WEBVTT - Feeling Needy with Becca Tilley 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.680 Hell I Suck At Dating with Denglert and Jared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:10.680 and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:14.560 new episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Dean is 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:17.919 pretty sure in Pakistan. You can hear Dawson behind me 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:20.279 right now. He's very excited for this episode because we 0:00:20.320 --> 0:00:23.760 have a wonderful guest who has not met Dawson yet, 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:26.120 but that's because she lives in Los Angeles. You know 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:29.560 her from the ir heart radio podcast Scrubbing In with 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:33.000 Tanya and Becca. It is Becca Tilly, Becca, how the 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:36.120 hell are you? How are you? I was so excited 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:38.640 to do this with you. Oh, thank you. I know 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:40.360 I wish Dean was here, but Dean so I don't 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:43.479 know if you know that Dean is backpacking I think 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:47.000 the mountains in Pakistan. Yeah, I saw his post last 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:48.760 night that was like if if you don't hear from 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.440 me in two weeks, uh, basically like send out a 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:55.760 search warrant. So yeah, I don't know how Klin does it, 0:00:56.200 --> 0:01:00.480 because could you imagine if Haley was like, hey, listen, 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:03.720 I'm just gonna go uh in the middle of nowhere 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:07.520 and not have any service for two weeks. So just 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:11.000 for those two weeks. Just pray that I'm alive. No, 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:16.000 I Hayley's on tour right now, and I'm already like, well, 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:18.680 less about the worry and more about the attention part 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.720 of it, you know, Like I can't imagine her just 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:25.080 going off the grid. I would be I think I 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:28.960 would worry myself sick with anxiety. Oh, I always think 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:30.760 the worst every I would wake up every day and 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:36.000 be like, up, he's dead. It's so bad. But it's 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:40.000 just the worst. Um. So, Haley's on tour right now. 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:42.680 So how do you guys? How long is she on tour? Four? 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:48.920 So she's on tour till September twenty three or something 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:53.160 like in that area, so a little about eight weeks 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.600 or six weeks, yeah, like a month and a half. 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:58.800 How do you guys do long distance? Well, you know, 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:02.800 when we met, we met five days before she left 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:06.480 for her first tour. So that time of our life, 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:08.839 when we first started dating, all we knew was long 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:11.280 distance because she was gone for most of that year 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.160 in two thousand and eighteen, and then she was like 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:17.239 touring Europe. So we adjusted to it at that point 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:19.880 and we were still getting to know each other. But 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:22.680 now it's different because we had the pandemic and we've 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:25.079 had so much time together and realize that we actually 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:30.160 like love being together seven and so um it's it's 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:33.760 actually been like an adjustment, mostly for me because I 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:38.400 my whole life, I was like, I love being alone, 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:42.760 I love sleeping alone. I don't need anybody, and then 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:46.519 it's like you meet someone that changes everything and you're like, oh, 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.880 maybe I'm more needy than I realized. I think, do 0:02:49.919 --> 0:02:57.520 you ever crave moments of being alone? Um? I don't. 0:02:57.560 --> 0:03:00.240 I do, but like not from Haley, like Haley like 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:06.040 the only exception. And I feel like when I socialize 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:08.760 a lot, and if we're doing a lot of group things, 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:10.720 I'll be like I need him alone, but I'm not 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:14.200 necessarily meeting space or time from her, just mostly like 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:17.360 I just need because I think when you find someone 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.440 that you're just like comfortable with in any setting, you're 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:21.720 just like we can just sit in the room and 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:24.080 not have to do anything or talk, but just like 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:28.200 work together. Yeah. So Ashley always phrases it, whenever she's 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:30.840 with me, she feels like she's alone, but in the 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:34.480 best way possible because she never we never get tired 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.600 of being around one another. She's one of the first 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:39.160 people I've ever met or been around so much in 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:42.120 my life that I truly don't get tired of. And 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:44.280 I think that's a great sign for any relationship. One 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:46.640 of the best pieces of advice I've ever got, I'm 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:50.400 going to name drop right now, was from Sir Rob Thomas, 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:55.520 and uh he said that, um, you know, with marriage, 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:57.280 Uh you know, he's been married to his wife for 0:03:57.280 --> 0:03:59.920 a very long time now, and he said that one 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:03.280 the most important advice he gives to anybody who's in 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.560 a relationship is that this person, whoever you marry or 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.280 whoever you're with, you will be with every day for 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:09.680 the rest of your life, and you will have a 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.040 conversation with every single day for the rest of your life, 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:14.040 similar to what Dawson is trying to do right now. 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:16.400 I'm pretty sure Dawson's trying to have a conversation. He 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:19.280 went to wig in on this conversation. Dawson, Penny for 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:23.400 your thoughts, how do you think our relationship goes? It 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:27.240 is weird when I think about, you know, being his father. 