Speaker 1: Hell I Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio podcast. All Right, hello everybody, and
Speaker 1: thank you for tuning into an all new episode of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck At Dating. My name is Jared, I'm
Speaker 1: with Vanessa and we have a very special guest in studio.
Speaker 1: There's really no introduction needed. You know who she is.
Speaker 1: For million Dollar Matchmaker, we have Patty Stanger. Yeah, thanks guys,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me. Patty, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining us. Okay, Vanessa's on the line. I'm such a yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm such a fanity. First of all, guys, a little update.
Speaker 1: I do you know that I? Do you know that? I?
Speaker 1: But did you know that I picked you from the
Speaker 1: first episode that a Lot and Bennett, who are the showrunners,
Speaker 1: are the Bachelor. Big shout out to them. Jay kind
Speaker 1: of punched me and they said, who do you think
Speaker 1: is gonna win? I said Vanessa and it was they
Speaker 1: were trying to push me in the Curran field. I said,
Speaker 1: he don't go for blonds. He's a brunette guy. You
Speaker 1: can't blame me on this. And I would call Daniel
Speaker 1: and Vinnie on the back channel night. Come on, you
Speaker 1: gotta tell me again. Tell me. They're like, you're close,
Speaker 1: but they wouldn't give me any information. And I picked you.
Speaker 1: You were my front runner but for that. But when
Speaker 1: Freddie marked into the studio, I heard her talking about
Speaker 1: how she wants to but no, here's the way way
Speaker 1: to slow down. I have equal opportunity for male and females,
Speaker 1: and all bachelor and bachelor girls are welcome. Olivia Cardi
Speaker 1: is one of my friends brand All of them are
Speaker 1: out there. But my assistant saw your ex twice this
Speaker 1: week at Whole Foods and girls were swarming, and I
Speaker 1: think he just likes to walk. Next time she sees him,
Speaker 1: is gonna take off a shirt and walk down the
Speaker 1: Whole food sile. I mean that's basically what's happening here.
Speaker 1: I mean he's looking good. I would do that too
Speaker 1: if him. Okay, so you wouldn't. Would you move back?
Speaker 1: Are you living in l A? Are you still in Canada?
Speaker 1: So I'm back. I'm back home in Montreal. I was
Speaker 1: in Toronto, yeah the second I was in Toronto right now? Florida? Wait,
Speaker 1: what part of Florida? I'm from there? Are you from Laterdale?
Speaker 1: I went to Universus Miami. I'm from Miami. All right,
Speaker 1: so this is what I will do. I will fix
Speaker 1: you up. The you look Jared no Whets guys on
Speaker 1: so old that the years that they were the number
Speaker 1: one football team in the world before they took Payola
Speaker 1: was when I was there. That's all old I am.
Speaker 1: But I'm old enough. You all could be my prom children.
Speaker 1: Stop that now you don't look at but Vanessa, I'm
Speaker 1: going to fix you up, and Jared's gonna give me
Speaker 1: your information and we're gonna we're gonna get this party
Speaker 1: started because I know a lot of Florida guys. Wait
Speaker 1: a minute, Vanessa, you're saying you're gonna go on a
Speaker 1: million dollar Matchmaker. Maybe actually we might be doing match
Speaker 1: Real Matchmaker, Like maybe Bravo will want to do Matt
Speaker 1: Real Matchmaker. Okay, so because I have a feeling that God,
Speaker 1: you would be really good on Matchmaker. Actually yeah, and
Speaker 1: Jared and and Ashley should come on and give some advice.
Speaker 1: I always want to know because I was there during
Speaker 1: the Jared and Ashley instant, had backstory on that. I
Speaker 1: love to hear some story later on. We still got Vanessa.
Speaker 1: So Vanessa, I totally will fix you up. I would
Speaker 1: probably give some dating advice. There a couple of things
Speaker 1: I didn't like what you do, so I will criticize
Speaker 1: you a little bit. That would be criticism involved. Yes, well,
Speaker 1: I'm I just feel like when I feel like Nick
Speaker 1: is too close to the to the vest, like, I
Speaker 1: feel like we need to get you a warmer guy.
Speaker 1: You were warm and you were trying to melt that iceberg,
Speaker 1: and you can't melt an iceberg. So I'd rather you
Speaker 1: get someone that water seeks its own level. Sorry, Nick,
Speaker 1: and I'm telling the truth. Wow, I don't even know
Speaker 1: what to say to that. Holy well, here we go.
Speaker 1: Tough love. I like it. Um, So, Vanessa, do you
Speaker 1: have any questions for Patty? Yes, well I'm so hardy
Speaker 1: questions Patty. When I found out you were coming on,
Speaker 1: I am such a newstand of yours on all the shows.
Speaker 1: My favorite episode was actually when um, there was someone
Speaker 1: from chilc that came on. Uh Chili Chili, Yes, yes, yes, chill.
Speaker 1: She was our first episode on the Celebrity season. That
Speaker 1: was funny because that was our show winner's idea. Spike
Speaker 1: van Breson, who is the show inner for the Hills
Speaker 1: in the City and U X factor in a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of other stuff. He actually produced a million dollar
Speaker 1: and millionaire matchmaker, and he wanted us to sit in
Speaker 1: on the Day eight and like criticize it. And I
Speaker 1: no one ever did that before other than the other
Speaker 1: than the Manzos. But the Manzos was a lie because
Speaker 1: nobody knew those two guys, you know, the Suns, were
Speaker 1: really the daters. So it was a really exciting episode,
Speaker 1: and Chili was shocked. She was just shocked. It was
Speaker 1: really good television with anyone. So I think, you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of these problems. A lot of the problems
Speaker 1: are is once you're in the bubble, like we all are,
Speaker 1: it's hard to date down. So I think when you
Speaker 1: do find a normal guy, as civilian as I like
Speaker 1: to call it, you really have to want a civilian.
Speaker 1: But most of us want our own level. So that's
Speaker 1: another problem with the same game, either celebrity or someone
Speaker 1: in the business who understands you, because like the director, producer, writer,
Speaker 1: someone who actually knows the way our work schedules are.
Speaker 1: I get a lot of complaints like, oh, you're not
Speaker 1: you're so busy, but I go through spurts of busy
Speaker 1: and slow, so I don't have a regular nineifi job
Speaker 1: like everybody else. You know, it's in so a lot
Speaker 1: of my the MENNI dat are like I can't handle this,
Speaker 1: and they don't like the carpet or they don't like
Speaker 1: your businesses though you're in. You know, nobody likes that
Speaker 1: I'm a matchmaker. They're jealous. I'm gonna trade up. Yeah. Interesting, No,
Speaker 1: that's a fair point. Are you dating anyone right now? No?
Speaker 1: I'm single right now, so I know what it's like.
Speaker 1: I'm actually really single. Yeah, me too, really really, but
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be single for long. I feel like
Speaker 1: when the next four months you're gonna meet your single? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I dated? Oh yeah, what's going on? Update? There's been
Speaker 1: a boy, there's been a boy. There's been a man.
Speaker 1: Who's the boy? Who's the boy? That there was someone?
Speaker 1: While there was someone, Um, I'll think Canada. I'll pink
Speaker 1: canacause ham Inflorida, so I'll think Canada. Um that I
Speaker 1: was dating, but that didn't didn't look out. Um, but
Speaker 1: it didn't work out for the for the for the
Speaker 1: right reasons, you know, like we're for the right reasons.
Speaker 1: If I had a nickel Okay, wait is he Montreal.
Speaker 1: Is he Montreal or Calgary? Is he Calgary Montreal? But
Speaker 1: he is he Montreal St. Luc Or Hampstead code St.
Speaker 1: Lucar Hampstead because my ex boyfriend and Mark Ruber, yes
Speaker 1: from Coach St. Luke, and I had plenty of Hampstead boys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I grew up with Florida. They all come down to
Speaker 1: Hollywood on the beach. They used to go to diplomat everyone. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm in for Lauderdale today and I was shopping at
Speaker 1: Public and someone's like, oh my god, we're not like
Speaker 1: the And I just broke up with somebody from Montreal
Speaker 1: who lived in Calgary. I just I don't know something.
Speaker 1: They're really by the way, Montreal guys can really kiss,
Speaker 1: just putting that on the map. They know how to
Speaker 1: French kiss, like most of it's European. California guys cannot kiss.
Speaker 1: So I don't know what the story. Yeah, but there's
Speaker 1: a huge French Montreal. But Jared can kiss. So maybe
Speaker 1: Jay is going to get kissing lessons. Yeah. I saw
Speaker 1: that you can kiss National TV. I like it. Um
Speaker 1: So Patty, So Patty, what's new? So you said your
Speaker 1: single right now? Right now? So what's going on in
Speaker 1: your life. Well, I took a break off television for
Speaker 1: a year. I know it isn't shocking, and I went
Speaker 1: into the script and there's gonna be something really huge.
Speaker 1: It'll be announced in the next two weeks in scripted television.
Speaker 1: That's very exciting. And um, some other things on my website.
Speaker 1: We're about building my website right now to make it
Speaker 1: an informational membership channel. You can go to Patty Knows
Speaker 1: dot com register and it'll be launched in the next
Speaker 1: probably by Valentines of next year. And it's really going
Speaker 1: to be it's gonna be like I give webinars and
Speaker 1: I give you. I'm gonna call you personally and give
Speaker 1: you advice, a lot of a lot of products we
Speaker 1: have attracting a soulmate. We have the Millionaire Secret talks
Speaker 1: with Jovitelli from the Secret how to become a Millionaire
Speaker 1: for business, and then we also have Patty's Playbook, which
Speaker 1: A're gonna listen to every day and you're gonna be
Speaker 1: able to get married in a year. All the men
Speaker 1: are gonna hate us for any year. I'm gonna teach
Speaker 1: them how to rope that ring in well, you're going
Speaker 1: to teach the guys and girls girls, but I have
Speaker 1: guy stuff. The millionaire secret talk is really for the
Speaker 1: guys so they can become rich, and then you want
Speaker 1: the girls to marry those rich guys. Can I say, oh,
Speaker 1: we're on a podcast. It's like Proba weren't eye heart,
Speaker 1: I can tesk of it. Yeah, we'll believe that right out.
Speaker 1: Don't you worry about that, don't have Yes, we have
Speaker 1: millionaire women too, which is really hard because they never
Speaker 1: want to date down. They want Bill Gates that look
Speaker 1: like Brad Pitt, like that doesn't exist, get a life
Speaker 1: and you know what, well, oh yeah, because there's so
Speaker 1: many of them running around. Have you looked at the
Speaker 1: Forbes four hundred nine, Okay, and other than Kylie Jenner,
Speaker 1: which is you know, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Um, well,
Speaker 1: so you said that's launching in Valentine's next Yeah, but
Speaker 1: you can. What you're gonna do is you're gonna register now.
Speaker 1: In the next six months, I'm gonna personally call you.
Speaker 1: I might do a webinar. We're doing little things along
Speaker 1: the way, but the official launch is probably two thousand,
Speaker 1: nineteen Valentine's Day because it'll have everything on this one side.
Speaker 1: So we're getting we're launching soon. And I noticed when
Speaker 1: I said a million Dollar Matchmaker, you just said matching. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean I love we, Thanks Mark Jaris, I love you.
Speaker 1: We I love we. But Matchmaker is really where I
Speaker 1: was known for. Its a different kind of show. So
Speaker 1: it was what she was describing was chili. It's not
Speaker 1: the same show as Million Dollar match Breaker, which is
Speaker 1: what Ashley was on. And there is the original and
Speaker 1: the authentic to that show that it's still iconic. It's
Speaker 1: in two hundred countries, it's on Hulu and Amazon. Um.
Speaker 1: Bravo was so wonderful to me during that period, and
Speaker 1: I kind of miss it. It's like going back to
Speaker 1: high school. I missed my old team, you know. But
Speaker 1: I still love we. It's just a different energy. My audience, really,
Speaker 1: to be honest with you, is that Bravo. I mean,
Speaker 1: I have to be honest. That was a bigger audience
Speaker 1: and it was our real audience. We started that network, me,
Speaker 1: Jeff and Vicky was like, we were the first three shows,
Speaker 1: you know, on the air, before Kathy and The Inside
Speaker 1: the Actor's Studio and Andy's Show. So we were one
Speaker 1: of the originals. So I still miss that place. That's all.
Speaker 1: I could always go back. But I mean, I love
Speaker 1: the fact that Bravo has grown so much up the
Speaker 1: years and of my friends are all stars now and
Speaker 1: the ratings are amazing. And Francis was my development but
Speaker 1: because she was my vice president at the time. Now
Speaker 1: she's president the network, and she made that network go
Speaker 1: with Shari Levine, who's my who's my VP. And they
Speaker 1: really did an amazing job because you have to realize,
Speaker 1: we we had a point where we're in this building,
Speaker 1: We're in this building in Burbank, and Bravo was in
Speaker 1: this building and they didn't have receptionists. You had to
Speaker 1: knock on the door and buzz and there was nobody.
Speaker 1: There are And now I look at it and they're huge,
Speaker 1: they're universal now, you know, yeah, right, Holy crap, um,
Speaker 1: So what was I gonna say? So, you're a third
Speaker 1: generation matchmakerrect that's what you're known for. How did you
Speaker 1: even get into the matchmaking business? My my grandmother and
Speaker 1: my mother did it for the local temple. And I like,
Speaker 1: I was Jewish and I in Jersey and I liked
Speaker 1: all them boys, all the non Jewish boys, all the blonde,
Speaker 1: all American arian types. So I went to christ Church
Speaker 1: dance with my girlfriends who were Jewish, and we like
Speaker 1: these gentle boys. So I was fixing all my friends
Speaker 1: up and the priest came over and he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: this is a job. You need to do this for
Speaker 1: a living. You're really good at this, and I went
Speaker 1: I am. And as things went on, my mother and
Speaker 1: my grandmother were getting really busy with their business. And
Speaker 1: then I went to work for Great Expectations, the largest
Speaker 1: dating service in Florida, in Boca and in Miami. And
Speaker 1: that's how I learned the business. And you're so known
Speaker 1: for tough love, but you're the sweetest person ever. You
Speaker 1: give all such warm vibes. I was a little nervous
Speaker 1: coming in now because I remember your text Jared. I
Speaker 1: read all your texts from Ashley when you were on
Speaker 1: when she was on the show. I don't remember what
Speaker 1: I sell the phone from her and she flipped out
Speaker 1: on me. And I'm going to tell you something psychically
Speaker 1: I saw with the two of you. Okay, so this
Speaker 1: is the truth. Actually, let's give a little so actually
Speaker 1: it was million dollar. So actually was a million dollar match.
