1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: Radio Radio Radio Commies a Myth and Bullshit, a radiophonic 2 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: novella Local Radio hosted by Malamo. Hello, Hello, Welcome back 3 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: to look at Radio. Welcome to season three of Local 4 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: Radio Porcallas. Because fem revenge has never sounded so sweet, 5 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: Look at Our Radio is a radiophonic novella archiving the 6 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 1: brilliant and legacies of women and fans of color. I'm 7 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: Theosa and I'm Mala, and we are less mammies of 8 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: myth and Bullshit radio radiophonic novella, which is really just 9 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: a very extra way of saying a podcast. Last time 10 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: on look at Radio, we interviewed Bridge Saves and Brianna 11 00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: Quinteto of Shop latin X. We discussed latin X entrepreneur worship, 12 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: women as hustlers, and the creation of shop latin X, 13 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: the first national online directory of Latino X businesses. As always, 14 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: look at That our Radio is recorded at Radio Espasio, 15 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: a community radio station hosted out of Espatio in Foil Heights. 16 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us. Thank you once again for 17 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: tuning in to look at That our Radio. So before 18 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 1: we get into our content for today, we just have 19 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 1: a couple of announcements per usual. Yes, so we wanted 20 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: to shout out Veronica for donating on our VENMO and 21 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,479 Speaker 1: she wrote, y'all are getting me through work right now. 22 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: And it was so actually really cute to see this 23 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: donation because this move ahead I talked about one time, like, um, 24 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: she's a listener obviously, and she actually, Um, we were 25 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 1: at the same gym and she is the one, and 26 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: she deemed me afterwards and was like, oh my god, 27 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: I thought that was you. I'm a really big fan 28 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: of local. I thought it was really cute because at 29 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: the time I was going to a small gym. So 30 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: that's how we met. And um, now we're like a 31 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: little like I g friends and she also listens and donated. 32 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: So thank you Ana for donating to look Radio. Thank 33 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: you so much. And if anybody else out there is 34 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: interested in donating um and submitting a little something to 35 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: our venmo, we are at look at Dash Radio. And 36 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: this is actually hilarious because we are starting to run 37 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 1: into locomotives more and more in different ways. Right tell 38 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:27,239 Speaker 1: them where you recently rot. So most recently I attended 39 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: the Southern California Sexual Health Summit at the California endowment. 40 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: And I went to the first workshop of the day. 41 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 1: Within five minutes like of sitting down, I realized, like 42 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 1: I ran into three listeners. They like said hello to me. 43 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: They were all like working in various nonprofits or in 44 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 1: schools in the sexual health field. And there were three 45 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 1: of them in one workshop. Then the first workshop of 46 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: the day. Also, who are you with? I was with 47 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 1: my coworker. I was my coworker. And here's the thing is, 48 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: I keep look at the A and this online life 49 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: separate from my job and my real life. We both 50 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: do we really lead secret lives right now? Yeah, I 51 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: mean at least like for me, like I try to 52 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: downplay how big a part of local thought I really 53 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 1: is in my life, Like when my boss will asked me, 54 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: I like really make it seem like it's just like 55 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: a little something for fun on the side, like a 56 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: little hobby hobby, you know, it's just we just talked 57 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: about like feminist things, like really really downplay how much 58 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 1: time I dedicate to exactly exactly, And I do the 59 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: same thing. And like when people at because I work 60 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: at a school, and when my co workers people at 61 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: the school are talking about like the horrors of social 62 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 1: media and how it's just like a bane on you know, 63 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: the youth of today and how we're doomed. And I'm 64 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,440 Speaker 1: just sitting there and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's terrible. 65 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: I know, it's awful, like not letting on at all 66 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: that this is like my livelihood and future and I 67 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 1: love social media so much, right, but no, I run 68 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: to a listener. Also, Adam, I was at the Dollar 69 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 1: Tree at my right, that Dollar Tree. I was literally 70 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: like reaching to buy fucking cleaning products and then like 71 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,279 Speaker 1: I fucking comment or something, you know, the powder. Yeah, 72 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: I was buying comment and then somebody is like, um, 73 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: excuse me, are you Mala? And I'm like, oh shit, 74 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: oh God, like buying my fucking comment, like at the 75 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,680 Speaker 1: Dollar Tree, like living the glam life, you know. Um 76 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: So anyways, yeah, if you see us, say hi, definitely 77 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 1: say hi hi. Um. Yes. So that's like another little 78 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 1: like I don't know exactly, like the Adventures of Radio, 79 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,719 Speaker 1: like living or double lives, like Briefe from Shop Ladins 80 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: like likes to call me um Clark Kent right, like 81 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,839 Speaker 1: I go to work with my glasses on truly you 82 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:59,359 Speaker 1: do son? Right? Okay? Anyway, so also we wanted to 83 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: remind you all about the bloom products. Like if you 84 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,839 Speaker 1: saw our unboxing video, we both received two sex toys 85 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: from the Blue Meat and we also have a discount code. 86 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 1: So if you haven't used it yet, haven't checked it 87 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: out yet, head over to the Blue Meat dot com 88 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 1: and our discount code is look at our radio ten. 89 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but I'm loving my 90 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: Blue Me product. Yeah, I've been using my blue product 91 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:27,719 Speaker 1: like consistently. It is amazing. I highly recommend the Vesper 92 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: vibrator pen. It comes in gold gold, just saying yeah, 93 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: you could have all three. I also, okay, I have 94 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: not used mine. And remember you told me like you 95 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,480 Speaker 1: cannot fail on this resolution, while I'm already failing because 96 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: we're happy through February. But you know what, I'm like, 97 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 1: I don't know why, but I've I've seen I've seen 98 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: it as like almost work where it's not like an 99 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 1: organic thing where I'm just like, oh, I'm going to 100 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: master rate today. I'm going to use my new you know, dildo. 101 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,719 Speaker 1: So I'm going to carve out some time to kind 102 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: of you know, feel it out and use it, explore it, 103 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,600 Speaker 1: and I will report back next week it's almost like 104 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 1: having a date with it. Yes, like you have to 105 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,799 Speaker 1: set the move. I do. I do. Okay, I'm excited 106 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: to hear more. I will tell you, let us know, 107 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: I will let you know. We're all we're all curious. 108 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 1: I know that you're all rooting for me. When I 109 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 1: posted it, I got comments like, I see you're keeping 110 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 1: up with your resolution. Yes, I am trying, So I'll 111 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: let I'll keep everyone posted about about my date with myself. 112 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for that. All right, So moving forward, 113 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: moving forward, moving on. Some reminders. So, um, if you 114 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,720 Speaker 1: haven't already, like, subscribe and comment on Apple podcast We 115 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: love reading your reviews. They really help us. Whenever folks 116 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 1: look us up on Apple Podcasts, they can see the 117 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 1: amount of reviews that we've had and also the amount 118 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: of five stars, and it really does make a difference. 