Speaker 1: The whole drive. I'm just crying. I'm sobbing the whole way.
Speaker 1: That's almost an hour drive, no music type of drive.
Speaker 1: So when I come home, I want to bend.
Speaker 2: To my boyfriend, you know. So I come home and
Speaker 2: I open I go to my bedroom because he's in there,
Speaker 2: and the first thing I see is him just.
Speaker 1: Laying in the bed faith down, asked so high.
Speaker 2: So you know, he's.
Speaker 1: Noticeable in one of my pink lace songs. And uh,
Speaker 1: I really don't know, man, we don't. We both just
Speaker 1: sort of look at each other. And I'm still sobbing
Speaker 1: because the day was just so ship.
Speaker 3: Georgia. Yes, yeah, Georgia. What's going on with you?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 5: Not a whole lot?
Speaker 3: What's your are you? You're in a car right now.
Speaker 3: I just heard a turn signal.
Speaker 2: Uh yes, I am actually.
Speaker 3: Where are we going? Are we turning right or left?
Speaker 3: That's what I want to know.
Speaker 1: I am actually turning left.
Speaker 2: I'm going home, going home.
Speaker 3: Okay, what's what's home?
Speaker 6: Home?
Speaker 7: In Oklahoma?
Speaker 3: Where are we coming from?
Speaker 2: We're coming from my boyfriend's work and McDonald's. He doesn't
Speaker 2: work at McDonald's. He works actually a piece of please.
Speaker 2: But I also wanted to get McDonald's.
Speaker 3: So you know, what'd you get at McDonald's.
Speaker 2: I got a cheese burger happy nail.
Speaker 3: I also do. I don't get mine with any onions
Speaker 3: or any pickles.
Speaker 1: I do get the pickles.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it really depends on my mood that day.
Speaker 3: Did you get a toy? What's the toy problem they
Speaker 3: got going on?
Speaker 8: Is it?
Speaker 3: Batman?
Speaker 1: You know, I haven't checked yet because I was too
Speaker 1: excited to like rush home, because I was nervous if
Speaker 1: you were going to answer before I got home, or.
Speaker 2: If I was still driving. But that ends up happening anywhere.
Speaker 3: By the way, your turn signal has been on the
Speaker 3: entire time we've been talking, and I'm are you did
Speaker 3: you make.
Speaker 1: No, I'm just now turning. I'm finally turning. Don't worry,
Speaker 1: it's about to turn off.
Speaker 3: Oh okay. You know, for a second, for a second,
Speaker 3: I thought you were just like taking aly long right turn.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, you said you're turning left. I thought would
Speaker 3: take a really long left turn. And then I and
Speaker 3: then it came to me, I was like, oh, I'm dumb.
Speaker 3: She's in the left lane waiting to turn.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But by the way, but if you're in. If you're
Speaker 3: in the left lane, do you really and do you
Speaker 3: really need a turn signal? Because everyone behind you is
Speaker 3: also turning left, so they and like just being being
Speaker 3: in the lane that itself signifies that you are turning left,
Speaker 3: So do you need to add a turn signal on
Speaker 3: top of it?
Speaker 1: I have actually had arguments with people, well, I want
Speaker 1: to say, arguments just over there. In my opinion, I
Speaker 1: think that the turn signal is there for you should
Speaker 1: just use it, Just use it just in case you
Speaker 1: never know. I mean, granted the point, it's true, but
Speaker 1: like I don't know. I've seen people do some function
Speaker 1: on the road and you can't trust their turn signals.
Speaker 1: They're not and they do some of their stuff. So it's
Speaker 1: just like, okay, just just follow the general guidelines and
Speaker 1: we're all cool.
Speaker 3: Georgia. It says here you one day came home from
Speaker 3: work crying, and then you when you got home you
Speaker 3: found your boyfriend face down, ass up, wearing one of
Speaker 3: your pink thongs, and then that and that made you
Speaker 3: feel worse. What tell me that story?
Speaker 1: So I used to work, uh, I mean, it doesn't
Speaker 1: really matter where you used to work, But I was
Speaker 1: having a terrible, terrible day at work. I used to
Speaker 1: cut in there and just at the place they wanted to.
Speaker 1: They wanted us to like cut so many people, and
Speaker 1: the men there were so rude. It was a barbershop
Speaker 1: takes place, and it was just terrible. So I'm coming home.
Speaker 1: The whole drive, I'm just crying. I'm sobbing the whole way.
Speaker 1: That's almost an hour drive, no music type of drive.
Speaker 1: That's it was terrible. So when I come home, I
Speaker 1: wanna bend.
Speaker 2: To my boyfriend, you know, because ship fav that's what
Speaker 2: you do. And so I come home and I open
Speaker 2: I go to my bedroom because he's in there, and
Speaker 2: the first thing I see is him just.
Speaker 1: Laying in the bed, face down, asked so high, so
Speaker 1: you know, he's noticeable in one of my pink lace songs.
Speaker 1: And I really don't know.
Speaker 5: Man, we don't.
Speaker 1: We both just sort of look at each other. And
Speaker 1: I'm still sobbing because the day was just so shit,
Speaker 1: and he's sort of just laying there awkwardly, and for
Speaker 1: I swear to god, it it felt like it was
Speaker 1: an hour. It was probably just thirty seconds.
Speaker 2: But eventually he, you know, suits up and he's like.
Speaker 1: I wanted to like make you laugh.
Speaker 2: I guess when you came home and I just kept.
Speaker 1: Crying and it was just really, really fucking awkward. He
Speaker 1: then was like consoling me and his in the song
Speaker 1: still his balls were hanging out and everything, and I
Speaker 1: was just crying. He was comforting me with it was
Speaker 1: a whole thing.
Speaker 3: Uh, you know, that's actually nice. So when I first
Speaker 3: read this, I thought it was I I didn't realize
Speaker 3: that he intentionally wanted to be walked in on in
Speaker 3: this position. I thought he was doing something discreet and
Speaker 3: you encountered upon him in the act.
Speaker 2: Nope, he uh, he likes to be seen doing these
Speaker 2: things for for shiitts and giggles. I guess he's I
Speaker 2: don't even know where he got the idea from. He
Speaker 2: I don't know, I think I honestly, I just don't know.
Speaker 3: And did you eventually find yourself amused by this once
Speaker 3: you calmed down or or I mean you said you
Speaker 3: said it made it it made it worse?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you know, I was already having a bad
Speaker 2: day and I just wanted to talk to him about it,
Speaker 2: and just something about knowing that like his his I mean,
Speaker 2: he's a man you know, and sometimes men are like
Speaker 2: nasty and sweaty and shit, and like he was in
Speaker 2: my thong and I don't know something about his ball.
Speaker 1: Just being up in my phone.
Speaker 2: Just it was just a weird I was already having
Speaker 2: a bad day, so I see bad situations. But yeah, Honestly,
Speaker 2: after I had calmed down, though, we both laughed so
Speaker 2: fucking hard about it. We were talking about it last night. Actually,
Speaker 2: I told him that, uh, I was.
Speaker 1: Probably gonna potentially talk to you and tell you about this,
Speaker 1: and he was like, that's great.
Speaker 2: He says, it's the most embarrassing thing he ever had
Speaker 2: to deal with.
Speaker 3: I like that your boyfriend, and ten only puts himself
Speaker 3: in embarrassing situations. I think that there is a strong
Speaker 3: power in that.
Speaker 2: No, honestly, it's it's one of the he makes my
Speaker 2: life really amazing with that. I'm never bored with him ever.
Speaker 3: Matt. That's so great to hear, because I think a
Speaker 3: lot of people think, like, oh, if I'm doing this
Speaker 3: way or whatever, women won't like that. But here you are,
Speaker 3: this guy is in your thong, ass up, and you
Speaker 3: you're you're you enjoy that. It's a part of his whimsy.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, it's amazing. Truthfully, while in the moment, yeah,
Speaker 2: it was kind of shitty. It's it's it's fucking hilarious
Speaker 2: to look back up for sure.
Speaker 3: How long he has been dating for?
Speaker 2: About three years?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 3: Three years? Wow? Is he with you right now? Oh no, yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: Well let me know. Uh, I'm wondering what he's probably
Speaker 3: like setting something up right now, like he's wearing one
Speaker 3: of your bras, or he's put one of your tampons
Speaker 3: in and you'll walk in through the door and he'll
Speaker 3: be spread eagle.
Speaker 4: That would be a you know, I hope so.
Speaker 7: And I'll update you all for sure.
Speaker 3: Update you or oh yes, oh yes, let us know.
Speaker 3: Thank you very much for calling Georgia untily.
Speaker 7: Thank you, Jacob, Yeah, Jacob, Jacob.
Speaker 3: It says here that you're having anxiety about whether or
Speaker 3: not you are an asshole.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Actually, a.
