1 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:16,600 Speaker 1: Advice Shot. Hello, Hello, welcome to the Naughty but Night Show. 2 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: I'm Rob Shooter, your hosts. We're gonna have a special 3 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,479 Speaker 1: edition of the show today, a bonus edition. We don't 4 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: normally do shows over the weekend, but they're getting so 5 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: many people listening, we've got a very special one for 6 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: you today. We've got a really brilliant guest, someone I've 7 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: liked for a long time, Dr jen Man. You might 8 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: know Dr Jen Mann from Couples Therapy or one of 9 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 1: her wonderful books. Hey, you welcome to the show. Doc Well, 10 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: thank you so much for having me. We're really excited 11 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,520 Speaker 1: about it's a love and romance. This is a celebrity show. 12 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: We talked about lots of celebrities, but love and Romance 13 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: is sort of part of that tour. And so we've 14 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: got a ton of questions, some audience questions, some questions 15 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: from me. So let's jump in. It's a little bit 16 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: of party. Is a patient here, Dr Jen I know 17 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: it sounds a little but that's how we do. What 18 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: time is all? We say together, it's tea time? What 19 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: time is it? Dr Jenn It's time you very much? So, 20 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: how did allays begin for you? How did you get 21 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: the gig on couples therapy. I think that's where most 22 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: people will know you from. Um, most people know me 23 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 1: from couples therapy. It kind of goes back a long 24 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 1: way and um, but really kind of My career as 25 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: a therapist started in in undergrad. I was a journalism major. 26 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: I did a story about rape on college campus and yes, 27 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 1: and I became really obsessed with the topic, and I 28 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: volunteered to work for the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults 29 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: against Women as a rape and Domestic Violence counselor. As 30 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: soon as I started doing the therapy work, I realized 31 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: I found my calling. I started grad school. While I 32 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: was in grad school, in one of my is on 33 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 1: eating disorders, my teacher was going to be on TV 34 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: and she said, Hey, you're very outspoken. Would you come 35 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: and talk about recovery issues? So I went, and I realized, 36 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 1: instead of sitting in my office and helping one person, 37 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,640 Speaker 1: I could potentially help millions, And so it really became 38 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: an interest in mine. I started doing show after show, 39 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: and one day I get a call from none other 40 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: than Harvey Levin. Yes, exactly that light when you picked 41 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,640 Speaker 1: up the phone, did you think I've done something wrong. 42 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: And it was before it was before TNZ. It was 43 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: it was long before t n Z. And Harvey called 44 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 1: me and said, Hey, I'm doing this show called We 45 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 1: Need Professional Help. We've cast a two therapists. We would 46 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 1: love to audition you. I've seen you on TV. I 47 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:51,360 Speaker 1: really like your work, coming and and do it auditions. 48 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 1: So I said, yeah, sure, So I came in. Long 49 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 1: story short, I did this crazy audition, which is a 50 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: whole other was crazy. Did you wear something crazy? What 51 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: did you put on an accident door? No? It was 52 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,639 Speaker 1: nuts because the premise of the show was that, uh, 53 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: two people who are having conflict in their life would 54 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 1: come in and talk to a panel of therapist. At 55 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 1: the end of the show, the therapists would tell you, 56 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: like she, did you stay together or break up? And 57 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 1: they would get some money that would either go towards 58 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: like the divorce and or the move out for therapy exactly. So, 59 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: the couple that came in was a woman who was 60 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: an identical twin and her fiance. What happened was that 61 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: the two of them were into some fun, kinky sacks. 62 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: One day he gets a call from her and she says, 63 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 1: meet me at such and such a motel. There's a 64 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: key waiting for you. I'm going to blindfold you. We're 65 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: going to have what fabulous. So he's all in and 66 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: they've done things like this before he comes to the hotel, 67 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: the rooms ark, she gets blindfolded, they have crazy sex. 68 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 1: The blindfold is taken off and he looked and it 69 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: is her twin sister. Yeah, that started your time. We 70 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 1: should we should find these twins and send them a 71 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: But the crazy that even crazier thing was that their 72 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: conflict was that the woman who he was going to 73 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: marry wanted to invite her twin sister to the wedding. 