WEBVTT - Private Eyes 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:05.400 Hey there, everybody, Welcome to this episode of Amy and 0:00:05.519 --> 0:00:09.959 DJ and can you keep a public relationship? 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:11.720 Right? That? 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:15.160 As what was up on this episode of Amy and TJ. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:18.000 Bro you're making that? Oh you you're making a face 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:20.759 like what before we even get into that, what would 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:25.000 your what is your response? Can you, as a public figure, 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.760 in a public relationship that you speak on and put 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:33.960 out there publicly, ever have any degree of privacy? 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:39.800 I think you should be able to. Okay, uh, correct, 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:44.040 it requires the cooperation of other people, which there in 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:44.960 lies the problem. 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:50.200 But now everybody's going to argue with you. Wait a minute. 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.480 You want to put this out there when things are great. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:54.600 Now I want to ask you a question when things 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.120 aren't so great, And now you want to scream privacy? 0:00:57.280 --> 0:00:59.200 How can how are you supposed to balance that a 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:00.040 reconcile that. 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:02.560 Yeah, it's tough, But I just don't think that because 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:04.640 you make your living in the public eye, that's somehow 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:05.440 your public. 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:07.760 Property very good. But I'm stopping you there. I'm not 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:10.119 saying just because you're in the public eye. I'm saying 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:12.960 that a part of your being in the public eye 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:18.120 is you decide to put your relationship out there publicly, 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:22.520 to speak together on a podcast, on an interview, to 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:24.840 be on cover of magazines together. You could say no 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.080 to that, So why would you then say, Hey, I 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:30.399 want to be in the public with my relationship until 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:31.119 things go bad. 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:35.000 I just think that's human nature. You're sharing joy, right, 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:36.880 I mean, I think a lot of times that it's 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:40.760 not even necessarily manipulative in any way. You're just like 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.399 sharing your joy, sharing your life, and yes, with that 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:46.120 comes then people's interest in your life. I get that. 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:48.760 I understand how that works. And then I get that 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.360 when things are tough and rough and not so great, 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:53.960 you don't want to share that, or maybe in due 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:55.680 time you're going to, or you're willing to if you 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:59.280 think it could help other people. But I think you still, 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:03.040 even if if you are sharing your life and sharing 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:09.160 your relationship with your curated you know, social media feed, 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:12.840 I get that. I don't think that then entitles everyone 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:16.160 to know everything. I just don't. I still I think 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:18.760 there's a way. I think there's a balance to it, 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:20.920 and it's a tough balance. I don't know that I 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.200 have the right answer on how to make that balance 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:27.800 make sense, but I think just inherently people have a 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:30.919 right to keep some things private, even if they choose 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:33.520 to share a lot of their relationship. 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:35.239 That's tough, is it. 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:37.560 You want to announce to everybody that you just got engaged. 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:39.680 You want to announce to everybody I'm at These are 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:42.040 my bridesmaids. You want announced everybody, These of my groomsmen, 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:43.399 this is who's coming to the wedding, this is where 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:46.000 we're going to be. And then as soon as somebody 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:49.640 asks you a question, when there are reports that maybe 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:53.160 y'all ain't doing so good, how can you then feel 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:56.320 comfortable being offended or telling someone you don't have a 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:59.919 right to ask me about the trouble in my relationship. 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:03.040 I only have a right to give you the positive 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:04.960 and exactly what I want to give, right. 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:06.880 Well, I don't think, first of all, I don't think 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:11.080 that anybody can ask any question. But you also so 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:13.160 they have a right to ask whatever question they want. 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:17.080 They have a right to want to know potentially, but 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:19.240 you also have a right to not share, and you 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:23.000 don't have to give details, and you certainly don't have to. 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:25.600 I mean, yeah, who wants to go and say we're 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:26.280 getting divorced. 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:26.960 We've talked about it. 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:28.120 That was part of our problem. 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:30.720 That wasn't something that either one of us wanted to 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:32.880 do or were ready to do. We would have eventually, 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:35.800 because obviously that would have been something that would have 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:39.320 needed to be known. But in our time. You know, 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:42.200 just because you live a public life and you have 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.280 a public relationship doesn't mean that you don't need private 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:48.880 moments to get through stuff, to figure stuff out. Because 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.160 sometimes when you're going through it, whether it's divorce or 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:53.680 just difficulties of any kind, you don't even know what 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:55.840 to say, You don't even really know how you feel. 