Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: From Chicago, a city with a history as deep as
Speaker 2: it reads as the daily shows Indecision four Democratic National Connection.
Speaker 3: Podcast with your host song Storm What Welcome to my show.
Speaker 4: I'm a john Store And once again, ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
Speaker 5: A Tousia.
Speaker 1: Lovely, lovely girl.
Speaker 6: We are live right now, We are live. The Democratic
Speaker 6: Invention is wrapping up, maybe hours from here.
Speaker 7: We don't really know where it is. It's far from
Speaker 7: this theater. What a night for Kamala Harris. By the way,
Speaker 7: the anticipation was high to night, and not just for
Speaker 7: Kamala Harris. Speculation was running wild. Today there would be
Speaker 7: a surprise guest.
Speaker 5: Boy did they deliver?
Speaker 7: Please welcome Michigan Representative Alissa Sluckin.
Speaker 3: Freedom, Freedom, I am in the slot.
Speaker 7: You thought there was Beyonce, because everybody thought that it
Speaker 7: was going to be Beyonce coming out there, very slopping all.
Speaker 7: Everybody knew tonight was the final night for the DNC,
Speaker 7: and they did it all. They spoke in support of
Speaker 7: curbing gun violence, they spoke in support of investing in
Speaker 7: our schools, fighting climate change and upside down drumming. They
Speaker 7: a remarkable story born conjoined. They didn't let that stop
Speaker 7: them from upside down drumming. But it was Kamala's knight
Speaker 7: and her opportunity. She's not here either, no Beyonce, no
Speaker 7: common Hey, Hey, tickets are freemom.
Speaker 3: Kaaa knight.
Speaker 7: And it was Kamala Harris's opportunity to be introduced as
Speaker 7: a presidential candidate to America.
Speaker 5: Growing up, we moved a lot.
Speaker 8: I will always remember that big Mayflower truck packed with
Speaker 8: all our belongings.
Speaker 6: Ready to go to Illinois to Wisconsin.
Speaker 5: Just named swing states.
Speaker 6: Just say.
Speaker 5: Say that you moved to Swing States.
Speaker 6: That you you moved to Michigan, to Georgia, you moved
Speaker 6: to Arizona.
Speaker 5: Just make it up.
Speaker 1: But this is great.
Speaker 7: We finally get to meet communist Kamla, the radical that
Speaker 7: we have heard so much about.
Speaker 8: I believe everyone has a right to safety, to dignity,
Speaker 8: and to justice. A harm against any one of us
Speaker 8: is a harm against.
Speaker 5: All of us.
Speaker 6: Okay Stalin.
Speaker 8: This is one of the reasons I became a prosecutor
Speaker 8: to protect people.
Speaker 6: Dasdania, Comrade.
Speaker 8: I stood up for women and children against predators who
Speaker 8: abuse them.
Speaker 6: I fought against the.
Speaker 8: Cartels who traffic in guns and drugs and human beings
Speaker 8: who threaten the secre of our border and the safety
Speaker 8: of our communities.
Speaker 6: And I will tell you these fights were not easy.
Speaker 5: Why are you doing a thing that they told us
Speaker 5: that you were going to do.
Speaker 7: With the hammer and the sickle and the bandoleros, with
Speaker 7: the yellow shots in the wire?
Speaker 3: Are you doing this.
Speaker 8: On behalf of everyone whose story could only be written
Speaker 8: in the greatest nation on earth? I accept your nomination
Speaker 8: to be president of the United States of America.
Speaker 6: Hunt.
Speaker 7: By the way, how funny would it event if at
Speaker 7: the end she was just like but seriously, though not
Speaker 7: for me? This has all been great, But I've been
Speaker 7: thinking it over. By the way, if I was Donald
Speaker 7: Trump right now, I don't even know what I'd probably
Speaker 7: just be tweeting nonsensical shit to distract from the fact
Speaker 7: that she doesn't faintly resemble the caricature that's been painted.
Speaker 5: By the way, that is what he was doing. These
Speaker 5: are his real tweets in all caps.
Speaker 6: In all caps, where's Hunter?
