WEBVTT - 3 Crucial Methods to Increase Work Productivity & How to Unlock Individual Success Through Collaboration 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.640 Safety is the foundation of everything, and people think that 0:00:02.720 --> 0:00:06.320 safety is about like swaddling people in cotton and making 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:13.280 them feel comfortable, when actually it's all about voice. 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:18.200 Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:21.239 adding a really special offering onto the back of my 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:24.760 solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:27.840 series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:31.800 outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful. 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:32.360 Stress free life. 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:34.960 We dive into a range of topics and the best 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.559 part is each episode is only seven minutes long, so 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.279 you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter how 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:44.680 busy you are. As a dedicated part of the on 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:48.120 Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for you 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.320 this year, so I'll be playing a hand picked Daily 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:54.840 Jay during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, we're 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:57.960 discussing your relationship with work and how to be more present, 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:01.600 productive and purposeful. Of course, if you want to listen 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:04.800 to The Daily Jay every day, you can subscribe to Calm, 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.080 So go to Calm dot com forward slash j for 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:11.800 forty percent off your membership today. Welcome back to On Purpose, 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:13.280 the number one health podcast. 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:15.040 In the world where we dive. 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:20.200 Into your physical, mental, emotional, financial health, and I know 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:22.520 that wellbeing is a big priority for all of you, 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:25.800 and the wellbeing of the people you work with, the 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:29.120 wellbeing of the people that work for you, if you 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.720 have a team or a company, or you're an entrepreneur, 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:35.600 or even your family that you work together with. Culture 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:38.800 is at the heart of that and how we think 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:42.000 about the people that we interact with daily, how we 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.080 understand how to give them feedback, how to connect with them, 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:48.320 how to communicate with them more effectively. I mean, if 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.120 the quality of our life, which we know from Harvard's 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:54.120 seventy five year study that the quality of our life 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:58.200 is based on the quality of our relationships, then finding 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:01.960 great culture in our relations is such a key need. 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:06.640 I was exposed to the fascinating cultures of monk's lives 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.480 when I lived as a monk for three years, and 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:11.040 I gained so much from that culture that I adopted 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.359 and I brought into my work. But recently I came 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:17.080 across a book, and I'm always on the lookout for 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:20.000 that next book that's going to shift my perspective, change 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:20.560 my mind. 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.080 And I'm a voracious reader. I read a ton. 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:26.760 I'm always picking up new books at the airport at bookstores. 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:28.400 My friends are like Jay, like when do you get 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:30.560 all the time. I'm like, trust me, I just need 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:33.480 to dive in and learn what I can and take 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:37.079 what I can. And this book, I cannot speak more 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:41.480 highly of it because it has been so clarifying, it 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:47.200 has been so beautifully simplifying of what it means to 0:02:47.440 --> 0:02:53.400 build culture, build teams, communicate effectively, give feedback effectively. And 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:57.760 so today's guest is the author of my current favorite book, 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:00.800 which is called The Culture Code. He's the New York 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.239 Times best selling author and this book was named best 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:07.440 business Book of the Year by Bloomberg, Book Pal and 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:12.160 Business Insider. His other books include The Talent Code, which 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:13.880 I haven't read yet, which I'm very excited to read, 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:18.960 The Little Book of Talent, The Secret Race, Lance Armstrong's War, 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:22.639 and Hardball, A Season in the Projects. He has served 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:26.600 as an advisor to many high performing organizations, including the 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:31.240 Navy Seals, Microsoft, Google, and the Cleveland Guardians. His new 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:35.880 book is called The Culture Playbook, sixty highly Effective Actions 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:39.800 to help your group succeed. It's the ultimate handbook for 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:43.840 fostering and cultivating as streams strong culture and we're going 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:47.800 to be using that book. Welcome to the show, Daniel Coyle. Daniel, 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:49.200 thank you so much for doing this. 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.200 Thanks for having me Jay. It's really fun to be 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:51.560 with you. 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:55.200 Yeah, and I really appreciated it. I know I was 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:57.680 talking about you everywhere. Literally, was talking about you on 0:03:57.720 --> 0:04:00.360 my YouTube channel, I was talking about you on my Instagram. 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:02.520 And so when your team reached down they said, Hey, 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:04.240 does Jay want to speak to Daniel, I was like, 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:05.960 I mean, I don't think there's anyone I want to 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.040 speak to more right now. So today is basically my 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:13.320 opportunity to for free, which you usually get paid a 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.520 lot for, for free, ask you questions about your expertise 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:20.120 that I can apply inside my company and organization with 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:23.480 my team members. And if you're in the audience right 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:25.360 now and you're like, Jay, I don't have a company, 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:27.640 I'm not an entrepreneur. I'm you know, I don't own 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:30.320 my own business. Everything that we talk about will be 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:34.159 applicable to you, whether it's within your organization, within your company. 