Speaker 1: Make y ago but probably like three years ago, and
Speaker 1: she was she was madly in love with Jair okay,
Speaker 1: and they told me her dog had died and don't
Speaker 1: and don't mention the jay word. Don't mention the J word.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what am I going to talk about?
Speaker 1: So my Showmrinner got a little tough on her, and
Speaker 1: she of course started to cry, you know, crying virgin
Speaker 1: all that. And I said, Ashley, give me your phone.
Speaker 1: Who's calling you? And she goes, you know who? And
Speaker 1: I go give me the phone. I started reading the
Speaker 1: texas said he likes you, and she goes, no, he doesn't,
Speaker 1: he doesn't want me. And I said, no, you're wrong.
Speaker 1: I said, you need to start dating someone else because
Speaker 1: this is the type of person that's going to get
Speaker 1: jealous and steal you from the guy true story. Ask
Speaker 1: her that it's on tape. We might have not put
Speaker 1: it in at it, but it was there, and she said,
Speaker 1: you're wrong, you're wrong. Right, So I'm gonna get you
Speaker 1: this really hot guy. We're gonna cut his hair. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you're gonna end up with then it's
Speaker 1: gonna be really jealous. I was doing it to make
Speaker 1: you jealous. That was my goal. And so at the time,
Speaker 1: you know, I set a look astrologically, because I do astrology.
Speaker 1: You were faded the two of the to meet, and
Speaker 1: you were faded to end up together. But he doesn't
Speaker 1: realize at the time that he met you that you're
Speaker 1: the soulmate. It might take three years later. Well. I
Speaker 1: think also with Ashley specifically, it was more of the
Speaker 1: idea of who I should be with my entire life.
Speaker 1: I always thought I should be with someone quiet and
Speaker 1: shine like. That was the type that I was always
Speaker 1: attracted to, and I always saw myself ending up with.
Speaker 1: So when I meant Astley, it was like, no, this
Speaker 1: is She's loud and proud. She's like, can be complete
Speaker 1: opposite of any girl I dated, or any girl I
Speaker 1: could ever see myself with. So while we got along
Speaker 1: and it was great, I was like I was always
Speaker 1: fighting at my entire life. And then there came a
Speaker 1: point I think when things changed and it wasn't so
Speaker 1: much because of that anymore, and it was so much more.
Speaker 1: You got to meet You were jealousy, Kevin, come on,
Speaker 1: tell so tell the girls out there that sometimes a
Speaker 1: guy doesn't know that they got it, you know, until
Speaker 1: they lose it. Yeah, well, I think I absolutely agree.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying with that though, is that I think
Speaker 1: a lot of guys will never admit it, and I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of a not an exception to the rule.
Speaker 1: But I've realized I might be a rarity to actually
Speaker 1: say that I didn't feel good enough to be with
Speaker 1: Ashley until I realized that I needed to put my
Speaker 1: insecurities side. Know this is a true story. I love
Speaker 1: him even more. Well, it's just a true story. Is that, Like,
Speaker 1: if I didn't face those insecurities and doubts, I would
Speaker 1: never be with Ashley because that was kind of you
Speaker 1: need to keep well, you need to do bootcamps from men.
Speaker 1: Ashley has mentioned this before. No, I'm not kidding, you
Speaker 1: would give greater relationship site and do bootcamps from men.
Speaker 1: Like my biggest problem when I would have clients on
Speaker 1: like a giving example of Vinnie's like, my baby is
Speaker 1: the greatest guy ever. Vinnie is one of my best friends. Okay,
Speaker 1: So Vinnie was a cliff diver. I fall in love
Speaker 1: with everything, and he was opposite of Daniel, and Daniel
Speaker 1: was like I don't love anyone, you know, because Viannel
Speaker 1: was all I got to look like a certain look.
Speaker 1: And then when I put them at the mixer, Daniel
Speaker 1: picks not the most attractive girl that we had there
Speaker 1: because they were way pretty rules there. And I said
Speaker 1: why and he goes because she wasn't hungry. And so
Speaker 1: this is the thing that I'm learning with with you, Vanessa.
Speaker 1: You have to learn that the men can smell the
Speaker 1: chom in the water. They are sharks. Pull back a little,
Speaker 1: pull back a little like in other words, like he
Speaker 1: picked the girl that was in the prettiest because she
Speaker 1: wasn't running after him, she wasn't chasing him. He had
Speaker 1: to ask her questions. It was she was very evasive.
Speaker 1: And everybody else was like Daniel, Daniel, Daniel Daniel because
Speaker 1: they had seen him on The Bachelor, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what the Bachelor. She could care less.
Speaker 1: My issue is that I have to be the one
Speaker 1: that has to be the go getter, because I know
Speaker 1: people think, like, oh my god, there's a lineup of men.
Speaker 1: There isn't like I have to be the one that
Speaker 1: you sound like Olivia. Olivia says the same thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: now listen, you're doing it wrong. If there's look, if
Speaker 1: you want a lot of men or do you want
Speaker 1: one man? I want a man. Okay, do you want
Speaker 1: the man? Now? You don't want a man. You want
Speaker 1: the man on the toy for you. So in order
Speaker 1: to get the man on the toy, he has to
Speaker 1: show up as the alpha for you to become the beta.
Speaker 1: If you become the alpha, he's going to become the beta.
Speaker 1: And then you're gonna lose interest because you're chasing. It's
Speaker 1: exhausting to chase after a full day of hair and
Speaker 1: makeup and getting your nails done. Do you really want
Speaker 1: to chase? No? Okay, So so what you get in
Speaker 1: the beginning is what you get in the end. So
Speaker 1: then you end up you're going to do all the
Speaker 1: work in the relationship, plus have the children and take
Speaker 1: care of the kids. You want to do it all
Speaker 1: because by thirty I'll be dead. So that's not what
Speaker 1: you do, aren't you also? But aren't you also telling
Speaker 1: Vanessa at the same time that she needs to pull
Speaker 1: back a little bit to kind of create a chase. Yes, exactly,
Speaker 1: which is what I was saying. But I do. But
Speaker 1: that's the thing I don't feel you do that My
Speaker 1: intuition doesn't. If I completely pulled back, then there's going
Speaker 1: to be no one there. No not pulled back where
Speaker 1: you don't answer the phone or not responsive in communication.
Speaker 1: But like if you go online, you wait for them
Speaker 1: to hit you up. You can pick on bumble and
Speaker 1: you can pick on a tinder and say hi, I'm
Speaker 1: bumble and pull back and let him ask you for them,
Speaker 1: or if he gives you his number, you say, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of old school. I prefer you to call me,
Speaker 1: because if he calls you, that's showing, you know, out
Speaker 1: of Like if I'm on Bumble and I give five
Speaker 1: numbers out my number out to five guys, two will
Speaker 1: show up calling me. The rest will just like because
Speaker 1: they gave me their number, and I'm like, dude, I'm
Speaker 1: not chasing. Like that's the end of that. If you
Speaker 1: want me to call me, you're the girl, not the boy.
Speaker 1: He who has the penis does the chasing. The penis
Speaker 1: does the chasing. Penis does chasing. Remember, the penis goes
Speaker 1: inside the vagina. The receiver there the giver. Oh, and
Speaker 1: I gotta take more notes. So you're telling me what'd
Speaker 1: you say? Ben, what'd you say? But think about it.
Speaker 1: It's biology. The technology has changed, but not the biology.
Speaker 1: Men are still no men. And if you allow them
Speaker 1: to have the eleven o'clock cook up, are you allow
Speaker 1: them to you ask out and set the weekend dates
Speaker 1: or make the reservations or check in when you travel
Speaker 1: at the airport, you become the man, and then you're
Speaker 1: never going to come back from that as as the man.
Speaker 1: You're always going to be the woman. Men in general
Speaker 1: just want to provide, like they want to be the alpha.
Speaker 1: You're Scorpio, right, because I remember you're Scorpios. Scorpios are
Speaker 1: very strong in that genre. They have emotional side to them,
Speaker 1: but they so to a Pisces who's very intuitive and psychic,
Speaker 1: like she's super psychic actually, and very sensitive and that's
Speaker 1: why she cries a lot. So a scorpio man is
Speaker 1: going to want to take and provide for his sensitive
Speaker 1: Pisces woman. If the Pisces is the alpha, the scorpio
Speaker 1: would run away. Would be disgusting for a scorpio. But
Speaker 1: it's so interesting because now that Ashley and I have
Speaker 1: been dating, engaged, she's completely she's the alpha and I'm
Speaker 1: she's in bridezilla mode. It's not even Bridezilla mode. It's
Speaker 1: just more so like I don't know if it's a
Speaker 1: scorpio and me because but I'm I've always I'm very
Speaker 1: easy going, and so like Ashley needs someone who's like
Speaker 1: that because she's very controlling her life. So she'll just
Speaker 1: tell me what to do. A lot of times, I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: that's fine. You know she's also was she was she
Speaker 1: raised on East Coast or here, and she's Italian, right Italian,
Speaker 1: so that's why. So it's it's the Jewish Italian thing
Speaker 1: on the East Coast where we're like, all right, we
Speaker 1: got you, now, let me just handle everything. I'll do
Speaker 1: it better. I'll make a better reservation, I'll make a
Speaker 1: better this, better that. Well, I'll do things for her
Speaker 1: obviously obviously areas where she's got the ring. You you
Speaker 1: get a free pass for a whole year. You just
Speaker 1: sit back and let her do everything because that ring.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so expensive. Okay, I know, boy, well
Speaker 1: I knew as soon as you started dating, I need
Speaker 1: to put a ring on it. But you realize when
Speaker 1: you get the ring, you're gonna get everything for the year,
Speaker 1: lots of it's gonna be a good year. I do
Speaker 1: have to leave, But Patty, right before I leave. If
Speaker 1: I'm a Libra, we'll kind of oh Aquarius and Semon, Aquarius, Gemini,
Speaker 1: Sagittarius and Leo, those five. But remember, but remember every
Speaker 1: sign has a component of Mars, Venus, Moon, all the
Speaker 1: personal planets. So you might get a Capricorn with Leo rising.
Speaker 1: You might get a cancer with Moon and Venus. You know,
Speaker 1: it depends where your charts laid out. Have to do
Speaker 1: your charts. So when you get my number, I'll look
Speaker 1: at your chart and I'll tell you when the progressions are,
Speaker 1: when when you're gonna the peak periods to look for men?
Speaker 1: Oh girl, okay, I definitely need to contact and vote. Derek.
Speaker 1: Can you give her my of course, I will pass
Speaker 1: on content for Charis. I gonna like, let me leave
Speaker 1: with that that podcast, all right, Now, I got to
Speaker 1: go my anti duty now, Vanessa, before you go, I
Speaker 1: have to ask you and Patty one great question. How
Speaker 1: you know, Like, why is great healthy hair important to you? Oh?
Speaker 1: My god, it's everything. Everything. It's if you have a
Speaker 1: bad hair day, you might as well just kill yourself. Seriously,
Speaker 1: I mean everything and thick hair and you want hair
Speaker 1: to grow on top and the reason is because everybody's
Speaker 1: wearing extensions and wigs, and when you see Beyonce or
Speaker 1: Syriane or see any of these chicks running around with
Speaker 1: these big hair, nobody has hair like that. Ashley is
Speaker 1: one of the few which has the best hair. Oh well,
Speaker 1: I just saw Chloy Kardashian yesterday and I thought her
Speaker 1: hair looked super sexy, blonde and amazing. She had that
Speaker 1: thick blonde you know, surf for hair do, and I
Speaker 1: really liked it. I love Since we're on the topic
Speaker 1: of hair, I love sugar Bear hair. Um, it's the
Speaker 1: vitamins that I take twice a day. Everyone keeps asking
Speaker 1: me why my hair super long, thick, and in shining.
Speaker 1: I've been taking these things for about a year now,
Speaker 1: you guys probably thought on my Instagram page, I keep
Speaker 1: raping about it as a couple of other my friends. Dude,
Speaker 1: I keep talking about it for all hair ties, um,
Speaker 1: for all genders as well. And they they taste so
Speaker 1: have you tried them? Oh my god, of course, Patty
Speaker 1: and I were just talking about it. I can't help myself.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm addicted. I actually buy them and
Speaker 1: I didn't get them free. So I put them on
Speaker 1: my person when I travel and when I'm going out
Speaker 1: in the day. Patty, you are dedicated and they taste wonderful.
Speaker 1: And I may have stole some from Ashley and had
Speaker 1: a couple like I don't think it's a male female thing.
Speaker 1: I think it's look men need it more than ever
Speaker 1: because they're getting that monk do on top and the
Speaker 1: receding hairline, the monk do what's the monk little circle
Speaker 1: on the top of their head. And if you've got
Speaker 1: a lot of testosterone, you know you're gonna you're gonna shed.
Speaker 1: Oh God, I'm shedding. I need, I need feels like
Speaker 1: amazing hair. Definitely, sugar bears. Sugar bears working clearly, working perfectly.
Speaker 1: You know, the sugar bear hair has much vitamin A
Speaker 1: as four cups of broccoli, as much vitamin C as
Speaker 1: one cup of cranberries, and as much vitamin B twelve
Speaker 1: as four organic eggs. There's nutrients and sugar bear hair.
