WEBVTT - Dear Chiquis: I’ve Got a Hater at Work, My Baby Daddy is Back and Should I Keep Seeing Him?

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the

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<v Speaker 1>voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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<v Speaker 1>advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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<v Speaker 1>your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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<v Speaker 1>to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember

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<v Speaker 1>these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering

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<v Speaker 1>from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from

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<v Speaker 1>a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave

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<v Speaker 1>your question at the sound of the beat.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, Cheekys, love it your podcast. Love how positive you are.

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<v Speaker 2>I need advice with this situation. So I met this

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<v Speaker 2>guy on Tinder I've been seeing I've seen him a

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<v Speaker 2>few times, and I really like him. I think he's great.

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<v Speaker 2>He's so talkative, he's so funny. He makes me feel

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<v Speaker 2>awesome when I'm with him. But he does not fit

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<v Speaker 2>any of the standards that I've set for myself and

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<v Speaker 2>I guess for my partner. He smokes weed, he's been

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<v Speaker 2>to jail, he has a criminal background, he does drugs,

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<v Speaker 2>he's been an alcoholic. He says that he's a different personnel,

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<v Speaker 2>that's all in his past. But it's quite concerning to me,

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<v Speaker 2>and I don't know what to do with this. It's

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<v Speaker 2>making me question continuing seeing him. What would you do

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<v Speaker 2>in my situation? I mean, he's completely different from anything

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<v Speaker 2>that I've wanted in the past, but he makes me

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<v Speaker 2>feel great. I don't know how to maneuver this. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know if I should just cut it off now

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<v Speaker 2>and avoid getting hurt later or what? Thank you?

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<v Speaker 3>H okay?

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<v Speaker 1>Is he doing drugs or he did drugs? Because you

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<v Speaker 1>said he does drugs, so that's concerning. If he does drugs,

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<v Speaker 1>that's a huge red flag. If that's something you're not

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<v Speaker 1>down with. If you're not okay with your partner smoking weed,

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<v Speaker 1>then that's a red flag. You have to ask yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, am I okay with weed?

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<v Speaker 3>Am I not? I have a personal opinion on weed.

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<v Speaker 3>You know. I smoke cannabis to sleep. I love it.

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<v Speaker 3>I do it with my.

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<v Speaker 1>Partner or on the same page. But if you are

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<v Speaker 1>not on the same page and it's something you don't

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<v Speaker 1>want and you don't want in a partner for whatever reason,

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<v Speaker 1>then that to me is considered a yellow flag, an

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<v Speaker 1>orange flag, or red flag. It all depends, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>I do believe people can change. I do believe it.

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<v Speaker 1>I have seen it. I have changed. I'm a different person.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't think it's fair to judge people because

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<v Speaker 1>of their past and the mistakes that they've made. I

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<v Speaker 1>think if they are willing to admit them, and and

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<v Speaker 1>he has shared this with you, then I think he's

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<v Speaker 1>on the path of just being himself and being open

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<v Speaker 1>with you. If he's not lying about it, I think

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<v Speaker 1>you're fine. I just don't know what kind of drugs

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<v Speaker 1>he still does or if it's just weed.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know. I wish I had a little bit

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<v Speaker 3>more clarity on that.

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<v Speaker 1>But I do feel if he makes you feel good,

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<v Speaker 1>and if he's being open and honest with you, then

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's a good sign personally. If he's hiding things,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're finding out and he's lying, then that's obviously

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<v Speaker 1>not good. I think maybe having a conversation with him

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<v Speaker 1>and just telling him, hey, would you be willing to

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<v Speaker 1>stop smoking weed if that's a big problem for you?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, But I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I think I need a little bit more information. Can

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<v Speaker 1>you ask send me another question again, you know through

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<v Speaker 1>your Cheeky's do the speakpipe dot com, slash Chickius and

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<v Speaker 1>Chill podcast, send me another one, giving me a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit more detail so I can give you a better response.

