker 1: You can't say I trust God, I trust he has

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Speaker 1: a purpose and then go back down and say I

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Speaker 1: feel so lost. It just seems like because because what's

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Speaker 1: missing here is it's your idea of who God is.

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Speaker 1: You don't know who God is, so don't pretend like

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Speaker 1: you do. And you might as well be an atheist.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I'm just throwing that out there, and

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Speaker 1: this is tough love, but you might as well be

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Speaker 1: an atheist. That could be the title of a book.

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Speaker 1: You might as well be an atheist because if you're

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Speaker 1: wasting your time, if you're reading the Bible and praying

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Speaker 1: and going to church, if you're doing that and still

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Speaker 1: feeling lost and you don't know what to do and

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Speaker 1: you just feel like you have no purpose in your life,

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Speaker 1: you're wasting your time going to church. You might as

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Speaker 1: well go to Ted Talks. You might as well read

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Speaker 1: self help books because it's not working and less unless

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Speaker 1: you truly knew who God is, the Alpha and the Omega,

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Speaker 1: the creator of all things, the one who's working everything

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Speaker 1: for good for those that love him. If you believe that,

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Speaker 1: if you saw anything like what people saw when they

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Speaker 1: saw an appearance of the glory of God, if you

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Speaker 1: saw anything like that as revealed in the Bible, you

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Speaker 1: wouldn't feel lost. You would just trust. That doesn't make

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Speaker 1: life easier. It doesn't wipe away suffering or persecution or loneliness.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't just wipe it away clean. But you have

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Speaker 1: a rock that you're standing on. So when you're all

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Speaker 1: alone in your standing and you feel you feel lost,

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Speaker 1: and you feel it without a purpose, you go, but

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Speaker 1: I'm standing on a rock. I'm standing on solid ground.

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Speaker 1: This isn't shifting sand. I know exactly who's controlling things

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Speaker 1: around here. That's what you would say, and then you

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Speaker 1: wouldn't even have to email me. So let's dive in

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Speaker 1: deeper to that. I want you to go and pull

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Speaker 1: out your Bible and read it like your life depends

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Speaker 1: on it. I want you standing on that rock knowing that,

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Speaker 1: regardless of how you feel, and regardless of your emotions

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Speaker 1: and the shifting sand of your heart, that is deceitful

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Speaker 1: and that just twist and turns and goes all different directions.

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Speaker 1: I want you to say with your brain, I want

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Speaker 1: you to repeat words that you could stand on. God.

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Speaker 1: You are my rock, you are my fortress. There is

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Speaker 1: no shifting sand when I'm standing on your word. And

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Speaker 1: now here's the catch to all this. And this is

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Speaker 1: what I want to get to in your question. If

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Speaker 1: you believe that what I just said, then you'll know

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Speaker 1: through the word what your purpose is. You say, I

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Speaker 1: have no clue what this purpose is, and it's hard

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Speaker 1: to continue. Every day I feel worse about myself. Well,

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Speaker 1: the Bible, the revealed Word of God, has your purpose

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Speaker 1: very clear. First of all, you were created for His glory.

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Speaker 1: And second of all, your purpose is to take his word,

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Speaker 1: to take the good news, to take the gospel to

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Speaker 1: all the unreached people the earth. That is your purpose,

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Speaker 1: pouring into others. When you do that, when you pour

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Speaker 1: into others, when you tell people the good news, you

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Speaker 1: are then fulfilling your purpose. And then through fulfilling your

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Speaker 1: purpose as a created being by the Creator, you will

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Speaker 1: have peace. You will have joy. Jesus says, come to me,

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Speaker 1: all you who are weary and burdened, and I will

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Speaker 1: give you rest. Doesn't that sound nice to have rest?

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Speaker 1: Are you weary and burdened? Jesus would say, do you

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Speaker 1: want to be healed? How long do you want to

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Speaker 1: stand on the shifting sand? How long do you want

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Speaker 1: to wonder? What your purpose is on this rock that's

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Speaker 1: revolving around the sun. What's my purpose here? I don't know?

