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Speaker 1: Hey, oh, it's Ryley here, and this is Angie, your

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Speaker 1: favorite Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before we read these crazy stories, we have a tune,

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Speaker 2: a break from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My family hired a private investigator to find me after

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Speaker 3: they all disowned me.

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Speaker 1: If you want it out of my life, stay out.

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Speaker 3: So I thirty six mail got into some trouble fifteen

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Speaker 3: years ago. I take all the responsibility for this, and

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Speaker 3: even to this day, I carry on the shame, guilt,

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Speaker 3: and embarrassment for it. Also, this might come up. This

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Speaker 3: is not cultural or a religion thing. It's just shame

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Speaker 3: to the family name. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: user Brings eighty nine. And if you want to submit

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

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Speaker 3: suburd it. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, and we're here to

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Speaker 3: give good advice.

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Speaker 2: Goofily. But we don't have all the answers. We only

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Speaker 2: know what we would do, So let us know what

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Speaker 2: you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 3: As Op says, the situation was when I was nineteen,

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Speaker 3: ID was stolen in being used in another state and

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Speaker 3: created a situation where my driver's license was suspended nationwide

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Speaker 3: somehow endy and all notifications from the other state never

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Speaker 3: made it to me. I started doing all the necessary

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Speaker 3: things I needed to do to try and fix the problem. I, however,

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Speaker 3: had a couple of tickets in my current state that

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Speaker 3: I needed to pay but couldn't because I needed to

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Speaker 3: pay my rent and keep my apartment. Also, at the time,

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Speaker 3: my full time job was having problems and was borderlines

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Speaker 3: shutting down, so to try and make ends meet, I

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Speaker 3: was doing a lot of freelance work as well. I

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Speaker 3: was hoping that with a couple more freelance jobs that

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Speaker 3: I'd be able to finally pay the tickets.

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Speaker 2: This was never the case, and the long story short

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Speaker 2: of it is.

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Speaker 3: I was arrested and spent two weeks in jail. Dang,

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Speaker 3: theyk arrested you on parking tickets. Uh oh, that's brutal,

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Speaker 3: not ideal, but I guess in the long run it

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Speaker 3: worked out for the best by clearing the tickets.

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Speaker 2: In my home state.

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Speaker 3: However, my family I felt otherwise and I was completely

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Speaker 3: disowned because of this. I lost everything and to everyone.

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Speaker 3: The only reason I still had my apartment was because

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Speaker 3: I had enough to cover the rent and the freelance

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Speaker 3: work kept up. It took another six months, but I

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Speaker 3: was finally able to get the other state to release

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Speaker 3: my driver's license. I decided that since my family hated me,

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Speaker 3: I didn't need them, So a year later I changed

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Speaker 3: my last name, my phone number, and email.

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Speaker 2: Which is fair.

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Speaker 3: If your whole family disowns you over parking tickets that

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Speaker 3: you didn't pay, Yeah, because life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's crazy of.

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Speaker 3: Them to do that. My social media is locked down

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Speaker 3: so tight you would think I was hiding national security secrets.

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Speaker 2: I was able to finish.

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Speaker 3: College and get settled into my career, and at this point,

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Speaker 3: I'm happier than I've ever been enter the current time.

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Speaker 3: And two weeks ago there was a knock on my

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Speaker 3: door and it was my mom and dad.

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Speaker 2: WHOA Again.

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Speaker 3: It had been fifteen years and I hadn't spoken to them,

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Speaker 3: not one word. The only thing I could get out

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Speaker 3: of my mouth was how did you find me?

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Speaker 2: And what are you doing here? My mom's response was

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Speaker 2: five grand to a PI.

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Speaker 3: Finally, a search of Facebook with just your first name

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Speaker 3: found you, and the PI confirmed it was you, Dangy.

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Speaker 3: You spent five thousand dollars on a guide to type

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Speaker 3: your name into Facebook.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: That okay, listen, maybe we should look into being pis.

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Speaker 1: We could find people so easy.

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Speaker 3: I responded, you didn't answer my second question, what are

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Speaker 3: you doing here?

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Speaker 2: My mom? Again, it's been fifteen years.

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Speaker 3: Looking at where you are, it seems you've learned your

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Speaker 3: lesson and you're succeeding.

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Speaker 2: You've missed out on a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: In other words, I need money from you, OPI says.

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Speaker 2: I ended with, yes, I have learned my lesson.

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Speaker 3: One of them is I don't think anyone will ever

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Speaker 3: help you or be understanding in your family. And yes,

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Speaker 3: I did succeed, and I did it entirely without you.

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Speaker 2: Please leave and don't come back.

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Speaker 3: I shut the door in their face, locked it, checked

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Speaker 3: the back door, and closed all the curtains. I'm guessing

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Speaker 3: they hung around for another fifteen minutes, knocking, demanding to

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Speaker 3: be let in. I went back to bed, turned to

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Speaker 3: the fan on high, and went back to sleep. And

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Speaker 3: then I did some research. And I have missed out

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Speaker 3: on a lot. I have nieces and nephews, brothers and

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Speaker 3: sisters in law, but the truth is I don't know

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Speaker 3: any of them, and I don't think I need to.

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Speaker 2: I live a very quiet life.

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Speaker 3: I can count on two hands how many friends I

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Speaker 3: actually have. A friend said I may have taken it

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Speaker 3: too far and that I should have given them a chance,

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Speaker 3: and if I didn't like what they had to say,

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Speaker 3: then I could have told them to go away. I

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Speaker 3: was hoping that this was going to be the end

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Speaker 3: of it, but now they have taken to stalking me.

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Speaker 3: I'll be completely honest. They are harmless, but just a

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Speaker 3: real pain in the butt. And also I have been

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Speaker 3: effing with them to have some fun with the help

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Speaker 3: of a friend.

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Speaker 2: He now calls.

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Speaker 3: Them fleas and will check on me, asking if I

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Speaker 3: have fleas or not.

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Speaker 2: It's kind of funny if I.

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Speaker 3: Say yes, and it's game. On the first night, he

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Speaker 3: came over and we walked downtown to a really expensive

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Speaker 3: restaurant that I knew they were never going to go to.

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Speaker 3: Another night, we went to the corn store that was

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Speaker 3: the best one. This past week, the way my days

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Speaker 3: off fell, I had a five day stretch, so I

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Speaker 3: decided to go to.

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Speaker 2: The city for a few days.

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Speaker 3: I'm walking distance to the Amtrak station, and they followed me.

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Speaker 3: I kept my AirPods in the whole time, and I

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Speaker 3: know they were trying to talk to me, but I

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Speaker 3: ignored them.

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Speaker 2: The entire time.

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Speaker 3: People on the platform even were letting me know that

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Speaker 3: they were talking to me, and I said that I know,

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Speaker 3: but I don't want to deal with them. The train

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Speaker 3: came and I got on and left them to watch.

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Speaker 3: I loved it.

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Speaker 2: It got to the point I finally had to acknowledge them.

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Speaker 2: They weren't going to go away.

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Speaker 3: So we met at the park across from my apartment,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't hold anything back. I told them this

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Speaker 3: was the one and only time I was going to

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Speaker 3: talk to them. I took a page from the Matlock

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Speaker 3: series and told them I was.

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Speaker 2: Their judge, I was their jury.

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Speaker 3: I then told them that as far as I was concerned,

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Speaker 3: they were guilty of anything and everything, and all I

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Speaker 3: was doing was hearing what they had to say. Before

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Speaker 3: I walked away from them, I asked them, why now,

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Speaker 3: after fifteen years, are they demanding to be back in

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Speaker 3: my life, and.

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Speaker 2: Why they made the decisions they did to disown me.

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Speaker 3: They told me that I ruined the family name and

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Speaker 3: that the shame I brought to the family was horrible

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Speaker 3: and that this was the only way to make it right,

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Speaker 3: to get rid of me. They said that recently my

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Speaker 3: name has been coming up in conversation and that the

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Speaker 3: family has grown with a lot of new people, that

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Speaker 3: brothers and sisters in law are asking questions about who

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Speaker 3: is Brinley. That I have a niece who they think

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Speaker 3: I would love and get along with, and the same

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Speaker 3: for a nephew who was born last year, and now

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Speaker 3: should be the time to fix things.

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Speaker 2: Ah.

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Speaker 3: It almost sounds like they're like, yeah, you would be

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Speaker 3: really useful if you had helped.

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Speaker 2: To take care of these kids.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't even think.

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Speaker 3: Of that, Like you would love these infants and toddlers

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Speaker 3: that you could watch and take care of.

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Speaker 2: Right interesting me, They said.

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Speaker 3: That looking at my apartment and the life I had,

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Speaker 3: then I must have learned my lesson about being a

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Speaker 3: better person and managing my life better. I finally cut

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Speaker 3: them off and told them I couldn't stand to hear anymore.

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Speaker 3: I was at the point I could hear my heart

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Speaker 3: beating in my ears. I told them that I did

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Speaker 3: everything completely by myself. Nobody from that life exists anymore,

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Speaker 3: not one person.

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Speaker 2: They just need to tell everyone the truth.

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Speaker 3: That I was in jail for two weeks and because

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Speaker 3: of this, the decision was made to get rid of me.

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Speaker 3: I told them that I did it all on my own,

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Speaker 3: and that my one cousin, John, who was only a

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Speaker 3: cousin by marriage, was the only one who was there

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Speaker 3: for me, hence why I took her last name. I

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Speaker 3: told them that to this day, I'm doing everything on

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Speaker 3: my own and rely on nobody and don't need or

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Speaker 3: want them in any way.

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Speaker 2: Of my life. They made their decisions, and I'm making mine.

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Speaker 3: I told them this will be the last time we talk,

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Speaker 3: and that I would be going to see a lawyer

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Speaker 3: to see if there was anything that could be done

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Speaker 3: to keep them away from me, and that if they

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Speaker 3: continue to follow me around or show up at my apartment,

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Speaker 3: I would have them arrested for trespassing. And then I

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Speaker 3: went back home and again locked everything down, pulled the curtains,

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Speaker 3: and have been crying since.

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Speaker 2: Wow, and there's an update.

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Speaker 1: Dang that sucks.

