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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My father tried to bully my husband into changing our

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Speaker 3: daughter's name. I want to go low contact.

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Speaker 2: Hell, yeah you should.

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Speaker 3: He's like your name choices.

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Speaker 2: Oh wait, let's actually what's your name?

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Speaker 3: I thirty one female, just finished baby naming ceremony for

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Speaker 3: my newborn daughter. For some details, I will tell you

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Speaker 3: about my father. My father dumped my mom more than

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Speaker 3: three times. Wow. He left me and my mom when

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Speaker 3: I was in second year of college. I worked my

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Speaker 3: butt off to get good grades and place in a

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Speaker 3: good company and earn good amount to support my mom.

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Speaker 3: Eventually I got placed in a good company and in

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Speaker 3: a good position and earned a good amount of money.

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Speaker 3: What a good daughter, good life she's living. By the way,

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Speaker 3: This comes from Luna of Reddit one two three four

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Speaker 3: on the r slashow Storytime Separate. When my husband thirty

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Speaker 3: one mail came to propose marriage arranged marriage, I came

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Speaker 3: to note that he was from a wealthy family. His

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Speaker 3: father and his elder stepbrother are business CEOs, well his

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Speaker 3: biological elder sister, who was a lawyer and a loving

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Speaker 3: stepmother and a teenage half sister, and his is also

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Speaker 3: a CEO of his own company. My mom was hesitant

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Speaker 3: to accept the proposal that my mother in law said

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Speaker 3: she loves me and would like to be engaged with

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Speaker 3: my husband. My mom told me openly about my father

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Speaker 3: to everyone in the family. It's a little bit this,

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Speaker 3: so she's wording here.

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Speaker 4: She's saying like her mom told everyone in the family

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Speaker 4: about how herr her husband like left her and came

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Speaker 4: back a couple of times and was kind of a

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Speaker 4: level seven wienie.

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Speaker 3: Yes, sure enough. After that, they still accepted the proposal,

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Speaker 3: and a week later I was engaged, and after a

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Speaker 3: year I got married to my husband and went on

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Speaker 3: a one month honeymoon and Lakshadweep, which is an island. Dang,

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Speaker 3: you you got that rich ceo money. Yeah, you're living

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Speaker 3: in luxury island.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 3: When I was pregnant with my first child, my father

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Speaker 3: came back and for some months, my mother's relatives tried

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Speaker 3: to make them, get them to back together because they

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Speaker 3: believed the divorce was not going to be okay in

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Speaker 3: society when they became grandparents. After that, my dad visited me.

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Speaker 3: I was not ready to connect with him or let

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Speaker 3: my first child, a son, have a connection with him,

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Speaker 3: but my husband said give him a chance. Eventually I

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Speaker 3: gave him a chance and talked to him. He was

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Speaker 3: looking forward to my first child because he was excited

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Speaker 3: to become a grandpa and I just nodded, but I

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Speaker 3: could tell he did not like my husband. Uh oh.

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Speaker 3: At that time, I thought that things could get better.

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Speaker 3: But then my father started mentioning that he wanted to

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Speaker 3: name my son, and I was so angry about it,

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Speaker 3: and we argued a lot.

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Speaker 4: It's my son to name, so I named the grandchild.

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Speaker 4: I am the father, you see.

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Speaker 3: Me and my partner wanted to keep a name related

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Speaker 3: to ocean or water, and we already had ideas. After

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Speaker 3: frequent arguments, my father decided to not come to my

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Speaker 3: baby naming ceremony or my first child, and this became

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Speaker 3: a huge fight between me and my father over the

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Speaker 3: phone that day, and he said that if he couldn't

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Speaker 3: name my son, he won't come to the ceremony. Either

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Speaker 3: oh no, oh gosh, oh, oh darn, what are we

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Speaker 3: gonna do without you? I got so mad. I cut

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Speaker 3: the call and acted casual and named my son as

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Speaker 3: per me and my partner's wishes.

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Speaker 2: How about I named my son and you leave now.

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Speaker 3: When I was pregnant with my daughter, my father demanded

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Speaker 3: he came back that he is going to keep the

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Speaker 3: name for my second child, and my mom immediately argued

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Speaker 3: to him, that's it's our choice to keep. I have

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Speaker 3: to try again.

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Speaker 2: I won't make the same mistake again.

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Speaker 3: I won't let you fall down that road. And today,

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Speaker 3: at the ceremony, when my father was present, this time,

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Speaker 3: he called out a name of his choice instead of

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Speaker 3: the name we kept. I got mad, and after the ceremony,

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Speaker 3: when all the guests left, I asked him to come

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Speaker 3: to my room and yelled at him about choosing a

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Speaker 3: different name. My father told me that I was selfish

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Speaker 3: to keep the name that we chose rather than the

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Speaker 3: name he suggested. Obviously the name was ugly, and I

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Speaker 3: don't want my kid to be bullied at school for

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Speaker 3: her name, which is like, Dad, your name sucked. We

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Speaker 3: got to know the name, and I just told him

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Speaker 3: to get out of the room and went to my

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Speaker 3: room and started to think, Was I right? Yes? You were?

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Speaker 3: Your dad sucks and you should not be able to

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Speaker 3: name your child.

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Speaker 2: Where does he even begin to think that he has

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Speaker 2: a leg to stand on here?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Dutchess Sona says, why is he still part of

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Speaker 3: Opie's life? I definitely think lowering contact is a good idea,

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Speaker 3: so read it.

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Speaker 2: Am I the A hole?

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Speaker 3: Here? Am I wrong to keep a name that my

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Speaker 3: husband and I chose? Am I just overreacting to my

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Speaker 3: father's response? Was I need some advice? And there is

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Speaker 3: an update to finish this story off?

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Speaker 2: Definitely not the a hole? You know?

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Speaker 4: It would be a nice compromise though, if you could, like, uh,

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Speaker 4: just be like, this is our kid's name. Stop trying

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Speaker 4: to make the name happen. It's not happening. Fetch is

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Speaker 4: not happy. But if you want to call the kid that,

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Speaker 4: maybe it'll be a fun little grandpa only name.

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Speaker 3: It's like your little nicknames. Not But there is enough, Dame.

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Speaker 3: So some of you gave me some advice. Thank you

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Speaker 3: a lot. It made me feel that what I did

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Speaker 3: was right. So today afternoon my father and mother left

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Speaker 3: for their place their home, and my husband was a

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Speaker 3: bit mad about something, and when I asked, he said

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Speaker 3: that my father called him to talk in private, and

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Speaker 3: when he arrived, my father demanded to change our daughter's name,

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Speaker 3: and my husband refused and said that it was our

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Speaker 3: choice to keep the name, and after whatever he had

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Speaker 3: done to me and my mom, he doesn't have the

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Speaker 3: right to keep the name for our baby.

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Speaker 4: What is this guy on WHOA? It's like it's almost

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Speaker 4: like you're not the father or the mother.

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Speaker 3: For some details back then, when my mom was pregnant

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Speaker 3: with me, and my father refused to come to my checkups,

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Speaker 3: and my mom begged to move into a place where

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Speaker 3: her office was nearby, but my father refused to do that,

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Speaker 3: and my mom quit her work because she couldn't handle

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Speaker 3: the work stress due to pregnancy, and my father's aunt

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Speaker 3: asked rudely to my mom why they actually quit work.

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Speaker 4: It seems a little like, hey, maybe put two and

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Speaker 4: two together on that one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, come on. When she told my father's aunt why,

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Speaker 3: my father's an immediately told her to join her workplace,

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Speaker 3: and my mom refused and packed her belongings to go

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Speaker 3: stay with my maternal grandparents. Obviously, my grandpa took care

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Speaker 3: of all the expenses and was there for my mom

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Speaker 3: during her pregnancy. When I was born, my paternal grandparents

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Speaker 3: were disappointed. They expected the boy instead I was born.

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Speaker 3: My father was also disappointed too.

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Speaker 2: It was the woman thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think he was like, oh, I want to

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Speaker 3: name I want to name a son.

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Speaker 4: And so when OP had the son, yeah that's mine,

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Speaker 4: it's my turn. I wanted you to be a guy,

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Speaker 4: and I didn't get to name you.

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Speaker 3: So now that you have a seun it's my tarn.

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Speaker 2: Oh you know what, I bet you it's Larry Larry.

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Speaker 3: But you can join us live every weekday three PMPSD.

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Speaker 3: Just tap her.

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Speaker 2: Profile even if your name's Leonard.

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Speaker 3: So eventually my husband had a heated argument with my father,

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Speaker 3: which made the relationship even worse. I am so disappointed

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Speaker 3: by my father's actions towards my husband. Later, after some hours,

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Speaker 3: I received a text from both my paternal grandparents and

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Speaker 3: my father is saying they were disappointed that I didn't

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Speaker 3: let my father choose my daughter's name. It didn't reply

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Speaker 3: to them good and just ignored the message. In the meantime,

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Speaker 3: my son is hosting a tea party and a welcome

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Speaker 3: party for my daughter with his toys and invited me,

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Speaker 3: my husband, my husband's siblings, and his grandparents. He is

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Speaker 3: having a good time and enjoying himself and entertaining his

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Speaker 3: newborn sister with the toys he has. I don't know

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Speaker 3: if I can update, but if something happens, I will

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Speaker 3: surely let you know. That's okay. Well, it seems like

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Speaker 3: they're kind of pushing cutting them off a little bit.

