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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot im a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome to Jay dot ilta podcast. Listen, Hello, everybody.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about giving birth. I know that we've had

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Speaker 1: this conversation before, but I mean, she is worth it.

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Speaker 1: She is worth it, Okay, the conversation. She is worth it.

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Speaker 1: I'm Jill Scott. I'm here with Lijah st. Clair. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's me. Yeah, and Agia Graden, freaking amazing Danzler. Every pregnancy, Dad,

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Speaker 1: every labor you can imagine, every delivery, you can imagine

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Speaker 1: pregnancy and different one at the same damn time on

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Speaker 1: the same day. Hold up, Jill, but hold up, Jill.

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Speaker 1: Just when you think it's not it's enough. Here come

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Speaker 1: Dean the last baby. Don't forget the twins. Wasn't the

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Speaker 1: last baby's Dean at the comp So that means she said,

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Speaker 1: let's try to join one more. I could not superhero

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Speaker 1: superhero by every you. You deserve some flowers of parade

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Speaker 1: something here. The fact that you still enjoy sex, to

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Speaker 1: me is what I live for. I'm like, this is

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Speaker 1: a this because you have all right to be like

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Speaker 1: like girl. Listen, let me tell you something. It's called

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Speaker 1: the husband has I mean, yeah, I mean, but you know,

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Speaker 1: I've talked about the magical v. We can't even get

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Speaker 1: to his body before we talk about like your body.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I have had a plethora of different types

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Speaker 1: of births. I always say I've had all the births imaginable,

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Speaker 1: but not all of them. There's tons of different ways

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Speaker 1: to give births. There's so many different birth stories, and

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Speaker 1: I love listening to people's birth story. I think it's

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Speaker 1: I think it's fascinating. Wait wait, wait, wait, Okay, so

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Speaker 1: you had a water birth. I did not, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: told you. I tease and say I've had them all.

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Speaker 1: I haven't had them all, but I have had all.

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Speaker 1: Six of the children were all very interesting and all

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Speaker 1: very different, and I've had a bunch of different experiences.

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Speaker 1: And as a lot of times, when I'm sitting there

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Speaker 1: talking to women, they'll be like, yeah, this happened to me,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, that happened to me too. And

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Speaker 1: then they'll say something else and they're like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that happened to me too, and I'm like wow. Like

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Speaker 1: I can relate to a lot of people's story, and

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Speaker 1: particularly when people talk about having a cince arian because

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Speaker 1: I had with the twins, one was born vaginally, one

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Speaker 1: was born c section, so they both had two totally

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Speaker 1: different births and they are fraternal. So when I think

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Speaker 1: about the twins, I really think about that. They really

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Speaker 1: are to oh my god, completely same day, totally different,

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Speaker 1: uh amazing, And I always think to myself, that's pretty,

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Speaker 1: you know, pretty interesting. And then with Dean, who came

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Speaker 1: after the twins, he people typically don't have a vaginal

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Speaker 1: birth after having had a c section, and I did.

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Speaker 1: I went from having a cuss arian in the hospital

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Speaker 1: and then I had a home birth after that, and

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Speaker 1: it was a vaginal birth with Dean. From what I

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Speaker 1: understand that they're really pushing the C section agenda. Um

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Speaker 1: you know, you're saying like that, but pushing yeah, pushing

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Speaker 1: the C section um on on. But I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it's particularly black women. I think it's probably like

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Speaker 1: time efficient or something. But it ends up with you

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Speaker 1: with the woman being in a great deal of pain

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Speaker 1: and a lot longer recovery. If I'm not mistaken, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you this. I had. I did have

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Speaker 1: the infamous vback birth, which is vaginal their C section

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Speaker 1: and infamous because they say it never happens after C

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Speaker 1: section here, and so I did have that. But one

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Speaker 1: thing I will say is before I had vaginal natural

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Speaker 1: birth prior to the twins, and I never experienced the

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Speaker 1: type of low lower back pain debilitating lower back pain

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Speaker 1: during birthing like I did with Dean with the kids prior,

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Speaker 1: and I always believe it was because I had a

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Speaker 1: casseeter in my back. I believe it was because I

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Speaker 1: had the epidural and that it cast some sort of um,

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Speaker 1: you know, a scar tissue in my back because I

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Speaker 1: had a very difficult birth with Dean, and it's actually

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Speaker 1: was documented my my husband. I did a like a

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Speaker 1: web series call six Is in one of the last

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Speaker 1: episodes we did was the was Dean's birth, and Dean's

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Speaker 1: birth was very difficult. I had a hard time progressing

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Speaker 1: because I couldn't push. Every time I was having contractions,

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Speaker 1: they were so painful that I was just surviving the contraction.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't actually pushing or progressing the birth, and it

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Speaker 1: was very hard. So that was one of the ways

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Speaker 1: in which I suffered in my v back. But that's

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Speaker 1: not the way they typically tell you you will suffer.

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Speaker 1: They tell you because they don't want you to tear

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Speaker 1: your scar. But I didn't have that. But I did

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Speaker 1: have bad lower back pain that did not exist prior

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Speaker 1: to me having a something ill though and right because

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Speaker 1: after the I had an epidural fifteen hours in then

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Speaker 1: I had back pain. I thought it could have been,

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Speaker 1: you know, because I carried a baby, you know, um,

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Speaker 1: but I never had back pain like like I do now.