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Speaker 2: I think we might need to get back into therapy

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Speaker 2: about this. Yeah, it's pretty jarring to have all that

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Speaker 2: come back.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, many of you have been asking for an update.

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Speaker 3: First and foremost, thank you all for your responses. I

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Speaker 3: was overwhelmed. I read every single one. I just couldn't

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Speaker 3: keep up to respond to them. I also worked some

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Speaker 3: extra shifts and had some really nice overtime, which right

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Speaker 3: now comes in handy.

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Speaker 2: Please just know I was not ignoring you. I just

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Speaker 2: couldn't keep up. It's OKAYOP, It's okay.

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Speaker 5: Kay.

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Speaker 3: This isn't the update that many of you were most

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Speaker 3: likely hoping for. I have not heard from my family

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Speaker 3: since I confronted them. I am hoping that it's all

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Speaker 3: done and over, but at the same time, I'm thinking

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Speaker 3: that they are trying something else.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to address some other things.

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Speaker 3: Many are saying that they are out for money of

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Speaker 3: your body parts that they see I'm successful and such.

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Speaker 3: I can't see this being the case. I truly don't

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Speaker 3: think it's for money. If they were able to drop

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Speaker 3: five thousand for a PI, then I can't see them

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Speaker 3: hurting financially.

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Speaker 1: That's actually a good, really good point.

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Speaker 2: It's pretty yeah, that's pretty heavy investment. My dad worked

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Speaker 2: as an ord for his entire career and made good money.

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Speaker 3: My mom worked for a global corporation as a historical

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Speaker 3: document manager.

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Speaker 2: Others said, maybe they need body parts.

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Speaker 3: I can't see this being the case either because all

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Speaker 3: of these would have been mentioned the first or the

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Speaker 3: last time we talked. People have mentioned that they see

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Speaker 3: me successful and want in on it and take credit

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Speaker 3: for saying that they they are responsible for that in

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Speaker 3: how they treated me. I'm successful in my own way.

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Speaker 3: My education is in healthcare management and I work as

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Speaker 3: a unit secretary. I have been here for a while

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Speaker 3: and I truly love my job. I'm at the top

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Speaker 3: of my pay scale and that's okay. I've made a

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Speaker 3: life for myself. Yes, I do have some money stashed away.

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Speaker 3: I live below my means to do what I have done.

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Speaker 3: I'm single, no kids, so it has allowed me to

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Speaker 3: save money. And now on with the update.

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Speaker 2: I have not heard from any of them since the

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Speaker 2: last time we met, where I confronted them.

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Speaker 3: I'm hoping that they're just gone at this point, I

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Speaker 3: truly don't want anything to do with any of them.

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Speaker 3: I don't care that I have nieces or nephews, or

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Speaker 3: that I have new brothers and sisters in laws. I

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Speaker 3: would have to know my sister and brother and my

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Speaker 3: parents to know all these new people, and frankly, all

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Speaker 3: of them are strangers, and it just brings up a

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Speaker 3: lot of bad emotions. My cousin Jean is the only

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Speaker 3: person who I have anything to do with, and she

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Speaker 3: has been my wrong. I can't begin to thank her

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Speaker 3: enough for all she has done. She has been on

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Speaker 3: vacation for a few weeks, so she doesn't know much

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Speaker 3: of what happened. She got back and came over the

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Speaker 3: other night. She showed up with wine, pizza, and cheesecake. God,

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Speaker 3: I love that woman.

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Speaker 2: I opened the door and was greeted with the wise

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Speaker 2: woman has arrived and has brought the makings of a

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Speaker 2: great evening. I love Jeane. Jeane is great.

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Speaker 1: We all love Jeane.

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Speaker 2: Number one. Jeane.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I started crying to her response, However, it

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Speaker 3: looks like I.

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Speaker 2: Should have arrived a few days ago, said Jeane.

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Speaker 3: She sat everything on the counter and just hugged me

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Speaker 3: to get me to calm down. Finally, as she opened

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Speaker 3: the wine and fixed up dinner, I told her everything.

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Speaker 3: At the end, she got a vindictive smile on her

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Speaker 3: face and was like, we need to talk. It's time

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Speaker 3: for some old family secrets to be told.

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Speaker 4: WHOA Okay, I think we're gonna get some like behind

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Speaker 4: the scenes of like mom and Dad's real reaction to

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Speaker 4: the parking tickets, or maybe they had parking tickets all along.

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Speaker 2: They've got something, ye, a secret family shame.

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Speaker 1: Something.

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Speaker 3: She started with telling me that regardless of what others

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Speaker 3: had said, what happened wasn't my fault. I was stuck

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Speaker 3: in the perfect storm which just blew up. She told

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Speaker 3: me she saw my folder that had all of the

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Speaker 3: work I had done to fix the problem, but it

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Speaker 3: just didn't go fast enough. She reminded me that I

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Speaker 3: didn't hurt anyone. I wasn't dealing out substances or anything

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Speaker 3: like that. I was just stuck in a situation that

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Speaker 3: didn't get fixed fast enough. She went on to tell

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Speaker 3: me that it was no surprise that when I did

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Speaker 3: the name change that I chose the one I did.

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Speaker 3: Come to find out, it was the last name I

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Speaker 3: was born under, which was my grandmother's my mom's mom.

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Speaker 3: My grandmother's made a name. Jean said, don't let your

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Speaker 3: parents fool you. They are not the pure pillars of

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Speaker 3: community that they want you to believe. I've always known

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00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:53,880
Speaker 3: that their relationship was not the best, but when I

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Speaker 3: was born, they were split up and my mom was

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Speaker 3: trying to hide me from my dad. My grandparents didn't

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Speaker 3: like him, so it was decided to give me my

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Speaker 3: grandmother's family name.

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Speaker 1: Whoa interesting piece of lore.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, m secrets, you have shamed the family. And also

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Speaker 3: when you were born, I literally hid you from your father.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like, what were you just ashamed of me from

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Speaker 1: the beginning?

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Speaker 2: Well, you have always been very family centric.

301
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like it would just make me more mad,

302
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,200
Speaker 4: just like, oh oh, I sold the family name. The

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00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:30,679
Speaker 4: family name that like wasn't even my dad's name, Like what.

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Speaker 2: And that's that?

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Speaker 3: That just adds such a weird layer of like the

306
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,679
Speaker 3: family name. You've insulted the family name. It's like, dude, wait,

307
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,559
Speaker 3: that's it's not even yeah, it's not even real.

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Speaker 4: Like you didn't even think that the family name is

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Speaker 4: that serious from the beginning, So why mm hmmmm.

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Speaker 5: Very weird.

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Speaker 3: Jeane was getting more and more pissed off as she

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00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,440
Speaker 3: spoke to me. She said, so, let's talk about names,

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Speaker 3: since they are so focused on how you shamed the

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Speaker 3: family name your mother was as a one who was

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Speaker 3: born under the influential names her mother's family, the name

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00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Speaker 3: you took pretty much owned two of the local towns

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Speaker 3: in our county. Your grandfather's name owned a few businesses

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Speaker 3: in a different town. Your father's family was never heard of.

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Speaker 3: They were from a different state and moved here.

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Speaker 2: For work purposes.

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Speaker 3: Your dad has been riding off of your mother's name

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Speaker 3: and connections.

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Speaker 2: Even to this day.

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Speaker 3: Your dad's family is pretty much a bunch of unknowns.

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Speaker 3: On top of that, even if your grandparents were alive,

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00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,640
Speaker 3: they would have been completely behind you and wouldn't have

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Speaker 3: brought into that whole bs.

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Speaker 2: Of shaming the family name.

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Speaker 3: That's another great layer. The family name's not even your name, Pops.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you so ashamed of?

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Speaker 3: The Only time I'd ever seen Gene in a mood

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Speaker 3: like this was when I was in college, and when

333
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,400
Speaker 3: she introduced herself to the class, she looked square at

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00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,520
Speaker 3: me and made it clear that she had no favorites.

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Speaker 3: All of this has really made me look at my

336
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,600
Speaker 3: parents in a different way, and none of it's positive.

337
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,200
Speaker 3: Just reaffirms what I want even more, which is for

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Speaker 3: them to just go away and never come back.

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Speaker 2: Wow, and that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just more of the same, I guess.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you truly do not need those people? Yeah,

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00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:19,720
Speaker 2: at all. Yeah, zero percent, And that's the end of

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Speaker 2: this story. We're gonna go on to the next one.

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Speaker 4: My parents prioritize their vacation over my surgery, so I

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Speaker 4: chose my friends over them.

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Speaker 3: Jerry Fiji's calling and we got to pick up the phone.

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Speaker 4: I thirty five female, have the BRCA two gene and

348
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Speaker 4: how to get a prophylactic double misectany. I have the

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Speaker 4: surgery Tuesday of this week. My mom sixty five and

350
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Speaker 4: dad sixty six offered to help with my surgery preparation

351
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Speaker 4: and recovery. They're both retired and live ten minutes away,

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Speaker 4: so this made sense. My mom is an ovarian care

353
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Speaker 4: survivor who also has the BRCA gene. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from Ritual of Song. And if you want

355
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Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay,

356
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Speaker 4: storytime separated it and I'm Angie.

357
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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice.

358
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Speaker 4: Goofily, But we don't have all the answers. We just

359
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Speaker 4: know we would do in these situations.

360
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Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

361
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Speaker 1: So Op says, I live in a small cozy house.

362
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Speaker 1: It's my sanctuary.

363
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,360
Speaker 4: I have a dog, a fenced in yard, and no

364
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,400
Speaker 4: stairs since it's a single level. I always wanted to

365
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,920
Speaker 4: recover at my house. At every opportunity we spoke about

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Speaker 4: the surgery plan. My parents talked about how it would

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00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,600
Speaker 4: be much easier if I recovered at their house. Then

368
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,760
Speaker 4: they talk about all the ways that recover at my

369
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,120
Speaker 4: house would be a mistake. I'm no stranger to surgeries.

