WEBVTT - #137 The hardest answer is the right answer 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:02.679 I know the right answer, and it's the hardest one. 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:06.120 The hardest answer is the right one. Here. What do 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:20.840 you do about dad? You forgive them and you love them? 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:24.960 What's up? Guys? Welcome to the podcast. Wherever you're coming from, 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:27.560 we're just grateful to have you. Whatever platform you came 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:29.800 from or found out about this podcast with, or maybe 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:32.519 you're a longtime listener. Thank you. If you are a 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:37.000 longtime listener, you remember my guest Bernie Calcote. Awesome, awesome 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:40.440 guest and great friend. You've been with me for twenty 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:45.120 two years or something like that, and you've always been 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:48.760 the guy that helped me dissect problems that I've had 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:51.519 in my life. You've always been the one that give 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:54.080 me sound advice. And so because of the format of 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.240 this podcast giving other people advice, I want to be 0:00:57.240 --> 0:01:01.760 able to use your advice for others. Yeah, happy to 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:05.920 be here and thankful for the invite. Back. Man, you've 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:09.080 been on probably be a while fifteen episodes, Yeah, it's 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:13.360 been a while, though maybe more maybe twenty. Yeah, have 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:16.480 you missed me? You've been doing an like how is 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:23.199 it doing it solo versus with a guest solo, because 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:25.920 sometimes you'll be by yourself and man, you'll be getting 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:27.560 fired up, and I can tell you just want to 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:30.199 look at somebody and be like you feel me. Yeah, 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:33.120 it's it's easier to not have a schedule and just 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:35.440 go I'm gonna knock out a podcast and hit record. Yeah, 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.560 it's harder because I have to talk the whole time, right, 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:41.600 I don't get to breathe. Yeah, So if you have 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:45.280 a question, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, and 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:47.360 that's where we're gonna read from today, out of order, 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.920 not prompted, no notes in front of us. Bernie has 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:52.680 no idea what's coming at him, and I don't either, 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.360 So we're going to go into this right now. Subject 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:58.160 line of this first one says still living with the 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:01.760 in laws. Question comes from Rosy says, Hey, Grange, and 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:04.120 my husband and I are coming up on our tenure innniversary, 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:07.280 yet we still live with his parents. We have three 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:11.200 dogs excuse me, three kids, a service dog. We desperately 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:12.839 want to move out of the house, but every time 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:16.480 we mention a word or hint about moving, his parents panic. 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:18.840 They tell us they will that if we leave, they 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.440 will surely die. They say they can't live without us. 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.520 Yet they are verbally abusive to myself and my husband. 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:27.080 They yell at my kids every day. Don't get me wrong, 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.880 they mean well, they could be nice and sweet. Sometimes 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:32.080 I just feel like the stress is eating us all. 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:35.040 How can we deal with this and still honor them? 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.320 Currently living in California praying to move to Texas. This 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:45.639 comes from Rosie. Wow, there's a lot of people that 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:48.399 are in California praying to move to Texas. I feel 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.919 like there are. I was just in California and heard 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:56.120 from a lot of them. Yeah. Wow, so ten years, 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:58.400 I'm assuming that they've been with the in laws of 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:03.519 the entire time. Yeah, So, I think Rosie's Rosie's issue 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.679 here is that we've said on this podcast a lot 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:09.040 that you know, there's a principle to honor your your 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:15.079 mother and father, but but there's there's there's counteracting principles 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:20.120 in this situation of parents honoring the children of the 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:24.720 man getting married and moving away from mom and dad. 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:30.280 So there's there's some conflicting principles to talk about here. 