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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVFM and click

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Speaker 1: submit Strawberry Letter. You could be reading We could be

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Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're

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Speaker 1: going to read this one right here, right now, and

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Speaker 1: you never know, it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buckle up it hold on time.

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Speaker 2: We got it for you. Here it is strawberry.

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Speaker 1: Let us all right, nephew, thank you. Subject Why do

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Speaker 1: men disappear on me? Dear Stephen Shirley, I seem to

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Speaker 1: be attracting the same type of guys, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know why. I'm thirty two and never been in a

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Speaker 1: long term relationship, because the guys either ghost to me

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Speaker 1: after a few months, or they stick around and disappear

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Speaker 1: for days and then come back like they never left.

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Speaker 1: The last three relationships I've had were like this. The

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Speaker 1: first one was when I was twenty five and we

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Speaker 1: dated for almost a year. Things would be going great

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Speaker 1: for two days and he would take me out around

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Speaker 1: friends and tell everyone I was the one. I got

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Speaker 1: excited thinking he was the one too. Then he would

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Speaker 1: disappear for a few days, and if I called him,

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Speaker 1: he'd answer, but it would be a brief conversation. If

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Speaker 1: I texted him, he barely texted back. I knew that

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Speaker 1: he wasn't married because his behavior made me feel like

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Speaker 1: he had another girl. But his behavior made me feel

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Speaker 1: like he had another girlfriend. He ended up ghosting me.

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Speaker 1: I ran into him a few months after that, and

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Speaker 1: he said that what we had was fun, but it

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Speaker 1: wasn't that serious to him. I was heartbroken twice with

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Speaker 1: that man then, and my last two relationships, the same

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Speaker 1: thing happened. It's like I was on a work shift

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Speaker 1: with them three days on, two days off. I'm tired

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Speaker 1: of waiting to have sex with them and then getting

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Speaker 1: disappointed a few months later. On the days away from me,

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Speaker 1: I initiate the phone calls, and it's always a short conversation.

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Speaker 1: The last guy even whispered when I called him, and

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Speaker 1: he said he was at an event and he couldn't talk.

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Speaker 1: I'm afraid that it is something that I'm doing to

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Speaker 1: make the guys take a break in the middle of

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Speaker 1: our relationship. I've even asked them if we're actually dating,

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Speaker 1: so I won't ever make that assumption. Again, what do

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Speaker 1: guys do when they disappear? Is it something I'm doing?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 1: I got to say this first. You didn't give us

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Speaker 1: a lot of information to go on in this letter.

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Speaker 1: But I do think you're onto something when you say

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Speaker 1: he has another girlfriend or a wife or something. You

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Speaker 1: say you know he wasn't married, but you didn't disclose

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Speaker 1: how you know that. I'm going to just assume that

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Speaker 1: you did your research, maybe you googled him or something

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Speaker 1: on that one. How exactly did you know he wasn't married? Though, Again,

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Speaker 1: I feel like you left a lot of information out

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Speaker 1: of this letter. So the best advice I can give

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Speaker 1: you is to not date for a while. Just not date.

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Speaker 1: You need to sit still, You need to reflect. You're

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Speaker 1: asking is it something you're doing? You know, maybe it is,

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Speaker 1: Maybe it is in your approach, and you know, maybe

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Speaker 1: you sleep with them too quickly or not at all.

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Speaker 1: You know there is something going on there. I'm not

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Speaker 1: blaming you, but I'm just saying, reflect on your mistakes

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Speaker 1: or the mistakes of the relationship. Just look at the

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Speaker 1: relationship and just only focus on yourself. You say you

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Speaker 1: waited to have sex. You didn't tell us when or

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Speaker 1: if you actually had it. You didn't tell us how

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Speaker 1: you met these guys. You cannot call these relationships because

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Speaker 1: they never they never even called you. You call them,

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Speaker 1: and you took whatever they dished out. So you got

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Speaker 1: to learn from these bad hookups so you can stop

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Speaker 1: making these same mistakes. So I just say again, be

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Speaker 1: still and find out who you are right now, Steve,

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Speaker 1: I have it.

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Speaker 4: For I'm not even sirying. She gave me enough information.

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Speaker 4: I got it. Here's your problem system, Why do men

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Speaker 4: disappear on me? Let me just get started right away.

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Speaker 4: I'm not going to have any joe for you. I'm

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Speaker 4: just gonna give it to you straight. You're thirty two

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Speaker 4: years old. I've had daughters your age, and I've got

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Speaker 4: another one approaching. So I know this, oh too well.

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Speaker 4: I have dated women like you. I understand that much

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Speaker 4: of it. Here's what you have to do. First things First,

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Speaker 4: you have to take ownership. You can only fix one

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Speaker 4: person in this letter, and that is yourself. You can't

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Speaker 4: fix the guys. So now let's begin. I seem to

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Speaker 4: be attracting the same type of guys and I don't

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Speaker 4: know why. Here's the reason why. Because it's what you're projecting.