Speaker 1: Fans also found out their nails and skin quality and
Speaker 1: prove over time from sugar bear. You always, whenever you
Speaker 1: take a vitamin your nails grow fast. Holy crap, I
Speaker 1: don't even know the sugar Bear Hair is the best
Speaker 1: thing I've ever heard of. If you go to Sugar
Speaker 1: Bear Hair dot com slash help, you can go there
Speaker 1: for beautiful, beautiful hair and a healthier you that Sugar
Speaker 1: Bear hair dot com slash help go check it out
Speaker 1: today for healthier hair. Vanessa, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming in. I know you have to do your aunt duties. Yes,
Speaker 1: my aunt beatings. I'm gonna go to my segar now
Speaker 1: and perfect talked to you later, said, Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be down at Fort lad I'm gonna be down at
Speaker 1: Fort Lauderdale in September, so we'll hang. Okay, come come
Speaker 1: to handst and called Luke. I will oh my god,
Speaker 1: or Calgary. All right, thanks Vanessa. Those Canadian boys man,
Speaker 1: so Patty, you gonna hook Vanessa. What's going on? I'm
Speaker 1: gonna find somebody for Vanessa. I have all my bachelor girls,
Speaker 1: like all of them, have have a lot of them.
Speaker 1: Got Olivia too, Yeah, go to Olivia. Olivia. Livia finally
Speaker 1: moved to Seattle. Um, I like that place better for
Speaker 1: her than than like you know. Now, she went from
Speaker 1: New York to Nashville and now she's in Seattle. But
Speaker 1: I like Seattle. I mean, I like, it's got more
Speaker 1: of a quieter energy, and she's like hike girl, and
Speaker 1: it's a good place for her. So I can tell
Speaker 1: it's beautiful. I used to work there, so it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then you can go to Vancouver from there because
Speaker 1: you can take a little fayal. Yeah, one of my
Speaker 1: best friends live to Vancouver. He actually a random story.
Speaker 1: One of my best friends met his fiance future wife
Speaker 1: in Vegas. We went to a Vegas strip in two
Speaker 1: thou fourteen, met her on the first day we were out.
Speaker 1: We were out at like the Venetian I think exchange
Speaker 1: phone numbers. They never spoke. We were there for three nights,
Speaker 1: never saw each other again. He got back home. She
Speaker 1: texted him and said, hey, you still in Vegas. He
Speaker 1: said no. They started texting, calling each other face timing.
Speaker 1: He was actually going to Seattle to visit family. She
Speaker 1: lives in Vancouver. They met halfway, spent a weekend together.
Speaker 1: He came back when was like, this girl is amazing.
Speaker 1: They visited each other one more time. They came back
Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriend. They did long distance for a year and
Speaker 1: Canadians it's unbelievable. He moved Vancouver. The Canadians are so
Speaker 1: grateful when you like date them. They are They're really
Speaker 1: sweet and they're super nice. They are very nice. Caitlin
Speaker 1: Bristols Canadians. She was my bachelor. The sweetest girl you
Speaker 1: ever meet. Vanessa is amazing. There's a lot of a
Speaker 1: lot of good Canadians. Um. So yeah, So you had
Speaker 1: Ashley on your show two and a half years ago.
Speaker 1: I vivily remember this. You called me a do which
Speaker 1: is fun. I called you, but I was getting I
Speaker 1: wanted to get you rolled up because every time I said,
Speaker 1: if he didn't care, here's the thing. If she was
Speaker 1: coming on the show, we wanted you on, you didn't
Speaker 1: want to come on, Um, that was your prerogative. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I never got as I asked, well, maybe she didn't
Speaker 1: want you on. I didn't know. I wanted. I wanted
Speaker 1: you want to discuss what she felt for you so
Speaker 1: we could transform that into a new guy. And I
Speaker 1: wanted you to be her coach. But she might have
Speaker 1: not wanted you, and she might have been embarrassed. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't know she was going on. She called me
Speaker 1: halfway through filming. That's why when you said, like I
Speaker 1: remember you said sounds like like I contacted her. I
Speaker 1: was like, no, she called me halfway through she was
Speaker 1: feeling really awful. Yeah, she she called me and she's like, listen,
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you something. Your name is going to
Speaker 1: be mentioned on Millionaire Matchmakerker didn't. We didn't say you know,
Speaker 1: you didn't say your name, but she was like, I
Speaker 1: just gotta give your heads up. Like I don't really
Speaker 1: know when this is gonna air. I don't know what's
Speaker 1: going on, but like they're talking about you, and I
Speaker 1: feel like I should give you heads up. And then
Speaker 1: that was awful. I was very I was very good.
Speaker 1: Good not to say your name because we wouldn't say
Speaker 1: we called it the J word. We weren't allowed to
Speaker 1: say it, Uh, the J word. God, my reputation proceeds.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. When he was texting, I'd read
Speaker 1: his text and they were super sweet and super considerate,
Speaker 1: and I said, if he really didn't want you, he'd
Speaker 1: help you find love. Oh no, of course. Well. The
Speaker 1: thing is like I always told Ashley to date, and
Speaker 1: like I always knew listen, I always knew that I
Speaker 1: might have to live with consequences of my actions. One
Speaker 1: day because I, like I said, like, the reasons why
Speaker 1: Ashley and I weren't dating changed over time, And I
Speaker 1: don't think that's upsurd to say because we were friends
Speaker 1: for two and a half years, but you spent a
Speaker 1: lot of time with her all the time, like best friends.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. And then there came a time, like after
Speaker 1: Bachelor in Paradise season three with the whole Kalen I situation,
Speaker 1: it didn't work out, Like I kind of just went
Speaker 1: into a hole because I was, like, I love spending
Speaker 1: time with Ashley, but there's no way I can go
Speaker 1: back to like even admitting I have feelings to her,
Speaker 1: admitting that I was confused in any way, because how
Speaker 1: could I possibly do that to someone after everything that's happened.
Speaker 1: Because the only reason I wanted her to go on
Speaker 1: Bachelor in Paradise three was the date other people for
Speaker 1: multitude of reasons. One so we could figure this out,
Speaker 1: because I always knew that there was going to have
Speaker 1: to come a time in Ashley and mind relationship where
Speaker 1: was gonna like go and one of two directions and
Speaker 1: if I was to play honest even when she was
Speaker 1: filming a million dollar match. But of course, like I
Speaker 1: had confused feelings about Ashley. But you know it's really weird,
Speaker 1: is that Daniel Vinny? I don't even know if I
Speaker 1: asked Nick, they didn't know this was the way it
Speaker 1: was going to go down. I remember when I called
Speaker 1: Vinny even he goes, I know, I'm in shock too.
Speaker 1: And she talked to Nick and he said to me,
Speaker 1: I can't believe because you were jumping on the couch
Speaker 1: like Tom Crustal. And I was like, I was like,
Speaker 1: what there. I call it the Bachelor miracle, and I
Speaker 1: say there are miracles in this world. I use you
Speaker 1: guys as the miracle. So you get divorced, which I
Speaker 1: don't think you ever will. I think you'll have children
Speaker 1: and go on to I always, I always say like,
Speaker 1: this is the miracle because there's always an exception to
Speaker 1: the rule. Uh, he's not He's not done into you.
Speaker 1: Greg is out there is coming on and he wrote
Speaker 1: that book. And whenever I think of the movie, I
Speaker 1: think the exception to the rule, Right, we was talking
Speaker 1: about that, you're the exception to the rule. So if
Speaker 1: there's one of you, there's got to be more of you.
Speaker 1: There is more of me. I think the problem with
Speaker 1: guys though, is that they want to put on this
Speaker 1: facade that they have everything like together and they know
Speaker 1: exactly what they're doing, and they don't want to like
Speaker 1: be perceived as vulnerable in any way. And I realized
Speaker 1: specifically with what happened over Winter Games before, like you know,
Speaker 1: when I first found out everything that I need to
Speaker 1: really open. It was pretty amazing that Kevin came after her,
Speaker 1: Like that was pretty I have not watched the show.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not it's not that it looks she
Speaker 1: had been long hard known as a virgin out there
Speaker 1: and that's her business and it wasn't a religious thing.
Speaker 1: So I was like, God, someone's gotta pop that chirt.
Speaker 1: Someone's got to get in there. And I was praying
Speaker 1: for it because I felt like she'd calmed down. But
Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't know that was going to
Speaker 1: come back to you. And I was like when Kevin
Speaker 1: came in, I'm like, Oh, he's a cute dude. This
Speaker 1: is a nice guy. Like when I went to Disneyland,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is really sweet, you know,
Speaker 1: Like I didn't see anything negative. That's why it was
Speaker 1: so exciting, so exciting it was. I can't wait for
Speaker 1: the wedding. I'm very excited for the wedding too. We're
Speaker 1: thinking next year at some point. All right, let's answer
Speaker 1: an email. We want to answer one email while you're
Speaker 1: still here. So this is from anonymous. It's time. Title
Speaker 1: is not enough sex? Oh boy, I had. I had
Speaker 1: this with a very famous celebrity which I won't tell
Speaker 1: you their name, who's I can't dropped it. Gorgeous, gorgeous wife.
Speaker 1: They're like fifteen years in age difference. And he said
Speaker 1: to me, I never have sex with my wife. And
Speaker 1: I said, how is it possible? But you too like
Speaker 1: sexuality on Instagram And he said to me, I know,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do about it. So I
Speaker 1: thought long and hard. I went to my sexperts. We
Speaker 1: have Dr Emily who's on my website at Patty Knows
Speaker 1: if you need sex um information. She used to be
Speaker 1: the sidekick with Dr Drew in Love Line. And the
Speaker 1: thing is, if you're in our relationship and you're not
Speaker 1: having sex or something wrong, if you're single, you just
Speaker 1: gotta do the thing you know, right hand versus the vibrator.
Speaker 1: If there's nothing you can john if it's mail or female.
Speaker 1: But when it comes to relationships. You have to find
Speaker 1: out why are you not making a priority time. A
Speaker 1: lot of people can't do it in the home, phones,
Speaker 1: ringing kids around, whatever, roommates, whatever it is. Television. Television
Speaker 1: is a big destruction. I mean Netflix has ruined my relationships.
Speaker 1: I don't know about yours. And I think you have
Speaker 1: to go out, like to the woods and do a picnic,
Speaker 1: or like go to you know, go to a romantic
Speaker 1: getaway or do a staycation or something that you've got
Speaker 1: to put an effort and plan it. I think you
Speaker 1: can't be like just like you know, you're just gonna
Speaker 1: it's gonna magically happen and come back. I agree. I
Speaker 1: think people feel awkward planning sex. I think specifically men
Speaker 1: feel awkward planning. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't
Speaker 1: think there's anything wrong with it either, but there is.
Speaker 1: I have an appointment on Saturday with someone that I
Speaker 1: clean up my pipes. I have an appointment I clean
Speaker 1: out my pipes every so often. Why did you say
Speaker 1: Netflix ruined your relationship? Because it was really funny when
Speaker 1: it first came up. Me and my ex were obsessed
Speaker 1: with it and we were like, we would binge watch
Speaker 1: shows and you know, you didn't get one show a week.
Speaker 1: Like I remember when came out. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this was our show, but we watched it once a week.
Speaker 1: So we once watched a marathon with commercials. You know,
Speaker 1: it was like because we didn't have Netflix. Then Netflix
Speaker 1: came along and I was like, oh my god, we
Speaker 1: never have to leave the room. We'll just go through
Speaker 1: this and then you're tired, you go to sleep. And
Speaker 1: Netflix ruined my sex. But now Netflix has made it
Speaker 1: better for me because now that I'm dating, it's like,
Speaker 1: come over Netflix, and maybe it looks maybe it will chill.
Speaker 1: Maybe we'll chill. That's what your t shirts say. I
Speaker 1: gave the Matchmaker and Chill t shirts so you can watch.
Speaker 1: So you can watch Matchmaker on Hulu or Amazon or
Speaker 1: iTunes or even Bravo. This is from an anonymous subject
Speaker 1: line not enough sex. My boyfriend and I have been
Speaker 1: together for one year and eight months. I'm twenty five,
Speaker 1: he's thirty two. He is a doctor, so whose workfield
Speaker 1: could get challenging and stressful, which makes me considerate of him.
Speaker 1: But I feel like we aren't intimate enough. Well that's
Speaker 1: a really hard thing when you got a doctor. So
Speaker 1: the hours of a doctor are impossible. It's worth a lawyer, um,
Speaker 1: because they have to stand on their field all day long,
Speaker 1: so they're exhausted by the time they come home. And
Speaker 1: when they're eating a snack a peanut of this and that,
Speaker 1: they don't get full meals, you know, cafetery food. So
Speaker 1: what I would do is I would open the gates
Speaker 1: with a romantic meal. He probably hasn't been fed in
Speaker 1: a long time, and feed the beast, Feed the beast,
Speaker 1: feed the beast, unbuttoned his pants and let him go
Speaker 1: to town. Well, she says, at first, I thought it
Speaker 1: was all in my head and I was exaggerating. But
Speaker 1: when I shared with my girlfriends that we have sex
Speaker 1: every three weeks, sometimes it goes over the one month mark,
Speaker 1: they said that they are sexually active with their partner
Speaker 1: at least twice a week for contact purposes. My boyfriend
Speaker 1: and I usually see each other every other weekends. Uh
Speaker 1: Am I crazy. I've talked to him about this and
Speaker 1: he says that it's not that I'm just it's not
Speaker 1: that I'm not desirable, but rather that he's tired. Could
Speaker 1: it be lack of sex drive on his part? Help
Speaker 1: I suck at dating, Patty. I think he hit it
Speaker 1: head right there. You guys don't really suck at it though,
Speaker 1: you know that, right, you're pretty good. The show title
Speaker 1: needs to be changed because you're pretty freaking good. I
Speaker 1: would hire you in a minute. Thanks, Patty. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: very lucky that I have a wonderful girl and that
Speaker 1: I like came to realize, not realize that, but like,
Speaker 1: actually go for is really bad now. So don't have
Speaker 1: to suthe him. Because he's in Venice. I can actually
Speaker 1: make a house calls. You Ni moved to Venice? Who
Speaker 1: but that's why he's at Rosehood. Oh, Nick, give me
Speaker 1: a call. We need to talk. I know everybody in
Speaker 1: that hood. I would are his age group. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you gotta get him, Dean, Nick and Nick. You need
Speaker 1: to switch to Irwan. You know that right, because Irwin's
Speaker 1: got where all the hot surfer girls are. Okay, perfect,
Speaker 1: I'll give him the heads up on that. Not that
Speaker 1: we don't love whole foods, love hell foods, but I'm
Speaker 1: just telling you are one's like where it's a little
Speaker 1: it's a subculture thing that they Yeah, definitely doesn't suck
Speaker 1: a Danny. I think you know justin. You know, he's
Speaker 1: so gorgeous. He's one of the most careful, beautiful man
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. You're making a face, is your producers
Speaker 1: are making a face. It is incredibly beautiful. But he
Speaker 1: is not great with dating. He did ask me to
Speaker 1: do He asked me a lot of questions. Last time
Speaker 1: I was with him. He kept saying to me, did
Speaker 1: I do this? I said, you know, you're being a
Speaker 1: little overly confident here. You've been a little cocky there.
