1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,920 Speaker 1: All right, ladies and gentlemen, it is that time. It's 2 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: time for the strawberry later, my good friend shirty straw theory. 3 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,800 Speaker 1: Thank you, junior, and I'm good like your poem this 4 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: time out. All right, subject, My status has been downgraded, 5 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley. For the past eight years, I've been 6 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: dating a sixty year old man and I am fourteen 7 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:23,279 Speaker 1: years younger than he is. Everything in our relationship was 8 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: good until six months ago when he moved his second 9 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 1: ex wife and their twenty year old child back into 10 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 1: his home. He has been divorced for twelve years, but 11 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: he told me that his ex wife is having financial problems, 12 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: so he allowed her to move in. This changed our 13 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 1: relationship a lot. We don't spend time together daily like 14 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: we used to, and he only comes to my house 15 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: twice a month. When he comes over, we have sex, 16 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,040 Speaker 1: and then he leaves within two hours. I am not 17 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: allowed to go to his house anymore. He says it's 18 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: because he is working a lot more to help his 19 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: ex wife out financially, and he's tired more during the week. 20 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,160 Speaker 1: I no longer get invited to his family get togethers 21 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,119 Speaker 1: because his ex wife and their child can go with them, 22 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,399 Speaker 1: they go with them. Now. He had a family reunion 23 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: recently and we had been planning to go together until 24 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,479 Speaker 1: the ex wife came back into the picture. He said 25 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,640 Speaker 1: that his child invited her and he had no control 26 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 1: over it. I was hurt, so I started pulling away 27 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: from him and started hanging out more with my friends 28 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 1: and a few of my coworkers. Besides him calling me 29 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: every day to check on me. I feel like an afterthought. Now. 30 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: I love this man and I want to be married. 31 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: We were on the right track, and I thought he 32 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 1: wanted the same thing I did. He asked me to 33 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 1: hang in there and be patient until his ex wife 34 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 1: is able to get her own place. I could be 35 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: waiting forever, or I could leave him alone and get 36 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: back on the dating scene. What should I do? Do 37 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: I hold out, keep the faith with this man or 38 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 1: cut him off completely? Please advise? Okay, first of all, 39 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: twenty years old. That is not a child. Okay, that 40 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: is not a child. But you ask, do you hold 41 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: out and keep the faith with this man or cut 42 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: him off completely? Should you leave him alone and get 43 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: back in the dating scene. That's what I would do. 44 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: I would leave him alone and get right back in 45 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 1: the dating scene. If I were you, he treats you 46 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,920 Speaker 1: like an afterthought. That's how I would treat him, just 47 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,639 Speaker 1: like an afterthought if I thought about him at all, 48 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: I wouldn't think of him at all if you do. 49 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: If you do think about him, think about how his 50 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 1: face is gonna look when he sees you out with 51 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 1: his new younger man, okay, with your younger man. Think 52 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 1: about how his face is gonna drop his mouth okay, 53 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: because he's dead wrong for what he's doing. He's dead 54 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: wrong bringing his ex wife in the house with his 55 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,359 Speaker 1: twenty year old child, as he calls it, all right. 56 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,679 Speaker 1: He may feel an obligation to him, but you guys 57 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: have been together long time. You guys are in a relationship, 58 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 1: so you need to leave. He's not even though he 59 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,399 Speaker 1: asked you to. Way, don't wait. Don't waste your life 60 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: waiting on this man, because you see how he treats you. 61 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: You're you're really less than an afterthought. You're like that 62 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 1: side side side chick. Because he only sees you twice 63 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: a month now, and when he does, he just comes 64 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: in and has sex with you. What kind of relationship 65 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: is that you can't continue to treat allow him to 66 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: treat you like that and treat yourself like that. Let 67 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: him go and move on, all right, Steve, I know 68 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: I'd be willing to go. Lady, what Daniel are you doing? 69 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: My status has been downgraded for the last eight years. 