Speaker 1: For me, friendship is not something that is rooted in
Speaker 1: the good times. It actually comes to the fall in
Speaker 1: the bad times. And this was a bad time. This
Speaker 1: was a deeply challenging time. And when he talks about
Speaker 1: us having prayed together, we have snotty, dribbling, screaming, wailing,
Speaker 1: preyed together.
Speaker 2: Over this stuff because it was hard.
Speaker 3: Hello, loves, I'm Andrea Waters King. And that was David o'
Speaker 3: yellow old describing a friendship that has endured it all,
Speaker 3: the kind of bond that doesn't waver even in the
Speaker 3: hardest of times. Last week, David and Nate gave us
Speaker 3: a glimpse into their journey, one of brotherhood, faith and
Speaker 3: standing for what matters. But some stories they can't be told.
Speaker 2: In just one.
Speaker 3: Conversation two they open up like never before about standing
Speaker 3: together through public scrutiny, weathering storms no one saw coming,
Speaker 3: and the power of faith to rebuild what was broken.
Speaker 3: It's a conversation about resilience, redemption, and what it truly
Speaker 3: means to show up for someone when the world turns away.
Speaker 3: This is My Legacy a podcast hosted by me and
Speaker 3: my husband, Martin Luther King, the third eldest son of
Speaker 3: doctor Martin Luther King Junior, and Coretta Scott King. Plus
Speaker 3: we're joined by good friends New York Times bestselling authors
Speaker 3: Mark and Craig Kilberger. Let's pick up right where we
Speaker 3: left off.
Speaker 4: What's clear you're building something rooted in deep values. And
Speaker 4: obviously we talked about legacy here. In creating a legacy
Speaker 4: and just listening to this friendship rooted in faith, rooted
Speaker 4: in values. No, David, if I could ask you a question,
Speaker 4: can you share with us a time that Nate was
Speaker 4: there for you when you were going through a difficult
Speaker 4: time and how we helped you.
Speaker 1: I've mentioned one of the the profound moments where he
Speaker 1: did that thing that I think Nate briefly mentioned. There
Speaker 1: can only be one syndrome, which is very prevalent whenever
Speaker 1: there's a marginalized group. It's very prevalent around black men
Speaker 1: and certainly around black people in Hollywood. Once there is
Speaker 1: a Denzel, that can almost mean that there's no space
Speaker 1: for anyone else. Once there's an Obama, once there's a
Speaker 1: doctor King. You know, I think one of the challenging
Speaker 1: things for the movement was once he was murdered.
Speaker 2: Assassinated, who's next?
Speaker 1: If you haven't created a culture where it's a phalanx,
Speaker 1: where it's a community, where it's a many headed monster,
Speaker 1: so that when you cut one head off, there's plenty
Speaker 1: more there to do the work that is incredibly detrimental
Speaker 1: to a community, and it it is self sabotaging to
Speaker 1: celebrate the there can only be one syndrome. So in
Speaker 1: that moment where Nate not only demonstrated, but actively put
Speaker 1: himself to the side in order to demonstrate that this
Speaker 1: is not a there can only be one friendship or atmosphere,
Speaker 1: that has been incredibly impactful to me because I that's
Speaker 1: my disposition, that's my.
Speaker 2: Aspiration.
Speaker 1: I grew up in the theater in the UK, and
Speaker 1: that is the only way you get a play going.
Speaker 1: It cannot be that there is one person likes It's
Speaker 1: just too much of a community endeavor. So one of
Speaker 1: the things I will point to when we did Red
Speaker 1: Tales together and our backgrounds, as you can probably tell,
Speaker 1: very very different. And Nate came from, as he said,
Speaker 1: an environment where it's get the money. You know, he
Speaker 1: didn't have like I was very blessed to have a
Speaker 1: father there to help with his raising. He came from
Speaker 1: a more challenged background than me. And what happens with
Speaker 1: that is that when you get into a space like
Speaker 1: George Lucas is producing a film called Redtails with this
Speaker 1: group of young black actors that no one else knows
Speaker 1: he could easily have and he was the lead in
Speaker 1: that film. And what happened on that film was that,
Speaker 1: to be perfectly frank, there were those of us in
Speaker 1: that group, or there were some folks who had bought
Speaker 1: into there can only be one syndrome.
Speaker 2: And I remember.
Speaker 1: Feeling very on the outs as a result, because I
Speaker 1: didn't subscribe to that mindset. I felt it was going
Speaker 1: to be detrimental to the experience and to film itself.
Speaker 1: And I spoke to Nate about it because we were
Speaker 1: playing best friends in the film, and he shared, uh,
Speaker 1: my opinion about it.
Speaker 2: And one of the beautiful things that.
Speaker 1: I remember this we gathered the cast together, and this
Speaker 1: was early on in our relationship, so you know, I
Speaker 1: didn't quite know which way it was gonna go, and
Speaker 1: I remember Nate being he's much calmer now than he
Speaker 1: was when.
Speaker 2: We first met, and Nate being very.