Speaker 7: I swear to God, the guy running for president on
Speaker 7: the Republican ticket has morphed into a poor man's cat turd.
Speaker 7: Of course, of course, an important part of Tonight was
Speaker 7: familiarizing people with the Democratic nominee biography, a hallowed walk
Speaker 7: through the trials and tribulations that formed the ethos and
Speaker 7: spirit of the Democratic nominee. Because I'm until tonight, Eh,
Speaker 7: they didn't have a lot been on the anecdotes quite frankly,
Speaker 7: I mean, I know they didn't have much time, but
Speaker 7: this is what they were.
Speaker 6: Running out there, Vice Priscian Harry's team and visit my restaurant.
Speaker 7: You know, I know you only had four weeks to
Speaker 7: put this movie together, but come on, you gotta do better.
Speaker 5: Then. I was working as she walked in. I drove
Speaker 5: her in an uber.
Speaker 7: Come out with the big movers and shakers, and the
Speaker 7: Democratic Party must know her well. She worked at McDonald's,
Speaker 7: and she greeted every person with a thousand watt smile
Speaker 7: and said, how.
Speaker 1: Can I help you?
Speaker 5: I think you have to say that.
Speaker 7: When you work at McDonald's, or really any point of
Speaker 7: service occupation, how can I help you?
Speaker 5: Is kind of the thing.
Speaker 6: I don't know that the transaction can really take place
Speaker 6: if you do not acknowledge that delicate dance.
Speaker 7: Of whether or not they will supercars are there less
Speaker 7: professional more personal stories.
Speaker 5: My phone rings, It's Kamala Harris.
Speaker 9: She called me.
Speaker 5: My phone rang again and it was Vice President Kamala Harris.
Speaker 10: If you're lucky enough to be her friend, she calls
Speaker 10: you on her birthday.
Speaker 5: Wait, she calls you on her birthday.
Speaker 6: That is very sad. On her birthday, she calls you, Hey, girl,
Speaker 6: it's Kamala.
Speaker 5: Anything you have to say to me.
Speaker 3: That you should have said hours ago.
Speaker 5: By the way, this is like night three informal. We're
Speaker 5: three days into the convention and we're like, she has
Speaker 5: a phone.
Speaker 6: By the way, is literally one of the only things
Speaker 6: we knew.
Speaker 5: About her before she took office.
Speaker 9: We did it.
Speaker 1: We did it to call people.
Speaker 5: The credit where credit is due.
Speaker 7: The Democrats, on short notice exploited their newfound momentum and
Speaker 7: enthusiasm with the display of the breath and width of
Speaker 7: this diverse, often contradictory party of Roosevelt.
Speaker 6: At their convention. They had union leaders and CEOs, They.
Speaker 7: Had Democratic Party icons and lifelong Republicans.
Speaker 6: They had a guy yelling screw the billionaires, followed.
Speaker 5: Immediately by a very happy billionaire.
Speaker 11: It's all okay if it's our billionaire. I don't like
Speaker 11: I don't like billionaires, but it's all right.
Speaker 7: They had guys making fun of people for going to Yale,
Speaker 7: and a bunch.
Speaker 3: Of people who went to Yell. They had Barack Obama.
Speaker 5: And Jewish Barack Obama.
Speaker 7: Always say that's always good for paupertics.
Speaker 5: You know, it really works. A Jewish guy that sounds
Speaker 5: like a black guy.
Speaker 7: The Democrats had people who prosecuted sexual predators, and.
Speaker 5: Nick there goes that booking.
Speaker 4: They had Black Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, Gay Americans,
Speaker 4: Jewish Americans, Palestinians.
Speaker 7: Wow.
Speaker 5: Oh, to be fair, it was only four nights, eight
Speaker 5: hours a night.
Speaker 7: But really it's best not to think about the consequences
Speaker 7: of our actions over there, especially given the theme of
Speaker 7: the week.
Speaker 5: I can feel the excitement in this arena. It's filled
Speaker 5: with energy and with joy, the air of.
Speaker 3: Joy, joy, Joy, Joy.
Speaker 1: We will be joyful warriors, the president of Joy.
