Speaker 1: I won't let my body out out everything that I'm
Speaker 1: made do, won't spend my life trying to change. I'm
Speaker 1: learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know who every part of me.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful and I will always out way if you
Speaker 1: feel it with your hands in the air, she'll see
Speaker 1: love to the boom. I get there. Let's say good
Speaker 1: day and time did you and die out? Welcome back
Speaker 1: to Outweigh Lisa here, and today I'm joined by special
Speaker 1: guest and really good friend, Tara Kemp. Welcome, Tara, Hey,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for having me. So we have
Speaker 1: done a lot of quote unquote work together, like we've
Speaker 1: done Instagram lives together, and I'm always trying to repost
Speaker 1: all the good word that you're putting out on Instagram.
Speaker 1: So of course we'll put Terror's Instagram below. But why
Speaker 1: don't you just introduce yourself and tell everybody a little
Speaker 1: bit about you? Sure? So, i am a mental health
Speaker 1: coach and researcher, and I'm the founder of Reconnect Collective,
Speaker 1: which houses programs and resources that guide women through the
Speaker 1: inner work to reconnect with food, body, and self. So
Speaker 1: my work explores and teaches the skills and tools that
Speaker 1: build long term mental well being and help people to
Speaker 1: live with intention and authenticity and inner peace ultimately. And
Speaker 1: so this work includes academic research I'm getting my PhD
Speaker 1: right now, as well as retreats. And then my signature
Speaker 1: group coaching program is Reconnect Academy. So that's a little
Speaker 1: bit about what I do, yes, and I want to
Speaker 1: dive so into that because it really is very different
Speaker 1: than a lot of things out there when it comes
Speaker 1: to people who are struggling with food stuff and the
Speaker 1: options available. But before we do, we sometimes have guests
Speaker 1: on and we sometimes have experts on, and then once
Speaker 1: in a while we get a blend of both, meaning
Speaker 1: the expert has a personal story that really bleeds into
Speaker 1: their work. I feel like you kind of fit into
Speaker 1: that category. That definitely feels like me. So, how how
Speaker 1: did you find your way out of the darkness? And
Speaker 1: what did your darkness look like? I love that question.
Speaker 1: I love the way that you've phrased it. Of course,
Speaker 1: as I'm sure you know, you know, finding one's way
Speaker 1: out of the darkness is not oh I did this
Speaker 1: and then it happened, you know, it was it was
Speaker 1: a long process. With stages and ups and downs and
Speaker 1: ins and outs that you know, it felt like it
Speaker 1: was happening, and then it um you know, you have
Speaker 1: the times where it feels like you fall backwards and
Speaker 1: all of that. But you know, for me, my darkness
Speaker 1: looked like feeling very misunderstood. I did the time I had,
Speaker 1: I hid from myself a lot of the struggles that
Speaker 1: I was having. I feel like I wasn't fully aware
Speaker 1: of what was happening for me. With food, it definitely
Speaker 1: fell into the category of this is a coping mechanism.
Speaker 1: And um, it didn't start with body image struggles. It
Speaker 1: more so started with my life is feeling chaotic and
Speaker 1: things are falling away and I'm having this kind of
Speaker 1: identity crisis and I'm feeling really badly about myself. It
Speaker 1: was more so that lack of control in life and
Speaker 1: that confusion in life in general, and feeling like, oh,
Speaker 1: here's something I can control and this makes me feel safe,
Speaker 1: and so that's where it started. I didn't even realize
Speaker 1: at first that I was restricting. It wasn't a conscious thing,
Speaker 1: and it just happened. And then it was like the
Speaker 1: realization came once it was full blown and then there
Speaker 1: was so much shame there that I was trying to
Speaker 1: pretend like it wasn't happening even though it was. And
Speaker 1: so that's kind of where the darkness started. And from
Speaker 1: there it just became this evolving path of trying to
Speaker 1: find a way out that resonated with me. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not like I was admitted to a treatment center. UM,
Speaker 1: I didn't receive the help that I needed. Everyone in
Speaker 1: my life did the best that they could, um, but
Speaker 1: nobody really knew what they were doing. I never received
Speaker 1: quite the help that I needed at the time. That
Speaker 1: came later for me. But you know, along the way,
Speaker 1: it was and like I said, an ever evolving process
Speaker 1: of fine ending the pieces of myself that needed my
Speaker 1: love and giving myself love in those places and learning
Speaker 1: how to be that presence for myself, but also learning
Speaker 1: how to trust other people to lead me in that process. UM.