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:39.680 How do you start this conversation with Rosie? Well, the 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:43.360 first thing that sticks out to me with Rosie is 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:48.400 that I believe and this podcast is always going to 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:51.920 be tough. Love so love you, Rosie and and all 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:54.680 you people that are writing in. I love that you 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:57.920 trust us with something that is such a deep question 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.280 for you and your family. And after I get that 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:01.880 out of the way, I want to say that I 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:05.840 feel like this this is falling more on your husband's shoulders, 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:10.120 this is yours. This is something your husband needs to 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:14.320 man up. He got three kids. Yeah, he needs to 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:18.560 man up. And I'm one hundred percent rosy for moving 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:23.800 and and I think you could honor them and still move. 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:27.760 And I think you could. You could say we love 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:30.680 you guys. We were so grateful for the opportunity to 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:35.080 stay here and to have this foundation at home, but 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:39.520 we have to in order to really blossom our own family, 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:42.440 we have to leave. We have to leave the nest, 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:44.640 and we want to come back and visit. If they 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.200 were on hospice or something like with cancer, and it 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:49.600 might be a little different. That doesn't sound like that's 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.400 what's going on here. It sounds like they just have 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:57.680 some parents that are that are needy. Yeah, yeah, I 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:01.280 think the husband guy, Rosie's husband, like you said, needs 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:05.560 to man up. And it's so hard without you sitting 0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:07.240 next to us, and us be able to ask you 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:11.279 questions like why is there another reason why you have 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:14.159 been there other than the parents or the in laws 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:17.800 trying to be controlling. I think that. I mean, if 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:22.159 these are reasonable people, they're gonna understand. Oh yeah, of 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:24.120 course you need your own space and you need to 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:28.160 move out. It doesn't mean that they're abandoning, you know, 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.719 the in laws. And maybe it's just a small step. 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:35.880 You know, Granger always talks about these things that you know, 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:37.479 we're standing in front of the mountain and it's just 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:40.920 too much. It's overwhelming to think about, you know, moving 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:44.360 from California to Texas and really abandoned. Maybe you just 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:47.200 move down the street. Hey, we're gon We're gonna start small. 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:50.400 We're gonna move down the street. We're still gonna come 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:53.000 over for a brunch on Sundays and the kids can 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:56.279 come over and and then kind of maybe a slower 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:59.000 process and just see how that is. Texas is a 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:02.400 long way. Yeah, that's a big step. Yep. Maybe that's 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:05.000 part of the of the issue. And this falls on 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:07.920 the husbands shoulders and Rosie. It's going to be a tough, 0:06:08.320 --> 0:06:10.720 tough situation. It's gonna be a tough conversation with your 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.919 husband because you also want to honor him, but he 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.479 needs to step up as the leader of the family 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:20.520 and man up and say, my wife's not happy, my 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.960 kids are being verbally abused. We're going to move out, 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:26.320 and we're going to still going to come visit and 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:31.080 still be here for you. But but yeah, you're right, Rosie, 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:35.159 your intuition here is right. Your question. I think everything 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:39.520 is right. If there's verbal abuse going up, or abuse 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:42.200 in any kind going on, you need to remove your 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:49.159 kids and yourself from the situation. And regardless of being 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:51.840 sensitive to the in laws or I understand you need 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:55.039 to be delicate, but I mean, your husband and your 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:57.360 kids are your first priority, so you need to get 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:02.560 them to a safe place. Yep, yeah, sorry, Rosie. Tough spot. 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:05.279 It's time to go, start small, It's time to go. Yeah, 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:08.359 time to go. Okay. Next question, subject line says, my 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:11.400 best friend is liking my exes post. Hey, grade, I'd 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:13.800 like to remain anonymous. My best friend started liking my 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:17.400 ex's Instagram post after we broke up, and even added 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:20.800 her on Facebook post breakup. We had a healthy dialogue 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:23.440 about that and how it was making me feel. So 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:27.200 he respectfully stopped several months of pass now, and I 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:29.880 noticed he recently started doing it again. They weren't friends 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:32.360 before we started dating, which makes me question his motives. 