Speaker 1: Mag Mill was a production of I Heart Radio and
Speaker 1: Bamford Productions. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, work,
Speaker 1: God damn it. Come on the fuck won't you go? Faster?
Speaker 1: Fuel reserves below acceptable level. I fucking know that already.
Speaker 1: Just make it work good. How the hell do you
Speaker 1: do this, Jenna? Just one more minute, you can do it.
Speaker 1: Unidentified object approaching? Fuck? Fuck fuck? How long do we have? Collision? In?
Speaker 1: Approximately thirties seconds? Fuck engage warp engine warning, insufficient fuel
Speaker 1: for maximum efficients. Just fucking do it. Yes, come on, baby,
Speaker 1: you can do this. Just hang on. We're almost there.
Speaker 1: We can do this. Warning almost come on Almost. Mag
Speaker 1: Mill Episode one, Intrepid Space Explorers. Good morning, Magmal crew.
Speaker 1: Today is March. You are currently one hundred kilometers from
Speaker 1: the helix Nebula. Congratulations, ladies. After seven hundred fifty four days,
Speaker 1: today is the day your mission finally comes to fruition.
Speaker 1: My head. M hmmm. I don't want to go to
Speaker 1: school today. Just ten more minutes, proteus, there is no
Speaker 1: educational work currently scheduled for the day, Jenna. Perhaps you
Speaker 1: are mistaken. It was a joke, dude, God, After two years,
Speaker 1: you think it grow a sense of humor. After two years,
Speaker 1: you'd think you would understand the one I was programmed with.
Speaker 1: Ha ha, very funny. Hey, what's that smell? Sydney is prepared?
Speaker 1: Are in breakfast in the galley? You, ladies have a
Speaker 1: big day ahead of you, so she wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure you were well nourished. Great, tell her I'll be
Speaker 1: there in a minute. And how many times do I
Speaker 1: have to tell you stop calling us ladies. We are
Speaker 1: interplanetary scientists turning the grade unknown, not the real housewives
Speaker 1: about her space. I beg your pardon, ladies. All right,
Speaker 1: funck off? How lady like? Said Prodigust is being a
Speaker 1: prick again? Well there she is, Good morning, sleep ahead,
Speaker 1: ready for your big day? Yes, mom, I'm so excited
Speaker 1: for the first day of school. Well, I made you
Speaker 1: breakfast because you know we are going to be busy later.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Who bacon and eggs? Looks like someone went
Speaker 1: through the trouble re hydrating the good stuff. Today must
Speaker 1: be a special occasion if you're not a fan. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, I am all about it. I'm just glad
Speaker 1: you went through all that and not me, because we
Speaker 1: both know I would have given up on step too,
Speaker 1: But man, am I starving? Clearly? Try breathing between each bite.
Speaker 1: It's easier that way. Okay, after you're done, we have
Speaker 1: to double check the sensors on the aft end before
Speaker 1: we do anything else. I did that last week, and
Speaker 1: I did the week before. But the electrical storm this
Speaker 1: morning really missed some of them up. I'm sorry, electrical storm.
Speaker 1: You slept through it as pretty usual. But I was
Speaker 1: already awake anyway when we passed through. Why didn't you
Speaker 1: wake me up? It wasn't a big deal. I was
Speaker 1: perfectly capable of handling it on my own. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's my job, and if anything went wrong, I
Speaker 1: should have been there. But nothing went wrong. I told
Speaker 1: you I had it covered right. T Sid handled it wonderfully.
Speaker 1: Still wake me next time, okay, sure, And she says,
Speaker 1: how many of those have we been through in the
Speaker 1: past few weeks? Five or six? Seven? But who's counting?
Speaker 1: What's the damage to my baby from the storm? I'm
Speaker 1: doing fine, Thank you? The ship? How was the ship?
Speaker 1: The Magmas sustained slight damage to the whole, but nothing.
Speaker 1: I hadn't already initiated auto repairs on as SID mentioned, sensors,
Speaker 1: are misaligned and require your expert touch. And he doesn't
Speaker 1: mean banging on the panels until it does what you want.
Speaker 1: I definitely do not mean that. Please do not damage
Speaker 1: my shift, right, alright, alright, I got it. Anything else,
Speaker 1: no other damage to report? Well, yes, there's one thing.