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Speaker 4: I mean, clearly like toxic entitlement going on there from

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Speaker 4: Could it be cultural?

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Speaker 2: Who knows.

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Speaker 4: But at the end of the day, it doesn't really

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Speaker 4: matter where it comes from. It matters that it exists,

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Speaker 4: and you don't need to tolerate it.

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Speaker 2: Yep, my wife hates my mom. I don't know how

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Speaker 2: to fix their relationship.

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Speaker 3: Someone's in the wrong here.

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Speaker 2: And we're about to find out who.

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Speaker 4: I'm a thirty three currently married to my wife a

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Speaker 4: thirty two, and we have a daughter who's five.

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Speaker 2: We're an Asian family.

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Speaker 4: As someone who reads this a ton, I'd figure i'd

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Speaker 4: finally seek opinions. By the way, this comes from users

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Speaker 4: slash throw a walnut on the awe, slash okay storytime

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Speaker 4: subvert it.

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Speaker 2: So I'm feeling.

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Speaker 4: Terrible because I feel Alison really dislikes my mom. We've

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Speaker 4: had several fights over this. I feel she's not being

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Speaker 4: nice to Mom. She feels she's wrong, and she doesn't

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Speaker 4: hate Mom. I didn't used to be this way when

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Speaker 4: we were dating, and even when we were married without

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Speaker 4: a kid, they used to.

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Speaker 2: Chat whenever they met each other.

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Speaker 4: Nowadays, though, mostly since we had a daughter, Allison doesn't

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Speaker 4: talk to my mom at all and usually gives short

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Speaker 4: replies that are mostly to do with the kid. Allison's

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Speaker 4: body language comes across as negative to me. Whenever we're

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Speaker 4: visiting or Mom visits us. We've got organized bullets. The

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Speaker 4: deterioration seems to have first happened when Mom asked how

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Speaker 4: I was going to include her in my will beneficiary nominations,

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Speaker 4: as she was worried about having people she could rely

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Speaker 4: on in old age.

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Speaker 3: Weird conversations, haired conversation.

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Speaker 4: I am absolutely terrible with lying. So I discussed this

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Speaker 4: with Alison, and unfortunately it was taken terribly by her.

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Speaker 4: Allison thought that my focus should be on my family,

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Speaker 4: her and my daughter, and hence Mom was being selfish.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it's necessarily selfish. To take care of

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Speaker 3: your mom when she's older.

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Speaker 4: That's not a thing, No, it's more selfish being like

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Speaker 4: I'm taking care of in the will. Right after the

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Speaker 4: birth of our daughter, she didn't like the idea of

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Speaker 4: Mom coming over to visit our daughter and help with

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Speaker 4: taking care of the kid. She found it invasive to

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Speaker 4: her personal space. Even though Mom had the best intentions

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Speaker 4: to let us rest. While Alison eventually relented when we

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Speaker 4: kept it for a few hours a week, I found

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Speaker 4: this to be a sore point that she never let

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Speaker 4: go of.

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Speaker 2: We have a plentiful amount.

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Speaker 3: Of minel points to go though any more bullet points

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Speaker 3: as a birthday wish, and whenever I buy nice, expensive

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Speaker 3: stuff for Alison, I'd say, perhaps half jokingly.

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Speaker 2: I wish you'd love my mom more. I meant so.

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Speaker 4: Alison always seemed to roll her eyes to suggest I

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Speaker 4: was wrong to say that she didn't Bullet.

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Speaker 2: Point number four.

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Speaker 4: On a family trip overseas with Mom, Allison took offense

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Speaker 4: when we suggested that she relaxed for a couple of

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Speaker 4: hours with a massage in the resort, as Alison felt

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Speaker 4: that we.

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Speaker 2: Were taking her daughter away from her.

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Speaker 4: Alison felt that we were really selfish and unreasonable to

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Speaker 4: do so, which I felt really bewildered as offer came

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Speaker 4: with the best intention. This came out in a pre

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Speaker 4: counseling screening interview we did, and unfortunately we didn't get

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Speaker 4: to go through.

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Speaker 2: Actual counseling in the end. Okay, bullet point number five.

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Speaker 4: In a recent group text, I wanted to make sure

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Speaker 4: neither Mom nor Allison misunderstand each other. I thought Allison's

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Speaker 4: texts were rather short, just a simple no to an answer.

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Speaker 4: I suggested that you typing this way can sound quite

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Speaker 4: curt because people can't tell the tone. I suggested adding

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Speaker 4: exclamation marksh or other variations which are more wordy. She

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Speaker 4: said I tried to find fault with her and blamed her,

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Speaker 4: and it continues to be brought up as a reason

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Speaker 4: why she no longer wants to text Mom. It drove

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Speaker 4: me crazy to the extent that I asked folks if

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Speaker 4: what I wrote was accusatory for neutral opinions, but she

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Speaker 4: would have none of it. Your wife hates your mom, bro,

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Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 3: It seems like like I haven't heard too.

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Speaker 2: I mean, what did she do?

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Speaker 3: I don't know. It's like the mom did a really

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Speaker 3: weird thing with will and now the wife is being.

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Speaker 4: Weird with the daughter being like she can't how dare you?

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Speaker 3: Goodness?

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Speaker 4: And then also like you know, you're saying just no,

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00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,840
Speaker 4: with no exclamation or anything. She's like yeah, yeah, exactly,

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00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,040
Speaker 4: last bullet point. I feel even more terrible now. A

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Speaker 4: few months ago, my mom had a health scare, and

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00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:41,240
Speaker 4: thankfully mom got out of the bad situation as best

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Speaker 4: as she could. What grates me is my wife's lack

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Speaker 4: of care and concern. There were no words of concern

267
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,559
Speaker 4: or well wishes, and the one wish wrote over a

268
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Speaker 4: group chat text was prompted by me.

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Speaker 3: Who's in the wrong here? Because we haven't We don't

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Speaker 3: have a lot of information of why this wife doesn't

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Speaker 3: like the mom.

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Speaker 2: There's gotta be something that she hasn't brought up.

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Speaker 4: But like you'd think if something happened that prompted such disdain, yes,

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Speaker 4: that it would have been brought up.

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Speaker 3: You would think, Yeah, you would think she'd be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I didn't like when your mom did this.

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Speaker 4: Like something about being like, uh, yeah, your mom implied

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Speaker 4: I'm like a bad mother. Yes, right, I can't handle it,

279
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Speaker 4: Like it.

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Speaker 3: Would make sense why she didn't want to talk, but

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Speaker 3: just say.

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Speaker 2: That, yeah, I don't know. Let's let's continue to do

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Speaker 2: some digging. We got a little bit more here.

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Speaker 4: Having said all of these points, I am at a loss.

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Speaker 4: The situation is certainly not doomsday level, but I feel

286
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,960
Speaker 4: so drained and unhappy. It feels like a trivial issue,

287
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,240
Speaker 4: yet I can't meaningfully make it better. A divorce feels

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00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,839
Speaker 4: disproportionate and would hurt my daughter so much. But at

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Speaker 4: the same time, the thought has flashed passed my mind

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Speaker 4: several times. Bro, you can't divorce. You can't marry your mom.

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Speaker 4: You're not married to your mom. You're married to your wife.

292
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,959
Speaker 4: Don't divorce her. If she doesn't like your mom, it's fine,

293
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,800
Speaker 4: she's not her mom. People don't like their in laws

294
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Speaker 4: all the time. It's like a completely cultural known pop

295
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,200
Speaker 4: It's a thing. It's like a joe that is constantly

296
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,880
Speaker 4: Literally everyone talks about it. Yes, everyone is aware. I

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00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,959
Speaker 4: feel like I caused the issue by discussing the beneficiary thing,

298
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Speaker 4: and if I had just kept quiet, nothing would have happened.

299
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Speaker 4: I'm not usually someone who really thinks much about feelings relationships.

300
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,720
Speaker 4: I feel really down, and in no other way because

301
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Speaker 4: my mom is someone I.

302
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Speaker 2: Would forever feel grateful to.

303
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,679
Speaker 4: I'd appreciate any advice or if anyone who went through

304
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,160
Speaker 4: similar situations, whether I should force the issue or I

305
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,959
Speaker 4: should leave it be, if I should change my way

306
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,719
Speaker 4: of thinking, at cetera. And I think he might have

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00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,320
Speaker 4: nailed it with, you know, now that I'm thinking about it,

308
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,840
Speaker 4: the whole beneficiary thing. Maybe he didn't explain that very

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00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,360
Speaker 4: smoothly to his wife, and it might have come out

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Speaker 4: as my mom wants me to die so that she

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Speaker 4: can take money away from you and my daughter.

