WEBVTT - This is Dramatic: Hidden Secrets

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<v Speaker 1>This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast

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<v Speaker 1>the most dramatic podcast ever. Is so good today because

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<v Speaker 1>it's all about you, taking your questions, hearing your.

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<v Speaker 2>Comments whatever they are. It gets weird, juicy and weird.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a must listen and we're jumping right into the

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<v Speaker 1>deep end.

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<v Speaker 2>This one is. This person gave us a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>context and so I'm going to read it. It's a

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<v Speaker 2>long question, but ooh, it's a good one. It is.

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<v Speaker 2>It was sent in anonymously, and here's the question, Lauren

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<v Speaker 2>and Chris. I am having doubts about my relationship. My

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<v Speaker 2>boyfriend and I have been together for years and live together.

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<v Speaker 2>Our lives are so integrated, family, friends, home routines, and

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<v Speaker 2>the thought of starting over is scary, being that I'm

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<v Speaker 2>in my late twenties. I have a gut feeling though

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<v Speaker 2>that keeps resurfacing, and I am terrified of making the

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<v Speaker 2>wrong choice. I am not sure I'm in love anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>Any advice, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>We have a lot. First of all, it is interesting,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's important to note they've been together for several

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<v Speaker 1>years because if you're just starting out and is one thing,

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<v Speaker 1>but if you are really integrated and entwined in each

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<v Speaker 1>other's lives and family, which they are. That takes things

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<v Speaker 1>to a different level. First and foremost, I would just say,

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<v Speaker 1>because this brought up another situation that we have a

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<v Speaker 1>friend in and we would give the same advice, don't

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<v Speaker 1>be afraid to change. And I'm not saying this person

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<v Speaker 1>should get out of this relationship. For sure, I still

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<v Speaker 1>don't know enough, but I would just say, don't be

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<v Speaker 1>afraid to change.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's the big thing that sticks out in that

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<v Speaker 2>question right away for both of us. We thought, quote,

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<v Speaker 2>the thought of starting over is scary, being that I'm

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<v Speaker 2>in my late twenties. Oh my gosh. As two elders

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<v Speaker 2>were sitting here and saying you.

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<v Speaker 1>Got a lot, well, I would say, no matter how

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<v Speaker 1>old you are, I mean, you are definitely very very young,

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<v Speaker 1>and I know you only know what you know. You

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<v Speaker 1>can't possibly know what's to come and how experienced you'll be,

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<v Speaker 1>and you'll look back in your thirties, You'll look back

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<v Speaker 1>in your forties and in your fifties and be like,

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<v Speaker 1>I can't believe I was worried about changing in my twenties.

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<v Speaker 1>But again, but I can't. I'm not saying this to

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<v Speaker 1>be disrespectful to you.

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<v Speaker 2>I get it.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't know any different, and so you feel like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a little bit old and experienced in my late twenties.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be so afraid to change that you don't give

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<v Speaker 1>yourself a chance to be happy, because you're going to

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<v Speaker 1>look back just a few years from now. If you

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<v Speaker 1>did make the cut and you moved on, you were

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<v Speaker 1>going to look back in just a few short years

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<v Speaker 1>and think, Wow, what if I hadn't changed. Thank goodness,

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<v Speaker 1>Thank goodness, I pulled the plug. It happened so fast.

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<v Speaker 1>You will be so grateful for that that that's what

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<v Speaker 1>worries me about this relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>When you're having that feeling over and over again. It's

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<v Speaker 2>hard to listen to our gut these days. There's a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of noise in the world. But you know, to

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<v Speaker 2>be honest, I first of all, I applaud you on

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<v Speaker 2>recognizing that, because I look back at my own marriage,

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<v Speaker 2>and when I look back, there were those little feelings.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't see them then, I didn't feel them. But

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<v Speaker 2>when I look back, I can actually think of specific

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<v Speaker 2>moments that I knew it maybe wasn't going to work out,

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<v Speaker 2>but I didn't listen to my gut enough and look,

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<v Speaker 2>I got divorce, started over at thirty, and oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>like it's I really believe I have no regrets. I

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<v Speaker 2>believe that if you're happy with where you are, you

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<v Speaker 2>can't regret where you've been. And everything led me to

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<v Speaker 2>where I am. But I'm so happy in my relationship now,

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<v Speaker 2>and I do look back and think what if I'd

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<v Speaker 2>stayed in that marriage. And that's a great point, babe,

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<v Speaker 2>about never being afraid. You know, I do think change

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<v Speaker 2>can get harder as we get older, and you should

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<v Speaker 2>never be afraid to change. But I will tell you

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<v Speaker 2>it's a lot easier actually to start over in your

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<v Speaker 2>late twenties than it is later.

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<v Speaker 1>And I got divorced and started over when I was forty. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't regret that at all, and nor does

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<v Speaker 1>my ex. By the way, it was an important thing

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<v Speaker 1>for both of us to do to be happy. And

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<v Speaker 1>so the thought of staying in this relationship that this

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<v Speaker 1>person's referring to, Because if you think you're unhappy now,

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<v Speaker 1>if you think you're miserable now, if you're in a

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<v Speaker 1>toxic relationship now, think what it's going to be in

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<v Speaker 1>five years. And now you're not in your late twenties,

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<v Speaker 1>now in your mid thirties, and you've been in a

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<v Speaker 1>toxic relationship. And if you think your lives are intertwined,

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<v Speaker 1>now add five more years, oh gosh, add kids to

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<v Speaker 1>kids to the situation. Things only get more and more

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<v Speaker 1>complicated if you kick the can down the road. Really,

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<v Speaker 1>in anything in life, I'm a big believe of face

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<v Speaker 1>the music now, whether it's raising kids, whether it's dealing

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<v Speaker 1>with problems, those issues only get bigger if you kick

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<v Speaker 1>it down the road. Figure out what's going on now

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<v Speaker 1>and make that decision. And again I don't know enough

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<v Speaker 1>about this particular one, but just we're speaking in generalities

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<v Speaker 1>that I would be more fearful.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to say it. My advice is ended. My

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<v Speaker 2>advice is break it off. That's it. I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to be gentle with what I'm saying, because,

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<v Speaker 2>like you said, look, look, don't take my advice like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm your therapist or something. But just from what I'm

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<v Speaker 2>reading here, I would say, get out of it.

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<v Speaker 1>It feels like it's over. It feels like this person

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<v Speaker 1>already has one and a half feet out the door,

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<v Speaker 1>but they need to pull the plug.

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<v Speaker 2>And you're saying, you're in your late twenties. Our twenties

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<v Speaker 2>are a time of a lot of change. Maybe you

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<v Speaker 2>got in this relationship in your early twenties, and by

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<v Speaker 2>your late twenties you're a pretty different person. I was

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<v Speaker 2>so different at twenty eight than I was at twenty three.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe this relationship was great then, and you're a different

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<v Speaker 2>person now. And so while while you're afraid of change,

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<v Speaker 2>the truth is the change has already happened. You've already changed,

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<v Speaker 2>and so you have to embrace that. And I'd also

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<v Speaker 2>think in life, we have relationships for reasons and for seasons,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know nobody. I don't know everybody's going to

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<v Speaker 2>look back and and life comes in waves, right, So

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<v Speaker 2>you might be on the other side of this wave,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think it's time to end.

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<v Speaker 1>Did I do a great don't worry about the family,

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<v Speaker 1>the friends, the home, the daily routines. That stuff can

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<v Speaker 1>and will change.

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't know anyone, Okay, well, I can think

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<v Speaker 2>of one person. I know one person who regrets not

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<v Speaker 2>ending their relationship but screwing it up. I know one

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<v Speaker 2>person who cheated on someone and wishes they'd stayed in

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<v Speaker 2>that marriage. But other than that, one person like and

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<v Speaker 2>that's they wish they had made that mistake.

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<v Speaker 1>Y's true. How many how many divorced people do you

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<v Speaker 1>know say wow, I really shouldn't have pulled the plug.

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<v Speaker 1>We really should have stayed in that relationship five more years.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know anyone who who wishes they hadn't ended

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship. I don't know anyone who looks back and

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<v Speaker 2>says I should have stayed in that. So I think

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<v Speaker 2>if you've got that feeling, that's all you need to know.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be afraid to change. Any advice this is from Jennifer.

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<v Speaker 1>Any advice for navigating dating with young kids something that

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<v Speaker 1>we kind of did.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, thank you, Jennifer. What a good question. And gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>that's I mean, we're talking about divorce. That's something people

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<v Speaker 2>deal with all the time. Well you more so did it.

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<v Speaker 2>I came into your life when the kids were fifteen

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<v Speaker 2>and seventeen. I think I think as Taylor just gotten

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<v Speaker 2>her permit, I like, yeah, I remember being with trying

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<v Speaker 2>to teach her how to park on a curb.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe she was fortunate she didn't realize you don't park

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<v Speaker 1>on the curb. That was that was the big note.

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<v Speaker 2>But so I'm going to go to you for that

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<v Speaker 2>because you were the one who had you actually did date.

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<v Speaker 1>With the I did both. I dated with my kids

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<v Speaker 1>and I dated moms who had kids, some young, older, whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of ran the gamut, so you know, the

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<v Speaker 1>navigational part of it when you have kids, when they

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<v Speaker 1>are yours. This was totally my preference early on, especially

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<v Speaker 1>I made post divorce my life about them and making

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<v Speaker 1>sure my relationship with myself and my kids was safe, secure, solid,

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<v Speaker 1>rebuilding that foundation from the ground up, making sure everybody's good.