370
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Speaker 4: I've had fourteen in the last five years. Oh my gosh,

371
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Speaker 4: this surgery was by far the most emotionally loaded. It's

372
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,400
Speaker 4: the only surgery I've ever pre grieved. Losing your front

373
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:53,040
Speaker 4: airbags sucks. Anytime I said this, my parents would say

374
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Speaker 4: at least they didn't also have camera, which is true

375
00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:00,160
Speaker 4: but not particularly helpful. With all the emotional weight and

376
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,800
Speaker 4: complex feelings, I didn't feel like navigating my additional unpleasant

377
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 4: parental dynamics, so I offered to move into their house

378
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,960
Speaker 4: for the initial recovery up through when I could presumably

379
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 4: walk my dog and drive again. This was agreed about

380
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,960
Speaker 4: four months in advance. This is also the first point

381
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,439
Speaker 4: my surgery became about their convenience, and I should have

382
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,320
Speaker 4: kept my ground here in the first place. Two and

383
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 4: a half months before surgery, I had been researching stories

384
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 4: of people who had the specific DMX procedure I was getting.

385
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 4: My mom had a deep which is different, and I

386
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,199
Speaker 4: compiled a list of things I wanted to have for

387
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,679
Speaker 4: surgery that others found helpful. Some items would ideally be

388
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,359
Speaker 4: bought in book to avoid laundry and dishes in the

389
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,400
Speaker 4: immediate aftermath. I asked my dad if he'd mind picking

390
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,119
Speaker 4: these things up at the store, but if not, I

391
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,480
Speaker 4: could order them through delivery. He said, no need, he'd

392
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,919
Speaker 4: happily grab them. Two months before surgery, they were about

393
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,560
Speaker 4: to head out for a three and a half week

394
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,679
Speaker 4: cruise in Italy. He called me from the store and

395
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,760
Speaker 4: said that he didn't feel like doing a big shop

396
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Speaker 4: now and he'd do it the week that.

397
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Speaker 1: They returned from the trip.

398
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 4: But no worries, I'd still have five weeks to order

399
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,040
Speaker 4: anything if that he couldn't get at the store if

400
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,359
Speaker 4: he went soon after the trip.

401
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,120
Speaker 1: Except he didn't.

402
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 4: They got back from the trip and once again he

403
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,440
Speaker 4: called me from the store, but then said they probably

404
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,600
Speaker 4: had some of this leftover from mom surgery and told

405
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,639
Speaker 4: me to confer with her to get a list. This

406
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,760
Speaker 4: frustrated me because they lived together in the same house.

407
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:29,239
Speaker 4: With the objects being inventoried, surely they could collaborate on

408
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 4: my twelve item list without me badgering and being the

409
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,879
Speaker 4: inertia behind each action.

410
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, why are they making it? Just like, just get

411
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 2: the stuff? Yeah, just get the stuff. That's all we

412
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:40,720
Speaker 2: need is this stuff. It's all we need.

413
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,240
Speaker 4: Please, right like the fact that you're calling from the

414
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,719
Speaker 4: store two times, it's like you're right next to the

415
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 4: things that you need to pick up.

416
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:49,439
Speaker 1: Just grab it.

417
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:50,160
Speaker 2: Just get the thing.

418
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,400
Speaker 1: I'll literally pay you back.

419
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:52,919
Speaker 2: And if you already had the things, that's okay. Just

420
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:53,360
Speaker 2: get the thing.

421
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 1: Just get it. We can return it if we need it,

422
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,120
Speaker 1: or it's great that we have more.

423
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 4: Two weeks before surgery, I went over for an unrelated

424
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 4: dinner and they still hadn't conferred the list. So since

425
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,320
Speaker 4: I was physically at their house, I did it myself

426
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 4: and provided my dad with an updated list. He said

427
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,359
Speaker 4: he'd go to the store that weekend. He got busy

428
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 4: that weekend and then didn't go. He then went seven

429
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 4: days before surgery and assured me that he got everything

430
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 4: on that list. I went over five days before surgery

431
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 4: for a holiday at party and found out that he

432
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 4: actually only bought a third of the list because he

433
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 4: decided that I didn't need a lot of the items

434
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 4: and just didn't tell me.

435
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,200
Speaker 2: You guys are already it's the surgery didn't even happen.

436
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,399
Speaker 2: You were already dropping the ball. As caretakers like, for

437
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:36,440
Speaker 2: what is going on?

438
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,600
Speaker 1: Que me ordering things in a panic.

439
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 4: I had the surgery on Tuesday, some of the stuff

440
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:45,120
Speaker 4: wouldn't arrive until Saturday, so there was an actual inconvenience

441
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 4: to this happening. When I agreed to move into my parents'

442
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 4: house for surgery, it was during the holidays to accommodate

443
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 4: there multiple vacations.

444
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 1: We live in Pennsylvania, and.

445
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,880
Speaker 4: I had a lot of peripheral planning to do regarding

446
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,040
Speaker 4: leaving my house on supervis for months in winter. It

447
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,280
Speaker 4: was dripping the faucets in eight degree weather. Also, because

448
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:08,120
Speaker 4: I'd have limited capacity to vacuum or clean by myself,

449
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,359
Speaker 4: I wanted to do a deep down and dirty clean

450
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 4: of the entire house before moving into theirs. Helping me

451
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 4: get my house ready to move to their house for

452
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 4: eight weeks was always supposed to be a part of

453
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 4: the plan that we agreed on the pre surgery.

454
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,160
Speaker 1: Help was twofold.

455
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,920
Speaker 4: The cleaning and the moving of the packed items. When

456
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,640
Speaker 4: my parents came back from Italy one month before surgery,

457
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 4: I started mentioning the deep clean timeframe. We agreed in

458
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:34,200
Speaker 4: text and over the phone to have the house cleaned

459
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 4: fully prior to the weekend leading up to surgery, so

460
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,359
Speaker 4: during that final weekend I could just pack and move

461
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 4: with little stress. They were two jet lagged week one

462
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,959
Speaker 4: week two they had too many social emergencies among their friends.

463
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 4: The third week, she said that she was coming, but

464
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 4: then never followed through. At a certain point, if I

465
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 4: have to prompt you to help, are you helping or

466
00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:00,399
Speaker 4: adding to the mental load? Fast forward to the holiday dinner,

467
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 4: five days before surgery. House is a quarter clean. I'm

468
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 4: doing it alone. She never mentions the cleaning, but does

469
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 4: mention they'll still come help me move the first.

470
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,160
Speaker 1: Load on Saturday.

471
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,440
Speaker 4: Saturday comes, they cancel, but say for sure they'll come

472
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,120
Speaker 4: on Sunday, but only between ten and ten thirty am.

473
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 4: They'll come for thirty minutes to help move things. That's

474
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 4: seems like not nearly enough time, Like why are they

475
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,360
Speaker 4: are they just doing this?

476
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 3: Because it's like you're gonna be at their place for

477
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 3: eight weeks, so they're.

478
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 2: Like, oh, what are we going to carry you for

479
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 2: two months? Yeah, like you should be able to take

480
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,440
Speaker 2: care of yourself before you have to be there.

481
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 4: Right, And they're only doing from ten to ten thirty

482
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 4: am because they're going to some holiday mansions tour and

483
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 4: lunch with their friends that afternoon, and there's a sports

484
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 4: game in the evening Sunday. They asked if I wanted

485
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,640
Speaker 4: them to come grab stuff, and I told them not

486
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 4: to come because I was still cleaning and nothing was packed.

487
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 4: At this point, I said, I'm feeling a bit resentful

488
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 4: in that you offered to help in these multitudes of

489
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 4: ways and then didn't follow through on any of them

490
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 4: without repetitive prompting and badgering, then ultimately didn't even show

491
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 4: up or complete some of them. And this is making

492
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 4: me feel unsupported in a surgery that is already really intense.

493
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 4: I wasn't really looking for a solution so much as

494
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 4: an acknowledgment that this inconvenience existed. My mom replied, I'm

495
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 4: sorry you feel that way.

496
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 3: Oh, always the worst non apology, the worst thing.

497
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sorry your feelings are wrong.

498
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 4: Oh he is what she said, yeah, like, I'm here

499
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 4: to support you through these feelings, but I'm not here

500
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 4: to fix them or acknowledge that.

501
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 1: I'm the problem.

502
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, my dad said, We've done so much to prepare

503
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 4: for you. We decorated the house for Christmas.

504
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:54,360
Speaker 3: Everyone knows it's easier to recovery in a house that's

505
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 3: decorated for Chrism.

506
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: Ohs, I mean we did that ahead of time so

507
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: that we didn't have to do that recovery. Is You're welcome.

508
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 3: Yes, we put a bunch of negative ions in our

509
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 3: Christmas decoration and they will.

510
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,959
Speaker 2: Leak out and onto you and be good for your body.

511
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 1: God, this is never a priority to me.

512
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 2: But okay.

513
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,640
Speaker 4: She doubled down with the I'm sorry you think blah

514
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 4: blah blah, and all we have done so far is

515
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:24,640
Speaker 4: create a helping environment for you, non apology, no accountability statements.

516
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 4: She then called me, saying I was being unreasonable when

517
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 4: they were being so generous. I said, no, our agreement

518
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 4: in my moving in was predicated by a help you

519
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 4: both agreed to show up for and then didn't. Those

520
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 4: are facts, not my feelings. She immediately started saying, okay, fine,

521
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,120
Speaker 4: I'm the worst mother. I'm the world's worst mother. Okay,

522
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 4: is that what you want to hear? Does that make

523
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 4: you happy?

524
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,199
Speaker 2: It's like, no, actually I don't want to hear that.

525
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just want to hear you say, yeah, do

526
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 3: you want some help now?

527
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 2: Yeah? Can I How can I help you? Right now?

528
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 4: I usually get inflammaed and inside I was smoldering, but

529
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 4: all fight and me just shrank away into the sad, exasperated,

530
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 4: apathetic resignation. I said, that is hyperbolic. It's not helpful,

531
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 4: and it's not trying to find a solution. And she yelled,

532
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 4: you're being hyperbolic, and.

533
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 2: Me fully not even using hyperbolic right, Yeah.

534
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 1: Like what I'll admit. At that point, I said, God

535
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 1: help me and hung up. Backstory.