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<v Speaker 1>But I need to know is he still doing them

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<v Speaker 1>the drugs? What kind of drugs? Like?

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<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>Is he responsible? Does he have a good fightcal score?

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<v Speaker 1>That's a good question. What else can you ask? Is

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<v Speaker 1>your responsible man with his bills? I mean, does he

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<v Speaker 1>I need it a little bit more basically anonymous listener

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<v Speaker 1>because you don't give your name either.

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<v Speaker 3>But it's okay.

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<v Speaker 1>I hope I was able to help a little bit,

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<v Speaker 1>but yes, I need a little more clarity.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, I'll be waiting.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, guys, So we're gonna move on to the second

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<v Speaker 1>question that comes from Garina Garna Karina.

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<v Speaker 4>Let's see, Hi, Cheeky's.

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<v Speaker 5>I love you since forever you and your family of

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<v Speaker 5>course your mother. I've always followed you guys, since the

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<v Speaker 5>reality TV and your mom's music and now yours love

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<v Speaker 5>you guys, So my question for you is what happens

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<v Speaker 5>after a podcast? I just finished listening to Yours with

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<v Speaker 5>Horamos and what happens next, Like, do you guys follow up?

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<v Speaker 5>Do you send them like a little gift email, what

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<v Speaker 5>happens after your podcast? Love you hope to hear from

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<v Speaker 5>you soon, Karina.

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<v Speaker 3>I love your question.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a great question. It depends with like cork I,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like I said in the episode, he had

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<v Speaker 1>interviewed me before. Ever since that interview, like we'll send

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<v Speaker 1>dms here and there. Super nice guy, amazing So when

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<v Speaker 1>he said yes to the podcast, I was just super psyched.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't send him a gift, but that's a good idea.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe I should start doing that. I definitely do follow

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<v Speaker 1>up and say thank you, but I haven't sent a gift.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean I've sent flowers to some guests because for

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<v Speaker 1>their birthday and stuff like that. But yeah, I mean

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<v Speaker 1>I think more than anything, once you have someone sitting

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<v Speaker 1>in this chair and they give you their time, to me,

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<v Speaker 1>that's super valuable. So I always try to just check

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<v Speaker 1>up on them and comment and have a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>more of like a relationship, even if it's just through

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<v Speaker 1>social media.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's about it. But thank you for your question,

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<v Speaker 1>and thank you for the idea too. Maybe I should

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<v Speaker 1>start sending more gifts after they come on. Okay, guys, ooh,

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<v Speaker 1>we have another anonymous listener. Let's see what question they have.

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<v Speaker 6>Hi Cheeky's Tula Moosa love you girl. So I will

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<v Speaker 6>remain anonymous for my question. I just wanted to get

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<v Speaker 6>your opinion on this. I work at a credit union

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<v Speaker 6>and I'm with an operations department, so I assist all

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<v Speaker 6>of the branches that the credit union owns in case

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<v Speaker 6>anybody has any questions. You know, I roll up my sleeves,

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<v Speaker 6>I held them out. And I just recently was told

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<v Speaker 6>by one of my closest quote unquote friends from work

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<v Speaker 6>that there's other managers at other branches that are trying

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<v Speaker 6>to spread rumors saying that I'm a gralla and that

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<v Speaker 6>I'm a snob. And I'm just like, holy shit, that

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<v Speaker 6>sucks because I'm always the one to drop what I'm doing,

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<v Speaker 6>and like, I don't even tell them hey did you

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<v Speaker 6>check this? Did you check that? When they have any questions,

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<v Speaker 6>I just literally answer questions more of them and I'm like, hey,

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<v Speaker 6>I got you. You know, next time, check here or

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<v Speaker 6>check there, or you can find the answer here. But

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<v Speaker 6>you know, I help them out and cover the branches

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<v Speaker 6>I'm at the front line, you know. I do so

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<v Speaker 6>much to help them out and be there for them

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<v Speaker 6>as best as I can. So when I found that out,

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<v Speaker 6>I kind of hurt my feelings. I found out who

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<v Speaker 6>supposedly this is coming from. But I guess that's my

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<v Speaker 6>question to use. What will you do if you know

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<v Speaker 6>it's a cheese man, but you know who it's coming from.