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Speaker 4: You attract what you project. That is the law of attraction.

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Speaker 4: If I project happiness and kindness, happiness and kindness comes

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Speaker 4: to me.

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Speaker 2: If I want to.

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Speaker 4: Shake more people's hands, I have to stick my hand

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Speaker 4: out in front of people more to get more handshakes.

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Speaker 4: If I want more people to smile at me, I

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Speaker 4: have to start smiling at more people. The reason you're

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Speaker 4: attracting the same type of guy is because this is

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Speaker 4: what you're putting out. The energy in the vibe that

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Speaker 4: you're putting out attracts this type of guy.

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Speaker 2: Now that you've attracted him, here's what you then do.

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Speaker 4: I'm thirty two and I've never been in a long

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Speaker 4: term relationship because the guys either ghost me after a

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Speaker 4: few months, or they stick around and disappear for days

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Speaker 4: and then they come back like they never left. It

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Speaker 4: is because this is what you allow. Can't nobody disappear

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Speaker 4: on me three days and then come back and then

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Speaker 4: pick up where they left off. This is you. You're

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Speaker 4: allowing this. I tell women all the time, men are trainable.

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Speaker 4: All you have to do is stop accepting bad behavior.

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Speaker 4: If you ghost me one time, that's it. If you

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Speaker 4: try it again. It's over a man and can be

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Speaker 4: trained that way. Now, if he don't care nothing about you,

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Speaker 4: he gonna gosh you again, and he'll care how you feel.

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Speaker 2: That's the problem.

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Speaker 4: Stop allowing people back into your life who step out

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Speaker 4: of your life. Men who care about you don't disappear

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Speaker 4: for four days. Men who disappear for four days and

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Speaker 4: come back is because they know you're gonna let them.

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Speaker 4: The last three relationships I've had were like this. The

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Speaker 4: first one I had I was twenty five and we

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Speaker 4: dated for almost a year. When I come back, I

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Speaker 4: will tell you what happened to that and the rest

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Speaker 4: of them. I have it for you, young lady, But

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Speaker 4: you're gonna have to listen. If you don't want to

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Speaker 4: listen to unk. It's okay, It's okay.

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Speaker 1: All right, Steve. We'll have part two of your response

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Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour Today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letters subject why do men disappear on me? We'll

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Speaker 1: be back right after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 2: Do you think astronaut fight over elbow room?

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Speaker 4: charging capability, and lots of space.

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Speaker 3: Visit Hondai USA dot com for more details. EPA estimated

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Speaker 3: purpose only. Actual range will vary based on several factors.

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Speaker 1: All right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is why do men disappear on me?

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Speaker 2: This lady who's thirty two years old.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to help her without jokes, because this is

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Speaker 4: a problem for a lot of people. I seem to

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Speaker 4: be attracting the same type of guys, and I don't

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Speaker 4: know why. The reason why you're attracting the same kind

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Speaker 4: of guys, because this is what you're projecting.

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Speaker 2: And what I mean by that is simple.

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Speaker 4: If I want more people to smile at me, I

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Speaker 4: have to start smiling at more people. If I want

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Speaker 4: more people to shake my head, I have to start

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Speaker 4: extending my hand to more people. What you put out

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Speaker 4: is what you get back. If you think poorly, you

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Speaker 4: will act poorly. If you think poorly, you will be

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Speaker 4: treated poorly. It is the law of attraction. It's a scripture.

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Speaker 4: A man is as he thinking. So if you think

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Speaker 4: you worthy, people would then have to treat you worthy.

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Speaker 2: If you treat.

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Speaker 4: Yourself unworthy, they will pick up on that and give

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Speaker 4: it back to you.

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Speaker 2: That's what happens to you. I've never been in a

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Speaker 2: long term.

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Speaker 4: Relationship because the guys either gohost me after a few months,

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Speaker 4: or they stick around and disappear.

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Speaker 2: For days and then come back like they never left again.

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Speaker 4: That's because you allowed that, and you've allowed it over

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Speaker 4: and over and over.

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Speaker 2: When are you gonna stop doing that?

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Speaker 4: Ghost me by men who really care about you, don't

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Speaker 4: ghost you for four days. They trying to be up

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Speaker 4: in your face. The last three relationships I had were

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Speaker 4: like this. The first one I was twenty five. We

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Speaker 4: dated for almost a year. Things were going great for

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Speaker 4: two days, and then he would take me out around

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Speaker 4: his friend and tell everybody I was a one. I

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Speaker 4: got exciting thing and he was a one too. Then

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Speaker 4: he would disappear for a few days. If I called him,

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Speaker 4: he'd answer, but it would be brief conversation. If I

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Speaker 4: text him, he barely text back. I knew that he

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Speaker 4: wasn't married, but his behavior made me feel like he

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Speaker 4: had another girlfriend girlfriend and are married. What difference do

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Speaker 4: it make if you pick up on the fact that

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Speaker 4: you're not the only one, or you're not the one,

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Speaker 4: then what are you staying around for that? For a

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Speaker 4: year of that, he ended up ghosting me. I ran

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Speaker 4: it to him a few months later, let me give

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Speaker 4: him my letter. I ran up into a few months

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Speaker 4: later after that, and he said that we all we

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Speaker 4: had was fun, but it wasn't that serious to him.