536
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 4: Anytime I did something wrong as a child, I had

537
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,719
Speaker 4: to write a multi paragraph essay apology delineating what I

538
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 4: did wrong, why, and specifically how it troubled or inconvenienced

539
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 4: someone else, and how I would either fix or avoid

540
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 4: such things in the future.

541
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 2: Wow.

542
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 3: Wow, So it turns out they needed to be the

543
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 3: ones writing those essays.

544
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you need to sit them down with

545
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 4: a pencil and paper and say, Okay, you need to

546
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,720
Speaker 4: start writing, write down, I'm the worst mother in the world.

547
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 3: Go ahead, I mean, that's that, honestly sound like solid parenting.

548
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,400
Speaker 3: I mean, if you're doing it for like every little thing, sure,

549
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 3: but it's like that sounds like a good idea, but

550
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,719
Speaker 3: it sounds like it poisoned their own brains because they

551
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 3: were like, we know everything that's right, and we can't

552
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 3: do anything wrong because you look at all of the essays.

553
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 2: We make on child right.

554
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, they just probably got into the mindset that they

555
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 4: just she needs to be riding them all the time

556
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 4: or something.

557
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: After we hung.

558
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 4: Up, my mom sent a flurry of additional non apologies

559
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 4: that skirted the actual issues.

560
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: I'm sorry we didn't help you move on Sunday. You

561
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 1: told us not to.

562
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 4: Cup isn't an apology and doesn't account for the multitude

563
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,399
Speaker 4: of ways that you agreed to show up before then

564
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 4: but didn't. I found myself for the first time in

565
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 4: a while, remembering what it is to be up a

566
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 4: little nine year old trembling with a rage so big

567
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,199
Speaker 4: it comes up in snot bubbles that you cough up

568
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 4: in a dark closet.

569
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I was a very strong visual.

570
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 4: I really want a poor thing I hadn't wept in

571
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 4: a closet in a long time, and I realized in

572
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 4: that moment, maybe I shouldn't have to battle so hard

573
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 4: to have people acknowledge that they inconvenienced me.

574
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,360
Speaker 1: If you didn't want to do it, don't offer. At

575
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 1: this point, I.

576
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 4: Reached out to basically my entire network of non family

577
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 4: and said I wanted to recover solo at my house.

578
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 4: Would you be willing to help with dog things, cooking, etc.

579
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 4: I arranged to have someone spend the first night. I

580
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 4: set up a revolving circle of folks stopping in the

581
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 4: first three days, one of whom also had a DMX

582
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 4: to help with things, as well as hiring a dog

583
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 4: walker every other day. I obsessively accommodated my house for

584
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 4: my limited movements, like pre opening jars and cups, moving

585
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 4: everything to counter height, pre scooping thirty days of dog food,

586
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 4: setting out all clothes and cook wear, and easy to

587
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,440
Speaker 4: reach spots, and so on. So I told them Sunday night,

588
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 4: two days out now that I wasn't trying to be

589
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 4: spiteful in doing this, but given we couldn't resolve even

590
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 4: minor conflicts without a major collision, and given that I

591
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 4: would be extremely physically vulnerable and emotionally raw after this.

592
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,360
Speaker 4: I was uncomfortable recovering with people whose caretaking didn't account

593
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 4: for my opinion on what feels supportive, comfortable, or safe.

594
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 4: So I'd made other plans. But if they would like

595
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 4: to still be part of my care team, it would

596
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 4: be great if they could visit every other day, just

597
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 4: for a peace of mind. My mom originally agreed, but

598
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 4: both parents said that I was making an unreasonable, selfish

599
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 4: decision which endangered and complicated my life.

600
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: Do you think you're the.

601
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 4: Only people in my life that care about me? That

602
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,680
Speaker 4: I have no friends or anyone else who would help me.

603
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 4: Monday morning, day before surgery, she called and said that

604
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 4: she changed her mind. My mom said her therapist told

605
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 4: her it was entirely reasonable to have and maintain a boundary,

606
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:42,199
Speaker 4: that she was only willing to help me recover if

607
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 4: I moved in with her and would not negotiate. So

608
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 4: now we've got an unreliable narrator to this therapist.

609
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 3: The craziest thing on that is, it's like, shut up therapists, Yeah,

610
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 3: what do you mean?

611
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, she.

612
00:27:55,280 --> 00:28:00,239
Speaker 3: Lives ten minutes away, right, she's retired, right she it

613
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:04,920
Speaker 3: really has nothing to do but vacation, yeah, and go

614
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 3: on mansion tours, right, right, It's perfectly reasonable for you

615
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 3: to be a huge a hole and not be there

616
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 3: to support your daughter having a double miss sectomy.

617
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 4: If I didn't want to accept her help in that way,

618
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 4: or accept her I'm sorry you feel that way.

619
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: Non apology on not being willing to compromise.

620
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 4: It was my fault, and her reasoning for maintaining this

621
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 4: boundary was that it was too emotionally painful for her

622
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 4: to see me right now because of what I'm doing

623
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 4: to her and being so selfish.

624
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 3: Right, I'm very selfishly having to get a double misseectomy

625
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 3: because of my genetic markers, and now my mom is

626
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 3: not going to support me through it, right because I'm

627
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: being selfish.

628
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 4: And NOPI says, which was recovering at my house when

629
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 4: she already decorated her house for Christmas, which was never

630
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 4: a priority to me.

631
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 2: But okay, that's the weirdest thing. Sech decorated the house

632
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 2: for Christmas just to make you better.

633
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 1: Right, This made me realize a few things.

634
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 4: I will concede if it's actually that viscerably painful for

635
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 4: her to show up for me as an equal, not

636
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 4: as an adult versus childhood balance, but as an equal

637
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 4: who has asked for help in a specific way. And

638
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 4: I realized, because it isn't the way that she wants

639
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 4: to do it, she refuses to help or find a

640
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 4: middle ground that's a valid boundary to maintain. She's allowed

641
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 4: to say it's my way or the highway.

642
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 2: I won't budge.

643
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 4: On the flip side, it's equally reasonable for me to

644
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 4: think that having that boundary is inherently self absorbed, and

645
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 4: even the need to create a boundary because me asserting

646
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 4: autonomy is intolerable to her is also a selfish take.

647
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 4: They kept saying, we won't fix our relationship before your surgery.

648
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 4: Stop being stubborn and making your life harder, and let

649
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 4: us help you. All we want to do is create

650
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 4: a healing and peaceful environment for you, which is crazy

651
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 4: making because if they wanted to do that, surely they'd

652
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 4: be cooperating and finding middle ground that felt peaceful and

653
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 4: comfortable for me, instead of insisting that I move in

654
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 4: with them, regardless of how it made me feel.

655
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, I can't imagine how terrible it would be

656
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 3: to recover in this house of these parents.

657
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 4: They would do like the bare minimum, and they would

658
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 4: like maybe make dinner twice a week and let you

659
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 4: have some and then they'd be like, well, we're doing

660
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 4: so much. My mom ultimately said she shouldn't visit me

661
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 4: at all if I felt unsafe with her, which is

662
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 4: a wild statement since I said their behaviors and made

663
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 4: me feel emotionally unsafe, and I wouldn't have asked for

664
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 4: her to visit if she made me feel physically unsafe, but.

665
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 1: Sure, continue on the misdirections.

666
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 4: On the drive down to surgery, my dad again told

667
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 4: me that I was being selfish and cruel, that I

668
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 4: couldn't imagine the pain that I was causing him and

669
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 4: my mother through my stubbornness.

670
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 3: Eh, pops, I'm about to get both my breast removed.

671
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. In my opinion, I'm not being stubborn.

672
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 4: I'm making the only choice I can to protect my

673
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 4: mental health against two stubborn, emotionally amateur parents.

674
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: Their solution to this entire dilemma is that I should.

675
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 4: Just bottle up my big feelings and move in with

676
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 4: them for the benefit of everyone, And it's me being

677
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 4: a stubborn a hole if I don't be more flexible.

678
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 4: I'm confused though, why they aren't seen as the stubborn

679
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 4: a holes here. Isn't equally possible that they just table

680
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 4: their need to be correct concede I won't be moving

681
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 4: in and show up to help regardless. If one of

682
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 4: us has to withdraw and give ground, it could be them.

683
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 4: It doesn't always have to be me, especially here and now.

684
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 4: But then all of this, it feels like I'm expecting

685
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 4: too much of them, and then I'm making a mountain

686
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 4: out of nothing. But then I also feel like yesterday,

687
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 4: my dad waiting me to change my postop appointment because

688
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 4: it conflicted with his tied chie and golf lunch says

689
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 4: a lot.

690
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 3: What, dude, these are like the most I'm picturing, like

691
00:31:55,600 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 3: the most insufferable entitled, like retired I can picture in

692
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 3: my head, and they're They're still not even as entitled

693
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 3: as these fricking parents in this story.

694
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 4: Right, And it's still wild to me that a fifteen

695
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 4: minute visit every other day is an impossible ask for

696
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 4: two retired people to float all this to say, I

697
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 4: think there's a poignantly annoying symbolic parallel between BRCA two,

698
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 4: my parents, my front airbags, old patterns in old ways

699
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 4: that are hidden dangers or ticking time bombs. Sometimes an

700
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:37,479
Speaker 4: upheaval of the old, removing and excizing that isn't serving

701
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 4: peace is good medicine in relationships or health.

702
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: Holy crap, man.

703
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 3: Well, I think yeah, I think this would also make

704
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,959
Speaker 3: me realize if my parents acted this way and I

705
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 3: was getting like, you know, uh, I don't know, like.

706
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 2: It's a huge thing. Yeah, you're basically need double amputation. Right.

707
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 3: It's like if I was getting like my legs amputated

708
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 3: and my parents were like, yeah, it's like, I don't know, man,

709
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 3: it's really I don't know if we're gonna be able

710
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 3: to make the ten minute drive over to your place

711
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 3: twice a week. You have to stay with us, and

712
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 3: also we're going to fight you and argue with you

713
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 3: and not do the things you ask us to do.

714
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 4: Although I wouldn't wish a colossal familial implosion in the

715
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 4: weekend before surgery on anyone, it continued even the morning

716
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 4: of I did ask my guides at the ether at

717
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 4: the universe, if all the baggage that comes with my

718
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 4: family will bubble up, if I move in there, please

719
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 4: let it blow up while I can still make alternate arrangements.