Speaker 1: Like, you know what I mean, He was quite rightly
Speaker 1: upset by I sort of have always had a sort
Speaker 1: of calmer demeanor, but his passion infected me and I
Speaker 1: think my karma approach. And we stood there together and
Speaker 1: we talked to this group of young men, and it
Speaker 1: was the moment beyond on which it was the first
Speaker 1: time we were effective as a as a team, as
Speaker 1: a partnership. And I've never had that before. I had
Speaker 1: never had someone who was such a kindred spirit despite
Speaker 1: being so different from me. And so to your question,
Speaker 1: he gave me a renewed sense of purpose around that
Speaker 1: which I feel I'm here to do, which is to
Speaker 1: gather people with a common goal towards something greater than
Speaker 1: all of us. And I'd never really had a partner
Speaker 1: in that who looks like me and who I and
Speaker 1: this is an important one respect like I respect his talent,
Speaker 1: I respect his perspective, I respect the way he moves
Speaker 1: through the world. And so to that was a gift
Speaker 1: he gave me in that moment, and we it's never
Speaker 1: really abated since, and it has help to me with
Speaker 1: my sense of self and my sense of purpose.
Speaker 4: Stay with us as David and Nates share more of
Speaker 4: this powerful friendship.
Speaker 5: David, eight years ago, your friendship faced one of his
Speaker 5: greatest challenges when an allegation from college that Nate had
Speaker 5: been acquitted for resurfaced and he faced very public backlash
Speaker 5: for how he responded. You stood firmly by his side
Speaker 5: and became an advocate for second chances. How have you
Speaker 5: seen Nate grow and change since then?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that moment eight years ago, surrounding birth of a
Speaker 1: nation and these allegations, it was incredibly challenging to see
Speaker 1: someone you know very well going through something as painful
Speaker 1: as that, something as targeted as that. But also, like
Speaker 1: I said just before, I have watched Nate from when
Speaker 1: we first met, certainly to now and even to then,
Speaker 1: evolve enormously as a human being. And the reality is,
Speaker 1: and I say this happily now, who Nate was as
Speaker 1: a nineteen year old, I don't know that we would
Speaker 1: be best friends back then, And that's not only to
Speaker 1: do with who Nate might have been back then, but
Speaker 1: who I was back then. And yet here we are,
Speaker 1: and he is like a brother to me. So I'm
Speaker 1: talking about the evolution and the growth that we go through,
Speaker 1: and I have watched him grow so in that moment,
Speaker 1: and I remember talking to Nate when all of this
Speaker 1: was happening and understandably incredibly challenging for him. And we've
Speaker 1: talked about this since that some of how Nate reacted
Speaker 1: is stuff that he regrets.
Speaker 2: Some of.
Speaker 1: What I had to say at that time took time
Speaker 1: to hear, and.
Speaker 2: That to me is the stuff that people don't see.
Speaker 1: You know, we live in an echo chamber of social
Speaker 1: media and news cycles and almost carnivorously feeding off of
Speaker 1: people and their pain and their circumstances. And I know
Speaker 1: what that looks like. I know what that looks like,
Speaker 1: even on Selma when we were being accused of inaccuracies
Speaker 1: tied to the film, and that actually the Selmer March
Speaker 1: was Lyndon Johnson's idea, not your father or the movement side.
Speaker 1: I've seen how people during award season have tried to
Speaker 1: sling mud in ways that are self seeking and self serving.
Speaker 1: That's the industry, that's the industrial complex, that is the press,
Speaker 1: that is the industrial complex, that is the new cycle.
Speaker 1: But this is a human being. This is a human
Speaker 1: being who I know, and so it wasn't difficult for
Speaker 1: me at all to advocate for him because I know him,
Speaker 1: I know him, and I know he's fallible, and I
Speaker 1: see his evolution, and I see that in him, which
Speaker 1: I know flies in the face of what people are saying.
Speaker 1: So for me, friendship is not something that is rooted
Speaker 1: in the good times. It actually comes to the fall
Speaker 1: in the bad times. And this was a bad time.
Speaker 1: This was a deeply challenging time. He had made a
Speaker 1: film that I truly feel was designed and on its
Speaker 1: way to having the kind of social impact that was indisputable,
Speaker 1: and that got derailed. And we've talked about this a
Speaker 1: lot since then. We've done a bunch of work together
Speaker 1: because there were mistakes made. There were mistakes made in
Speaker 1: terms of disposition. There were attitudes that Nate had in
Speaker 1: the past at that time, even you know that we
Speaker 1: had to work through. And when he talks about us
Speaker 1: having prayed together, we have snotty, dribbling, screaming, wailing prayed
Speaker 1: together over this stuff because it was hard, and there
Speaker 1: is so much that this will not be able to
Speaker 1: give context to. All I can say to you is
Speaker 1: that this is a man worthy of redemption. This is
Speaker 1: a man worthy of the platform that he had and
Speaker 1: God willing will con continue to have. And this is
Speaker 1: a man who I have seen evolve and grow in
Speaker 1: ways tied to not only humility but also real dark
Speaker 1: knight of the soul stuff Like he talks about the
Speaker 1: fact that he you know, he's a very private person,
Speaker 1: and I invited him here today.
Speaker 2: We had to pray over this.
Speaker 1: We debated long and hard about this, because this is
Speaker 1: not easy for him in the wake of all of that.