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Speaker 1: It's random, but it, you know, I have to do

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Speaker 1: things in order to make sure that I don't, you know,

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Speaker 1: lock up. I've locked up where I could not stand

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Speaker 1: up straight multiple times since I had an epidural. And

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Speaker 1: I hear that that's the consensus. Yeah, it was just

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Speaker 1: so I had to use a birth and stool to

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Speaker 1: get Dean. I was want to ask you when you

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Speaker 1: said the whole ripping thing, that got to be something

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Speaker 1: you are supposed to rip your previous C section scar

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Speaker 1: where you're having your vaginal birth. But how challenging is that? Well,

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Speaker 1: V back back in the day, was was brought up

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Speaker 1: at a time when c sections were a whole lot

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Speaker 1: more invasive, and the scar used to be like a great, big,

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Speaker 1: old cross winging stomach. Now you have this little tiny

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Speaker 1: what they called the pekin pas, a totally different type

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Speaker 1: of scar and the likelihood of that tearing, and and

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Speaker 1: sometimes people would have like c sections where they would

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Speaker 1: have mesh behind the So these are old school surgeries

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Speaker 1: and v backs that whole thing. That term was really

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Speaker 1: made to respond to a much more invasive surgery that

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Speaker 1: has progressed over these And that's how behind they are

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Speaker 1: in the way that women, you know, how our bodies

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Speaker 1: work and how they approach our health care. They're still

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Speaker 1: talking about something that don't even happen anymore. But again

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Speaker 1: it's that's not to say. One thing is good to

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Speaker 1: remember even as we share stories like this, is that

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Speaker 1: all women are different. So some women maybe they should

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Speaker 1: not opt for a vaginal birth after accessarians. All depends

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Speaker 1: on what kind of experience they had, what kind of

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Speaker 1: trauma has happened to their bodies. And you know, you

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Speaker 1: want to get into telling people what to do, but

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Speaker 1: just know your own medical history. You know, listen to

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Speaker 1: your doctor, have a doctor that listens to you, or

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Speaker 1: your midwife or whomever you're working with. But I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you my body. One thing about you know about me

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Speaker 1: is that over the course of having six pregnancies. Well

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Speaker 1: I say six really because it was like the twins

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Speaker 1: were one pregnancy, but their fraternal these were two different babies. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: two different deliveries. But you know, after being haven't gone

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Speaker 1: through five of those that I would have to send.

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Speaker 1: My body was always like up for the task, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying in that way, you know, And

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Speaker 1: so the things that would break my body down, I

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Speaker 1: had to pay attention to those things because typically throughout

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Speaker 1: the time that I was given birth, my body was

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Speaker 1: like okay, bo, let's get it. But those times where

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Speaker 1: it broke me, I knew something wasn't right. I can't

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Speaker 1: even see you with like a weak core. I can't

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Speaker 1: even see you with like like the issues I'm having now,

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Speaker 1: with just a little fibrary situation. I can't even see

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Speaker 1: you having kids and having a weak core and having

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Speaker 1: to pick up babies. Did you ever your mid sex

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Speaker 1: like that was never a thing for you? Well, so

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Speaker 1: here's the thing. My stomach does have a permanent little flap.

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Speaker 1: I have a little fopa situation that you know it,

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Speaker 1: it's not going to go away, it's just there, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Now, Most people I know who

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Speaker 1: have had the c sections it is. It's yeah, I

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Speaker 1: have a little shelf, and guess what y'all get in

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Speaker 1: this shelf. Through every bathe and suit everybody can dress,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna get the show. That wasn't what I was

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Speaker 1: talking about, your strength because I feel like the strength

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Speaker 1: strip because people don't talk about like I know, I

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Speaker 1: just got these fibrarries taken out. But it's the same

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Speaker 1: thing with getting a baby taken out, where your core

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Speaker 1: strength is the finished You're not even supposed to really

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Speaker 1: use your core and your belly abdominal muscles. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: how you do that with six babies and all the things.

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Speaker 1: There's no way to avoid it. Yeah, it's no way.

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Speaker 1: It's no way to avoid it. You're you're going to

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Speaker 1: have to use that. But you know, I tried to

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Speaker 1: stay in bed. I did recover, and one thing I

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Speaker 1: did have is a very very strong and and and

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Speaker 1: supportive family that really tried to keep me off my feet,

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Speaker 1: that came to take care of me. However, breast couple, girl,

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Speaker 1: I will beat everybody up. Give me the list some

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm listening anyhow, I girl, I feel myself staring

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Speaker 1: through the corn field like Sophia. I'm on my way

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Speaker 1: up to the house for whoever had this woman cooking breakfast?

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Speaker 1: You know who you are, I know you too. Any who, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was tough. Bottom line, I came home with three children. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I have more conversation after the break Yeah. Listen. The

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Speaker 1: reason that we're really talking to Aga about this is

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Speaker 1: because you know, an old girl, young girl, sister girl,

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Speaker 1: My girl is experienced this. She is experienced in having children.

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Speaker 1: A real life superhero. Her her body has gone through

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Speaker 1: miraculous um movements like like music, you know, in order

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Speaker 1: to bring people to life. Uh and into this, into

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Speaker 1: this plane. It is miraculous. I'm curious of um. You

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Speaker 1: gave birth in two different ways in one day, and

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Speaker 1: then you had to breastfeed. Oh yeah, how with the

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Speaker 1: contracts and and and yeah, that's the that's I'll start there.

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Speaker 1: How how how? How and that was? That was complicated?

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Speaker 1: That was complicated. Okay, So when you have a baby,

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Speaker 1: and y'all noticed, if your breastfeed, your uterus contracts. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and all the moms out there noticed those. If you

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Speaker 1: don't have children, the uterus contracts when your breastfeed, everybody's down.

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Speaker 1: Now the problem with breastfeeding after you ever sce arean,

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Speaker 1: is that you have trauma to your abdomen, which is

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Speaker 1: right there where your uterus is, and that every time

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Speaker 1: that uterus contracts, it aggravates that scar and aggravates that

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Speaker 1: scar tissue and that trauma to your stomach. And you know,

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Speaker 1: they give you payments. And I was being hardheaded, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't want to take the

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Speaker 1: pain meds because I'm breastfeeding and uh. And I was

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Speaker 1: concerned until that first pain hit and I said, I'm

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Speaker 1: not helping anybody by making this decision. I need to

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Speaker 1: get on the back on the pain medications. I did that.

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Speaker 1: I followed that regiment. I still nursed, the children were fine.

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Speaker 1: I was advised that I could nurse. I did, but

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Speaker 1: the nursing again without the assistance of those pain meds,

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Speaker 1: and just constantly doing the things I was supposed to

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Speaker 1: do to help myself heal, getting the rest, getting the

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Speaker 1: proper food and nutrition. If I wasn't doing all those things,

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Speaker 1: that's being diligent about those things, it would show up fast.

