WEBVTT - Lets Talk About It 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:00.800 I'm Tamika D. 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:03.159 Mallory and the ship Boy my Son in general. 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:05.519 We are your host of Tami. 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:10.520 Tamika and my Son's Information, Truth, motivation and inspiration, name. 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:15.680 New Energy, same o us. What's up my song? 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:21.960 Huh am blessed Black and highly favored. I'm still celebrating Juneteenth. 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:24.720 Shout out to Actively Black, get shirt and so far, 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:26.880 Like you gotta read this back of the shirt because 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:28.480 I need you to see what they say back and 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:30.400 this shp read reading that a loud. 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:38.120 It says made from cotton grown by black farmers. Oh, 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:42.000 made from cotton. This shirt is made from cotton. Oh yeah, 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:44.440 they said they're gonna send me one of those shirts. 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:47.360 So shout out to Actively Black. They we supporting me. 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:49.120 Everything I got on right now is black on this 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:53.279 hat and the Cavil coaches my hat. The sneakers come 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:55.240 from Enzo. Shout out to Enzo. They got some of 0:00:55.280 --> 0:00:57.920 the most comfortable sneakers. So this was on my you 0:00:57.960 --> 0:00:59.720 know black, I'm black and the black and the black. 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:03.720 Some people say that the time period of like the 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:08.520 week of Juneteenth is the Jubilee week or Juneteenth week, 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.000 So you know, black folks, they don't you can't tell 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:15.120 us that something is on one day. It was already 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:19.280 being observed by many people, many black folks, before it 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:23.240 became a federal holiday. And I remember when when Biden 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:27.440 first announced that that Juneteenth would be a federal holiday. 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:29.880 At first, I was kind of like, who asked for this? 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:34.080 Like this is not exactly like what we're looking for 0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:39.880 in terms of, uh, something to address the issues of 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:40.720 Black America. 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:41.520 Uh. 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:45.560 And then I heard folks like Roland Martin and our 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:50.280 sister Monique Presley and others who are like from Texas 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:53.920 and understand the history of the day. And then you 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:57.280 know miss Lee, who's an older woman, you know, elderly woman. 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.440 You know, it's so many different people, and they gave 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:07.840 a historic perspective or historical perspective her words together about 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:11.200 the importance of Juneteenth, and I thought to myself and 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:14.160 then over time I still wasn't one hundred percent convinced. 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:19.880 But then I guess after I realized that you wake 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:22.800 up in the morning on like this recent June teenth, 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:24.119 you wake up in the morning. 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:25.640 And things have to actually be closed. 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:29.720 It is definitely going to force children and others to 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:32.600 say to their parents, what does today mean? You know, 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:34.240 it's going to force people to do a little bit 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:38.880 of Google searching, you know, and also give people the 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.520 opportunity to feel a sense of pride, because I see 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:43.440 that all over the timeline, even. 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:44.160 For people who are working. 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.120 They like I work at the hospital, so I have 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:47.680 to go to work today, but I'm wearing this. 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:48.600 I have a pen. 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:53.640 I saw that Delta gave people a bracelet and you know, 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:55.720 shout out to Delta. And it's exactly what I'm talking 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:57.120 about as it relates to target. 0:02:57.120 --> 0:02:57.880 When people be. 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:00.880 Like, oh, well, you know, so many companies are rolling 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.640 back DEI, wife, just focus on target. Well, guess what, 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:07.560 I also love Delta. I travel Delta. I'm over a 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:11.480 million mile status, you know. You know already Delta is 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:15.240 my airline. And guess what they are sticking to their 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:20.800 DEI strategy and their DEI I don't want to say campaign, 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:25.000 their DEI efforts, right, and so they gave out a red, 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:28.160 black and green bracelet to riders. 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:29.920 That's that's a big deal, you know. 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:33.880 So I now am thinking that the holiday, while it 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:37.119 doesn't take the place of the needs of Black America, 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:40.320 it certainly is something that will require the world to 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:44.080 stop and especially as they roll back our education, the 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:47.760 little piece of slither of black history that was being 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:52.800 taught in schools, you know, and and in other places. 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:56.360 It makes the world have to stand still and address 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:58.880 something that has to do with us, at least now. 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:00.880 And it has a store worry behind it that if 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.280 you go to Google, it's not just a big old 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:07.160 celebratory day. It's really a struggle that our people went 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:09.720 through not even knowing that they were free, and how 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:11.120 they found out and all of that. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:13.400 So I guess it's a it's a good thing. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.080 I mean, we should have time to celebrate some things, right, 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.240 we should. We should be able to like we I think, 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:22.760 and I find myself being a victim of it, right 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:28.800 that I want equity, justice, equality so much that I 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:32.640 don't want the micro anything. Everything is on a macro level. 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:35.080 So we can't even celebrate June team people like Juete 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.640 that ain't freedom anytime we do so, they said that 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.800 ain't freedom. They ain't give you no freedom, And it's like, 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:41.760 I know they didn't give me freedom, But it's a 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:43.919 day that I can reflect that I could study the 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:47.920 history understand how my people gain some level, gained level 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.400 to freedom, that we you know, and understand that and 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.680 be able to celebrate that. And while I'm celebrating, I'm 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:56.400 still fighting on the macro fight, right, So why why 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:59.239 do we get so caught up in this? It's swear. 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:00.600 I don't want to be. I don't want to be 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:04.679 the black man that's overly mad all the time about everything. 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:08.920 And I understand that we could. We have every right 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.520 to be overly mad about everything. We could be so 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:14.960 militant that we don't enjoy nothing that anything in America gives. 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:20.080 That's not completely and totally equity and it's not reparations 0:05:20.120 --> 0:05:21.560 and all that. If it's not all the way that 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:24.919 we could just say fuck everything, we could. We have 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:29.080 every right. But I'm saying, why shouldn't we Why shouldn't 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.280 we just want to enjoy a little bit of something? 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:33.920 Sometimes well, some people will say that we as black 0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:38.320 folks do so much enjoying and celebrate and that sometimes 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:42.680 we lose our sense of focus and purpose for what 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:46.679 is actually you know, what will give us lifelong joy. 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.760 And so you know, I hear that, I see that, 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:55.120 I understand that, you know, as like right now in 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:57.240 this time period where the boots are on the ground 0:05:57.240 --> 0:05:59.760 thing is such a big deal, and everybody's learning to 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:03.240 and it's all over social media. It's kind of calmed 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:04.720 down now. If you know what, you know it. If 0:06:04.760 --> 0:06:07.080 you don't, you have to get it in the backyard. 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:10.560 But at one point it was like, really a big deal. 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:13.280 And at the same time, people are being kidnapped off 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:15.880 our streets by men with masks on their face that 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:19.280 don't even have a warrant. We have wars that are 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:23.160 developing all around us. You know, our rights are being 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:27.880 rolled back, our social security, our medicare, medicaid, all of 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:31.680 that is being impacted. You've got one body of the 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:36.240 federal government voting for any and every damn thing that 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:40.080 crazy stuff like deporting American citizens. Like it's so much 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:43.240 stuff happening, and meanwhile we out here talking about I 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:46.039 put my boots on the ground, you know, and I 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.080 get it. We need a moment to be able to decompress. 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:53.200 People don't want to live in depression and shock and 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.320 horror and trauma every second of the day. 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:57.360 However, there are a lot of. 0:06:57.320 --> 0:07:00.360 People who are among the boots on the ground community 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:03.080 that don't want to pay attention to it at all. 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:06.159 And that's where I think things get to be a little. 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.000 But theo is if they don't want to pay attention 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:11.520 to it at all, they're not gonna right. So you 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:17.480 trying to impose your ideology or your your understanding about 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:19.840 where we should be on somebody who doesn't care as 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:21.239 much as you do. It's not changing. 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:22.360 They don't care. 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:23.920 Mostly I don't care. 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:27.160 Some people just can't handle it in their minds and. 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:29.040 It's not there. It's not it's not that it's not 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:31.880 their fight. It's not the way that they fight. Right. 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:34.040 Everybody like when they say boots on the ground, like 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:37.240 we literally boots on the ground. So for pretty much 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:39.640 the last five to six years, all we've been doing 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:42.880 is fighting. Like sometimes you want to dance to boots 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:45.520 on the ground, just have it and not think boots 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:46.720 on the ground means I need to be on the 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.960 front line. Somebody might die and we gotta like sometimes 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:52.920 you just want to, like you said, decompress. And I 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:57.200 think we steal that from people when when we talk 0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:00.880 about Juneteenth and holidays a certain thing and first thing 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.840 you said, well, it ain't reparations. They ain't really did 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:04.880 nothing for you, Like we we we don't even get 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:07.640 to celebrate any little thing, any black person. Oh, that's 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.440 just a black face in the hot space. It don't 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:12.200 mean like nothing means nothing to some of these people. 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:16.240 If we if we haven't had complete control of something, 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:18.440 if America has to say listen, we're gonna give you 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:23.160 half of America, then nobody black should be celebrated anything. 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:26.560 If they put a black person that educated and went 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.840 up through the ranks and did all the shit, that's 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:32.120 just another blackface in hot space. It don't mean shit 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:32.480 to us. 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:37.440 And it's just like I think, I personally think that 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:42.640 you are also making it like you're you're you're Your 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:45.480 definition of how people feel is. 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:47.119 A little, a little extreme. 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:47.920 It's not to me. 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:49.280 I don't think people don't. 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:51.760 Okay, I'm asking you this now. 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:55.880 People on your Instagram cannot those are not even those. 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:58.360 But I'm saying there are millions of people. There are 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:01.480 so many people that when you talk about any black 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.840 person who has done something, they'll tell you they ain't ship. 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:08.280 There's not millions of people, but there are some very 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:10.200 very there's. 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.560 There's a there's there's a very yeah, there's a very 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:16.840 strong dynamic and and you know, gender people that will 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:18.920 say that about every black person. I don't gre for 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.160 what you said, Oh, such sance did Obama. I ain't 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:23.840 never this ship blood, I ain't never dishift black. I 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:27.079 don't care who you say. It just it's like we 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:27.600 just have to. 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:33.720 About about who historians or historical figures like. I don't 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:38.400 think a lot of people. I've heard some people say, oh, 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:40.760 doctor King didn't do this and that, But I think 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:45.080 there is a consensus around, uh, with the majority of 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:49.040 black folks, the majority that doctor King actually is an 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:53.560 important figure I think about. I think about, you know, 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:56.920 even the Black Panthers, there's a there is a majority, 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:01.840 a majority that feel he was in for I think 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:03.280 about Malcolm X. 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:05.600 The majority people say. 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:07.840 What I'm trying to say, is this her and this 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:08.640 is what I want. 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:12.079 You to contribution was significant. But when it comes to women, 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:13.640 it's like, oh, but she wasn't. 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:18.160 It's not just it's not it's not just because they're black. 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.280 Right is when you all of these people that you 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:28.200 talk about, they they were still pretty much in their infantry. 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:32.800 They were thirty something years old, they hadn't been elevated 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:36.319 to anything. They were pretty much just most of them 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:40.800 was still like grassroots they were pretty much grassroots. They 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:42.319 would they this is what I'm trying to tell you. 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:45.120 They elevated to anything. What would be the elevation. 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:48.840 What the elevation is when none of them gained any 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.840 power within the in the system, none of them conquered 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:55.080 the system. They was just still people on the ground fighting. 