Speaker 1: And so, you know, I say all that to say
Speaker 1: that I know this man, and for me there is
Speaker 1: never hesitancy on the basis of what I know and
Speaker 1: what I see, because he's.
Speaker 2: A truly beautiful human being.
Speaker 1: Sorry, we all make mistakes, you know, we all make mistakes.
Speaker 1: We've all made mistakes. Nate has made his mistakes, but.
Speaker 2: He, more than.
Speaker 1: Almost anyone else I have encountered, has stepped into a
Speaker 1: place of ownership of who he was, some of which
Speaker 1: is to.
Speaker 2: Do with.
Speaker 1: Environment, cultural circum whatever it may be. But this is
Speaker 1: a man who is worthy of grace. That's all I'll say.
Speaker 1: And that's why it never I never feel any hesitation
Speaker 1: to shout from the rooftops my friendship with him, my
Speaker 1: advocacy for him, my love for him, because he's a
Speaker 1: beautiful human being.
Speaker 6: Thank you, brother.
Speaker 5: What is the most profound insight or lesson that you've
Speaker 5: gained through the challenges and growth you've experienced.
Speaker 2: I'd say the.
Speaker 6: Most valuable lesson I've learned over the last eight years
Speaker 6: of not in my life now, it's been to make
Speaker 6: room for empathy in every situation, in every circumstance, no
Speaker 6: matter the backstory, and that you can't have empathy if
Speaker 6: you're not listening. That was the thing when I constantly
Speaker 6: think David for his friendship.
Speaker 2: It's that part, you know.
Speaker 6: I was so caught up in what I felt was
Speaker 6: being done to me and my innocence and what I
Speaker 6: was losing, what I felt I had to lose. I
Speaker 6: didn't recognize the impact that the situation had on so
Speaker 6: many other people, the epidemic of that situation, how it
Speaker 6: impacts so many people. We know how it impacted you know, fans, friends,
Speaker 6: family members. And it was really David that became a
Speaker 6: voice of reason for me that and really encouraged me
Speaker 6: to be still, because sometimes you're in this energy of
Speaker 6: this isn't their, this is it's it's and that's not leadership,
Speaker 6: you know. I I don't think I could call myself
Speaker 6: a leader when you think about the people I've had
Speaker 6: the pleasure of being able to play. We've talked about
Speaker 6: it on this podcast. Everyone was service, So how can
Speaker 6: I be of service to the people that I feel
Speaker 6: like I've been called it? Impact through my art, through
Speaker 6: my work, my family, empathy and listening. David encouraged me
Speaker 6: to be still to listen earnestly. We did a lot
Speaker 6: of listening when talked to us a lot of people,
Speaker 6: to reflect quietly rather in public spaces, to really get
Speaker 6: into spaces where I can reflect on what I was
Speaker 6: listening to and how would impact it, not just me
Speaker 6: but those around me. And then really back to constantly
Speaker 6: praying for wisdom and discernment. I think that's the thing
Speaker 6: that grounds you constantly, that you do not live in
Speaker 6: an echo chamber, that in this moment, the people who
Speaker 6: have followed you, the people who have supported you, are
Speaker 6: expecting a more thoughtful response. And then, finally, and this
Speaker 6: is really important, to really look for opportunities for growth
Speaker 6: and focused accountability. Where can I show up and say
Speaker 6: that I needed to learn this, I need to learn
Speaker 6: this needs to become a part of my growth.
Speaker 2: As a man.
Speaker 6: This then needs to be challenged with respect to what
Speaker 6: I've been taught about manhood or growth. And these are
Speaker 6: things that at you know, I'm not nineteen anymore, I'm
Speaker 6: forty five. But these are things that even on a
Speaker 6: podcast like this, or even in future projects I do,
Speaker 6: or conversations that aren't public, can really have an impact
Speaker 6: on the constructs that we have inherited as artists, as
Speaker 6: human beings. You know, it says, you know and the
Speaker 6: Bible good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children.
Speaker 6: What is the inheritance we're leaving? And the inheritance I
Speaker 6: want to leave is not a disposition of anger and frustration,
Speaker 6: regardless of what I deem to be my perspective of
Speaker 6: my innocence or or what happened, but the impact that
Speaker 6: all the actions, behaviors, and cultures that we are walking
Speaker 6: around steeped in have on those around us.
Speaker 3: We started this conversation talking about your five daughters. I'm
Speaker 3: sure that that also had a tremendous impact of growth
Speaker 3: over the last eight years. And it's nothing like a
Speaker 3: child and you have five some tr us five different personalities.
Speaker 3: We have one that has five different personalities, and they
Speaker 3: will ask you things you know, and they will kind
Speaker 3: of hold your feet to the fire.
Speaker 6: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: One of the things we did soon after this happened
Speaker 1: is we went on a tour of talking to lots
Speaker 1: of different women, and I called up friends, people who
Speaker 1: have more acquaintances. We spoke to experts in the space
Speaker 1: as it pertains to just what women have had to
Speaker 1: endure in ways that the empathy that Nate is talking
Speaker 1: about was something that I grew in because we are
Speaker 1: also living in an environment that, as it pertains to women.
Speaker 2: As a man, you take a lot for granted.