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Speaker 1: I would be tired, exhausted, or in pain, or a

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Speaker 1: combination of all three. And the twins both nursed until

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Speaker 1: they were almost a year old. I mean they nursed

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Speaker 1: a full course and that kind of all night. I

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Speaker 1: didn't sleep for five months. I literally I didn't sleep

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Speaker 1: for five months. I was gonna ask that they are

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Speaker 1: different schedules. They were on different schedules because they were

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Speaker 1: two different babies. There was no same schedule. I ain't

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Speaker 1: got two titties, you know. So at the end of

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Speaker 1: the day, and like I said, I said this, and

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Speaker 1: and trust me, I'm not bragging one exhaustion, ladies, I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying anything. And this isn't also nothing. And I

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Speaker 1: and let me tell you something. We go through things

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Speaker 1: as mothers. And I'm so grateful for you guys to

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Speaker 1: even take this time to talk about this and even

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Speaker 1: give me any love of flowers. But trust and believe

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Speaker 1: already know our grandmothers and our mothers and our aunties.

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Speaker 1: They've been doing these things a long time and had

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Speaker 1: more babies than I and they lost babies, and they suffered,

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Speaker 1: and they went through things and they still got up

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Speaker 1: and then what had to be done. And I just

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Speaker 1: honored them in this moment because I know how difficult

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Speaker 1: it was. You know what I'm saying, And they didn't

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Speaker 1: even have half the support that I had. No, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you just made me just think about this. My mom

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Speaker 1: just said yesterday, she was like, I'm looking at all

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Speaker 1: your options for you know, your paths and things. She

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, I come from the days of

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Speaker 1: the belt and your Grandmam. I think she just used paper.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. My

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Speaker 1: grandmother told a story about laying out in a field

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Speaker 1: that was covered by high grass because the ground was

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Speaker 1: still moist and cold, in order to relieve minstrel cramps

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Speaker 1: because in the household she grew up in, you don't

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Speaker 1: lay down during the day. Mm hmm. You don't lay

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Speaker 1: down during the day. Think about that for any of

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Speaker 1: you that have ever experienced excessively painful minstrel cramps where

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Speaker 1: the sound of somebody walking across the floor send you

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Speaker 1: into a tizzy, or or cracking a door, or or

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Speaker 1: turning on the light switch. You know what I'm saying, Like,

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Speaker 1: my God, and you're not supposed to lay down during

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Speaker 1: the day, during the daylight out, laying down for nighttime. Man, girl, serious,

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Speaker 1: I don't understand this world where women are just not

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Speaker 1: put up put up on some kind of pedestal that

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Speaker 1: they that literally not worshiped, like seriously serious, amazing what

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Speaker 1: women do. It's what the body is capable of at

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Speaker 1: that time. How you can disconnect girl, who you could

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Speaker 1: disconnect like when I had a thing, so fatine and

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Speaker 1: we talk about sex. So this is really this is

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Speaker 1: interesting for Tina. And when the twins were born, they

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Speaker 1: were the only birth that we experienced where we spent

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Speaker 1: a significant time afterwards not sleeping in the same bed.

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Speaker 1: When I was nursing the twins, it was exhausting for

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Speaker 1: me to keep getting up to nurse them. And so

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Speaker 1: what I began to do was rig my bed so

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Speaker 1: that had pillows on opposite side and I would lay

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Speaker 1: in the middle and have one twin on the right

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Speaker 1: and one on the left. So at night I would

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Speaker 1: just roll from side to side and nurse them as

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Speaker 1: they needed or wanted it, so they we could both

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Speaker 1: so all three of us could still lay down. He

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Speaker 1: fell asleep, just giving it, Teddy, huhn, just falling asleep,

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Speaker 1: and he just said, I'm gonna leave here on the couch. Yes,

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Speaker 1: he laid on that couch. The team was on that

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Speaker 1: couch for months. For months. Be clear. Breast feeding I

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Speaker 1: have seen it was it was years ago. Um, but

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Speaker 1: I remember meeting a woman where all the color off

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Speaker 1: her nipples was gone. I don't know what that's called.

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Speaker 1: It just took one. It just took one. She said

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Speaker 1: that that at that time that she would never have

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Speaker 1: children again. Her breast were so painful. She couldn't even

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Speaker 1: put on the shirt when she was walking around with

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Speaker 1: no shirt on in the house because she couldn't put

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Speaker 1: anything on him. But she had to feed the baby

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Speaker 1: and cry cry while feeding the baby. It was you know,

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Speaker 1: they used to tell you to put cabbage leaves in

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Speaker 1: the freezer and then take the cabbage leaves and put

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Speaker 1: them inside of your bra to relieve sore nipples. That work,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm assuming Asian you. Oh I definitely did that.

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Speaker 1: I definitely did that. You know I took So here's

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Speaker 1: the thing, and everybody knows this, The best and worst

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Speaker 1: thing that can happen to you at the moment that

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Speaker 1: you announce a pregnancy is advice. And you're gonna get

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Speaker 1: a ton a ton, a ton ton of it, you

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Speaker 1: understand me. And if you start nursing, oh god, well,

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Speaker 1: you need to do this, and you need to drink this,

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Speaker 1: and you can't do this, and the baby has to

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Speaker 1: be on the schedule, and you can't nurse them too long,

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Speaker 1: and you gotta nurse something enough. And if you don't

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Speaker 1: nurse something, you wrong. And if they ain't supposed to

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Speaker 1: have no formula, but if they have formula, they gotta

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Speaker 1: had this kind of formula. Yeah, that kind of formula.

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Speaker 1: And I remember just recently had the short of join

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Speaker 1: formula and some people were coming out of their mouths

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Speaker 1: telling women, well, just nurse them them. And you understood,

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Speaker 1: some women cannot nurse. Some women physically cannot nurse. Some

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Speaker 1: women cannot nurse. I did not produce enough milk. They

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Speaker 1: can't do it. Jet wasn't for it anyway. He would

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Speaker 1: literally take his little hand and he hit the titty

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Speaker 1: out the way. Every time I even approached him. Would

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Speaker 1: be like, nah, nah, nah, no, no, I want that.

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Speaker 1: That's not a girl. I will say, these children that

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Speaker 1: I had, they tried to eat me out of house.

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Speaker 1: And but you know the shame that came apart with that,

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Speaker 1: the shame I got all these titties and I couldn't

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Speaker 1: make milk, enough milk to to feed him, that's wow.

