Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning.
Speaker 2: Everybody is the j Envy just hilarious, Charlamagne and the God.
Speaker 2: We are the Breakfast Club.
Speaker 1: We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed,
Speaker 1: m he's back.
Speaker 2: Un anxious. Fifty simple truths to help overthinkers feel less
Speaker 2: stressed and more calm.
Speaker 3: Morning, Good morning, How are you feeling? Fantastic?
Speaker 2: Good good, good good.
Speaker 4: Easier said than done, but it can be done. As
Speaker 4: somebody who deals with anxiety.
Speaker 3: You know what it's It gets harder and harder, but
Speaker 3: it gets more and more worth it. Yes, I agree,
Speaker 3: and we just got to change the conversation. And I'm
Speaker 3: realizing that, like step one, stop talking about anxiety like
Speaker 3: it's herpies.
Speaker 1: Like it's herpies.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have anxiety. She has anxiety. Anxiety is a
Speaker 3: normal feeling. Anxiety is a signal. It's like hunger. You
Speaker 3: don't say I'm hungry, what's wrong with me? You say
Speaker 3: I feel hungry because it's been like eight hours and
Speaker 3: eight It's the same thing Mel Robins said. Instead of
Speaker 3: saying I'm anxious, say I feel anxious because I feel
Speaker 3: anxious because I got bills to pay. I feel anxious
Speaker 3: because somebody I like hasn't texted me back. I feel
Speaker 3: anxious because I drank too many coffees this morning. And
Speaker 3: it's like knowing the reason allows you to understand the
Speaker 3: first step instead of looking at ourselves like we're failing
Speaker 3: because we have this signal and this emotion. Because when
Speaker 3: we think we're feeling we have anxiety, what do we do.
Speaker 3: We try to distract, we try to medicate, we try
Speaker 3: to avoid.
Speaker 2: That is water, by the way.
Speaker 4: And then the other crazy part is I think once
Speaker 4: you recognize what's causing the anxiety, you get to determine
Speaker 4: whether or not you have any control over.
Speaker 1: As she realized, you have no control over it.
Speaker 3: You like, man, well, what I'm realizing in the last month.
Speaker 3: This book came out two months ago. I was supposed
Speaker 3: to be on the show a month ago and everything
Speaker 3: worked out where things got pushed the month And for
Speaker 3: this last month, I've been on a really intense journey
Speaker 3: to reboot my system. So complete sobriety, complete abstinence, complete celibacy.
Speaker 3: And then all of a sudden, I realized, your relationship
Speaker 3: with things on the outside will let you know how
Speaker 3: much control you have. So really what the issue is.
Speaker 3: Our anxiety systems is an outdated security system. It was
Speaker 3: there to protect us in a world that we don't
Speaker 3: live in no more. So. What happens is like think
Speaker 3: about your phone. Your phone comes with a bunch of
Speaker 3: apps on them that aren't useful. They're not useful no more.
Speaker 3: You may or may not use it. You can't get
Speaker 3: rid of the calculator app on your phone, whether you
Speaker 3: like it or not. All we can do with this
Speaker 3: our operating system is we can reboot, and we can update.
Speaker 3: We can update our server. We can update our system.
Speaker 3: That requires getting it out of our system temporarily. If
Speaker 3: you eat toss sauce every single day, what happens You
Speaker 3: need more and more and more just to taste it.
Speaker 3: You want to reboot your system. What do you gotta do?
Speaker 3: You gotta get host Saice out of your life. And
Speaker 3: then maybe after a month you taste it again. That's
Speaker 3: gonna taste different.
Speaker 2: What got you to the point where you said you
Speaker 2: needed a reboot? What got you there? But like this
Speaker 2: is time.
Speaker 3: My entire life, I've always just been focusing on freedom.
Speaker 3: I grew up in an activist space, but also I
Speaker 3: want to be financially free. I don't want to have
Speaker 3: a day job. I don't want all these things. And
Speaker 3: then when you start jumping out of these cages, you
Speaker 3: start realizing the biggest cage you've ever built is the
Speaker 3: one that you built for yourself. And what we do
Speaker 3: is we decorate it by you know, negotiating. We decorated
Speaker 3: by using our intelligence, and we start saying no, no, no,
Speaker 3: I'm not a slave to my habits. I'm not a
Speaker 3: slave to my impulses, like, I just want to enjoy life.
Speaker 3: I just want to experience the depths of life. And
Speaker 3: we're just intellectualizing our addiction. So I realized I've hit
Speaker 3: that point in my life where I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: the biggest cage is the biggest fences that I'm stuck
Speaker 3: behind are the ones that I've built. And I realized, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: the basic story is something on the outside needs to
Speaker 3: happen for me to feel calm and safe on the inside.
Speaker 3: That's the relationship all of this anxiety talk is that
Speaker 3: simple idea, something on the outside needs to happen for
Speaker 3: me to feel safe on the inside, whether that's taking
Speaker 3: a vape, whether that's drinking alcohol, whether that's having sex,
Speaker 3: whether that's eating in front of the TV, whether that's
Speaker 3: taking your phone to the toilet, because for people who
Speaker 3: take their phone to the toilet, try not to take
Speaker 3: your phone to the toilet. You will have an anxiety attack.
Speaker 3: For people, a friend of mine always eats in front
Speaker 3: of TikTok and I said, try it one time, Try
Speaker 3: it one time, not to eat with your screen on.
Speaker 3: They ate half the meal. Because we realize we live
Speaker 3: in a world in a system that gets very powerful
Speaker 3: when we're on autopilot, and our autopilot is us outsourcing
Speaker 3: our stimulation outsoorting or outsourcing our regulation. We're like, yo,
Speaker 3: I can only feel safe from things on the outside.
Speaker 3: I need that just to get to zero. But when
Speaker 3: you let it all go and you go through this
Speaker 3: process and it sucks, it sucks, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: You aw sucks. Then all of a sudden you realize, oh,
Speaker 3: I can create this dopamine on the inside. Dopamine from
Speaker 3: the outside hijacks you. Dopamine from the inside builds you.
Speaker 5: What was the most What does an anxiety teck look like?
Speaker 3: So anxiety just from a scientific So I want people
Speaker 3: to understand this conversation is not philosophical. It's not spiritual,
Speaker 3: it's not moral. This conversation is just psychological and biological,
Speaker 3: so I'm not here to judge anybody's choices. Anxiety is
Speaker 3: just adrenaline and cortisol. So what happens is the body
Speaker 3: doesn't know what's happening. The body just knows things are changing.
Speaker 3: So when the body gets charged, it's things are danger.
Speaker 3: That's what we call it fight or flight. But there's
Speaker 3: more levels. It's called the polyveagel system. You have freeze,
Speaker 3: so something intense happens, we just freeze. Someone puts a
Speaker 3: gun to your face. You've never seen a gun before.
Speaker 3: You're just gonna freeze. You don't get to choose that.
Speaker 3: Then this fight or flight, which now has turned into
Speaker 3: fight or scroll, and then we also have safety. And
Speaker 3: then the new one that's being introduced right now is fun. Right,
Speaker 3: So freeze is play dead, fight or flight is runaway
Speaker 3: or fight fun is I'm gonna make you love me.
Speaker 3: So this is a big one, especially for men, because
Speaker 3: men aren't walking into romantic situations thinking about their safety
Speaker 3: the way women do. But men have to think about
Speaker 3: safety and they don't realize when they feel unsafe, which
Speaker 3: is nervous, they fond, they get extra charming, and now
Speaker 3: we're performing, right, and we have to recognize that. So
Speaker 3: it took me fifteen days of not doing all the
Speaker 3: big stuff to realize that there's a second layer to this,
Speaker 3: a third layer, of fourth layer you have to keep
Speaker 3: going down. So yeah, cool performing for beautiful women. But
Speaker 3: also like my nephew was just here on the weekend visiting.
