Speaker 1: Guess what decision We're about to make a horrible decisions. Hey, guys, welcome,
Speaker 1: and when I say welcome, the emphasis is on come
Speaker 1: to horrible decisions, baby. And I'm really excited because we
Speaker 1: have a guest and we've been wanting to have on
Speaker 1: that a lot of you have since in But before
Speaker 1: we get to him, let me tell y'all who a bitches,
Speaker 1: because I'm that bitch. I'm your girl, Mandy b aka
Speaker 1: Panti Starian aka Pull Corporums aka Debt Beach. Hi, I'm wheezy.
Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. We're here shooting
Speaker 1: in New York. You know, we've been virtual, we've been
Speaker 1: in LA, we've been in the base years, We've been
Speaker 1: doing a lot. So finally we're back in the city
Speaker 1: and we're sitting next to a man that I know
Speaker 1: from one clip who was the interviewer? Was that the
Speaker 1: super duper humble gum who we actually had on who
Speaker 1: really your clip to me made that damn? I feel
Speaker 1: like everybody found him from that clip, so it was
Speaker 1: so cool to see the guy behind the clip. Everybody
Speaker 1: everybody literally tagged you. And we'll get into also that
Speaker 1: clip later. Don't even want to share what it is. Right, No, listen, wait,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? Don't share what it now? Because
Speaker 1: it's not read the outline. I got the outline. We
Speaker 1: don't even not. I don't want to get into it,
Speaker 1: but I want to know how New York was. Let
Speaker 1: me let me we have the naked trumpeter in the building, y'all,
Speaker 1: we have the naked trumpeter. A ka Eli. We're gonna
Speaker 1: go We're gonna go back and forth with it. We're
Speaker 1: gonna go back and forth with it because you got
Speaker 1: clothes on today. That's what you say. I mean if
Speaker 1: you call me naked trumpter, I mean I can get
Speaker 1: it addressed. But I don't know. Okay, So we got Eli, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know. We could closet this on YouTube if
Speaker 1: you don't have you have a short time, he said,
Speaker 1: I'm free, Wenna, go for nipple. I am, but anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm calling um. So before I guess we start and
Speaker 1: get into it. How has New York been treating you?
Speaker 1: It's good, Listen, New York always treats me lovely. It's
Speaker 1: a great place to be. Why what's so good about it?
Speaker 1: How I treat you lately? It's about the physical touch
Speaker 1: moment we made you stop saying you know. So what
Speaker 1: I find is like so you all know how you look,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you get to be objectified for you have
Speaker 1: a large this or you have a small that. So
Speaker 1: last night I just was able to touch someone everywhere
Speaker 1: on their body and kind of like the love handles,
Speaker 1: the footpa, the back of the caps, the back of
Speaker 1: the knee, of the feet, um, like the turkey wings,
Speaker 1: all the parts that most people just like when you're flying.
Speaker 1: But it doesn't matter how how big or small you are.
Speaker 1: But as far as touch, most people touch where it
Speaker 1: touch you where it's as you're right. So when someone
Speaker 1: touches your entire body, it's a somatic experience. So it
Speaker 1: brings you out of your head and then you have
Speaker 1: to think about you don't always want to be ejectified.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be oh, I have a big ass,
Speaker 1: to just touch me. There. So a lot of times
Speaker 1: when people interact each other only touching certain spots. So
Speaker 1: when someone touches you in the place that you may
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable, if they do it in a way that
Speaker 1: you can tell like this motherfucker likes this, it makes
Speaker 1: you feel away. Wow. Well, what's crazy too is the
Speaker 1: things that you do sexually don't always involve penetration, hands
Speaker 1: or twoys at all. The naked trumpeter, You actually really
Speaker 1: play the trumpet? Yeah, I actually have it. You have
Speaker 1: the trumpet. I would I would, I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 1: I would tell you to grab the trumpet. The problem is,
Speaker 1: I've seen where you have placed that trumpet, and so
Speaker 1: I want to talk about that more than one. That's
Speaker 1: why I'm like, yes, this is my personal home, but
Speaker 1: I claim the trumpet in the case, sir, I do
Speaker 1: want to know. So you play the trumpet, and you
Speaker 1: play the trumpet on It's not like you just played
Speaker 1: at a club, right, you play the trumpet on other things.
Speaker 1: Can you please share the first time you pulled the
Speaker 1: trumpet out in a sexual place in what you do
Speaker 1: with your trumpet? And why? So listen? Um? The funny
Speaker 1: to tell the story this way. Yeah, the contextually it
Speaker 1: wasn't my idea, It wasn't. Oh. I was talking to
Speaker 1: my mother and my mother is a dom she's uh
Speaker 1: in the sex work. Um, so she was like, hey,
Speaker 1: have you ever thought about putting trumpet on the ladies?
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, while I do that. And
Speaker 1: she was like, well, is there anything that you do
Speaker 1: as a trumpet player that enhances you sexually? And I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, a lot of stuff. And she was like, well,
Speaker 1: put the trumpet there and let me know how I go.
Speaker 1: So I was like, all right, I'll do that. She's
Speaker 1: a musician too, No, she's no. I mean she she
Speaker 1: played violin, she played piano, but she's not actively a
Speaker 1: musician at this point. And so I did it in
Speaker 1: a session and I was like, and I asked her.
Speaker 1: She like, she's like, I felt like a vibrator. But
Speaker 1: it was just different. And so musically, when you give
Speaker 1: give someone the sound by certain frequencies actually responding to
Speaker 1: your body a certain way. So when I put it
Speaker 1: over your evolva, it is the equivalent of a vibrator.
Speaker 1: Do you consider it a sound? Bet? It is um
Speaker 1: Even when I played trumpet for myself from tuning my
Speaker 1: body with the music, like saying, oh you chant, you're
Speaker 1: tuning yourself, but imagining me doing like this, it's the
Speaker 1: same thing. It's a vibrator. So well, I turned my
Speaker 1: mouth into a vibrator. I turned the trump into a vibrator.
Speaker 1: If you like vibration. You're gonna enjoy what song gives
Speaker 1: the best response on the pussy It's not really a song,
Speaker 1: it's more of a tonguey emotion. Well, he thought you
Speaker 1: were playing America's a beautiful No, I said that what
Speaker 1: it was just there? It was actually Daniel Sear Get You.
Speaker 1: That's that's what I was playing. That's what I was
Speaker 1: actually playing. You know what's crazy? That is like one
Speaker 1: of my favorite records too, fuck Too of all time.
Speaker 1: I had to do a sex playlist and Get You
Speaker 1: by Daniel Ceesar, even though I know people try to
Speaker 1: cancel him. Is one of those people trying to cancel.
Speaker 1: He was because he talked about something about black woman.
Speaker 1: He was sticking up for somebody online. But he's canceled.
Speaker 1: Like nobody folks with Daniel Cesar anymore, and it sucks.
Speaker 1: But I really liked that song. I like everything he does.
Speaker 1: And I told you no one's really canceled. Just sh now.
Speaker 1: He's some good ship. His music is really fun. Just
Speaker 1: get canceled. I gotta get back into you. Get a
Speaker 1: Twitter went on yours and that was a really fun hole.
Speaker 1: I fell in for thirty minutes. Wow, you spent thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: I was I was on the phone with someone I'm dating,
Speaker 1: and I was, I just only new your clips. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to look, and you know, we always check
Speaker 1: out our guest for an episode. I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: this trumpet shit is crazy. And then I kept going
Speaker 1: and going, and I think that you had probably the
Speaker 1: widest range of like hitting everything in sex work on
Speaker 1: a Twitter that you possibly have as a man. Yeah. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't know your program, no, no. If you do
Speaker 1: have that, if they them. But for me, it's like
Speaker 1: I tell people I don't I don't have a persona.
Speaker 1: It's like the neket trumpeter is just I'm telling you
Speaker 1: that I'm a newdist that plays trumpet. Listen, because you
Speaker 1: do have somewhere you literally are just standing naked playing
Speaker 1: your trumpet too, and there's not another person involved in
Speaker 1: the video, not at all? Right, and what you like?
Speaker 1: So you said, um, get you was one of your
Speaker 1: favorite songs have sex too? Yeah, think about it this way.
Speaker 1: Attention is something that we all see being humanized. So
Speaker 1: if I'm giving you eye contact and I'm playing a
Speaker 1: song for you, and you recognize the time it took
Speaker 1: for me to actually do that. You recognize the planning
Speaker 1: that it took, the execution. So it's intensive. It's being
Speaker 1: attentive in your everyday life. Even if you're dating somebody,
Speaker 1: deal on somebody. How often is someone actually planning and
Speaker 1: executing something for you where you all you have to
Speaker 1: do a show up, right, So in my sessions, that's
Speaker 1: what it is. That's basically what it is. It's a conversation.
Speaker 1: What are you like? What are your yeses, your nose,
Speaker 1: what are your fantasies? What things actually turn you on?
Speaker 1: And half of them aren't sexual. It's like most of
Speaker 1: the time when you think about do you find that
Speaker 1: that takes more effort? No, if they're non sexualized. No,
Speaker 1: it feels like sex could be easier. I feel like
Speaker 1: in sex work, like if I had to do girlfriend
Speaker 1: experience type shit, I feel like I'd be more stressed
Speaker 1: out than just having to have sex. At the end
Speaker 1: of the day, you want to be humanized, you know,
Speaker 1: sex is is secondary. Connection is the first thing that's
Speaker 1: night needed. So let's say if I wanted to take
Speaker 1: both y'all on it the date, I have to convince
Speaker 1: you that I see you as a human. You're used
Speaker 1: to somebody like, oh, she got a fat us, so
Speaker 1: like you, she knows what she's like. You know what
Speaker 1: you look like. You know, oh I got this in this.
Speaker 1: So if I tell you that, you're like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: know I don't look like I put on his outfit.