Speaker 1: In relation to the effect that is being had in
Speaker 1: these spaces. And so when I talk about his evolution,
Speaker 1: it's tied to my evolution, is that we literally it's
Speaker 1: been eight years and there's a lot we could have
Speaker 1: done to sort of.
Speaker 2: What's Nate's come back? What's Nates?
Speaker 1: And actually it's work. There's just the work. What's the work.
Speaker 1: The work is empathy. As you've already said, the work
Speaker 1: is understanding. The reason I wanted to link my arms
Speaker 1: with him and go on that journey is I found
Speaker 1: there are massive holes in my knowledge and my empathy
Speaker 1: as well, because of the things that we take for granted.
Speaker 1: We're here as black men talking about the things that
Speaker 1: we've been denied and the things that we are fighting for.
Speaker 1: But I think I'm right in saying we had a
Speaker 1: blind spot.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: And it took me partnering with my best friend to go, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is not about let's get the next movie going
Speaker 1: or whatever.
Speaker 2: This is. This is a.
Speaker 1: Journey, and I'm committed to you to go on this
Speaker 1: with you because it's a difficult one and there were
Speaker 1: doors I could open in terms of I mean, like
Speaker 1: people who had real resistance to sitting down with Nate
Speaker 1: to going no, do me a solid sit down with him,
Speaker 1: because he needs to hear what you have to say.
Speaker 1: And you know, without naming names, it's the gamut of
Speaker 1: people you didn't know, I didn't know very well, to
Speaker 1: people you did who felt, you know, real hurt in
Speaker 1: the wake of all of this, And it's been an
Speaker 1: extraordinary journey to go on that we don't feel the
Speaker 1: need to publicize because, in all honesty, if it's true,
Speaker 1: if it worked, if it's real, it will manifest in
Speaker 1: our children, it will manifest in our work, it will
Speaker 1: manifest in our character, and that speaks louder than anything
Speaker 1: that we have to.
Speaker 2: Say or he has to say. And so that's.
Speaker 1: Why I remain in partnership with him on the business
Speaker 1: side as a friend as artists, because I know there
Speaker 1: is real richness that has come through this challenge that
Speaker 1: is going to God willing be beneficial and edifying as
Speaker 1: we continue to forge forward as partners in everything that
Speaker 1: we're doing together.
Speaker 4: You speak of if it's true or manifest in our children.
Speaker 4: I'd love that you talked a lot about empathy, about
Speaker 4: growth and David, when I look at your own family,
Speaker 4: you have four children. You have spoken beautifully about how
Speaker 4: you are in partnership with Jessica and how they ground you.
Speaker 4: And so what do you hope your legacy will be
Speaker 4: When your kids think about you, what will they say,
Speaker 4: not only as a father, but as a human being.
Speaker 1: Well, it's what I just said. I have learned that
Speaker 1: with children, it's not what you say, it's what you do.
Speaker 1: And the amazing moments are when you see the modeling
Speaker 1: behavior that you didn't even really recognize or realize. Hopefully
Speaker 1: it's the good stuff that they were paying attention.
Speaker 2: Yes, and.
Speaker 1: You know, my wife and I have a two week
Speaker 1: rule when we were never apart from more than two
Speaker 1: weeks and That was something we instituted because ours is
Speaker 1: a very challenging profession for marriages, and you're on set
Speaker 1: with some of the most beautiful people on the planet
Speaker 1: and you're away for months, and that's just not conducive
Speaker 1: for a marriage and a relationship. So it's in my
Speaker 1: contract I will either on the thirteenth day be on
Speaker 1: my way back to my wife, or you've got to
Speaker 1: figure out getting her to me. And my older kids,
Speaker 1: you know, two of them are out of the house now.
Speaker 2: But they check, they go, it's day thirteen. What's happening
Speaker 2: with you, guys? Is is Mommy on the way to you?
Speaker 2: Or are you on the way back?
Speaker 1: And you, honest, I've seen so many other actors model
Speaker 1: the two week rule since Jess and I very naively,
Speaker 1: you know, getting married at the age of twenty and
Speaker 1: twenty two. And I remember just before we got married,
Speaker 1: we were apart for like three weeks and I was ill,
Speaker 1: like physically ill from being apart from her, and I went,
Speaker 1: We're never doing that again, And so we instituted the
Speaker 1: two week rule. We had reps agents managers laugh at
Speaker 1: us at the notion that that would would be something
Speaker 1: we would be able to continue. I then years following
Speaker 1: in instances where I insisted upon it, have had producers
Speaker 1: sidle up to me and said, you know what, if
Speaker 1: I had thought more about my marriage the way you do,
Speaker 1: I might still be married. And that's in a professional capacity.
Speaker 1: So to see our kids going what's happening with a
Speaker 1: two week rule, you guys, is something that is so
Speaker 1: beautiful because, to be perfectly frank, the best piece of advice,
Speaker 1: one of the best pieces of advice I got about
Speaker 1: marriage is.
Speaker 2: The marriage is the center.
Speaker 1: The kids are a welcome addition because that gives them
Speaker 1: security to be kids. They are not the reason you're together.
Speaker 1: They are not the glue. They don't have to bear
Speaker 1: the burden of well, if I'm not here, mommy and
Speaker 1: daddy are not going to be together.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: The love I have for my wife, God willing, that
Speaker 1: is what they are going to aspire to in their
Speaker 1: life partner, and what will get generationally passed down to
Speaker 1: my descendants, which is that love is to be fought for.