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:36.800 It even applies, in my opinion, to your family. It 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:38.960 genuinely applies to your friends and the people that you 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:41.880 connect with. So what I'm learning from Daniel in his 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.680 book is not just the culture code for businesses, but 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:46.839 it's a culture code for life. And I want you 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:48.720 to see it that way as well. So would you 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:49.480 would you agree with that? 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:49.880 Daniel? 0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:52.240 I wanted to ask you that question off straight off 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:54.719 the bat, like I've been using your advice in my 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:56.880 personal life as much as my professional life. 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:59.000 I appreciate that. No, I have too, And actually writing 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:00.240 the book was not any different. 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:00.479 You know. 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:02.640 We go into it with these ideas about what culture 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:06.440 is and how culture is built. Normally think culture is 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:08.560 sort of like the personality of a group, like it's 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:10.960 just sort of who they are, Like Disney is Disney, 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:13.680 and your culture of your group as you. And when 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:16.200 you sort of look beneath that, what you find is 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:18.320 that it's much more like a sport, it's much more 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:20.680 like a skill. It's much more like these these sort 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:23.480 of certain actions. It's not about who you are, it's 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.400 about what you do. It's about your behaviors. And there's 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:29.640 this like language of behaviors that helps people connect, that 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.360 helps people open up, that helps people figure out where 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:34.600 they want to go together. And it does feel kind 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:36.240 of like a discovery. I have to say, I still 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:38.800 feel like I'm like, I'm discovering new things about this 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:41.000 even after having written about it for so long ago. 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:41.680 I love that. 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:44.920 Let's let's define culture for anyone who's listening. And like 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.679 you said, like today we think of culture like music 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:51.720 or fashion, and we think of culturally relevant things, but 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:54.120 we also think about culture as you do talk about 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.760 as within a team, within a company, within a family, 0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:00.280 within an organization. What are the key ten and that's 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:04.760 that define a culture? And please define culture for us 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:05.520 as well as that. 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:07.480 It's so interesting you feel a culture when you walk 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.440 into a space with people, right, you walk into a 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:11.960 locker room, you walk into a kitchen of a restaurant, 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:13.960 you walk into a school, and you can feel it. 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:16.640 What are you feeling there? What is that made of? 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.359 I would define culture as a set of living relationships 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:22.920 moving toward a goal together. And the visual I want 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.640 you to picture is almost like a flock of birds 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:29.120 moving through the sky like they're connected. They're connected, they're 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:32.800 going around obstacles and they're moving somewhere together. And for 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:35.800 that to happen, there have to be these three behaviors happening. 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:38.720 There has to be behavior of connection, Like we're in right, 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:41.400 We're not spinning off and taking off. We're staying together. 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:44.480 We're sharing information so we can be kind of aware 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:46.720 of each other, and we're open and transparent about that. 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:49.680 And we're also know where we're headed. We like have 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:52.200 something in the windshield that says, this is where we're headed, 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:55.120 this is where we're not headed. So culture is not 0:06:55.440 --> 0:06:57.960 like this sort of just this vibe. We always talk 0:06:58.000 --> 0:07:01.479 about chemistry and magic of groups, right, it feels like 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:03.760 magic when we have it. Like if you were to 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:07.039 write now, think about the best most cohesive group you've 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:09.080 ever been a part of, Like you could close your 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:11.120 eyes and you would get a feeling like that what 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:13.360 it feels like to be with them and it Those 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:16.720 are like the peak experiences in life. But when you 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:20.120 x ray those, there are these behaviors underneath them. Right, 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:23.240 what we feel is that buzz and that champagne bubble 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:26.560 feeling of being with people we like to solve problems with, 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:29.800 we like to work with, and that energy and selflessness 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:32.280 you have in a group. But those champagne bubbles are 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:36.000 caused by a thing. There's a thing underneath there, and 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:39.960 that's safety sharing vulnerability and a sense of purpose, and 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:42.800 those behaviors that build that thing are what's fun to 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.480 tap into because then you sort of realize, hey, I 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:47.960 don't have to just like wait and hope for chemistry 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:50.600 to happen. I don't have to just sort of hope 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.000 that this new team gets along and we do well 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:55.080 on our project. I don't just have to hope that 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:57.920 when my kids come home from college for Christmas we 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:00.680 have a great time together. There's actually a they're there. 