70 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: Eight eight years, you've been dating a sixty year old man, 71 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: which means he was fifty two when y'all started date. 72 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: Now he's sixty now and you forty six. Eight years 73 00:03:53,480 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: ago you was outd thirty eight. Yeah old, you was 74 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: thirty eight, he was fifty two. What fifty year old? 75 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: Don't know what he wants? Yeah? What's sixty year old? 76 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: Don't know what he wants? No, No, sixty's sixty year old. 77 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 1: Men know what they want. And let me tell you 78 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 1: what he wanted. About six months ago, he moved his 79 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 1: second ex wife and a twenty year old child back 80 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 1: into his own You know why, because that's what he wanted. 81 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 1: Because he's sixty year old. Men, I know what they want. 82 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: He wanted the ex wife back and the twenty year old. 83 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 1: Now he told you they've been divorced twelve years. But 84 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: his ex wife is having some financial troubles. Who let's 85 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: stay ex wife moved back in the house because they 86 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: having financial trouble. I don't give a damn what kind 87 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 1: of trouble you have. We got divorced for a reason. 88 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: Why is your financial trouble my problem? Now? So don't 89 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: nobody do that? Lady don't know? Sixty year old man 90 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 1: move his second ex wife in after twelve years because 91 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 1: she hasn't financial difficulty. Don't nobody do that? You know why? 92 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,160 Speaker 1: Because you ain't hear nobody doing that. You know why? 93 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 1: I don't nobody do that. We don't spend time together 94 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 1: daily like we used to, and he only comes to 95 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 1: my house twice a month. When he comes over, we 96 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 1: have sex and then he leaves within two hours. You 97 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 1: know why? Wow? Oh, because he got to go home. Yeah, 98 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: he has to go home. You know why? Number two, 99 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: because somebody lives are looking for him and with a 100 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: twenty year old, the mama and the twenty year old 101 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 1: can both work. Yeah, so now, old dog, he moved 102 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: him back in because they wanted to. When he comes over, 103 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: there have sex and then he leaving two hours because 104 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 1: he got to go home. He got as we lay, 105 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: we forgot the problems as we lay. Yeah, yeah, as 106 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 1: we lay there. You can't do this. You can't do this, 107 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 1: all right, so we come back. I'll tell you the 108 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,919 Speaker 1: rest of it, all right. I doesn't bad news here. Yeah, 109 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: come on, let's recap today's strawberry letters. Subject my status 110 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 1: has been downgraded, the sixty year old man had told 111 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 1: us forty six year old, after eight years of dating, 112 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: hold up, something that happened. I'm moving my ex wife 113 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 1: that I've been divorced for twelve years from with her 114 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,480 Speaker 1: twenty year old daughter back in my house because they 115 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: have in financial troubles. Wait a minute, hold up, dog, 116 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: I'm in a relationship with this chick that I'm posted 117 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 1: want the same things as well, But I have moved 118 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: somebody in the house while I'm dating somebody that I'm 119 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: in love with. Pot No, don't nobody to do that. 120 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,359 Speaker 1: If he in love with you, he moving body in 121 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: the hall? Do she gonna have to find some word? Hey, 122 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 1: here goes some help. Help Holly, give us some rent. 123 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: You don't let him move in, tell your playhouse down, 124 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 1: and now you don't seem no more. When he do 125 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 1: come over, we have sex and he leave in two 126 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: hours because he got to go home. You know why 127 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: he got to go home because some people stay there 128 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: looking for his ass ex wife then moved in but 129 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: started to act like a wife. And the child will 130 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 1: always be the child. So he has obligation, he said, 131 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: because he's uh. He got to go home because he'd 132 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: be tied and the old hold up bloody. When we 133 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,679 Speaker 1: come to we have sex, he leaves. I'm not allowed 134 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: to go to his house anymore because it ain't his house. 135 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: It's another woman in now wants a woman move in 136 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: your house? It don't got ain't your house no more, 137 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: it's her house. I can't go over his house anymore. 