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:35.800 Is this my own insecurity kicking in or do I 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:39.080 have a reason to reevaluate whether I could trust this 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:42.480 friend moving forward? How would you handle the situation? Thanks 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:52.360 for all you do anonymous social media. Anonymous, You're probably 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:57.360 not gonna listen to me, but if you wanted to, 0:07:57.680 --> 0:07:59.720 you know, get a wild hair and say, you know, 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:04.880 take advice of Granger's friend burns, delete your social media account, 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:09.600 maybe get off your phone for a while. Guys, these devices, 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:13.880 I don't believe that we were made as humans to 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:18.400 be able to have access to as many options and 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:22.800 people and relationships to manage and to sort through that 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:25.520 we do it is. I mean, there's so much depression 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:29.480 and anxiety and struggle that it's causing because we're not 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:33.080 made to do that. And so if you want to 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:36.640 be bold and not have to deal with that, just 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:38.960 get off of it. Maybe it's just for a time, Okay, 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:41.840 let's not get crazy. I mean, I'm trying to convince 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:43.400 Leslie to let me get a flip phone and get 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.600 rid of my phone. But I understand that's extreme, So 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:49.000 maybe let's not go that far. Let's start with just 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:51.280 maybe take a break from social media for a while, 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.959 so that you get to be where your feed are, 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:57.120 you get to be present and the only information in 0:08:57.920 --> 0:08:59.960 things you're having to deal with or what's in front 0:08:59.920 --> 0:09:03.480 of you right now. Maybe start there. Yeah, so what 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:07.880 Bernie's doing here is anonymous. He's he's telling you in 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.400 a way that you have to take responsibility for this. 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:13.720 You're because that's why, because that's the only thing you 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:17.840 can control is your own responsibility to the situation. You 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:21.160 can't control your ex, you can't control your friend, and 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:23.960 but what you can control is not seeing it and 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:26.439 not letting it affect you. So you take, first of all, 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:30.000 take responsibility for yourself in this situation, because you're going 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:33.760 to get better now now just dissecting the problem itself. 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:40.040 She's an ex, right, you're not together, she's not your property, 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:44.040 And there's not really a rule that says that. So 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.520 much time has gone by and your friend could never 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:50.920 like an Instagram picture, and I don't think that has 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:56.400 anything to do with trusting him moving forward, either yeah, yeah, 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:58.280 I think she may be or he or she may 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.760 be taking it personally when they don't need to. People 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:04.960 are doing their own thing, and most of the time 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:06.680 it has more to do with them than it does 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:10.240 with you, and so I maybe wouldn't take it personally. 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:12.120 And let me say one more thing and then I 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:16.439 promise ione to get off my social media digital information soapbox, 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:20.040 because there's a lot I've noticed a lot of really 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:23.000 young listeners to this podcast. A lot of people that 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.920 ride in they're fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old. Right, 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:30.920 So guys, just take a minute and just consider the 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:36.800 effects that your phone has on your life. Go into 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:41.760 your settings and look at screen time and just look 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:46.400 at the number of hours per day that you are 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:50.160 looking at your phone, and then you can multiply that, 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:55.320 I think times each hour you know that's in there average, 0:10:55.320 --> 0:11:00.800 it's like fifteen days per year. This is a scary 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:02.920 experiment for you guys to do. When I did it, 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:06.120 I was like, oh my goodness. But if you if 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:08.760 you do that, you'll start to realize how dependent you 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:12.480 are on that device. A lot of it can be 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.679 spent on social media. So just aware, maybe be aware 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.080 and that there's people around you, and there's things around 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.800 you that could use your focus and attention and maybe 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:25.280 it'll end up helping you a So that's it. Yeah, 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:28.040 let me piggyback