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Speaker 1: And Jesus says it's right here in the word. Anyone

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Speaker 1: that loves me will keep my word. That's what Jesus

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Speaker 1: said in John fourteen. I don't know how many times

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Speaker 1: I've said that on this podcast. Anyone that loves me

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Speaker 1: will keep my word, and my father will love him,

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Speaker 1: and we will come to him and make our home

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Speaker 1: with him, equaling rest and peace through suffering, through persecution,

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Speaker 1: through loneliness, through grief, through heartache, through all of that,

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Speaker 1: You're standing on a rock with peace, not as the

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Speaker 1: world gives. It's a whole different ballgame. Keep digging. Email

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Speaker 1: me back if you have more questions about that. Let's

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Speaker 1: hit another one here. Sub Decline says need some tips

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Speaker 1: and advice? Say grangeer, my name is Wiley, I'm from o'connee, County, Georgia.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirteen years old and I love listening to your podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm cutting. Whenever i'm cutting the grass and doing stuff,

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Speaker 1: I want to listen to you. I want to ask

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Speaker 1: you a question about how to start playing guitar. I

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Speaker 1: could ask for a guitar lesson for Christmas. Do you

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Speaker 1: think this is a good idea? Do you have any

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Speaker 1: tips on how to start playing guitar with a good approach?

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Speaker 1: Thanks for all you do, Yigee from Wiley, He says,

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Speaker 1: PS tell Earl high Man Wiley, thank you for the email, buddy,

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Speaker 1: and it always surprises me when a thirteen year old's listening.

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Speaker 1: I love that, and I also love that you're cutting

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Speaker 1: the grass. That's what I was doing at thirteen too,

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Speaker 1: So I love that you're cutting the grass. I love

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Speaker 1: that you're listening to the podcast. I appreciate you, brother.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, playing guitar, I would not ask for lessons

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Speaker 1: for Christmas. Don't do that. Lessons cost money, and these

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Speaker 1: days you can get really good stuff, really good material

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Speaker 1: for free on YouTube. So instead of asking for lessons,

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Speaker 1: ask for a nicer guitar. A nicer guitar helps playing

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Speaker 1: that much better. A nicer guitar is easier on the fingers,

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Speaker 1: easier on the hands, easier to make chord structures. You're

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Speaker 1: not gonna you're not gonna get super blisters on your

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Speaker 1: on the tips of your fingers when you have a

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Speaker 1: nice guitar with some nice strings. So, if anything, you

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Speaker 1: could take the guitar you have and take it to

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Speaker 1: a guitar technician and have him look at it, have

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Speaker 1: him lower the action, have him put some new strings

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Speaker 1: on it, make it feeling real nice. Get some nice

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Speaker 1: fret ease or some kind of oil to put on

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Speaker 1: the strings to make them nice and silky on your fingers. Uh,

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Speaker 1: those those things are more important than spending money going

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Speaker 1: to like a music store and sitting in front of

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Speaker 1: a guy that you don't know who he is, and

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Speaker 1: he might not even be that good, and he's teaching

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Speaker 1: you lessons and it's not really the lesson you even

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Speaker 1: want to learn. So don't do any of that stuff.

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Speaker 1: Go to YouTube, get it for free. Put the money

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Speaker 1: instead into a nicer guitar. It's like, look at it,

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Speaker 1: look at it this way. It's like someone trying to

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Speaker 1: learn how to throw a pass in football and they've

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Speaker 1: got a really bad football. It's they got a really ball,

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Speaker 1: really bad ball, and it's it's like all worn up

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Speaker 1: and scuffed up, and the leather's all smooth, and it's

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Speaker 1: really hard to hold and it doesn't have enough air

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Speaker 1: in it. Go get you a nice football and then

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Speaker 1: start working on your pass. Right. This just makes it easier.

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Speaker 1: Let's hit another one subject line here says I need

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Speaker 1: help with my future. Hey Granger, I loved the podcast

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Speaker 1: and the music you put out. My name is Chase.