Speaker 8: Few weeks ago, I had a few drinks with some
Speaker 8: friends at a concert and uh, I made some I
Speaker 8: guess asshole has joked out loud and it seems like
Speaker 8: a few people heard and I said, out loud, am
Speaker 8: I a dick? And my friends started laughing, And I
Speaker 8: believe they think that I'm a dick.
Speaker 3: All right, So you make a joke, h then you
Speaker 3: second guess the joke. I wonder if you're an asshole,
Speaker 3: and then your friends laugh along, and that makes you
Speaker 3: think that you're an asshole.
Speaker 8: That's not I mean, that's when I started thinking about it.
Speaker 4: But now I okay, So I'm sorry, can't continue.
Speaker 8: I just feel like I'm micro analyzing my actions day
Speaker 8: to day and I guess the and take much micro analyzing.
Speaker 8: But I feel like I am a dick.
Speaker 3: Why do you feel like you're a dick.
Speaker 8: Well, I'm a delivery guy or a delivery company in
Speaker 8: the not so nice part of town here, and I
Speaker 8: don't have very good customer service skills. I've come to
Speaker 8: found or at least not now, but my road rage
Speaker 8: has gone up. If someone gives me attitude, I just
Speaker 8: don't I don't.
Speaker 6: Care.
Speaker 8: I just go off or I'll give him a finger.
Speaker 3: And all right, So, so you feel like you, as
Speaker 3: you've gotten older, have become more prone to anger.
Speaker 8: Maybe anger, yeah, bitterness, frustration Okay, I'd like soak like
Speaker 8: all day long.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're getting agitated. So you have a lot
Speaker 3: like of stimulus and variables coming in, do you feel
Speaker 3: like all this stimulus and variables are like going through
Speaker 3: you and then coming out of you in the form
Speaker 3: of assholeish behavior as defined by you.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's not a bad way to put it yet.
Speaker 3: Okay, so do you let me ask you something. Do
Speaker 3: you care about whether or not you're an asshole? Do
Speaker 3: you desire not to be an asshole?
Speaker 9: Well?
Speaker 8: Yeah, well yeah, so this went hand in hand with
Speaker 8: some other thoughts that I've been having and just about
Speaker 8: why we're here and why this is all.
Speaker 3: Well well okay, well let's let's let's focus. I want
Speaker 3: to focus on one thing because if we get on
Speaker 3: other thoughts go crazy, We'll never you know. So all right,
Speaker 3: but why let me ask you? Let me ask you
Speaker 3: what what makes someone? Do you Do you desire to
Speaker 3: be actively good or you just desire not to be
Speaker 3: actively bad?
Speaker 9: No?
Speaker 8: I want to I want to be I want to
Speaker 8: be actively not bad if we have to all be
Speaker 8: in this world together.
Speaker 3: And yeah, that's not what I'm asking there, Like, do
Speaker 3: you want do you want to be actively good or
Speaker 3: do you just like want to cease this behavior that
Speaker 3: you say is being an asshole?
Speaker 8: No, I want to be good.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's I want to. I want to with you
Speaker 3: right now. I want to define what does it mean
Speaker 3: to be an asshole? Like do we even know or
Speaker 3: are we just like or are we just saying that,
Speaker 3: like we don't even know what we don't even know
Speaker 3: what that means? Being an asshole is just words?
Speaker 5: What is that?
Speaker 3: What does that actually mean? To be an asshole?
Speaker 8: Sure? So, I guess an asshole is someone who should
Speaker 8: affect the way a person is feeling and not care.
Speaker 3: Okay, an asshole, in your definition is somebody who negatively
Speaker 3: affects the way another person is feeling and doesn't care.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, uh. When is the last time you feel
Speaker 3: as though you negatively affected another person?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 8: They but perhaps they negatively affected me? First?
Speaker 3: Jacob, Jacob, When is the last time you feel like
Speaker 3: you negatively affected another person?
Speaker 8: Today?
Speaker 3: Today? What happened today?
Speaker 8: I yelled at a lady at worked?
Speaker 3: Okay, you yelled at a lady at work?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Do you feel bad about that?
Speaker 5: Not so much?
Speaker 8: But there's a reason.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, So yelled at lady at work and
Speaker 3: you don't feel bad about it, and you feel like
Speaker 3: you negative affected that lady? Hm, what was what's the reason?
Speaker 7: Her dog?
Speaker 2: Bit my hand.
Speaker 3: Her dog tod bit your hand, so you yell at her.
Speaker 8: I tried to handle the package and her dog jumped
Speaker 8: up and bit my hands.
Speaker 3: M hmm. Okay, what would you like to have done
Speaker 3: in that situation?
Speaker 8: If I had set the scene this this place is what?
Speaker 3: Jacob, Jacob, jac what would you like to have in
Speaker 3: that situation?
Speaker 5: Hm?
Speaker 8: I guess gotten in my car or my truck and left.
Speaker 8: But it's just hard to compose myself in those situations.
Speaker 3: Why is it hard to compose yourself in these situations?
Speaker 8: Because getting bit by someone's dog hurts, and they could
Speaker 8: have stopped the dog.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm. All right, I'm gonna tell you this is
Speaker 3: something like I've been reading a little bit about this.
Speaker 3: Look look at me. I've been reading you know, uh,
Speaker 3: you know, you know stoic philosophy. You ever heard about
Speaker 3: that Shitai? Yeah, basically like trying to have I'm not
Speaker 3: coming at this as a master of it. I'm just
Speaker 3: coming at this again as a thought exploration alongside you,
Speaker 3: you know, accepting things that we can't control. Right, this
Speaker 3: dog bit you, This dog bit you. You cannot control
Speaker 3: other people you can't control if somebody puts you off
Speaker 3: in traffic. He said, you have road rage. Can't control
Speaker 3: if a lady's dog bites you, but you can control
Speaker 3: how you act, and you desire.
Speaker 2: It.
Speaker 3: Seems it seems like you desire this, because if you
Speaker 3: didn't desire this, you wouldn't be calling me, we wouldn't
Speaker 3: be talking about this. So you do. You've bought Your
Speaker 3: actions are shoying. You desire to be cooler and calmer
Speaker 3: in these situations. Okay, So you can't control if the
Speaker 3: lady's dog bites you. You can't control if the guy's car
Speaker 3: hits you or cuts you off or whatever, but you
Speaker 3: can control how you act towards it. So if a
Speaker 3: lady's dog bites you, you have an opportunity. You look at
Speaker 3: it not as a bad thing. You look at it
Speaker 3: as an opportunity. You're get to retrain your brain. Here
Speaker 3: to go. Oh, a bad thing happened to me that
Speaker 3: was under no circumstances my control. Here's now an opportunity
Speaker 3: for me to work toward this thing I want by
Speaker 3: choosing not to care, by choosing not to yell at
Speaker 3: the lady, choosing not to get upset, because it's the
Speaker 3: most logical choice, right, Because the dog bit you that
Speaker 3: that already happened, So why would you not take that
Speaker 3: as an opportunity. It's like, logical, this isn't like this
Speaker 3: doesn't feel good, wholesome bullshit. This is like, yeah, legit, Logically,
Speaker 3: it is of your best interest to see it as
Speaker 3: an opportunity to work toward what you want, which is
Speaker 3: a greater control over your emotions. So take this bad
Speaker 3: thing that happened, decide to use it as an opportunity
Speaker 3: to not get upset. And dude, fucking you don't have
Speaker 3: to become a monk overnight. But like, next time, like
Speaker 3: some homework here, next time that happens, gain like be conscious,
Speaker 3: you know, because because because you're you're gonna you're gonna
Speaker 3: slip into your unconscious habit of getting pissed. Next time
Speaker 3: this happens, choose not to be upset about it. Choose
Speaker 3: to just get back into your car and see how
Speaker 3: that feels. Because once you've been able to consciously choose
Speaker 3: how you feel about a situation, once you then learn,
Speaker 3: oh shit, this is within my power, this is of
Speaker 3: my control, and maybe that'll make you feel empowered to
Speaker 3: keep acting in that direction. What do you think about
Speaker 3: all of that.
Speaker 8: I like that good advice. It's easy to get caught
Speaker 8: up in the moment, especially because I'm listening to you
Speaker 8: in my right year all day long while I'm driving,
Speaker 8: and uh yeah, sometimes it just seems to happen so fast.
Speaker 8: People are fucking crazy. They're definitely steel packages and down
Speaker 8: to get my fucking truck. Like they need to know
Speaker 8: that I'm not putting up with that shit.