one last thing on that we keep 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:32.079 saying one last thing. If you say you need Facebook 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:36.400 for work or there's a legitimate reason there is, there 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:39.640 is this idea that you should always block your ex anyway, 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:44.520 just block her. Maybe you can't get off Facebook, maybe 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:46.400 you need something you know, you need to do it 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.840 for work, but you need to block her. Absolutely. You 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:52.640 can't wake up in the morning and think what is 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.320 she doing and look her up on Facebook and then 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:58.760 see your friend like the post that is that's damaging 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:02.240 your day, is damaging your mind, it's hurting your heart, 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:06.000 it's it's prolonging the heartbreak. So when you break up 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:09.600 with someone and and it's done, it sounds like this 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:13.079 is done in this story. You need to block her 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:16.079 and if you need to tell her, hey, great, if 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:17.600 you need to, if you need to shoot her attacks 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:21.240 and say hey, I just need to tell you so 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.480 that you know this is not personal to you. This 0:12:24.559 --> 0:12:27.240 is this is not me hating you, but this is 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:30.320 me working on myself and needing to be better because 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:33.240 I'm heartsick, and in order for me to get better, 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:36.280 I hope you understand that I'm going to block you, 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:39.280 not for a hate reason, but just for the reason 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:41.680 that I can't for my own sanity look at you 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:46.760 every day on Facebook. Problem solved. Yeah, I think that's 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:51.559 your answer right there. As far as your friend, if 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.240 he starts dating her, I mean, worst case he marries her, 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:57.199 I mean that's gonna that could happen, but I don't 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:02.520 think that's a trust issue. She's kind of free game, right. Yeah. 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.480 I wonder how old these people are too. They didn't 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:11.800 say today, No, okay, man, we're kind of We're kind 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:15.760 of gonna go to something similar here. Next question says, hey, Gradeur, 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:18.839 I'm Zach from Cincinnati. Have been struggling recently with my girlfriend. 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:21.440 She's very beautiful and I love her. She posts a 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:25.200 lot of bikini pictures and videos on social media. I 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:28.320 get worried and jealous that she's doing this for attention. 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:35.160 Do you have any advice? Oh my gosh, but it's real, 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.959 This is real. These are real problems today twenty twenty two. 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:45.960 These are real problems, very real problems. So can I 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:49.960 have a plug for strong father, Strong daughters. Go for it. 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:51.880 If you haven't read that book and you're a dad 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.240 out there of a daughter, please go read it. It 0:13:54.360 --> 0:14:00.280 is incredible, Strong father, Strong Daughters. Because I think there 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.600 who knows. We can't we can't assume the intentions of 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:08.160 this girl. We can only take Did he say his 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:14.280 name za Zach from Cincinnati? Okay? His I think he 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:17.280 has a right to be kind of like feeling a 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:20.200 little weird, right, yeah, I mean sure, I would probably 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:24.280 feel weird, like sure, So I don't I don't know 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.080 what to tell him. What do you say to her? 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.000 I would say, there is I would say there's one 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:32.560 scenario where this works out. Two, there's two scenarios. One, 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:36.400 she's a model and she's doing this because she's getting 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:41.360 paid and that's her job. Two, she and I knew 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:44.479 a girl like this at one point. She actually designed 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:48.680 and made bikinis for a living, and she used other 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:52.160 girls as to model the new the new line, the 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.160 new summer line, and then she modeled a few times 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:58.520 herself the new design. She literally knit them in her 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:01.520 house and made these bikinis. Okay, those are your two reasons. 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.560 I don't think this is either one of those things. 