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Speaker 1: I remember my my nanny at the time she was

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Speaker 1: I remember coming downstairs. I had worked so hard, I

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Speaker 1: had worked so hard on making this bottle, and it

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Speaker 1: was like half a bottles were the mid just it

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Speaker 1: and I hated her. I hated her. I just felt

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Speaker 1: the soul. Yeah. Yeah, no medals, no medals, no medals,

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Speaker 1: and it's fine. And I hate that. I hate that

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Speaker 1: we get it one way or the other. It's like

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Speaker 1: you nurse the baby. They don't want. No, they don't

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Speaker 1: want your nurse and the baby in public. They don't

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Speaker 1: want to see you titty. They don't want to to

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Speaker 1: You're supposed to hide it. You supposed to YadA, YadA, YadA.

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Speaker 1: You give a baby for me. Oh, this is the

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Speaker 1: best to depress, is best ended. But they don't want

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Speaker 1: to go to work for you, right, they don't after

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Speaker 1: that three months when you got to go back to work,

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Speaker 1: or if you have the three months, because trust and

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Speaker 1: believe those are certainly certain people get them. Three months

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Speaker 1: goes back to girls. I don't know if it's a

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Speaker 1: right or not, but I think had I had my

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Speaker 1: body been stimulated during pregnancy, that I probably would have

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Speaker 1: been able to purchase. I don't know as we can

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00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: we can shut up. I'm telling you. That's how that's

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Speaker 1: what I think. I think I could be wrong. I

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00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 1: feel like five pregnancies that every pregnancy at the same

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Speaker 1: level of sex is Jill correct? This is that a

338
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,760
Speaker 1: thing she had sex for all? Yeah, I don't know

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00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,440
Speaker 1: one that y'all didn't have sex from. Wasn't just one

340
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 1: pc that y'all didn't have sex? Okay? I mean by

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Speaker 1: that time, I mean you would think it would probably

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Speaker 1: be more of the first baby where you'd be scared,

343
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Speaker 1: but you can't remember that first time you get it

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Speaker 1: in in you're like, oh, he's okay, no problem. But

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Speaker 1: here's the thing. For the fellas, for the fellas who

346
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,160
Speaker 1: are listening, I just want you to know something. There

347
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:54,120
Speaker 1: is not a single man. It's not a single man.

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Speaker 1: And if he is, if he is, he's just special.

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Speaker 1: And it's probably not you, sir, who can anatomically hit

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Speaker 1: the head reach anywhere close to your service. And the

351
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 1: baby is behind that. I think I'm I don't hurt

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Speaker 1: the baby. I've hurt the baby. I think I've heard

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00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 1: the babies behind the cervix, okay, sir, No, sir, I

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Speaker 1: just want to let you know, Damn, I'll be no,

355
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:34,639
Speaker 1: because I'll be I'm gonna hit the back of that thing. Now,

356
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Speaker 1: the back of that thing. So now I've got questions.

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Speaker 1: I just want to ask the question that you may

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Speaker 1: not ask because so it's pregnancy sex better different or

359
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 1: just the same. Well again, I'm gonna preface it with

360
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,960
Speaker 1: everybody's body is different. I don't want to throw something

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Speaker 1: out there. Y'all go out there and get pregnant. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Finna had the juiciest cool you want to and that's

363
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Speaker 1: when I don't have it. I don't want you to

364
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 1: hit me up last saying, bitch, I got pregnant thinking

365
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 1: I was gonna get me some and I didn't get it.

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Speaker 1: I won't say like the team was just summer peaches.

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Speaker 1: She was good and to listen, the team was just

368
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 1: he was just talking about this day before yesterday, I

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Speaker 1: promise you. We was laying in the bed and he said,

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Speaker 1: you remember, oh god, this is terrible. He said, do

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Speaker 1: you remember how it used to be all soft and

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Speaker 1: it used to be kind of swollen altt he was

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Speaker 1: like it was like a little he said, it was

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Speaker 1: like it was like it was like that I said.

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Speaker 1: I remember he was just like, oh, he was like

376
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Speaker 1: that was he just was sitting there like, oh girl,

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Speaker 1: And I remember up until five months, so how you

378
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 1: know what time the team's time? He was like, how

379
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 1: you know it was teams ain't? It was like that

380
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:59,360
Speaker 1: would get like that every time, but most times we

381
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 1: were pretty most time it was it reached its height

382
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: after the morning sickness was over. Once I got past

383
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Speaker 1: that initial kind of four three months, three or four

384
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 1: months when you'd be sick and stuff, or you're not

385
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 1: feeling too good and you overstimulated. That three to six

386
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: months period and sometimes seven depending on how big you are.

387
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 1: But that three to six months, baby, I got my mouth.

388
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: Oen I heard. I heard about that. Joe, you gotta

389
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 1: get pregnant again, bitch. I endured that that was a

390
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: special beach right there, right there, that was it were quiet.

391
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Speaker 1: You know what if if I had um, if I've

392
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: been ten years younger. You know what I'm saying, ten

393
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 1: years You know, it's not like three years younger, it's

394
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Speaker 1: ten years. If I was ten years younger, especially with

395
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: this particular gentleman that I am happily happily with, I

396
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: would I would give him about three three if I

397
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: love Yeah, I would, I would love to, But you

398
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 1: know that's not going to be this time around. Maybe

399
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 1: next time around, more real talk after the break. I

400
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 1: hate that I missed the pregnancies too, sex though I

401
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: know you do. I can see it all in your face.

402
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: I feel bad for you. Yeah, I'm mad about so

403
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 1: many wonderful things. Well, let me just say this. I

404
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 1: will say this. It's still a crap shoot though, Jill.

405
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: I don't know if this makes you feel any better,

406
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: but it's still a crap shoot. There's some women I

407
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: know who had whose sex was painful during the pregnancy.

408
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 1: There were women who had no desire during their pregnancy.

409
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: There were women who had a number of different health

410
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 1: problems and issues during their pregnancy. People have proclamsia, people

411
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,920
Speaker 1: who had through a number of different bad rest And

412
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:15,439
Speaker 1: I was on fire, she was on fire. Luckily, I

413
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: was just working a lot, you know, during the pregnancy.