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Speaker 1: I'm nineteen from Greenville, South Carolina, and I have this

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Speaker 1: passion for fishing competitively and I want to compete at

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Speaker 1: the highest level professional bass fishing. I've never been good

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Speaker 1: at school and that has continued going on through my

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Speaker 1: first year of college. It was free because it was

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Speaker 1: a small tech school, and I have lost that because

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Speaker 1: I struggled to do my homework because I'm always fishing

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Speaker 1: or constantly working so I could pay for tournaments. My

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Speaker 1: parents say they believe I could fish for a living,

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Speaker 1: but going to school and getting a real job as

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Speaker 1: a safer option. I have prayed and prayed and feel

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Speaker 1: like God is calling me to chase my dream. But

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Speaker 1: I respect my parents and I don't want them to

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Speaker 1: be disappointed. I don't know if I should spend the

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Speaker 1: money I work to pay for tournaments or pay for school.

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Speaker 1: I truly think the love for bass fishing is a

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Speaker 1: gift from the Lord, and I could get up on

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Speaker 1: a stage and away and tell people about him. Thanks

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Speaker 1: for the podcast. It's helped me a ton in my

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Speaker 1: relationship with Christ and others in my life. All right, buddy,

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Speaker 1: thank you, Chase, thanks for the email, and thanks for listening.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to South Carolina. Yeah, man, So I want

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Speaker 1: to just say, so many times we say the things

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Speaker 1: like this, like you said, you say, I've prayed so

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Speaker 1: hard and I think God is telling me I should

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Speaker 1: do this. Well, how do you know that? Are you

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Speaker 1: getting like a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling you're praying really hard?

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Speaker 1: And then how is God revealing that that's right? Is

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Speaker 1: He just making you feel happy or something? Because the

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Speaker 1: correct answer is I pray and then I read the Bible,

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Speaker 1: and as revealed in His word, the truth comes. So

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Speaker 1: I would say this, if that's what you're praying, God,

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Speaker 1: help me be a pro bass Fisherman's I really want

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Speaker 1: to do this? Are you saying that? Are you saying, God,

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Speaker 1: your will, your purpose above mine. I'm laying everything at

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Speaker 1: your feet. And then I'm reading the word. And when

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Speaker 1: I read the word, I see that God's words going

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Speaker 1: to say respect your parents, okay. And so your parents

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Speaker 1: are saying, dude, go to school, and you're saying, I

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Speaker 1: don't really respect that. I think God is calling me

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Speaker 1: to pro bass fishing. And there's a big contradiction there

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Speaker 1: because that's not what the Bible says. And I'm just

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Speaker 1: going by your word. If you're sitting next to me

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Speaker 1: in a pickup truck and we were driving down the road,

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Speaker 1: we could have a longer conversation by just going by

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Speaker 1: what your words say. And that's how it appears to be.

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Speaker 1: So that aside, I say, just practically speaking here, if

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Speaker 1: I was going to be making a decision like this,

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Speaker 1: I would have a piece of paper with a couple

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Speaker 1: of columns pro and cons list, I'd have bass fishing,

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Speaker 1: and I'd have school. Now, what's obvious to me and

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Speaker 1: people listening outside of your situation is that school is

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Speaker 1: fundamental right now to get this tech degree whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: Bass Fishing can wait. Bass Fishing will be there after

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Speaker 1: you finish school. It'll be there next year, or the

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Speaker 1: next five years, or the next ten years. Bass fishing

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Speaker 1: will be there as an opportunity, but school has to

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Speaker 1: happen right now. That's what your parents see, and that's

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Speaker 1: what I see. If I was in your situation, and

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Speaker 1: I once was, I had to go back to school. Now,

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Speaker 1: I could tell you a thousand reasons why going back

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Speaker 1: to school when I was nineteen actually mattered to me.

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Speaker 1: Now at my age significantly mattered now because I have

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Speaker 1: the opportunity. I'm not saying everyone has the opportunity. I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying everyone needs to drop what they're doing it

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Speaker 1: and go to college. I'm just speaking to you, Chase,

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Speaker 1: in your specific situation where you're at a crossroads. You

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Speaker 1: have the opportunity to go finish up tech school. You

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Speaker 1: say I'm not a good student. I reject that you're

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Speaker 1: not a good student because you don't care. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a good bass fisherman. I'm probably not nearly

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Speaker 1: as good as you. I love bass fishing, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not nearly as good as you. Why because I don't

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Speaker 1: go enough. Ultimately, I don't care enough to do it

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Speaker 1: every day at a competitive level. So that's you in school.