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<v Speaker 1>Then when I started venturing out dating, yeah, I definitely

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<v Speaker 1>did it anonymously away from my kids so they wouldn't know.

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<v Speaker 1>But it did get to the point where as my

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<v Speaker 1>kids got older and I was on a date, I

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<v Speaker 1>was on a first date and I asked this woman

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<v Speaker 1>who had kids as well, her opinion. She says, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what I did? I asked my kids. I said,

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<v Speaker 1>when do you guys want to know? Do you want

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<v Speaker 1>to know? And I thought, I mean, as crazy as

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<v Speaker 1>it is, as parents, we often don't stop and just

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<v Speaker 1>ask the kids their opinion. You think, as the dad,

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<v Speaker 1>single day, I need to know this. I need to

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<v Speaker 1>make the decision for them to protect them. So I

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<v Speaker 1>actually took my kids on a walk the next day

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<v Speaker 1>and I said, hey, guys, you know I'm I do date,

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<v Speaker 1>and like, of course we.

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<v Speaker 2>Know, dad. They were more than any things they did.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course they do. And at this point, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it's probably maybe the end of elementary school, maybe the

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<v Speaker 1>beginning of middle school. And I said, well, so when

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<v Speaker 1>or if would you ever want to meet anybody I'm dating?

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<v Speaker 1>And they actually had a great explanation. They said a

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<v Speaker 1>great answer, said, we do want to meet the person

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<v Speaker 1>you're dating, not too early. We don't want to meet

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<v Speaker 1>all of them, but we also don't want the situation

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<v Speaker 1>where you walk in the door and you say, hey, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Lauren Zema. I love her, We're getting married,

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<v Speaker 1>and they have no say. They feel like they have

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<v Speaker 1>no say in this. They feel like only the only

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<v Speaker 1>thing they can do is accept this. This has been

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<v Speaker 1>forced down their throat now. And that was really interesting

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<v Speaker 1>to me. So it wasn't don't go fall in love

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<v Speaker 1>and then bring her home. It was if this person

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<v Speaker 1>serious enough that you care to see her three, four, five,

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<v Speaker 1>ten times? Okay, you know it's okay for us to

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<v Speaker 1>meet her, say hello, get started, start that relationship, so

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<v Speaker 1>you're not just bringing her in. And that first time

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<v Speaker 1>you're starting their relationship is when yours has already gotten

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<v Speaker 1>to that very serious stage. And that was great advice.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you adjust?

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<v Speaker 1>And that is I only had one date with that woman,

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, but still say very sage advice.

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<v Speaker 2>By the way, everything for a reason. You went on

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<v Speaker 2>a date with her, for a reason you.

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<v Speaker 1>Got that very interesting date. By the way. Two things

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<v Speaker 1>were very interesting. She was she had been married, she

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<v Speaker 1>was divorced, had kids, had been married to a very

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<v Speaker 1>very famous athlete, world famous, one of the most famous

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<v Speaker 1>athletes in the world.

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<v Speaker 2>So hey, I don't really know my athletes, but now

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to be the other one to ask you

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<v Speaker 2>who this is after week.

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<v Speaker 1>The other interesting thing that happened, this is horrifying, but

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<v Speaker 1>a very funny anecdote. We're up in Santa Barbara. This

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<v Speaker 1>this woman lived up in Santa Barbara, and so we

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<v Speaker 1>up there. It's easier and it was easier for me

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<v Speaker 1>to be incognito and anonymous getting out of La So

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<v Speaker 1>it was only like a forty five minute drive up there.

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<v Speaker 1>I go up to Santa Barbara and we're having dinner,

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<v Speaker 1>and again I was with ABC at the time. There

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<v Speaker 1>was another big show on ABC at the time. So

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<v Speaker 1>I look across the room and there's Rob Low. Rob

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<v Speaker 1>Low lives in Santa Barbara. I had gotten to know him.

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<v Speaker 1>We're not buddies, but I got to know him enough

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<v Speaker 1>that you know, we'd give each other up the hand,

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<v Speaker 1>the hand bro hug thing. So worst thing in the

0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.360
<v Speaker 1>world happens on a first date. Rob Low gets up

0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.160
<v Speaker 1>after we just give each other the head nod. Hey man,

0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:40.560
<v Speaker 1>hey man, he gets up and walks across the room

0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:44.160
<v Speaker 1>to be nice, and walks up to my table. On

0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:50.000
<v Speaker 1>a first date, Rob Low puts his face next to mine.

0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:55.160
<v Speaker 1>Rob Low. If I was going to date a man,

0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:58.040
<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent would be Rob Low. You have always

0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:04.840
<v Speaker 1>stunningly gorgeous in person, it's even more electric and petrifying.

0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:08.840
<v Speaker 1>It's like this gravitational poll. I'm just staring into his

0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:12.840
<v Speaker 1>deep blue eyes, and I'm thinking, what is this woman

0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:15.680
<v Speaker 1>across the table thinking right now she's looking at me

0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:17.640
<v Speaker 1>and looking at Rob Low.

0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:19.800
<v Speaker 2>This is so funny because I remember I did a

0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.160
<v Speaker 2>sit down interview with Rob Low once and I told

0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.600
<v Speaker 2>you that morning, Like I'd interviewed different people every day,

0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:27.800
<v Speaker 2>so I didn't always It's not like you always knew

0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:29.360
<v Speaker 2>who I was interviewing. In that morning, I said, oh, yeah,

0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:30.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to do this sit down with Rob Low,

0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.560
<v Speaker 2>and I remember thinking your reaction was kind of funny.

0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:36.560
<v Speaker 2>You were like, oh really, hello, damn you Rob Low?

0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:37.280
<v Speaker 2>He did it again?

0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:40.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that was that was there was. I will always

0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:42.800
<v Speaker 1>remember how it was like it was in slow motion.

0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:44.360
<v Speaker 1>It was like, how do I give the signal of

0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.000
<v Speaker 1>don't come over here and say hello?

0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:47.599
<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm not. This is no shade to

0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:49.480
<v Speaker 2>Rob Low, because, by the way, when I interviewed him,

0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:53.560
<v Speaker 2>so kind, don't funny, so witty. He's not my type. Wow,

0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:59.640
<v Speaker 2>he's a little like, uh, cheek boned and pretty For me,

0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:01.160
<v Speaker 2>I like a little more grizzly.

0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:04.680
<v Speaker 1>Are you okay? Are you a Patrick Dempsey? No?

0:13:04.920 --> 0:13:08.720
<v Speaker 2>Also too pretty? Okay? I'm a Harrison Ford. Oh okay,

0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:10.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm an Indiana Jones.

0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:11.000
<v Speaker 1>Old grizzled veteran.

0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:13.360
<v Speaker 2>That's why I like when you have stubble. One of

0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:15.000
<v Speaker 2>these days, it's one of my I want us to be.

0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna make you be harrisy Indiana Jones for Halloween.

0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:20.960
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so now I know, now I know who to

0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:21.480
<v Speaker 1>worry about.

0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:23.480
<v Speaker 2>Well. I have interviewed Harrison Ford as well, Yes, and

0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:25.040
<v Speaker 2>he was just as grizzled as I wanted.

0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:27.920
<v Speaker 1>Richard here and Brad Pitt.

0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:31.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean, everybody thinks Brad Pitt's hot, but I've never

0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.040
<v Speaker 2>been into I've never been into blondes either, and I

0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:35.000
<v Speaker 2>would consider him a.

0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.079
<v Speaker 1>Blade where this is the this is my question on

0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.280
<v Speaker 1>Brad Pitt. Where is your favorite Brad Pitt? Is it

0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:44.760
<v Speaker 1>young Thelman, Louise Brad Pitt? Is it river runs through it?

0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.600
<v Speaker 1>Is it the older you know, mister and missus Smith?

0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:50.360
<v Speaker 1>And you know now that he's aged at every age.

0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't get all the Oceans movie. I can't choose

0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:54.400
<v Speaker 1>ridiculously handsome.

0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:07.600
<v Speaker 2>I got to go back to the kids thing real quick,

0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:09.080
<v Speaker 2>because I did want to ask you one question which

0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:13.040
<v Speaker 2>I think might be helpful for people. Because you were divorced,

0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:15.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, single for about ten years. How did you

0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:20.160
<v Speaker 2>change dating with with whether the kids would meet someone

0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:22.920
<v Speaker 2>like based on their ages? Because that person who asked

0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:25.960
<v Speaker 2>the question did say young kids versus you know, teenagers.

0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:27.160
<v Speaker 2>What change did you make it? Fact?

0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:31.560
<v Speaker 1>Well, the difficult thing that people don't often discuss is

0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:35.600
<v Speaker 1>with kids, there is an X out there. If you're lucky,

0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:37.480
<v Speaker 1>maybe the X isn't a part of the life anymore,

0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.960
<v Speaker 1>the dad or whatever, or at least if you're very lucky,

0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:44.360
<v Speaker 1>it's healthy. But oftentimes if there has been divorced, sometimes

0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:47.640
<v Speaker 1>it's ugly. And that's a difficult thing because you know,

0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.280
<v Speaker 1>there is resentfulness one way or the other, and the

0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.680
<v Speaker 1>kids might be upset that moms moving on, and so

0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:56.160
<v Speaker 1>there are a lot of layers and that is difficult

0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:59.360
<v Speaker 1>and it's something case by case you have to navigate

0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:02.640
<v Speaker 1>that because I did enter into some situations where it

0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:06.240
<v Speaker 1>had been a really toxic situation. The dad in all

0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:09.520
<v Speaker 1>of this was not a good person. The mom was

0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:12.640
<v Speaker 1>trying to start their life, but it was really difficult

0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:16.080
<v Speaker 1>and she's you know, so there are some really tough

0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:20.000
<v Speaker 1>cases when when kids are involved, that means someone else,

0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.960
<v Speaker 1>That means there is a third party involved in this too,

0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:25.040
<v Speaker 1>and that that to me, is more difficult than dealing

0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:26.920
<v Speaker 1>with the kids. It's dealing with the exes.

