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Speaker 1: Welcome to the ten minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,

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Speaker 1: your host, narrator and author. We hear at the ten

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Speaker 1: minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or

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Speaker 1: rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to

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Speaker 1: pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human

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Speaker 1: condition as ten minutes will permit. Many novels on steroids.

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Speaker 1: This week we meet Stu. Stu is up in his

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Speaker 1: hilltop mansion, cradling his assault rifle. He's waiting for the barbarians.

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Speaker 1: And while Stu waits, he remembers grows nostalgic longs to

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Speaker 1: revisit the glory days of his youth, when fresh out

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Speaker 1: of college he lived free as a bird for a

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Speaker 1: couple of years out there on the open road. Now

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Speaker 1: Stu hears them coming up through the woods. He sees

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Speaker 1: them crossing the manicured lawn, over the wall, and right

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Speaker 1: up onto the patio. At least he thinks he sees them.

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Speaker 1: Stu he sits in his hilltop mansion, AK forty seven

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Speaker 1: assault rifle across his lap. The wind rattles the large

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Speaker 1: pane of glass in the picture window overlooking the valley,

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Speaker 1: He jumps up, swings the barrel of the weapon toward

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Speaker 1: the window, and prepares to fire. Nothing there, no one. Still,

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Speaker 1: he knows he's under assault by family members who want

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Speaker 1: his dough, who want to bleed him dry, by employees

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Speaker 1: who want raises and more vacations and shorter workdays and

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Speaker 1: way more benefits. By competitors who want to destroy him,

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Speaker 1: who want to see him fail go belly up. And

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Speaker 1: most of all, by the riff raff who refuse to work,

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Speaker 1: who live off the dole, The blacks and the Hispanics

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Speaker 1: and the immigrants and the dirty whites who think America

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Speaker 1: is a pot they can piss in. They hate him

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Speaker 1: because he's rich and powerful and successful, with yachts and

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Speaker 1: planes and homes in seven countries, because he has what

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Speaker 1: they so desperately want. The trophy wife, for instance. Look

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Speaker 1: at her coming down the long winding stairway, twenty three

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Speaker 1: years his junior, a former fashion model, stick thin, perfect

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Speaker 1: set of fake boobs and ass so tight you could

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Speaker 1: bounce a ball off it and send it to the

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Speaker 1: milky Way. Sure, okay, he needs ed meds to get

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Speaker 1: it up to do her and she daydreams about the

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Speaker 1: pool boy at their beachfront Bungalow and Maui while he

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Speaker 1: grinds away at her. But still she's on his arm

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Speaker 1: when they attend the gallas and the races and the wait,

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Speaker 1: what was that below the sweep of manicured lawn? What

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Speaker 1: was that along the tree line? Yeah, he definitely saw something,

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Speaker 1: someone moving. They're coming coming to get him. Morning, Stewart

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Speaker 1: coos his bride on her way to the kitchen and

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Speaker 1: a sugar free latte Royale, prepared to perfection by Consuela,

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Speaker 1: their Honduran maid who has no papers. He grunts. He

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Speaker 1: knows she hates him, and he knows why because he's

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Speaker 1: so damn con descending, because they both know exactly why

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Speaker 1: she's here in his mansion. She wants to live the

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Speaker 1: life of Riley, and he wants the hot young thing

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Speaker 1: on his arm that he can afford. It has nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with love. He married for love the first time.

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Speaker 1: Oh Christ. He hates when this happens. Hates it when

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Speaker 1: he starts thinking about it, which he does every damn day,

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Speaker 1: twice a day, three times a day, and always at

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Speaker 1: night when he can't sleep, which is every night unless

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Speaker 1: he chugs a vodka with a fistful of those pills

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Speaker 1: the doc gave him. They met senior year of high school,

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Speaker 1: right after he moved to town at the end of summer.

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Speaker 1: It was love at first sight, he the quarterback and

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Speaker 1: she the sprightly cheerleader. They went to community college together

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Speaker 1: and then to State, and after graduation they loaded up

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Speaker 1: his old plymouth with camping gear and set off on

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Speaker 1: the adventure of a lifetime up the East coast and

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Speaker 1: into Canada, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, the Northern Lights

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Speaker 1: at that wild Cape Wolf campground on the Gulf of

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Speaker 1: Saint Lawrence, smoking grass and making love under the stars,

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Speaker 1: with absolutely nowhere to be and absolutely no one telling

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Speaker 1: them what to do. Across Canada, Free as birds, Quebec, Ontario, Manitoba,

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Speaker 1: the Great Plains of flat windy Saskatchewan, running out of

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Speaker 1: dough and landing in Missoula, where she waited tables and

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Speaker 1: he cut grass for the maintenance department at the University

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Speaker 1: of Montana. They camped in the woods on the outskirts

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Speaker 1: of town, and when the weather turned cold, they counted

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Speaker 1: their cash and made for warmer climbs, easy as can be,

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Speaker 1: Free as birds, for almost two years, they traveled around

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Speaker 1: the States and Canada and Mexico, taking this road and

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Speaker 1: that road, working this job and that job. Motel made roofer, receptionist, bartender,

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Speaker 1: dance instructor, farm hand, flower arranger, laborer happy and carefree.

