1
00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:04,760
Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning.

2
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:08,719
Speaker 2: Everybody is the j Envy just hilarious, Charlamagne and the God.

3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,280
Speaker 2: We are the Breakfast Club.

4
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,760
Speaker 1: We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed,

5
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,000
Speaker 1: m he's back.

6
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:19,640
Speaker 2: Un anxious. Fifty simple truths to help overthinkers feel less

7
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,480
Speaker 2: stressed and more calm.

8
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,599
Speaker 3: Morning, Good morning, How are you feeling? Fantastic?

9
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:25,439
Speaker 2: Good good, good good.

10
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,760
Speaker 4: Easier said than done, but it can be done. As

11
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,800
Speaker 4: somebody who deals with anxiety.

12
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:33,400
Speaker 3: You know what it's It gets harder and harder, but

13
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,120
Speaker 3: it gets more and more worth it. Yes, I agree,

14
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,159
Speaker 3: and we just got to change the conversation. And I'm

15
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:42,199
Speaker 3: realizing that, like step one, stop talking about anxiety like

16
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,120
Speaker 3: it's herpies.

17
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:44,400
Speaker 1: Like it's herpies.

18
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:48,559
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have anxiety. She has anxiety. Anxiety is a

19
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,680
Speaker 3: normal feeling. Anxiety is a signal. It's like hunger. You

20
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,040
Speaker 3: don't say I'm hungry, what's wrong with me? You say

21
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,640
Speaker 3: I feel hungry because it's been like eight hours and

22
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,520
Speaker 3: eight It's the same thing Mel Robins said. Instead of

23
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,280
Speaker 3: saying I'm anxious, say I feel anxious because I feel

24
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,760
Speaker 3: anxious because I got bills to pay. I feel anxious

25
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,280
Speaker 3: because somebody I like hasn't texted me back. I feel

26
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,679
Speaker 3: anxious because I drank too many coffees this morning. And

27
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,160
Speaker 3: it's like knowing the reason allows you to understand the

28
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,880
Speaker 3: first step instead of looking at ourselves like we're failing

29
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,360
Speaker 3: because we have this signal and this emotion. Because when

30
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,120
Speaker 3: we think we're feeling we have anxiety, what do we do.

31
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,920
Speaker 3: We try to distract, we try to medicate, we try

32
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:25,320
Speaker 3: to avoid.

33
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,400
Speaker 2: That is water, by the way.

34
00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,080
Speaker 4: And then the other crazy part is I think once

35
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,920
Speaker 4: you recognize what's causing the anxiety, you get to determine

36
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,760
Speaker 4: whether or not you have any control over.

37
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,160
Speaker 1: As she realized, you have no control over it.

38
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,880
Speaker 3: You like, man, well, what I'm realizing in the last month.

39
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,920
Speaker 3: This book came out two months ago. I was supposed

40
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,120
Speaker 3: to be on the show a month ago and everything

41
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,760
Speaker 3: worked out where things got pushed the month And for

42
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,920
Speaker 3: this last month, I've been on a really intense journey

43
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:57,880
Speaker 3: to reboot my system. So complete sobriety, complete abstinence, complete celibacy.

44
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,800
Speaker 3: And then all of a sudden, I realized, your relationship

45
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,120
Speaker 3: with things on the outside will let you know how

46
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,680
Speaker 3: much control you have. So really what the issue is.

47
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,919
Speaker 3: Our anxiety systems is an outdated security system. It was

48
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,160
Speaker 3: there to protect us in a world that we don't

49
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,360
Speaker 3: live in no more. So. What happens is like think

50
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,240
Speaker 3: about your phone. Your phone comes with a bunch of

51
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,200
Speaker 3: apps on them that aren't useful. They're not useful no more.

52
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,480
Speaker 3: You may or may not use it. You can't get

53
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,520
Speaker 3: rid of the calculator app on your phone, whether you

54
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,240
Speaker 3: like it or not. All we can do with this

55
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,640
Speaker 3: our operating system is we can reboot, and we can update.

56
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:32,520
Speaker 3: We can update our server. We can update our system.

57
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:36,600
Speaker 3: That requires getting it out of our system temporarily. If

58
00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:38,880
Speaker 3: you eat toss sauce every single day, what happens You

59
00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:41,400
Speaker 3: need more and more and more just to taste it.

60
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,040
Speaker 3: You want to reboot your system. What do you gotta do?

61
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,720
Speaker 3: You gotta get host Saice out of your life. And

62
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,600
Speaker 3: then maybe after a month you taste it again. That's

63
00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:49,440
Speaker 3: gonna taste different.

64
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,080
Speaker 2: What got you to the point where you said you

65
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,480
Speaker 2: needed a reboot? What got you there? But like this

66
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:53,880
Speaker 2: is time.

67
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,800
Speaker 3: My entire life, I've always just been focusing on freedom.

68
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,120
Speaker 3: I grew up in an activist space, but also I

69
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,760
Speaker 3: want to be financially free. I don't want to have

70
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,760
Speaker 3: a day job. I don't want all these things. And

71
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,320
Speaker 3: then when you start jumping out of these cages, you

72
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,640
Speaker 3: start realizing the biggest cage you've ever built is the

73
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,600
Speaker 3: one that you built for yourself. And what we do

74
00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 3: is we decorate it by you know, negotiating. We decorated

75
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,000
Speaker 3: by using our intelligence, and we start saying no, no, no,

76
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,240
Speaker 3: I'm not a slave to my habits. I'm not a

77
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,720
Speaker 3: slave to my impulses, like, I just want to enjoy life.

78
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,640
Speaker 3: I just want to experience the depths of life. And

79
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,880
Speaker 3: we're just intellectualizing our addiction. So I realized I've hit

80
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,880
Speaker 3: that point in my life where I was like, oh,

81
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,760
Speaker 3: the biggest cage is the biggest fences that I'm stuck

82
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,040
Speaker 3: behind are the ones that I've built. And I realized, like, Okay,

83
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,240
Speaker 3: the basic story is something on the outside needs to

84
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,760
Speaker 3: happen for me to feel calm and safe on the inside.

85
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,680
Speaker 3: That's the relationship all of this anxiety talk is that

86
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,840
Speaker 3: simple idea, something on the outside needs to happen for

87
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,760
Speaker 3: me to feel safe on the inside, whether that's taking

88
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:55,520
Speaker 3: a vape, whether that's drinking alcohol, whether that's having sex,

89
00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,040
Speaker 3: whether that's eating in front of the TV, whether that's

90
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,480
Speaker 3: taking your phone to the toilet, because for people who

91
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,880
Speaker 3: take their phone to the toilet, try not to take

92
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,960
Speaker 3: your phone to the toilet. You will have an anxiety attack.

93
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,360
Speaker 3: For people, a friend of mine always eats in front

94
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,920
Speaker 3: of TikTok and I said, try it one time, Try

95
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,720
Speaker 3: it one time, not to eat with your screen on.

96
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,000
Speaker 3: They ate half the meal. Because we realize we live

97
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,280
Speaker 3: in a world in a system that gets very powerful

98
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:25,520
Speaker 3: when we're on autopilot, and our autopilot is us outsourcing

99
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:30,320
Speaker 3: our stimulation outsoorting or outsourcing our regulation. We're like, yo,

100
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,159
Speaker 3: I can only feel safe from things on the outside.

101
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:36,280
Speaker 3: I need that just to get to zero. But when

102
00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:38,360
Speaker 3: you let it all go and you go through this

103
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,800
Speaker 3: process and it sucks, it sucks, you know what I mean,

104
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,240
Speaker 3: You aw sucks. Then all of a sudden you realize, oh,

105
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,520
Speaker 3: I can create this dopamine on the inside. Dopamine from

106
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,960
Speaker 3: the outside hijacks you. Dopamine from the inside builds you.

107
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,600
Speaker 5: What was the most What does an anxiety teck look like?

108
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,960
Speaker 3: So anxiety just from a scientific So I want people

109
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,240
Speaker 3: to understand this conversation is not philosophical. It's not spiritual,

110
00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:08,160
Speaker 3: it's not moral. This conversation is just psychological and biological,

111
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,480
Speaker 3: so I'm not here to judge anybody's choices. Anxiety is

112
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,040
Speaker 3: just adrenaline and cortisol. So what happens is the body

113
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,760
Speaker 3: doesn't know what's happening. The body just knows things are changing.

114
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,080
Speaker 3: So when the body gets charged, it's things are danger.

115
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,000
Speaker 3: That's what we call it fight or flight. But there's

116
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,600
Speaker 3: more levels. It's called the polyveagel system. You have freeze,

117
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,160
Speaker 3: so something intense happens, we just freeze. Someone puts a

118
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,599
Speaker 3: gun to your face. You've never seen a gun before.

119
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,440
Speaker 3: You're just gonna freeze. You don't get to choose that.