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.720 You need some time to figure it out, even in 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:01.680 your own head, for your own life, for your own children, 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:03.760 before you make it public. 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:06.200 Well, you know, to your point, you sound exactly like 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:09.520 the woman we are talking about in this episode, Trista 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:14.720 Trista and Ryan from the first ever season of Bachelorette. Yes, 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:16.960 so we're talking twenty years. 0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:17.800 Ago, twenty one years ago. 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.039 Okay, so they have been married and have been going strong, 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:24.280 have two teenagers that they might wouldn't you say? You've 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:25.960 watched the show a little bit, not a lot, but 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:29.440 you watch her season. Would they be the biggest success 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:31.960 story in the history of that franchise. 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:32.359 I absolutely think so. 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:35.800 I So, I have never really watched that franchise from 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:39.039 start to finish ever, but I did that year for 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:42.960 whatever reason. I watched The Bachelorette. And we've said this, 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:45.160 I'm always rooting for love and so especially when you 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:49.240 see two people come together in a very non conventional way, 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:51.920 but in front of everybody, I have been rooting. I've 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:54.960 checked in, like on her Instagram, on them, like I 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:58.120 want to believe that you know, true love exists and 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:00.279 that you can make it work, even if you're in 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:02.320 the public eye, even with teenagers, you know, And so 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:07.000 I've I've followed along and been a cheerleader the scenes. 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.279 I assume then you were disappointed and when some of 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:11.520 the stuff started creeping out, I guess maybe a week 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:16.279 or so ago, or certainly in recent weeks her husband 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:19.200 Ryan Sutter. So, Ryan was putting out messages that and 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:22.279 again quote unquote, they were calling them cryptic, but he 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:25.480 was speaking as if he had not spoken to his 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.520 wife Trista, or he was not in contact with her. 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:30.760 That set off some alarm bells to where people thought 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:32.520 they were on their way to divorce. Now, when you 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:35.159 were seeing all this stuff, did you. Were you starting 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:36.000 to get concerned? 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.080 I was, But I also was a little concerned that 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:42.240 he was almost fishing without her, Like I found that 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.320 to be a little bit like he was putting out 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:49.560 he was putting out cryptic messages, so he was he 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:53.200 was stry. Okay, he was creating the ripples. I don't 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:55.400 No one would have known necessarily, I. 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:57.520 Mean, but keep it to yourself. We wouldn't known. 0:05:57.920 --> 0:05:59.440 Yeah, So I was. 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:02.599 I think I was disappointed that he was doing that. Like, 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:04.240 if you have something to say, I get that, or 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:06.000 if you want to, but it just felt like he 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.760 was almost poking the bear, like he was trying to 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:11.000 get her to react, or even a way to. 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.119 Get her to say something. 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:13.880 Putting it out. 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:17.359 There publicly, she would then feel the pressure to say something, 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:18.120 do something. 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:22.360 Okay, Now when you put it that way, I get it, okay, 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:26.760 And I want to stop this podcast because that sounds 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:30.080 like people who are legitimately going through a relationship something. 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:30.440 Yeah. 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.240 That makes you do crazy things. Yeah, and you get 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.080 desperate and you try to reach out. And we've all 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.400 done something stupid to try to get the other person 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:42.440 to call us or text or do something out. We've 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:44.560 done that I did not think about the way you 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:45.400 might like call. 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:47.280 Someone's best friend to just be like, hey, what's up. 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:48.840 You know, you just kind of like put the feelers out, 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:51.400 you know, like, what's the what's the what's really happening? 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:52.320 What do I not know? 0:06:52.520 --> 0:06:53.640 I don't think like that. 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:54.440 But it was strange. 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:56.240 I mean that was just my perception that I just 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.640 thought it was weird that he was doing that. I mean, 0:06:58.680 --> 0:06:59.960 it definitely felt deliberate. 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:03.520 Okay, to your point, yes I didn't. I didn't see this. 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:08.479 But to your point, he wrote this on Mother's Day quote, 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.880 I really wish I could talk to you, ask you 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:15.280 how you're doing, how was your day. I'd really like 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.320 to hear your voice just for a minute. So many 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.280 times I've called without much to say, not realizing how 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:24.480 lucky I was or how much I'd miss the opportunity 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:27.080 if it were gone. 