WEBVTT - Overcoming Darkness with Light feat. Tara Kemp 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.960 I won't let my body out out everything that I'm 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:08.800 made do, won't spend my life trying to change. I'm 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:12.440 learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.840 I feel free, I know who every part of me. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:24.000 It's beautiful and I will always out way if you 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:26.800 feel it with your hands in the air, she'll see 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:29.400 love to the boom. I get there. Let's say good 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:35.199 day and time did you and die out? Welcome back 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:38.880 to Outweigh Lisa here, and today I'm joined by special 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:43.320 guest and really good friend, Tara Kemp. Welcome, Tara, Hey, 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:45.440 thank you so much for having me. So we have 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:48.520 done a lot of quote unquote work together, like we've 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:52.400 done Instagram lives together, and I'm always trying to repost 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:55.200 all the good word that you're putting out on Instagram. 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:58.360 So of course we'll put Terror's Instagram below. But why 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:00.880 don't you just introduce yourself and tell everybody a little 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:04.039 bit about you? Sure? So, i am a mental health 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:08.480 coach and researcher, and I'm the founder of Reconnect Collective, 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:13.760 which houses programs and resources that guide women through the 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:18.039 inner work to reconnect with food, body, and self. So 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:22.920 my work explores and teaches the skills and tools that 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.520 build long term mental well being and help people to 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:30.680 live with intention and authenticity and inner peace ultimately. And 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.840 so this work includes academic research I'm getting my PhD 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:37.400 right now, as well as retreats. And then my signature 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:40.440 group coaching program is Reconnect Academy. So that's a little 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:42.520 bit about what I do, yes, and I want to 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:45.160 dive so into that because it really is very different 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:47.639 than a lot of things out there when it comes 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:50.320 to people who are struggling with food stuff and the 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:53.520 options available. But before we do, we sometimes have guests 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:56.000 on and we sometimes have experts on, and then once 0:01:56.000 --> 0:01:58.320 in a while we get a blend of both, meaning 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:02.320 the expert has a personal story that really bleeds into 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:04.400 their work. I feel like you kind of fit into 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:09.000 that category. That definitely feels like me. So, how how 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:12.200 did you find your way out of the darkness? And 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:15.480 what did your darkness look like? I love that question. 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:18.000 I love the way that you've phrased it. Of course, 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:21.160 as I'm sure you know, you know, finding one's way 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:23.440 out of the darkness is not oh I did this 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.359 and then it happened, you know, it was it was 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:28.400 a long process. With stages and ups and downs and 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:30.480 ins and outs that you know, it felt like it 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:32.720 was happening, and then it um you know, you have 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:35.400 the times where it feels like you fall backwards and 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:38.600 all of that. But you know, for me, my darkness 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:43.880 looked like feeling very misunderstood. I did the time I had, 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:46.560 I hid from myself a lot of the struggles that 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.640 I was having. I feel like I wasn't fully aware 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:51.720 of what was happening for me. With food, it definitely 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:55.079 fell into the category of this is a coping mechanism. 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:59.360 And um, it didn't start with body image struggles. It 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.960 more so started with my life is feeling chaotic and 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:05.440 things are falling away and I'm having this kind of 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:10.160 identity crisis and I'm feeling really badly about myself. It 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:13.040 was more so that lack of control in life and 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.679 that confusion in life in general, and feeling like, oh, 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:18.480 here's something I can control and this makes me feel safe, 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.160 and so that's where it started. I didn't even realize 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:23.840 at first that I was restricting. It wasn't a conscious thing, 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.880 and it just happened. And then it was like the 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:28.720 realization came once it was full blown and then there 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:30.560 was so much shame there that I was trying to 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:33.320 pretend like it wasn't happening even though it was. And 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:36.240 so that's kind of where the darkness started. And from 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:39.680 there it just became this evolving path of trying to 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.280 find a way out that resonated with me. You know, 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.600 it's not like I was admitted to a treatment center. UM, 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.120 I didn't receive the help that I needed. Everyone in 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:48.840 my life did the best that they could, um, but 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.000 nobody really knew what they were doing. I never received 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:53.400 quite the help that I needed at the time. That 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.800 came later for me. But you know, along the way, 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:58.920 it was and like I said, an ever evolving process 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:02.440 of fine ending the pieces of myself that needed my 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:05.560 love and giving myself love in those places and learning 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:09.080 how to be that presence for myself, but also learning 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:11.840 how to trust other people to lead me in that process. UM. 