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:09.680 If she's I always am wary about anyone that's posting 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:12.960 too many pictures with no friends in it. It's just 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:16.520 them and there's no reason, there's nothing to promote behind 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:19.960 it besides promoting their own ego. That's always a little 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:24.800 weird to me. So like if I friend someone on Instagram, 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:29.000 say someone say it's a radio personality, okay, or in 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:32.320 a meet them and we become friends on Instagram and 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:34.720 I look at their profile and it's every picture is 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:39.200 nothing but themselves. Everyone. There's no friends, our dogs, our 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:43.440 parents or spouse. It's like, what's going on here? Yeah, yeah, 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:49.080 that's weird. It's weird. So Zach, let's get practical. The 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:53.120 practical step first is just talking to her. It sounds 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:58.400 like he's young, he's pretty young. I'm guessing just say hey, 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.479 I'll be totally honest. If you're gonna be very vulnerable, 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:05.640 I'm gonna admit something that's embarrassing. But I'm a little 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:07.680 I'm a little weirded out. I'm a little a little 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:13.480 jealous that you post these pictures for the world to see. 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:17.480 And she's not gonna take that very well. Probably but 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.119 then you're gonna find a lot out about your relationship 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:24.560 at that point. If she's like, Hey, I want what's 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:26.960 best for us in this relationship. If that's weird, I'm 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:30.040 gonna stop doing it. You got a winner. Okay, that's 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.840 a great, great answer, But I don't think she's gonna 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:40.440 say that. Yeah. Yeah, she's probably emotionally developing just like you. 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.720 You know, they're in that kind of phase of like 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:47.040 trying to figure out, you know, who they are and 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:50.360 what they can trust and what they can't. And they 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.080 either are looking putting things out there to see like 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:58.000 what gets the attention the kind that they want. So 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.960 I don't know, Man, she's going to get more likes 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:02.920 if she's in a bikini then if she's in a 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:06.760 button up shirt, Yeah for sure. But maybe that's the 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:10.680 question for for her from him is like, hey, is 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:18.359 my attention not enough? Great? Is my the way that 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:20.919 I love you and adore you and we'll do anything 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:25.440 for you? Is that not enough? Because these photos it's 0:17:25.520 --> 0:17:29.200 kind of you saying like, hey, I need I need 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:31.959 your attention and your millions of people. I need your 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:36.680 attention and your affirmation, Like are my words not affirming enough? 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:40.399 And if not, then why Like it could be the 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:44.040 start of a really deep, beautiful conversation or it could 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:47.240 be the beginning of a break up. Yeah, but either way, 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:49.920 I think you got to speak up, Zach. It's time. 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:53.520 It's time, Zach bring it up to her. Let's hit 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:59.560 another one. This says navigating parenthood and God. Hello. I'm 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:02.680 the mom of three and I had a tough childhood. 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:04.800 My mom was a huge Christian and shared custody of 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:08.159 me and my sister with our biological dad. He was 0:18:09.200 --> 0:18:11.879 and still is a non believer. He tried to convince 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:14.240 me as a kid that God is not real. To 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:16.480 give you an accurate picture of this, he had six 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.879 six six tattooed on his neck. We no longer speak 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:23.200 at all. Fast forward. I've worked through lots of anxiety 0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:25.679 around religion and have tried going to church, but I 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:28.280 still struggle. I have three kids, ten, six and two. 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:30.840 My ten year old recently had what I think was 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:34.920 an anxiety attack. He asked me if life is real 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:38.200 and how do we know that God is real? And 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:41.120 he was crying pretty hard. What advice would you give 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:43.400 me and my husband to navigate through this with him? 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.240 These are questions I still struggle with given my past 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:49.400 trauma around religion. We go to church and we are believers, 0:18:49.400 --> 0:18:52.960 but it's still a very vulnerable subject in our house. 