Speaker 1: I'd say that's kind of the balance of what ultimately
Speaker 1: led to the final place of finding peace. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like I could go off on a million
Speaker 1: different tangents from that, but the one thing that you
Speaker 1: said in the beginning was that it didn't start from
Speaker 1: a place of body image and for some people that
Speaker 1: might be really confusing. Don't eating disorders or do do
Speaker 1: identify with saying eating disorder or disordered eating in your past? Yeah,
Speaker 1: either one. It wasn't a diagnosed eating disorder, but you know,
Speaker 1: you could definitely call it that, So you use whatever interchangeably.
Speaker 1: The typical person, even people who are pretty well versed
Speaker 1: in eating disorders, do think of them as stemming from
Speaker 1: body image stuff related to diet culture, related to people
Speaker 1: commenting on your body. Yet for you, that wasn't the
Speaker 1: case at all. It was this external world spinning you around,
Speaker 1: causing you to feel k aodic and no ways to
Speaker 1: slow it down. Besides, for what food became for you,
Speaker 1: Like you said, a coping mechanism, So what does it
Speaker 1: mean for food to be a coping mechanism? Let's go
Speaker 1: further there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm I'm glad you're asking
Speaker 1: about that. So I hold the perspective that all eating
Speaker 1: disorders are coping mechanisms in some way, and that doesn't
Speaker 1: show up the same for everyone that looks different. Um,
Speaker 1: there are different ways that we can use food. So
Speaker 1: food can be something that we use to run away,
Speaker 1: that we use to distract, that we use to numb.
Speaker 1: Some people over stuff themselves, and some people restrict and um,
Speaker 1: I fell into the ladder category. But to me, the
Speaker 1: way that food shows up as a coping mechanism, what
Speaker 1: that means is life is hard, and we're going to
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable, and we're going to come up against things
Speaker 1: that we don't have the tools and resources to deal with,
Speaker 1: and so we use different coping mechanisms. I feel the
Speaker 1: same way about most forms of addiction and alcoholism and
Speaker 1: things like that. You know, it ultimately comes down to
Speaker 1: we have this discomfort, we're feeling um some and motion
Speaker 1: or going through some experience that we don't know how
Speaker 1: to handle on our own, and we don't have the
Speaker 1: tools and resources to deal with it in a way
Speaker 1: that helps us to move through that challenge, and so
Speaker 1: we turned to something else to help us to cope
Speaker 1: with that experience. And so that's what I mean by that.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Yeah? And would you say, for
Speaker 1: you in that situation, you didn't know that you were
Speaker 1: using food to cope in that moment? Correct? Okay? So
Speaker 1: I think that's interesting too, because I think it was
Speaker 1: kind of unconscious and it felt good, but maybe you know,
Speaker 1: you hadn't done all the work that you've done now
Speaker 1: to really like be introspective in that moment, And next thing,
Speaker 1: you know, you're sick. Where did you find yourself when
Speaker 1: you finally woke up and realized, Okay, I might have
Speaker 1: found some sort of quote unquote control, but this isn't
Speaker 1: good either. It was really, you know, someone else who
Speaker 1: brought it to my attention, and that got my wheels turning.
Speaker 1: But again, also it's like the awareness was coupled with shame,
Speaker 1: and so I immediately tried to make it not true
Speaker 1: and try to convince myself and everyone else that there
Speaker 1: wasn't a problem. So it took a while for me
Speaker 1: to get to a place where I could admit to
Speaker 1: myself what was happening, what had happened. Um, So it
Speaker 1: was kind of this unfolding of kind of being at
Speaker 1: war in my mind where I would notice things and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, that's not good. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be doing that. I don't like how that feels. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I can't let anyone know this
Speaker 1: is happening. I need to keep presenting myself as like
Speaker 1: totally fine and convince everyone else that I'm totally fine. UM.