Speaker 1: You know, the two week rule is it's a fight
Speaker 1: to maintain that in an industry where you're constantly away.
Speaker 1: But you know, to some people it might seem not
Speaker 1: that romantic, the notion of a two week rule. But
Speaker 1: I remember doing a film in Morocco and it was
Speaker 1: twenty four hours of travel each way back to LA
Speaker 1: and I flew twenty It took twenty four hours to
Speaker 1: get from Morocco to La to be with my wife
Speaker 1: for thirty six hours before I turned round again and
Speaker 1: flew twenty four hours to get back to set. And
Speaker 1: my kids have never forgotten that. So that's not a
Speaker 1: saying thing, that's a doing thing. And hopefully I'm modeling
Speaker 1: for them what it is to have sacrificial love within
Speaker 1: your marriage, because to me, that's what Jesus is, That's
Speaker 1: what he represents. That is the zenith, the pinnacle, the
Speaker 1: red hot eye of what He did on the cross
Speaker 1: with sacrificial love. So as many ways as I can
Speaker 1: exhibit that in my marriage and my work with my friendships,
Speaker 1: that's what I hope will be the legacy for my
Speaker 1: children in terms of how they go into model that behavior.
Speaker 4: You're going forward, we'll be right back as David and
Speaker 4: Nature how they're creating a legacy of fatherhood in connection
Speaker 4: with their own children.
Speaker 3: Nate, are there any particular stories that you could think
Speaker 3: of seeing David as a parent that could give us
Speaker 3: just a little bit of a glimpse.
Speaker 2: Of him.
Speaker 6: And I don't think it's a small thing. I don't
Speaker 6: think I've talked to him. Maybe maybe my wife, maybe Sarah.
Speaker 6: But it is a wonderful thing to see one of
Speaker 6: David's children ask him for.
Speaker 2: Some thing.
Speaker 6: And to see him become the dad and considerate when
Speaker 6: he knows he's going to give it to them, but
Speaker 6: the way in which he thinks about it before he responds,
Speaker 6: I don't even know if you do this, And I
Speaker 6: can only assume you get it from your father. I've
Speaker 6: been at the house, you know, Daddy, Yes, and they
Speaker 6: come and ask him.
Speaker 2: He goes.
Speaker 6: As if to measure if they deserve it or not,
Speaker 6: and just it is the cutest like that relationship as
Speaker 6: a father of five girls, and in that respect, it
Speaker 6: doesn't matter if it's you know, I'm not going to
Speaker 6: say a children's name, but the boys or the girl.
Speaker 6: But I just love seeing you contemplate and eye them
Speaker 6: for a moment and then give them what they've asked
Speaker 6: for and to see them wait for it, to be
Speaker 6: on the outside looking in, and it's just the way
Speaker 6: you do it. It always makes me smile because it's
Speaker 6: it's to kind of speak to what you spoke to, presence, visibility,
Speaker 6: seeing your children having spiritual contact. There's nothing fleeting and
Speaker 6: there's nothing flipped. That's one thing we have in common.
Speaker 6: You asked me a question, you're going to get an answer,
Speaker 6: and if you get no answer, that's an answer. You
Speaker 6: know why. It is the one thing that growing up
Speaker 6: where I came from be you know, you're yes as
Speaker 6: you're yes, your no as you know you look people
Speaker 6: in the eye if you're saying, or if you're leaving,
Speaker 6: if you're hired, or if you're you look someone in
Speaker 6: the eye. And we bring that to our children.
Speaker 2: Can you look at this drawing? Yes?
Speaker 6: What is the drawing there?
Speaker 2: David is like that with all of us.
Speaker 6: It's beautiful to watch. But when they ask him for
Speaker 6: something that they don't know that they're going to get
Speaker 6: and he just takes a second okay, and then they
Speaker 6: go off and get it, it is the I don't know,
Speaker 6: if you know, you probably doing it?
Speaker 2: No, I do.
Speaker 1: I do, because it's about making sure that you are
Speaker 1: acknowledging that the relationship is not flip. It's not just okay, daddy,
Speaker 1: you know, because you know what kids are like.
Speaker 2: They'll time out, they'll.
Speaker 1: Time to wait wait yet you're distracted, and so that
Speaker 1: you you can just oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1: Not David, No, no, no, because my interactions with my
Speaker 1: kit it's about intention, it's about eye contact, it's about
Speaker 1: you know you, there are no there are You cannot
Speaker 1: say I love you enough because words are powerful, and
Speaker 1: I think you're saying I love you by the fact
Speaker 1: that regardless of whether I give you this thing or not,
Speaker 1: you need to know that love is part of the equation.
Speaker 1: Regardless whether it's.
Speaker 2: A no or a yes.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at you to make sure it's not a
Speaker 1: flip yes or a flip no. Because again, what you're
Speaker 1: modeling for your kids is relationship. The thing that I
Speaker 1: get so much joy from is when it's a no
Speaker 1: and they can come back, maybe not the same day,
Speaker 1: maybe not the next day, but they can go thank
Speaker 1: you for saying no. I didn't really need that thing.