120
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,000
Speaker 3: Then this fight or flight, which now has turned into

121
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,000
Speaker 3: fight or scroll, and then we also have safety. And

122
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,960
Speaker 3: then the new one that's being introduced right now is fun. Right,

123
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,440
Speaker 3: So freeze is play dead, fight or flight is runaway

124
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,760
Speaker 3: or fight fun is I'm gonna make you love me.

125
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,520
Speaker 3: So this is a big one, especially for men, because

126
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:53,400
Speaker 3: men aren't walking into romantic situations thinking about their safety

127
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,200
Speaker 3: the way women do. But men have to think about

128
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,039
Speaker 3: safety and they don't realize when they feel unsafe, which

129
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:02,680
Speaker 3: is nervous, they fond, they get extra charming, and now

130
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:06,480
Speaker 3: we're performing, right, and we have to recognize that. So

131
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,599
Speaker 3: it took me fifteen days of not doing all the

132
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,840
Speaker 3: big stuff to realize that there's a second layer to this,

133
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,440
Speaker 3: a third layer, of fourth layer you have to keep

134
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,160
Speaker 3: going down. So yeah, cool performing for beautiful women. But

135
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,240
Speaker 3: also like my nephew was just here on the weekend visiting.

136
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,720
Speaker 3: I started performing for him because I want to be

137
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:25,120
Speaker 3: the cool uncle. That's also funny. That's also an anxiety.

138
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,039
Speaker 3: That's me trying to avoid anxious feelings, right, like the

139
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,599
Speaker 3: moral of the stories. Feel your feelings and it's going

140
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,760
Speaker 3: to suck. Put the phone away, eat the meal, feel

141
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,440
Speaker 3: the burn that's about to come. That burn is adrenaline

142
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,960
Speaker 3: and cortisol. That's what you need to protect your kids.

143
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,560
Speaker 3: That's what you need to get away from danger. But

144
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:45,720
Speaker 3: we're getting triggered in moments that aren't physically dangerous anymore.

145
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,680
Speaker 2: Do you feel like we take the word anxiety and

146
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,719
Speaker 2: it's used too much already? For sure, it's a from

147
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,960
Speaker 2: what you're saying, it's a natural feeling. Right, I'm about

148
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,160
Speaker 2: to go on stage. There's thousands of people out there,

149
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,719
Speaker 2: you get a little anxious, but it's not like a

150
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,800
Speaker 2: lot of us. I'm sure some people do, but we

151
00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,159
Speaker 2: don't get that anxious where it's like I can't go

152
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,880
Speaker 2: on stage, just like you get that little feeling and

153
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,720
Speaker 2: then it's like I gotta go, and then you just

154
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,200
Speaker 2: go and do it. But I feel like a lot

155
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,720
Speaker 2: of times people use the word anxious and anxiety as

156
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,880
Speaker 2: a such a negative tool. It's like a nasty, naughty

157
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,280
Speaker 2: word when you talk about it.

158
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,280
Speaker 3: Sometimes, as I said, we treat it like it's herpes,

159
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,280
Speaker 3: Like we treat it like it's a condition, and only

160
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,080
Speaker 3: some people have it. Some people don't. We give it

161
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,840
Speaker 3: like my anxiety, like it's like it's an individual problem,

162
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,520
Speaker 3: anxiety as a society problem.

163
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:27,000
Speaker 1: Somebody.

164
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,480
Speaker 4: People do have anxiety disorders where they actually have to

165
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,240
Speaker 4: take medication.

166
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,600
Speaker 3: Absolutely people have anxiety disorders. But the situation with that

167
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,040
Speaker 3: is if you have an anxiety disorder, if you're bipolar,

168
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,600
Speaker 3: if you have any mental health issue, there are still

169
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,400
Speaker 3: things that we can all do to improve how we feel.

170
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,040
Speaker 3: I'm not saying we're going to cure it. I'm not

171
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,560
Speaker 3: even saying we can reboot and delete our old system,

172
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,480
Speaker 3: but we can make choices, simple choices. Get more sleep

173
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,280
Speaker 3: than you need, treat more water than you need, get

174
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,680
Speaker 3: more sunlight than you need, and stay away from assholes.

175
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,720
Speaker 4: Which is why knowing the word anxiety is good. Like

176
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,280
Speaker 4: I think knowing knowing the language and knowing what it

177
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,200
Speaker 4: is you're going through as good because now you can

178
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,920
Speaker 4: identify it and then you can find cures for it.

179
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:09,200
Speaker 3: So the issue with that is, and it's kind of

180
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,480
Speaker 3: like the word woke, right, Yeah, that came from Erica

181
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,800
Speaker 3: Bay dude, right, stay woke and then chattage can't be made.

182
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,920
Speaker 3: It more popular and it meant something and men be

183
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,400
Speaker 3: aware and then be self aware, I mean, know what's

184
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,680
Speaker 3: going on. And now it's been weaponized and changed the

185
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,160
Speaker 3: other way. Someone's an insult now, right, Oh the woke model.

186
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,400
Speaker 3: Language changes. That's what happened with mental health. You know,

187
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,360
Speaker 3: we're all millennials. We remember back back in the days

188
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,720
Speaker 3: when you talked about mental health, people thought that meant

189
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,040
Speaker 3: like insane asylums and stray jackets. Then we got to like, okay,

190
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,120
Speaker 3: things have been normalized. You don't have to be embarrassed

191
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,400
Speaker 3: to say that you saw a therapist or something. Now

192
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,679
Speaker 3: it's gone too far. The other way where we treat

193
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:48,640
Speaker 3: mental health, and we use that language completely incorrectly. We

194
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,319
Speaker 3: think we have to protect our mental health, like it's

195
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,559
Speaker 3: some like crystal flower that like if somebody come near,

196
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,200
Speaker 3: we have to protect our peace or to protect our

197
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,920
Speaker 3: mental health. Mental health is just like physical health. So

198
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,960
Speaker 3: what I'm gonna say is, let's the words been used up.

199
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,520
Speaker 3: It's been weaponized, just like well, let's use mental fitness

200
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,680
Speaker 3: because you don't say, when it comes to your physical health, well,

201
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,440
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna climb these stairs because gravity is gonna

202
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,360
Speaker 3: make it harder. It's like, no, the only way that

203
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,160
Speaker 3: you can climb stairs is to keep climbing it. We

204
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,920
Speaker 3: have machines in the gym just for you to climb

205
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,360
Speaker 3: stairs when you don't even need to climb stairs. Why

206
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,360
Speaker 3: to prepare you for the times that you have to.

207
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,839
Speaker 3: We all here lifting having weights. The heavier the weight,

208
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,800
Speaker 3: the more we know, the workout mattered. So then when

209
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,000
Speaker 3: our friends asked us to move a couch, and again,

210
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,800
Speaker 3: if you're over thirty, stop asking your friends to help

211
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,520
Speaker 3: you move a couch, but when you're ready to do it.

212
00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:38,760
Speaker 3: Because you were voluntarily putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, we

213
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,199
Speaker 3: don't have that for our mental health. We don't have

214
00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:46,400
Speaker 3: mental fitness training. We're not voluntarily putting ourselves in uncomfortable

215
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,280
Speaker 3: mental situations so we get stronger instead of like, I

216
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,480
Speaker 3: gotta protect my piece. No, your peace protects you. You

217
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,920
Speaker 3: don't protect your mental health. Your mental health protects you

218
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,280
Speaker 3: just like your physical health protects you. You want to

219
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,560
Speaker 3: be able to pick up your kids, so you go

220
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,600
Speaker 3: to the gym. You know what I'm say, kids are heavy,

221
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,640
Speaker 3: gravity keeps holding them down. I wish we lived on

222
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,520
Speaker 3: the moon and it'll be lighter. No, you're like, I

223
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,000
Speaker 3: got to go to the gym, so the longer, for

224
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,040
Speaker 3: longer and longer I can hold my kids up to

225
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,360
Speaker 3: the point where I'm going to the gym just so

226
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,679
Speaker 3: I can open the jar when I'm eighty.

227
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,680
Speaker 1: But that's that's an interesting point.

228
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,240
Speaker 4: But there's there's other things that going to you know,

229
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,800
Speaker 4: keeping your your physical health right right, it's not.

230
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,400
Speaker 1: Just working out, yep, it's diet yep. So you refrain

231
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,360
Speaker 1: from certain things.

232
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,200
Speaker 4: Yes, therefore you are protecting your physical You're not gonna

233
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:26,280
Speaker 4: eat so much process foods.

234
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:27,439
Speaker 1: You're not gonna eat so much sugar.

235
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,640
Speaker 3: So what are we doing for mental health the same thing.

236
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,600
Speaker 4: I think you should refrain from certain things, Like if

237
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,360
Speaker 4: you know certain things trigger you, you should refrain from

238
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,920
Speaker 4: that completely disagree.

