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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 1: got a quick chuming an ad break from a sponsors

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Speaker 1: keeping the show rocking and rolling. My boyfriend's parents disapprove

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Speaker 1: of me, so I want them out of my baby's life.

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Speaker 2: No approval, no baby.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes direct from the Okay Storytime shubreddit.

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Speaker 1: It's one of us, one.

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Speaker 2: Of us, one of us, one of us.

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Speaker 1: I Kia thirty eight female, and my boyfriend Connor twenty

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Speaker 1: seven male, are currently pregnant, severely pregnant. Our relationship has

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Speaker 1: been a rocky one, but never without love. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from user verdict accepted And if you want

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Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 1: Okay storytime subreddit where this story was submitted.

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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Keon.

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Speaker 3: I'm Kyle, and we're all here.

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Speaker 1: To give good advice goofily, but we don't have all

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Speaker 1: the answers. We only know what we would do in

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Speaker 1: any given situation. So if you would do something different,

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Speaker 1: let us know in the comments. Opie says, for a

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Speaker 1: whole lot of background context. We met at work, a

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Speaker 1: big name logistics company, and worked side by side. Everyone

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Speaker 1: called us the dream team because of how well we

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Speaker 1: complimented each other's working styles. I'm small and petite and

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Speaker 1: he is tall and strong. Where I could fit into

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Speaker 1: the nooks and crannies and do the work down low,

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Speaker 1: he could handle the things up high. It worked for

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Speaker 1: us and we became friends. After three months of friendship,

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Speaker 1: our relationship escalated. We started dating when Connor was twenty

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Speaker 1: one and I was thirty two. Our relationship was wonderful.

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Speaker 1: Fast forward about three months later. I was injured at

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Speaker 1: work and could no longer continue working for the same company.

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Speaker 1: Connor would still come over while I was healing and

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Speaker 1: help me, taking care of me, getting me anything I needed,

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Speaker 1: and even just hanging out with me while I was

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Speaker 1: completely incapacitated. He was the ideal partner. Fast forward again

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Speaker 1: two years and tragedy struck. My grandmother passed away due

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Speaker 1: to neglect of diabetes, and he was still there for me,

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Speaker 1: going strong. My father, Matt fifty four at the time,

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Speaker 1: blamed me for his mother's passing, saying I should have

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Speaker 1: been more aware of her condition. Mind you my grandmother's

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Speaker 1: own husband. My grandfather wasn't aware of her condition as

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Speaker 1: she hid it away from all of us. We only

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Speaker 1: had insight after receiving the coroner's certificate. Well, Matt decided

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Speaker 1: to go into cahoots with my bio mom, who left

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Speaker 1: us when I was around the age of two, to

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Speaker 1: have me move with her across the country. Connor and

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Speaker 1: I tried to make a long distance relationship work, but

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Speaker 1: ultimately it became too difficult with us both working in

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Speaker 1: him also attending college, balancing friendships and home life. It

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Speaker 1: was me who ended the relationship as I felt neglected

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Speaker 1: and just wanted him to be able to concentrate on

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Speaker 1: his life and continue to succeed. I mean, the age

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Speaker 1: gap was probably gonna make that hard to anyway, especially

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Speaker 1: if he's going to school, Like I feel like he's

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Speaker 1: gonna get in there and be like, wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm ready for this kind of

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Speaker 1: relationship right now.

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Speaker 2: That's probably what it is.

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Speaker 1: I think they're gonna get back together, though.

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Speaker 2: Let's see only one I wanted to find out.

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Speaker 1: We still kept a friendship as the split was not mutual,

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Speaker 1: but still amicable. A little less than A year later,

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Speaker 1: I moved back after receiving a phone call from Connor

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Speaker 1: where he seemed distressed about a girl he was seeing,

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Speaker 1: not dating. It upset me to the point that I

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Speaker 1: couldn't stand to see him hurt and not receive the

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Speaker 1: love he deserved. I decided then to make the three

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Speaker 1: day drive back across the country and left less than

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Speaker 1: a week later. I pushed to see him in person

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Speaker 1: when I got back. He wasn't sure about it, as

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Speaker 1: to be expected since our breakup had really hurt his feelings.

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Speaker 1: About a month later, we decided to meet up for

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Speaker 1: some spices sleep. Two months later, a tragedy struck again

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Speaker 1: when my best friend of twenty five years was in

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Speaker 1: a car accident and lost her life. He was there

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Speaker 1: for me and accompanied me to her services when I

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Speaker 1: spoke her eulogy, and stayed with me as I fell

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Speaker 1: into a depression. Another four months passed and I was

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Speaker 1: in a car accident where I was rear ended by

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Speaker 1: an intoxicated driver. I was in the hospital for four days.

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Speaker 1: When I awoke, he was the first face I saw.

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Speaker 1: He was there. He helped me with walking again and

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Speaker 1: helped me go to the bathroom and was absolutely amazing,

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Speaker 1: a wonderful friend I am eternally grateful for. We continued

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Speaker 1: being friends with benefits on and off for the next

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Speaker 1: year and a half. He saw people in between, and

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Speaker 1: I attempted dating as well, which didn't work out for

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Speaker 1: either of us. We decided to see each other exclusively.

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Speaker 1: I was still so in love with him that I

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Speaker 1: constantly asked him to define the relationship, to which he

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Speaker 1: was hesitant, understandably so. As my patients grew thin when

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Speaker 1: it came to defining what where we stood, I started

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Speaker 1: to distance myself. It just hurts so much to love

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Speaker 1: someone and feels so unsteady in the relationship. Unrequited feelings

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Speaker 1: would have you constantly guessing. As I started finally being

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Speaker 1: able to go without speaking to him, I found out

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Speaker 1: I was pregnant. Oh boy, the complicated cherry on top. Yes,

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Speaker 1: so this is where everything starts. He was hesitant yet again,

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Speaker 1: but ultimately told his parents when I was eleven weeks long.

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Speaker 1: I had found out at four weeks. He decided he

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Speaker 1: wanted to be there for our child and refused my

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Speaker 1: questioning about it further. He put his foot down. Okay,

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Speaker 1: mind you. Connor is a full time college student working

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Speaker 1: on his degree, working part time at a logistics company,

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Speaker 1: and traveling quite a bit to be with friends while

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Speaker 1: balancing work, school, and home life. He's very busy, but

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Speaker 1: still makes time for me. I see him once a week,

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Speaker 1: sometimes twice. He lives an hour from me, an hour

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Speaker 1: from work, an hour and a half from school in

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Speaker 1: the opposite direction, and at varying distances from his friend friends.

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Speaker 1: He is very busy, which I respect. His education is

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Speaker 1: of the utmost importance to me. Cut to his parents,

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Speaker 1: who he still lives with, because it's just more feasible.

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Speaker 1: His mother said nothing when finding out about the pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: just got up and walked away. She didn't speak to

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Speaker 1: him for at least three days. His father expressed his disappointment,

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Speaker 1: but since the family is religious, he didn't say much more.

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Speaker 1: They knew we weren't in a defined relationship, and Connor

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Speaker 1: told me they didn't know how to speak to me.

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Speaker 1: Because of that, Connor and I decided to get back

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Speaker 1: together and raise this child as a family. He told

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Speaker 1: me he loved me and never believed he had stopped. Oh,

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Speaker 1: he was just so hurt and with me giving him

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Speaker 1: what he wanted, why would he have to define the relationship.

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Speaker 1: My pregnancy sat with him heavily, but he told me

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Speaker 1: it helped him make up his mind and stop me

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Speaker 1: bssing me about it all. So, yes, we are back

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Speaker 1: together and just as in love as we always have been.

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Speaker 1: As my due date approaches, I sent a text to

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Speaker 1: Connor's father, letting him know how thankful I was for

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Speaker 1: a man like Connor and that he should be proud

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Speaker 1: of the boy he raised. I received no response, which

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Speaker 1: was okay, but still hurtful, and that was last week.

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Speaker 1: I really have a feeling this is like, yeah, you

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Speaker 1: guys weren't married, but I feel like they're freaked out

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Speaker 1: about the age gap. Cut to yesterday. I let them

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Speaker 1: know of my birth plan and invited them to be

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Speaker 1: the first visitors at the hospital to hold and shower

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Speaker 1: our child with love, aside from Connor and myself, of course.

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Speaker 1: The following was his father's response, Kia, please know that

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Speaker 1: Connor has been keeping us posted. We will be sure

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Speaker 1: to share your messages with family. We pray that you

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Speaker 1: and baby are in good health and your family is

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Speaker 1: safe and doing well. In responding to your previous messages,

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Speaker 1: we certainly hope you understand that we are worried about

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Speaker 1: our son trying to balance it all. You know that school, work,

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Speaker 1: Kio's place, and Connor's home are not in close proximity.

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Speaker 1: Yet you also know that Connor is a very considerate

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Speaker 1: and very conscientious person, and we, including yourself, know that

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Speaker 1: he has always wanted to finish higher education and still

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Speaker 1: be present for those that rely on him. We do

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Speaker 1: not believe he is a drift. Rather, he's trying his

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Speaker 1: best to balance at all. Going to college alone is

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Speaker 1: not easy, especially while trying to keep a job and

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Speaker 1: connections with friends and family that do not live close by.

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Speaker 1: It's evident that Connor's journey is now a complex one

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Speaker 1: and there is more for him to balance. Overall, our

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Speaker 1: emotions are running high and we are still adjusting to

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Speaker 1: this life changing situation. We have several concerns to share

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Speaker 1: with you, but prefer to speak with you in person

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Speaker 1: rather than buy text which could be misunderstood. In closing,

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Speaker 1: we will receive updates from Connor and will most likely

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Speaker 1: talk with you at a later time. We recognize that

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Speaker 1: you have a lot to balance too, keeping each of

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Speaker 1: you in our thoughts and prayers, Mister and missus Connor's parents.

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Speaker 1: They said, hello, Chatbot, can you write a response to

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Speaker 1: this the new mother of my grandchild that I don't

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Speaker 1: like that much, telling them I don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: to them, but let them know gently ish That message

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Speaker 1: made me sob for hours. Connor was at work, so

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Speaker 1: I just felt so alone. At nine months pregnant, literally

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Speaker 1: about to pop any day now, I just felt helpless.

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Speaker 1: They have been absent throughout the whole pregnancy. They did

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Speaker 1: not come to the baby shower. They have not acknowledged

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Speaker 1: anything really at all. I haven't seen them, spoken to

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Speaker 1: them nothing, but not for lack of trying on my part.