Speaker 1: I put on the makeup, the ear rings. So when
Speaker 1: you're able to see somebody's human, it's as their character,
Speaker 1: it's not what they look like. And so for me,
Speaker 1: regardless of what we're doing, when I do that with you,
Speaker 1: you're open to everything. The way you get to have
Speaker 1: sex on the first date is seeing someone as a human,
Speaker 1: not seeing them as anything beyond that, not objectifying them,
Speaker 1: but making them feel felt and seen and heard. And
Speaker 1: when you could do that, everything that you could think
Speaker 1: that you possibly want to do, you're open to. I
Speaker 1: think that's a very mature way to view it, only because,
Speaker 1: like I do think now, in dating, everything is so
Speaker 1: instant that I don't think that many people do humanize
Speaker 1: the people they date. They objectify first, they look, they
Speaker 1: look first, right, so they go after what either makes
Speaker 1: their dick hard or what makes as a woman, what
Speaker 1: makes them wet. Like I think we are still very
Speaker 1: visual creatures and I think because of social media and
Speaker 1: because of technology, it's removed people from knowing how to
Speaker 1: communicate like just humanly. And look, first, I'll say, even
Speaker 1: with my ex, like the best thing that I think
Speaker 1: that made him number one in our sex was actually
Speaker 1: how he used to stretch me after that was something
Speaker 1: that I had never really gotten from another part of partner,
Speaker 1: like someone really taking care of I know, I just
Speaker 1: fuck the god shit out of you. Let me make
Speaker 1: sure that you can still move during the day, so
Speaker 1: let me open up your hips more, let me make
Speaker 1: sure your back isn't hurt. Because but you know, what
Speaker 1: I mean of someone seeing you as a human is
Speaker 1: a form of somebody be in intensive right. And I
Speaker 1: think that's what I'm saying. For the most part, I
Speaker 1: don't think men are that thoughtful. So I think how
Speaker 1: you said, the experience that you had with someone where
Speaker 1: you where you gave, you know, intimacy to every part
Speaker 1: of their body. A lot of women don't get that treatment.
Speaker 1: And you know that because that's why that was very
Speaker 1: special to that person to even be able to feel that.
Speaker 1: I love the think about it. Think about this, if
Speaker 1: your only value is the food that you can cook
Speaker 1: in your body. That means I only like you for
Speaker 1: two things, has nothing to do with you as a human.
Speaker 1: If the only time I call you is when I
Speaker 1: want to get inside of your body, you recognize what
Speaker 1: that is? When when having sessions? Do you ever have
Speaker 1: virtual sessions that turn into non sexual and when they
Speaker 1: are virtual? What does that look like? Because in person,
Speaker 1: it's really easy to give um, you know, show intimacy
Speaker 1: in ways that may not be like touching genitalia? But
Speaker 1: what about when they're virtual sessions? Are we touching right now?
Speaker 1: Don't try to fuck me with y'all, I'm asking you
Speaker 1: a question. I'm being serious. Are seriously are we touching
Speaker 1: right now? No? How do you feel about the conversation
Speaker 1: so far? I mean, I'm enjoying the conversation, but it's
Speaker 1: a genre that I like to speak about. That's neither
Speaker 1: here nor there. I'm just saying, how do you feel
Speaker 1: about the conversation. I'm being serious, the conversation with all
Speaker 1: three of us. I feel splendid about it right No
Speaker 1: one else in the roomat as I'm talking to you,
Speaker 1: I know, but I'm saying, like, Oh, I like I
Speaker 1: like I like the redness of your cheeks, look, oh
Speaker 1: yeah you are. You are getting a little frizzly, bitch.
Speaker 1: Don't get friends. Okay, all right, I was asking something
Speaker 1: really specific, and I'm asking that because one of the
Speaker 1: only things that I've ever heard of dom or someone
Speaker 1: that has sessions virtually do was ignored sessions. And I
Speaker 1: thought it was so crazy. It was Carmen life. Lisa
Speaker 1: Spliff said, we've had her on the years and years ago,
Speaker 1: but when she talked about that, she was like, people
Speaker 1: loved it. People felt like I really catered to their
Speaker 1: needs by that. And it's ironic because you're being ignored.
Speaker 1: I have a question, what do you like to be called?
Speaker 1: My name like wheezy outside of that, like a pet name,
Speaker 1: anything that you like to be called? Um Gilo, which
Speaker 1: is my first name. But how do you like to
Speaker 1: be touched? Uh? It depends? Okay, if you saw it
Speaker 1: could be hard, Like I vary, tell me something I
Speaker 1: can't guess about you, Mmm, something you couldn't guess. I'm introverted.
Speaker 1: I believe I was gonna say she can't eat baked
Speaker 1: mac and cheese. You ain't know that did a lot
Speaker 1: of black people are lacked pose man. She alerted to Hey,
Speaker 1: difficult bits to go out to eat with baby act.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't have known that it's actually easy. Quality with
Speaker 1: somebody you find you're interacting is so go back to humanists.
Speaker 1: You figure out what the person likes, they don't like.
Speaker 1: You don't do things they don't like. You do things
Speaker 1: that they're interested in that you mutually enjoy, and you
Speaker 1: figure out their their blueprint. And if it's difficult, shouldn't
Speaker 1: be hanging with the motherfucker. I'm gonna be real. You
Speaker 1: ever find that sometimes people have like very simple yeses
Speaker 1: and nose and you feel like they're the biggest thing
Speaker 1: in the world. That's somebody you really can't be hanging with.
Speaker 1: Like whenever I noticed that when someone's like, what I
Speaker 1: like is very simple, but it's hard for me to
Speaker 1: do just even friendships photonically, I'm like, this just isn't
Speaker 1: for me. Oh I do that with time. If I'm
Speaker 1: around someone who's just constantly always late it, I just
Speaker 1: let them know this is this does not work for me,
Speaker 1: and it will build resentment. I do not like people
Speaker 1: that play with my time, and I've shared that with
Speaker 1: my partner, like I've shared that with my my uh
Speaker 1: my co host. I've shared that with just about everybody
Speaker 1: in my life that time is one thing I do
Speaker 1: not play with and I do not take lightly. And
Speaker 1: so if it's if it's someone who is just constantly
Speaker 1: I was going to show up or be late, slowly
Speaker 1: they'll start being removed out of my life. Like I'm
Speaker 1: very I'm very quick to tell people like that's a
Speaker 1: big thing. But that goes to being intentional. But that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, and again, treating me like a human.
Speaker 1: If it's one thing that you know I absolutely hate
Speaker 1: to me, I literally draw the line and look at
Speaker 1: it as a sign of either disrespect that you just
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck about me, because I vocally I
Speaker 1: vocalize that this is something that drives me crazy and
Speaker 1: that I do not like. And so if you don't
Speaker 1: even try to be on time for me, then that's
Speaker 1: how I take it, and that's how I perceive it,
Speaker 1: and then you're you know, you gotta go. I think
Speaker 1: I'm very big now with vocalizing the things that bother me.
Speaker 1: I did that with my last relationship, and I've been
Speaker 1: learning how to create boundaries as well. But to me,
Speaker 1: vocalizing the things that you don't like. When you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship and you see that the person that you
Speaker 1: are with it's not even attempting to make up to
Speaker 1: not do the things that you don't like to me,
Speaker 1: then that person has very little reverence for you. And
Speaker 1: that's just how I perceive. I agree. You agree with
Speaker 1: that well, So in virtual sessions to finish up that
Speaker 1: day answer, it's more about what you like. And this
Speaker 1: is the same thing because this is in space, but
Speaker 1: because I'm not touching you, I look at its just virtual.
Speaker 1: It's more about connecting to you as a human and
Speaker 1: in space is the same thing, given you agency to
Speaker 1: say yes or no, given you letting you know that
Speaker 1: I'll do anything that you want me to other than
Speaker 1: my heart limits, and I'll tell you what that is.
Speaker 1: So there's always setting the stage to worship the person
Speaker 1: that you're in front of. So I look at connecting
Speaker 1: as a form of devotion because we do everything for
Speaker 1: a god that we've never That's a great word. I
Speaker 1: I've been using that a lot lately through meditation and stuff.
Speaker 1: Devotion Like, I've been using that a lot, and I
Speaker 1: think that we're using words like that. Sometimes it feels
Speaker 1: real serious, but like at the same time, it's a
Speaker 1: simple way of telling someone that you are taking them serious,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like I used to associate
Speaker 1: words like devotion or body worship. That's the first time
Speaker 1: I would start using worship in a sexual way, right,
Speaker 1: and I would associate that with like, Oh, this feels
Speaker 1: like very commitment and very serious. But I do like
Speaker 1: the intention behind sexual relationships, Like I must say, like,
Speaker 1: even through casualty, I've had experiences like that this whole podcast, Like,
Speaker 1: I've always had very good foundation built with the people
Speaker 1: that I've had sex with. And I think that when
Speaker 1: meeting sex workers, it's always so interesting to me when
Speaker 1: someone is a little more intellectual, because I know some
Speaker 1: sex workers that are like, oh girl, through some pasiotomy,
Speaker 1: pay me whatever, I'm out and then making just as
Speaker 1: much money or respected the same way as the sex
Speaker 1: worker that's sending you a checklist before they meet up
Speaker 1: with you. So it's just interesting to meet different people
Speaker 1: and and and see what that's like, which is kind
Speaker 1: of crazy that we're even talking about this with you,
Speaker 1: considering the first video I saw of you is you
Speaker 1: blowing your trumpet into someone's pussy. The next one is
Speaker 1: the shower, and here we are. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: have about love and respect. I didn't want to answer
Speaker 1: you too, because again you go down the rabbit hole
Speaker 1: of your Twitter, it doesn't seem like much as off limits.
Speaker 1: So what are your heart limits? Wow? So is the
Speaker 1: list long or short? It's actually short. I figured, I'm oh, wow,
Speaker 1: you know what I ask you that that was my
Speaker 1: first question. Good, So I try to explain it to people.
Speaker 1: I love women of color, specifically black women. I just
Speaker 1: do um. I don't want to be called in word.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be some. I'm not into queen
Speaker 1: of space. I don't want to be your BBC like,
Speaker 1: that's not my thing. But we joke about it, but
Speaker 1: I actually do it. I mean it's a lot of
Speaker 1: people say in BBC is weird to me? I like it? Wait,
Speaker 1: but do you because I search it because I don't
Speaker 1: want to see what not. We literally talked about it though,
Speaker 1: like when you put in white cock or big cock.