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:03.760 There's like moves you can make, things you can say 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:07.240 and do, and behaviors you can create, and spaces you 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:11.400 can create that help that happen. So it's a feeling 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:13.200 that you end up getting a feeling of like a 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:17.080 little more control over the most magical, mysterious part of life, 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:21.400 which is those relationships. Like that study said, like it's 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:24.480 all life is all about relationships. It's all about having 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:27.600 those peak moments, and if you can tap in to 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:31.360 the levers and tools that are causing those to happen, 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:32.720 it's it's a really good feeling. 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:34.319 Yeah, let's talk about that a bit. 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.959 I think one of the biggest challenges inside a company, 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:41.720 a family, a group, a team, especially in the beginning 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:45.400 is that everyone comes with their own intentions and their 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:46.480 own goals. 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:47.240 Right. 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:49.280 So someone may be turning up to this job just 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:51.240 to pay their bills. That's all they want. They want 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:54.360 nothing else to do with anyone or anything else. Another 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:56.400 person's coming in because they're saying, well, this is a 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:58.120 long term career for me. I want to make a 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:00.520 name for myself. I want to grow, I want to advance, 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:04.160 and I want to get some goals at this company. 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:09.439 Another person comes in and they go, well, you know what, I'm. 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:15.160 Here because I actually want to learn so that I 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:17.080 can extract what I know and then go do my 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:17.520 own thing. 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:18.320 Right. 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:21.359 So you have all of these different emotions, different intentions, 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:24.599 different psychologies in a group. I guess my question is 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:28.920 how do you then start forming culture when everyone's coming 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:30.280 for something completely different. 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:33.199 Safety is the foundation of everything, and people think that 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.880 safety is about like swaddling people in cotton and making 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:40.440 them feel comfortable, when actually it's all about voice. So 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:42.400 if your group were to walk in, this group of 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:45.520 diverse people that you're talking about, who have diverse purposes 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:47.960 in their mind, diverse goals, the first thing you would 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:50.640 get them to do is to say tell me about that, like, 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.720 what do you want to do about this? A beautiful 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.360 design company and ideo that you've probably heard of that 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:59.280 has this series of meetings before every team project. They're 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:01.600 called flight meeting, and they say, hey, this is like 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:03.559 taking a trip. We're gonna have a pre flight meeting, 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.280 we're gonna have a mid flight meeting, we're gonna have 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:08.000 a post flight meeting. And it's a little calisthenic they do. 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.640 The meetings don't take long, but that's what they do 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:12.320 with that first meeting, like what are you in for? 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.240 What's gonna give you joy out of this? What do 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:17.079 you want to learn the most? And you create awareness 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.920 to go back to that flock of birds, like you'll 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:21.800 bump into each other if you don't know where you're 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:24.200 at and if you don't know where you're headed. And 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:26.600 the other big thing that happens in those first meetings 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:30.200 is defining that north star, like what are we really 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.920 all about? Let's come to some consensus. You might be 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:35.920 into the learning, you might be into the status, you 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:39.440 might be into sort of the exploration and the joy. 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:42.240 Let's find some language around and let's find some way 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:45.080 to define what that is. And let's keep defining that 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:47.600 a lot of groups come together and they just sort 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:50.000 of automatically say, well, our job together is to do 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.439 a good job, right, Our job together is to succeed, 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:56.240 whatever that means. But actually pausing, and this is where 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.480 I think our work kind of or overlaps in an 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.840 interesting way. I think a lot of you always talk 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:05.480 about is awareness creating awareness and these moments, and it 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:07.600 doesn't happen by accident. It happens when you take an 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:11.599 intentional pause. I think what this culture playbook and this 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:14.800 cultural skill set in general is really about getting great 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:18.000 at pausing as a group. Like, there's all this skill 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:20.520 set to pauses an individual. We talk about mindfulness, we 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:23.440 talk about all of these habits and rituals and mental 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:27.200 calisthenics that give us clarity. Groups are no different. They're 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:30.840 also an entity that needs to navigate and connect and 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:34.120 figure out what's important and what's not important. And so 0:11:34.200 --> 0:11:37.400 that pause where you say, Okay, what are you most into, 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:40.160 what are you least into? Why are you here? Where 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:42.880 are we headed? If we can just get some really 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:46.680 simple language around that, that is the first step toward 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:49.800 making us cohere and start to move together. 