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Speaker 3: Now she's like, yeah, of course I don't like your mom.

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Speaker 4: She's like, yeah, dude, your mom is like a borderline.

314
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Speaker 4: She's going to smother you with a pillow and if

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Speaker 4: you're not careful, like no.

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Speaker 3: I definitely need just because he's telling us all the

317
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,360
Speaker 3: things where she like there was a switch. It seems

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Speaker 3: like in how she treated her mother in law. So

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00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,199
Speaker 3: I think there must be some issue that he's not

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00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,480
Speaker 3: actually talking to you about.

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Speaker 2: It flipped. It flipped for some reason. Okay, and we

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00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,520
Speaker 2: do have some relevant comments here.

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Speaker 4: It's got a couple of relevant comments before we finish

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Speaker 4: this story off. For Gringa Ellie, Your wife does not

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00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,360
Speaker 4: have to have a good relationship with your mom. Wills

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00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,240
Speaker 4: should pass money down generations, not up.

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Speaker 2: Your wife is right.

328
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Speaker 4: If you die, it is her as a single parent,

329
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Speaker 4: and your daughter will need the funds.

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Speaker 2: No is a complete sentence. Your wife isn't being rude.

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Speaker 4: You need to start taking your wife's side or you

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Speaker 4: will find yourself divorced, whether you want to be or not.

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Speaker 4: Thend Sensitive World two seventy two says, why do you

334
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,400
Speaker 4: keep prioritizing your mom? Stop micromanaging how your wife responds

335
00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,640
Speaker 4: in texts? Next time, ask your wife if she'd like massage.

336
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,960
Speaker 4: Don't just send her away as if she's some sort

337
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:08,400
Speaker 4: of massage trash. Don't give your wife a massage until

338
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,000
Speaker 4: you ask. You kind of come across as I swear

339
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,120
Speaker 4: I have good intentions, so they must be taken that

340
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,520
Speaker 4: way rather than just letting your wife be. If she

341
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,480
Speaker 4: does something overtly mean to your mom, then address that

342
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,520
Speaker 4: in particular, and you can address us in particular. Every

343
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,560
Speaker 4: weekday at three pm on YouTube, we are Live.

344
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Speaker 2: Click that profile button, press it with your finger. If

345
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:29,920
Speaker 2: you're on a mobile device.

346
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Speaker 4: With a touchscreen, stop it. You know she just takes one.

347
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,000
Speaker 4: It takes one and that's that that's and that's and

348
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Speaker 4: that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: I feel like we were not We don't have the

350
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Speaker 3: full information.

351
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't feel any level of catharsis from this.

352
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:45,840
Speaker 3: Yep. My stepdad is suing my mom and I'm going

353
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Speaker 3: to be a witness for him.

354
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Speaker 2: Your honor. I've never seen these people in my life.

355
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Speaker 3: Hi. Everyone, A huge fan of the okop YouTube chan

356
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,800
Speaker 3: of and I've had a story that I've been wanting

357
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,880
Speaker 3: to share. So here it goes. I twenty one female

358
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,600
Speaker 3: have a mother for two female who is an absolute witch.

359
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,120
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from deleted account on the

360
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,680
Speaker 3: art social gay story to I'm separate it? Oh pee,

361
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,560
Speaker 3: what'd you de gleat? Just for some context, She's never

362
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,320
Speaker 3: been a loving mother.

363
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:11,680
Speaker 4: Ugh.

364
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,840
Speaker 3: She had me very young at twenty one with my

365
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,000
Speaker 3: biological father, and when my biological father left for a

366
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,640
Speaker 3: few years because he wasn't ready to be a father,

367
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 3: my mom was forced to step up, but she didn't

368
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:26,760
Speaker 3: really step up. She met my stepfather, now forty eight male,

369
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,920
Speaker 3: when I was three and a half, and he and

370
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:33,200
Speaker 3: my grandparents mom's parents basically did all of the raising

371
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,400
Speaker 3: for example on how little my mom was doing. I

372
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,240
Speaker 3: was in diapers till five until my stepdad realized that

373
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,960
Speaker 3: I was getting way too old for diapers.

374
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 2: Wow, so he did it.

375
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,400
Speaker 3: Himself while my mom just stayed on the sidelines and watched.

376
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 3: She eventually had my two sisters now sixteen female and

377
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,920
Speaker 3: twelve female, and wasn't really a mother to them either,

378
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,520
Speaker 3: and it only got worse. So as the years went by,

379
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,920
Speaker 3: I went through some very traumatic experiences, which I can

380
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 3: elaborate on if it helps. I've moved past it and

381
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 3: I use it to help others if possible. But I managed.

382
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,320
Speaker 3: This is important because my mom has told me I

383
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,680
Speaker 3: deserve what happened to me. Oh and if I wasn't

384
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,159
Speaker 3: a little or it wouldn't have happened. Your mom is

385
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:10,920
Speaker 3: a witch.

386
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,440
Speaker 2: Dude, Your mom is Your mom has a cauldron.

387
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:18,040
Speaker 4: Oh she's not a secret, it's like she's she's green. Man.

388
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,639
Speaker 3: That broke me for a while and still pops in

389
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,239
Speaker 3: my mind at random times. But around that time, my

390
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 3: mom was about to get hysterectomy. For those who don't know,

391
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,320
Speaker 3: it's when you remove a woman's reproductive organs. My mom

392
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 3: specifically had it done due to cysts on her ovaries,

393
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,720
Speaker 3: and while she was in surgery, my stepdad got a

394
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 3: fun feeling and looked through her phone.

395
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:36,920
Speaker 2: Classic.

396
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 4: That's classic, classic, looking through the phone, you.

397
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 3: Got like some funny feelings. Class. That's where he found

398
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,000
Speaker 3: out she had been cheating on him with a manager

399
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 3: at russ Darrow. My stepdad felt sick to his stomach,

400
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 3: and when she was out of surgery, he confronted her.

401
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,879
Speaker 3: She apologized and said it would never happen again, and

402
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,240
Speaker 3: she loved him, but he didn't believe her as he should.

403
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 3: I was visiting my grandparents around this time, and on

404
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 3: the way home they told me everything. I was around

405
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,480
Speaker 3: twelve at the time. It was so hard to hear,

406
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 3: and when I got home, I barely could look my

407
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 3: mom in the eye.

408
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, he said, He's a lot to dig in at

409
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:16,440
Speaker 2: twelve years old.

410
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,440
Speaker 3: Steps Oh. The grandparents told her, but they also found

411
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 3: out she was really too pain kill and the doctors

412
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,359
Speaker 3: don't know how she's live. Still, it was extremely hard

413
00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,000
Speaker 3: for him. He would have breakdowns and he refused to eat.

414
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 3: But I tried to be there for him as much

415
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 3: as possible, and his family supported him. Forgot to mention.

416
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 3: This was around Christmas time, and he tried his best

417
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,560
Speaker 3: to keep his composure so me and my sisters could

418
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,639
Speaker 3: have a good Christmas. He's truly an amazing guy. But

419
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 3: fast forward years, they eventually got a divorce because he

420
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,440
Speaker 3: found out she had multiple affairs, at least one from

421
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,000
Speaker 3: every job, and she had about four to five jobs,

422
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,120
Speaker 3: so she had five affairs.

423
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,119
Speaker 2: Dude, stop, we're husbin.

424
00:18:55,280 --> 00:19:00,240
Speaker 3: Oh my good god, get one and stick with him.

425
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 3: How do you even manage all of that? Do you

426
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 3: have an assistant?

427
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,880
Speaker 2: Yes, you have a secretary just for your affairs.

428
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 3: As I was growing up. And he only knows this

429
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 3: because of text messages, notes around the house, etc. The

430
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,399
Speaker 3: divorce was hard on him, but four years later and

431
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,600
Speaker 3: he's still kicking to this day. So proud of him.

432
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,399
Speaker 3: But recent events have come up. She's obsessed with money

433
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,639
Speaker 3: and having a rich lifestyle, so she has had a

434
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,000
Speaker 3: few sugar daddies lately. As we speak, she's currently living

435
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:26,400
Speaker 3: with one.

436
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 2: Now.

437
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 3: I only know this because I found his house with

438
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,879
Speaker 3: my bestie trying to catch her butt oops'.

439
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 4: Will they hunted down the Yeah? Yeah, I guess they

440
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,639
Speaker 4: were trying to catch her private eye. You have a career.

441
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 3: Ope. She also had left me, my stepdad and sisters

442
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 3: about six years ago and said she'd be back and

443
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,159
Speaker 3: never came back, but went to go live with her

444
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 3: first sugar daddy, and she refused to pay anything for

445
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:55,159
Speaker 3: us girls, refused child support, never paid for food, dentist appointments, surgeries,

446
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 3: et cetera. Well, she pulls up in a brand spank

447
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 3: and new car. Stepdad refused to argue with her, and

448
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,440
Speaker 3: while trying to find her stuff so he could officially

449
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 3: move her out, he found bills upon bills of past

450
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 3: due bills from years ago, starting about the time they

451
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,800
Speaker 3: were first married. My mom has been hiding important bills

452
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 3: and documents from my stepdad, plundering them into excessive, unknown debt.