Speaker 3: Let us choose joy.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, yes, Oh, it was joyful for a convention.
Speaker 7: I know what real joy looks like because I've watched
Speaker 7: Oprah on her show. You thought people were happy to
Speaker 7: see her endorse Kamala Harris. You should see what they
Speaker 7: do when she gives them lipliner people.
Speaker 6: One message to Stony, that's joy.
Speaker 5: Pretty good.
Speaker 7: The Democrats are about joy and they are about excitement.
Speaker 5: Oh and one other thing. I was a paratrooper and
Speaker 5: an army ranger. I flew in the Navy during the
Speaker 5: First Gulf War, I enlisted, fought alongside my brothers with
Speaker 5: LIMA three twenty five in Iraq. I gave the order.
Speaker 12: Directing our special Operations forces to fly two helicopters one
Speaker 12: hundred and fifty miles into a Badabad at night.
Speaker 5: And by the time the sun rose, Osama ben Laden
Speaker 5: was de proud to be in America.
Speaker 3: I try. These are the new Democrats, man.
Speaker 7: They lead with joy and compassion and acceptance and oh yeah,
Speaker 7: we will.
Speaker 1: Listen.
Speaker 5: Listen to man, whatever you're feeling, go with it.
Speaker 7: Whether that feeling is joy or perhaps relief at having
Speaker 7: a chance when you had none is exhilarating.
Speaker 6: And the Democrats were hitting all the right notes. The
Speaker 6: cameraman not so much.
Speaker 3: When a house is on fire, we don't ask about
Speaker 3: the homeowner's race or religion. No, we just try to
Speaker 3: do the best we can to save them.
Speaker 8: And if the pace place happens to belong to a
Speaker 8: childless cat lady.
Speaker 7: I love that the camera just stayed honor. She literally
Speaker 7: turned around, like are these mony? Is this hold?
Speaker 6: Goodness?
Speaker 7: Here's the party after this cutaway, the woman was interviewed.
Speaker 7: She is childless and has two cats, and you know
Speaker 7: what that means.
Speaker 5: A Sea Span don't play. Sea Span does the research, but.
Speaker 7: Ultimately, look, Democrats have already drank the kool aid. It's
Speaker 7: very difficult when you're inside that convention environment to know
Speaker 7: if this has been a successful endeavor.
Speaker 1: Perhaps the best.
Speaker 7: Way to see how well it actually went is through
Speaker 7: the eyes of a more objective observer, a fair and
Speaker 7: balanced organization that will give you a more clear eyed perspective.
Speaker 7: How did Fox News experience this convention at the beginning.
Speaker 5: I've got to be honest, I'm.
Speaker 6: Not sure they cared for it. There's not much joy
Speaker 6: in this convention hall.
Speaker 2: There were empty seats here as late as when and
Speaker 2: Joe Biden are speaking.
Speaker 5: The vibes are off. No one's talking to each other.
Speaker 13: This is probably the most boring scene I've ever seen
Speaker 13: in my inside ooh.
Speaker 5: So boring.
Speaker 7: I forgot what a dad devil like you, and I
Speaker 7: forgot your life is a never ending joy ride of
Speaker 7: talking to brit Hume in between catheter ads on Fox.
Speaker 6: Ooh.
Speaker 3: H Murmer, what what what?
Speaker 6: But unfortunately for Jesse canevel over here the next night,
Speaker 6: even Fox had to acknowledge fire EMOTEI fire EMOTEI fire emogy.
Speaker 6: People are having a great time down here.
Speaker 13: Stevie Wonder just performs, and there's more electricity in this room.
Speaker 7: Good vibes, and you'll never guess what they had a
Speaker 7: problem on this night as well.
Speaker 8: No one's talking about the actual issues that matter.
Speaker 6: All about fuzzy puppies and little kittens.
Speaker 5: All the joy, all the vibe, all the emotion is
Speaker 5: nothing but empty calories. They burn fast and make you fat.
Speaker 5: The good vibes aren't gonna You can't eat good.
Speaker 6: Vibes, right, Oh, so which is it?
Speaker 5: Do the vibes fatten you up? Or are they emotional ozembic?