Speaker 3: Why why do they need Why does anyone need to
Speaker 3: know anything? James, because James, could you have me, James,
Speaker 3: it's just that, James. This is like you're telling you're
Speaker 3: we're on the phone, you're telling me like the thesis
Speaker 3: of the reason why you called. I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 3: you called in just to tell me these stories, like
Speaker 3: just for fun, which is fine, I guess that's the
Speaker 3: whole point of this. But like it sounded to me
Speaker 3: like you you have a desire to like change your behavior.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you actually do. It's fine, by
Speaker 3: the way, by the way, it's fuck. It's fucking fine
Speaker 3: if you don't, like, you don't have to, so you
Speaker 3: can you can continue, you know, doing whatever it is
Speaker 3: you're doing. No one gives a ship, but I know
Speaker 3: if you do. I don't know if you do. You
Speaker 3: might not, but like, do do you do? You do
Speaker 3: you want to be a little bit calmer?
Speaker 9: Oh yeah for sure.
Speaker 3: Okay, next time, next time, next time, next time, something
Speaker 3: like that happens. Just like make the decision to take
Speaker 3: the path of least resistance and be calm about it.
Speaker 3: Just make that conscious decision, and if you do that enough,
Speaker 3: it'll become a happy.
Speaker 5: Word.
Speaker 3: James, Good luck to you, my friend. I'll talk to
Speaker 3: you soon. I love your gay I will damn dude.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, no, iouly wasn't sure if I was going
Speaker 7: to actually connect with you.
Speaker 3: Well here we are. We've connected. Whatever that means. How
Speaker 3: are you doing, will, Yeah, I'm doing good.
Speaker 7: While Oh yeah, fucking uh?
Speaker 5: What's up?
Speaker 7: What's happening? What's cracking?
Speaker 3: Not much? Can I can? I read what it says here.
Speaker 3: It says here that you were homeless sleeping in a
Speaker 3: dumpster two years ago, but you have your life. I
Speaker 3: was behind a dumpster. That's a little bit n I mean,
Speaker 3: I mean that's a little bit nicer than in the dumpster.
Speaker 7: Yeah yeah, yeah, so you know I was probably I
Speaker 7: don't know, like eighteen at that point, and I'm like
Speaker 7: twenty one now, for reference, didn't necessarily have like a
Speaker 7: super troubled childhood or anything, but you know, got into
Speaker 7: drugs when I was like fourteen or fifteen, you know,
Speaker 7: started playing the drums in a punk band and on
Speaker 7: my nose pierced and all that jazz, and I was like, hell, yeah,
Speaker 7: let's you know, do a bunch of coke and speed
Speaker 7: and stuff. I guess, yeah, obviously got me into some trouble.
Speaker 7: So I got kicked out of my parents' house and
Speaker 7: got kicked out of school, wound up in the city nearby, Calgary.
Speaker 7: And yeah, it wasn't like I was sleeping behind a
Speaker 7: dumpster regularly, but I was couch hopping and whenever I
Speaker 7: couldn't find a place, I'd hop on down to seventh Tab.
Speaker 7: And so you had.
Speaker 3: You had a dumpster in particular that.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, yeah, you know it was a spot.
Speaker 3: How did you find that spot and declare it as
Speaker 3: your spot? Did you like sort of go looking around
Speaker 3: or did you happen upon it. What's the story of
Speaker 3: how you found your spot?
Speaker 7: Honestly, it was just like I used to just check
Speaker 7: around with a couple of pairs of clothes and a
Speaker 7: blanket on my backpack. And this spot was not too
Speaker 7: far from one of the train stations downtown, so I
Speaker 7: was buying an W burger chain. So you know, I
Speaker 7: used to hang around to that burger chain with some
Speaker 7: of the other hoboes. And yeah, no, just you know,
Speaker 7: it's just right behind the ANW. Pretty pretty secure. There's
Speaker 7: like some kind of generator or heater or some shit nearby,
Speaker 7: so it was actually pretty warm in the winter. And
Speaker 7: did it's not too bad for being a burger chain.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, like good beef at least. Yeah. Yeah, No,
Speaker 3: ANW is a good one. I wanted to ask you
Speaker 3: said you were hanging out with other hobos. You said,
Speaker 3: did you make friends during this time period with other
Speaker 3: people that were staying around the A and W.
Speaker 7: I mean, like not good ones, but I feel like
Speaker 7: anybody in that situation recognizes that to a certain degree,
Speaker 7: you got to stick together. You know, there were a
Speaker 7: lot of people that I didn't necessarily agree with that
Speaker 7: I found myself around because the numbers kind of provided security,
Speaker 7: or also like knowing some of these scumbags and knowing
Speaker 7: that some of the other scumbags who would potentially give
Speaker 7: me trouble new them. You know, that's a sense of
Speaker 7: security in and of itself. I didn't really ask too
Speaker 7: many questions when you're with when you were with other people,
Speaker 7: So that was the main thing, honestly, Like, I can't
Speaker 7: think of too many people I was hanging out with
Speaker 7: downtown that I would want to hang out with now.
Speaker 7: But yeah, definitely I made some friends. It was just
Speaker 7: kind of making deal with what I had at the
Speaker 7: time though too.
Speaker 3: You know, So, what are the main thoughts going through
Speaker 3: your mind as you are What would do you have
Speaker 3: a sleeping bag or anything?
Speaker 7: No? No, I had had a blanket that I stole
Speaker 7: from my friend's house.
Speaker 3: So when you're falling asleep behind the dumpster, you got
Speaker 3: your blanket you stole from your friends. What as you
Speaker 3: lay down at night and go to sleep, what are
Speaker 3: the thoughts going through your head?
Speaker 7: Nine times at a time, it was holly fuck, I'm
Speaker 7: hungry a lot of the time. It wasn't a lot
Speaker 7: of sleep and being done. It was just sitting there
Speaker 7: listening to you know, trains go by, cars go by, sirens,
Speaker 7: listening to all the bullshit that a big city has
Speaker 7: to bring. Yeah, I'm just kind of thinking about what
Speaker 7: I could do next to make sure the next night
Speaker 7: I wouldn't be in the same position.
Speaker 3: That was pretty much and eventually and eventually, as you say,
Speaker 3: you got out of that position. You say, what was
Speaker 3: the process for you of getting yourself out of there
Speaker 3: into a more stable place?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 7: I mean it was a lot of help, for sure.
Speaker 7: You know, like there's there's a community center in my city,
Speaker 7: and they helped a lot, for sure. A lot of
Speaker 7: volunteers there that literally would just hang around, like they'd
Speaker 7: cook food for vagrants like me and just hang around
Speaker 7: and listen to whatever we had to say or whatever.
Speaker 7: And yeah they be Alex, anybody from there's listening and
Speaker 7: shout out. So but yeah, no, so a lot of help.
Speaker 7: You know. I had a couple of good friends from
Speaker 7: from school and whatnot that have my back, and you know,
Speaker 7: my brother and my mom and my dad obviously, But
Speaker 7: at the same time, same thing that I was telling
Speaker 7: the screener, not like like you know, I had a
Speaker 7: conversation with my brother a couple of years after the matter,
Speaker 7: and the big thing that I took away from it
Speaker 7: he told me, you know, you can't jump away, jump
Speaker 7: in front of a runaway train, you know, like he
Speaker 7: was there to support me. He you know, he made
Speaker 7: it very clear he loved me. But whatever decisions I
Speaker 7: was going to make were mine to make. And you know, yeah,
Speaker 7: that's pretty much all it is to say about that.
Speaker 7: Like I had to change my perspective. It was up
Speaker 7: to nobody else, you know, like it was it was
Speaker 7: my own thing.
Speaker 3: So you can't of a run away train. I like that,
Speaker 3: Uh that phrase?
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I liked that one too, And it's true.
Speaker 7: You know, like you can't whatever reckless decision somebody's gonna make,
Speaker 7: they're gonna make for themselves and you can't stop that.
Speaker 7: All you can do is provide your own perspective. And
Speaker 7: that's exactly what my brother did. That's my family and
Speaker 7: you know, my good friends. But I'm glad none of
Speaker 7: them took that upon themselves to change the way that
Speaker 7: I was thinking, or what I was doing or anything,
Speaker 7: because you know, let's some juju nobody needs.
Speaker 3: Oh what is your life like now?
Speaker 7: Well, about like eight months ago, nine months ago or whatever,
Speaker 7: I moved from the prairies of Canada, just a little
Speaker 7: ways east of the east of Calgary out to the
Speaker 7: mountains into a ski town too.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 7: Chase a cheats A dream I had since I was
Speaker 7: like fifteen or whatever. I moved out to Whistler to
Speaker 7: work at a mountain bike park and I decided to
Speaker 7: stay for winter. I'm working at a at a ski
Speaker 7: rental shop. Now it's pretty sick. I can't lie, you know.