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:55.200 What are people's biggest fears when they're starting a new job, 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.280 and then as they progress in the workplace, what are 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:01.319 their greatest fears? Have you seen patent reset studies that 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:06.000 show that this is what people struggle with inside organizations 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:06.839 the most. 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.719 It's pretty contextual. It would depend on the specific one, 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:13.400 but I think one very common one is reputational risk status. 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:16.000 You know, I can't afford to look dumb. I can't 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:20.880 afford to display weakness, which is why in all good cultures. 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:23.800 It's funny. I really found this out when I went 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:26.040 and visited a Navy seal. His name is Dave Cooper, 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:30.280 and Dave, he's a pretty normal looking guy. He's not 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:33.600 the best shot, he's not the best swimmer, he can't 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:36.280 bench press the most. He's the great at creating high 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:38.920 trust teams. That's what he's really great at. And he 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.040 actually trained the seal Team six that got bin laden. 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:44.920 And while we're at breakfast, he says these words. He says, 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:48.240 you know, the foremost important words a leader can say, 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:54.199 I screwed that up. Just really intriguing. Right, like Navy seals, 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:57.480 you should be pretty confident. You should be pretty bulletproof 0:12:57.640 --> 0:13:00.960 metaphorically and literally, and yet here he is talking about 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:04.839 this profound fallibility, and I think what that sheds a 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:08.720 light on is how important sharing vulnerability is, especially if 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:12.040 you're in a position of power, because that gives everyone, 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:16.040 especially people new to the organization, a clear sense that, hey, 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:18.599 this is good to talk about this. We're here to 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:20.559 get better together. We're here to give each other, make 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:23.959 each other better and share that feedback and be fallible 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:27.559 and be weak. So it's really important to make that 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.720 to make that have that moment happen early on. You know, 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.960 in groups forms, there's like three critical moments when every 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:37.120 group forms. Moment one like the first five minutes you're together, 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.640 it's a big deal, like how are you going to 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:41.800 get along? Is it safe? Do people care? Does everyone 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:47.040 have a voice? Second one is the first disagreement. We're 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:49.520 going to disagree at some point, right, We're going to disagree, 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:52.240 and the norms we form around that disagreement are we 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:56.000 disagreeing along task conflict, which is we're going to have 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:57.680 our ideas, are going to fight and that's a good 0:13:57.679 --> 0:14:00.440 sort of fight? Or is this personal right? And the 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:03.160 third one is the first moment of learning what's going 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:05.000 to happen? Are we going to really stop and point 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:06.800 out the fact we just got a little better. This 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:08.680 is really cool. I'm really glad you gave me that 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.880 feedback to make me better. So those critical moments, and 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.360 I think in successful groups they're really good at managing 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:19.040 those critical moments, spotlighting them and normalizing them. So it's 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:22.040 normal to be safe, it's normal to disagree. Thank you 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:24.400 for disagreeing with me. Let's have our ideas fight it out, 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:27.360 and it's great to learn you just made me better. 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:30.400 Thank you. And if you get those moments right, you're 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:34.440 investing in in the future success of the group in 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.600 a huge way. And yet our temptation is often to 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:41.440 like walk past those moments. Right, We're terrible at pausing. 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:44.120 Most teams are really good at do do do do 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:47.400 do action action action action. Action in the world gives 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:49.880 you a lot to do, Like we've never lived on 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:54.120 a planet or in an ecosystem that gives you more 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:58.520 information and more to do. And so the teams that 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:02.200 have got this strength, the strength of pausing, do you 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:05.760 think it great at stopping and saying what just happened? Here? 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:09.680 Are we still connected? How can we connect better? That 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:10.680 That's where the real. 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:14.240 Power is yeah, absolutely, I'm implementing something new my team 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:16.560 right now that I've become a big fan of, and 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:20.160 we call it teach me how to treat you. So 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:23.600 it's people actually saying that, Hey, here's how I would 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:25.160 love to be treated when. 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.120 I'm coming in in a bad mood. 