Speaker 1: There's a cockyness where Nick is cold. So there's like,
Speaker 1: you know, they almost need to warm up. I need
Speaker 1: to warm them up and gell them up. And so
Speaker 1: you're saying that Nick is cold, and then Dean is cocky. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and maybe, And I think I think Daniel needs to
Speaker 1: move to l A and get out of where he's up.
Speaker 1: He needs to move here. I would agree with that
Speaker 1: because I don't think Daniel is going to find true
Speaker 1: love up north. Why not? I just don't feel it.
Speaker 1: We're you know, Vinnie actually has this girlfriend looks exactly
Speaker 1: like I thought he would end up with. He's got
Speaker 1: a great streep, she's smart, she's in med school or whatever.
Speaker 1: It's like she's a smart kid. So I feel like
Speaker 1: East Coast they're fine. I just feel like Dannie needs
Speaker 1: to get here with the rest of them. I would agree.
Speaker 1: You know, how would you, uh, what would you say
Speaker 1: about me? You're gonna be You're gonna be like pop
Speaker 1: mom and pop. You probably will be like Carly and
Speaker 1: her husband Evan, because they're like the poster children for
Speaker 1: like I got married, I got kids, we had a family,
Speaker 1: I'm living. Where do they live Nashville? Yeah, like they
Speaker 1: live in Nashville, and it's like they are the poster
Speaker 1: people for like this. You know, Elan told me the
Speaker 1: story that how Carly didn't like him, so that shower
Speaker 1: told me story that she she didn't like you know him,
Speaker 1: and Evan was like really really upset and like really
Speaker 1: liked her. Ju Leo wouldn't give up, and he said
Speaker 1: to look, that's the best you're gonna do, and then
Speaker 1: she just kind of relaxed and went for it. Well
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think she eats your mind, and
Speaker 1: she opened up that door of the possibility of dating Evan,
Speaker 1: and once that door was open, Evan just because that
Speaker 1: kiss was bad right in the beginning and they had
Speaker 1: to work on it the longest kiss with like chili
Speaker 1: peppers in their mouth and was just not really but
Speaker 1: the way Carly and Evan are and like when she
Speaker 1: sings her lullabies her kids. I'm obsessed with their personalities together.
Speaker 1: I just love them. I agree. I think Carly and
Speaker 1: Evan and then Tanner and Ja Yeah, Tanner did. Actually
Speaker 1: I forget Janner Janner because it's Janner. Yeah. I like them.
Speaker 1: I mean there's like Rachel. I think Rachel's going to
Speaker 1: have a good marriage. I think he really, I really think. Well,
Speaker 1: Rachel was tweeting me the whole time and she's like,
Speaker 1: at am I doing good? And I'm like, yeah, don't
Speaker 1: go for the personal trainer. He's not going to give
Speaker 1: you marriage. But what was the guy's name that? Yeah, Peter.
Speaker 1: I was like, don't make him the bachelor because he's
Speaker 1: so scared of marriage. Like, I was like, don't make
Speaker 1: him the bachelor. I was like, Mike Place, please, don't
Speaker 1: make him the bachelor. I was like so freaked out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was like I was like, because if they
Speaker 1: had done that was like there, he's never going to
Speaker 1: propose and he's going to be like the twin guy.
Speaker 1: The guy who was one of the twins. Do you
Speaker 1: remember the one that he had twins? He was twins
Speaker 1: and he was in jerk and he came on twice.
Speaker 1: I don't want to look. I want to hear the
Speaker 1: true story. So in the beginning, when Mike was making
Speaker 1: the show, I cast it for three years for you
Speaker 1: guys like for freight. Yeah, I didn't want to He
Speaker 1: wanted to pay me, but I just sit here. And
Speaker 1: so Alma was one of the girls on the show.
Speaker 1: She was one of my girls. Is really really stormtroopers,
Speaker 1: I like to call her. And it was an EPI
Speaker 1: season where you had two bachelor's and they were older,
Speaker 1: they were not younger divorce guys. And Alma got a
Speaker 1: phone I don't know how she did it from one
Speaker 1: of the producers. She calls me nine one when she goes,
Speaker 1: I don't like anyone. I don't want to be here.
Speaker 1: And it's like six it was six weeks then in
Speaker 1: the house and I said, just walk out a road, serum, Chris,
Speaker 1: We'll let you do it. And because I love Chris,
Speaker 1: and she goes. You think, and she's the first in
Speaker 1: history that walks that goes. I'm not attract to either
Speaker 1: one of you and I'm leaving. And that was in
Speaker 1: the beginning because I know what you've been on the show.
Speaker 1: I don't know Mike Flice. Why haven't I? Everybody else
Speaker 1: likes me, Darnelle and Brook and all them, So what
Speaker 1: if they were like, hey, listen, we can't make you
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette, but we want you. Why would come on
Speaker 1: as an expert? Chris and I get a really long,
Speaker 1: really well and I probably charged on the one thing
Speaker 1: because I'm obsessed with the show and I'd fly to
Speaker 1: Mauie Mike to meet you. I would. I think Mike
Speaker 1: is the only person I have to I haven't met you,
Speaker 1: haven't I haven't met place, and I dying to meet him.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to meet him. I would love wanted to
Speaker 1: do he wanted to bring for talking about each with them,
Speaker 1: and we talked a lot because I just love the franchise.
Speaker 1: I'm Rob Mills is my favorite person in the Hold
Speaker 1: White world, you know at ABC. I love all those guys.
Speaker 1: It's so cool, it's so great, so nice to me,
Speaker 1: You're so amazing. I was a little nervous you coming,
Speaker 1: and I was like, she's gonna yell at me down.
Speaker 1: This wedding is going to be awesome. I'm super excited too.
Speaker 1: I'm very lucky. I'm so happy that Ashley got her
Speaker 1: dream because you have no idea. I saw the pain
Speaker 1: and suffering. I was like, thank you guys. It was
Speaker 1: a rocky road there for a couple of years from
Speaker 1: both of us. But we're very lucky that we kind
Speaker 1: of came together. We just got to spread you see,
Speaker 1: the thing is the two of you doing boot camp,
Speaker 1: spreading the wisdom, getting people to wake up men and
Speaker 1: women together in boot camps. I'll help you with this, Like,
Speaker 1: I think you need to get out there in the
Speaker 1: trenches and teach everybody that men should not be pussy's
Speaker 1: anymore about this and if they like someone, go for
Speaker 1: it and stop stop change, stop running away from your feelings,
Speaker 1: stop pushing away the people that you deem import. Exactly.
Speaker 1: I agree, because I was doing that for a very
Speaker 1: long time. Yeah. Um, all right, well, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for Patty and Patty where everybody find you. You
Speaker 1: can go to Patty knows dot com. You can email
Speaker 1: me there, um and there's Millionaires one to three Millionaire
Speaker 1: scar Millionaires Club one to three dot com. If you
Speaker 1: want to join the service millionaire. No millionaire will fix
Speaker 1: you up. But Patty Knows is for the relationship advice. Patty,
Speaker 1: you are amazing. Everybody go to Patty Knows. It's going
Speaker 1: to be amazing. All right, thanks Patty. Ah well, I'm
Speaker 1: exhausted after Patty. I don't know about you Easton. Um,
Speaker 1: but no, we have the wonderful We have Greg in
Speaker 1: a mirror here. Um. You guys are just finished up
Speaker 1: a book on how to keep your marriage from Sucking.
Speaker 1: It's so nice to meet you guys. Thank you first
Speaker 1: of all for joining us. So, Greg, how do you
Speaker 1: pronounce you? Last name? Baron? Greg barn So Greg Barron
Speaker 1: and a mirror. Oh beautiful, beautiful couple of you you guys
Speaker 1: married for eighteen years. Eighteen years and you guys just
Speaker 1: wrote this book called how to Keep your Marriage from Sucking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: those our fourth book we wrote. He's just not that indio.
Speaker 1: It's called a break up because it's broken. Uh what
Speaker 1: was that dating one? It's just anoffing date. Is this
Speaker 1: a cursing show or not a cursing You con curse
Speaker 1: if you want, we can just believe it out. We're fine.
Speaker 1: We're adults. I didn't want to be presumptuous. No, So
Speaker 1: what you got? You what got you got? Guys like
Speaker 1: writing into you know, he's not that into you and
Speaker 1: your three other books. I was a consultant on the
Speaker 1: show Sex in the City and um and we I
Speaker 1: was at work and one of the girls was seeing
Speaker 1: a guy that didn't want to sleep with her and
Speaker 1: asked me what I thought about and I said, he
Speaker 1: isn't like you, and yeah, yeah, and then and then
Speaker 1: at some point I said, he's just not that into you.
Speaker 1: And Liz to chill Oh, who's the co author of
Speaker 1: the first book, UM said, um, I think there's a
Speaker 1: book idea and that and um, and then that's what happened.
Speaker 1: And then Amra felt the same way. And then we
Speaker 1: wrote a book. And then list didn't want to write
Speaker 1: books and where she want to write TV. And so
Speaker 1: you're an I start writing books. Only you're consultant for
Speaker 1: Sex in the City. Ye. It was a staff of
Speaker 1: seven women in two game man, and I was the
Speaker 1: only I was a token straight guy. Let me ask
Speaker 1: you a question. I had a conversation with my fiance
Speaker 1: about big character. Yeah, do you think star Jessica Parker
Speaker 1: should ended up with him. No, not at all, not
Speaker 1: at all. I mean, he's the antithesy. He is what
Speaker 1: the book, the original book was about, like a guy
Speaker 1: that's like a lot of these things, but ultimately he's
Speaker 1: just not right. You know, he's not down for the
Speaker 1: you know, it makes you just work too hard, and
Speaker 1: he's not that into it. You know, there's a he's
Speaker 1: got rules, alright, got too many rules. I'm glad to
Speaker 1: hear that, because at one point I had always grown
Speaker 1: up on the fact that like Big was like the
Speaker 1: guy that the girl sees at the end of the
Speaker 1: aisle and the only guy she could picture seeing him,
Speaker 1: like the only guy she could picture herself marrying. And
Speaker 1: then when I got engaged with my fiance, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: joking around, like how I'm her big, and she's like, no,
Speaker 1: you're not, You're not my big, And I was like,
Speaker 1: what the hell does that mean? I thought your entire
Speaker 1: life was about like marrying your big And she's like, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, you got it all wrong. The Sara Jessica
Speaker 1: Parker should not have ended up with her big. You're
Speaker 1: you're misunderstanding. Even the writers came out and said it,
Speaker 1: and so it's good to hear somebody who's a yeah,
Speaker 1: and he's he's sort of emblematic of the ideal that
Speaker 1: women have, and he has qualities that are admirable. There's
Speaker 1: things that you like about him. It's a stand up guy,
Speaker 1: and he's got a you know, he's just he's a
Speaker 1: guy in the world who has a sort of an
Speaker 1: alpha thing that women like, they just do, but they
Speaker 1: don't like it to the point where you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: but also I don't I don't need you at all,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to ignore you, and you know, and
Speaker 1: I'm and I'm actually kind of in this permanent state
Speaker 1: of arrested development because I still want to meet other girls.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts about this, this big character. You know,
Speaker 1: I under absolutely understand the idea that that was the
Speaker 1: only person that really um did it for her ultimately,
Speaker 1: the person that she that she really pined for and
Speaker 1: felt like was her soul mate. At the same time,
Speaker 1: it is that thing of you know, there certainly was
Speaker 1: a lot to like about Aiden. Yeah. Aiden was never
Speaker 1: a pother one, wasn't you know. During the show, people
Speaker 1: kind of liked him. I Mean, he was really great
Speaker 1: because he was sort of a source of debate because
Speaker 1: he's sort of the antithesis of the guy that's like, Man,
Speaker 1: I'm doing all this stuff that you want and you
Speaker 1: don't like it. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm interested in you.
Speaker 1: I'm attentive, I'm you know, I'm thoughtful, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: I'm actually actively trying all the time. Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: think of me as weak because I'm too interested or right.