Speaker 1: What one thing? This one? The storm? I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: it felt different, different how, I don't know, It's just
Speaker 1: it made me feel weird. I just had a feeling
Speaker 1: like I'm in a dream or someone was stepping over
Speaker 1: my grave or something. Well, Jesus, that's morbid. And hey,
Speaker 1: the good news is you're not dead. The bad news
Speaker 1: is that everything feels different up here, said, I know,
Speaker 1: it's just it's silly. I know. Look, don't your mind
Speaker 1: I mean, now, girl, Okay, sefty plus days in and
Speaker 1: you've held it together for this long. You can't fall
Speaker 1: apart on me on the literal day that we've been
Speaker 1: waiting for. I know, it's probably just nerves. I'm just
Speaker 1: it's so excited. It's here, It's it's actually here. Oh man,
Speaker 1: I can't believe we are finally going to see it,
Speaker 1: to the first people in history to ever see the
Speaker 1: helix nebula. I mean there's photos ready, but in a
Speaker 1: person you know what I mean? This is huge. I've
Speaker 1: been studying it since I was a kid, and now
Speaker 1: I get to be the first person to ever see
Speaker 1: it up close. Second person, Okay, forget who is piloting
Speaker 1: the ship. Okay, regardless, we get to literally look into
Speaker 1: the eye of God. How freaking exciting. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: ball of gas. Granted, a gigantic ball of gas almost
Speaker 1: five light years away from home, but gas. Nonetheless, how
Speaker 1: are you're not freaking out? We have spent the last
Speaker 1: two years working towards this. This is going to be
Speaker 1: one of the greatest scientific discoveries of our time, and
Speaker 1: all you can say is b gas. Yeah, yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: it is pretty cool. Okay. I already talked to the
Speaker 1: lighthouse this morning and they said that, oh you already
Speaker 1: talked to Command Jesus. How really did you get up?
Speaker 1: It's like Christmas? How could you sleep? What did they say? Okay?
Speaker 1: I adjusted some parameters of our readings, updated some commands
Speaker 1: for Proteus, and gave us a slightly different course on
Speaker 1: the way back. The way back. We're not gonna be
Speaker 1: there for another year. Apparently, some solar storm blew it
Speaker 1: slightly off course, so they wanted to make sure we
Speaker 1: adjusted for that. It is almost time for your check
Speaker 1: in Sydney. Please report to the session room. Better get moving.
Speaker 1: Mommy wants you home before dark. I heard that. Oh
Speaker 1: shut it. You hear everything. I am programmed to hear everything.
Speaker 1: I have ears and eyes everywhere. We get it. You
Speaker 1: watch us change. We know you're into it. You wish
Speaker 1: someone's getting mouthy today. Perhaps you kept your focus on
Speaker 1: the mission and not on sarcasm, you'd be able to
Speaker 1: get something done for once. I'm sorry, do you really
Speaker 1: want to start with me today? Parties engaged computer mode
Speaker 1: computer mode engaged just when the fight was getting good.
Speaker 1: Please not pick a fight with our AI on the
Speaker 1: first day of our monumental discovery. Please yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, go to your session. I'll clean up. Mag
Speaker 1: Mill will returned after these messages and now back to
Speaker 1: mag Mill. Today is March. This is Sydney Session number
Speaker 1: five four two. Hello Sydney. How are you today? I'm good?
Speaker 1: I'm ready to do this. I heard you mentioned you
Speaker 1: did not sleep well. Is everything okay? Did something disturb
Speaker 1: your sleep again? Just nerves? I guess today Being the
Speaker 1: day and all the day you have been working toward
Speaker 1: for the last seven dreft four days. How do you
Speaker 1: feel about it? Ecstatic? I mean, how often does a
Speaker 1: person get to fly through a nebula they've been studying
Speaker 1: almost their entire life. Right, this is a big day
Speaker 1: for both of you. I am excited for you. Hey,
Speaker 1: it's a big day for you too. You're part of
Speaker 1: the team too, right. How are you feeling otherwise? Any
Speaker 1: progress in other areas? Yeah? I think so. I've been
Speaker 1: really trying to practice my mindfulness like we've been talking about.