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:30.920 We were hanging out yesterday and uh, he's already kind 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:33.520 of my best friend, and that's cool. I know him 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.280 so well, but it makes me kind of sad because 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:38.279 I think that he's never gonna remember, Like he'll never 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:41.680 remember these moments. He'll never have memories of this time 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.400 in his life where this is probably one of the 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:48.680 most impactful times of my life with him. Yeah, like 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:51.359 that makes me sad. I think about my own parents 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:53.640 and how much care and love they put into me 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:55.640 when I was a baby and literally couldn't hold my 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:58.480 own head up, And it's just something that I've just 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:01.760 always taken for granted and have never given a second 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:04.800 thought until my adult years when I had a kid. Yeah, 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:08.000 but it's one of those things, like I think there's 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:11.239 every cycle of life where we go through these things 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:15.160 right where it's like like I would think about when 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:17.200 I moved out to California with my older sister my 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:21.240 brother in law, and then I didn't realize how much 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:23.279 they had done for me just by letting me live 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:27.479 with them and like giving me that opportunity until I 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:30.400 owned my own place and then my younger sisters came 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:31.840 and lived with me. It's like that thing that you 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:36.320 don't realize how important and how impactful it was until 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:40.440 you are experiencing it yourself, so like, of course, I 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.120 can't even imagine what it feels like having a child, 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:47.120 and like the exhaustion and the love and the effort 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:50.200 that you're putting into just keeping him happy and fed 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:53.920 and alive. And he's just like, I'm a baby. This 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:55.760 is what this is what you have to do. He 0:05:55.920 --> 0:05:58.880 just he'll he'll cry and cry and cry, and then 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:01.720 we'll sit him up and he'll smile at us, and 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.400 then it's like, all right, well that was all worth 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:08.600 it does so Ashley said, actually always talks about how 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:12.480 he needs attention seven. Well, the problem is we give 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:15.440 him attention seven. So now I think he's getting accustomed 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:17.640 to it, and whenever we don't give him attention, he's like, well, 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:19.640 what the hell is this? I I you know, this 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:21.920 is not the way life is supposed to be. So 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.080 we're in the phase right now where he's he's had 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:26.160 a little bit of a sleep progression for the past month, 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:28.760 so he wakes up every like three or four hours, 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:30.680 and we're gonna have to get to a point where 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:33.359 we just let him cry it out. Yeah, And we 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:35.560 tried doing it last night. It did not work, because 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:37.360 you know, he was crying for like ten straight minutes 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:39.160 since Ashley's like, can't do it. I can't do it. 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:40.800 I can't let him cry like this, and so she 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:44.039 went up and comforted him, and uh so we're gonna 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:46.920 have to ease into that because I you know, it's 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:48.960 hard because you you love him so much. We live, 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:50.440 we love him so much. We want to make sure 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:52.280 that if he's crying or in any discomfort, we take 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.200 care of him and give him the attention that you 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:56.680 know he's obviously begging for. But at the same time, 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:58.719 I feel like we're doing him a disservice because I 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:01.480 want him to be, you know, grow up, to become 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:04.719 an independent kid and an adult and someone who can 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:07.320 you rely on himself. And I don't know, I get 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.680 nervous in these formative years that he's just gonna grow 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:12.840 up and be like, oh no, they like if I cry, 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:15.720 I get attention. That's the way life works. Well, I 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:18.480 think you have some time before I think. I mean, 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:21.720 there's so many I also can't imagine being a parent now. 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:25.200 There's so many opinions in every direction you turn, Like 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:29.160 if you posted about that on Instagram, you would get 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:35.320 one thousand different opinions on what you should do, and 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:37.760 it's like you just have to do what works, you know. 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:42.000 It's like like yeah, and like you tried it last night. 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:43.880 Ten minutes is a long time to listen to your 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:46.560 baby cry, So of course it's like, hey, I can. 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:48.920 I would be the same way. So I think y'all 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:51.000 are doing an amazing job. And I think the fact 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:53.120 that he loves your attention and once your attention is 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:56.520 a great thing. And hopefully he continues to want and 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:59.080 love your attention throughout his life and he doesn't go 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:02.320 through now st teenager, I know, but he definitely is. 