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Speaker 1: So Reddit, what I'm asking is, am I the a

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Speaker 1: hole for changing my mind and wanting to rescind the

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Speaker 1: invitation for them to come to the hospital as our

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Speaker 1: babies first visitors? Yeah? I think I think that you

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Speaker 1: can want that. I think definitely communicate it to your

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Speaker 1: partner that you find the that you're being sort of

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Speaker 1: ostracized by them unacceptable because regardless of what they think,

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Speaker 1: you are the mother of their grandchild, and you are

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Speaker 1: their son's partner, and you know, and those are the facts,

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Speaker 1: and y'all are having a kid, You're having a baby together.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, especially in this scenario, you don't have to please everyone,

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Speaker 2: especially if it is you know, Connor's parents, because again,

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Speaker 2: it's not fair the way they've been treating you, especially

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Speaker 2: this late into your pregnancy, nine months in and you

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Speaker 2: finally get this message. If that's how they're gonna, you know,

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Speaker 2: treat you and I guess communicate with you this far in,

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Speaker 2: you don't owe anything, especially if they haven't been any

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Speaker 2: helpful to you or you know, maybe we don't know

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Speaker 2: how they've been doing with Connor, but at least towards you,

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Speaker 2: they're definitely giving you like a cold shoulder, and what's

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Speaker 2: up with that?

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Speaker 1: We need to get on the same team if we're

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Speaker 1: if we're gonna especially if we're gonna be trying to

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Speaker 1: raise this kid together. And we have some very relevant

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Speaker 1: comments I think some long detailed responses here. Comment one.

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Speaker 1: You've been in Connor's life for six years. Were they

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Speaker 1: receptive to you before or did they see your age

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Speaker 1: difference as a red flag. I'm wondering why they're distant

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Speaker 1: since Connor has decided you are all a family the whole.

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Speaker 1: They knew we weren't in a defined relationship, and Connor

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Speaker 1: told me that they didn't know how to speak to

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Speaker 1: me because of that doesn't seem to hold up anymore.

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Speaker 1: Aren't you his girlfriend slash partner? Ope, the message isn't

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Speaker 1: the gusts sheet embracing message you were hoping for, but

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Speaker 1: he was still respectful. I don't think you'll have to

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Speaker 1: tell them not to come, as they didn't respond with

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Speaker 1: can't wait to meet our grand baby or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: My guess is they haven't decided if they're coming at all.

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Speaker 1: I know it hurts you that they're keeping you at

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Speaker 1: arm's length. Before you send any messages, though, make sure

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Speaker 1: you've thought logically about the bigger picture. Don't just respond

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Speaker 1: emotionally with you're no longer invited. I doubt you would

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Speaker 1: be that harsh, but I'm trying to make a point.

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Speaker 1: They're Connor's parents and to make both of your lives easier.

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Speaker 1: I would err on treating them with kid gloves. My

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Speaker 1: guess is that they're in denial and hoping the baby

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Speaker 1: isn't their sons. I say this based on them not

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Speaker 1: participating in anything. The history of your relationship with Connor

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Speaker 1: and the quote several concerns to talk to you about

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Speaker 1: in person that could be misconstrued via text. Uh also

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Speaker 1: right or not. I think it's a common reaction from

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Speaker 1: the man's family with an unplanned pregnancy. Please don't be

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Speaker 1: offended if they do bring it up, as it's a

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Speaker 1: measure for them to protect their son, as opposed to

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Speaker 1: actually thinking you cheated. I remember one of my guy

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Speaker 1: friends telling me his girlfriend had been pregnant. They'd been

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Speaker 1: on a break and sure enough, the first thing to

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Speaker 1: fly out of my mouth was, are you sure it

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Speaker 1: was yours? We were twenty and thankfully I've matured. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: when I asked him that question, I was solely trying

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Speaker 1: to spare him pain. After I'd asked, I wished I

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Speaker 1: would have kept that thought to myself. He was sure

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Speaker 1: it was his, so oh, I just listened. I'm probably

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Speaker 1: closer in age to the parents, so I was really

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Speaker 1: trying hard to view this situation from their perspective. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean their actions don't hurt, and definitely doesn't give

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Speaker 1: them license to be jerks. But I find understanding where

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Speaker 1: people are coming from makes it easier for me to

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Speaker 1: not take things as personally. I think they're concerned he's

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Speaker 1: not going to finish his schooling and his job may suffer.

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Speaker 1: Although I'm surprised they're having this deep of a reaction

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Speaker 1: with a twenty seven year old son, I'm confident that

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Speaker 1: once they see how you, Connor, and the baby are,

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Speaker 1: they will warm up to the situation. Congratulations on your

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Speaker 1: little one. Please don't let their aloofness affect this experience.

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Speaker 1: There is nothing greater than holding your child to the

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Speaker 1: first time. Hold on to every moment as they grow

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Speaker 1: way too quickly. Best of luck to you all. Oh

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Speaker 1: Pe responds, I don't feel his parents were being rude

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Speaker 1: in their response. I just feel like they're blaming me

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Speaker 1: for ruining their son's life, that they don't want me

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Speaker 1: nor are child to exist. When we were in our

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Speaker 1: prior relationship before I moved, they were very kind. They

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Speaker 1: invited me to Easter and Christmas dinners when I was

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Speaker 1: done doing things with my own family. I felt that

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Speaker 1: even though they might not have liked our age difference,

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Speaker 1: they had still accepted it. They never voiced being indifferent

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Speaker 1: about our relationship. When I called off our relationship after

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Speaker 1: I had moved, they told Connor that they respected me

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Speaker 1: from my decision to end the relationship as to let

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Speaker 1: him live his life and succeed. He reiterated to me

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Speaker 1: that they saw what I was doing as selfless and

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Speaker 1: had praised me for it. We're back in a relationship

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Speaker 1: and have spoken of marriage and living together, which his

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Speaker 1: parents also don't feel is a good idea, seeing as

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Speaker 1: they see us both as unstable. Connor has voiced to

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Speaker 1: me that his father wishes for me to attend college

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Speaker 1: and get a degree also, which is fine and a

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Speaker 1: part of a long time plan. It's just rather unfeasible

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Speaker 1: with expecting a newborn. I currently have a job working

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Speaker 1: at the TAD office. I have been pulled from I'm

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Speaker 1: working by my obgyn due to my pregnancy being considered

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Speaker 1: geriatric as I'm over the age of thirty five, so

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Speaker 1: I'm on disability currently for the duration of my remaining

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Speaker 1: pregnancy and the six weeks postpartum. A second comment says,

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Speaker 1: as a parent of adult children, I understand where Connor's

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Speaker 1: parents are coming from. You're nearly a forty year old

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Speaker 1: woman who baby trapped their twenty one year old son. Well,

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Speaker 1: he's not twenty one, he's twenty seven, and anyway, none

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Speaker 1: of this is what they would have wanted for him.

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Speaker 1: You were old enough to know better than to do

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Speaker 1: this to Connor. But instead you're sobbing that they're giving

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Speaker 1: you the treatment that you actually kind of deserve.

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Speaker 2: Again, is conn Does Connor have no agency? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: Again, that's what I'm saying. Like the parents are everyone

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Speaker 2: other than Connor. Obviously, Connor's like okay, I'm I'm okay

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Speaker 2: with this, Like this is okay, let's let's let's do this.

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Speaker 2: Everyone in this case, the parents and this commentar are

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Speaker 2: pointing the finger at you. Yes, you're a little you

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Speaker 2: have a little bit more experience in life. But again,

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Speaker 2: Connor is a grown man, an adult who knows you know,

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Speaker 2: his choices and his actions.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this commenter continues, you should have left that boy

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Speaker 1: alone once it was over. None of this would be

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Speaker 1: happening had you cared enough about Connor to let him

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Speaker 1: be young and free and become a father to the

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Speaker 1: right woman at the right stage of his life. And

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Speaker 1: just again, this commenter, if you remember it was actually

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Speaker 1: Connor who reached out to her after a breakup, commenter continues,

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Speaker 1: But no, it's all about you, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: He replies, Okay, wow, harsh, I wasn't nearly forty. When

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Speaker 1: we met, I was newly into my thirties, and for

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Speaker 1: the first five months of our relationship I thought myself

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Speaker 1: only a few years older than him because of his

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Speaker 1: dependability and maturity. I found out later that he was

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Speaker 1: a decade younger than me. As for baby trapping him,

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Speaker 1: I gave him the out and told him that he

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Speaker 1: would hold zero responsibility. He is also now in his

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Speaker 1: late twenties, not a twenty one year old. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what I did for you to warrant that you

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Speaker 1: think I deserve to be extradited, when all I did

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Speaker 1: was love, care and encourage Connor to be his best self.

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Speaker 1: We both just ended up being less responsible than we

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Speaker 1: should have been. Connor and I don't refer to our

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Speaker 1: unborn child as a mistake or an accident, but as

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Speaker 1: a blessing, which are his words, not mine. As for

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Speaker 1: caring about him, I do almost as much as I

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Speaker 1: do for our unborn child.

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Speaker 4: I did.

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Speaker 1: I did let him go free. I did put my

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Speaker 1: own feelings aside to let him live his life. I

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Speaker 1: encouraged and am still encouraging him to do what's best

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Speaker 1: for himself and his education. Telling me to do something

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Speaker 1: I've already done and he's rejected is redundant. Telling me

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Speaker 1: to do something that can no longer be changed is

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00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 1: also redundant. I don't need to defend Connor's and mine's relationship.

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Speaker 1: We know what we have. Thank you for your opinion,

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00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 1: though A reply says, ma'am with respect, I think you

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Speaker 1: know he would trash his life to care for his spawn.

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Speaker 1: There's a power imbalance that's also baby trapping. Wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: but he has specifically said he's not going to. He

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Speaker 1: has specifically said he is going to pursue his education

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Speaker 1: above all else and make it work with everything else,

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Speaker 1: So this is irrelevant. I'm still gonna read it, though.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So this commenter says the fact that you had spicy

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Speaker 1: sleep knowing getting pregnant with the possibility. I'm sorry to

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00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,800
Speaker 1: say this, but honestly, from what you're saying prior to

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Speaker 1: getting knocked up, it sounds like you or the red flag.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever spoken with a counselor or a therapist

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Speaker 1: in the time since you met this young fella. It

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Speaker 1: would benefit you and everyone around you do what's best

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Speaker 1: for your baby, knowing that you wouldn't want the same thing.