414
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: But I definitely I'm surprised you ain't. Just I guess

415
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 1: you don't wanna put no foreigner. Let me shut up. No,

416
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: that's me, you know, I don't. I don't, I don't.

417
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: I wouldn't begrudge a woman doing whatever she that's not

418
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 1: That wasn't something that I couldn't. I just couldn't. It

419
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 1: didn't even cross my mind. Mm hmm. We are crazy.

420
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,439
Speaker 1: I mean, I love it. We can move past that

421
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 1: particular subjects. We don't want to be y'all here making

422
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 1: nobody sad. Now it's all different, you know, because girl listened.

423
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 1: But you know what's funny though, what's interesting is that

424
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 1: whole you get so used of your body being all

425
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: supple and boom boom boom, boom boom, and it's like

426
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: you have a baby and I don't know how the

427
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: people are, but I just felt so immediately ugly after

428
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 1: my babies came out. It was just like like the

429
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 1: day before. I was full skin, bright hair, bouncing, you know,

430
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:27,160
Speaker 1: hi baby came out. That just went turned into a hole.

431
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: For dude, like, what is this is a terrible looking pregnancy?

432
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,200
Speaker 1: I looked off. Did you feel better after he came out?

433
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 1: Did you feel or did you feel like it took

434
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 1: a while, It took a while to feel pretty. It

435
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:43,360
Speaker 1: took a while how long it takes. But I did

436
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,879
Speaker 1: shows right afterwards, and this is crazy. I did my

437
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: first time doing Essence Deal was two weeks old. She

438
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 1: was two weeks old. I prayed to God because at

439
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 1: the time, that was one of the first big festival

440
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: gets me that've ever done. And I said, Lord, please

441
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 1: let this baby be born, because, let me tell you something,

442
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: they would not let babies fly in under two weeks old.

443
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: And I said, God, please, yes, I said, God, please

444
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,959
Speaker 1: let this baby come in time for me to do

445
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 1: this festival. And I prayed and prayed and pray, and

446
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 1: I went into labor just in time, and Deal was

447
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 1: born in two weeks later. He was on a plane

448
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,719
Speaker 1: going to New Orleans, and I was so busy getting

449
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: things together because her brother was already he was three,

450
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: and so my mom came with me, and my son

451
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: was three years old. My sister flew down and and

452
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 1: I was getting everything together that I didn't try on

453
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 1: my clothes for the show, and I bought the clothes

454
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 1: according to what I thought my size was. And so

455
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 1: I went to the sound check and I had on y'all,

456
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 1: I had on a pair of blue like gaucho pants.

457
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know that was like a thing

458
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 1: at once, you know, remember when that was like for

459
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 1: a second shows, those little gaucho pants and I had

460
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 1: on a white peasant shirt and I was so busy,

461
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: like I said, I had a newborn. We did the

462
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 1: sound check, was hanging out backstage, and then I'm getting

463
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,239
Speaker 1: the babies together. Finally it's time for me to get

464
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: dressed for the show. And I go try on my

465
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,400
Speaker 1: clothes and they don't fit. I look terrible. I looked terrible.

466
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: My first time ever doing the Essence Festival and we

467
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 1: were headlining the super Lounge and I did that show,

468
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: in those blue gaut shows and that peasant shirt, and

469
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: my two weeks old baby was in the back. I

470
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: cried and cried and cried and not want to go

471
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: on stage. And my mother, my mother was like, they

472
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 1: came to hear the songs, Asia, they came to hear

473
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: the songs, like, it's gonna be fine. You look beautiful.

474
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 1: Just go do the show. We'll be here when you're done. Girl.

475
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. It wasn't adventure, nothing else, honey.

476
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: It was an adventure if nothing else. So rude, if

477
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: nothing else, girl, just give give, give the women, give

478
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 1: give something. Throwing flowers out of him because the sad

479
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 1: she said, what is that sounds? Throw at that sound.

480
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,959
Speaker 1: I got a lot of them, what is but you know,

481
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: but do you know what it is like? And that

482
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 1: that too. It was an invention, you know. It was

483
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: an adventure being a working artist and then having children. Girl,

484
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: it's a thing. She was two weeks she said, was that.

485
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, is that a vaginal birth? Because she ain't

486
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 1: even closed. I don't know it was a vaginal birth.

487
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: I gave birth to her at home. She was my

488
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 1: first one. It was my first time giving birth at home. Wow.

489
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: I gave birth to Dia at home, and that was

490
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: my homebirth. And my mother and my mother in law,

491
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: well my right my mother was on the right side,

492
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 1: my mother in law was on my left side, and

493
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: the bed was facing the doorway, and the doorway was

494
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: all of my daughter's auntie's. I tell her this all

495
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: the time. She had the distinction of being the only

496
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: danceler child that was born under these circumstances. They had

497
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 1: both her grandmother's in the room at her birth, present

498
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 1: for her birth, and all of those women watching that

499
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: she came and they were waiting, they were waiting. My

500
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: man wife said, do not tell her the sex of

501
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 1: this baby, because they could see she said, I don't

502
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 1: care if you see. Don't you tell her? Let her

503
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: see first. Yo. That is so connected from to obergainnings.

504
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 1: And it's like it's jarring. It feels so good, like

505
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 1: it's just oh, that's the way to be supposed to

506
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 1: do it, that's what we used to do, that's where

507
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 1: we come from. It feels it just just gives you

508
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 1: all the feelings. Oh yeah, I had the pleasure of

509
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: helping my my godson come into the world. And I

510
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 1: remember the sign that my beautiful friend she had put

511
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: on the wall, and it said I will labor in

512
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: harmony with nature, And it made me think of watching

513
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: my my mom's dog give birth and how she you know,

514
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: she had a bunch of rack of puppies, like I

515
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,479
Speaker 1: don't know, I won't say it rack, but she had

516
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 1: like three or four puppies. And I remember her she

517
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: did she went into this silent state and she it

518
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: looked like she was howling, but she bade no sound

519
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: at all. And I just remember that and I thought, wow,

520
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: that that was incredible. That's how my girlfriend gave birth.

521
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 1: She didn't make a lot of noise, you know, she

522
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 1: just she kind of howled in silence. Um, and my

523
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: mother had said to me before I gave birth to Jad,

524
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: she was like, don't don't yell. Don't don't do that,

525
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 1: because when you push out all of this energy and

526
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 1: you take that deep breath in, you're sucking the baby

527
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: back up. Don't do that. She was like, just just focus.