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:29.800 That's not cryptic. That's not that's not cryptic at all. 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:36.520 That's she's not returning my phone calls. I mean, that 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:38.000 is with that. 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:42.600 Says, And I mean, who am I to judge? Because 0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:43.240 it worked. 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:46.800 There's no judge. Okay, she reacted, Okay, but he had 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:51.080 to react to that one because He then writes another 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:56.040 post that said he often writes quote without regard for 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:59.360 how his post will be interpreted, and with absolutely no 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:04.080 intent to deceive or mislead anyone. That is the farthest, 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:07.640 farthest thing from my mind. Now, after reading that, it 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:10.080 sounds like some other people might have been writing into him, 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.000 saying the same things you were saying here, right, And 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:13.880 then he had to say something. 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:17.160 Yeah, because it seemed like, wait, if why can't you 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.560 just have that private text back and forth? Why do 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:21.680 you have to put that out on Mother's Day of 0:08:21.720 --> 0:08:25.040 all days? Too? He was calling her out. I mean, 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:27.320 he was trying to say I miss you, but he 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:28.559 was a public cry. 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:30.560 Okay, let me try one more for you. Okay, from 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:34.480 him again, quote, Trista is fine, We are fine, We're great. 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:36.880 Trista is at a place in life where she is 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:41.280 searching a bit. An opportunity presented itself that may help 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:43.520 her on that quest. With her family support, she has 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.480 taken it. Part of that process means that she is 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:53.880 temporarily inaccessible to us. End quote. Now, what how do 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:58.040 you leave someone alone? How are you asking for privacy? 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:01.440 I'm not saying they are necessarily, but that is a 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:06.360 lot of public stuff and a few posts that, I mean, 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:07.880 what they choosing to do it? 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:11.720 Yeah, yeah, I agree, Like I think in that case 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:15.000 you asked, you know, can you keep things private? Certainly 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:18.120 he chose not to, though, and so then of course 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:20.959 people are going to conjecture. And I think a lot 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:24.640 of well meaning people, someone like me who really hopes 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:27.160 that they're okay and really wants them to be good 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:30.080 and wants to believe that they're going to figure it out. 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.720 But I think it definitely was not cryptic, now that 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:35.400 you just I heard you just say it. He was 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:38.400 absolutely saying my wife is not talking to me, and 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:40.840 I wish she would and that's tough. And I have 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.760 to say, I really, do you know how much time 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:45.800 it was between when he put those out and when 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:49.440 she actually just because she just responded on Instagram and 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:52.640 a yeah, oh the weekend, And I actually I actually 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:56.280 liked what she had to say. But one of my 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:57.959 she did write a lot, but one of my favorite, 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:00.920 one of my favorite quotes, this was just the first one. 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:07.239 She said, Gee's people, can't a girl have a nervous breakdown? Trial, separation, 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:10.200 midlife crisis, death, divorce? 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:12.760 In peace around here. I mean, she just kind of. 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:15.839 Put at the smiling laughing emojis. 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:18.960 Laughing emojis, so that I would say is cryptic because 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:19.839 which one is it? 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:21.840 Is it none of the above? Is it all the above? 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:23.520 Is it some of the above? Is it A and 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:25.160 B and not D? I don't know. 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:28.920 But she did at least handle it with a little humor, 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:31.320 kind of a wink and a nod. And she put 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.640 a family photo of them all together, the two of 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:35.600 them with their kids. So I don't know if that's 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:38.760 a recent photo, if they've been reunited. But yeah, it's tough, 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:42.520 not It's tough to ask people to not weigh in 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:44.719 when you've literally asked people in a way to weigh 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:55.520 in by putting something like that out on social media. 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.320 Okay for your here you go. This is what she 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:03.840 tells us. I chose myself and betterment, knowing that my 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:07.040 stay at home mom job and my kids end of 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:11.520 the school year needs were in the best most capable hands. 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:16.920 She but she sounds like she did step away and 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:19.560 need to step away to where it was understood that 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.880 he was gonna have to be responsible for everything while 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:26.880 she's out of pocket. Now this given look, we all 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.280 have a lot of folks have gone through something. Now, 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:31.880 we've been through something relationship wise. Who listen to this 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:37.280 and you're not you're not speculating your heart's hurting, Like 0:11:37.360 --> 0:11:39.720 you recognize some things in here, like Wow, those people 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:42.559 are going through something. Clearly they choose to put it 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:47.280 out publicly. That's on them. But in reading it and 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:50.160 diving into it more than the headlines, your heart kind 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:52.439 of works like, Wow, I'm sorry for what you're going through, 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:54.760 but I'm sorry you feel like you have to do 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:56.080 this now in this public way. 