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Speaker 1: Happening to your child, op He replies, just because you

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Speaker 1: say with respect, does it mean that anything you said

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Speaker 1: was respectful. He's not allowed to quit school. Those are

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Speaker 1: my terms. He has supported me in everything I do.

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Speaker 1: What kind of person would I be to not do

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Speaker 1: the same. And as for a therapist, yes, I do

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Speaker 1: see a therapist. And that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: Is there an update, honey? I will check, please and

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00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 2: thank you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,200
Speaker 2: I don't understand the comment. Again, I can see where

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Speaker 2: everyone's like you were older than Connor. He was a

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00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 2: college boy. Again, they met at twenty one. But again

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Speaker 2: and like everyone's like, you came back into his life.

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Speaker 2: You did this, Opie? You you you no stop that.

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Speaker 2: It was both of them and there's nothing that fault there,

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Speaker 2: like this this happened and they were both of them

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Speaker 2: were like, you know, we're continuing this. Yeah, this is

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Speaker 2: our life. We want to have a family. Is there

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Speaker 2: an update? No.

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Speaker 6: There's a couple more people in the comments saying that

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Speaker 6: she changed the the ages at some point, which Opie says, like, no,

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Speaker 6: we were twenty when we when we met.

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Speaker 2: I think that's because we were also confused, right.

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Speaker 6: He was twenty one. I was thirty two at the

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Speaker 6: time of this meeting. We are now the ages of

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Speaker 6: twenty seven and thirty eight. Yes, there's a ton of

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Speaker 6: people being like, oh my god, he was.

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Speaker 2: Younger, you changed it.

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Speaker 3: But I don't think that.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 6: I think other than that, we read every thing on here,

387
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 6: I think gotcha, and this reminder was is one of us?

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00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah again, op Uh, if you're here listening to

389
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 2: us or again, you do get to hear this or

390
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 2: watch this, do what's best for you. And I think

391
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,440
Speaker 2: you're doing the right thing of like figuring this out

392
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 2: with Connor itself himself. Again, you just got to wait

393
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 2: and see what the parents want to talk to you

394
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 2: about before you really put up that wall. Get their

395
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,159
Speaker 2: their no, get that conversation in person, and then go

396
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,680
Speaker 2: from there. All I would say, OPI, is there's a

397
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Speaker 2: lot going on for Connor especially and for you. But

398
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Speaker 2: since he's doing you know, trying to finish school or

399
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Speaker 2: grad school, what have you, just make sure he doesn't

400
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 2: get too burnt out. You know, it's a whole lot.

401
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:44,959
Speaker 6: Uh.

402
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 2: And for yourself, I think again you're seeing a therapist,

403
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,239
Speaker 2: but I think you're in this together, and just make

404
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 2: sure you guys support each other. You don't need his

405
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 2: parents to, you know, be there. But if they are great,

406
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,919
Speaker 2: If they aren't, you know, I think you you and

407
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 2: Connor got this. Just make sure you guys are there

408
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:07,520
Speaker 2: for each other and communicate wholehearted. My brother in law

409
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,920
Speaker 2: turned my mother in law against me. Now I want

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Speaker 2: him out of the house.

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Speaker 7: Get the heck out of here, you turn cold.

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Speaker 2: We do have a trigger warning for financial.

413
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Speaker 1: Abise, not the finances long version.

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Speaker 2: My cousin forty four female I'll call her Deb, has

415
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Speaker 2: been married to her husband, fifty three male, I'll call

416
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,639
Speaker 2: him Jay, for thirteen years and they have a ten

417
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 2: year old son together. By the way, this comes from

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00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 2: the user fed up with pupews and if you want

419
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,159
Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

420
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Speaker 2: Okay story time separate it. I'm Keon, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly,

421
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice. Googly, But we

422
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,640
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments. Yeah,

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00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 2: let us know what you would do, op says Jay

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00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,880
Speaker 2: is very close to his family. His mom eighty five,

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00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 2: she'll be mother in law, and his two older brothers,

427
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:03,159
Speaker 2: Eddie fifty seven and Phonsie denied. His dad. Father in

428
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 2: law passed away from complications with diabetes over five years ago.

429
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 2: His parents were not stellar financial planners. They had a

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Speaker 2: lot of credit card debt and barely kept their heads

431
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 2: above water. They had a small condo they refinanced a

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Speaker 2: bunch and owed like two hundred k on a condo.

433
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,640
Speaker 2: They'd opted to not have father in law's pension continue

434
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 2: after he passed away, despite him being older and in

435
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 2: bad health, because they got a little more per month,

436
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 2: so mother in law was left with a tiny pension

437
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 2: like nine hundred dollars a month and about five k

438
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 2: in monthly bills. Neither qualified for Social Security due to

439
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 2: them having pension based jobs. Deb pushed for a long

440
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 2: term plan and saw financial doom coming long before father

441
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 2: in law passed. She had suggested they buy mother in

442
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,680
Speaker 2: law's house and they let her stay in it. They

443
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 2: rent their own home right now as Jay is serving

444
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 2: in the military, and they had enough savings for a

445
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 2: down payment to buy the condo. Of course, it's still

446
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 2: very generous and though the small condo might make a

447
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 2: little equity for them long term, they will absolutely lose

448
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 2: money on it since they received no rent. Mother in

449
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,359
Speaker 2: law and the two other brothers, Eddie and Phonsie pushed

450
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 2: against that idea. They all acted like the house was

451
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 2: supposed to be their grand inheritance and money would fall

452
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,680
Speaker 2: out of the sky and solve the issue. Both brothers

453
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 2: are horrific with money and it endless amounts a debt.

454
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 2: They are both single and no kids.

455
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,919
Speaker 1: I mean, just this, these kind of stories just make

456
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:38,120
Speaker 1: me like cringe at my own financial illiteracy. Yeah, it's

457
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: so scary. It's brutal out there if you just live

458
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 1: a whole life without ever figuring that out. I know it,

459
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 1: but I'm getting there.

460
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 2: After father in law passed away, they expected Deb and

461
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 2: their youngest brother to pay five k every month for

462
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 2: mother in law's expenses until some magical money appeared out

463
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 2: of nowhere. After two months of Deb and Jay paying

464
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,640
Speaker 2: five k for mother in law's monthly expenses, Deb insisted

465
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 2: mother in law let them buy the house and she did. Hmmm.

466
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 2: Mother in law was grateful in a way, but also

467
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 2: just felt bad about it and kept saying she didn't

468
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 2: want it but had no other solutions. Phronsie was a

469
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 2: professor at a junior college in a town a few

470
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 2: hours away. He made like eighty K and worked like

471
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 2: twenty five hours a week, eight months of the year,

472
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 2: and he constantly complained about it. He's very untechnical and

473
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 2: gave out copied handwritten tests during his courses. During the

474
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,959
Speaker 2: VID the school asked him to digitize his lesson plans,

475
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 2: and he abruptly quit, apparently typing up his old handouts

476
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 2: was way too much. Phronsie moved into mother in law's

477
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 2: house permanently without so much as a word to Jay

478
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,479
Speaker 2: and deb about it, becoming their unpaying tenant. Jay had

479
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 2: always worshiped his older brother and did not say anything

480
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 2: about it, though he was surprised and upset he quit

481
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 2: his job. Phronsie had a cheap condom near the town

482
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 2: he taught at. It took him over two years to

483
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 2: empty it while he slowly moved his stuff out, driving

484
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 2: back and forth between it and mother in law's house,

485
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 2: and the whole time blowing through his through his meager

486
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,440
Speaker 2: retirement savings to pay the mortgage. He sold it eventually,

487
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 2: and as of a year or so ago, he had

488
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,479
Speaker 2: forty K left in retirement and money from the condo.

489
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 2: He most likely has blown through most of this buy

490
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 2: now and on lottery tickets and nonsense.

491
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 1: Anh the stupid tax lottery tickets.

492
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 2: Again, they're expecting money to fall from the sky.

493
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 1: Hey, somebody's gotta win, though, right, you're more likely to

494
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 1: win the getting struck by lightning three times contest.

495
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 2: Never tell him the odds. He claims he's contributing. He's

496
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 2: contributing by taking care of mother in law. She's old,

497
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 2: but she still does all his laundry, cooks for him

498
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,479
Speaker 2: and cleans. She can't drive now, he occasionally drives her

499
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 2: to doctor appointments, though recently he refused to take her

500
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 2: to the dentist when her tooth hurt and he had

501
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 2: a stomach ache. Both mother in law and Jay have

502
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 2: always treated Fonsie like the goal and child. Deb does

503
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 2: not see why. She thinks he's lazy and selfish, and

504
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 2: resents him living at the home they bought and contributing nothing.

505
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 2: He also has these bratty tantrums about insignificant things. Deb

506
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 2: is not impressed. During the in law's last visit to

507
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 2: their house a week ago, Deb tried to be a

508
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 2: good host. She made them a few meals, made reservations

509
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 2: and took mother in law out for her birthday. She

510
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 2: made sure mother in law always had something to eat

511
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 2: and added a grab bar to their bathroom for her.

512
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 2: She also was working and taking care of her son.

513
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 2: Mother in law acted grateful and happy throughout the trip.

514
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 2: Pronzie tried to talk to her a few times, but

515
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,920
Speaker 2: she mostly just smiled and walked away and avoided him,

516
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 2: as she was not a fan of his and felt

517
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 2: it would be better to keep her distance versus getting

518
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 2: into an argument with Phronsie. A few days after they

519
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 2: got home, mother in law called, crying and yelling at

520
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,719
Speaker 2: Jay that he and Deb didn't make them feel welcome

521
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,360
Speaker 2: or like a family because they didn't spend enough time

522
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 2: with them or make big family dinners together. Jay felt terrible.

523
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 2: Anne was apologetic, but mother in law hung up on

524
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 2: him and said she never wanted to talk to him

525
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 2: ever again. It's obvious to Deb that Phronsie felt slighted

526
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 2: by Deb and ranted too mother in law for days,

527
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 2: convincing her they wronged her all while they both live

528
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 2: in the house. Deb and j pay for Jay initially

529
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 2: told Deb they wronged mother in law and it was

530
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 2: a learning lesson for both of them. Deb balked a

531
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 2: bit she had worked hard to be a good host,

532
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 2: but didn't argue too much. She knew she avoided them

533
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 2: a fair amount due to her dislike of Phronsie. Then

534
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 2: she thought about it and realized Phonsie had most likely

535
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 2: poisoned mother in law against them for feeling slighted, though

536
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 2: she doesn't know for sure. Jay mostly agrees and says

537
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 2: he feels like a chump. He admits the struggling to

538
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 2: enforce boundaries with his older brother. Deb is done with

539
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 2: his family and wants nothing more to do with them,

540
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 2: but wants Jay to be okay with them, as she

541
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 2: knows how important it is to him. She thinks Jay

542
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 2: should make Phonzie get a job and contribute, and threaten

543
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 2: to a victim if he doesn't repair the issue with

544
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 2: mother in law he most likely created. Jay has struggled

545
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,880
Speaker 2: to even bring up the issue. He's made it clear

546
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 2: they will sell the house once mother in law passes

547
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 2: away and Phonsie will have to leave. Fonzie most likely

548
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,200
Speaker 2: thinks he'll somehow sweet talk Jay into letting him mooch

549
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 2: on them forever. It took Deb years of pushing Jay

550
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 2: to ask Phonsie how her survive once they sell the house.