Speaker 3: I started performing for him because I want to be
Speaker 3: the cool uncle. That's also funny. That's also an anxiety.
Speaker 3: That's me trying to avoid anxious feelings, right, like the
Speaker 3: moral of the stories. Feel your feelings and it's going
Speaker 3: to suck. Put the phone away, eat the meal, feel
Speaker 3: the burn that's about to come. That burn is adrenaline
Speaker 3: and cortisol. That's what you need to protect your kids.
Speaker 3: That's what you need to get away from danger. But
Speaker 3: we're getting triggered in moments that aren't physically dangerous anymore.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like we take the word anxiety and
Speaker 2: it's used too much already? For sure, it's a from
Speaker 2: what you're saying, it's a natural feeling. Right, I'm about
Speaker 2: to go on stage. There's thousands of people out there,
Speaker 2: you get a little anxious, but it's not like a
Speaker 2: lot of us. I'm sure some people do, but we
Speaker 2: don't get that anxious where it's like I can't go
Speaker 2: on stage, just like you get that little feeling and
Speaker 2: then it's like I gotta go, and then you just
Speaker 2: go and do it. But I feel like a lot
Speaker 2: of times people use the word anxious and anxiety as
Speaker 2: a such a negative tool. It's like a nasty, naughty
Speaker 2: word when you talk about it.
Speaker 3: Sometimes, as I said, we treat it like it's herpes,
Speaker 3: Like we treat it like it's a condition, and only
Speaker 3: some people have it. Some people don't. We give it
Speaker 3: like my anxiety, like it's like it's an individual problem,
Speaker 3: anxiety as a society problem.
Speaker 1: Somebody.
Speaker 4: People do have anxiety disorders where they actually have to
Speaker 4: take medication.
Speaker 3: Absolutely people have anxiety disorders. But the situation with that
Speaker 3: is if you have an anxiety disorder, if you're bipolar,
Speaker 3: if you have any mental health issue, there are still
Speaker 3: things that we can all do to improve how we feel.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying we're going to cure it. I'm not
Speaker 3: even saying we can reboot and delete our old system,
Speaker 3: but we can make choices, simple choices. Get more sleep
Speaker 3: than you need, treat more water than you need, get
Speaker 3: more sunlight than you need, and stay away from assholes.
Speaker 4: Which is why knowing the word anxiety is good. Like
Speaker 4: I think knowing knowing the language and knowing what it
Speaker 4: is you're going through as good because now you can
Speaker 4: identify it and then you can find cures for it.
Speaker 3: So the issue with that is, and it's kind of
Speaker 3: like the word woke, right, Yeah, that came from Erica
Speaker 3: Bay dude, right, stay woke and then chattage can't be made.
Speaker 3: It more popular and it meant something and men be
Speaker 3: aware and then be self aware, I mean, know what's
Speaker 3: going on. And now it's been weaponized and changed the
Speaker 3: other way. Someone's an insult now, right, Oh the woke model.
Speaker 3: Language changes. That's what happened with mental health. You know,
Speaker 3: we're all millennials. We remember back back in the days
Speaker 3: when you talked about mental health, people thought that meant
Speaker 3: like insane asylums and stray jackets. Then we got to like, okay,
Speaker 3: things have been normalized. You don't have to be embarrassed
Speaker 3: to say that you saw a therapist or something. Now
Speaker 3: it's gone too far. The other way where we treat
Speaker 3: mental health, and we use that language completely incorrectly. We
Speaker 3: think we have to protect our mental health, like it's
Speaker 3: some like crystal flower that like if somebody come near,
Speaker 3: we have to protect our peace or to protect our
Speaker 3: mental health. Mental health is just like physical health. So
Speaker 3: what I'm gonna say is, let's the words been used up.
Speaker 3: It's been weaponized, just like well, let's use mental fitness
Speaker 3: because you don't say, when it comes to your physical health, well,
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna climb these stairs because gravity is gonna
Speaker 3: make it harder. It's like, no, the only way that
Speaker 3: you can climb stairs is to keep climbing it. We
Speaker 3: have machines in the gym just for you to climb
Speaker 3: stairs when you don't even need to climb stairs. Why
Speaker 3: to prepare you for the times that you have to.
Speaker 3: We all here lifting having weights. The heavier the weight,
Speaker 3: the more we know, the workout mattered. So then when
Speaker 3: our friends asked us to move a couch, and again,
Speaker 3: if you're over thirty, stop asking your friends to help
Speaker 3: you move a couch, but when you're ready to do it.
Speaker 3: Because you were voluntarily putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, we
Speaker 3: don't have that for our mental health. We don't have
Speaker 3: mental fitness training. We're not voluntarily putting ourselves in uncomfortable
Speaker 3: mental situations so we get stronger instead of like, I
Speaker 3: gotta protect my piece. No, your peace protects you. You
Speaker 3: don't protect your mental health. Your mental health protects you
Speaker 3: just like your physical health protects you. You want to
Speaker 3: be able to pick up your kids, so you go
Speaker 3: to the gym. You know what I'm say, kids are heavy,
Speaker 3: gravity keeps holding them down. I wish we lived on
Speaker 3: the moon and it'll be lighter. No, you're like, I
Speaker 3: got to go to the gym, so the longer, for
Speaker 3: longer and longer I can hold my kids up to
Speaker 3: the point where I'm going to the gym just so
Speaker 3: I can open the jar when I'm eighty.
Speaker 1: But that's that's an interesting point.
Speaker 4: But there's there's other things that going to you know,
Speaker 4: keeping your your physical health right right, it's not.
Speaker 1: Just working out, yep, it's diet yep. So you refrain
Speaker 1: from certain things.
Speaker 4: Yes, therefore you are protecting your physical You're not gonna
Speaker 4: eat so much process foods.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna eat so much sugar.
Speaker 3: So what are we doing for mental health the same thing.
Speaker 4: I think you should refrain from certain things, Like if
Speaker 4: you know certain things trigger you, you should refrain from
Speaker 4: that completely disagree.
Speaker 2: If there's something I know that I'm not gonna like
Speaker 2: and I don't have to be around it and it
Speaker 2: doesn't affect my daily life, yeah, Like why would you
Speaker 2: dive into it if I know I'm not gonna like it.
Speaker 2: I know it's going to make me feel a certain way,
Speaker 2: and I don't need it in my life.
Speaker 3: Absolutely. So for example, if it was an easy day
Speaker 3: at the gym, it wasn't a good day at the gym, right,
Speaker 3: It had to had to kind of suck, It had
Speaker 3: to be a struggle, right. You triggers are what you're
Speaker 3: supposed to avoid. Ther triggers of the roadmap. Your triggers
Speaker 3: are showing you where all the work is. But what
Speaker 3: we've done now is we've created mental health to the
Speaker 3: point where it's like, I'm just gonna sidestep everything that
Speaker 3: makes me feel gross. That gross feeling, that adrenaline and cortisol,
Speaker 3: that's the body being like I'm in danger when you're not.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm coming doing this interview. It's a big deal.
Speaker 3: I get a little bit nervous. The mantra has to
Speaker 3: be Okay, this feels uncomfortable, but I'm not in danger.
Speaker 3: Our body thinks we're in danger, right. Instead, what needs
Speaker 3: to happen is our triggers are what's revealing to us
Speaker 3: where the work is. When we always talking about being healed,
Speaker 3: So think about it physically. If you were eight years
Speaker 3: old and you fell off your bike and broke your arm,
Speaker 3: you didn't just experience physical trauma and keep it moving.
Speaker 3: You went to the hospital, you got your arm fixed up.
Speaker 3: But as children, we experience mental trauma and kept it moving.
Speaker 3: As adults we feel the same way. So it's like
Speaker 3: we have to address that, and that's the way it
Speaker 3: gets stronger. For example, simple example, I walk by somebody.