Speaker 1: Because your kids are constantly testing you. They're custantly testing
Speaker 1: where are the boundaries, because the boundaries is what makes
Speaker 1: them feel safe. So if you say yes to everything,
Speaker 1: they actually are losing a sense of their boundaries, and
Speaker 1: there their sense of self and their sense of safety.
Speaker 1: So the moment that I'm kind of annoyed that you spotted.
Speaker 2: Is measuring.
Speaker 1: And I know my kids, whether it's something you need
Speaker 1: or something you want, and I'm there to provide your
Speaker 1: needs wants, and so it's that as well, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll give you what you want, but just know that's
Speaker 1: not going to be an all.
Speaker 2: The time every day.
Speaker 1: Think So it's about intention and it's about connection, I
Speaker 1: think is the point.
Speaker 3: But now, David, have you learned anything in particular about
Speaker 3: raising daughters.
Speaker 1: You know Nay and I because we run a business together.
Speaker 1: We're on the phone a lot together. We are on
Speaker 1: a lot of zooms. And the thing I admire the
Speaker 1: most about him is similarly, no matter who we're talking to,
Speaker 1: if it's the CEO, if it's a potential financier, whatever
Speaker 1: it is, when one of his daughters comes into the
Speaker 1: room on a zoom, excuse me, you guys, yes, honey.
Speaker 2: And he will never ignore them.
Speaker 1: He will never do that, you know, I've never known
Speaker 1: him to do that. And it is so beautiful because
Speaker 1: you can see the faces of the squares. Everyone just goes,
Speaker 1: Everyone just has that smile of this guy has his
Speaker 1: priorities in check, and sometimes you forget to push.
Speaker 2: The mute button. And it always ends with I love you.
Speaker 1: Always ends with I love you, no matter what it is,
Speaker 1: no matter how trivial or important. The thing they came
Speaker 1: to ask was it always ends with I love you.
Speaker 1: And then he's back to the zoom. And to be
Speaker 1: perfectly frank, much like the two week rule in that
Speaker 1: business setting, I actually think it's incredibly impactful for people
Speaker 1: in a business setting to have the priorities put in
Speaker 1: the right place of like, all this stuff we're doing,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, nothing is more important
Speaker 1: than that and that because I have to say, I'm
Speaker 1: not that way in the zoo, on the zoom, I'm
Speaker 1: the one who.
Speaker 6: You know, what it is with daughters, it's so different.
Speaker 6: You know, as you say, children test you for boundaries,
Speaker 6: they also test you for hierarchy. They want to know
Speaker 6: where they sit in your life constantly. And daughters, you know,
Speaker 6: I have from my youngest to my eldest, I literally
Speaker 6: have one in every different level of education. So I
Speaker 6: have one in elementary school, one in middle school, one
Speaker 6: in high school, one in college, and one getting a
Speaker 6: master's and they are constantly asking me with different in
Speaker 6: different ways, where do I sit in your life? Where
Speaker 6: do I sit amongst my sisters, Where do I sit
Speaker 6: in this moment your colleagues? And so my job I
Speaker 6: feel as as a father to always remind them that
Speaker 6: they're as close to me as anyone or anything on earth.
Speaker 6: And that means in a zoom, literally turning and saying yes,
Speaker 6: I will hear your poem and listen to the poem
Speaker 6: while we're closing the deal, and I will say I
Speaker 6: love that poem. I'm going to finish my call and
Speaker 6: then we're going to talk about it. I love you, goodbye.
Speaker 6: I lose nothing, but I gain everything, and she gains
Speaker 6: everything because maybe it wasn't about the poem. She will
Speaker 6: leave the room saying I am important, and I am
Speaker 6: important enough that in this moment he chose me, because
Speaker 6: that's what it's about. You know, we are in a
Speaker 6: time where the choosing, whether it be of partners, whether
Speaker 6: it be of relationships, have has become very difficult with
Speaker 6: social media and all these things that are constantly negotiating likes,
Speaker 6: negotiating self esteem. So and I also say I try
Speaker 6: my best to treat all my children like their only children,
Speaker 6: you know, because I learned early on that when you
Speaker 6: take two to Disneyland, it doesn't count. It just doesn't.
Speaker 6: If you take three out to dinner, it doesn't count.
Speaker 6: It's not a date, that's a group.
Speaker 2: I learned that from you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I learned the daddy daugh to day from from
Speaker 1: I mean, I only have one daughter. You literally came
Speaker 1: to my house last week with Justice and he can't
Speaker 1: he'd forgotten his bag at my house because we spent
Speaker 1: the day together, so you had to come back a
Speaker 1: couple of days later, you came with we worked with
Speaker 1: your daughter Justice, and they were going out.
Speaker 2: For lunch for dinner together.
Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, because I do that with
Speaker 1: my daughter, and it's kind of easier when you have
Speaker 1: one daughter and you have three sons. It's like the
Speaker 1: daddy daugh to day is like, of course it's a dad,
Speaker 1: but the fact.
Speaker 2: That you do that.