119 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 1: So we really appreciate it, especially if you want to 120 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: help out. Maybe you're not local, maybe you don't have 121 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: so you can attend an event, Maybe you don't have 122 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 1: the resources right now to donate. This is a free 123 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: way of giving back to us, supporting us, and we 124 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: honestly appreciate and love it so much. Yeah, it helps 125 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 1: it makes a difference because I think we've kind of 126 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: talked about this before. As we move forward and we 127 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: grow as a podcast, and like folks are interested in 128 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: working with us, or we think about things like potential 129 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: sponsorship or fundraising, folks ask us for like feedback and 130 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: listener reviews and comments and numbers and engagement. So the 131 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: more that you actually really do engage and participate and 132 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 1: love out loud, eventually it becomes like material support for 133 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 1: the project to grow. So that's another way of thinking 134 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, and as always, you know, you can 135 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 1: listen on Spotify, audio, Boom Apple podcasts, and visit our website. Look, 136 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: I thought our radio dot com, follow us on all 137 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,120 Speaker 1: the socials you know, you already know, you already know, 138 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: you already know, And that's where the good stuff is anyways, 139 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:01,119 Speaker 1: is on the Instagram alright. So um, a quick word 140 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: from a sponsor, right, a sponsor that we really love 141 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: Therapy for Latin X. So Therapy for Latin X uses 142 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: the latest technology to make it as easy as possible 143 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: for people to find therapists, life coaches, emergency mental health centers, 144 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 1: and free or low cost community clinics. We highly highly 145 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: recommend if you're interested going online, check out their online 146 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: database here at look at. We are all about the 147 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: glow up and that of course includes going to therapy 148 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,200 Speaker 1: and talking about mental health candidly. Yes, so check on 149 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 1: check out Therapy for latin X. You will not regret it. 150 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 1: You know. One of the hardest parts of going to 151 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: therapy or even thinking about, is well, where do I start? 152 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,080 Speaker 1: And this is a perfect way for you to start. 153 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 1: And it's curated by Brandy Carlos and she has committed 154 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: her life to like making therapy accessible. So thank you, Brandy, 155 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: and thank you Therapy for lain X. Thank you, thank 156 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 1: you for the resource. And now onto one of our 157 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 1: favorite segments. Okay, so a few weeks ago we put 158 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: out a call on the Instagram. I'm asking y'all to 159 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: ask questions about self, love, dating, vanity, relationships, everything. So 160 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 1: going on theme with this, the first question is how 161 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: do you deal with wanting love and not finding it? 162 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: That's uh, that is a dense, dense question. And you know, 163 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day just passed, just passed, um and I spent 164 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day at home with my family and then yesterday 165 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: I like hung out with with girlfriends. I had my galantines, 166 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,959 Speaker 1: and I love doing a galantine. Same um for me. 167 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: When I think about this question wanting love and not 168 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: finding it for me, I kind of have come to 169 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: the realization that any time I've ever entered into love 170 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:54,319 Speaker 1: organically and authentically, it's been when I haven't been thinking 171 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: about it and I haven't been seeking it out. It's 172 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: just sort of found its way to me. So I 173 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: try and chill on like seeking it. Yeah, I was 174 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: gonna say the same thing. Um, I'm obviously in a 175 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:10,679 Speaker 1: relationship right now, but prior to that, I was so 176 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 1: frustrated because I felt like I had so much love 177 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: to give and I was like, none of this ship 178 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 1: is working out right, and it was. It was the 179 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 1: for me, the idea of like, well, they get better 180 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: when you do so once I was putting in the 181 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: actual work to heal and be a better person and 182 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: to be not only a better person for myself but 183 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: also in a relationship. That's when I met my current partner, 184 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,800 Speaker 1: you know, like we crossed paths at the time that 185 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,839 Speaker 1: we were supposed to UM, and I was really frustrated 186 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 1: and I gave up at that point, like you know what, 187 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: I'm just not gonna date, and I was like very 188 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: much a serial monogamous, back to back relationships, bad relationships. 189 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 1: So really, when I let that idea go, that's when 190 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,200 Speaker 1: we met. So I echo what you said, you know, 191 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: when you're not and I mean not finding love, Like, well, 192 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: what kind of love? You know what I mean? Like 193 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: maybe not romantic lovel what about platonic love, your cho 194 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,320 Speaker 1: and family, the familial love, you know, like that's also important, 195 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: So also giving your energy to that because most likely 196 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 1: that's going to be reciprocal. Yeah, you know, yeah, more 197 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,559 Speaker 1: often you're going to find reciprocal types of love. If 198 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: it's things like friendships, a job you love, a hobby 199 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 1: you love, that'll somehow like give love back to you 200 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 1: in some ways. There's a lot of different ways to 201 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,679 Speaker 1: find love. People a very for baby, you know as 202 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 1: always definitely definitely, So thank you for that question. The 203 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 1: next question is about um being a recovering Catholic Jesus. 204 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 1: It's an ongoing it's a constant process. I think of 205 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 1: undoing and unlearning. And for me, you know, I'm like, 206 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 1: what is my moral compass outside of what I was 207 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:01,239 Speaker 1: sort of socialized into and taught in my Catholic upbringing. 208 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: That's what I'm thinking about right now. Yeah, I think, well, 209 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 1: because that is how we learn like our morals and 210 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: our values, right is like through the church or like 211 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 1: through not only the Catholic Church, but whatever. Like if 212 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: you're brought up with the religious background, you know, that 213 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,959 Speaker 1: tends to be your moral compass, just like you said. 214 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 1: So really, like that's a good question, Like so what 215 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 1: is it now right like now that I'm not going 216 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,000 Speaker 1: to church or I'm not an active Catholic, what does 217 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 1: that mean? And I feel like I've been wanting to 218 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 1: find some type of something like not necessarily an organized religion, 219 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: but I do like the ritual of weekly we're going 220 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: to congregate and like pray to something, you know. I 221 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 1: do like that idea of like well for one hour, 222 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 1: we're basically going to meditate and pray. I do like 223 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 1: that concept. I would never go back to the Catholic 224 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 1: Church were not at all, But I think I have 225 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: been searching for that on and off throughout the past 226 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: few years, Like what's what else can I find? You know? 227 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: What I would love to see? Okay, I don't know 228 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: if you've ever been to a Quaker meeting, but no, no, 229 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,680 Speaker 1: I have never been to a Quaker meeting. When have 230 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,319 Speaker 1: you been to a Quaker meeting? I went to Okay, 231 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 1: So I went to high school with a girl who 232 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: was a Quaker. And there's actually like a lot of 233 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,560 Speaker 1: Quakers in l A. Believe it or not. I do 234 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,679 Speaker 1: not believe that, but there are there are Quakers, and 235 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,959 Speaker 1: there are Quaker churches and they have their meetings. So 236 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: this girl that I went to high school with, she 237 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: invited me like and I went to a Quaker meeting 238 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: with her and her family. And it was very fascinating 239 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: because they waited the way that they hold their service, 240 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,280 Speaker 1: they call it meeting. And what happens is everyone just 241 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 1: sits together in a room and it's very plain. They 242 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: don't have like stained glass, they don't have they don't 243 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: have images. It's just like would and everyone just sits 244 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 1: in silence and just sits there until someone is moved 245 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: to speak or share something. And then that person stands 246 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: up and shares what they want to share. It's interesting. 