Speaker 1: So I really took it on myself to try and
Speaker 1: figure that out. And like I said, it wasn't until
Speaker 1: I really found external support that I feel like it
Speaker 1: finally got to that place of true healing. I feel
Speaker 1: like I was kind of in this semi recovered some
Speaker 1: people call it quasi recovery state for a while, where
Speaker 1: I was back to a healthy weight um for my body.
Speaker 1: You know, the doctor said healthy b M. I. I I
Speaker 1: know there's a lot of contention around that term, but
Speaker 1: I was quote weight restored and you know, living a
Speaker 1: normal daily life, like I was getting good grades and
Speaker 1: showing up in any work that I had at the time,
Speaker 1: and had great friendships and you know, had a good
Speaker 1: relationship with a partner, and like things were going well,
Speaker 1: but I was still struggling underneath in certain ways. At
Speaker 1: certain times, sometimes it felt like I was totally fun
Speaker 1: and other times, you know, ship would hit the fan
Speaker 1: in life and then things come up again. And so
Speaker 1: it wasn't until I finally did that true inner work
Speaker 1: of being fully truthful and honest with myself and bringing
Speaker 1: light to those shadow places like you were saying, and
Speaker 1: learning how to sit with those parts of myself and
Speaker 1: be with myself in my wholeness. It was really it
Speaker 1: was the underlying foundational work that then built the true,
Speaker 1: you know, healing with all of the surface level things,
Speaker 1: which I think food ultimately kind of lands itself in,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's the deeper work that creates the
Speaker 1: healing that then in turn shows up in the behaviors
Speaker 1: that we see on the surface. And I don't think
Speaker 1: we've I've never used the phrase quasi recovery. I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever had a word for it. So thank
Speaker 1: you for that. I certainly see it all the time,
Speaker 1: and now that you're bringing it up, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: a lot of our listeners might actually find themselves in
Speaker 1: quasi recovery. I personally think it's a an important place
Speaker 1: to be because it's usually, you know, very few people
Speaker 1: make it from having an eating disorder disordered eating to
Speaker 1: fully recovered. So that quasi recovery stage is really key.
Speaker 1: So for anybody listening and they're like, oh, I mean,
Speaker 1: quasi am not there yet, I feel really hopeful about
Speaker 1: what's happening next totally because it means that you've already
Speaker 1: acknowledged and recognized something was wrong, and you've been trying,
Speaker 1: and you're you're definitely in a better place than you
Speaker 1: have been, and it gives you an even stronger foundation
Speaker 1: to keep doing that work. For sure. So once you've
Speaker 1: you know, solidified that your weight is restored and your
Speaker 1: body is not an imminent danger. Really, only then can
Speaker 1: you start to peel the next layer of the onion,
Speaker 1: which is the inner work, and that shadow work also
Speaker 1: phrases we haven't used before, So can you share with
Speaker 1: our audience what shadow work is? Sure? So shadow work
Speaker 1: to me, I would define as the work of looking
Speaker 1: at the parts of yourself that you have been hiding
Speaker 1: or that you feel are not enough, or that you
Speaker 1: hold fear or shame, or any type of discomfort around
Speaker 1: the parts of yourself that nobody collapse for the parts
Speaker 1: of yourself that feel like they shouldn't be there, um
Speaker 1: that you feel resistant too, and basically those things that
Speaker 1: just feel like icky or that you want to hide
Speaker 1: and not look at like anything that would fall into
Speaker 1: that category. It is the work of bringing light to that.
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is simply bringing your
Speaker 1: awareness to it, bringing um it into a space of
Speaker 1: looking at it and processing it and sitting with it
Speaker 1: and learning how to accept and even beyond accept, you know,
Speaker 1: bring unconditional love to those parts of yourself. But it
Speaker 1: it doesn't come right away, Like that is a full
Speaker 1: on process. Like they call it inner work for a reason,
Speaker 1: because it's not like you find these parts of yourself.
Speaker 1: For instance, like I for years would not admit to anyone.
Speaker 1: I didn't even utter the word eating disorder. I never
Speaker 1: told anyone that I had struggled with it. I think
Speaker 1: a phrase that I once told my my boyfriend at
Speaker 1: the time was I used to be kind of weird
Speaker 1: around food, but like that is all that I said,
Speaker 1: you know. And so bringing light to that part of myself.