551
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 2: He claims he wants to drive trucks and deliver groceries

552
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 2: for a local grocery store. He hates driving and does

553
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 2: not have a commercial license. He said that a year

554
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 2: ago and has done nothing toward toward accomplishing that goal.

555
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 2: I think Fansie is an evil mooch and Jay is

556
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 2: a pushover who's letting Phonsie financially abuse them, and they

557
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 2: should have vict his butt yesterday. Dev thinks if they

558
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 2: threatened to vict Fhonnsie, mother in law will flip out

559
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 2: even more, and Deb doesn't want to destroy mother in

560
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,959
Speaker 2: law's relationship with Jay, though she very much wants Phonsie

561
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 2: to contribute and not keep being a wiener. Jay claims

562
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 2: he's very sorry to death, but has taken no action

563
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 2: with Phonsie. Should Jay evict Phronsie or do something less drastic,

564
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 2: we have some comments come a number one. Unfortunately, your

565
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 2: cousin and her spouse are probably going to have to

566
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 2: go the legal route and evict this non paying non

567
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 2: coner of the property. They have a verbal agreement to

568
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 2: allow mother in law to live there, but it doesn't

569
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 2: sound like there's anything in writing. So she can't get

570
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 2: on board with them ousting her adult sons, then her tendency,

571
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 2: her tendency there may have to be threatened. Ideally, this

572
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: would irritate all parties so much that they all decide

573
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 2: to leave. Then your cousin and her family could live

574
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 2: there in peace, since they're the legal mortgage holders. Coming

575
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 2: number two. Deb and Jay are stuck in a dynamic

576
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 2: that is really unhealthy. But their root issue is not

577
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 2: just Phonsie. It is boundaries. Right now, Phonsie is taking

578
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 2: full advantage of Jay's loyalty to his family and Jay's

579
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 2: reluctance to comfort to confront him. Mother in law has

580
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 2: likely been conditioned to believe Ponsie is the golden child,

581
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 2: so she defaults to siding with him, even if he

582
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 2: is free loading and stirring drama. The hard truth is

583
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 2: that nothing will change until Jay sets real boundaries. He

584
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 2: has to stop worrying about being the bad guy and

585
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 2: start protecting his own household first, which is Deb and

586
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 2: their son. It does not matter that mother in law

587
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 2: might blow up if Phonsie gets pushed to contribute or leave.

588
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,959
Speaker 2: She is already showing that she can be turned against

589
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 2: them at the drop of a hat, and if Jay

590
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 2: keeps avoiding conflict, the cycle will repeat forever. If Jay

591
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: refuses to take a stand, Deb will always feel like

592
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 2: she is competing with a freeloading brother in law and

593
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 2: a mother in law who sides with him. That resentment

594
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 2: could eventually poison their marriage. The best advice is that

595
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 2: Jay needs to stop being a pushover and start being

596
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 2: the head of his own household. Otherwise, PHONSI will be

597
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 2: sitting in mother in law's house at seventy years old

598
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 2: and Deb will be left holding the bag and that

599
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 2: is the end of the story. Yeah, I mean the

600
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 2: fact that they keep paying for this and mother in

601
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 2: law still like, he's, you know, not cool with you guys.

602
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 2: After Fonsie was like, I feel hurt, Mama, make them

603
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 2: feel bad.

604
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 4: It hurts my feelings that they don't want me to

605
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 4: be responsible, but they should know I'm I'm specially can't

606
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 4: be helped responsible, help my feelings, my feelings.

607
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I think it's hard when you're like,

608
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 1: you know, family's family, and then like roommates and roommates

609
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: and landlords or landlords, but you're combining all of those

610
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: and then the lines get blurred. So it's like, I mean,

611
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 1: me and Keon have had this conversation, even with his sister.

612
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: It's like, we all live together, and it's it's not

613
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: a it's a it's a roommate dynamic more than more

614
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: first beyond, Like when we're talking about costs and rent

615
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah, it's not like her brother. It's

616
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: her roommate. It's not me who's known her forever, it's

617
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: just her roommate. We're talking about logistics and business and

618
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: whether this guy's your family or not. If he's living

619
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 1: here and contributing Jack squat but taking plenty, that can't

620
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: that's not a long lasting situation. It's something that might

621
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, we'll do it for a little bit,

622
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: but if your plan is to just do this forever,

623
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: we're not gonna be okay with that. And it shouldn't

624
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 1: matter if your mother in law is like, but but Phonsie,

625
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 1: he's got the leather jacket.

626
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 2: He's so cool, it doesn't matter, he says, walk will walk.

627
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: He's got to contribute. Sam here og host, we're gonna

628
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 1: get back to these stories. But here's three minutes fads

629
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

630
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 8: First my sister ruined our trip, then I ended up cutting.

631
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 3: Them all off.

632
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 2: Bye bye.

633
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 8: My mother wants to organize a dinner for my sister

634
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 8: Eva twenty two to celebrate her good grades, something we've

635
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 8: never done before, with some family and Eva's girlfriend. The

636
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 8: problem is even I haven't talked since a trip that

637
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 8: ended with her calling me a manipulator because I upset

638
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 8: her girlfriend. By the way, this comes from Twinkle Pringle

639
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 8: and if you want to spit your own stories, go

640
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 8: to the r slash Okay story time, separate it.

641
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm.

642
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 6: Keon, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice.

643
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 3: Goofully.

644
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 8: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

645
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 8: what we do, So let us know what you'd do

646
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 8: in the comments, and Opie says, our mother asked me

647
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 8: if I wanted to join tomorrow. Originally it was just Rose, Eva,

648
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 8: Granny and my mom. It feels like it was meant

649
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 8: for them, and my mother just added Tina and me

650
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 8: because she noticed the distance between us. I was unsure

651
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 8: when she asked, since I thought I made Rose and

652
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 8: Eva uncomfortable. That thought stressed me out. I don't want

653
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:50,719
Speaker 8: to pretend fake anything or feel bad. After being unable

654
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 8: to sleep because of it, maybe having panic attacks, I'm

655
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 8: not sure, but I felt the sense of doom and

656
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 8: like I couldn't breathe. I decided the next day to

657
00:33:58,200 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 8: tell my mother I wouldn't join.

658
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 3: She asked why.

659
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 8: When I tried to explain, she said I have to

660
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 8: get over being called the manipulator and that I have

661
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 8: to join. She shut the conversation down, saying she didn't

662
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 8: want to hear about it anymore because she was busy

663
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 8: and tired. This is going to be long and disorganized

664
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 8: because I'm really hurt and I've never felt this alone.

665
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 8: I'm very aware this is just my side, and I

666
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 8: could get things wrong since I'm forgetful and would rather

667
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 8: forget bad things too. Also sorry for typos or grammar spelling.

668
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 8: English is a second language, and I don't want to

669
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 8: reread this because it's painful. I don't think I'm a

670
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 8: perfect person. There are definitely parts where I could have

671
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 8: been the problem. But I feel lost and writing this

672
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,319
Speaker 8: out might help me gain some insight or even get

673
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 8: some outsider opinions. In July, my sisters Tina seventeen and

674
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 8: Eva twenty two, Eva's girlfriend Rose twenty two, and I

675
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 8: twenty eight went on a trip. When I agreed to

676
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 8: the trip months before, I was under the impression it would.

677
00:34:58,800 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 3: Just be us sisters.

678
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 8: We'd talked about a sister trip for years and I

679
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,800
Speaker 8: was really looking forward to. Then, in a random conversation

680
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,760
Speaker 8: between the three of us, Tina and Eva mentioned Rose

681
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 8: would be joining. I was surprised. After thinking it over

682
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 8: and worrying that canceling would be rude, I awkwardly told

683
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 8: Eva I'd rather her girlfriend not come since this was

684
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 8: supposed to be our first sister trip. I thought we

685
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 8: came to an understanding, but misunderstandings kept happening, and this

686
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 8: eventually escalated into her calling me a manipulator. She told

687
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 8: me she always knew I was bad, but didn't know

688
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 8: how bad.

689
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, How are you manipulating anything when you just

690
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 2: said I don't think Rose should come.

691
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's it, that's not really, that's pretty straightforward.

692
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 3: No manipulation. You just said I don't want her to come.

693
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 8: She said she was done with me and told me

694
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 8: to leave her apartment in a foreign country, even though

695
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 8: I was traveling with Tina, who I was responsible for.

696
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 8: There had been tension about the girlfriend before. Even I

697
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 8: used to be very close since we went through the

698
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 8: same family problems, but when she started spending more time

699
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 8: with Rose, I missed her. Eva came out to me

700
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,359
Speaker 8: a year before anyone else in the family knew, and

701
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 8: during that time everyone kept asking me where she was

702
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 8: since she was rarely home. I felt like I had

703
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,399
Speaker 8: to keep her secrets and she didn't want anyone else

704
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:22,320
Speaker 8: to know. It got harder each day. She wouldn't tell anyone,

705
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 8: but kept going out without covering her tracks, leaving me

706
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 8: to make up excuses. I felt like I was in

707
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 8: the closet for her. When I told her this, she

708
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 8: didn't even care. Eventually I stopped covering for her. When

709
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 8: anyone asked, I told them to ask Eva, but it

710
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 8: still took months before she told anyone else. The next

711
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 8: person was our little sister Tina. There was also tension

712
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 8: because I pointed out she wasn't hanging out with the

713
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:49,479
Speaker 8: family much, only talking to me when she was worrying

714
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 8: about grades or her relationship. I felt like she only

715
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,720
Speaker 8: asked me on the trip for her exchange program because

716
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 8: she was scared of being alone in a new country

717
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 8: and needed my help setting things up, not because she

718
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 8: wanted sister time. Even Tina noticed Eva growing distant, writing

719
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 8: her a poem called you were gone before you left.