239
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,160
Speaker 2: If there's something I know that I'm not gonna like

240
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,400
Speaker 2: and I don't have to be around it and it

241
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 2: doesn't affect my daily life, yeah, Like why would you

242
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,200
Speaker 2: dive into it if I know I'm not gonna like it.

243
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,079
Speaker 2: I know it's going to make me feel a certain way,

244
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,160
Speaker 2: and I don't need it in my life.

245
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,040
Speaker 3: Absolutely. So for example, if it was an easy day

246
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,199
Speaker 3: at the gym, it wasn't a good day at the gym, right,

247
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,080
Speaker 3: It had to had to kind of suck, It had

248
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,800
Speaker 3: to be a struggle, right. You triggers are what you're

249
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,720
Speaker 3: supposed to avoid. Ther triggers of the roadmap. Your triggers

250
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,960
Speaker 3: are showing you where all the work is. But what

251
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,439
Speaker 3: we've done now is we've created mental health to the

252
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,679
Speaker 3: point where it's like, I'm just gonna sidestep everything that

253
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:15,120
Speaker 3: makes me feel gross. That gross feeling, that adrenaline and cortisol,

254
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,800
Speaker 3: that's the body being like I'm in danger when you're not.

255
00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:20,840
Speaker 3: You know, I'm coming doing this interview. It's a big deal.

256
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,160
Speaker 3: I get a little bit nervous. The mantra has to

257
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,040
Speaker 3: be Okay, this feels uncomfortable, but I'm not in danger.

258
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,760
Speaker 3: Our body thinks we're in danger, right. Instead, what needs

259
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,640
Speaker 3: to happen is our triggers are what's revealing to us

260
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,880
Speaker 3: where the work is. When we always talking about being healed,

261
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,160
Speaker 3: So think about it physically. If you were eight years

262
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,000
Speaker 3: old and you fell off your bike and broke your arm,

263
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,400
Speaker 3: you didn't just experience physical trauma and keep it moving.

264
00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:46,880
Speaker 3: You went to the hospital, you got your arm fixed up.

265
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:51,280
Speaker 3: But as children, we experience mental trauma and kept it moving.

266
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,400
Speaker 3: As adults we feel the same way. So it's like

267
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,480
Speaker 3: we have to address that, and that's the way it

268
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,920
Speaker 3: gets stronger. For example, simple example, I walk by somebody.

269
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,120
Speaker 3: Let's say, you know, I walk by somebody and they

270
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,040
Speaker 3: got a perfume on, and all of a sudden, I

271
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,439
Speaker 3: get triggered. And first things first, I just want to

272
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,800
Speaker 3: get away from them. I want to soothe, I want

273
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:10,920
Speaker 3: to look at my phone, I want to do something

274
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,360
Speaker 3: to feel better. Cool. Maybe the next day, after I'm

275
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,680
Speaker 3: well rested, i'm well hydrated, I get some sleep. Whatever,

276
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, yo, what was that? Let me reflect on

277
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,679
Speaker 3: that Oh snap, that was my exs that was her smell,

278
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,319
Speaker 3: that was her fragrance. That's why I got triggered by that.

279
00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:27,520
Speaker 3: Then the next step is to go to the store,

280
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,839
Speaker 3: find that fragrance and voluntarily smell it, put yourself back

281
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,720
Speaker 3: into that. Instead we're like, all that person's a narcissist,

282
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,320
Speaker 3: that person's toxic. I gotta stay away from this, this,

283
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,760
Speaker 3: I gotta stayway from all these things. What that's doing

284
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,680
Speaker 3: is that's at the expense of our resilience.

285
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,720
Speaker 6: I think is situational, right, because I get what you're saying.

286
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,760
Speaker 6: I understand, and I understand what they're saying too. For instance,

287
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:52,200
Speaker 6: this is a real example. I work here, right all right,

288
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,040
Speaker 6: Interviews give me anxiety like they used to give me.

289
00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,120
Speaker 6: Like I love meeting people and all that, but I

290
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,199
Speaker 6: never know what I want to ask, you know what

291
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,079
Speaker 6: I'm saying. So, but I can't just not do it.

292
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,920
Speaker 6: This is my job, Like, I can't just not do it.

293
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,680
Speaker 6: So I have to face it head on. And both

294
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,880
Speaker 6: of them give me tips. They you know, mentored me

295
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,120
Speaker 6: with it as well. And I'm getting better at it.

296
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,439
Speaker 6: I'm not as good as I feel like I want.

297
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,800
Speaker 5: To be, or I should be, but it's still I still.

298
00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:22,640
Speaker 6: Get anxiety doing interviews, you know, just being as transparent

299
00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:23,280
Speaker 6: as I can be.

300
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,880
Speaker 5: But it doesn't bother me as much as you used to.

301
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,400
Speaker 6: But sometimes depending on the person or whatever, I'm like, yo,

302
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,680
Speaker 6: i'd be like, no, yo, I ain't trying to do this,

303
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,839
Speaker 6: Lauren Stepman or whatever, you know what I mean, she's

304
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,520
Speaker 6: the other calls, but I like.

305
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,720
Speaker 5: How how would you treat that? Or how would you

306
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:42,640
Speaker 5: get an advice?

307
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,600
Speaker 3: You're you're illustrating the point. You're illustrating the point perfectly.

308
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,240
Speaker 3: And in the beginning, because you're new to this, you know,

309
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,040
Speaker 3: especially in comparison to folks that have been doing it

310
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,559
Speaker 3: for like over a decade, your body's like, this is new,

311
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,280
Speaker 3: this is uncomfortable. I don't want to do it. That's

312
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,760
Speaker 3: generally what the body's saying. The body that make the

313
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,800
Speaker 3: letther a little tiny almond size part of our brain

314
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,319
Speaker 3: is just like, I don't know what this is. It's

315
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,360
Speaker 3: got to be danger, right, So that's what your body

316
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,520
Speaker 3: is saying to you. And the only way, and this

317
00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,640
Speaker 3: is the reason that this has to go beyond this book.

318
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,880
Speaker 3: We can hear these ideas, but the only way the

319
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,960
Speaker 3: body can actually believe this is through practice. And the

320
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,800
Speaker 3: only reason you're getting less and less anxious feelings around

321
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,640
Speaker 3: the interviews is by doing more and more interviews. Now,

322
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:24,960
Speaker 3: if you're just like this, don't feel good, I'm never

323
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,320
Speaker 3: gonna do it. Let me go find a different job,

324
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,200
Speaker 3: let me go, you know, do something else. So I

325
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,960
Speaker 3: don't want to feel this. Now, you're robbing yourself of resilience.

326
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,000
Speaker 3: Who you're going to be a year from now, five

327
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,520
Speaker 3: years from now, ten years from now. By doing more

328
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,880
Speaker 3: and more interviews, you're getting your reps in. This is

329
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,160
Speaker 3: part of your mental fitness that you're doing. This exactly

330
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,520
Speaker 3: illustrates the point. And I'm not saying take on too

331
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,000
Speaker 3: much weight. Just like when you go to the gym,

332
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,720
Speaker 3: don't take on too much weight, start light, focus on

333
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 3: your form. It's the same thing. Ease yourself in, get

334
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,480
Speaker 3: into it. But it gets to the point where you

335
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,560
Speaker 3: realize all of these things that we've been avoiding, we've

336
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,280
Speaker 3: been outsourcing our safety. It were phones through everything, you.

337
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,720
Speaker 2: Know, Cause it's like if you follow a listen a site, right,

338
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,600
Speaker 2: a social media site, all the social media site does

339
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,800
Speaker 2: nothing but post negativity. And if you say, you know what,

340
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,320
Speaker 2: I'm gonna leave that alone because my energy problem with

341
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,360
Speaker 2: that energy that's diet.

342
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,400
Speaker 3: That's diet, that's that's sugar. You're realizing I'm outsourcing my

343
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,800
Speaker 3: dopamine and that's hijacking me.

344
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:21,440
Speaker 1: That's not a bad thing.

345
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,960
Speaker 3: That's not a bad thing. And here and here's the

346
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 3: thing because I was thinking about that, because I know

347
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,200
Speaker 3: there was there was a Jay Cole interview where he

348
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,040
Speaker 3: did two years off social media and then he came

349
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,200
Speaker 3: back and he was like, oh, it was like I

350
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,040
Speaker 3: never left right right. It's kind of like eating a

351
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,200
Speaker 3: salty potato chip. You're like, I ain't had one two years.

352
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,240
Speaker 3: All of a sudden, perfect example, I haven't been on

353
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,280
Speaker 3: social media for a month. Obviously. I went on the

354
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,800
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club yesterday to look stuff up, and then all

355
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,720
Speaker 3: of a sudden, I went I fell down the rabbit hole.