453
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 3: And the worst part is my mom has been ignoring

454
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 3: the IRS trying to contact her, and now they were

455
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,880
Speaker 3: after him. My dad was furious and got in contact

456
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 3: with the IRS to file an innocent spousal claim, which

457
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,360
Speaker 3: means he wouldn't be liable for any of her debt

458
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 3: because he didn't know about it, and it's still going

459
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 3: through the works to this day. We also found a

460
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 3: letter from the police station saying the guy who had

461
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 3: done very illegal things to me, I was put in

462
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 3: jail which was open, so she did know about it,

463
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 3: read it and didn't tell me even though she knew

464
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 3: it would give me closure.

465
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 2: This one, this one is horrendous.

466
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:54,679
Speaker 3: No, and she keeps getting worse.

467
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 2: This was she's aging like milk.

468
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:02,200
Speaker 3: Yes, boom, we found one. My dad was finishing looking

469
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 3: through all of his stuff when he found a diary

470
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 3: which lists the detailed affair my mom had with her OBGYA,

471
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,200
Speaker 3: which is the doctor who did her hysterectomy.

472
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 2: Dude, No, No, the layers they keep.

473
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,639
Speaker 3: Getting deep, which I have screenshots of and I'm happy

474
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 3: to share up. This was my step dad's breaking point,

475
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,719
Speaker 3: and he got a lawyer to sue her for not

476
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 3: paying any child support when he had us most of

477
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 3: the time and wouldn't pick up the girls on the

478
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,120
Speaker 3: planned days they had picked out prior to the divorce settlement.

479
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 3: But he's also suing her for the debt she had

480
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,680
Speaker 3: put them in while they were married. This guy needs

481
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,239
Speaker 3: all the money, he deserves all the money. Oh, this

482
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 3: is she's a s bag, gone at the bottom of

483
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:42,120
Speaker 3: the barrel.

484
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 2: Brat.

485
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,360
Speaker 3: I've agreed to come as a witness and we are

486
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,439
Speaker 3: currently waiting on the date of the court hearing. My

487
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 3: mom doesn't even know this is coming, but she couldn't

488
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 3: even afford a lawyer if she wanted to. What doesn't

489
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,200
Speaker 3: she have like a sugar Maybe she should seduce a lawyer.

490
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's gonna have to have some more affairs with

491
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 4: some more obgyns and lawyers in touch.

492
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 3: I can't help but feel bad though. I know she's

493
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,920
Speaker 3: been an awful person parent and spouse, but I feel

494
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 3: that maybe she could change. But I know it's right

495
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 3: to defend my dad after all she's done, but it

496
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,439
Speaker 3: hurts to know she may never want to see me

497
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 3: again after this, But we want to see you every

498
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 3: weekday through PMPSD just top her profile. We still don't

499
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 3: have a court date, but we are waiting and I

500
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 3: will update as needed. Thank you all for listening, and

501
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 3: I am currently listening to Okay start time as I'm

502
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 3: typing this. So John, Sam, Riley, Sophia, Anthony and all

503
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 3: of you have a great rest of your day. I

504
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 3: am so surprised I remembered all those names. We are

505
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 3: proud of you for it.

506
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,160
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, that's very nice.

507
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 3: I understand why Op and you whoever you are watching,

508
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 3: would feel bad because this is your mother, regardless of

509
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 3: how she has treated you. It is hard to like

510
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 3: completely shut down feelings for a person like that. But

511
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 3: I don't think that you are doing anything wrong at all.

512
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 4: She's gone over the line many many, many many times,

513
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 4: like for for a long time. It's not like this

514
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 4: was started happening out of nowhere. It's been happening consistently.

515
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 3: And if she does, you know, change down the line,

516
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 3: if you get to a point where she wants to

517
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 3: be back in your life, this if she was really

518
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,719
Speaker 3: like changed and became a better person, you suing her

519
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 3: or your dad's your stuf dad's suing her, or the

520
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 3: money that she owes would not you know, prevent her.

521
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 3: She would come back anyway if she was a better person.

522
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 4: If she because people have the capacity to change for

523
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 4: the better, and like, especially when it's someone like our

524
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 4: mom or someone so close to us in our lives,

525
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 4: we're of course naturally going to feel like a responsibility,

526
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 4: like an innate responsibility to like be a part of

527
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 4: it because of how close they are to us.

528
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: But I really think that if.

529
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 4: If your mom in this situation is going to change

530
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 4: for the better, she's gonna have to do it away

531
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 4: from you and Andy away from and you have to.

532
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 3: Put those boundaries up and like show her that you know,

533
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 3: she owes you guys this money. She has not been

534
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 3: paying child support and and then she has to realize,

535
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,360
Speaker 3: you know, wow, it's gotten to the point where they're

536
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 3: suing me. I hopefully she realizes I need to change

537
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 3: my life, and she might.

538
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 4: Not like at the beginning, you know, if she does, though,

539
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 4: like I don't think that you should necessarily worry about

540
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 4: how like the lawsuit is going to impact anything, because

541
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,959
Speaker 4: if she does change or the better it makes that

542
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 4: positive change in her life, it's inevitable that she would

543
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 4: come to realize, oh, that had to happen, and I

544
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,479
Speaker 4: need and they deserved that money, and I needed to

545
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 4: do that to even begin to like rectify all of

546
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 4: these mistakes that she's made consistently throughout your life.

547
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, Opie again, you know, I hope that you're okay

548
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 3: and everything is going well with this suit. And put

549
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 3: some carts in the chat for op because this is

550
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 3: like a hard This is a very hard thing to

551
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 3: go through, especially when it involves your parents. And OPI's

552
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 3: only twenty one, so that's you know.

553
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a lot of it's a lot to handle

554
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 4: the early twenties. Welcome to the adulthood. It's a lot

555
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 4: of craziness.

556
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 3: Yes, but that is the end of that story.

557
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's John og host. We're gonna get back to

558
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 2: the stories. But a quick, free minute break of ads

559
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 2: from our sponsors.

560
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 5: My fiance never respects our agreements, and now he's making me.

561
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 3: Feel like the bad guy. He's the bad guy. Yeah,

562
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 3: no contexts.

563
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 5: The issue I'm trying to work through is following up

564
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,640
Speaker 5: on agreements and plans we make. We are getting married soon,

565
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 5: and these are starting to pile up and weigh on me.

566
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 5: I admit sometimes this happens because of my own stupidity

567
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 5: or mistakes, but other times I feel like I don't

568
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 5: know what to do. By the way, this comes from

569
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 5: U slash Emotional Plant two ninety four nine on the

570
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,560
Speaker 5: r slash Okay storytime separated it. So, for example, when

571
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 5: we moved in together, her mother helped us with a

572
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 5: major purchase for our apartment. It was a very happy

573
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 5: moment knowing that her mother was helping us and we

574
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 5: had one less thing to worry about. We went out

575
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 5: and bought the item and I put down about twenty

576
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 5: two hundred dollars on my credit card at the time

577
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 5: when I was making twenty k less than her.

578
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 3: How much total? Give us all the numbers. When are

579
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 3: you making three thousand? Right? Right?

580
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 5: Once we received the check addressed and made out to her,

581
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 5: we made a verbal agreement that I would pay for

582
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 5: it and once she deposited the check, she would transferred

583
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 5: over to me and we would be at net zero

584
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 5: since we were happy her mother was helping us.

585
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 3: Doesn't look good.

586
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 5: About three occasions, she said passingly. As we were looking

587
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 5: at our expenses and general tasks to do, she said, oh,

588
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 5: and I still have to transfer that over to you.

589
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 5: I've grown to know the tone of voice she uses

590
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 5: when she's stalling.

591
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 3: Something she won't do.

592
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 5: Unfortunately, after a few months, she finally said, I know

593
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 5: I still owe you for the bed, so whenever we

594
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 5: need something for the apartment, I'll pay for it instead

595
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 5: of pushing it further, and in order to avoid conflict,

596
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 5: I said okay. But at this point we pretty much

597
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 5: had everything we needed for the apartment, including a very

598
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,959
Speaker 5: nice dining room table that was about seven hundred dollars,

599
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 5: five hundred of which came from help from my parents

600
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 5: with our new apartment, which put forward the table. In

601
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 5: the end, we really only bought a couple of things

602
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 5: for the apartment, which I had to remind her to

603
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 5: pay for, and I paid for some. I brought this

604
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 5: up again later down the road when I felt like

605
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 5: I was being relied upon too much to pay for

606
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 5: random things that were wanted on walks for majority of

607
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 5: our dates and everything else in between, our laundry, for example,

608
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 5: whenever I take our cars to oil change or inspection,

609
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 5: I pay, and she doesn't really think to offer or contribute.