Speaker 7: I get to go skiing all my lunch break. I'm
Speaker 7: looking out out my out my back door right now,
Speaker 7: a beautiful mountains. So it's nice. Money's not great, but yeah, honestly,
Speaker 7: I don't think I I'd changed anything for the world. Honestly,
Speaker 7: even my past experience is all that homelessness and druggy
Speaker 7: bullshit and whatnot. I think a lot of that gave
Speaker 7: me the perspective I have now. Uh, that perspective gives
Speaker 7: me the ability to really enjoy where I am now.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, man, that's cool. I like, uh, I
Speaker 3: like whenever I you know, I hear people I can
Speaker 3: you know, I have gone through something something tough, but
Speaker 3: they like get something out of it that they can
Speaker 3: use in their sort of current life. That's awesome a
Speaker 3: ski rental, But do you go skiing yourself?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 7: Absolutely every day that I can.
Speaker 3: Beautiful uh, Will, is there anything else that you want
Speaker 3: to say to the to the people, thank you for
Speaker 3: sharing this story. I I uh I I always enjoy
Speaker 3: hearing a nice comeback tale.
Speaker 7: Well yeah, honestly, one big thing I want to say is,
Speaker 7: first of all, my god, you guys have such a
Speaker 7: pleasant show on your hands. Even the screener was just
Speaker 7: like such a such a nice dude. Yeah, just overall
Speaker 7: vibe pleasant. And then beyond that, fuck, don't give up
Speaker 7: on yourselves, people, you know, do what you can to
Speaker 7: make it work, and eventually it will.
Speaker 3: Beautiful. Thank you for calling Will, Hey.
Speaker 7: Thanks for having me man appreciate what you're doing here.
Speaker 3: Hmmm, this is the wrong thing to have gotten out
Speaker 3: of that, but I'm kind of craving a and w now.
Speaker 3: Rick Fallon, Oh hello, hey, Rick Fallon, what's uh? What
Speaker 3: have we got going on in the background? Are you're
Speaker 3: watching a soap opera of some kind?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: It stays of our lives?
Speaker 3: Oh is it actually no, it's just I thank you
Speaker 3: for yes anding me. By the way, it's it's nice.
Speaker 3: I always I always appreciate that. I always appreciate It's
Speaker 3: really hard, Rick Fallen, It's so hard to have a
Speaker 3: conversation where you feel like you're being listened to and
Speaker 3: the other person is taking feedback from what you said
Speaker 3: and using it to inform what they then say. And
Speaker 3: then you back take what they said that was informed
Speaker 3: by what you said and then using that to inform
Speaker 3: you say. And I mean that's ideally how a conversation goes.
Speaker 3: Would you not agree?
Speaker 5: Wow?
Speaker 4: Yeah, isn't. And that's the whole point of the show.
Speaker 3: I think right now. The point of this show is
Speaker 3: being a gecko and talking to people on the phone.
Speaker 4: Oh you are a gecko. I paused the sentence, thank you.
Speaker 4: It wasn't that great of an episode.
Speaker 3: What's going on, Rick Fallen? Is there anything in particular
Speaker 3: that you want to to talk about? It's fine if not.
Speaker 3: If you seem like a guy, we could just kind of,
Speaker 3: you know, hang out together on the phone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I'm down for anything. I mean, I
Speaker 4: told the call screener guy, I I don't know. I
Speaker 4: guess I've just been feeling a little weird lately. I
Speaker 4: turned thirty over the summer, and it's pretty strange because
Speaker 4: it's like, you know, I think maybe I'll live till
Speaker 4: I'm like ninety and then after that, I don't know
Speaker 4: how much, you know, you can really consider that living.
Speaker 4: So it's like a third of my life. It's pretty strange.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, why are you so sure that you're going
Speaker 3: to live to ninety? I feel like I feel like
Speaker 3: most people are getting too eighty these days.
Speaker 4: Really, I don't know. My great grandma lived till she
Speaker 4: was nine one hundred.
Speaker 3: Oh, okay, all right, so you have the jeans, you'll
Speaker 3: all right, you know, we could we could say, we
Speaker 3: could say ninety, but then you're right, you did make
Speaker 3: a good point eighty to ninety or even if you
Speaker 3: have to one hundred, ninety to one hundred, it's like,
Speaker 3: what are you really even doing at that point?
Speaker 4: It's I feel like it's generally like thirty years is
Speaker 4: like about a third of your life maybe, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's just strange to think about that, you know that.
Speaker 4: Oh it's and you know, and I so that kind
Speaker 4: of you know, I was dissatisfied with my job, so
Speaker 4: I quit that. Oh nice, and then I decided to
Speaker 4: go camping.
Speaker 3: So you you're sort of coming to terms with the
Speaker 3: fact that a third or more of your life is over.
Speaker 3: And if we're looking back, let's look back at that
Speaker 3: thirty years now, we don't don't have to go into
Speaker 3: every every single sunday of it. But what at a glance,
Speaker 3: what are we uh? What are we looking at here?
Speaker 4: Hmm? My life's been kind of weird and kind of sad,
Speaker 4: but I've done a lot of fun stuff and crazy stuff,
Speaker 4: so I feel like I've always had friends and stuff.
Speaker 4: But I never went to college and got a degree.
Speaker 4: I wanted to be a musician and I was in
Speaker 4: some cool bands.
Speaker 5: But.
Speaker 4: I never really, I guess, put enough effort into it.
Speaker 4: And then I became a carpenter and I did a
Speaker 4: lot of really nice wouldwork, like working for very wealthy people,
Speaker 4: and that was cool. But then I tried to go
Speaker 4: to school, and as soon as I went to school,
Speaker 4: COVID happened and kind of shut down the campus. So
Speaker 4: it's been a pretty wild, pretty strange like I've been,
Speaker 4: like I've been, you know, I've been trying a lot
Speaker 4: of different things, I guess.
Speaker 3: So you said kind of did you say fun? Kind
Speaker 3: of fun? Kind of sad? That was the two immediate
Speaker 3: words you used to describe your life thus far, which,
Speaker 3: by the way, you know, that's pretty that's pretty good
Speaker 3: if we're talking about trying to live a colorful life,
Speaker 3: you know, yeah, reveling in the reveling in the highs
Speaker 3: and the lows.
Speaker 4: Sure, yeah, it's been.
Speaker 3: I mean, what's been the most I guess fun time
Speaker 3: period of these thirty years? And what were you doing
Speaker 3: in that particularly fun time period?
Speaker 4: Probably from like the ages of like maybe twenty to
Speaker 4: twenty four, like you know, early twenties.
Speaker 7: I guess early were pretty cool.
Speaker 4: I just played a lot of shows in my band,
Speaker 4: drank a lot, smoked a lot of weed, did a
Speaker 4: lot of psychedelics, and didn't really care what was what
Speaker 4: was going to happen.
Speaker 3: That was cool, okay, And so then all right, let's
Speaker 3: do twenty four to thirty. What's going on twenty four
Speaker 3: to thirty the sort of mid late.
Speaker 4: Twenties, I don't know. I just I kind of just
Speaker 4: worked and didn't really didn't really think much of it.
Speaker 4: I became like a carpenter because I thought, like i'd
Speaker 4: feel like flipping houses or something like, I thought it'd
Speaker 4: be cool, like I wouldn't have to have a real job,
Speaker 4: Like I just like go in and like flip houses,
Speaker 4: and I wouldn't have a boss and I'd make like
Speaker 4: a lot of money or something, but he needed a
Speaker 4: lot of money to start doing.
Speaker 3: That, right, did I mean did it work out kind
Speaker 3: of like that? Or did it work out not like that?
Speaker 3: Even slightly? Stuff worked to work? How would you? How
Speaker 3: would you? Where would you put it? Uh?
Speaker 5: Works worse to work.
Speaker 3: On a scale of it works like that too. It
Speaker 3: didn't work like that at all? How much did it work?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: Well, well, it didn't work like that at all. Then
Speaker 4: I tried to go to school to be an engineer,
Speaker 4: but then COVID happened, and then it was kind of weird.
Speaker 4: I was forced to go back doing this sort of
Speaker 4: carpentry stuff. And then I've been like freelancing and just
Speaker 4: sort of living at my mom's house and writing some
Speaker 4: music and uh yeah, not really sure. It's it's very strange,
Speaker 4: like nothing. I've been down twenty different paths, but nothing.
Speaker 4: It's all just been one intertwined experience. And I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm kind of okay with it.
Speaker 3: So you had this realization lately, Uh, you just turned thirty.
Speaker 3: You're You're like, all right, this is a solid third over.
Speaker 5: We were.
Speaker 3: We've we've looked back at the third, we've had some
Speaker 3: pretty damn good times. We've had some sad times, but
Speaker 3: we we kind of I feel like we're accepting it
Speaker 3: all as part of the human experience. Now, what's oh yeah,
Speaker 3: let's let's get a all right, now we're in the present.
Speaker 3: What's what's going on? What's going on the present, what's
Speaker 3: going on today this week?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just thinking about.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't. I don't really like think
Speaker 4: about much. I just kind of I just kind of
Speaker 4: go to the gym and I'm just I'm I kind
Speaker 4: of stopped caring what's going to happen, and I just
Speaker 4: kind of like exist with what's going on around me.