528
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: Your body is doing what it's supposed to do. And

529
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: with you making a lot of sound, a lot, she said,

530
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 1: you don't want to scream your baby into the world.

531
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 1: I remember her saying that to me, and it it

532
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: brought back I will labor in harmony with nature, And

533
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: I thought, I don't know, that's the only way that

534
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 1: I know. You know that. I thought that was a

535
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 1: brilliant time because my mother she couldn't be with me. Um,

536
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 1: she would have she absolutely would have been taken over

537
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: everything that there was to take over that whole, you know.

538
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: Um she was taking care of my grand at the time,

539
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: and that was that was I don't I don't think

540
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to be scared, Like, just in case,

541
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 1: you know, you're getting ready for this thing. I think

542
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 1: you're here, here's you. It's scary. Something amazing is happening

543
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: to your body on its own, on its own, your

544
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: your your service is opening on its own. Like that's crazy.

545
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 1: The baby knows what to do pretty much, you know,

546
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 1: on its own. It's pretty phenomenal to be a part

547
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: to witness such a thing, and to be a part

548
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: of such a thing that's your is literally sitting on

549
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 1: my couch. My dad was in the birthing room when

550
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 1: I was born, and so I have a whole series

551
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: of photos. I guess this is the beginning. I'm sorry,

552
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 1: but this is the beginning, But I have a hole.

553
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: What's it looked like explaining for us? So I'm showing

554
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,479
Speaker 1: Asia and Jail the picture of me crowning, I believe

555
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:03,719
Speaker 1: from I'm and my mom in the operating room, and

556
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:08,399
Speaker 1: so yeah, no video, but my dad gives, gives every tape.

557
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: We have a whole contact sheet of this is happening. Yeah,

558
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 1: I always say, as I've grown up, I say that

559
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: if you know your significant other has the stomach for it,

560
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,359
Speaker 1: or whoever is in the room has the stomach for it,

561
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: do it. I mean, it's better to do it than not.

562
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean. Fatina had been present for home

563
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: births before, so he he had his mother had delivered

564
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: babies before, so he was pretty like baby's being born.

565
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: I'm good. He was scared about the cesarean, but the

566
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: other birth, he's pretty cool. One thing about Nina, my

567
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 1: third child, was that Nina has the distinction of being

568
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 1: the quietest birth. Whereas Dia was the most crowded birth,

569
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:57,359
Speaker 1: Nina was the quiet Nina was just me and her

570
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 1: dad and me and fa Tine birth alone, which was

571
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 1: different for me because I didn't have my mother. I

572
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: didn't have my my mother, not a professional in the room.

573
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 1: I mean, it was the midwife. I'm talking about in

574
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 1: terms of like family, you know, it's just and at

575
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 1: that point I was, I was, I wanted that and

576
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 1: was used to that because even though I Kill was

577
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: born in the hospital, he was born in the hospital

578
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 1: at the time where you could have other people in

579
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 1: the rock. I didn't know if because you know, when

580
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: they did it, it was iman support and because hers

581
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 1: was unexpected. Correct, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, it came fast, beautiful.

582
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: There are people who have unassisted home birth thing. That's

583
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,399
Speaker 1: the thing. It's real people who do not have any

584
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: assistance and at all from a midwife or anything like that.

585
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: That's the real thing. By yourself, I mean it just

586
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: seems like a horror movie too, Like heot like this.

587
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 1: There are people who give birth in the car. There

588
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 1: are people who accidentally give birth unassisted, so this is

589
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: a thing and get one in the toilet there you

590
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: go on accident. And then so for Tina and I

591
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 1: just kind of held hands and just like okay, it's

592
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 1: just me and you and that that whole energy. But

593
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,279
Speaker 1: I think, like I said, you said, if you have

594
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 1: the stomach for it, great, but you only get to

595
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 1: see something. You don't know how many times you don't

596
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 1: get to see something like that. I know That's what

597
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: I was like. You take a picture of it and

598
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 1: lasts longer. Yeah, man take their deliveries. Um yeah, the

599
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: first one, I had to put my knees together and

600
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: my feet out like a tripod because I felt I

601
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 1: was going to pass out. It was a lot going

602
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: on before you gave birth. Yeah, before I gave birth

603
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: and I had to die. I honestly had never seen

604
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 1: a vagina like in Live before it said blue. Yeah,

605
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: I mean, well the only time I seen it. Yeah,

606
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 1: I don't think I paid attention. I don't know, but

607
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 1: I'm mean lies like in my face that's right there.

608
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: She meant the and then stuff was happening and somebody

609
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: was coming out of it. I was like, I thinks out,

610
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 1: I don't know, this is a lot. Wow, that's crazy.

611
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 1: And then that the azing. I think I accidentally subconsciously

612
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 1: missed Asians couple of births when she had publicly I was.

613
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 1: I really wanted was so bad a lot to be there.

614
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 1: I was doing. I don't remember what I was doing,

615
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 1: but I And there's the ugly stuff they don't tell

616
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 1: you about. When you when they don't tell you go

617
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 1: and poop yourself. You know, I did everything I could

618
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 1: not to do that. You didn't use the bathroom. I

619
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,399
Speaker 1: got up and I went to people were definitely poop.

620
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: I went to the bathroom. They were like, what are

621
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,800
Speaker 1: you doing? I was like, there is no I felt

622
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: like there was people in the room that I didn't

623
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: I ain't trust to see me that vulnerable because I

624
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 1: don't wanted to go to the bathroom walking. Now, I

625
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 1: won't even lie to you. I won't tell you that

626
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: it happened every time, because it did not, But I'm

627
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: gonna tell you at least once it did. It is

628
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: what it is, and I'm not afraid to say it's

629
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: the body. The body does what the body does, and

630
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: and and the body. And like I said, the thing

631
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 1: with child or thing is that every part of your

632
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 1: body is involved. It's like all the things shut down

633
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: to focus on this one task. You got this one job.

634
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: You got this one job, and all you can focus

635
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:31,320
Speaker 1: on is that that's all. There's nothing else happening except

636
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,320
Speaker 1: that that's the only thing going down in your world.