74 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 1: We did not want her understand that good grief. So 75 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 1: this makes couples therapy look actually quite easy. Compared to that, 76 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: it was far more jerry than couples. I have a 77 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 1: bit of a serious question. Please don't be offended by it, 78 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 1: But sometimes doctors on TV get a little bit of 79 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: a bad rap. What do you think about that? Sometimes 80 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: I see therapists recently on the Real Housewives, and it 81 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,479 Speaker 1: didn't feel quite genuine enough. Do you know what I mean? 82 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 1: I do? I do um. Look, I'm not defended at all. 83 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: I hear it all the time. I think that there 84 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 1: are a lot of therapists who are on TV for 85 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:09,359 Speaker 1: the wrong reason, or who quite frankly, aren't doing a 86 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: really great job. Sometimes people are not qualified, Sometimes they 87 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: don't realize the seriousness of the issues. Sometimes they're pandering 88 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: to the camera. You know. One of the things that 89 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: I think has made a couples therapy incredibly special, and 90 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: I think the audience really picks up on it, is 91 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: that it's real. When I came in an audition for 92 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: the show, the executive producer Damien Sullivan said to me 93 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 1: and the creator, he said, the therapy is of the 94 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: utmost important. I will never interrupt you, and I will 95 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,599 Speaker 1: always put the therapy first. And there were times, yeah, 96 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 1: there were times where other people came on set, executives 97 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: and the people said like, hey, if interruptor put in 98 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: your piece, I never warrant your piece. And he always said, no, 99 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: you let her do her thing because that is what 100 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: will help heal these people and ultimately will make for 101 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,720 Speaker 1: the best team, the best He was absolutely so. Before 102 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 1: we jump into some relationship questions and some celebrity questions, 103 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 1: I've got a point out to I'm such a fan 104 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: of your mom and dance. There's such superstar. Your daddy 105 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: is very mad and your mommy Cynthia. Now, if you've 106 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 1: seen the musical God, if you've seen the music all beautiful, 107 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: your mommy and daddy are in the musical. What was 108 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:27,480 Speaker 1: that like growing up with them? Well, you know, look, 109 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: I think that the growing up in a creative household 110 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: where my parents are songwriters, where we had we had 111 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: singers coming in and out and create a people coming 112 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: in out of the house. It made doing therapy with 113 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 1: celebrities their second nature. And you know, my father, I 114 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 1: didn't know until I was already a therapist. I was 115 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:53,239 Speaker 1: actually named after my father's first therapist, Dr John Yes. 116 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 1: So I came from a very therapy oriented household that 117 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:02,039 Speaker 1: was very aware of these things and about that with 118 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: a lot of motions. Nobody yes, you know, and you 119 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 1: know it didn't. The first time DMX walked into the 120 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: room for therapy, I had never met him. To be honest, 121 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: I hadn't even heard of him. I'm more of an 122 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: I grew up with R and B wrapped, and I 123 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 1: had heard all these things about him, and I was like, man, 124 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: I hope I can help this guy. And he walked 125 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: into the room, and there was a sense of familiarity 126 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 1: to me, having grown up in the music business and 127 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: recording studios, that as soon as you walked in the room, 128 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, you're my peeps. I get you, like, 129 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 1: I can't help you. Remember girl coming walking home and 130 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: seeing sort of Carol King sitting in your living room. 131 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 1: Carol King is like an aunt to me. I mean, 132 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: she's like she's family to me, and she's really one 133 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: of the warmest, most wonderful people you could ever ask for. 134 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: Why are you doing this, jan Why are you working 135 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 1: so hard? You must be so rich. Well, my parents are, 136 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: and well they are very generous people. It's always been 137 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: very important to me to have my own career, my 138 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: own identity. You know. I kind of grew up a 139 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: lot of people would say to me like, oh, you're 140 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: very man and since the wild daughter, and I didn't 141 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: want to be Barry Man and since the a wild staughter, 142 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: I want to have my own identity. I was an 143 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: elite level gymnast as on the national team for five years, 144 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: performed in the eighty four Olympics. I went on to 145 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: have my own career and that was really important to 146 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: I'm gonna listen to