Speaker 1: A lot of it's but you're not white saying calling
Speaker 1: a man. No, no, I don't vocalize. It's searching. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't have to say BBC. I've only been with
Speaker 1: black men, so like to me that word, but when
Speaker 1: I'm searching it online, I absolutely do search that word
Speaker 1: because that's what I want to see, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: like you see you're saying I don't want to be
Speaker 1: called that. Oh yeah, I mean I mean so it's
Speaker 1: a thing called BBC. Yes, oh I don't know, Like
Speaker 1: that does not sound sexy. But to be called BBC
Speaker 1: people do it tony all the time. I'll put it
Speaker 1: like this, Um, there are certain people that are I
Speaker 1: want to talk about. Yeah, we talked about cracow. Come on, sorry,
Speaker 1: space people in sex positive spaces, this is what you'll see.
Speaker 1: We're having a conversation. I was an exoteric though which
Speaker 1: one in DC, A white lady comes up interrupts me
Speaker 1: having a conversation. She sees me talking to a group
Speaker 1: of black women. She interrupts me. It's like, it's time
Speaker 1: for you to spank me. So I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what I said, I'm an indulger. But the way
Speaker 1: that I did it, all the black women was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: get her. There's like getter because they can see it.
Speaker 1: There's like getter. And but the way they move is
Speaker 1: such an entitlement and it's such a turn off women
Speaker 1: of color. Don't act like that. But you could be
Speaker 1: madly attracted to me, but the way you approach me
Speaker 1: is still from his place of self respect and respect
Speaker 1: for my humanists. I was at the space changing clothes,
Speaker 1: and that's why lady was like, damn, the BBC's here,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, first of all, you're never gonna feel it. However,
Speaker 1: ill grows right because you literally just did something that
Speaker 1: I'm not into. So race play, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: want I don't want blood. Okay, Now I say I'm
Speaker 1: in the water sports because like what I what I
Speaker 1: do enjoy is when a lady sports all over me.
Speaker 1: That brother, it isn't what she said in my face.
Speaker 1: Whether however it happens, you say, square it all over
Speaker 1: me anywhere, but not what about golden showers? I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not opposed to it, Okay, I mean because I
Speaker 1: recognize like things with things I despise, seen it other
Speaker 1: than my own really buys I used to And now
Speaker 1: what is it like? You know, I drink a lot
Speaker 1: of water, shipload of fruits and vegan. Is it clear?
Speaker 1: That's what she just said on so I know what
Speaker 1: it tastes like because I taste one all the time. So,
Speaker 1: like I jokingly said, bumpasaw sweet on on the interview,
Speaker 1: but I was being just spent selling physicians. However, not
Speaker 1: everybody takes that like you know, you you all had
Speaker 1: bad exactly, that was it. Yeah, Like men that are
Speaker 1: doing like helloprotein creatine like all that extra shit. I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: are you sure you're not on those steroids because this
Speaker 1: can't be real. That's how bad its weed smokers terrible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I will say vegan definitely the best I've ever tasted.
Speaker 1: Hey to admit, because I am not a plant based girl,
Speaker 1: but they do be having yo listen, even vegan women
Speaker 1: even taste better. I know. It's I was talking about
Speaker 1: both it and it's it is. It's really because of
Speaker 1: the cidickness of what we eat, because you end up
Speaker 1: tasting like salt. It ends up being like having a
Speaker 1: different flavor, even like if you don't drink water, Yeah,
Speaker 1: same thing. It turns out, I've been learning a little
Speaker 1: bit with my own self, like with tasting right before,
Speaker 1: especially because like with having new partners, you know, the
Speaker 1: first time, I want to be like perfect, So like
Speaker 1: sometimes I definitely I'll cut red meat off right before
Speaker 1: I know I gotta date, but I heavy up the
Speaker 1: fruits like and really the water is the main different.
Speaker 1: I think water over even water. What is a big
Speaker 1: thing is a big thing for me. Women that eat
Speaker 1: an excessive amount of shrimp you can tell and it's
Speaker 1: like really, yeah, well I mean I'm allergic. So yeah,
Speaker 1: and I did Wait what happened? Oh yeah you it
Speaker 1: could come through the pussy. Wait, but no happens to you.
Speaker 1: It makes me nauseous. I don't I don't swell, but
Speaker 1: it is it show fish it has been and she
Speaker 1: immediately likes. I mean she and a lot of it.
Speaker 1: And we were shooting together. I was like, um, tongues
Speaker 1: a little technically, and she like she spent a whole
Speaker 1: week there day. So I date Muslims often, Um, but no,
Speaker 1: I like bacon. So when I'm with them, when I know,
Speaker 1: I'm like engaging in sex with someone, Um, this Muslim,
Speaker 1: I have to stop eating bacon because they tasted through
Speaker 1: the place they taste. I didn't think it was real.
Speaker 1: He knows he like them. Greens had bacon for the holidays.
Speaker 1: Didn't that. I was like, damn they show did they
Speaker 1: showed them? But I didn't want to get us through
Speaker 1: our vanilla ship, because this is where I want to
Speaker 1: know just how strange, how kinky things have gotten around you.
Speaker 1: I found an article from me or dot co dot
Speaker 1: uk about a man who is in love with balloons.
Speaker 1: A man who is attracted to objects has dished the
Speaker 1: details of his relationship with multiple balloons. Akaj, who's twenty eight,
Speaker 1: is so besided with his collection of inflatable partners that
Speaker 1: he could burst literally. The romantic identifies as object them sexual,
Speaker 1: which means he is sexually attracted to inanimate objects. He
Speaker 1: lives in Mumbai, India, and shares a bed with the
Speaker 1: balloons every night, and says that they also enjoy a
Speaker 1: physical relationship. I like their presence in war and share
Speaker 1: intimate feelings with my balloons, and vice versa. I make
Speaker 1: out with my balloons when we're in love. You spent
Speaker 1: a lot of time together and accept all kinds of flaws.
Speaker 1: Every morning I wake up by saying good morning and
Speaker 1: giving a kiss to my balloon that sleep beside me,
Speaker 1: and vice versa. When they become inflated, I think that
Speaker 1: that's when they're born. I can talk to them, take
Speaker 1: them shopping and for a walk in the garden. They
Speaker 1: do talk me through dreams and telepathy, so talk me
Speaker 1: through telepathy. Yes, it's nuts. I don't know what the conversation. Listen, Okay,
Speaker 1: so you're laughing like you probably have not heard of
Speaker 1: this because I wasn't ask have you met someone that's
Speaker 1: been in ahead? Now we're ready for the weird talk
Speaker 1: about I know you know people? So has anyone been
Speaker 1: in love with inanimate objects before? Wow? The one on
Speaker 1: your life? Okay, So, oh man, listen this this is
Speaker 1: interesting for me to talk about because I recognize it's
Speaker 1: different for me. Um, but I feel that way about
Speaker 1: my trumpet, but not not in the sense of it
Speaker 1: talks to me like not not like not that, but
Speaker 1: in the sense of you can take it on walks.
Speaker 1: Well I haven't. It's literally with me more than people are. Um.
Speaker 1: But it's more it's more of a self love thing.
Speaker 1: Like when I play trumpet, it is me um tuning myself.
Speaker 1: It is me expressing how I feel through music. So
Speaker 1: it's a part of me. I love it. Yes, it brings.
Speaker 1: That's when it's actually produces, like you like a little.
Speaker 1: So I'm doing that with my collar right now. So
Speaker 1: that's why. One of the reasons why I wear a
Speaker 1: collar because it's a slight uh like blood joke. I
Speaker 1: feel I'm over here like fucking myself right now, forgive me? Okay,
Speaker 1: So I do like trumpet to sit over here with you.
Speaker 1: I don't like you. Isn't your girlfriend? So I ironically
Speaker 1: if if you, if you subscribe to my Only Fans,
Speaker 1: you will see some pictures where I'm doing some things
Speaker 1: with my trumpet that you might be like like so
Speaker 1: like what like it can't make noise no more? How
Speaker 1: about this? I to be honest with you, You're just
Speaker 1: gonna have to subscribe. I'm a legal now. That's why
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh shit, you you actually bought something out
Speaker 1: of it. I'm like that is actually you're laughing because
Speaker 1: you understood? Or do you put something in? Or is
Speaker 1: it You're gonna listen if you subscribe to My Only Fans,
Speaker 1: how much is how I made out with your trumpet
Speaker 1: outside of blowing it? Like so, so you might actually
Speaker 1: have an affair with an inanimate object. Hey, y'all, this
Speaker 1: is why. Because you're laughing and you're like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: she talking about me. Maybe you're you gotta add that
Speaker 1: tier it. Actually, I've known this all of my life.
Speaker 1: So any woman that is every day, any person's every
Speaker 1: day to me recognize this. And I'm honest, I'm going
Speaker 1: to touch my trumpet more than I'll probably touch you,
Speaker 1: and has nothing to do with lack of desire for you. Um,
Speaker 1: it's like an or fixation. I enjoy playing the trumpet.
Speaker 1: I enjoyed the blowing of it. Everything about it gives
Speaker 1: me like excitement. So um, it's it's very much a
Speaker 1: part of me and plants. I was thirteen, I'm forty one,
Speaker 1: so I get this away as well. I was laughing.
Speaker 1: I was like, talk to it though, Like, it doesn't
Speaker 1: talk to me. It doesn't help me through relational problems
Speaker 1: to it not. Do you drink or do drugs? First
Speaker 1: of all, I've taken time. Yes, I do drugs, that pharmaceutical,
Speaker 1: plant medicine. Oh, mushrooms. So you're never had the mushroom
Speaker 1: look at that trumpet and been like it's me and
Speaker 1: you for life? No, I've never know. I have not.
Speaker 1: Now I do know that you can be aroused without
Speaker 1: getting hard, you can have an orgasm without shooting out.
Speaker 1: Does your trumpet give you like sexual feelings? Not in
Speaker 1: that sense, in the viboratory sense. Yes, okay, um, the
Speaker 1: same way I'm doing that make my lips vibrate. It's
Speaker 1: very somatic. It brings you out of your head and
Speaker 1: into your body. It's the it's the diaphramic breathing. So
Speaker 1: it's like doing meditation medici breathing. Do you know about
Speaker 1: the breathing how Um, With deep breathing you can release
Speaker 1: DMT into the brain. Yes, and you can also have
Speaker 1: an orgasm. Right, So just with how you breathe with breathplay.