Speaker 1: You know. He proposed to her and then she put
Speaker 1: the ring on the chain and he was like what
Speaker 1: you know, and but he let it happen, and you know,
Speaker 1: so you know, I think there's something. I think that
Speaker 1: was the whole point. And you know, Sarah Jessica is
Speaker 1: not a great you know, if you watch that show again,
Speaker 1: she's not a great person. Yeah you carry yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: carries not. I mean, that's what makes your compelling. She's
Speaker 1: like don Draper, she's just you know, she's a sort
Speaker 1: of selfish and she and she yeah yeah yeah, and
Speaker 1: she can't make the right choice, and you know, she's flawed,
Speaker 1: but she's ultimately really likable and the profound loves of
Speaker 1: her life are her friends. And this unattainable there was
Speaker 1: no in between. You either had an you couldn't if
Speaker 1: you wrote an in between, the should be over and
Speaker 1: who wants to see that? No exactly. Well, I think
Speaker 1: that's why so many women of the show, because they
Speaker 1: found her character so relatable. Where they had this guy
Speaker 1: who's like they're pining over. He has all the quality
Speaker 1: she wants, but she's she's just ignoring her. And then
Speaker 1: they have this other guy that they're not that interested,
Speaker 1: but he's like really there for at every moment everything
Speaker 1: that they want a guy he has, but yet the
Speaker 1: attraction is just not there. And I have to say
Speaker 1: the credit goes to the actors to like, you know,
Speaker 1: Chris North was just big. He just was the right
Speaker 1: guy for that, and any other casting could have been
Speaker 1: like I could have just seemed like, you know, just
Speaker 1: like guy, I don't want that guy around and he's gone,
Speaker 1: But Chris had a little bit of like, you know,
Speaker 1: there was something about him. Yeah, and Aidan was a
Speaker 1: little soft. I mean, I think they put him in
Speaker 1: what they took. They put it. They made him be
Speaker 1: in his tidy whities, which was a choice to make
Speaker 1: him look soft to women and to men. You know,
Speaker 1: it was just sort of not and he wasn't ripped.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a guy that was just walking around in
Speaker 1: his briefs. He looked like the way you don't want
Speaker 1: to look in your tidy whities. And I think they
Speaker 1: wanted people to go. And you know, that's why most
Speaker 1: people's people are, you know, just regular people and so
Speaker 1: you know, and that made him you know, they were smart,
Speaker 1: they were really it was really well done. I didn't
Speaker 1: I was big into Aiden until her computer broke and
Speaker 1: he bought her that new computer. Thought that was really aggressive.
Speaker 1: And that's really funny because that's one of the things
Speaker 1: I worked on. So why did you think that that's great?
Speaker 1: But why did you think that you thought that was
Speaker 1: too He should have let her figure it out, or
Speaker 1: he should have been there to help if she asked
Speaker 1: for it. But he went, you know, he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna buy you a new computer and set
Speaker 1: it up and forced this onto you and and also
Speaker 1: diminished what you do by making it. It's a it's
Speaker 1: a purse. It has a handle like a purse, and
Speaker 1: it's cute like you. But he's putting the pieces together.
Speaker 1: He's looking at the picture and he's putting the pieces
Speaker 1: together that he understands. No, it's perfect, it's great for
Speaker 1: the discussion. But you're right, he's answering question. Wasn't asked exactly.
Speaker 1: And a woman doesn't ask you a question, she doesn't
Speaker 1: want you to talk to her about it. I learned
Speaker 1: a lot from that particular episode. Yeah, I gotta go
Speaker 1: back and watch this entire season and then the entire
Speaker 1: franchise of Sex in the City. It's incredible. I've seen
Speaker 1: a lot of huge educational tool for men and women
Speaker 1: because as a kid, my mom and sister used to
Speaker 1: watch I think what Sunday Nights was every Sunday night
Speaker 1: to watch it. And then now with Ashuley, my fiance,
Speaker 1: I mean, she loves Sex in the City and so
Speaker 1: like anytime there's reruns, were watching it. So now I'm
Speaker 1: like catching up on the entire series. Um, and so
Speaker 1: while moving on from Sex in the City to the
Speaker 1: real life, you guys know a lot about marriage. You
Speaker 1: guys actually talk about social media and the pressure that
Speaker 1: puts on relationships today, which I find very fascinating. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you could really touch on that well.
Speaker 1: I think the thing about social media is, you know,
Speaker 1: everyone's putting up like their best life like hashtag living
Speaker 1: living my best life in the dream and it's all
Speaker 1: so um stage to be like the highlight reel. And
Speaker 1: then in comparison, you look at your life and you
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, your life is just you know,
Speaker 1: fails and bloopers and what have you. But it's not
Speaker 1: it's not realistic to to aspire to what you're seeing
Speaker 1: in these short, short bursts versus what it's like in
Speaker 1: a marriage or a long term relationship and each one.
Speaker 1: While you know the struggles of relationships are universal, they're
Speaker 1: also incredibly unique to each marriage and each relationship. So
Speaker 1: what you're really seeing is not what you're seeing. And
Speaker 1: I think that it gets also really cloudy with how
Speaker 1: do you respond to social media? Well you start to
Speaker 1: get like, what am I telling people? And why do I? Why?
Speaker 1: Why do I? Why do I think it's so interesting
Speaker 1: that people who need to be a part of this.
Speaker 1: But the other thing was interesting. So we have to
Speaker 1: two daughters or sixteen thirteen, so they've never grown up
Speaker 1: without it. And so you know, when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: back before recorded sound, you know, we snuck out to
Speaker 1: do things. If you want to see girls, you had
Speaker 1: to go meet them, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: there was it was almost like a little bit of
Speaker 1: an adventure. And you know, I told my daughter one day,
Speaker 1: I said, you know your windows on the street, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, you have a hallway, two doors and a
Speaker 1: window before anyone catches you, you you can sneak out. And
Speaker 1: she goes, where would I go? Oh my god. So
Speaker 1: I was like and I was like, to your friends,
Speaker 1: and she's like, and I used to sneak out all
Speaker 1: the time, and I was I was only being quoit
Speaker 1: with her, and also just saying, because you know, you
Speaker 1: see that stuff, you want to mention it, almost in
Speaker 1: a way of going like a man, I say, you
Speaker 1: do it? And uh, She's like, yeah, everyone's on the phone.
Speaker 1: And so their whole life is on social media in
Speaker 1: some in some form or another. And but if you
Speaker 1: marry inflammatory and relationships, because you know, people post post
Speaker 1: these pictures of themselves being like adorable or sexy or
Speaker 1: on vacation or whatever, and the comments and it can
Speaker 1: get so sticky and so dangerous when you're in a
Speaker 1: relationship and you're just like you're stunning, perfect fire emoji
Speaker 1: or what happened? Or you know, you see your person
Speaker 1: commenting on someone else's photos and you're like, why are
Speaker 1: you commenting on that person's photos? I mean, your entire
Speaker 1: life is now based on social media, like you said,
Speaker 1: like your friends, the things that you like, your your parties,
Speaker 1: everything you do, your your daughter doesn't even sneak out
Speaker 1: anymore for the simple fact that why would you. Everything
Speaker 1: I have is written this pilm's there's nowhere to go,
Speaker 1: and she's just sending part like she You know, there's
Speaker 1: a whole language to how snapchat works and and how
Speaker 1: if somebody, you know, if they leave you read or whatever,
Speaker 1: like if you read yeah, and oh my god, there's
Speaker 1: half of their face and the thing not just like
Speaker 1: part of their forehead and part of the eye, So
Speaker 1: that means they're really into you. Like there's what, there's
Speaker 1: this very strange language that's happening through social media. It's
Speaker 1: amost antithesis of sending all of you or make you do.
Speaker 1: It's like a little glimpses and how much yeah the
Speaker 1: other way? Yeah, and if you're left red, how long
Speaker 1: you're left unread? For you see that they saw but
Speaker 1: they didn't read it. They broke your streak, you know,
Speaker 1: like there's a whole dale thing. If I was a
Speaker 1: teenager right now in these days, I would lose my
Speaker 1: freaking mind. I'd be going crazy with this idea of
Speaker 1: like what do I send? What don't I send? Like
Speaker 1: it's just you have you have no time for contemplation.
Speaker 1: I wonder what that like, Like, you know, like yearning
Speaker 1: or longing. Everything is just shown to you all the time.
Speaker 1: There's no imagination and the unimaginable days of like when
Speaker 1: you had a phone and you had to be there
Speaker 1: to answer that phone, you would go days without talking
Speaker 1: to somebody, like days, and you would be left on
Speaker 1: that one thought from school on Friday, what did that mean?
Speaker 1: And then you're going over it and you've got nothing.
Speaker 1: You've got four days to come to contemplate. And I
Speaker 1: think there's something weird about not being able to get
Speaker 1: resolution or understand or be able to look ten different
Speaker 1: ways at somebody. And I don't know, it's weird. But
Speaker 1: on the other hand, they don't know another reality so well.
Speaker 1: People need reactions immediately, that's the thing they can't wait immediately,
Speaker 1: affirmation immediately, and that's what media provides. But the other
Speaker 1: thing is too if I you know, like if a
Speaker 1: guy like, you know, we're married, and then I post
Speaker 1: on somebody's um a girl's thing like oh pretty or
Speaker 1: beautiful or like that, it's not different than in your
Speaker 1: head you're like, well, that's what if I worked with them,
Speaker 1: if they were workmate, and I will go, oh, it's hot,
Speaker 1: you know, like you say nice things to your workmates
Speaker 1: that are meaningless that they're just like, hey, we're friends
Speaker 1: from work and that's what you look cute or whatever,
Speaker 1: And it doesn't it has no thing but written down
Speaker 1: it becomes this thing, and now other people see it.
Speaker 1: But then you have to go I think now you're
Speaker 1: now you're layering in a level of like insecurity. But
Speaker 1: then there's a thing of like my wife songs here,
Speaker 1: my wife is on we're on here together. We both
Speaker 1: know she knows I'm not hiding from her. I just
Speaker 1: published it. If I wanted it to be secret, be
Speaker 1: in her d m s right. I don't know, It's
Speaker 1: just that there's a point sometimes I feel like we
Speaker 1: take things so far out of context. We've gone back
Speaker 1: and look at people's old tweets and decided they were
Speaker 1: racist in context to the time when we're realizing, you know,
Speaker 1: it's just all evolving so quickly. Are way too judgmental,
Speaker 1: and they're too easy to judge and too quick to judge.
Speaker 1: That's the thing about it. In social media, everything is,
Speaker 1: everything is documented, and that's the thing about it, and
Speaker 1: it goes for lives as well as your relationship, which
Speaker 1: is comparison is the thief of joy. Anytime you're stuck
Speaker 1: in comparing yourself to what someone else's life looks like
Speaker 1: on their social media, you're actually like read, you know,
Speaker 1: it's reductive. You're reducing your own life and your own experiences,
Speaker 1: and you're already tapping out of your own life because
Speaker 1: you want to be invested in something better. And this
Speaker 1: is what's real, of course, and now comparison is escalated
Speaker 1: to us to a point where I don't even know
Speaker 1: if there's any going back. Like that, you know, face tune,
Speaker 1: the app. I mean, you can literally change everything about you.
Speaker 1: I've seen girls go there and it's just a surred
Speaker 1: on how much they change their body. There's skin complexion,
Speaker 1: the entire look of who they are as a human being.
Speaker 1: But the problem is then they put that on social
Speaker 1: media and that is perfection. So the next girl is like, well,
Speaker 1: I can't post anything that's less perfect than that. So
Speaker 1: she's going to do the exact same thing. And that's
Speaker 1: where comparison comes in. Um also that thing, and they've
Speaker 1: also gone a thing and make yourself look like a freak.
Speaker 1: You can make something like that's what I do, and
Speaker 1: I send the pictures that girls. I hate it, but
Speaker 1: I always anyway. It's so funny though, because the thing
Speaker 1: about it is un Ultimately, I think this sort of
Speaker 1: comes back to a marriage is like and one of
Speaker 1: the things I think that's interesting is nobody knows except
Speaker 1: to you and the person you're in a relationship with.
Speaker 1: Nobody understands that, nobody gets it. It isn't comparable. Nobody
Speaker 1: gets to decide whether what they know about you is
Speaker 1: what you should do. The only people that know in
Speaker 1: a relationship are you and then the person you're in
Speaker 1: the relationship with. Problem is when you have a marriage
Speaker 1: and you have a relationship, you have all these shareholders
Speaker 1: that either came to the wedding or your friends and family,
Speaker 1: or your workmates or anyone it's observed or been invited
Speaker 1: into the relationship, and all of a sudden, you have
Speaker 1: all these people that have thoughts and opinions and and
Speaker 1: are weighing in on it, and they don't really know
Speaker 1: what's going on and what it's like being in at Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, anytime you're around any scandal, unless
Speaker 1: you are actually at that, they're you know, where it's happening.
Speaker 1: You like when you know, when people we tell you
Speaker 1: something you know and you go, that's not actually how
Speaker 1: that happened. Well, that's if you knew the real real
Speaker 1: you know, there's there's always something that happened before. There's
Speaker 1: always some other story, what happened the moment before that
Speaker 1: person took that action? How do we know what? What?
Speaker 1: You know? We we blame the person, you know who
Speaker 1: did the most egregious end of it, and we don't
Speaker 1: have any idea how they got there. Well, today we
Speaker 1: lack contexts. Everything is about headlines. I do find it
Speaker 1: interesting though that, like, I feel like our generation, my
Speaker 1: generation like that are about to start having kids now,
Speaker 1: are becoming more aware that social media might have some
Speaker 1: consequences to it. And I'm curious to see in you know,
Speaker 1: ten or fifteen years, when this generation starts having kids
Speaker 1: on their own, they are getting into their teenage years,
Speaker 1: if there's gonna be some sort of droll of social
Speaker 1: media because of the awareness now that we're getting, because
Speaker 1: I feel like ten years ago, it was like everything
Speaker 1: was happening so fast and like it was so good,
Speaker 1: and kids had their phones at five years old and
Speaker 1: they had Instagrams at seven years old, and it was
Speaker 1: just like, you know, it was just everything was happening
Speaker 1: so quickly. And now I feel like we're almost taking
Speaker 1: a step back and realizing, Okay, maybe you know, kids
Speaker 1: shouldn't have Instagram until there thirteen or sixteen or whatever.