this podcast. They're so famous, famous people, 147 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: and I hope they're like a jingle for the show. Okay, 148 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: let's get into some some dating questions. What are the 149 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 1: biggest mistakes people make when they're dating? That's a question 150 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 1: with God. What are some of the biggest mistakes actual dating, 151 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: like the early stage, probably the biggest. The biggest mistake 152 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: people make is to not see what's in front of them. 153 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 1: That in the first three dates typically are people are 154 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: at their most honest. And I can't tell you how 155 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: many people I have seen in my practice, even how 156 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:15,600 Speaker 1: many girlfriends have been on date and the guy says, 157 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: you know, I'm really not commitment oriented, or oh yeah, 158 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 1: you know I've got a sex addiction, or you know 159 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: I smoke weed all the time, and I you know, 160 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: I'm that you know that job. You know, well, I'm 161 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 1: I'm kind of always employed. But if you can pay 162 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 1: for dinner, and people tell you who they are. But 163 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: sometimes because of the chemistry, sometimes because we're just feeling it. 164 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's just you know that they're something about them 165 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: feeds into our unconscious and our history, and we don't 166 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 1: want to see what's in front of us. So, really, 167 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: the number one mistake in the early stages is ignoring 168 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 1: the warning signals, ignoring the red flax. Listen I as 169 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 1: a gossip columnist, as celebrity column ist here, the most 170 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: important thing celebrities say to me is the very first thing, 171 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 1: in the very last. The middle's rubbish, but they always 172 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: drop a bombshell before they leave. That's what they tell me. 173 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: That happened an affair with Brad Petza or something. I'm like, 174 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 1: what total the first last? What's that about? Jim? Well, 175 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,200 Speaker 1: you know, we call that in my business, dropping a bomb, 176 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,160 Speaker 1: and it's a It's very common as a therapist that like, okay, 177 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: we have this session. I'm walking someone to the door 178 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 1: and then they say, oh, and by the way, my 179 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: uncle molested me. See you next week. I'm like, whoa, 180 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: what don't just happened? Like? And I think sometimes people 181 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 1: do that because in therapy they're not necessarily ready to 182 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 1: process it, but they can't hold it any longer. And 183 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: I suspect with you, you have such a great way 184 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: about you. You're very easy to talk to, and I 185 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 1: think that people probably let their guard down, like he's 186 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: oh he's a gossip columnist. Oh, I gotta keep my 187 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 1: guard up. But after spending enough time charming, I'm sure 188 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:07,559 Speaker 1: they're just like, oh, I can't take it any longer. 189 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 1: This is another good question. This is a really good question. 190 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,320 Speaker 1: A lots of my single girlfriends and my girlfriends asked this. 191 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: How do you meet a good person? What are we doing? 192 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,319 Speaker 1: Should we be on the apps? Should we try to 193 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: go to bars? Obviously it's different at the moment, But 194 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 1: when we come back, how do we meet somebody who 195 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 1: we like that has similar interests? What advice? Sure? Well, 196 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 1: I believe that we should think of dating like a pie, 197 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: and each slice of the pie should represent a different 198 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 1: method of meeting people. Yes, absolutely be on the app, 199 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: but don't only be on the app. Also tell your friends, 200 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: tell your parents friends, Hey, i'd really like to meet someone. 201 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: I'm really open to a setup. Here are three qualities 202 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 1: that I'm looking for and a person. If you know 203 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 1: anyone like this, please let me know. I think that 204 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,680 Speaker 1: you should be getting involved in organizations that have to 205 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 1: do with things that you care about. If you are 206 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:05,959 Speaker 1: into politics, support a candidate, go and volunte here if 207 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 1: you you know. Obviously, right now we can't do anything 208 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:14,960 Speaker 1: in person. Running club get into I like the theater, 209 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: so I met a lot of my friends and Bruce, 210 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: my husband in the theater. So do think exactly that 211 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,079 Speaker 1: you find people who have similar interests? Oh, this is 212 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 1: a quite a naughty question for this show. We're trying 213 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 1: to love that. It makes me blush talking about sex, 214 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,959 Speaker 1: and which is should you have sex on the first date? Doctor? 