Speaker 1: Which one?
Speaker 5: But I guess you're right. You can't feed your family
Speaker 5: on vibes.
Speaker 7: You can only feed your family on immigration, fear monger,
Speaker 7: you can't eat good vibes. I think you might be
Speaker 7: confusing vibes with the tomato infused superjacent fondue, the weapon
Speaker 7: of mass lactation that this city called.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 5: Hey, hey, I want to order a pizza? Oh yeah,
Speaker 5: you want a personal or backyard pool side?
Speaker 6: Fuck?
Speaker 8: Let me tell you.
Speaker 5: All right, I will tell you this. The Barpies are good.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 5: I am winded.
Speaker 1: The point is this.
Speaker 7: By the third night of the convention, even at Fox News,
Speaker 7: the Walls came tumbling it down.
Speaker 10: Tim Walls, I said earlier tonight he had to do
Speaker 10: fine and that would be enough.
Speaker 14: He did grapes for him, for their proud and I
Speaker 14: even followed the football metaphors.
Speaker 5: He'll be a great wing man for Kamala Harris.
Speaker 7: Yes, Fox News now knows the experience of being a
Speaker 7: Mets fan watching the Yankees always win the World Series. Yeah,
Speaker 7: Derek Jeter.
Speaker 5: Very downant.
Speaker 6: Most of Fox News was admitting defeat, except for young Jessie.
Speaker 7: Waters, who bravely continued the pretense that the convention was
Speaker 7: going badly, even when the footage right next to.
Speaker 1: His fucking head disagree.
Speaker 13: Last night wasn't as jubulant as the media tells you.
Speaker 13: Seats were empty. It looked like there was a formal
Speaker 13: dress code. The lines that get in the stadium were
Speaker 13: long and silent. The only joy in the building was
Speaker 13: Joy Reid, who nobody even recognizes. You see these liberal
Speaker 13: media anchors walking around and no one even stops them
Speaker 13: for selfies, actually feel bad for them. Last night felt
Speaker 13: at the funeral end.
Speaker 14: It was.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, last night felt like a funeral. And we
Speaker 7: all know funerals always have a DJ. Goodbye, dearest grandfather.
Speaker 5: I mean you, Chaun.
Speaker 6: When we come back, we check in with our correspondent,
Speaker 6: stick around.
Speaker 1: Everybody at the show.
Speaker 7: All week long, the best team has been on the
Speaker 7: convention floor. We're gonna check in one last time before
Speaker 7: we leave Chicago to get their final takeaways from the week.
Speaker 7: Let's start with Jordan Clupper.
Speaker 5: Jordan, talk about Jordan. Any moments, any moments in the
Speaker 5: convention that really resonated with you.
Speaker 9: Well, John, I have to say the moment that resonated
Speaker 9: with me the most was Tim Wall's speech about small
Speaker 9: town America.
Speaker 15: Now, I grew up in Butte, Nebraska, a town of
Speaker 15: four hundred people. Growing up in a small town like that,
Speaker 15: you'll learn how to take care of each other.
Speaker 5: That family down the road. They may not think like
Speaker 5: you do, they may not pray like you do.
Speaker 15: They may not love like you do, but they're your
Speaker 15: neighbors and you look out for them and they look
Speaker 15: out for you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yes, Hedan, Yeah, wow nice?
Speaker 14: You know that?
Speaker 5: That really got me.
Speaker 9: I'm from a small town myself, only three hundred people,
Speaker 9: but we shared common values, faith, friendship, baking pies for
Speaker 9: our neighbors, ten twenty, sometimes thirty pies a day per neighbor,
Speaker 9: and then everyone came out to support our high school
Speaker 9: football team. We were small and scrappy, but with our
Speaker 9: beloved coach and small town values, we led our team
Speaker 9: to victory and super Bowl forty one.
Speaker 5: That's quite a story, Jordan. That's uh John? If I may, oh, yes,
Speaker 5: what about you?
Speaker 1: How well?
Speaker 8: John?