720
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,359
Speaker 3: It's kind of dramatic. We had a conversation about this.

721
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 8: I told her that I miss hanging out, that I'll

722
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 8: be there to help, but I also want to do

723
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,400
Speaker 8: fun things. Eva suggested we go shopping for the trip

724
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,880
Speaker 8: as a way to reconnect. Before the trip out of nowhere,

725
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,919
Speaker 8: she said Rose would be joining us again. I was surprised,

726
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 8: but felt like I couldn't say no. They make a

727
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,320
Speaker 8: cute couple, which I didn't expect since Eva had complained

728
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 8: about Rose before.

729
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 2: Ah. Yes, every rose has its thorn.

730
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 8: Uh A nice Rose wasn't what I pictured when I

731
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 8: thought of someone who made my sister insecure or upset. Still,

732
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 8: I felt left out. They had eyes only for each other,

733
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 8: sneaking kisses when they thought I wasn't looking, caressing each

734
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 8: other during lunch, I told them they were being a

735
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 8: bit touchy. They were taken aback, which led to a

736
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:59,439
Speaker 8: conversation about group dynamics and how I feel weird about

737
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 8: couples who came can't stop touching in group settings. I'm

738
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 8: fine with PDA on solo dates, but in groups I

739
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,879
Speaker 8: find it inconsiderate. That was my first real interaction with Rose.

740
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 8: I need to know how they were touching cuz by

741
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 8: that sentence it feels like, Oh, you may be just

742
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 8: a little bit like two upset about things that aren't

743
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 8: a problem.

744
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen anything that's.

745
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 8: Like she didn't say they were like making out or

746
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 8: like being kind of appropriate.

747
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 2: They swiped off all the all the furniture or all

748
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,839
Speaker 2: the table where and then they started just making out

749
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 2: on the table. That's a totally different.

750
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 3: Story, but like them kissing when you aren't looking.

751
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 8: A day after that meeting, in January, Eva and I

752
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 8: went on a three day trip to help her settle

753
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 8: in the new country.

754
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:45,280
Speaker 3: I thought it was lovely.

755
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 8: I helped her get a mattress, run other errands, got

756
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 8: her presence because she had her birthday on the trip,

757
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,720
Speaker 8: went to dinner to celebrate, and walked her to class

758
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 8: for one day since she wanted to already join one,

759
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,040
Speaker 8: hung out with her roommates, and explore the city. I

760
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 8: would have rated this one of the best trips I

761
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 8: ever had. Family trips are so hectic, our family isn't

762
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 8: the healthiest and overprotective and strict mother and a sometimes

763
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 8: distant father that hate each other but for some reason

764
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,920
Speaker 8: still live together. This was so nice, I thought, But

765
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,359
Speaker 8: during the big fight on the July trip, Eva said

766
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,399
Speaker 8: she hated that trip and thought I'd been manipulative then too,

767
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,359
Speaker 8: that broke my reality. What are you manipulating her?

768
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 2: I want to know what?

769
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:29,400
Speaker 3: How are you manipulating?

770
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 2: What does she think manipulation is?

771
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 3: What does she think that means?

772
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 8: Before we went on the trip, there was a constant

773
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 8: back and forth about whether that girlfriend would be joining.

774
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,399
Speaker 8: The only thing I would compromise on was a few

775
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 8: days overlap, since Eva would be starting the trip with

776
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 8: Rose three weeks before Tina and I. When we were

777
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 8: finally booking the tickets, there were a bunch of discussions.

778
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 8: I wanted a hotel for Tina and me, but Eva

779
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 8: said it was okay for us to stay at her place.

780
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 8: Her roommates would be away for summer vacation, so the

781
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 8: living room would be available sleepin' Since this.

782
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 3: Would be cheaper, I agreed.

783
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 8: Then Tina wanted to go earlier, even though we all

784
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 8: agreed to go at the end of the month, which

785
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,720
Speaker 8: made it so Rose would be there the whole time,

786
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 8: which I didn't agree with.

787
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 3: Eva said to.

788
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 8: Just agree because it wouldn't be the only time I

789
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 8: would have to hang out with Rose. I still disagreed,

790
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 8: contemplating canceling at all, but worrying Tina might be disappointed

791
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 8: because our parents only agreed to her going because I

792
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 8: was going. Then Tina said she wanted to go on

793
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 8: the fifteenth. Both Eva and I agreed, which was not

794
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 8: the end of the month at all. So annoyed Tina said,

795
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 8: I got my way. The tickets were booked, and soon

796
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 8: after Eva left for her trip with Rose. When the

797
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,319
Speaker 8: group trip approached, I got a message from Eva saying

798
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 8: Rose was going to stay for three of the six dates.

799
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 8: I reiterated that was okay, but I just wanted some

800
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 8: of our first trip as sisters. She didn't really respond

801
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:57,320
Speaker 8: to this. I was really stressed because I don't often

802
00:40:57,360 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 8: travel alone and this time I was going.

803
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 3: With a sassy teenager.

804
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 8: Apart from not sleeping well, the actual traveling was fine.

805
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 8: I kept Eva updated where we were and when we

806
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 8: would arrive. The plan was that she'd pick us up

807
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 8: at the airport we land. I text her and she

808
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 8: said she forgot. What do you mean you forgot? Let's

809
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 8: get over to the airport.

810
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 2: I thought you meant the fifteenth of next month.

811
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 8: Try she would be there in an hour. I was annoyed.

812
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 8: The tiredness did not help. When I was trying to

813
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 8: figure out what to do next, I spotted Eva and

814
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 8: Rose being all sneaky and smiley.

815
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 2: It was a joke.

816
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 3: I just let it go.

817
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 2: Oh okay, Oh come on, all right, you didn't forget

818
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:40,320
Speaker 2: you guys were doing stuff.

819
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,760
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I guess maybe that's.

820
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: They lost track of time. There was traffic.

821
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 8: I was quiet and more reserved. I'm assuming Eva and

822
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 8: Rose were their touchy selves, so I stuck more to Tina.

823
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 8: Eva didn't really talk to me, and Rose awkwardly tried

824
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,840
Speaker 8: talking to me, but it felt forced. I just tried

825
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 8: responding genuinely. Two were questions.

826
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 3: I kept thinking, why isn't Eva being.

827
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 8: The middleman here? I don't know what to talk about.

828
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 8: All I heard about Rose was bad stuff. When we

829
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 8: arrived at Eva's apartments, the roommates were there, to everyone's surprise,

830
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 8: they weren't gone for the summer, as Eva assumed. I

831
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,800
Speaker 8: saw Eva try to tell the roommates, her two sisters

832
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 8: and girlfriend would be staying. It didn't look like they

833
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 8: knew either what Rose, what are you doing?

834
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 1: Or Eva?

835
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 3: Sorry? Eva, what are you doing?

836
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 8: So this is now Yeah, she hasn't told any of

837
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 8: her roommates. I again thought this was so inconsiderate of Eva.

838
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 8: This ended in Tina having to sleep in the same

839
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 8: room as Rose and Eva. I was really uncomfortable with this,

840
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 8: but kept it to myself. I don't think that's a problem.

841
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 2: I don't think any of this is a problem.

842
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, as long as they're not like being make you know,

843
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 8: weird when or like being super touchy and romantic.

844
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,479
Speaker 2: Wow, I guess in the room, let me guess they're

845
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 2: touchy in bed they cuddle.

846
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,360
Speaker 8: Yeah, if it's that, then like, calm down. I would

847
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 8: just have to deal with it. For three days, we

848
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,919
Speaker 8: were constantly together. There was no breathing room.

849
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 3: This is a university dorm apartment after all.

850
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 2: I was, as you know what, even at this point,

851
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:14,360
Speaker 2: if I walked in because one, I would feel so embarrassed. Yeah,

852
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 2: to see all those roommates there and be like none

853
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 2: of them knew, none of them knew. I would literally

854
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 2: just go to a hostel. Yeah, a hostel or like

855
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 2: a cheap hotel. I know it sucks for the first night,

856
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: and just rethink our plan.

857
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

858
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 8: We went on some nice hikes and I thought things

859
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 8: were fine. We tried having a movie night, but we

860
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 8: couldn't choose a movie. By the time we agreed to

861
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 8: watch a movie I had already seen, Tina was too tired,

862
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 8: so she left. That's like pretty standard, though. A few

863
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 8: minutes into the movie, Eva and Rose started cuddling, which

864
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 8: bothered me, so I told them to enjoy the movie

865
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 8: as I had already seen it. Okay, Ope, you need

866
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 8: to Oh, you need to cool it. They're in a relationship,

867
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 8: They're gonna cuddle. I had already told them how I

868
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,360
Speaker 8: feel about PDA and a group and didn't want to

869
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 8: tell them what they can or can't do.

870
00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 3: Cuddling isn't PDA to me. Cuddling during a movie is

871
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 3: not PDA to me.

872
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:05,320
Speaker 8: Afterward, I realized I avoided them when they were too touchy.

873
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,399
Speaker 8: In my opinion, I thought it best to just give

874
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 8: them space. The evening before Rose was leaving, Eva confronted me,

875
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 8: shouting that I should act comfortable or just leave. Yeah,

876
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 8: maybe Tina joined Rose in the living room. My mind

877
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 8: was racing, thinking where I could find a place for

878
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 8: Tina and me at this hour. This also came out

879
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 8: of nowhere, since Eva hadn't talked about this before, or

880
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:28,239
Speaker 8: even at all. Her girlfriend talked to me more than

881
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,919
Speaker 8: she did. I really thought everything was fine. Eva said,

882
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,719
Speaker 8: I don't put an effort at getting to get to

883
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,800
Speaker 8: know Rose. That I talked more to Eva's roommates. This

884
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 8: was true, since I had met them more than I

885
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 8: had roads and they were very kind. Then Eva said

886
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 8: the previous trip we had was bad. That she was

887
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,759
Speaker 8: worried I would be angry for only doing stuff for

888
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:50,280
Speaker 8: her or helping set things up, all because I expressed

889
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 8: wanting fun things too. She said I was a manipulator,

890
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,280
Speaker 8: for example, hanging out more with Tina during the trip.

891
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 8: How she described me made me sound like a monster.

892
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:01,959
Speaker 8: She said this trip was about her and her leaving

893
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:05,359
Speaker 8: the apartment. I kept thinking, what am I doing here?