0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh well, you just that did not answer my question,

0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:34.600
<v Speaker 2>but it opens up a whole new thing. So number

0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:36.160
<v Speaker 2>one tip on dealing with the exes.

0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:41.400
<v Speaker 1>Tread lightly, you know, try to keep your famous line,

0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:43.960
<v Speaker 1>try to keep your side of the street clean, you know.

0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:47.200
<v Speaker 1>And I think it's important, you know, however you do it,

0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:51.560
<v Speaker 1>you don't have to say it, but not feeling like, hey,

0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:52.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be your new dad.

0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:56.600
<v Speaker 2>Actually, this is a question we had. Paige said, any

0:15:56.720 --> 0:16:01.120
<v Speaker 2>step parent tips from l Z and exactly what you're saying.

0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:04.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you and I have talked about this. I

0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.080
<v Speaker 2>don't I don't think you can. Gosh. I struggle with

0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:11.000
<v Speaker 2>the words stepmom, stepdad, stepparent because on the one hand,

0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.240
<v Speaker 2>they have such a negative connotation with them from Damn

0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.400
<v Speaker 2>Disney movies where every step mom is the villain and

0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.320
<v Speaker 2>in some cases trying to kill the kid. I mean,

0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:24.800
<v Speaker 2>And then you know, you have to you have because

0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:28.160
<v Speaker 2>it just becomes an awkward conversation. People like people ask me,

0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.320
<v Speaker 2>do you have kids, and I'm like, well, we have kids,

0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.200
<v Speaker 2>are like, well, we have Chris's kids. But then on

0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.160
<v Speaker 2>the other hand, I love your kids. I love them,

0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:39.160
<v Speaker 2>I would die for them. I love them, and I

0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.360
<v Speaker 2>would never want you to be with somebody who didn't

0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:45.200
<v Speaker 2>love your kids, or anybody too. But then at the

0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:47.760
<v Speaker 2>same time, like I always approached it, and I do

0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:51.040
<v Speaker 2>think this was beneficial for us and for everybody. I

0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:53.680
<v Speaker 2>am not their mom. I don't want to be their mom.

0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:56.840
<v Speaker 2>I actually the kids will say this is my stepmom.

0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:58.960
<v Speaker 2>I think just because it's an easy way to introduce me.

0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:03.280
<v Speaker 2>But I I've just always wanted to be somebody in

0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:06.360
<v Speaker 2>their life who loves them, is a mentor to them,

0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:10.679
<v Speaker 2>will give them advice, will support them. But you know,

0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:14.960
<v Speaker 2>I've never tried to be that. I've never especially in

0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:17.040
<v Speaker 2>the beginning, and there's such good kids that I've never

0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:19.199
<v Speaker 2>like had to discipline them. But in the beginning, I

0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.480
<v Speaker 2>never was if there was ever anything, I was always like,

0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.879
<v Speaker 2>that's on you. You're the dad. You handle that, you

0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:31.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, address that situation. And so I didn't try

0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:35.280
<v Speaker 2>to be their parent, and I think that helped in

0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:36.600
<v Speaker 2>the beginning for sure.

0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:38.960
<v Speaker 1>Don't worry about the label. Worry about who you want

0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:42.240
<v Speaker 1>to be in their life and againship. I know it

0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:44.160
<v Speaker 1>can be difficult if a kid is you know, again

0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:46.960
<v Speaker 1>you get to the disciplinary stuff. It's like I've I've

0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:50.200
<v Speaker 1>seen this and I've dealt with this, where if a

0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:52.639
<v Speaker 1>kid is unbelievably disrespectful to you. If one of my

0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:55.240
<v Speaker 1>kids was very disrespectful to you, well that says a

0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:57.000
<v Speaker 1>lot about me. How am I going to stand up

0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:57.280
<v Speaker 1>for you?

0:17:57.640 --> 0:17:58.919
<v Speaker 2>I think that's on you to handle it.

0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:03.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and so if I don't, that's a big red

0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:06.080
<v Speaker 1>flag for you of like, Okay, he's never going to

0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:10.840
<v Speaker 1>choose me. And so it's that's a very delicate dance.

0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:17.520
<v Speaker 1>You have to make the kids, the exes, that whole scenario.

0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:21.000
<v Speaker 1>It's like, there's so many factors that got.

0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:22.239
<v Speaker 2>But you know what, I think you got to come

0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:24.199
<v Speaker 2>in with respect. That was the other big thing for

0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:26.760
<v Speaker 2>me too. I came in with and I do have

0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.320
<v Speaker 2>the utmost respect for I think parenting is the hardest

0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:31.760
<v Speaker 2>job in the world. So I wanted to come in

0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:35.240
<v Speaker 2>with respect for your ex wife, the kids, mom. I

0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:38.080
<v Speaker 2>wanted to come in with respect for the fact that,

0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.639
<v Speaker 2>you know, there was a history here before I was

0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:43.800
<v Speaker 2>part of it, and there was a lot of love there.

0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:47.560
<v Speaker 2>And I wanted to build a relationship and blend our families,

0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:51.479
<v Speaker 2>but slowly, I mean, I would you know. I wanted

0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:56.600
<v Speaker 2>your ex to know that I appreciated her and admired her.

0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:59.240
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to text her on Mother's Day and say

0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:02.800
<v Speaker 2>thank you for thanking an include her in things, and

0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:04.520
<v Speaker 2>for us all to try to do this stuff together

0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:07.120
<v Speaker 2>because the kids benefit more from that. You know, they

0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:09.879
<v Speaker 2>already have had this situation where they've had to live

0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:12.159
<v Speaker 2>in two homes. So I wanted to bring us all

0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:15.159
<v Speaker 2>together as much as possible because they're the ones that

0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:15.880
<v Speaker 2>benefit the most.

0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:18.639
<v Speaker 1>And I wish everybody, I mean, LZ could teach a

0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:22.680
<v Speaker 1>masterclass because how she handled everything, how she navigated those waters,

0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:25.399
<v Speaker 1>which was very difficult. I don't care how good the

0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:29.000
<v Speaker 1>situation is, it's difficult. You did a beautiful job of that.

0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:30.639
<v Speaker 1>It made me love you even more the way you

0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:33.320
<v Speaker 1>appreciated my kids, the way you treated them and integrated

0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:36.560
<v Speaker 1>into our lives together, because you know it is tough. Again,

0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:40.359
<v Speaker 1>going back to the original question, would I have stayed

0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:44.160
<v Speaker 1>with somebody who my kids didn't like or someone didn't

0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:45.320
<v Speaker 1>get along with my kids.

0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:47.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you can.

0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:49.439
<v Speaker 1>I don't think I can. No, And just knowing me,

0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:52.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't think I would have chosen someone over essentially

0:19:52.960 --> 0:19:53.679
<v Speaker 1>over my kids.

0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.920
<v Speaker 2>And if you do, that's a red flag on using it.

0:19:57.080 --> 0:20:00.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So I just I know those are situations and

0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:04.480
<v Speaker 1>I know there's other extremes of they're being poisoned by

0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:07.800
<v Speaker 1>the X, and so I get it. There's there's a

0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:10.720
<v Speaker 1>lot of toxicity to some of these situations. But in

0:20:10.720 --> 0:20:14.199
<v Speaker 1>my own situation, if my kids would come to me

0:20:14.200 --> 0:20:17.240
<v Speaker 1>as a dad, we just don't see it. I mean,

0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:21.840
<v Speaker 1>we're not we don't love this person. I don't think

0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:23.600
<v Speaker 1>I could have ended up with that person. I think

0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:25.119
<v Speaker 1>they I would have had to have moved on.

0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:27.439
<v Speaker 2>Well, I would say those would be my three tips

0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:32.399
<v Speaker 2>on step parenting is tread lightly and slowly, get to

0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:35.120
<v Speaker 2>know the kids before you try to parent them, and

0:20:35.240 --> 0:20:37.600
<v Speaker 2>respect all the adults involved.

0:20:38.080 --> 0:20:40.560
<v Speaker 1>Let them and let them at least feel like maybe

0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:42.720
<v Speaker 1>they're taking the lead a little bit in that relationship

0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:56.640
<v Speaker 1>of bringing you in and getting to know them.

0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:58.560
<v Speaker 2>Well, let's hard pivot. I want to go from we've

0:20:58.560 --> 0:21:01.399
<v Speaker 2>been talking marriage kids. I want to go right into

0:21:01.440 --> 0:21:05.720
<v Speaker 2>some juicy drama in the beginning of a relationship. Jamie

0:21:05.760 --> 0:21:08.800
<v Speaker 2>is asking how do you break the pattern of getting

0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:11.919
<v Speaker 2>ghosted and how do you get a guy to commit

0:21:12.000 --> 0:21:15.960
<v Speaker 2>to you? Jamie, I'm gonna be team Jamie right now. Jamie.