Speaker 4: I just kind of stopped trying to be something. I
Speaker 4: got really into this guy. His name is Ecker Tole.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's who I thought you were gonna say, yeah,
Speaker 3: the power of now.
Speaker 4: Yes, oh yeah, And I've been kind of like that,
Speaker 4: but you know, I still have to figure out like
Speaker 4: how to make money and stuff.
Speaker 5: I guess.
Speaker 3: Okay, So let's see early early part of your life,
Speaker 3: you're making all these plans, trying to do all these things,
Speaker 3: thinking about the future, and contemporarily you're trying to live
Speaker 3: more in the present. I'm trying to do that too.
Speaker 3: I'm always trying to see if I can do both.
Speaker 3: It's really hard to do both. But I'd like to
Speaker 3: fucking believe that you can both live in the present
Speaker 3: and plan for the future.
Speaker 7: It's kind of weird.
Speaker 3: It is kind of weird. It's a really tough balance.
Speaker 3: So you're trying to live more in the present. What's
Speaker 3: what's what's what about the future? Or are we thinking?
Speaker 3: Do we? You know? I know you say you're trying
Speaker 3: to live in the in the present, which is a
Speaker 3: good thing to do. I feel like it's pretty easy
Speaker 3: to neglect that, considering it's all we ever really have.
Speaker 3: But when you're looking for the future and you're thinking
Speaker 3: about the next I don't even want to say five
Speaker 3: or ten, you're like, just, you know, the vague future.
Speaker 3: What are we what are we looking at here?
Speaker 4: Well, you know, I'm gonna figure out what I'm doing
Speaker 4: based on like what I feel like doing, because you know,
Speaker 4: sometimes I've had a job because I've had anxiety because
Speaker 4: I don't have a job. But now I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: just going to try to utilize my skills and figure
Speaker 4: out something that doesn't really suck to do.
Speaker 3: I guess, yeah, if.
Speaker 4: You really want to know, Like, I mean, my real
Speaker 4: dream would be to have like a homestead sort of thing,
Speaker 4: like a small farm. Maybe not completely off grid, but
Speaker 4: you know, off grid enough. I'm very good at building things,
Speaker 4: since I've built houses. Uh, and I'm not never farmed,
Speaker 4: but I could probably farm. And I like animals, and
Speaker 4: I'm you know, I think I could do that, but
Speaker 4: I don't have money to do it. So that's just
Speaker 4: you know, how do I make money. I guess that's
Speaker 4: what I have.
Speaker 3: To figure out.
Speaker 8: Well.
Speaker 3: I like I like that you've got this like focus
Speaker 3: on your You're kind of you're kind of doing what
Speaker 3: we're talking about with trying to pair a desire to
Speaker 3: live in the present with at least a vague desire
Speaker 3: for something in the future, so you can vaguely walk
Speaker 3: toward that direction. I like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, everything's vague.
Speaker 3: How do you feel about everything being vague?
Speaker 4: I feel vague vague. I feel like it's just strange
Speaker 4: watching like every like just existing is so strange. I
Speaker 4: feel so vague, Like I don't feel good at bad
Speaker 4: about it, and dying is weird. I don't really care
Speaker 4: what happens after you die. I'm pretty spiritual, but just
Speaker 4: the idea that you're gonna have to experience infinity, that's
Speaker 4: pretty strange.
Speaker 3: M hm, you're gonna have to experience in art? Do
Speaker 3: you believe?
Speaker 8: What?
Speaker 3: Why would we have to No, I'm gelling you curious,
Speaker 3: I'm not, but like, why why would we have to
Speaker 3: experience infinity? If we'll be dead, we wouldn't even we
Speaker 3: wouldn't experience anything.
Speaker 4: Well, I guess you know, if you just if there's
Speaker 4: no experience after you die, I believe that there is
Speaker 4: some experience after physical life, you know, whether that's not
Speaker 4: really dying and go to heaven, but you know there's
Speaker 4: some sort of you return to some sort of source
Speaker 4: of something maybe or maybe you just.
Speaker 5: Go.
Speaker 3: So the final thing, I'll ask you, yeah, despite what
Speaker 3: you believe, because you're bringing up all these options, maybe
Speaker 3: you do, Maybe you don't. Maybe this maybe that you
Speaker 3: kind of accepting that you don't really know. If you
Speaker 3: could choose, if it were up to you, if you
Speaker 3: could play god for a moment, what of these different
Speaker 3: sort of maybees would you choose to be the correct way?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: Man, I don't know, not really like have consciousness like
Speaker 4: you do now, but almost just like I don't know,
Speaker 4: because that's sort of weird, because sort of asking like
Speaker 4: what do you want to happen when you die? And
Speaker 4: I'm just like, I don't really, Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't really. I think i'd rather just if it had,
Speaker 4: if I had to actually experience something, I just hope
Speaker 4: it wouldn't be.
Speaker 7: Too I'm like unpleasant.
Speaker 4: Thank you for sharing, Yeah, no problem, thank you, good night, Rick,
Speaker 4: good night.
Speaker 3: Lyle Rick had a. Rick had a good point about
Speaker 3: living in infinity that always used to scare me when
Speaker 3: I was a kid. The idea of living forever, living
Speaker 3: forever scares me way more than dying. If we just
Speaker 3: are constantly reincarnated into something. Although I don't know, maybe
Speaker 3: that's beautiful, Maybe it's cool. You get to be a butterfly,
Speaker 3: you get to be an aunt, get to be a plant,
Speaker 3: just forever your stuff. At least you're not alone, right Like,
Speaker 3: if I'm here forever and my spirit is here forever,
Speaker 3: then everyone else is here forever. And you know, my
Speaker 3: mom's spirit when she dies becomes something else, so she's
Speaker 3: still there. You know my dad's spirit when he dies,
Speaker 3: he is still there. The guy who works at the
Speaker 3: seven to eleven where I buy gummy worms from, he's
Speaker 3: he's still there somewhere, you know. So we're all kind
Speaker 3: of chilling forever. Sit tight. It's a long road ahead. Hellop, Yeah,
Speaker 3: how's how's everything going in uh various various h sections
Speaker 3: of your life?
Speaker 5: Ah, so far and it's uh it's looking up.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Today is actually my birthday, so I mean, yeah, it
Speaker 5: just started to work.
Speaker 3: Is is is your birthday important to you? Is it
Speaker 3: like is it a big events or is it like.
Speaker 5: A not really I over the years, I had a
Speaker 5: kind of a big event around my birthday a few
Speaker 5: years ago. I live in a tower where drugs are
Speaker 5: kind of pretty bad. But it got my mom and
Speaker 5: her ex husband, but I was able to pull my
Speaker 5: mom out.
Speaker 4: But I don't really.
Speaker 5: Care for birthdays too much or like, I don't know,
Speaker 5: no cake, but uh yeah, I just wanted to call
Speaker 5: in say hi, Yeah, I don't know. I started smoking
Speaker 5: a little bit ago before I started watching the stream,
Speaker 5: so probably wasn't the best idea.
Speaker 3: I was about to say. I was about to say,
Speaker 3: are you are you bringing that up as a form
Speaker 3: of like justification of your current behavior.
Speaker 5: On Oh I'm a little bit spacey, it's fine.
Speaker 3: Oh uh, why do you why do you feel like
Speaker 3: your behavior needs some form of justification?
Speaker 5: Oh, it's I don't know, it's something that I've done.
Speaker 5: I constantly say sorry all the time, and yeah.
Speaker 3: What do you Why do you think you do that?
Speaker 5: For sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: And I probably developed round some time after high school
Speaker 5: where I graduated.
Speaker 3: Oh so this is a thing that went on sort
Speaker 3: of sort of late in your life. I fet how
Speaker 3: old are now?
Speaker 5: But I am twenty two.
Speaker 3: Twenty two okay, And so for the last four years
Speaker 3: you've been apologizing a lot.
Speaker 5: Yeah, pretty much after I kind of like moved out
Speaker 5: of my my parents' house right before I graduated. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I never really felt like I really had like a
Speaker 5: place I don't to I don't know. I always felt
Speaker 5: like in a way or like a burden.
Speaker 3: But why are you trying to work on that? You're
Speaker 3: trying to apologize less?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Yeah, it's one of those forces that habit things
Speaker 5: now for four years, Like you said, mmm, but it
Speaker 5: wasn't for sure. There's any uh topic.
Speaker 3: Of are you still are you still? Are you still you?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 3: What's happening right now. You're you're I can tell you
Speaker 3: feel like you're doing this wrong somehow is that? Am
Speaker 3: I protecting that on you? Or is that that's what
Speaker 3: it sounds like?
Speaker 5: Yeah, kind of yeah, I'm always sure. I was just
Speaker 5: watching the stream, uh, just recently, and I wasn't for sure.