215 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:36,680 Speaker 1: J Jens a doctor? So this is medical advice everybody. Okay, 216 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: So well, here's the thing. The problem with having sex 217 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: on the first date is that typically, and this is 218 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: usually little more women than men, but it can be 219 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 1: men as well, and same thing with same sex couples. 220 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 1: That typically what happens if the sex is really good, 221 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 1: we bond, We connect all of a sudden, someone who's 222 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: not a really great appropriate partner could seem like the 223 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: person we want to mate for life with. So I 224 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: think that the problem is not about the sex or 225 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: the judgment about the sex. The problem is that we 226 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: tend to lose our clarity when it comes to assessing 227 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 1: a partner. That said, I also think that when it's 228 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,480 Speaker 1: really meant to be, when two people are really right 229 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 1: for each other, that's not going to mess it up 230 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: and look in the show beautiful. You see that my 231 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: mom has SE's with my dad on their first writing 232 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: date and here they are, you know, almost sixty years later. 233 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 1: What was that like watching that show? Was it wild 234 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 1: for you sitting there? It was pretty wild? It was. 235 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: It was really wild to see two people portray my 236 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 1: parents and capture their essence so well. Did a good job. 237 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,719 Speaker 1: But I loved it. I would say that of it 238 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: or more was true. And they really did capture the 239 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 1: essence of my path, which was cool. This is a 240 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,680 Speaker 1: good question for our friend Sheila. Can you ever trust 241 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 1: a cheetah again? And Oh that's a tough one, isn't it. 242 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,680 Speaker 1: Can you trust somebody that cheated on you? It's a 243 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: great question and the answer is a little complicated. Somebody 244 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 1: this is a big christ much for me. So here's 245 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:33,920 Speaker 1: the thing. If someone has a chronic pattern of cheating, 246 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: then it's probably not going to change. If someone has 247 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: screwed up one time, well maybe all that with the 248 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 1: caveat and I talked about this a lot in my book, 249 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: The Relationship Fix. That one of the biggest mistakes that 250 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 1: people tend to make with this And I get these 251 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: calls on the radio all the time, where someone calls 252 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: and said, my girlfriend and my boyfriend, my wife, my husband, 253 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: whoever it is, cheated and they came to me crying 254 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 1: and said they're so sorry they did it, and I 255 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 1: took them back and now I think they're cheating again. 256 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: Like I can't understand this and what I The first 257 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: question I always ask is, well, what was it that 258 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 1: they told you that indicated that something was going to 259 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 1: be different? What what behavior? What action did they take 260 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: to ensure that it wouldn't happen again? And inevitably, the 261 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 1: answer is always nothing. They cried, they said they were solid. 262 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: That's not enough. That is not But I'm never going 263 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 1: to be friends with them ever again, or I'm not 264 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: going out with that terrible influence. So I've cut off 265 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: pizza from my life. Blah blah blah exactly. I've gotten 266 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,359 Speaker 1: into therapy. I really looked at why I've sabotaged this relationship, 267 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: and I've got myself into therapy to really make sure 268 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: that I never do that again. I I'm going to 269 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 1: be totally transparent with my social media. You have every passport. 270 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: If you want me off Facebook, I will do that. 271 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 1: What about if you said I'm going to buy the 272 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: relationship fix. What about if you said that? Jen? I 273 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: thought the relationship the relationship the relationship fix R and 274 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 1: six up guide to from a communication connection intim see 275 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 1: it solves all relationship problems for the question to be 276 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,520 Speaker 1: careful of the answer, considering how I make my living here, Jen, 277 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: should you kiss and tell? I say absolutely, you should 278 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 1: tell me? But should you only you? You should kiss 279 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 1: and tell you all the time? You should tell, you 280 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: should be told every detail of everybody should like what 281 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 1: do you think about it? And I think that in 282 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: order for sex between two people, you know, if we're 283 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 1: not talking like a one night stand, but between two 284 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: people to be really great, there has to be a 285 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: level of trust and a lover or vulnerability. And you know, 286 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: one of the things I talk about a lot. You know, 287 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: it's funny with the Relationship Fixed, there are six chapters, 288 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 1: the last chapters about sex, and that's the chapter that 289 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: everybody always wants to ask me about. And the thing 290 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,919 Speaker 1: about sex that people don't talk about that's really important 291 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: and you I'm sure no, there's more than anyone with 292 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:23,959 Speaker 1: the secrets that you hear it. I know, I know 293 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: I won't go I won't go to talking don't worry. 