894
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 8: Why ask your sister to join? Why do you want

895
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 8: a monster to join? She said, if things were going

896
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 8: to be like this, she was done with me. I

897
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 8: also felt like she was trying to paint me as

898
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 8: a closet guard, even though I came out to our

899
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 8: dad at seventeen is by and she hadn't told them

900
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,320
Speaker 8: for a year that she had a girlfriend. I was stunned.

901
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 8: I felt like I left my body and strangely felt numb.

902
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 8: On top of that, I didn't have the money to

903
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,439
Speaker 8: just book a new place for the rest of the trip.

904
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 8: At that hour, I didn't know what to do, so

905
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 8: I asked if it was okay to call her mom

906
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 8: on speaker. I realized both our feelings got hurt and

907
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 8: we needed a mediator. I tried explaining the situation as

908
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 8: non biased as I could, telling Eva to jump in

909
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 8: if she had another opinion. I admitted I was quieter

910
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 8: and more distant than normal during the trip. After I

911
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 8: said my piece, Eva just scoffed but didn't really explain

912
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 8: her side. When our mother said I didn't have to

913
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 8: do what even wanted, Eva just quietly cried. When our

914
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 8: dad asked what was going on, I couldn't tell him

915
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 8: since everything hinged on a secret that wasn't mine. I

916
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 8: felt trapped, and to cool things down, I left Eva

917
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 8: alone to apologize to Rose, who was in the living room.

918
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:18,359
Speaker 3: I think this is kind of an not everyone sucks here.

919
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 3: But you two suck.

920
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 2: Tina doesn't suck.

921
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, Tina's fine.

922
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 2: The teenager to be the worst.

923
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,799
Speaker 8: One can see, Like Rose is that bad? We don't

924
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 8: really know anything bad about.

925
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,839
Speaker 2: Rose to talk to you and you just I feel

926
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,359
Speaker 2: like you just don't like Rose.

927
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 3: Because because you have a problem with your sister.

928
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 2: But again, your sister was probably just airing it out,

929
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 2: like oh my gosh, Rose does this, Rose does that.

930
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 8: But like, I think what we've got here is you

931
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 8: got Eva, who has one been you know, disrespectful to

932
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:53,520
Speaker 8: her roommates, not clearly communicated, uh, invited Rose onto something

933
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 8: that was supposed to be kind of a sister trip,

934
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,280
Speaker 8: like done all of these kind of inconsiderate things.

935
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, if Eva wanted to be like, this is a

936
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:04,360
Speaker 2: sister's trip and then was like, no, Rose is coming

937
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 2: sister's trip with Rose, I would have been again, I

938
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 2: would have just backed out. Yeah, like yeah, hey, if

939
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,359
Speaker 2: you want to just hang out with your girlfriend, go

940
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 2: do that. Tina and I can go somewhere else where

941
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,400
Speaker 2: we're not bothering you guys, and we can have like

942
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 2: a little sister trip her and I.

943
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 8: Yeah, and then on the other hand, that's all of

944
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 8: like Eva's transgressions. But then you have you who you

945
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,240
Speaker 8: know you're not really I feel like you're not confronting

946
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 8: Eva about your main problem, which is the fact that

947
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 8: you know, yeah, you're not getting what you like, the

948
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 8: attention that you want from Eva, which is fair, like

949
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 8: you want to have a close relationship with your sister

950
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,320
Speaker 8: and she's been disrespectful. But I think that you're covering

951
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 8: all of those underlying feelings by saying like, oh, I

952
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 8: don't like the PDA and I don't want to talk

953
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 8: to Rose, and yeah, I was scrambled, but I remember

954
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:55,240
Speaker 8: apologizing for making things like this that I originally didn't

955
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:58,799
Speaker 8: want her there. I didn't know what Rose knew. I

956
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 8: think Eva was very in considerate, so I assumed she

957
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 8: didn't tell her anything, which must have been a shock.

958
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 8: Then I told Rose to go to Eva, as she

959
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 8: might need her now. The rest of Rose's stay was fine,

960
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 8: in my opinion. We went to the movie. We all

961
00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 8: talked about the movie. This felt like the most comfortable moment,

962
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 8: nothing felt forced, since we all thought it sucked. Then

963
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,400
Speaker 8: Eva got back from bringing Rose to the airport and

964
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 8: she told me Rose cried and blamed me for it,

965
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:27,759
Speaker 8: which I thought was fair. I personally think she was

966
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 8: crying because of the stress of the situation, but I

967
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 8: owned up to playing a part in it. I told

968
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 8: Eva I apologize to Rose and that she has the

969
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 8: right to be angry at me because in her eyes

970
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 8: I heard her girlfriend. Then us sisters had a discussion,

971
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:44,439
Speaker 8: and I think Eva felt ganged up on because both

972
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 8: Tina and I said we missed her and we've expressed

973
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 8: that before. She said she was too clinging with Rose.

974
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,919
Speaker 8: Tina said she kept hearing them kiss. That's what I'm

975
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 8: asking because it feels like, oh, he's pretty strict on

976
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 8: you know what, like she holding hands.

977
00:48:58,480 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 3: Yeah.

978
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 2: No, Often she's.

979
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 8: Like, oh, they're just touchy, And I'm like, what is

980
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 8: what do you mean? Like are they touchy in that

981
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 8: they're like hugging each other and like or are they

982
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,759
Speaker 8: like being inappropriate about their touching because there is a

983
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 8: difference and it feels like you might be airing on

984
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 8: the side of like they're literally touching, like their hands together.

985
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 2: It's like, hey, guys, would you do that in front

986
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:22,600
Speaker 2: of your sibling? No, you're doing it in front of

987
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 2: your sibling. Yeah.

988
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,359
Speaker 8: Eva accused us of conspiring that we were saying she

989
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 8: wasn't doing anything right, that we never wanted to do

990
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 8: anything with her or never do anything for her birthday.

991
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 8: At the moment, I believed her, But then I remember

992
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 8: the last birthday she had here with me, where I

993
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 8: bought gifts and dinner, and the countless times I tried

994
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 8: cheering her up or helping her with advice when I

995
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 8: myself was having a year long depressive episode where I

996
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:49,320
Speaker 8: was unable to leave the house, barely talking to anyone.

997
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 8: She was quiet and distant on the rest of the trip,

998
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 8: which I don't blame her for.

999
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 3: Do you have any final thoughts.

1000
00:49:57,719 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 2: I feel like you need to tell the truth to

1001
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 2: your sister, like, Hey, I just wanted to hang out

1002
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:07,239
Speaker 2: with you and only you, and if you if you

1003
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 2: don't see that, and if you want rose there, I

1004
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 2: feel like that's not fair to me. It's not fair

1005
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 2: to toa Tina. That's one thing. The second thing is

1006
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 2: your PD. Even though you guys are cuddling and that's

1007
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 2: okay for you, it's not okay for me. It does

1008
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 2: make me uncomfortable. And I've told you this and you're

1009
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 2: just you're disrespecting again my boundary. But again, if it's

1010
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 2: like they're holding hands and I find out disgusting. It's like, okay,

1011
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:32,320
Speaker 2: well you got to have a compromise.

1012
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't just because I'm thinking.

1013
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:36,439
Speaker 8: I'm like I cuddle with my friends like all the time,

1014
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 8: and if someone came in and was like, don't do that,

1015
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:41,879
Speaker 8: be like what? But it depends on what they're doing.

1016
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 8: And then because I could be I could totally see

1017
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:45,359
Speaker 8: them being like way more touchy.

1018
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 3: And then it's like, okay, wells do that in the

1019
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 3: privacy if your room.

1020
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:50,800
Speaker 7: Yeah, but there's a little bit left.

1021
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:53,200
Speaker 8: But it did feel like she wanted to sabotage the

1022
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:55,800
Speaker 8: rest of the trip, like not telling us the places

1023
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 8: we were planning to go we're going to be closed

1024
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 8: until we were right about to arrive, and saying things

1025
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 8: like we do that tomorrow or in two days when

1026
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 8: there was no more time left, smirking when we pointed

1027
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 8: this out. Now it's months later and I haven't really

1028
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 8: talked to Eva. I feel betrayed and rejected by the

1029
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 8: one person I thought understood me. I've never felt so alone,

1030
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 8: but I can't bring myself to reach out to her.

1031
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 8: I constantly worry that I am a manipulator. After all,

1032
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,240
Speaker 8: I feel like she abandoned me, and I can't trust

1033
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 8: her with my emotions. Being asked at dinner, not even

1034
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 8: by my sister, doesn't feel safe. So am I wrong

1035
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 8: for not wanting to go to dinner because I can't

1036
00:51:34,719 --> 00:51:37,360
Speaker 8: let go of this. I'm just hoping for a balanced

1037
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 8: perspective so I can stop identifying with the monster that

1038
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:43,160
Speaker 8: lives in my sister's head. And this is the end

1039
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 8: of the story. I think you guys have to have

1040
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 8: like a full on conversation.

1041
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it, guess what, get all of that off

1042
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 2: your chests. You're you are the oldest sibling. You gotta

1043
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:59,240
Speaker 2: again kind of steer this way in the right direction.

1044
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 2: You guys sometimes got to bite your tongue and she'd

1045
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 2: be like, Hey, I'm sorry, Sissy, I love you, I

1046
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 2: love you, I want to hang out with you. Yeah,

1047
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 2: I hope everything could be cool. I know we had

1048
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 2: some bad blood, but let's put a bandage on that

1049
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:16,880
Speaker 2: and let's move forward from that.

1050
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, let's have a conversation. Let's not skirt around and

1051
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:23,280
Speaker 8: point fingers at like things that aren't actually the problem.

1052
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:25,320
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1053
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,360
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1054
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:28,240
Speaker 1: that keep the show going.

1055
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 5: My best friends always had time for each other, but.

1056
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 7: Never for me.

1057
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:34,880
Speaker 2: Those aren't your best friends.

1058
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:36,839
Speaker 5: And by the way, this comes directly from the ours

1059
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 5: last Showkay story Time Separate it.

1060
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 7: This is one of our children twenty eight female.

1061
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 5: I met five girls, let's call them Ava, Becky, Carla,

1062
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 5: Danica and Ellie.

1063
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 1: We got the whole.

1064
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:47,399
Speaker 7: Beginning of the alphabet there.

1065
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 5: Back in twenty twenty two, I met Ava at a

1066
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 5: house party and got to know the rest Gradually. They

1067
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,320
Speaker 5: kind of knew each other, but weren't really a solid group.

1068
00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 5: Once I got to know them, I started initiating plans,

1069
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 5: art museums, sip and paint sessions, group activities because I

1070
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:06,919
Speaker 5: enjoy thought full shared experiences. By the way, this comes

1071
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 5: from Express Middle eighty five, twenty five. And if you

1072
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 5: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

1073
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:12,240
Speaker 5: slash Okay Storytime Separated.

