1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm 2 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: Danny Shapiro, and this is family Secrets, the secrets that 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,520 Speaker 1: are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 4 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: and the secrets we keep from ourselves. As I tore 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,279 Speaker 1: the nation from my book Inheritance, I've heard from so 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: many about your own family secrets and realize that what 7 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: we are creating for each other on this podcast is 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: a community, a community for those who are looking for 9 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 1: a safe and supportive space to unburden themselves. To that end, 10 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: we've created a number for listeners to call in to 11 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: record stories to share here in this space. This week, 12 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,599 Speaker 1: I'd like to share a few of those stories from 13 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: our community. Thanks for listening, Hi, I wanted to share 14 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: my story worry about being protected from a secret and 15 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 1: share a first cousin story who's still in the throws 16 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: of the family secret. So, growing up, my mother was 17 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,399 Speaker 1: a single mom for a little while to three children, 18 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: and she met my dad or my stepdad, UM when 19 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: I was years old, and I, of course, just as 20 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: a little girl, film up with him. He was so 21 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:32,039 Speaker 1: much fun and um. Over the course of quite a 22 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 1: few years, I remember my mom pulling me aside and 23 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: telling me, Um, you know you can call him dad. 24 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,959 Speaker 1: He loved you, but he's not your father. There's another 25 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: man out there and one day you will get to 26 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: meet him, hopefully. And I did when I was twenty 27 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: years old, which is another long story. UM, I did 28 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: meet my biological father and UM last year I was 29 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 1: I'm in my thirties now, I took my whole family out. 30 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 1: We actually went to his house for the first time 31 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: ever and met some of my half siblings for the 32 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 1: first time ever, and it was amazing and I felt complete. 33 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 1: I know that sounds cheesy, but I felt very complete 34 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: and loved and it just explained these unexplainable, invisible things. 35 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: So the other side of the story is my first cousin. 36 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: It would be my mother's sister's son who UM grew 37 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: up calling my uncle dad, and it's not Actually he's 38 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: not his biological father. And unfortunately I'm privy to this 39 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:38,359 Speaker 1: um unfortunate information through family drama and gossip. And my 40 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 1: aunt doesn't know that I know my cousin. He doesn't 41 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: even know anything about it. And I just really feel 42 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,079 Speaker 1: for him because I've seen him over the years. We've 43 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: been very close for seven months apart. Um, there's something 44 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: missing in his life. I believe this is what it is, 45 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,959 Speaker 1: not knowing that side of his family, and I could 46 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 1: be completely wrong, but my heart does ache for him. 47 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,679 Speaker 1: He has a younger brother, and there's some very very 48 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: big differences, and you know, it just makes you wonder 49 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: why one sister would tell the truth and the other 50 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 1: one wouldn't. Um, maybe just hide it and be more private. Yeah, 51 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: so I wanted to share my story. And also I 52 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 1: have three small children, and I always tell them there 53 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: are no secrets in this house. There are no good secrets. 54 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: So I don't know if that's a good thing, but 55 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: I do tell them that. So I'm all about the truth, 56 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,519 Speaker 1: even when it's hard. Thank you so much for your podcast. 57 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: That's really like hidden out with me in my heart, 58 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: and I just really am enjoying it. Hi. UM. My 59 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: family secret is that when I was about ten years old, 60 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: I found some family documents showing that um, the man 61 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: I believed to be my father had legally adopted me 62 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:52,280 Speaker 1: when I was a child, and that I had a 63 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: man that did not want to be involved in my life. Um. 64 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 1: I did meet him later on, and he still adamantly 65 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 1: just did not want to be in vault. Um growing up. 66 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: I'm now in my thirties and at the ancestry DNA 67 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 1: just too. I think that I was proving that he 68 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: was my biological father, and come to find out he 69 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: is not. Um, I've now found this whole other family 70 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: that I did not know that I had, and this 71 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,800 Speaker 1: man that is my biological father had wanted to be 72 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: involved in my life. So now we are in the 73 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: process of tracking him down and getting to know this 74 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: whole o their family. UM. So that is my family secret. 75 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: Thank you. Hi. I thought i'd call in and share 76 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:45,119 Speaker 1: some of my story. So very long and convoluted story 77 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: with lots of twists and turns, So I'll try and 78 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: be brief and just pick the one that kind of 79 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:57,160 Speaker 1: is the most present and prevalent in my current situation. UM. 80 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 1: My mother family had always told me that a certain 81 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 1: man was my father. UM. He was never involved in 82 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: my brother in my life. My brother and I are 83 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:11,280 Speaker 1: two years apart. UM. He appeared all of a sudden 84 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: when my brother and I were thirteen and fifteen, respectively. Well, 85 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: I was thirteen and he was fifteen. He was in 86 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: town for a wedding and we and we met him, 87 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: and I remember when we met him, um for the 88 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: first time, looking at him and then looking at my 89 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: brother and thinking, wow, what a resemblance, but then feeling 90 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: really lost because I looked nothing like him. I should 91 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 1: mention that my family is is Italian and um, this 92 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 1: man was black. Um, and my brother was visibly mixed. 93 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: Um I was not. I never was. Fast forward into 94 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 1: my early twenties, I married, I have my first child, 95 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: and my husband is kind of poking fun at me 96 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,719 Speaker 1: that you know, you can't possibly think that's your father. 97 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: And keeping in mind again, I had no relationship with 98 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:06,039 Speaker 1: this man. He just you know, I know of him. 99 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: There's no name on my birth certificate. My mother gave 100 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: me her last name, but she gave my brother our 101 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 1: father's last name. Um, it's the last words. And I said, 102 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,159 Speaker 1: you know, you might have a point. So I slide 103 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 1: to the province that he's in and we do a 104 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,320 Speaker 1: DNA test, and of course she's not my father. I 105 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: confront my mother and UM, she denies, and she's she 106 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: shounds so convincing in her life that you know, I 107 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 1: don't know what you're talking about. This is he's the 108 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: only person that it could be so I kind of 109 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 1: leave it at that, and I asked the family and 110 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: they say, no, well, I mean this is that's to 111 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,119 Speaker 1: your father's And he said, well, you know, I'm white 112 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:49,039 Speaker 1: like she was black. Hello, um, I felt like it 113 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 1: was in the toilet, don't really. Just then fast forward 114 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: another ten years and my mother dies out there's various 115 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 1: things that she had along with her, and I do 116 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 1: the end sister Dnah test and it comes back that 117 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:08,600 Speaker 1: UM with some second cousin matches UM from Portugal. So 118 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: I find out that my my father's family is from 119 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,120 Speaker 1: the a source UM in Portugal. And so I'm on 120 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: a mission to try and locate my father and it's 121 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: very difficult because the families are you know, ten and 122 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: twenty siblings large. But I'm on my way, and at 123 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: least now I know what the other side of me is. 124 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: Thanks for letting me share my story. Take care. If 125 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 1: you'd like to share your story, call one eight eight 126 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: eight Secret zero and record your story. We won't be 127 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: able to run all the stories, but we do want 128 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 1: to shine a light on as many as we can. 129 00:07:55,880 --> 00:08:00,040 Speaker 1: The number again is one eight eight secret and in 130 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: the numeral zero for more podcasts for My Heart radio, 131 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 132 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.