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<v Speaker 6>Do you confront the person or do you just let

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<v Speaker 6>it go? Like I'm usually that person, I'd rather not know.

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<v Speaker 6>I'll let it go. But what do you think? What

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<v Speaker 6>would you do in my situation? Thank you so much?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, miss anonymous listener, Well, you gotta hate girl, And

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<v Speaker 1>when someone's hating on you, so because you're doing something right,

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<v Speaker 1>I it all depends. I'm not a very confrontational person,

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<v Speaker 1>but I don't mind letting someone know and putting them

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<v Speaker 1>in their place when I need it. But she's saying

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<v Speaker 1>that you're a kreiva and I know it all or

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<v Speaker 1>a snob. That's because she's probably jealous of the position

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<v Speaker 1>that you have and how hard working you are. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like it's jealousy because if it wasn't, then why

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<v Speaker 1>would she be saying it behind your back, tell me

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<v Speaker 1>my face, girl. But if she was saying something deeper,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd say confront her. Maybe it's just not even worth

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<v Speaker 1>it. It's just let me do what I'm doing. She's not

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<v Speaker 1>saying that an I'm lazy or I'm boning someone, or

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<v Speaker 1>she's just saying that you're a kreta, that you're a snob. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>you're doing what you gotta do. You're not there to

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<v Speaker 1>try to make friends, like, you're there to do your job.

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<v Speaker 1>And if no one's complaining about your job, then you're

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<v Speaker 1>doing a great job.

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<v Speaker 3>So let it go.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't even say hello, kill people with kindness, hi, by

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<v Speaker 1>you know, cool, be polite and do your job. But

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think it's worth it to be honest, like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, tell her anything, like why give her the

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<v Speaker 1>attention that she probably wants. Just continue doing you, Mama Sita,

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<v Speaker 1>When you're doing something right, people be hating, maybe saying

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<v Speaker 1>stuff they've been They've said that about me so much,

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm a mamna that this is.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, dude, you don't even know me. Sit that

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<v Speaker 3>with me. We're gonna be cool.

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<v Speaker 1>But anyways, yeah, don't even girls, don't even let it

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<v Speaker 1>bother you keep up the good work. Okay, guys. Our

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<v Speaker 1>last question comes from Yadidrah.

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<v Speaker 4>I was in a four year relationship and I had

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<v Speaker 4>a baby with the dad, and I just don't know

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<v Speaker 4>how to go about him because it's like four years

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<v Speaker 4>down the drain, but then like two years of almost

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<v Speaker 4>having the baby. But it's just like I don't know

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<v Speaker 4>if I should hold onto the relationship when I already

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<v Speaker 4>know he wasn't being a father. Yeah, like he's the

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<v Speaker 4>dad and my kid, but you have to earn that

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<v Speaker 4>father title because he never once bought him diapers. He

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<v Speaker 4>never took him to the park, He never wanted to

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<v Speaker 4>do anything with his baby. But now that we separated,

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<v Speaker 4>now he wants to come around and be like I

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<v Speaker 4>want to see my baby, and all of a sudden

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<v Speaker 4>he wants to start buying him diapers. But it's like

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<v Speaker 4>where were.

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<v Speaker 7>You then when I really needed you, like his newborn stage,

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<v Speaker 7>and now he's almost two, and it's just like I'm

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<v Speaker 7>trying to get over this guy, but it's like really hard,

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<v Speaker 7>like every day think about him, and it's like I

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<v Speaker 7>don't want to think about him because he was really

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<v Speaker 7>bad to me.

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<v Speaker 4>He was like verbally abusive, and it's just I keep thinking,

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<v Speaker 4>like why are you even thinking about him? Or why

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<v Speaker 4>are you giving him a space in your mind? You know,

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<v Speaker 4>like just let him go? What advice can you give

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<v Speaker 4>me to just move on or just be happy with myself?