356
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,680
Speaker 3: I found you know, the job is Mine video I

357
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,880
Speaker 3: saw then I wasn't even on the site anymore. Now

358
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,280
Speaker 3: I'm watching you know ten times people tried to check Charlotte,

359
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,680
Speaker 3: and I'm watching this stuff that's not even on the

360
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,080
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club, and I got lost in it. I've gotten

361
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,400
Speaker 3: into autopilot, right, so it's understanding this stuff was still

362
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 3: created by the smartest people in the world who were

363
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 3: paid by the richest people in the world for the

364
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,600
Speaker 3: explicit goal of hijacking us and keeping us an autopilot.

365
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,160
Speaker 3: Now what I realized was like, well, if Ja Cole

366
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,840
Speaker 3: can't do it, I can't do it. And I realized

367
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 3: what Ja Cole didn't do. J Cole took one specific

368
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,120
Speaker 3: thing and addressed it. We got to do all the things,

369
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,600
Speaker 3: all the outside things. We have to astain from all

370
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,760
Speaker 3: of them until we reboot our system. So it's not like, oh,

371
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,960
Speaker 3: I'm gonna stop eating this hot sauce, but I'm gonna

372
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,840
Speaker 3: eat all this hot sauce and my tongue will reset. No,

373
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,920
Speaker 3: we gotta get rid of all the hot sauce. So

374
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,680
Speaker 3: it's got to be the phone. It's got to be

375
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,840
Speaker 3: the porn. It's got to be the vape. It's got

376
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,680
Speaker 3: to be the hookah, it's got to be the alcohol.

377
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,760
Speaker 3: It's got to be the foods, it's got to be

378
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,520
Speaker 3: the people. It's got to be all of it until

379
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,720
Speaker 3: the system. This isn't monk life forever. This is doing

380
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,800
Speaker 3: a reset max ninety days, and then you get to

381
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,520
Speaker 3: this point where you can go back like where I'm

382
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,080
Speaker 3: at right now. One of my reps every day is

383
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,960
Speaker 3: go back on social media and just try to find

384
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 3: the prettiest girl and look at her and pay attention

385
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,480
Speaker 3: to see what it does in my body. One of

386
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,880
Speaker 3: my boys, Chris, and the story about him in the book,

387
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,879
Speaker 3: but he, you know, he had to go through He

388
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,800
Speaker 3: had a lot of issues initially with substances, and he

389
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,439
Speaker 3: got sober. And this was happening during like the BlackBerry

390
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 3: phase before smartphones was a thing, so he never got

391
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 3: on smartphones. And I remember in like twenty eighteen, showing

392
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,439
Speaker 3: him Instagram for the first time, and him seeing a

393
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,800
Speaker 3: girl on Instagram was like giving a baby a potato chip.

394
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,760
Speaker 3: Like his eyes little. He has never seen it before.

395
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,719
Speaker 3: And then you realize that. But if we go in

396
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 3: with that awareness, it's like, all right, listen, I'm not

397
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,080
Speaker 3: gonna avoid this stuff forever, but I'm gonna first retrain

398
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:35,320
Speaker 3: and rewire my system. Now I can go in and

399
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,560
Speaker 3: now I'm going and sovereign.

400
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting what you're talking about.

401
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,119
Speaker 4: I remember having a conversation one time in therapy and

402
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,119
Speaker 4: I was complaining about some stuff that was happening on

403
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,760
Speaker 4: social media, and my therapist was like, can't you just

404
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:48,520
Speaker 4: turn your phone off?

405
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,680
Speaker 1: And I was in my mind, I was a little pissed.

406
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,160
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm paying you one hundred and fifty dollars

407
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,480
Speaker 4: an I would hear this type of language. But she's

408
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 4: right in a lot of ways, like I don't feel

409
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:02,280
Speaker 4: like I have to, you know, subject myself. The abuse

410
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,360
Speaker 4: are pain just to try to get over something when

411
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,200
Speaker 4: I could just walk away from.

412
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,640
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, because we're outsourcing our dopamine, and the most

413
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,240
Speaker 3: potent dopamine is chaos. Right, It's chaos. The social media

414
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,680
Speaker 3: is chaos. It's the reason the biggest video on the

415
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,600
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club platform right now is the Birdman. It's chaos, right,

416
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,399
Speaker 3: It's not going to be a meaningful conversation. It's just

417
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,040
Speaker 3: we all look at car crashes. We all look at

418
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,399
Speaker 3: that stuff. It catches our attention.

419
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:30,440
Speaker 4: So if we're inverbally abusive relationships with our smartphones, why

420
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:31,119
Speaker 4: would we stay there?

421
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,080
Speaker 1: Because I'm just gonna use an extreme example.

422
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,879
Speaker 4: If you are in an actual physical abusive relationship, you

423
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,720
Speaker 4: wouldn't tell that person just stay there and take the

424
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 4: hits eventually.

425
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:42,560
Speaker 1: Get over it.

426
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 3: I feel like that is the one positive thing about

427
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 3: our phones. It will help people understand why people stay

428
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:53,639
Speaker 3: in abusive relationships. Talk to me, because we're in an

429
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,840
Speaker 3: abusive relationship with our phone and we can't let it go.

430
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 3: And the reason why it's a slot machine. Right, it's

431
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 3: not always good, but we have unanticipated rewards. It's bad,

432
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 3: but when it's good, it feels so good. It's like

433
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 3: see trash, I see trash. Oh a cute puppy. Oh,

434
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,680
Speaker 3: it was all worth it. That half an hour doing

435
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 3: scrolling was worth it, right, same thing being in any

436
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 3: abusive relationship. Addiction is wanting more of the thing that

437
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:23,199
Speaker 3: almost works. Craving is just a memory of comfort, and

438
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,159
Speaker 3: that's all we're chasing. All we're chasing is trying to

439
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 3: get back down to zero. We're just heightened. Even after

440
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,159
Speaker 3: this conversation, some of us might instantly just pick up

441
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,800
Speaker 3: our phones because we don't want to hear the silence.

442
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,919
Speaker 3: Because this is where our system has been Our nervous

443
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 3: system has been disregulated for so long, and it's not

444
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 3: our faults. This world is a dumpster fire. This system

445
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 3: was not designed for this world. We were designed to

446
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,680
Speaker 3: live in communities of like two hundred three hundred people max.

447
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,679
Speaker 3: We should know the faces of every single person in

448
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:50,440
Speaker 3: our lives.

449
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,480
Speaker 1: So it sounds like you're saying we should disconnect.

450
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 3: I'm not just disconnect from your phone. Your phone is

451
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 3: one of the bosses. We got to disconnect from everything.

452
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 3: And if we do it from everything long enough, then

453
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 3: we can go back, and we'll go back sovereign. This

454
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 3: is the thing, and this is where you start to realize,

455
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 3: like Kendrick Lamar energy, because what I realized where I'm

456
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 3: at right now is I'm past the substances. Now, I've

457
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 3: discovered the enemies, and I'm looking for the spies. And

458
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 3: my big spy right now is I chase being chosen

459
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 3: by anybody who has power over my value. So in

460
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 3: the beginning's like all right, yeah, cool, I want a

461
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,720
Speaker 3: validation for pretty girls. Oh, I want people who are

462
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 3: in positions of power to make me feel like I matter.

463
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 3: But then it became like, all right, my parents came

464
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 3: to visit me here, and you know, you know they

465
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,399
Speaker 3: were clowning you when taking your kids to Wicket. I

466
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 3: took my parents to see The Lion King. My parents

467
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,639
Speaker 3: have never seen a live play, and I'm saying, there,

468
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,800
Speaker 3: do you like it? Do you like it? Do you

469
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 3: like it. They've never seen a play before. This whole

470
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,119
Speaker 3: experience is brand new for them. Well, what I clocked

471
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,359
Speaker 3: was I just want the validation. Then I want to

472
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 3: go into my my siblings' chat group and see if

473
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 3: they said anything to my sisters so I can get

474
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,639
Speaker 3: more validation. Right now, I have to figure out, well,

475
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,880
Speaker 3: what are those leaks. The leaks aren't just I want

476
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 3: people to validate me. It's also I fear being misunderstood.

477
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 3: I want people to understand me. And then you realize, like,

478
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,119
Speaker 3: oh snap, that's like the one thing a guy like

479
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 3: Kendrick Lamar doesn't, the one thing we can say. He

480
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 3: doesn't care about being understood. He never clarifies anything.

481
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,120
Speaker 6: But what's wrong with you wanting that validation from your parents? Like, Yo,

482
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 6: you really took us to this is dope?

483
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 1: We never lives.

484
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 3: I'll tell you exactly.