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:58.400 Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of times people 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.360 are looking for support, even you know, so it doesn't 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:03.120 matter who you are. You're you know, whether you're you 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:06.240 know Ryan Sutter or you're you know the guy next door. 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:07.959 But sometimes people just want to know they're not alone, 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:09.880 or they want other people to know, Hey, I'm going 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.240 through it, and in a way, they're looking for support 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:14.520 from the public. And I think maybe that could have 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:16.720 been what was going on as well, Like you're people 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:20.400 want to feel like especially if he was feeling scared 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:22.840 and lonely and like he wanted to know other people 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.080 kind of had his back. Maybe I'm worried about him 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:28.439 and them, and that felt good. I mean, I get that. 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.400 You know, there is a collective hug. Obviously there can 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:33.440 be some really negative, nasty, awful things going on with 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:35.440 social media, but there can also be this feeling of 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.600 like I'm not alone, and so maybe that's what he 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:39.160 was trying to. 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:42.640 Do, she continues. We look at Instagram like a digital diary. 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:45.800 Most of the time, the world doesn't pay too much attention. 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:49.200 This time, he her husband couldn't say anything right. Just 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:53.199 about every news outlet picked up on his quote. Cryptic, confusing, 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:58.959 attention sinking, dramatic pictures and captions. Wow, to me, they 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:03.240 gave me exactly what my words of affirmation love language 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:06.680 needed to get me through some serious self doubt and fear. 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:12.520 And that's all that matters. Wow. She is defending what 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:16.440 he did and saying what he did was exactly what 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:19.320 she needed. We're seeing this all play out. You and 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:22.520 I love watching how couples communicate, but this is interesting. 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:23.800 It's really fascinating to see it. 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:26.560 You know what she is, So that is fascinating because 0:13:26.600 --> 0:13:28.319 you know what it was. I heard what he wrote. 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.800 He was saying, I love you, I miss you, we 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:34.920 need you. You're of value to us. We want you back, 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:37.480 And that might have been what she needed to hear, 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:41.360 because maybe she felt like she and I are the 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:43.680 same age. You know, you're doing everything for your kids, 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:46.920 You're racing around. She's she's spent her whole life being 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.920 their mom and his wife right as her full time job, 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.359 and so maybe she just felt unappreciated and felt overwhelmed 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.280 and thought, what have I done with my life? And 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:58.040 maybe what he wrote is exactly what she needed to hear, 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:00.840 and he did it in a public way so everyone 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:05.439 could see how much he valued and they valued her 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.160 as a woman, as a wife as Oh that's. 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:13.160 Fascinating, Like how much value in a public relationship or 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.760 even a private relationship I say private, and that it's 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.319 not one that's out there the celebrity couple for lack 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:21.560 of a better phrase, like how much is that needed 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:25.240 from day to day from any couple? Because social media 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:28.160 now is where if you are not talking about your 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.840 significant other, your significant what you're not proud of me? 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:33.480 Oh yeah, birthdays now and adversaries, you got to like 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:37.520 write a like a love letter, like a birthday cards 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:39.800 to the whole world to see because it's not good 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:40.880 enough if I just. 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:43.160 Give you one privately. We got to put it up 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:44.560 there for everyone to see. 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:45.400 Okay, it's true. 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:48.520 I do that for my girls on birthdays. They want, 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:49.840 they want, they and I get that. 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:53.280 It's absolutely like, then you feel good and everyone who 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.240 says happy birthday to you and says he's captions and 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.000 pictures of the year that you spent with them with 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:59.560 different moments. Then you then take that, put it on 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:01.040 your store and say, see how many. 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:02.160 People's a happy birthday to me? 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:04.840 Like it's where we are in this world? We're all 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:06.160 you know, there are all versions of it. 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.520 Well, you say, is where we are? Is it where 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:11.160 we need to just accept where we are? Or do 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:13.800 we need to do something about it? Because it's either 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:15.600 going to continue to go the direction it's going, or 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:17.720 we're going to slow it down or maybe back it up. 