294 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:31,640 Speaker 1: Is that really great sex is not always politically correct. 295 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:35,600 Speaker 1: People say and do things and make sounds that aren't 296 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 1: things that they want other people to know about. So 297 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,479 Speaker 1: in order for sex between two people to be great, 298 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,400 Speaker 1: both people have to know what happens in these four 299 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: walls or wherever you are swinging off that chandelier the trappies. 300 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: What happens between us stays between part of having great 301 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,440 Speaker 1: sex exactly, sh I loved your parents, but I think 302 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 1: I love you more. You're Dr j How many books 303 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,639 Speaker 1: is this that you're on? So this is not your first? 304 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,640 Speaker 1: You're You're quite the author. Harry Potter. I've written two 305 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: parenting books, uh The Easy Guy to Raising Happy Company 306 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,760 Speaker 1: Kids and super Baby Twelve Ways to give you a 307 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,120 Speaker 1: child a head start in the first three years, and then, 308 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: of course The Relationship fixs Dr jensix scept Guide to 309 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 1: Improving Communication, connection and Intimacy and you will love this. 310 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,240 Speaker 1: I wrote a children's book with my mother, SimPE A 311 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:32,239 Speaker 1: Wild All Rock and Babies. Did you get along? Are 312 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,640 Speaker 1: you a better collaborator than your father? What did mom say? 313 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:40,360 Speaker 1: My parents are amazing collaborators. It has definitely been ups 314 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,919 Speaker 1: and downs for them of collaboration. But my mom and 315 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,160 Speaker 1: I wrote that book well feeding my daughters who had 316 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,880 Speaker 1: very severe reflux and college, and we would be feeding 317 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 1: them and we would say, you know, like, oh my god, 318 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,400 Speaker 1: what do we do before these babies. Then we would say, 319 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,679 Speaker 1: oh my god, there's such rock star. And then we 320 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,160 Speaker 1: wrote this book called Rock and Babies, and it's all 321 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 1: about kind of you would appreciate it because it's about 322 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: babies as celebrities. It's kind of like, you know, looking 323 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 1: at baby says like, oh, you know, rocking babies have 324 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:14,440 Speaker 1: paparazzi and parents I taking pictures for the baby. So 325 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: it was just kind of a metaphor. We were all 326 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 1: checking out. Do you have a celebrity crush? Dr Jen 327 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 1: come on my celebrity crushes. Eric Schiffer my my long 328 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:29,120 Speaker 1: term partner. You probably have seen him on TV a lot. 329 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,640 Speaker 1: He's a very handsome man. We've been to we've been 330 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:42,199 Speaker 1: together for seven years. He's we're not marrying, but whoever, 331 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, sometimes I were wearing it happened 332 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,560 Speaker 1: to only fit that finger, um, but he is just 333 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:55,400 Speaker 1: the sexiest. If you did get married, yes, wedding song 334 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: b would it be one of your mom and dad. 335 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,119 Speaker 1: So would it be one of the competitors and I 336 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 1: couldn't do that? Are you kidding me? No? I guess what. 337 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 1: It would have to be one of my parents. But 338 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 1: the thing is a lot of my parents are kind 339 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 1: of break up tarn't you you wantn't love and feeling 340 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 1: come again? Yeah? That It's like people that get married 341 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 1: to the greatest love of all, they don't listen to 342 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 1: the lyrics. It's about the bomb. I mean that wouldn't work, 343 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:32,359 Speaker 1: say Eric. You was such a delight. Thank you for 344 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: making time to do this. Everybody. Check out Dr Jen's 345 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,400 Speaker 1: new book, Relationship Fixed. We were going to gossip about celebrities, 346 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 1: but you were much, much, much too interesting and hopefully 347 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 1: we answered some of your questions about your own love 348 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,440 Speaker 1: and romance in your life. Once again, thank you, Dr Jenn, 349 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,159 Speaker 1: Take care of everybody. Thank you for listening to the 350 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,520 Speaker 1: Naughty but Nice with Rob Show, a production of I 351 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Don't forget to subscribe on the I Heart 352 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,679 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you live, so and 353 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 1: leave us a review. We say this together, Dr Jenn. 354 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: We say the word nice together. Okay, and remember all together. Now, 355 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 1: if you're going to be naughty. You've got to be nice. 356 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 1: Take it off. It's not even nice with bro