485
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

486
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,359
Speaker 3: I mean their comments were way more hilarious, which is like,

487
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 3: this play has been on for twenty five years. How

488
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 3: come the kids are so young? Right, Like they've never

489
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 3: seen them play, right, and they probably thought that I

490
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 3: paid movie ticket prices to sit up front, like they

491
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,679
Speaker 3: had no concept of what was happening. It's the simple story.

492
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 3: Something on the outside has to happen for me to

493
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,439
Speaker 3: feel good on the inside. And I know this because

494
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,679
Speaker 3: all of us do have relationships with things that we

495
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,400
Speaker 3: call vices that are not slavery. For me, it's pizza.

496
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 3: I like pizza. I don't crave pizza. It me and

497
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 3: you have plans to go eat pizza right now. In

498
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 3: five minutes before the plan we get to cancel and

499
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,639
Speaker 3: you gotta be let's get tacos instead. We couldn't get pizza.

500
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 3: I would not be emotionally impacted. Right, That's how all

501
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 3: of this should be. Like you forget your phone at home,

502
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 3: it should feel like all right, cool, no issues exactly,

503
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 3: It's gonna take work. I'm not I'm not. As I said,

504
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 3: this is not a moral conversation, not philosophical kids.

505
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,399
Speaker 6: Though, I got kids, and then you know I'm not

506
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 6: from it. I got a mom that you know what

507
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:21,240
Speaker 6: I'm saying.

508
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 5: I got business.

509
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,120
Speaker 3: I understand that. I understand that's.

510
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,080
Speaker 5: More so to part not even just social media or

511
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 5: just I don't know.

512
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 3: I understand.

513
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 1: Listen, I don't know. I don't know if that can

514
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,680
Speaker 1: apply to everything. I think.

515
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 4: I think what you're saying can apply to some things

516
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 4: because like if you say your alcohol abuse or a

517
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 4: drug abuse, right you know, you go to rehab, they

518
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 4: tell you to stay away from those things, Stay away

519
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 4: from those environments.

520
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 1: Don't walk into a bar because it may tempt you.

521
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: I don't think.

522
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,400
Speaker 4: I think if you're recovering alcoholic, you don't go sit

523
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 4: in a bar and just hope.

524
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to drink anymore.

525
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 3: Absolutely, And I'm not advocating for that, As I said,

526
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 3: I'm talking about the day to day, every day people

527
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 3: and us exploring because the issue with us is we're

528
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 3: living in an autopilot. We don't even know what their

529
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:06,159
Speaker 3: addictions are, you know. And there are certain things. So

530
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,439
Speaker 3: for example, when this is all said and done, there

531
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,399
Speaker 3: are certain things that are never coming back. And I

532
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 3: and I did this journaling through AI and everything to

533
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 3: figure out so I can go back to weed, that's

534
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 3: that's not a that's not something that's something that I

535
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,160
Speaker 3: can have sovereignty over. I can never go back to porn.

536
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 3: Porn rewires the brain. I can never go back. I

537
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 3: can never go back to multitasking. Okay, so I can

538
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 3: never eat in front of his screen ever again. That

539
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,719
Speaker 3: the non negotiable. I can have a shot out tequila,

540
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 3: I can have sex again, right, but I can't. You know,

541
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 3: I could do some hookah, I could, I could eat

542
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 3: certain foods, but there's certain things that are never coming back.

543
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 3: And that's that's the interesting part about as I said,

544
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 3: it's not all right. You know, if you have a

545
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 3: longstanding relationship with alcohol go back to the bar. No,

546
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 3: not at all. However, you know, as I have a

547
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,440
Speaker 3: friend who's ten years sober. He can He figured it out,

548
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 3: you know, he figured out the situation that works for him.

549
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,479
Speaker 3: But as I, as I said, the first goal is

550
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,919
Speaker 3: the awarenes this. Like, when I'm doing this, I'm not

551
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 3: being like, oh today I went completely sober. I want no.

552
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 3: Today I had a league, you know, some pretty girl

553
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 3: talk to me on the street, told me my puppy

554
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 3: was cute. I got performative. That's data. It's not pass

555
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,399
Speaker 3: or fail, it's pass or collec data. Because and this

556
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 3: is where being nice to yourself is essential. We have

557
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 3: to be we have to be vigilant, but we have

558
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 3: to be nice to ourselves. We can't beat ourselves up

559
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 3: over this. But the goal here is sovereignty. The goal

560
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 3: and Sovereignty is different from freedom, because freedom is I

561
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,919
Speaker 3: can I can do whatever I want. Sovereignty is I

562
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 3: can control who I am right. Because you can be free,

563
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 3: you can be financially free and buy seven iPhones and

564
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 3: get pissed off when you see something on the internet.

565
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 3: You're not You're not sovereign. Sovereign is to be unimpacted

566
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,479
Speaker 3: by that. It's just gonna take work. It's just like

567
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 3: just like your physical fitness. You want to have the

568
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 3: ability to pick up heavy things. Day one at the

569
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 3: gym is gonna suck, and then the morning aftert's gonna

570
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 3: suck even more. You take two weeks off and you

571
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 3: go back again. And what are we doing. We're voluntarily

572
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 3: tearing these muscles and letting them heal back. I'm voluntarily

573
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 3: tearing out my mental health by doing this stuff. In

574
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:04,959
Speaker 3: the next month, I have to do a seventy two

575
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 3: hour fast just to figure out what is left. What

576
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 3: else am I hiding in here? Because as I said,

577
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 3: the big stuff is easy to discover. It's the little things,

578
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 3: the little validation, the little performance. Figuring out what all

579
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 3: of this is. And I think this is really important again,

580
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 3: And this isn't what you need to do on day one.

581
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,680
Speaker 3: On day one is just recognize anxiety isn't herpes, Anxiety

582
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: is in a condition. This book isn't going to solve anxiety.

583
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 3: This book is going to solve your despair around anxiety.

584
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 3: People feel helpless around anxiety. This book is actually fifty

585
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 3: two chapters, fifty two different options. When you're having anxious feelings.

586
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,719
Speaker 3: The big idea is feel the feelings when it sucks.

587
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 3: Can you sit in a room by yourself quietly? They

588
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 3: did that shock test letting people sit in the room

589
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 3: quietly and when they want either they could just sit

590
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 3: in the room or shock themselves and leave, and most

591
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 3: people pick the shock themselves. And this if you want

592
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 3: to deal with anxiety, create a life that allows you

593
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,439
Speaker 3: to sit in a room and do absolutely nothing. And

594
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 3: remember that we're human beings, We're not human doings, and

595
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 3: right now we're constantly medicating, avoiding, and distracting ourselves by

596
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 3: doing stuff.

597
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 4: Citizen for people who actually have anxiety disorders, there's people

598
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 4: who just deal with every day anxiousness.

599
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 3: Well, what I'm going to say is, because as I said,

600
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 3: the pendulum and the mental health conversation has gone so far,

601
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 3: so many of us are self diagnosing. That's step number one.

602
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 3: Step number two is if you have even a diagnosed

603
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 3: anxiety disorder, let's just say your body produces extra cortisol

604
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,439
Speaker 3: and adrenaline, there are still choices and decisions that you

605
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 3: can make that will improve how you feel in a

606
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 3: day to day life. I agree, And that's the important part.

607
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 3: It's like we're not standing in one spot. We're either

608
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:48,200
Speaker 3: heading in one We're either strengthening our sovereignty or strengthening

609
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,479
Speaker 3: our slavery every single day with the choices that we

610
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 3: make irrespective of what our mental health diagnosis is. And

611
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 3: the other thing too, with mental health conversations and cultures,

612
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 3: we use those words as the end of the story.

613
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 4: That's I agree with that, and see as a president

614
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 4: who's been clinically diagnosed with anxiety disorder, one of my

615
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 4: things that help me with that a stand away from

616
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 4: the function.

617
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:09,919
Speaker 1: But I agree with what you're.

618
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 4: Saying because we talk about it, but then we don't

619
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 4: do the healing work. Don't talk about the actual healing

620
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 4: of it.

621
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like if you've been diagnosed with a broken arm

622
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 3: and then you out there walking and lifting heavy things,

623
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 3: that's gonna make you know nobody's arguing that your arm

624
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 3: isn't broken. But the choices that you make moving forward

625
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 3: are either going to speed up the healing. You can't

626
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 3: speed up the healing. Sorry, it's either going to slow

627
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 3: down to healing or destroy the healing. Right, we can't

628
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 3: really speed up healing. We just have Healing just takes time.

629
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 3: You got to respect the time for it. It's the

630
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 3: same thing with these mental health diagnosis that we have,

631
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 3: and we.

632
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 1: Don't talk about the healing part of it enough.

633
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:44,680
Speaker 3: We don't.

634
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 4: I think that there's a lot of conversation about you know,

635
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 4: what it is people are dealing with, but not how

636
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 4: to actually get through it.