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:58.360 And once you start getting gaining ground and you moved 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.000 past you're just throwing rocks and you start getting and 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:03.240 they give you a medal for something. Now you no longer, 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:05.480 You're no longer relevant to our people, no. 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:07.800 More to our I don't I think you just got. 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:09.000 To be because I. 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:10.560 Don't think it's to our people. 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:13.120 I think more people, just like we say all the time, 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:16.120 with all the hate that we receive, there are more 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:18.240 people who are with us, who tell us every time 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:20.120 they see us, we with you, we with you. I 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:22.480 don't believe that it is to our people. I think 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:27.120 it is always good to say to some people to faction. 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:29.560 But when you listen to Malcolm, when you listen to 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:31.960 Malcolm X, he didn't feel like that. When you listen 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:34.680 to marcol Luther King, he didn't feel like he felt 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:37.000 like they felt like their people hated them. 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.840 Well, I feel like it's not. I don't think it's 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:40.760 their people. 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.840 I think that what happens with all of us is 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:52.240 that we become so concerned and consumed with the two 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.080 or three people, and that's all of us. We all 0:11:55.160 --> 0:11:58.199 do it the two or three, and then the hundred 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.559 is like we just kind that in a way, take 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:03.719 them for granted. And the reason why I say that 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:07.840 is because I think about something as simple as Instagram comments. 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:12.160 I post something, two hundred people or let's say twenty 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:15.920 people can make a comment and it'll be a one 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:19.960 person who will be like, oh, you think you something 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:22.000 important because you got a little bit of money and 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:25.040 now you turned your back on the community. And I 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.000 will say to that person, like you know why you're 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:31.280 on my page, like just go away or whatever in response, 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:36.880 And meanwhile, the twenty people, nineteen other people, I haven't 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:41.480 even said thank you, appreciate you hearts. 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:42.480 So we just. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:46.080 Become consumed at times with the two or three because 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.840 they sound loud, but they're really not as loud as 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:51.680 the twenty who are really with us. So I think 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.280 that has something to do with it, but it's not, 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.360 And that's not and those two or three people can 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:59.720 be harmful. So I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't care 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.079 about it at all. But I don't think it's true 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:04.559 that the majority of our people don't want to see 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:07.280 us get medals or whatever. But there is a particular 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.600 group that if you do anything, if you do a 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:14.840 black history slash Women's History Month ad for Cadillac that 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:18.160 you didn't even get paid for, they mad. You know 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:22.480 what I mean, That's just the way it is. So anyway, anyway, 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:25.480 I not choose black joy. You know, nothing wrong with that. 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:26.480 I do as well. 0:13:26.600 --> 0:13:29.480 My son graduated yesterday and I'm going to celebrate that. 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:32.880 Shout out to King cam you graduated from junior high school. 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:36.800 Just watch it. Just knowing that he is almost fourteen 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.160 years old. Wow, Like it's crazy to me. Wow, you know, 0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:43.600 just holding him in my arms as a baby and 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.680 just seeing him almost as told as me right now, 0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:49.720 it's just amazing. So shout out to him. I love 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:50.240 you the life. 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:54.680 King, Congratulations. So that brings me to my thought of 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:58.760 the day. And you know what, it's really kind of 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:01.199 in keeping. I know, y'all hear me talk about rats 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:04.600 all the time, so it's kind of like, h get 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:08.480 over it. People probably tired of me bringing up this topic, 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:15.920 but this is very very important and a little different. 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.680 Well for me, okay, let me judge. 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:26.360 So you know, my birthday, Lushawan Thompson, my dear sister, 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:29.280 and I celebrate our birthdays at the same time. 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.480 People are like, why do y'all have so many events? 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:36.400 Well, because it's two people who have different friends, which 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:40.120 we're all kind of one big family now, but still 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:44.360 different friends, different interests, and there's a ten year age difference, 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:47.200 which really is fine because we kind of like the 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:49.880 same music, we kind of like to do the same things, 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:53.600 but there are some differences between the two groups, and 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:57.120 so we merge to do a lot of different fun 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:00.000 activities over X amount of days. 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.560 Now. I don't know about y'all listening out there. 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:06.600 And yes, people think because they see us always going 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:11.200 somewhere and always doing something that we're always like having 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.880 fun or doing fun things. But I can't tell you 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:16.720 the last time. The last time we went to karaoke 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:20.000 all of us was like seven months ago. You know, 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:23.920 it's not a thing. We don't really get out that often. 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:29.320 And so I think during this particular time June eighth 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:31.560 and ninth, my birthday's the eighth her this is the ninth. 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:34.880 I'm forty five now she's fifty five. And so during 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.520 this particular time, for the last four years, we've been 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:40.920 coordinating different activities, parties and stuff where our friends and 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:44.720 family come together and enjoy. And so this year, because 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:48.280 of that five number, we decided to have five days 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:51.840 of fun and we planned everything from a little Harlem 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:54.280 meet and greet, which ended up turning into a whole 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:58.440 party that was crazy at Sylvia's restaurant. The next day 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:03.120 was what was it? It was karaoke, Yeah, it was karaoke. 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:05.800 And then you know, Saturday night I had a party. 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:11.040 Sunday we had a barbecue at her at a Lushan's 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.680 New Dispensary in Belleville, New Jersey. 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:16.120 Shout out to Nevey Verday. 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:19.560 Nevey Verday, please check that out to make sure we 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:24.040 get that right. Nevy Verday is not divertedt No, it's Verday, yeah, 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:29.359 because that means green, right, Okay, So Nevey Verday in Belleville, beautiful, 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:33.840 beautiful dispensary. She's got all the flavors and there was 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.160 a barbecue there and then we went out to Caviar 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:41.720 restaurant in Edgewater, New Jersey, and then on Monday we 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.800 had Oh Lushan had her birthday party at row House 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:47.920 in Harlem, and then we went back to row House 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.360 the next day because SNS is so good and so 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:52.520 we were just out. So it ended up being six 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.400 nights actually, and so in the process of putting all 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:57.760 this together, you know, that's the joy of my life. 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:00.680 Finding a lot of black owned space, or at least 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:03.760 trying to get things in certain parts of the community 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.479 where we can support the local economy. That's you know, 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:11.040 that would be the ideal situation. Similar to when we 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.639 did Bahamas last year. We try to make sure we 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:17.440 pick out the black owned restaurants and experiences, the DJs, 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:18.080 the whomever. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:19.720 So that's you know, a big thing. 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:22.320 So when we were trying to figure out a place 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:25.919 for karaoke, the place that we wanted to go was 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:29.480 like super expensive, you get nothing included, and. 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:30.680 I was like, you know what, I don't want to 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:30.919 do that. 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:34.080 I looked up online and found that in Harlem there 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:36.879 is a place that has karaoke on Friday nights. 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:39.520 So I was like, okay, this is perfect. 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:42.879 So I contact the man and you had to go 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:45.560 over there, and you went over there, you know whatever happened. 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:48.399 We get all the details and we say we're going 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:52.480 to use this small kind of club like lounge setting 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:56.480 to do our karaoke. I get a whole arrangement with 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:59.880 the guy Lushawn, and I are like, this is perfect. 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:04.199 So when arriving at the place, the front door, this 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:06.639 is when I'm going to pay the deposit. 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:09.200 So I get there. 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:13.080 And the front door of this venue is shattered, and 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:15.560 so I pick up the phone and I call the 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:17.640 owner from the front door. 0:18:17.680 --> 0:18:18.919 I haven't even walked inside. 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:21.760 There's a big security guard outside because they're getting ready 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:26.160 for their evening opening for their affair. And so when 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:29.320 I walk up and I see the doors shattered, I 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:32.720 contact the owner immediately to be like, hey, I'm at 0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:36.399 your spot. I'm coming to bring the deposit. But I 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:38.760 notice that the front door is shattered. Are you planning 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:42.600 on getting this fixed? And he says no, He's like, no, 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:44.920 I'm not fixing it. I've had He's like that door 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:48.479 has been like that for five years since COVID, and 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:50.280 he's like, there's nothing wrong with it. 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:51.880 If you touch the door. 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:54.960 You'll see that it's not like shattered to the touch. 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:58.080 The shatter is on the inside of the plexiglass. It's 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.359 basically a bulletproof glass. So he's like, no, it's not 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.320 you know, I'm not planning on doing anything. He said, 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:08.800 I can't afford it. Okay, so cool. So I'm like, okay, 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.639 me the type of person that I am, I would 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:16.480 walk away right now just by the idea that the 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:20.040 front door is not presentable for me to bring a 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:23.720 crowd of people here. But it's in Harlem. I'm like, 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:25.359 you know what, we're not going to make this a 0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:28.040 big deal. People will talk about it for two seconds, 0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:30.560 but once they get inside, it's great karaoke, we have 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.639 food and drinks. It's going to be great. That was 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:37.000 era number one on my part. Right there, I already 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:41.000 made a mistake, so I and okay. So anyway, I 0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:44.439 go inside and there's a woman in there. She's getting 0:19:44.440 --> 0:19:47.159 the bar set up. I give her the money for 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:51.119 the deposit, she takes it. She's now and I'm still 0:19:51.160 --> 0:19:53.440 talking to the owner like, oh well, and I tell him, 0:19:53.560 --> 0:19:56.199 I said, this is not a good representation of your business, 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:57.840 and oh okay, well I'm not fixing it. 0:19:57.960 --> 0:19:58.480 Okay. Cool. 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:01.560 He wasn't nasty, but just still talking back and forth. 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:03.520 So I go and I say, okay, I'm putting the 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:06.760 money and the bars in his hand. She says to me, well, 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:11.119 how much is the No, she said, she said, what 0:20:11.200 --> 0:20:13.480 is your name? What's the date and time? So she's 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:16.920 getting her paper to write the details down, which gives 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:21.160 me time to inspect and look all around. And as 0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:24.800 I turned my face to the side, a rat runs 0:20:24.880 --> 0:20:28.399 this way and then something over here go and I'm like, 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:31.080 oh my god. So I jump up and down a 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:32.919 little bit. I didn't do too much, but I was like, 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:36.119 oh my god. And then it occurs to me. The 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:38.800 owners still on the phone, and it occurs to me, 0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:42.760 get your money back. So I asked the lady. I'm like, 0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:44.919 you know, thank you. So just as quick as the 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:47.080 money went in her hand, let me have it back. 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:49.760 And I say to the owner, sir, you have rats 0:20:49.800 --> 0:20:52.400 in here, and he goes, a rat, oh, and she says, oh, 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:55.720 where is it. No one is upset. No one is 0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:57.840 like oh my god, we're so sorry. No one is 0:20:57.880 --> 0:21:00.960 like that. And then I say, okay, thank you, I'm 0:21:01.000 --> 0:21:03.760 out of here. He goes, Okay, that's it. It's not 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:04.480 a big deal. 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:08.919 It's not nobody is stressed about this rat but me 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:14.880 rat or rats or whatever. So the thing my thought 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:16.800 of the day here. 0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:22.920 Is that the presentation of how you operate and how 0:21:22.960 --> 0:21:28.600 you maintain your business is more than likely an indication 0:21:28.720 --> 0:21:32.200 of what's going on inside. So how people will look 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:35.480 at you and say, well, you know, just because that 0:21:35.520 --> 0:21:39.200 person doesn't dress neat and clean or keep their hair 0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:42.720 neat and clean, or you know whatever, it doesn't mean 0:21:43.119 --> 0:21:47.359 that they're dirty or whatever. But generally, how you look 0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:50.399 on the outside, or how a business especially looks on 0:21:50.440 --> 0:21:52.960 the outside, has a lot to do with what's going 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:55.520 on on the inside. So as soon as I walked 0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:57.680 up and saw that the door. 0:21:57.560 --> 0:22:00.159 Was shattered to this place, it should have been. 