Speaker 1: So one of my teachers, two of my teachers, Grand teacher,
Speaker 1: that's what you made me think of. That's why I
Speaker 1: brought it up my grant, I mean to Peterson and
Speaker 1: then my teacher touched by Jack's they both we we
Speaker 1: do breathwork and they we've been talking about it. But
Speaker 1: orgasm can come from breath. So when I'm playing trump,
Speaker 1: when people see me smoking, when you smokers are doing
Speaker 1: meditative breathing, they're going slow, meaningful breath. They're filling up
Speaker 1: their entire lungs and they're blowing it out. Regardless of that,
Speaker 1: that's that's need to hear nor there. But they're doing it.
Speaker 1: The breath is still meditating. So when I'm playing trumpet,
Speaker 1: I'm doing that plus one. So play like if you
Speaker 1: know what you think about breath and fire, different ways
Speaker 1: to breathe, I'm doing that while I'm playing trumpet. So
Speaker 1: the kemp like you're saying DMT, I'm that's actually part
Speaker 1: of what's happening. Those deep intense breathings and then blowing
Speaker 1: out all the carbon knocks out of your body. It
Speaker 1: has a very relaxing effect on the body. So the
Speaker 1: same way you get excited about a date you're going
Speaker 1: to go on, and then you go on the date,
Speaker 1: that's I'm getting dopamine oxytocin just from playing the trumpet
Speaker 1: because I'm excited about the thing. I'm excited about the plane.
Speaker 1: And then when I'm playing, I'm actually giving myself this boost.
Speaker 1: So yes, i can be aroused. But as far as orgasm,
Speaker 1: the difference between the jaculas and orgasm is the jacqueline
Speaker 1: is the end of the erection orgasm when your legs
Speaker 1: starts shaking and you're a malebody person, like that's an orgasm,
Speaker 1: you're having one, you just don't recognize that's what's happening
Speaker 1: while you're having sex when you just start that little
Speaker 1: weird ass pumpy, like, how did you go from a
Speaker 1: steady rhythm to that weirdness? That's an orgasm? Wow, arousal
Speaker 1: can be when you drink water or something. You're like,
Speaker 1: I'm like an explosion of joy as an orgasm, But
Speaker 1: we just centralize to our Genitalian We don't recognize I
Speaker 1: have a scene with bad Sad Jones. That's interesting. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't describe orgasm that way. I feel like orgasm has
Speaker 1: a peak and climax, So enjoying something like a drink,
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess because like I'm getting there and
Speaker 1: then I'm going back down, but like a burst of
Speaker 1: joy from something that you do and then it dissipates,
Speaker 1: So you're right, orgasms kind of a peak and then
Speaker 1: it so meet your favorite food and you're like, ohh,
Speaker 1: how is that any different from when you're rubbing one
Speaker 1: out and you get that old Maybe the intensity, I guess,
Speaker 1: not just intensity is the location of it. But I
Speaker 1: promise you there's videos were I'm literally rubbing the ladies
Speaker 1: calf and she's squirting all over. So so orgasm doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be centralized the calves. It doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be centralized two years Genitalia, so we experience. There's no
Speaker 1: touching of the puss. You are rubbing her scene the scene,
Speaker 1: it's on my only thing, calf and she is just
Speaker 1: squirting from her calf being rod ass water sports that
Speaker 1: might be it's squirt, not be No, it's squirt. Wow,
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna hold you. I'm gonna subscribe to I
Speaker 1: have just added some more coins. I have flogged people
Speaker 1: and they've they've squirted, but not just on the volve,
Speaker 1: on the buttocks. It's because orgasm that is the build
Speaker 1: up is a build up of many things. But see
Speaker 1: that's because calves is different. Because your ass like being spanked.
Speaker 1: I feel it in my pussy. I feel a little,
Speaker 1: it reaches it somehow. That's local lies. But the calves,
Speaker 1: that's talent. Now you deserve a fly. If you ever
Speaker 1: had a session with me, the way you would feel
Speaker 1: after it is different than the way you feel from
Speaker 1: somebody have a sexually it's given a sus but it's
Speaker 1: not even just that. So my pussy do begin when
Speaker 1: I get massages. That's a good thing they do. But
Speaker 1: as soon as your partner puts his penis inside you.
Speaker 1: You're worried about if they had fun, what I'm going
Speaker 1: to do to you. You're not worried about it I
Speaker 1: had fun. You're so focused on yourself you can get
Speaker 1: into a space where your body is so sensitive. Why
Speaker 1: I could do like this and you, Oh shit, that's
Speaker 1: good if you can do that to people that are pleasers,
Speaker 1: because I am one, and I've realized that sometimes it's
Speaker 1: almost difficult for me when having sex with pleasers because
Speaker 1: we're almost both racing and we can't relax. And I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people need to unlearn that. I've
Speaker 1: actually learned that recently. M I was sleeping with someone
Speaker 1: that was such a pleaser and so was I, and
Speaker 1: we were both too competing and pleasing each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not competing more than like, we couldn't relax or enjoy
Speaker 1: until the other person did. So now it was almost
Speaker 1: like I almost faked it just so he could get
Speaker 1: to it, so that I could get to you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like we laughed about it and like
Speaker 1: learned about that too, and he was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: just can't, Like I just I need to get off it.
Speaker 1: You get an off I'm like I know, so what
Speaker 1: should we do? Did laugh? Like, Um, I do want
Speaker 1: to get back into DMT because I haven't really sat
Speaker 1: with someone that I could have a conversation with that
Speaker 1: with about that with on Horrible, But I've been having
Speaker 1: many combos about it. So I've had DMT, have smoked it, um,
Speaker 1: and most people know it's a hallucinogen kind of like
Speaker 1: in that ayahuasca ish family, right. But learned about Kundalini
Speaker 1: through Liz Goldman, who we've had on the show, who
Speaker 1: took me to the yoga class, who taught me about
Speaker 1: breath work and meditation. Then I learned about DMT being
Speaker 1: released through a lot of breath work, and I had
Speaker 1: no idea that DMT was something that your own brain
Speaker 1: can release. And when I did it for an hour,
Speaker 1: so apparently like it's almost they compared to the feeling
Speaker 1: of heroin, like when you're when your brain can get there,
Speaker 1: have you been able to reach it? Took me Like,
Speaker 1: it took me way too long, So um, when you
Speaker 1: you probably don't watch it. If you ever see me
Speaker 1: do yoga on my Instagram lives, that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: It takes me about forty five minutes I'm using motion
Speaker 1: in breath. But another thing that happens when you go
Speaker 1: to the gym and workout or hard and you go
Speaker 1: to sleep and have a dream. DMT is when you're dreaming.
Speaker 1: You say it's hallucination, but your body creates a lot
Speaker 1: of time when you're smoking smoking, I'm saying the hallucination, yeah,
Speaker 1: but when your body crazy, you can create it. You're
Speaker 1: just working out because when you're you're talking about breathing.
Speaker 1: When you're working out intentionally, you're generally focused on your breath.
Speaker 1: But when you're dreaming, that's DMT. You can create it
Speaker 1: through many different things. So, but physical exertion is one way.
Speaker 1: Meditation is another way. But when you do it, it's
Speaker 1: a it's a beautiful experience. Think about all the chemicals
Speaker 1: you're create in your body right now. You're your own
Speaker 1: perfect drug factory. When you're excited about something that's dopamine,
Speaker 1: when you start to bomb with somebody's oxytocin and nobody
Speaker 1: has to touch you to police set in your body right,
Speaker 1: And that's what I was talking about being attentive. But
Speaker 1: DMT is a fire thing because of the way it
Speaker 1: makes your brain fire and what it does to the
Speaker 1: ego and how you can be like, damn, I'm not
Speaker 1: alone in this crazy space. Also it oh, it crack
Speaker 1: kind of cracks open which you believe to be possible,
Speaker 1: and it puts you in a different space like cycles
Speaker 1: of mushrooms. It puts you in a whole different space.
Speaker 1: After you do, you're like, shit, I feel connected to
Speaker 1: everything and everybody. Yeah. Now, speaking of connections, speaking of
Speaker 1: kinkstruments as well, we're gonna get into our hord dirt
Speaker 1: because you are someone as well who enjoys antal play
Speaker 1: on yourself and so we were lucky. It took us
Speaker 1: years to get someone to come on here and talk
Speaker 1: about them enjoying being pegged um. But you gladly sit
Speaker 1: on dial doos on your page as well, and so
Speaker 1: I would love for you to give us a sex
Speaker 1: tip about antal toys and pegging for men. One of
Speaker 1: the things is um reckons and it doesn't challenge your masculinity,
Speaker 1: our g spot. It's inside your an. It's there. God
Speaker 1: did that because you got y'all. And it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: If someone is digitally penetrate and you're like, I mean,
Speaker 1: can you go to the top and pop that like
Speaker 1: can you touch the G spot. So it's the same
Speaker 1: thing recognizing that you can have the most amount of
Speaker 1: pleasure you've ever had in your life with just one
Speaker 1: finger in your rectum. And it literally takes less than
Speaker 1: ten seconds. Milk a process. As soon as you hit
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god. Um. But the biggest thing
Speaker 1: is I would say, get a dilatory. It's one of
Speaker 1: the best toys. And it's small, starts off real small,
Speaker 1: and it's a bloom. It expands. That actually allowed for me.
Speaker 1: It's the easiest way to take something in your in
Speaker 1: your rectum. Mum dilator like an anal training kit. That's
Speaker 1: exactly what it is. Just go to the sex doore
Speaker 1: and it's like it said, it's a little small, small ball.
Speaker 1: Hit the power button and just slowly expands. Oh what
Speaker 1: about prep um prepping, like literally preparing yourself for it. Prepping.
Speaker 1: Don't eat a lot of food that day the day
Speaker 1: you want to actually bottom trying not to eat, and
Speaker 1: go get you some fleet. Take the water, take the
Speaker 1: solution out and just put warm water in it, squirted
Speaker 1: up in there and then your lower bow will be
Speaker 1: cleaned out and once it comes out with nothing but water.
Speaker 1: You're ready. Now we're going straight into kink tails from there.
Speaker 1: That's the horrible decision. I would love to know what
Speaker 1: the conversation was. Did you want to be pegged the
Speaker 1: first time? Or did a woman say that she wanted
Speaker 1: to peg it? How did that take place? Um, I
Speaker 1: was asking for it, you were asking for it. What
Speaker 1: you should know is this when most people grew up
Speaker 1: trying to break into their parents born stash. My mom
Speaker 1: was a dog, so she had didos, she had an't
Speaker 1: weal be shit, a lot of stuff, and so I
Speaker 1: was like, what's this? Oh why is there a dick? Oh?