138 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: And why would you want to do? You want to 139 00:07:55,320 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: get stamped you? You don't go no woman to go 140 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 1: over there and have sex. What he don't invite me 141 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: to his house anymore, he says, because he's working a lot, 142 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 1: and he trying to help his wife out financially, and 143 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 1: he's tied during the week. Hell yeah, ain't tied. I 144 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 1: no longer get it to his family. I listen to 145 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: this line. I no longer get invited to his family's 146 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 1: get together because his ex wife and their child go 147 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,360 Speaker 1: with him. Now you know why you don't get to 148 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 1: come to the family get togethers no more? Because they 149 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: is the family. You're done. No, they is the family. 150 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: What they need you over the fall. Family get togethers 151 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: is for family. You ain't family. Now you was getting 152 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: over there, be invited over that because you thought you 153 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: was gonna be family, But now you know you not. 154 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 1: Because he got another family, He got his second family 155 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: over there. What part of this letter you ain't read? 156 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: This is making me mad right here. And then he 157 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: had a family union recently, and we have been planning 158 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: to go together until his edg wife came back into 159 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: the picture. He said his child invited her and he 160 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: had no control. Family reunions ain't ran by the children. 161 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 1: That ain't who run. Twenty year olds ain't in charge 162 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 1: of no damn family reunion. Twenty year olds don't even 163 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: want to go to the damn family Go around here 164 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: and sit around the old ass people up under this treat, 165 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: eating his dry ass barbecue. He said that his child 166 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 1: invited her, he had no control. I was hurt, so 167 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: I started pulling away from him and started hanging out 168 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,319 Speaker 1: with more of my friends. Feel my coworker, besides him 169 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 1: calling me every day to check on me, I feel 170 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: like an afterthought. Then she says, right here, now, I 171 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: love this man and I want to be married. He 172 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 1: do too, and he invited the second wife back in 173 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,560 Speaker 1: the house. He wants to be married too. Tay, y'all 174 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 1: have something in common. You're just he don't want to 175 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,560 Speaker 1: be married to you. You can still want to be mad, 176 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 1: but it's not gonna be to him. We were on 177 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,839 Speaker 1: the right track, and I thought he wanted the same thing. 178 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 1: Out did you do both? Y'all wanted to be married 179 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: and he decided he really wanted to be married to 180 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: his second wife. Y'all want the exact same thing. Y'all 181 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: don't want to win the same people. You take the 182 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: ass over that Listen, you can take your hands over 183 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,959 Speaker 1: there to that lady house if you want to. I'm 184 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,319 Speaker 1: telling you right now you're gonna be on forty eight 185 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:33,559 Speaker 1: hour yeah, and it ain't gonna take long figure out 186 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:37,880 Speaker 1: who stabbed you. He asked me to hang it in, 187 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,319 Speaker 1: be patient until his ex wife is able to get 188 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 1: her own place. She's not been getting all the play. 189 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: She got a place. Why would you struggle to get 190 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:49,559 Speaker 1: a place when you got a place? Girl? Uh, I 191 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 1: could be waiting forever you are now. I could leave 192 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: him alone and get back on the day and scene. 193 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 1: What should I do? Do I hold out and keep 194 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: the faithful? This man cut him off completely. Well, here's 195 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,960 Speaker 1: what I think. I think you should leave him? And 196 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: you know why? Called he left you disease? Should I 197 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: leave him? He left you? Why are you hanging on? 198 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 1: Listen to me? The famous words of Judge Lynn Toller 199 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 1: on my show was the best advice I've ever heard 200 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,680 Speaker 1: anybody give to women. And she said, and I've used 201 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: it a hundred times, Lynn, Judge Lynn Tolder said her 202 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: mama told her, don't let a man have to tell 203 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: you twice he don't want you. Damn damn. Now he 204 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: hadn't told you. He had moved to women in and 205 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 1: you wasn't none of the women. Now you're going there 206 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,319 Speaker 1: if you want to. Twenty old probably craze. I'm just 207 00:11:53,559 --> 00:12:00,599 Speaker 1: saying you you fit again. Stamp on Instagram and thank you. 208 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 1: Put your comments, post them on Today's Strawberry Letter at 209 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook, and please don't 210 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 1: forget to check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. 211 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 1: You're listening to this Stave Harvey Morning Show