720
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 4: So while I'm in a vulnerable physical state, I'm not

721
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 4: simultaneously feeling like an unheard, belittled nine year old again

722
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 4: feeling really lucky to have the people in my corner

723
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 4: that I do. I'm really proud of little Joanna and

724
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 4: current me, even knowing the fallout for choosing me. Both

725
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 4: the surgery and the peripheral family stuff hurt in more

726
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 4: ways than one, but a disruption to the old ways

727
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 4: is sometimes necessary medicine for time bomb front airbags and

728
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 4: a volcanic relationship. I will find a way forward, even

729
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 4: on this unsteady ground. But what a beautiful thing to

730
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 4: have the new road forwards, first steps paved with empowering

731
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 4: correct decisions. This knowing and self assurance is itself so

732
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,280
Speaker 4: freeing and in many ways a relief.

733
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:16,800
Speaker 1: And that's the end of bad story.

734
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 2: Oh heece such as such as smart are you wow much? Big? Smart?

735
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 3: Are you with word?

736
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 1: You sure are?

737
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

738
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 2: on to the next one.

739
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:33,359
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and

740
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 4: we're going to get back to the stories.

741
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,280
Speaker 1: But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

742
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:42,439
Speaker 5: I refuse to apologize to my boyfriend's mother, and now

743
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:45,399
Speaker 5: our relationship is at risk. What did you do? I,

744
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 5: twenty two female, have been dating my boyfriend, twenty six

745
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 5: male for almost.

746
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:50,359
Speaker 1: A year now.

747
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 5: We've been very happy and planning to get engaged in

748
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 5: early twenty twenty six and live together. We click on

749
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 5: every level and he's like the lid to my po

750
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Due Strength sixty five

751
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 5: sixty nine and if you want to meet your own stories,

752
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 5: go to the arsage Okay storytime sub reddit.

753
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 1: I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice.

754
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 5: Goofully, But we don't have all the answers. We only

755
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 5: know what we would do. Let us know what you

756
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 5: would do in the comment. I met his parents four

757
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 5: months into as dating. I really liked them and thought

758
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 5: they were very sweet, and I got the impression they

759
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 5: liked me as well. I graduated college in May, and

760
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 5: my mom flew in from across the sea to see

761
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 5: me walk that state. The day of my graduation was

762
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 5: the first time she was meeting my boyfriend. My boyfriend

763
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 5: is a little bit overweight while I'm a little bit underweight,

764
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,359
Speaker 5: so my mom made a very insensitive comment to him.

765
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 5: He texted me during the ceremony and I got very

766
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 5: upset and decided to confront her about it. Afterwards, while

767
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,280
Speaker 5: we were taking pictures, my mom pulled me to the side,

768
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,760
Speaker 5: saying that my boyfriend and I were being very touchy,

769
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 5: which is inappropriate. We're both Arab and she said she

770
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 5: had to tell me right that second, despite me telling

771
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 5: her it wasn't the time or place, because she can't

772
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 5: see something wrong and not speak on it. I confronted

773
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 5: her about her comment and she said she was making

774
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 5: a joke. We started going off at each other, and

775
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 5: it's safe to say my day was ruined. My mom

776
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 5: and I didn't speak to each other for three days,

777
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 5: even though I hadn't seen her for three years, and

778
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 5: I was happy to do that to defend the man

779
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 5: I love. Fast forward to Thanksgiving week, my boyfriend and

780
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 5: I decided to take a week long road trip to

781
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 5: a friend's wedding. Our first stop was the state his

782
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 5: parents were in. I asked him not to tell them

783
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 5: I was going because I'm a very private person and

784
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,320
Speaker 5: an unmarried couple sleeping in a car for a week

785
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 5: is inappropriate in our culture. My boyfriend's mom was very

786
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,359
Speaker 5: mad at him for leaving our city late because it

787
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 5: takes four hours to get to their city. She was

788
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 5: even more mad when she found out about the road trip.

789
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 5: I was surprised he would tell her about such a

790
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 5: thing because she's a very anxious person, and even though

791
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 5: she said she was okay with it beforehand, I knew

792
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,359
Speaker 5: she would change her mind. She ended up changing her

793
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 5: mind about the trip and got very mad at him.

794
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 5: The next day, we were out to meet a friend

795
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 5: when she called him while his phone was connected to

796
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 5: car play. She asked if I was with him and

797
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 5: made him sware that I wasn't. He ended up telling

798
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 5: her the truth. She got very mad and said I'm

799
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 5: the reason he's always late, never keeps his word, and

800
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 5: that once I break his heart, he shouldn't go back

801
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 5: running to her. I got very upset by her words,

802
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,880
Speaker 5: because that's not the first time. When I expressed that

803
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:30,439
Speaker 5: I wanted to go to medical school, she asked how

804
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,240
Speaker 5: I was supposed to go to school, maintain my job

805
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,439
Speaker 5: and cook and clean for her son.

806
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:36,720
Speaker 6: Excuse me when.

807
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 5: I threw my boyfriend a huge birthday party that cost

808
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 5: me all my savings plus half.

809
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:43,320
Speaker 1: My credit card.

810
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 5: Excuse me, she said it wasn't big enough and that

811
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 5: I should work harder next year. Even though his party

812
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 5: was exactly what he wanted. This was unlike my birthday,

813
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 5: which he refused to listen to what I wanted, saying

814
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 5: I'd regret it. I expressed how hurt I was to him,

815
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 5: and he was on the phone the entire time we

816
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 5: were supposed to be with friends. He drove me back

817
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,959
Speaker 5: to where I was staying and went back to his parents' house.

818
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 5: Three hours later, I heard a knock at the door

819
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 5: and it was him and his mom.

820
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: His mom was.

821
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 5: Angry that I was sitting the entire time. She was

822
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 5: standing up, even though I couldn't stand up because I

823
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 5: had an IUD inserted the week before and I was

824
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 5: still in pain. Meanwhile, she can't sit down because of

825
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 5: a problem with her knees. She kept going off on

826
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 5: me the entire hour she was there, and kept repeating

827
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 5: that she's older, so she can never do wrong. I

828
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 5: explained that my mom is older as well, but she

829
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 5: apologized when I told her that she hurt my boyfriend's

830
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,879
Speaker 5: feelings and that it doesn't matter what you think if

831
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,279
Speaker 5: you hurt that person's feelings. She kept saying I was

832
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 5: wrong and disrespecting her, and repeated that I would break

833
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,439
Speaker 5: his heart, and then left. She and my boyfriend were

834
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 5: yelling loudly, and I was able to hear them while

835
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,919
Speaker 5: they were walking to their car. Things escalated from there,

836
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 5: and my boyfriend and his parents didn't talk for a week.

837
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 5: He went back to their city for a surgery and

838
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 5: talked things through with them. He now wants me to

839
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:04,799
Speaker 5: drive four hours to their city to apologize to them

840
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,800
Speaker 5: for not standing up and not offering her a drink

841
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 5: when she showed up unexpectedly while I.

842
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: Was in pain.

843
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 5: Meanwhile, she doesn't want to apologize for her behavior. My

844
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,319
Speaker 5: boyfriend thinks I should do this for us to be

845
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 5: able to move forward in our relationship, but I don't

846
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 5: want to go through a relationship where I'm disrespected, especially

847
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:26,720
Speaker 5: because my parents are divorced because of my dad's parents

848
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,879
Speaker 5: who behaved the same way my boyfriend's parents are. He

849
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 5: says he's handled all the situations that upset me, but again,

850
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 5: there has been no accountability or apology to me, and

851
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 5: I'm still expected to go and apologize. This would require

852
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,840
Speaker 5: me to spend money on gas and a hotel and

853
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 5: take time off from work. However, we cannot continue our

854
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 5: relationship without our parents' approval because of our culture. So

855
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 5: would I be the a hole if I broke up

856
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 5: with my boyfriend because I don't want to apologize to

857
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,280
Speaker 5: his parents for disrespecting me. We have an update.

858
00:39:58,440 --> 00:39:59,959
Speaker 2: Oh boy, there that was all.

859
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 6: We got a present, we got passed, we got birthdays.

860
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 6: There's a couple situations that we need to kind of

861
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,280
Speaker 6: clarify here or at least go over. Okay, you solve

862
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:13,240
Speaker 6: the issue with your parent, with your mother and your boyfriend,

863
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 6: and that should be a clear sign that you love

864
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,800
Speaker 6: your partner and that you want respect from your parents

865
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:19,720
Speaker 6: towards your partner.

866
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 2: That's great.

867
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 6: It should be the same outcome for his side of

868
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 6: the family.

869
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 5: I honestly did not expect my posts to blow up

870
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 5: like that. I wanted to clarify a few misunderstandings that

871
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 5: I think I did not praise correctly. My boyfriend is

872
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 5: very supportive, and he stood up against his mom.

873
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 6: Okay, good, that's one of the things that I just

874
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 6: brought up.

875
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 5: Great, he told her she hurt my feelings and that

876
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,760
Speaker 5: she was very wrong for doing so. They were fighting

877
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 5: so badly that he told me she ended up crying,

878
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 5: which is why they didn't speak until his surgery.

879
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 1: In front of me.

880
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 5: At least he confronted her and stood by me as

881
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 5: much as he could, and he did exactly how I

882
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 5: supported him with his issues with my mom. I do

883
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 5: not doubt for a second that he he won't stand

884
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,760
Speaker 5: against his family for me. The only reason he wants

885
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 5: me to apologize is because he knows his mom is petty,

886
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 5: and again, in our culture, we need our parents to

887
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 5: be able.

888
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 1: To get married.

889
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 5: He completely agrees that his mom is being irrational, but

890
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 5: he just wants us to put the family drama behind

891
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:21,879
Speaker 5: us so we can heal together. His severe anxiety doesn't

892
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 5: help either, since he's very solution focused while I'm emotional focused. Also,

893
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 5: when he told me about the comment my mom made

894
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,879
Speaker 5: during commencement, he asked me not to bring it up.

895
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 5: I blamed my mom for the day being ruined, since

896
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 5: she always does this on every important day in my life.