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:30.960 Here's how i'd love to be treated when I have 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:33.360 a bad idea. Here's how i'd love to be treated 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:35.800 when I have a good idea. Here's how i'd love 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:39.160 your response to be if we're working virtually. So someone 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:42.480 may say I don't like lots of messages virtually. I 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:45.800 prefer a phone call right than an instant message, or 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:49.680 I prefer i'm if I am feeling down, I prefer 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:51.720 you don't ask me about it and we just continue 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:54.360 as business as usual because that's easier for me. And 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.480 what I like about this is that it actually places 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:01.600 responsibility on us as individuals to have to explain to 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:05.080 others how we work and that first of all, if 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:07.240 you don't know that, you get an opportunity to figure 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:09.480 that out. Second of all, now you're not coming into 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.680 the workplace worrying why everyone's acting a certain way, because 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:15.280 you've actually asked them to be that way, and so 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.320 now you're free of that pressure of expectation of everyone 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.080 tiptoeing around you or not not knowing or worrying what 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:25.240 to do. So it's I'd love to share that with 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:26.520 you and go do you like that? 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:27.200 Do you not like that? 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.440 What part of it works? What doesn't work? How can 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:30.160 we improve that? 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.000 You must have gotten my memo on how to treat 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:34.160 me because I love that idea. I think that's it. 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:37.400 That's a really, really good idea, and you're not the 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.280 only one to do it. That's one of the fascinating 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:41.320 things about this moment. We're living in a lot of 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:44.280 change in the landscape, a lot of change, and one 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.960 of the biggest that's causing all these experiments. And so 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:50.760 what you're describing I've heard described as user's guide. You know, 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:54.120 there's manual to me. I mean, we can a quick 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:56.600 start guide with our television sets, like why don't we 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:58.600 get it? With our people that we work with, it's 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:02.240 the exact same thing, and it's very powerful because it 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:06.000 creates two moments of reflection. As you just described. First moment, 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:09.040 You've got to figure out I'm at my best when 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:11.679 I'm at my worst, when what I need from you is, 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:14.040 what I don't need from you is and then that 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:17.800 person gets an opportunity to see that and reflect. And so, yeah, 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:20.760 that is exactly the kind of pause. I think it 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:24.520 allows a team to navigate together. And you know, this 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:27.400 landscape is asking us to do groups to do two 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.520 things that are very difficult. Right now, how do you 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:34.159 stay connected and change at the same time? You know, 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:39.399 hybrid work, huge change, social justice questions, big change in questions, 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:42.240 new generations coming into the workplace with a new idea 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:46.400 of the social contract around work, huge change. So how 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:49.600 do you like stay malleable? You know where I'm connected, 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.480 but I'm able to reshape myself almost like that flock 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:55.959 of birds and navigate together. And I love that. I 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:58.000 love that user's manual idea that you have teach me 0:17:58.040 --> 0:17:59.800 how to treat you. That's really really good. 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:00.400 Yeah. 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:02.399 No, And I love hearing the other language for the 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:04.920 user manual or the user guide. I think that's really 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.600 interesting as well. And I could agree with you more. 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:10.679 I think I love the idea of the pause that 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:13.920 you're saying and filling that pause effectively. And I think 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:16.800 one of the biggest things when I pause or I 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:19.359 encourage people to pause or I hear from them. I 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:21.000 know that a lot of people will be listening right 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:27.480 now and say, Jay Daniel, my workplace is a toxic environment, right, 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:32.240 it's a negative environment. I struggle with being there sometimes 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.080 I don't look forward to going to work, or if 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:38.280 we're working virtually, I am drained by it, not just 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.080 by the tech of it, but the actual interactions. What 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:44.879 does someone in that scenario, how did they have to 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.840 How can they think or rethink what they're doing or 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:50.479 how they can function in that space? 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:53.920 Don't think, just run. If it's that toxic, get out. 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.400 That would be number one. Number two is a saying 0:18:57.600 --> 0:19:00.200 that I've come to really appreciate, which is that sure 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:04.000 is the fifteen feet around you, and there's a circle 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:05.840 of control. And there's a lot of things about our 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:07.480 life that we cannot control. There's a lot of things 0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:10.159 about our jobs and particularly that we cannot control. But 0:19:10.359 --> 0:19:16.119 having positive, healthy, learning, safe interactions with a small group 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:19.640 is a doable thing. It is an absolutely doable thing. 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.280 And one of the exercises we have in the playbook 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:24.919 is you have a you are the center of a circle, 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:27.760 and then you sort of track your map around you 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:30.320 putting the initials of people you work with, and the 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:33.200 closer they are to you, the more secure and strong 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:35.399 that relationship is. And the idea is to kind of 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:37.680