610
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 5: When I brought up the topic of this purchased earlier on,

611
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 5: my fiance grew annoyed with me and said she felt

612
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 5: like she got even even though she really only bought

613
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 5: maybe one hundred and fifty dollars of household items within

614
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 5: that parameter. And if I push this any forward, I'm

615
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 5: going to be the one in the relationship nickel and diming.

616
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 5: Even though this dynamic puts me in this position at

617
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 5: default or I get stuck with the majority of expenses

618
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 5: on other occasions, I understand that on some occasions I

619
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 5: need to put more thought into some things I asked

620
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 5: her for. For example, when we were moving in, a

621
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,959
Speaker 5: close friend was leaving the country for eight months, and

622
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 5: our friends were throwing a New Year's Eve slash going

623
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 5: away party. It would be eight months until he returned.

624
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 5: The party was across state lines, but perhaps only an

625
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 5: hour away. It so happens that our first day in

626
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,959
Speaker 5: the apartment was on New Year's Eve. I asked her

627
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 5: a couple weeks before if she would like to move

628
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 5: us in and go to the party. She said yes,

629
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 5: until another week later, at an event with my parents

630
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 5: and friends' parents, when she said she would rather not

631
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 5: go and spend the first New Year's Eve at night

632
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 5: in our apartment. I found myself in a position between

633
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 5: having to choose between her and my friends, and asked

634
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 5: if I could go and say goodbye and return to

635
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 5: our apartment for the night.

636
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 3: The idea of being alone on.

637
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 5: That first night hurt her, which I completely understand, and

638
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,719
Speaker 5: I felt extremely crappy about it.

639
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 3: That's hard because it's like you already made plans.

640
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, like you agreed, and it's not just New Year's

641
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 5: Eve or the move and date, like it's a going

642
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 5: away party for this person exactly.

643
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 3: That's a great point. It's like this is literally, his

644
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 3: friend is.

645
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 5: Leaving, right, it's like your last chance to see him

646
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 5: for another eight months.

647
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 3: And even if it was just the New Year's party again,

648
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 3: they both agreed to it. It's not like they had

649
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 3: plans to stay home and then nope, he's changing it up.

650
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 2: Right.

651
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 3: Alternate idea, just throw the party at your brand new apartment.

652
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 5: Exactly boxes everywhere, and you'll be good from then on forward.

653
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 5: I made sure that in any situation like that, I

654
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 5: would always choose her, and I did indeed agreed to

655
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 5: stay in with her at the apartment.

656
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 3: That that is really sad. I feel so bad for Opie.

657
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 3: It's okay to choose yourself sometimes.

658
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 5: I visited my friend individually a couple days later to

659
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 5: say goodbye before his trip. Okay, I'm glad heally saw him.

660
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 5: But still the parties that you know, when you have

661
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 5: fun time with your friend before they leave, it's whole thing.

662
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 5: I felt crappy about the way it went down, but

663
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,959
Speaker 5: I also felt like I was put in a precarious

664
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 5: situation where I was made to choose split second in

665
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 5: a situation which we had already agreed upon.

666
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, she shouldn't have made you choose, that's not fair. Yeah,

667
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 3: not at all.

668
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 5: I just wish I got the true answer the first time.

669
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 5: The backstory for the next instance is a little long,

670
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 5: but just know that both my fiance's mother and my

671
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 5: family live in a flying distance state away. It's my

672
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 5: extended family and her mother, so naturally we go to

673
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 5: this state more to visit her mother than to see

674
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 5: my extended family. My extended family strives to do a

675
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 5: once a year reunion type visit in this state. It's

676
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 5: something I look forward to and something that is important

677
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 5: to me. The trip was on during our first summer

678
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,959
Speaker 5: together and our first summer living together.

679
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 3: I don't like where this is going already.

680
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 5: My fiance also had an important family event to attend

681
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 5: to over there about two weeks after, and she stated

682
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 5: that she would not want to go to the state

683
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 5: without visiting her mother, and I offered to cut the

684
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 5: trip short to split it between my family and hers,

685
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 5: but she ultimately stated that either her mother would have

686
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 5: to come to the event with my family, but since

687
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 5: the logistics would be too complicated, she ultimately decided she

688
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 5: wouldn't go and I would go alone, and we agreed

689
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 5: that we would go to either event separately.

690
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 3: Okay, so she agreed to go on a trip and

691
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 3: then is now taking it back. Well, she's like, I'll

692
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 3: go on this trip, but I have to see my mom.

693
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 3: I've got to say, I can't go with you.

694
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 5: Like I have to see the mom at the same

695
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 5: time as this event, which is the reason we're going

696
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 5: to the state at all.

697
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 3: That is so frustrating again changing the plans, Yeah, that

698
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 3: you agreed upon.

699
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 5: To be honest, I would feel weird about the way

700
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 5: it looked to my family if she declined to come

701
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 5: to our event. But I took off again for her family.

702
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 5: So he didn't even go to his family event.

703
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 3: He's just canceling all of the stuff that he wants

704
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 3: to do for her, even though it's like so important

705
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 3: to him. That's so sad.

706
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 5: I know it's probably irrational, but I love my family

707
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 5: and I have constant anxiety about disappointing them or appearing

708
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 5: like I am pulling away from them and favoring the

709
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 5: other side of my new family. That's so fair. This

710
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 5: would cause that that anxiety and that fear.

711
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I mean, like he's pulling away. I understand what

712
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 3: he would feel like he's pulling away from his friends

713
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,479
Speaker 3: and his family because he is choosing his fiance over them.

714
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 5: Yancey's making him do that, Yeah, exactly, Like it's not

715
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 5: just because he wants to, it's because she's like convincing

716
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 5: him too, pretty much. When we got back from our

717
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 5: respective trips, I told her I would really love to

718
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 5: have her at the next reunion trip, and she agreed.

719
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 5: The events that made her trip to her family that

720
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 5: time were over, which was her condition for only going

721
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 5: to this state for her mother, which I respected. Ultimately,

722
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 5: the trip did not happen. But when I raised the

723
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 5: possibility of it happening and my wish that she would come,

724
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 5: given that we're married now and a unit, I was

725
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 5: immediately met with the tone I recognize as her pulling

726
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 5: away from something. She said that her mother would need

727
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 5: to come with us. We would stay elsewhere at a

728
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 5: hotel with her mother.

729
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 3: What is this? Okay? So now they're married, yes, And

730
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 3: Opie's like, Hey, I'd love for you to come meet

731
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 3: my family because you didn't get to meet them last time,

732
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 3: and she's like yeah, and then he follows up and

733
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:30,959
Speaker 3: then she's like, my mom needs to come, yeah, and

734
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 3: we have to stay in a hotel. Like she's making

735
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 3: all these rules. Yeah, it just doesn't make sense. I

736
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 3: don't get it. Was she doing this?

737
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 5: I knew it would reduce time with my family while

738
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 5: we make at least one and typically more trips to

739
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 5: her mother a year, but to compromise and to have

740
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 5: her with me, I said, yes, Oh that's so sad.

741
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 3: Like you're no longer compromising. It's just you're doing what

742
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 3: she asks you to. You see the mom enough, don't

743
00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 3: see the other family enough.

744
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 5: So like this all of these reunions, like you gotta

745
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 5: like soak up that time as much as possible.

746
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 3: I think also it's just like, oh, he needs to,

747
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 3: you know, put his foot down in terms of just

748
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 3: like being able to say, you know what you can

749
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 3: do that, I have to do this. We don't always

750
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 3: have to do everything together, right.

751
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 5: I think he's probably scared that like if he does that,

752
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 5: he would get backlash from her and that she would

753
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 5: get mad.

754
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 3: But it's like if she does that, then you know

755
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 3: that this relationship is not okay.

756
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 5: And then it's like, well, it's not on you that

757
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 5: she's getting mad because what you're bringing up is like

758
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 5: perfectly reasonable.

759
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like, I want to go visit my family.

760
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, so if she gets upset, that's our problem. You

761
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 5: don't have to like bend to her will. It hurts

762
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 5: that again we went back on what we previously agreed upon.

763
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 5: In the end, the trip didn't happen this year, but

764
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 5: it leaves with a feeling that I'm pulling teeth when

765
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 5: I suggest visiting my family, and that I can't really

766
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 5: rely on anything we agree upon. Fast forward to now,

767
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 5: we are planning our wedding and getting to the final stretch.

768
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 5: We looked at our budget and things are getting very tight.

769
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 5: After the next major expense, we are down to about

770
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 5: one thousand, seven hundred and fifty dollars, with another thirteen

771
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 5: hundred dollars owed to our hotel upon check in. When

772
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:11,320
Speaker 5: we first started getting the ball rolling with our venue

773
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:15,400
Speaker 5: and every other venue, her mother gave us a sizeable contribution,

774
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 5: as well as my parents. After we paid about half

775
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 5: to the venue, and we're getting help from my parents.