0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:19.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't know you, but I'm team Jamie. I don't

0:21:19.040 --> 0:21:21.240
<v Speaker 2>want you to have to think about how to get

0:21:21.240 --> 0:21:23.280
<v Speaker 2>a guy to commit to you. If he is not

0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:27.040
<v Speaker 2>committing to you, then Jamie, you don't commit to him,

0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:31.360
<v Speaker 2>you walk away. You should not have to be worrying

0:21:31.400 --> 0:21:35.679
<v Speaker 2>about contemplating how to get somebody to commit to you.

0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:37.879
<v Speaker 2>If they're not doing it, he's not the person for you.

0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:41.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Jamie, there's no magic dust you sprinkle on somebody

0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:42.119
<v Speaker 1>to make them commit.

0:21:42.200 --> 0:21:45.320
<v Speaker 2>Because here's the thing, Jamie, it's not the problem isn't

0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:47.800
<v Speaker 2>you here, The problem is them. If you're ready to commit,

0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:49.600
<v Speaker 2>if you're someone who wants to commit and they don't,

0:21:49.720 --> 0:21:51.159
<v Speaker 2>well that's their own stuff they got to work out.

0:21:51.200 --> 0:21:52.239
<v Speaker 2>And you're not gonna be able to fix that.

0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:54.520
<v Speaker 1>And I get it. You're like, God, I've been on

0:21:54.560 --> 0:21:57.639
<v Speaker 1>a million dates. I'm so tired of trying to, you know,

0:21:57.800 --> 0:22:00.800
<v Speaker 1>going through all these guys who are just swiping right

0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.040
<v Speaker 1>and swiping right and they have a million options and

0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:05.320
<v Speaker 1>YadA YadA, and so I'm just tired of it. How

0:22:05.320 --> 0:22:07.480
<v Speaker 1>do I get this guy to commit and not ghost

0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:11.920
<v Speaker 1>to me? It's as Lauren just said.

0:22:12.280 --> 0:22:14.639
<v Speaker 2>It's it's on you. Well, now I will say to

0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:18.320
<v Speaker 2>make that well judgment, but I will say when she says,

0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:20.040
<v Speaker 2>the first part of the question, how do you break

0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:23.280
<v Speaker 2>the pattern of getting ghosted? I do think the apps

0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:26.200
<v Speaker 2>are a problem. I think apps. We were just talking

0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:29.040
<v Speaker 2>to somebody, a guy who was an app designer, and

0:22:29.080 --> 0:22:31.720
<v Speaker 2>he was saying he had actually spoken to the people

0:22:31.720 --> 0:22:34.400
<v Speaker 2>who created Tinder, and he said to them, your app

0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:38.280
<v Speaker 2>had a fundamental ethical design flow in the beginning, which

0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:42.560
<v Speaker 2>is you made people worthless, you made them swipeable. You said,

0:22:42.600 --> 0:22:45.919
<v Speaker 2>this person is only worth a swipe. And that's an unethical,

0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:47.560
<v Speaker 2>unconscious design of the app.

0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:49.720
<v Speaker 1>So so many of these apps do that. You are

0:22:50.080 --> 0:22:54.520
<v Speaker 1>discarding a human being, You're discarding a life by making

0:22:54.560 --> 0:22:56.000
<v Speaker 1>them a swipe in three seconds.

0:22:56.160 --> 0:22:58.440
<v Speaker 2>But Jamie, I would say to that, what I've I've

0:22:58.480 --> 0:23:01.040
<v Speaker 2>said to so many of my friends is you got

0:23:01.080 --> 0:23:02.679
<v Speaker 2>to get off the app with a person and if

0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:05.080
<v Speaker 2>they're not willing to take your communication from the app

0:23:05.119 --> 0:23:08.240
<v Speaker 2>to something else, that's such a red flag for me. Like, Okay,

0:23:08.240 --> 0:23:10.040
<v Speaker 2>maybe you meet on an app, but you need to

0:23:10.119 --> 0:23:14.480
<v Speaker 2>quickly graduate to phone calls, graduate to let's meet for

0:23:14.520 --> 0:23:15.280
<v Speaker 2>coffee and drinks.

0:23:15.600 --> 0:23:17.640
<v Speaker 1>You know the game, right, So you know the routine

0:23:17.760 --> 0:23:20.440
<v Speaker 1>because you've played the game, and you've been played by

0:23:20.520 --> 0:23:24.360
<v Speaker 1>that game. So, okay, you know that the typical layout

0:23:24.400 --> 0:23:27.159
<v Speaker 1>is get on the app, hook up on the app,

0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:31.080
<v Speaker 1>go hook up somewhere. Stay like Lauren saying, you got

0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:33.320
<v Speaker 1>to change the game. You have to shake up the

0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:37.840
<v Speaker 1>snow globe a little bit and make it different with

0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:39.800
<v Speaker 1>this person. And if, by the way, if they don't

0:23:39.800 --> 0:23:42.320
<v Speaker 1>want to change the game, that means they just want

0:23:42.320 --> 0:23:44.000
<v Speaker 1>to stay in that pattern. They want to just keep

0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:47.399
<v Speaker 1>hooking up and keep it very safe. So if you

0:23:48.119 --> 0:23:52.199
<v Speaker 1>ask to change and they're willing to, there you go.

0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:54.840
<v Speaker 1>That's one step. Already you've gotten them off the app.

0:23:54.920 --> 0:24:00.200
<v Speaker 1>We're talking Okay, let's actually meet in person and take

0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:02.360
<v Speaker 1>it to that level. And now it becomes much more

0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:05.680
<v Speaker 1>personal and they can't just discard you by you've never

0:24:05.720 --> 0:24:08.240
<v Speaker 1>taken it off, tender the direct messages or whatever.

0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:09.400
<v Speaker 2>It really is good.

0:24:09.480 --> 0:24:12.040
<v Speaker 1>You got to change the game if you expect that

0:24:12.080 --> 0:24:13.000
<v Speaker 1>game to be changed.

0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:15.320
<v Speaker 2>My last piece of advice on that, though, is I

0:24:15.400 --> 0:24:19.679
<v Speaker 2>do generally advise I think in the beginning, you gotta

0:24:20.359 --> 0:24:22.000
<v Speaker 2>play hard to get a little bit, and by that

0:24:22.040 --> 0:24:23.760
<v Speaker 2>I mean like see if they will come to you.

0:24:24.119 --> 0:24:26.199
<v Speaker 2>Because the apps are out there giving so many options

0:24:26.240 --> 0:24:29.080
<v Speaker 2>and all that make sure that they will prove that

0:24:29.280 --> 0:24:31.119
<v Speaker 2>they will come to you, that they will commit to you,

0:24:31.160 --> 0:24:33.879
<v Speaker 2>even on the level of more of a date. I

0:24:33.880 --> 0:24:36.679
<v Speaker 2>don't mind making the first move, guys. The onus is

0:24:36.680 --> 0:24:38.440
<v Speaker 2>put on guys a lot to make the first move,

0:24:38.440 --> 0:24:40.399
<v Speaker 2>and they're intimidated and they're scared too. But what I

0:24:40.400 --> 0:24:44.520
<v Speaker 2>always say is I open the door and he's got

0:24:44.520 --> 0:24:46.840
<v Speaker 2>to walk through, meaning like I don't mind saying hey, like,

0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:49.600
<v Speaker 2>here's my number, but if he doesn't call, if he

0:24:49.640 --> 0:24:51.760
<v Speaker 2>doesn't set up the date, if he doesn't show that effort.

0:24:52.960 --> 0:24:54.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, even goes so far as to say, hey, I

0:24:54.400 --> 0:24:56.480
<v Speaker 1>think we should go out right And if they don't

0:24:56.520 --> 0:25:00.000
<v Speaker 1>pick that up, then that again, you can't. You can't

0:25:01.240 --> 0:25:02.240
<v Speaker 1>make that horse drink.

0:25:02.280 --> 0:25:05.240
<v Speaker 2>They should be committing to you, Jamie. You're worth it, Jamie.

0:25:05.320 --> 0:25:08.720
<v Speaker 1>An issue that you and I have been seeing a

0:25:08.760 --> 0:25:13.240
<v Speaker 1>lot in a few of our friends. This is from Matt.

0:25:14.000 --> 0:25:16.399
<v Speaker 1>What do you do when one of you wants to

0:25:16.440 --> 0:25:19.359
<v Speaker 1>move states but the other doesn't oo, And this is

0:25:19.400 --> 0:25:21.880
<v Speaker 1>something you and I have talked a lot about moving

0:25:22.600 --> 0:25:25.520
<v Speaker 1>jobs all that. So when you get married, when you

0:25:25.560 --> 0:25:28.080
<v Speaker 1>start dating, you're in your twenties, you're in your thirties.

0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:31.320
<v Speaker 1>Whatever could be later in life. Yeah, but this typically

0:25:31.400 --> 0:25:33.760
<v Speaker 1>I would think happens at a younger level because of

0:25:33.840 --> 0:25:38.359
<v Speaker 1>the pivotal nature of life early on you're kind of

0:25:38.359 --> 0:25:40.720
<v Speaker 1>getting into that career. But you're right, it could happen

0:25:40.760 --> 0:25:46.200
<v Speaker 1>at any time, and it is something I would take

0:25:46.200 --> 0:25:48.920
<v Speaker 1>this a step further. It's not just moving. Are we

0:25:49.000 --> 0:25:54.680
<v Speaker 1>having kids? Big huge life changing decisions that you don't

0:25:54.720 --> 0:25:58.679
<v Speaker 1>see eye to eye on. What do you do well?