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:04.000 An indication to me that the inside of this venue 0:22:04.240 --> 0:22:07.119 is not being kept up. Because he does not even 0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:11.280 have the respect for his business to say, I don't 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:14.320 want it to look crazy now. It happens to be 0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:17.440 in Harlem, and the corner that it's on in Harlem, 0:22:18.040 --> 0:22:19.840 it's a little while over there, like a lot of 0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:23.280 things go on in that area, And so he doesn't 0:22:23.320 --> 0:22:26.520 have respect for the community that he would say I 0:22:26.600 --> 0:22:29.040 need to make sure, my business looks up to you know, 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:31.359 it has a good upkeep or whatever. 0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:32.359 So why would I. 0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:34.879 Ever think that I could go inside it there and 0:22:34.960 --> 0:22:38.880 that his kitchen would be clean, that his glasses and 0:22:39.240 --> 0:22:42.800 you know silverware, the utensils or whatever, the bathrooms or 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:46.960 whatever are being kept to a particular standard. But now 0:22:47.000 --> 0:22:50.200 here's the real kicker. That part is. 0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:52.520 Or you know, in and of it is one thing, 0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:54.800 but this is the other part of my thought of 0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:56.639 the day. I got a two part thought of the 0:22:56.720 --> 0:22:57.320 day today. 0:22:58.960 --> 0:23:01.280 I don't know whether this man is black or not, 0:23:02.400 --> 0:23:05.640 but I thought twice about and I still have decided. 0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:07.280 I'm not gonna say the name of the place, but 0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:09.520 if people know on Friday night's a place in Harlem 0:23:09.640 --> 0:23:11.800 has karaoke, they'll figure it out. 0:23:11.880 --> 0:23:15.160 And it's packed in there, packed okay. 0:23:15.760 --> 0:23:20.800 But what I was thinking was, because he may be black, 0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:24.679 I did not want to put it on my platform 0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:28.200 to where he might lose business. But then I thought 0:23:28.200 --> 0:23:33.560 to myself, if that same business owner had his space 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:38.359 was on one twenty fifth Street or forty second Street 0:23:38.440 --> 0:23:41.639 or ninety sixth Street or some other place, he could 0:23:41.640 --> 0:23:45.080 not keep that door shattered that way, he would not 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:47.879 be able to keep his door that way because the 0:23:47.920 --> 0:23:54.280 community would demand something different from him. So rats get 0:23:54.320 --> 0:23:58.600 into any venue. You could go to the best restaurants 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:01.480 in New York and other city where they have rat issues, 0:24:01.880 --> 0:24:04.800 and especially if things are being kept in the basement, 0:24:05.320 --> 0:24:08.880 you may run into a rat like sometimes they come 0:24:08.920 --> 0:24:12.200 out sometimes, you know, you see it in videos, they 0:24:12.280 --> 0:24:14.280 running around the restaurant. Want of them fell out. The 0:24:14.320 --> 0:24:17.359 events things happen, I'm not saying they don't. But his 0:24:17.920 --> 0:24:22.360 space is ranky, dank, like even when going inside, I'm like, damn, 0:24:22.400 --> 0:24:25.040 I can't believe that I'm having an event in here. 0:24:25.280 --> 0:24:28.400 But I also know that our crowd is not so. 0:24:28.680 --> 0:24:31.439 Bougie that they can't do a good hood night, you 0:24:31.480 --> 0:24:32.920 know what I'm saying, Like, we could do a good 0:24:32.920 --> 0:24:35.640 hood night, but we do not have to subject ourselves 0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:40.320 to rats and vermin and and and doors being shattered. 0:24:40.600 --> 0:24:44.720 And I because I have a tendency to try to 0:24:45.640 --> 0:24:48.000 I don't want to say, shrink myself, but I try 0:24:48.040 --> 0:24:51.760 to check myself because all of y'all say, all, Tamika, 0:24:52.160 --> 0:24:55.560 you always, you know, got a problem with everything. You 0:24:55.600 --> 0:24:58.440 always see everything. Why you always gotta know that this 0:24:58.520 --> 0:25:01.000 and that and the third, just enjoy your let. 0:25:00.880 --> 0:25:03.400 Your hair down. And so I started to have. 0:25:03.320 --> 0:25:06.440 A little bit of a complex about how I want 0:25:06.480 --> 0:25:09.439 things to be at a certain level. And as a 0:25:09.480 --> 0:25:12.119 result of that, I allowed myself to walk in a 0:25:12.160 --> 0:25:14.960 place to force myself to do something that I really 0:25:14.960 --> 0:25:15.640 didn't want to. 0:25:15.560 --> 0:25:18.719 Do off the front door. But I still tried. 0:25:19.119 --> 0:25:22.560 And what I ended up learning it was it reaffirmed 0:25:22.600 --> 0:25:25.040 for me what I know is that if it don't 0:25:25.119 --> 0:25:28.399 look right from the beginning, it ain't no sense in 0:25:28.560 --> 0:25:31.639 going down the road because each time you're gonna end 0:25:31.720 --> 0:25:34.480 up finding out that your first instincts about it was 0:25:34.520 --> 0:25:35.400 the right instinct. 0:25:35.920 --> 0:25:38.600 Well, first of all, I would like to say that 0:25:40.119 --> 0:25:45.359 you definitely are very critical, super critical of things, but 0:25:45.560 --> 0:25:48.800 in this instance, you aren't. You know, when you walked 0:25:48.840 --> 0:25:51.240 in there and the rat was there, the thing was broken. 0:25:51.320 --> 0:25:54.080 Like when you told me somebody what like this, it 0:25:54.119 --> 0:25:56.720 didn't even make sense to me, you know that somebody 0:25:56.760 --> 0:26:01.040 would And the fact that he had no real care, 0:26:01.720 --> 0:26:04.760 like his response was oh, really, okay, all right, don't 0:26:04.760 --> 0:26:07.120 worry about it and just take the money back. Like 0:26:07.119 --> 0:26:09.560 like like you said, if it was in a different 0:26:09.560 --> 0:26:12.320 area within Harlem, he would have cared more because the 0:26:12.320 --> 0:26:15.399 community would have commanded and demanded more from him. And 0:26:15.440 --> 0:26:17.720 I think that's what happens in our community and a 0:26:17.760 --> 0:26:22.200 lot of our establishments, is that the community doesn't require 0:26:22.240 --> 0:26:24.560 that right. You know, the people wherever he's at, it's like, oh, 0:26:24.600 --> 0:26:26.280 it's just a little spot, we're gonna go in there, 0:26:26.320 --> 0:26:28.400 will you know? They might see it rat, they might 0:26:28.440 --> 0:26:28.760 not know. 0:26:29.160 --> 0:26:31.920 I don't think the rat would be okay to most communities. 0:26:32.720 --> 0:26:35.680 They're not paying attention to that, probably because they don't 0:26:35.760 --> 0:26:37.040 go there at the time. 0:26:37.160 --> 0:26:39.680 There's probably no way that nobody's seen the rat in 0:26:39.760 --> 0:26:42.199 there before it had to and if you come on, 0:26:42.240 --> 0:26:44.640 people have seen resident and it ain't stopping people from 0:26:44.640 --> 0:26:44.960 going there. 0:26:45.040 --> 0:26:48.480 But also I think another part of it is that 0:26:48.760 --> 0:26:51.720 you know, when he says he can't afford to change 0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:55.960 the door, that's a lie because everybody said that. Well, 0:26:56.000 --> 0:26:58.360 it's two or three things that he has. He has 0:26:58.400 --> 0:27:03.040 a karaoke knight that's packed, and that particular venue is 0:27:03.240 --> 0:27:07.080 very lgbt q I a friendly and so at times 0:27:07.280 --> 0:27:09.760 there will be parties in there are other moments when 0:27:09.760 --> 0:27:12.840 it's like an entire lgbtqu I a crowd, And I 0:27:12.920 --> 0:27:17.199 know that for that community to find places where they 0:27:17.240 --> 0:27:19.879 feel safe and protected and they can have a good time. 0:27:20.320 --> 0:27:23.600 It's not that many because different different places people make 0:27:23.680 --> 0:27:25.480 you feel a way. You don't like the way the 0:27:25.480 --> 0:27:28.159 staff talks to you, the owners not really. And so 0:27:28.240 --> 0:27:30.840 when you find a place that's like, Okay, this is 0:27:30.960 --> 0:27:34.440 cool there, you know people will go there. So I'm 0:27:34.480 --> 0:27:37.600 saying that that's at least two audiences. 0:27:37.040 --> 0:27:39.320 Right there that I know for you. 0:27:40.520 --> 0:27:43.560 Right, so you could have gotten the doors, but it's 0:27:43.600 --> 0:27:46.480 not and it's not a priority because we as a 0:27:46.600 --> 0:27:49.840 people and the community that he's in, to your point, 0:27:50.080 --> 0:27:54.040 have not commanded demanded that you can't be here and 0:27:54.119 --> 0:27:57.600 operate your business in our neighborhood unless it is up 0:27:57.640 --> 0:28:00.119 to a certain standard. And I you know, it's it's 0:28:00.119 --> 0:28:02.639 funny because, as you know, our homegirl works for the 0:28:02.680 --> 0:28:06.400 City of New York. As you know, our girlfriend Tiffany 0:28:06.440 --> 0:28:09.120 works for the City of New York. She is actually 0:28:09.119 --> 0:28:11.960 a deputy mayor. And so I call her and I'm like, Tiffany, 0:28:12.200 --> 0:28:13.200 let me tell you what happened. 0:28:13.200 --> 0:28:13.919 I'm like, I don't know. 0:28:14.040 --> 0:28:16.240 I don't really want to report the man because it 0:28:16.320 --> 0:28:19.280 might be a black venue. And then you know, if 0:28:19.320 --> 0:28:21.680 I you know, people always like, oh, we got to 0:28:21.720 --> 0:28:25.159 give black people a chance race, right, some grace, And 0:28:25.200 --> 0:28:26.720 so I tell us, I'm like, what you think. 0:28:26.840 --> 0:28:30.080 She's like, let me be clear with you, because, first 0:28:30.119 --> 0:28:34.600 of all, Tiffany does not do discrimination of accountability. Okay. 0:28:35.000 --> 0:28:39.720 She wants everybody to be accountable, and that she with. 0:28:39.760 --> 0:28:42.479 The law and the rules are the rules. Okay. 0:28:42.680 --> 0:28:45.640 So if you go on a white restaurant, white owned 0:28:45.680 --> 0:28:48.840 restaurant or Asian owned restaurant and there's a rat, she 0:28:48.960 --> 0:28:51.600 wants that reported, and she also want the black people 0:28:51.640 --> 0:28:52.080 report it. 0:28:52.120 --> 0:28:55.600 And she sends me anytime I call Tiffany. 0:28:55.240 --> 0:28:57.920 And tell her that anything happened, Tiffany will send me 0:28:58.320 --> 0:29:02.040 three one one. She's like, call three one one and 0:29:02.080 --> 0:29:04.480 report the details. So I set to her in the 0:29:04.560 --> 0:29:07.800 text message, I'm like, I mean on the conversation, I'm like, 0:29:07.840 --> 0:29:09.239 I don't really want I don't know what to do. 0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:12.640 And she said, listen, let me be very clear with you. 0:29:13.200 --> 0:29:17.520 There are restaurants in Harlem, lounges and venues, and she 0:29:17.680 --> 0:29:20.960 knows because they get the inspection report that they don't 0:29:20.960 --> 0:29:23.840 have rats, and even if they get one from the 0:29:23.880 --> 0:29:28.120 front door, they work hard. The inspectors are there the 0:29:28.600 --> 0:29:32.760 extermination people are there. There is a constant effort to 0:29:32.920 --> 0:29:36.240 keep that type of stuff out of their establishments. If 0:29:36.240 --> 0:29:38.880 those people can do it, so can miss the so 0:29:39.040 --> 0:29:40.480 and so on whatever street. 0:29:40.720 --> 0:29:42.120 It is not acceptable. 0:29:42.160 --> 0:29:46.000 And there are people who are maintaining their establishments in 0:29:46.120 --> 0:29:51.520 the same neighborhood. You got pont Bistro. Ponti Bistro is 0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:54.239 right down the street from this place. And guess what 0:29:54.640 --> 0:29:58.320 we know because we know Pebe Brass he has other restaurants. 0:29:58.320 --> 0:30:00.480 The chef from there. He don't play about that. He 0:30:00.520 --> 0:30:02.800 don't play about rats and rodents and all of that. 0:30:03.240 --> 0:30:06.720 So I just felt the way because I realized that, 0:30:07.200 --> 0:30:09.840 you know, on one hand, I'm like, I want to 0:30:09.920 --> 0:30:13.560 be careful and mindful of the struggle of our business 0:30:13.600 --> 0:30:14.920 I still don't even know if the man is black, 0:30:15.000 --> 0:30:17.040 but I want to be careful and mindful of the 0:30:17.080 --> 0:30:20.680 struggle of our businesses. But also, how do we as 0:30:20.680 --> 0:30:24.400 a community ensure that there's a level of accountability. What 0:30:24.520 --> 0:30:30.760 do we do about that at the same standard. 0:30:28.880 --> 0:30:33.400 Of just decency, right, we should we should have we 0:30:33.440 --> 0:30:38.720 should have community based organizations that care enough to provide 0:30:39.480 --> 0:30:42.000 a clean and healthy space for our people. 0:30:42.480 --> 0:30:45.920 And we do have community boards. We do have that, 0:30:45.960 --> 0:30:48.200 and it's like that should be a part of the focus. 0:30:48.240 --> 0:30:51.400 But guess what a lot of times these community boards 0:30:51.640 --> 0:30:57.720 have people on them who are very much so older. Right, well, no, no, 0:30:57.720 --> 0:31:01.120 I'm talk about community boards, like the community. 0:31:00.640 --> 0:31:01.920 Boys that are responsible. 0:31:02.040 --> 0:31:04.880 A lot of them are older people, like so much 0:31:04.920 --> 0:31:09.360 love to my godmother, you're what would you say? She's 0:31:09.400 --> 0:31:11.640 like an auntie to you and to all of us. 0:31:11.720 --> 0:31:14.800 Hazel Duke's she was on every damn community everything you 0:31:14.800 --> 0:31:17.240 could think of. But when she passed away, she was 0:31:17.320 --> 0:31:20.400 ninety two years old. So she's on a community board, 0:31:20.440 --> 0:31:22.400 but she don't go to the local club, so she 0:31:22.440 --> 0:31:25.600 don't have a clue what's going on at the local spot. 0:31:25.760 --> 0:31:28.240 If she didn't know, oh I could you already know, 0:31:28.320 --> 0:31:30.560 Hayes gonna be like this door needs to be changed, 0:31:31.160 --> 0:31:33.360 or were gonna be outside every day and you won't 0:31:33.360 --> 0:31:36.240 even be able to open and operate exactly. But if 0:31:36.240 --> 0:31:40.400 she doesn't know because it's not her area, you know, 0:31:40.480 --> 0:31:43.160 it's not something, it's not someplace that she frequents, then 0:31:43.240 --> 0:31:45.320 how does she and other people because I bet you 0:31:45.360 --> 0:31:48.760 everybody else on the community board is sixty seventy eighty 0:31:48.920 --> 0:31:52.760 ninety years old. We have to take on that responsibility 0:31:53.040 --> 0:31:55.640 at thirty forty, even twenty years old. 0:31:55.840 --> 0:31:59.600 We have to show up for our communities. Sure, so 0:31:59.760 --> 0:32:01.880 you know, because you can't blame the people who are 0:32:01.920 --> 0:32:02.840 on the community board. 0:32:02.840 --> 0:32:05.480 They're gonna make sure the senior centers are good. They're 0:32:05.480 --> 0:32:08.080 gonna make sure the streets are the garbage is being 0:32:08.120 --> 0:32:09.960 picked up. They're gonna make sure that. 0:32:09.840 --> 0:32:11.960 The safety they're concerned. 0:32:11.840 --> 0:32:18.360 Exactly are the safety issues are are are addressed. They're 0:32:18.360 --> 0:32:20.680 gonna make sure that the police deal with the people 0:32:20.720 --> 0:32:22.760 in the community a certain way to the extent they 0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:25.560 can that. You know, they're gonna see to it at 0:32:25.560 --> 0:32:28.080 the grocery store is there, but they don't know to 0:32:28.200 --> 0:32:32.080 go check the front door and the inside cleanliness of 0:32:32.160 --> 0:32:33.040 the local club. 0:32:33.760 --> 0:32:38.480 Well, I hope the local club owned here this and 0:32:38.600 --> 0:32:41.840 realizes that we're talking about you. So we don't have 0:32:41.840 --> 0:32:43.880 to say who you are. Just do better, man, you know, 0:32:43.920 --> 0:32:46.440 we just we wren't. Decency in our community shouldn't be 0:32:46.520 --> 0:32:50.200 rats and shattered windows. We should we should want our 0:32:50.320 --> 0:32:52.760 communities to represent us properly. 0:32:53.200 --> 0:32:55.440 I guess so, I guess that's what we want him 0:32:55.480 --> 0:32:58.040 to do. But I think I think that is true. 0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:03.000 But moreover, I just want to know it's not so 0:33:03.120 --> 0:33:04.960 much for him because I'm sure he won't hear this, 0:33:05.600 --> 0:33:08.000 so you don't sound like that type of person. But 0:33:08.440 --> 0:33:11.680 what so for people who are listening, who I know, 0:33:11.800 --> 0:33:16.000 go to that place and will we demand something different? 0:33:16.920 --> 0:33:17.440 Makes sense? 0:33:18.200 --> 0:33:21.840 There's that all right? Well that was long and drawn out. 0:33:21.920 --> 0:33:24.360 But what I mean but it made sense. You know, 0:33:24.440 --> 0:33:26.960 you had to get the story, had to be told 0:33:27.040 --> 0:33:29.320 that way to get the full synopsis. 0:33:29.400 --> 0:33:31.520 Yeah, I mean I could have just said I went 0:33:31.560 --> 0:33:33.520 to a place in Harlem and this is what happened. 0:33:33.520 --> 0:33:37.440 But if you know, the color around everything is what 0:33:37.600 --> 0:33:38.840 makes it like special. 0:33:38.920 --> 0:33:39.360 That's why. 0:33:39.480 --> 0:33:42.400 Because somebody would say, like, well, what the hell would 0:33:42.440 --> 0:33:45.000 you be going to the place in Harlem on the 0:33:45.080 --> 0:33:48.080 corner of X Street for any way to have a party. 0:33:48.200 --> 0:33:51.160 Wow, it's trying to have at night, you know, so 0:33:51.240 --> 0:33:53.160 it makes sense. Good old hood night, a good old 0:33:53.160 --> 0:33:54.160 hood night. AnyWho. 0:33:55.640 --> 0:33:59.640 That brings me to let's see what's next TMI. Well, 0:34:00.120 --> 0:34:05.880 some people say it's a split decision here, okay, six 0:34:05.960 --> 0:34:08.959 thousand comments on one post. I just happened to see 0:34:08.960 --> 0:34:13.280 this in my two am musings. There's a man who 0:34:13.760 --> 0:34:16.480 has been taking care of a young girl, which is 0:34:16.520 --> 0:34:19.439 his wife's daughter, since she was four months old. Came 0:34:19.480 --> 0:34:24.080 into the daughter's life by way of meeting the mother 0:34:24.360 --> 0:34:26.239 when the child was four months and I think they 0:34:26.280 --> 0:34:27.560 got married once the. 0:34:27.600 --> 0:34:29.040 Child was two years old. 0:34:29.280 --> 0:34:35.439 Okay, Now, when it comes graduation time for this young 0:34:35.520 --> 0:34:37.640 lady to go to college or at least to get 0:34:37.640 --> 0:34:42.120 out of high school, she has a graduation and she 0:34:42.200 --> 0:34:48.240 does not prioritize having her stepfather at the graduation. In fact, 0:34:48.920 --> 0:34:53.680 who ended up being there is the actual biological father 0:34:54.280 --> 0:34:55.240 and some other people. 0:34:55.320 --> 0:34:56.880 Now there were folks, you know. 0:34:57.160 --> 0:34:59.680 I I when I heard that the father, the actual 0:34:59.680 --> 0:35:02.720 bio logical father, was there, I was kind of like, okay, well, 0:35:02.760 --> 0:35:06.160 you know, that makes sense to me. And then they 0:35:06.200 --> 0:35:10.160 said there were eight tickets. Eight tickets is not only 0:35:10.200 --> 0:35:12.200 because it said, oh, the. 0:35:13.719 --> 0:35:16.520 Father wrote a whole post about it. The stepfather wrote 0:35:16.560 --> 0:35:17.480 a post about. 0:35:17.200 --> 0:35:19.759 It, and he said and then I learned there were 0:35:19.880 --> 0:35:22.120 only eight tickets. I'm like, eight tickets is a lot 0:35:22.200 --> 0:35:24.440 of tickets, right, That's a lot of tickets. 0:35:24.560 --> 0:35:26.080 And if you've been taking care of a. 0:35:26.080 --> 0:35:30.280 Child since they were four months old, and particularly married 0:35:30.320 --> 0:35:32.680 to the mother, not like we met, and then I 0:35:32.800 --> 0:35:36.400 just kept the relationship with them while I was no 0:35:36.480 --> 0:35:38.840 longer with the mother. But no, they actually are still 0:35:38.920 --> 0:35:45.040 currently married. That is a significant relationship. But when it 0:35:45.080 --> 0:35:48.440 came time to distribute the tickets, they went to the 0:35:48.520 --> 0:35:55.520 mother's sisters, the girl's boyfriend I think, the grandmother, an uncle. 0:35:55.600 --> 0:35:57.919 And the biological father, and of course the mother. 0:35:58.200 --> 0:36:01.600 So the eight tickets were taken and the stepfather was 0:36:01.719 --> 0:36:04.239 not given a ticket, so he was not allowed to go. 0:36:04.760 --> 0:36:07.440 So he was so upset and heard about it that 0:36:07.560 --> 0:36:10.640 he said, well, now she's grown, I'm taking her off 0:36:10.719 --> 0:36:14.120 my car insurance and my health insurance and whatever other 0:36:14.200 --> 0:36:15.920 things that he did for her. And he said, now 0:36:16.000 --> 0:36:18.919 you know, since I wasn't chosen, now, if she needs 0:36:18.920 --> 0:36:20.800 somewhere to go, she should go stay with her father 0:36:21.239 --> 0:36:24.000 and she doesn't have to be on my insurance benefits. So, 0:36:24.080 --> 0:36:27.520 like I said, six thousand, six hundred comments on one 0:36:27.600 --> 0:36:30.720 post about this, and of course when you read the comments, 0:36:30.760 --> 0:36:34.240 it's very split. I actually saw Jamel Hill who said 0:36:34.719 --> 0:36:39.600 that his feelings are valid, but his actions went too far, 0:36:40.640 --> 0:36:42.200 and it was a lot of people like that. But 0:36:42.239 --> 0:36:45.040 then little Moe was in the comments like trolling, being 0:36:45.080 --> 0:36:48.440 funny as she is, but nonetheless basically saying that she 0:36:48.560 --> 0:36:50.920 agreed that he was supposed to take it to that 0:36:51.000 --> 0:36:54.239 extreme because what they did to him was wrong. And 0:36:54.280 --> 0:36:58.239 then a lot of people blamed it on her mother, right. 