Speaker 3: Let's say, you know, I walk by somebody and they
Speaker 3: got a perfume on, and all of a sudden, I
Speaker 3: get triggered. And first things first, I just want to
Speaker 3: get away from them. I want to soothe, I want
Speaker 3: to look at my phone, I want to do something
Speaker 3: to feel better. Cool. Maybe the next day, after I'm
Speaker 3: well rested, i'm well hydrated, I get some sleep. Whatever,
Speaker 3: I'm like, yo, what was that? Let me reflect on
Speaker 3: that Oh snap, that was my exs that was her smell,
Speaker 3: that was her fragrance. That's why I got triggered by that.
Speaker 3: Then the next step is to go to the store,
Speaker 3: find that fragrance and voluntarily smell it, put yourself back
Speaker 3: into that. Instead we're like, all that person's a narcissist,
Speaker 3: that person's toxic. I gotta stay away from this, this,
Speaker 3: I gotta stayway from all these things. What that's doing
Speaker 3: is that's at the expense of our resilience.
Speaker 6: I think is situational, right, because I get what you're saying.
Speaker 6: I understand, and I understand what they're saying too. For instance,
Speaker 6: this is a real example. I work here, right all right,
Speaker 6: Interviews give me anxiety like they used to give me.
Speaker 6: Like I love meeting people and all that, but I
Speaker 6: never know what I want to ask, you know what
Speaker 6: I'm saying. So, but I can't just not do it.
Speaker 6: This is my job, Like, I can't just not do it.
Speaker 6: So I have to face it head on. And both
Speaker 6: of them give me tips. They you know, mentored me
Speaker 6: with it as well. And I'm getting better at it.
Speaker 6: I'm not as good as I feel like I want.
Speaker 5: To be, or I should be, but it's still I still.
Speaker 6: Get anxiety doing interviews, you know, just being as transparent
Speaker 6: as I can be.
Speaker 5: But it doesn't bother me as much as you used to.
Speaker 6: But sometimes depending on the person or whatever, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 6: i'd be like, no, yo, I ain't trying to do this,
Speaker 6: Lauren Stepman or whatever, you know what I mean, she's
Speaker 6: the other calls, but I like.
Speaker 5: How how would you treat that? Or how would you
Speaker 5: get an advice?
Speaker 3: You're you're illustrating the point. You're illustrating the point perfectly.
Speaker 3: And in the beginning, because you're new to this, you know,
Speaker 3: especially in comparison to folks that have been doing it
Speaker 3: for like over a decade, your body's like, this is new,
Speaker 3: this is uncomfortable. I don't want to do it. That's
Speaker 3: generally what the body's saying. The body that make the
Speaker 3: letther a little tiny almond size part of our brain
Speaker 3: is just like, I don't know what this is. It's
Speaker 3: got to be danger, right, So that's what your body
Speaker 3: is saying to you. And the only way, and this
Speaker 3: is the reason that this has to go beyond this book.
Speaker 3: We can hear these ideas, but the only way the
Speaker 3: body can actually believe this is through practice. And the
Speaker 3: only reason you're getting less and less anxious feelings around
Speaker 3: the interviews is by doing more and more interviews. Now,
Speaker 3: if you're just like this, don't feel good, I'm never
Speaker 3: gonna do it. Let me go find a different job,
Speaker 3: let me go, you know, do something else. So I
Speaker 3: don't want to feel this. Now, you're robbing yourself of resilience.
Speaker 3: Who you're going to be a year from now, five
Speaker 3: years from now, ten years from now. By doing more
Speaker 3: and more interviews, you're getting your reps in. This is
Speaker 3: part of your mental fitness that you're doing. This exactly
Speaker 3: illustrates the point. And I'm not saying take on too
Speaker 3: much weight. Just like when you go to the gym,
Speaker 3: don't take on too much weight, start light, focus on
Speaker 3: your form. It's the same thing. Ease yourself in, get
Speaker 3: into it. But it gets to the point where you
Speaker 3: realize all of these things that we've been avoiding, we've
Speaker 3: been outsourcing our safety. It were phones through everything, you.
Speaker 2: Know, Cause it's like if you follow a listen a site, right,
Speaker 2: a social media site, all the social media site does
Speaker 2: nothing but post negativity. And if you say, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna leave that alone because my energy problem with
Speaker 2: that energy that's diet.
Speaker 3: That's diet, that's that's sugar. You're realizing I'm outsourcing my
Speaker 3: dopamine and that's hijacking me.
Speaker 1: That's not a bad thing.
Speaker 3: That's not a bad thing. And here and here's the
Speaker 3: thing because I was thinking about that, because I know
Speaker 3: there was there was a Jay Cole interview where he
Speaker 3: did two years off social media and then he came
Speaker 3: back and he was like, oh, it was like I
Speaker 3: never left right right. It's kind of like eating a
Speaker 3: salty potato chip. You're like, I ain't had one two years.
Speaker 3: All of a sudden, perfect example, I haven't been on
Speaker 3: social media for a month. Obviously. I went on the
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club yesterday to look stuff up, and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden, I went I fell down the rabbit hole.
Speaker 3: I found you know, the job is Mine video I
Speaker 3: saw then I wasn't even on the site anymore. Now
Speaker 3: I'm watching you know ten times people tried to check Charlotte,
Speaker 3: and I'm watching this stuff that's not even on the
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club, and I got lost in it. I've gotten
Speaker 3: into autopilot, right, so it's understanding this stuff was still
Speaker 3: created by the smartest people in the world who were
Speaker 3: paid by the richest people in the world for the
Speaker 3: explicit goal of hijacking us and keeping us an autopilot.
Speaker 3: Now what I realized was like, well, if Ja Cole
Speaker 3: can't do it, I can't do it. And I realized
Speaker 3: what Ja Cole didn't do. J Cole took one specific
Speaker 3: thing and addressed it. We got to do all the things,
Speaker 3: all the outside things. We have to astain from all
Speaker 3: of them until we reboot our system. So it's not like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna stop eating this hot sauce, but I'm gonna
Speaker 3: eat all this hot sauce and my tongue will reset. No,
Speaker 3: we gotta get rid of all the hot sauce. So
Speaker 3: it's got to be the phone. It's got to be
Speaker 3: the porn. It's got to be the vape. It's got
Speaker 3: to be the hookah, it's got to be the alcohol.
Speaker 3: It's got to be the foods, it's got to be
Speaker 3: the people. It's got to be all of it until
Speaker 3: the system. This isn't monk life forever. This is doing
Speaker 3: a reset max ninety days, and then you get to
Speaker 3: this point where you can go back like where I'm
Speaker 3: at right now. One of my reps every day is
Speaker 3: go back on social media and just try to find
Speaker 3: the prettiest girl and look at her and pay attention
Speaker 3: to see what it does in my body. One of
Speaker 3: my boys, Chris, and the story about him in the book,
Speaker 3: but he, you know, he had to go through He
Speaker 3: had a lot of issues initially with substances, and he
Speaker 3: got sober. And this was happening during like the BlackBerry
Speaker 3: phase before smartphones was a thing, so he never got
Speaker 3: on smartphones. And I remember in like twenty eighteen, showing
Speaker 3: him Instagram for the first time, and him seeing a
Speaker 3: girl on Instagram was like giving a baby a potato chip.
Speaker 3: Like his eyes little. He has never seen it before.
Speaker 3: And then you realize that. But if we go in
Speaker 3: with that awareness, it's like, all right, listen, I'm not
Speaker 3: gonna avoid this stuff forever, but I'm gonna first retrain
Speaker 3: and rewire my system. Now I can go in and
Speaker 3: now I'm going and sovereign.
Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting what you're talking about.
Speaker 4: I remember having a conversation one time in therapy and
Speaker 4: I was complaining about some stuff that was happening on
Speaker 4: social media, and my therapist was like, can't you just
Speaker 4: turn your phone off?