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:14.880 I'd say that's kind of the balance of what ultimately 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:17.839 led to the final place of finding peace. I mean, 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:19.240 I feel like I could go off on a million 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:22.279 different tangents from that, but the one thing that you 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:24.440 said in the beginning was that it didn't start from 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:26.640 a place of body image and for some people that 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:30.159 might be really confusing. Don't eating disorders or do do 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:33.839 identify with saying eating disorder or disordered eating in your past? Yeah, 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:37.000 either one. It wasn't a diagnosed eating disorder, but you know, 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:40.720 you could definitely call it that, So you use whatever interchangeably. 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:44.400 The typical person, even people who are pretty well versed 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:47.840 in eating disorders, do think of them as stemming from 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:52.320 body image stuff related to diet culture, related to people 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:54.680 commenting on your body. Yet for you, that wasn't the 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:58.880 case at all. It was this external world spinning you around, 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:01.839 causing you to feel k aodic and no ways to 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:05.800 slow it down. Besides, for what food became for you, 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.440 Like you said, a coping mechanism, So what does it 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:10.680 mean for food to be a coping mechanism? Let's go 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:13.159 further there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm I'm glad you're asking 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.840 about that. So I hold the perspective that all eating 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:19.119 disorders are coping mechanisms in some way, and that doesn't 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:21.840 show up the same for everyone that looks different. Um, 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:23.800 there are different ways that we can use food. So 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:26.040 food can be something that we use to run away, 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:27.920 that we use to distract, that we use to numb. 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:33.680 Some people over stuff themselves, and some people restrict and um, 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:36.240 I fell into the ladder category. But to me, the 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:38.680 way that food shows up as a coping mechanism, what 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:41.440 that means is life is hard, and we're going to 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:43.960 be uncomfortable, and we're going to come up against things 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:47.120 that we don't have the tools and resources to deal with, 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:50.520 and so we use different coping mechanisms. I feel the 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.960 same way about most forms of addiction and alcoholism and 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:56.599 things like that. You know, it ultimately comes down to 0:05:57.040 --> 0:06:00.400 we have this discomfort, we're feeling um some and motion 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:03.080 or going through some experience that we don't know how 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:05.279 to handle on our own, and we don't have the 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:09.080 tools and resources to deal with it in a way 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:11.360 that helps us to move through that challenge, and so 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:15.320 we turned to something else to help us to cope 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:18.279 with that experience. And so that's what I mean by that. 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:20.400 Does that make sense? Yeah? And would you say, for 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.640 you in that situation, you didn't know that you were 0:06:23.720 --> 0:06:26.280 using food to cope in that moment? Correct? Okay? So 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:28.680 I think that's interesting too, because I think it was 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:32.680 kind of unconscious and it felt good, but maybe you know, 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:34.440 you hadn't done all the work that you've done now 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:37.920 to really like be introspective in that moment, And next thing, 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.800 you know, you're sick. Where did you find yourself when 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:43.640 you finally woke up and realized, Okay, I might have 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.000 found some sort of quote unquote control, but this isn't 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:48.720 good either. It was really, you know, someone else who 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:51.360 brought it to my attention, and that got my wheels turning. 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:55.400 But again, also it's like the awareness was coupled with shame, 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:59.479 and so I immediately tried to make it not true 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:01.840 and try to convince myself and everyone else that there 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:04.520 wasn't a problem. So it took a while for me 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:06.800 to get to a place where I could admit to 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:10.400 myself what was happening, what had happened. Um, So it 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:14.240 was kind of this unfolding of kind of being at 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.880 war in my mind where I would notice things and 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:18.560 be like, oh, that's not good. I don't want to 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:20.920 be doing that. I don't like how that feels. But 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:22.720 at the same time, I can't let anyone know this 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:25.000 is happening. I need to keep presenting myself as like 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:28.200 totally fine and convince everyone else that I'm totally fine. UM. 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:31.600 So I really took it on myself to try and 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.520 figure that out. And like I said, it wasn't until 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:37.960 I really found external support that I feel like it 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.800 finally got to that place of true healing. I feel 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.200 like I was kind of in this semi recovered some 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:45.800 people call it quasi recovery state for a while, where 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:50.720 I was back to a healthy weight um for my body. 