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<v Speaker 4>Because it makes it hard every day for me to

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<v Speaker 4>just keep going. But I know I have to be

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<v Speaker 4>strong for my baby.

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<v Speaker 1>You know the little music in the background, the little lullaby, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>I love it, okay, yahdi dah. This is tough because

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<v Speaker 1>you have to be able to separate your relationship with

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<v Speaker 1>him and the relationship that he has with his child

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<v Speaker 1>and that he wants to have. Yes, we're upset with him.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm upset with him, like why didn't you look for

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<v Speaker 1>the baby when I really needed it.

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<v Speaker 3>In you know, the newborn stage.

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<v Speaker 1>But sometimes guys don't make that click, like don't even

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<v Speaker 1>take it personal, like they don't like get it. And

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<v Speaker 1>I think in the very beginning, not all guys, some guys,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and maybe he was just one of those

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<v Speaker 1>guys that didn't really understand. And now you can't take

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<v Speaker 1>that from him now that he wants to step in,

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<v Speaker 1>if he's willing to buy diapers and be there for

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<v Speaker 1>his son allow it. Don't take that from your child,

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<v Speaker 1>and don't take that from him. You have to separate

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<v Speaker 1>the two now if you're still not over him, your

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<v Speaker 1>baby and his feelings. The baby's feelings are more important

0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:43.800
<v Speaker 1>right now than your own, Like, don't do that to

0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:46.480
<v Speaker 1>your baby, like try to like keep him away from

0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:51.720
<v Speaker 1>his dad. You just have to work on yourself, you know,

0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:53.920
<v Speaker 1>in the way of like whatever is going to make

0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.840
<v Speaker 1>you happy, work out, Like do those things that make

0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.400
<v Speaker 1>you feel good and are going to make you look good.

0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.559
<v Speaker 3>So that when he picks up the baby, you look good, girl,

0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:03.400
<v Speaker 3>you know what I mean.

0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:06.120
<v Speaker 1>Not because we want him back, you know, especially if

0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:08.200
<v Speaker 1>it was verbally abusive, no, but just so that you

0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.319
<v Speaker 1>feel good, like I want him to see and I'm good.

0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:14.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm good, even if you're not one hundred percent, Like

0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.360
<v Speaker 1>it's okay to like fake it a little bit, you know,

0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:20.000
<v Speaker 1>like you are good, and that is also going to

0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:23.959
<v Speaker 1>help you speed up the healing process, feeling good, taking

0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:28.200
<v Speaker 1>care of yourself. But you guys know, I'm always the

0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:31.040
<v Speaker 1>one to say, go to therapy. Do therapy. Therapy helps

0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:33.560
<v Speaker 1>so much, babe, And if you can do that to

0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:38.520
<v Speaker 1>help you get through this hump in the love road.

0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:43.760
<v Speaker 1>Do so, but separate that. Don't mix the two, you know,

0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.079
<v Speaker 1>especially if he wants to be in the baby's life

0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:51.560
<v Speaker 1>and hopefully he's helping you financially. Okay, hope that helped.

0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Oh that was our last question.

0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:53.920
<v Speaker 3>Guys.

0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.800
<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, that felt really fast. Okay, So guys,

0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.440
<v Speaker 1>I hope that you enjoyed this episode. Thank you to

0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.320
<v Speaker 1>our two anonymous listeners, to Karina and ta Yahida for

0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.360
<v Speaker 1>your questions. And if you have a question, please leave

0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:07.400
<v Speaker 1>it at speakpipe dot com, slash Chikys and Chill Podcasts.

0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:10.000
<v Speaker 3>I'd love to hear from you. I love you guys

0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:10.360
<v Speaker 3>so much.

0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:17.840
<v Speaker 1>Peete. This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura

0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:22.360
<v Speaker 1>podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Mike Withdura Podcasts

0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:25.840
<v Speaker 1>and follow me Cheeky's That's c h I q U

0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:30.040
<v Speaker 1>I s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,

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<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.