Speaker 1: And I was in my mind, I was a little pissed.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm paying you one hundred and fifty dollars
Speaker 4: an I would hear this type of language. But she's
Speaker 4: right in a lot of ways, like I don't feel
Speaker 4: like I have to, you know, subject myself. The abuse
Speaker 4: are pain just to try to get over something when
Speaker 4: I could just walk away from.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, because we're outsourcing our dopamine, and the most
Speaker 3: potent dopamine is chaos. Right, It's chaos. The social media
Speaker 3: is chaos. It's the reason the biggest video on the
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club platform right now is the Birdman. It's chaos, right,
Speaker 3: It's not going to be a meaningful conversation. It's just
Speaker 3: we all look at car crashes. We all look at
Speaker 3: that stuff. It catches our attention.
Speaker 4: So if we're inverbally abusive relationships with our smartphones, why
Speaker 4: would we stay there?
Speaker 1: Because I'm just gonna use an extreme example.
Speaker 4: If you are in an actual physical abusive relationship, you
Speaker 4: wouldn't tell that person just stay there and take the
Speaker 4: hits eventually.
Speaker 1: Get over it.
Speaker 3: I feel like that is the one positive thing about
Speaker 3: our phones. It will help people understand why people stay
Speaker 3: in abusive relationships. Talk to me, because we're in an
Speaker 3: abusive relationship with our phone and we can't let it go.
Speaker 3: And the reason why it's a slot machine. Right, it's
Speaker 3: not always good, but we have unanticipated rewards. It's bad,
Speaker 3: but when it's good, it feels so good. It's like
Speaker 3: see trash, I see trash. Oh a cute puppy. Oh,
Speaker 3: it was all worth it. That half an hour doing
Speaker 3: scrolling was worth it, right, same thing being in any
Speaker 3: abusive relationship. Addiction is wanting more of the thing that
Speaker 3: almost works. Craving is just a memory of comfort, and
Speaker 3: that's all we're chasing. All we're chasing is trying to
Speaker 3: get back down to zero. We're just heightened. Even after
Speaker 3: this conversation, some of us might instantly just pick up
Speaker 3: our phones because we don't want to hear the silence.
Speaker 3: Because this is where our system has been Our nervous
Speaker 3: system has been disregulated for so long, and it's not
Speaker 3: our faults. This world is a dumpster fire. This system
Speaker 3: was not designed for this world. We were designed to
Speaker 3: live in communities of like two hundred three hundred people max.
Speaker 3: We should know the faces of every single person in
Speaker 3: our lives.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like you're saying we should disconnect.
Speaker 3: I'm not just disconnect from your phone. Your phone is
Speaker 3: one of the bosses. We got to disconnect from everything.
Speaker 3: And if we do it from everything long enough, then
Speaker 3: we can go back, and we'll go back sovereign. This
Speaker 3: is the thing, and this is where you start to realize,
Speaker 3: like Kendrick Lamar energy, because what I realized where I'm
Speaker 3: at right now is I'm past the substances. Now, I've
Speaker 3: discovered the enemies, and I'm looking for the spies. And
Speaker 3: my big spy right now is I chase being chosen
Speaker 3: by anybody who has power over my value. So in
Speaker 3: the beginning's like all right, yeah, cool, I want a
Speaker 3: validation for pretty girls. Oh, I want people who are
Speaker 3: in positions of power to make me feel like I matter.
Speaker 3: But then it became like, all right, my parents came
Speaker 3: to visit me here, and you know, you know they
Speaker 3: were clowning you when taking your kids to Wicket. I
Speaker 3: took my parents to see The Lion King. My parents
Speaker 3: have never seen a live play, and I'm saying, there,
Speaker 3: do you like it? Do you like it? Do you
Speaker 3: like it. They've never seen a play before. This whole
Speaker 3: experience is brand new for them. Well, what I clocked
Speaker 3: was I just want the validation. Then I want to
Speaker 3: go into my my siblings' chat group and see if
Speaker 3: they said anything to my sisters so I can get
Speaker 3: more validation. Right now, I have to figure out, well,
Speaker 3: what are those leaks. The leaks aren't just I want
Speaker 3: people to validate me. It's also I fear being misunderstood.
Speaker 3: I want people to understand me. And then you realize, like,
Speaker 3: oh snap, that's like the one thing a guy like
Speaker 3: Kendrick Lamar doesn't, the one thing we can say. He
Speaker 3: doesn't care about being understood. He never clarifies anything.
Speaker 6: But what's wrong with you wanting that validation from your parents? Like, Yo,
Speaker 6: you really took us to this is dope?
Speaker 1: We never lives.
Speaker 3: I'll tell you exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean their comments were way more hilarious, which is like,
Speaker 3: this play has been on for twenty five years. How
Speaker 3: come the kids are so young? Right, Like they've never
Speaker 3: seen them play, right, and they probably thought that I
Speaker 3: paid movie ticket prices to sit up front, like they
Speaker 3: had no concept of what was happening. It's the simple story.
Speaker 3: Something on the outside has to happen for me to
Speaker 3: feel good on the inside. And I know this because
Speaker 3: all of us do have relationships with things that we
Speaker 3: call vices that are not slavery. For me, it's pizza.
Speaker 3: I like pizza. I don't crave pizza. It me and
Speaker 3: you have plans to go eat pizza right now. In
Speaker 3: five minutes before the plan we get to cancel and
Speaker 3: you gotta be let's get tacos instead. We couldn't get pizza.
Speaker 3: I would not be emotionally impacted. Right, That's how all
Speaker 3: of this should be. Like you forget your phone at home,
Speaker 3: it should feel like all right, cool, no issues exactly,
Speaker 3: It's gonna take work. I'm not I'm not. As I said,
Speaker 3: this is not a moral conversation, not philosophical kids.
Speaker 6: Though, I got kids, and then you know I'm not
Speaker 6: from it. I got a mom that you know what
Speaker 6: I'm saying.
Speaker 5: I got business.
Speaker 3: I understand that. I understand that's.
Speaker 5: More so to part not even just social media or
Speaker 5: just I don't know.
Speaker 3: I understand.
Speaker 1: Listen, I don't know. I don't know if that can
Speaker 1: apply to everything. I think.
Speaker 4: I think what you're saying can apply to some things
Speaker 4: because like if you say your alcohol abuse or a
Speaker 4: drug abuse, right you know, you go to rehab, they
Speaker 4: tell you to stay away from those things, Stay away
Speaker 4: from those environments.
Speaker 1: Don't walk into a bar because it may tempt you.
Speaker 1: I don't think.
Speaker 4: I think if you're recovering alcoholic, you don't go sit
Speaker 4: in a bar and just hope.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to drink anymore.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And I'm not advocating for that, As I said,
Speaker 3: I'm talking about the day to day, every day people
Speaker 3: and us exploring because the issue with us is we're
Speaker 3: living in an autopilot. We don't even know what their
Speaker 3: addictions are, you know. And there are certain things. So
Speaker 3: for example, when this is all said and done, there
Speaker 3: are certain things that are never coming back. And I
Speaker 3: and I did this journaling through AI and everything to
Speaker 3: figure out so I can go back to weed, that's
Speaker 3: that's not a that's not something that's something that I
Speaker 3: can have sovereignty over. I can never go back to porn.
Speaker 3: Porn rewires the brain. I can never go back. I
Speaker 3: can never go back to multitasking. Okay, so I can
Speaker 3: never eat in front of his screen ever again. That
Speaker 3: the non negotiable. I can have a shot out tequila,
Speaker 3: I can have sex again, right, but I can't. You know,
Speaker 3: I could do some hookah, I could, I could eat
Speaker 3: certain foods, but there's certain things that are never coming back.
Speaker 3: And that's that's the interesting part about as I said,
Speaker 3: it's not all right. You know, if you have a
Speaker 3: longstanding relationship with alcohol go back to the bar. No,
Speaker 3: not at all. However, you know, as I have a
Speaker 3: friend who's ten years sober. He can He figured it out,
Speaker 3: you know, he figured out the situation that works for him.