637
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 1: In that moment, it's like, baby got to come out.

638
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and then it will

639
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: be right back. I know I told you guys this story,

640
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 1: but I don't know if I shared this with all

641
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: of you friends and family. During the birth of my

642
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: son Um, I got about thirty five hours in thirty

643
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 1: five hours of labor, and the doctor comes in and said, well,

644
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 1: you know you're you're just not dilating. We're going to

645
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: give you a C section. And I remember thinking, who

646
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: the f goes through labor for thirty five hours and

647
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: then gets a C section? I I said, no, wait

648
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: a minute. And I remember this book. It's a fictitious book.

649
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 1: It's fictional. It is um Um Octavia Butler. One of

650
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: my favorite books is called Why and oh, please do

651
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: release do. In the book an Yahoo, the main character

652
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 1: was able to go inside of her body and and

653
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 1: manipulate things. And I remember that and I just thought,

654
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on Yahoo right now. I mean, what's

655
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,439
Speaker 1: give me, give me some time, just give me an hour.

656
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 1: And I went inside my body and I opened my cervix.

657
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: I just imagining, I imagine my servis opening. And then

658
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: I went further and I kept I focused all of

659
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: my energy on opening my service. And when they came back,

660
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,800
Speaker 1: maybe about thirty semi minutes later. I know that seems

661
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 1: like a lot, but miracles happened. Miracles absolutely happened. They

662
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: came back and they were like, you're fully dilated. Let's go.

663
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,280
Speaker 1: I pushed twelve times and jet was in the world.

664
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:39,839
Speaker 1: Oh that's a power, that manifestation right there, though. Girl.

665
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: Oh and a brain, that brain and that body. Yes,

666
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: that dance between the brain and the body. If ever,

667
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 1: there was an exercise in that childbirth is definitely part

668
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 1: of that is a huge part of that. Yeah, that

669
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: brain and body dance is off the chain. It was awesome. Yeah,

670
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,280
Speaker 1: that is literally a highlight of my entire existence, just

671
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 1: just being able to do that. And be aware that

672
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: I was doing it. I'm going in here, give me

673
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 1: a man at I can so see that they have

674
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 1: work to do. I have got work to do. Everybody,

675
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: just just let me listen to this music. And and

676
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 1: I went in there and I just kept seeing my

677
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: servits open and seeing it open, seeing it open further.

678
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: Now check, and I was fully dying, let's go. The

679
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 1: day that Dean was born, all the kids were home

680
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: from school. It has snowed and all the kids were

681
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: home from school. And um, I told you it was

682
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 1: a difficult birth Dean. And we had to fight for

683
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: that one. And and I was having trouble and why

684
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: I was having but we have this on video. My

685
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 1: kids could hear me birthing in the next room, and

686
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: the kids started going, go mommy, go me. But then listen.

687
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 1: I was like, tell them this show because I was like, no,

688
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear nothing, because it was like y'all,

689
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: I gotta concentrate y'all with my But it was so sweet.

690
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 1: It was so sweet retrospect guests, it was very sweet.

691
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 1: But I was just like, you don't tell them. You

692
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 1: can if you don't get that money. It's a video

693
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,359
Speaker 1: of that day that waking the twins up. They were

694
00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 1: a little they was only two years old. It was

695
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: waking the twins up if the teams like, you're gonna

696
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,320
Speaker 1: be a big sister today, and they just confused to

697
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 1: tell They're like, can I have a wiffle? But they

698
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 1: was all home. They were here the day that their

699
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:13,759
Speaker 1: brother was when I have a picture of us in

700
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 1: the bed later on that afternoon, all of us in

701
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 1: the bed together, and I just like I said, all

702
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: of the births were different, and Dean has the distinction

703
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: is said again to being the only child in which

704
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 1: each and every member of this his immediate family was

705
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 1: there during his broth. So all his brothers and sisters

706
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: were in the house when I look forward to whatever

707
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 1: kind of music that I killed is putting out because

708
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: he didn't seen some things, honey. He didn't see some ship, right,

709
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 1: seen some ship. I mean he the first like he

710
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: didn't see like what you man, I know he started

711
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 1: the song. He didn't want to start the song another room.

712
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 1: He started everything entertained the people's that's pop baby. But

713
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 1: you know what, he had to go through them four

714
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: sisters to get him a brother. And when he found

715
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,359
Speaker 1: out we were having a boy last and he just

716
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,840
Speaker 1: I want I tell you I have a photo of them.

717
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 1: He wouldn't put him down. They are eleven years apart.

718
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,839
Speaker 1: And when Dean was born, he just would not put

719
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 1: him down. He would play video games and he had

720
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 1: a little infant baby in his arms while he was paying.

721
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: That was his baby. That was his baby. That was

722
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: his baby. Both the team was just like, Lord, have

723
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 1: mercy hammer fete all these He like, He's like, I

724
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 1: don't care if it's a boy or a girl or elly?

725
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: And does will it eat? Does it need shoes? Which

726
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: is why that's why the series finale of six is

727
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 1: it is the sect of me? Six? Is it? He

728
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 1: gott of a sector me? And I always say to

729
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 1: him listen, like I thought that was a big deal

730
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 1: because a lot of men I want nobody messing with

731
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 1: my dick. No, it was a big deal. We happen

732
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: to document that on TV. I remember it was a huge,

733
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:06,800
Speaker 1: big deal. Yeah. Yeah, thank you for team. Yeah, thank

734
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 1: you for team. Thank you Taking one for the team.

735
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:10,920
Speaker 1: That was the name of that episode, Taking one for

736
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: the team. I think that's fair. You know, I'm sure

737
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 1: some men out there will be like, how you can't

738
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: see that. You now. I think it's fair, you know,

739
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: and I do. I think it's fair. It's fun when

740
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: when your your spouse, your wife, your your person, has

741
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:31,919
Speaker 1: given birth to your children and you know that time

742
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:33,840
Speaker 1: is over. You don't want to have any more children

743
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:38,320
Speaker 1: as a couple. You know, you agree that this is it. Yo,

744
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:41,719
Speaker 1: she gotta she gotta do that too. She gotta do

745
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: that too. And she didn't gave birth for your kids.