247 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 1: And then if someone else wants to get up and 248 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: you know, riff on that thought or respond to it 249 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,079 Speaker 1: or share their thought, they can. But if not, if 250 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: no one else has anything to say, everyone just sits 251 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 1: there in silence, and I would kind of loft to 252 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,959 Speaker 1: see like our own community version of that, where it's 253 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,520 Speaker 1: literally we come together, we're in community, but we don't 254 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: necessarily have an agenda. We're reflecting on things. I don't know, 255 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: something I kind of like, you know, yeah, I could 256 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: see that, like when it's with the right like group 257 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: of people that you invite, you know, that you asked 258 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,200 Speaker 1: to join. I think that could be really interesting, right, 259 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: But I mean I don't know, like for this question, 260 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: like I don't know if you're like wondering what to 261 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: do now, what is the question? I don't really I'm 262 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: not really sure what the question is. But um, that 263 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 1: has been our experience. I think, I think really just 264 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 1: unlearning all the like the Catholic guilt and shame that 265 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: comes with like you know, living your life, owning your body, 266 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 1: being sexually active, having an abortion maybe not, you know 267 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: what I mean, like all these things that are being queer, 268 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: like all these things that are are told you're told 269 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 1: that our sins are that are wrong, that you're going 270 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: to go to hell for, you know, yes, speaking of 271 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: things that we're told are sinful, like the Seven Deadly 272 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 1: Sins which includes vanity, which is like something that we 273 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: want to talk about today in this episode, right, um, 274 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: And I think part of being a recovering Catholic is 275 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: getting over the notion that vanity is bad for you, 276 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: right or also, I mean I think I know we're 277 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: talking about vanity today, but even just like any of 278 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 1: the deadly sins, right, like, what is another one? Like um, 279 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 1: like sloth? Right? Well, what if I just want to rest? Right? 280 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: What if I'm tired? What if I'm tired? Right, I'm depressed? Right? 281 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: What if I can't get up at the crocodle and 282 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: go to work or whatever it is? Like However, you know, 283 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: during the time that this was written by white men, 284 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: you know, like what what if I just want to sleep? 285 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,160 Speaker 1: What if I just want to rest? You know, exactly exactly. 286 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: The other another one is jealousy. I mean that's its 287 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: own situation. You know. Jealousy can be deadly, it can 288 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 1: be can be a full but um, yeah, I don't know. 289 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: Just kind of like being a recovering Catholic, all these 290 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 1: things that we're told we're bad, are they really? Are 291 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: they really bad? Why are they so? Why are why 292 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 1: are they so sinful and bad? And deadly and horrible 293 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 1: because I don't see it. I don't buy it. I 294 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 1: also wonder, like this is just going back to the 295 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: masturbation bit. I wonder if that's why I can't masturbate, Like, 296 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 1: is do I have some like internalized Catholic guilt that 297 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: I have not gotten over. I'm not sure if that's 298 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 1: what it is. What I'm really curious is, like, is 299 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: that one thing that's keeping me from even I don't know. 300 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 1: I have to think about this more. Well. Is masturbation 301 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: not considered a sin? It is? It is considered a 302 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: sinful see, and that's it. So we're socialized into this 303 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 1: religion that told us that masturbation sinful, but then everything 304 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,560 Speaker 1: else in the world evidence wise, it tells us that 305 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: it's good for us. Right, So how do we reconcile that, 306 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:55,479 Speaker 1: I'm not sure by masturbating everyone your homework? Go masturbate 307 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: to recover from Catholics? Correct? There we go. This is 308 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:06,239 Speaker 1: the to doubt. Yes, um, next question question, so, what 309 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 1: are your tips for getting over your first heartbreak? I 310 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: don't know. So, okay, I don't know. I find that 311 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,480 Speaker 1: the only way I've ever been able to get over 312 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: heartbreak is I have never been able to remain friends 313 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,920 Speaker 1: or in contact with an X. I don't. Maybe it's 314 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 1: because I had I hadn't been mature enough to do it, 315 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,159 Speaker 1: or no, I wasn't supposed to be friends with them. 316 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: I needed to cut them out completely, Like it's not 317 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 1: it wasn't something that I needed and um, maintaining contact 318 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: always has just prolonged the breakup. It prolongs the breakup 319 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: and it prevents the healing process. My recommendation is, if 320 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 1: you're cutting them out of your life, cut them the 321 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: funk out of your life completely. That's it. Yeah, I 322 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: echo that I've never been one. Let's stay friends. I 323 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,440 Speaker 1: did have somebody that I tried staying friends I and 324 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,919 Speaker 1: guess what we would like talk about getting back together? 325 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,200 Speaker 1: Like you know, we were never really like we never 326 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 1: got that clean break. And I think you owe it 327 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 1: to yourself and you're healing to get that clean break, 328 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: you know. I don't. I don't get this, like I 329 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 1: must still follow them, I must still get lunch with them, 330 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: hang out with them, get coffee with them. It's a trap. 331 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,640 Speaker 1: I don't get it, especially if you're trying to move on. 332 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: I don't get it, Like if you are talking about reconciling. Okay, fine, 333 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,199 Speaker 1: you know you make it work. But I don't know. 334 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,240 Speaker 1: And these are the questions that I asked myself. If 335 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 1: I was if I had a platonic history with this 336 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:42,399 Speaker 1: person before we became romantic, if we had been friends, 337 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 1: we had a friendship history and the romance came later. 338 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 1: That's one thing. But if I sit and really think 339 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 1: about my relationships, we were never friends first. We started 340 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 1: off like romantic and sexual, and that's all it was. 341 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 1: It was romantic. So this notion that there was like 342 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: a friendship to salvage, it's just not true. It was 343 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: never there, you know, agreed. I can only speak for myself. 