Speaker 3: But as I, as I said, the first goal is
Speaker 3: the awarenes this. Like, when I'm doing this, I'm not
Speaker 3: being like, oh today I went completely sober. I want no.
Speaker 3: Today I had a league, you know, some pretty girl
Speaker 3: talk to me on the street, told me my puppy
Speaker 3: was cute. I got performative. That's data. It's not pass
Speaker 3: or fail, it's pass or collec data. Because and this
Speaker 3: is where being nice to yourself is essential. We have
Speaker 3: to be we have to be vigilant, but we have
Speaker 3: to be nice to ourselves. We can't beat ourselves up
Speaker 3: over this. But the goal here is sovereignty. The goal
Speaker 3: and Sovereignty is different from freedom, because freedom is I
Speaker 3: can I can do whatever I want. Sovereignty is I
Speaker 3: can control who I am right. Because you can be free,
Speaker 3: you can be financially free and buy seven iPhones and
Speaker 3: get pissed off when you see something on the internet.
Speaker 3: You're not You're not sovereign. Sovereign is to be unimpacted
Speaker 3: by that. It's just gonna take work. It's just like
Speaker 3: just like your physical fitness. You want to have the
Speaker 3: ability to pick up heavy things. Day one at the
Speaker 3: gym is gonna suck, and then the morning aftert's gonna
Speaker 3: suck even more. You take two weeks off and you
Speaker 3: go back again. And what are we doing. We're voluntarily
Speaker 3: tearing these muscles and letting them heal back. I'm voluntarily
Speaker 3: tearing out my mental health by doing this stuff. In
Speaker 3: the next month, I have to do a seventy two
Speaker 3: hour fast just to figure out what is left. What
Speaker 3: else am I hiding in here? Because as I said,
Speaker 3: the big stuff is easy to discover. It's the little things,
Speaker 3: the little validation, the little performance. Figuring out what all
Speaker 3: of this is. And I think this is really important again,
Speaker 3: And this isn't what you need to do on day one.
Speaker 3: On day one is just recognize anxiety isn't herpes, Anxiety
Speaker 3: is in a condition. This book isn't going to solve anxiety.
Speaker 3: This book is going to solve your despair around anxiety.
Speaker 3: People feel helpless around anxiety. This book is actually fifty
Speaker 3: two chapters, fifty two different options. When you're having anxious feelings.
Speaker 3: The big idea is feel the feelings when it sucks.
Speaker 3: Can you sit in a room by yourself quietly? They
Speaker 3: did that shock test letting people sit in the room
Speaker 3: quietly and when they want either they could just sit
Speaker 3: in the room or shock themselves and leave, and most
Speaker 3: people pick the shock themselves. And this if you want
Speaker 3: to deal with anxiety, create a life that allows you
Speaker 3: to sit in a room and do absolutely nothing. And
Speaker 3: remember that we're human beings, We're not human doings, and
Speaker 3: right now we're constantly medicating, avoiding, and distracting ourselves by
Speaker 3: doing stuff.
Speaker 4: Citizen for people who actually have anxiety disorders, there's people
Speaker 4: who just deal with every day anxiousness.
Speaker 3: Well, what I'm going to say is, because as I said,
Speaker 3: the pendulum and the mental health conversation has gone so far,
Speaker 3: so many of us are self diagnosing. That's step number one.
Speaker 3: Step number two is if you have even a diagnosed
Speaker 3: anxiety disorder, let's just say your body produces extra cortisol
Speaker 3: and adrenaline, there are still choices and decisions that you
Speaker 3: can make that will improve how you feel in a
Speaker 3: day to day life. I agree, And that's the important part.
Speaker 3: It's like we're not standing in one spot. We're either
Speaker 3: heading in one We're either strengthening our sovereignty or strengthening
Speaker 3: our slavery every single day with the choices that we
Speaker 3: make irrespective of what our mental health diagnosis is. And
Speaker 3: the other thing too, with mental health conversations and cultures,
Speaker 3: we use those words as the end of the story.
Speaker 4: That's I agree with that, and see as a president
Speaker 4: who's been clinically diagnosed with anxiety disorder, one of my
Speaker 4: things that help me with that a stand away from
Speaker 4: the function.
Speaker 1: But I agree with what you're.
Speaker 4: Saying because we talk about it, but then we don't
Speaker 4: do the healing work. Don't talk about the actual healing
Speaker 4: of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like if you've been diagnosed with a broken arm
Speaker 3: and then you out there walking and lifting heavy things,
Speaker 3: that's gonna make you know nobody's arguing that your arm
Speaker 3: isn't broken. But the choices that you make moving forward
Speaker 3: are either going to speed up the healing. You can't
Speaker 3: speed up the healing. Sorry, it's either going to slow
Speaker 3: down to healing or destroy the healing. Right, we can't
Speaker 3: really speed up healing. We just have Healing just takes time.
Speaker 3: You got to respect the time for it. It's the
Speaker 3: same thing with these mental health diagnosis that we have,
Speaker 3: and we.
Speaker 1: Don't talk about the healing part of it enough.
Speaker 3: We don't.
Speaker 4: I think that there's a lot of conversation about you know,
Speaker 4: what it is people are dealing with, but not how
Speaker 4: to actually get through it.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, so when we have so you have to think
Speaker 3: about anxiety like an iceberg. You can only see the
Speaker 3: tip and there's like ninety percent underneath. We have no
Speaker 3: idea what's happening because we haven't done the work to
Speaker 3: just revisit it. And that work can easily just be
Speaker 3: journaling and being like, why did this thing make me
Speaker 3: feel that way? Versus that stuff makes me feel gross?
Speaker 3: I don't want because even going to social media, why
Speaker 3: is social media triggering me? Well, it's letting me know,
Speaker 3: you know, other people are doing things. I'm seeing other
Speaker 3: people's highlight reels. I'm comparing it to my behind the scenes,
Speaker 3: and that's making me feel less valuable. That's making me
Speaker 3: feel less seen, that's making me feel all these things.
Speaker 3: It's just the awareness. The goal here is self awareness
Speaker 3: and being able to sit and do absolutely nothing if
Speaker 3: you want to improve how we feel.
Speaker 6: Well, it's just always negative. Social media used to be
Speaker 6: fun all the time.
Speaker 5: I used to love to be on. It's just always.
Speaker 6: Negative now, and people talk about like, oh, the algorithm, algorithm, algorithm. Nah,
Speaker 6: it's literally people now that people feel like they have
Speaker 6: a voice and everybody can be heard, and everybody they attack,
Speaker 6: They attack it even when it's not warranted, you know
Speaker 6: what I mean. So it's just I don't even think
Speaker 6: it's like us what we're seeing, how we're programming.
Speaker 5: I think you see it and you put it.
Speaker 6: In our face, you know, pause, you see what I mean,
Speaker 6: They put it in our face a certain amount of times,
Speaker 6: like a number of times we can actually make that
Speaker 6: decision to be like, you know, I don't.
Speaker 5: I'm not I'm not subscribing.
Speaker 3: To this, but let's look at it this way. If
Speaker 3: you give a kid a full bag of candy every
Speaker 3: single day, and we say, well, they should just be
Speaker 3: able to make the decision not to eat all that
Speaker 3: candy right when they're when they're really young. How long
Speaker 3: has social media existed? We are children when it comes
Speaker 3: to social media. This is the candy. This is like
Speaker 3: the ultimate candy. This, this is the new epidemic. We're
Speaker 3: in a dopamine epidemic. They flooded the streets with dopamine.
Speaker 3: We are not designed to know as many people as
Speaker 3: we know. We're not designed to know about all the
Speaker 3: news happening everywhere all the time. Right. And then this
Speaker 3: is a system that encourages negativity. It rewards negativity if
Speaker 3: you post, it's fueled by those And think about it.