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Speaker 4: I was heartbroken twice with that man. Heart broken twice.

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Speaker 4: Judge Tolder came on my show one day and said

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Speaker 4: the most prolific thing I've ever heard. She said her

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Speaker 4: mama told her, don't let a man have to tell

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Speaker 4: you twice he don't want you. You don't need that

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Speaker 4: one again. Do not let a man have to tell

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Speaker 4: you twice he don't want you. You didn't hear it

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Speaker 4: the first time. How you hardboken twice by the same man.

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Speaker 4: It was just for fun. The reason it was fun

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Speaker 4: was because he could disappear for days and then come back.

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Speaker 4: Stop chasing after people who don't want you. Then, my

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Speaker 4: last two relationships, the same thing happened. It was like

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Speaker 4: I was on a workshift with them. Because you project

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Speaker 4: that you'll do anything to be in a relationship, so

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Speaker 4: they will give you anything to be in a relationship.

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Speaker 4: Three days on, two days off, girl, If you know this,

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Speaker 4: once you take off, let them go. Stop passing yourself

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Speaker 4: out so quickly too, so you can stop being hurt.

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Speaker 4: Let the man take his three days off before you

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Speaker 4: sleep with him. Then you don't have to sleep with

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Speaker 4: him and get all emotionally tired up into this guy.

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Speaker 4: I'm tired of waiting to have sex with them and

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Speaker 4: then getting disappointment for a few months later. Keyword, so

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Speaker 4: are you in a relationship so you can have sex

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Speaker 4: with them? Are you in a relationship to have a relationship,

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Speaker 4: because this is the first requirement that you've mentioned in

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Speaker 4: your entire letter. I'm tired of waiting to have sex

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Speaker 4: with them and then getting disappointed a few months later.

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Speaker 4: See so, really you just want to have sex because

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Speaker 4: you said nothing else about being treated rightly, to being

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Speaker 4: treated right, about being you know, put on a pedestal

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Speaker 4: about feeling special. You know you don't feel any and

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Speaker 4: that you need some standards. You need a full set

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Speaker 4: of standards. You know, you need to make a list

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Speaker 4: of what you want in a man, will tolerate in

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Speaker 4: a man, and you need to have a list of

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Speaker 4: what you will not accept, and you have to stick

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Speaker 4: to the will not accept, because that's what we will

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Speaker 4: give you. On the days away from me, I initiate

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Speaker 4: the phone calls and it's always a short conversation. The

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Speaker 4: last guy even whispered when I called him and said

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Speaker 4: he was at an event and he couldn't talk. Now

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Speaker 4: he had to event without you. He whispering because he

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Speaker 4: can't let the people around him knowing he talking to you.

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Speaker 4: But he doing just enough to keep you on the stream.

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Speaker 4: So after these four days is up, he can come

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Speaker 4: back and you're gonna accept him back.

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Speaker 2: Stop doing that.

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Speaker 4: I'm afraid that if it's something, then she said, I'm

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Speaker 4: afraid that it's something that I'm doing to make the

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Speaker 4: guys take a break in the middle of our relationship. Yes,

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Speaker 4: it's something that you're doing. You're not having any requirements.

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Speaker 4: You don't have any standards, you don't have any rules

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Speaker 4: and regulations. You allow men to do what they want

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Speaker 4: to do, and then you chase after them to find

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Speaker 4: out that you ain't the one. I even asked him

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Speaker 4: if we're actually dating, So I don't ever make that

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Speaker 4: assumption again.

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Speaker 2: You ain't got to ask no man to you dating.

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Speaker 4: We only having sex if we're dating. What do guys

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Speaker 4: do when they disappear? We go do something else or

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Speaker 4: someone else that don't involve you.

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Speaker 3: Men.

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Speaker 4: Don't you own again off again relationships? We own all

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Speaker 4: the time? Somewhere is this something I'm doing? Yes, you're

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Speaker 4: not caring for yourself. You're not having standards for yourself.

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Speaker 4: You have no requirements for yourself, and you're not putting

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Speaker 4: yourself first. You're allowing people to walk over you. You're

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Speaker 4: allowing people to disappear for three days and come back.

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Speaker 4: You are setting yourself up for failure, young lady. Stop

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Speaker 4: doing it immediately. You are the prize, not him. The

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Speaker 4: moment you act like a gold mine, the moment we

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Speaker 4: will dig deep for it and want to possess it.

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Speaker 2: Pure right, Thank you, all right, thank you.

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Speaker 1: to the Steve Harvey Morning Show,