344 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,120 Speaker 1: But if that's how your relationship took off, you know, 345 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 1: like why maintain a false friendship that's not the foundation 346 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,439 Speaker 1: of why you know each other. I know that. Like 347 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: people have their own thoughts on like X as being friends, 348 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,120 Speaker 1: But I'm not one of those. I'm not. I'm not. 349 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,879 Speaker 1: I don't think i'll I ever will be. And like 350 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 1: you said, Molla, maybe that takes maturity or maybe you 351 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 1: just shouldn't be friends with them, you know exactly. Anyway, Well, 352 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 1: that question, I mean, just like a tip um Yeah, 353 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 1: cut them out of your life and focus on you. 354 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 1: Focus on whatever you have going for you right now, 355 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: whether that be job, school, uh side hustle that you 356 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 1: want to turn into a full time thing, like your friends, 357 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 1: your family. Yeah, invest in your friends, investing your friendships 358 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:56,160 Speaker 1: and come girls, how do you balance self love within 359 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 1: a relationship? Me time a lot of me. Get your 360 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:10,080 Speaker 1: time in. If your partner cannot uh go without talking 361 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: to you for like an hour without getting angry, or 362 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: every time you go to town they have a panic 363 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:21,320 Speaker 1: attack all of a sudden, or you know what I mean. 364 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: Like if you can't, if you can't be away from 365 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 1: this person without them like freaking out, you will never 366 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,120 Speaker 1: have space for self love in that relationship, right because 367 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: you will never have space. So for me, I'm like, 368 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 1: you see those types of behaviors, It's going to be 369 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: hard for you to maintain a balanced, healthy self love 370 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 1: ethic if you have to tend to them above yourself constantly, 371 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,119 Speaker 1: right you know? I also think like there are ways 372 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 1: to also incorporate your partner into your self love routine. 373 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:55,080 Speaker 1: Like not everything obviously, but like, for instance, when my 374 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 1: partner I started dating, I like really neglected going to 375 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,640 Speaker 1: the gym, even though that makes me feel really good, 376 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,199 Speaker 1: I just the endorphins are just really good for my 377 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 1: mental health. So I really neglected it. And now I'm 378 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 1: at a point where I like commit to going three 379 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 1: times a week and I've been really consistent about it. 380 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: And now he's also getting into like fitness as his 381 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 1: self care. So now we do it together, like not 382 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,640 Speaker 1: every day obviously, but we're trying not to carve out 383 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 1: the time. We're like at least one or two times 384 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: a week we go together. That's good and you know, 385 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 1: we're both it's benefiting for the both of us. We 386 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: both feel like better like all around. And we're not 387 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,160 Speaker 1: going out, you know, because we go out to dinner 388 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,199 Speaker 1: a lot, you know. So it's good on good on 389 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 1: her our wallet, you know, and good for the mental health. 390 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,200 Speaker 1: So yeah, exactly, Like it doesn't have to be sol 391 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:41,159 Speaker 1: dolo all the time. And then you're like also spending 392 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 1: time together right right, right right, but also you need 393 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 1: alone time. There's just a balance. I think the balancing acts. Yeah, um, okay, 394 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 1: I always think about that song how do you balance 395 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,920 Speaker 1: self love within a relationship? You know that Beyonce song 396 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 1: where she's listing all the things she's saying yes to 397 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: in this relationship, she says, she's saying like I said yes, 398 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: like to you staying with me, I said yes to 399 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: meeting your mother. I said yes to this, that and 400 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,440 Speaker 1: the other. But the first time I say no, it's 401 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 1: like I never that's right, that's right. Yeah, that's an 402 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 1: older one back in the archives, like Crazy and Love. 403 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,119 Speaker 1: I think exactly. I think it's off that album. So 404 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: it's like that too. Is like, you know, set boundaries 405 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: early also to kind of test like are they okay 406 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: with you even setting boundaries right? Right? You know? And 407 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 1: if if you're not allowed to set a boundary that's 408 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 1: good for you, then how can you love yourself in 409 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: that context? Yes, you know, are you being allowed to 410 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: sort of a thing? Thank you for that question. Um, So, 411 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:46,399 Speaker 1: next question is affirmations you love? What are some affirmations 412 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,679 Speaker 1: you love? Do you say affirmations to yourself? Mama? Not really, 413 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,359 Speaker 1: I'm a bad bit. Well that way, that would be it. 414 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 1: That's my affirmation, um, Mama, and I'd say affirmations to 415 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,239 Speaker 1: ourselves before we go into meetings. Yes we do we 416 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,480 Speaker 1: hold hands, Yes we do, we hold hands and we 417 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:04,400 Speaker 1: look at each other. We'll take a selfie maybe document, right, 418 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 1: we like look into each other lock eyes and we're 419 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 1: like and repeat repeat after me, like like I am beautiful, 420 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: I am beautiful, I am a badass's I am brilliant. 421 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,479 Speaker 1: I'm brilliant. I got this, I got this, and then 422 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:24,679 Speaker 1: we break. Yeah, so that's what we do. Um, but 423 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: you can also do that with yourself truly. Yeah. Yeah, 424 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 1: just just pray to yourself yourself. Um. I keep some 425 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,720 Speaker 1: affirmations by my bedside and I wrote them out with 426 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 1: my therapist, and I don't have them on hand. I like, 427 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,879 Speaker 1: I don't have the memorized. But if you do go 428 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 1: to too, If you do see a therapist, you know, 429 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 1: you can also work on them with your with them 430 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 1: that's helpful, like a specific things you want to work on. 431 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,679 Speaker 1: Or you can a lot of people share their affirmations 432 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: online like on I G. You can google some like 433 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 1: there's a lot of affirmation I think oriented pages. Yes, 434 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,159 Speaker 1: you know a good one is on alex l A 435 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 1: l e x e l l E. I love her 436 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: and she has been like talking, she has been like 437 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 1: talking about self care, like before it became like this 438 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,600 Speaker 1: really like capitalistic corporate idea of like we're gonna sell 439 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:15,679 Speaker 1: self care, you know, we're going to wrap it up 440 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,720 Speaker 1: and sell it. She has been talking about it for 441 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,719 Speaker 1: a long time, and she writes little affirmations like on 442 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,119 Speaker 1: a little papelito and then she like takes a picture 443 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 1: holding it. So she's definitely someone I would recommend to 444 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,640 Speaker 1: go follow and check out her affirmations. Yeah. I used 445 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: to follow her on tumbler. Yeah, she's been She's been 446 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: like online for a while, like writing about what she 447 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: writes about. I feel like she wrote a book, right, Yeah, 448 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 1: I think she has a few books out. She does 449 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:45,360 Speaker 1: a podcast mother she's a mother of two. Yeah, she's beautiful. 450 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: She's beautiful. Yeah, she's great. That would be a dream 451 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,119 Speaker 1: podcast collab for me. I think you should tag her 452 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 1: in this good let's do it? Yes, okay? Um? Next question, 453 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 1: are y'all monogamous? And have you ever struggled with that? Because, bitch, 454 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 1: I'm pressed. Thank you for this question. Um, I'm not 455 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,600 Speaker 1: monogamous because I'm not in a relationship. Have you have 456 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,639 Speaker 1: all of your relationship has been monogamous? Um? Well, on 457 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:14,119 Speaker 1: my end, they were right. I don't really know if 458 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 1: that's a yes or no, right, but I think I 459 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:21,160 Speaker 1: was in the relationship under the presumption of monogamy, right, 460 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:26,160 Speaker 1: put it that way. Yes, Now in my current relationship, 461 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:30,119 Speaker 1: we are both monogamous, right, And um, I mean I 462 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: guess yeah, I can take especially a new relationship, like 463 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,440 Speaker 1: everything takes adjustment, gets to getting used to. I wonder 464 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 1: if that's why this listener is pressed. Maybe because it's 465 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,520 Speaker 1: just I mean, you're used to You're so used to 466 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: being by yourself, right, And there's like that quote where 467 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 1: it's like, I'm so good at being alone that like 468 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 1: your company has to feel better than my being alone. Yes, 469 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,640 Speaker 1: you know so, I think that that's a really good 470 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,320 Speaker 1: way to like weigh whether or not being in this 471 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:01,120 Speaker 1: relationship if this relationship is for you, right, Like doesn't 472 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,880 Speaker 1: feel just as good when you're a lot better if 473 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:09,160 Speaker 1: not better? Yeah, good question. I like this next question 474 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,920 Speaker 1: because I think it's pretty cut and dry for us. Anyways. 