Speaker 1: What do you do with it? And you know, at
Speaker 1: some point, being a child, you don't recognize that you're
Speaker 1: a boy or a girl. You're just just doing thing.
Speaker 1: You can take a bath with a whole boy and
Speaker 1: be teen years old, have no idea that that a
Speaker 1: boy and you're a girl. So I was in that
Speaker 1: space planet with Dido's putting things in my butt like
Speaker 1: so I'm like, oh, I didn't know that my g
Speaker 1: spot was there when I was doing it, but I
Speaker 1: was like that shit feels great. Was out here playing?
Speaker 1: How old were you when you were doing that? Oh man,
Speaker 1: And does your mama know that she was in there
Speaker 1: playing with her toys? Yes, oh she does. I think
Speaker 1: when I found my first deal though, and I remember
Speaker 1: it was all black. It was about six inches, had
Speaker 1: no balls. Um, that's the scripted it. I probably was
Speaker 1: somewhere between. We were living in d C. So I
Speaker 1: was probably like twelve or thirteen, somewhere between eleven and thirteen. Um.
Speaker 1: At the time, my motherfucking life I was. I couldn't
Speaker 1: figure how to clean it at all. I didn't I
Speaker 1: didn't know about cleaning out. So it was my first experience.
Speaker 1: Was pleasurable, but it was a lot of like me.
Speaker 1: It was not a ship like like like that. No
Speaker 1: pun into enjoying that at that age. What do you
Speaker 1: what's your sexuality today? Pan sexual? I was gonna guess
Speaker 1: it's all humans. So, but that you have a pan
Speaker 1: sexual vibe, um part of it. So my mom had
Speaker 1: a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and two of my godmothers
Speaker 1: were trans women. Um. And you grew up in d yes,
Speaker 1: So I grew up in a household where you were
Speaker 1: encouraged to be you. Just if you're having sex with somebody,
Speaker 1: to be honest, don't lie about who and what you are,
Speaker 1: but just be you know, show up in the world. Luck. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: thirty one. This is a really crazy thing to you.
Speaker 1: Hear so many younger people saying like, oh, like I
Speaker 1: had a coming out party and you're like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: imagine the person that like, were you one a few
Speaker 1: amongst friends? Um, so this is the funny thing. Um,
Speaker 1: and I don't I don't like the dry stitching or anybody.
Speaker 1: I don't believe almost anybody straight for many reasons. As
Speaker 1: a sex work, we were not I don't even like
Speaker 1: to play this game like I'm not gay, but I'm
Speaker 1: a dude. So how about you don't gotta be gay
Speaker 1: whatever you call yourself. You're here for pleasure. I'll give
Speaker 1: it to you. Um, it's not even about sex, just
Speaker 1: dude touching to do man man man on mail touch.
Speaker 1: But I think what it is is we are sexualities
Speaker 1: based on who we will take home to our parents.
Speaker 1: Sometimes in some cases, you may not actually be attracted
Speaker 1: to a one, be like this woman doesn't do anything
Speaker 1: for me. However, you made meet a woman, be like,
Speaker 1: she's so fucking fired, who would it be like to
Speaker 1: kiss them? So that's that's a different level of attraction,
Speaker 1: but it's more about their energy sexual attraction on the
Speaker 1: animal level. Some things you're not attracted to. But it
Speaker 1: may be a day like damn, I don't know how
Speaker 1: should get my pussy? Well, what the hell does happened
Speaker 1: to me? But when it comes down to pleasure, if
Speaker 1: this was a dark room and you were getting your
Speaker 1: box age and it felt great to you, once the
Speaker 1: light comes on, you're like, damn, it was a dog.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, you'd be mad, you'd be pissed. But the
Speaker 1: whole time before you knew he was like yo, they
Speaker 1: he was going to town and it wasn't even a heat.
Speaker 1: So pleasure is separate than sexuality because dude, say they're straight,
Speaker 1: but they go to glory hose and who's in the
Speaker 1: glory hole? Who's behind the wall. It was created for man,
Speaker 1: it was. It wasn't created for male on female right.
Speaker 1: It was a crazy to give your ammiunity to put
Speaker 1: your addict to a hole and get it sucked and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I didn't know it was. You knew
Speaker 1: who it was. So sexualities and pleasure, you know, they
Speaker 1: can be separated because you don't have to quote unquote
Speaker 1: be attracted to a male, but you'll still use his mouth,
Speaker 1: You'll still use his asshole. That's a pleasure. Basic about
Speaker 1: jail a lot. I had this conversation with people who
Speaker 1: are very much and identified as straight. But those are
Speaker 1: things that, yeah, they'll allow because it maybe it feels
Speaker 1: good or whatever the case. I was at a photo
Speaker 1: shoot Mandy, and let me just say this, the straight
Speaker 1: men talk more about my penis than the ladies that
Speaker 1: were there. But do you also think that that's a
Speaker 1: trained thing? Knowing that even important we talked about it.
Speaker 1: They often show the dick going in the pussy, the
Speaker 1: coum shot, the dick getting sucked. Please tell me, please
Speaker 1: tell me what about that it's heterosexual? Because if I'm heterosexual,
Speaker 1: I want to see two women. I don't need to
Speaker 1: do what I need to do for I agree with
Speaker 1: you on the first part about people's scale, but I
Speaker 1: think people envision themselves important. Yes they can't, But what
Speaker 1: I'm saying is, if you're there's no need. I've met
Speaker 1: people that are woman or male body. They don't spend
Speaker 1: any time talking about a pussy because I don't like it.
Speaker 1: She's cute. I mean, he banged her out, but I'm
Speaker 1: more about him. The fact that a lot of straight
Speaker 1: do spend so much time they want the larger penis.
Speaker 1: They want you to beat it on their faith. If
Speaker 1: you have a small penis, how do you imagine that's
Speaker 1: your openis. I'm not trying to be funny. If you're
Speaker 1: a white male fantasy though, I get it, but it's
Speaker 1: still fixated on the penis. Part of it is misogyny,
Speaker 1: I get it, but it's still you spend more time
Speaker 1: talking about it than I do. And then women, but
Speaker 1: you say you're straight or part of it, and I'm
Speaker 1: being facetious. I recognize people can have their own preferences,
Speaker 1: just being silly, but it's just sexuality is so fluid
Speaker 1: in many different ways. Because it said pleasure and sexuality
Speaker 1: can be separated, but a lot of people enjoy pleasure,
Speaker 1: but they wouldn't take a dude home, right, But again,
Speaker 1: you'll go to a glory hole. I'm eighty twenty Actually
Speaker 1: was what you said, ady, agreeing that people for the
Speaker 1: most part are not all the way straight. The twenty
Speaker 1: is that I think we can be very brainwashed into
Speaker 1: not letting us do that. I think men specifically, I mean,
Speaker 1: for the most part, we celebrate girls kissing a girl
Speaker 1: and it's funny and it's sexy and whatever. I think
Speaker 1: men can be so terrified to even look the other
Speaker 1: way that sometimes they want to allow their brain to
Speaker 1: get there. I think about the men that I've wanted
Speaker 1: to have, you know, play with that we're just like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, don't like or just freaking out about it.
Speaker 1: Won't let their body relax, just can't think about it
Speaker 1: because it's been forced into them. And I mean that's
Speaker 1: a societal pressure, but I think that almost keeps you
Speaker 1: from it. I think maybe even I had a guy
Speaker 1: tell me once that was open about it. He was like,
Speaker 1: I remember when I was like a teenager, I wanted
Speaker 1: to know what other guys bodies looked like in the
Speaker 1: locker room. I wanted to know if I looked similar,
Speaker 1: if I was bigger or smaller. I wanted to know.
Speaker 1: And then amongst looking like, I knew they were attractive,
Speaker 1: and it made me think of women, and like I
Speaker 1: would think about them and think about sex, but think
Speaker 1: about fucking women. That to me is still Kinsley skill. Shit.
Speaker 1: I look at hot girls sometimes they might want to
Speaker 1: go fuck my boyfriend. You know what I'm saying like,
Speaker 1: I think, though, we've got to make sure that we're
Speaker 1: all having conversation about pleasure, Like I think you've said
Speaker 1: something today that I haven't heard a Really pleasure and
Speaker 1: sexuality are separate, because it's very true. Yeah, I really
Speaker 1: like that, especially because the clip of you that went
Speaker 1: viral literally questioned both of those things. So you went
Speaker 1: viral for saying that you sucked your own dick and
Speaker 1: came in your mouth, which is ironic now that you
Speaker 1: say you don't like come, it's the thing. Oh you
Speaker 1: don't like other people's come, but you're cool with your
Speaker 1: because you know what you're eating and put it in
Speaker 1: your body. Now, there is a porn star and I'm
Speaker 1: so mad that I can't remember his name now, but
Speaker 1: that literally sucks his own dick off yeap crazy he
Speaker 1: was no that he's new. I'm talking about like when
Speaker 1: we first got on the spot and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, because he was very, very attractive. And that's
Speaker 1: why I like gay porn because they'd be fine. How
Speaker 1: can you do it? That's everybody suestion, right, is it?
Speaker 1: The bending over? Is it flexibility? Can anyone suck? By
Speaker 1: the way, By the way, can any man suck their
Speaker 1: own dick. Is that a thing that really all of
Speaker 1: y'all can do? No, okay, it's anatomy and flexibility. So um,
Speaker 1: because I feel like anybody, Yeah, okay, So women can't.
Speaker 1: We can't. Oh, listen, we can't eat all busy. You
Speaker 1: see someone eat the busy. Let me tell you something. Listen.
Speaker 1: You telling secrets on a microphone is so funny. There
Speaker 1: are two people that I've seen do it. There's this
Speaker 1: Asian lady and the other person doesn't really do it,
Speaker 1: but they can put their face there. Um, I want
Speaker 1: to say. The name is Tabana okay, and she she's
Speaker 1: a black contortionist. It is I know she can't and
Speaker 1: let me tell you. When she'd be teasing, I'll just
Speaker 1: be like, oh Jesus wow. And it's it's it is
Speaker 1: a thing to watch because I'm like, I just think,
Speaker 1: I like al due to you while you're doing that.