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:20.680 Because that sounds to your point. Words of affirmation are 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:23.400 supposed to be the words I give you, not the 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:25.040 words other people hear me give you. 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.600 Yeah, yeah, no, I totally agree with you and what 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:31.400 you're saying. I will say this, if you're saying something 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:34.640 positive about someone in a public way, that's amazing, Like 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.800 there's nothing bad about that now, needing it, requiring it, 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:39.960 getting pissed if it doesn't happen. 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:41.480 That's a whole other issue. 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:44.800 But it's I don't think anyone's going to be upset 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:48.800 if the person they love tells the world how much 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.200 they love them on social media. Now, other people might 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.760 be annoyed by that might be nausegating to other people, 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:54.560 wait to the. 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.880 Public or to the person, Like some people might like, 0:15:57.080 --> 0:15:59.040 stop talking about me on social media. I don't like that. 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:00.720 There's that, But I think I think it's for me, 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.040 like I can only speak for myself. I think it's 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:07.320 if it feels untrue, manipulative, Like what you do in 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:09.800 private is very different, and then in public, oh, you're 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:11.960 grandstanding and show voting and saying how much you love 0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:13.840 like love bombing me in front of everyone, and then 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.680 when you know in quiet other moments, it's not the 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:18.120 same that I do not like. 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:24.280 Bombs. In fact, it's just an explosion of love. 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.760 Love bombing someone you you tell them how much you 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:29.520 love them, and needed are you actually trying to get 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:32.239 something from them? That? Like, the love bombing is manipulative? 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:35.920 I think, Andy, have you heard of love bombings? 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:39.440 It is a phrase. Yeah, it's not a good one. 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:39.920 It's not. 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:41.360 It's manipulative. 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:42.320 What is love? 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:42.960 You? 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:43.240 You? 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:43.600 You? 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:44.760 You overwhelm a. 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:47.160 Show of love for an audience. 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.840 Showering of affection. So this way, everybody is kind of 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.760 just like oh wow, he like really like you're doing. 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:54.880 Too much, and you're doing it because you want people 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.000 to say you're a good guy, like see how much 0:16:57.040 --> 0:17:00.000 I love my wife, See how much I'm a good Hugh. 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.400 It's been like it's so it ends up being narcissistic. 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:06.760 But it's hard to necessarily see in the moment because 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:09.520 you're feeling the love bomb. Yes, but if you can 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:11.520 see past and through the love bomb, it's actually not 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:11.960 a good thing. 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:14.600 So in the moment you fall with the love bomb, Well, some. 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:16.280 People do not everyone. 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:18.280 I mean, I am I giving you a love bomb? 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:20.840 You have not and I don't need you to really No, 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.320 it's all the little small things that no one sees 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:24.800 that from me are important. 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:28.520 Look, we're in a room that our faces are on 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:30.440 the screens, and it says Amy and TJ. That's a 0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:34.800 pretty big love bomb. How much a declaration do I need? 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:39.000 I signed a contract with you? You signed on the top. 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.719 Have I ever loved bombed you. 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:48.880 No, not a love missile, not a firecracker. 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.359 It was Sparkler, have a love Sparkler. 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:58.120 Okay, Sparkler's God you do. You got just the givet 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:00.600 the keyszone given. I love it. But I'm going to 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:02.959 finish with Tristo because she finished her post with this 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:09.080 line quote, After all, nervous breakdowns and separations require much 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:14.159 needed rest and relaxation. Like that's almost she's messing with us. 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:15.399 Yes, I appreciate that. 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:17.720 I think if you can turn anything into a little 0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:19.760 bit of humor, I'm on board. I think that's how 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:22.800 we get through most of life's crap is laughing, and 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:25.640 if you can laugh about it, she's ahead of the game. 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:29.000 But this was something that Andy now, our producer, sent us. 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.520 He came up with a list of questions. I mean, 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:34.879 he sits in here off in time, he listens to look. 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:38.359 If y'all don't know, Andy, hears all the podcasts, but 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.679 he hears a lot of stuff that happens before and 0:18:40.840 --> 0:18:45.280 after with being robot. He sees us as a couple 0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:49.320 and as colleagues day in day out. So he actually 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:53.600 thought of he was curious about what it's like to, 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.600 I guess, try to be a couple, try to maintain 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:02.000