1074
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 7: And I'm Angie and I'm Keon, and we're here to

1075
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 7: give good.

1076
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 5: Advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers, so

1077
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 5: we're just gonna guess what we would do in this situation.

1078
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 5: But if you would do anything differently let us know

1079
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 5: in the comments down below, but Op says, at the time,

1080
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 5: I had a job I really loved, in a creative

1081
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,720
Speaker 5: research role where I would go to events, explore trends,

1082
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:33,800
Speaker 5: and pitched concepts to my company.

1083
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 7: I was also in a relationship that wasn't the healthiest.

1084
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 7: What I didn't.

1085
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:40,439
Speaker 5: Realize back then was that I probably should have built

1086
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 5: stronger one on one relationships before trying to form a

1087
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 5: group dynamic. I had individual bonds with Ava, Becky, and Carla,

1088
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 5: but I wasn't very close to Danica and Ellie was

1089
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:53,760
Speaker 5: often just rude. Ellie would make remarks about my clothes,

1090
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 5: question why I take photos on trips, and treat me

1091
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 5: like I.

1092
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 7: Was too much.

1093
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:00,480
Speaker 5: It didn't stop until I finally brought it up, and

1094
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 5: she only really apologized because others called her out after

1095
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 5: she ruined Danika's proposal by making it about herself.

1096
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,880
Speaker 7: She would shut down.

1097
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:12,359
Speaker 5: Despite that, I still kept checking in on her during

1098
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,360
Speaker 5: her stressful exam period, going with her to run Errand's,

1099
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:18,279
Speaker 5: keeping her company, even traveling forty to fifty minutes just

1100
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 5: to hang out. Meanwhile, whenever I planned group hangouts, no

1101
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 5: one would really respond. They'd read the messages and not reply,

1102
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 5: or I'd have to personally follow up and ask, hey,

1103
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,800
Speaker 5: are you coming. It always felt like I was pushing

1104
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:34,839
Speaker 5: for connection, never just included. Earlier in twenty twenty five,

1105
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 5: I went on a short trip with Becky. While she

1106
00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:39,640
Speaker 5: was scrolling on her phone, I accidentally saw a group

1107
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 5: chat pop up with some of the other girls. When

1108
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 5: I asked, she hesitated and said, oh, that's just for

1109
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 5: splitting bills from ages ago. We just send memes sometimes,

1110
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 5: but it felt off. I brushed it aside, but something

1111
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 5: shifted for me that day. By mid twenty twenty five,

1112
00:54:56,719 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 5: I was juggling job hunting, family pressure to getting married,

1113
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:03,840
Speaker 5: a business that's still finding its footing, and therapy. My

1114
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 5: therapist suggested spending time with people I love, but I

1115
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 5: was too emotionally drained to keep initiating everything. So for

1116
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:13,440
Speaker 5: two weeks I went quiet, no text, no memes, just

1117
00:55:13,520 --> 00:55:16,239
Speaker 5: blank snaps. None of the girls from the group reached out,

1118
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:20,080
Speaker 5: not one but friends overseas, so I hadn't even seen

1119
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:23,080
Speaker 5: in year's noticed they messaged things like are you okay

1120
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 5: you haven't posted art in a while, or your steps

1121
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 5: seem low. That contrast broke me. Then Ava messaged our

1122
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 5: group asking if we were all.

1123
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 7: Meeting on the thirtieth.

1124
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 5: I replied briefly, and she asked if I wanted to

1125
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 5: catch up over the weekend after I had asked to

1126
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:41,520
Speaker 5: meet weeks ago, and she said that she was too

1127
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:44,400
Speaker 5: busy but had hung out with Becky and Ellie in

1128
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 5: the meantime. When we met, I opened up. I told

1129
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 5: her that I had been going through a hard time

1130
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 5: and it hurt that no one noticed when I went silent,

1131
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 5: that I was tired of always being the one to

1132
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:57,719
Speaker 5: initiate things, that even if people are busy, no one

1133
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:01,920
Speaker 5: thought to check. In her response, like emotional deflection, she

1134
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 5: said that I needed to look at the facts, that

1135
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 5: maybe I was overthinking, and that since I'm not working

1136
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:09,360
Speaker 5: right now, I might be reading too much into things.

1137
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 5: She told me to ground myself and talk to my therapist,

1138
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 5: that next time I should think things through before bringing

1139
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:18,359
Speaker 5: these feelings up, and that from her end, it's not

1140
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:22,880
Speaker 5: like that I started tearing up, not sobbing, just quietly overwhelmed.

1141
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 5: She said It's okay, cry if you need, but then

1142
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 5: awkwardly laughed and added, oh gosh, no, this is making

1143
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:29,280
Speaker 5: me look bad.

1144
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:31,640
Speaker 7: That lines stuck with me.

1145
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 5: I was being vulnerable, and somehow it became about how

1146
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 5: she looked. I left that conversation shattered. I've spent years

1147
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 5: showing up for these girls emotionally, physically, and mentally, and

1148
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 5: I felt like no one had truly done the same

1149
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 5: for me. Something broke inside me that day, and now

1150
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:47,359
Speaker 5: I don't know how to.

1151
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:48,520
Speaker 7: Be normal with them anymore.

1152
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:51,239
Speaker 5: Am I the a hole for wanting to slowly pull

1153
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:53,800
Speaker 5: away from this group? I don't want to hurt anyone,

1154
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 5: ghost any want, or create drama, but I can't keep

1155
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 5: chasing connection with people who wouldn't even notice if I disappeared.

1156
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 5: And we do have an update, But do we think

1157
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,239
Speaker 5: that op would be the ahle for that?

1158
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 2: I was gonna I was gonna kind of be an

1159
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,719
Speaker 2: a hole. I'm like, Opie, they've kind of done that

1160
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:09,200
Speaker 2: with you.

1161
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:10,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, Yeah, I mean.

1162
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 2: You can and you should.

1163
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 8: Yeah.

1164
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 2: You're putting way too much energy and time into these

1165
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 2: people that really it seems like they have drifted away

1166
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:23,080
Speaker 2: from you. If you're hanging like again, if they kept

1167
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 2: you in the loop and all that jazz, But I

1168
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 2: think this is going to be the last time you

1169
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 2: want to hang out with them. I don't think you

1170
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 2: should even hang out with them. I feel like you

1171
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 2: should just even go You should leave the conversation. The

1172
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:35,960
Speaker 2: fact that none of them have like really reached out

1173
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:40,600
Speaker 2: to you is insane, right. It's like the it's kind

1174
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 2: of like the Boy Who Cried Wolf kind of thing

1175
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 2: where you like, you know, you keep you keep believing it,

1176
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:45,600
Speaker 2: you keep believing it.

1177
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 5: Right, You're believing the words, but you're not seeing it

1178
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 5: backed up by actions.

1179
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:50,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, at the end, at the end of the day,

1180
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:53,640
Speaker 2: you're like, you know what, you could keep crying. I'm

1181
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,560
Speaker 2: not coming out like I don't care anymore. So it

1182
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 2: does suck it friendships, especially with like you. It's a

1183
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:03,880
Speaker 2: group of people. But find yourself a better group that

1184
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:07,439
Speaker 2: genuinely care for you and are there for you and

1185
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:10,840
Speaker 2: you know, want what's best for you rather than ostracize

1186
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 2: you and you know kind of just blame you for

1187
00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 2: your own faults that you don't even have.

1188
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 7: It's crazy exactly, but we do have an update.

1189
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 5: So the thirtieth is today, and I'm writing this with

1190
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 5: tears in my eyes. I'm the type who doesn't know

1191
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:28,360
Speaker 5: how to cut someone out, so I usually just distance

1192
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 5: myself and keep that tiny bit of hope alive that

1193
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,320
Speaker 5: I was wrong about all of it. Before I went

1194
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 5: to this hangout, Becky texted me out of nowhere, asking

1195
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:40,040
Speaker 5: when I would be reaching. Then she dropped this bomb

1196
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:42,480
Speaker 5: that she got an offer this week and resigned her

1197
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 5: current job. I was like, that's great, congratulations, because I'm

1198
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 5: genuinely happy for her, even though I'm still working on

1199
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,919
Speaker 5: my own business and haven't landed a full time job yet.

1200
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 5: I had this split second of hating myself, feeling like

1201
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 5: a failure, but I pushed it down and tried to

1202
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 5: focus on being happy for her. I got ready and left,

1203
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 5: telling myself to keep an open mind. I reached Ava's

1204
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 5: place early, which made me feel a bit awkward. Ava

1205
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 5: texted that she was at the grocery store grabbing snacks

1206
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 5: and would be about ten minutes late. So I waited

1207
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 5: in the lobby and then Ava and Becky showed up

1208
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:16,600
Speaker 5: from behind me. I asked if they were shopping together

1209
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 5: and Becky was like, no, no. I got there early

1210
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:21,480
Speaker 5: and joined her. It started off okay. We were catching

1211
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:25,280
Speaker 5: up about bad days and bad dates, just chatting. Danica

1212
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 5: showed up too, which felt nice since I hadn't seen

1213
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 5: her in a while, and then Ellie came an hour later.

1214
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 5: I tried to just relax and not overthink. Sometimes there

1215
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:35,200
Speaker 5: were moments where I would speak or try to say

1216
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 5: something and they would change the topic or someone would

1217
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:40,400
Speaker 5: talk over me and I'd just stop talking. Whenever I

1218
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,479
Speaker 5: did say something that I was excited about, they would

1219
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 5: make fun of it or make a joke out of it.

1220
00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 7: And I'd be like, never mind whatever.

1221
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 1: But as time went by, I started.

1222
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 5: Picking up on all these small things that hurt, like

1223
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 5: Ellie never really makes plans with me, but she's always

1224
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 5: out with Danica and now that their fight is over,

1225
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,120
Speaker 5: And from there in conversation, I realized that Ava met

1226
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 5: Becky and Ellie at some point this week. Then Becky

1227
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 5: and Mountanica separately too, And I was just there sitting

1228
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:08,120
Speaker 5: and thinking how I've been asking them for months to

1229
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:10,560
Speaker 5: meet up, always offering to go somewhere close to them

1230
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 5: because I know it's easier, but it never seems to

1231
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:15,720
Speaker 5: work out. Yet they make time for each other without

1232
01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 5: even trying. I had this moment, like a switch flipped,

1233
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:22,480
Speaker 5: just sitting there, feeling like a lost puppy. They put

1234
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:24,280
Speaker 5: in the effort for each other and I'm sitting there

1235
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:27,080
Speaker 5: feeling like maybe I'm just not worth that effort, like

1236
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 5: I'm the extra the afterthought. And what broke me was

1237
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 5: that I've been asking all of them to meet. I

1238
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 5: even offer to come closer to their offices to make

1239
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:36,760
Speaker 5: it easier, and they still don't try.