897
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 5: But that's a different story. While I agree with everyone

898
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 5: who called me stupid for spending so much money on

899
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 5: his birthday, I just want to clarify that he went

900
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 5: overboard with every important date we've had during our relationship.

901
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 5: For instance, he got me a new phone, a very

902
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 5: expensive hairstyling tool that I always wanted, and he takes

903
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 5: care of me financially. A big part of me wanted

904
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 5: to kind of pay him back for everything he always

905
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 5: does for me. So I still don't mind that I

906
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 5: overspent on his birthday. He does make three times when

907
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 5: I make them. He also wasn't trying to be inconsiderate

908
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,760
Speaker 5: for my birthday. My grandpa passed away a week before,

909
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,879
Speaker 5: and he really just wanted me to feel celebrated. All

910
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,359
Speaker 5: I wanted to do was rot in bed with Chinese food,

911
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 5: so I know it came from a good place. Now

912
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 5: on to the update. I kind of went spiraling after

913
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 5: I posted this. I had a major crash out and

914
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 5: couldn't take all the pressure from him to apologize. He

915
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 5: had his surgery which did not go well, and he

916
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 5: needs to have another one, so he's in so much

917
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 5: pain despite being on very strong painkillers. He probably isn't

918
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 5: thinking one hundred percent straight, which is why he's pressuring me.

919
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 5: I freaked out and decided to run away back to

920
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 5: my home country. I texted him that we're over and

921
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:51,919
Speaker 5: I can't stay here.

922
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 2: WHOA.

923
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 5: I told him I would rather be home and not

924
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 5: deal with this drama as it's bringing up so much

925
00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:59,280
Speaker 5: trauma for my parents' divorce.

926
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 6: I don't know's I know thised a lot.

927
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 5: I guess that was the self reflection that I was

928
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 5: talking about, and I guess.

929
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:06,879
Speaker 1: You really were for it.

930
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 5: I mean, when I founds more like trauma that you

931
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 5: need to resolve before oping in something like this.

932
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 6: Oh, he did say she's the pot and he's the lid,

933
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 6: and if the lid was not on top and like

934
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 6: he was in surgery.

935
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:22,919
Speaker 1: Ope, he got ste you need.

936
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 5: To be able to like be okay through that though,

937
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 5: Like we can't just be We need a lot of

938
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 5: help and a lot of therapy if we're gonna go

939
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 5: that drastic for like a week of pressure. He went

940
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,360
Speaker 5: silent for a week and then said he feels like

941
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 5: I'm triggering his abandonment issues and does not want to

942
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 5: talk and want space. I hated how he took all

943
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 5: my emotions and made them about him instead of just

944
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:46,479
Speaker 5: talking things through. But again, it is also my fault

945
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 5: for wanting to run away. I talked things through with

946
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 5: a friend later, and she helped calm me down and

947
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 5: formulate my thoughts. I texted him this the next morning.

948
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 5: I didn't get any sleep last night just thinking about

949
00:43:56,760 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 5: it all. I'm sorry, and you're right, it's not right

950
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 5: to run away when things get hard. In my defense,

951
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 5: I felt very pressured. I didn't feel like you were

952
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 5: attempting to understand my problem, especially when you would repeat

953
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 5: I handled it as if you talking it through with

954
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 5: them is just supposed to make it better, make me

955
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,880
Speaker 5: trust your family, or be able to smile in their faces.

956
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 5: It felt like I was being pressured to preserve the

957
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 5: peace and just let everything choke me on the inside.

958
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:23,959
Speaker 5: You kept repeating that I should do it for you

959
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 5: and for us, which didn't help because I felt like

960
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,399
Speaker 5: I was being emotionally monopolized again. It was as if

961
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,320
Speaker 5: I was the bottom of the system, like everyone's feelings

962
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,839
Speaker 5: mattered except for mine. I still don't think it's right

963
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 5: that it's expected of me to apologize for us to

964
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 5: move forward, especially when others were at a bigger fault.

965
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 1: But I'll do it.

966
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 5: I will come to your parents' city and talk it

967
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 5: through and apologize. But I also think it might be

968
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 5: helpful for us to take a step backward. I don't

969
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 5: want to feel pressured like that again and only feel

970
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 5: at peace when thinking of running away. It's not right

971
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:58,280
Speaker 5: for you or for myself. You already know I'm starting therapy,

972
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 5: so I'll work on that. But let's postpone everything. Let's reevaluate.

973
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,800
Speaker 5: I don't want you to feel like I'm abandoning you ever. Again,

974
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 5: that was never my intention in any way. He replied

975
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 5: a few hours later, saying his issue is that now

976
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 5: he's scared that my go to response is to run

977
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 5: away when things get tough, and he's worried that once

978
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 5: we're married, I'd pull a similar I'd pull similar stunts.

979
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 5: He reminded me that it's not him and me against

980
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 5: each other, but him and me against the problem, and

981
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 5: he's scared I would leave him in the future, especially

982
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 5: because of how much I miss my home. He replied

983
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 5: with this, Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore.

984
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 5: I talked with my friend on the phone for an

985
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,239
Speaker 5: hour last night, and she kind of talked me through

986
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 5: my emotions. I don't feel heard or respected at all,

987
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 5: and I'm being treated like I'm immature. Or a kid,

988
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 5: which is why I wanted to be petty and not

989
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 5: go to your parents' city. The other thing is that

990
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 5: it felt like you volunteered me to come, and it

991
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 5: wasn't like your mom wanted me to come to talk

992
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 5: things through. Had it come from her, it would have

993
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 5: been a different story. While running away is not the answer,

994
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 5: this entire situation brought up t traumas I didn't even

995
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 5: know I had.

996
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 1: I will admit it.

997
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:06,919
Speaker 5: I'm terrified not of committing to you or our relationship,

998
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 5: but I'm terrified of your parents. I'm terrified that years

999
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 5: down the line, your parents would tell you things about

1000
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,760
Speaker 5: me and you divorce me just to keep the peace,

1001
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,399
Speaker 5: the same way i'd come to apologize, just to keep

1002
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 5: the peace. Your mom repeated this multiple times, that I

1003
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 5: will break your heart.

1004
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, you did break up with them and ran away.

1005
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 5: She kept saying, when not if? As if I'm evil

1006
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 5: and that's my entire plan. It really hurt and it

1007
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 5: doesn't feel like I'm being acknowledged at all. I guess

1008
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 5: I was more mad at how our conversations went Saturday

1009
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 5: and yesterday, where you kept pressuring me to go to

1010
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 5: your parents' city and apologize instead of taking the time

1011
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 5: to acknowledge that I had the right to feel what

1012
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 5: I'm feeling, because saying I handled it is not enough.

1013
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,879
Speaker 5: I don't want to leave you, and you are right,

1014
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 5: You and my friend and my freedom are the only

1015
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 5: reasons why I'm still here, because I would have left

1016
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 5: as soon as I got my degree. But honestly, I'm

1017
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 5: also happy to be wherever you are in the world

1018
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,280
Speaker 5: because you're my home. I will always have these moments

1019
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 5: when all I want to do is run away, And

1020
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 5: while I don't think I've ever gotten or will get

1021
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 5: as close as last night, I still hesitated because I

1022
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 5: know that would be completely throwing away every beautiful memory

1023
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 5: we shared over the last year. I do know that

1024
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,479
Speaker 5: that's what will keep me going during difficult times like these.

1025
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 5: I think this whole time, we've been saying and approaching

1026
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 5: the entire problem like a coin with two faces. You

1027
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 5: were completely and utterly focused on problem solving and practical solutions,

1028
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 5: will I was completely focused on emotions and mental stability.

1029
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 5: Both are not wrong, but both are not right either.

1030
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 5: You're right it's us against the problem, but for that

1031
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:44,279
Speaker 5: to happen, we need to work on how we communicate

1032
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 5: and how we show understanding to each other.

1033
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 6: It's a good It's yeah, that's a very true thing

1034
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 6: where it's like you're looking at it one side. I'm

1035
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,800
Speaker 6: looking at one side. I think we need to conjoin together,

1036
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 6: and looking at at both sides together. You know, you're

1037
00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 6: looking at it very you know, I'm looking at a

1038
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 6: very most and what's going on here, and you're looking

1039
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:04,759
Speaker 6: at like problem solving. They should have been talked way

1040
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:08,280
Speaker 6: before before, like talked about way before.

1041
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: Any of this happened.

1042
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 6: Because now this is an awkward situation where you ran away,

1043
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,799
Speaker 6: he was in surgery, you broke up with him over text,

1044
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 6: or broke up with him over text.

1045
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,239
Speaker 5: I'm confused if they're actually broken up or not.

1046
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 6: I think it was just out of emotion and like

1047
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 6: I was just stressed out.

1048
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 5: It sounds like maybe they're like kind of like Opie

1049
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:24,479
Speaker 5: kind of took that back.

1050
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 6: I would assume so, because I think it was just

1051
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 6: out of emotion and just like so much is happening

1052
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 6: and like just saying things.

1053
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,800
Speaker 5: Not much coming back from that. Yeah, he never replied

1054
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 5: to this message. Oh no, And I don't really know

1055
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,400
Speaker 5: what he thinks now. Apparently he was planning a proposal,

1056
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 5: and my friend was involved and had booked someone for

1057
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 5: a service that.

1058
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:43,799
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1059
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 5: I told her to cancel it. I want to try

1060
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 5: to solve this one last time when he's better, and

1061
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 5: we'll see how things go from there. But yes, as

1062
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 5: of now, we're not getting married. I don't want to,

1063
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,839
Speaker 5: at least not yet. We need a lot of time

1064
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 5: to learn about each other more. And while we were

1065
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 5: hope to do that while engage, I now think that

1066
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 5: even being engaged after all of this happened would be

1067
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 5: a huge step.

1068
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 2: Yes, that's that's your Yeah.

1069
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:09,760
Speaker 1: That was a huge step either way.

1070
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 5: I feel like I feel like little twenty two year

1071
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 5: old OPI did not fully take into account the gravity

1072
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 5: of the commitment that she was making, especially even on

1073
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 5: like other levels of like being fully financially dependent on

1074
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,000
Speaker 5: that person immediately as well.