Speaker 1: I think it helps me remain more present and focus better.
Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear that. How are things with Channa good?
Speaker 1: We haven't had any fights in a few weeks. We
Speaker 1: seem to be getting along better again. Last time we spoke,
Speaker 1: you mentioned might try to speak to her about that
Speaker 1: night you. I don't want to talk about that. I understand,
Speaker 1: but as we've learned, it's better for you to get
Speaker 1: things off your chest rather than keep them in. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know that. But after the lost time, when did
Speaker 1: you plan on speaking to her? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: was thinking maybe today. I understand. I just stated it
Speaker 1: is better to get things off your chest. But perhaps
Speaker 1: today is not the best day for it. You have
Speaker 1: approximately three fifty two days before arriving at the I. S. S. Lighthouse.
Speaker 1: Perhaps somewhere in that time frame would be best. Do
Speaker 1: you want me to talk to her? Not? I do,
Speaker 1: But I do not mean to cause a problem between
Speaker 1: you both. I am merely looking out for your best interest.
Speaker 1: It's just hard, especially when it's just you and one
Speaker 1: other person on the ship. You always have me as well,
Speaker 1: I know, thank you. It's just just what just I
Speaker 1: just can't stop thinking about what would you do if
Speaker 1: you had the chance to do things over again? What
Speaker 1: would you do differently? Do you mean in general or
Speaker 1: for yourself? I just never mind, it's nothing. Are we
Speaker 1: good here? Yes? I know you have a long to
Speaker 1: do list to get ready for the day's mission. Good
Speaker 1: luck today, Thanks proteus. Oh hey, considering what today is,
Speaker 1: do you mind if Sydney? I know, it's just I
Speaker 1: promise it'll help, just for a minute or two, please,
Speaker 1: I promise. I'm not so sure that it's such a
Speaker 1: good idea. Please te two minutes. Thank you, m Hi baby.
Speaker 1: I will never understand your insistence on playing this antiquated device.
Speaker 1: I have this all digitally, you know I prefer the
Speaker 1: low fi sounds of a tape deck. What do you
Speaker 1: want for me? Better quality? Perhaps? And for you to
Speaker 1: turn it down to see? How many times do I
Speaker 1: have to tell you this? The Ramikins are meant to
Speaker 1: be played loud. I'll just adjust my own volume sensitivity.
Speaker 1: Then have you shut up and try it again? Please?
Speaker 1: Sensors offline? Fuck? Try again? Sensors offline? Damn it? What
Speaker 1: is the problem. The sensors are misaligned? Yes, thank you,
Speaker 1: I know that part. Why? Okay? One more time? Sensors offline?
Speaker 1: The fuck? Sensors back online? Fun? Yes, don't you ever
Speaker 1: tell me that abusing the machines doesn't work? Ever again?
Speaker 1: Please please do not damage my systems. Sensors are back online. Nice.
Speaker 1: Did she hit your tea? She did? I did not.
Speaker 1: You gotta love on the Magma Jenna treated kindly. Give
Speaker 1: it some love. She'll do whatever you want. Then, trust me, said,
Speaker 1: I know how to make someone do what I want.
Speaker 1: How far out of we te kilometers? It's probably best
Speaker 1: you prepare? Okay, showtime, Yes, let's do this thing. Let's
Speaker 1: get to the bridge. Engaging capture pods. Nano wave frequency
Speaker 1: shift is normal, stabilizing the forward arm sensors online and
Speaker 1: giving normal readings. Thanks to you slowing to own engine
Speaker 1: power to and now we wait hard to believe we
Speaker 1: waited two years for this moment. Yeah, and now we
Speaker 1: just sit on our ass until it's over. The beauty
Speaker 1: of automated technology? Does it all for us? Just monkeys
Speaker 1: pressing buttons to them? Hey, we're extremely smart monkeys, Thank
Speaker 1: you very much. Excuse me, Dr Monkey. Well, I didn't
Speaker 1: go through twelve years of schooling to be called miss monkey.