Speaker 5: There's any topic of choice.
Speaker 3: What do you what if you were doing what do
Speaker 3: you this is?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 3: How what would you doing this correctly? Look? Even look like?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 5: To be honest, I kind of wanted to come on
Speaker 5: to get some sort of like I guess false guidance
Speaker 5: if you will, because it's it's really comes in myself.
Speaker 5: But uh, any sort of like way in on the
Speaker 5: situation I'm dealing with.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's what's Yeah, what'sh what's what's the situation? What's
Speaker 3: going on?
Speaker 5: Yeah? So I I'm decently skilled with computers and like
Speaker 5: a networking or like a cybersecurity kind of way.
Speaker 7: But the area where I live, it's.
Speaker 5: Midwest and it's farming and random. I live in a
Speaker 5: city where there's nothing here but I need to move.
Speaker 5: But everyone in my family that I like talk to,
Speaker 5: which I stopped talking to all of my family except for.
Speaker 3: The few people.
Speaker 5: Availa want me to stay. So I'm at an impasse.
Speaker 5: Gek and I don't really know what to do. I
Speaker 5: want to move and starts college, but you know it's
Speaker 5: it's a cliche, like a small.
Speaker 7: Town kind of thing.
Speaker 3: I so you want to move and start Why why
Speaker 3: why can't you move and start college?
Speaker 5: Well, uh, I don't know. It's well, it's gonna be.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 5: I'll just say fear. Yeah, the fear of fear.
Speaker 3: I was going to say, you seem and again, I'm
Speaker 3: I'm just a guy on the phone. I'm a stick
Speaker 3: gecko guy. I'm not a psycho, I'm not anything. I'm
Speaker 3: a sick guy. But but listen, you seem scared. I
Speaker 3: don't know. I don't know how to take this fear
Speaker 3: out of you. But but we we both know it's there,
Speaker 3: like a general fear or anxiety or whatever. I don't
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't have the skills to take
Speaker 3: this fear out of you. I cannot, I cannot do
Speaker 3: that for you. But we know it's there. We know
Speaker 3: it's there. We know there's a fear. And I'm thinking,
Speaker 3: I'm sitting here, I'm talking to you and I and
Speaker 3: I know and because I don't feel fear for it
Speaker 3: all right now, like you're afraid of like even just
Speaker 3: how you're being on this phone call. And I know
Speaker 3: from my perspective that you have nothing to be afraid of.
Speaker 3: But I can't. I can't input that data from my
Speaker 3: end into your central nervous system and cause you to
Speaker 3: not be afraid. So I don't. So I don't know,
Speaker 3: but I do know that your fear is or maybe
Speaker 3: I don't know this, but work work with me here
Speaker 3: as I come up with this uh, with this, with
Speaker 3: this thing. I do know that your fear at the
Speaker 3: very least on this call is unfounded. It's not helpful
Speaker 3: or backed up by by anything sort of legitimate. So
Speaker 3: maybe maybe that could mean that your fear about other
Speaker 3: things is UH is on a a sandy foundation by
Speaker 3: But again that's all that's all information. It doesn't it
Speaker 3: won't compute with your central nervous system. You can't you
Speaker 3: can't tell your you can't use logic to become unfearful
Speaker 3: or unnervous. I've tried it myself a lot, yeah, and
Speaker 3: it never works.
Speaker 5: It's been my problem because thats a very analytical mind
Speaker 5: I like to break things down a lot and try
Speaker 5: to think of them logically.
Speaker 3: But yeah, okay, so you're a very analytical guy. You
Speaker 3: break things down logically. How have you attempted to logic
Speaker 3: yourself out of fear and has that worked?
Speaker 8: Like?
Speaker 5: Uh so, I have bipolar. So it's it's it swings
Speaker 5: of like where I feel, you know, good, and I
Speaker 5: have those positive you know, like thinking processes. Because the
Speaker 5: only way you can change, like the way you can
Speaker 5: actually I don't know necessarily I feel better, like succeed
Speaker 5: quote unquote, is if you can, you know, put your
Speaker 5: yourself in the right mindset or set healthy mind habits
Speaker 5: and like the way of thinking that it was positive,
Speaker 5: I'll get in a good swing to that, you know,
Speaker 5: do great then just kind of like a cycle, sell
Speaker 5: and repeat. I've been trying to find the the the.
Speaker 3: Point, you know, what's your end? Michael, Michael. Have you
Speaker 3: spoken to a real Have you spoken to a real
Speaker 3: therapist about your shoes? Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 3: And what do they tell you to do?
Speaker 5: I'm underwent E. M.
Speaker 1: D R.
Speaker 5: Which is like a kind of like a which it
Speaker 5: was psychotherapy and stuff. But yeah, I just have like
Speaker 5: a lot of past traumas that was they were trying
Speaker 5: to unload and like put away in the filing cabinet.
Speaker 5: If you will, so mhm, yeah, well.
Speaker 3: I think you should move I that's that'll if if,
Speaker 3: if you, if you did come here for me to
Speaker 3: weigh in anything, and I and I and I try
Speaker 3: to fucking I guess I try to weigh in as
Speaker 3: little as I can. But I think you should move
Speaker 3: right because what no, you know you don't think you
Speaker 3: should have shouldn't. But I hope I'm not being a
Speaker 3: dick to you. I I it sounds like I'm being
Speaker 3: a dick. I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm
Speaker 3: saying all these things. I'm actually just saying all these
Speaker 3: same I'm like thinking. I feel like the majority of
Speaker 3: my talking has been me just sort of thinking aloud
Speaker 3: to myself, which maybe is maybe is being a dick.
Speaker 3: The point is, I'm a big, fat green dick. But
Speaker 3: I think, would you say, Michael, Michael, I think, look,
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, you're twenty two. Where
Speaker 3: where are we moving to? Where are we moving out of?
Speaker 5: I had what I really wanted to like a bigger city.
Speaker 3: Just where where where are we? Right? Now where are
Speaker 3: we right now?
Speaker 5: Right now? We're fucking Central Indiana.
Speaker 3: We're in Central and we want to move to a
Speaker 3: big city. What what? What? What big city? Give you
Speaker 3: some big cities? Where where ever? We think we're going
Speaker 3: to New York, We're going to Philly, We're going to
Speaker 3: l A. Where are we going the awesome?
Speaker 5: I was thinking probably Seattle? And like it kind of
Speaker 5: sounds ridiculous, Like.
Speaker 3: Why does it sound? Why is that your gut? That's
Speaker 3: that's what I want to know. And I'm not a
Speaker 3: real therapist. I'm trying to be careful here, But why
Speaker 3: why is that? Why is it? Why is it ridiculous?
Speaker 3: Why is it off the bat ridiculous?
Speaker 5: Well, here, at least you know a lot of people.
Speaker 7: From where I live.
Speaker 5: At least they it's always the safety and that.
Speaker 3: Kind of thing.
Speaker 5: They always want to you know, I don't. They don't
Speaker 5: want to go very far do big things.
Speaker 3: Mike, Fuck those people. Okay, Within you, within you, I know,
Speaker 3: I know you have you, you've got your stuff, I
Speaker 3: know you've got your fear. But within you, deep in,
Speaker 3: and I could sense this from you from talking to you.
Speaker 3: Within you, though you may have your obstacles of fear.
Speaker 3: You have this little burning light that that desires to
Speaker 3: uh do things in spite of those obstacles. I hear
Speaker 3: that within you. Mike, you want to move or else
Speaker 3: you wouldn't you, or else you wouldn't have called me.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't have brought it up. You wouldn't it, wouldn't
Speaker 3: have thought, wouldn't have even come to the surface of
Speaker 3: your mind. You want to live a more rich life,
Speaker 3: you want new experiences. But all these fucking people in
Speaker 3: your Indiana town have this way of thinking that's like
Speaker 3: rubbing off on you. Don't don't let that happen to you, Mike,
Speaker 3: because look, I know that you're afraid. But here's the thing, dude,
Speaker 3: is you're afraid, but you can still do these things
Speaker 3: in spite of your fear. You know, like, yes, these
Speaker 3: are obstacles that you have to overcome, but I still
Speaker 3: think you could do these things in spite of them.
Speaker 3: So you know, I don't I just I don't care
Speaker 3: what you know, your dad, or your neighbor or your
Speaker 3: classmate thinks about you going to Seattle. You want to go,
Speaker 3: I could I can tell I know I have barely
Speaker 3: been letting you speak this entire time. But I just
Speaker 3: I can tell that you want to go, Mike.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because now I'm at the point where I mean, like,
Speaker 5: I don't I don't even see myself having anything to lose,
Speaker 5: you know, I mean, I might as well try rather
Speaker 5: than not and then being regretful and thinking about it
Speaker 5: for the rest of my It's small, you know, like
Speaker 5: the rest of my existence on this rock, working at
Speaker 5: a restaurant job or a dead end factory, because that's
Speaker 5: all that's here is restaurant factory.