Speaker 1: And I'm curious to see if there's going to be
Speaker 1: some sort of withdrawal in ten or fifteen years from now,
Speaker 1: because our generation is being aware of that. I think sooner.
Speaker 1: I think you'll start to see it sooner. Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1: I think that there's a there will be UM sort
Speaker 1: of an antithesis to the Kardashians. And I don't put
Speaker 1: them down, it's just that they are sort of the
Speaker 1: height of that thing, right, I mean documenting everything publicly,
Speaker 1: you know, I did that. I do think that there
Speaker 1: is going to be UM, a return to privacy to
Speaker 1: some degram and I think you see it a lot
Speaker 1: more also with people that are very public also and
Speaker 1: they're like, so this happened over the weekend and then
Speaker 1: they got married. It's just it's that thing. I feel
Speaker 1: like people are recognizing the difference between like the private
Speaker 1: moments that are meant to be special in your private
Speaker 1: life and and then what you know you need to
Speaker 1: be out there with for I mean a lot of
Speaker 1: people do you have to be on social media for
Speaker 1: their jobs, for their livelihood. But um, but I do
Speaker 1: think that lines are starting to be drawn that are
Speaker 1: a little being absorbed and amplified more by you know,
Speaker 1: and I think we're funny want to be less and
Speaker 1: less true. I think we go to things and see
Speaker 1: people's ads on their Twitter feed or like that. We don't.
Speaker 1: We don't. We're like whatever, like it doesn't you know,
Speaker 1: just because you have a lot of people on Twitter
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that people are active or into it, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. They want content or they want
Speaker 1: to be You've got at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: whatever it is you are trying to pitch to people
Speaker 1: has to be good. So, Greg, you also talk about
Speaker 1: how a bad proposal can can set the stage for
Speaker 1: a bad marriage, and you've talked about your own experience. Well,
Speaker 1: you just got you just did it right. I just
Speaker 1: got engaged, yes, a month ago from Sunday. And did
Speaker 1: you do the proposing? Yes? Okay wait wait do a
Speaker 1: lot of women proposal? Well, we we don't like to
Speaker 1: assume that anyone's at this point. We want to make
Speaker 1: sure that it's okay that everyone does anything. So we
Speaker 1: always asked because yeah, I guess I think, I think
Speaker 1: I don't know, so how God, long story short, we
Speaker 1: met on a show called Bachelor in Paradise, you too
Speaker 1: to three years ago? Now three years ago? Excuse me?
Speaker 1: And uh we dated off the show and developed a
Speaker 1: love off the show, and then, um, we had an
Speaker 1: opportunity to go back and I had an opportunity to
Speaker 1: go back on the beach. We first met on Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise this season coming up and proposed at the
Speaker 1: very beach we we first said our help. So that's
Speaker 1: what I that's what I did. I proposed on the
Speaker 1: beach in portofore To Mexico. Um, and I can't talk
Speaker 1: too much about many people that don't know his story,
Speaker 1: like we're we're literally like really show I was. I
Speaker 1: was on a show called The Bachelorette she was on
Speaker 1: a call show called The Bachelor, and then we met
Speaker 1: on the spin off show called Bachelor in Paradise. Were
Speaker 1: on two season into that. There was ups and downs,
Speaker 1: didn't work out. We started dating off the show, developing
Speaker 1: a love in a relationship there and then we had
Speaker 1: an opportun you need to come back on this season
Speaker 1: of Bachelor in Paradise. Didn't get engaged. How did That's
Speaker 1: amazing If you don't think I'm going straight home and
Speaker 1: pulling that up immediately, Yeah, it's a long story. Might
Speaker 1: need to set a couple days. It's very exciting. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. And that's not really most people's experience
Speaker 1: right now. Usually experiences you go on the show, you
Speaker 1: know each other for a month, and then you decide
Speaker 1: whether you want to get engaged or not. And where
Speaker 1: ours was far different. When we started dating, it didn't
Speaker 1: work out in the beginning years, and then we started
Speaker 1: cultivating a friendship that led into romance and then now
Speaker 1: it has led into a very loving and which is relationship.
Speaker 1: So it's the antithesis of what like you survived, You're
Speaker 1: survived despite it, and it's the antithesis of what the
Speaker 1: show is saying exactly it is saying it is not
Speaker 1: really possible to make that connection in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: Although we people thrilled to watch it, love it, um
Speaker 1: uh and um and then but you, but so it
Speaker 1: was a thing that was genuinely real, and overtime became
Speaker 1: it was bigger than the show. It doesn't want to
Speaker 1: say that a lot about rich bachelor relationships aren't real
Speaker 1: because they are. Like I have friends I have gone
Speaker 1: gauged after a month of knowing each other and now
Speaker 1: have kids, have been married for two years, and it
Speaker 1: all works in different ways. Of course I personally just
Speaker 1: didn't work that way. You know, here's my Our thing
Speaker 1: has always been like you can always how can you
Speaker 1: argue for less information? Of course, the less time spent,
Speaker 1: less time because one of the things in this book
Speaker 1: that we talked about is the speed it which you
Speaker 1: get married sometimes rules out what you know about the person.
Speaker 1: And then um, in the height of all that love,
Speaker 1: if you haven't spent a lot of real time together,
Speaker 1: you don't have conversations that you would have had a
Speaker 1: year or two later that are important. You know, there
Speaker 1: are things that you do early on that set the
Speaker 1: stage for not knowing, and then those things that you've
Speaker 1: sort of ignored, like oh, that will will work on that,
Speaker 1: that'll get better and we'll talk, and then it comes
Speaker 1: back as a landmine and then you know it's. Um
Speaker 1: it's over time that stuff really can um small, tiny
Speaker 1: ship can really become big totally. To find that there
Speaker 1: should be some sort of timeframe of like dating, engagement,
Speaker 1: and then before marriage, Like would you be like you
Speaker 1: have to know the person before a year before you
Speaker 1: get engaged. I think that would be wise because I
Speaker 1: really feel like the first the first three or four months,
Speaker 1: you neither of you are being actually who you are
Speaker 1: because it's so exciting and for whatever reason, in combination
Speaker 1: with that person, you were like the best and brightest you,
Speaker 1: and they're the best and brightest them, And you're so
Speaker 1: accommodating with each other, and you're so considered of each other,
Speaker 1: and you're not setting any boundaries, and ultimately you're just
Speaker 1: playing this game of like, look how easy going and
Speaker 1: cool I am. Whereas when you have time to the
Speaker 1: other time spent together, you know, you get to know
Speaker 1: each other more authentically, you start behaving more authentically, and
Speaker 1: ultimately you can have the conversations of like, you know what,
Speaker 1: that thing that I was cool with, I'm actually not
Speaker 1: cool with that, and it really bothers me. I really
Speaker 1: feel like you need time to know each other before
Speaker 1: you actually know if you can. And I know you
Speaker 1: actually are those people. You are those people, but you
Speaker 1: think the other person is responsible for it. What happens
Speaker 1: is you reflect yourself back to yourself when you're like
Speaker 1: when somebody that you like likes you back, and you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm as good as I think I am, and then
Speaker 1: you become that thing because they validate you for whatever
Speaker 1: reason because how cool they are, and that's a reflection
Speaker 1: back to them. And the thing is that is who
Speaker 1: you are. But you think, oh, she's loving me, so
Speaker 1: I'm getting that love from her, So she does anything
Speaker 1: different than she doesn't love me, and that's gonna mess
Speaker 1: up my whole thing, when in fact, it was you
Speaker 1: all along. And I think that's the thing you try
Speaker 1: to maintain, is like you know you are responsible for
Speaker 1: your happiness at all times. I agree to that, and
Speaker 1: it's it's it rings really true because there will be
Speaker 1: even times with my relationship where maybe Ashley is not
Speaker 1: holding my hand or something and I'm like, oh, does
Speaker 1: she not like? What happened? Is she's not happy with me?
Speaker 1: Right now? Did I do something? And then I realized no, no,
Speaker 1: just grab her hand, like I'm responsible for my own happiness.
Speaker 1: I need to take action sort of thing. But that
Speaker 1: you can read, you can read motive into things that
Speaker 1: aren't happening right and then and but then if you
Speaker 1: don't make that in that moment realization, that thing carries
Speaker 1: onto why didn't you talk to me at dinner? And
Speaker 1: then it gets weird and then it's about the movie
Speaker 1: and the next thing you know, you're in this whole
Speaker 1: and now you're pouting and that's ugly. And now they
Speaker 1: now they have reason not to like, like it can
Speaker 1: go to this domino effect place and and you're not present.
Speaker 1: Now you're in your head. I mean, if you're already
Speaker 1: having the fight before you get downstairs, it's you, that's you.
Speaker 1: You've created the thing, the story. I go through this
Speaker 1: all the time. How does how do I stop that?
Speaker 1: You have to stop and go what's actually happening here?
Speaker 1: What if they actually what is this fight I'm having? Okay,
Speaker 1: she didn't do this? Okay, well, she didn't do this
Speaker 1: implies that that she was supposed to do something for you,
Speaker 1: which is not the agreement. What is the thing that
Speaker 1: she didn't do? And are you sure that's what it means?
Speaker 1: And is there a way you can talk about it civilly?
Speaker 1: And also are you too sensitive? And maybe it'd be
Speaker 1: better do your instinct just to talk about it. So
Speaker 1: don't take the opposite action. Go for a run, go
Speaker 1: do something else. Let it go, because sometimes you'll come
Speaker 1: back and go, oh my god. If I have said
Speaker 1: that she was actually trying to surprise me my birthday,
Speaker 1: I just thought she's being cold, I could have ruined.
Speaker 1: Like there's a few times when I've held back and went,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I could have really ruined Christmas. I
Speaker 1: have ruined Christmas. I have also ruined Christmas. But but
Speaker 1: other Christmas is It's so true though. Sometimes if I'm
Speaker 1: for some reason, I'm into my home the head and
Speaker 1: i feel like I'm not getting something and I'm getting angry,
Speaker 1: and then it's that domino effect when I started thinking
Speaker 1: about the past and I'm getting to my own head.
Speaker 1: I'll call one of my friends and just like kind
Speaker 1: of like leave the room, get get some air, and
Speaker 1: then call one of my best buddies and just like
Speaker 1: talk about something other than whatever I'm going through right now,
Speaker 1: whether it be sports or something way more easy going.
Speaker 1: And then I hang up the phone and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why the hell was I so mad about that ten
Speaker 1: minutes later? And why am I so okay with it now?
Speaker 1: Because it's just I just level myself off. And also
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't think I'm lovable, I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm cute, I don't whatever it is that I'm not
Speaker 1: getting is me. I think that about myself. I've decided
Speaker 1: they do, and that you'll make that true because you'll
Speaker 1: act it out, and that they'll feel they'll the universe
Speaker 1: does exactly what you wanted to. People do exactly what
Speaker 1: you want them to. If you show them that they
Speaker 1: do exactly, they behave exactly. I mean, as I've gotten
Speaker 1: all that, I realized, like my feeling about people is
Speaker 1: always depended on my mood, and I will hear something
Speaker 1: differently depending on my mood. Sometimes I wanna say something
Speaker 1: to me that like that would have been an insult yesterday,
Speaker 1: but I don't feel that way now because I don't care.
Speaker 1: So you really have to monitor yourself and the other
Speaker 1: thing is I think that we take for granted that
Speaker 1: this relationship started out in a sexual way, in a
Speaker 1: in a romantic way, and so therefore we they're not
Speaker 1: They're not our best friend like our best friend. Where
Speaker 1: we go. I can dumple my my best friend, and
Speaker 1: he's gonna go home. He doesn't have to live with me.
Speaker 1: And one of the things that, like in the recovery
Speaker 1: stuff that I'm in, one of the things is bring
Speaker 1: your problem somewhere else, take the solution home, take your
Speaker 1: problem somewhere else, come home, because this is this is
Speaker 1: the person you're trying to protect. You're trying to give
Speaker 1: them the best life possible. You want their area to
Speaker 1: feel safe, and you want them to feel free, and uh,
Speaker 1: and you don't. Also, you're you're coming in and telling
Speaker 1: them sometimes I'm a loser. I got fired, and while
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, dude, pull it together, because
Speaker 1: you broadcast your insecurities and then you start projecting them
Speaker 1: and then your significant other starts believing you yes or
Speaker 1: also doesn't know what to do with it. Most of
Speaker 1: the time, people go, you know, and men always have solutions,
Speaker 1: and usually women have not asked questions as I said,
Speaker 1: before you find up, well, here's what you should do.
Speaker 1: And no, no I didn't ask you. I just want
Speaker 1: to tell you. We want to answer. We want solutions,
Speaker 1: so we go home. We want what we're like fixed me?
Speaker 1: What is it? I've told you a problem? And uh.
Speaker 1: And that's that's how they work. So, you know, and
Speaker 1: usually people and when I say they work, I usually
Speaker 1: feel like in every relationship, one person takes a role,
Speaker 1: the other one take together. That just is the way
Speaker 1: it is. You know, they're you know, you can call
Speaker 1: it man if I don't know what you call it, alphabe,
Speaker 1: I would call it alpha beta or whatever. You know,
Speaker 1: like you know some person is that's not that's what
Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, Yeah, I feel like I'm both in
Speaker 1: my relationship. I can be. I probably I'm probably more
Speaker 1: than idiot, right if the podcast after that? So tell
Speaker 1: me the eighteen years of marriage. What's the secret? Well,
Speaker 1: I always say it's, um, the six of the best
Speaker 1: years of my life, not in a row. I mean
Speaker 1: marriage is literally like a great week here, an uneventful
Speaker 1: period here, maybe a downshift there, but ultimately, you know,
Speaker 1: in a marriage, when you're going into it, like you
Speaker 1: you build equity in a relationship so that when you
Speaker 1: have bad times you can you know your love for
Speaker 1: each other and in the history you've built together in
Speaker 1: the life be together can bring you through it because
Speaker 1: you know, ultimately, our whole life going back to the
Speaker 1: social media thing, our whole life isn't a highlight reel.