0:18:53.000 --> 0:19:00.400 Between my husband and me, we can almost discount the 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:04.639 the dad talk, the six six six dad, So that 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.000 was her dad, that was her dad, but he's not 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:10.840 in the picture anymore. So, so she was raised by 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:14.840 her mom, shared custody with mom, who is a believer, yeah, 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:18.719 and not believe her dad. Okay, But now her and 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:25.240 her husband they're just wrestling with how to talk to through, 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:29.480 how to know if God is real with their son 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:37.720 who is ten, ten six and two. Yeah, So I 0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:40.440 think the dad, kind of the grandpa is kind of 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:44.359 irrelevant a little bit, right, But she's still it sounds 0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:49.160 like she's still Maybe she's just recognizing that she probably 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:53.120 had doubts in her life as well through a broken 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:57.280 marriage that she was raised in. So we're going to 0:19:57.359 --> 0:20:00.680 talk about here, and this is it's great. This is 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:06.560 great for Bernie and I because Bernie, you have a twelve, twelve, nine, twelve, 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:08.920 nine and five and I have a ten and an 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:13.680 eight and a newborn, so so we we know what 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:17.000 ten is like. Bernie has had one and I have 0:20:17.080 --> 0:20:24.600 one now, and it's it's it is a critical This 0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:28.000 is critical is for parenting right now at this age. 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:33.720 So how do we know how do we explain to 0:20:33.760 --> 0:20:37.439 a child that God is real? Well, it's going to 0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:40.920 really it's going to start with it's going to start 0:20:40.920 --> 0:20:47.160 with parents honoring the Word of God through their lives. YEP. 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:53.320 So for instance, when your your son has a baseball 0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:58.840 game tournament on Sunday morning at eight o'clock and you say, 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:01.400 we're going to skip this turn ornament because we're going 0:21:01.400 --> 0:21:06.840 to church on Sunday morning, that's an example of living 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:09.840 by the Word of God through your actions, so that 0:21:09.920 --> 0:21:13.240 he could see, oh, this is really important, Like this 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:15.280 is a big deal. Going to church must be a 0:21:15.280 --> 0:21:20.520 really big deal to mom and dad and you, Mom, Julie, 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:22.960 this is your name. You're saying, we go to church 0:21:23.000 --> 0:21:27.600 and we're believers. But it's but you struggle with religion, 0:21:28.160 --> 0:21:31.199 so it's important for them to see that you're not 0:21:31.240 --> 0:21:35.000 struggling with it. Yeah, that was the first thing that 0:21:35.040 --> 0:21:40.480 I was thinking, is your kids understanding that we're all 0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:42.960 kind of wrestling. I have talks with Boston all the 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:46.119 time of like, man, do this parenting thing is hard. Like, 0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:48.840 I love you so much and I want this for you, 0:21:48.880 --> 0:21:51.720 but I also want to let you make your decisions 0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:55.159 and your good choices and bad choices. But I feel 0:21:55.160 --> 0:22:00.520 like the best ministry that I have to my kids, 0:22:00.560 --> 0:22:03.359 like you said, is the way that I relate my 0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:06.600 life to the Word of God. So they don't just 0:22:06.760 --> 0:22:11.000 see Sunday morning we go to church, but they see 0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:14.720 the way that we stop and we talk to the 0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:17.600 homeless person on the corner, and that we have these 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:20.000 bags in our car already made it so we can 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:23.240 so we can help them and do something. The way 0:22:23.320 --> 0:22:26.399 that the music that we listen to is, you know, 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:30.760 it's glorifying to God. There's there's all of these things 0:22:30.800 --> 0:22:35.600 that are pouring out of a genuine heart posture that 0:22:35.880 --> 0:22:39.160 wants to glorify God with my life. That I think 0:22:39.200 --> 0:22:42.880 that that even though I may fumble through the actual 0:22:42.920 --> 0:22:48.280 words of you know, telling them about the story of 0:22:48.320 --> 0:22:50.720 the Gospel, maybe it's not eloquent and maybe it's kind 0:22:50.720 --> 0:22:53.720 of fumbled around, But the way we live our lives 0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:56.480 out of that love that we have, I think that's 0:22:56.520 --> 0:23:01.040 the best way we communicate it. Yeah, Paul says, and 0:23:01.119 --> 0:23:05.200 his epistles. He'll say that the evidence of God is 0:23:05.240 --> 0:23:09.959 all around us. We're left without excuse, and that's in 0:23:10.040 --> 0:23:13.840 creation itself. That means sometimes you take a vacation with 0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:15.560 your kids to the Grand Canyon and you walk out 0:23:15.600 --> 0:23:18.200 to the edge of the Grand Canyon and you tell 0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:20.720 your kids as you're looking at it and everyone's in 0:23:20.760 --> 0:23:25.720 awe of it, you say, isn't God incredible? Look at this? 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:30.160 Look at this place? Isn't God incredible? And your six 0:23:30.200 --> 0:23:32.399 year old and your two year old are hearing that, 0:23:33.760 --> 0:23:37.400 they're left without an excuse to go. This wasn't an accident. 0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:40.440 This was by design. You step out in your front 0:23:40.480 --> 0:23:42.359 yard when a big storm comes in in June and 0:23:42.359 --> 0:23:44.560 the clouds roll in and the big thunderheads and all 0:23:44.560 --> 0:23:46.879 the colors and the lightning, and you look up and 0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:51.320 you go, God is incredible. Look at this. God is incredible. 0:23:52.280 --> 0:23:55.720 And they're going to look at you and go, yeah, 0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:58.480 I see that. I see it now. And it also 0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:02.760 happens through your own struggles, because we struggle. Believers will struggle, 0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:08.560 and you through your struggle you say, I'm I'm mommy, 0:24:08.600 --> 0:24:12.080 why are you crying? I'm just I'm so sad, but 0:24:12.200 --> 0:24:14.679 I know through my tears and through my sadness, I 0:24:14.760 --> 0:24:17.639 know that that God has a plan, that God has 0:24:17.680 --> 0:24:21.040