0:25:59.440 --> 0:26:02.119
<v Speaker 2>I think the most important thing to do is that

0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:05.680
<v Speaker 2>you have to have talked about those major how do

0:26:05.760 --> 0:26:09.879
<v Speaker 2>I want to live my life things before you're married

0:26:09.920 --> 0:26:12.240
<v Speaker 2>to someone. Where do you see you? And I talked

0:26:12.240 --> 0:26:14.480
<v Speaker 2>on our first date. We talked about how you had

0:26:14.520 --> 0:26:17.639
<v Speaker 2>seen yourself wanting to move to Texas one day, and

0:26:17.680 --> 0:26:20.359
<v Speaker 2>I remember thinking, well, you know, if you'd said Nebraska,

0:26:20.440 --> 0:26:22.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I'm in no offense to Nebraska,

0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:25.280
<v Speaker 2>But like I love, I'm from the Midwest. I love Dallas.

0:26:25.320 --> 0:26:26.960
<v Speaker 2>I had a lot of friends in Dallas actually, and

0:26:27.000 --> 0:26:28.639
<v Speaker 2>you know, we ended up falling in love with Austin,

0:26:28.680 --> 0:26:30.879
<v Speaker 2>but we had that discussion on our first date that

0:26:30.920 --> 0:26:34.000
<v Speaker 2>we both saw ourselves maybe leaving LA one day. I

0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:35.879
<v Speaker 2>think from the beginning you got to iron out. We

0:26:36.240 --> 0:26:38.320
<v Speaker 2>had this discussion on our first date, do you want

0:26:38.320 --> 0:26:42.719
<v Speaker 2>to have kids? We had the discussion of you know,

0:26:43.320 --> 0:26:46.640
<v Speaker 2>how long do you see yourself continuing to work? When

0:26:46.680 --> 0:26:49.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, when do you like to travel? Those big things.

0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:51.960
<v Speaker 2>You have got to talk about that in the beginning.

0:26:52.640 --> 0:26:54.800
<v Speaker 2>It's how, it's the how you want to live your

0:26:54.800 --> 0:26:58.919
<v Speaker 2>life questions. Now that doesn't say like you could be

0:26:58.960 --> 0:27:01.080
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship and how somebody gets a really cool

0:27:01.119 --> 0:27:02.800
<v Speaker 2>job offer and they're like, hey, I want to move

0:27:02.840 --> 0:27:05.600
<v Speaker 2>for this job, but you're thinking, whoa, we didn't see

0:27:05.600 --> 0:27:09.720
<v Speaker 2>ourselves moving to Nebraska for the super cool job in Nebraska.

0:27:10.000 --> 0:27:11.480
<v Speaker 2>So what would you advise people? Then?

0:27:11.760 --> 0:27:13.960
<v Speaker 1>Well, and I agree, you've got to have those conversations

0:27:14.040 --> 0:27:15.840
<v Speaker 1>up front. When you and I started dating, I made

0:27:15.840 --> 0:27:19.720
<v Speaker 1>it very clear, Hey, I have two kids. They are

0:27:20.080 --> 0:27:23.879
<v Speaker 1>my life, especially right now they're at a very pivotal

0:27:23.920 --> 0:27:26.520
<v Speaker 1>age and an important age that they need their dad.

0:27:26.880 --> 0:27:29.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be there for them there number one

0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:33.000
<v Speaker 1>and I want to date, but just know this is

0:27:34.280 --> 0:27:37.360
<v Speaker 1>so important. So there's going to be games and dances

0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:39.399
<v Speaker 1>and things like that that I will just have to

0:27:39.400 --> 0:27:41.080
<v Speaker 1>be a part of and want to be a part of.

0:27:41.560 --> 0:27:45.119
<v Speaker 1>And I want to bring you into that eventually, and

0:27:45.160 --> 0:27:47.480
<v Speaker 1>so just letting somebody know the score, letting them know

0:27:47.520 --> 0:27:50.840
<v Speaker 1>exactly where you are. We talked about not having kids,

0:27:51.240 --> 0:27:54.959
<v Speaker 1>We talked about, like you said early on, I see myself,

0:27:55.000 --> 0:27:58.000
<v Speaker 1>my kids are going to graduate pretty soon. They'll probably

0:27:58.080 --> 0:28:00.240
<v Speaker 1>be in Texas or somewhere around. I want to go there.

0:28:00.520 --> 0:28:04.720
<v Speaker 1>So I just think those those big conversations, and it's

0:28:04.720 --> 0:28:07.800
<v Speaker 1>not that things won't change, because as we know in life,

0:28:08.040 --> 0:28:11.320
<v Speaker 1>it will change. But if you never started out by

0:28:11.320 --> 0:28:16.479
<v Speaker 1>having that conversation about kids, jobs, all that, then it

0:28:16.520 --> 0:28:18.960
<v Speaker 1>will come up and it will be explosive.

0:28:19.920 --> 0:28:27.840
<v Speaker 2>You completely avoided my question. I think this is a

0:28:27.840 --> 0:28:31.639
<v Speaker 2>tough question to answer if this big issue comes up

0:28:31.720 --> 0:28:34.600
<v Speaker 2>later in a relationship, something you don't see coming. I

0:28:34.600 --> 0:28:38.080
<v Speaker 2>think the truth is somebody's got to give. Of course, yes,

0:28:38.240 --> 0:28:40.400
<v Speaker 2>somebody's got to give, you know, I mean unless you're

0:28:40.440 --> 0:28:41.000
<v Speaker 2>breaking up.

0:28:41.040 --> 0:28:44.680
<v Speaker 1>But well, something's going to give, yes, and so someone's

0:28:44.720 --> 0:28:46.560
<v Speaker 1>got to give, or something's going.

0:28:46.360 --> 0:28:48.760
<v Speaker 2>To give, right, unless it's so big of a thing

0:28:48.800 --> 0:28:52.479
<v Speaker 2>that you're you end the relationship. But the truth is

0:28:53.040 --> 0:28:57.160
<v Speaker 2>relationships are in many ways about compromise. You have to

0:28:57.200 --> 0:29:00.200
<v Speaker 2>say I can give this, if you can promise me

0:29:00.240 --> 0:29:05.880
<v Speaker 2>that like or you know, I would say it says

0:29:05.920 --> 0:29:08.080
<v Speaker 2>a lot about a person if they're not open to

0:29:08.200 --> 0:29:12.080
<v Speaker 2>compromise and to change. Because life is guaranteed to throw

0:29:12.200 --> 0:29:14.840
<v Speaker 2>unexpected things at you. As much as you can have

0:29:14.880 --> 0:29:17.200
<v Speaker 2>these important conversations about how do we want to live

0:29:17.240 --> 0:29:19.840
<v Speaker 2>our lives, someone can get a job off or someone

0:29:19.920 --> 0:29:21.640
<v Speaker 2>can get laid off, and then maybe you've got to

0:29:21.680 --> 0:29:24.160
<v Speaker 2>make a different job decision and maybe you have to move.

0:29:24.240 --> 0:29:26.920
<v Speaker 2>Maybe the way things are in this state has changed

0:29:26.920 --> 0:29:29.280
<v Speaker 2>and you've got to get out of there. So you

0:29:29.400 --> 0:29:31.600
<v Speaker 2>do want a partner in life who's going to be

0:29:31.640 --> 0:29:34.280
<v Speaker 2>open to change and compromise and willing to give a

0:29:34.320 --> 0:29:37.440
<v Speaker 2>little bit. It's a red flag for you if you're

0:29:37.480 --> 0:29:39.640
<v Speaker 2>the one who's always giving and your partner never is.

0:29:40.280 --> 0:29:43.880
<v Speaker 2>But I do think the question what do you do

0:29:43.960 --> 0:29:46.840
<v Speaker 2>if someone wants to move and the other one doesn't, Well,

0:29:47.200 --> 0:29:50.840
<v Speaker 2>somebody's got to give. That's the unfortunate truth about it,

0:29:51.280 --> 0:29:53.920
<v Speaker 2>and it'll tell you a lot about that person if

0:29:53.960 --> 0:29:57.160
<v Speaker 2>they're not willing to give even a little bit, if

0:29:57.200 --> 0:29:59.320
<v Speaker 2>it's something that's really important to you, it might not

0:29:59.400 --> 0:30:01.240
<v Speaker 2>make them wrong, are you wrong? But it might mean

0:30:01.280 --> 0:30:02.040
<v Speaker 2>a big problem in the rerun.

0:30:02.160 --> 0:30:04.040
<v Speaker 1>Even that could be a compromise of Hey, okay, so

0:30:04.280 --> 0:30:07.680
<v Speaker 1>if I give here, let's move to Lincoln, Nebraska for

0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:13.040
<v Speaker 1>five years, and then let's also look about moving forward

0:30:13.080 --> 0:30:16.280
<v Speaker 1>here or you know, wherever. So again, the compromise isn't

0:30:16.360 --> 0:30:20.600
<v Speaker 1>just A or B, so it's very layered, nuanced. But

0:30:21.080 --> 0:30:22.880
<v Speaker 1>it's just something that Lauren and I have seen a

0:30:22.920 --> 0:30:25.280
<v Speaker 1>lot with some of our friends lately, and we keep

0:30:25.320 --> 0:30:27.880
<v Speaker 1>talking about this, and it's a it's a huge deal

0:30:27.920 --> 0:30:30.160
<v Speaker 1>because people do get a big especially in this day

0:30:30.160 --> 0:30:32.000
<v Speaker 1>and age of work. It's like you get a good job,

0:30:32.480 --> 0:30:34.920
<v Speaker 1>well sometimes you do have to move for that, and

0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:37.360
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna have to sacrifice, and you have to figure

0:30:37.360 --> 0:30:38.600
<v Speaker 1>out what's the most important thing.