Speaker 10: I agree with Super Bowl champion Jordan Klepper because I
Speaker 10: too came from a very very small town full of
Speaker 10: God loving patriots who patriotically loved our God.
Speaker 6: Small like like Jordan's. How many people were where you
Speaker 6: grow up? Four? Yeah, and we took care of each other. John.
Speaker 10: If one of us needed salt, someone would pass them.
Speaker 6: That salt.
Speaker 1: Down.
Speaker 6: Your town had four people and need to carry each
Speaker 6: other by seasoning each other?
Speaker 5: Does he?
Speaker 6: How many stoplights are in this town?
Speaker 12: No?
Speaker 10: Stoplight, just a dishwasher and a sink.
Speaker 6: I think you're just describing a house a townhouse, Oh,
Speaker 6: a town.
Speaker 5: I get that, that makes sense. That's all right, She's right, John,
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, Josh Johnson. Yes, let's go with that.
Speaker 16: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna take a wild step.
Speaker 16: You are from a small town, that's right, John, very small, tiny.
Speaker 16: I could fit it in my pocket. And what I
Speaker 16: loved about my perfect small town was a sense of community.
Speaker 16: I used to walk down the street and total strangers
Speaker 16: in pickup trucks would make sure I was from around
Speaker 16: these parts.
Speaker 7: Gosh, I have to say that actually sounds like a
Speaker 7: dark undercurrent of racism ran through your small town.
Speaker 6: What No, No, they were friendly.
Speaker 14: They looked after me by telling me you better be
Speaker 14: inside by dark or else.
Speaker 7: All right, Michael Kassa, Michael, I'm just gonna go way
Speaker 7: out on the rod here.
Speaker 6: I assume you too were raised with small town, real
Speaker 6: American values.
Speaker 5: I sure was, John, and the Democrats really nailed it.
Speaker 17: I watched the convention from Hotel, and to me, they
Speaker 17: highlighted the best of what makes small towns so great.
Speaker 17: Coaches who love their kids, slogans like clear Eyes, full Hearts,
Speaker 17: can't lose smoke, shows like Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton
Speaker 17: in a weird subplot where.
Speaker 5: Landry killed a guy. Yeah, so.
Speaker 6: Just very quickly, Michael, you were not watching the convention.
Speaker 5: That is a show called Friday Night Lights. Well, whatever
Speaker 5: it was, I'm excited to vote for Coach Tailor.
Speaker 14: Oh oh my god, hey, ro Bro, can we please
Speaker 14: shut up? Let's Ronnie John. I'm sick of this.
Speaker 6: Okay.
Speaker 14: The Democrats need to stop adopting this Republican fiction that American.
Speaker 5: Values only exist in small towns.
Speaker 6: Ronnie, thank you, thank you. I people in cities also
Speaker 6: have good values.
Speaker 3: No, we don't.
Speaker 14: We're all gauntless heathens with no values and bed bugs, okay,
Speaker 14: and we like it that way. We don't bake each
Speaker 14: other pies. I don't take food from a stranger like
Speaker 14: a psychopath. And I have never talked to my neighbors ever.
Speaker 14: I just scream at them through my wall to keep
Speaker 14: it down without having sex.
Speaker 6: I never even met them. For what I can hear,
Speaker 6: their names are oh God and Hodder.
Speaker 14: But we have to remember that we are all Americans,
Speaker 14: whether you're from a city or small town, whether your
Speaker 14: name is Smith or Chang or oh.
Speaker 1: God, Hotter Hotter moo.
Speaker 5: No, I think I kind of, I think I got it.
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm not done.
Speaker 5: I'm not kind horn Hotter.
Speaker 14: No.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we can't.
Speaker 5: Same everybody and we come up.
Speaker 6: I don't you know what you blah b.
Speaker 3: Com add a Mamara show.
Speaker 5: Obviously, this week's convention is really.
Speaker 7: All about introducing Kamala Harris to America, and as part
Speaker 7: of that introduction, the Democrats produced a special film to
Speaker 7: make the case for a Harris presidency.
Speaker 6: Now, luckily for us, we stole it and we are
Speaker 6: going to show it to you.
Speaker 5: America is a land of people, people who are normal,
Speaker 5: and America used to have president idens who were normal.