776
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 5: I did the math and figured with monthly one thousand

777
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 5: dollars payments to our venue, we could each likely afford

778
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 5: to put aside one hundred and fifty dollars a week

779
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 5: towards the wedding.

780
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 3: If she pays it. She's like, oh no, no, I'll

781
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 3: add that to the tab right right, Like, oh yeah,

782
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 3: I keep meaaning to do that. She's like, just bemo,

783
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 3: request me couch. Plus it's been like four months and

784
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 3: she hasn't done anything yet.

785
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,720
Speaker 5: That would be six hundred dollars each into our shared account,

786
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 5: which would cover the monthly payments plus extra, leaving the

787
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 5: remainder of the money to spread across our other expenses. Initially,

788
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 5: she responded that that was too much and we should

789
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 5: do one hundred and twenty five a week or five

790
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,840
Speaker 5: hundred dollars a month. I said, sure, And I recognize

791
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 5: her tone of eventually pulling out of an agreement.

792
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 3: Oh no, she's got a tone. She has a tone

793
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,280
Speaker 3: where she pulls out of agreements.

794
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, like the fact that she's done it enough to

795
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,720
Speaker 5: where he just knows, oh yeah, the years had come.

796
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 3: She's got a poll out.

797
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 5: Maybe he should have a tone for the wedding. I

798
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 5: decided to still contribute one hundred and fifty dollars a

799
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,800
Speaker 5: week to pick up some slack for a couple of months.

800
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 5: She said she got an extra check from work and

801
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 5: would put it into the account I was ensuring I

802
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 5: put in five hundred to six hundred a month into

803
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 5: the account and also put an extra one eighty I

804
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 5: had set aside for this purpose as well as paying

805
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 5: for our wedding bands. Looking back on the account recently,

806
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 5: I realized that she had not been doing this, and

807
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 5: with a couple of checks she did put in it

808
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 5: left about three thousand dollars that would have gone in

809
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 5: to cover expenses during that time. Her car insurance as

810
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 5: well as tolls have come from the account.

811
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 3: Oh my god, So she's paying for things from that

812
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 3: account that's supposed to be for their wedding. So not

813
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 3: only is she not putting money in it, right, she's

814
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 3: like actively taking it. That's crazy wild. No, you need

815
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:11,760
Speaker 3: to end this relationship and that bank account.

816
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, just figure something out, Like have a direct talk

817
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:16,800
Speaker 5: to her about it.

818
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 3: It'd be like, hey, you're taking our money, right, Like,

819
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 3: what's the deal? What's going on?

820
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 5: I was previously paying for the tolls, which were more

821
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:30,320
Speaker 5: expensive than normal for some very annoying reasons somewhat outside

822
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 5: of our control. Additionally, she recently had problems with her

823
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:36,760
Speaker 5: bridal party, leading to her bachelorette being canceled. She's stealing

824
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 5: money from her friends too. I mean, she was like, hey,

825
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 5: can you pay for the bridal party all vemo, you

826
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 5: were yeah, and then she just never does Honestly, I bet,

827
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 5: I bet there was something about her either flaking or

828
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 5: not paying for something, or like demanding too much payments

829
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 5: from other people. I feel like that's a typical bachelorette

830
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 5: thing to do. She decided that she really should not

831
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,800
Speaker 5: let these issues bring her down, put her back Jellette party,

832
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 5: back on herself. I mentioned the florist and transportation she

833
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 5: also wants, and laid out what we could expect.

834
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,280
Speaker 3: To be coming into the account.

835
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 5: I mentioned the final one thousand dollars I would be

836
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 5: putting into the account, and I mentioned the money from

837
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 5: her bridesmaid's portions of the Bachelorette she would need to

838
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 5: put back into the account, to which she said, I'm

839
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 5: still turning it over.

840
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 3: Turning what over? What does that mean? She's like, I'm

841
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 3: still thinking about it, still getting moving the moneys around.

842
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 3: I'm never really liquid right now. Who knows when that

843
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 3: will come into the account.

844
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 5: She then said we could use ubers and that she

845
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 5: would pay for the florist. I acknowledge that pledging to

846
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 5: pay for the florist is a good step, but it

847
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,799
Speaker 5: is going to be about half of what I would

848
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 5: expect back from her bridesmaid's portions that would be returned,

849
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 5: kind of similar to the situation with buying a big

850
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 5: item for our home. I want to address this, but

851
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 5: I can't see a way to address it without coming

852
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 5: off as the one who nikol and dimes on things

853
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,760
Speaker 5: that are not even and more importantly, I just feel

854
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 5: a little let down that what we agree to isn't

855
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 5: respected or remembered or adhere to. When I take it

856
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 5: very seriously, it's not just about the money. It's how

857
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 5: we feed ourselves, how we pay for the wedding, how

858
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,479
Speaker 5: we feed our future children and move into a home

859
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 5: one day. It has been difficult to stick to the

860
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 5: plan of five hundred a month for the wedding. Sometimes

861
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,359
Speaker 5: my count zero's out and I have some credit card

862
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 5: debt to deal with. But I made an agreement and

863
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 5: I make sacrifices to keep it. I rarely buy things

864
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,919
Speaker 5: for myself, But you know what doesn't take any sacrifice

865
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 5: is joining us live on YouTube every weekday at three

866
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 5: pm PSD. Just tap our profile. This really really hurts

867
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 5: to type out because I'm not in a relationship. I

868
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 5: want to leave entirely the opposite. But I feel exhausted

869
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 5: trying to make plans in agreements with my wife for

870
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 5: our success, only for these arguments to disappear. It's like

871
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 5: I can't trust any word, and I get burned for

872
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 5: adhering to them, and that is the end of our story.

873
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 3: I think either op does have to this relationship or

874
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 3: rethink it at least rethink the wedding, or has to

875
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 3: have that serious conversation that he seems to be avoiding.

876
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think definitely start with a serious conversation, because

877
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 5: I mean, like he keeps saying, oh, well, I'll get

878
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 5: around to it, just like she is with the money.

879
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,799
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think he's just scared that it's just going

880
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,800
Speaker 3: to cause more problems. Well that's what I think. That

881
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 3: is what I was saying. You already have the problem.

882
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 5: Right, So it's like you're gonna deal with one problem

883
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,959
Speaker 5: by doing this, even if it causes some other ones.

884
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 5: You know, so you can't start like a marriage without

885
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,439
Speaker 5: digging deep into the problems.

886
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 3: And having communication. Pretty important, i'd say, But that's the

887
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:41,720
Speaker 3: end of that story.

888
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

889
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

890
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 3: I love my boyfriend so much that I'm proposing to

891
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 3: him and paying off his debt. Oh wow, that's so nice.

892
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 3: I come from a fairly well off family, started out

893
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 3: with my great grandparents on my father's side, and the

894
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 3: wealth is only expert financially grown since then. By the way,

895
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 3: this comes from Amazed, Dazed, and in Love on the

896
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 3: r Slashooky Storytime suburt So. I won't deny that it

897
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 3: has allowed me to enjoy life way more than the

898
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 3: average person, but it has also given me its fair

899
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 3: share of issues when it comes to forming relationships, romantic

900
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 3: or otherwise with people outside my family's usual social circles.

901
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 3: And I think op is talking about the money. Yeah,

902
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,799
Speaker 3: I think so. Sadly, a lot of people changed how

903
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 3: they behaved around me when they found out about my finances.

904
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 3: I've had friendships explode in drama when I wouldn't pay

905
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,440
Speaker 3: for lunches that I was invited to by someone else.

906
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 3: I've had partners in the past pretty much become financial

907
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 3: leeches who expected me to lavish them with gifts and

908
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,560
Speaker 3: or money all the time. It's gotten really really ugly

909
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 3: at times, and if it weren't for the sport of

910
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 3: a few friends who remained steadfast throughout the years, I

911
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 3: would have become a hermit, little batman situation. I know

912
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 3: someoney here is going to ask why not date in

913
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:01,720
Speaker 3: your own social circles? And here's the answer. I've tried,

914
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 3: and I've come across so many self centered, egotistical, sociopathic people.

915
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 3: It's completely turned me off from ever trying to date

916
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,439
Speaker 3: within the so called upper class. Dang is, why don't

917
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 3: you just date your own people? It's some other rich guys.

918
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 3: Way are you eating these commonness? It just doesn't make sense.

919
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 3: They not all, of course, managed to be worse than

920
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,400
Speaker 3: the people who wanted to just get a free ride

921
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 3: through life with my family's money. And that's saying something,

922
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 3: isn't it. So when it comes to starting a romantic relationship,

923
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 3: you can understand that I have some reasons to be

924
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 3: wary about when I reveal how much money I have.

925
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,240
Speaker 3: Can't be too soon, but it can't be too late either.

926
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,919
Speaker 3: One time I told a long since ex boyfriend nine

927
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,719
Speaker 3: months into the relationship, he grew resentful of me that

928
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 3: I kept it hidden from him. I wasn't still that

929
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 3: wary of people abusing my trust and affections. So I

930
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 3: did a stupid thing and started to throw money at

931
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 3: the problems that I started popping up in our relationship.