1075
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, that isna that story. We have another one coming

1076
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 6: right up.

1077
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Smiley Ryley the year from Okay story.

1078
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:30,479
Speaker 4: Tom.

1079
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to these stories, but here's three

1080
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 2: minutes worth of ads from our sponsors.

1081
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 1: I slept with my neighbor for fun, and now I

1082
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 1: regret it. It doesn't sound very fun anymore.

1083
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 4: For context. I have twenty six female and the neighbor

1084
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 4: is twenty seven male. The story begins about a year ago.

1085
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,120
Speaker 4: I moved into a duplex a year and a half

1086
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 4: ago with my neighbor moving in the week prior.

1087
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 1: I took the.

1088
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,400
Speaker 4: Left side, he took the right side. I was twenty

1089
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 4: five and he was twenty six. We both had partners

1090
00:49:57,440 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 4: at the time and truly paid each other no mind.

1091
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:01,879
Speaker 4: By the way, this from a Healthy Recording sixty one,

1092
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:03,600
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1093
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay storytime. Separate it and I'm Angie,

1094
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,400
Speaker 4: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice.

1095
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 1: Gooofully. But we don't have all the answers. We just

1096
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 1: know we would do in this situation, so let us

1097
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: know what you would do.

1098
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 4: In the comments, we said hi and by and passing,

1099
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 4: But aside from that, we never spoke one word to

1100
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:21,759
Speaker 4: each other. Our relationship actually started off rather tumultuously, as

1101
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 4: he had an untrained dog that barked for six to

1102
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 4: eight hours a day.

1103
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 1: When it was left unattended, which it often was.

1104
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,640
Speaker 4: We would have arguments over text about the dog barking,

1105
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 4: where I would send videos and audio recordings is proof,

1106
00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 4: and he would deny that there were any issues at all. However,

1107
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 4: eventually he got the dog trained and there were no

1108
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:43,239
Speaker 4: more issues. We didn't really speak for several months after that.

1109
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 4: Our partners came and went, and we just lived our

1110
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 4: lives beside each other. The story picks up again this

1111
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:51,759
Speaker 4: past August. We caught each other at the same bar

1112
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 4: on random Friday. We said hello, and I thought that

1113
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 4: that was the end of it. After about twenty minutes,

1114
00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:58,359
Speaker 4: he texted me and offered to buy me a drink

1115
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:01,360
Speaker 4: and I oblige. All I had known him for almost

1116
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,000
Speaker 4: two years at that point, and I never heard a

1117
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 4: word from him. I talked it up to him being neighborly.

1118
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 4: It is important to note that I was going through

1119
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 4: an extremely.

1120
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 1: Difficult time in my life.

1121
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 4: I had just lost my grandfather, my childhood pet, and

1122
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 4: had a major surgery all in the week before, and

1123
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 4: I was struggling greatly with my mental health. For some

1124
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 4: minor context, I'm an orphan and have been since I

1125
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 4: was eighteen, so my familiar losses hurt me extremely badly.

1126
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: I also struggle a lot with depression and self esteem issues.

1127
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 4: He bought me a few drinks and he sat and

1128
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:31,359
Speaker 4: chatted with me and my friends for the whole night.

1129
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 4: We went our separate ways that night, but he texted

1130
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 4: me the next day and we kept up a friendship.

1131
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:39,279
Speaker 4: We'd hang out sometimes on our porch or talk for

1132
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:40,880
Speaker 4: hours on end over text.

1133
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 1: It was fun. He seemed cool, level headed, and like

1134
00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:46,280
Speaker 1: a normal regular guy. We had a lot in common.

1135
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 1: Our childhoods were bad.

1136
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 4: We were both orphans, both just basically trying to make

1137
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 4: it in the world. I find it hard to relate

1138
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:54,919
Speaker 4: to a lot of people due to the unfortunate circumstances

1139
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,799
Speaker 4: of my life, so being seen in that way means

1140
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 4: something to me. He was entertaining and he said nice

1141
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,480
Speaker 4: things about me. Our conversations were pretty deep, talking about

1142
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 4: our lives, our hardships, our interests, et cetera. August trickled

1143
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 4: into September, and I was having a harder and harder

1144
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,800
Speaker 4: time with my mental health. He was always there, being

1145
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,879
Speaker 4: generous and kind. I didn't want to pursue anything with him,

1146
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 4: and it ate that very clear. He backed off from

1147
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 4: a romantic pursuit except for one night. One night in October,

1148
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 4: I had an extremely bad week. I was struggling greatly

1149
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 4: with my anxiety. I still hadn't recovered from my losses

1150
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 4: two months prior, my job wasn't going well and I

1151
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 4: was still mourning my breakup from months ago. I felt

1152
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 4: like I was at my lowest and went now drinking

1153
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 4: with a friend posted about drinking, which he saw and

1154
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 4: texted me to hang out, and I got back out wasted.

1155
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:45,399
Speaker 4: I'm talking like I don't remember anything. The only thing

1156
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 4: I remember is waking up the next morning in his bed.

1157
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:49,760
Speaker 1: Why oh boy.

1158
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 4: He was extremely kind though, and still kept up things

1159
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:55,680
Speaker 4: as usual. He invited me down for dinner, where we

1160
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:57,759
Speaker 4: talked about it and we decided that if it was

1161
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 4: truly casual, then we didn't care and that it would

1162
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,759
Speaker 4: never be serious at all. I explicitly said that I

1163
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:04,799
Speaker 4: didn't want to date in that I wasn't looking for

1164
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,840
Speaker 4: anything serious because of how much I was struggling mentally,

1165
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 4: and he agreed. He did say he had feelings for

1166
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 4: me and asked me out on a date. I explained

1167
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 4: that I still wasn't looking for that, so I'd be

1168
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 4: absolutely fine if he broke things off to pursue a relationship.

1169
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,320
Speaker 1: He agreed and said that it wasn't that serious.

1170
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 2: At all.

1171
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 4: We talked for maybe another week week and a half.

1172
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 4: Through our conversations, I got the vibe that he was

1173
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 4: still in love with his ex girlfriend.

1174
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,919
Speaker 5: Oh no, right, Row, there's a lot of I feel

1175
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:32,359
Speaker 5: like there's just a lot of things that you guys

1176
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 5: don't know what she want here.

1177
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:35,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree.

1178
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 4: He always found a way to bring her up, to

1179
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 4: talk badly about her, to bring up the situation. He

1180
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 4: even went as far as to show he photos of her.

1181
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:44,480
Speaker 4: I told him that I didn't.

1182
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: Care to hear bad things about other women.

1183
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:48,640
Speaker 4: I also told him that it sounded like he still

1184
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 4: wanted to be with her and that I'd be glad.

1185
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 1: To back off if that was the case. He vehemently

1186
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 1: denied it every time.

1187
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:58,439
Speaker 4: I shrugged it off because again, I did not hear

1188
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 4: wedding bells with this guy. I was lonely and sad,

1189
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:03,799
Speaker 4: and the spicy sleep was great. That's one thing that

1190
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:06,400
Speaker 4: I'll give him. We slept together one more time. After that,

1191
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 4: he ghosted me, completely ignored way for days. He had

1192
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 4: never vanished before. So I texted him one night before

1193
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:15,319
Speaker 4: going out, saying, hey, what gibbs, and he left me

1194
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 4: on red Later that night, I ended up seeing him

1195
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 4: out in public, he made direct eye contact with me

1196
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,760
Speaker 4: and then ignored my existence. I actually had to walk

1197
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 4: past his group of friends to get to my ride share,

1198
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 4: and they pointed me out to him.

1199
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:28,080
Speaker 1: He ignored me.

1200
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 4: I was hurt and annoyed, but ultimately I kind of

1201
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:33,839
Speaker 4: understood it. Maybe he was scorned. I did call him out, though,

1202
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 4: and said that I didn't appreciate being disrespected in public,

1203
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 4: and that a simple acknowledgment would do. I said I

1204
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 4: wouldn't talk to him anymore if he didn't want to

1205
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:45,360
Speaker 4: treat me with basic human respect. I wasn't asking for anything,

1206
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:48,279
Speaker 4: just to nod or a wave, not looking straight at

1207
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 4: me and then pretending he doesn't know the girl he

1208
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 4: slept with three days ago. He said he didn't see me.

1209
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 4: He also argued that if it was so casual, I

1210
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:58,840
Speaker 4: shouldn't have cared. I brought up his confession of feelings

1211
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 4: for me and how it felt like whiplash. He back

1212
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 4: pedaled and said that I was crazy. Classic. He said

1213
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:07,839
Speaker 4: I was surely the one with feelings instead, and that

1214
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,399
Speaker 4: he was just trying to make me feel better and

1215
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 4: that he didn't have feelings at all. I said, or whatever,

1216
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,760
Speaker 4: I honestly, wasn't that invested in our relationship, so to speak.

1217
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:20,240
Speaker 4: Some context for my neighbor, though he's had a troubled

1218
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 4: criminal history a felony, doesn't really leave the house ever,

1219
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:27,760
Speaker 4: and is generally known for being an exaggerator, a winner.

1220
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 4: I know he's tall and cute, and I guess I

1221
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 4: try to always see the best in people when they've

1222
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:33,480
Speaker 4: been through some crap.

1223
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:35,760
Speaker 1: I also know I brought most of this on myself.

1224
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 4: Finally, events is that I was going through an extremely

1225
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 4: difficult time in my life where I wasn't even sure

1226
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 4: I'd make it to the end of the year, and

1227
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 4: any type of attention and validation meant the world to me.

1228
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 4: It's something I'm absolutely looking to fix and correct in

1229
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:49,719
Speaker 4: the future. I will state that I'm doing much better now,

1230
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:51,760
Speaker 4: which led to the next sequence of events.

1231
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 1: We slept together once more. No, how did you do that?

1232
00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:58,280
Speaker 1: That doesn't sound like you're doing much better.

1233
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:00,560
Speaker 2: That sounds like I went back to.

1234
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 1: Our old way. Yeah.

1235
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:04,399
Speaker 4: It was a total of four times in the three

1236
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 4: months each other. After that, he completely vanished from my life.

