Speaker 1: Good morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is about how to make more time for friends.
Speaker 1: Most of us see our colleagues when we go to work,
Speaker 1: we see our families when we go home, but getting
Speaker 1: together with friends can be challenging. We're so busy with
Speaker 1: everything else that they tend to fall to the bottom
Speaker 1: of the list. And that's too bad, because friends are
Speaker 1: a good use of time. Indeed, good friends can make
Speaker 1: us feel like we have more time. A few years ago,
Speaker 1: for my book Off the Clock, I asked nine hundred
Speaker 1: busy people to track their time for a day. Then
Speaker 1: I asked them questions about how they felt about their time.
Speaker 1: I found that the people who felt time was most
Speaker 1: abundant spent a far higher proportion of their time interacting
Speaker 1: with friends than people who felt time was scarce. And no,
Speaker 1: it's not because the people who saw friends had less
Speaker 1: going on. People who felt starved for time had just
Speaker 1: as much leisure time as everyone else. They simply spent
Speaker 1: more of it watching TV or on social media. The
Speaker 1: correlation was so strong that I formed this theory. Being
Speaker 1: social makes time. Social media kills time, So let's spend
Speaker 1: more time with friends and less time on social media. Right.
Speaker 1: I'm sure we could agree that this would be great,
Speaker 1: But of course there are reasons we drift towards the screens.
Speaker 1: When you're building our career and raising a family, a
Speaker 1: lot of your leisure time appears late at night, when
Speaker 1: it's hard to cease, or it requires planning ahead, or
Speaker 1: hiring a sitter, or trading off childcare duties with your spouse.
Speaker 1: Your friends are just as busy, they face the same challenges,
Speaker 1: but Twitter is ready anytime you are. That said, I
Speaker 1: do think that even busy people can make time for friends.
Speaker 1: One option is that you can build what I call
Speaker 1: relationship planning into your life. In an earlier episode of
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast, we talked about planning your upcoming weeks on
Speaker 1: Friday Afternoons. I suggested listing priorities in three categories, career, relationships, self.
Speaker 1: The reason to make a three category list is that
Speaker 1: it reminds you to put something in all three categories.
Speaker 1: It's hard to make a three category list and then
Speaker 1: leave one of the categories blank. This is a good
Speaker 1: way to nudge yourself to have a more balanced life. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the relationship category might naturally focus on your spouse or
Speaker 1: your kids. But I challenge you to make a friend
Speaker 1: activity a priority at least every other week. Think about
Speaker 1: whose company you enjoy and which friendships you really value.
Speaker 1: Then use this planning time on Friday to reach out
Speaker 1: and get something on the calendar. It doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be elaborate. A phone or video chat can work with
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't live nearby, or you can plan to
Speaker 1: meet for coffee or lunch. That's how you build relationship
Speaker 1: planning into your life. But over years of studying people's time,
Speaker 1: I've realized that the people who spend the most time
Speaker 1: with their friends tend to structure their lives so they
Speaker 1: don't need to plan really ationship time. It happens automatically.
Speaker 1: Here's what I mean. Some things happen once. Other things
Speaker 1: fall into the category of recurring events. You don't have
Speaker 1: to plan them. They just happen over and over. This
Speaker 1: is neither good nor bad on its own. It can
Speaker 1: be a bad thing. With recurring meetings at work, people
Speaker 1: keep tramping to that Tuesday morning staff meeting week after
Speaker 1: week just to report that, yep, they're still doing their jobs.
Speaker 1: This meeting has long ceased to earn its place on
Speaker 1: the calendar, but you keep going because it's there. But
Speaker 1: the recurring event phenomenon can be a good thing. When
Speaker 1: we're talking about getting together with friends, it's often the
Speaker 1: planning that's the huge hurdle. I remember one get together
Speaker 1: I was trying to plan a few years ago. I
Speaker 1: sent out a doodle pole. We had to move forward
Speaker 1: two months before we could find a time that most
Speaker 1: people were available, and I kept going back and forth
Speaker 1: with the venue as we looked at different dates. It
Speaker 1: was a lot of work for one night, and while
Speaker 1: it was really fun, it was not something that inspired
Speaker 1: me to try again soon. Recurring events, though, don't have
Speaker 1: this problem. If you know that your gang gets together
Speaker 1: for drinks every Monday night at the same bar, you
Speaker 1: don't have to plan each Monday. You can go or
Speaker 1: you cannot go, but people tend to become regulars. You
Speaker 1: start to build your life around these anchors in your calendar.
Speaker 1: You promised to pick up the kids on Tuesday, if
Speaker 1: your spouse will take Monday. When your colleagues asked a
Speaker 1: schedule meeting, you don't suggest Monday at four thirty p m.
Speaker 1: So if you have a group of friends you'd like
Speaker 1: to see regularly. Think about what kind of recurring get
Speaker 1: together would work. Maybe it's a Friday morning breakfast or
Speaker 1: an early Saturday morning run. Maybe it's the first Thursday
Speaker 1: of the month book club, or you could volunteer at
Speaker 1: a food bank. Together every other Sunday. Think about the
Speaker 1: logistics required to make this happen. Take some time today
Speaker 1: to work on your calendar, talk with your spouse, maybe
Speaker 1: get help from an extended family member or a babysitter.
Speaker 1: But what where it is? If you make a habit
Speaker 1: of it, it's more likely to happen. If you've made
Speaker 1: a habit of getting to the other with friends, I'd
Speaker 1: love to hear about it. You can email me at
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com. In
Speaker 1: the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's
Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
Speaker 1: your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the number
Speaker 1: four then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot
Speaker 1: me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart
Speaker 1: media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with
Speaker 1: all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to
Speaker 1: staying in touch