1240
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:38,360
Speaker 7: But for each other it's no problem.

1241
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:40,200
Speaker 5: I don't know if I'm overthinking or if I'm just

1242
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 5: not enough for them, but I'm tired. I'm really really tired.

1243
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 5: All I wanted was my girls to be there for me.

1244
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 5: Actually just maybe ask once in a while, how are

1245
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 5: you or something like that, you know, and we.

1246
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 7: Do have an update.

1247
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:59,680
Speaker 5: But ope, Oh my gosh, Yeah.

1248
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:04,080
Speaker 2: These aren't your friends. Oh yeah, it's the You see

1249
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 2: it a lot and I don't even know what the

1250
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 2: term is called, but you see it a lot in

1251
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 2: shows and movies where like everyone in the group picks

1252
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 2: on somebody in the group. Mm hmm, like you're you're there.

1253
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:18,520
Speaker 2: It's like you're there for their entertainment, which sucks, which

1254
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:21,800
Speaker 2: is like, you guy, all of them are bullies. Yeah, exactly,

1255
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 2: they're all pretty much bullies.

1256
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 5: You don't know how to just like if if they're

1257
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:28,040
Speaker 5: just not vibeing with you, like, they don't have to

1258
01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 5: vibe with you, but they also don't have to be

1259
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:30,200
Speaker 5: mean like that.

1260
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing. I was like, if they if

1261
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 2: you know, you're catching up and but anytime you brought

1262
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 2: up something or like something that you were like wanted

1263
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 2: to talk about, yeah, they laughed at it and just

1264
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 2: switch the topic over you. That's those aren't friends. Those

1265
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,480
Speaker 2: are Those are crappy human beings exactly.

1266
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:49,840
Speaker 5: And it does not mean anything about you at all,

1267
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:53,920
Speaker 5: not at all. This is like one, this is just

1268
01:01:54,480 --> 01:01:57,640
Speaker 5: these people just for some reason don't like you.

1269
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 7: I don't know why.

1270
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 5: I couldn't think of a but even if there was

1271
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:04,760
Speaker 5: a reason, it doesn't matter because they're just mean and.

1272
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:07,080
Speaker 2: I would call them out in that scenario. We're like, hey,

1273
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:10,440
Speaker 2: you know what, who are you people? Yeah? Are you guys? Friends?

1274
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:13,160
Speaker 2: And you know what You're like, You're like, yeah, we're friends,

1275
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:15,560
Speaker 2: but really you talk over me, you don't. You guys

1276
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:17,800
Speaker 2: don't hang out with me. You guys lied behind my back,

1277
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:20,959
Speaker 2: to my face. I put in so much energy. Again,

1278
01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:23,439
Speaker 2: it's a friendship, just like any other relationship you want.

1279
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:26,520
Speaker 2: It's a dance. It's a two way thing, fifty to fifty.

1280
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:30,480
Speaker 2: Yet sixty forty. Yeah, but you're doing one hundred and

1281
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:32,760
Speaker 2: or like ninety five, they're doing five, right, that's what

1282
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 2: it is.

1283
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:35,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're being a good friend, and unfortunately these ones

1284
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 5: aren't reciprocating that. So you'll just find another Because like,

1285
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:44,960
Speaker 5: initiating things is a very good skill to have when

1286
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 5: making friends, So I because of that, I have no

1287
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 5: doubt that you would be able to find other friends.

1288
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:51,080
Speaker 7: But we do have a second update.

1289
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 5: So recently I've been making new friends because I realized

1290
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:55,640
Speaker 5: that it's not fun relying on.

1291
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:56,560
Speaker 7: My old group anymore.

1292
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:59,480
Speaker 5: It all started all over again once I sent out

1293
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:04,120
Speaker 5: birthday and here's where things stand. Ava never asks to

1294
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,600
Speaker 5: meet unless I do. The only time she reached out

1295
01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:09,680
Speaker 5: was after her birthday party, saying thanks for coming. By

1296
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 5: then I was already spending time with the new friends,

1297
01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:14,760
Speaker 5: so I said maybe next week and she said let

1298
01:03:14,760 --> 01:03:17,960
Speaker 5: me know. That's the last I've heard from her. Danica

1299
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 5: I still met once in a while and texted here

1300
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 5: and there. Becky and I rarely meet, but we exchange memes.

1301
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,600
Speaker 5: Ellie I don't talk to at all. Carla doesn't live

1302
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:30,120
Speaker 5: here anymore, so there's not much contact, only occasional replies

1303
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:33,600
Speaker 5: to stories for context. Before any of this birthday invites stuff,

1304
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 5: I actually invited everyone from the group to my family's

1305
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:37,080
Speaker 5: nov ratreat.

1306
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 7: I don't know if I'm saying that.

1307
01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:42,040
Speaker 5: Right, but this is a Hindu religious gathering where families

1308
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:44,720
Speaker 5: host prayers, food, and celebrations. I didn't want to leave

1309
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 5: anyone out when it came to something spiritual, because to me,

1310
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:49,680
Speaker 5: that felt like it could create bad karma. But for

1311
01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:52,840
Speaker 5: my birthday, I only invited Danica and Becky. Ava isn't

1312
01:03:52,840 --> 01:03:54,440
Speaker 5: in town, and since I don't talk to Ellie, I

1313
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:56,960
Speaker 5: didn't see the point. Honestly, if Eva were around, I

1314
01:03:57,000 --> 01:04:00,720
Speaker 5: don't even know what I'd have done. I sent the invites.

1315
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:03,560
Speaker 5: Becky texted me asking if there was an issue between us.

1316
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:05,680
Speaker 5: I said that I used to be upset, but I've

1317
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,800
Speaker 5: kind of gotten over it. Then she brought up old stuff.

1318
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:12,080
Speaker 5: We have a private group Instagram page. At one point

1319
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:14,520
Speaker 5: they blocked people from seeing stories that were posted on it,

1320
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 5: and it felt weird to me. I mentioned it to Danakam,

1321
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:19,040
Speaker 5: and she offered to ask Becky about it because she

1322
01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 5: thought Becky might respond better to her since in the past,

1323
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 5: whenever I had tried to raise things directly, Becky either

1324
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,960
Speaker 5: got mad or gave me the silent treatment. She also

1325
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 5: brought up a joke that I made ages ago. Becky

1326
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:33,760
Speaker 5: had left our group chat quote for fun, and back

1327
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,680
Speaker 5: then I said something along the lines of, oh, maybe

1328
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 5: she left to make a dramatic exit, since I thought

1329
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:40,880
Speaker 5: that it was about her and.

1330
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 7: Danica having a fight.

1331
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:45,200
Speaker 5: Before this even happened, Becky herself told me that she

1332
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 5: had left the group chat just for fun. But now

1333
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:50,840
Speaker 5: she's saying that what I said was me escalating things

1334
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:53,400
Speaker 5: that weren't there. And there is a little bit more

1335
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 5: to the story.

1336
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:57,440
Speaker 7: But this is exhausting. This is so exhausting.

1337
01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm so happy for you

1338
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:03,360
Speaker 2: that you literally found people that you deserve. I mean,

1339
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:06,040
Speaker 2: I get it. You're trying to keep connections and this

1340
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:09,960
Speaker 2: is it's life. You can't maintain all your relationships, even

1341
01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:11,960
Speaker 2: though if they seem great, or if even if they

1342
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:14,640
Speaker 2: seem okay. Sometimes you need to focus on the ones

1343
01:05:14,680 --> 01:05:17,960
Speaker 2: that you know, you enjoy and you want and you deserve.

1344
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,920
Speaker 2: So again, I would say, cut off those who really

1345
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:25,680
Speaker 2: do not bring anything positive to your life, right, That's

1346
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,280
Speaker 2: that's all like, especially with all this negativity and this

1347
01:05:28,360 --> 01:05:31,880
Speaker 2: exhaust all all this exhausting is it's gross.

1348
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:32,920
Speaker 7: It's very gross.

1349
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:37,040
Speaker 5: It's very exhausting, you guys, it's like such high school stuff.

1350
01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:39,760
Speaker 2: It's very I was gonna say, it's like very mean girls,

1351
01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:44,440
Speaker 2: very high school asque, very very It's it's very gross.

1352
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 7: Like I, yeah, it's very, very annoying. But there is

1353
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:50,280
Speaker 7: a little bit more to the story.

1354
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:52,800
Speaker 5: The whole conversation with Becky only came up after I

1355
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 5: sent the birthday invites. She even asked Danica who else

1356
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:59,240
Speaker 5: was invited. But honestly, there isn't really a group anymore.

1357
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:02,680
Speaker 5: These Ava, Becky, and Ellie hang out together without me,

1358
01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:06,240
Speaker 5: go to concerts, cycle and post about it. For context,

1359
01:06:06,360 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 5: Becky and I had spoken about cycling together so many times,

1360
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:11,360
Speaker 5: but it never happened, and then she suddenly went with

1361
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:15,200
Speaker 5: Ava instead. I didn't take it personally, just noted it.

1362
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:17,520
Speaker 5: So now I'm wondering, am I the a hole for

1363
01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:20,640
Speaker 5: not inviting some of the group to my birthday? I

1364
01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:23,360
Speaker 5: don't want drama, but I've been excluded a lot already,

1365
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:25,680
Speaker 5: and when I do try to talk directly, I've either

1366
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:28,520
Speaker 5: been ignored or met with rudeness. Am I the a

1367
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:31,200
Speaker 5: whole if I just stop bothering with them and focus

1368
01:06:31,200 --> 01:06:35,280
Speaker 5: on my new friends. Absolutely not, Oh yeah, absolutely not.

1369
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 2: No, you're so you're so good, you don't. You don't

1370
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:40,760
Speaker 2: need these people in your life. No, you don't need

1371
01:06:40,760 --> 01:06:44,240
Speaker 2: to invite them, you know. Yeah, you don't owe them anything.

1372
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:47,360
Speaker 2: You really don't. You really don't. I know you want

1373
01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 2: to be You seem like such a sweet soul. You

1374
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:50,880
Speaker 2: don't need to invite them,