637
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 3: Absolutely, so when we have so you have to think

638
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 3: about anxiety like an iceberg. You can only see the

639
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 3: tip and there's like ninety percent underneath. We have no

640
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 3: idea what's happening because we haven't done the work to

641
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 3: just revisit it. And that work can easily just be

642
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 3: journaling and being like, why did this thing make me

643
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,440
Speaker 3: feel that way? Versus that stuff makes me feel gross?

644
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,920
Speaker 3: I don't want because even going to social media, why

645
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 3: is social media triggering me? Well, it's letting me know,

646
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 3: you know, other people are doing things. I'm seeing other

647
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 3: people's highlight reels. I'm comparing it to my behind the scenes,

648
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 3: and that's making me feel less valuable. That's making me

649
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 3: feel less seen, that's making me feel all these things.

650
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 3: It's just the awareness. The goal here is self awareness

651
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 3: and being able to sit and do absolutely nothing if

652
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 3: you want to improve how we feel.

653
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 6: Well, it's just always negative. Social media used to be

654
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 6: fun all the time.

655
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 5: I used to love to be on. It's just always.

656
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 6: Negative now, and people talk about like, oh, the algorithm, algorithm, algorithm. Nah,

657
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 6: it's literally people now that people feel like they have

658
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 6: a voice and everybody can be heard, and everybody they attack,

659
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 6: They attack it even when it's not warranted, you know

660
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 6: what I mean. So it's just I don't even think

661
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 6: it's like us what we're seeing, how we're programming.

662
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 5: I think you see it and you put it.

663
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,719
Speaker 6: In our face, you know, pause, you see what I mean,

664
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 6: They put it in our face a certain amount of times,

665
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 6: like a number of times we can actually make that

666
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 6: decision to be like, you know, I don't.

667
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 5: I'm not I'm not subscribing.

668
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 3: To this, but let's look at it this way. If

669
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 3: you give a kid a full bag of candy every

670
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 3: single day, and we say, well, they should just be

671
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 3: able to make the decision not to eat all that

672
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 3: candy right when they're when they're really young. How long

673
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 3: has social media existed? We are children when it comes

674
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 3: to social media. This is the candy. This is like

675
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 3: the ultimate candy. This, this is the new epidemic. We're

676
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 3: in a dopamine epidemic. They flooded the streets with dopamine.

677
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 3: We are not designed to know as many people as

678
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,479
Speaker 3: we know. We're not designed to know about all the

679
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 3: news happening everywhere all the time. Right. And then this

680
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 3: is a system that encourages negativity. It rewards negativity if

681
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 3: you post, it's fueled by those And think about it.

682
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,239
Speaker 3: If you post a picture tomorrow and everyone's just like, oh,

683
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: you look great, you look great, you look great, and

684
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 3: then I just comment, well you don't look all that today. Hey,

685
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 3: that comment will pop up straight to the top. It's

686
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 3: gonna get the most replies.

687
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 5: And that'll be the one to make me mad, like

688
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 5: how you don't see what everybody else seeing.

689
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 3: That's the one. Yeah, but you probably wild notice that

690
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 3: comment more than the other. That's the ones will blend

691
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 3: in we we have a negative bias. That's just in us.

692
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:20,719
Speaker 3: Why do we have a negative bias? Because we used

693
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 3: to live in the wild. We had to assume the worst.

694
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 3: You're walking through the forest and you hear a sound,

695
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 3: you have to assume if something's going to kill you,

696
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 3: because if you're wrong, cool, if you're right, you're in danger.

697
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 3: We have to assume the worst. Smart people, really smart

698
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 3: people who were paid by very rich people, understand this,

699
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 3: and they've used it to hijack our attention. Our attention

700
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 3: and our focus is the most important thing that we have.

701
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 6: And this is my last question about what you said.

702
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 6: Going back, you said porn you can never go back

703
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 6: to it, right, yeah, but do you still ever desire

704
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 6: or crave it?

705
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: Okay, so you.

706
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 3: Do as I said. Craving is a memory of comfort, right, right,

707
00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 3: So that's not going to go as I said. This

708
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 3: is not a moral conversation. That's not Porn is right,

709
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 3: Porn is wrong. This is just it's a product. It's

710
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 3: like sugar. I'm not here to judge sugar, but we

711
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 3: know what sugar does. Right. Porn is like sugar for

712
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 3: your brain. It rewires your brain. There's science behind us.

713
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 3: I'm not making this stuff up. I was on the

714
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 3: pornho podcast. You know, yeah, I have a podcast. I

715
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 3: was on it and I had a great conversation with them.

716
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 3: That's not it. It's just it's the product, right, It's

717
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 3: an addictive product, just like coffee, just like alcohol. These

718
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 3: are physically addictive things.

719
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 1: The goal is moth started water and thinking about.

720
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 3: No, but then do it all. I said, I'm not

721
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 3: I'm not I'm not there. I'm like stuff. I'm just saying.

722
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 3: I'm just saying I'm not you sat I remember you

723
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 3: started reminiscent, right, But at the same time, it's like, listen,

724
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 3: at the end of the day. The goal here, we're

725
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 3: not going to be able to totally overhaul our system.

726
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:53,479
Speaker 3: We've had this software for fifty sixty seventy generations as

727
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 3: humans right this world we live in two three generations.

728
00:31:57,520 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 3: We're not used to living in cities with millions of people.

729
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 3: So this is this is a situation. So when it

730
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 3: comes to stuff like porn, it's like the goal is

731
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 3: as I said, it's the same thing with pizza. It's like, yeah,

732
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 3: I like pizza. It's cool when I walk by a

733
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 3: pizza spot. Right now, I don't completely jones for the pizza.

734
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 3: But if someone invites me out, I can enjoy it

735
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 3: and I can understand its value, but I don't have

736
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 3: to look to it to just get me back to calm.

737
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 3: This whole idea. You know, what we're chasing, even with

738
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 3: the porn, is the post nut clarity. That's what we're chasing.

739
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 3: We're chasing posts and what is that we have just

740
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 3: disregulated a system so much that we finally, through that release,

741
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 3: get a little bit of clarity.

742
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 4: What if you look at porn as something that leads

743
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 4: to the nut and then once you get absolute clarity.

744
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 3: Well that's you have the clarity. Or you spend enough

745
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 3: time away from all this stuff, you can live in

746
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 3: the clarity. You can live in that like not no,

747
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 3: because we don't call it nut clarity. We call it

748
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 3: post nut clarity. After the clarity, you can live in that.

749
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 3: That could be your default because think about it, especially

750
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 3: for guys, the post nut clarity is the moment you like,

751
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 3: I had just been operating on autopilot. I just spent

752
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 3: a bunch of money, I said this that, I said

753
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 3: all the things I didn't mean. What is it or

754
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 3: after the post nut I like this I want to

755
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 3: be around this person I found wifey.

756
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 1: This is so interesting. So what if you take the

757
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 1: nut and then rub it on your nipples? You know what?

758
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 3: You know what, let's let's let's let's me know we

759
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 3: can talk about that. That's an example of somebody who

760
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 3: is continually outsourcing dopamine to the point where it's just

761
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 3: they have unlimited resources, they have unlimited power. So it

762
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 3: just got wilder and wilder and wilder and wilder.

763
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: But I also feel like if he would have been

764
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 2: into porn and porn porn hub like that and got

765
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 2: his h his nut off watching that, he wouldn't have

766
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 2: to do it in person, and there's nobody to tell on.

767
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 3: So Chris Rock said it in Tambourine and I remember this,

768
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 3: and he's like, you know, porn is an issue because

769
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 3: your porn searches evolved, but you was. You know, it's

770
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 3: just like that Joe said today's price, saying yesterday's price,

771
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 3: but you was looking up five years ago. Ain't what

772
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 3: you're looking up now because it's more choices. But also

773
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 3: you need you need it to elevate, you need more

774
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 3: hot sauce. There's not one drop anymore.

775
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: I get it.

776
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 3: We're outsourcing, that's all it is. And every time we outsource, right,

777
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,800
Speaker 3: we are we're getting sedated. Right. So going back to

778
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 3: the activism, going back to the freedom, we got to

779
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 3: realize we don't live in this dystopian nineteen eighty four

780
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:24,359
Speaker 3: world with authoritarian governments. We live in the brave new

781
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 3: world where they're controlling us to comfort. That's the tool everything.

782
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: If you want to get me rid about the authoritarian government.

783
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 3: We're on track. But we got to realize if we

784
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:38,399
Speaker 3: don't have internal sovereignty, it doesn't matter.

785
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,919
Speaker 6: But like you said, everything is due comfort. Like even

786
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,400
Speaker 6: like things like this may.

787
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 5: Sound crazy, be like it's the card. We ain't got

788
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 5: to go outside.