Speaker 3: If you post a picture tomorrow and everyone's just like, oh,
Speaker 3: you look great, you look great, you look great, and
Speaker 3: then I just comment, well you don't look all that today. Hey,
Speaker 3: that comment will pop up straight to the top. It's
Speaker 3: gonna get the most replies.
Speaker 5: And that'll be the one to make me mad, like
Speaker 5: how you don't see what everybody else seeing.
Speaker 3: That's the one. Yeah, but you probably wild notice that
Speaker 3: comment more than the other. That's the ones will blend
Speaker 3: in we we have a negative bias. That's just in us.
Speaker 3: Why do we have a negative bias? Because we used
Speaker 3: to live in the wild. We had to assume the worst.
Speaker 3: You're walking through the forest and you hear a sound,
Speaker 3: you have to assume if something's going to kill you,
Speaker 3: because if you're wrong, cool, if you're right, you're in danger.
Speaker 3: We have to assume the worst. Smart people, really smart
Speaker 3: people who were paid by very rich people, understand this,
Speaker 3: and they've used it to hijack our attention. Our attention
Speaker 3: and our focus is the most important thing that we have.
Speaker 6: And this is my last question about what you said.
Speaker 6: Going back, you said porn you can never go back
Speaker 6: to it, right, yeah, but do you still ever desire
Speaker 6: or crave it?
Speaker 1: Okay, so you.
Speaker 3: Do as I said. Craving is a memory of comfort, right, right,
Speaker 3: So that's not going to go as I said. This
Speaker 3: is not a moral conversation. That's not Porn is right,
Speaker 3: Porn is wrong. This is just it's a product. It's
Speaker 3: like sugar. I'm not here to judge sugar, but we
Speaker 3: know what sugar does. Right. Porn is like sugar for
Speaker 3: your brain. It rewires your brain. There's science behind us.
Speaker 3: I'm not making this stuff up. I was on the
Speaker 3: pornho podcast. You know, yeah, I have a podcast. I
Speaker 3: was on it and I had a great conversation with them.
Speaker 3: That's not it. It's just it's the product, right, It's
Speaker 3: an addictive product, just like coffee, just like alcohol. These
Speaker 3: are physically addictive things.
Speaker 1: The goal is moth started water and thinking about.
Speaker 3: No, but then do it all. I said, I'm not
Speaker 3: I'm not I'm not there. I'm like stuff. I'm just saying.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying I'm not you sat I remember you
Speaker 3: started reminiscent, right, But at the same time, it's like, listen,
Speaker 3: at the end of the day. The goal here, we're
Speaker 3: not going to be able to totally overhaul our system.
Speaker 3: We've had this software for fifty sixty seventy generations as
Speaker 3: humans right this world we live in two three generations.
Speaker 3: We're not used to living in cities with millions of people.
Speaker 3: So this is this is a situation. So when it
Speaker 3: comes to stuff like porn, it's like the goal is
Speaker 3: as I said, it's the same thing with pizza. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I like pizza. It's cool when I walk by a
Speaker 3: pizza spot. Right now, I don't completely jones for the pizza.
Speaker 3: But if someone invites me out, I can enjoy it
Speaker 3: and I can understand its value, but I don't have
Speaker 3: to look to it to just get me back to calm.
Speaker 3: This whole idea. You know, what we're chasing, even with
Speaker 3: the porn, is the post nut clarity. That's what we're chasing.
Speaker 3: We're chasing posts and what is that we have just
Speaker 3: disregulated a system so much that we finally, through that release,
Speaker 3: get a little bit of clarity.
Speaker 4: What if you look at porn as something that leads
Speaker 4: to the nut and then once you get absolute clarity.
Speaker 3: Well that's you have the clarity. Or you spend enough
Speaker 3: time away from all this stuff, you can live in
Speaker 3: the clarity. You can live in that like not no,
Speaker 3: because we don't call it nut clarity. We call it
Speaker 3: post nut clarity. After the clarity, you can live in that.
Speaker 3: That could be your default because think about it, especially
Speaker 3: for guys, the post nut clarity is the moment you like,
Speaker 3: I had just been operating on autopilot. I just spent
Speaker 3: a bunch of money, I said this that, I said
Speaker 3: all the things I didn't mean. What is it or
Speaker 3: after the post nut I like this I want to
Speaker 3: be around this person I found wifey.
Speaker 1: This is so interesting. So what if you take the
Speaker 1: nut and then rub it on your nipples? You know what?
Speaker 3: You know what, let's let's let's let's me know we
Speaker 3: can talk about that. That's an example of somebody who
Speaker 3: is continually outsourcing dopamine to the point where it's just
Speaker 3: they have unlimited resources, they have unlimited power. So it
Speaker 3: just got wilder and wilder and wilder and wilder.
Speaker 2: But I also feel like if he would have been
Speaker 2: into porn and porn porn hub like that and got
Speaker 2: his h his nut off watching that, he wouldn't have
Speaker 2: to do it in person, and there's nobody to tell on.
Speaker 3: So Chris Rock said it in Tambourine and I remember this,
Speaker 3: and he's like, you know, porn is an issue because
Speaker 3: your porn searches evolved, but you was. You know, it's
Speaker 3: just like that Joe said today's price, saying yesterday's price,
Speaker 3: but you was looking up five years ago. Ain't what
Speaker 3: you're looking up now because it's more choices. But also
Speaker 3: you need you need it to elevate, you need more
Speaker 3: hot sauce. There's not one drop anymore.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 3: We're outsourcing, that's all it is. And every time we outsource, right,
Speaker 3: we are we're getting sedated. Right. So going back to
Speaker 3: the activism, going back to the freedom, we got to
Speaker 3: realize we don't live in this dystopian nineteen eighty four
Speaker 3: world with authoritarian governments. We live in the brave new
Speaker 3: world where they're controlling us to comfort. That's the tool everything.
Speaker 1: If you want to get me rid about the authoritarian government.
Speaker 3: We're on track. But we got to realize if we
Speaker 3: don't have internal sovereignty, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 6: But like you said, everything is due comfort. Like even
Speaker 6: like things like this may.
Speaker 5: Sound crazy, be like it's the card. We ain't got
Speaker 5: to go outside.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: Part of my work is I have to pick up
Speaker 3: all my food. I can't do delivery, No, I have
Speaker 3: to at least earn the meal. On some level, and
Speaker 3: the naval Rubby concept, any vice, vice plus convenience equals
Speaker 3: a weapon. If you got to climb the top of
Speaker 3: a mountain to get drunk, you gotta earn it. Fine,
Speaker 3: we're not doing it. It's been it's been weaponized against
Speaker 3: us becoming more and more convenient, right, especially with this
Speaker 3: VC model where it's like they make it convenient and
Speaker 3: cheap because someone else give them them money to do it.
Speaker 3: They get us hooked, and then we start paying these
Speaker 3: crazy prices. These new prices keep coming in, and that's
Speaker 3: that's nothing new. Back in the days when cell phones
Speaker 3: first came out, they used to give us two three
Speaker 3: months unlimited. Get us used to texting against everything. So
Speaker 3: then when texting was free after six pm, we were
Speaker 3: still texting before six pm. Because they created our behaviors,
Speaker 3: They put a leash on us, They molded our behaviors.
Speaker 3: This is that lack of sovereignty that I'm talking about.
Speaker 3: This is why this conversation is so important to me.
Speaker 3: I'm not here to sell a book. I'm here to
Speaker 3: at least ring a bell in some people's ears that
Speaker 3: can't get unwrung. People who care about being sovereign and
Speaker 3: care that realized that, hey, I'm either feeding my slavery
Speaker 3: or I'm feeding my sovereignty.