Speaker 1: But to answer your question, so, this is the size
Speaker 1: of my files. It is two hands plus this so
Speaker 1: literally I can bend over God that or I can
Speaker 1: put my legs over my head. What you say that big?
Speaker 1: I saw a video of it, but like what, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry you put it nipple. Yeah, he just it's it's
Speaker 1: so god No, you really just put that up to
Speaker 1: your nipple. So check out when when it's hard, it's
Speaker 1: it's two hands and I can lift my thumb and
Speaker 1: my thumb is at the head of my penis. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: so when I bent over, I can uh, or if
Speaker 1: I put my legs over my head, that's it. That's
Speaker 1: when you get to throw your Listen, how is that?
Speaker 1: Are you a good dick sucker? Because you would know
Speaker 1: since you yourself like, how would you raise your dick
Speaker 1: sucking skill? Listen? You know I did not wanted to know.
Speaker 1: This is the funny thing. No one has ever asked me.
Speaker 1: I don't know, So you have to understand this. You
Speaker 1: just do what you want to feel. No, not I
Speaker 1: ask people what they like? So no, no, I mean
Speaker 1: like on yourself myself. Yeah, I'm here, so i'm experiments.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, what is this? What is this? What
Speaker 1: is this? But when I give other people head, it's
Speaker 1: more of like, what do you like even if it
Speaker 1: whether it's male female body, because they if you don't
Speaker 1: like what I'm doing, I'm wasting my time And I
Speaker 1: want to be intentional and I want. I want you
Speaker 1: not to be triggered. I want you to be seen
Speaker 1: in anything that I do. Um, because even if I
Speaker 1: missed the mark and you say I like this, this,
Speaker 1: and let's not do those three things, but I missed
Speaker 1: the mark somewhere on these other things, you'd be like
Speaker 1: they gave effort. I like that. You. Everyone wants to
Speaker 1: feel that someone showed up for them, so you know,
Speaker 1: but I don't. I don't know. I don't. I can't
Speaker 1: say that I'm good. I don't know. What do you
Speaker 1: do it for work? A lot? Oh? Like you record
Speaker 1: yourself doing it well? Personally, I tell people when I'm
Speaker 1: in the mood there it may be like every other month,
Speaker 1: I'm in the mood to give myself at And one
Speaker 1: of the running jokes is he doesn't need anybody to pleasure.
Speaker 1: I'm like, actually, I enjoy touch from other people. Um.
Speaker 1: It's something that I recognize when I was younger and
Speaker 1: I was like oh boom oh, and it was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I did it. But it wasn't like your mind was
Speaker 1: an advanced mind, sir. You know, I've always been this
Speaker 1: way because again, I grew up in a sex positive
Speaker 1: home where my mom had a girlfriend and a boyfriend.
Speaker 1: So my grandfather had four girlfriends and I knew them all.
Speaker 1: I knew my cousins who I knew everyone. So my
Speaker 1: life was just kind of different. Growing up. I never
Speaker 1: came out of the closet because why would I why
Speaker 1: would do to my mom? Was no closet. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: mom was like, be you so um it? I did
Speaker 1: now two friends? Yes, I had to say, well kind
Speaker 1: of not. I wore dresses in high school, so that's
Speaker 1: so it's yeah, if you if you grew up with me,
Speaker 1: you knew I wasn't heterosexual, like I wore dresses, I
Speaker 1: wore skirts. I would you call because back then did
Speaker 1: you call yourself by No? I just I just was.
Speaker 1: I knew I wasn't straight. I would say I would
Speaker 1: say bisexual at the time because paying sexual was a new,
Speaker 1: a new Yeah, I like, I like, you know, I'm bisexual. Um,
Speaker 1: But if when you find yourself sleeping with more and
Speaker 1: has it changed? So this is the thing, um, and
Speaker 1: this is just about social emotional intelligence. How were we're Um,
Speaker 1: I were socialized for me to do with a male
Speaker 1: bodied person. You you're not going to be you can't
Speaker 1: be misogynistic the way you approach me is not going
Speaker 1: to be I'm fucking you, I'm dominating you. It has
Speaker 1: to be the same way I would approach a woman.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be gentle. So I find myself dealing with
Speaker 1: women more because dudes are not always able to be themselves.
Speaker 1: I don't deal with download dudes like I'm not You're
Speaker 1: not about to make me. We're not doing that. So
Speaker 1: a lot of dudes are in that space and they
Speaker 1: be like, nah, like what me doing. You're not gonna
Speaker 1: take me somewhere and make me feel away. Everybody that
Speaker 1: knows me knows I'm off the chain, so we're out.
Speaker 1: You're gonna think they just think we just rain. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just don't like that type of energy.
Speaker 1: So I end up dealing with women more. But I'm open.
Speaker 1: It's just about the human showing up as a human. Now,
Speaker 1: for the black men listening that are again maybe I
Speaker 1: hate to use the word confused, but in terms of
Speaker 1: sexuality or where they fall on the Kinsey scale, a
Speaker 1: lot of people feel as though women don't allow men
Speaker 1: often to come as themselves. And you say you enjoy
Speaker 1: black women, so I do. Just before we get out
Speaker 1: of here, I have to get into this conversation with
Speaker 1: you being this person from a child and knowing that
Speaker 1: you just come as you. What has your experience been
Speaker 1: with black women regarding your sexuality and do they make
Speaker 1: you feel safe? Um? So oh wow, oh yeah, these
Speaker 1: are really good questions and so not trying to make
Speaker 1: black women a monolith, of course, but yes, I find
Speaker 1: that it is difficult not for me to say who
Speaker 1: I am, but let's say one of us we were
Speaker 1: trying to date. You have to be able to tell
Speaker 1: your friends I'm dating the neck a Trumpeter and they're
Speaker 1: gonna look at my social media and be like this
Speaker 1: this this is who you don't know what kind of
Speaker 1: trump So they're there are different things that that goes
Speaker 1: into it. So if you're not secure as a woman
Speaker 1: to say I do like them, that's an issue. But
Speaker 1: there are women that's like that's gay and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh okay, and I'm like what does that mean? So
Speaker 1: you care more about who I'm being honest about who
Speaker 1: I have sex with and how I treat you as
Speaker 1: a person, because I'm like that Donalo is real, right?
Speaker 1: It is women like you're the first on my I
Speaker 1: am the first paying sexual like, that's where we're going
Speaker 1: on the first person. I was honest to you, that's
Speaker 1: where that will hop about that. So it can be
Speaker 1: difficult for black women to accept you, and so for
Speaker 1: me dating is difficult in that sense of there are
Speaker 1: a lot of unfortunately Black women that would do everything
Speaker 1: to uphold the patriarchy and misogyny. Is it the sex
Speaker 1: work or the sexual orientation and to find more of
Speaker 1: a hindrance to dating. It's a little bit of both.
Speaker 1: But I will say this, I've been called assist in
Speaker 1: effage more for how I conduct myself and who I
Speaker 1: have sex with. Wow, if we were like, let's say
Speaker 1: I was trying to like court one of you all,
Speaker 1: I'm probably never going to touch you. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to make any any way to be sexual with because
Speaker 1: someone to know you as a person. So one lady
Speaker 1: I was talking to we spent like two months again,
Speaker 1: and she's like, are you are you attracted to me?
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, why why why do you think that?
Speaker 1: She's like, you should never pushed upon me. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: so me getting to know you as a humanist is
Speaker 1: the fact that I respect your space. I expermission to
Speaker 1: do these things to you. She's like, well, I'm used
Speaker 1: to men doing this. I'm like, oh violent, and you're
Speaker 1: consenting basically forcibly almost kind of assaulting you and you
Speaker 1: just kind of go with it. I'm like, that's not
Speaker 1: my last two men. I'm dated. I've come on this
Speaker 1: podcast and say like, why don't they want to have
Speaker 1: sex with me? Sooner? Dada da da. And it's so
Speaker 1: crazy because the conversation I had recently was like literally
Speaker 1: like my friends and I are trying to dissect why.
Speaker 1: You know, this summer I was dating someone like how
Speaker 1: how am I not fucking him? And I remember even
Speaker 1: you were like maybe he's gay or maybe he just
Speaker 1: wants to be your friend, bro, And that was his
Speaker 1: exact answer, like I'm getting to know you, like I've sucked.
Speaker 1: Everybody's like halla fa and like of course you can
Speaker 1: get pussy. It's like and I'm sitting here thinking almost
Speaker 1: in my brain being a sex positive person who has
Speaker 1: a podcast like this, Oh yeah, maybe he's just like
Speaker 1: the weaker one of us too, even as the woman.
Speaker 1: I feel bad to say and I admitted on this
Speaker 1: pot too, um black Jesus, like he wanted to keep
Speaker 1: hanging out with me, but we weren't having sex because
Speaker 1: you know, I was back entertaining this God damn my ex.
Speaker 1: But I was so shocked that, Okay, if we're not
Speaker 1: having sex, you still want to hang out with me.
Speaker 1: And I think it's because of that relationship with heterosexual
Speaker 1: men yet, but the waiting when we had we fused
Speaker 1: on the first night. It was surprising to me that
Speaker 1: like we still wanted to hang we weren't having sex.
Speaker 1: This goes back to my original point. Yeah, about being
Speaker 1: seen as a human. Yeah, so even though you want it,
Speaker 1: you I know what you all look like, I know
Speaker 1: what you're accustomed to. So it's like, as a as
Speaker 1: a guy that understands themselves, we're like, we actually want
Speaker 1: to know who you want to self control. I think
Speaker 1: that we or at least for one point for myself,
Speaker 1: I thought I didn't realize self control meant that he
Speaker 1: actually had interest. I was just like, oh, he's not
Speaker 1: that into me if he can't contain himself, do you
Speaker 1: know the more that we're into you? It is. So
Speaker 1: I went on a date today and I have been
Speaker 1: talking to this first, I'm telling my damn business kind
Speaker 1: I decisions and I'm Polly. So all my lovers at
Speaker 1: one point will watch this, so I always have to
Speaker 1: let them know what's going on, because like, I want
Speaker 1: to tell you first. But I'm went on a date
Speaker 1: today and I've known the person for about maybe a
Speaker 1: year and a half, and every time we've met, we've
Speaker 1: been in sex positive space, we've been face we could
Speaker 1: have literally had sex right then and there never had sex.