789
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

790
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 3: Part of my work is I have to pick up

791
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 3: all my food. I can't do delivery, No, I have

792
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 3: to at least earn the meal. On some level, and

793
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 3: the naval Rubby concept, any vice, vice plus convenience equals

794
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 3: a weapon. If you got to climb the top of

795
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 3: a mountain to get drunk, you gotta earn it. Fine,

796
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 3: we're not doing it. It's been it's been weaponized against

797
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 3: us becoming more and more convenient, right, especially with this

798
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 3: VC model where it's like they make it convenient and

799
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 3: cheap because someone else give them them money to do it.

800
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 3: They get us hooked, and then we start paying these

801
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,879
Speaker 3: crazy prices. These new prices keep coming in, and that's

802
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 3: that's nothing new. Back in the days when cell phones

803
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,399
Speaker 3: first came out, they used to give us two three

804
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 3: months unlimited. Get us used to texting against everything. So

805
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 3: then when texting was free after six pm, we were

806
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 3: still texting before six pm. Because they created our behaviors,

807
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,400
Speaker 3: They put a leash on us, They molded our behaviors.

808
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 3: This is that lack of sovereignty that I'm talking about.

809
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 3: This is why this conversation is so important to me.

810
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 3: I'm not here to sell a book. I'm here to

811
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 3: at least ring a bell in some people's ears that

812
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 3: can't get unwrung. People who care about being sovereign and

813
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 3: care that realized that, hey, I'm either feeding my slavery

814
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 3: or I'm feeding my sovereignty.

815
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 4: I love the sovereignty angle. I think that makes a

816
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 4: lot of sense, you know, because I think that a

817
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 4: lot of people don't have. They don't they don't they

818
00:35:59,360 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 4: don't have.

819
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,720
Speaker 3: People know what that is absolutely, you know, it's not freedom.

820
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 3: It's it's inner control, it's inner command. It's the ability

821
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 3: to own your decision. Right now, we're reacting. That's that's

822
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 3: what a lot of anxious feelings do. Someone cuts us off,

823
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 3: we smash on the horn someone you know that whole

824
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,879
Speaker 3: Dave Chappelle's kit. When keeping it real goes wrong, that's

825
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 3: people reacting, going into autopilot. A lot of that autopilot

826
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 3: came from how you grew up when you were a kid,

827
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 3: right you didn't You created software, you created mechanisms, You

828
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 3: created your own algorithm, and we never updated it. So

829
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 3: maybe you grew up in the neighborhood where you had

830
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,720
Speaker 3: to you had a hairpin trigger, you had to second,

831
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: someone stepped on your toes, you had to defend yourself.

832
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,280
Speaker 3: And then you grow up and you're in a situation

833
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 3: where those dangers, physical dangers aren't there, but the body

834
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,399
Speaker 3: cell gets triggered the same way. And maybe now it's

835
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,400
Speaker 3: disrespect or what have you. All I'm saying is and

836
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 3: that's the amygdala. You gotta realize. We have a prefereral cortex,

837
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 3: which is your logical brain. You have the amygdala, which

838
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 3: is your survival brain. The amygdala is eleven times faster,

839
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 3: which means we will always we will always react. I'm

840
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 3: not advocating and promoting some I'm zen I meditate on

841
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 3: top of a mountain. I don't get mad. No, I

842
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:09,720
Speaker 3: just clock it quicker.

843
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 5: Well, were you sovereign when you were naked and anxious

844
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 5: in Germany?

845
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 3: No? No, that was That's a perfect example. My homeboy

846
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 3: lives in Germany. He's my oldest friend. I've known him

847
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 3: since we were four years old. And I hurt my

848
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:24,839
Speaker 3: sho This is right after twenty nine things, right after

849
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 3: doing the Breakfast Club for the first time, and I'm

850
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 3: doing a tour in England and I took my parents

851
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 3: cheap luggage. You know they pay sixty bucks for like

852
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 3: eleven pieces. I didn't know back then, so I just

853
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,240
Speaker 3: grabbed the cheap luggage, go and one of the wheels brakes.

854
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 3: Then I'm going to the London Tube with a broken

855
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 3: wheel and I injured my shoulder. After the tour, I

856
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 3: visit my friend in Berlin and I haven't seen him

857
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 3: in a while. He grew up in Canada with me,

858
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 3: and he's like, yo, I'm gonna take it to the

859
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 3: spa and I'm like candles massage that sounds perfect. We're

860
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,280
Speaker 3: on the bus because he don't drive, and we're headed

861
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 3: to the spa and I'm like, you know, it's gonna

862
00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 3: be really good for this spa. I'm gona take it edible,

863
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 3: so I eat it edible. I'm it's gonna feel perfect.

864
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 3: And then he goes, man, I'm so proud of you.

865
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 3: You're so open minded. None of the other guys in

866
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 3: our crew would ever do this. And I was like,

867
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 3: what are you What are you talking about?

868
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 7: Do what?

869
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 3: He's like, you know, the naked part, And I was like, yeah, yeah,

870
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,440
Speaker 3: you're naked in a massage, but they'll put a blanket

871
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 3: over you or something.

872
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: He's like, no, no.

873
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 3: When we're in the steam room together, I'm like, that's

874
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,439
Speaker 3: not a spot, that's a sauna, and he's like, oh man,

875
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 3: I mixed up the words. So at this point we're

876
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 3: going an all knew sauna in Germany and I already

877
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 3: popped the edible.

878
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 1: And you didn't know.

879
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 5: You didn't even expect this.

880
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 3: No, I was expecting a massage. I just thought I

881
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,800
Speaker 3: hurt my shoulder. So then it was obviously the anxiety

882
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 3: jumps up. I'm gonna be naked in Europe it's probably

883
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:41,879
Speaker 3: normal for them, it's not normal for me. I'm gonna

884
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 3: be naked in front of my friend. I had never

885
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 3: done this before. And then you start to realize when

886
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 3: you so, now you're in reaction bote and now you're scared,

887
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,919
Speaker 3: and plus the edibles hitting, it's making it even worse.

888
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 3: First thing that I did was I expressed it. I

889
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 3: just used word. I'm like, look, man, I didn't realize

890
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 3: what this was. And you kind of you could have

891
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 3: put me in a case by complimenting me and saying

892
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 3: I'm open minded and I want to live up to that.

893
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 3: But I'm scared, and he's like, you're scared. I'm scared too,

894
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 3: And then we realized we're not even scared about being naked.

895
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 3: We're scared about being judged right. And then when we

896
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 3: get there, you realize, oh, I thought it's gonna be

897
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 3: like everyone's normal. Everybody thinks this is normal. I'm the

898
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 3: only person feeling awkward. I could tell everybody, like a

899
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:23,320
Speaker 3: lot of this, everybody is feeling awkward, and that collective

900
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 3: vulnerability made it a little bit easier. But just like

901
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 3: your interviews, the longer I stayed, the more comfortable I

902
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,720
Speaker 3: got listen, I'm ready for Charlotte.

903
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 1: I'm ready.

904
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,880
Speaker 3: I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready already.

905
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: Sounds like he was trying to take the friendship to

906
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 1: another level.

907
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 3: It flirting, but it did. I I've known him since

908
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 3: we were four, and it did. Being naked with your

909
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 3: friend will do that. Being vulnerable, it's vulnerable. We measure

910
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 3: friendships in terms of length. You got a measure relationship.

911
00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 7: Damn, So y'all had in the sauna to be like,

912
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 7: that's my friend, that's my friend right there.

913
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: That's not really, he's not.

914
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 3: I was ready for it. I was ready for it.

915
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 3: It's okay. I was ready for it. And look, you're

916
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:20,959
Speaker 3: not wrong. At the end of the day. You're not wrong.

917
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 3: At the end of the day. It's still about being vulnerable.

918
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 3: Relationships only growth through being vulnerable, and being vulnerable is

919
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 3: being naked, either being naked with your body or you're

920
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 3: being naked with your feelings.

921
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: Honest question, All questions are honest.

922
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 4: But when you were in the sauna, boy, and you

923
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 4: looked around and you realize, like, I'm bigger than a

924
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 4: lot of guys, and he did that make you feel

925
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:39,760
Speaker 4: more comfortable?

926
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 1: How do you know he was bigger.

927
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 4: He could have been smaller because you can see you

928
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 4: got eyes, but he could have been smaller.

929
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 6: Tough, but well, because obviously he just said he wasn't

930
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,760
Speaker 6: scared about being naked, he was scared about being judged.

931
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 1: So we know he got listen, no.

932
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 3: Your boys size eleven and a half. I'm okay, we're fine,

933
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 3: We're fine. Look like that. You know. What it is

934
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 3: with insecurities is like like, for example, if somebody has

935
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 3: a certain height, they don't think about their height. People

936
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 3: who lack them to have an insecurity not judge it.

937
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 3: And again, I can't judge somebody for the genetic lottery

938
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 3: they want, so like that's not much of an issue.