0:36:59.080 --> 0:37:01.040 They were like, come, mom was supposed to take care 0:37:01.080 --> 0:37:04.799 of that. It's her fault. You have all these different perspectives, 0:37:05.200 --> 0:37:07.680 and I guess the TMI like who's doing too much 0:37:07.680 --> 0:37:12.600 in this situation? The question for everybody is do people 0:37:12.680 --> 0:37:14.439 not understand where he's coming from? 0:37:14.440 --> 0:37:15.680 And I'll give my opinion. 0:37:16.239 --> 0:37:20.000 I would say that I don't know if I would 0:37:20.040 --> 0:37:22.920 have in that moment said I'm taking you off my 0:37:23.000 --> 0:37:25.880 insurance and all of that, because it is certainly a 0:37:25.920 --> 0:37:29.759 way to show like you're trying to retaliate based upon 0:37:29.840 --> 0:37:31.719 your feelings immediately. 0:37:32.320 --> 0:37:33.839 I do think, though. 0:37:33.840 --> 0:37:37.840 That this young lady is still a child, and later 0:37:37.920 --> 0:37:41.520 on in life she will realize that something should have 0:37:41.640 --> 0:37:46.080 been done about the arrangement here to ensure that her 0:37:46.120 --> 0:37:50.360 stepfather was able to be there, including having her boyfriend 0:37:50.400 --> 0:37:53.400 meet her after the graduation instead of having to be 0:37:53.600 --> 0:37:56.480 there and have that ticket. I don't know the situation 0:37:56.520 --> 0:37:59.319 where all her family members, her grandmothers and aunts, maybe 0:37:59.320 --> 0:38:03.480 they are very close family personally, two aunts, I don't 0:38:03.480 --> 0:38:04.680 feel two aunts. 0:38:04.400 --> 0:38:05.080 Need to be there. 0:38:05.400 --> 0:38:07.799 We need to make a choice as a family that 0:38:07.880 --> 0:38:11.359 one aunt is one aunt is gonna go and or 0:38:12.520 --> 0:38:16.200 the boyfriend is not gonna go, but somebody needs to 0:38:16.760 --> 0:38:21.239 fall back to make space. There's no way that eight 0:38:21.360 --> 0:38:24.520 people should have attended that graduation and not allow a 0:38:24.560 --> 0:38:25.600 man who. 0:38:25.560 --> 0:38:26.160 Has been there. 0:38:26.239 --> 0:38:28.680 He said that it's caused turmoil in his house because 0:38:28.719 --> 0:38:30.880 he took her off his insurance, and I kind of 0:38:30.880 --> 0:38:33.839 feel like they're taking advantage of him, But I do 0:38:34.120 --> 0:38:36.600 I would say that we have to be mindful not 0:38:36.719 --> 0:38:39.239 to react to everything in the moment, because it gives 0:38:39.280 --> 0:38:43.120 the impression that you kinda are dangling money and things 0:38:43.680 --> 0:38:47.279 over her head, although insurance is not just money, that 0:38:47.440 --> 0:38:50.400 is me taking care of you a certain way. And 0:38:50.640 --> 0:38:53.200 I and I and I think this is where I 0:38:53.280 --> 0:38:56.200 differ from some people because it seems that people are 0:38:56.360 --> 0:39:00.279 targeting her biological father being the one who's should have 0:39:00.320 --> 0:39:03.080 been replaced. I don't agree with that. I don't know 0:39:03.160 --> 0:39:05.840 the relationship, but the mere fact that he was there, 0:39:06.400 --> 0:39:09.239 I'm just gonna assume that they have a decent relationship. 0:39:09.239 --> 0:39:12.160 That he may not be able to afford insurance and 0:39:12.239 --> 0:39:15.120 things of that nature. But nonetheless he was there, so 0:39:15.200 --> 0:39:18.120 there must be some relationship. I think both dads should 0:39:18.120 --> 0:39:20.399 have been there, but an aunt needed to step back, 0:39:20.440 --> 0:39:23.200 and the boyfriend absolutely could have met me on right 0:39:23.239 --> 0:39:25.800 outside as soon as I come outside of the graduation. 0:39:26.120 --> 0:39:29.320 It should be based on the relationships. You know, if 0:39:30.200 --> 0:39:34.000 her biological father, although he probably wasn't able to take care, 0:39:34.000 --> 0:39:36.200 if he's been in her life and they have a 0:39:36.360 --> 0:39:38.520 very strong relationship. 0:39:38.160 --> 0:39:39.840 Or a decent relation, decent. 0:39:39.600 --> 0:39:43.600 Relationship, right, then he has the right to be her graduation. 0:39:44.120 --> 0:39:47.680 But if I married a woman who has a child 0:39:48.360 --> 0:39:52.040 and his father has n't been present, and then probably 0:39:52.080 --> 0:39:56.799 just recently, you're trying to rekindle a relationship, I'm just 0:39:56.840 --> 0:39:57.319 telling you me. 0:39:57.400 --> 0:39:59.879 I'm saying if I know, but that's what I'm saying. 0:40:00.040 --> 0:40:02.080 I don't want to make a so I want to assume. 0:40:02.360 --> 0:40:04.640 But jadon assume because I want to assume because he 0:40:04.640 --> 0:40:06.560 didn't say that that man hasn't. 0:40:06.280 --> 0:40:08.120 Been But he's saying he'd been taken care. 0:40:08.000 --> 0:40:10.120 Of, right, But that doesn't mean that your other dad 0:40:10.200 --> 0:40:10.680 wasn't there. 0:40:10.760 --> 0:40:13.040 But to say that he's been taking care of a 0:40:13.160 --> 0:40:18.560 child since you know the child, since the infant means 0:40:18.600 --> 0:40:21.080 that for me to be saying I'm taking care of that, 0:40:21.120 --> 0:40:23.279 miss me, somebody else wasn't taking care because if I'm 0:40:23.280 --> 0:40:26.640 taking care of you, and and for me to say that, 0:40:26.640 --> 0:40:29.240 that means I know that this person hasn't been present. 0:40:29.480 --> 0:40:32.440 That's the only way that I would have this level 0:40:32.480 --> 0:40:34.920 of okay. Then if that's how you feel, and cool 0:40:34.960 --> 0:40:37.640 if you because he didn't say you chose your boyfriend 0:40:37.680 --> 0:40:41.839 over me, you chose other people. He believes that he's 0:40:41.880 --> 0:40:44.479 been more of a father to her than her biological father, 0:40:44.760 --> 0:40:48.200 because he said, you chose to allow your biological father 0:40:48.280 --> 0:40:50.680 to come. So cool, So that's what his issue was. 0:40:50.680 --> 0:40:53.120 It wasn't the other people that came, because he probably 0:40:53.120 --> 0:40:55.319 felt like those people are significant. He probably feel like 0:40:55.520 --> 0:41:00.440 this man hasn't been present this whole time. I've been working, hustling, 0:41:00.520 --> 0:41:02.600 doing everything I gotta do to make sure that you survive. 0:41:02.760 --> 0:41:04.640 And then now he come in a picture and it 0:41:04.719 --> 0:41:07.879 supersedes me because he has your biological and it's cool 0:41:07.920 --> 0:41:10.960 and I understand it, but now I feel like you 0:41:11.000 --> 0:41:12.160 don't value me at all. 0:41:12.880 --> 0:41:14.399 Right, I feel like you say you would just jump 0:41:14.480 --> 0:41:15.720 up and take the I don't. 0:41:17.400 --> 0:41:19.840 I wouldn't just jump up and take, but moving forward, 0:41:19.920 --> 0:41:22.759 I would acknowledge that, right, and then when I start 0:41:22.840 --> 0:41:26.600 making decisions, I can't prioritize you in a way that 0:41:26.640 --> 0:41:29.279 you don't prioritize me, right, I want to do the 0:41:29.280 --> 0:41:31.200 best for you and cool, I would let you know 0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:34.000 first of all, hurt my feelings, and then and then 0:41:34.080 --> 0:41:36.759 moving forward, you know, I would have to prior I 0:41:36.800 --> 0:41:38.720 have to treat that the relationship has to be equal 0:41:38.719 --> 0:41:41.520 to me, you know, and you can't hurt somebody's feeling 0:41:41.560 --> 0:41:43.680 if I'm thinking you might pretty much he's thinking this 0:41:43.800 --> 0:41:46.680 is his daughter, you know, since an infant, he's raised 0:41:46.680 --> 0:41:49.440 as a daughter, and to feel like you don't value me, 0:41:49.960 --> 0:41:54.480 and because this man shows up now, because that happens, 0:41:54.800 --> 0:41:58.600 there are situations where it happens and you have thingoledg. 0:41:58.840 --> 0:42:03.319 I don't even know if as a father, a biological father, 0:42:03.600 --> 0:42:05.880 I can't really see a situation where I wouldn't be 0:42:05.920 --> 0:42:07.520 there for my kids. Let's when I was in prison, 0:42:07.719 --> 0:42:11.000 and when I was in prison, this is real shit 0:42:11.080 --> 0:42:14.480 to me. Right when I was locked up, my son's 0:42:14.520 --> 0:42:18.160 mother had a man that she was with, you know, 0:42:18.320 --> 0:42:20.640 she was with him and he pretty much raised my 0:42:20.719 --> 0:42:23.399 son for seven years when I wasn't there, and then 0:42:23.440 --> 0:42:25.200 when I came home and I was still giving myself 0:42:25.200 --> 0:42:27.480 on my feet, he was still taking care of my 0:42:27.560 --> 0:42:30.160 son like he was his mother. He provided things that 0:42:30.239 --> 0:42:32.520 I wasn't and I respected that man and I told 0:42:32.600 --> 0:42:35.000 him and I told her I respect him right, and 0:42:35.400 --> 0:42:37.800 I felt that he had to be like when we 0:42:37.920 --> 0:42:40.840 were graduations things. I made sure that everybody know that 0:42:40.920 --> 0:42:44.080 I'm not uncomfortable with him being there because that man provided, 0:42:44.520 --> 0:42:45.360 he prog That's. 0:42:45.200 --> 0:42:47.359 What I'm saying. Both dads should be present. 0:42:47.120 --> 0:42:48.759 And that's what I'm trying to say. So because you. 0:42:48.760 --> 0:42:50.840 Don't know what the circles, and I want to believe 0:42:50.920 --> 0:42:53.319 the best that maybe the dad, like you said, was 0:42:53.360 --> 0:42:55.960 in prison or maybe not, let's take that off of 0:42:55.960 --> 0:42:58.520 his name. Maybe he just didn't have the resources. And 0:42:58.760 --> 0:43:01.839 if you living in the house, would child automatically. It 0:43:01.920 --> 0:43:04.480 makes you have a certain type of relationship. Get that 0:43:04.600 --> 0:43:07.480 job from now, when your insurance and different things you 0:43:07.520 --> 0:43:10.120 put them on, because that's your wife's child who. 0:43:09.960 --> 0:43:12.160 Lives with you, And that's what I'm trying to say. 0:43:12.239 --> 0:43:15.040 So I'm saying that the boyfriend doesn't need to be 0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:19.360 there but like Jamie my best friend said, you know, 0:43:19.480 --> 0:43:21.480 when we was young, we were stupid. We ain't even 0:43:21.480 --> 0:43:24.680 going to the graduation if our boyfriend can come. But 0:43:24.719 --> 0:43:26.800 that's type of stuff we would say, not some about 0:43:26.840 --> 0:43:28.320 we as in young girls. 0:43:28.480 --> 0:43:31.600 Listen to me, it doesn't make sense. And I understand 0:43:31.640 --> 0:43:35.839 the man's frustration, and just based off the fact that 0:43:35.880 --> 0:43:39.120 he pointed out the father, he believes that that father 0:43:39.200 --> 0:43:42.759 hasn't done nearly enough to actually be able to. 0:43:42.719 --> 0:43:46.440 Supersede him for a ticket. Okay, I think two aunties. 0:43:46.680 --> 0:43:49.480 If I was two aunties, I would say, I'm gonna 0:43:49.480 --> 0:43:52.640 stay back and get the dinner together, straighten out the 0:43:52.680 --> 0:43:56.799 restaurant or whatever whatever, get the balloons, but I don't 0:43:56.800 --> 0:43:57.200 need to go. 0:43:57.280 --> 0:44:02.799 But the anties has to be what grade, what she is, 0:44:02.960 --> 0:44:06.240 she graduated high school. That might have said, you've. 0:44:06.080 --> 0:44:09.280 Grown that the mother was supposed to regulate that though everybody. 0:44:08.840 --> 0:44:10.600 Said that, I feel like that's true. 0:44:10.600 --> 0:44:13.000 But I also because it cost so much, turnoi in, 0:44:13.040 --> 0:44:14.040 your aunt. 0:44:14.040 --> 0:44:17.920 Was supposed to stay at the house and get everything together. 0:44:18.040 --> 0:44:20.400 If that's your husband and it's the person that pays 0:44:20.440 --> 0:44:23.760 the bills and the tranquility in your home, you allowed 0:44:24.400 --> 0:44:27.080 this young girl who's who's making the decision that she 0:44:27.080 --> 0:44:30.920 don't even understand the dynamics of that decision to affect 0:44:31.000 --> 0:44:34.680 your home, like your assurance, Like you know how serious 0:44:34.680 --> 0:44:38.760 people died about insurance. People ain't got no insurance, car insurance, 0:44:38.920 --> 0:44:42.200 what mental medical assurance? Like, come on, it's crazy. 0:44:42.239 --> 0:44:44.359 Like I feel for the man. I hope that they 0:44:44.560 --> 0:44:45.319 find a way to work. 0:44:45.440 --> 0:44:47.239 Feel for them to. 0:44:47.320 --> 0:44:52.279 Apologize to that man. We sorry, sir. Well, we have 0:44:52.320 --> 0:44:55.800 a friend, our brother, our friend. Elliott Kannie is joining 0:44:55.920 --> 0:45:00.000 us yes for this episode where we're talking about men's 0:45:00.120 --> 0:45:04.640 mental health awareness. I didn't know that June is Men's 0:45:04.719 --> 0:45:07.640 mental health months. We should have done some more stuff, 0:45:07.680 --> 0:45:10.040 like you know you learned these months. 0:45:10.360 --> 0:45:10.919 I don't know. 0:45:11.320 --> 0:45:13.279 I don't know where the months be coming from, but 0:45:13.320 --> 0:45:15.880 they got dates and months and sibling day and this 0:45:15.960 --> 0:45:17.400 day and that day to try to keep up. 0:45:17.440 --> 0:45:18.480 We need a calendar around. 0:45:19.360 --> 0:45:23.160 But anyway, Elliott Kannie is a psycho therapist. He also, 0:45:23.960 --> 0:45:25.880 as far as I'm concerned, this is a therapist to 0:45:25.920 --> 0:45:28.160 all of us in the movement, because we all everybody 0:45:28.160 --> 0:45:30.800 be calling them on the load and nobody tells anybody, 0:45:30.840 --> 0:45:33.880 but everybody knows you call Elliott Khannie when you're in 0:45:33.960 --> 0:45:37.120 trouble with some mental health issues. But he also is 0:45:37.239 --> 0:45:41.360 our podcast sibling at the back Black Effect podcast Network. 0:45:41.719 --> 0:45:44.839 He has a show called Family Therapy and has been 0:45:44.960 --> 0:45:46.480 a guest on our show before. 0:45:46.640 --> 0:45:48.160 We've been guests on his show. 0:45:48.680 --> 0:45:51.400 And it's good to have our brother Elliott Connie with 0:45:51.480 --> 0:45:51.920 us today. 0:45:51.960 --> 0:45:59.160 We need some kind of thanks for joining us. 0:45:59.200 --> 0:46:01.560 Brother, No problem is good to be here. I love 0:46:01.640 --> 0:46:02.080 y'all both. 0:46:02.239 --> 0:46:04.160 Yes, yes, thank you for coming on. 0:46:04.400 --> 0:46:07.120 So we were actually just talking about something and I 0:46:07.160 --> 0:46:09.240 just wanted to get your take on it. We generally 0:46:09.320 --> 0:46:12.279 don't well, sometimes we do ask our guests to lean 0:46:12.320 --> 0:46:15.359 into other topics that are on the show for this 0:46:15.440 --> 0:46:18.920 week or that particular week. And this week we were 0:46:18.960 --> 0:46:22.760 talking about on our TMI segment, which is a segment 0:46:22.800 --> 0:46:25.560 where we discuss whether or not people are doing too 0:46:25.640 --> 0:46:28.520 much or some folks are like no, actually what they 0:46:28.560 --> 0:46:32.759 did is just right. The response to this issue was 0:46:32.800 --> 0:46:38.080 a man who was not able to attend the graduation 0:46:38.280 --> 0:46:41.920 of his stepdaughter who is currently married to her mother. 0:46:42.440 --> 0:46:46.120 So he's currently married to her mother. He's known this 0:46:46.239 --> 0:46:49.799 child since she was four years old and four months old. 0:46:49.920 --> 0:46:54.360 Four months old, and he mentions that now that she's grown. 0:46:55.080 --> 0:46:57.440 So when he says, now that she's grown, I know 0:46:57.520 --> 0:47:01.600 that this is not a graduation for elementary school or 0:47:01.840 --> 0:47:05.600 middle school. This is a high school graduate at least 0:47:05.800 --> 0:47:06.880 I hope not college. 0:47:07.080 --> 0:47:08.440 I'm sure it's got him. 0:47:08.440 --> 0:47:10.080 Come on, I don't know. 0:47:10.120 --> 0:47:13.239 It's got to be high school. And so he was 0:47:13.320 --> 0:47:14.200 not able to go. 0:47:14.280 --> 0:47:18.000 There were eight tickets allotted to the families for the graduation, 0:47:18.360 --> 0:47:21.319 and he was not one of those individuals. But the 0:47:21.520 --> 0:47:28.560 biological father was allowed to go, and so he said that, 0:47:28.800 --> 0:47:30.279 you know, he was so upset about it. 0:47:30.320 --> 0:47:31.359 His films were so hurt. 0:47:31.640 --> 0:47:35.040 When he got home, he took his stepdaughter off of 0:47:35.120 --> 0:47:39.600 his health insurance, his car insurance, and whatever other things 0:47:39.640 --> 0:47:41.200 he was doing for her. He said, she can go 0:47:41.239 --> 0:47:44.359 live with her father if since she's grown now go 0:47:44.400 --> 0:47:46.759 stay with him. And so that gives my son the 0:47:46.800 --> 0:47:51.120 impression that the father had not been showing up in 0:47:51.520 --> 0:47:54.240 a certain type of way for this young lady's life. 0:47:54.480 --> 0:47:56.520 I said, let's try to look at it that the 0:47:56.560 --> 0:47:59.120 father has been around, and perhaps he just didn't have 0:47:59.200 --> 0:48:01.759 the resources to be able to take care of the child. 0:48:02.080 --> 0:48:05.960 But nonetheless, stepdad is really really upset and just wondering 0:48:06.200 --> 0:48:09.320 how what you know when we're talking about men's mental health. 0:48:09.360 --> 0:48:12.360 This man is hurt, very hurt, and I just wanted 0:48:12.400 --> 0:48:15.319 to know if you were counseling him, what would you 0:48:15.400 --> 0:48:18.160 say and would you be in agreeance with him to 0:48:18.280 --> 0:48:21.160 just cut his stepdaughter off of all of the health 0:48:21.200 --> 0:48:25.200 benefits and you know, financial benefit just like that because 0:48:25.200 --> 0:48:25.800 he's upset. 0:48:26.640 --> 0:48:27.360 Absolutely not. 0:48:28.640 --> 0:48:31.120 I don't think it really matters whether or not the 0:48:31.200 --> 0:48:34.879 biological father has been showing up or not. I think 0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:38.280 the bigger issue is we have a tendency to treat 0:48:38.400 --> 0:48:42.799 children as if they are like miniature adults. And I 0:48:42.880 --> 0:48:46.719 have no problem with this stepfather having hurt feelings, but 0:48:46.880 --> 0:48:50.720 he needs to understand that though this child is likely eighteen, 0:48:50.760 --> 0:48:51.400 I agree. 0:48:51.120 --> 0:48:53.040 With you this is probably think. I think it was 0:48:53.080 --> 0:48:54.920 a high school graduation. I saw the story. 0:48:56.239 --> 0:48:58.680 He has every right to have hurt feelings, but he 0:48:58.760 --> 0:49:02.319 has to address it as an adult and explain to 0:49:02.480 --> 0:49:05.440 this step daughter that he has hurt feelings. And we 0:49:05.480 --> 0:49:08.960 have to understand that even though the biological father, let's 0:49:09.000 --> 0:49:13.000 say the biological father wasn't around, children will live their 0:49:13.080 --> 0:49:17.400 lives in pursuit of approval and connection from their biological parent, 0:49:18.120 --> 0:49:22.040 and this might be an attempt for this child to 0:49:22.320 --> 0:49:22.759 get that. 0:49:23.239 --> 0:49:24.759 Now, is she doing the right thing? 0:49:25.080 --> 0:49:25.680 Probably not. 0:49:26.239 --> 0:49:28.799 And he has a justified reason, justifiable reason have his 0:49:28.840 --> 0:49:32.320 feelings hurt, but he's now taking it out on the child, 0:49:32.719 --> 0:49:35.680 and he's making the child's life worse and more complicated. 0:49:36.040 --> 0:49:39.279 And when you marry this woman and take on the 0:49:39.320 --> 0:49:43.120 responsibility of raising that child, you are taking on the 0:49:43.160 --> 0:49:46.560 responsibility of being good for her and to her, even 0:49:46.600 --> 0:49:51.120 while you have hurt feelings. Now, stepdaughter or not, like 0:49:51.160 --> 0:49:53.280 the two of you, have children, and sometimes your children 0:49:53.320 --> 0:49:56.359 hurt your feelings. Your children will do and or say 0:49:56.400 --> 0:49:59.080 things that hurt your feelings. But you have a responsibility 0:49:59.200 --> 0:50:01.720 to be there for child, to make the child's life better. 0:50:01.960 --> 0:50:03.880 And he is not doing that right now. He has 0:50:03.920 --> 0:50:07.040 hurt feelings. He's acting from a place of hurt, behaving 0:50:07.080 --> 0:50:10.040 in a very petty way. And this girl, she's gonna 0:50:10.040 --> 0:50:12.399 grow up and realize, oh, I really shouldn't have done that. 0:50:12.640 --> 0:50:14.239 But you've got to allow her the ability to grow 0:50:14.280 --> 0:50:16.239 up and stop treating her as a little mini at 0:50:16.239 --> 0:50:17.279 you're adult, because she's not. 0:50:17.360 --> 0:50:18.919 She doesn't know what she's doing. 0:50:19.480 --> 0:50:23.960 Well, So I'm gonna give a little pushback. If when 0:50:23.960 --> 0:50:27.120 my son got to a certain age when he was 0:50:27.200 --> 0:50:29.920 grown and he started to talk to me or do 0:50:30.000 --> 0:50:32.200 things that were disrespectful to me, to when you start 0:50:32.719 --> 0:50:35.920 hurting me, hurting my feelings, I told him you got 0:50:35.920 --> 0:50:39.400 to get out. I'm not paying no more bills. You 0:50:39.560 --> 0:50:42.759 need to find you somewhere to go. Right, So, as 0:50:42.840 --> 0:50:45.600 much as I understand what you're saying, but if this 0:50:45.680 --> 0:50:47.839 man made a decision that this is a grown woman. Now, 0:50:47.920 --> 0:50:50.600 she made a decision on her own that I wasn't 0:50:50.680 --> 0:50:54.080 valuable enough to go to that graduation, and all the 0:50:54.120 --> 0:50:56.239 other people, the other eight people she allowed to go 0:50:56.360 --> 0:51:00.600 there were more important than me than my resources in 0:51:00.680 --> 0:51:04.160 my home shouldn't be as important to you? Right? You 0:51:04.239 --> 0:51:07.040 like I don't. And then I'm saying, maybe I probably 0:51:07.080 --> 0:51:10.640 wouldn't do that in this situation. But if I felt 0:51:10.960 --> 0:51:14.120 disrespected because I've kicked my son out at eighteen years old, 0:51:14.120 --> 0:51:16.719 you gotta go somewhere else and didn't feel a way, 0:51:16.760 --> 0:51:20.600 And when when you realize who I am, and you're 0:51:20.640 --> 0:51:22.239 gonna treat me like a man in my house, but 0:51:22.320 --> 0:51:24.759 you can't stay in my house and disrespect me and 0:51:24.800 --> 0:51:28.480 disregard me. So I hear what you're saying that at 0:51:28.520 --> 0:51:31.680 that point, once you graduate, then you you you made 0:51:31.719 --> 0:51:34.000 a decision that you're a grown person and you make 0:51:34.160 --> 0:51:36.240 own person decisions and choices. 0:51:36.280 --> 0:51:38.400 So I have to make it you made a decision 0:51:38.480 --> 0:51:40.240 just because you graduated that you're grown. 