Speaker 1: Being able to sit there and say, you know, I
Speaker 1: had disordered eating or I had an eating disorder felt
Speaker 1: so shameful. And so it's not like I can immediately
Speaker 1: just say that and be like okay, now, I you know,
Speaker 1: brought light to that shadow. It was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: feels terrible. I feel like no one will love me
Speaker 1: now if they know this thing, and I will never
Speaker 1: be able to create the career that I want to have,
Speaker 1: or you know, whatever it was. I just felt like
Speaker 1: that part of me was wrong or bad or not
Speaker 1: enough or broken, and so it's finding all those pieces
Speaker 1: of myself that felt broken and not enough. My anxiety
Speaker 1: was another piece. I had generalized anxiety as a kid,
Speaker 1: and I have done a lot of work to build
Speaker 1: a new relationship with that part of myself too. And
Speaker 1: again it takes time. It takes effort to shift your
Speaker 1: perspective and to hold it in a different way to
Speaker 1: be able to look at it and say it's okay
Speaker 1: for you to be here, like you know, all parts
Speaker 1: of myself or are welcome to be here, rather than
Speaker 1: I need to hide these things and push these things
Speaker 1: away and only show these parts of myself to the
Speaker 1: world so that I can be worthy or loved or
Speaker 1: valued or whatever. And now you help people do this
Speaker 1: inner work, which very much involves facing food, but clearly
Speaker 1: so much more. And I feel like, now that I'm
Speaker 1: learning more about your story, it really is the perfect
Speaker 1: culmination of the key words that you say helped you.
Speaker 1: You know, you said people got you there, asking for
Speaker 1: help got you there, moving away from shame got you there.
Speaker 1: And then doing that extra layer of work beyond food
Speaker 1: to find out what was living in your shadows and
Speaker 1: releasing the shame. I feel like that's that's kind of
Speaker 1: like the big themes, and now you've turned that into
Speaker 1: a program called Reconnect. So tell us about reconnect in
Speaker 1: general and the specific Yeah, so that's exactly what brought
Speaker 1: together Reconnect Academy. You know, it was really that recognition
Speaker 1: that the inner work is the foundation for all of
Speaker 1: the other healing that shows up in terms of food. So,
Speaker 1: you know, I help women to heal their relationship with
Speaker 1: their food and body, but it's ultimately a course and
Speaker 1: healing their relationship with themselves. And it's it's recognizing any
Speaker 1: struggles with food or body image as a doorway to
Speaker 1: the inner work and that that creates personal freedom and
Speaker 1: resilience in all aspects of your life. It's not just food.
Speaker 1: You know. We we have this course where you know,
Speaker 1: people come in and they join because they're struggling with food,
Speaker 1: and then they end up leaving feeling this sense of
Speaker 1: self worth and feeling like they know how to set
Speaker 1: healthy boundaries and relationships in their lives. And you know,
Speaker 1: they can show up differently with their partner and their
Speaker 1: parents and their friends, and they have a stronger sense
Speaker 1: of self, They have a stronger self identity, They have
Speaker 1: a stronger sense of connection to purpose and meaning in
Speaker 1: their lives, and those are the things that ultimately build acovery.