475 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:17,359 Speaker 1: Is casual sex wrong? Well no, no, absolutely not no. No. 476 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,560 Speaker 1: This is part of m learning the Catholicism. Yes, okay, 477 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,240 Speaker 1: where sex head was part of your religion class and 478 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: your religion teacher taught like save yourself for Jesus, which 479 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: how fucking weird to say to like a room full 480 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 1: of like thirteen year olds, fourteen year old save yourself 481 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 1: for Jesus, save yourself for like the man you're going 482 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,719 Speaker 1: to marry and spend the rest of your life with. 483 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,680 Speaker 1: It's so weird. Yeah, I think about it, and I'm like, 484 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,400 Speaker 1: what were they? Oh my god, the policing, the policing, 485 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: the like just let me alone, all of it, all 486 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: of it. Yeah. The idea that like sex is just 487 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 1: so tied into religion is so bizarre to me, I know, right, 488 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 1: you know, like this goes back in some ways to 489 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 1: the notion of like the patriarchy being a micromanager. This 490 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 1: is some micro management. Is like tying up sex and 491 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,680 Speaker 1: sexuality into the dogma of the religion, right, Like that's 492 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,200 Speaker 1: so personal, none of your business, it's none of your 493 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,720 Speaker 1: how many partners I've had and we need to Like 494 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,000 Speaker 1: I don't I don't know if this is still a thing. 495 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,960 Speaker 1: I'm sure it is, But like, do people still ask 496 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,800 Speaker 1: your body count? I mean I think it's one of 497 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,639 Speaker 1: those questions that will never die. Like, I think people 498 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: still do it. I remember being like in my nine twenty, 499 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,920 Speaker 1: like asking what's your body count? Because I don't know 500 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: any better? You know, and like being asked that and 501 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,960 Speaker 1: being like okay, sure, here's my number. But now it's 502 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,080 Speaker 1: like you don't need to know that, like that was 503 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,439 Speaker 1: before you Yeah, you don't need to know. Also, I 504 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 1: lost track a long time ago, so you can ask me, 505 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,719 Speaker 1: but you're not going to get a straighter right right 506 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 1: because anyways, Um yeah, no, casual sex is not wrong. 507 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,760 Speaker 1: It's not wrong and then not wrong. I think the 508 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 1: this is a two part it's a self love versus 509 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,359 Speaker 1: a woman's needs. Well, I think that they can both 510 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 1: be you know, self love and they can both fulfill 511 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,440 Speaker 1: your needs. I'm thinking this is again when she says 512 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:16,720 Speaker 1: self love, I'm thinking she means masturbation, like can I 513 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,119 Speaker 1: just like, you know, if I'm feeling like the needs 514 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 1: you know, like can I just masturbate slash? What about 515 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 1: my other needs? So I think that you can do both. Yeah. 516 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 1: I feel like love in lots of ways is making 517 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: sure your needs are met. So like what if you 518 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,679 Speaker 1: love your partner, making sure their needs are met if 519 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,840 Speaker 1: your partner loves you, your partner is making sure your 520 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 1: needs are met and then making sure your own needs 521 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 1: are met when and how you can meet them. So yeah, 522 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 1: I don't think capital sex is wrong and you know, 523 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: if you know, as long as everybody's consenting and there's 524 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:54,400 Speaker 1: like clear cut boundaries and all of that, like why not, right, 525 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,240 Speaker 1: go for it, enjoy, have a good time, right right? Okay, 526 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 1: this is a little bit different, but I think still 527 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,440 Speaker 1: important when we're talking about self love. This question is 528 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 1: have you ever had the experience of wearing something super 529 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,920 Speaker 1: tight and realizing you've gained weight and feel sad? I'm 530 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 1: tired of hating myself and looking for some inspiration to 531 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 1: love myself even if I'm not where I want to be. 532 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 1: This is just like the ongoing perennial like issue, like 533 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:27,240 Speaker 1: this is always in forever. My weight is always fluctuating, 534 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 1: Like I am not consistent with like how much I 535 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,000 Speaker 1: weigh or even like what size of clothes I wear. 536 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,720 Speaker 1: I've always gone up and down like for years, and 537 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:40,800 Speaker 1: it's just how I am. Um. And so this experience 538 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: of like going down a size or going down a 539 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 1: few sizes and having like your your your clothes for 540 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,240 Speaker 1: when you're skinny, and then you have clothes for when 541 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 1: you're bigger. Um, And this is an experience that I 542 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 1: have all the time right where I'm like Okay, I 543 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 1: was wearing this a month ago, but now it doesn't 544 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 1: fit me anymore and feeling sad. And when I've just 545 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 1: come to realize is you know, you just have to 546 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 1: come to a place where you can say, I am 547 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 1: not going to aspire towards anything with my body, Like 548 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 1: I am going to make a conscious choice to wake 549 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: up and just love my body just however it shows 550 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: up today, you know, because the aspirational like self love 551 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 1: is kind of like procrastination because you're always putting it 552 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: off until a later date. You're always putting off the 553 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,680 Speaker 1: self love. You're you like know that it's there, but 554 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 1: you're waiting to give it to yourself until you reach 555 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:34,480 Speaker 1: some goal that you might never reach right or you 556 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: might get to and then you know, retreat from. So 557 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,440 Speaker 1: for me, um, it's kind of like you have to 558 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: just sort of snap yourself out of it and just 559 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 1: make yourself in some ways, also people say like, oh, 560 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 1: never buy a bigger size, Like don't buy yourself bigger 561 00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,640 Speaker 1: clothes by yourself bigger clothes, Like buy clothes that look 562 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: good on you and that you feel good in. Like 563 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 1: if you need to keep like a larger pants or 564 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 1: larger shirts, and larger bra as for like when your 565 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,480 Speaker 1: weight is up, do that, you know, like don't be 566 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: afraid to go out and buy bigger clothes, like wear 567 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 1: clothes that fit you, um, because that's like you're not 568 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: gonna feel good about yourself forcing yourself into clothes that 569 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: do not fit and that are not your size. Yeah, 570 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 1: I agree. Um. I think something that helps me is 571 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 1: literally looking in the mirror when I'm naked, um, because 572 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 1: I like will find myself like if I'm feeling like 573 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: uncomfortable like avoiding mirrors, you know. So I'm just like 574 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,000 Speaker 1: kind of just literally just like taking a shower and 575 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: like looking at my body as I'm like cleaning myself 576 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 1: like moisturizing, putting on makeup, just literally just looking at 577 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,320 Speaker 1: myself and like with admiration. I think is really important 578 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 1: because there's literally nobody quite like you, you know, and 579 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 1: weight gain or no weight gain like you are like 580 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: as a being as a whole, as like are enough 581 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,479 Speaker 1: and exactly like how you're supposed to be, you know. 582 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 1: So I think like it's I know that it's obviously 583 00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 1: really hard, and especially like we live in like a fat, 584 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,080 Speaker 1: a big society diet culture, especially around this time of 585 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 1: year is like rampant, right, and like we have so 586 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 1: many like fitspirations and id inspirations and like all this stuff. 