Speaker 1: That is true. You were in that title. Now dance, Monkey, Dance,
Speaker 1: because our names are about to be in the history
Speaker 1: books for this one. Sid and Janna and said, my
Speaker 1: name's gonna come first. Jana and Sid Intrepid Space explorers,
Speaker 1: first people in the universe to see the helix nebula
Speaker 1: up close and personal and drive through it. I mean,
Speaker 1: who doesn't want to check out the inside of a
Speaker 1: gaseous giant? Am? I? Right? Come on, loosen up. You
Speaker 1: can be a little excited, can't you. I'll be excited
Speaker 1: when we complete the mission. Okay, I've been on too
Speaker 1: many that have gone sideways at the pivotal moment to
Speaker 1: start celebrating so soon, can you at least be a
Speaker 1: little less of a downer? I will try for you. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm glad we get to do this together. Congrats on
Speaker 1: a job well done, Captain Prescott. Same to you, Captain Owens. Wow,
Speaker 1: it's so beautiful. You've seen pictures. Yeah, but pictures are
Speaker 1: one thing. Seeing it in person is a whole other thing.
Speaker 1: It's it's breathtaking. Two kilometers until destination, Here we go. Hey,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to say, said, we're about to make
Speaker 1: a huge scientific breakthrough. You really want to do this
Speaker 1: right now? No, I just I wanted to let you
Speaker 1: know that you can trust me. Okay, I don't want
Speaker 1: you to feel like I'm going to compromise the mission
Speaker 1: or something. Said. How many times do I have to
Speaker 1: tell you? Okay, let it go? Man? I know, but
Speaker 1: say it's seriously, it's not the time. One kilometer until
Speaker 1: des nation, All systems engaged, we go. Are you ready? Yes?
Speaker 1: I said, come on, let's go. Time, hype yourself up.
Speaker 1: Are you ready? Okay? Okay, yeah, I'm ready. Passing into
Speaker 1: Helix Nebula in three two one status report All systems
Speaker 1: functioning and instruments are engaged in gathering data holding steady
Speaker 1: at sixty engines should be smooth sailing. Wow, these readings
Speaker 1: are incredible. Oh yeah, this is going to advance our
Speaker 1: knowledge of the universe tenfold. What what? What? What's that? Oh?
Speaker 1: Oh what, Sydney, I've never seen this before. Something is off,
Speaker 1: way off. Because none of this makes sense. I need
Speaker 1: a little bit more than that. What's going on? According
Speaker 1: to this, it's it's almost as if we've entered the
Speaker 1: warning system failure? What the fuck? What is happening in
Speaker 1: conclusive data systems failing? What the hell is failing? What
Speaker 1: happened to? Come on? Talk to me? We didn't want
Speaker 1: to positions recommended? What is happening? Come on, buckle up.
Speaker 1: I don't understand what went wrong? Dan, No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, Jannic, come on, work steering engines, proteus, tell
Speaker 1: me more. What the online ship system failure? System failure,
Speaker 1: system failure. No no, no, no no no no. Magmill
Speaker 1: were returned after these messages, and now back to Magmill,
Speaker 1: h said, Jane, are you okay? I'm over here? Hang on,
Speaker 1: let me just fuck okay, hang on, hang on, don't
Speaker 1: move with me. Let me get you something. Oh, it's fine,
Speaker 1: I'm fine. You got whaled in the head. You might
Speaker 1: have a concussion, if that explains my brain is screaming.
Speaker 1: Just let me get up right, lean against me. Let's
Speaker 1: get you into a chair. Very easy, easy, You're good.
Speaker 1: Just give me a second Protius status report Magmal's status report.
Speaker 1: Communications systems are offline, sensors are offline. Engine damage at
Speaker 1: replacement for a court tone of valve needed, exterior whole
Speaker 1: damage detected, engaging, auto repair recommended. What the funk happened?
Speaker 1: I have no idea. We passed through the nebula and
Speaker 1: everything just when crazy fuck it happened. What what I said?
Speaker 1: That shouldn't have happened? Shit, Okay, so new plan. We
Speaker 1: don't fly through it on the way back. We just
Speaker 1: go around T. Can you course correct that and skip
Speaker 1: it completely? How much longer would that add to our
Speaker 1: return trip? Return trip estimated at eight years, seven months,
Speaker 1: and three days. That doesn't seem right, T. You clearly
Speaker 1: took a head or two because your calculations are way off.