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:52.720 You know, the doctor said healthy b M. I. I I 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:54.760 know there's a lot of contention around that term, but 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:58.640 I was quote weight restored and you know, living a 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:01.560 normal daily life, like I was getting good grades and 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:03.880 showing up in any work that I had at the time, 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:06.280 and had great friendships and you know, had a good 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:09.400 relationship with a partner, and like things were going well, 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:12.600 but I was still struggling underneath in certain ways. At 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:15.000 certain times, sometimes it felt like I was totally fun 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:16.480 and other times, you know, ship would hit the fan 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:18.440 in life and then things come up again. And so 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:21.840 it wasn't until I finally did that true inner work 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:26.640 of being fully truthful and honest with myself and bringing 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:29.080 light to those shadow places like you were saying, and 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:32.560 learning how to sit with those parts of myself and 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:35.960 be with myself in my wholeness. It was really it 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:39.760 was the underlying foundational work that then built the true, 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:42.559 you know, healing with all of the surface level things, 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:45.600 which I think food ultimately kind of lands itself in, 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.520 you know, it's it's the deeper work that creates the 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.880 healing that then in turn shows up in the behaviors 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:54.080 that we see on the surface. And I don't think 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:56.800 we've I've never used the phrase quasi recovery. I don't 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:58.400 think I've ever had a word for it. So thank 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:00.280 you for that. I certainly see it all the time, 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:02.640 and now that you're bringing it up, and I'm sure 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:05.080 a lot of our listeners might actually find themselves in 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:10.280 quasi recovery. I personally think it's a an important place 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:14.040 to be because it's usually, you know, very few people 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:16.520 make it from having an eating disorder disordered eating to 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:20.880 fully recovered. So that quasi recovery stage is really key. 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:23.120 So for anybody listening and they're like, oh, I mean, 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:27.600 quasi am not there yet, I feel really hopeful about 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:31.439 what's happening next totally because it means that you've already 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:35.200 acknowledged and recognized something was wrong, and you've been trying, 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:38.200 and you're you're definitely in a better place than you 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:41.240 have been, and it gives you an even stronger foundation 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:44.040 to keep doing that work. For sure. So once you've 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:47.000 you know, solidified that your weight is restored and your 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:50.560 body is not an imminent danger. Really, only then can 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:52.760 you start to peel the next layer of the onion, 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:55.520 which is the inner work, and that shadow work also 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:57.760 phrases we haven't used before, So can you share with 0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:01.520 our audience what shadow work is? Sure? So shadow work 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:05.400 to me, I would define as the work of looking 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.080 at the parts of yourself that you have been hiding 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:11.600 or that you feel are not enough, or that you 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:15.040 hold fear or shame, or any type of discomfort around 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:17.880 the parts of yourself that nobody collapse for the parts 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:21.559 of yourself that feel like they shouldn't be there, um 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:24.360 that you feel resistant too, and basically those things that 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:26.480 just feel like icky or that you want to hide 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.800 and not look at like anything that would fall into 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:32.080 that category. It is the work of bringing light to that. 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.400 And what I mean by that is simply bringing your 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:38.240 awareness to it, bringing um it into a space of 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:41.319 looking at it and processing it and sitting with it 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:45.360 and learning how to accept and even beyond accept, you know, 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:48.680 bring unconditional love to those parts of yourself. But it 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:51.439 it doesn't come right away, Like that is a full 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:55.040 on process. Like they call it inner work for a reason, 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:57.440 because it's not like you find these parts of yourself. 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:01.319 For instance, like I for years would not admit to anyone. 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:03.880 I didn't even utter the word eating disorder. I never 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:07.120 told anyone that I had struggled with it. I think 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:09.280 a phrase that I once told my my boyfriend at 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:11.040 the time was I used to be kind of weird 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.560 around food, but like that is all that I said, 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:16.720 you know. And so bringing light to that part of myself. 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:18.840 Being able to sit there and say, you know, I 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:21.640 had disordered eating or I had an eating disorder felt 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.319 so shameful. And so it's not like I can immediately 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:26.640 just say that and be like okay, now, I you know, 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:29.080 brought light to that shadow. It was like, oh, this 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:31.920 feels terrible. I feel like no one will love me 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:33.840 now if they know this thing, and I will never 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:36.000 be able to create the career that I want to have, 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.160 or you know, whatever it was. I just felt like 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:40.760 that part of me was wrong or bad or not 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.800 enough or broken, and so it's finding all those pieces 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:47.120 of myself that felt broken and not enough. My anxiety 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.440 was another piece. I had generalized anxiety as a kid, 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:51.640 and I have done a lot of work to build 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:53.640 a new relationship with that part of myself too. And 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:58.000 again it takes time. It takes effort to shift your 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.560 perspective and to hold it in a different way to 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:02.880 be able to look at it and say it's okay 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:04.920 for you to be here, like you know, all parts 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:07.720 of myself or are welcome to be here, rather than 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:09.839 I need to hide these things and push these things 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:11.720 away and only show these parts of myself to the 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:13.880 world so that I can be worthy or loved or 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:17.560 valued or whatever. And now you help people do this 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:23.240 inner work, which very much involves facing food, but clearly 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:26.600 so much more. And I feel like, now that I'm 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:30.520 learning more about your story, it really is the perfect 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:34.199 culmination of the key words that you say helped you. 