0:51:40.760 --> 0:51:44.520 No, when you made a decision that I'm going to 0:51:44.560 --> 0:51:46.640 invite the people I want at this graduate. 0:51:46.400 --> 0:51:49.399 But what about if her mother probably helped control the list? 0:51:49.480 --> 0:51:51.560 See that that makes it a little bit different. 0:51:51.600 --> 0:51:54.160 But regardless of what if you and your mother, and 0:51:54.280 --> 0:51:56.200 this is what I'm saying, cool, y'all got it? 0:51:56.280 --> 0:51:59.120 You gotta stop until you finish eating that or you 0:51:59.120 --> 0:52:03.520 want a tissue because you like slurin. I'm telling you, 0:52:03.560 --> 0:52:05.840 and I know you're not gonna want that, So you 0:52:05.880 --> 0:52:07.439 want to just finish real quick? 0:52:07.680 --> 0:52:12.960 Yeah, not gonna be real quick. Okaya, it ain't gonna. 0:52:12.800 --> 0:52:17.040 Be real all right. Well, I just still I don't know. 0:52:17.160 --> 0:52:17.560 I don't know. 0:52:17.600 --> 0:52:19.920 I don't know because I feel like, again I told 0:52:19.960 --> 0:52:23.280 you the boyfriend probably because of the makeup, the makeup 0:52:23.320 --> 0:52:27.759 of the guests were it says her two sisters. So 0:52:27.800 --> 0:52:30.040 I think I may be wrong that it's not the 0:52:30.120 --> 0:52:33.480 two aunts, it's the two sisters that are the girls' 0:52:33.560 --> 0:52:40.800 biological sisters, right, an uncle, an aunt, a boyfriend, a grandparent, 0:52:41.600 --> 0:52:45.880 the biological father, and the mother, right, and so of 0:52:46.080 --> 0:52:49.200 all those people, I could now now if it's not 0:52:49.360 --> 0:52:51.680 two aunts, I can kind of see how they looked 0:52:51.719 --> 0:52:53.640 at that whole list and said, who are we gonna 0:52:53.680 --> 0:52:56.080 kick out? Because you know you're not kicking my boyfriend 0:52:56.080 --> 0:52:58.320 off them, because I'm not even going to the whole graduation. 0:52:58.440 --> 0:53:00.040 If my boyfriend can't, well, you're a boy. 0:53:00.080 --> 0:53:02.040 If you need to pay for your car insurance. 0:53:03.640 --> 0:53:07.000 But here I'm gonna here's my response to my son's pushback, 0:53:07.000 --> 0:53:08.000 which I actually. 0:53:07.680 --> 0:53:09.479 Agree, Like, I understand where you're coming from. 0:53:10.320 --> 0:53:13.640 But there are two variables, and just from reading the story, 0:53:13.680 --> 0:53:15.920 I don't actually have the context for these two variables. 0:53:15.960 --> 0:53:19.000 But the first one is in your situation my son, Like, 0:53:20.040 --> 0:53:24.839 my guess is you have talked to your son about 0:53:24.920 --> 0:53:27.319 like in essence, he was breaking rules that you had 0:53:27.320 --> 0:53:30.239 taught him not to break, and then he gets to 0:53:30.280 --> 0:53:32.239 the point where he continuously breaks them, and you say, well, 0:53:32.280 --> 0:53:34.239 if you're gonna keep doing this, I'm now perceiving this 0:53:34.520 --> 0:53:36.879 as disrespect and you need to go live someplace else. 0:53:37.360 --> 0:53:40.799 And I don't know whether or not the stepfather overtly 0:53:40.800 --> 0:53:44.120 told the child, if you do this, I will feel 0:53:44.120 --> 0:53:47.640 disrespected and thus will take an action. And then the 0:53:47.680 --> 0:53:52.880 second thing that my son's children, this particular child doesn't 0:53:52.960 --> 0:53:57.160 have is a stepdad. So my son is the biological 0:53:57.239 --> 0:54:01.319 father and step parents at a level of what do 0:54:01.400 --> 0:54:03.120 I do with that? If I'm eighteen years old and 0:54:03.160 --> 0:54:05.359 I got an eighteen year old brain, what do I 0:54:05.360 --> 0:54:07.600 do with the fact that I love my stepdad and 0:54:07.640 --> 0:54:10.040 I'm so appreciative of the role they played in my life. 0:54:10.640 --> 0:54:13.440 But I love my biological father and even if he 0:54:13.520 --> 0:54:15.800 wasn't there, I want this connection. 0:54:16.680 --> 0:54:18.240 So what do I do with that as an eighteen 0:54:18.320 --> 0:54:18.680 year old? 0:54:18.840 --> 0:54:23.640 And also maybe I'm being influenced by mom being influenced 0:54:23.680 --> 0:54:26.719 by these aunts, Like there's so much context that we 0:54:26.800 --> 0:54:29.680 don't have. But I will say the responsibility is always 0:54:29.719 --> 0:54:30.280 with the adult. 0:54:30.360 --> 0:54:31.680 So the stepdad. A. 0:54:32.200 --> 0:54:34.520 I hope this stepdad had a conversation with this daughter 0:54:34.640 --> 0:54:36.800 leading up to this moment the stepdaughter leading up to 0:54:36.840 --> 0:54:37.240 this moment. 0:54:37.760 --> 0:54:38.239 And B. 0:54:38.840 --> 0:54:41.000 I would like to know that this person is capable 0:54:41.040 --> 0:54:43.840 of being a bigger person and at least having empathy 0:54:44.280 --> 0:54:47.400 for the complicated situation that all step children find themselves 0:54:47.440 --> 0:54:48.560 in I. 0:54:48.560 --> 0:54:51.560 Understand, but I just want us to have empathy and 0:54:51.719 --> 0:54:55.440 understand that if a man raises a child as his 0:54:55.560 --> 0:54:58.960 own pretty much since they're four months old, and you 0:54:59.080 --> 0:55:02.320 make putting somebody on your insurance and your health insurance, 0:55:02.360 --> 0:55:05.400 that's that's that's a different thing. Like you don't just 0:55:05.440 --> 0:55:09.920 putting people on your health with dying every insurance like 0:55:09.920 --> 0:55:12.200 these are these are real things. So you you're paying 0:55:12.239 --> 0:55:15.399 like you're you're you're paying a lifetime bill something that 0:55:15.640 --> 0:55:19.080 affects your life in their life. You connected somebody in 0:55:19.120 --> 0:55:22.680 your life, right, So when you've connected somebody in your 0:55:22.680 --> 0:55:25.359 life in that in that manner, and to know that 0:55:25.360 --> 0:55:28.479 that they didn't see the other four maybe the aunt 0:55:28.600 --> 0:55:32.040 or one of them saying, hey, I know you look, 0:55:32.080 --> 0:55:35.000 we're gonna let you live streaming. But this person right here, 0:55:36.239 --> 0:55:39.320 this person right here been paying these bills and this 0:55:39.480 --> 0:55:41.800 to it and whatever ever for his whole life, and 0:55:42.000 --> 0:55:43.759 I know he would love to see me be here. 0:55:44.200 --> 0:55:46.920 That's that's a conversation that somebody should have had. That 0:55:47.000 --> 0:55:49.960 should have been I'm just saying in my opinion, and 0:55:49.960 --> 0:55:55.120 and he's and and things, and maybe he he shouldn't 0:55:55.160 --> 0:55:56.840 have done what he does. But I'm just trying to 0:55:56.920 --> 0:55:59.400 say that he was not wrong for how he feels, 0:55:59.600 --> 0:56:03.360 and maybe his reaction is completely I mean, it is 0:56:03.400 --> 0:56:06.040 not how I would have done it. But I can't 0:56:06.080 --> 0:56:08.360 say that he's wrong. That's I'm true. 0:56:08.120 --> 0:56:12.359 I one hundred percent believe that he had every right 0:56:12.400 --> 0:56:14.520 to have his feelings hurt. He just shouldn't have taken 0:56:14.560 --> 0:56:16.560 that action. And the reason I keep saying that the 0:56:16.680 --> 0:56:21.960 onus is on the adult. Like children don't immediately understand 0:56:22.000 --> 0:56:25.239 all the sacrifices it takes to raise them. Do we 0:56:25.440 --> 0:56:28.440 understand what paying somebody's car insurance and life insurance is? 0:56:28.480 --> 0:56:30.520 But both of you, I'm sure in. 0:56:30.440 --> 0:56:33.359 Your older years you were like, oh man, now I 0:56:33.440 --> 0:56:37.040 understand what it was like for my mother to do this, 0:56:37.040 --> 0:56:37.640 this or this. 0:56:38.200 --> 0:56:39.239 Yeah, you know what I mean. 0:56:39.280 --> 0:56:42.080 But at eighteen, I didn't. I didn't have that perspective. 0:56:42.600 --> 0:56:46.640 I didn't have that So this this, this stepdaughter one 0:56:46.760 --> 0:56:49.120 hundred percent should have invited the man that raised her. 0:56:49.600 --> 0:56:51.120 And if she was sitting right here, I would say 0:56:51.160 --> 0:56:53.040 to her, you've got to find a way to honor 0:56:53.120 --> 0:56:57.520 your your feelings about both dads. At eighteen, she doesn't 0:56:57.520 --> 0:57:00.719 know how to appreciate car insurance. She doesn't know how 0:57:00.760 --> 0:57:01.400 to appreciate. 0:57:04.640 --> 0:57:09.040 But it's a good segue into a broader conversation around 0:57:09.600 --> 0:57:12.240 you know, when you're dealing as we're talking about men's 0:57:12.360 --> 0:57:15.840 mental health, and man, I mean just on social media alone, 0:57:15.880 --> 0:57:19.160 it's a whole mental health situation. Like they I want 0:57:19.200 --> 0:57:23.200 the whole Internet to just shut down for a few days. 0:57:23.560 --> 0:57:27.280 I'm like, can we have a COVID go through the internet. No, 0:57:27.440 --> 0:57:30.640 don't kill anybody, but just shut the thing down because 0:57:30.680 --> 0:57:35.080 there's so much it's a cesspool of people's emotions and 0:57:35.120 --> 0:57:37.560 feelings and what so many different people are going through. 0:57:37.840 --> 0:57:41.520 And I wonder about this idea of you. 0:57:41.400 --> 0:57:47.160 Know, parent co parenting or parenting stepdads and families. And 0:57:47.200 --> 0:57:50.080 you see so many men, especially when you're coming up 0:57:50.080 --> 0:57:53.720 on Father's Day, saying that they don't feel appreciated or 0:57:53.800 --> 0:57:57.880 they feel like everything is about the mother. And you know, 0:57:58.280 --> 0:58:01.520 I think I saw somewhere that the number of like 0:58:01.560 --> 0:58:08.000 the revenue for Father's Day is so much lower than 0:58:08.040 --> 0:58:10.560 it is for Mother's Day. And you have so many 0:58:10.640 --> 0:58:12.880 men who's like, yeah, get your socks, and and it's 0:58:12.880 --> 0:58:15.640 like a joke, Like my cousin wrote something on his 0:58:15.760 --> 0:58:20.360 page and it made me sad. But he it was 0:58:20.400 --> 0:58:22.320 like he wrote like a joke, like, oh hey, everybody, 0:58:22.360 --> 0:58:25.439 make sure you get your socks dad. You know, mom 0:58:25.480 --> 0:58:27.800 gets a watch, Dad gets socks. And I wonder when 0:58:27.800 --> 0:58:31.880 you're dealing with your clients, especially with men, is this 0:58:31.960 --> 0:58:34.320 a real thing or is it that men just don't 0:58:34.320 --> 0:58:36.240 know how to ask for what they want because Mom's like, 0:58:36.280 --> 0:58:37.000 I want to watch. 0:58:38.720 --> 0:58:39.520 I think it's both. 0:58:39.800 --> 0:58:43.400 Actually I think it is a real thing, But I 0:58:43.560 --> 0:58:47.200 also think that men don't always know how to ask 0:58:47.280 --> 0:58:48.880 for that thing that they want, and they don't know 0:58:48.920 --> 0:58:52.080 what always know how to be vulnerable and say this 0:58:52.160 --> 0:58:54.840 is how I need to experience your love, and this 0:58:54.880 --> 0:58:57.720 is how I need to experience that you care about me. 0:58:58.720 --> 0:59:01.440 So children don't always grow up knowing what to do. 0:59:01.840 --> 0:59:04.200 But one of the things I often talk about with 0:59:04.200 --> 0:59:05.960 my client is funny. I just had a conversation with 0:59:06.000 --> 0:59:09.320 a client yesterday who is a dad and in a 0:59:09.400 --> 0:59:13.280 very difficult situation. But we need to understand we're parenting 0:59:13.320 --> 0:59:14.160 for the life cycle. 0:59:14.560 --> 0:59:15.520 Like you didn't. 0:59:15.920 --> 0:59:18.080 You didn't have that child hoping that you'd get a 0:59:18.080 --> 0:59:21.160 watch for Father's Day. You had that child with a 0:59:21.240 --> 0:59:25.800 much bigger picture and our reward is watching our children 0:59:25.840 --> 0:59:28.000 and particularly young boys, grow up to be the kind 0:59:28.000 --> 0:59:30.720 of men that we can we can respect and value 0:59:30.720 --> 0:59:34.280 and know that the type of children that command respect 0:59:34.880 --> 0:59:37.640 and on some level, like we've got to just parent 0:59:37.720 --> 0:59:39.800 through the life cycle and understand it was never about 0:59:39.800 --> 0:59:40.800 socks in the first place. 0:59:42.680 --> 0:59:44.320 I know it's tough when you don't get a pair 0:59:44.360 --> 0:59:47.480 of socks right, because when you that's why I can 0:59:47.520 --> 0:59:51.440 identify with the man right even as a stepfather, but 0:59:51.520 --> 0:59:54.520 as a father, real father. You we put so much 0:59:54.560 --> 0:59:57.400 emphasis on making sure that the mother is satisfied on 0:59:57.480 --> 1:00:03.120 Mother's Day, cater to infraction. Somehow there's just this level 1:00:03.160 --> 1:00:06.760 of disregard for Father's Day. Like the people they just 1:00:06.840 --> 1:00:09.560 don't see the need to. They might tell you happy 1:00:09.560 --> 1:00:11.920 Father's Day, you know, they don't even see the need 1:00:11.920 --> 1:00:15.200 to write your card, give you just you know, you 1:00:15.320 --> 1:00:17.400 have sons that won't say, hey, I'm gonna take you 1:00:17.400 --> 1:00:19.560 out for this, or I buy your hat. I know, 1:00:19.600 --> 1:00:21.760 you something that you're like, hey, let's go get some 1:00:21.920 --> 1:00:25.000 and eat. Like that's not a thing. It's just not 1:00:25.800 --> 1:00:28.360 And I don't think it's because they don't care. I 1:00:28.440 --> 1:00:30.880 just think that it's it has never been taught to 1:00:30.920 --> 1:00:32.600 them to value it in that man. 1:00:33.360 --> 1:00:34.919 But I think it's deeper than that, my son. 1:00:35.080 --> 1:00:40.320 I think I think men traditionally take on the role 1:00:40.360 --> 1:00:43.720 of provider, and this is a byproduct of being the provider. 1:00:44.200 --> 1:00:47.600 Because if all childhood you are providing for the home 1:00:47.720 --> 1:00:51.480 that includes their mother and you are not the recipient 1:00:51.640 --> 1:00:52.600 of providership. 1:00:52.720 --> 1:00:53.680 You are the provider. 1:00:54.360 --> 1:00:56.120 So when it comes time to take care of you, 1:00:56.240 --> 1:00:58.800 that's just not how the system is conditioned. Now I'm 1:00:58.800 --> 1:01:00.880 not saying that's right or wrong, but I'm saying this 1:01:00.960 --> 1:01:02.600 is a byproduct of being a provider. 1:01:04.000 --> 1:01:06.600 It's a byproduct of being a provider. And do you 1:01:06.640 --> 1:01:10.680 think vulnerability has something to do with it as well? 1:01:10.840 --> 1:01:14.000 That you know, uh are you say you're breaking up? 1:01:15.200 --> 1:01:18.640 You know that maybe, like you said, they haven't been 1:01:18.680 --> 1:01:22.360 taught because a man is not necessarily bringing up that. Hey, 1:01:22.480 --> 1:01:26.080 I would like to have, you know, people celebrate me 1:01:26.480 --> 1:01:30.520 for my birthday for five because it's not just Father's Day, 1:01:30.960 --> 1:01:37.720 even birthdays and other special days. You have a lack, 1:01:37.920 --> 1:01:41.040 if you will, of interest the same way that it 1:01:41.080 --> 1:01:43.880 is for women. And so do you think that vulnerability 1:01:43.960 --> 1:01:46.920 is just an issue across the board for men in 1:01:47.000 --> 1:01:50.560 many different ways. That allows men to fall into a 1:01:50.600 --> 1:01:57.439 place of like feeling, let's see, like having animosity that's 1:01:57.520 --> 1:02:00.520 never addressed, which creates all types of anger issues, so 1:02:00.640 --> 1:02:01.400 on and so forth. 1:02:02.240 --> 1:02:05.480 Absolutely, I think I think men, in particularly Black men, 1:02:06.360 --> 1:02:10.680 perceive vulnerability as a showing of weakness. So a lot 1:02:10.720 --> 1:02:14.600 of black men won't advocate for themselves and won't say, Hey, 1:02:14.600 --> 1:02:17.080 my birthday's coming up in last year, y'all got me socks. 1:02:17.120 --> 1:02:20.040 I would really like it if I got something that 1:02:20.200 --> 1:02:22.760 showed me how much you value my energy, effort and 1:02:22.880 --> 1:02:25.560 time and just Most men don't say that because they'd 1:02:25.640 --> 1:02:28.439 rather be perceived as I don't need anything because I'm 1:02:28.480 --> 1:02:29.120 the provider. 1:02:30.320 --> 1:02:30.720 Yeah. 1:02:30.880 --> 1:02:34.280 Yeah, So anyway, we went down a rabbit hole that 1:02:34.440 --> 1:02:38.080 was never our intention, but it just, you know, it came. 1:02:38.840 --> 1:02:40.760 I'll say, I'll say one more thing before we un 1:02:40.840 --> 1:02:44.560 rabbit hole, and I'll use my son as an example. 1:02:45.720 --> 1:02:47.320 I've always I've been a fan of this. 1:02:47.320 --> 1:02:51.640 Dude from his rap days twenty years ago and as 1:02:51.680 --> 1:02:54.280 i've gotten to know him more recently, Like, my son 1:02:54.360 --> 1:02:56.560 is a very strong, principled man. 1:02:57.320 --> 1:02:58.760 Why so is it fair for me to call you that? 1:02:59.000 --> 1:02:59.520 Yes? It is. 1:03:00.640 --> 1:03:02.240 And I saw a video of. 1:03:02.160 --> 1:03:07.160 You one time where you did not like Nike's response 1:03:07.200 --> 1:03:11.960 to Kyrie Irving and you put all of your Nikes 1:03:12.000 --> 1:03:16.240 down an insiderator yep, And I was like, like, this 1:03:16.360 --> 1:03:23.120 dude truly stands on what he believes in a very 1:03:23.200 --> 1:03:26.600 principled way, and I respect that about you, even if 1:03:26.600 --> 1:03:28.680 you stand on certain principles that I may or may 1:03:28.680 --> 1:03:31.480 not agree with, like the fact that you live how 1:03:31.520 --> 1:03:33.160 you talk, and you talk how you live. 1:03:35.400 --> 1:03:40.000 I would be willing to bet if as a father. 1:03:40.480 --> 1:03:43.640 If my son only gets socks every birthday in every 1:03:43.680 --> 1:03:48.360 father's day, but observes his children growing up in an 1:03:48.400 --> 1:03:52.280 equally principled manner because that's the role model that they watched, 1:03:52.880 --> 1:03:55.960 he would feel successful, successful and valued as a dad. 1:03:57.040 --> 1:03:59.400 So that's why I say, I think that we need 1:03:59.400 --> 1:04:01.440 to look at it in a much bigger scope. 1:04:01.600 --> 1:04:04.680 Like our blessings and our gifts come differently. 1:04:05.000 --> 1:04:06.560 Right, exactly, And. 1:04:08.560 --> 1:04:12.040 That's because our responsibilities and our roles are different. 1:04:12.080 --> 1:04:13.720 So thus what we get is different. 1:04:14.200 --> 1:04:17.160 Like we can't really say I want to be treated 1:04:17.280 --> 1:04:20.040 like the other parent when your roles and responsibilities within 1:04:20.080 --> 1:04:25.200 the dynamic are different. But if we raise a child 1:04:25.360 --> 1:04:27.440 in this case, I'll just use a son as an example. 1:04:28.120 --> 1:04:30.400 And you know, twenty years from now, my son is 1:04:30.400 --> 1:04:33.960 in his sixties and you know, growing older, and he 1:04:34.040 --> 1:04:40.680 observes his son holding his morals and principles and values 1:04:40.720 --> 1:04:43.680 in the way that my son role modeled for him, 1:04:44.680 --> 1:04:45.720 that would be far more. 1:04:45.640 --> 1:04:46.720 Valuable than socks. 1:04:46.840 --> 1:04:51.000 This is true, And I think that's the purpose, and 1:04:51.080 --> 1:04:54.240 that's how we get rewarded. And quite frankly, we can't 1:04:54.240 --> 1:04:57.280 expect the same rewards when our responsibilities are not the same, 1:04:58.480 --> 1:04:58.920 is true. 1:04:59.080 --> 1:05:01.680 Yeah, that's going to be the title of this show. 1:05:01.880 --> 1:05:08.080 More than Socks, that's what we're gonna call it. But 1:05:08.600 --> 1:05:12.000 more than Socks is Mental Health Awareness Month for men, 1:05:12.760 --> 1:05:15.760 And would love to just hear from you. What have 1:05:15.840 --> 1:05:18.600 you been doing this month working with your clients? How 1:05:18.600 --> 1:05:22.800 are you honoring Mental Health Awareness Month for men? 1:05:23.960 --> 1:05:26.400 Mean, you know, people. 1:05:26.240 --> 1:05:28.840 Ask me that every time it's Mental Health Awareness Month 1:05:28.920 --> 1:05:29.920 or Men's mentalth Wedness. 1:05:30.120 --> 1:05:32.080 People ask me that, And for me, it's not really 1:05:32.120 --> 1:05:32.720 any different. 1:05:33.200 --> 1:05:34.120 Like this month. 1:05:34.360 --> 1:05:38.600 I have been in the I've traveled the world and 1:05:38.640 --> 1:05:40.680 in the past like three weeks, I've been in Poland, 1:05:40.760 --> 1:05:43.360 I've been in the UK, I've been in Canada. I've 1:05:43.400 --> 1:05:46.520 been in Durango, Colorado. I'm now in Los Angeles. I've 1:05:46.560 --> 1:05:48.760 been in Gosh. I can't even think I've been in 1:05:48.840 --> 1:05:53.320 all these places because mental health drives everything that I do, 1:05:54.040 --> 1:05:56.840 and that's not changed by any particular month. 1:05:56.920 --> 1:05:58.560 That's not changed by any particular day. 1:05:59.360 --> 1:06:02.120 Every single client has my cell phone, I respond to 1:06:02.160 --> 1:06:06.680 their phone calls and text messages because mental health it's 1:06:06.800 --> 1:06:09.480 part of everything that I do. I decided to make 1:06:09.520 --> 1:06:11.680 this my life, and I live that as if it's 1:06:11.720 --> 1:06:14.280 my life, every single day, regardless of whatever month it is. 1:06:14.360 --> 1:06:16.160 So what do I do the same thing I always do. 1:06:16.240 --> 1:06:18.160 I get on these airplanes and I go to Poland, 1:06:18.160 --> 1:06:21.200 and I go to the England, and I go to Toronto, 1:06:21.320 --> 1:06:24.520 and I go to la and I am constantly doing 1:06:24.560 --> 1:06:27.800 sessions when I'm on Zoom and all these crazy places, 1:06:27.840 --> 1:06:32.000 and I'm taking people's phone calls because I love people, 1:06:32.560 --> 1:06:35.560 and I love our people, and I think our culture 1:06:35.600 --> 1:06:40.240 from mental health perspective, is wildly underserved. So my whole 1:06:40.280 --> 1:06:43.120 purpose is I want to make sure that people know 1:06:43.880 --> 1:06:47.720 that you can make very subtle small changes in your 1:06:47.760 --> 1:06:51.040 life and change your whole lived experience. And for me, 1:06:51.120 --> 1:06:53.120 that's all mental health is about. It's like changing the 1:06:53.160 --> 1:06:55.520 way you live your life to change your entire lived experience. 1:06:55.760 --> 1:06:57.960 And that's the same for me in January as it 1:06:58.000 --> 1:06:59.560 is in December and every month in between. 