587 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,520 Speaker 1: You know that it can become really toxic. And I mean, 588 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:19,440 Speaker 1: for me, I'm very aware that I can get into 589 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:25,000 Speaker 1: really unhealthy um eating and working out patterns. So that's 590 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,959 Speaker 1: why I've created a very basic goal for myself of 591 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 1: working out three times a week. And I'm I'm not 592 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,040 Speaker 1: weighing myself. I'm not measuring anything. I'm really just focusing 593 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 1: on how good does it feel when I move my body. 594 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,719 Speaker 1: I sit at a desk from nine to five. My 595 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 1: back hurts, whatever hurts, So how can I um ruly 596 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,080 Speaker 1: just feel good in my body and and feel how 597 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,640 Speaker 1: my body is moving. And one thing that a goal 598 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 1: that I set for myself, And this is kind of 599 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 1: going in a different direction, but a goal that I've 600 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,160 Speaker 1: set for myself is like, well, for this hour that 601 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 1: I'm at the gym, I'm not going to check my 602 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,080 Speaker 1: emails and I'm going to try not to check to 603 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 1: anybody because it's just one hour for myself. So whether 604 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,200 Speaker 1: that's like whatever that self care time is for you 605 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: wherever you do it, like having those little goals I 606 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,200 Speaker 1: feel helps and will help you love yourself more and 607 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 1: like you know, serve like it's purpose for you. Yeah. Yeah. 608 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,800 Speaker 1: I also found that, like at the height of my 609 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:25,840 Speaker 1: UM eating disorder issues, that following will Going back to Tumbler, 610 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 1: I remember following UM this page called Curves and Color 611 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,000 Speaker 1: or Beauty and Color. Oh my god, I remember that 612 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: I would follow that page and I love that page 613 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 1: and that was so helpful for me. And then Full 614 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,280 Speaker 1: Figured Potential UM I think, was another page that I 615 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:47,120 Speaker 1: would follow and really like being online, and back then 616 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:50,600 Speaker 1: the body posity body possy stuff was much more run 617 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: by like fat women and big bodied women, not just 618 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 1: curvy women, and so I felt like that online community 619 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 1: was really impactful for me. Um. Yeah. Also, like I 620 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,680 Speaker 1: think the other thing that's helped me with this is 621 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,719 Speaker 1: sometimes our families will comment on how our clothes are 622 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,640 Speaker 1: fitting us, and I had to learn to use my 623 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:15,280 Speaker 1: voice and like literally use my words with my family 624 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: and said boundaries with them. And that also helped me 625 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,759 Speaker 1: because once they learned that, like I had spikes and 626 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: they couldn't just say whatever they want because they might 627 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:29,479 Speaker 1: get their fingerpricked, then they stopped, you know, And so 628 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,160 Speaker 1: sometimes It's like when you stand up for yourself, it's 629 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,520 Speaker 1: also showing yourself love, you know, because you're willing to 630 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 1: defend yourself, right, I agree. I mean I shared this 631 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,959 Speaker 1: on an earlier episode where my mom and I had 632 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,080 Speaker 1: a disagreement at Christmas like two years ago now, where 633 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,400 Speaker 1: she was like talking about my body and like as 634 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,319 Speaker 1: if I wasn't there, and I called her out on 635 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,640 Speaker 1: it and she was so embarrassed. Well guess why she 636 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 1: didn't do it again? Right, And like maybe I was 637 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,319 Speaker 1: being a quote marial or like you know, not a 638 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,560 Speaker 1: good daughter because I I did shame her, but you know, 639 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,600 Speaker 1: that's how she learned. I wasn't trying to be rude 640 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,839 Speaker 1: about it, but it's like, why are you talking about me? 641 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,760 Speaker 1: Like I'm not here? You know, I am in my body. 642 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:12,479 Speaker 1: It's not separate from me right literally right here, you know. Um. 643 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,080 Speaker 1: And it gets really tough, especially like I was sharing 644 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,799 Speaker 1: with Mama, like I have a da visiting and she 645 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 1: will like talk about people's weight gain and I'm like why, 646 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,560 Speaker 1: like you're not even like you're visiting and this is 647 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,600 Speaker 1: what you want to talk about, like you know, and 648 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: that's just so um normalized in our community, that we 649 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 1: can just talk about people's weight and you know, either 650 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,359 Speaker 1: in a positive way or like either oh she's lost 651 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,880 Speaker 1: too much weight, or she's had this and that done, 652 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,160 Speaker 1: she's had that nipp and talk blah blah blah, or 653 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: she's gained so much weight. So so what do you want? 654 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 1: What do you want? What do you want? Literally leave 655 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: me alone, not coming on anyone's bodies anyway. Well, going 656 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,560 Speaker 1: back to this original question, I hope that our listener 657 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:58,239 Speaker 1: um feels heard and seen and we love you. And 658 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 1: it's an individual path, like we may not have the 659 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 1: so we don't have the solution because that's why, because 660 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 1: self love is so individual, very individual. No, it's different 661 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,120 Speaker 1: for everyone. One of my favorites I used to listen 662 00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,600 Speaker 1: to a lot of Regina Specter. Oh you know, like 663 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,120 Speaker 1: back in the day, we all we all had our 664 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:20,560 Speaker 1: Regina spect phase. So she has this one lyric from 665 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:22,440 Speaker 1: a song that I love where she says, I have 666 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,920 Speaker 1: a perfect body, but sometimes I forget I have a 667 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,560 Speaker 1: perfect body because my eyelashes catch my sweat. And I 668 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,520 Speaker 1: love that lyrics so much because it's like, yes, it's 669 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,799 Speaker 1: just this tiny little detail, but like your body in 670 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,040 Speaker 1: that moment is working exactly how it's meant to, you know, 671 00:36:37,200 --> 00:37:26,719 Speaker 1: so like appreciating those little things and ship. Okay, So 672 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 1: going back to the female, today's cap is vanity. Vanity 673 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:36,319 Speaker 1: is self love and self preservation. Right. Well, I think 674 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,680 Speaker 1: like one thing we wanted to talk about is like 675 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:45,680 Speaker 1: self love as self preservation, like or vanity as self love, 676 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:50,480 Speaker 1: Like if you're not in a relationship, you know, like 677 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:52,520 Speaker 1: you want to love on yourself, and even if you 678 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:56,799 Speaker 1: are in a relationship, like regardless of your partner like 679 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,000 Speaker 1: being great or not, like they're still not going to 680 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 1: love you the way you love you, right, And there's 681 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,759 Speaker 1: there nobody will ever take care of you and know 682 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,200 Speaker 1: you the way you know you, you know. And I 683 00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:08,799 Speaker 1: think that was like one of the reasons we wanted 684 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 1: to talk about that today. Yeah, And it's just going 685 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:17,640 Speaker 1: along with our sort of theme that's like a constant 686 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:22,360 Speaker 1: theme of approaching topics um from sort of this like 