Speaker 1: I was so impressed with that because you specifically brought
Speaker 1: her to get the bag, knowing that it was just
Speaker 1: it was her day. And I've been with a Injustice
Speaker 1: a lot. I have never seen her that effervescent and
Speaker 1: giddy and just happy. And you know, I have a
Speaker 1: bunch of dogs in my house. She's petting the dogs,
Speaker 1: she's dancing, and I could tell it's because you had
Speaker 1: singled the day for her that day and the way
Speaker 1: she skipped out of the house knowing that you guys
Speaker 1: were going off to dinner. But that that I learned
Speaker 1: from you, I didn't. I didn't know how prioritis that
Speaker 1: needed to be a spect and i'm I'm.
Speaker 2: My sexism lies firmly in the.
Speaker 1: Fact that I do treat my daughter differently than my
Speaker 1: son's And I don't know if it's right or not,
Speaker 1: but you know, there is.
Speaker 2: I was one of three boys, then I had three boys.
Speaker 2: Then oh my.
Speaker 1: Lord, I had a daughter, which is the thing where
Speaker 1: I go, you have five.
Speaker 2: The effect this girl has on my heart is should
Speaker 2: be illegal.
Speaker 1: I mean is it is just so profit seeing her
Speaker 1: just it's like my heart is being rebroken every time.
Speaker 1: And so to see how you have navigated being able
Speaker 1: to treat them all as a as a as a
Speaker 1: only child in that way has been really exemplary.
Speaker 6: I cry all the time. Now, It's funny where I
Speaker 6: come from to cry.
Speaker 2: There's punishment with that.
Speaker 6: You know, what are you crying for I give you
Speaker 6: something to cry about. You know, it's a Southern thing,
Speaker 6: right right?
Speaker 1: You love too much of that one.
Speaker 6: And so I found myself and my older age, specifically
Speaker 6: around my doors. I cry for nothing at all. My
Speaker 6: daughter lost her front tooth and she showed it to me.
Speaker 6: Why is daddy crying? I'm like, I'm not not sad,
Speaker 6: but it's we don't get these moments back, you know.
Speaker 6: It's we're getting older, and it's happening fast. We're here,
Speaker 6: it says, where it's but a mist of vapor and
Speaker 6: then it's gone. So I'm in, you know, I mean,
Speaker 6: I'm in a season of absolute and unapologetic investment into
Speaker 6: those girls, into my family, into my life. Because before
Speaker 6: we know it, someone's gonna be having a podcast and
Speaker 6: we're gonna be gone, and they're gonna be talking about
Speaker 6: the stuff that we did, hopefully in positive ways, but
Speaker 6: at that point it won't matter to us, will be
Speaker 6: somewhere else.
Speaker 7: So, David, this whole podcast is inspired by a book
Speaker 7: that we've co authored called What is My Legacy? And
Speaker 7: part of your legacy is your philanthropic work, especially in Nigeria,
Speaker 7: which has inspired us. Can you briefly tell us a
Speaker 7: little bit about that work and some amazing work you're doing,
Speaker 7: especially with scholarships.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the leadership scholarship we have in Nigeria was inspired
Speaker 1: by the bring Back Our Goals movement that happened just
Speaker 1: under a decade ago when the Chiapbok girls were kidnapped
Speaker 1: in northern Nigeria and what happened in that moment it
Speaker 1: became a viral moment. Bring Back our Goal became a hashtag.
Speaker 1: Over two hundred girls have been kidnapped. But Boko Haram,
Speaker 1: the terrorist group who had done this, they specifically their
Speaker 1: goal was to make sure girls are not educated, and
Speaker 1: that tells you something that tells you that there is
Speaker 1: power in the education of girls specifically. I'm also an
Speaker 1: ambassador for an organization called Girl Rising, and studies have
Speaker 1: been done to show that the way to end world
Speaker 1: poverty is to educate girls globally, And when you think
Speaker 1: about something as lofty as ending world poverty, it just
Speaker 1: feels insurmountable. But if you can educate one girl and
Speaker 1: have her consider the notion of leadership as part of
Speaker 1: her legacy, that's a very real drop in the ocean
Speaker 1: of ending world poverty. So I partnered with a foundation
Speaker 1: called Jinko to start the David A. Yellowell Leadership Scholarship,
Speaker 1: and long story short, we now have forty five girls
Speaker 1: who are paying for all of their education. We find
Speaker 1: girls who have been dealing with terrorism or socioeconomic marginalization,
Speaker 1: all of these patriarchy, which is, you know, as much
Speaker 1: as I love being a Nigerian, it's a very patriarchal
Speaker 1: society that traditionally can often marginalize women and stymy their opportunities,
Speaker 1: so that to me is unacceptable.
Speaker 2: A lot of it we've talked.
Speaker 1: About my daughter at nauseum, but a lot of it
Speaker 1: was inspired by having a girl all of a sudden
Speaker 1: and realizing, oh my gosh, do I have a blind
Speaker 1: spot because suddenly I have a person in my life
Speaker 1: where the idea that their gender would be the reason
Speaker 1: why they would not be afforded every opportunity unacceptable to me.
Speaker 1: So our Leadership Scholarship is a means of doing that.
Speaker 1: And we are in four states in Nigeria right now.
Speaker 1: We've partnered with schools in those four states to basically
Speaker 1: have the best we can find who would not otherwise
Speaker 1: get the education they deserve. Plant them in these schools
Speaker 1: where we will pay for not only their education, but
Speaker 1: the thing that we really learned is mental health because
Speaker 1: they're coming out of very difficult situations, so we are
Speaker 1: we're paying for that component as well.