1:06:59.480 --> 1:07:05.080 There's black people in Poland, and they're black people in 1:07:05.120 --> 1:07:06.840 these places that you've been traveling to. 1:07:07.760 --> 1:07:11.160 Absolutely, yeah, there are black people in those places. But 1:07:11.240 --> 1:07:15.080 also something that's very very important to me, I exist 1:07:15.120 --> 1:07:17.400 in academic spaces where there are not a lot of 1:07:17.400 --> 1:07:21.480 black people, and I think it's very important that black 1:07:21.520 --> 1:07:24.760 students see the black man given a keynote at the 1:07:24.760 --> 1:07:28.640 predominantly white conference, so that they know there are no 1:07:28.720 --> 1:07:31.240 spaces where we can't go, and there's no spaces where 1:07:31.240 --> 1:07:34.040 we can't influence, and there's no spaces where we can't 1:07:34.040 --> 1:07:36.280 go and be our authentic selves. When I go and 1:07:36.320 --> 1:07:39.880 do these keynotes, I'm wearing clothes that represent where I'm from. 1:07:40.040 --> 1:07:41.320 I think it is. 1:07:41.320 --> 1:07:44.800 Incredibly important that young black students see that there is 1:07:44.880 --> 1:07:47.480 no space we cannot go and have influence. 1:07:48.400 --> 1:07:50.880 That's amazing. Do you have a therapist? 1:07:51.640 --> 1:07:52.880 No? Not currently? 1:07:53.000 --> 1:07:55.600 Not currently? Okay, Okay, I want to ask a very 1:07:55.640 --> 1:08:00.680 controversial question. Oh shit, okay, because you know how I 1:08:00.680 --> 1:08:03.400 follow you. So I listened to you, and there were 1:08:03.480 --> 1:08:07.960 people coming out talking about Cassie Yes, and you made 1:08:08.000 --> 1:08:10.240 a post and you and people were saying that she 1:08:10.480 --> 1:08:12.760 was complicit and this and that, and you made a 1:08:12.800 --> 1:08:16.680 post and you explained pretty much. I want you to 1:08:16.680 --> 1:08:19.920 tell what you explained, right, and then after you give 1:08:20.040 --> 1:08:22.639 a little bit of a synopsis to that, I want 1:08:22.680 --> 1:08:26.400 to know, do you feel like Diddy has mental health 1:08:26.439 --> 1:08:31.320 that somebody should pay attention to or should have some 1:08:31.479 --> 1:08:34.120 level of accountability to what's happening, Because when I look 1:08:34.160 --> 1:08:36.599 at me, just when I look at both situations, I 1:08:36.640 --> 1:08:39.559 think there are two people who are dealing with mental health, right, 1:08:39.880 --> 1:08:42.880 and I don't. And I think that we look at 1:08:42.880 --> 1:08:46.080 the power dynamics and we and we just ignore the 1:08:46.160 --> 1:08:48.880 fact that this man was on drugs. This man was 1:08:48.920 --> 1:08:52.920 probably definitely dealing with levels of insecurity, all of these things. 1:08:52.920 --> 1:08:56.240 And I don't know what his background is, his child upbringing, 1:08:56.280 --> 1:08:59.160 but I don't I want to know if you feel 1:08:59.160 --> 1:09:04.680 that he has mental health that could kind of be 1:09:04.800 --> 1:09:08.320 able to relate to what has happened in this situation. 1:09:09.320 --> 1:09:11.880 Well, it's funny, bro, if you ask a controversial question, 1:09:11.960 --> 1:09:13.960 I'm going to give you a controversial answer, probably, But 1:09:14.400 --> 1:09:19.840 what I tried to explain to people is I got 1:09:19.840 --> 1:09:23.040 really irritated because I saw a lot of people attacking Cassie. 1:09:24.240 --> 1:09:27.439 And for me, it is irrelevant whether or not Cassie 1:09:27.520 --> 1:09:29.639 got paid. It is an irrelevant whether or not Cassie 1:09:29.720 --> 1:09:32.880 was using Diddy for a music career. None of that 1:09:33.040 --> 1:09:36.839 gives him the right to assault her. 1:09:37.240 --> 1:09:41.240 Number one, which is what is alleged. Number two. 1:09:42.560 --> 1:09:46.040 Is there are a lot of people are who truly 1:09:46.120 --> 1:09:49.439 believe that like a woman deserves certain treatment. 1:09:50.200 --> 1:09:52.360 And I want to say, I am. 1:09:52.400 --> 1:09:56.679 The child of a person who watched an abusive dad 1:09:57.800 --> 1:10:02.040 not treat his children or wife. Well, there's a psychology 1:10:02.640 --> 1:10:06.800 of how the women are controlled in that environment, and 1:10:07.080 --> 1:10:11.040 unless you like understand that psychology, you really should just 1:10:11.160 --> 1:10:13.400 be quiet, because, like I. 1:10:13.680 --> 1:10:16.240 Think you don't get it. 1:10:16.240 --> 1:10:18.720 Like I watched an interview one time with and Jay 1:10:18.760 --> 1:10:22.400 Z referenced in one of his songs where Farrakhn said, like, 1:10:22.880 --> 1:10:24.480 you should be quiet too. 1:10:25.479 --> 1:10:26.599 I think it was Wallace in. 1:10:26.520 --> 1:10:28.680 One of the interviews, Mike Wallace. 1:10:28.760 --> 1:10:31.200 Right, and he was basically saying, like, you don't understand 1:10:31.200 --> 1:10:32.200 the thing that you're saying, so. 1:10:32.200 --> 1:10:33.280 You should just be quiet. 1:10:33.760 --> 1:10:37.160 And how I felt about this dynamic is unless you 1:10:37.240 --> 1:10:41.720 understand the power dynamics between abuser and abused and how 1:10:41.920 --> 1:10:49.759 control is initiated and kept going, then you don't understand 1:10:49.760 --> 1:10:51.080 why Cassie didn't leave. 1:10:52.320 --> 1:10:54.640 So and there's no justification. 1:10:54.800 --> 1:10:57.200 I don't care if Cassie was using him for money 1:10:57.240 --> 1:10:58.759 and opportunity and everything else. 1:10:59.400 --> 1:11:00.479 Some of the things. 1:11:00.280 --> 1:11:02.880 That are alleged do not give him the right to 1:11:02.960 --> 1:11:04.520 treat her that way. 1:11:04.680 --> 1:11:07.840 So that was the point of my video. 1:11:09.120 --> 1:11:13.960 Now to answer my songs question one hundred percent, like 1:11:14.200 --> 1:11:17.800 mentally healthy people don't do the things that Diddy is 1:11:17.800 --> 1:11:21.080 alleged of doing. But here's the controversial thing I'm going 1:11:21.120 --> 1:11:23.559 to say, So, yes, I think did he had mental 1:11:23.600 --> 1:11:26.360 health issues, and he probably had those mental health issues 1:11:26.720 --> 1:11:29.479 long before he became the person that we knew of 1:11:29.520 --> 1:11:35.360 as Diddy. But wealth and fame also produce mental health 1:11:35.400 --> 1:11:39.040 issues because you get used to the world catering to 1:11:39.120 --> 1:11:42.360 what it is that you want, and you eventually lose 1:11:42.479 --> 1:11:46.200 the ability to know that there are boundaries in this 1:11:46.280 --> 1:11:49.000 world that you have to respect. And the more wealth 1:11:49.000 --> 1:11:51.439 and fame you have, the easier it is for you 1:11:51.479 --> 1:11:54.000 to lose that boundary and the longer you are wealthy 1:11:54.040 --> 1:11:57.240 and famous, the harder it is to hold on to 1:11:57.320 --> 1:11:59.960 the reality that not everything in this world is access 1:12:00.280 --> 1:12:02.880 to you. And I think if I take a person 1:12:02.920 --> 1:12:06.400 who's got some troubles, and there's if what is alleged 1:12:06.520 --> 1:12:10.000 is true, Sean Colmes clearly has some troubles, and then 1:12:10.040 --> 1:12:13.760 I give that troubled person unbelievable amounts of wealth and 1:12:13.920 --> 1:12:15.760 unbelievable amount of fame. 1:12:15.560 --> 1:12:15.880 I e. 1:12:15.960 --> 1:12:18.600 Power, It's very easy to see how people lose the 1:12:18.600 --> 1:12:22.680 boundary between what is mine and what is not my Hm. 1:12:21.960 --> 1:12:23.840 Wow, that's interesting. 1:12:24.000 --> 1:12:26.920 I mean definitely, I think some mental health stuff was there, 1:12:26.920 --> 1:12:30.479 and I think that the defense has already attempted to 1:12:31.080 --> 1:12:35.200 make the case that he was, you know, all high often, 1:12:35.640 --> 1:12:41.240 very often, and therefore not necessarily in his right mind. 1:12:41.640 --> 1:12:45.000 And we've argued this many times in different circles. I mean, 1:12:45.120 --> 1:12:47.439 you know, well, and I don't know if you know this, 1:12:47.560 --> 1:12:49.920 but you know, I love Puff very much. I have 1:12:50.280 --> 1:12:55.519 a good relationship with him, and he has always been 1:12:55.680 --> 1:12:58.640 very good to me. You know, I've never ever witnessed 1:12:58.680 --> 1:13:02.040 any of this stuff. And that's generally what we say 1:13:02.200 --> 1:13:05.280 when you know someone and you love them and you've 1:13:05.320 --> 1:13:08.519 not seen it, but it does not make me numb 1:13:08.680 --> 1:13:12.960 to and or confused about what I saw on that 1:13:13.080 --> 1:13:15.519 video and also other things that I just believe to 1:13:15.600 --> 1:13:18.080 be true. So I think that you know, and I 1:13:18.120 --> 1:13:21.120 always tell mice, I think we as humans are walking 1:13:21.240 --> 1:13:26.000 contradictions that you know, we can love Pooky knowing that 1:13:26.120 --> 1:13:29.360 Pooky did some crazy stuff, right, We as black folks 1:13:29.360 --> 1:13:33.280 say free John John all the time, and it's like, bruh, 1:13:33.560 --> 1:13:36.400 John John was over there bugging you know. 1:13:36.320 --> 1:13:38.760 What I'm saying. And I mean, as long as we're 1:13:38.800 --> 1:13:39.680 honest about it. 1:13:39.760 --> 1:13:42.880 I think that because when our young people are watching us, 1:13:42.920 --> 1:13:45.519 when kids are watching us as they grow up, they 1:13:45.560 --> 1:13:47.920 hear what we say and they see how we act 1:13:47.920 --> 1:13:50.519 and how we react. And when someone that we don't 1:13:50.600 --> 1:13:54.519 know does something, we are automatically This is kind of 1:13:54.560 --> 1:13:57.120 like a question you could just jump in, but we 1:13:57.160 --> 1:14:01.599 are automatically like, ill, there's an X on you because 1:14:01.680 --> 1:14:03.600 you are a person that either I don't know or 1:14:03.640 --> 1:14:05.960 I don't like. But when it's someone that we know, 1:14:06.000 --> 1:14:09.120 we have familiarality with, or you know, at some point 1:14:09.200 --> 1:14:12.320 we appreciated there aret, their talent or whatever, and they 1:14:12.400 --> 1:14:15.960 do something, then it's kind of like h well, he 1:14:16.000 --> 1:14:19.400 ain't never do it to me, or should have done this? 1:14:19.640 --> 1:14:22.240 Or why didn't she leave? Well, why didn't this happen? 1:14:22.360 --> 1:14:25.680 Or that happen? And I don't know about all the 1:14:25.760 --> 1:14:27.880 other things. I think we will see what a jury 1:14:27.920 --> 1:14:30.920 says about sex trafficking or what a jury says about 1:14:31.000 --> 1:14:34.240 coheression and extortion and this and that and the third. 1:14:34.840 --> 1:14:37.599 But the abusive side, which is not what. 1:14:37.439 --> 1:14:39.960 He has been indicted of, by the way, it's not 1:14:40.640 --> 1:14:44.479 him abusing Cassie, is not there that part. I don't 1:14:44.560 --> 1:14:48.479 understand how people are debating that. No, I see, I'm 1:14:48.520 --> 1:14:51.920 not talking about you. You know you can't cause you. No, 1:14:52.360 --> 1:14:55.840 I'm talking about I see people online who are like, well, 1:14:56.000 --> 1:14:57.880 she might have done this or that and the third. 1:14:57.920 --> 1:14:59.559 And I feel like that may. 1:14:59.360 --> 1:15:03.880 Be because we have this contradiction of if it was 1:15:03.960 --> 1:15:07.280 happening by someone else that we did not know or 1:15:07.400 --> 1:15:10.320 appreciate for whatever reason, we'd be really pissed about it. 1:15:10.360 --> 1:15:13.160 But when it's somebody we do know a half familiarality with, 1:15:13.520 --> 1:15:15.120 we can make excuses for them. 1:15:15.640 --> 1:15:17.000 Well, we have a tendency. 1:15:18.160 --> 1:15:21.120 There's this thing in the psychological world that's known as 1:15:21.160 --> 1:15:25.120 confirmation bias, which means if I have a positive feeling 1:15:25.120 --> 1:15:26.960 towards you and I learned something negative, I have a 1:15:27.000 --> 1:15:30.040 tendency to disbelieve it. And if I have a positive 1:15:30.040 --> 1:15:32.400 feeling towards you and I and I hear something positive, 1:15:32.400 --> 1:15:33.480 I have a tendency. 1:15:33.120 --> 1:15:34.719 To believe it, or vice versa. 1:15:34.840 --> 1:15:37.160 If I have a negative feeling towards you and I 1:15:37.200 --> 1:15:38.960 hear something negative about you, I tend to believe it. 1:15:38.960 --> 1:15:41.240 And if I hear something positive while I think negative you, 1:15:41.240 --> 1:15:43.360 I tend to not believe it. But the important thing 1:15:43.439 --> 1:15:46.599 is exactly what you said. It is okay to love 1:15:46.640 --> 1:15:50.200 someone and believe that they should be held accountable because 1:15:50.240 --> 1:15:54.280 we live in a society like for example, one of 1:15:54.320 --> 1:15:57.000 the things now, I have never assessed Diddy, so I'm 1:15:57.000 --> 1:15:59.519 not saying this is true, but if I were to 1:15:59.560 --> 1:16:01.200 assess it, and one of the things that would be 1:16:01.240 --> 1:16:04.519 on the list of things I'd be considering is narcissism. 1:16:04.760 --> 1:16:09.800 And narcissists look for targets, and Tamika, You're not a 1:16:09.840 --> 1:16:14.599 great target, and they look for targets. They look for 1:16:14.640 --> 1:16:17.439 people with low self esteem that could be more easily controlled, 1:16:17.439 --> 1:16:19.400 and they look for people that don't understand their self 1:16:19.400 --> 1:16:21.680 worth they look for people need something from them that 1:16:21.720 --> 1:16:25.080 they can use to control them. And you would not 1:16:25.160 --> 1:16:28.479 be perceived by most narcissists as an easy target. So 1:16:28.479 --> 1:16:30.960 I'm not surprised that you would say, well, I always 1:16:31.000 --> 1:16:34.200 got this X, Y, and Z kind of treatment. Yeah, 1:16:34.200 --> 1:16:36.280 because you don't have the kind of personality that would 1:16:36.320 --> 1:16:39.840 have triggered him to do these alleged things. 1:16:39.880 --> 1:16:41.960 And I was not always this person. 1:16:42.160 --> 1:16:44.799 And that's why I know that what you're saying is true, 1:16:44.840 --> 1:16:47.439 because there was a time in my life where I was, 1:16:48.040 --> 1:16:50.639 you know, not living at home with my parents when 1:16:50.640 --> 1:16:52.439 I should have been, and then I had no money, 1:16:52.600 --> 1:16:54.599 you know, so I was kind of like living from 1:16:54.640 --> 1:16:59.320 pillow to posts, as they say, not listening, not being respectful, 1:16:59.520 --> 1:17:02.240 dropped off the school, and so it put me in 1:17:02.479 --> 1:17:06.360 situations where people were able to take advantage of me 1:17:06.560 --> 1:17:09.880 because they knew this girl doesn't have her shit together, 1:17:09.960 --> 1:17:12.759 she's out of whack, she looks crazy, she's not well kept, 1:17:13.080 --> 1:17:15.479 and they knew and they took advantage of that. And 1:17:15.479 --> 1:17:18.280 and I'm just I'm taking Cassie and people like that 1:17:18.320 --> 1:17:21.559 off the table. But to your point, people know who 1:17:21.720 --> 1:17:24.439 they can do certain things, right. 1:17:24.400 --> 1:17:28.639 That is absolutely correct and Narcissists are always looking for targets. 1:17:29.040 --> 1:17:31.719 Narcissists don't have relationships, and again, want to be clear, 1:17:31.760 --> 1:17:34.040 I don't I do not know m to be narcissists, 1:17:34.080 --> 1:17:36.080 but that's one of the things on the short list 1:17:36.120 --> 1:17:39.960 i'd be considering. And they always always look for targets, 1:17:40.000 --> 1:17:42.200 and you're not a great target. So it's not surprising 1:17:42.200 --> 1:17:44.759 that you would say, well, I always got treated pretty 1:17:44.760 --> 1:17:49.880 well because outside of the target, most people would say, oh, 1:17:49.920 --> 1:17:52.240 he was very nice in charming. I know a lot 1:17:52.240 --> 1:17:54.840 of celebrities that were at parties around him, and all 1:17:54.920 --> 1:17:57.519 of them have said to me, I wasn't aware of 1:17:57.560 --> 1:18:00.439 the things that were happening outside of what I saw 1:18:00.520 --> 1:18:01.400 at the White Party. 1:18:02.160 --> 1:18:02.280 Uh. 1:18:02.400 --> 1:18:05.719 And because none of them really lined up as targets, 1:18:05.720 --> 1:18:06.960 so they don't get they don't see it. 1:18:07.160 --> 1:18:09.479 And see me and my son and I argue this 1:18:09.640 --> 1:18:13.840 one point that because my son knows a lot of 1:18:13.880 --> 1:18:16.760 guys who work for Puff, they have they were like 1:18:16.920 --> 1:18:19.040 raised not by him, but like, what would you say 1:18:19.080 --> 1:18:20.599 in the environment. 1:18:20.720 --> 1:18:23.360 Since since ninety eight, I used to Mace is a 1:18:23.360 --> 1:18:25.320 close friend of mine that been around I know a 1:18:25.320 --> 1:18:30.240 lot of his security sad personal like people that were 1:18:30.280 --> 1:18:36.680 his personal assistance, assistance. So I've seen different elements from 1:18:36.760 --> 1:18:38.840 ninety eight until now, I know, and a lot. 1:18:38.680 --> 1:18:41.160 Of people and none of them, I mean, with the 1:18:41.160 --> 1:18:43.920 exception of Mace, because he said the man's evil and dis. 1:18:43.920 --> 1:18:46.840 And I mean, I'm not understand from him suicide. Yeah, 1:18:47.040 --> 1:18:49.280 with the exception of Maze, they had their own personal 1:18:49.320 --> 1:18:52.160 situation and it was finance. It was based on finances. 1:18:52.479 --> 1:18:54.759 It wasn't based on you know, a lot of the 1:18:54.800 --> 1:18:57.759 accusations that's dealing with now. But for the most part, 1:18:57.880 --> 1:19:01.080 they haven't seen this level of him, you know what 1:19:01.120 --> 1:19:03.960 I'm saying. And a lot of them have like, well, 1:19:04.040 --> 1:19:06.240 you know, I know he was. They deal, they do 1:19:06.400 --> 1:19:08.920 deal with the narcissism, and they like, I know, he 1:19:08.960 --> 1:19:11.560 definitely was the person that wanted to control and he 1:19:11.600 --> 1:19:14.439 would do this and in all of those situations. But 1:19:14.560 --> 1:19:17.680 they just didn't see And I think and I'm not 1:19:17.720 --> 1:19:20.080 even saying they didn't see this version because what they 1:19:20.400 --> 1:19:23.599 what they're presenting inside this case, a lot of these things, 1:19:23.920 --> 1:19:26.439 you know, is about control or whatever. So you know, 1:19:26.520 --> 1:19:29.400 you have to take it, believe it or you don't. 1:19:29.640 --> 1:19:32.240 But I just think that what the media was projecting 1:19:32.439 --> 1:19:35.320 prior to that's just all these Diddy parties and it 1:19:35.439 --> 1:19:39.280 was just this freak ass where hundreds of people was 1:19:39.320 --> 1:19:41.439 in and he was just taping people and he was 1:19:41.520 --> 1:19:44.559 raping women and all that. Nobody that wasn't even a thing, 1:19:44.920 --> 1:19:46.920 you understand I'm saying. So I think that's what it was. 1:19:46.920 --> 1:19:49.960 And I think most people we were saying to yourself, 1:19:50.000 --> 1:19:52.320 like now when you're saying this Diddy parties, like a 1:19:52.360 --> 1:19:54.400 lot of us had went to parties that Puffet had 1:19:54.439 --> 1:19:57.640 and we never seen any situations like this. So I 1:19:57.680 --> 1:20:00.519 think that was the mindset going into the trial. Now 1:20:00.600 --> 1:20:02.680 when you look at the trial, you realize it's more 1:20:02.760 --> 1:20:07.479 geared around his personal relationships and how he carried on 1:20:07.560 --> 1:20:10.000 his sex life and how they utilized it and the 1:20:10.040 --> 1:20:13.800 people he utilized to control whatever whatever they're legend. So 1:20:13.800 --> 1:20:17.600 it's a different premise than it was before. You know, 1:20:18.040 --> 1:20:20.760 That's what had a lot Those were the conversation I 1:20:20.840 --> 1:20:23.240 was having. I was like, I know too many people 1:20:23.560 --> 1:20:26.840 that wouldn't be in the circumference of all this shit 1:20:26.920 --> 1:20:28.800 that they talk about. It just wouldn't have happened in 1:20:28.800 --> 1:20:30.880 that man. So now when we're looking up and say, okay, 1:20:30.880 --> 1:20:32.679 this is that man personal life. For the most part, 1:20:32.880 --> 1:20:35.800 it's him and the people and his staff that were 1:20:35.880 --> 1:20:38.920 you know, he were utilizing them and within his personal sex. 1:20:38.960 --> 1:20:41.320 So say so, I. 1:20:41.280 --> 1:20:44.559 Mean, that's what the accusations is, but that wasn't what 1:20:44.600 --> 1:20:45.040 they were saying. 1:20:45.120 --> 1:20:47.240 Yeah, the way they project in other words, but my 1:20:47.720 --> 1:20:49.200 I mean, I hear what you're saying, y'all don't have 1:20:49.200 --> 1:20:53.200 to translate it. But for my own whatever is that 1:20:53.960 --> 1:20:56.880 the media made it seem like it was just any 1:20:56.920 --> 1:20:59.760 party you went to because people would actually say that 1:20:59.800 --> 1:21:01.920 to us and to other people, like, oh, you was 1:21:01.960 --> 1:21:03.639 at a ditty party, So it was a freak off 1:21:03.640 --> 1:21:05.760 because in their mind, you walk through the door and 1:21:05.880 --> 1:21:09.000 immediately in order for you to be here, you gotta 1:21:09.040 --> 1:21:11.840 get down. And that's just not the case. To your point, 1:21:12.200 --> 1:21:16.920 most of the environments that we've been in have been fantastic, beautiful, 1:21:17.240 --> 1:21:20.840 you know, everybody enjoined themselves. And then if these things 1:21:20.840 --> 1:21:23.559 are true to your point, it goes on at a 1:21:23.600 --> 1:21:26.200 time when folks don't see it, which is another part 1:21:26.360 --> 1:21:29.559 of how people get away with some of the things 1:21:29.600 --> 1:21:33.360 that they do. And again, not talking about Ditty so much, 1:21:33.520 --> 1:21:36.759 but the broader perspective is that a lot of people 1:21:36.920 --> 1:21:40.880 have another life that folks people know about, you know 1:21:40.960 --> 1:21:41.360 what I mean. 1:21:41.600 --> 1:21:46.599 Yeah, So, but anyway, and think about the way power exists, Like. 1:21:48.439 --> 1:21:53.559 If I'm aware of the other life as you put it, 1:21:54.320 --> 1:21:56.720 and he is Sean Colmes and everybody loves him and 1:21:56.720 --> 1:21:58.280 they love his music and they love his work, and 1:21:58.320 --> 1:21:59.439 he donuts to charity and. 1:21:59.360 --> 1:22:02.479 He does this, does that, and I accuse him of something. 1:22:03.439 --> 1:22:06.560 It is very often that the woman is not believed, 1:22:07.160 --> 1:22:09.479 and most women live in a world there's like I'm 1:22:09.479 --> 1:22:12.280 afraid to say anything because that person is very powerful. 