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:37.120 You know, you said people got you there, asking for 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.880 help got you there, moving away from shame got you there. 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:45.400 And then doing that extra layer of work beyond food 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.160 to find out what was living in your shadows and 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:51.320 releasing the shame. I feel like that's that's kind of 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.560 like the big themes, and now you've turned that into 0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:58.760 a program called Reconnect. So tell us about reconnect in 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:02.520 general and the specific Yeah, so that's exactly what brought 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:05.400 together Reconnect Academy. You know, it was really that recognition 0:13:05.440 --> 0:13:08.160 that the inner work is the foundation for all of 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:10.480 the other healing that shows up in terms of food. So, 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.560 you know, I help women to heal their relationship with 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:15.640 their food and body, but it's ultimately a course and 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:19.680 healing their relationship with themselves. And it's it's recognizing any 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.800 struggles with food or body image as a doorway to 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:27.559 the inner work and that that creates personal freedom and 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:33.160 resilience in all aspects of your life. It's not just food. 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:35.400 You know. We we have this course where you know, 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:38.040 people come in and they join because they're struggling with food, 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.720 and then they end up leaving feeling this sense of 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:42.960 self worth and feeling like they know how to set 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:46.040 healthy boundaries and relationships in their lives. And you know, 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.560 they can show up differently with their partner and their 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.920 parents and their friends, and they have a stronger sense 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.080 of self, They have a stronger self identity, They have 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.360 a stronger sense of connection to purpose and meaning in 0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:00.360 their lives, and those are the things that ultimately build acovery. 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:02.719 As I mentioned briefly in the INTI, I'm also doing 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:06.840 my PhD. And you know, through through researching what you know, 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.880 different methods, there aren't eating disorder recovery. You know, we're 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.000 finding that there are basically these two models. There's the 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:13.880 medical model and then there's the recovery model. And the 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:17.120 medical model is the traditional we need to alleviate and 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:21.080 remove the symptoms, and then the recovery model is that's 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:24.360 kind of emerged more recently when looking at more qualitative data, 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:27.240 rather than saying, you know, how can we just you know, 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:31.920 remove these symptoms, but more so saying okay, in longitudinal research, 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:35.800 in qualitative research, looking at accounts of people who are 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:38.800 in long term recovery, what are the common factors, what 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:41.160 do they feel, you know, created that for them, and 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:44.600 researching more into that aspect of it. And what we 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:48.120 found is that mental health is not just the absence 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:51.800 of mental illness, it's the presence of mental wellness. And 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.320 those two aren't simply opposites. It's not like if you 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:57.120 alleviate the symptoms then suddenly you're well. You have to 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:00.040 add the things. It's the addition of things that that 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:02.320 create the foundation for health. And what we found is 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:04.960 that's things like having a positive self identity, having a 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:08.400 sense of meaning and purpose, having deep personal connections with 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:10.720 friends and things like that, having a sense of spirituality, 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:12.560 which doesn't have to mean religion, it can just be 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:15.840 like a connection to something bigger than yourself. But all 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:18.640 of these things are what truly build these foundations of 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.800 mental well being. And so knowing that and having my 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:25.680 own story, that's why I built Reconnect Academy. And you know, 0:15:25.720 --> 0:15:28.480 the first half of the course we talk very little 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:31.360 about food. You know, it's really building up these you know, 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:33.760 recognizing the root causes of where did this come from 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:36.160 and how is this being created in in your life, 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:38.120 and then moving forward from there to say, okay, and 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:41.160 now we're going to shift our perspective forward and rewrite 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:43.960 our story and build in these, like I said, these 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:47.040 foundational level things to build that mental wellness that then 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:50.320 facilitates all of the then work that we do with 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:53.640 food and body. So yeah, basically that's that's kind of 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:55.640 what created And I forget what your initial question was, 0:15:55.680 --> 0:16:00.200 but that is the Reconnect Academy trajectory. I guess it's 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:03.520 awesome and I feel like if I were going through it, 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:06.440 it would be the exact program I would gravitate towards 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.640 because it's also a nice blend of one on one 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.000 with community. But I don't know if I would have 