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Speaker 1: You just don't do it enough. You're not putting effort

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Speaker 1: or care into it. Look at it as a stepping

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Speaker 1: stone that once you get that tech degree, you have

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Speaker 1: a really good safety net. Like your parents said, you

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Speaker 1: have a really good safety net to fall back on

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Speaker 1: and you could always go back to it. Fishing will

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Speaker 1: be there, and if fishing doesn't work out, you've got

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Speaker 1: a really good safety net to fall back on with

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Speaker 1: a degree that can get you into another kind of career.

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Speaker 1: If bass fishing doesn't work out and you don't have

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Speaker 1: a safety net to fall back on, you're in trouble.

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Speaker 1: Without skills, without a degree, for those skills, without connections

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Speaker 1: and a new kind of skill, you're in trouble. You're

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Speaker 1: starting back at square one. Your parents see that. That's

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Speaker 1: why we need to honor what your parents are saying,

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Speaker 1: and that is what God is saying too. We'll take

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Speaker 1: a break, be right back. Thanks for listening to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: We put out new episodes every single Monday morning, so

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Speaker 1: be looking for that. You could also find me on

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Speaker 1: after midnight if you have a local FM iHeartRadio station.

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Speaker 1: We're on over three hundred stations across the country from

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Speaker 1: midnight to six am. If you want to get a

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Speaker 1: personal message from me, the best way to do it

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Speaker 1: is cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. You write me

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Speaker 1: a note, I'll send you whatever congratulations, happy anniversary, happy birthday,

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Speaker 1: whatever it might be, even words of encouragement, and I'll

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Speaker 1: send it to you from a video message from my

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00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 1: phone tailored to however you want me to read it.

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Speaker 1: You can also go to the cameo app that's c

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Speaker 1: ameeo and look for me Granger Smith, and I'll leave

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Speaker 1: you a personal message. Back to the podcast. All right,

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Next question, subject line says

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Speaker 1: trying to save the relationship. The question is me and

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend have been together for almost a year. We

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Speaker 1: broke up November of twenty one and got back together

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Speaker 1: January of this year, and our relationship has been great.

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Speaker 1: We've had a few ups and downs but got past them.

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Speaker 1: Everything was great until now. She started acting distant and

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Speaker 1: I asked her what was going on. She said she

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel happy, but she loves me and she just

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Speaker 1: needs more space. I told her I'll stay with my

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Speaker 1: dad for a little bit to give her space. What

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Speaker 1: do you think I should do? Yeah, let's dive into this.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for the email, buddy. This is something that I

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Speaker 1: seem to repeat a lot on this podcast, But let

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Speaker 1: me kind of translate what she's saying. She's saying she

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel happy, but she loves me and she just

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Speaker 1: needs space. Is a lie of some sort. Now, I'm

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Speaker 1: not denying that she could love you at a certain

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Speaker 1: friendship level, or anyone could love someone that they've been

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Speaker 1: with for a certain amount of time. And you've been

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Speaker 1: together for almost a year. So what she means is,

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Speaker 1: let me translate this for you. What she means is,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel happy. I don't love you in that way.

428
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 1: I need out. Okay, Because she's a nice person, and

429
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to she doesn't let me say

430
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 1: this in a nice way. She doesn't have courage to

431
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,880
Speaker 1: look you in the eye and tell you this. Then

432
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 1: she's gonna kind of sugarcoat it and say, but I

433
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: still love you, and I'll probably always love you. We

434
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 1: have something really special. I just just me. This is me.

435
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: This is on me. I'm just not happy with my

436
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 1: with me. It's not you. I just need some space

437
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 1: from the world and from everybody. It's not it's not you.

438
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 1: It's me. It's not this relationship, right. Okay, we hear that.

439
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: But what she means is I need out. I'm not

440
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 1: into you. That's what she means. Let me get to

441
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 1: something else you said. I told her I'll stay with

442
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 1: my dad for a little bit and give her space,

443
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: meaning you were living with her. Dude, you can't live

444
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 1: with her. This causes so many problems. There's a thousand problems.

445
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 1: They're going to come from you living with her, and

446
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 1: when you're when you're not in a right relationship and

447
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,159
Speaker 1: you're living with her like this when you shouldn't be,

448
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: it makes things worse. Now you're in a worse situation.

449
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: So now you don't even have a place to stay

450
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: besides your dad. That puts you in a bad spot. Man.