Speaker 7: And makes zero website for people to learn more about.
Speaker 1: Gingko ginco dot org uh and and everything's g e
Speaker 1: A n c o A dot org and it's a
Speaker 1: foundation and they can find all the information there.
Speaker 7: Thanks, thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: I love that because as Corota Scott King said that
Speaker 3: if the soul of this nation is to be saved,
Speaker 3: and women must become the soul. Absolutely, and I think
Speaker 3: that can be said around the world for sure, for sure.
Speaker 3: And then of course you have a wonderful Apple TV series.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Government Cheese is about a family of four in the
Speaker 1: valley in the late nineteen sixties, and I play a
Speaker 1: bit of a ne'er do well who's just come out
Speaker 1: of prison and is trying to do right by his family,
Speaker 1: but he has these encounters with God. So it's a surrealist,
Speaker 1: parabolic comedy and he's a man who's trying to get
Speaker 1: back on the straight and narrow, trying to do God's well,
Speaker 1: but really being pulled back into his past, and the
Speaker 1: question of the show is can he become worthy of
Speaker 1: his wife and children all over again, which is the
Speaker 1: path that God is trying to get him back onto.
Speaker 2: But you know, I'm really really.
Speaker 1: Proud of that show because it's set in the sixties
Speaker 1: where we know, certainly at this table, we know we
Speaker 1: were dealing with a lot of strife and unrest as
Speaker 1: black people. But it doesn't touch on that. It's just
Speaker 1: a beautiful celebration of a black family at a time
Speaker 1: and a place that we very rarely see on TV.
Speaker 1: And it's it's a half hour comedy and I'm just
Speaker 1: really proud that we got it made.
Speaker 6: And it's very fun. We don't always get to have fun,
Speaker 6: especially in the sixties.
Speaker 4: Definitely check it out.
Speaker 2: There to make it. Yes, gentlemen, I love the laughter.
Speaker 4: I think it's a beautiful note to end on because
Speaker 4: we put together this the four of us originally because
Speaker 4: we wanted to invite people to have conversations about legacy,
Speaker 4: to listen, to learn, and yes, to have a lot
Speaker 4: of fun. And I think back at the conversation of
Speaker 4: how we live legacy. I love the two week rule.
Speaker 4: I want to shamelessly steal that.
Speaker 2: Oh please, thank you well.
Speaker 4: I think we want to bring it into our lives,
Speaker 4: and I talk to my wife about that one. I
Speaker 4: love the idea of you cannot be what you cannot see.
Speaker 4: I think it's deeply powerful, but it's also a great
Speaker 4: call to action for role models out there. Yes, I
Speaker 4: love your conversation about consult God before consulting the ego.
Speaker 4: Made your tribute that you gave to David, I thought
Speaker 4: was beautiful, and I actually going to repeat that one again,
Speaker 4: Consult God before consulting the ego, because that is profound.
Speaker 4: I love the idea you cannot say I love you
Speaker 4: too much, and it fits so beautifully on what both
Speaker 4: of you have said, which is you know where do
Speaker 4: I sit. I always reminding kids that they are our priorities,
Speaker 4: our family, our spouses are loved ones. And so I
Speaker 4: look at all of these beautiful calls to action that
Speaker 4: you gave us today, of how each person can see
Speaker 4: how the two of you shape your legacy, how you
Speaker 4: live your legacy every day. So on behalf of the
Speaker 4: four of us were deeply grateful. David Nate, thank you
Speaker 4: for taking the time to share your legacies with us today.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: I want to salute you all, and I have never
Speaker 3: done this in this way before because we always say
Speaker 3: to our daughter Yolanda, real queens straighten each other's crowns,
Speaker 3: and this is the first time I've said that. You
Speaker 3: all embody real kings, straighten each other's crowns. So thank
Speaker 3: you all for straightening each other's grounds. Thank you forever,
Speaker 3: Thank you for joining us. We are so grateful to
Speaker 3: have you as part of this journey. For more information
Speaker 3: on Realize the Dream, visit realizethedream dot org. And we
Speaker 3: have a special discount code for you to purchase our
Speaker 3: new book, What Is My Legacy? Go to my legacy
Speaker 3: dot com, follow the link to buy and use the
Speaker 3: promo code Legacy thirty all one word and legacy is
Speaker 3: all caps for your thirty percent discount. If you enjoy
Speaker 3: today's conversation, subscribe and share the podcast with friends, family,
Speaker 3: and loved ones, and follow us on social media at
Speaker 3: my Legacy Movement. At the heart of this podcast is
Speaker 3: doctor King's vision of the beloved community and the power
Speaker 3: of connection. This podcast is a testament to that vision
Speaker 3: and the product of collective effort enriched by the voices,
Speaker 3: stories and support of so many. A legacy plus studio
Speaker 3: production distributed by iHeartMedia creative and executive producer Suzanne Hayward
Speaker 3: co executive producer Leealile. My Legacy podcast is available on
Speaker 3: the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Until
Speaker 3: next time, may you find connection and inspiration to live
Speaker 3: your most fulfilled life