1:22:12.880 --> 1:22:15.599 So all I can say is and this goes back 1:22:15.640 --> 1:22:17.360 to what you were saying to Meka, like I wish 1:22:17.439 --> 1:22:20.000 the internet would just take a pause. And part of 1:22:20.000 --> 1:22:23.560 the reason I wish that is people overvalue their opinions 1:22:23.640 --> 1:22:25.280 and think they should be able to share them about 1:22:25.320 --> 1:22:28.479 things they know nothing about. I have no idea what 1:22:28.520 --> 1:22:31.360 Diddy was doing in his personal life, and I think 1:22:31.439 --> 1:22:33.559 a lot of the stuff that Mice was just referring to. 1:22:33.640 --> 1:22:37.200 It's just like the media and people on social media 1:22:37.240 --> 1:22:39.519 like sharing their opinions and thoughts. Just because you like 1:22:39.600 --> 1:22:41.639 that dude music doesn't mean that he didn't do every 1:22:41.640 --> 1:22:44.519 single thing alleged in the indictment, and we need to 1:22:44.560 --> 1:22:48.160 just sit back and let the courts like review the 1:22:48.200 --> 1:22:50.080 evidence and say what happened and what didn't happen, and 1:22:50.640 --> 1:22:51.880 live with what the judgment is. 1:22:52.760 --> 1:22:55.960 Well, how do we say that, because we don't live 1:22:56.000 --> 1:22:58.080 with the judgment of a whole lot of things. We 1:22:58.120 --> 1:23:01.000 get upset. We say that black men are being railroad. 1:23:01.040 --> 1:23:03.920 And now you see that this issue with Tyler Perry 1:23:04.040 --> 1:23:06.120 has come up. And I don't know if you read 1:23:06.160 --> 1:23:09.320 the all the slides, because I read all the text 1:23:09.360 --> 1:23:09.960 messages in the. 1:23:09.960 --> 1:23:14.639 Slot, and I you know, you know it was some 1:23:14.640 --> 1:23:15.679 some funny business. 1:23:15.760 --> 1:23:18.160 I can tell that you know clearly this was a 1:23:18.840 --> 1:23:22.080 relationship that's outside outside of. 1:23:21.960 --> 1:23:24.120 The buying the bay the excuse me. 1:23:24.439 --> 1:23:28.600 This was a relationship that was outside of the boundaries 1:23:28.680 --> 1:23:34.520 of a work employee relationship. And I keep telling everybody 1:23:34.520 --> 1:23:37.040 that I work with, everybody that will listen to me. 1:23:37.320 --> 1:23:40.200 People probably so tired of me saying over and over 1:23:40.200 --> 1:23:43.760 again that you have to be very careful when you're 1:23:43.840 --> 1:23:46.920 the boss and you work with people and the types 1:23:46.960 --> 1:23:49.840 of relationships that you carry on with people, because it 1:23:49.880 --> 1:23:52.920 doesn't matter what that person is saying to you. They 1:23:52.960 --> 1:23:57.320 could be laying on the table butt, naked, everything open 1:23:57.600 --> 1:23:58.280 begging you. 1:23:58.240 --> 1:23:58.880 To take it. 1:23:58.960 --> 1:24:01.400 In the moment you touch it, you are the one 1:24:01.439 --> 1:24:03.160 with the power in that situation. 1:24:03.240 --> 1:24:05.040 And I keep telling people that, but nobody wants to 1:24:05.040 --> 1:24:05.559 listen to me. 1:24:06.040 --> 1:24:08.479 But you do have this element of folks who are like, 1:24:08.640 --> 1:24:13.000 well are Kelly and now Puff and then of course 1:24:13.040 --> 1:24:16.519 Bill Cosby and then now here we go with Tyler Perry. 1:24:16.720 --> 1:24:17.479 So all the. 1:24:19.680 --> 1:24:24.439 Big time, very successful black men seem to be taken 1:24:24.520 --> 1:24:29.920 out around sexual things, harassment, rape, things like that, and 1:24:30.000 --> 1:24:31.680 folks are not willing to accept that. 1:24:31.720 --> 1:24:33.640 They just like this is even if they don't like 1:24:33.680 --> 1:24:34.320 these people. 1:24:35.160 --> 1:24:35.360 Right. 1:24:35.760 --> 1:24:37.840 Well, I want to be I want to be really careful, 1:24:37.880 --> 1:24:39.599 make sure I express myself accurately. 1:24:39.680 --> 1:24:39.920 Here. 1:24:41.680 --> 1:24:43.479 One of the best things that you can do to 1:24:43.520 --> 1:24:46.520 protect your mental health is mind your own business. 1:24:47.920 --> 1:24:52.080 That's that's a good one, Yes it is, but it's true. 1:24:52.120 --> 1:24:52.960 It's absolutely true. 1:24:53.320 --> 1:24:55.320 If I want to be a mentally healthy person, I 1:24:55.320 --> 1:24:58.160 got to mind my own business, which I think is 1:24:58.240 --> 1:25:02.040 harder to do in today's eight then it's ever been before, 1:25:02.160 --> 1:25:04.920 because I have access to more of stuff that is 1:25:04.960 --> 1:25:07.719 not my business than ever before. 1:25:07.760 --> 1:25:09.760 But I have to I have to recognize it. 1:25:10.000 --> 1:25:11.840 If I want to have a healthy life and take 1:25:11.880 --> 1:25:13.920 care of my own mentality. I've got to learn how 1:25:13.960 --> 1:25:15.280 to mind my own business. 1:25:15.080 --> 1:25:17.520 And drink water and drink. 1:25:17.280 --> 1:25:20.360 Water and you know, exercise whatever. But like, just mind 1:25:20.360 --> 1:25:24.160 my own business. Now connected to that, I don't have 1:25:24.240 --> 1:25:27.240 to like the system, and I can oppose. 1:25:26.840 --> 1:25:30.519 The system, but in an individual basis, I don't know 1:25:30.560 --> 1:25:32.080 what Tyler Perry did or didn't do. 1:25:32.240 --> 1:25:34.080 I don't know what he said or didn't say, so 1:25:34.160 --> 1:25:39.480 I'm gonna just not judge that. But I'm not unaware 1:25:39.520 --> 1:25:41.879 of the pattern that black men seem to be targeted 1:25:41.920 --> 1:25:44.280 once they get a certain level of wealth. And I 1:25:44.320 --> 1:25:46.479 can say I oppose the system that seems to be 1:25:46.560 --> 1:25:49.320 targeting black men, but I don't know that that specific 1:25:49.400 --> 1:25:52.840 black men didn't do exactly what's allegedly I really don't 1:25:52.840 --> 1:25:53.439 know there. 1:25:53.520 --> 1:25:57.000 But how do you reconcile those two things when people 1:25:57.040 --> 1:26:00.400 feel like they're constantly attacked by the system, And now 1:26:00.439 --> 1:26:02.960 here we are in a situation where one after the 1:26:03.000 --> 1:26:05.639 next after the next, it's like they dropped like flies. 1:26:05.720 --> 1:26:08.000 I mean, what was his name, Cuba Gooding? 1:26:08.479 --> 1:26:10.920 I mean, is every time you turn around, it's one 1:26:10.960 --> 1:26:14.280 of us, even even Elliott, even. 1:26:15.520 --> 1:26:20.080 What's his name? The one from the movies that. 1:26:21.560 --> 1:26:23.120 You know, As far as I'm concerned, he was over 1:26:23.160 --> 1:26:25.000 there trying to protect himself from that woman. 1:26:25.040 --> 1:26:25.679 What's his name? 1:26:25.840 --> 1:26:32.000 Oh gosh, that was just In Creed, Yeah. 1:26:31.520 --> 1:26:34.599 The one who who who is in a relationship with 1:26:35.439 --> 1:26:36.120 Megan Good. 1:26:36.760 --> 1:26:42.799 Oh yeah, yeah, major. 1:26:43.360 --> 1:26:46.200 Look at what happened to him, like you know, and 1:26:46.360 --> 1:26:48.800 every people will have their own opinion, but it was 1:26:48.960 --> 1:26:51.120 very clear the man told the lady leave him alone, 1:26:51.160 --> 1:26:53.000 He got out the car, he ran from the lady. 1:26:53.080 --> 1:26:54.440 Yes, did she have bruises? 1:26:54.600 --> 1:26:58.040 Yet she did, but nonetheless he they got into whatever 1:26:58.040 --> 1:27:00.840 they got into, and like my son says, top relationships, 1:27:00.960 --> 1:27:04.200 shit happened. And then on top of that, then he 1:27:04.760 --> 1:27:07.640 gets away from her and now somehow he becomes like 1:27:07.720 --> 1:27:11.360 he loses everything right as a result of that. So 1:27:11.439 --> 1:27:14.200 I'm just saying it's kind of hard for people to 1:27:14.240 --> 1:27:16.479 be able to decipher. And again I'm not saying whether 1:27:16.560 --> 1:27:18.280 folks did right or wrong, because if you bring r 1:27:18.360 --> 1:27:21.720 Kelly up around me, like my whole birthday, people kept 1:27:21.720 --> 1:27:25.080 playing r Kelly at all the parties and it was really. 1:27:24.840 --> 1:27:25.759 Making me upset. 1:27:25.920 --> 1:27:29.200 But when I turn around, everybody was having such a 1:27:29.240 --> 1:27:32.040 good time that I said he had go negative Nancy 1:27:32.520 --> 1:27:34.519 want to go over to the DJ, and the DJ 1:27:34.680 --> 1:27:37.439 is into it, like, yeah, they doing I don't smigny 1:27:37.560 --> 1:27:40.240 not and everybody's having a good time, and here I 1:27:40.320 --> 1:27:43.559 go negative Nancy finding my way to the DJ booth 1:27:43.600 --> 1:27:46.080 to say, please, don't play R Kelly. I did it 1:27:46.120 --> 1:27:49.000 the first night at Sylvia's. The DJ looked at me 1:27:49.040 --> 1:27:50.920 a little bit like what, and I'm like, yeah, we 1:27:50.960 --> 1:27:51.920 don't play R Kelly. 1:27:52.120 --> 1:27:55.320 But as every day went on, it's kind of hard 1:27:55.400 --> 1:27:57.240 to always be the one. 1:27:57.520 --> 1:27:59.439 But I don't want R Kelly played at my parties. 1:27:59.479 --> 1:28:01.280 I don't listen to R Kelly. I don't want to 1:28:01.280 --> 1:28:03.519 hear it. So I'm not trying to say that I'm 1:28:03.520 --> 1:28:06.960 defending any of them, but I can understand, especially as 1:28:06.960 --> 1:28:10.439 a black man, watching one after the next after the next, 1:28:10.520 --> 1:28:13.880 and on top of that, cousin Pooky, cousin John John, 1:28:14.160 --> 1:28:17.400 and even maybe me, we're all in the caught up 1:28:17.439 --> 1:28:20.599 in this system that just finds everything wrong with us, 1:28:20.960 --> 1:28:22.960 and it's hard for me to just sit here and 1:28:22.960 --> 1:28:25.040 be like, yeah, these people did all these things and 1:28:25.080 --> 1:28:26.639 they all need to go to jail for the rest 1:28:26.720 --> 1:28:27.600 of their lives. 1:28:28.040 --> 1:28:30.479 Yeah, no, I agree with that, and I don't think 1:28:30.520 --> 1:28:32.080 all these people did all these things, and they all 1:28:32.080 --> 1:28:33.599 should go to jail for the rest of their lives, 1:28:33.680 --> 1:28:40.440 and they all deserve advocation winning if there are improprieties. 1:28:40.439 --> 1:28:44.519 But I want to go back like again, So let 1:28:44.520 --> 1:28:47.200 me bring up confirmation bias. One of the ways that 1:28:47.360 --> 1:28:52.439 racism works. Let's say I have a bias against black people, 1:28:53.240 --> 1:28:56.080 and as a consequence of that bias, I don't look 1:28:56.080 --> 1:29:00.360 at my song and see an upstanding, good person. 1:29:01.720 --> 1:29:07.519 And then I see my son in a video with 1:29:08.080 --> 1:29:09.519 a woman running from him. 1:29:10.920 --> 1:29:13.880 It is very easy for me and my negative bias 1:29:13.920 --> 1:29:16.880 to believe a negative thing about him. So when someone 1:29:16.960 --> 1:29:19.920 then says my son was being inappropriate with that woman, 1:29:20.880 --> 1:29:23.400 that's how the system works because there's a negative bias 1:29:23.479 --> 1:29:26.760 against black people in the system. So black people end 1:29:26.840 --> 1:29:30.840 up overcharged. They end up frequently charged when non black 1:29:30.840 --> 1:29:33.760 people wouldn't be. And one of the things that I 1:29:33.800 --> 1:29:36.200 would say, and I have lots of conversations, like, if 1:29:36.200 --> 1:29:38.559 you were a black celebrity, you have probably called me 1:29:38.640 --> 1:29:40.840 within the last couple of years and we have probably met, 1:29:41.560 --> 1:29:44.040 and I have to tell them, like you have to 1:29:44.160 --> 1:29:48.240 know you exist in a society that doesn't look at 1:29:48.280 --> 1:29:51.800 you and give you grace. So that means if you 1:29:51.880 --> 1:29:55.200 find yourself in a toxic situation, you are now risking 1:29:55.880 --> 1:29:58.799 all of what you have built. You have a higher 1:29:58.840 --> 1:30:01.120 responsibility because you have to be aware you live in 1:30:01.160 --> 1:30:05.479 a society that wants to see you fall. That's just 1:30:05.560 --> 1:30:07.600 the reality of what it's like to be a successful 1:30:07.600 --> 1:30:10.240 black man. So if I said, oh, I got a 1:30:10.280 --> 1:30:13.160 secret video of my song some women running from by. 1:30:13.120 --> 1:30:15.200 Soan, people would want to watch that. 1:30:15.320 --> 1:30:17.439 But if I said I got a secret video somebody 1:30:17.520 --> 1:30:21.160 running from mister Rogers, They're probably not as interested because 1:30:21.160 --> 1:30:23.720 they know the bias doesn't exist and people have a 1:30:23.760 --> 1:30:24.519 hard time believing. 1:30:25.800 --> 1:30:29.559 So we have an unfair out. 1:30:29.479 --> 1:30:31.120 Here, that's what you're said. We black out here. 1:30:32.120 --> 1:30:36.640 Yeah, we black out here, and we have an unfair responsibility. 1:30:36.640 --> 1:30:39.840 But that responsibility is still there, and that is I 1:30:39.920 --> 1:30:41.760 have to be very careful with how I live my 1:30:41.800 --> 1:30:42.519 personal life. 1:30:43.240 --> 1:30:45.640 I have to be very careful with what I do. 1:30:45.800 --> 1:30:49.960 Like, can an average person send inappropriate text messages. 1:30:49.520 --> 1:30:50.160 To their employees? 1:30:50.160 --> 1:30:51.120 Probably because nobody cares. 1:30:51.160 --> 1:30:52.960 But if I were sitting there talking to Tyler Perry, 1:30:52.960 --> 1:30:54.679 I would say, if you want to say these things, 1:30:54.720 --> 1:30:56.960 go over and say the things to the person. Yes, 1:30:57.160 --> 1:30:59.759 because you text them, you're giving evidence, and that evidence 1:31:00.120 --> 1:31:04.200 will be devoured by the world differently simply because of you, 1:31:04.240 --> 1:31:06.360 who are a black man. 1:31:06.000 --> 1:31:07.840 We're gonna wrap it up. 1:31:07.880 --> 1:31:11.120 But I just want you to just on as we 1:31:11.240 --> 1:31:17.120 leave for Men's Mental Health Month, give just us black men, Well, 1:31:17.120 --> 1:31:22.679 I give us just one piece of advice to deal 1:31:22.760 --> 1:31:25.240 with this, all these things that we have to deal 1:31:25.320 --> 1:31:29.439 with every day, understanding the dynamic understanding that we black 1:31:29.439 --> 1:31:32.559 out here. You know, give what would be just a 1:31:32.600 --> 1:31:34.960 piece of advice that you can give just every black 1:31:35.000 --> 1:31:36.719 man for Mental health mon. 1:31:38.160 --> 1:31:40.080 Fight. That's what I would say. 1:31:42.880 --> 1:31:45.080 I would I would tell every black man to fight 1:31:45.360 --> 1:31:50.360 on the battlefields with which they're capable of fighting. Fighting 1:31:50.439 --> 1:31:55.040 an advocation leads to hope, and fighting an advocation leads 1:31:55.040 --> 1:32:00.879 to change. So I would say, advocate, push, push the boundary. 1:32:00.880 --> 1:32:03.640 It's like my way of fighting is. I am a 1:32:03.680 --> 1:32:08.880 black psychotherapist, and roughly ten percent of all psychotherapists are black. 1:32:08.920 --> 1:32:13.920 It's a wildly unrepresented, underrepresented community. And one of the 1:32:13.920 --> 1:32:16.240 ways that I fight is I exist in these white 1:32:16.280 --> 1:32:18.560 academic worlds and a lot of my books are academic 1:32:19.200 --> 1:32:22.759 and I will go to conferences where I'm the only 1:32:22.840 --> 1:32:25.680 black person on the stage speaking. And one of my 1:32:25.720 --> 1:32:27.840 ways of fighting is making sure I show up and 1:32:27.840 --> 1:32:29.400 I represent my culture in. 1:32:29.320 --> 1:32:30.160 The way that I do that. 1:32:30.479 --> 1:32:32.639 It's in the way that I dress, talk, walk, act, 1:32:33.040 --> 1:32:36.120 It's in everything that I do. One of the ways 1:32:36.120 --> 1:32:38.200 that my son fought is he made sure he was 1:32:38.240 --> 1:32:41.719 aligned with a basketball player and he doesn't wear Nike anymore. 1:32:42.360 --> 1:32:46.439 But whatever your battlefield is, make sure you fight. This 1:32:46.520 --> 1:32:50.080 world is not fair to us. It is a threat 1:32:50.479 --> 1:32:54.599 every single moment of every single day, and we have 1:32:54.680 --> 1:32:56.960 to we have to fight. And in that fight, we 1:32:57.080 --> 1:33:00.760 also have to understand that the best way we can 1:33:00.800 --> 1:33:06.719 fight is economically. We have to understand that dollars win fights. 1:33:06.760 --> 1:33:09.439 And there are two examples that I can get. The 1:33:09.520 --> 1:33:12.599 first one I'll be I'll be current. The first one 1:33:12.640 --> 1:33:16.759 is what's happening with the boycott with Target. The Target 1:33:16.800 --> 1:33:19.760 boycott is one of the most effective financial boycotts of 1:33:20.120 --> 1:33:23.519 the Common era, and it's leading to conversations within Target 1:33:24.080 --> 1:33:26.200 because they are losing massive amounts of money simply because 1:33:26.200 --> 1:33:28.040 black people said, we're not going to spend our dollars there. 1:33:28.640 --> 1:33:31.400 And economic fighting is one of the best. And the 1:33:31.439 --> 1:33:34.439 other thing I'll say about an example of that is 1:33:35.320 --> 1:33:40.200 Rosa Parks. Now we we were told, or I was 1:33:40.200 --> 1:33:44.400 told when I was studying history, that Rosa Parks and 1:33:44.439 --> 1:33:48.479 the boy the bus boycott in Montgomery was because Rosa 1:33:48.520 --> 1:33:52.439 Parks didn't sit down and it led to this huge 1:33:52.560 --> 1:33:57.679 uproar and then eventually the the bus companies allowed black 1:33:57.680 --> 1:33:59.719 people to sit whatever they wanted on the on the bus. 1:34:00.280 --> 1:34:04.040 But that's actually not the full story. The full story 1:34:04.200 --> 1:34:07.080 is well, first of all, there was a woman before 1:34:07.240 --> 1:34:13.080 Rosa Parks that wasn't the ideal candidate to trigger this boycott. 1:34:14.040 --> 1:34:15.040 There you go exactly. 1:34:15.439 --> 1:34:18.920 So they got a more ideal candidate and Rosa Parks 1:34:18.920 --> 1:34:22.200 who intentionally did what she did, and then they use 1:34:22.240 --> 1:34:24.559 that as an opportunity to stage a boycott. Now what 1:34:24.600 --> 1:34:27.760 they don't tell you is that all started because the 1:34:27.760 --> 1:34:32.240 bus companies raised their prices by a penny per ride, 1:34:32.800 --> 1:34:35.760 and they knew the predominant population using the bus were black, 1:34:35.800 --> 1:34:38.120 so now we got to pay more to be treated poorly. 1:34:38.439 --> 1:34:40.439 The black people said, no, this is not going to work, 1:34:40.640 --> 1:34:42.839 so we're not going to ride on your buses. 1:34:43.240 --> 1:34:45.160 The bus boycott lasted. 1:34:44.840 --> 1:34:48.920 Over a year, and in that time, the church community 1:34:49.000 --> 1:34:51.439 created car pooling to make sure black people could get 1:34:51.439 --> 1:34:53.960 to their appointments and to their jobs and those sorts 1:34:53.960 --> 1:34:58.160 of things. There were three bus companies in Montgomery, Alabama 1:34:58.200 --> 1:35:01.120 when the boycott started, and two of them went out 1:35:01.120 --> 1:35:04.440 of business, meaning they would rather go out of business 1:35:04.720 --> 1:35:08.880 than serve black people with dignity and respect. The remaining 1:35:08.920 --> 1:35:13.040 bus company thought to themselves, if we sort this out, 1:35:13.080 --> 1:35:15.200 we will be the last bus company remaining and thus 1:35:15.240 --> 1:35:18.920 will get all the business, and that is why they rely. 1:35:19.000 --> 1:35:22.320 They stopped that increase of up to a penny, and 1:35:22.400 --> 1:35:24.560 they stopped having black people sit in the back of 1:35:24.600 --> 1:35:25.000 the bus. 1:35:25.400 --> 1:35:28.280 So we think of this as like, oh, this. 1:35:28.200 --> 1:35:30.200 Woman got really tired and she didn't sit on the 1:35:30.240 --> 1:35:32.400 bus and the bus company decided to change. 1:35:32.479 --> 1:35:33.160 That's not true. 1:35:33.880 --> 1:35:37.720 We gave economic punishment to the bus companies for the 1:35:37.720 --> 1:35:40.360 way that they treated us, and that's what led to change. So, 1:35:40.680 --> 1:35:42.400 if you're going to tell me what's one thing that 1:35:42.400 --> 1:35:45.720 I would have say that black men in particular need 1:35:45.720 --> 1:35:49.120 to do, it's fight because in the fight is hope 1:35:49.160 --> 1:35:51.599 that the fight will lead towards change, and the most 1:35:51.640 --> 1:35:54.960 powerful thing in any journey of mental health is hope. 1:35:55.120 --> 1:35:58.040 So everyone needs to fight on the battlefields with which 1:35:58.080 --> 1:36:02.599 they have access to. My saw, he has a large audience. 1:36:03.200 --> 1:36:04.960 So one of the things he did to fight was 1:36:04.960 --> 1:36:07.320 I'm gonna throw these nikes away and I'm gonna make 1:36:07.360 --> 1:36:09.599 a video of me doing it. I'm gonna explain why 1:36:09.720 --> 1:36:13.800 that was. That was an advocatory step by him. Now, 1:36:13.920 --> 1:36:16.320 the average person who might be like a gym teacher 1:36:16.520 --> 1:36:18.800 or whatever, you got to find what your battlefield is. 1:36:19.160 --> 1:36:21.680 But we need to fight. We need to fight collectively. 1:36:22.040 --> 1:36:24.519 We need to give economic punishments to people who refuse 1:36:24.600 --> 1:36:27.439 to teach us with dignity and respect, and in those 1:36:27.479 --> 1:36:29.040 actions it leads to hope for change. 1:36:29.280 --> 1:36:29.760 That's right. 1:36:30.120 --> 1:36:33.240 You the man Elliott Elliott Connie Man, I tell you 1:36:33.240 --> 1:36:36.760 you guys, make sure you tap into Family Therapy, his 1:36:36.960 --> 1:36:40.840 podcast on the Black Effect pac podcast Network. 1:36:41.120 --> 1:36:43.040 He is our sibling in this space. 1:36:43.160 --> 1:36:46.479 And you know, we appreciate our brother Charlemagne of God 1:36:46.640 --> 1:36:49.559 and all of the team members there at Black Effect 1:36:49.640 --> 1:36:53.040 Podcast Network for giving us a platform to be able 1:36:53.120 --> 1:36:56.400 to share information and topics that some people might not 1:36:56.560 --> 1:36:59.640 find to be the what is it, you know? The 1:36:59.680 --> 1:37:04.639 trend the trending topics. Listen to what we're talking about. 