Speaker 1: As I mentioned briefly in the INTI, I'm also doing
Speaker 1: my PhD. And you know, through through researching what you know,
Speaker 1: different methods, there aren't eating disorder recovery. You know, we're
Speaker 1: finding that there are basically these two models. There's the
Speaker 1: medical model and then there's the recovery model. And the
Speaker 1: medical model is the traditional we need to alleviate and
Speaker 1: remove the symptoms, and then the recovery model is that's
Speaker 1: kind of emerged more recently when looking at more qualitative data,
Speaker 1: rather than saying, you know, how can we just you know,
Speaker 1: remove these symptoms, but more so saying okay, in longitudinal research,
Speaker 1: in qualitative research, looking at accounts of people who are
Speaker 1: in long term recovery, what are the common factors, what
Speaker 1: do they feel, you know, created that for them, and
Speaker 1: researching more into that aspect of it. And what we
Speaker 1: found is that mental health is not just the absence
Speaker 1: of mental illness, it's the presence of mental wellness. And
Speaker 1: those two aren't simply opposites. It's not like if you
Speaker 1: alleviate the symptoms then suddenly you're well. You have to
Speaker 1: add the things. It's the addition of things that that
Speaker 1: create the foundation for health. And what we found is
Speaker 1: that's things like having a positive self identity, having a
Speaker 1: sense of meaning and purpose, having deep personal connections with
Speaker 1: friends and things like that, having a sense of spirituality,
Speaker 1: which doesn't have to mean religion, it can just be
Speaker 1: like a connection to something bigger than yourself. But all
Speaker 1: of these things are what truly build these foundations of
Speaker 1: mental well being. And so knowing that and having my
Speaker 1: own story, that's why I built Reconnect Academy. And you know,
Speaker 1: the first half of the course we talk very little
Speaker 1: about food. You know, it's really building up these you know,
Speaker 1: recognizing the root causes of where did this come from
Speaker 1: and how is this being created in in your life,
Speaker 1: and then moving forward from there to say, okay, and
Speaker 1: now we're going to shift our perspective forward and rewrite
Speaker 1: our story and build in these, like I said, these
Speaker 1: foundational level things to build that mental wellness that then
Speaker 1: facilitates all of the then work that we do with
Speaker 1: food and body. So yeah, basically that's that's kind of
Speaker 1: what created And I forget what your initial question was,
Speaker 1: but that is the Reconnect Academy trajectory. I guess it's
Speaker 1: awesome and I feel like if I were going through it,
Speaker 1: it would be the exact program I would gravitate towards
Speaker 1: because it's also a nice blend of one on one
Speaker 1: with community. But I don't know if I would have
Speaker 1: been willing at the time when I was struggling, because
Speaker 1: I didn't really know it was a food issue until
Speaker 1: after that, like that I needed help with food. So
Speaker 1: a program that's going to talk about food but then also,
Speaker 1: you know, be more focused on self discovery and the
Speaker 1: meaning of life, that part might drag me in more,
Speaker 1: and then I might be able to see the shadows
Speaker 1: a little bit more. I just want to highlight one
Speaker 1: thing you said about the medical approach to treatment versus
Speaker 1: the recovery model, that I get those words right, So
Speaker 1: I just want to highlight what you said in more
Speaker 1: obvious terms if it wasn't. But essentially, the medical model
Speaker 1: says you are recovered when you get to a quote
Speaker 1: unquote healthy weight, when you stop binging, when you stop purging,
Speaker 1: when you stop restricting. Like giving just some very obvious
Speaker 1: examples here, But the truth is many of us know
Speaker 1: that in the absence of those things, we can still
Speaker 1: be struggling with food, thoughts about food, or just struggling
Speaker 1: with mental illness in general. So a lot of times
Speaker 1: people leave treatment or I will actually go a little
Speaker 1: bit further to say, families get their child or their
Speaker 1: loved one or their partner back from treatment and expected
Speaker 1: to quote unquote work. But yes, they stopped doing these behaviors,
Speaker 1: but the deeper layers were not a cheat. So yes,
Speaker 1: there's a positive there because the person can survive in
Speaker 1: their heart's going to beat and you know, they have
Speaker 1: enough electrolytes going on and they're happening in their body.
Speaker 1: But we need to consider exactly what you said that,
Speaker 1: what does recovery really mean, Like, is there a better
Speaker 1: word to say this person is at a different stage
Speaker 1: that doesn't say recovered, because recovered kind of sends the
Speaker 1: wrong message, especially when the person leaves treatment. I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to be recover word, and then there have new feelings
Speaker 1: of shame because they're still struggling, right exactly. And that's
Speaker 1: something I'm glad that you mentioned that because I was
Speaker 1: going to clarify that after I said it. You know,
Speaker 1: I I don't want to present any idea that I
Speaker 1: am against the medical model. The medical model is important.
Speaker 1: You know, if someone is experiencing physical symptoms, we need
Speaker 1: to have them under medical care, you know, self self
Speaker 1: harm and being underweight, and like you said, the electronic bounces.