1237
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 4: No calls, no texts, no invites, disease.

1238
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: I still live next to you, That's what I'm wondering.

1239
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:17,240
Speaker 1: Is he like peeking out the window like it's blind,

1240
00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 1: I can go out right?

1241
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,879
Speaker 4: Of course, it sung to be ghosted each time after

1242
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:23,839
Speaker 4: sleeping with him. I still didn't make a big deal

1243
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 4: out of it. I didn't text and't call. Honestly, it

1244
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:28,879
Speaker 4: just pretended that he didn't exist either. A few days after, though,

1245
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:32,840
Speaker 4: I developed some pretty concerning symptoms. I ended up contracting

1246
00:56:32,880 --> 00:56:36,360
Speaker 4: a bunch of different bacterial infections from the latest intercourse

1247
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 4: no Wiener rapper. I went to the doctor and spent

1248
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:43,200
Speaker 4: hundreds of dollars in treatment, including a herpies scare. Still

1249
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 4: no word from him, but I didn't reach out either.

1250
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:48,360
Speaker 4: Two weeks of not talking past and I got a

1251
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 4: text from him saying that I don't really f with

1252
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:54,640
Speaker 4: him anymore, basically saying our lack of communication was my fault,

1253
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 4: taking zero accountability for him being the one that ghosted me.

1254
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 4: I replied pretty quickly, saying I had been dealing with

1255
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:03,279
Speaker 4: the aftermath of our spicy sleep and that he should

1256
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 4: get tested for STDs because the doctor said it looked

1257
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:08,640
Speaker 4: like I could have been recently infected. I didn't have

1258
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 4: this SDD symptoms, but with all of the infections. My

1259
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,399
Speaker 4: doctor thought it could be a possibility. He immediately went

1260
00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 4: on the defensive. He said that I was unhygienic, said

1261
00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 4: it wasn't true, so that there was no way that

1262
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 4: he had it. I argued back, because this STD is

1263
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,600
Speaker 4: fickle and he could have had it and not known

1264
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 4: I had been previously tested, so to my knowledge, it

1265
00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,360
Speaker 4: would have been him. He offered to get tested together,

1266
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,200
Speaker 4: and I agreed to a time and date. He ghosted

1267
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 4: me again. Mind you, we're neighbors. Every time he ghosts me,

1268
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 4: he's just sitting at his house. I know this because

1269
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 4: his car is always in the driveway, or he's blasting music,

1270
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 4: or I can hear him next door. The day we

1271
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:49,520
Speaker 4: were supposed to get tested came and went without a

1272
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:50,160
Speaker 4: word from him.

1273
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 1: I went and got tested and came back negative. Thank god.

1274
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:55,320
Speaker 1: I texted him immediately after and told him that he

1275
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:57,840
Speaker 1: doesn't respect me or treat me like a human being,

1276
00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:00,479
Speaker 1: and that I wanted him to leave me alone for good.

1277
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:01,439
Speaker 1: He left me on red.

1278
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:04,120
Speaker 4: I didn't share the STD results because he should just

1279
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 4: go get tested. I wiped my hands of the entire thing.

1280
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 4: So now timeline refresher. It's been three weeks after we

1281
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 4: slept together for the last time, two weeks after the

1282
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 4: last time we spoke, and two days after I sent

1283
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:19,120
Speaker 4: the final FU with no response, I met a really

1284
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 4: great guy. I won't give details now I don't, but

1285
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 4: I met him out in public. He asked me on

1286
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:27,080
Speaker 4: a date the next day and he went super well.

1287
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,439
Speaker 4: I ended up inviting him back to my place later

1288
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 4: in the afternoon to help me cook food for an

1289
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 4: event that I had the next day.

1290
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:34,480
Speaker 1: So this guy stayed the night.

1291
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 4: I didn't plan it, but we hit it off so

1292
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 4: well that we ended up talking until four am without noticing.

1293
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:42,480
Speaker 4: I figured it wouldn't be a huge deal. My neighbor

1294
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 4: had admitted that he had no feelings for me, ignored

1295
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 4: me for weeks, and wouldn't even get tested with me

1296
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,959
Speaker 4: after I had contracted multiple infections. After our spicy sleep,

1297
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,439
Speaker 4: like what was left to clarify, I had a great

1298
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 4: time with the guy. The next morning, I woke up

1299
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:57,920
Speaker 4: and saw four messages on my phone from the neighbor.

1300
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:02,440
Speaker 4: So in these textamus, I was being called names, told

1301
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:04,960
Speaker 4: I was weird, and he asked me how my stdu

1302
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 4: was doing.

1303
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 1: I ignored the texts. You're being really weird. How's your

1304
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:10,240
Speaker 1: STD doing?

1305
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, and the guy left my house. Ten minutes later,

1306
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 4: I heard my neighbor screaming on the phone about me.

1307
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 1: Our walls are extremely thin.

1308
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 4: He was recounting the story to his friend and not

1309
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:26,400
Speaker 4: telling it accurately at all. He said we were basically dating,

1310
00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 4: that I was the one who gave him a STD scare,

1311
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:32,320
Speaker 4: that I'm a salute, that I'm a loser, and that

1312
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 4: he was just a poor guy who had nothing to

1313
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:38,000
Speaker 4: do with how things played out. He said he wanted

1314
00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:41,080
Speaker 4: his X back to his friend's credit. His friend asked

1315
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 4: a bunch of questions. My neighbor had to admit that

1316
00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:46,280
Speaker 4: we hadn't had anything to do with each other for

1317
00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 4: a month. His friend said that what I did wasn't

1318
00:59:49,200 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 4: that crazy and that it sucked for my neighbor. My

1319
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 4: neighbor agreed that it wasn't crazy, but it was still

1320
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 4: a witch move.

1321
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:58,760
Speaker 1: Two days later, he was on the phone again, yelling

1322
00:59:58,880 --> 00:59:59,520
Speaker 1: on speaker.

1323
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 4: He said that I'm a slute and at least he

1324
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:05,280
Speaker 4: got to hit, and that I lied about my body count,

1325
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:07,360
Speaker 4: that he can pull any girl he wants, and that

1326
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:08,960
Speaker 4: he has fifty bodies.

1327
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 1: He said he wanted to see pictures of.

1328
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,640
Speaker 4: The girls that his friends were effing to prove his

1329
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 4: girls were hotter. He said that I'm hotter than the

1330
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 4: guy's girlfriend on the phone.

1331
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 1: That offended me greatly.

1332
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 4: For context, I'm conventionally attractive and get approached in public often.

1333
01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:27,880
Speaker 4: He also added that he wants his ex back and

1334
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 4: that all women are the same. I had never heard

1335
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:34,120
Speaker 4: him talk about women like that before. I never would

1336
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:35,800
Speaker 4: have slept with him if I had. It felt like

1337
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:38,560
Speaker 4: a completely new side of him. I understand I have

1338
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:40,240
Speaker 4: to take some of this with a grain of salt,

1339
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:42,280
Speaker 4: since I technically wasn't supposed to hear these.

1340
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:43,920
Speaker 1: Conversations, but I did so.

1341
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 4: Now it's been a week, neither of us have reached out.

1342
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 4: We share most parts of the building, but I haven't

1343
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:50,880
Speaker 4: seen Hi lately, so.

1344
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 1: Now I'm wondering what to do living wise.

1345
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:55,840
Speaker 4: I know I wrought this on myself, but I was hoping,

1346
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 4: no matter what, we can be mature adults if the

1347
01:00:58,760 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 4: roles were reversed.

1348
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 1: I wouldn't blame him for moving on.

1349
01:01:01,560 --> 01:01:04,080
Speaker 4: We always knew what this was, especially if I was

1350
01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 4: the one being a piece of crap the entire time.

1351
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,000
Speaker 4: I need advice on how to navigate this relationship. Do

1352
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 4: I try to make peace? Do I leave it alone?

1353
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 2: What should I do?

1354
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 1: Also, if I get a new boyfriend, do I need

1355
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: to explain what happened in the past? And there are

1356
01:01:17,560 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 1: some comments that's one neck of a roller coaster.

1357
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 4: TVAH, dude sounds like a grade A knucklehead, But TVH,

1358
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 4: part of this ride is on you. If you're not

1359
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 4: looking for a serious relationship, especially because of mental health stuff,

1360
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 4: maybe it's best to steer clear of messy entanglements. Cut

1361
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 4: ties with this guy. He's clearly not worth the stress

1362
01:01:35,600 --> 01:01:38,560
Speaker 4: or infections. Focus on you, get your head straight, and

1363
01:01:38,880 --> 01:01:41,440
Speaker 4: the right person will come along in due time. Remember,

1364
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,960
Speaker 4: respect yourself before others can respect you. And hope you responded.

1365
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:47,600
Speaker 4: If I can't relocate, do I tell any new partners

1366
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,880
Speaker 4: about this whole situation? Someone responds, it's in your past.

1367
01:01:50,960 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 4: If they don't ask, I think you shouldn't talk about

1368
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,480
Speaker 4: it unless you want to. Another comment ur says, this

1369
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:59,160
Speaker 4: is dating as an adult more times than not these days. Unfortunately,

1370
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 4: keep your head up, stop ringing about crap you can't control,

1371
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:04,560
Speaker 4: flush it and move on. Oh, he replied, I can't

1372
01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:07,880
Speaker 4: believe this is just what happens. Oh well, but yeah,

1373
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 4: solid advice DULEE noted.

1374
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 1: And that's the end of that story.

1375
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:13,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say, like, in regards to the neighbor

1376
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 4: and your relationship with him, just leave it alone.

1377
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:18,240
Speaker 5: The last text that you've got for him or him

1378
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:21,080
Speaker 5: like calling you a bunch of names and being really yeah,

1379
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 5: and that doesn't deserve a response.

1380
01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 1: He doesn't deserve like.

1381
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:27,400
Speaker 5: A new explanation or a heads up like he is

1382
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 5: he's not your friend.

1383
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 4: Not at all, and he's already making things up about

1384
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 4: you on the phone and stuff, so like what are you?

1385
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 4: There's nothing that you even could say to him. That's

1386
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:38,080
Speaker 4: the end of that story and the end of this episode.