939
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 3: But I think for me it was more along the

940
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 3: lines of, like, I didn't want to get caught staring

941
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 3: by somebody, you know, if you see a woman or whatever.

942
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 1: And then ah, so it's men and women in the sauna,

943
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 1: no men.

944
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 3: Women, And then once I got comfortable, then they just

945
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 3: threw in the next mix kids. There were full nuclear

946
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 3: families there. I didn't know any of this.

947
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 5: This is this cultural like.

948
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 3: This is I don't know how they're doing it in Germany.

949
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, I thought I was

950
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 3: getting a massaged instead of just a bunch of sauna

951
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 3: rooms and coal plunges. And I don't know why people

952
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 3: couldn't wear clothes. And in the beginning, I was just like,

953
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 3: all right, I'm in I'm in a different country. This

954
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 3: is their stuff. But as I said, I did not

955
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 3: feel like most of the people in that room were

956
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 3: comfortable either, didn't feel normalized right. So it wasn't like

957
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 3: if somebody lived in a culture where like, you know,

958
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 3: men walk around topless and then all of a sudden

959
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 3: they come to the beach and they feel weird. No,

960
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 3: this I felt like everybody felt kind of of But yeah,

961
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 3: once I got comfortable with all the adult stuff, then

962
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 3: I remember going outside where there's a pool area and

963
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 3: then you seeing kids running around. I was like, oh no,

964
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 3: this is this is a whole different level. I'm not

965
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 3: even trying to get used to this. And it was,

966
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 3: but as you said, like it's incrementally making yourself uncomfortable

967
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 3: and to seeing and then being like, all right, the

968
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 3: longer I'm in it, the more my body realizes. And

969
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 3: this has been my mantra for this whole last thirty days,

970
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 3: which is this sucks. But I'm not in danger. Yeah,

971
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 3: if you don't take your phone to the toilet after

972
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 3: this conversation and you start to feel the general and

973
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 3: cortisol rise, just say that this sucks, but I'm not

974
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 3: in danger. Because we get antsy, we grab our phones,

975
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,320
Speaker 3: we do all this stuff because our bodies don't know.

976
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 3: Our bodies think we're in danger. And again, this is

977
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 3: a pre prehistoric software, prehistoric security system that's not designed

978
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 3: for the world that we're in. And that's why we

979
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,360
Speaker 3: can't rely on it, because our body's also going to

980
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 3: be like, well, if it's familiar, it's safe. That's why

981
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 3: it keeps bringing in certain people that we shouldn't be

982
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 3: seen anymore because they're familiar.

983
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know one thing that's worked for me And

984
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 4: Sarah Jax Roberts said this is a while ago, and

985
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 4: she actually said it here on the Bertha's Club. She said,

986
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 4: you know, anxiety can be a good thing because whenever

987
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 4: you're doing something new, you're going to feel a certain

988
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,840
Speaker 4: level of anxiety. But to your point you made earlier

989
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 4: is you have to tell yourself, oh, I've never done

990
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,360
Speaker 4: this before. This is a new space, this is a

991
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 4: new place, These are new people. You know, so of

992
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 4: course you're going to feel some level of anxiousness.

993
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,439
Speaker 3: Exactly. Anxiety is it's not her pees, it's not the enemy,

994
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 3: it's the signal. It's just as important as hunger. If

995
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 3: we didn't have hunger, we would start to this. We

996
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 3: need to know when it's time to put some calories

997
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 3: into us anxiety when it's correct, and this is where

998
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 3: we got to start doing some of the rebooting. It'll

999
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 3: let you know, Okay, well think about it. To be

1000
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 3: courageous means you have to feel fear. If you're not

1001
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,839
Speaker 3: feeling fair while you're doing it, you're not being brave. Right.

1002
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 3: To be resilience means doing it despite the anxiety. Resilience

1003
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 3: is gonna feel like I don't want to do this,

1004
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 3: I don't want to be here, I don't want to

1005
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 3: do this. Right, it's that nervousness, right, that's the only

1006
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 3: way you know you're hitting the edge. And that's how

1007
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 3: you know what your growth is. Because our growth is

1008
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 3: only outside of our comfort zone. Our comfort zones are prisons.

1009
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 3: The way we look at it right now is that

1010
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 3: we go to our comfort zone to stay safe from

1011
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 3: all the scary things outside. At best, our comfort zones

1012
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 3: to just be a recharge station. That's not where we

1013
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:32,800
Speaker 3: should be living. It should be where we go to

1014
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 3: recharge if we got too much injured, to too many

1015
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 3: injuries from an experience, like all right, let me go

1016
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 3: back to my comfort zone, let me recharge, let me

1017
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,760
Speaker 3: get right back out there. And we know it, especially

1018
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 3: all y'all are parents, that's what you do with your kids.

1019
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 3: Come back, let me make you feel safe. I'll push

1020
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 3: you right back out, you know, do it. And then

1021
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 3: when you get overwhelmed again and come back, and now

1022
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 3: we'll go even further. Now we're going the same thing

1023
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 3: with life. It's the exact same thing with that's how

1024
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 3: we build our resilience. That's our mental fitness, and our

1025
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 3: mental fitness improves our mental health, and our mental health

1026
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 3: protects us. We don't need to protect our mental health.

1027
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 2: Well, Unanxious is out poet, humble the poet. Make sure

1028
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,839
Speaker 2: you pick it up. Fifty simple truths to help overthinkers

1029
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 2: feel less stressed and more calm. And thank you for

1030
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 2: joining us.

1031
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: Appreciate it, and.

1032
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me as always someone

1033
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 3: someone's posting from me on social media right now. So

1034
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 3: it's at humble the poet, but for real, please to

1035
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 3: start your jounia for me. This is really important because,

1036
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 3: as I said, like, what I realized is I've been

1037
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 3: improving in this space is that it doesn't matter if

1038
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 3: I'm just doing it. We need If everybody improved their

1039
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 3: relationship with their emotions, this world would get so much better,

1040
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 3: This world will get safer, this world will get less divided.

1041
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 3: And then you realize all of this is what people

1042
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 3: are exploiting to control us. This is really what people

1043
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:54,320
Speaker 3: are exploring to control us. CA. I just tell a

1044
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 3: real quick story because I think this is really important.

1045
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 3: So what inspired this was two years I was receiving

1046
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 3: random text messages and emails death threats. And then these

1047
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 3: death threats I was getting like they were naming my exes,

1048
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 3: they were putting up my address, they were saying the

1049
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,439
Speaker 3: didn't kill my dog, they were naming other friends of mine.

1050
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 3: Super racist, super all of this stuff. And in the

1051
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 3: beginning freeze, I avoided it. I just didn't look at

1052
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 3: it and I was just say, all right, cool, you know,

1053
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 3: I'm figuring out who this is and punch them in

1054
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 3: the face or whatever. And then they kept escalating and

1055
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 3: I was like, all right, cool, I'm gonna give these

1056
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 3: greenshots to the police. And within a month they found

1057
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 3: out who did it. And then you realize, like, not

1058
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:38,960
Speaker 3: addressing it made it worse than actually addressing it, And

1059
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 3: I think that's the important part. And then the part

1060
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 3: with that is when when an announcement was made on

1061
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 3: the news about it, they didn't use my name, they

1062
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 3: didn't use that person's name. They just said, you know,

1063
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 3: hate crime against somebody in the South Asian community. All

1064
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,719
Speaker 3: the comments, because I'm Canadian, right, so this is Canadian news,

1065
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 3: all the comments were like, what's wrong with hating all

1066
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 3: these Indians? They're taking over our country? What's wrong with that?

1067
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 3: Canada first? And you're like, this is where we're at.

1068
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:05,759
Speaker 3: Where everybody looks at this and you know, because they're

1069
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 3: telling their story when they see that. And for me,

1070
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,400
Speaker 3: it was less about the experience that happened to me

1071
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 3: and more about seeing how the world reacts to this, right,

1072
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 3: And I'm like, Okay, so I gotta I gotta be

1073
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:17,479
Speaker 3: on this mission to help people improve how they feel.

1074
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 3: That's the only way this world is going to get better,

1075
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 3: because it's not. This world is not designed for the

1076
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 3: way that we're built, so we got to redesign ourselves

1077
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:25,959
Speaker 3: to deal with this world.

1078
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:30,319
Speaker 2: You have it, ladies and gentlemen, humble the Poet. Yes, sir,

1079
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 2: appreciate you for joining us. Appreciate you all for having me,

1080
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 2: Me and you naked.

1081
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 5: Germany. Ain't gonna go to Germany.

1082
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 3: No, No, you don't be vulnerable with me. That's it,

1083
00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 3: that is solidify, it's double the poet. It's the breakfast Club.

1084
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 3: Good morning, wake that ass up in the morning. The

1085
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 3: Breakfast Club,