Speaker 1: There are so many reasons that it's beneficial, but as
Speaker 1: you said, it's not complete. In many many cases of
Speaker 1: people who go through treatment don't respond to it and
Speaker 1: then relapse. And so we've got up to seventy people
Speaker 1: go through treatment and then are left not actually recovered,
Speaker 1: and that's terrible, Like we don't we don't want that
Speaker 1: to be the case, and so we need to look
Speaker 1: at the places where, like you said, how can we
Speaker 1: shift our perspective of what it means to be recovered
Speaker 1: and to be in recovery. And I feel like it's
Speaker 1: very similar to addiction treatment centers where you know, you'll
Speaker 1: go for a week, two weeks, a month, and the
Speaker 1: person comes back quote unquote sober, free of the substance,
Speaker 1: but they're still struggling with all the demons that got
Speaker 1: them there, so they're also gonna, you know, likely come back. However,
Speaker 1: perhaps maybe I might be off base here, but there
Speaker 1: are more ongoing programs to stay sober and work on
Speaker 1: your stuff. Then there are for eating disorders other than
Speaker 1: you know, working with a therapist or a registered dietitian.
Speaker 1: And again que the community that you provide that is
Speaker 1: like a really key healing aspect of releasing the shame.
Speaker 1: And also the fact that you know your programs online
Speaker 1: I think I know from my programs, like it provides
Speaker 1: a really safe space for women that don't know each
Speaker 1: other to show up and be more vulnerable sometimes than
Speaker 1: they would if they were in the same room or
Speaker 1: they had ties to the same community in their real life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's really nice, similar to like you said,
Speaker 1: so much kind of like an a a situation, like
Speaker 1: it's nice that you can have this space where we
Speaker 1: don't know one another's families, we don't know one another's friends,
Speaker 1: don't know part of the same community. Like you said,
Speaker 1: it's a safe space to be to show up as
Speaker 1: your full self. And there are many women these programs
Speaker 1: who are sharing things that some of their closest friends
Speaker 1: and family members don't know at this point. But it's
Speaker 1: it feels like like you said, there's there's this safe
Speaker 1: space not only in people not really knowing these other
Speaker 1: aspects of your life, but also having this space where
Speaker 1: everyone is showing up with the same intention for being
Speaker 1: there because they want to do the work and they
Speaker 1: want to support one another in that, and you know,
Speaker 1: it really creates this this community space where you feel
Speaker 1: seen and you feel heard, and you feel understood but
Speaker 1: also accepted and safe in all of these pieces of
Speaker 1: yourself that you have previously held shame around. You know,
Speaker 1: you feel connected to these other women going through the
Speaker 1: same process, even if the details are different, and there's
Speaker 1: something really special and sacred in that. And for those
Speaker 1: of you that have heard me talk about my program,
Speaker 1: my program and Terrors are very different structurally, so yours
Speaker 1: run at certain times of the year. You have to apply.
Speaker 1: Each person has one on one meetings with you as
Speaker 1: well as group sessions, I believe, so it's a lot
Speaker 1: more hands on and intensive in a short amount of time. Correct. Yep, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a three month program, and yeah there's every other
Speaker 1: week one on one meetings with me as well as
Speaker 1: weekly group meetings twice a week. It's a very intensive program.
Speaker 1: It's very high touch, very intensive. So for those of
Speaker 1: you who are like, okay, this is what I need.
Speaker 1: When will the next one be? Tara? Yeah, so enrollment
Speaker 1: opens again in June, and then the next program will
Speaker 1: start in July. So July, August, September will be the
Speaker 1: next three month program. UM. But June is when you
Speaker 1: can expect to see enrollment open. Can people apply now
Speaker 1: or um? If you go to my website, you will
Speaker 1: sign up for the waitlist and so that's when you
Speaker 1: will be notified as soon as enrollment is open. Okay, perfect,
Speaker 1: got it understood. UM, so you can check that out.
Speaker 1: I'll put all the information below and moving into a
Speaker 1: little bit of you because you're one of my favorite
Speaker 1: people to follow on Instagram. My husband Evan actually found
Speaker 1: Tara two or three years ago. I was like, you
Speaker 1: need to follow Tara. She is like you, but like cooler.