451
00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: So guys, girls just don't live with them, wait till

452
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 1: he get married. It's really that simple. There's a reason

453
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: that's set up like this, and it's not because it's handcuffs.

454
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: It's for your own good. It's for you. It's for

455
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,119
Speaker 1: your good, it's not for your bad. It's not for

456
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: to constrict you don't live with them. I don't care

457
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 1: if it saves money, live on a couch of a buddy,

458
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: live with your dad. Find another way. There's a better way.

459
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: This should be a great example for you from now on, Buddy,

460
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 1: as you move on to the next relationship, don't rush

461
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: out and move in with her and hear her for

462
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,959
Speaker 1: what she's trying to say. She's not into you. Next question,

463
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 1: subject line says in need of advice. Hey Grangeer, my

464
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 1: name is Clancy. I'm a huge fan of your music

465
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 1: and your podcast. I've been have been for a long

466
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 1: time now. I'm twenty two, happily married, and my wife

467
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 1: and I are both Christians. The song Tractor really hits

468
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: home for me. My dad is a farmer and he

469
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,120
Speaker 1: would love to see me take over the family farm. However,

470
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 1: I am currently employed by an electrician and I love

471
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: my job. When I'm on the farm with my dad,

472
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: I can sense that it breaks his heart to see

473
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: that I'm taking a different path in life than the

474
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: one he thinks I should take. Am I being selfish

475
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,360
Speaker 1: by doing what I want to do. Any advice would

476
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 1: be appreciated. Thanks for all you can do. Okay, buddy, Clancy,

477
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 1: thanks for the email, and let's dive into this. You're

478
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: twenty two, happily married, This is a situation where you are,

479
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:33,479
Speaker 1: you're married, you have a wife. The decision that your

480
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,479
Speaker 1: dad wants you to take and be a farmer is

481
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 1: not yours to make anymore. It was a few years

482
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,399
Speaker 1: ago before you got married, but now it's a mutual

483
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: decision between you and your wife. And so it starts there.

484
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 1: This is a big time discussion between you and your wife.

485
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: And you go to her and you say, Dad, is

486
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've done this, by the way, your dad is,

487
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,479
Speaker 1: Dad is trying to get me to become a farmer.

488
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 1: But I have a good job as an electrician. It's

489
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,679
Speaker 1: a good haying job and I really enjoy it. And

490
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 1: your wife says, babe, do that, and then you go okay,

491
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: And then you go to your dad and go, dad,

492
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: can I talk to you? And you sit him down

493
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 1: and you say, Dad, I love you, I respect you,

494
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 1: and I just love that you provided for us, for

495
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: the family for so long doing what you love. Can

496
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: I just tell you that right now today I love

497
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: being an electrician and I don't want that to disappoint you,

498
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 1: because I know you want me to be a farmer.

499
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,919
Speaker 1: But me and my wife have had this conversation and

500
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: as our family grows and as we build our own

501
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: legacy with our own family. I think that is going

502
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 1: to be with me being an electrician. Now, surely he's

503
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: going to understand that, and that's the right thing to do,

504
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 1: and that's the right thing to say. However, I will

505
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 1: say this too at twenty two, realize when you know

506
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 1: all this and you have that conversation with your dad,

507
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: realize that things can change. Things can change. They did

508
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: for me at twenty two. I'm much different now twenty

509
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 1: years later than I was at twenty two. So realize

510
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: that when you tell your dad this then that it's

511
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 1: never permanent. So that's why I said it that way.

512
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 1: Hey Dad, right now, I love being an electrician. But

513
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:26,959
Speaker 1: you could also say, but that could change. Maybe one

514
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: day I'll be a farmer, but not today. Is there anything, Dad,

515
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: Is there anything you need to tell me? Is there

516
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: anything I could learn from you? Because maybe one day

517
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: I will be a farmer. Just indulge him in that.

518
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: I think that'll make him happy for a little bit.