1:37:04.840 --> 1:37:07.719 It is absolutely trending because it's trending in our lives, 1:37:07.800 --> 1:37:11.639 and mental health awareness is trending, as you said, Elliott, 1:37:11.840 --> 1:37:14.960 every single day. It's not just during a month for 1:37:15.080 --> 1:37:17.960 our men. It's not just during a moment for women, 1:37:18.080 --> 1:37:21.040 for families, for anybody. Every single day we're dealing with 1:37:21.160 --> 1:37:24.519 issues and trying to figure out ways to stay sane 1:37:25.040 --> 1:37:28.920 in a society that is completely out of control, whether 1:37:29.000 --> 1:37:31.639 it be the overstimulation of what we have on our 1:37:31.680 --> 1:37:35.519 phones every day, watching us be killed, watching our rights 1:37:35.560 --> 1:37:38.920 be rolled back, looking at a president who is completely 1:37:39.560 --> 1:37:41.400 our president needs you. 1:37:41.400 --> 1:37:42.799 You should call. 1:37:42.720 --> 1:37:45.400 Up to the White House and say my name is 1:37:45.439 --> 1:37:50.040 Elliott Kannie, and I don't support you, but I feel 1:37:50.080 --> 1:37:53.200 like I can help you. You need my health for real, 1:37:53.280 --> 1:37:56.640 because the brother is in trouble. I mean seriously, And 1:37:56.960 --> 1:37:58.400 you know I was thinking the other day is that 1:37:58.479 --> 1:38:02.320 I think presidents get held hostage right by their own 1:38:02.360 --> 1:38:06.120 team members. And because it's very clear that like when 1:38:06.120 --> 1:38:08.519 he comes out and he says, well, we can't really 1:38:09.240 --> 1:38:13.719 continue to deport the farmers, and you know, we got 1:38:13.720 --> 1:38:16.280 to make sure that the hotels are good. He says 1:38:16.320 --> 1:38:19.639 all these things which would have made since in the beginning, 1:38:20.360 --> 1:38:24.840 and then days later he goes to like, no, you know, 1:38:24.880 --> 1:38:27.280 we're gonna go back and go hard, and Ice needs 1:38:27.320 --> 1:38:29.000 to get out there and do what they need to do. 1:38:29.400 --> 1:38:32.000 It tells me that from the moment that he speaks 1:38:32.120 --> 1:38:35.719 until he goes back in the back room somewhere, he's 1:38:35.760 --> 1:38:38.639 got people who are white nationalists, like a man by 1:38:38.680 --> 1:38:41.800 the name of Stephen Miller and others who are telling 1:38:41.880 --> 1:38:44.479 him we have to stick to the Project twenty twenty 1:38:44.520 --> 1:38:49.679 five plan, even though he knows because he is even 1:38:49.680 --> 1:38:52.920 as a failed business person, he in some people's minds, 1:38:52.920 --> 1:38:54.720 they're like, he's not that fail shit. He made it 1:38:54.760 --> 1:38:57.040 to be president of the United States. And he lives 1:38:57.080 --> 1:38:59.160 in the Trump tap Like it doesn't matter if he 1:38:59.240 --> 1:39:02.320 has cash. People don't care about if you have cash 1:39:02.320 --> 1:39:04.360 in the bank. They care about what kind of car 1:39:04.520 --> 1:39:06.760 you drive, what kind of plane you fly on. They 1:39:06.760 --> 1:39:09.280 don't know that you gotta trade you ask for your head. 1:39:09.360 --> 1:39:10.479 They don't care about that. 1:39:10.520 --> 1:39:13.639 They just want you to have the stuff that looks 1:39:13.720 --> 1:39:16.960 like you have success. And so he looks like a 1:39:17.080 --> 1:39:18.160 very successful man. 1:39:18.200 --> 1:39:21.959 He's got Trump International Hotels, he's. 1:39:21.720 --> 1:39:23.760 Got all of this stuff. These people they think he 1:39:23.840 --> 1:39:24.599 knows what he's doing. 1:39:24.760 --> 1:39:28.040 And guess what, he knows that his businesses will not 1:39:28.200 --> 1:39:32.120 work without the population that they are trying to destroy 1:39:32.200 --> 1:39:35.120 in this nation, and that is the immigrants that make 1:39:35.240 --> 1:39:38.120 up a huge part of the workforce in America. And 1:39:38.200 --> 1:39:40.400 but you know what, he can't just go off and 1:39:40.439 --> 1:39:43.000 do and say whatever he wants because he promised all 1:39:43.080 --> 1:39:46.120 these people that he was going to help them fulfill 1:39:46.200 --> 1:39:48.680 their agenda and now he's stuck having to do it 1:39:48.800 --> 1:39:52.000 or else they'll be like Elon had different issues. So 1:39:52.040 --> 1:39:54.040 Elon said, I'm gonna put the shit in the newspaper. 1:39:54.400 --> 1:39:57.679 The other people they say, we control your security detail. 1:39:57.760 --> 1:39:59.240 But let me be. 1:39:59.280 --> 1:40:02.360 Quiet, all right, Thank you for coming to my ted talk. 1:40:03.560 --> 1:40:04.360 Elliott Connie. 1:40:06.200 --> 1:40:09.120 You know I agree with every word you know, and 1:40:09.120 --> 1:40:10.639 I would love to call it what I wouldn't say, 1:40:10.680 --> 1:40:12.600 I support you, but because I don't. 1:40:12.320 --> 1:40:13.439 You don't I said you don't. 1:40:13.479 --> 1:40:16.439 I don't support you, but no, I don't support you, 1:40:16.920 --> 1:40:21.360 but you do need help. But again, narcissism would be 1:40:21.400 --> 1:40:22.840 on the very short list of things I would be 1:40:22.880 --> 1:40:23.280 thinking about it. 1:40:23.280 --> 1:40:24.160 Why I would assess. 1:40:24.040 --> 1:40:25.559 Him too, that's full circle. 1:40:26.400 --> 1:40:27.759 Yeah, so it's. 1:40:27.600 --> 1:40:29.519 We live in a really difficult world. And I think 1:40:29.560 --> 1:40:31.519 it's hard being black out here. I think it's hard. 1:40:31.680 --> 1:40:33.400 I think it's hard being anything other than a sis 1:40:33.520 --> 1:40:36.840 gender white male and I and I think we have 1:40:36.920 --> 1:40:39.400 to I think we got to fight. Like I really 1:40:39.400 --> 1:40:42.120 mean that, like we I mean fight is a strong 1:40:42.160 --> 1:40:45.080 word and it evokes emotion, but I really we'd have 1:40:45.120 --> 1:40:46.960 to advocate. We have to stand up, we have to 1:40:47.000 --> 1:40:48.680 do what we think is right, and we have to 1:40:48.680 --> 1:40:53.120 bond together. When we bond together, we're essentially unstoppable. In 1:40:53.160 --> 1:40:57.559 history has bared that out. Yeah, so we're not always 1:40:57.560 --> 1:41:01.400 great at bonding together, but when we do, mountains literally move, 1:41:01.600 --> 1:41:04.759 that's right and history has absolutely. 1:41:04.960 --> 1:41:05.599 Shown that up. 1:41:05.760 --> 1:41:09.559 And on some level, I almost don't care how big 1:41:09.600 --> 1:41:13.439 the barrier or obstacle or oppressive attempt to put around 1:41:13.479 --> 1:41:18.439 my people because we have a historical history, we have 1:41:18.479 --> 1:41:21.800 a pattern of overcoming everything put in front of us. 1:41:21.840 --> 1:41:25.519 So all you're doing by doing the crazy things you're 1:41:25.520 --> 1:41:28.280 doing with Project twenty five is you're giving our future 1:41:28.320 --> 1:41:30.479 selves a story to tell because we're going to overcome 1:41:30.479 --> 1:41:31.760 this too, because that's what we always do. 1:41:32.000 --> 1:41:33.000 Absolutely well. 1:41:33.120 --> 1:41:35.639 I just hope that we don't perish in the midst 1:41:35.640 --> 1:41:38.760 of these people's wars that they're creating. But you know, 1:41:39.320 --> 1:41:42.320 like you said, even that will be okay. It's good 1:41:42.400 --> 1:41:45.599 to see you. Everybody needs an Elliott Connie in their lives. 1:41:45.600 --> 1:41:48.280 So get you an Elliott Connie and you can go 1:41:48.400 --> 1:41:50.439 listen to him at Family Therapy on the Black and 1:41:50.520 --> 1:41:54.800 Pect And you can go listen to Elliott Connie at 1:41:54.920 --> 1:41:59.120 Family Therapy on the Black Effect podcast network. 1:41:59.720 --> 1:42:01.960 Yeah, thanks for having me. I love y'all so much. 1:42:02.000 --> 1:42:05.960 I support everything that y'all do, and the voices that 1:42:06.000 --> 1:42:08.559 you guys are for black people is incredibly powerful and. 1:42:10.479 --> 1:42:12.400 Impactful, and I hope you guys always know that. 1:42:12.439 --> 1:42:14.559 So when I say fight, I think you guys are 1:42:14.560 --> 1:42:16.840 great examples of people who advocate for what you believe 1:42:16.880 --> 1:42:17.840 in and always do that. 1:42:18.840 --> 1:42:23.000 Thank you. That was good. I mean, listen, here's the thing. 1:42:23.280 --> 1:42:26.800 He is, like what I like about Elliott, and there's 1:42:26.840 --> 1:42:29.320 a lot of there are people who they do one 1:42:29.400 --> 1:42:31.439 thing and that's all they can talk about. It is 1:42:31.520 --> 1:42:34.479 like one thing that you know, whatever, if it's if 1:42:34.520 --> 1:42:37.120 it's therapy, that's all they want to talk about. If 1:42:37.160 --> 1:42:39.240 it's politics, that's all they want to talk about. With him, 1:42:39.280 --> 1:42:42.800 you can go from politics to mental health to hot 1:42:42.840 --> 1:42:45.040 topics of the day, and he's able to sort of 1:42:45.080 --> 1:42:45.839 cover the gamut. 1:42:45.840 --> 1:42:47.320 And so that's why I like talking to him. 1:42:47.360 --> 1:42:49.599 I spend a lot of time listening to the things 1:42:49.680 --> 1:42:51.280 he says and trying to get his take. And like 1:42:51.320 --> 1:42:54.080 he said, we don't always agree, but I agree with 1:42:54.160 --> 1:42:55.200 him more than I don't. 1:42:56.680 --> 1:42:57.760 Agree with all the time. 1:42:58.040 --> 1:43:05.280 He's very sensible and he's very descriptive, right, and he 1:43:05.360 --> 1:43:08.000 breaks things down to where you let me like, he 1:43:08.040 --> 1:43:10.840 doesn't leave room for you to be like, well, what 1:43:10.960 --> 1:43:13.479 it's like he's very good at what he does. 1:43:13.640 --> 1:43:17.200 Yeah, he is so, but you know, and he's also mature. 1:43:17.920 --> 1:43:20.439 You can always lived through some life, you know, and 1:43:20.479 --> 1:43:23.040 that's important. I mean, I think even with us, like 1:43:24.240 --> 1:43:28.000 when we're talking about things, sometimes people may not get it. 1:43:28.840 --> 1:43:31.600 Yeah, that's true. People don't always get it. 1:43:31.680 --> 1:43:34.760 And it's like you will, you know, but we have 1:43:34.840 --> 1:43:37.840 to learn that because we've been ahead of our time. 1:43:37.600 --> 1:43:40.800 On issues all the time. And then then next thing, 1:43:40.840 --> 1:43:42.840 you know, everybody's saying what we already said. 1:43:43.240 --> 1:43:47.560 Yeah, it's very strange. That brings me to my I 1:43:47.640 --> 1:43:49.559 don't get it. I have I have two I don't 1:43:49.560 --> 1:43:51.720 get it. Oh my god, to one of them is 1:43:51.720 --> 1:43:53.680 gonna be really quick. I just don't get anybody that 1:43:53.760 --> 1:43:56.640 still is a Trump supporter, like, I just don't get it. 1:43:56.800 --> 1:43:59.240 It's at this point you deal with mental health. You're 1:43:59.280 --> 1:44:02.240 dealing with some than that you need. Elliot Khanni, you 1:44:02.280 --> 1:44:04.760 definitely need to go see Ellia Connie. If you, if you, 1:44:05.120 --> 1:44:08.519 if you're looking at Trump right now, the where we 1:44:08.560 --> 1:44:10.000 are right now, and man, we said he was going 1:44:10.040 --> 1:44:12.920 to end the wars on day one, who has made 1:44:13.400 --> 1:44:16.599 every other war worse and about to have us on 1:44:17.000 --> 1:44:19.720 into World War three, if you're you're still trying to 1:44:19.800 --> 1:44:25.640 convince yourself or anyone else that Donald Trump is a 1:44:25.680 --> 1:44:28.519 good president, you're dealing with No, No, You're really dealing 1:44:28.560 --> 1:44:32.880 with some ship that we can't help you, Elliot Cohnnie 1:44:32.920 --> 1:44:34.479 might be able to help you, but I can't help you. 1:44:34.520 --> 1:44:38.120 I know, Tom can't we My you should not say. 1:44:39.640 --> 1:44:43.080 No, no, we can't. We can't help anybody that right now. 1:44:43.120 --> 1:44:46.280 If you in your home, you're like Trump Trump, you 1:44:46.360 --> 1:44:51.679 are dealing with Jim Jones Colt like mentality where where 1:44:51.680 --> 1:44:54.479 you might drink poison and jump off the roof because 1:44:54.520 --> 1:44:57.599 you just don't even realize where you are at this point. 1:44:57.840 --> 1:45:00.759 So that's just my first I don't get it. My second, 1:45:00.840 --> 1:45:05.120 I don't get it. It's a little more logical. It's serious. 1:45:05.160 --> 1:45:08.759 But you know, if you are living Harlem, from Harlem, 1:45:08.800 --> 1:45:11.720 if you're from New York City, you know, you know 1:45:12.160 --> 1:45:17.080 that there is an unwritten rule that during Malcolm X's 1:45:17.120 --> 1:45:19.519 birthday that the stores closed down. A lot of people 1:45:19.560 --> 1:45:22.640 didn't know. To me, said she didn't remember. She didn't know. 1:45:22.880 --> 1:45:27.120 So what I know is that on Malcolm X's birthday 1:45:27.400 --> 1:45:30.400 there is a three to four hour window that they 1:45:30.439 --> 1:45:32.400 shut all the stores down. I think it's from like 1:45:32.479 --> 1:45:34.760 one to four. It's three hour. I think it's like 1:45:34.760 --> 1:45:37.320 from one to four all of the stores shut down 1:45:37.520 --> 1:45:39.960 out of respect for Malcolm X, you know, and it's 1:45:39.960 --> 1:45:43.360 been going on for years. I happened to be walking 1:45:43.439 --> 1:45:46.280 on one twenty fifth Street during this and I was 1:45:46.280 --> 1:45:47.880 about to go into storey there. Yo, we got five 1:45:47.920 --> 1:45:49.479 more minutes because we gotta shut down, Like what you 1:45:49.560 --> 1:45:51.200 mean you gotta shut down? And I was like, oh, 1:45:51.320 --> 1:45:55.360 forgot is Malcolm X's birthday. And there was they were 1:45:55.400 --> 1:45:57.639 doing the march. You know, you see them walking down 1:45:57.640 --> 1:46:02.040 the streets and end up going somewhere else, driving off 1:46:02.040 --> 1:46:08.439 and leaving. But later on that day, I've seen that 1:46:09.200 --> 1:46:11.640 Chick fil A, who's only been there probably about a 1:46:11.720 --> 1:46:13.160 year now. I don't even know if Chick fil A 1:46:13.240 --> 1:46:16.000 has been on one twenty fifth Street a year, but 1:46:16.520 --> 1:46:19.960 they didn't honor this ship. Now like every other store, 1:46:20.080 --> 1:46:24.080 every other store I think from I want to say, 1:46:24.080 --> 1:46:29.439 from Lenox down to Saint Nick. All the stores are 1:46:29.439 --> 1:46:34.640 closed on one twenty fifth Street, and Chick fil A 1:46:35.160 --> 1:46:40.320 didn't want to honor it. And I seen people outside 1:46:41.320 --> 1:46:43.600 and they they refuse to let people in, like it 1:46:43.680 --> 1:46:45.479 was a mab like sis, y'all if y'all not. 1:46:45.400 --> 1:46:47.759 Go You saw the protest, yes. 1:46:48.200 --> 1:46:51.160 Literally saw the protests like now yeah, and they were 1:46:51.200 --> 1:46:53.400 standing in front of Chick fil A and they refused 1:46:53.439 --> 1:46:57.240 to let people in. And it's like for me, I 1:46:57.280 --> 1:47:00.519 would think that if you come to a community as 1:47:00.560 --> 1:47:05.320 a corporation, organization, franchise, you will want to respect the 1:47:05.400 --> 1:47:08.480 rules of the community. Because every other store, planning, fitness 1:47:08.920 --> 1:47:12.960 foot locker, Jimmy Jazz, I mean, you name the stores, 1:47:13.040 --> 1:47:16.599 all of them, Kentucky Fried Chicken, you name any store 1:47:16.720 --> 1:47:19.840 they understood they put they had their signs in their windows, 1:47:20.320 --> 1:47:24.080 store will be closed from one to four. An observers 1:47:24.240 --> 1:47:29.559 of Malcolm X's birthday, I don't understand why would chick 1:47:29.600 --> 1:47:31.280 for late and not get the memo, And I know 1:47:31.360 --> 1:47:36.600 somebody gave them because it's a thing everybody knows that 1:47:36.720 --> 1:47:39.719 they what they do is they go down the street. 1:47:39.760 --> 1:47:41.439 I think they go down like a day or two 1:47:41.479 --> 1:47:43.840 before and they notify. 1:47:43.439 --> 1:47:45.200 You A day or two is not enough. 1:47:45.320 --> 1:47:47.920 It is to notify you that the thing is gonna 1:47:47.920 --> 1:47:50.720 be shut down because we're giving you a whole day. 1:47:51.920 --> 1:47:53.719 I just said a day or two is not enough. 1:47:53.720 --> 1:47:57.320 It doesn't I think with you know me, I think 1:47:57.360 --> 1:48:01.200 about process. So I would say that people need a 1:48:01.240 --> 1:48:03.080 lot of time in order to know so that they 1:48:03.080 --> 1:48:06.120 can prepare themselves and just know what they have to do. However, 1:48:06.160 --> 1:48:08.160 it doesn't matter if they found out. 1:48:08.000 --> 1:48:11.280 Two days before. Repebody else is doing it. 1:48:11.320 --> 1:48:12.640 Respective community should be. 1:48:12.840 --> 1:48:15.519 But you know a lot of times some of the 1:48:15.560 --> 1:48:18.360 people and I don't know if this is inappropriate to say, 1:48:18.360 --> 1:48:22.799 so I'm apologizing from the gate, and you can correct 1:48:22.800 --> 1:48:26.120 me if I'm wrong, because we used to say this. 1:48:26.240 --> 1:48:27.679 But it's a lot of things we used to say. 1:48:27.680 --> 1:48:30.120 We can't say no more. But a lot of those 1:48:30.200 --> 1:48:33.760 folks are foreigners. They like the owner or the managers, 1:48:33.800 --> 1:48:39.400 the people who run these businesses, they're not really from here. 1:48:39.720 --> 1:48:41.760 Is the manager's supposed to call a corporate office and 1:48:41.800 --> 1:48:42.599 let them, but the. 1:48:42.520 --> 1:48:44.880 Corporate office is automatically getting ready to tell you that 1:48:44.920 --> 1:48:45.719 they don't observe. 1:48:46.640 --> 1:48:49.080 Because that's not true because every other this what I'm 1:48:49.080 --> 1:48:51.800 trying to tell you, have every other franchise that close 1:48:51.880 --> 1:48:54.160 their doors. And I know the people in the store. 1:48:54.320 --> 1:48:56.680 They don't have the authorization to say we're not we're 1:48:56.680 --> 1:48:59.280 gonna close. No, they got the word from them, Okay, 1:48:59.280 --> 1:49:01.760 we're gonna respect the community. Because I already think it's 1:49:01.760 --> 1:49:05.040 disrespect that Malcolm X doesn't have a national Holidays but 1:49:05.120 --> 1:49:07.559 the fact that you won't even observe the little bit 1:49:07.600 --> 1:49:10.439 of the thing that he got from a six block radius, 1:49:10.560 --> 1:49:12.960 that you just shut your store down for three hours 1:49:12.960 --> 1:49:16.360 out of respect, and the community demands that. So when 1:49:16.360 --> 1:49:19.640 I watched the people outside of Chick fil A, and 1:49:19.680 --> 1:49:22.160 they was like, well, listen, if you don't respect Malcolm, 1:49:22.160 --> 1:49:24.880 then you can't We even don't respect you. Yeah, And 1:49:25.400 --> 1:49:27.599 I actually haven't been back. 1:49:27.439 --> 1:49:29.479 To Chick fil A since you shouldn't eat it nowhere. 1:49:29.640 --> 1:49:31.280 I mean, I don't my kids like to eat it, 1:49:31.320 --> 1:49:33.120 so once in a while I'll buy. But now when 1:49:33.120 --> 1:49:35.040 they be like Chick fil AaB like nah, they don't 1:49:35.080 --> 1:49:37.760 respect Malcolm X, so we ain't. We ain't going there. 1:49:37.800 --> 1:49:39.439 Well, here's what I'll tell you. 1:49:40.800 --> 1:49:43.599 I agree with you, and I think that they got 1:49:43.640 --> 1:49:47.639 one protest, which is a warning now. And I don't 1:49:47.640 --> 1:49:49.320 know if folks want to wait all the way until 1:49:49.360 --> 1:49:51.800 next year, but they probably will to see if these 1:49:51.840 --> 1:49:54.760 people do right next year. But you can't forget about it. 1:49:55.240 --> 1:49:58.280 You have to make sure that next year it's clear. Okay, 1:49:58.360 --> 1:50:00.000 let's see what you're gonna do, and the next time, 1:50:00.160 --> 1:50:01.599 if they don't do it, it got their warning. 1:50:01.920 --> 1:50:03.080 They don't do it the next time. 1:50:03.200 --> 1:50:07.800 The whole it has to be you can't even eat 1:50:08.560 --> 1:50:09.960 at that particular store. 1:50:10.000 --> 1:50:11.559 It has to be closed. You can't stay there. 1:50:11.560 --> 1:50:14.760 That you take a page out of New Era Detroit's book, 1:50:14.840 --> 1:50:18.919 where they don't they're like your doors in our community. 1:50:20.080 --> 1:50:22.479 I think that's I agree with you. I was just saying, 1:50:22.520 --> 1:50:25.120 like we should make sure they are. They have now 1:50:25.120 --> 1:50:26.479 been informed a year. 1:50:26.280 --> 1:50:27.680 They have demed. 1:50:27.800 --> 1:50:30.640 But but you know, the turnover in these places, the 1:50:30.680 --> 1:50:33.559 ownership or whatever. It's a franchise, so it's not like 1:50:33.920 --> 1:50:38.920 the corporate office has but so much jurisdiction over what 1:50:39.040 --> 1:50:43.200 the local franchises do. Like the franchise, you know, there's 1:50:43.240 --> 1:50:46.000 a rule book. There's a rule book that has you know, 1:50:46.160 --> 1:50:48.800 certain things that they know. You can't have people if 1:50:48.800 --> 1:50:52.400 the whole company shuts down on Sundays and says you 1:50:52.400 --> 1:50:56.120 can't open yours on Sunday. But you don't necessarily have 1:50:56.240 --> 1:50:59.920 to follow every single detail. Your franchise has a little 1:51:00.120 --> 1:51:02.680 bit of room. So you got to find out, you know, 1:51:02.920 --> 1:51:04.479 been some work that has to be done. But I 1:51:04.560 --> 1:51:07.200 think what it has shown is that the people ain't playing. 1:51:07.320 --> 1:51:09.599 So hopefully you just shut shit down for three hours 1:51:09.600 --> 1:51:11.080 and be quaiet A. 1:51:12.360 --> 1:51:13.639 Don't go on the target list. 1:51:13.720 --> 1:51:16.639 Now, oh well there's that shut it down. 1:51:18.120 --> 1:51:19.840 And with that said, we've come to the end of 1:51:19.880 --> 1:51:24.240 another episode. We appreciate shout out to our guest today, 1:51:24.280 --> 1:51:28.680 Elliot Khannie extraordinariy psychologists. 1:51:27.760 --> 1:51:30.960 Will you He is a psychotherapist psycho therapist. 1:51:31.080 --> 1:51:34.560 He is an amazing individual, Like he's so cool and 1:51:34.640 --> 1:51:36.960 every time I see him, he always gives me love 1:51:37.080 --> 1:51:39.879 hugs and you know, it always gives me my flowers 1:51:39.880 --> 1:51:43.559 and I give him his He's a dope dude. Once again, 1:51:43.640 --> 1:51:45.680 continue to follow us. Let us know what you like, 1:51:46.000 --> 1:51:48.559 let us know what you don't like. Give us ideas 1:51:48.560 --> 1:51:50.360 about guests that you want to see. Let us know 1:51:50.479 --> 1:51:52.720 some topics. Tell us you love us, tell us you 1:51:52.760 --> 1:51:55.680 hate us, tell us anything. Make sure you follow us 1:51:55.720 --> 1:51:59.800 at tam Underscore Show on Instagram and on YouTube. It's 1:51:59.800 --> 1:52:03.280 t of my show PC. I'm not gonna always be right. 1:52:03.640 --> 1:52:05.640 Tamika D. Mallories and I could always be wrong, but 1:52:05.680 --> 1:52:09.600 we will both always and I mean always, be authentic. 1:52:10.600 --> 1:52:10.920 That's how