932
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 3: Didn't work naturally, and the whole thing ended in tears

933
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 3: on my part. That sucks. Another time, I told the

934
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 3: guy three months in and at first things were good

935
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 3: and well, but he started changing over the following months

936
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:13,280
Speaker 3: until I couldn't stand being around him while he passive

937
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,240
Speaker 3: aggressively kept on applying how my money should be spent.

938
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 3: I didn't even mind spending money when it was actually

939
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 3: something for the two of us. But when your boyfriend

940
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 3: starts bringing up how his PC is outdated, or how

941
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 3: his graphics card died, but how he didn't have enough

942
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,879
Speaker 3: cash for a new one, you get the gist of it.

943
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 3: And it wasn't mentioned just once and then dropped. Oh no,

944
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 3: he brought up stuff like that all the time. The

945
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 3: worst part, I would have bought him a whole new PC,

946
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 3: top of the line and everything on my own if

947
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 3: he hadn't tried wheedling it out of me. He's like,

948
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:49,240
Speaker 3: I would have paid for everything. The money means nothing

949
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 3: to me, But the way he behaved, how he tried

950
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 3: to push me into buying prep. I just couldn't do that. Sorry,

951
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,800
Speaker 3: I know, I know, I babble like crazy when I'm nervous,

952
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 3: and this is the case when I write to Peter,

953
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 3: that's my boyfriend's name. Is different than all of the

954
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 3: people I've dated in my life. I op's twenty seven

955
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 3: right now. Oh well, which also kind of makes sense.

956
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 3: Why you know her past relationships kind of ended up

957
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 3: like this when you have younger.

958
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 5: People, Yeah, because like they're definitely not making a lot themselves.

959
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 3: You know, they're like, I don't have any money, but

960
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 3: you have it all. Buy me a PC.

961
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, but let's see, this guy actually is different. I'm skeptical.

962
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 3: I told him six months into the relationship. I didn't

963
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 3: set a timeline for this. I didn't have some schedule

964
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 3: to go by. I just went by my heart. We

965
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 3: met four years ago in a hobby workshop, not exactly

966
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 3: the place where i'd expect to meet someone I date.

967
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 3: Previous relationships made me cynical, to say the least, So

968
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 3: it took five months of us being friendly with each

969
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 3: other in the workshop before I admitted to myself that

970
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 3: I wanted to have a go and try to have

971
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 3: something more than pleasant conversation with Peter. Parents and siblings

972
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 3: warn me yet again about dating below our status. So weird,

973
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:05,440
Speaker 3: so weird. They're like, you cannot date just colming us

974
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,319
Speaker 3: the peasant boy. You met him in a workshop? Why

975
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:12,959
Speaker 3: are you walking? The servants will do that. I found

976
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 3: you a nice prince to date, but I stopped listening

977
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 3: to that ages ago. Some people are just plain a holes,

978
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 3: regardless of how much money they have. Peter is, He's amazing.

979
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 3: I honestly can't think of another word to describe him.

980
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 3: When I disclosed my financial status, he reacted pretty well

981
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 3: to that and quickly figured out my reason for being

982
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 3: so cautious about revealing it to him. We stayed in

983
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 3: that night, made dinner together, and just will you know, okay?

984
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 3: If I ever had any doubts about a relationship, they're

985
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 3: long gone now. Money issues, the usual stuff that happened

986
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 3: in my other relationships, never popped up once. He never

987
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 3: expected anything of me to pay for something that he wanted.

988
00:44:54,760 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 3: He never expected or demanded anything ostentatious or expensive as gifts.

989
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,720
Speaker 3: Our first year anniversary, I made him a wood carving

990
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 3: of his favorite books cover and he loved it. We

991
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 3: both share the belief that gifts like that are more

992
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:12,280
Speaker 3: significant than just buying up something random. Granted he doesn't

993
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 3: do wood carvings, but still I treasure every one of

994
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 3: his gifts. That's the sweetest thing.

995
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 5: If someone's like very new out of craft or something

996
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 5: like that, and then like it maybe doesn't look the

997
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 5: most perfect, the most clean, but.

998
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 3: They just do it anyway, and they're like, here, I

999
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 3: made you this. I mean, there is more to the story.

1000
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 3: But I think when you show a partners something that

1001
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 3: you're not good at yet, it takes a lot of courage.

1002
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 3: And maybe this is just me, but I am kind

1003
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 3: of a perfectionist, oh for sure, and I feel like

1004
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:41,840
Speaker 3: I'm like, this needs to be perfect.

1005
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,320
Speaker 5: No one can know I'm even working on it exactly

1006
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 5: until it's perfect, And so it takes a lot of

1007
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 5: courage to be like, here, I made this for you

1008
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:51,240
Speaker 5: because I love you and I know it's not great,

1009
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 5: but you go, I spend time on it.

1010
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 3: Bottom line is it's a relationship of equals for all

1011
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 3: that there is a difference in our finances. I mean,

1012
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,879
Speaker 3: I love him, I love her more than I thought

1013
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 3: I could ever love anyone. But the fact of the

1014
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 3: matter is that he works a regular job, not the

1015
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 3: peasant boy. He's not going to pull in six figures,

1016
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 3: and he's not interested in pursuing that. I'm fine with that.

1017
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 3: I got more than enough money for the both of

1018
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 3: us if there's ever need of it. Even my parents

1019
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 3: and sisters like him, I know, I know they were

1020
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 3: just looking out for me. They didn't want to see

1021
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 3: me get hurt and used by someone again, so I

1022
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 3: don't hold their initial apprehensiveness against them. At one point,

1023
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 3: when they brought up prenups, I was terrified, I mean,

1024
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 3: springing this kind of thing back when we were only

1025
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 3: two years together. I'm surprised he didn't just excuse himself

1026
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 3: and leave. But no, he stayed there, talked sensibly and

1027
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 3: reasonably with my folks, and said that he could understand

1028
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,920
Speaker 3: how our prenup made sense for someone like me and

1029
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,879
Speaker 3: my family. This guy's great. Yeah, he really is great.

1030
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 3: They're not even like a proposed no proposal yet, and

1031
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 3: he's like, yeah, I get it.

1032
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, he just he understands. Okay, I trust her when

1033
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 5: she says he's amazing.

1034
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 3: Okay, fine. I know people usually.

1035
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,840
Speaker 5: Just say like I swear, I swear he's good, But

1036
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 5: here's all the terrible.

1037
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 3: Things about him. Yeah, but this guy, he's a green flag.

1038
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 3: We're at a point in our lives when I know

1039
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 3: I want to marry Peter. I want him to be

1040
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 3: my husband now and always. I want his babies, I

1041
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 3: want it all. But I also want to do something

1042
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 3: for him. Peter has a lot of passion for learning

1043
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:25,400
Speaker 3: foreign languages. He has a real talent for it. I

1044
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 3: dare say he loves nothing better than meaning folks from

1045
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 3: other countries and talking with them in their own language

1046
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,720
Speaker 3: if he knows it already, or asking questions about learning

1047
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,240
Speaker 3: it if he doesn't. I want to state this clearly

1048
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 3: before someone gets funny ideas about it. Peter has never,

1049
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 3: literally never brought up the subject of going to a

1050
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 3: university or some kind of course or anything of the

1051
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 3: sort during our relationship. He has mentioned once, and this

1052
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 3: was back when we were still just friendly and he

1053
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 3: had no idea about my family's finances, that he'd have

1054
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:56,320
Speaker 3: liked to have enrolled in a university when he was younger,

1055
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 3: and then just immersed himself in a learning a specific language.

1056
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 3: I feel like I should point out that Peter is

1057
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 3: self taught, which is so impressive. Yeah, he's never gone

1058
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 3: to a language course in his life or studied it properly.

1059
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 3: And every single language that he does know how to

1060
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 3: talk influently, if a times clumsily, has been learned in

1061
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 3: his own free time.

1062
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:16,280
Speaker 2: Wow.

1063
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 3: Wow, that's commitment.

1064
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 4: That is.

1065
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 3: I can't do that either through what he could find

1066
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 3: on the internet or with various people that lived abroad

1067
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,439
Speaker 3: that he corresponded and met throughout his life. Now, him

1068
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 3: going to a university has never happened because he never

1069
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 3: wanted to burden his parents with scholarship fees. And ultimately

1070
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,279
Speaker 3: he knew this is in his own words, just to

1071
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:37,760
Speaker 3: be clear that he wouldn't really be able to justify

1072
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 3: spending four years or more on studying something that couldn't

1073
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 3: help him with getting a better job in the future.

1074
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 3: It was a pipe dream from But now he's like,

1075
00:48:46,719 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 3: I can pay for it.

1076
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's so nice to me because it's not just

1077
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 5: about the mighty that's like, no, this is actually like

1078
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,359
Speaker 5: a really special gesture and offer too.

1079
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's like I see a life with you.