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.160 been willing at the time when I was struggling, because 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.600 I didn't really know it was a food issue until 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:23.200 after that, like that I needed help with food. So 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:26.480 a program that's going to talk about food but then also, 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:28.840 you know, be more focused on self discovery and the 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:31.760 meaning of life, that part might drag me in more, 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:33.560 and then I might be able to see the shadows 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:35.280 a little bit more. I just want to highlight one 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:39.160 thing you said about the medical approach to treatment versus 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:42.360 the recovery model, that I get those words right, So 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.440 I just want to highlight what you said in more 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:50.360 obvious terms if it wasn't. But essentially, the medical model 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:54.400 says you are recovered when you get to a quote 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.760 unquote healthy weight, when you stop binging, when you stop purging, 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:01.680 when you stop restricting. Like giving just some very obvious 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:05.199 examples here, But the truth is many of us know 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:08.240 that in the absence of those things, we can still 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:12.600 be struggling with food, thoughts about food, or just struggling 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:16.639 with mental illness in general. So a lot of times 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:19.840 people leave treatment or I will actually go a little 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.840 bit further to say, families get their child or their 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:26.359 loved one or their partner back from treatment and expected 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:31.320 to quote unquote work. But yes, they stopped doing these behaviors, 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:35.600 but the deeper layers were not a cheat. So yes, 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:38.720 there's a positive there because the person can survive in 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:40.840 their heart's going to beat and you know, they have 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:43.840 enough electrolytes going on and they're happening in their body. 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:47.399 But we need to consider exactly what you said that, 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:50.480 what does recovery really mean, Like, is there a better 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:53.800 word to say this person is at a different stage 0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:56.720 that doesn't say recovered, because recovered kind of sends the 0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:59.480 wrong message, especially when the person leaves treatment. I'm supposed 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:01.920 to be recover word, and then there have new feelings 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.360 of shame because they're still struggling, right exactly. And that's 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:07.480 something I'm glad that you mentioned that because I was 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:09.439 going to clarify that after I said it. You know, 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:12.119 I I don't want to present any idea that I 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:14.680 am against the medical model. The medical model is important. 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:18.280 You know, if someone is experiencing physical symptoms, we need 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:21.359 to have them under medical care, you know, self self 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:24.919 harm and being underweight, and like you said, the electronic bounces. 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:27.080 There are so many reasons that it's beneficial, but as 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:32.199 you said, it's not complete. In many many cases of 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:35.479 people who go through treatment don't respond to it and 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:40.359 then relapse. And so we've got up to seventy people 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:43.800 go through treatment and then are left not actually recovered, 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:46.600 and that's terrible, Like we don't we don't want that 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:48.120 to be the case, and so we need to look 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:50.880 at the places where, like you said, how can we 0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:54.360 shift our perspective of what it means to be recovered 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:56.760 and to be in recovery. And I feel like it's 0:18:56.880 --> 0:19:00.800 very similar to addiction treatment centers where you know, you'll 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.399 go for a week, two weeks, a month, and the 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:06.600 person comes back quote unquote sober, free of the substance, 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:09.280 but they're still struggling with all the demons that got 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:12.560 them there, so they're also gonna, you know, likely come back. However, 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:16.160 perhaps maybe I might be off base here, but there 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:19.760 are more ongoing programs to stay sober and work on 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:23.840 your stuff. Then there are for eating disorders other than 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:26.879 you know, working with a therapist or a registered dietitian. 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:30.119 And again que the community that you provide that is 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:33.520 like a really key healing aspect of releasing the shame. 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:37.560 And also the fact that you know your programs online 0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:40.720 I think I know from my programs, like it provides 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:43.520 a really safe space for women that don't know each 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:47.040 other to show up and be more vulnerable sometimes than 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:48.919 they would if they were in the same room or 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:52.840 they had ties to the same community in their real life. Yeah, 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.480 you know, it's it's really nice, similar to like you said, 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:57.840 so much kind of like an a a situation, like 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:00.240 it's nice that you can have this space where we 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:03.399 don't know one another's families, we don't know one another's friends, 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:06.760 don't know part of the same community. Like you said, 0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:09.280 it's a safe space to be to show up as 0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:12.160 your full self. And there are many women these programs 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:14.520 who are sharing things that some of their closest friends 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:17.200 and family members don't know at this point. But it's 0:20:17.240 --> 0:20:20.399 it feels like like you said, there's there's this safe 0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:23.040 space not only in people not really knowing these other 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.119