519
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: I think that'll ease the heartbreak because I can understand

520
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: where he's coming from. But indulge him in the fact

521
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 1: that nothing is permanent. I might be a farmer. In fact,

522
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: it's in my blood that I watched you do this

523
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 1: for so many years. It's in my blood. I might

524
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: be a farmer one day, but right now that's just

525
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: not the path me and my wife are aunt. If

526
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 1: you go in with that mentality that hey, things might change,

527
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: you're gonna be okay, and you're being honest with your

528
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: dad and your wife. Next question, subject line says and

529
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: introverts struggle with church. Hey, Grangeura recently found your podcast.

530
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: I've been so appreciated, appreciative with your voice of reason,

531
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 1: even if it's tough love and such hard subjects. I'm

532
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: very much an introvert, and I understand that I'm fearfully

533
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: and wonderfully made the way God intended. I trust that

534
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 1: the positive traits of being an introvert are and will

535
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: be part of what God is using my life for.

536
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: From what, I see church as an environment built for extroverts,

537
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 1: and I struggle to reconcile with that. I know I

538
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: have an immense privilege to be able to participate in

539
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: gathering and worshiping publicly, and a duty to attend, but

540
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 1: I just don't look forward to how uncomfortable I feel

541
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: socially when I go to church. I don't feel judged

542
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: or unwelcome, or just overwhelmingly and forced to open up

543
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: to people I don't know. Am I not bold enough

544
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: in my faith that I don't want to go meet

545
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: everyone at church and open up to them? Am I

546
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 1: not convicted enough? For context? I grew up in church,

547
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: but as a young adult, I've taken personal responsibility from

548
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 1: my relationship with Jesus. I find reading my Bible or

549
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 1: taking a hike alone to talk to God, or when

550
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: I have my best moments with him best Katie. Katie,

551
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 1: thank you for the email, and thanks for being vulnerable

552
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 1: with me. And I hear you. I hear your struggle,

553
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 1: and I want to talk this out with you a

554
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: little bit. You are an introvert, and I don't think

555
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 1: that that is I'm sure that it's not something you

556
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: can change or should change. I don't think there's anything

557
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: wrong with that. That is how you were created, fearfully

558
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: and wonderfully, made, as you said, as God intended. And

559
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 1: you let me dive into something that that's interesting that

560
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: you said though. Here's here's what you said, here's your words.

561
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: It's an immense privilege to be able to participate in

562
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 1: gathering and worshiping publicly, and I have a duty to attend. Okay,

563
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: that's interesting you said that. And then right after that

564
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: you said, but I just don't look forward to how

565
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 1: uncomfortable I feel when I go. So that's it. So

566
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: here's the danger. The danger is being driven by how

567
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: we feel as opposed to what we know. And we

568
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: know we have a duty to attend public worship. We

569
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 1: know we need to go on on the Lord's Day

570
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: and spend Sunday with fellow believers, worship publicly and commune

571
00:32:56,040 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: with them. We know that because because God said that

572
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: the church is his bride. And so this is like

573
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 1: what you're saying. You're basically saying, Granger, I like you,

574
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: and I like hanging out with you, but I don't

575
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 1: like hanging out with your wife. So if it's okay,

576
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 1: I would just like to hang out with you, and

577
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: that's when I get to know you better when we

578
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: have walks in the woods. But I don't like your wife,

579
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: and I just I'm just not comfortable because I'm an introvert.

580
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: I don't like talking to your wife. So you see

581
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,719
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You can't deny that. You can't deny

582
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 1: the church, which is the bride of Christ. So instead,

583
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 1: what you need to do is you need to go God.

584
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: I know you want me to go to church. I

585
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 1: know it's my duty. That's are your words. I know

586
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: it's my duty, and I'm gonna I need to overcome

587
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: this fear, this social fear, and this overwhelming feeling of

588
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: being uncomfortable. I need to get over that. Because here's

589
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: what you don't have to do that. Yeah, Katie, Katie,

590
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 1: here's what you don't have to do. You don't have

591
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: to go to church and meet everybody and be a

592
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: social butterfly and float the room and shake everybody's hand.

593
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 1: Nothing says you have to do that. I'm going to

594
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 1: suggest maybe maybe there's another church for you. Maybe there's

595
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 1: a different way of worship in a different style, a

596
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 1: different denomination. And really as long as as long as

597
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 1: they're a Bible teaching church, then the denomination doesn't matter.