0:30:39.440 --> 0:30:44.560
<v Speaker 2>Callie asks, thoughts on the right time to move in together.

0:30:45.280 --> 0:30:50.560
<v Speaker 1>Probably during right before during a global pandemic, and again

0:30:50.720 --> 0:30:52.640
<v Speaker 1>in our lifetime, you've only been able to count on

0:30:52.680 --> 0:30:55.960
<v Speaker 1>that once. With the way, but with the way our

0:30:55.960 --> 0:30:58.040
<v Speaker 1>government works, I think we can probably just probably have

0:30:58.040 --> 0:31:01.280
<v Speaker 1>one of these every year. I'm guessing now. But that's

0:31:01.280 --> 0:31:02.120
<v Speaker 1>what Laura and I did.

0:31:02.360 --> 0:31:04.520
<v Speaker 2>That is and by the way, we that was earlier

0:31:04.560 --> 0:31:06.800
<v Speaker 2>than we talked about it. We had this plan we

0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:09.680
<v Speaker 2>were going to I had an apartment, Chris had his house,

0:31:09.720 --> 0:31:12.360
<v Speaker 2>and Chris's son was finishing his senior year of high school,

0:31:12.560 --> 0:31:14.880
<v Speaker 2>and I said, you know, we talked about moving in together.

0:31:14.920 --> 0:31:18.520
<v Speaker 2>And I said, you know, let's have Josh finish out

0:31:18.520 --> 0:31:20.320
<v Speaker 2>his senior year of high school. I don't need to

0:31:20.360 --> 0:31:21.880
<v Speaker 2>come in and rock the boat. I'll stay in this

0:31:21.920 --> 0:31:23.840
<v Speaker 2>apartment in the city. And you were like, yeah, that'll

0:31:23.840 --> 0:31:26.000
<v Speaker 2>be awesome. We'll have this place in the city and

0:31:26.040 --> 0:31:27.960
<v Speaker 2>we can you know, I can come stay there with

0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:29.720
<v Speaker 2>you sometimes when I don't have the kids, we'll do

0:31:29.760 --> 0:31:33.760
<v Speaker 2>fun dinners. And then March twenty twenty. I moved into

0:31:33.800 --> 0:31:36.200
<v Speaker 2>that apartment in January twenty twenty. Yeah, and then March

0:31:36.200 --> 0:31:36.680
<v Speaker 2>twenty we.

0:31:36.560 --> 0:31:37.920
<v Speaker 1>Really got our money's worth out of that.

0:31:39.040 --> 0:31:43.080
<v Speaker 2>So I will say, first of all, remind yourself that

0:31:43.120 --> 0:31:45.240
<v Speaker 2>it's never going to be the perfect time. There isn't

0:31:45.320 --> 0:31:47.880
<v Speaker 2>Gosh we plan and God laughs, there is never going

0:31:47.920 --> 0:31:50.040
<v Speaker 2>to be the perfect time to move in together, to

0:31:50.120 --> 0:31:51.920
<v Speaker 2>have kids, to try a new city. There are always

0:31:51.960 --> 0:31:54.000
<v Speaker 2>going to be these little things that might be raising

0:31:54.080 --> 0:31:57.040
<v Speaker 2>questions for you in your mind. But I will also

0:31:57.160 --> 0:31:59.920
<v Speaker 2>say thoughts on the right time to move in together,

0:32:01.400 --> 0:32:04.400
<v Speaker 2>keyword there being time. If there was one piece of

0:32:04.440 --> 0:32:08.440
<v Speaker 2>advice I would give anybody on a relationship, it is that,

0:32:09.160 --> 0:32:11.040
<v Speaker 2>And I would even put it to the specifics of

0:32:11.080 --> 0:32:13.680
<v Speaker 2>like a year. You've got to be with somebody for

0:32:13.720 --> 0:32:16.200
<v Speaker 2>a certain amount of time to see what kind of

0:32:16.200 --> 0:32:19.040
<v Speaker 2>person they are, because even when you think you know someone,

0:32:19.080 --> 0:32:20.240
<v Speaker 2>you have to see them through a.

0:32:20.160 --> 0:32:22.320
<v Speaker 1>Couple of I recommend at least four seasons.

0:32:22.480 --> 0:32:25.240
<v Speaker 2>Four seasons, Yes, you got to see them through, like

0:32:25.400 --> 0:32:27.640
<v Speaker 2>how do they react in situations? And only time will

0:32:27.640 --> 0:32:30.120
<v Speaker 2>give you that how are they when someone sick?

0:32:31.320 --> 0:32:34.160
<v Speaker 1>Only see the best version of somebody and make all

0:32:34.160 --> 0:32:36.480
<v Speaker 1>your judgments on that, because everybody can be perfect for

0:32:36.520 --> 0:32:40.720
<v Speaker 1>those first one, two, three months. You know, it's it's

0:32:40.720 --> 0:32:43.120
<v Speaker 1>easy when you live alone. You live separately, I mean,

0:32:43.200 --> 0:32:46.040
<v Speaker 1>and it's easy to put on your best face all

0:32:46.120 --> 0:32:48.520
<v Speaker 1>the time and when you're not feeling good, like Lauren

0:32:48.640 --> 0:32:51.800
<v Speaker 1>just said, oh, you know, I'm going to stay in tonight,

0:32:52.240 --> 0:32:53.720
<v Speaker 1>And so you just don't see each other. You don't

0:32:53.760 --> 0:32:55.960
<v Speaker 1>have to deal with that. You need to have dealt

0:32:56.000 --> 0:32:58.600
<v Speaker 1>with each other and been in the trenches and gone

0:32:58.600 --> 0:33:01.800
<v Speaker 1>through some tough times to realize this can work.

0:33:01.960 --> 0:33:04.640
<v Speaker 2>Go on a road trip together first, Yeah, travel, travel

0:33:04.720 --> 0:33:06.840
<v Speaker 2>travel together for sure, Yes.

0:33:06.720 --> 0:33:08.440
<v Speaker 1>No matter what that is. And I know everyone can't

0:33:08.440 --> 0:33:13.320
<v Speaker 1>travel the same, but do something where you are camping whatever.

0:33:13.360 --> 0:33:15.200
<v Speaker 2>The less glamorous, the more it's going to tell you

0:33:15.240 --> 0:33:17.840
<v Speaker 2>on whether you can move in with someone. Book the

0:33:17.880 --> 0:33:19.080
<v Speaker 2>worst trip ever.

0:33:19.000 --> 0:33:21.120
<v Speaker 1>And I was just I was just a big fan

0:33:21.280 --> 0:33:25.680
<v Speaker 1>of with us. The moment felt right. The times to

0:33:25.880 --> 0:33:28.959
<v Speaker 1>change felt right. For letting everybody know that we were

0:33:29.000 --> 0:33:32.200
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship six months in just felt like I just.

0:33:32.120 --> 0:33:33.560
<v Speaker 2>Said, But it didn't feel right with the I mean

0:33:33.600 --> 0:33:34.560
<v Speaker 2>with the pandemic rereforce.

0:33:35.080 --> 0:33:37.880
<v Speaker 1>I I was ready. It did feel right. Was it

0:33:38.080 --> 0:33:39.120
<v Speaker 1>ahead of our schedule?

0:33:39.320 --> 0:33:39.680
<v Speaker 2>Sure?

0:33:40.080 --> 0:33:42.280
<v Speaker 1>But I think it's still I would argue it felt right.

0:33:42.560 --> 0:33:43.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh that's a good one.

0:33:43.280 --> 0:33:45.719
<v Speaker 1>I don't think it felt like we weren't prepared for

0:33:45.760 --> 0:33:48.680
<v Speaker 1>this to move in. It just wasn't our life plan

0:33:48.760 --> 0:33:50.440
<v Speaker 1>at the moment. I think we probably would have been

0:33:50.480 --> 0:33:52.280
<v Speaker 1>another four or five, maybe.

0:33:52.080 --> 0:33:54.479
<v Speaker 2>Six a good point. It was telltale that when the

0:33:54.480 --> 0:33:56.720
<v Speaker 2>pandemic happened, we kind of looked at each other and

0:33:56.720 --> 0:33:58.720
<v Speaker 2>it was like, Okay, I'm coming to stay with you.

0:33:58.760 --> 0:33:59.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean it was an easy decision.

0:34:00.080 --> 0:34:01.680
<v Speaker 2>Is an easy decision that we're both ready for.

0:34:01.800 --> 0:34:04.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and so that step was easy to take. Again,

0:34:04.640 --> 0:34:07.360
<v Speaker 1>you can't always count on a global pandemic.

0:34:07.400 --> 0:34:09.719
<v Speaker 2>And you know what else, we were excited about it

0:34:10.080 --> 0:34:13.120
<v Speaker 2>even though it was the pandemic. I think you should

0:34:13.120 --> 0:34:15.799
<v Speaker 2>be excited to move in together. It shouldn't be questioning it.

0:34:15.800 --> 0:34:18.960
<v Speaker 2>It shouldn't be like at that phase in your relationship

0:34:18.960 --> 0:34:21.000
<v Speaker 2>it's probably still pretty new, and it should still be

0:34:21.040 --> 0:34:23.640
<v Speaker 2>a bit of that honeymoon phase of we're excited to

0:34:23.280 --> 0:34:26.600
<v Speaker 2>be together. No, and it should be exciting to like

0:34:27.760 --> 0:34:30.400
<v Speaker 2>put your pieces together, build your home and your nest together,

0:34:30.440 --> 0:34:31.560
<v Speaker 2>and it should be fun.