Speaker 1: We've had great conversation, and so today I told her.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I like you, should like
Speaker 1: I like you too, And I was like, well, the
Speaker 1: reason I like her more is because we've never had sex.
Speaker 1: I'm a sex worker. I'm going to have sex. I
Speaker 1: know when I'm gonna have sex and who I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be having sex with, how many times, how many scenes
Speaker 1: is gonna shoot? So I'm not worried about that. But
Speaker 1: when I can actually treat you as a human and
Speaker 1: we get to know it, sure that means actually like you.
Speaker 1: Because if sex is the only thing you can offer
Speaker 1: me when I'm not horny, what are we doing when
Speaker 1: I'm feeling What you just said is what I've just
Speaker 1: learned the last six months of my life. I'm almost
Speaker 1: thirty two years old. I mean the keeping. I always
Speaker 1: associated men wanting me in their passion for me with sex,
Speaker 1: not that I wasn't getting I've had a lot of
Speaker 1: boyfriends and men want to court me, but it was
Speaker 1: still associated with sex. But in this moment, like, it's
Speaker 1: crazy because I did not know that I would even
Speaker 1: say until three weeks ago, just thinking that liking me
Speaker 1: this much was because we haven't had sex yet, because
Speaker 1: now I got to push past that point of my
Speaker 1: interest is there? Because at first, when he said something
Speaker 1: like this to me, I thought, oh, so, basically, you're
Speaker 1: scared to fuck me because you're not gonna like me
Speaker 1: after that. But it wasn't that. It was that you're
Speaker 1: so used to fucking girls by the third day or whatever,
Speaker 1: that you kind of just don't get to this point
Speaker 1: that we're at now. When the fuck are you talking
Speaker 1: about family? You know what I mean, or my goals
Speaker 1: or life shit. When our first dates drinks, the second
Speaker 1: dates drinks, and by the third one we're ready to fuck.
Speaker 1: Like now, we're really building. And I think that men
Speaker 1: that for themselves want more because at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, most men that I've met, even my homeboys,
Speaker 1: want a wifee type of girl. At the end of
Speaker 1: the day, they want one woman that they feel more
Speaker 1: connected to rather than the eight girls are currently fucking.
Speaker 1: They just haven't met them yet, but maybe they have.
Speaker 1: They just sucked them too early, and now it kind
Speaker 1: of feels like the chase is done for me. It's
Speaker 1: not about that. If I have interests, I have interests.
Speaker 1: But if you have a growth mindset, if you're intelligent,
Speaker 1: your body is going to change. Whatever size you are
Speaker 1: right now, we could be dating tomorrow. You can gain
Speaker 1: a one hundred pounds. So I don't like you, and
Speaker 1: the only interest I have is in your body? Why
Speaker 1: am I wasting my time? And keep in mind too,
Speaker 1: that we're thinking our bodies are the prize, so so
Speaker 1: many times when we're online, we're posting the bikini picks
Speaker 1: and doing things like that, ready to reel them in
Speaker 1: without making sure that we've got intellectual conversation. Do you
Speaker 1: know how many women are so my home girls have
Speaker 1: made fun of me for years for things that I
Speaker 1: see now our soft girl life and like a trend
Speaker 1: on Twitter. I've had people say that I was what
Speaker 1: is it when you're like trying to like not the
Speaker 1: male gaze but it's like there's a turn people have
Speaker 1: been using about like trying to basically you're talking for
Speaker 1: the guys. What is that one? Oh? Not man's playing
Speaker 1: pick me? You're a pick me because I would say
Speaker 1: things about cooking or doing little things, and I would
Speaker 1: be really confused about to pick me comment. But it's
Speaker 1: because it wasn't cool to be softer or to like
Speaker 1: show men that attitude. And maybe it was like my
Speaker 1: relationship with my dad, so I haven't had to have
Speaker 1: a guard up, whereas a lot of my friends didn't
Speaker 1: have that luxury. But I do realize today that like
Speaker 1: it's just becoming up acceptable for women to be like that,
Speaker 1: and I hope what happens for men is that men
Speaker 1: that do want those deeper connections with women, they take
Speaker 1: that approach. Hey, maybe even when she's asking for dick,
Speaker 1: let me hold it back a little bit because I
Speaker 1: can see something with this girl which men probably aren't
Speaker 1: doing because it's it's a lot more pressure for a
Speaker 1: dude not to want to fuck you. Oh what are
Speaker 1: you gay? That's the first thing I'm thinking. So I
Speaker 1: set it on this podcast, or or you gotta outbreak,
Speaker 1: or you all answered the question that you just asked,
Speaker 1: and that has been my experience. I'm like, but if
Speaker 1: I like you, we can chill. Even if we have sex,
Speaker 1: like you said, with black cheese, I can give you that. Well,
Speaker 1: it could be fair. There isn't unlearning unfortunately that has
Speaker 1: taken place with us. And I think I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: for this show because even the things that I experienced,
Speaker 1: I let everyone know I've only been with black men.
Speaker 1: And so my friends have said, girl, how you be fine?
Speaker 1: And how you be fining these men that be letting
Speaker 1: you do all this? And I'm like, they're probably the
Speaker 1: same men that you do. You just don't make them
Speaker 1: feel safe. You don't allow them. They don't trust you
Speaker 1: with the things that they're really into. And a lot
Speaker 1: of black men will literally come to me. I used
Speaker 1: to Oh my god, I used to call myself the
Speaker 1: buddhahole whisper one time, like all these men like let
Speaker 1: me know the things they were into, and they were like,
Speaker 1: you're the only girl that knows this. You're the only
Speaker 1: part of it is setting the container. And the other
Speaker 1: thing is there's language that you can use that will
Speaker 1: let men know I'm not safe here. M. Can you
Speaker 1: give some examples of what those things could be just
Speaker 1: before we get out of here, because any any woman
Speaker 1: listening that really maybe wanting to dive deeper into kink
Speaker 1: or let let you know men know that she's open
Speaker 1: and not judgmental. What are things that are normally said
Speaker 1: by women that make you not feel safe with their
Speaker 1: with their views on sexuality? Some of them? So I'll
Speaker 1: give you some actions. So um, I'll say, hey, you know, Wheezy, today,
Speaker 1: I was really emotional and I was sad, and I
Speaker 1: just felt like I wasn't strong enough to do this
Speaker 1: if you don't stop being a punk ass, yeah, weak ass?
Speaker 1: Man up? Why are you crying things like that? So
Speaker 1: when I'm trying to show you the full breath of
Speaker 1: my humanness and you call it gay, soft, weak, punk pussy.
Speaker 1: And it's funny that the words that we use to
Speaker 1: describe weakness are the strong strong, but we use words
Speaker 1: about women to describe weakness. So anytime that you describe
Speaker 1: me being emotional and equate that to a feminine traite, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're telling me I'm not safe to show you that
Speaker 1: I'm a human. Wow. Um, anytime we're watching TV like
Speaker 1: that fag of ass, you're like, well, anytime a dude
Speaker 1: does anything and your comment is negative about their mannerisms,
Speaker 1: not being strong, not being masculine. If a man cries,
Speaker 1: my friend, if a man cries in front of you,
Speaker 1: the best thing you can do is hold them and
Speaker 1: say thank you, thank you for showing me that side
Speaker 1: of you. You're not safe. That would make make a
Speaker 1: person feel right now, we were on a date and
Speaker 1: you just burst out in tears. If we don't know
Speaker 1: it's that way, you may think I'm gonna judge you.
Speaker 1: But if I show you I'm here with you and
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna hold space, people like, but damn, I
Speaker 1: can be myself in front of them. They're not gonna
Speaker 1: act weird. Do you think if people, specifically women aren't
Speaker 1: using terms like the F word or like calling someone
Speaker 1: a bitch or a punk, and they say things like
Speaker 1: I want a man who's gonna be this, this, that,
Speaker 1: and they're like trying to maybe show you how they
Speaker 1: or they'll even say they want someone masculine. I think
Speaker 1: that's the same thing. It is the same thing, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I've seen that a lot too, where girls are
Speaker 1: overdoing this manly man they want. It's like, girl, my friend,
Speaker 1: my best friend. He know how to hang shit up
Speaker 1: on the walls, So my friend does that often. She'll
Speaker 1: go out with with guys a lot, and the first
Speaker 1: thing she tells me is, girl, I think I don't
Speaker 1: think he's all the way straight. And I'd be like,
Speaker 1: well why, and she would just be like his manner.
Speaker 1: It would like even if they're not, even if they're not,
Speaker 1: if they treat you, Brianna said, it makes me feel
Speaker 1: like I'm the only girl in the world. If somebody
Speaker 1: does that to you and they're honest about who they are,
Speaker 1: why do you care? What is keeping you from being happy?
Speaker 1: So if we're so, if let's say even I'm Polly,
Speaker 1: I can enter into anogamus relationship. So yeah, I'm paying
Speaker 1: sexual bless say I'm dating Mandy and she's like, I'm
Speaker 1: a monogamous don't ain't nobody else? So we're monogamous. That
Speaker 1: means I'm no longer having sex with a dude. There's
Speaker 1: no competition. It's a shoe, So then what is your issue?
Speaker 1: I actually think though what you're saying, Polly, for me,
Speaker 1: most people are not able to make you feel like
Speaker 1: the only girl in the world. I have a very
Speaker 1: close friend who's in a Polly relationship where they feel
Speaker 1: like that person is fluctuating so much on the Kis
Speaker 1: scale that they're not being catered to. It. It's like, hey,
Speaker 1: one day, my partner just may want a woman more
Speaker 1: and may want a man more, and it's like I
Speaker 1: get left out. And I've had the experience that with Polly.
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know how to manage that.
Speaker 1: I think you're speaking from a place of maturity and experience.
Speaker 1: And I don't know how long you've been Polly, but
Speaker 1: just your age alone shows me what's the difference between
Speaker 1: me and Polly having multiple friends a lot. So this
Speaker 1: is my question. Do you do you love your your
Speaker 1: platonic friends? Yes? Do you hang out with your platonic friends?