687 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:26,680 Speaker 1: counter narrative, this place of counternarrative and thinking about something that, 688 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,960 Speaker 1: like earlier in the CuPy that we were saying, you know, 689 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,719 Speaker 1: vanity is considered one of the seven deadly sins. It's 690 00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:35,160 Speaker 1: something that we're taught and socialized as bad as sinful, 691 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,160 Speaker 1: is even harmful somehow, But we want to ask ourselves why, 692 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,440 Speaker 1: what's the other side of the coin? Um part of 693 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:48,759 Speaker 1: me thinks about how if we are dissuaded from being 694 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:53,480 Speaker 1: vain and from loving ourselves, right, we're not fulfilling that 695 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,359 Speaker 1: very basic desire we have, like for love and for 696 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,359 Speaker 1: getting you know. So, I think it's almost a way 697 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:03,399 Speaker 1: to almost like compel us into romantic relationships, to sort 698 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,680 Speaker 1: of seek out love that we could already be giving 699 00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:11,640 Speaker 1: to ourselves. It's a conspiracy by the patriarchy, a conspiracy 700 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 1: by the patriarchy. Love yourself in spite of the patriarchy. Yes, 701 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:20,000 Speaker 1: basically basically um right, because we were like one thing 702 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:24,439 Speaker 1: we were questioning, like, well, why is vanity so bad? Right? 703 00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,719 Speaker 1: Why is it so deadly? Why is it sinful? Why 704 00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:32,400 Speaker 1: is it wrong? Is it only wrong when women do it? Right? Like, 705 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,920 Speaker 1: what would be the marker of vanity on a man? 706 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: We know the story of Narcissus, right, and this is 707 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,279 Speaker 1: kind of like where the term and the idea of 708 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:46,239 Speaker 1: narcissism comes from. But Narcissus right, he had never seen 709 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:50,040 Speaker 1: his reflection. He suddenly comes upon his reflection in like 710 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:54,560 Speaker 1: a pool of water, becomes sort of obsessed and dies 711 00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,759 Speaker 1: staring at himself. Staring at himself, So like, what is 712 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,000 Speaker 1: that cautionary tale? Exactly? Was going to say, Exactly, it's 713 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:03,400 Speaker 1: a cautionary tale, like you can't look at yourself for 714 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,840 Speaker 1: too long, you can't love yourself for too long, or 715 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:11,040 Speaker 1: you might die. Like what does that mean that if 716 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 1: I look in the mirror for too long, I might die? 717 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 1: You know? And I think it's also like when women 718 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,560 Speaker 1: love themselves, When we love ourselves, it's like a waste 719 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,359 Speaker 1: of time, right, because if you're if you're sitting in 720 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,640 Speaker 1: front of a vanity, you're putting makeup on, you're wasting 721 00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,680 Speaker 1: your time. If you're getting your nails done, you're wasting 722 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,680 Speaker 1: your time. Right. If anything that is like for you 723 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 1: because you want to do it because it feels good, 724 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,279 Speaker 1: and it's not for like the mail gaze, it's a 725 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,720 Speaker 1: waste of time, waste of money, A waste of money, 726 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:42,480 Speaker 1: a waste of time. People love to use the example 727 00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:47,240 Speaker 1: with regards to things like child support, like, oh, he's 728 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,799 Speaker 1: paying his baby mama child support, and look at what 729 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:52,960 Speaker 1: she uses it for to get her nails done and 730 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:57,759 Speaker 1: her hair and new clothes. There's always this linking of 731 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 1: like irresponsible spending right with appearance with fem aesthetics. Yes, 732 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,880 Speaker 1: specifically it's considered a waste of time. It's considered a 733 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:10,239 Speaker 1: waste of time. And um, we were talking about before 734 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,600 Speaker 1: we started recording. There's this correlation that we hear. It's 735 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,759 Speaker 1: like an old school sort of saying that, like red 736 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,120 Speaker 1: lipstick is for horse or red lipstick is for prostitutes, 737 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,759 Speaker 1: And people will even say that in Spanish sometimes yes, 738 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,680 Speaker 1: or you don't want to look like a Buddha. I 739 00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,880 Speaker 1: remember when I was little, wanting to wear um, you know, 740 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,160 Speaker 1: my would paint my nails. Um, they started me young, 741 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,960 Speaker 1: and um she would she put like a burgundy on 742 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:38,400 Speaker 1: me and my dad got really upset because it was 743 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:40,719 Speaker 1: too much here. But like I was a little girl, 744 00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,840 Speaker 1: like and that's the thing like where we like sexualized girls, 745 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,600 Speaker 1: like young girls like what they're not allowed to wear X, 746 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:48,560 Speaker 1: Y and Z, Like they aren't allowed to paint their 747 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,960 Speaker 1: nails and like obviously to each of their own, everyone 748 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:52,840 Speaker 1: has like the rights to parent how they want. But 749 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,080 Speaker 1: it's like, or are we just sexualizing young girls? You 750 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,800 Speaker 1: know what? Are we really protecting them from? Exactly what 751 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,480 Speaker 1: you know threat, what's the looming threat? Looming threat is 752 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,719 Speaker 1: the men? The man? So who needs to be corrected? 753 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,560 Speaker 1: The men? The men, the surveillance or like the little 754 00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,680 Speaker 1: girl wearing shorts around her buddys and her theos exactly 755 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:14,640 Speaker 1: who's the problem is the men again again and it's like, 756 00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,920 Speaker 1: what direction is the surveillance going? The surveillance has always 757 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 1: directed towards the girls and the women, and we have 758 00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:26,080 Speaker 1: these blind spots to you know, male aggressors and male 759 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:30,000 Speaker 1: aggression and it's left up um And I think it's 760 00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,879 Speaker 1: interesting to going back to, you know, our Catholic upbringings. 761 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,000 Speaker 1: So while vanity is one of the seven deadly sins 762 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:40,600 Speaker 1: for whatever reason, humility is praised like above all as 763 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,440 Speaker 1: far as human qualities, right, what is okay, this is 764 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,520 Speaker 1: my Catholicism coming up, But it's like, what is it like? 765 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 1: Blessed be the meek, for he shall the day inherit. 766 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:55,279 Speaker 1: So you can finish my Catholic sentence. Okay, you know what, 767 00:42:55,360 --> 00:43:00,000 Speaker 1: We've never done this before, and I'm hope we never did. 768 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: I say, I hope that never happens again. I did 769 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:04,600 Speaker 1: that with my booty other day. He was like, what 770 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:06,200 Speaker 1: is this like Bowers and I was like, oh that's 771 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:09,799 Speaker 1: from John blah blah blah blah blah. And he was like, um, no, 772 00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,640 Speaker 1: like we have deep biblical yes, yes, I took my 773 00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:15,960 Speaker 1: freshman year of high school, I took a scripture like 774 00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:18,720 Speaker 1: we had to take a scripture class where we learned 775 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,919 Speaker 1: to analyze scripture like nuns at your school. Yes, there were. 776 00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,759 Speaker 1: There used to be a convent. All that I will 777 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,200 Speaker 1: say exactly anyway, So going back, like, okay, so we 778 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:33,000 Speaker 1: were talking about humilities praise, right, I just imagined escaping 779 00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:41,200 Speaker 1: the convent, like that's literally down, that's a flat. That's 780 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:47,920 Speaker 1: so funny. Oh my god, right I did escape the convent. Um. Okay, 781 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:53,120 Speaker 1: So humility is praised right the meek um? But why 782 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,000 Speaker 1: why is humility so good? Right? Why is it got 783 00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:59,720 Speaker 1: like close to godliness or whatever? And vanity is like sinful, 784 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,879 Speaker 1: closer to the devil, Like what's the deal? You know? 785 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,399 Speaker 1: I don't understand. Also, because then I think about cathedrals 786 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,359 Speaker 1: and the insides of Catholic churches and how they're full 787 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,319 Speaker 1: of gold and all kinds of them so good. I'm like, 788 00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,040 Speaker 1: didn't you all like colonize the America's and take all 789 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:17,399 Speaker 1: our gold. That's right in your church? Who's vain? Right? 