0:34:32.560 --> 0:34:37.239
<v Speaker 1>Should I end with a very personal question about us?

0:34:38.960 --> 0:34:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Because Mary asked this will be our last question today?

0:34:42.680 --> 0:34:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Mary asked, what will you and LZ do different this

0:34:46.160 --> 0:34:48.000
<v Speaker 1>time to make your marriage work?

0:34:49.360 --> 0:34:54.960
<v Speaker 2>Wow? What will we do differently this time to make

0:34:55.040 --> 0:34:56.080
<v Speaker 2>our marriage work?

0:34:56.160 --> 0:34:58.760
<v Speaker 1>Clearly, as Mary did her homework, we've both been married,

0:34:58.760 --> 0:35:01.759
<v Speaker 1>we're both divorced. Yes, yes, this is number two for

0:35:01.800 --> 0:35:02.600
<v Speaker 1>both of us.

0:35:02.880 --> 0:35:05.920
<v Speaker 2>Well, I don't mean to not I don't mean to

0:35:05.960 --> 0:35:09.239
<v Speaker 2>not answer Mary's question, but I guess the problem with

0:35:09.440 --> 0:35:13.000
<v Speaker 2>the way to answer that is that I think we

0:35:14.840 --> 0:35:20.759
<v Speaker 2>are different people in different life places. And then the

0:35:20.800 --> 0:35:24.759
<v Speaker 2>first times we both got married and going into this relationship,

0:35:24.800 --> 0:35:28.600
<v Speaker 2>we both knew what we wanted out of a relationship

0:35:28.600 --> 0:35:30.120
<v Speaker 2>and out of a partner, and we knew what we

0:35:30.120 --> 0:35:34.840
<v Speaker 2>were looking for and we'd made mistakes, so we we've

0:35:34.880 --> 0:35:36.360
<v Speaker 2>come into it totally differently.

0:35:36.520 --> 0:35:38.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I always say, you know, and this goes for

0:35:38.920 --> 0:35:42.880
<v Speaker 1>anybody's ex. You know, the next person usually when you

0:35:42.920 --> 0:35:45.200
<v Speaker 1>are older, wiser, is getting a better version of you.

0:35:45.480 --> 0:35:48.560
<v Speaker 1>Sure you are a much but I am a much

0:35:48.600 --> 0:35:56.320
<v Speaker 1>better listener, conversationalists, caretaker, just impath for somebody.

0:35:56.360 --> 0:35:59.480
<v Speaker 2>Gosh, being a single dad made you, Oh gosh, you're

0:35:59.520 --> 0:36:01.160
<v Speaker 2>so good at so many things, the things.

0:36:01.239 --> 0:36:04.560
<v Speaker 1>Honestly, that was the best boot camp I ever went

0:36:04.600 --> 0:36:07.160
<v Speaker 1>through was being a single dad and I was fifty

0:36:07.200 --> 0:36:10.000
<v Speaker 1>to fifty. I never want to take away from their mom.

0:36:10.320 --> 0:36:12.640
<v Speaker 1>She did a wonderful job. She is a wonderful mother.

0:36:13.000 --> 0:36:16.520
<v Speaker 1>But half the time I was alone and completely alone

0:36:16.600 --> 0:36:19.560
<v Speaker 1>in everything we did from the moment we woke up

0:36:19.600 --> 0:36:25.600
<v Speaker 1>to homework and everything, sick, everything. So that prepared me

0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:28.000
<v Speaker 1>in a way for my next relationship that I couldn't

0:36:28.000 --> 0:36:30.920
<v Speaker 1>even explain. I mean, it's taken me to a level

0:36:31.480 --> 0:36:35.440
<v Speaker 1>that when I got married at twenty three, somebody was

0:36:35.480 --> 0:36:36.400
<v Speaker 1>still parenting me.

0:36:37.600 --> 0:36:40.160
<v Speaker 2>What I will say, maybe, and again it's kind of

0:36:40.440 --> 0:36:43.600
<v Speaker 2>something we did beforehand, but what will we both do

0:36:44.080 --> 0:36:48.720
<v Speaker 2>to make our marriage work this time? We're both older

0:36:48.840 --> 0:36:50.560
<v Speaker 2>and wiser. I mean, we were both in our early

0:36:50.560 --> 0:36:54.719
<v Speaker 2>twenties and we got married, so that's huge. We both

0:36:54.800 --> 0:36:56.680
<v Speaker 2>know who we are, like I think we both got

0:36:56.760 --> 0:36:59.160
<v Speaker 2>married the first time not fully knowing who we were yet.

0:36:59.480 --> 0:37:01.600
<v Speaker 2>And for me, maybe the biggest thing on why I

0:37:01.640 --> 0:37:04.480
<v Speaker 2>think okay, I feel better about this is I got

0:37:04.520 --> 0:37:06.800
<v Speaker 2>married and I got engaged and married way too fast.

0:37:06.840 --> 0:37:09.640
<v Speaker 2>The first time, I got engaged after only about eight months. Yep,

0:37:10.000 --> 0:37:14.319
<v Speaker 2>I didn't. I hadn't given that relationship the time and

0:37:14.360 --> 0:37:18.960
<v Speaker 2>trials and tribulations to know yet that that was a lifelong.

0:37:18.800 --> 0:37:22.239
<v Speaker 1>I would say my biggest strength now and this might

0:37:22.280 --> 0:37:24.120
<v Speaker 1>get me in trouble. And I don't mean it this way.

0:37:24.960 --> 0:37:26.880
<v Speaker 1>Elsie and I might get in a fight about this. No,

0:37:27.320 --> 0:37:30.520
<v Speaker 1>because it's not to say that she's always wrong, or

0:37:30.640 --> 0:37:33.160
<v Speaker 1>it's not to say that she's ever wrong. But I

0:37:33.200 --> 0:37:35.439
<v Speaker 1>think I am so much more. And again this goes

0:37:35.440 --> 0:37:37.359
<v Speaker 1>back to being a single dad. I'm so much more

0:37:37.440 --> 0:37:40.520
<v Speaker 1>patient because at this age and at this stage in

0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:44.600
<v Speaker 1>my life I know what's important. I know what's important

0:37:44.640 --> 0:37:48.359
<v Speaker 1>to me. I know what really matters, and so I

0:37:48.480 --> 0:37:52.080
<v Speaker 1>don't mind the little thing so much. They just don't

0:37:52.120 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 1>bother me so so much. More can roll off my back,

0:37:55.560 --> 0:37:58.080
<v Speaker 1>and I can give a lot more. I can see

0:37:58.120 --> 0:38:01.520
<v Speaker 1>through things. If Lauren just in a bad mood or whatever.

0:38:01.560 --> 0:38:06.120
<v Speaker 1>It just things that normally would have degraded into a

0:38:06.160 --> 0:38:11.279
<v Speaker 1>fight and just blown up a situation that could really explode.

0:38:12.560 --> 0:38:14.560
<v Speaker 1>I know, and you're really good at this anyway, but

0:38:14.680 --> 0:38:18.239
<v Speaker 1>I know myself to see from a thousand feet and go,

0:38:19.000 --> 0:38:22.320
<v Speaker 1>this isn't worth fighting about, This isn't worth three days

0:38:22.360 --> 0:38:23.120
<v Speaker 1>of life.

0:38:23.120 --> 0:38:26.319
<v Speaker 2>I also got better at fighting, and maybe that's what

0:38:26.360 --> 0:38:30.160
<v Speaker 2>you mean. Is I mean we argue and disagree, but

0:38:30.480 --> 0:38:32.600
<v Speaker 2>on so much less occasion than I did in my

0:38:32.680 --> 0:38:34.600
<v Speaker 2>first marriage. I mean I was younger, I was more

0:38:34.600 --> 0:38:37.319
<v Speaker 2>hot headed, but I also had to learn how to

0:38:37.440 --> 0:38:39.680
<v Speaker 2>argue with people, and that was working on myself too.

0:38:40.640 --> 0:38:44.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean, if you're with somebody who's you're having toxic, angry,

0:38:44.400 --> 0:38:46.839
<v Speaker 2>yelling arguments with, I am here to tell you that's

0:38:46.880 --> 0:38:49.520
<v Speaker 2>not normal and it's not healthy. I think I thought

0:38:49.840 --> 0:38:51.759
<v Speaker 2>the first time around, or we're both going to grow

0:38:51.800 --> 0:38:53.720
<v Speaker 2>and we're both going to get past this and maybe

0:38:53.719 --> 0:38:56.720
<v Speaker 2>you can do that and grow together. But we grew apart,

0:38:57.040 --> 0:38:59.280
<v Speaker 2>and I really had a moment of saying to myself,

0:38:59.320 --> 0:39:02.640
<v Speaker 2>I have to work on how I talk to people,

0:39:02.680 --> 0:39:06.200
<v Speaker 2>how I react to things myself. And so I've gotten

0:39:06.239 --> 0:39:09.680
<v Speaker 2>a lot better at that. And I think arguing is

0:39:09.719 --> 0:39:12.640
<v Speaker 2>healthy and I think it's going to happen. But I

0:39:12.800 --> 0:39:17.280
<v Speaker 2>definitely now in our relationship, I watch my words because

0:39:17.760 --> 0:39:21.240
<v Speaker 2>in my first marriage, we were much more likely to hurl,

0:39:21.719 --> 0:39:25.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, heart heart and hurt full words or things

0:39:25.120 --> 0:39:28.000
<v Speaker 2>at each other. And I've realized that words hurt more

0:39:28.040 --> 0:39:30.239
<v Speaker 2>than anything, and you really have to be careful what

0:39:30.280 --> 0:39:31.520
<v Speaker 2>you say because you can't take it back.