Speaker 5: Sometimes they would build them for not sing, but they
Speaker 5: could always finish their sentences and not start civil wars.
Speaker 5: But after eight years of this, in this ah love
Speaker 5: his doctor and just generally feeling like we're trapped in
Speaker 5: a sidistic circus in the eighth circle.
Speaker 6: Of hellth.
Speaker 5: It is time for America to return to normal. It's
Speaker 5: time for Kamala Harris. Just nor Henerator by Jess A
Speaker 5: normal Kamala Harris checks all the boxes for what Americans
Speaker 5: are looking for in a normal president. I'm Kamala Harrison.
Speaker 5: I'm wonderful president of the United States. We are a
Speaker 5: nation that was founded on noble ideas. But where did
Speaker 5: this unicorn of the candidate come from? Kamala Harris was
Speaker 5: born in nineteen sixty four in Oakland, California, a year
Speaker 5: that puts her squarely in the normal age range of
Speaker 5: American presidents. She was the daughter of two academics who
Speaker 5: met at school a way that normal people meet their spouse,
Speaker 5: as opposed to a party with sex ring billionaires. Her
Speaker 5: mother was from India, her father was from Jamaica, and
Speaker 5: that makes her both black and South Asian. Normal people
Speaker 5: understand this. I don't know is she Indian or is
Speaker 5: she black? Again? Normal people understand this. Kamala's parents wanted
Speaker 5: the best education for you, but because they weren't absolutely
Speaker 5: loaded in a way that would make them believe they
Speaker 5: could live outside the laws of man and nature, young
Speaker 5: Kamala had to be bussed to a desegregated school an
Speaker 5: hour away. It was an experience that always stayed with her,
Speaker 5: but not in a way that made her thirsty for
Speaker 5: revenge or obsessed with leaving a legacy that would outlast
Speaker 5: the universe. Just a normal I'll put that into my
Speaker 5: autobiography kind of way. Kamala was admitted to Howard University,
Speaker 5: where she made lifelong friends like any other well adjusted person,
Speaker 5: you can feel comfortable trusting with nuclear codes, and she
Speaker 5: made ends meet working at McDonald's, a typical job held
Speaker 5: by millions of people. And just to be clear, she
Speaker 5: was working the register, not starring in bizarre fever dreams
Speaker 5: with Grimace and stealing jobs from hardworking professional actors who
Speaker 5: honestly could have used the gig at the time. After college,
Speaker 5: Kamala went on the normal trajectory for President Law School,
Speaker 5: San Francisco, District Attorney Attorney General of California. Yes, early
Speaker 5: on she had a boyfriend help her get a job
Speaker 5: on the state Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board. But that's a
Speaker 5: very normal type of cronyism. And besides, it was an
Speaker 5: unemployment insurance appeals board. Do not act like you wanted
Speaker 5: that job, rob Kamala wrote her success to the US Senate,
Speaker 5: where her time was mostly unmemorable, which is normal. Do
Speaker 5: you know what kind of freak you have to be
Speaker 5: to be a memorable senator. Yeah, now, Kamala just did
Speaker 5: her job, including a famous grilling of Judge Brett Kavanaugh.
Speaker 8: Can you think of any laws that give the government
Speaker 8: the power to make decisions about.
Speaker 5: The male body? I'm not a thinking of any right now.
Speaker 14: It was a.
Speaker 5: Brilliant performance that didn't stop Brett Kavanaugh from overturning Roe v. Wade,
Speaker 5: but a politician offering stirring rhetoric with disappointing results. Very normal, guys.
Speaker 5: After a respectable two years, Kamala decided to take the
Speaker 5: next step.
Speaker 8: I stand before you today to announce my candidacy for
Speaker 8: president of the United States.
Speaker 5: Yes, a run for president in twenty twenty, a decision
Speaker 5: so normal that it was done by over seventy percent
Speaker 5: of the Democratic Party. But despite showing voters her personal
Speaker 5: side by listening and reacting to music like a regular
Speaker 5: human as opposed to freezing in placer yanking off a
Speaker 5: pair of dicks and stuff, Kamala didn't resonate with voters,
Speaker 5: and she dropped out before voting even began.