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.880 We were talking about it, actually, and I always talked 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.040 about it, how like one day he's just gonna he's 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:08.720 gonna tell us that he hates us and he's not 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:10.560 gonna mean it, and where we know that he won't 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:12.160 mean it, and then there's gonna be times where he 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:14.320 doesn't want to hang out with us. The thing was, 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:17.040 Ashley was just not that kid. She was the kid 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:19.560 that wanted to sit next to her mom on field 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:21.960 trips on the bus. She was the kid who always 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.120 wanted to go hang out with her parents on weekends. 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:29.400 So that's troublesome because I certainly loved my parents, but 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:31.360 you know, of course I wanted to you know, not 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.679 be around them, or I was embarrassed or I remember, 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:38.160 you know, my dad used to kiss me my I 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:40.320 guess this is a weird thing, but like, my dad 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:41.880 used to kiss me on the lips till I was 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:46.120 probably like I don't know, like six or seven, I guess. 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:48.640 And I remember I pulled up to school and my 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:50.240 dad kiss me on the lips, and then we left 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:53.720 and then like my friends are like it's gross, like 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:56.679 so disgusting, blah blah blah blah blah, and then I 0:08:56.760 --> 0:08:59.720 was like, uh, well, yeah, no, you're right, and then 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:03.480 obviously that stopped there, and uh, I don't know. I'm 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:05.280 just thinking about the things that I'm going to do 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:08.280 to embarrass Dawson. I think we're gonna be pretty cool parents, though, 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.840 I mean his parents were on TV, so we already 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:14.320 have like a you'll have the best I was. I 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:18.840 was laying in bed last night thinking about how y'all 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:23.640 story is literally a written rom calm, Like everything about it, 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:29.400 like from just the little things, like just Ashley's personality 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:32.000 as a whole is like a rom calm to me, 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:36.040 and I love it. So much because I just think 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:39.560 of the potential of a script written about y'all's life, 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:42.520 and how has someone not done it yet. She's so 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.240 wonderful and yet the biggest pain in the ass. But 0:09:45.320 --> 0:09:48.040 that's what makes her such a romantic comedy character. Even today, 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.280 we were hanging things up on the wall and I 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:52.240 swear to god, I hung up a picture that was 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:55.720 a quarter all right, It was like a half inch 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.560 off from center, but it still looked really good. And 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:00.440 I was like, oh, it looks good. And she's just 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:03.800 staring at it and I'm like, ash, it looks good. 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:06.160 And she's like, I don't think I could live with 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:08.320 it like that. And I'm like, oh my god, get out, 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:10.360 I'm moving it. I'm going to move it a quarter 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:14.680 of an inch down, you, psycho. So and then she's like, 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.000 it's me. It's me. It's not you. It's me. I'm 0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:18.959 the crazy one. I'm like, I'm aware, but I will 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:20.640 move it. I will move it. So anyway, that's what 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:22.600 makes her such a good character. But anyway, we were 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:24.280 talking about you, we were talking about Haley. So you 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:26.760 guys met five days before you went on she went 0:10:26.760 --> 0:10:30.679 on tour. Yeah, so we met at her album released party, 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:34.520 which was on a Wednesday, and then we like had 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.200 drinks and hung out and like actually realized we liked 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:41.560 each other that weekend and then she left and I 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:45.280 was like, okay, you know, my mind was like, maybe 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:47.880 this was just like a fun weekend. Oh I didn't 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:50.520 know her. I didn't know like you hear things like 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:53.560 the life of a touring artist, and you don't assume 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:56.720 that they're like ready for like settling down or commitment. 0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:58.880 So I kind of was like, we'll see what happens. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.600 And yeah, I mean we've talked every day since then, 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:07.800 so we basically started dating when we that weekend we 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:11.080 hung out for the first time. So you guys did 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:13.480 like she asked you out? Did you ask her out? 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.800 And then my question is when she left for the 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.280 five days, did you reach out? Did she reach out? 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:20.240 How did the conversation keep going? Because I guess a 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:22.960 lot of people it would have probably just ended there 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:24.800 and because we're like, oh that was fun few days, 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:26.839 and then you would have waited for them to reach 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:28.439 out and they would have never reached out, and then 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:31.280 it was like that one fling. I think this is 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.240 the difference in this relationship because I've always loved like 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:37.160 The Chase, and with Haley, there was never that guessing game, 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.760 Like we just talked. There was never like who's going 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:42.760 to text you first? Like it was just like if 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:44.920 I wanted to text our, text her, If she wanted 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:46.800 to text me, she text me. If we wanted to 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:49.600 talk on FaceTime, we FaceTime. Like there was never this 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:52.800 like back and forth cat and mouse saying. It just 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:56.200 was like so easy from the beginning in the sense 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.920 of like we knew that we both liked each other, 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:03.080 and there was never, like, um, a guessing game, and 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:06.520 I had never experienced that because I was so used 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:12.960 to like seeking that game and like thriving on the Chase, 0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:17.080 and um, yeah, it was like it's been it was 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:21.120 nice to not I never even thought about it till 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:25.839 someone asked me later on, like, um, who I think, 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:28.160 like who made the first move? And I was like, 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:31.360 I don't. I think there was just it was just 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:35.920 a knowing, which was cool. That's very nice because usually 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:39.040 it's not that way. No, it's very rarely that way. 