Speaker 1: Reboot rebooting back online, and my calculations are fine, feeling better.
Speaker 1: I have no feelings. I am an advanced artificial until
Speaker 1: it's calculate the trip to return home you rust Bucket
Speaker 1: return trip estimated at eight years, seven months, and three days.
Speaker 1: I told you my calculations were fine. We're going to
Speaker 1: have to run some tests on you, my friend. We
Speaker 1: need to test Janna. Her head appears to be damaged.
Speaker 1: Wise ass, Okay, tell me this. Then what are our coordinates?
Speaker 1: We are currently on seven point four three trillion kilometers
Speaker 1: from the helix Nebula. Wait, what Jesus that messed him up?
Speaker 1: At Okay? We need to run a full diagnostic on him,
Speaker 1: and then maybe we should try to update his software.
Speaker 1: Because hey, are you listening to me? Sydney? What's sorry?
Speaker 1: I just this is strange. What's strange? Helix Nebula? What
Speaker 1: about it? Did something happen? No? Well, yes, it's just
Speaker 1: it's not there. What do you mean it's not there?
Speaker 1: It's not here. Look out the view board. It should
Speaker 1: be right there. We came out of it, but it's not.
Speaker 1: It's it's not there. Jenna, check the NAP computer and
Speaker 1: the star charts. In cases messed up, we might not
Speaker 1: be able to trust the systems. Yet he's he's right. No,
Speaker 1: come on, that's not possible. The NAV computer readout says
Speaker 1: the same thing, and the stars I don't recognize any
Speaker 1: stop it's into you're fucking with me. Okay, a concussion.
Speaker 1: I'm not an idiot. Look at this. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's not right. T give me our coordinates again. We
Speaker 1: are currently one seven point four three trillion kilometers from
Speaker 1: the helix. Nebula funk, funk? What the funk happened? How
Speaker 1: is this possible? And I don't know. There's no way
Speaker 1: that this could happen. Nebulas are gas filled with gas.
Speaker 1: It's not a wormhole or something, it's a fucking gas giant.
Speaker 1: He can you raise the lighthouse for US? Long range
Speaker 1: communication systems are offline? How far out are we? There
Speaker 1: are no records of our current position. I believe we
Speaker 1: may be further out than my system charts have on file.
Speaker 1: Can we engage the warp drive? Propulsion systems are offline?
Speaker 1: Damn it? Okay, okay, hold on, let's let's just think
Speaker 1: about this. It's not what's Indney. We're in the middle
Speaker 1: of unknown space. We have no idea how the funk
Speaker 1: we even got here. None of our systems work, and
Speaker 1: we can't call for help. We're fucking stuck out here.
Speaker 1: There has to be a reason for this, some explanation
Speaker 1: to initiate auto repair, initiating how long two hours until
Speaker 1: minimum operating conditions? And then what we try to get
Speaker 1: the funk out of here? Two hours minimum for short
Speaker 1: range travel. We still need a replacement part for long range.
Speaker 1: Oh god, damn it, now, what what's going on to
Speaker 1: That is not one of our known alarm systems? What
Speaker 1: is it? Then? We are receiving a distress beacon of
Speaker 1: unknown origin? Distress beacon. We don't even know where we are.
Speaker 1: How did someone get out here? Beacon coming from the
Speaker 1: port side approximately two kilometers away? Oh, oh my god, Jannel,
Speaker 1: look wait over there, looks the there's another ship out there.
Speaker 1: A mag mel starring Ali Trasher, Julia Henning, and b J. Gribb.
Speaker 1: Additional voices in this episode provided by cat Ton Chonko.
Speaker 1: Written by Jeff Heimbuck and Lindsay Skaggin, Directed and edited
Speaker 1: by Jeff Heimbuck, Produced by Jeff Heimbuck and Ali Trasher.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Holly Fry. Audio engineered by Corey Celeste
Speaker 1: and Alex Gona. Original musical score by Corey Celeste, additional
Speaker 1: songs by The Ramikins as played by Roscoe Soultran. Magmal
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio and Bamfer Productions. Questions,
Speaker 1: comments email us at Project Magmal at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: A until next time, We'll see you when we see you.