746
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:49,919
Speaker 1: She gotta do that too. Na, friend, nas, it's time

747
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 1: for you to step up. Time to step up. That's

748
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: my opinion. To step up. Girl's a good investment. Good

749
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 1: investment because guess what. Guess what the shot don't stop shooting,

750
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 1: just do it, Just don't shoot. Shot, don't start shooting. Yes,

751
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: they don't know. That's how we started this conversation. You know,

752
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: that's why thinks still was that's one of one of

753
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 1: Asian superpowers, all all of them kids and still getting

754
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 1: it in and it feel good. What Keego power, Keego power,

755
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 1: Keego power, everybody keego keg Okay, that's all keeg together.

756
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 1: One two three four five one one to ship y'all

757
00:46:43,280 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 1: double five five three three Yeah, yeah, and you're still

758
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:08,720
Speaker 1: doing and you're still doing rhythm that we rhythmic people,

759
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 1: rhythmic people. I mean, you know it's possible. It's and

760
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: like I said over the years, yes, it's hard when

761
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 1: you have infants and you have Toddler's You know, I'm

762
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: not going front. We've we've gone through the whole what

763
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 1: what Dad? We women hold on, let's let's get let's

764
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 1: get back to know each other. You know that kind

765
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 1: of energy. It is not as simple as just okay, boom,

766
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:38,400
Speaker 1: you have an exhausted mother who is not feeling sexy.

767
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,760
Speaker 1: It's the same old story. We all know this story.

768
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:47,919
Speaker 1: We know what You could watch any nondescriptive television sitcom

769
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 1: and see the scenario. So, yes, we went through those things.

770
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:54,919
Speaker 1: But overall, now we're at a stage where it's just like, yeah,

771
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: our kids are much older, and we just we never

772
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 1: stopped having sex, and so now it's just better because

773
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 1: I have to worry about. One of the most loving

774
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 1: moments that I heard of. My girlfriend, Mitchell told me

775
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: this that I think it was her brother or somebody.

776
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 1: I can't remember who it was, but um, it was

777
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:21,800
Speaker 1: a husband and wife and they were having a baby.

778
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:27,760
Speaker 1: And he um. She had gotten pretty pretty large during

779
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: the pregnancy, and she was hungry again, and he sat

780
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 1: there feeding her and cheering her, egging her on, eat

781
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:41,800
Speaker 1: that baby. Feed my baby. There, you can feed my baby.

782
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: That's good for my baby. Feed my I was like,

783
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 1: that is so romantic. That's so romantic and understanding. I

784
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 1: remember when I first started seeing my stretch marks and

785
00:48:56,440 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 1: things like that, and Fatina would say, um. He said, well,

786
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: he said, that's that's evidence of how you brought my

787
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 1: babies in the world. He was like, those are your

788
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: battle scars, and he would rub them. He said, they

789
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:21,400
Speaker 1: feel like corduroy. He was like, this soft that but

790
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 1: even now he grabbed that little tummy. And at the

791
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: end of the day, it's like a person, they either

792
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,880
Speaker 1: into you or they're not into you, right, And I

793
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 1: do know sometimes it can be complicated for the dads,

794
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: I guess, you know, and I'm open to hear what

795
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 1: they had to say about it, but my experience just

796
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 1: doesn't mirror that. At the end of the day, you

797
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: love who you love, and you go through the battle

798
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: of of of birth in children and raising them, and

799
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,239
Speaker 1: the body does a thing and the mind does a thing.

800
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: And it's a lot to go through as two people.

801
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:55,760
Speaker 1: I don't care what you go through as a couple.

802
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: That's that's a battle. And when you battle tested like

803
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 1: that and you get a chance to curl up with

804
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,959
Speaker 1: one another and squeeze on each other and show each

805
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 1: other some love, it's like it's a release like no

806
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: other because it's it's that moment where you're like, this

807
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 1: is this is the life that we built together. Like

808
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 1: we've been through the things we know, the things we

809
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 1: know each other. You know that never I don't care

810
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:28,359
Speaker 1: what you're going through, that never ever gets old. That

811
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 1: part that's the ship right there, that's the ship. And

812
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 1: love on the pregnant when you'll be looking at it

813
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 1: like that's my motherfucker. That's right. Go ahead, go ahead

814
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 1: and love on a woman pregnant woman. Come, I don't

815
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 1: care who you are, your girlfriend, whatever, whoever you are,

816
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: love on her. She's doing something miraculous. Truly, it's a

817
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 1: miracle what's happening. And to know that, you know, just again,

818
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:59,399
Speaker 1: I say it all the time because it blows my

819
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:03,479
Speaker 1: mind that she's born with all the eggs, she'll ever

820
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 1: half born with them. This is this is, this is

821
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:13,440
Speaker 1: God at work for I hope, I'm sorry. And if

822
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:16,319
Speaker 1: it is new, then you learn something new today and

823
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 1: that's that's really what's up. This is j dot IL

824
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: the podcast. We are having conversations to spark conversation and motivation. No,

825
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 1: love is great, I love want somebody today. Thank you

826
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:44,439
Speaker 1: so much for listening. Bye. How do you eat an elephant? One? By?

827
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 1: It time? Hey listeners. Is Amber, the producer of J

828
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 1: dot L. Birth is big, motherhead is big, and moving

829
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 1: through it as a woman of color is big, big big.

830
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: I want to encourage anyone getting ready for birth or

831
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:05,160
Speaker 1: postpartum to look into getting a doulah. Doulas are an

832
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 1: invaluable source of support for people giving birth. In some states,

833
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 1: they are even covered by insurance. Now, if you're looking

834
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: to hire one and don't know where to start, I

835
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 1: suggest that you check out the National Black Dula Association's website.

836
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 1: I'll drop a link in the show notes. Hi, if

837
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 1: you have comments on something that you said in this

838
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 1: episode called eight six six Hey Jill, if you want

839
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 1: to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four

840
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 1: nine five four five by don't forget to tell us

841
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 1: your name and the episode you're referring to. You might

842
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:54,279
Speaker 1: just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you

843
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 1: for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Ill. The

844
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 1: podcast m J dot Ill is a production of I

845
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:08,280
Speaker 1: heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit

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Speaker 1: the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you

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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.