Speaker 8: I'm not a billionaire, I can't fund my campaign.
Speaker 5: It was a move that exhibited her remarkable skill to
Speaker 5: view reality and react rationally. Wouldn't that be great reacting
Speaker 5: rationally to an electoral defeat, wouldn't it. But before she quit,
Speaker 5: Kamala did have one great moment.
Speaker 8: You know, there was a little girl in California and
Speaker 8: she was bussed to school every.
Speaker 6: Day, and that little girl was me.
Speaker 5: It was a takedown of Biden's support of school segregation,
Speaker 5: so brutal that he reintegrated the White House and made
Speaker 5: her vice president. They did go, Kamala Harris between the
Speaker 5: first black price president, the first Asian vice president, and
Speaker 5: the first female vice president. And yes, maybe that isn't
Speaker 5: normal for America, but did you know that in the
Speaker 5: other parts of the world women are allowed to be
Speaker 5: leaders like all the time. So that's not on her.
Speaker 5: What are Kamala's actual policies? Just the vague ones you'd
Speaker 5: expect from a normal Democrat trying to get elected.
Speaker 8: Our fight is a fight for the future, and it
Speaker 8: is a fight for freedom.
Speaker 5: Yeah, great, sounds good, But at least they're going to
Speaker 5: be normal policies. You won't have to learn about Project
Speaker 5: twenty twenty five for great replacement theory, or weather a
Speaker 5: president concerned about his turn will in prison. What the
Speaker 5: hell are we doing here, gang, I've been in episodes
Speaker 5: of Always Park less stressful than this. Of course, like
Speaker 5: any person, Kamala has her personality quirks, and her time
Speaker 5: as Vice president brought them all front and center. I
Speaker 5: love Vin diagrams.
Speaker 6: Do you know the three circles?
Speaker 5: Who doesn't love a yellow school?
Speaker 8: Do you think you just fell out of a coconut tree?
Speaker 5: The coconut king super kooky?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 5: So what America has presidents with fun and energy all
Speaker 5: the time? What about Aid? You wore the big hats,
Speaker 5: FDR stamps, Reagan jellybeans, pounded fistfuls of them, and they
Speaker 5: were all presidents who didn't cause Americans to ship themselves
Speaker 5: every five minutes. And that is the promise of a
Speaker 5: Kamala Harris presidency. A president who will not fall in
Speaker 5: love with the North Korean dictator or have a family
Speaker 5: member whose dick picks end up on a congressional hearing.
Speaker 5: A president who won't clear up their COVID with horsty
Speaker 5: wormer and a spritz of clorox, and one that can
Speaker 5: stay up past eight A president who will eventually leave office.
Speaker 5: A president who won't have to flee to a non
Speaker 5: extradition country if she loses. In other words, Kamala Harris
Speaker 5: will be a normal president, just a normal president.
Speaker 3: Wrong?
Speaker 6: What at all? Oh?
Speaker 3: How does our shouncle tonight?
Speaker 8: I do?
Speaker 5: Before we go?
Speaker 14: I just want to think?
Speaker 6: What do I want to take it?
Speaker 7: I just I want to thank the anthe name Theater
Speaker 7: here in Chicago, the hospitality that the theater has shown
Speaker 7: us throughout the week, and the hospitality from the city
Speaker 7: of Chicago.
Speaker 5: And all the great people have.
Speaker 1: Fantastic.
Speaker 5: What a lovely time we had, What a lovely experience.
Speaker 7: But most of all, I want to thank the staff,
Speaker 7: the crew and the cast of The Daily Show, the
Speaker 7: production team here that brought everything out from New York
Speaker 7: City and gave us an absolutely flawless week of production
Speaker 7: and best staff and crew in the business. Couldn't be
Speaker 7: happier with how they pulled this thing off.
Speaker 5: And thank you guys for watching.
Speaker 2: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 2: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 5: Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven.
Speaker 2: Ten Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime
Speaker 2: on Paramount Plus.
Speaker 6: Paramount Podcasts