Speaker 1: You know, there's and hopefully it's not a low light reel.
Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot of just like mundane pleasant
Speaker 1: in between. Um. But when you have the expectation of
Speaker 1: your life being a highlight reel, it's going to be disappointing.
Speaker 1: And if you pick the right person to marry and
Speaker 1: you're able to be in a collaborative relationship and have
Speaker 1: difficult conversations and um, and you have the willingness. Somebody
Speaker 1: said to me, it's just not it's exactly being sober.
Speaker 1: You just I don't have to be married for rest
Speaker 1: of my life. You just have been married today. I
Speaker 1: can't not drink tomorrow because tomorrow doesn't happened. I can
Speaker 1: only I can only not drink today, So I stay married.
Speaker 1: We stay married to midnight. And like a practice instead
Speaker 1: of an institution, like it's something that you know, it's
Speaker 1: like yoga, or journal writing or drinking eight glasses of water.
Speaker 1: It's something you consciously throw your whole body into every
Speaker 1: day and try to be mindful and present and um
Speaker 1: and let somebody know that you appreciate them and you
Speaker 1: appreciate what they're doing, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you know, it's not fifty, it's a hundred hundred. You
Speaker 1: have to put a percent in it. And there's you
Speaker 1: either both win or you both lose. And your forgiveness,
Speaker 1: your forgiveness muscle, because if you can't forgive somebody, if
Speaker 1: you carried that resentment around, that's what that's what you're living.
Speaker 1: And then eventually that person will go, I can't live
Speaker 1: with you being upset with me forever because that's the
Speaker 1: house I come home to, or that's what I'm in
Speaker 1: every day. And you know, look, you know we're going
Speaker 1: to make mistakes. You're gonna hurt, You're gonna do something stupid,
Speaker 1: You're gonna do something really um drop the baby, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean people do all kinds of people could do
Speaker 1: all kinds of dumb make dumb mistakes and do things
Speaker 1: where the other person can't forgive them because that's their packet.
Speaker 1: They're their things that they're hung up about. And the
Speaker 1: problem with that is then okay, well now we're both
Speaker 1: stuck in the state and we're not going any worse.
Speaker 1: And even sometimes if you do. Look, I can't forgive
Speaker 1: somebody then leave them, tell them I can't. I can't
Speaker 1: get over this because I we can't live in this
Speaker 1: permanent state of and nobody. By the way, when you
Speaker 1: reres in somebody, everybody knows it, the kids know it,
Speaker 1: your family knows that, nobody wants it to continue. The
Speaker 1: whole staying married for the kids thing is not a
Speaker 1: thing because I know who want the kids would guarantee
Speaker 1: you your kids a go. I was five, and I
Speaker 1: want you guys to stop fighting or not be happy.
Speaker 1: I could tell. So you know, you really serve the
Speaker 1: relationship by making sure that you were getting those getting
Speaker 1: through those resentments, are being able to figure out how
Speaker 1: can we get this so we can both move on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the forgiveness thing works both ways too, because
Speaker 1: I think you have to forgive your partner so you
Speaker 1: don't resent them. But I also think they have to
Speaker 1: figure yourself a lot of times, because guilt will stay
Speaker 1: with you for a very long time and I think
Speaker 1: guilt and shame will make you do some really dumb things.
Speaker 1: And and that's both people not wanting to go forward.
Speaker 1: That's what people who don't win do. If I blame myself,
Speaker 1: then I don't really have to do anything because I'm
Speaker 1: so bad and I feel bad and I shouldn't have been.
Speaker 1: I can't forgive myself. Okay, Well the world doesn't care. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're the world wants you to feel okay, and and
Speaker 1: and your partner wants you to feel Also, how big
Speaker 1: of the problem is it? You know, like, if you
Speaker 1: actually let it land, is it a tiny problem or
Speaker 1: is it a monstrous problem? Because a lot of times
Speaker 1: the visceral feeling of conflict or fear or guilt or
Speaker 1: shame is so overwhelming that we think it's so much
Speaker 1: bigger than it actually is. Like when you line it,
Speaker 1: when you line it up next to actual problems, you go, oh,
Speaker 1: this is ten weeks from now, no one's going to
Speaker 1: remember this. Oh, I absolutely agree. That's what goes back
Speaker 1: with Greg was saying about how you can get in
Speaker 1: your own head and like a small problem creates this
Speaker 1: huge problem because the domino effect and then you just
Speaker 1: take ten minutes away, go for a run, do something
Speaker 1: that makes you feel better, drive, listen to music, and
Speaker 1: then you come back and you're just completely level again
Speaker 1: and realize, holy crap, that was the smallest problem, and
Speaker 1: go to ruin Christmas and I will say that what
Speaker 1: the reason that an ambulance? Exactly, it's an aspirin. Not
Speaker 1: I that I love that too. The reason I think
Speaker 1: that we stay married is that when we get out
Speaker 1: of our crap and when we do move on when
Speaker 1: we're together, our lives get better almost instantly. When the
Speaker 1: two of us are together, Yeah, I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's taken us a long time to learn. We've been
Speaker 1: long periods of forgetting it or not even wanting to try.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know there, you know, you can get
Speaker 1: in a bad place, things happen. But we just realized,
Speaker 1: like every time we're really really happy, any event that
Speaker 1: has been really really great, anytime we've had any successes,
Speaker 1: because we were together and both agreed that we should
Speaker 1: be doing what we're doing and loving each other. And
Speaker 1: it's hard, it's really hard to maintain, you know, but
Speaker 1: but that is the key. Greg Mirror, you guys are incredible.
Speaker 1: We didn't even scratch the surface of the questions that
Speaker 1: I had for you. But you're incredible. You're fascinating. Man.
Speaker 1: We need you guys back in here. I would love
Speaker 1: to help Second Dating needs you guys back in here
Speaker 1: because I've honestly learned so much in the past half
Speaker 1: hour and I've gone through three of the nine questions
Speaker 1: that we've had for you guys. Um. So, also, you
Speaker 1: guys have the How to Keep Your Marriage from Sucking
Speaker 1: book coming out and you have a signing. Can you
Speaker 1: tell me about that? We have a signing on August
Speaker 1: two at Book Soup here in Los Angeles, where we
Speaker 1: will also be recording a live podcast of our podcast
Speaker 1: called Maybe It's You, which is you would lose relationships
Speaker 1: and behaviors? Oh, Ashley and I'm ready. I'm answering for Ashley.
Speaker 1: We're coming out. Yeah, that would be contact. Looking forward
Speaker 1: to it. But yeah, so August to my second book,
Speaker 1: Super August twenty two at the Book Super in l A.
Speaker 1: You guys can go check out How to Keep Your
Speaker 1: Marriage and Sucking. You can meet Gregg the Mirror. They
Speaker 1: will sign it for you. It'll be a great event.
Speaker 1: Definitely check it out. Um yeah, and then check out
Speaker 1: your podcast what was named podcast. It's called Maybe It's You.
Speaker 1: Maybe It's You. Check out their podcast. You guys are incredible.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming in, Thank you for
Speaker 1: having it. And we'll definitely have you soon and we'll
Speaker 1: be on your podcast. Fantastic, man, that'd be great. So
Speaker 1: we just had Greg in a mirror left. God, they
Speaker 1: were so wonderful. We gotta get them back on this podcast. Um.
Speaker 1: And but we do have to check on a special
Speaker 1: friend right now who usually as a host on this podcast,
Speaker 1: but is god knows where in the world. Dean, are
Speaker 1: you out there? Hello? Hello Dean. You are joined by
Speaker 1: Easton and Erica Vanessa. Vanessa's you know, got aunt duties
Speaker 1: right now. She's doing her doing her thing right now, Dean,
Speaker 1: where are you in the world? I am current Malaysia.
Speaker 1: It is three oh five in the morning. Oh my god. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you for joining us. Hey, how do you how
Speaker 1: do you to to be able to join you? Guys? What's
Speaker 1: it really going over there? A things are wonderful, but
Speaker 1: we want to know more about your trips. So what
Speaker 1: are you doing? You're just traveling around the world? Huh um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think. I kind of talked about this right.
Speaker 1: I'm on both the podcast before fourth of July. Um,
Speaker 1: I just always wanted to travel to Japan, so I
Speaker 1: booked in one lake ticket and then things kind of
Speaker 1: snowballed a little bit and it just became this trip that,
Speaker 1: um it's going to just kind of taking a few places.
Speaker 1: So I'm in the middle of it. Um, I decided
Speaker 1: to kind of turn into this thing. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess me and some of the producers decided to
Speaker 1: turn and do a thing where Wall line traveling and
Speaker 1: you know, obviously most of the people that we talked
Speaker 1: to are central to the United States. Would be interesting
Speaker 1: to kind of dive into a little bit of dating
Speaker 1: in different cultures. And for the past few NFT weeks
Speaker 1: I've been I went to Japan, Indonesia, and now I'm
Speaker 1: in Malaysia, so mostly Asian countries. But um, it's been crazy. Man.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm traveling alone and meeting people and just
Speaker 1: like spending a lot of time by myself. So it's
Speaker 1: been pretty great so far. I miss you guys, though,
Speaker 1: I want to The one thing I can't wait to
Speaker 1: get back to is, you know, get back to the
Speaker 1: podcast and and see you guys. Again, do we definitely
Speaker 1: miss you Mr Vibe in the in the studio. So
Speaker 1: can you tell anything that you've learned about different dating cultures? Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're there. It's really really interesting to be perfectly honest.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that typically the aged countries are
Speaker 1: a little bit more reserved with they're dating. But funny enough,
Speaker 1: so I went out tonight with a group of new
Speaker 1: friends I guess now, and um, they were like unabashedly
Speaker 1: honest about the things that they were Um, have experience
Speaker 1: and have like, uh most for what I'm looking for,
Speaker 1: like explored physically all that kind of stuff. And I
Speaker 1: was blown away because in Japan what I saw a
Speaker 1: lot of a lot of like reservation and like pensiveness
Speaker 1: in relationships. So in Japan, I uh, I met up
Speaker 1: with a friend who grew up in the same area
Speaker 1: as me, but who also grew up in Japan, and
Speaker 1: she was telling me, She's like, yeah, like it's really
Speaker 1: hard to date here because you know, guys are headed
Speaker 1: in to make make the first move and um, you know,
Speaker 1: it's just not really quite the same as it as
Speaker 1: in the US. And then in the Indonesia, I'm up
Speaker 1: with a friend who is a transplant out there who's
Speaker 1: been moving at that for about six months. And she
Speaker 1: was like talking about how difficult to this day in
Speaker 1: Indonesia and specifically because it's such a transient culture and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, people come in and out all the time
Speaker 1: and hark to like kind of walk yourself into the
Speaker 1: one relationship and then I'm here UM. And one of
Speaker 1: the girls that I was with tonight is recently engaged. UM.
Speaker 1: And one of the one of the other ones was
Speaker 1: like talking about all of these like physical explorations that
Speaker 1: she was doing with a boyfriend like a year ago.
Speaker 1: And I was blowing my mind because I was like,
Speaker 1: these things that I would think, like even for someone
Speaker 1: in the US to be like, I don't know, incredibly uh,
Speaker 1: I guess exploringative UM. And so it's just weird how
Speaker 1: much things can vary, like because I know Malaysia specifically,
Speaker 1: it has like a very strong Islam uh influence, and
Speaker 1: so you would think like they're a little bit more
Speaker 1: like UM in their show owners are more kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: But I feel like it's not necessarily the case so much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: grab for a little bit right there, Sorry about that.
Speaker 1: No, No No, I was gonna say it doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: they're too like you're saying, in the reserve, but that's
Speaker 1: the second time you mentioned somebody talking about like a
Speaker 1: physical expert, you know, exploring of each other in a relationship.
Speaker 1: And I feel that like if you were reserved, you
Speaker 1: wouldn't really want to talk about any type of sex.
Speaker 1: And I know, I feel like even us as focus
Speaker 1: on the podcast, like I feel like talking about sex
Speaker 1: is like a little taboo, or at least for me.
Speaker 1: I think it's in the States like that. I think
Speaker 1: in the States it's mostly like that a lot of
Speaker 1: people just don't touch that subject. Yeah, And I know,
Speaker 1: like obviously, like you and I joked around about it
Speaker 1: a little bit, but we don't really like side too
Speaker 1: deep into it. Um. But they were just like talking
Speaker 1: about these things and that, Like even I was like
Speaker 1: I was like blushing about because I was I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just it was really weird because I came into um,
Speaker 1: you know this, I guess traveling experience is thinking, um,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously not having having any attention to go
Speaker 1: on dates or anything while in here, but at least
Speaker 1: like to to kind of get a better understanding of
Speaker 1: what it's like to date for both the locals and
Speaker 1: the people that travel to these places. Um, and we
Speaker 1: always have like these these least I guess ideas in
Speaker 1: our head about what it's going to be like, and
Speaker 1: then you get there and it's kind of completely not
Speaker 1: completely different, but at least different on many levels than
Speaker 1: you kind of had coming into it. So I don't
Speaker 1: it's been a pretty cool experience so far. It's like, obviously,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm so I don't think I'm really spending
Speaker 1: enough time in any of these locations to really like
Speaker 1: fully understand. I think that obviously would take a lot
Speaker 1: of time. I spent a week in Japan and then
Speaker 1: a week in Indonesia, and I've only been in Malaysia
Speaker 1: first three or four days. But um, it's been it's
Speaker 1: been a pretty cool experience to be able to, uh,
Speaker 1: to kind of sit down and talk with some of them.