Speaker 4: I love the sovereignty angle. I think that makes a
Speaker 4: lot of sense, you know, because I think that a
Speaker 4: lot of people don't have. They don't they don't they
Speaker 4: don't have.
Speaker 3: People know what that is absolutely, you know, it's not freedom.
Speaker 3: It's it's inner control, it's inner command. It's the ability
Speaker 3: to own your decision. Right now, we're reacting. That's that's
Speaker 3: what a lot of anxious feelings do. Someone cuts us off,
Speaker 3: we smash on the horn someone you know that whole
Speaker 3: Dave Chappelle's kit. When keeping it real goes wrong, that's
Speaker 3: people reacting, going into autopilot. A lot of that autopilot
Speaker 3: came from how you grew up when you were a kid,
Speaker 3: right you didn't You created software, you created mechanisms, You
Speaker 3: created your own algorithm, and we never updated it. So
Speaker 3: maybe you grew up in the neighborhood where you had
Speaker 3: to you had a hairpin trigger, you had to second,
Speaker 3: someone stepped on your toes, you had to defend yourself.
Speaker 3: And then you grow up and you're in a situation
Speaker 3: where those dangers, physical dangers aren't there, but the body
Speaker 3: cell gets triggered the same way. And maybe now it's
Speaker 3: disrespect or what have you. All I'm saying is and
Speaker 3: that's the amygdala. You gotta realize. We have a prefereral cortex,
Speaker 3: which is your logical brain. You have the amygdala, which
Speaker 3: is your survival brain. The amygdala is eleven times faster,
Speaker 3: which means we will always we will always react. I'm
Speaker 3: not advocating and promoting some I'm zen I meditate on
Speaker 3: top of a mountain. I don't get mad. No, I
Speaker 3: just clock it quicker.
Speaker 5: Well, were you sovereign when you were naked and anxious
Speaker 5: in Germany?
Speaker 3: No? No, that was That's a perfect example. My homeboy
Speaker 3: lives in Germany. He's my oldest friend. I've known him
Speaker 3: since we were four years old. And I hurt my
Speaker 3: sho This is right after twenty nine things, right after
Speaker 3: doing the Breakfast Club for the first time, and I'm
Speaker 3: doing a tour in England and I took my parents
Speaker 3: cheap luggage. You know they pay sixty bucks for like
Speaker 3: eleven pieces. I didn't know back then, so I just
Speaker 3: grabbed the cheap luggage, go and one of the wheels brakes.
Speaker 3: Then I'm going to the London Tube with a broken
Speaker 3: wheel and I injured my shoulder. After the tour, I
Speaker 3: visit my friend in Berlin and I haven't seen him
Speaker 3: in a while. He grew up in Canada with me,
Speaker 3: and he's like, yo, I'm gonna take it to the
Speaker 3: spa and I'm like candles massage that sounds perfect. We're
Speaker 3: on the bus because he don't drive, and we're headed
Speaker 3: to the spa and I'm like, you know, it's gonna
Speaker 3: be really good for this spa. I'm gona take it edible,
Speaker 3: so I eat it edible. I'm it's gonna feel perfect.
Speaker 3: And then he goes, man, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 3: You're so open minded. None of the other guys in
Speaker 3: our crew would ever do this. And I was like,
Speaker 3: what are you What are you talking about?
Speaker 7: Do what?
Speaker 3: He's like, you know, the naked part, And I was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: you're naked in a massage, but they'll put a blanket
Speaker 3: over you or something.
Speaker 1: He's like, no, no.
Speaker 3: When we're in the steam room together, I'm like, that's
Speaker 3: not a spot, that's a sauna, and he's like, oh man,
Speaker 3: I mixed up the words. So at this point we're
Speaker 3: going an all knew sauna in Germany and I already
Speaker 3: popped the edible.
Speaker 1: And you didn't know.
Speaker 5: You didn't even expect this.
Speaker 3: No, I was expecting a massage. I just thought I
Speaker 3: hurt my shoulder. So then it was obviously the anxiety
Speaker 3: jumps up. I'm gonna be naked in Europe it's probably
Speaker 3: normal for them, it's not normal for me. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: be naked in front of my friend. I had never
Speaker 3: done this before. And then you start to realize when
Speaker 3: you so, now you're in reaction bote and now you're scared,
Speaker 3: and plus the edibles hitting, it's making it even worse.
Speaker 3: First thing that I did was I expressed it. I
Speaker 3: just used word. I'm like, look, man, I didn't realize
Speaker 3: what this was. And you kind of you could have
Speaker 3: put me in a case by complimenting me and saying
Speaker 3: I'm open minded and I want to live up to that.
Speaker 3: But I'm scared, and he's like, you're scared. I'm scared too,
Speaker 3: And then we realized we're not even scared about being naked.
Speaker 3: We're scared about being judged right. And then when we
Speaker 3: get there, you realize, oh, I thought it's gonna be
Speaker 3: like everyone's normal. Everybody thinks this is normal. I'm the
Speaker 3: only person feeling awkward. I could tell everybody, like a
Speaker 3: lot of this, everybody is feeling awkward, and that collective
Speaker 3: vulnerability made it a little bit easier. But just like
Speaker 3: your interviews, the longer I stayed, the more comfortable I
Speaker 3: got listen, I'm ready for Charlotte.
Speaker 1: I'm ready.
Speaker 3: I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready already.
Speaker 1: Sounds like he was trying to take the friendship to
Speaker 1: another level.
Speaker 3: It flirting, but it did. I I've known him since
Speaker 3: we were four, and it did. Being naked with your
Speaker 3: friend will do that. Being vulnerable, it's vulnerable. We measure
Speaker 3: friendships in terms of length. You got a measure relationship.
Speaker 7: Damn, So y'all had in the sauna to be like,
Speaker 7: that's my friend, that's my friend right there.
Speaker 1: That's not really, he's not.
Speaker 3: I was ready for it. I was ready for it.
Speaker 3: It's okay. I was ready for it. And look, you're
Speaker 3: not wrong. At the end of the day. You're not wrong.
Speaker 3: At the end of the day. It's still about being vulnerable.
Speaker 3: Relationships only growth through being vulnerable, and being vulnerable is
Speaker 3: being naked, either being naked with your body or you're
Speaker 3: being naked with your feelings.
Speaker 1: Honest question, All questions are honest.
Speaker 4: But when you were in the sauna, boy, and you
Speaker 4: looked around and you realize, like, I'm bigger than a
Speaker 4: lot of guys, and he did that make you feel
Speaker 4: more comfortable?
Speaker 1: How do you know he was bigger.
Speaker 4: He could have been smaller because you can see you
Speaker 4: got eyes, but he could have been smaller.
Speaker 6: Tough, but well, because obviously he just said he wasn't
Speaker 6: scared about being naked, he was scared about being judged.
Speaker 1: So we know he got listen, no.
Speaker 3: Your boys size eleven and a half. I'm okay, we're fine,
Speaker 3: We're fine. Look like that. You know. What it is
Speaker 3: with insecurities is like like, for example, if somebody has
Speaker 3: a certain height, they don't think about their height. People
Speaker 3: who lack them to have an insecurity not judge it.
Speaker 3: And again, I can't judge somebody for the genetic lottery
Speaker 3: they want, so like that's not much of an issue.
Speaker 3: But I think for me it was more along the
Speaker 3: lines of, like, I didn't want to get caught staring
Speaker 3: by somebody, you know, if you see a woman or whatever.
Speaker 1: And then ah, so it's men and women in the sauna,
Speaker 1: no men.
Speaker 3: Women, And then once I got comfortable, then they just
Speaker 3: threw in the next mix kids. There were full nuclear
Speaker 3: families there. I didn't know any of this.
Speaker 5: This is this cultural like.
Speaker 3: This is I don't know how they're doing it in Germany.