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:41.840 That's really nice. So did you go visit her when 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:46.240 she was on tour? Yeah, so I went to, Um, 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:48.640 I think her for the first time I visited her, 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.080 we were we went to she was in Minneapolis, so 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:53.720 like we went to Mall of America, which was really 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:55.640 you know, I don't know if you've ever been there. 0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:59.240 I have not heard. Um, so I'm a big mall rat, 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:02.480 not gonna lie. I'm that guy, and uh, I want 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:04.320 to go just because it's the biggest ball in America. 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.240 It's really cool. I mean they have like a whole section. 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:09.480 It was like a roller coaster and like a whole 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:13.480 like little amusement park in there. And yeah, it was 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:16.320 really fun and it was always fun to go visit her, 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:19.920 and um, that was just our life and what we 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:23.320 knew and then and so when the pandemic hit and 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:25.559 we were together all the time. She loves she loves 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:28.840 to work, like she is so passionate about what she does. 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:34.160 And she you know, even during the pandemic, it was like, Okay, 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:38.640 I'm obviously not doing music, so I'm gonna I'm gonna 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:41.040 like try and write a script. Like that's her mindset 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:43.360 where I'm like, I'm just trying to do a puzzle, 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:45.040 you know, I'm just trying to get a puzzle done 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:49.760 and find some new music. Like there wasn't she just 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:54.640 she always loves to work, and so um, when I 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.360 realized that we actually loved being around each other was 0:13:57.440 --> 0:13:58.880 kind of during that time because we didn't have a 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.800 choice and it was like her being stuck in the 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:05.240 house was her worst nightmare, and we made it work. 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.839 And so after that, I was like, we're pretty good together. 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:13.240 I'm I'm excited. Yeah, the pandemic made or broke a 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:16.480 lot of relationships because that's when you realized, oh, wow, 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:19.520 can I be with this person all the time? And 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:21.440 you found out pretty quickly, And I'm glad that you 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:24.200 found out for the for the better. That's awesome. I 0:14:24.280 --> 0:14:26.560 know I feel that way. I I agree with you. 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:29.120 I think a lot of people realize like, okay, we 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:30.960 we are in this for the long run, or like 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:34.600 we have some things to talk about, especially with the pandemic, 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:37.080 because there's so much stress put on, especially in the beginning. 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:39.080 So not only were you forced to live with one another, 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.040 but you were also forced to really see each other, 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:44.040 you know, in the most high stressed of environments where 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.200 nobody knew what was going on. You had to try 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.480 to keep working, nobody was making money, You couldn't go 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.280 outside you couldn't be around people. And then I mean, 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:53.200 I remember I was crazy in the beginning. I was 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:55.680 the guy washing every single piece of groceries that we got, 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:57.640 you know. I was the guy who would make sure 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:59.880 that we wouldn't go into the grocery store we'd get, like, 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:01.560 would go on the app and make sure that they 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.200 would come out and put the groceries in the trunk, 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.640 and then I go home. We wouldn't bring the bags in. 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:08.520 I'd go outside with my gloves and I'd wash every 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:12.640 single piece of whatever, you know, popcorn or cereal or 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:16.680 whatever the hell we got. And uh man, looking back, 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.280 that was so stupid, Like, yeah, you find out it 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:24.280 didn't even spread that way, I know, but no one knew. 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:26.280 Like we were just all doing our best, and that 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.200 was like the most we could do, honestly, so seriously 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:30.440 and at least past the time, you know, I was 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.560 like I got something to do. At least. I remember 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:35.560 I read a lot too, that was nice. I read 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:37.240 a lot during that time. That was fun. I don't 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.680 read anymore. It's so dared, like literally, what part of 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.600 your day when to read? Right now? There's no time 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:45.320 because I try to read before I go to bed, 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:47.040 but I'm so tired that I don't, and I end 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.560 up scrolling on my phone for twenty minutes. I'm like, man, 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:51.440 that's twenty minutes I could be reading a book and 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:54.560 feel better about myself instead of just scrolling through Instagram 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:57.280 or TikTok and then just feeling worse about myself because 0:15:57.280 --> 0:16:00.280 I'm like, man, I'm a piece of shit. I why 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:02.640 do we do it? It's like we all literally have 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:06.480 these same conversations of wishing we didn't do the doom squirrel? 