Speaker 1: But that's what he was thinking. He's like, you need
Speaker 1: to follow her. No, but you know, normally I ignore him,
Speaker 1: but I went to your page and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this this girl is really cool. She's full of light.
Speaker 1: In a world of social media that looks one way,
Speaker 1: yours does not look that way. I'm always feeling recharged
Speaker 1: and replenished, so as somebody who I look up to
Speaker 1: as a role model. I'd love to know what's one
Speaker 1: thing that you do every day to stay connected to yourself.
Speaker 1: I would say, I am always checking in with myself,
Speaker 1: and that can take different forms, but I am always
Speaker 1: always checking with myself and paying attention to how am
Speaker 1: I feeling. And you know, even if, like literally this morning,
Speaker 1: if you were to open the notes in my phone,
Speaker 1: the top note would be one that says to journal
Speaker 1: and I have a bullet point because or I have
Speaker 1: like three bullet points because this morning, as I was
Speaker 1: like sitting there starting to do work, I was like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling all these things coming up, and it was okay,
Speaker 1: I need to take five minutes. I don't have time
Speaker 1: to right now sit down and do the full journal
Speaker 1: session that I want to do. But these are the
Speaker 1: things that I'm feeling coming up for me, and so
Speaker 1: I'm going to just jot down some bullet points that
Speaker 1: I want to come back to you later and just
Speaker 1: knowing like being present to myself, and you know, very
Speaker 1: often that takes the form of meditation. I'd say meditation
Speaker 1: and journaling are like my two biggest rocks for keeping
Speaker 1: me grounded and keeping me connected. To myself. But even
Speaker 1: if I don't have or make I should say I
Speaker 1: don't make the time for that full session in that moment.
Speaker 1: As as those feelings were coming up, It's not like
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, let me just go break and
Speaker 1: do half an hour of journaling right now. I was
Speaker 1: aware of it, and so I wrote it down. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling this thing. Here's what I'm thinking about I'm
Speaker 1: feeling this thing. Here's what I'm thinking about it, And
Speaker 1: I know I'll come back to it later and process
Speaker 1: it more and dig in. I'm constantly questioning myself and
Speaker 1: staying curious. I think that in the path of self discovery,
Speaker 1: the two most important things to marry together are curiosity
Speaker 1: and compassion. To always be asking questions about what's coming up?
Speaker 1: Why is this here? What would I think about this?
Speaker 1: What would it be like if this for true? Instead?
Speaker 1: You know all of those things, and to be compassionate
Speaker 1: with whatever comes up for myself, you know, to me
Speaker 1: that safe space for anything that I find that allows
Speaker 1: me to be honest with myself because I know that
Speaker 1: no matter what I find, I can hold a safe
Speaker 1: space for it and I can process it without judging
Speaker 1: or shaming myself, and that is like the ultimate key
Speaker 1: for me in everything. I love that you said that
Speaker 1: you're always questioning yourself and bringing curiosity to it, because
Speaker 1: without that second part of curiosity, it sounds like you're
Speaker 1: always questioning everything that you do or you eat. But
Speaker 1: that's not what you meant at all. Yeah, it's not
Speaker 1: like judgment and like oh am I wrong, am I.
Speaker 1: It's more so like, oh, like I wonder, I wonder
Speaker 1: what's happening right now, or like you know, I wonder
Speaker 1: where that feeling is coming from, and and being gentle
Speaker 1: with it. It's not like I need to find all
Speaker 1: the answers. It's just kind of a gentle unfolding of
Speaker 1: I'm gonna open up space for this truth to come forward.
Speaker 1: And every day, I mean, I love that we're just
Speaker 1: reminded that this inner work is not a one stop shop.