0:39:32.600 --> 0:39:33.920
<v Speaker 1>So I don't want to end I know that was

0:39:33.920 --> 0:39:35.319
<v Speaker 1>the last question. I don't want to end on such

0:39:35.360 --> 0:39:38.600
<v Speaker 1>a like serious down there, so I will kind of.

0:39:39.040 --> 0:39:44.200
<v Speaker 1>This is part B. What's a quirk about each other? Personality, hygiene, habits, really,

0:39:44.239 --> 0:39:46.040
<v Speaker 1>anything that surprised you?

0:39:46.280 --> 0:39:48.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh from Wendy, what is a quirk about each other

0:39:48.560 --> 0:39:50.600
<v Speaker 2>that surprised you? And man, when you move in with

0:39:50.640 --> 0:39:52.480
<v Speaker 2>somebody or when you get married, you see you're surprised.

0:39:52.520 --> 0:39:55.360
<v Speaker 2>So you can still learn things what's a quirk about

0:39:55.360 --> 0:39:57.239
<v Speaker 2>me that surprised you, because I don't have mine about

0:39:57.239 --> 0:39:58.360
<v Speaker 2>you yet. Do you know your answer?

0:39:59.200 --> 0:40:05.160
<v Speaker 1>One thing, first and foremost Voldemort, Oholdemort, impressions, but really

0:40:05.200 --> 0:40:10.080
<v Speaker 1>just a lot of impressions and voices.

0:40:10.520 --> 0:40:12.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm a theater kid.

0:40:13.560 --> 0:40:16.280
<v Speaker 1>Those are things that you know, I kind a glimpse

0:40:16.360 --> 0:40:18.520
<v Speaker 1>of I knew, you know, she did Roses and Rose.

0:40:18.960 --> 0:40:21.279
<v Speaker 1>She did Roses and Rose, and you know I so

0:40:21.440 --> 0:40:24.600
<v Speaker 1>I saw it. I knew the theatrical side, and I

0:40:24.640 --> 0:40:28.399
<v Speaker 1>love the theater. But that was something that I noticed more

0:40:28.600 --> 0:40:30.320
<v Speaker 1>of as she got more comfortable.

0:40:30.440 --> 0:40:32.759
<v Speaker 2>For sure, that's so true. I didn't give you the

0:40:32.800 --> 0:40:34.400
<v Speaker 2>full theatrical experience.

0:40:34.560 --> 0:40:39.040
<v Speaker 1>Her and her sister don't have anything other than that

0:40:39.320 --> 0:40:42.120
<v Speaker 1>going on. They speak to each other.

0:40:42.120 --> 0:40:44.319
<v Speaker 2>In weird voices, in code and.

0:40:44.239 --> 0:40:45.200
<v Speaker 1>In weird voices.

0:40:45.600 --> 0:40:46.040
<v Speaker 2>So true.

0:40:46.080 --> 0:40:47.920
<v Speaker 1>I know immediately when you're on the phone with your sister,

0:40:48.440 --> 0:40:50.000
<v Speaker 1>So true, never your voice.

0:40:50.040 --> 0:40:52.719
<v Speaker 2>And you're right. And I purposely didn't give you that

0:40:52.719 --> 0:40:56.440
<v Speaker 2>side of myself in the beginning. I will say, look, you,

0:40:56.480 --> 0:40:58.239
<v Speaker 2>the person's got to love you for who you are.

0:40:58.360 --> 0:41:01.160
<v Speaker 2>But just like I might not do my Voldemort impression.

0:41:01.160 --> 0:41:03.080
<v Speaker 2>As I walk into a business meeting, I didn't do

0:41:03.120 --> 0:41:05.279
<v Speaker 2>it on the first date. This was my first date

0:41:05.400 --> 0:41:08.920
<v Speaker 2>version of myself and I did. Also, it made me

0:41:09.000 --> 0:41:11.000
<v Speaker 2>love you more that you watched Roses and Rose and

0:41:11.040 --> 0:41:12.480
<v Speaker 2>you saw that weird side of me and that you

0:41:12.600 --> 0:41:13.920
<v Speaker 2>liked it, that you didn't have an issue with it.

0:41:14.000 --> 0:41:16.720
<v Speaker 1>But we go back to spend at least four seasons

0:41:16.719 --> 0:41:19.000
<v Speaker 1>together before you make any dress, because you need to

0:41:19.040 --> 0:41:19.439
<v Speaker 1>see that.

0:41:19.840 --> 0:41:20.399
<v Speaker 2>You need to.

0:41:20.320 --> 0:41:22.719
<v Speaker 1>See more and more and more of that, because hey,

0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:25.960
<v Speaker 1>maybe that will drive you crazy. Turns out I love it.

0:41:25.960 --> 0:41:26.400
<v Speaker 1>It does not.

0:41:27.719 --> 0:41:29.960
<v Speaker 2>But I think a quirk about you was when we

0:41:30.000 --> 0:41:34.319
<v Speaker 2>moved in together. I you are such a clean, put

0:41:34.360 --> 0:41:39.320
<v Speaker 2>together person on the surface. I learned Chris's house is

0:41:39.440 --> 0:41:41.800
<v Speaker 2>very clean. I mean, he's a single dad, he's a bachelor,

0:41:41.840 --> 0:41:43.960
<v Speaker 2>but he had a clean house. There wasn't a lot

0:41:44.000 --> 0:41:48.480
<v Speaker 2>of clutter everywhere. But in the pandemic, I was going

0:41:48.520 --> 0:41:51.399
<v Speaker 2>a little stir crazy and I'm a big organizer, and

0:41:51.520 --> 0:41:53.640
<v Speaker 2>I actually thought about putting this on social media, but

0:41:53.680 --> 0:41:55.640
<v Speaker 2>I didn't because I didn't want you to be embarrassed.

0:41:56.280 --> 0:41:58.520
<v Speaker 2>I started going through Chris's house thinking what else can

0:41:58.560 --> 0:42:00.440
<v Speaker 2>I do in this time? I know we're going to

0:42:00.520 --> 0:42:03.080
<v Speaker 2>clean house. We're gonna do spring cleaning. We're gonna revamp

0:42:03.120 --> 0:42:05.919
<v Speaker 2>the house, get some new picture frames and pictures in them.

0:42:05.960 --> 0:42:07.719
<v Speaker 2>Like do a revamp, get some new stuff for the

0:42:07.760 --> 0:42:12.480
<v Speaker 2>kids rooms. Well, I would open a cabinet door and

0:42:12.600 --> 0:42:18.320
<v Speaker 2>des cascade of stuff would come falling out. Chris Harrison

0:42:18.640 --> 0:42:21.880
<v Speaker 2>might be an exaggeration, is a messy behind the scenes.

0:42:22.080 --> 0:42:24.359
<v Speaker 2>May I opened one cabinet in your kitchen and there

0:42:24.360 --> 0:42:27.640
<v Speaker 2>were just empty boxes in the cabinet, like cardboard boxes.

0:42:27.680 --> 0:42:31.400
<v Speaker 1>You never know when you need boxes. Boxes are important. Okay,

0:42:31.480 --> 0:42:34.080
<v Speaker 1>you're not wrong, You're not You're not wrong. It might

0:42:34.120 --> 0:42:37.560
<v Speaker 1>not be that bad.

0:42:37.719 --> 0:42:39.839
<v Speaker 2>Here's a quirk about Chris Harrison. It's hard for him

0:42:39.880 --> 0:42:43.839
<v Speaker 2>to not be perfect. He has an issue. We're messing up.

0:42:45.200 --> 0:42:47.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah no, But but what was great about that was

0:42:47.880 --> 0:42:50.640
<v Speaker 2>I loved to organize, and I do think we're good

0:42:50.640 --> 0:42:59.200
<v Speaker 2>at like our flaws or Quirks's strength. Yes, the dynamic duo.

0:43:00.360 --> 0:43:03.719
<v Speaker 1>And yes, on that note, we will put a pin

0:43:03.760 --> 0:43:07.439
<v Speaker 1>in your questions and your answers for now. But love

0:43:07.480 --> 0:43:09.920
<v Speaker 1>doing this, love hearing from you. And again, if you

0:43:10.000 --> 0:43:14.000
<v Speaker 1>have any crazy relationship stories, questions, things you want us

0:43:14.040 --> 0:43:17.000
<v Speaker 1>to talk about here on the pod, go to the

0:43:17.040 --> 0:43:21.920
<v Speaker 1>most Dramatic Pod Ever on Insta. Leave your questions, leave

0:43:21.960 --> 0:43:24.520
<v Speaker 1>your comments there. We'll pick them up and we'll bring

0:43:24.600 --> 0:43:26.239
<v Speaker 1>them here on the show from time to time.

0:43:26.840 --> 0:43:28.400
<v Speaker 2>Thanks everybody, Love you all.

0:43:28.640 --> 0:43:30.960
<v Speaker 1>We'll see you next time because we have a lot

0:43:30.960 --> 0:43:33.719
<v Speaker 1>more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on

0:43:33.760 --> 0:43:36.680
<v Speaker 1>Instagram at the most Dramatic Pod Ever and make sure

0:43:36.680 --> 0:43:38.880
<v Speaker 1>to write us a review and leave us five stars.

0:43:39.320 --> 0:43:40.440
<v Speaker 1>I'll talk to you next time.