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:08.640 Why don't we all? And I do it right before 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:10.960 I go to bed, and I'm always like, I don't 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.360 know why I had trouble sleeping. I couldn't go to sleep. 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:15.240 And it's like, oh yeah, I sat there and scrolled 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:19.600 and watch other people's lives for however many hours without 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:24.320 even realizing sales on YouTube. I've gotten into that. It's 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:29.880 so pathetic. It's so pathetic. They're the best. Oh my god, 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:32.280 they're the best. They're so awesome. Whether it be the 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:37.000 guy who's like it's just so stupid anyway, um, well, 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:39.920 continue to say that's I was just gonna say, like, 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.320 at least that's mindless, and it's just kind of like 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:46.080 something to just in the day with I will be 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.280 like on TikTok and it will be talking about like 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:53.240 deep religious trauma or something that's like not peaceful before 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.480 I go to sleep, and I'm like, why do I 0:16:55.520 --> 0:17:09.680 do this to myself? So? How long have you and 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:14.840 Haley been together? Now, we've been together for a little 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:18.160 over four years. That's crazy. And so you obviously just 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:23.000 came out in a public relationship. Was it five months ago? 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:26.840 Just about? And it was in May? So however many 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.359 even for much time, like what three months ago? So 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.280 how does it feel now that you're in a public relationship. 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:36.119 Do you feel a sense of relief? Do you feel 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:41.000 an adage stress? Um, I've definitely feel a sense of relief. 0:17:41.040 --> 0:17:44.919 I never realized because like we were public in the 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:50.359 sense that everyone knew about you know, everyone that everyone 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:53.000 knew about its like if when we came to Ben's wedding, 0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:56.280 Haley came with me, like you didn't like we were 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:59.840 a secret. We just were not on social media. And 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.760 I never thought that that us being public on social 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.919 media would give me relief because I felt like I 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:12.960 lived my life in real life so much. But um, yeah, 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:15.439 it did. It. It made me feel so much lighter 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:21.199 and I never expected to have that feeling. And the 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:24.320 stress part of it is, I think being together for 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.680 four years, I don't really feel the stress as much 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:28.639 because we got to do it on our own timeline. 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:32.399 And so even still it's like, yeah, people know about us, 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:35.480 but it's still like up to us how much we post. 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:38.760 And I think that's that's what makes me feel secure 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.760 and like takes the stress part away of it. Was 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:44.480 there ever a conversation before that, you guys, before you know, 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:46.760 obviously you're living your lives be didn't post on social 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:49.640 and you know, whether people think it's for the better 0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:53.840 or worse, Social media has become such an important part 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:56.680 of not only our lives but relationships. You know Facebook 0:18:56.720 --> 0:19:00.760 status or you know, posting your significan get other on 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.920 Instagram so everybody knows that you're in a relationship. You know, 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:07.480 we talked about on the podcast before about it's it 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:11.199 almost becomes awkward sometimes when people don't post about their 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:13.680 significant others, because then it asked questions like, well, why 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:15.960 won't you post about me? You know, is there a 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:18.359 reason why are you afraid to post about me? Is 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:22.480 there something else? Going on. So was there any of that, like, 0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:25.280 did you ever feel this pressure? Like, man, I you know, 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:28.240 I don't want Haley to feel like I don't love her, 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:32.159 you know, so I want to post about her. Um. 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:35.639 I think she and she understood where I was coming 0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:38.840 from in this sense that she was the first woman 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:41.959 I had ever been in a relationship with, and I 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:47.200 also came from a very um hetero world of being 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:51.800 on the Bachelor and having a huge following from the Bachelor, 0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:56.399 and also like you know, navigating all the things that 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:59.360 I was going through personally. I think she was very 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:03.120 understand ending of my situation. We definitely had conversations where 0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:05.679 she was like, I just you know, I was in 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:08.800 the closet for so long, and I'm really comfortable being 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:11.520 who I am, and like I'm very much out and 0:20:11.560 --> 0:20:15.560 celebrated for who I am. So UM. I always tried 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:17.840 to make sure she knew that it was private and 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:19.879 not secret, because I never wanted her to feel like 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:21.800 a secret or feel like I was ashamed. I just 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:24.119 wanted it to be like, Hey, I'm navigating this for 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:26.520 the first time. I love you so much. If if 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:30.280 we ever like met people, I was pretty much like 0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:33.480