Speaker 1: It's a daily check in, but it becomes more loving
Speaker 1: and not disciplined, but rather something you want to do
Speaker 1: when you open yourself up to it and absolutely kind
Speaker 1: of flow in that juiciness. You're not meditating because you
Speaker 1: have to. You're meditating because that's your time to be gentle,
Speaker 1: to be curious, to not be you know, working on
Speaker 1: your PhD or you're all the things that you want
Speaker 1: to do accomplish in this world. Exactly. Yeah. To me,
Speaker 1: willpower isn't sustainable. Willpower is kind of opposing forces. It's
Speaker 1: me trying to do something that is opposing the energy
Speaker 1: of what I truly want to do. Whereas if you
Speaker 1: want it to be a long term ritual or a
Speaker 1: long term habit, it has to be something that is
Speaker 1: an alignment. The energy needs to be propelling you forward
Speaker 1: in the way that your energy wants to go. Already
Speaker 1: with anything, not just food, not just exercise, I mean
Speaker 1: just so long. I tried the willpower and the discipline thing,
Speaker 1: and it worked for a week, two weeks, and then
Speaker 1: you know, I burnt out because that opposing forces, so
Speaker 1: to flow through it is just makes more sense. The
Speaker 1: last thing I just want to ask you about, because
Speaker 1: I've benefited from it, is your affirmation deck. Are you
Speaker 1: still selling those? Yes, the affirmation deck is still alive
Speaker 1: and well, and I'm so glad that you know you
Speaker 1: have benefited from it. I use them every single day.
Speaker 1: I don't know, our audience might not be familiar with
Speaker 1: what an affirmation deck is. And I want to offer
Speaker 1: them another tool to connect with themselves. Can you share
Speaker 1: what an affirmation deck is and what yours is specifically? Sure,
Speaker 1: First of all, affirmations are statements that affirm something about ourselves.
Speaker 1: That is us telling ourselves something about ourselves or something
Speaker 1: about our lives that we want to believe and that
Speaker 1: some part of us does believe. But there are these
Speaker 1: often not always, but often there are parts of ourselves
Speaker 1: that are questioning this in the more negative questioning way,
Speaker 1: or are you know, have these limiting beliefs or whatever
Speaker 1: it is, And so affirmations help us to build up
Speaker 1: a new narrative for ourselves. And UM can be sometimes
Speaker 1: mantra statements that you repeat to yourself that helped like
Speaker 1: kind of ground you and bring you back. But it
Speaker 1: can also just be, you know, a list of things
Speaker 1: that you you say to yourself to kind of put
Speaker 1: your mindset in the right place to set the intention
Speaker 1: for the day. UM. But an affirmation deck is a
Speaker 1: deck of cards. They're typically like fifteen to fifty cards
Speaker 1: in a deck, and it has a single affirmation on
Speaker 1: each card, typically some sort of artwork, and it just
Speaker 1: creates more ritual to the activity because you can shuffle
Speaker 1: the deck and pull one out and see what comes
Speaker 1: to you, you know, in in that way from the day,
Speaker 1: or you can specifically sort through the deck and choose one.
Speaker 1: If you can put them up in your house in
Speaker 1: different places where you need to see them. I'll sometimes
Speaker 1: take an affirmation card to my desk and put it
Speaker 1: on my desk, or have it sitting on my nightstand
Speaker 1: where I need to see that message as I get
Speaker 1: up in the morning, or whatever it is. You know,
Speaker 1: you can you can use them in all these different ways,
Speaker 1: but it's essentially a deck of of these affirmations for
Speaker 1: you to use. And so we have a deck of
Speaker 1: thirty three affirmations. Um I wrote all of the words,
Speaker 1: and then a friend of mine who is an artist,
Speaker 1: did the artwork for the cards, and each card is
Speaker 1: like its own piece of artwork and it's really special
Speaker 1: and um yeah, I I love it and it's it's
Speaker 1: become a daily practice for me. Awesome. Well, I hope
Speaker 1: everyone can benefit from checking out that deck, or at
Speaker 1: least considering adding affirmations to their journaling sessions or just
Speaker 1: to waking up. I like to wake up and just
Speaker 1: do a little affirmation and especially in the muddier moments
Speaker 1: because like you said, you're like kind of not sure
Speaker 1: what's going on. So thank you so much for your
Speaker 1: time and your expertise and your personal story, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna link all your information below so everyone can follow you,
Speaker 1: check out Reconnect Collective and Academy, and stay in touch
Speaker 1: with your beautiful soul. Thanks for being a guest, Tarah,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Lisa, Love you,