Speaker 1: Not as much as my partner? Okay, well that's your
Speaker 1: own personal boundary. It's not a personal boundary I have
Speaker 1: the I don't have time to sexually. I would say,
Speaker 1: like please or even gratify all twenty of my friends
Speaker 1: right like, But but that's not the basis of almost
Speaker 1: any serious relationship. It's not just sex. But I'm saying
Speaker 1: just that a lot. But I'm just saying but the
Speaker 1: main difference between my platonic friends. I don't fuck them, yes,
Speaker 1: but you have the capacity to love them though, right,
Speaker 1: I do. But I can't eat and show up for
Speaker 1: some of them motherfuckers all the time. Think about how
Speaker 1: hard it is to catch up with a friend for lunch.
Speaker 1: But that's fine though. So in my life because of
Speaker 1: what I do for work, I'm literally I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be home. I'm traveling now. I'll probably be home fifteen
Speaker 1: days this month, and then I'm gonna be out. So
Speaker 1: even if we lived together, I still need time alone.
Speaker 1: It's not about another person. Sometimes we're so jealous of
Speaker 1: somebody's time. It's like, what are you doing with your time?
Speaker 1: That this wasn't this was? Actually sometimes it's been monogamous.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think that that's the case. I'm not
Speaker 1: a jealous person, but I also and I need more
Speaker 1: accessibility to time. I would say then I could share
Speaker 1: with if you had four girlfriends. But even if I
Speaker 1: was monogamous, so well, for me, I picked partners based
Speaker 1: on certain things. Even if for a monogamous you have
Speaker 1: to understand one of my time, my own, I can
Speaker 1: give you forty percent of it. I still have to work, right,
Speaker 1: you still got a life, of course, so I'll side
Speaker 1: of us, ree, lady, we still have lives. So if
Speaker 1: your life is not busy and full, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: hard for us to deal with each other because even
Speaker 1: if it's not another person, I gotta practice, I gotta train,
Speaker 1: I gotta travel. Honestly, it's life is life, and for me,
Speaker 1: I'm almost too busy to date some one. Pot amiss.
Speaker 1: Right now I'm dating someone on a different coast and
Speaker 1: we're like matching calendars to figure out what time works
Speaker 1: between whose work. How the fuck he have time for
Speaker 1: it I'm doing. I'm doing a Granted, if there was
Speaker 1: another person near by him to maybe fill up the days, sure,
Speaker 1: but I'll tell you right now that if I was
Speaker 1: coming to LA for forty eight hours and he had
Speaker 1: a date tomorrow, that wouldn't be a But that's the
Speaker 1: boundary you walk in. You can outside of sexual this conversation.
Speaker 1: I feel like then my last relationship was a poly relationship,
Speaker 1: and he had a problem with all of my partners.
Speaker 1: And when I say partners, I still gave a lot
Speaker 1: of time to my friends. So every Sunday I'm at
Speaker 1: a scient's watching this, I'm flying to Atlanta for Crystal,
Speaker 1: especially when she was going she was going through Keimo
Speaker 1: at one point, and I was making sure I got
Speaker 1: to go to Atlanta for this Medina comes up where
Speaker 1: I fly to support her like And that was one
Speaker 1: actually question that he had. He felt like confused as
Speaker 1: to how I could show up for all these other people,
Speaker 1: and I had to let him know, these people are
Speaker 1: in my life. You have to accept the time that
Speaker 1: I give them. I will give you the time that
Speaker 1: I can give you. But these people, even though we're
Speaker 1: in a relationship, that doesn't change. And the fact that
Speaker 1: a lot of them don't live here was one thing.
Speaker 1: He got a lot of my time. But we even
Speaker 1: argued sometimes because I always make time for my friends.
Speaker 1: So I would invite him out a lot of times,
Speaker 1: and I'd be with my friends because I still have
Speaker 1: to give them time and love and be attentive to
Speaker 1: their needs the same way I am for yours. So
Speaker 1: you actually explaining this makes me feel like going into
Speaker 1: my next relationship. Not to say that Polly always has
Speaker 1: to be sexual. I remember we had King nore On
Speaker 1: here and he talked about like, well, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: like everything you like, so I have tout space for
Speaker 1: you to be able to do other things with other people.
Speaker 1: That you are very two different daters than I am,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with either. I expect when my
Speaker 1: friends get in a relationship, they have less time for me,
Speaker 1: and I have no issue with that, but not a
Speaker 1: fucking problem. But my end goal is children. So when
Speaker 1: I find a partner that I'm interested in and I'm
Speaker 1: seeing it go there, when I have kids, I'm really
Speaker 1: not going to be spread And like, being a mom
Speaker 1: is something I wanted before any other career passion. So
Speaker 1: when I'm starting to court and date a partner that
Speaker 1: i'm that I'm falling for, those relationships do dwindle. I
Speaker 1: make time for them, don't get me wrong, but like
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna be you just said every Sunday with
Speaker 1: a Sunday right, I have a homegirl every Friday I'm
Speaker 1: out to dinner with. That was just our thing in La.
Speaker 1: That's actually gone now because the dude that I'm dating
Speaker 1: is free now on these weekends right whereas the weeks
Speaker 1: are busy. So she expects that to be one because
Speaker 1: I need to know you're that for the future. I
Speaker 1: want I don't disagree with that, but I will say this.
Speaker 1: The reason why I invest time in the people that
Speaker 1: I love, regardless of our type of relationship, is if
Speaker 1: my partner dies, if my partner I break up, you
Speaker 1: have to hold space for the people that you just
Speaker 1: agreed because a lot of people let their friends go,
Speaker 1: which is really fucked out a lot of you. But
Speaker 1: I definitely prioritize like my parents, if you won't let
Speaker 1: your friends go for your relationship and your own person's success,
Speaker 1: don't do it for a person. So if you're not
Speaker 1: willing to give up time for your own success, I
Speaker 1: put time into practice in trump because I want to
Speaker 1: be successful. So that's my first relationship to self. If
Speaker 1: I can't give me that, I don't have time for
Speaker 1: nobody else but for me. And I think the happy
Speaker 1: medium is like what y'll both do, including the trumpet
Speaker 1: with them, I try to and then you letting him
Speaker 1: come out with friends, if you don't integrate your partner
Speaker 1: with your friendships, if you're actually going to give that
Speaker 1: much time, because this is one thing, I left it
Speaker 1: up to him because I'm not gonna lie. I'm a
Speaker 1: person I don't want to be involved with any of
Speaker 1: my friends in the partners, I don't want that person
Speaker 1: to be my friend, so I always let it up
Speaker 1: to him, Hey, if you want to see me, I'm
Speaker 1: out with this person right now. But I never like
Speaker 1: bombarded him with hanging with my friends. But if he
Speaker 1: wanted to see me, just know I'm showing up for
Speaker 1: someone else right now. You're more than welcome to join us.
Speaker 1: But that's really that's healthy. That's that's what I did
Speaker 1: with him, because it wasn't like I'm going to invite
Speaker 1: people out. I'm out. If you really want to see me,
Speaker 1: come join. But I also want to say I don't
Speaker 1: mean giving a partner like five days a week of
Speaker 1: my time. That's something I actually can't just afford to
Speaker 1: give right now. But if I really do have, like
Speaker 1: right now, I'm here in New York for five days,
Speaker 1: if I was seeing someone for five days in New
Speaker 1: York as many friends as I need to see, if
Speaker 1: I was dating someone, I might have to catch those
Speaker 1: home girls on the next trip to prioritize the relationship.
Speaker 1: That again, I have an end goal with a relationship
Speaker 1: for me right now, like motherhood, I'm thirty two years old.
Speaker 1: As Mandy just told me a few hours ago. I'm
Speaker 1: thirty one for another three weeks, but like, no, like
Speaker 1: my clock is tick and so it's like I'm a
Speaker 1: lot more intentional. And my bitch has been my bitches
Speaker 1: for everyo. Like we've been in the clothes forever. We
Speaker 1: even on trips forever. I much like you. We internationally
Speaker 1: trip with our friends, you know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: sometimes I have those waves with them that I appreciate
Speaker 1: that they understand too, because I kind of need that
Speaker 1: right now, you know what I mean, Like when I
Speaker 1: have more free time and I'm single as shit. Hell yeah, bitch,
Speaker 1: you got me in Italy for four weeks so we
Speaker 1: could trick off on a boat. But I do think
Speaker 1: in this minute now, we was just talking about you.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because we've about to go. We're talking about
Speaker 1: making time for friends except for you, and I said
Speaker 1: that Sundays would be every Sunday. We're about to go
Speaker 1: get drinks. Anyway, this is this is my friend and
Speaker 1: my my ex was jealous of in my Polly relationships.
Speaker 1: I didn't know I was Polly until now, but I'm
Speaker 1: Polly with my friendships and it's crazy because I love
Speaker 1: them and I let them know my friend got a
Speaker 1: family tree. Oh yeah, my friends come before my partners.
Speaker 1: My career comes before my partners. And that is something
Speaker 1: that they have to accept when they come into my life.
Speaker 1: And I tell people the same thing because it love.
Speaker 1: Don't pay bills. It showed up. Listen, I tell my partners, listen,
Speaker 1: if I have to work, the one thing I don't want,
Speaker 1: you don't don't complain about me working. You can complaining
Speaker 1: about me not given, not being intentive, not being intentional.
Speaker 1: A lot of things I have to work. I have goals.
Speaker 1: My life. Goals are more because my life goes more important.
Speaker 1: Videos you put out some cats in my life goes
Speaker 1: a very important. I love that it affords me the
Speaker 1: luxury and the things that I do enjoy. I love that.
Speaker 1: I love that. Well for anyone listening, for anyone who
Speaker 1: enjoyed you. By the way, the conversation today, great, hope
Speaker 1: that you guys took a lot from it. They were like,
Speaker 1: y'all could have talked way more about For those that
Speaker 1: want to support you, follow you on only fans or
Speaker 1: support any of your links, where can they where can
Speaker 1: they follow in support? So it's naked? Trumpeter on Twitter
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Speaker 1: xxx and Black on Black Love xxx kind of the
Speaker 1: way all of those will be in the description of
Speaker 1: this episode. We truly, truly, truly hope that you enjoyed
Speaker 1: this episode, because baby, this is how we wrapping up
Speaker 1: Black History Month. Any again, Thank you guys for tuning in.
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Speaker 1: Thank y'all for tuning in Yet again, this has been
Speaker 1: another episode of horrible Decisions.