Speaker 3: Mike, you should be in my Mike, I'm not a
Speaker 3: real therapist, but you got it. You should be nicer
Speaker 3: to yourself, man, should be nice to yourself, should give
Speaker 3: yourself more credit. Because all the people around you, it
Speaker 3: sounds like are are are are thinking small. But within
Speaker 3: you want to think big. And I think I think
Speaker 3: you should listen to listen to that voice that's thinking
Speaker 3: big for your life. And and and I guess I
Speaker 3: can just I can tell like you just you have
Speaker 3: a thought and then you attack it with like negativity
Speaker 3: or whatever whatever it is. But but but I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm not a real therapist, and I don't I don't
Speaker 3: want to pretend to be. But all I will tell
Speaker 3: you Mike before we go is from talking to you again,
Speaker 3: I see within uh I can. I can hear it
Speaker 3: in your voice. You desire to do things in spite
Speaker 3: of the obstacles to doing them that you've described to
Speaker 3: me as well, so that that is within you, and
Speaker 3: I believe you can overcome those obstacles.
Speaker 5: Thank you, Gek. That means a lot. It's it's good,
Speaker 5: a pleasure, a great birthday. I have a good night chat.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 5: Gonna be lurking for the foreseeable future.
Speaker 3: Hello, Devin, Yeah, I'm here.
Speaker 9: Is this Gek?
Speaker 3: This is Gek, this is me?
Speaker 9: Oh shit, hey man, It's an honor and privilege.
Speaker 3: Honestly, it's a fucking honor and privilege that anyone calls
Speaker 3: into this thing. So thanks for being on the phone
Speaker 3: with me, Devin. What's what's going on? Is there anything
Speaker 3: you want to talk about?
Speaker 9: I am a real estate photographer, Okay, So anytime a
Speaker 9: person is getting ready to sell and an agent reaches
Speaker 9: out to me to do the marketing, and I'm a
Speaker 9: pretty busy boy. I probably average four to five homes
Speaker 9: a day, so you got to think that's five different
Speaker 9: households five different lives. I'm just kind of walking into
Speaker 9: and like kind of getting it behind the scenes look
Speaker 9: really quickly. I mean you can you can only decipher
Speaker 9: so much in an hour or two hour appointments. But
Speaker 9: people are very They're a lot more alike than they
Speaker 9: want to believe in a lot of ways.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, you're a real estate photographer. You're constantly
Speaker 3: meeting a lot of people doing this gig, and not
Speaker 3: only meeting them, but meeting where they live. Meeting Yeah, I.
Speaker 9: Get to go into their dwelling. I mean, how crazy
Speaker 9: is That's like, hey, yeah, here's my sir bedroom, this
Speaker 9: is where all my possessions are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, not only.
Speaker 9: A big part of my job is to kind of
Speaker 9: coach them to get their home looking the best it can.
Speaker 9: And you know, we all live in our homes, so
Speaker 9: it is kind of impossible to like make a photo
Speaker 9: ready at all times. So like, not only do I
Speaker 9: have to go into their home, I have to like
Speaker 9: touch all of their things, which is you know, and
Speaker 9: especially COVID times that's a little it's a little sensitive.
Speaker 3: Now, Well, real quick, I don't want to lose this
Speaker 3: because I want to I want to hear what you
Speaker 3: mean by this, you said, people are more like than
Speaker 3: they are, people are more like than they think. What
Speaker 3: what led you to that conclusion?
Speaker 9: Just like, man, it's hard to put it into a word,
Speaker 9: but when people like present themselves, they all do it
Speaker 9: in a very similar manner. Basically, there's personality type a's
Speaker 9: type BS, type c's, et cetera. And the people who
Speaker 9: have like the picture perfect home and everything's immaculate, they
Speaker 9: all kind of like carry each other carry themselves the
Speaker 9: same exact way. They use like very similar verbiage. They
Speaker 9: have very similar to pore sometimes and items and it's just,
Speaker 9: you know, like I said, when you're like going into
Speaker 9: these communities and you're like going into people's homes, you
Speaker 9: you get to line up all the similarities very quickly.
Speaker 9: And yeah, it's just it's just a kind of a
Speaker 9: mind fuck. Really, like we're a lot more similar than different,
Speaker 9: and we're all, I think, we're all just trying to
Speaker 9: do the very very best we can.
Speaker 5: You know, And.
Speaker 9: A lot of a lot of what I found is
Speaker 9: these families with large families, Like you know, I've I've
Speaker 9: walked in the homes with like children of ten. Honestly, Like,
Speaker 9: the more people there are at home, the merrier it is,
Speaker 9: which is not bizarre, but it's like you would think
Speaker 9: with so many different personalities there be a lot more
Speaker 9: tensions or dramas, and it's kind of the opposites, like
Speaker 9: the more people involve, the more helping hands there can
Speaker 9: be the achieve or a tackle a problem. So it's like,
Speaker 9: if you have any goals, I have big families. I
Speaker 9: can tell you there's a very specific energy around that.
Speaker 6: And although that sounds sounds exhausting, Brady Bunch, right, they
Speaker 6: tell me that it gets a lot easier after child
Speaker 6: like six, because they're all kind of starting.
Speaker 9: To help a lot, and they're old. They're older, and
Speaker 9: I could just takes the village.
Speaker 3: You know, if I were like the if I were
Speaker 3: like one of the first three, I'd be pretty offended
Speaker 3: if my parents had five more because because at that point,
Speaker 3: it's like, you're not having ten kids unless if something
Speaker 3: about the first few you were just like.
Speaker 9: We need to do over here, right, You're kind of
Speaker 9: like the beta test.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're kind of like a beta test and then
Speaker 3: there was something wrong with you where they were like,
Speaker 3: you know what, all right, we fucked up these kids.
Speaker 3: But let's try again, let's have five more.
Speaker 9: God do you do you have any kids? Mister?
Speaker 5: Are you?
Speaker 3: Oh? God, that would be such a terrible I don't
Speaker 3: think I'll I don't think I'll always be a terrible parent.
Speaker 3: But I think if I had a kid by a
Speaker 3: kid right now, like if a kid popped out of
Speaker 3: my dick hole immediately, yeah I would, it would he
Speaker 3: would not be having a good life right now.
Speaker 9: Yeah, I'm a parent of two kids.
Speaker 3: Your parents, well, oh well, you can't call it, you know,
Speaker 3: a little blasted first. But you you like them both?
Speaker 3: Do they like each other?
Speaker 9: You know, there's six and three. They're so different. I mean,
Speaker 9: I love them both the same. There is a big
Speaker 9: difference between boys and girls, in my opinion. Boys are
Speaker 9: a lot more They're a lot more physical learners, so
Speaker 9: they need to touch everything, pull everything apart, jump off
Speaker 9: the couch to learn about gravity, you know, get the
Speaker 9: bunk on the head, that kind of stuff. When girls
Speaker 9: are a little more in tune with like like they're
Speaker 9: smarter in a sense, like they actually get reality as
Speaker 9: it comes in and can decipher it just through observation,
Speaker 9: I would say, And.
Speaker 3: They don't have to touch pain on them if it's dry.
Speaker 9: Yeah, no, they like, oh, obviously paint is wet. You
Speaker 9: just put it up. It's still wet. Let's not touch that,
Speaker 9: you know. So, but there's with boys, it's a little
Speaker 9: harder in the beginning to because you know, they break
Speaker 9: everything and that's just part of it. And people don't
Speaker 9: really tell you this as someone who doesn't have kids.
Speaker 9: They just say, well, have kids, it's great. They don't
Speaker 9: let you know, like, hey, you're going to like literally
Speaker 9: question everything in life by having kids and watch them
Speaker 9: just destroy everything around you that you built and that
Speaker 9: you loved. And it's just part of the process of
Speaker 9: being a good parents, like having the biggest thing I've
Speaker 9: probably gained through being a parent is patience. Like I'm
Speaker 9: kind of like the zen Master at this moment. Yeah,
Speaker 9: just because you have to be. You have to be.
Speaker 9: They test you. Man, there, it's hard. Being a parent
Speaker 9: is not easy, and especially if you're trying to set
Speaker 9: them up to be a better version of you, because
Speaker 9: I think that's all we kind of really want is
Speaker 9: to do a little bit better than our parents said,
Speaker 9: not a ton, just leave a little bit, you know.
Speaker 9: It's like, hey, if I never got a car, growing
Speaker 9: up as a teenager. So I want to be able
Speaker 9: to leave them a car just because I know like
Speaker 9: it can be an enabling force to make him more successful,
Speaker 9: like speed up the timeline for them. That's like when
Speaker 9: I can't step in and spoil them with like finances,
Speaker 9: it's only to like speed up the timeline.