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, I thought I was
Speaker 3: getting a massaged instead of just a bunch of sauna
Speaker 3: rooms and coal plunges. And I don't know why people
Speaker 3: couldn't wear clothes. And in the beginning, I was just like,
Speaker 3: all right, I'm in I'm in a different country. This
Speaker 3: is their stuff. But as I said, I did not
Speaker 3: feel like most of the people in that room were
Speaker 3: comfortable either, didn't feel normalized right. So it wasn't like
Speaker 3: if somebody lived in a culture where like, you know,
Speaker 3: men walk around topless and then all of a sudden
Speaker 3: they come to the beach and they feel weird. No,
Speaker 3: this I felt like everybody felt kind of of But yeah,
Speaker 3: once I got comfortable with all the adult stuff, then
Speaker 3: I remember going outside where there's a pool area and
Speaker 3: then you seeing kids running around. I was like, oh no,
Speaker 3: this is this is a whole different level. I'm not
Speaker 3: even trying to get used to this. And it was,
Speaker 3: but as you said, like it's incrementally making yourself uncomfortable
Speaker 3: and to seeing and then being like, all right, the
Speaker 3: longer I'm in it, the more my body realizes. And
Speaker 3: this has been my mantra for this whole last thirty days,
Speaker 3: which is this sucks. But I'm not in danger. Yeah,
Speaker 3: if you don't take your phone to the toilet after
Speaker 3: this conversation and you start to feel the general and
Speaker 3: cortisol rise, just say that this sucks, but I'm not
Speaker 3: in danger. Because we get antsy, we grab our phones,
Speaker 3: we do all this stuff because our bodies don't know.
Speaker 3: Our bodies think we're in danger. And again, this is
Speaker 3: a pre prehistoric software, prehistoric security system that's not designed
Speaker 3: for the world that we're in. And that's why we
Speaker 3: can't rely on it, because our body's also going to
Speaker 3: be like, well, if it's familiar, it's safe. That's why
Speaker 3: it keeps bringing in certain people that we shouldn't be
Speaker 3: seen anymore because they're familiar.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know one thing that's worked for me And
Speaker 4: Sarah Jax Roberts said this is a while ago, and
Speaker 4: she actually said it here on the Bertha's Club. She said,
Speaker 4: you know, anxiety can be a good thing because whenever
Speaker 4: you're doing something new, you're going to feel a certain
Speaker 4: level of anxiety. But to your point you made earlier
Speaker 4: is you have to tell yourself, oh, I've never done
Speaker 4: this before. This is a new space, this is a
Speaker 4: new place, These are new people. You know, so of
Speaker 4: course you're going to feel some level of anxiousness.
Speaker 3: Exactly. Anxiety is it's not her pees, it's not the enemy,
Speaker 3: it's the signal. It's just as important as hunger. If
Speaker 3: we didn't have hunger, we would start to this. We
Speaker 3: need to know when it's time to put some calories
Speaker 3: into us anxiety when it's correct, and this is where
Speaker 3: we got to start doing some of the rebooting. It'll
Speaker 3: let you know, Okay, well think about it. To be
Speaker 3: courageous means you have to feel fear. If you're not
Speaker 3: feeling fair while you're doing it, you're not being brave. Right.
Speaker 3: To be resilience means doing it despite the anxiety. Resilience
Speaker 3: is gonna feel like I don't want to do this,
Speaker 3: I don't want to be here, I don't want to
Speaker 3: do this. Right, it's that nervousness, right, that's the only
Speaker 3: way you know you're hitting the edge. And that's how
Speaker 3: you know what your growth is. Because our growth is
Speaker 3: only outside of our comfort zone. Our comfort zones are prisons.
Speaker 3: The way we look at it right now is that
Speaker 3: we go to our comfort zone to stay safe from
Speaker 3: all the scary things outside. At best, our comfort zones
Speaker 3: to just be a recharge station. That's not where we
Speaker 3: should be living. It should be where we go to
Speaker 3: recharge if we got too much injured, to too many
Speaker 3: injuries from an experience, like all right, let me go
Speaker 3: back to my comfort zone, let me recharge, let me
Speaker 3: get right back out there. And we know it, especially
Speaker 3: all y'all are parents, that's what you do with your kids.
Speaker 3: Come back, let me make you feel safe. I'll push
Speaker 3: you right back out, you know, do it. And then
Speaker 3: when you get overwhelmed again and come back, and now
Speaker 3: we'll go even further. Now we're going the same thing
Speaker 3: with life. It's the exact same thing with that's how
Speaker 3: we build our resilience. That's our mental fitness, and our
Speaker 3: mental fitness improves our mental health, and our mental health
Speaker 3: protects us. We don't need to protect our mental health.
Speaker 2: Well, Unanxious is out poet, humble the poet. Make sure
Speaker 2: you pick it up. Fifty simple truths to help overthinkers
Speaker 2: feel less stressed and more calm. And thank you for
Speaker 2: joining us.
Speaker 1: Appreciate it, and.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me as always someone
Speaker 3: someone's posting from me on social media right now. So
Speaker 3: it's at humble the poet, but for real, please to
Speaker 3: start your jounia for me. This is really important because,
Speaker 3: as I said, like, what I realized is I've been
Speaker 3: improving in this space is that it doesn't matter if
Speaker 3: I'm just doing it. We need If everybody improved their
Speaker 3: relationship with their emotions, this world would get so much better,
Speaker 3: This world will get safer, this world will get less divided.
Speaker 3: And then you realize all of this is what people
Speaker 3: are exploiting to control us. This is really what people
Speaker 3: are exploring to control us. CA. I just tell a
Speaker 3: real quick story because I think this is really important.
Speaker 3: So what inspired this was two years I was receiving
Speaker 3: random text messages and emails death threats. And then these
Speaker 3: death threats I was getting like they were naming my exes,
Speaker 3: they were putting up my address, they were saying the
Speaker 3: didn't kill my dog, they were naming other friends of mine.
Speaker 3: Super racist, super all of this stuff. And in the
Speaker 3: beginning freeze, I avoided it. I just didn't look at
Speaker 3: it and I was just say, all right, cool, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm figuring out who this is and punch them in
Speaker 3: the face or whatever. And then they kept escalating and
Speaker 3: I was like, all right, cool, I'm gonna give these
Speaker 3: greenshots to the police. And within a month they found
Speaker 3: out who did it. And then you realize, like, not
Speaker 3: addressing it made it worse than actually addressing it, And
Speaker 3: I think that's the important part. And then the part
Speaker 3: with that is when when an announcement was made on
Speaker 3: the news about it, they didn't use my name, they
Speaker 3: didn't use that person's name. They just said, you know,
Speaker 3: hate crime against somebody in the South Asian community. All
Speaker 3: the comments, because I'm Canadian, right, so this is Canadian news,
Speaker 3: all the comments were like, what's wrong with hating all
Speaker 3: these Indians? They're taking over our country? What's wrong with that?
Speaker 3: Canada first? And you're like, this is where we're at.
Speaker 3: Where everybody looks at this and you know, because they're
Speaker 3: telling their story when they see that. And for me,
Speaker 3: it was less about the experience that happened to me
Speaker 3: and more about seeing how the world reacts to this, right,
Speaker 3: And I'm like, Okay, so I gotta I gotta be
Speaker 3: on this mission to help people improve how they feel.
Speaker 3: That's the only way this world is going to get better,
Speaker 3: because it's not. This world is not designed for the
Speaker 3: way that we're built, so we got to redesign ourselves
Speaker 3: to deal with this world.
Speaker 2: You have it, ladies and gentlemen, humble the Poet. Yes, sir,
Speaker 2: appreciate you for joining us. Appreciate you all for having me,
Speaker 2: Me and you naked.
Speaker 5: Germany. Ain't gonna go to Germany.
Speaker 3: No, No, you don't be vulnerable with me. That's it,
Speaker 3: that is solidify, it's double the poet. It's the breakfast Club.
Speaker 3: Good morning, wake that ass up in the morning. The
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club,