790 00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:27,640 Speaker 1: Who's the vein one? Right? Anyways? So all that all 791 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:31,600 Speaker 1: that to say, if you're listening, fuck humility, fucking humble, 792 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,440 Speaker 1: Go be vain. Go where your red lipstick? But the 793 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:38,239 Speaker 1: thing is it actually vain? That's the thing. Are you 794 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,279 Speaker 1: actually being vain for looking in the mirror wearing your 795 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:45,319 Speaker 1: red lipstick? What even is vanity? What? What does it mean? Nition? Well, 796 00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:51,959 Speaker 1: what does it mean? Dictionary dot com? What is vanity? Yeah? 797 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,480 Speaker 1: I really don't have to vanity in an actual vanity? 798 00:44:55,360 --> 00:45:01,759 Speaker 1: Love it? I love a nice vanity. Okay? Vanity excessive 799 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:05,959 Speaker 1: pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements. 800 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,200 Speaker 1: How can you have excessive pride or admiration? How can 801 00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,799 Speaker 1: you excessively admire something? Wait? But look at what the 802 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:18,279 Speaker 1: synonyms are conceit self, conceit, narcissism, self love, self admiration, 803 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:23,680 Speaker 1: self regard, self absorption. So it's a it's interesting because 804 00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:28,000 Speaker 1: it's it could it's so positive and negative at the 805 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,160 Speaker 1: same time. Is it a positive thing or a negative thing? 806 00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:34,800 Speaker 1: Because I hear self love is a synonym for vanity, 807 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,600 Speaker 1: but in relation to our background, our bringings us Catholics. 808 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:45,560 Speaker 1: It's a negative thing, fake news, right, it's negative. So 809 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,520 Speaker 1: we were talking like could vanity be so negative because 810 00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,880 Speaker 1: any adoration that is not to like a higher power, 811 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:56,480 Speaker 1: that's not to God, right, this one entity though, as 812 00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:59,560 Speaker 1: Catholics we pray to and believe in, Like is that 813 00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:03,240 Speaker 1: I vanity is so harmful because then you're not adoring 814 00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:10,239 Speaker 1: this one like omnipotent power, white male, gross, which also 815 00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,239 Speaker 1: doesn't make sense that Jesus would be white. He's brown, 816 00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:16,840 Speaker 1: He's Palestinian. Like, it doesn't make sense, Like this wasn't white. 817 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,480 Speaker 1: I do not get Okay, he wasn't a fucking Viking, 818 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 1: wasn't sucking Nordic like he was Palestinian here, like hello, 819 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:29,240 Speaker 1: geographically he's brown anyway, this was a man of color 820 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:35,479 Speaker 1: he was, and he was radical and he was radical anyway. 821 00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,840 Speaker 1: I don't know. I think this is just another example 822 00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,880 Speaker 1: of like just being surveiled. I mean, and if you 823 00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,040 Speaker 1: think of like all the atrocities that the Catholic Church 824 00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:50,600 Speaker 1: has committed, both like historically like through the America through colonizing, colonization, 825 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:55,080 Speaker 1: but also even now with like the countless cover up 826 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:59,319 Speaker 1: and protection of pedophiles up until the current moment on 827 00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:03,080 Speaker 1: liter really literally it's a mess. It's a mess. I 828 00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:05,719 Speaker 1: told my mom. I was like, Mom, honestly, I like, 829 00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,200 Speaker 1: all due respect, please don't even invite me, like to 830 00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,520 Speaker 1: go to church, because I'm gonna. I'm not comfortable going. 831 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,080 Speaker 1: I don't want to go. I don't even want to 832 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,759 Speaker 1: step into the building. It creeps me out. It gives 833 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,560 Speaker 1: me the fucking heb gbs, like all of it, the 834 00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:23,120 Speaker 1: abuse stuff, just it's too much. It's overwhelming. And and 835 00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:26,800 Speaker 1: I think about the fact that someone like literally Cardinal 836 00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:32,560 Speaker 1: Mahoney still works at a local l a church in 837 00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:36,879 Speaker 1: Hollywood and gives mass. Cardinal Mahoney, Cardinal Mahoney, who if 838 00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,480 Speaker 1: you're if you are not familiar, was one of like 839 00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:44,880 Speaker 1: when when the sexual abuse cases in California churches and 840 00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:48,080 Speaker 1: in the Los Angeles Archdiocese was really like blowing up 841 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,840 Speaker 1: and being looked at. Cardal Mahoney was one of the 842 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:57,560 Speaker 1: key players in knowingly just shuffling around pedophile priests from um, 843 00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:01,880 Speaker 1: you know, church to church with full knowledge right of 844 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:06,000 Speaker 1: what was going on. And he's still giving services over 845 00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:10,160 Speaker 1: here in the archdiocese. So I see that, and I 846 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:15,920 Speaker 1: see I see no attempts really truly for justice or 847 00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:19,000 Speaker 1: to reconcile what has happened. So I want no parts. 848 00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,520 Speaker 1: I'm not down. I would rather wear red lipstick and 849 00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,800 Speaker 1: go be a fucking hoe like you know what I 850 00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,719 Speaker 1: don't you know what our churches, Our churches brunch okay, 851 00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:28,920 Speaker 1: that is that is where were congregate and that is 852 00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:33,320 Speaker 1: where we like, you know, the dance floor, Goddess Goddess 853 00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,480 Speaker 1: worship is ourselves and our friends. And that's that's where 854 00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:38,880 Speaker 1: we're going to church, you know, that's where the knowledge 855 00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:42,200 Speaker 1: is being spread. That's where the gospel is spoken at 856 00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:45,640 Speaker 1: branch with their homegirls, with their friends. So they're a 857 00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:52,200 Speaker 1: poetry reading with party with DJ Sizzle. That's where we 858 00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:58,919 Speaker 1: find God, yes, Goddess Goddess in ourselves and ourselves. Um, 859 00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,400 Speaker 1: God is blessed, God bless Oh. This reminds me. I 860 00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:06,560 Speaker 1: saw Sancha perform at Viviana's which is a former cathedral, 861 00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:11,759 Speaker 1: and Sancha puts on a very queer, very firm, very 862 00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:15,319 Speaker 1: vain show and it was beautiful. I mean, it was 863 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:17,600 Speaker 1: part of the Red Bull Music Academy and they invited 864 00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:19,560 Speaker 1: us out, So thank you Red Bull for having us 865 00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:24,000 Speaker 1: Bull Sancha was amazing, incredible, so beautiful, her mixture of 866 00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:29,600 Speaker 1: theater and music. Um, the aesthetics, the outfits, the makeup. 867 00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,680 Speaker 1: She looked gorgeous. Like the entire production was amazing. And 868 00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:34,880 Speaker 1: it was in a former cathedral. Right and here's this 869 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:39,000 Speaker 1: very weird like Chica next show. It was wonderful. Um, 870 00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:42,080 Speaker 1: so shout out Sancha. One time when I was in 871 00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,520 Speaker 1: the house, I have family in San Antonio, I went 872 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,920 Speaker 1: to a bar that was a convent. It was a 873 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:52,399 Speaker 1: convent turned into a bar. It was felt very sacrilegious. 874 00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:58,200 Speaker 1: I loved it. Yes, it sounds great. Um. Anyway, I 875 00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:00,440 Speaker 1: think that that is all I would say, Like biggest 876 00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:06,160 Speaker 1: takeaway is like love yourself, yourself, Goddess worship is everything 877 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:10,920 Speaker 1: it is, um. You know, Cardinal rule is you know, 878 00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:14,000 Speaker 1: love yourself, cardinal rule. God is blessed, like find God 879 00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:18,720 Speaker 1: in yourself and that's that on that Yes, so remember 880 00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:22,840 Speaker 1: where to follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, You know 881 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:27,400 Speaker 1: what to do like comment, engage everything you know. We 882 00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:34,360 Speaker 1: love um sharing space with y'all and we will also 883 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:38,200 Speaker 1: be at you see I On March nine, we are 884 00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:43,240 Speaker 1: giving a keynote at their sitcom, yes, which is they're 885 00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:46,200 Speaker 1: basically social media conference, so that we're gonna be talking 886 00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:48,480 Speaker 1: about social media from a lot of different perspectives, and 887 00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:52,279 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about podcasting, social media, fem tech, um. 888 00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,319 Speaker 1: So we're going to post these dates and all those 889 00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:58,759 Speaker 1: information fires and all that on the gray. So yeah, 890 00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,280 Speaker 1: come on out, keep up with us on social media. 891 00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,120 Speaker 1: We will catch you next time. Look, amore is befit 892 00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:09,800 Speaker 1: us mhm.