Speaker 5: It's not to.
Speaker 9: Actually spoil them. It's to be like, hey, you don't
Speaker 9: need to have this much of a struggle here you go.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's nice of you to try to provide
Speaker 3: them with the things that you didn't have when you
Speaker 3: were growing up.
Speaker 9: Yeah, it does feel good, It really does.
Speaker 3: HM. So you said you've had a lot of patience.
Speaker 3: I feel like this patience it comes from like a
Speaker 3: patience by fire sort of sort of way. Like it's
Speaker 3: like you got to develop patience or else you will, uh,
Speaker 3: you will lose.
Speaker 9: No, that's absolutely it. Yeah you have to.
Speaker 3: What about what about your h Do you have a
Speaker 3: partner of some kind? Are they involved in this? Or
Speaker 3: are you raising the kids yourself?
Speaker 9: Do you have a lovely wife?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 9: I feel like, you know, and it's so weird. I'm
Speaker 9: thirty five years old. I'm looking at these younger kids
Speaker 9: who you know, and I get the whole, like tender
Speaker 9: apps and the Internet of things and having that immediacy. Yeah,
Speaker 9: but they're not learning. They're not learning how to like
Speaker 9: build anything long term or like actually deal with shit,
Speaker 9: because when you can just say peace out and go
Speaker 9: to the next person until you need to say peace
Speaker 9: out again, you're not really facing that challenge and like
Speaker 9: overcoming it and growing. You're just you're to me, you're
Speaker 9: just damaging yourself or you're just you know, hindering your
Speaker 9: own growth as a personally.
Speaker 3: Do you think that Do you think that having multiple
Speaker 3: partners instead of just sticking to one person is actively damaging?
Speaker 9: It really depends. I mean, I was raised in a
Speaker 9: fairly conservative household. I've never really been a fan of authority.
Speaker 9: My father was law enforcement, so that I did not
Speaker 9: like that. Growing up very fucking strict, insanely strict.
Speaker 3: And are you are you significantly less strict?
Speaker 9: You know, I don't know yet because the kind of
Speaker 9: strictness I'm talking about. You don't really have to deal
Speaker 9: with those things until like later in life. You know,
Speaker 9: there's six and three. There's not much they can do
Speaker 9: other than destroying my stuff. Just by not understanding.
Speaker 3: Have they been destroying your stuff's been on understanding?
Speaker 9: Oh dude, thousands my sons destroyed thousands of my gear
Speaker 9: is not cheap.
Speaker 3: Oh god, what's he doing? What's is he fucking with
Speaker 3: the cameras.
Speaker 9: And cameras, monitors, drive button mouth and stuff. No? No, okay,
Speaker 9: So he like literally shoved my iMac and my like
Speaker 9: three thousand dollars twenty terbyte hard dripe just off the desk,
Speaker 9: just wanted it off.
Speaker 7: So it's off.
Speaker 9: Thank God for insurance.
Speaker 3: So this is why I'm not. I can't have a kid.
Speaker 9: You just have to like baby proof, baby proof more
Speaker 9: than you because I thought it was babyproofed. No, he
Speaker 9: showed me he got into the office. And that's the thing.
Speaker 9: It really depends on your kid, if they're really like,
Speaker 9: if they're really not to say, he's like really intelligent,
Speaker 9: but he just figures it out. That would never think
Speaker 9: he could figure out. You know, this was an interesting.
Speaker 3: This was an interesting sort of look into you know,
Speaker 3: it's a you know, what I like about doing this
Speaker 3: is that we have all kinds of people call in, Like,
Speaker 3: you know, I talked to a guy yesterday and then
Speaker 3: I used on Monday, who is your age? And he
Speaker 3: was like, you know, I'm gonna I don't I don't
Speaker 3: have a wife or kids or a job or anything
Speaker 3: like that. I'm just gonna peace out and become a nomad.
Speaker 3: You know, I have I have people who are you know,
Speaker 3: trying to live that sort of traditional life, right. You know,
Speaker 3: there's people who are all sorts of lives and have
Speaker 3: all sorts of desires, of all sorts of ages. And
Speaker 3: it's very cool to hear it's and it just always
Speaker 3: instills into me that there is no one correct way
Speaker 3: to do it. You know, everyone's wired differently, everyone has
Speaker 3: different paths to their own happiness, and it's very cool
Speaker 3: to see, Like, like I think, you know, would you
Speaker 3: say that if if you didn't have your wife and
Speaker 3: your children and your job, and you were just sort
Speaker 3: of wandering around visiting new places all by yourself, You know,
Speaker 3: maybe you would be if I.
Speaker 9: Was okay, if I was no, because I could totally see,
Speaker 9: you know, like I've always gravitated towards the arts, so
Speaker 9: I could pick up a guitar and draw a crowd
Speaker 9: or a piano or whatever I need to do. And
Speaker 9: this whole experience with like generating revenue from my creativity
Speaker 9: with the photography, I could see like, man, if I
Speaker 9: was single, I could just like live out of a
Speaker 9: van because all my I mean my gears. It is expensive,
Speaker 9: but it's like the the footprint of it's very small.
Speaker 9: So I only need like a pelican case worth of
Speaker 9: gear and a laptop and I'm able to generate six
Speaker 9: figures wherever I want. So, you know, having that kind
Speaker 9: of freedom, Yeah, stude, I'm I'm incredibly incredibly kids.
Speaker 3: But the but the con is that your your son
Speaker 3: won't be there to take your guitar and and throw
Speaker 3: it off a cliff.
Speaker 9: And mash it. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean and that's
Speaker 9: you know, that's and that's the whole thing. It's like,
Speaker 9: if that were to happen, sure it sucks, but do
Speaker 9: it makes a good story. So you have to think
Speaker 9: on the flip side, you know, like think about the
Speaker 9: badass story or yeah, you gotta be like, hey, we're
Speaker 9: at the Grand Canyon and you know, I just got
Speaker 9: done with the job and took the kids out and
Speaker 9: pick the guitar, and Liam grabbed it and started playing
Speaker 9: and then immediately threw it off the freaking down the Cliff,
Speaker 9: it makes a badass story kind of.
Speaker 3: Well, Devin, Also, I appreciate you, uh sharing your perspective
Speaker 3: with us. It's definitely as I said, it's very interesting
Speaker 3: to get all these different callers, different perspectives on things,
Speaker 3: and hear from everyone at different states in their journey
Speaker 3: to whatever it is that they're looking for. If it's
Speaker 3: you know, uh, just general calmness or stability or adventure
Speaker 3: or or whatever it is, it's uh, it's very interesting
Speaker 3: to hear your take on all this, man is Is
Speaker 3: there anything else you want to say to the to
Speaker 3: the people before we go?
Speaker 9: Yeah, just do you like a hundred if you want
Speaker 9: to be a doctor, do that grind at the college
Speaker 9: and get that awesome piece of paper and grind. Also,
Speaker 9: medical industry is gay, But if you want to do that,
Speaker 9: do that.
Speaker 3: Do you say the medical industry?
Speaker 9: Do we need we need medical reform in this country? Crazy?
Speaker 9: That's another thing. Going to all these people's homes, I
Speaker 9: can't tell you how many people have fucking pills upon
Speaker 9: pills upon pills upon It breaks my freaking heart.
Speaker 3: Did you did you say did you say the medical
Speaker 3: industry was gay?
Speaker 1: Or what?
Speaker 3: Did you say it was not not.
Speaker 9: Yeah, I mean that's probably the wrong word. It's it's
Speaker 9: medical industry is a scam.
Speaker 3: Oh for lack of a I I didn't understand what
Speaker 3: you were saying.
Speaker 9: It's not literally homosexual.
Speaker 3: No, okay, that's why I thought. That's why I thought
Speaker 3: you I was confused.
Speaker 9: Yeah I was, but no, just you know, go for
Speaker 9: go for the shoot for the stars, like if you
Speaker 9: if you want to be a creative mind, go to college,
Speaker 9: find people equally as passionate about you as you and
Speaker 9: actually just create with them as someone will notice. That's
Speaker 9: all it takes. All this is about is the enriching
Speaker 9: each other's lives, and if you can tap into any
Speaker 9: facet of that, you're going to be lucrative and you're
Speaker 9: gonna be successful.
Speaker 3: Well, Devin, no matter what, gek bless you help you
Speaker 3: continue your climb into the Republican tax bracket. And it's
Speaker 3: pleasure talking.
Speaker 9: Hey, get keep on keep an eye man, Thank you man.
Speaker 3: Talk to you soon. H You know what, I I
Speaker 3: appreciate that. I am you know what. The medical industry. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's right, it's it's a little gay at the end.
Speaker 3: He's he's he had a point. He had a point.
Speaker 4: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
Speaker 3: Everything goes to his teaching you cloud line that he's
Speaker 3: not really an expert.