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Speaker 1: The lover's made friends everywhere they landed. They broke bread

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Speaker 1: and drank wine and smoked grass with Americans and Canadians

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Speaker 1: and Mexicans of all ILKs, in big cities and in

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Speaker 1: small villages. They had few possessions and even less attitudes,

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Speaker 1: but eventually so they believed the time came to head home,

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Speaker 1: find jobs, get married, settle down, push their frivolous gypsy

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Speaker 1: ways into the past. One hundred goddamn years ago, he mutters,

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Speaker 1: scanning his hilltop acreage with his Steiner M eight thirty

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Speaker 1: binoculars that cause more than a good used car. Actually

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Speaker 1: to forty one years ago. And in that time, you

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Speaker 1: turned that little Buick dealership where you started as a

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Speaker 1: salesman into a mega auto mall, selling eighteen international brands

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Speaker 1: including Buick, GM, BMW, Audi, Cadillac, VW, Portia, and Alpha Romeo.

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Speaker 1: You lied, cheated, begged, borrowed, and stole to make it happen,

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Speaker 1: made mega millions and millions of enemies along the way,

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Speaker 1: including the love of your life, who you belittled for

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Speaker 1: getting fat after delivering you six children, and who you

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Speaker 1: ultimately dumped for the skinny broad sasheing across the front

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Speaker 1: foyer with her steaming latte. All six kids despise you

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Speaker 1: because you never had any time for them, caught up

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Speaker 1: as you were in making money, in squeezing every last

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Speaker 1: dollar out of every last customer who walked through the door.

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Speaker 1: You tried to buy the kiddies off with gifts and

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Speaker 1: trips to exotic locales, but it didn't work because what

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Speaker 1: they wanted you couldn't give. Your employees they hate your guts,

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Speaker 1: even if they pretend otherwise. You're stingy and demanding, and

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Speaker 1: you make them work Saturdays when the kids they love

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Speaker 1: have dance recitals and field hockey games and birthdays to celebrate.

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Speaker 1: For reasons unknown and entirely unexplored, stew the young man

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Speaker 1: with the open mind and the free spirit, who loved

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Speaker 1: everyone and didn't give a damn about race, creed, color,

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Speaker 1: or what kind of car a man drove, has turned

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Speaker 1: into a narrow minded, bigoted sextus Looney Tune with an

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Speaker 1: ak forty seven across his lap. You vote your wallet, stew,

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Speaker 1: your fear and your anger. You believe the crazies who

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Speaker 1: insist white guys, especially old white guys, or getting a

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Speaker 1: raw deal. That's a country is turning into a socialist

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Speaker 1: hellhole that will soon be controlled by women and immigrants.

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Speaker 1: You spent your youth driving around this beautiful country, smiling

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Speaker 1: and getting high and making love to the woman you loved,

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Speaker 1: befriending one and all, rich and poor, black and white,

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Speaker 1: male and female, fat and thin, tall and short, drunk

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Speaker 1: or sober, capitalist or commie. It didn't matter. You didn't care.

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Speaker 1: And now you hole up in your mansion, get limoed

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Speaker 1: to private airports, fly on your private plane to other

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Speaker 1: private airports, and get limoed to other mansions where you

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Speaker 1: sit and stew. You're a prisoner of your own damn crime. Stew.

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Speaker 1: You've lost your mind and more importantly, you've lost your freedom.

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Speaker 1: Holy shit, Stew, Holy shit. Here they come the heathens,

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Speaker 1: out of the woods and across the lawn, around the

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Speaker 1: swimming pool, over the brick wall, and up onto the patio,

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Speaker 1: swarming like locusts, armed and dangerous. A patio chair explodes

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Speaker 1: through the picture window. Here they comeste, Here they come. Hey.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to this original audio presentation of STU narrated,

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Speaker 1: of course by the author. If you enjoy today's story,

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Speaker 1: please take a few seconds to rate, review, and subscribe

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Speaker 1: to this podcast, and then go to Thomas William Simpson

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Speaker 1: dot com for additional information about the author and to

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Speaker 1: view his extensive cannon. The Ten Minute Storyteller is produced

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Speaker 1: by Andrew Placy and Josh Colodney and as part of

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Speaker 1: the Elvis Duran Podcast Network in partnership with iHeart Productions.

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Speaker 1: Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your ten Minute Storyteller,