Speaker 1: I think one of my first nights in Japan, I
Speaker 1: went I was like walking up by myself and I
Speaker 1: stumbled into this the r rcade and I was like
Speaker 1: the only single person in there. There was probably like
Speaker 1: twenty or twenty five couples, and it was just funny
Speaker 1: to like, no, I think I wasn't like watching the
Speaker 1: couples interact, but like you know, it's it's like you're
Speaker 1: just kind of been hearing around these people, so you
Speaker 1: kind of like aren't aware of it. And it was
Speaker 1: just like in Japan at least, they were much more
Speaker 1: I felt like they were all in high school relationships
Speaker 1: when they were all definitely like in their twenties, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. That's interesting. Did it seem like
Speaker 1: in Japan that they couple up early on in life
Speaker 1: and then it's it's more of like I feel like
Speaker 1: here in the States, everybody kind of waits to get
Speaker 1: married into the late twenties, early thirties. Did you find
Speaker 1: any difference in Japan. I think in Japan they definitely
Speaker 1: wanted to meet younger, right. And then it's it's interesting
Speaker 1: too because at least with Japan and Malasia, from what
Speaker 1: I've seen, is they like being in relationships with people
Speaker 1: of the same culture, which I don't think we see
Speaker 1: necessarily quite as much in the US. Like we're maybe
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to say more open minded,
Speaker 1: but we're more I guess willing to uh dive into
Speaker 1: relationships with people of different I guess ethnic backgrounds tonight.
Speaker 1: For instance, Uh, in Malaysia, there's there's three main cultures
Speaker 1: that um Indian, Malaysian, and Chinese. And I probably I
Speaker 1: got that run, but that's something along the lines. And
Speaker 1: the Malaysians don't really the Chinese, the Chinese really Indians,
Speaker 1: and like all this kind of stuff, and it's just
Speaker 1: interesting how, uh, we don't really see much of that,
Speaker 1: you know, like one of the girls that I was
Speaker 1: telling me how she just introduced her Malaysian boyfriends to
Speaker 1: her Chinese mom and how the mom looks like a
Speaker 1: little kind of put off by it, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And it's just it's like an interesting component
Speaker 1: that we don't necessarily normal normally think about in the US. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't think about it at all. We're very much
Speaker 1: of a melting pot of here, especially in California. I
Speaker 1: think other parts of the country might be a little different,
Speaker 1: like the South, having lived there, but especially in California
Speaker 1: it is a lot more open minded. Yeah, so that
Speaker 1: was interesting to hear. It's just like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I came in really knowing much. You're expecting much, but
Speaker 1: was maybe a few misconceptions or or just things I
Speaker 1: necessarily know about coming into it. The question is have
Speaker 1: you gone on any dates while you've been over there.
Speaker 1: I'm not. It's been great, Honestly, it's super damn No,
Speaker 1: maybe I should start going on dates to La Chavel,
Speaker 1: but no, I mean it's been I've been super super fortunate.
Speaker 1: It's it's weird to travel alone. It's it's weird to
Speaker 1: travel alone. Um in this situation where like, for instance,
Speaker 1: I was like traveling to Hiroshima via train from Tokyo, right,
Speaker 1: and I like posted on my Instagram, so I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm up to Hiroshima today, and someone like dms me
Speaker 1: and they're like, hey, my husband is a picture for
Speaker 1: the baseball team in Hiroshima. Like I can get you too, tickets,
Speaker 1: like feel free to take them if you want. That's awesome.
Speaker 1: Went to the baseball game, and then like like on
Speaker 1: the way that to Malaysia, for instance, I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going to cool and poor and then some girl
Speaker 1: reached out and it's like, oh my gosh, like love
Speaker 1: to show you around and and like obviously kind of
Speaker 1: give you like the locals perspective. So it's been a
Speaker 1: super fortunate experience to be able to like I can
Speaker 1: spend time alone, which I don't think any of us
Speaker 1: really do enough of, but then I can also maybe
Speaker 1: get like the locals, I guess, insight and perspective I've
Speaker 1: been when I want it. And I think one of
Speaker 1: the steralizations that I had the other day was I've
Speaker 1: been alone for two a half weeks and admit me
Speaker 1: like meeting up with friends like before, like friends that
Speaker 1: I actually knew before leaving UM, and I kind of
Speaker 1: like really really liked being alone. Maybe not for like
Speaker 1: an extended period of time, but I think that I've
Speaker 1: I've enjoyed it quite a bit, which has been kind
Speaker 1: of surprising for me. It's like, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: think that, uh, for me specifically, when I was younger,
Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time alone, and like, I
Speaker 1: think you kind of developed certain like patterns of thought
Speaker 1: when you're by yourself. And then lately, not lately, but
Speaker 1: like maybe within the past like eight years of my life,
Speaker 1: I've spent it very socially and you kind of tend
Speaker 1: to kind of like stade away from those ways of thinking.
Speaker 1: And over the past like two and a half weeks,
Speaker 1: but I've spent most of my time predominantly alone. It's
Speaker 1: like I kind of see myself thinking similar to how
Speaker 1: I did when I was maybe like in my Team's
Speaker 1: not like same talk, but like similar patterns about you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So it's just been like a
Speaker 1: weird process that's really interesting. I think it's just a
Speaker 1: growing process. Anytime you go to a different culture, a
Speaker 1: new country, different environment, you add a later your character
Speaker 1: that wasn't there before, And so I think that's not
Speaker 1: only a good experience, but I think also when you
Speaker 1: uped into being alone, I think nobody feels alone anymore
Speaker 1: because you have so many different avenues of hanging out
Speaker 1: with people and talking to someone every minute of every
Speaker 1: day that people just don't even allow themselves to spend
Speaker 1: an hour alone because there's no need to. You're just
Speaker 1: so connected with the world, right and it's it's hard
Speaker 1: to because like obviously you know, with social media and
Speaker 1: I guess the ability to talk to anyone at any time,
Speaker 1: you never will be alone, which is kind of nice.
Speaker 1: Like if you don't want to be fully consumed by
Speaker 1: your thought, that you can like calling your friends or
Speaker 1: like text someone. It's knowing that, um, so it's kind
Speaker 1: of nice to kind of always have the ability, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like, especially nowadays, like people
Speaker 1: kind of use like their friendships and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff tymes of crutch to uh you know, which
Speaker 1: is great. I think that everyone should be able to
Speaker 1: do that, but I think that, you know, it's also
Speaker 1: deal with to spend time by yourself, like, um, I
Speaker 1: don't know, just like read, I like lads in my writing,
Speaker 1: which is very uncomplet unlike me. I don't really right
Speaker 1: every so where do you write stuff? I like, I like,
Speaker 1: woke up in the middle of night the other night
Speaker 1: and I think I'm just gonna start raining stuff. I'll
Speaker 1: share some of the stuff later on. Maybe I'll like
Speaker 1: contense it and yeah, we'd love to I want to
Speaker 1: hear that. I just I don't know. It's just it's
Speaker 1: fun to be able to do it. But um, you're
Speaker 1: like Jerry McGuire waking up in the middle of the night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel me on your man, I want to hear
Speaker 1: a little bit more about you. Ask you and you
Speaker 1: knew you could save it for later, but uh, what's
Speaker 1: what's going on with all that same old, same old
Speaker 1: you know? I mean, you were here for the engagement
Speaker 1: and I've just grown more and more in love with
Speaker 1: that woman every day. Um, things are great. We went
Speaker 1: to East Coast, went to visit my parents in Rhode Island,
Speaker 1: went to visit her parents in Virginia. It was wonderful.
Speaker 1: And she wore the ring, right, Yeah, she wore the rings.
Speaker 1: So she's been wearing and around. She got a re
Speaker 1: sized that Neil Lane. She might have to get a
Speaker 1: real resize one more time. But the ring is beautiful.
Speaker 1: She's amazing. Things are just, um, really really good. I've
Speaker 1: never been happier. I it's it comes to a point
Speaker 1: where almost it's just too good, you know where I'm
Speaker 1: almost waiting for the Florida drop because it's it's just like,
Speaker 1: oh God, this is I've never been happier. Things are
Speaker 1: so good. Something's got to give. But I just put
Speaker 1: those thoughts aside because, um, you know, don't protect your insecurities. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be that good. So thank you for asking, Dean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: things are great. Vanessa was on the podcast earlier. She's
Speaker 1: single again. Um. She announced that I know she's single,
Speaker 1: ready to mingle up in those Canada areas. Um, I know, right,
Speaker 1: good God, did I say that oddly, and I was
Speaker 1: trying to make it funny. It didn't really work out
Speaker 1: that well. Um, but Dean, we miss you, buddy. We
Speaker 1: can't wait to see you. Please be safe on your trip.
Speaker 1: You're going, so where where else are you going on
Speaker 1: this trip? Um? So tomorrow, well I get some six hours,
Speaker 1: take off for Singapore for a day. I'm up to
Speaker 1: greet four to five days, and I think next week,
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna I would hope that we can
Speaker 1: check you next week. On Tuesday, I will be in Paris.
Speaker 1: Oh my, I'll be able to give some uh some
Speaker 1: hopefully some interesting insight from Paris. UM's talking French to
Speaker 1: each other. That's a good point. And then from Paris
Speaker 1: I go to Amsterdam and then Amsterdam to Dublin and
Speaker 1: then Dublin to Rape to back Iceland, and then Iceland
Speaker 1: New York, and then New York back to Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Holy moly, you are just a world traveler. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: I'm like shocked right now. It's amazing. There's no words. Um. So,
Speaker 1: if you guys have any interesting things that you want
Speaker 1: me to dive into in either Greece or Paris, please,
Speaker 1: by all means let me know. Maybe what we can
Speaker 1: do is if if any of the listeners have any
Speaker 1: questions for anything that they want me to like ask
Speaker 1: people all on out there. I think that would be
Speaker 1: pretty interesting because I feel like, like like, like uh we
Speaker 1: said earlier, it's like, obviously a lot of the perspective
Speaker 1: that we lend a hundred percent of the perspective that
Speaker 1: we lend is based just locally in the US, and
Speaker 1: you don't really get much outside perspective, and obviously outside
Speaker 1: of Canada too, But um, how do you think it's
Speaker 1: a unique interesting to hear about how it's different from
Speaker 1: from one country to the next or one culture the
Speaker 1: next year. Absolutely, I can'tpletely agree. We'll be safe, brother,
Speaker 1: We miss you, love you, can't wait to see you
Speaker 1: have fun, and we'll talk to in Paris. Keep keep
Speaker 1: doing a great job. Jared. I'm bumm. I'm not there
Speaker 1: with you, but I'm glad to get that things are going.
Speaker 1: I'll talk to you soon. Thanks, man, I'm bummed too,
Speaker 1: but excited to see you have fun. We'll talk soon.
Speaker 1: By god, that guy is such a good guy. He
Speaker 1: really is. Yeah. Every time I talked to Dean, I
Speaker 1: just get reminded of what I know. This sounds weird,
Speaker 1: but he just comes up so pure like, doesn't he.
Speaker 1: I just want him to find something, yeah, makes him happy.
Speaker 1: I want him to find someone that makes him happy.
Speaker 1: I want to just hug him every time I see him.
Speaker 1: He's like a dog. But in the that's the but no,
Speaker 1: this is the most It's the most endearing thing I
Speaker 1: could possibly say, is that he just like gives off
Speaker 1: vibes like a puppy. He's always smiling, he's always happy.
Speaker 1: Every time I talk to him. I'm just like, Dean,
Speaker 1: you just goddamn it. You're so adorable. You know, am
Speaker 1: I the only one in this word that thinkes us?
Speaker 1: I get it? Ding Caid show up at my door
Speaker 1: and look at me in the eyes and say, Eastern,
Speaker 1: I just murdered your whole family. And I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: come here, you get out of give me come in first,
Speaker 1: some meat, lo if I just made something. It's just
Speaker 1: it's amazing. He's a very endearing man. I mean, he's
Speaker 1: endearing and I hate hugs, but I do hugg Dean.
Speaker 1: How can you not? He doesn't even wash his hands,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yes, you can touch me. Whoa wow.
Speaker 1: You know Sheldon rubbed all that good stuff. Um, So
Speaker 1: we don't have time for emails. We're in a little
Speaker 1: long today, but we're gonna get to all your emails
Speaker 1: next week, so please tune in for that. A big
Speaker 1: shout out to Patti Stanger for joining us today. That
Speaker 1: was amazing. She was incredible. She gave so much insight.
Speaker 1: Big shout out to Greg Barron and his wife Amira
Speaker 1: for joining us. They have their new book coming out
Speaker 1: August twenty two. At the Book Soup in l A.
Speaker 1: They're doing a book signing for their brand new book,
Speaker 1: so big shout out for them. Big shout out to
Speaker 1: Sugar Bear Hair. Definitely check out sugar bear Hair dot
Speaker 1: com slash hell um yeah for thick, luscious, healthy hair
Speaker 1: like we all want and all have because of Sugar
Speaker 1: Bear Hair. Is a big shout out to them. Big
Speaker 1: shout out to Dean for calling us while he was
Speaker 1: in Malaysia. He's going to be in Paris next week.
Speaker 1: We definitely have to try to connect to him there
Speaker 1: while he's sitting beneath that you know, Eiffel Tower and
Speaker 1: we're here in the studio in l A big shout
Speaker 1: out to Vanessa for doing her aunt. Thank for joining
Speaker 1: us for the first twenty minutes of the segment. We
Speaker 1: really appreciate that. Love you Vanessa, Thank you Erica, Thank
Speaker 1: you Eastan. You guys are incredible. Please keep sending us
Speaker 1: your emails Easton what is the email address? One more time?
Speaker 1: It's I suck at Dating at i heeart media dot com. Perfect.
Speaker 1: We have the emails from this week. We're gonna read
Speaker 1: those next week, but please keep sending them. We love
Speaker 1: reading them. Those are the best part of the show
Speaker 1: for me. Uh So, tune in next week for an
Speaker 1: all new episode where hopefully we suck a little less.
Speaker 1: Follow help by Suck At Dating with Dean, Vanessa, and
Speaker 1: Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: podcast