598
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,320
Speaker 1: That's just a form of worship. And if you feel

599
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 1: more comfortable in a new form of worship as long

600
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 1: as it's biblically based, then maybe that helps you. Maybe

601
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,879
Speaker 1: that's one of the solutions I could suggest to you.

602
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 1: The one thing I would say is don't avoid it

603
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: just because you feel uncomfortable. Instead of going by what

604
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 1: you feel, go by what you know. And you know

605
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: what the Bible says. And we need to come together

606
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: on the Lord's Day at least once a week and

607
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 1: be with other believers, like minded people like us. It

608
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 1: helps us. You can continue your alone hikes with God

609
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: and you're alone time reading your Bible. That's great and

610
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: you should never give that up. But it's not a

611
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:20,239
Speaker 1: trade off. It's not one or the other. Go and

612
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: worship with the Bride of Christ. Overcome your feelings and

613
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:30,359
Speaker 1: go with what you know. Next question, subject line says

614
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: how to ask her? Hey, gr Andrew, my name is Jesh.

615
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: I'm eighteen years old from Oregon. There's a girl at

616
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: my church who I really like. I took her to

617
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: homecoming and we've been hanging out and talking ever since.

618
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 1: We both really like each other, and i'd like to

619
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: ask her parents to start dating. This is my first relationship.

620
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,839
Speaker 1: I'm just not exactly sure how to go about it.

621
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I should ask her parents for

622
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 1: approval first or just her straight up. We're both strong

623
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: believers and I just want to make sure I do

624
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: this right. I was hoping you can give me a

625
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: bit of a vice on the matter or point me

626
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: in the direction of one of your podcast episodes that

627
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: you've already talked about this. Thanks a lot. Have an

628
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: awesome day, Yegi, Josh, thanks for the email, buddy. I

629
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: love this email. And What's crazy sometimes as I do

630
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: this podcast is I read I read emails and I

631
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,720
Speaker 1: think to myself, well, this is your answer. You've actually

632
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: written your answer to me, and instead of writing it

633
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: to me, Josh, say this to her dad, just like

634
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 1: you said it. I love that you. Not a lot

635
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 1: of guys would even recognize that. Not a lot of

636
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 1: guys would even say I feel like I should ask

637
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:44,800
Speaker 1: her parents. I love that in London, who is eleven

638
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 1: years old and seven years behind you, I would just

639
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 1: love the fact if her first boyfriend asked me permission.

640
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,360
Speaker 1: In fact, I've already trained her and I've already told her, Hey, London,

641
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 1: what happens when a boy asked you if you want

642
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 1: to be a her his boyfriend girlfriend? What am I saying?

643
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Her answer is, and she's

644
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 1: already been trained. Her answer is, what did my dad

645
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 1: say so, yeah, so that's how she's trained. I love

646
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 1: that you're thinking that way, Josh. And what I would

647
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,360
Speaker 1: do is I would go to her parents and I

648
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 1: would say this, and I'm gonna use your words. Hey,

649
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 1: mister so and so, I took your daughter to homecoming

650
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,399
Speaker 1: and we've been hanging out and talking and we both

651
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,879
Speaker 1: really like each other and I'm actually interested in dating her.

652
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: This is my first relationship and I'm just not exactly

653
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: sure how to go about it, and I want to

654
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,839
Speaker 1: ask your approval and see what you think about it.

655
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: We are both strong believers, and I just want to

656
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 1: make sure this goes right. I mean, how could you

657
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 1: go wrong with saying your words to the parents. I mean,

658
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,360
Speaker 1: what parent wouldn't be like, Okay, well, thank you, Josh.

659
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 1: Thanks for being honest, and we do give you approval

660
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: and here's our guidelines or our boundaries or whatever they're

661
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,879
Speaker 1: going to say. But I think that's a really good start, man.

662
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 1: I think that's a good foundation. So good job, brother.

663
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: Next question subject line says advice please. Hey Grangeer, this

664
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: is Jeremy. I'm fifteen. I'm from Oregon. I met this girl.

665
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,879
Speaker 1: I really like her. She's not a Christian and I am.

666
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 1: She says that some of her family are Christians, and

667
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: she says she will respect the fact that I am

668
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 1: a Christian. I really want to ask her out, what

669
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,320
Speaker 1: should I do? Does it matter if she's not a Christian.