1080
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 3: This is not just like I'm tre trying to win

1081
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 3: you over something, right, right, So nice, just love. So

1082
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 3: barring that one time more than four years back, he

1083
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 3: has never brought up the subject. I want to propose

1084
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,439
Speaker 3: to him. I want to be his wife. I want

1085
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:16,320
Speaker 3: Peter as my husband. I want to have the world

1086
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 3: know that he's mine and I'm his forever. But before

1087
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:22,040
Speaker 3: doing that, I want to give him the chance to

1088
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 3: do something he wanted to do when he was younger.

1089
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 3: I want to give him a choice, even if he

1090
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 3: ends up saying no to it. I just want to

1091
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,479
Speaker 3: make him happy. Is any of this making sense? Am

1092
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 3: I just too full of myself? Am I overreaching? I

1093
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,479
Speaker 3: know that postponing the wedding for four years seems a lot.

1094
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 3: I know I know that studying is no easy thing,

1095
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 3: no matter how much talent Peter has. Studying his hard

1096
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 3: work and can be stressful, not to mention taxing on relationships.

1097
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 3: With all this, I'm still willing to give him the

1098
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 3: chance to do something he wanted to do all those

1099
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 3: years back. Am I insane for considering this? I'm here

1100
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 3: to ask you, anonymous strangers on the Internet, because you

1101
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 3: don't know me, because you have no reason to pull

1102
00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 3: punches and tell me the truth, because I want the truth.

1103
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 3: I want to hear more opinions on this before I

1104
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 3: fully embark on this. I'm not saying you're going to

1105
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 3: sway me one way or another, but I guess I

1106
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 3: just need to hear more voices on this that aren't

1107
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:19,200
Speaker 3: my friends and family. Also, a question for the guys

1108
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 3: who see this thread, what do you think about a

1109
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 3: girl proposing to her boyfriend? If there are any among

1110
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 3: you with such an experience, please share and there is

1111
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 3: an update. What are your thoughts for op I think

1112
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 3: it's a home run. It's a great idea.

1113
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 5: It's super nice and I mean again, like I was

1114
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:37,720
Speaker 5: saying earlier, like it's like I'm proposing one totally fine,

1115
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:40,360
Speaker 5: Like I think that's great. I feel like what she

1116
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 5: would get as a response would vary depending on the

1117
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 5: person with like the university thing, that's amazing.

1118
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 3: I think it's really considerate. I think definitely, like, don't

1119
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: just buy it obviously, ask him, be like do you

1120
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 3: want this? I would like to do this for you

1121
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 3: because I love you and I see a future with you.

1122
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 3: But I think it's a really sweet thing and it's

1123
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 3: not coming from a bad place. Yeah, no, not at all.

1124
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 5: I don't think like I mean, I don't know if

1125
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:05,319
Speaker 5: she's worried about it, being like, I don't know, manipulative

1126
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 5: or something like that.

1127
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 3: I think she's again worrying about look of giving him

1128
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:13,279
Speaker 3: all this money, especially when she's had problems in her

1129
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 3: past relationships. But I think it seems like he's the

1130
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 3: right guy.

1131
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, it seems like you feel pretty good about it,

1132
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 5: which I think is the most important part.

1133
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 3: But there is enough to First off, my thanks to

1134
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: all those lovely people that replied to my original thread.

1135
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 3: I never expected so many comments for my fairly insignificant issue. Anyway,

1136
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 3: I went ahead and did it WOOO Monday evening. It

1137
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 3: was just the two of us at my place, pretty

1138
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 3: much like any other night when he slept over, except

1139
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,479
Speaker 3: when I accidentally had my phone slip from my hand

1140
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 3: and got off the couch to get it so that

1141
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 3: I could get on one knee and propose to Peter.

1142
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 3: He was at a loss for words. Then he started laughing.

1143
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,360
Speaker 3: Then he left the room for a second while I

1144
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 3: was looking at you still and with the ring in

1145
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 3: my hand. When he came back, he got down on

1146
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 3: the floor with me and asked me the same thing

1147
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 3: with a ring in his hand.

1148
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 4: Oh my god, they're perfect for each other.

1149
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 3: They're perfect for each other. Is the most beautiful thing ever.

1150
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:21,439
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, this is so sweet. I don't doubt

1151
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 3: we looked very silly when we both started laughing. That

1152
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 3: is so sweet. Then we tried to put the rings

1153
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 3: on each other's fingers at the same time, which led

1154
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 3: to some more silly crap, but all in all, it

1155
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:34,320
Speaker 3: was great. This is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

1156
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 3: Apparently he's been carrying the ring with him for the

1157
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 3: past five months. He wanted to originally propose for New

1158
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 3: Year's Eve, but didn't manage to get the ring in time,

1159
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 3: so we waited for another shot at it. The rest

1160
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 3: of the evening went perfect. Oh my gosh, I have

1161
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:52,080
Speaker 3: chills right now. Yeah, we had to throw out the

1162
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:54,160
Speaker 3: food left on the table in the morning, but ah,

1163
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 3: the night before was totally worth it. I also missed

1164
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 3: that he'd been carrying around for five months. Yeah, that's

1165
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 3: a long time.

1166
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 5: I'm so glad he didn't like do it at another time,

1167
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 5: because this is like perfect, This is the right moment.

1168
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 3: I waited until Wednesday so we could both get out

1169
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 3: the news to our families and friends that we were

1170
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:14,319
Speaker 3: now officially engaged to be married. Before I hit him

1171
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 3: up with my gift. We talked a lot on it,

1172
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,359
Speaker 3: and eventually he asked me for a few days to

1173
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:21,640
Speaker 3: process it, as it was a fairly big deal to

1174
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 3: answer it to. In the moment, I made sure that

1175
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 3: he knew that I didn't give a damn about whether

1176
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 3: he got the degree or not, and if he wanted,

1177
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 3: I could give him a full language course as an

1178
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 3: alternative gift, or even for us to travel and stay

1179
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 3: abroad for several months so he could immerse himself in

1180
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 3: another language completely. I keep forgetting how rich she is.

1181
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 3: She's so rich. Rent a country if you want whichever.

1182
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 3: We were spending the night over at his place yesterday

1183
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,640
Speaker 3: and he gave me his answer regarding the gift. While

1184
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 3: he was really really appreciative to the links I'd go

1185
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 3: to help him fulfill one of his dreams from his youth,

1186
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 3: he said that ultimately it was just something of a

1187
00:53:56,640 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 3: passing fancy back then, and even now with all the

1188
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:03,279
Speaker 3: expenses paid for, he didn't really want it or need it.

1189
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,279
Speaker 3: One of the primary reasons why he didn't want to

1190
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 3: go and officially study at a university is that he

1191
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 3: thought that would probably prove taxing on our relationship, and

1192
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 3: he didn't want that. Studying another language is all neat

1193
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 3: and good, but not at the expense of the life

1194
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 3: we've built together or the life we would have in

1195
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 3: the future. And in the future you can always join

1196
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:26,840
Speaker 3: us live every weekday at three PMPST. You just taper profile.

1197
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 3: This is really a beautiful relationship. The language course idea

1198
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:32,680
Speaker 3: was also neat, he said, but in the end he

1199
00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 3: thinks it would be more enjoyable for the both of

1200
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 3: us if we took that extended trip abroad. There we go.

1201
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:40,359
Speaker 3: We got compromise. He's like, you know what, I don't

1202
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 3: want to go to university for four years, right, But

1203
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 3: he's like, well, let's go on a little trip, little

1204
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:47,720
Speaker 3: engagement trip. Yes, so they could speak the language together.

1205
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 3: That said, I don't think we'll be doing all that

1206
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 3: much for learning the language, mind. You won't bother me none.

1207
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 3: So that's it then, folks, No four years of studying,

1208
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 3: no delays on the wedding this winter. Peter will be

1209
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 3: my husband and I'll be his wife.

1210
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, that is so beautiful.

1211
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 3: My heart is warm, my goodness, I mean, it's really lovely.

1212
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 3: That op was willing to sacrifice part of the relationship

1213
00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 3: and link wait obviously something that she was really looking

1214
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:19,799
Speaker 3: forward and wait for, like to get married to him,

1215
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 3: and just like put their relationship at risk so that

1216
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 3: he could do something that she thought he might love. Yeah,

1217
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,320
Speaker 3: she was like, oh, we'll have to postpone the wedding

1218
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:29,360
Speaker 3: if he goes to this four year college and you know,

1219
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 3: he might get sidetrack studying and it might put a

1220
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 3: strainer relationship. And she was like, no, I'm still gonna

1221
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:36,960
Speaker 3: do it. If he wants it, then I want that.

1222
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:39,240
Speaker 3: And that's so sweet and even though it's not happening,

1223
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,760
Speaker 3: it's just lovely that she was willing to even offer

1224
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 3: that when she would have to sacrifice a lot.

1225
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:47,040
Speaker 5: That's real love right there. If she wanted to, she would.

1226
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:48,240
Speaker 5: But that's the end of the story.