670
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,919
Speaker 1: It's funny how these A lot of these questions are

671
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: christ leaning these days, and I enjoy that. Thanks for

672
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:48,320
Speaker 1: the question, Jeremy, and I appreciate you reaching out. Fifteen. Jeremy,

673
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 1: I'd like to introduce you to Josh, the guy that

674
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 1: just emailed. I want you guys to get together, and Josh,

675
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: I want you to talk to Jeremy and pour pour

676
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: some of your advice into him. If you could, I'll

677
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: connect you guys after. I'm just kidding, but that'd be cool. Jeremy,

678
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: fifteen is really young to be thinking so deeply about

679
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: a relationship, and I do appreciate that you're vulnerable and

680
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:16,720
Speaker 1: you're reaching out like this. But dating, in its essence,

681
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: dating is for marriage. It is a is A is

682
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: the first step leading to marriage. So dating should start

683
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 1: with the mentality of I'm looking to find the woman

684
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 1: I'm going to marry. And if you're not ready to

685
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: get married at fifteen, then that you have some serious

686
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 1: thought ahead of you. So with that kind of mentality,

687
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: then think about it this way. You're looking for the

688
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:49,320
Speaker 1: woman you want to marry. As your wife then asked

689
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:53,320
Speaker 1: the question is it okay to marry a non Christian

690
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:58,280
Speaker 1: when I'm a Christian? And then the problems start arising

691
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 1: when you ask it in that way. The problem come

692
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: up like this, how are we going to raise our children?

693
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 1: What are we going to do about church? What are

694
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 1: we going to do about our moral compass? How will

695
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 1: we discipline? How will we pray? How will we celebrate

696
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: Christian holidays? These are all kinds of major problems that

697
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: come up, and fifteen years into a marriage, they've become

698
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,800
Speaker 1: really big deals, right because you got now you got

699
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 1: I'm putting you way ahead in your future. You got

700
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,399
Speaker 1: an eight year old little girl, you got a five

701
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: year old little boy, and you're you're needing them to

702
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 1: go to church. And your wife says, I don't think

703
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: it's necessary. And although a long time ago, when you

704
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 1: guys first met, she says, I'll respect the fact that

705
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 1: you're a Christian, but now we're talking about my kids,

706
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: and that's a whole different conversation because with you. It

707
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,240
Speaker 1: was something now with my kids, and now you're forcing

708
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: your religion on my kids, and I don't agree with it.

709
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,959
Speaker 1: Now it's a problem. Now we're talking about divorce. Now

710
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 1: going to this is a snowball, just going down the mountain. So, Jeremy,

711
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:11,240
Speaker 1: you're fifteen, clean slate, the beginning of a chapter. Nothing

712
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 1: is written yet. Now, how do you feel about your

713
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: own question? It's not so good anymore. It's a little

714
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: scary now now there's a lot more weight to it. Now.

715
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 1: The thing is, you really like her. So the further

716
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,479
Speaker 1: you go down this path because you really like her

717
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 1: like that, that feeling that you have is going to

718
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,480
Speaker 1: grow and grow and grow and start turning into love.

719
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 1: And as as it starts turning into love, then you've

720
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: got bigger problems because it's harder to get back out,

721
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 1: because it's harder to pull your heart back. So right

722
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 1: now you've got to protect your heart, guard it, don't

723
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 1: let it go too far down this path, because you're

724
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: heading down a treacherous path. Right this is a dangerous

725
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,360
Speaker 1: road you're going down when you have all kinds of

726
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 1: decisions in your future that will destroy a marriage. And

727
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 1: right now you're thinking dude, I'm fifteen. I wasn't even

728
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 1: talking about marriage. I'm just trying to get you to

729
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: think way down the road because decisions like this impact

730
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: your life in your future. Okay, Jeremy, I appreciate the email.

731
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: Think really hard about what I said. Email me back

732
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 1: if you have another question. I love you guys. If

733
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 1: you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast at

734
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. We'll see you next Monday. Ye thanks

735
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 1: for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all

736
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 1: of you guys. You could help me out by rating

737
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to

738
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,800
Speaker 1: this channel. Hit that little like button and notification spell

739
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 1: so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.

740
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:51,279
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would

741
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.

742
00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:57,359
Speaker 1: Yie